The Therapy Edit - On how to make positive changes

Episode Date: April 29, 2024

In this solo episode, Anna reflects on how she has successfully made positive changes in her life and embedded habits that are important to her.Inspired by a guest episode with Claire Russell where they discussed how 'nothing changes if nothing changes.'We hope you find it really helpful.

Hello and welcome to the Therapy Edit podcast with me, psychotherapist Anna Martha. I'll be bringing you weekly 10 minute episodes to encourage and support your emotional well-being. Hello everyone. I hope this little podcast episode finds you well. This episode topic has come out of a guest chat that I've just had with Claire Russell. And in, In the episode, she was saying how she has changed so much at time in kids, but also a lot has been quite intentional about the change and how the little quote, nothing changes, if nothing changes, just really grabbed her and was kind of ignited change. And I thought about this is a list that I have in my bedroom at the moment.

it's on paper. I used a ruler and everything and it's a list of let me count one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, fifteen things on this list. And I wrote them down and they're all really, really small, right? Let me read some of them out for you. I've got ten minutes of a non-fiction book to read. I've got two minutes of cold water. I have got no apps. By this, I mean no Instagram, no YouTube. email after 7 p.m. I've got to do an evening devotional, a morning devotional, evening journal, morning journal. I have got to do a little tiny, tiny. Now, as you're listening to this, just hold any thoughts of what the heck, how is you doing all of this, I can't do a lot of this,

or just hold them, hold them to the side for a moment because I want to talk about this. I've got maximum two cups of coffee I've got journal 0.5 to one page I've got loads of stuff on here and I think what is amazing to me as I wrote these things down is that over the last few years

I have really instilled these habits not all at once and it very much came from this place of I want to hit the reset button on my habits I have boundaries that I steam roll. I intend not to go on this app after this time, but I just override it literally on my phone. I tell myself, I know that too much caffeine for me is not ideal. My heart races. I'm already think and move at 100 miles an hour. I don't need a ton of extra adrenaline, but yet I think soddy, I'll have another. So this list of 15 things

and I could add more actually drinking enough water. That was one thing at one point I needed to hit the reset button on and think, you know what? I am chronically dehydrated. I have constant headaches. This needs to change. This intention to do some journaling because I know that it's good for me. I would do it once a week or I do it three times a week and then I'd forget and then I think, oh, forget it, I can't keep it up. So I remember hitting the reset button on that and thinking about a year ago, I know it's good for me. I want to really make a go of this. I, it's that whole thing of the adult brain, that kind of inner parent, inner cheerleader, that inner grown-up that says, I know what is good for you, little wild

Anna inside that often gets to call the shots. So I'm actually going to assert this because I know you don't feel like it. I know you don't want it. I know you can't be bothered. I know there are many things that you'd rather do, namely probably scroll or watch things back to back on Netflix. But I know what's good for you. And this is the same.

We do this with our children, don't we? We know what's good for them. And often they don't, they don't actually. They don't. I remember holding my daughter's hand in a very busy car park and she goes, I can hold my own hand and she had her both. She held her hands in front of her. And I was like, that kind of defies the point really. I'm just trying to keep you safe and look out for you because there are cars moving everywhere.

And now there are so many electric cars. You can't even flip in here them. So I knew that I needed to care for her safety. She, in all her kind of little little four-year-old, three-year-old mind at that point, I mean, thought that she was capable of doing that herself. And sometimes grown up me, grown up Anna, needs to say to little Anna that doesn't want to do any of the things that doesn't want to get up and grab a glass of water even though that she's parched, you know, grown up me will say, come on Anna, I know what you need.

You need this water. Up you get. Now, this list of 15 things is very much, this has been a slow burner. this is two, three, four, four years maybe of just thinking, what need am I overlooking? What do I know that is good and nourishing and kind to me? That is a habit I need to instill. And if I had just gone and written out 15 tiny little habits that I wanted to start doing today, I was going to, and I think this is often what we do, isn't it, is that we're going to,

we're going to change everything tomorrow we're going to change the way we move the way we eat the way we just approach life positive mental attitude right every thought i think is going to go through a microscope and i'm going to try and change it and absolutely not going to work it's absolutely not going to work so all of these little things and by the way the reason i wrote them down on sunday night was because i recognize i was just not feeling great all of these little boundaries, these habits that I had instilled, I was just overriding them. I was smashing back the caffeine. My heart was racing.

I was doing the bare minimum. I know that I love doing 10 minutes of yoga before the kids get up. Often they'll come and join me. Don't have this idea that it is picture perfect because in reality it's often, you know, this 10 minutes of yoga can quite often be broken up by going, helping find someone, find a sock wiping a bum although thank goodness

I'm moving out of that stage now but I know that I love that 10 minutes of yoga but so often without the intention

without that mother me going Anna come on it's only 10 minutes you know it's good for you the two minutes of cold water

years ago wasn't even something I honestly didn't understand why people would do something that felt

so uncomfortable these days I love it. It makes me feel great for many different reasons. It makes me feel strong. It gives me that reminder that I can overpower, that me that just finds the discomfort really uncomfortable and wants to move away from it when I know that it's good for me. So these 15 things, it doesn't matter what they are. But what matters to me is that they were small things, that they are small things, that they are implementable. more importantly that I have added them in little by little over time. So I feel super proud as I look at this list. Thinking of all of those really intentional moments where I've thought,

I know what's good for me. And I'm going to just try and read 10 minutes a day of a non-fiction book. I will read fiction till the cows come home. I can plow through. I'm a very speedy reader. I can plow through a book a week just in the moments when I wake up and before. I fall asleep and any other moment on the train as the kids are watching TV. I can plow through a fiction novel, but I know it doesn't feed me in the way nonfiction does. So, you know, instead of challenging myself to read a whole book a week of nonfiction, I just went for 10 minutes. It might be two pages. It might be two minutes, but I would love you to think, what are those areas in your life of which you want to hit the reset button?

you think I know I'm doing something or I know I'm not doing something that is good for me that I need that is meeting a need. I'm overlooking that thing. How can I think of how to make it tiny so that it's actually implementable? And in time one day, you too may well be able to write down a list of habits that actually feel really doable because in truth to the main you've been doing them on and off along the way, and I wrote them down to hold myself accountable for the week. I wanted a bit of a reset. And let me tell you, yesterday, I had three coffees. Yesterday, I, and the day before I had three coffees. So, you know, it's not about the hundred percent of the time. It's about intentionality. So nothing changes, if nothing changes.

In the words of Claire Russell, in the words of someone wonderful who coined that. lovely little reminder, but what small thing can you start building towards that meets the need today? Maybe you want to do a little checklist, but if you do a checklist, let me remind you, please don't do 100%. Please don't make, see you missing one day is a failure. It's looking at the bigger picture of what are you moving towards. Where is that graph and it's bumpy little way going and what are these things meaning to you and how are they nurturing you? So sending you love as you think about those things and hope that you can go gently on yourself as you put them into action.

Thank you so much for listening to today's episode of The Therapy Edit. If you have enjoyed it, don't forget to subscribe and review for me. Also, if you need any resources at all, I have lots of videos and courses on everything from health anxiety to driving anxiety and people pleasing nail all on my website, Anna Martha. And also don't forget my brand new book, Raising a Happier Mother is out now for you to enjoy and benefit from. It's all about how to find balance, feel good and see your children flourish as a result. Speak to you soon.