The Therapy Edit - On the taboo of boredom in motherhood

Episode Date: May 2, 2022

Feeling bored by some of the repetitive and mundane aspects of motherhood doesn't mean you don't love your kids or your role as a mother or that you're failing in any way. It's normal! I share some tips on how you can cope with feeling bored as a mum.

Hello and welcome to the Therapy Edit podcast with me, psychotherapist Anna Martha. I'll be bringing you weekly 10 minute episodes to encourage and support your emotional well-being. Hi there. So today I'm going to talk about how to manage the boredom of motherhood. I don't know why it's such a taboo thing to admit that motherhood can just be sometimes really boring. really dull, really mundane, really relentless. It's almost as if there's fear around saying that motherhood is boring. And somehow that to admit that it is boring is kind of synonymous with not being grateful for or loving your kids or regretting being a mom or not enjoying it.

Now, good things can be boring. Like, think about fitness. Think about training for a marathon. I've never done it. I've never trained for a marathon. and it's not something on the cards but you know it can be pretty boring running plodding along the same streets kind of learning can be boring um admin can be boring some jobs can be boring but necessary there's boring things about everything it's a part of life it's almost like i think there's a

there is so much entertainment isn't there like we we have so much opportunity for entertainment it's almost like a weakness to admit that there's an element of boredom in motherhood sometimes. So I want to say to you, if you have felt guilty for feeling bored, it is not a reflection on your love for your children to admit that sometimes, some things, some days, some parts of motherhood are boring. The monotony, their relentlessness, the going through the motions over and over and over again, You know, every morning and afternoon, evening, I get the pot of toothbrushes out from under the sink. And I think, well, this is deja vu.

You know, every day I'm on my knees and I'm sweeping up under the chairs. And I think, well, this is deja vu as the washing goes in and out and out and out of the washing machine. It's not my favorite part. It's a bit dull. The physical and emotional energy that motherhood requires can leave us feeling. but empty and a bit unmotivated and boredom can cast this kind of grey cloud over happiness and joy. It can make everything feel a little bit mundane.

So I've got some tips on what to do if we feel bored. Because when my kids say, when my kids say, I'm bored, I'm bored, I'm like, good. It's good to feel bored because then your brain can get creative. Your brain can, you know, it just means that you're not stressed. it means that you're not, you know, kind of overwhelmed. What would you like to do? Why don't you think of a story in your head? And I've always got a kind of a quip, really, about bored and for the kids.

But what about me? What about when we feel bored in the relentlessness of parenting sometimes? So number one, admit it to yourself. Take away the shame. Admit it to your fellow moms. Admit and have those conversations about, oh my gosh, sometimes it can feel like such a relief, can't it? You're like, you know what, I actually, I feel really funny, certain, it's boring.

And when another friend goes, oh my gosh, yes, certain elements are just totally relentless and mundane and boring. Admit it to yourself. Number two, know that not everyone else is having a party, despite what social media snapshots will tell you. We are hardwired to believe what we see. So when we see everyone else doing these amazing things, it's so easy for our brain just to fall into comparison trap. You know, not everyone else is having a party, despite what the snapshots will tell you. Number three, engage in something that you use to love. What do you love doing? Sometimes boredom is lack of colour, isn't it? It's that grey. It's that grey feeling. Now, what I love about

the colour grey, and I googled this, and it was one of my favourite things that I, facts that I found out about the color gray is that it's actually gray is a mixture of, oh my gosh, I'm going to have to Google this. So gray is a mixture of crimson, ochre, so red, yellow and ultramarine. That's blue. Oh my gosh. And I love that in the boredom, in the gray. How can we find the color? What is that color? What brings that color for you? How can we engage in something that adds color in our life for you, for you, even if it's in a small way. What makes you feel good? And it doesn't mean adding it in that moment of boredom. It means adding it into your life. I used to absolutely love climbing when I was younger. He used to climb a lot. We used to go to Simmons Yat near where I grew

