The Therapy Edit - One Thing Live At The Baby Show!

Episode Date: January 19, 2024

Better later than never! This week we've finally found space on the busy publishing schedule of The Therapy Edit to share this amazing recording of a live episode that Anna recorded at The Baby Show in 2023.In this one-of-a-kind episode Anna chats to no nonsense self development coach Holly Matthews and influencer Laura Coleman about the One Thing that they would share with all the mums in front of a LIVE audience! It's a brilliant listen and great to hear the panel share their experiences and advice about honest motherhood alongside other mums in the thick of it.To find out more about these guests, follow Holly on Instagram at @iamhollymathews and Laura at @misslauracolemanWe hope you love the listen!

Hello and welcome to the Therapy Edit podcast with me, psychotherapist Anna Martha. I'll be bringing you weekly 10 minute episodes to encourage and support your emotional well-being. Hi everyone, welcome to a very special episode of the Therapy Edit. This is completely different to any other episode of the Therapy Edit. This one is a recording that was taken live on stage. At the baby show, yes, I was invited to take the therapy edit, which is normally recorded in my upstairs living room next to the big cozy blue sofa that often has a cat on it. I was invited to take this podcast on to the stage live. And I had two brilliant guests. I had Holly Matthews, who is a no-nonsense life coach. She is passionate about helping you feel more happy and less crappy. Yes, please. She is a podcaster and an all. author of the brilliant The Happy Me project. And I also had the wonderful Laura Coleman, who had

her little baby offstage and throwing smiles in her little lemon twin set co-old. She was in. It's so cute. She is a model, an influencer and a mum. And I got to ask Laura and Holly what the one thing that they would love to share with all the moms and the moms to be and the parents that was standing there. And it was really powerful. The chat between. The three-way chat was really powerful. There was one woman who asked a question and I just wanted to jump off the stage and go and give her the biggest snuggle. So I hope that you find a ton of warmth and wisdom in these words. And yeah, it was just wonderful having Holly and Laura and enjoy.

Enjoy this special episode and a big shout out to the baby show for inviting me to take the therapy edit live and on stage. What a privilege. There is a great line up here on the live talk stage. And I don't want you to miss this one because it's going to be lovely. So come on over, come and rest your bumps, take a seat. Because we're now going to be doing the therapy edit, which I don't know if you guys, I'm sure a lot of you do. I certainly do.

Follow the wonderful Anna Martha. She's coming out now and she's got two very special guests with her. I know that you've been here before. I have. I think it was about four years ago. I think it was. Welcome back. Welcome back. It's lovely to see you.

Thank you for having me. And your lovely guests as well. And it's really nice to have you here to chat about some of our, to our mums here that are expecting parents. Some people are here with their new babies. Because it's a whole, it's all the feels, isn't it, becoming your mum? It really is. It's wonderful. It's exciting.

It's scary. It's nerve-wracking. It's all of it. So you're going to have a nice chat with us today, aren't you? Covering it all. So I'm going to hand over to you and I'm going to enjoy it. Thank you so much. Right, guys.

Anyone that fancies a little sit down, come on over because this little talk for the next half hour, you're going to hear some of the one things that these wonderful guests feel like they want to share with all the mums. All that they know with all of their mothering experience, their parenting experience, they are going to choose the one thing that they want to share with you. So my name is Anna. I am a psychotherapist. I am a mum to three. I have a four-year-old, a seven-year-old and a seven-year-old.

a nearly nine-year-old. They keep changing their ages. So it's really hard to remember and their birth dates. I find those really hard to remember anyway. I have a podcast called The Therapy Edit. I also have some books all about maternal mental health. I am really, really passionate about taking therapy. So all the clients that I've seen in their classic therapy rooms, I think becoming a mom just made me really passionate about taking all of those tools and those insights and just sharing them widely and freely because we all need to focus on our well-being as mums. Our babies thrive, our children thrive when we find ways to support ourselves. So my podcast is called The Therapy Edit and what I do on a Friday is I have a guest every week and I ask them a big question,

a small question, but it's a hard one to answer. What is the one thing that you would love to share with all the mums? So I have Holly over here, Holly, do you have, to tell us a little bit about you. Yes, of course. Thank you for having me here. So my name is Holly Matthews and I'm a self-development coach and my business is called the Happy Me Project. I have a book, a podcast called The Happy Me Project and my focus is making self-development as simple as it can be and when we are moms and parents, we need to squeeze in looking after ourselves in between a lot of stuff of looking after other people. I'm a mum of two. One of my old, my oldest is here with me. She's 12 and I have a 10 year old. So I was doing the baby thing quite

some time ago now and it's very lovely to see all the cute babies that are here, like you're one. Yeah, that's me. The Happy Me Project and Holly Matthews. And we have Laura here. Laura tell us a little bit about you. Hi everyone, I'm Laura Coleman. I'm a model and influencer. I'm also a mum, a mum fluencer, I guess, a little bit now. And my husband and baby are over there. That's Jean, and she is 16 months old now.

