The Therapy Edit - On why you should embrace the comfort zone

Episode Date: February 5, 2024

In this ten minute, solo episode Anna offers up some grounding words on a topic she has been mulling over in her mind, reframing your comfort zone. We really hope Anna's words resonate with you and that you find them helpful in your daily life.

Hello and welcome to the Therapy Edit podcast with me, Psychotherapist Anna Martha. I'll be bringing you weekly 10 minute episodes to encourage and support your emotional well-being. Hi everyone. I hope you're well. This is my first little time of sitting down at my desk recording podcast in 2024. And I've got some things to show these. I'm actually recording for today. and I've got my heated blanket and today I'm going to talk to you all about something that I've been kind of mulling over in my mind after a therapy session that I conducted yesterday and it is all about your comfort zone. I think I just am so aware that around this time of year, you know, Jan Feb, there is so much focus on growth on pushing ourselves.

stepping outside of our comfort zones because we know, don't we, we know that it's through that discomfort, that nudging ourselves outside of our comfort zones that, well, that's where we grow. You know, that discomfort, that sense of stretching is good. It finds us addressing habits. It finds us stepping out in skills perhaps or maybe socially. Maybe we're stepping into an environment or a situation that actually there's everything inside of us wants to retreat. Everything inside of us is yelling, no, this is too hard. I can't do this.

But we do it. We do it because we know that we're challenging a narrative. We do it because we know that we're doing something good that we're going to benefit from later on in life. So there is so much focus at this time with the year on growing. And I'm going to bring a bit of a different. yeah, a different slant on it maybe or a different bit of encouragement to sit alongside that encouragement to step out and grow. And I just want to talk about something that is really

smug in my life right now. It's the cold tub. We bought as a Christmas present to another my husband and I bought one of these cold tubs. It's basically like a bin, like a blow-up been like a paddling pool thing and it just sits outside the back door on our house and it is flipping freezing right now. It's literally about kind of three degrees anyway. I've been doing cold showers for a few years. I started doing cold showers back in the first lockdown actually and I was just really intrigued by air. I've done a bit of research and it just kept coming at me from all directions. I think people were doing on social media. They were doing cold swimming and You know, and I've always thought, like, why would I want to do that?

Why would I want to put myself in a situation in which I felt discomfort? I like being comfy and cozy and warm and snugly. Now I'm thinking that's a song from one of the programs, the kids watch. I'm not going to sing it to you, but some of you will probably recognize those words, comfy and cozy and warm and snugly tucked up in your bed. I like being tucked up in my bed, comfy and cozy and warm. I like layers of clothes. I like socks. I've got a heated blanket right now because I like comfort. So there was something

really, really intriguing to me about why would people personally purposefully put themselves in a place of discomfort? And I started to realize that actually, you know, there's something really powerful about sitting in discomfort. And I do this all the time, then I talk on here about how we can push through emotional discomfort and come out the other side, feeling more empowered for the fact that we allowed that wave of sadness or grief or frustration or overwhelm to make its way through us. And we realise that actually we can navigate these emotions because whilst the world is telling us, you know, grow, push yourself, stretch yourself. It's also telling you you don't need to feel discomfort. You don't need to feel discomfort. Have a glass of wine. Zone out to social

media. Put on some trashy TV. Don't worry. If you have a feeling you you don't like. If you're going through some stressful stuff, just numb, just sidestep it. So it's kind of really mixed messages, isn't it? But anyway, I love these cold showers. It really empowered me. I started realizing that actually those feelings of, I want to be comfortable, I can't do hard things. What's the point? There's enough hard stuff in life. Why would I purposefully put myself in a setting that felt hard? And I started realizing that I'd come out of this like 30 second cold shower, just feeling like an absolute boss, just thinking, oh my gosh, I just totally overrode that part of my brain that was saying, I don't like this. And I, and kind of overriding it with

this knowledge that actually I'm doing something really great. And it's uncomfortable, but it's good. And I've started really to, started to enjoy it. And now we've got this cold tub sitting outside our, our back door. And we sit in there for two minutes, not together, not, there is no space. like how to fold yourself up like a little pretzel to get in there. And I, and I sit there and I breathe. And I know that I'm doing something hard that on some part my feelings and my brain are like, get out. And I know, what the heck are you doing? Whereas this other part of me that knows it is good. And I'm going to feel flipping amazing and I'm equipping myself in some way. You know, and I do that two minutes. And I have translated that awareness that I can sit in

at discomfort and I can come out better and stronger the other side, whether it is a wave of sadness or frustration that maybe before I would have grabbed that glass of wine or I would have just gone down a scroll hole to not feel. I'm far more able just to ride it out, ride down the meltdowns with the kids, those hard days, those challenging moments. I'm getting a little bit better at holding on tightly to the guardrails and just riding out the storm. Anyway, so yeah, that's where often the focus is. The focus is on the stretching and the pushing and the discipline. But I also want to counteract that with this.

You aren't made to live in that place. You also, along with the stretching and the pushing and the striving, you deserve comfort. You deserve comfort. You deserve to snuggle down. you deserve and you need to be able to give yourself permission to step right into that comfort zone confidently with the knowledge that you need the comfort zone too. Yes, it's great to grow. Yes, it's great to sit with the discomfort sometimes, but also you need to retreat.

You need to give yourself permission to snuggle up, whether it's, you know, mentally or physically. When I say mentally, you know, maybe it's just about cutting a some slack inside your head when you know that you're pushing for more and actually sometimes it's just about leaning into what is leaning into what you need and I know that this is about getting the balance right because sometimes everything in you wants to like we put an alarm on quite early because we're just in the habit of getting up and journaling and doing a bit of like yoga and often it's chaos right because the kids are often then in the habit of getting up as well and it's not all it sounds. It's not as wonderful as it sounds often. I have someone doing yoga next

me, kind of. Or I'm breaking up fights in between, kind of writing a line in my journal. And that's just, that's fine. That's okay. And sometimes, sometimes I want to turn the alarm off and roll over and go to sleep this morning. I've got some kind of virus, thanks, kids. And that's exactly what I did. I didn't do what I normally do because I just knew that I wanted to retreat into my comfort zone. and that's what I needed because that is where we, that is also where we grow. That's where we recover, where we refuel. So sometimes it is about pushing through that desire for comfort. Sometimes it is when the alarm goes off and you go, no, I know what I need.

I know what I feel like. I feel like not doing anything. I feel like turning over and going back to bed. But I'm also aware that what I need is bigger than that. What I need is in this stepping out. of that little comfortable space. So yes, push yourself, yes, nudge yourself, but walk confidently in to your comfort zone. You need that place of safety to retreat to, just as your kids do, just as your child does when they want to shut the world out and snuggle up. You need that too.

Give yourself permission. Seek your comfort zone. Don't just do it feeling guilty. do it unashamedly knowing that you've nudged yourself, you've nudged yourself and now it's your time to downregulate, to slow, to calm, to recover, to refuel. Just a little bit of balance that I wanted to bring to you to me to all of that noise out there sending you love as you navigate what the heck it is that you need today and whether that looks like pushing or flopping. Thank you so much for listening to today's episode of The Therapy Edit. If you have enjoyed it, don't forget to subscribe and review for me.

Also, if you need any resources at all, I have lots of videos and courses and everything from health anxiety to driving anxiety and people pleasing nail all on my website, anamatha.com. And also, don't forget my brand new book, Raising a Happier Mother is out now for you to enjoy and benefit from. It's all about how to find balance, feel good, and see your job. children flourish as a result. Speak to you soon.