out. We used to go to the climbing wall in, I think it's Gloucester, at weekends. And I've been thinking about it recently and thinking, oh my gosh, I wonder if I'd like that now. And I found a climbing wall locally and I'm roped in a, oh, pardon the pen, a roped in the neighbour and we're going to do this like a little two-week beginner course, just two evenings. That's all it is. And I just, I wonder if that's a bit of colour for me. What if I try it and I like it? It might be terrible. That's fine. I'll think about what else I can give a go at. But, you know, what can add, where's that colour for you in that grey? We spend so long trying to add colour for our kids don't me trying to add colour add joy add memories add experiences but

maybe sometimes the boredom is just the fact that in pursuit of adding colour for everyone else around you you're not doing it for yourself you are deserving of fun you are deserving of joy you're deserving of you know those experiences that are that add colour to life for you for you and everyone else will benefit everyone else will benefit number four mix up the root How can you mix up the routine? Sometimes the boredom is in the monotony. It's in the same old, same old. How can you mix up the routine? Yesterday, here it was really sunny. It was like the first day of just glorious sunshine. It's currently kind of late March now. And it was so lovely. We, I cooked dinner and took it outside to the park and mixed up the routine. And we did something different to what we always do to the monotony. And it wasn't. boring it wasn't because it wasn't the same old same old how can you mix up the routine whether you even as simple as walking a different route to the school run you know how can we what where are your ruts where are your same old same mods what might you do every now and

again to shake them up number five for boredom do something totally new to engage yourself in a different way you know when we're intellectually stimulated it stretches us us and enlivens us. I work two days a week and I am never bored on those days because my brain is working. I'm thinking. I'm talking. I'm creating. I'm writing. I'm doing all of those things. My brain is engaged. Now, I've never bored. So what might you do to get some of that intellectual stimulation that so often, especially in early motherhood, feels completely non-existent, doesn't it? You know, what can you do? What can you add in even if it's just in a really small way, reading a few pages of a nonfiction book every day on a topic that

you're intrigued about, watching something that is maybe a documentary or something that just stimulates you intellectually. And the final thing is just to get out every day to connect with people. I've done an episode on loneliness recently and this was one of the tips for that because I feel like loneliness and boredom can sometimes be really linked, don't you? It's that feeling of boredom. So how can we connect with others? What about sharing memories with a friend? A friend that you might have made in motherhood that didn't actually know you pre-motherhood?

What about sharing some thoughts and memories and experiences that you had years and years ago? Did you ever have a gap here? What did you study? What did you do for fun? What made you laugh? What was your relationships with your siblings like if you had any siblings?

Where did you live? What did you do on weekends? You know, talking about some of these things. just to connect in a different way to the day-to-day. And I'd really encourage you to think about how you can utilise different forms of childcare sometimes. It might be play dates so that the kids can play whilst you chat. It might be seeing if there's a crush locally at a gym

so you can do a fun class or something to get to know some different people and to connect with some different people outside of your circles. Maybe it's trading childcare with a friend so that you agree to have each other's kids for an hour a week so that it frees you up to do something that brings you joy. You know, to finish off some elements of parenthood are boring because there's stuff that has to be done, isn't there? There's the monotonous stuff that simply has to be done.

But there is also stuff that we can bring in, that can bring us joy. We are deserving of joy as mums and our kids benefit from the sparkling in our eyes. So remember that grey is made up of all of those incredible colours. how can you start to, yeah, just start to identify what some of that colour might be. How can you bring some of that colour to the forefront for you, for you? So I've actually covered Bordom in the Little Book of Calm for New Mums and I've also covered loneliness which we've touched on here as well. So that is coming out on the 26th of May and your pre-orders really, really helped to get it out there. So thank you for your support with that and do you go and head over to wherever you buy.

your books from if you want to read a little bit more about what that book's about and how it might help you or help a friend who's in that kind of new motherhood space but thank you for listening and take care and I hope you find something today that just brings you oh some color some much deserved color in some of those bald moments bye thank you for listening to today's episode of the therapy edit if you enjoyed it please do share subscribe and review you can find more from me on Instagram at Anna Martha. You might like to check out my two books called Mind Over Mother and Know Your Worth. I'm also the founder of the Mother Mind Way, a platform full of guides, resources and a community with the sole focus on supporting mother's mental

and emotional wellbeing. It's been lovely chatting with you. Speak soon.