The Therapy Edit - On how to get more time for yourself

Episode Date: March 11, 2024

In this solo episode of The Therapy Edit Anna muses over how mums can find more time for themselves when it just doesn't seem that there is any! If it's time for you that you're craving, this will be a great listen. Enjoy!

Hello and welcome to the Therapy Edit podcast with me, psychotherapist Anna Martha. I'll be bringing you weekly 10 minute episodes to encourage and support your emotional well-being. Hi everyone. Welcome to today's solo episode of The Therapy Edit. I have got a little story to share with you today. If you can hear my cat in the background, he's been very needy. I've fed him, I've stroked him, I literally don't know what else I can do. I think he wants his own podcast. Maybe I should get him on as a guest. I don't know what you'd share there. What would this one thing be?

Anyway, so I want to share a little bit of a thought about how to get more time for yourself, that elusive thing that we all tend to need so much more of, those moments to breathe, those moments where we can just look a little bit inwards and think, what do I need, what do I feel, how can I meet this need? And life moves at 100 miles an hour, isn't it? And those moments can feel few and far between. So I've got a thought that might just earn you a little bit more time for yourself. So the other day, I went into a shop and there was a jumper in the sale.

And I loved it. I love a jumper. I especially love a jumper that's got a little bit of something to it. So the one that I'm wearing right now is like a bit, it's got a cheeky like off the shoulder on one side. And then the one that I bought the other day, it was like a purpley colour, like a maroony purple colour and it had little openings on just off the shoulder so I really like that it was in the sale and then it was in a further sale so it was it was meant to be so I took it to the till

and I got talking to the lady I always try and say hi or ask something but I can never think of what to ask beyond the normal things like I'm one of those people on the rare occasion that I get a taxi I'm one of those people that cannot help myself that I'll ask that question. Oh, when are you finishing? What time did you start? It's just the cliche questions just always seem to come out of my mouth. Obviously, being British. It tends to be something about the weather. That's always one. Isn't it that we go to? She was folding this jumper so beautifully. And I was thinking in my head, I was like, it shouldn't even bother it. It's just going to end up in my bag all crinkled in a minute. And I said to her that she was doing it. So,

precisely. I said, oh, do you fold your own clothes like this? She said, oh, everyone asked that, but no, I definitely do not fold my clothes like this. And then being the oversharer, that I am, I can't help myself sometimes inappropriately. So I said to her, oh, well, one time I got into a, I got into a period of folding my pants. It just came out of me. And she laughed and I said, It was actually in the pandemic where life just felt so out of kilter and out of control that I started folding my pants. I think a friend had shown me how to do it. She showed me that, you know, I think it was like Maricondo or someone that just

folds everything into these little parcels. So for about two years, I folded my pants very diligently into little parcels. And I'd never done it before. but it gave me joy and in the pandemic it gave me a tiny little corner of my drawer where things very ordered and neat

and looking back now the state of my drawers is ridiculous but at that point it gave me a little sense of order a little pocket of order and I got great joy

getting my pants up the drawer folded in their little squares anyway not too long ago I was folding up the washing and I got to put in my underwear away. And I sat down on the floor. This is so ridiculous. I'm fully aware that many of you are probably thinking, what? What are you talking about, Anna? But there will also be people thinking,

I know, I know what you mean here. But bear with, bear with. So I sat down and I looked at my pile of pants and I looked at my jaw and I thought, you know what? I just can't be asked to fold my pants anymore. I don't want to fold my pants anymore. Something that had given me a sense of order was now frustrating. And I never folded. I never folded a pair of pants. Again, my drawer is stuffed full of underwear in, you know, you have to rifle around. And it's the state of chaos that would, you know, mimic most people's, most people's underwear drawers. Normality has resumed. And I just thought, you know what? How often we carry on doing things. because we've done it for a long time.

How often certain things that we did at times when actually it served us, it benefited us, it gave us a sense of grounding or it gave us a sense of control or it gave us a sense of comfort that actually was just carried on doing it beyond that point that it's serving us. That actually may be some of the things that served you are now actually costing you. there was a time I think in the pandemic as well I'm speaking about this a little bit more and more where I just got to drinking every day, every evening a glass of something and it was you know for a while it was a coping mechanism for a while it felt like it gave me something whereas I started realizing

it over the last couple of years that actually it was costing me more than I felt it was giving me There's another example where I used to run. When I lived in London, I'd run around Tooting Park. I'd run around Wandsworth Common and I'd run. I'd run and I'd run and I'd quite enjoyed it, I think. And then I got to, I don't know, certain, I think it was a few years ago when I'd taken my trainers and we were away for a week and I'd, you know, gone out for a run. And about halfway around, I thought, you know what, my knees hurt?

I don't actually like running. I don't want to go running anymore and I stopped going running and now I do other things. that bring me more joy. There was a time in my life where that was great, but it stopped being great for me. So I want to encourage you as you listen to this and maybe certain things start popping up in your mind, things that you implemented for a time that actually you're just still doing out of habit. I want you to check in with yourself when you start noticing some of these things and ask yourself, does this still work for me? Is it still serving? is it still giving me what I needed? Or is it actually perhaps draining me? Is it costing me?

Am I no longer enjoying this thing that once served me? And I'd love you just as I did in the moment when I sat on the floor with my pile of pants and that moment when I was on that run and I noticed up my knees hurt and I wasn't enjoying it. And that moment where I poured a glass of wine in the evening and recognises how much I was trashing my sleep. Give yourself permission to stop. Give yourself permission to try a different way to switch it up. Maybe you need to get some support or guidance if that habit feels tricky to break. Be open to allowing yourself and your preferences to change. Some of those things that once served you may be costing you more now. So give yourself permission to do a little inventory of some of the habits that you have,

some of those things that you do because you've always done it. I think what else might I do instead or what might it feel like just to give myself permission to stop? And the way that you earn back a little bit of time for yourself is that it takes a lot of energy to keep doing what we've done because we've always done it when it is no longer serving us. It might take you, it might actually be robbing from you in some way a resource that you can have more of if you challenge that habit and stop it. I got more time for myself doing a form of movement that I got more joy from. Because actually I felt like my time was being robbed when I was just running and running and running for the sake of running. I was spending my precious time doing something that actually wasn't serving me anymore.

I got more sleep, more energy when I stopped drinking. So, yeah, do a little inventory. See what pops up for you. And I hope that was helpful. Just a little thought. All about pants. Thank you so much for listening to today's episode of The Therapy Edit. If you have enjoyed it, don't forget to subscribe and review for me.

Also, if you need any resources at all, I have lots of videos and courses on everything from health anxiety. to driving anxiety and people-pleasing nail all on my website anamatha.com. And also, don't forget my brand new book, Raising a Happier Mother is out now for you to enjoy and benefit from. It's all about how to find balance, feel good and see your children flourish as a result. Speak to you soon.