The Therapy Edit - On stepping out of the fast lane this Christmas

Episode Date: November 27, 2023

In this solo episode of The Therapy Edit that lands in the lead up to Christmas, Anna offers her listeners advice on how to conserve their time and energy by stepping out of the fast lane.We hope it's a help to you.

Hello and welcome to the Therapy Edit podcast with me, psychotherapist Anna Martha. I'll be bringing you weekly 10 minute episodes to encourage and support your emotional well-being. Hi everyone. I hope you're well. As it gets colder and we hurtle towards this festive season, I wanted to share just a little insight with you that I use a lot, not just at Christmas. I use this actually in day-to-day life and especially with three children at school. I use this. I use this a lot and it's actually really changed stuff for me. It's really, it's challenged a lot and you'll see why when I share it with you. But the encouragement is to ask yourself, can I sidestep the fast lane? Can I, can I just step out of the fast lane in this? So let me,

give you an example when it comes to Christmas and all of the shenanagan and the start up, maybe there are things going on at your kid's school or nursery, maybe it's work, maybe there are lots of extra events, maybe itself on the shelf, itself on the shelf or everyone around you is doing a certain thing, they're decorating their houses, they're getting their trees up, they're going all out. You know, the other one I see a lot at the moment is Christmas Eve boxes, it's things like that. I encourage you just to ask yourself, can I step out of the fast lane?

You might be listening to this episode in the summer where it's super, super sunny and wonderful and actually it's nothing to do with Christmas at all. But can you ask yourself when things feel a lot, when there are pressures coming your way that you just feel obliged to do because that's what people are doing, That's what people are expecting of you.

Ask yourself, can I step out of the fast lane? Sometimes we don't even realize that it's an option not to do something to actually say, you know what I'm going to bow out on this one? And it can feel like such a challenge. It can feel like all those people pleasing drives and discomforts and pressures and the shoulds come in. I should be doing this. This is what is what is what is the right. thing to do. This is what's expected of me or this is what I have always done. Should you? Do you have

to? Just because people are expecting that of you, does it mean you have to put your energy into keeping up in that way? There are so many WhatsApp groups that I am in. So this is relevant for me all year round. One area that I choose to step out of the fast lane in is kids parties. it's my son's birthday party coming up and so many of his classmates they have these massive amazing parties so they might all go to what is it around here it's like air hop in a massive trampoline park or ninja warriors uh i don't even know what that is yet i think it's an assault course where they all kind of tear their way through and end up eating dinner and these things and these things are huge to organize. They're also really expensive. And I think just because

that's what everyone else is doing, we can easily think, well, that's what I need to do when actually in reality. Is it right for you? Have you got the resources? What's it going to cost you? Energy-wise, headspace wise, finance-wise. Can you ask yourself, do I need to step out of this fast lane? am I just on a convey about finding myself doing things because that's what everyone else is doing? Can I step off? Can I step off the running machine? Have you ever seen anyone if you've been in a gym and they're tearing along on the running machine and then suddenly they just hop off? I always find it really incredible because I actually don't think I'd have the guts to do that. I'd probably catch my toe on it and then just end up kind of flailing and being thrown feet behind me.

But I love that. I love that. It's going. full speed and actually them just thinking, I'm stopping. I'm getting off. I'm stepping aside. And the conveyor belt is still tearing along, isn't it? It's still going like the clappers. Pounding, pounding, pounding, but actually they are in stillness. They've just stepped off onto the side, into the stillness. And we've done that with the Christmas parties and the birthday parties and just asking ourselves, is this right for us? Do we have capacity? Do we have energy? Are we just doing it because that's what people are doing it? Are we just doing it because that's what we've always done?

Are we just doing it because we feel like we should when actually in reality it's better to step out of the fast lane than to do it with resentment or to do it at high cost? Sometimes the cost is only hidden behind the scenes, behind the closed doors. Imagine you go to the most amazing party and it's Christmas party and it's all going on and they've thought of everything. But as soon as the door shuts, as soon as everybody leaves, your friend collapses into a heap on the floor, letting out all that they've held in.

Maybe it's tears, maybe it's overwhelmed, maybe it's just the stress of hosting, the stress of thinking about everyone else. Perhaps they've overlooked themselves, chronically overlooked themselves. How would it feel knowing that to be the truth? Knowing that you'd been there and there was a high cost. And I think often this is what happens, isn't it? We try and do all of the things, but actually if our friends were to really know the cost, if our family members were to really know what that cost us of our resources, time, energy,

headspace, stress, whatever it might be money, how would they feel? What would they want us to do? And I shared, and I've shared this a few times because I think it's such a helpful little illustration of the time that I stopped sending Christmas cards. And, you know, the other thing I don't do now either, I don't. send birthday cards unless my kids make one so when we buy presents for little parties

we just write the name on the wrapping paper because really when my kids get birthday cards they just cast them aside they really do not care they are not at that age where they care I might write a nice birthday card to my friend but that's normally because I write a whole little essay inside and that's a choice

and that's what I want to do that comes out of a want not a should and that's totally different I've stepped out of the fast lane on the birthday cards I've stepped out of the fast lane on the massive parties and it's so liberating and it's so liberating

and I'm not sending those Christmas cards at my table or being like there are more things that I could be doing right now why am I doing this again because I've always done it and this is what people expect and those Christmas cards are sent with a stamp and a little side portion of burnout and resentment

and actually I would rather receive a Christmas card that was sent because someone wanted to send it and enjoyed sending it rather than it being sent out of just the shoulds. So I guess this is it, my little 10 minutes of rambling is really just an encouragement to ask yourself, what would it be like to step out of the fast lane in that? It might be butt-clenchingly, hand sweatingly uncomfortable it might challenge every little people pleasing bone in your body but

do you know what it's so liberating when you start stepping out the fast lane and you realize that people to the main don't really care they don't really care and actually you manage to recoup a little something that is is really important perhaps it's time because you haven't sweated over planning this or doing that or rushing around ticking that box. Maybe you've earned yourself a chilled evening or a moment on the sofa or a little bit of headspace or you've managed to preserve a little bit of cash that might have been useful elsewhere. So as you find yourself just doing things because you've always done them, ask yourself, what would it be like to step out of the fast lane.

Now, if you've enjoyed this, I rarely ask for I would love for you to write a little review or share it in your stories or send it onto a friend because that really ensures that people, more people will benefit from these little nuggets of what I hope you find are kind of therapeutic, therapeutic little listens for you, which is always what I hope they are. So yeah, a little review or send it onto a friend or share your favorite episode in stories is just always really, really helpful and welcome. Anyway, sending you love and hoping that you find a way to step out of the fast lane this week. Thank you so much for listening to today's episode of The Therapy Edit. If you have enjoyed it, don't forget to

subscribe and review for me. Also, if you need any resources at all, I have lots of videos and courses and everything from health anxiety to driving anxiety and people pleasing nail all on my website anamatha.com. And also don't forget my brand new book, Raising a Happier Mother is out now for you to enjoy and benefit from. It's all about how to find balance, feel good and see your children flourish as a result. Speak to you soon.