The Therapy Edit - On my top tip for difficult days

Episode Date: November 14, 2022

In this solo episode of The Therapy Edit Anna chats about bad days and shares one really useful tip for not allowing them to consume you or fill you with fear that tomorrow might be a bad day!

Hello and welcome to the Therapy Edit podcast with me, psychotherapist Anna Martha. I'll be bringing you weekly 10 minute episodes to encourage and support your emotional well-being. Hey there, I hope you're okay today. I wonder what kind of day you're having, whether you've got some space or time today, whether you're feeling completely needing of space and time, whether it's a good day, whether it's a bad day, whether it's a bad day, rough day, whether you're feeling unwell, exhausted, whether you're feeling grateful and content. I wonder what kind of day you're having. I've got a tip for you today for those days that are the ones that we fear, are the ones that perhaps we lose sleepover, the ones that we brace ourselves for when it feels like it is going to be one of those days. Those days for me are days that start with tantrums, days that start with meltdowns. For me, I find myself thinking, oh gosh, it's going to be one of those days. Those days for me are days when someone says they don't feel well. And I find myself looking ahead to my week in my diary thinking, oh my gosh, how am I going

to juggle this? How am I going to juggle the work and the kids being unwell? And then I do this, bug maths in my head, you probably know what I mean. Many of you will know exactly what I mean, especially yesterday, one of my kids, they wake up and they said they felt sick. And don't worry, if this emetophobia, the fear of vomiting, is incredibly common phobia. And I'm going to give you some resources for this, because if that triggers that, oh my gosh, that high heart rate and that anxiety in you, then you are not alone. I have been there. I've got a lot of hope for you. Anyway, so yesterday that was one of our days and then I do this bug maths, I call it. So I'm thinking ahead, you know, if that one is unwell and then someone else gets it and someone

else gets it, then actually, you know, I'm probably going into next week. I need to be making sure that I'm changing my diary around that I've got, you know, oh, you know what I mean. You know what I mean, are we going to be able to do this at the weekend? Are we going to be able to do that next weekend? And it's just this kind of, we go down that road, don't we? We go down that road of how am I going to do this? How is this going to pan out? Is it going to be one of those days, one of those weeks? And I've got a tip for you when you find yourself either thinking ahead to those days or feeling like one of those days it's upon you. Because I've found something that has really, really absolutely transformed how I approach those days. So I had one of those days. It could

have been one of those days yesterday morning when my son uttered those words. But actually, I felt completely differently to how I have done over maybe a few years ago. And this has been the biggest game changer for me over the last eight years of parenting, this little thought. So I think it is, that assumption, that it's going to be one of those days, that everything is going to be awful, that this has happened and therefore brace myself, I'm going to be in for a ride. Now, this has been such a game changer for me, because over those eight years of parenting thus far, I have walked through many of those days that I have feared the most, the days that I kind of have lost sleep over and tensed and stressed about before they've even happened.

I have walked through many of those days of back-to-back meltdowns and bugs. Now, what has changed it for me is this recognition that no day is all bad. One of those days doesn't necessarily have to be all bad. A day alone with overwhelmed kids, oh my gosh, it's going to be so bad, it's going to be so stressful. The narratives that pop up in our minds when we think about those days. No days are all bad. No days are all bad. And the longer that I have been moving through these days as life takes you through, the more I'm starting to realize the truth in that. And when I think back to some of the darkest days in my life that really felt all bad,

I can think how there were some wonderful moments within them. Some of the darkest periods of our lives going through grief and going through trauma and going through uncertainty, there was still moments of joy and laughter. Some of those days of bugs of meltdowns, of me being unwell and having to scrape through, there have still been some wonderful moments within them. There are good things in hard days and the more I've begun to be, to welcome, to acknowledge, to open my eyes to them, the more it has changed this narrative of fear around those days. I heard a quote the other day by Joe Abercrombie,

Savor the little moments, my son, that's my advice. they are what life is all the little things that happen while you're waiting for something else those days can feel like such a waiting room can't they where life is just on pause and we have to grapple on and buckle down but there are little moments within them savour the little moments my son that's my advice they are what life is those days are still a part of of life and we can miss the good moments within them as we're waiting for them to pass. Now, I'd say this is less about enjoying every moment and more about opening my eyes to the good ones that are already there. Think of a hard day that you have had recently. Think about what that

looked like and what that felt like and as you look back to it now, was it all bad? Was it all bad? or were there perhaps moments that were missed? So yesterday we had illness, fortunately, this time. The debt all went back unused in the cupboard. But my heart rate didn't spike in the way that it used to because I knew that even if it was rough, it wouldn't be all bad. And I took some really lovely photos throughout the day and I made a little real of them.

It's on my Instagram page. Little photos of what I did. We strung beads because I had, so my son was at home and then my daughter didn't have nurseries. So it was a three of us most of the day together. We strung beads. We Florence and I baked. We peeled oranges. We got the toys out on the playroom floor and we had times. We slowed down. I cuddled. It was just, there were moments within it that were beautiful. Sometimes we have to work a little bit harder to find those little things, those little moments, don't we? Sometimes we do have to dig a little bit in the rubble to find those rubies.

But it is so worth doing. And as we do so, it lessens that fear as we project ahead because I know there will be those days in the future. There will be undoubtedly those days that pop up. But I know that they are not all bad, that they are not all bad. So it's less about enjoying every moment and more about choosing. Sometimes it's a real choice, it's a real discipline. I choose in this moment, in this rough day, I choose to open my eyes to the good moments that are already there, the little things that are already there.

Maybe the next time you have one of those days, you also, like me, just document some of those little moments that happen. So you can remind yourself when you look back, it wasn't all bad. It wasn't all bad. And that starts to shift how you look ahead to those other days

that will come in time. Thank you for listening to today's episode of The Therapy Edit. If you enjoyed it, please do share, subscribe or review because it makes a massive difference to how many people it can reach. can find more from me on Instagram at Anna Martha. You might like to check out my three books, Mindave and Mother, Know Your Worth, and my new book, The Little Book of Calm for New Mums,

grounding words for the highs, the lows and the moments in between. It's a little book you don't need to read it from front to back. You just pick whatever emotion resonates to find a mantra, a tip and some supportive words to bring comfort and clarity. You can also find all my resources, guides and videos, all with the sole focus of supporting your emotional and mental well-being as a month. They are all 12 pounds and you can find them on anamatha.com. I look forward to speaking with you soon.