Keep forgetting as the months go by. She's so delicious. Look at her little strawberry. I know. She's like, Mom, what are you doing? Everyone needs to check out her really very, very cute little shoes as well, they're adorable, and I'm jealous. Yeah, her dad bought to those this week.

Spoils are rotten. Right, so thank you so much for introducing yourselves. So, let's start with Holly. Holly, if you could share one thing with all of the moms and the parents to be here, what would that one thing

be? Well, I think you are right when you said this is a difficult question. I really thought about this a lot, and I think my honest answer is whatever you think you are going to parent like, you probably won't. So I went in as, you know, my children will never, ever have an iPad in their hands. They won't go to McDonald's.

No. Gross. They will never, whatever, they will go to bed in a very strict bedtime. They won't do any of the things that they do now. so I think the best bit of advice is just seriously give yourself a break and I'm not saying don't want you don't have nice things that you want to do with your kids have like ideals but really genuinely

be kind enough to yourself that sometimes your child might need an iPad in front of them so you can take a minute to go to the toilet or sometimes there is nothing else but McDonald's for the day or just whatever shortcut that you need And I think that's the biggest thing. I think when I, you know, you go in and you think you're going to, they're never going to have chocolate. They're never going to have sugar.

It's such a high ideal. And it's where, yeah, I do all of those things now, okay? And it doesn't make me a bad parent. It makes me a human. Yes, I love them. iPad save the day sometimes. They do. Pepper Pig is a legend.

When you're in a restaurant, you just need that. Five minutes to enjoy your food. I will never judge a parent. in a restaurant when their child has an iPad. I don't know what they're... And I will not judge a mum or a dad who's scrolling on their phone. Let them scroll.

They need a break. It's a little bit of respite. Laura, is there anything that you do now that pre-having Jean, you thought I would never, never do that? I definitely used to think that it looked really bad when the kids were on iPads. Me too.

But now I'm just like, oh, gives me five minutes, you know? Do you know what I thought I would never do would be one of those moms that cracked open a snack from the shelf in the supermarket before I'd actually paid for it or the end off the French stick

you know like there you go I've done yeah I mean there saves the days yeah that's a delightful treat like I mean we've got to do what we've got to do as parents to get through stuff and I feel like as I'm saying this because my daughter is here she's like why you sliking me off mom

we're lovely yeah but I've I'm a big, I'm a big encourager of the corner cutting. So much. Because actually often when we, when we manage to cut a corner somehow, we tend to be preserving or saving something of ourselves that actually we need. And I think what I love about your one thing of not, just being open-minded about what parent you might be,

is that before I became a mum, and actually even I held onto it for so long, I had this fantasy version of who I would be as a mother. and when I actually became a mother, I just felt like I was failing all the time compared to this ideal that I'd created in my head. And nobody else was setting that ideal for you, and I think that's the other key as well.

We are the ones doing it to ourselves, and we're the one putting it. Nobody's checking. There's no, like, checklist of people like, um, did you do that or did you not? But we do that, don't we? And I think as well, we don't know prior to being a parent what might be going on in our lives,

what might happen, whether it's grief or whether it's relationship breakups or things that happen in our world or who your child will be. You know, if there's any disability in play. You don't know what version of your child or what version of your life you will be in. And sometimes you have to change what it is that you thought was going to be because you've got to work, we've got to, you know,

we're doing this on our feet, aren't we? We're just doing this as we go. I think as well when you're scrolling on Instagram or TikTok, there's lots of information about what you should and shouldn't do. like a lot of videos saying, oh, you know, it's bad to have screen time. It will make their behavior bad by like 3pm, you know, just a lot of things and about the food and the sugar and everything. Which we kind of know, but it does worry, doesn't it? But you, yeah, it's just, I don't know, you've got to kind of take it at a pinch of salt sometimes, haven't you?

Definitely do, definitely. Don't put the pressure on yourself. Absolutely. And I think if you can encourage yourself, when you find yourself thinking, I'm going to be like this, I'm going to be doing that. and I literally had worked out exactly how I was going to respond in almost every single scenario before I'd even become a mum. Yeah. And I think actually, if I'd had that bit of advice when I was pregnant,

you know what, Anna, just go with it a little bit more. I find that quite hard going with it. Yeah, me too. I think I would have, yeah, I am just a go with it. You're a go with it. I need a little bit more. You are in the middle of not go with it. People who are just like constantly trying to plan.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you're the goal with it. I love it. We need you here. We need a little bit more. I need more of you. I must say, my need for control or my actual recognition of how little control I actually have has slowly kind of reduced over the number of children that I've had. And I would say I'm more relaxed now after having three because I'm like, you know what? I can't. I can't. Oh, it's unbelievable. The difference was between one and two. There's two years between my children. First one who's here, you know, she was premature. I was super, super like, anxious with everything that she did.

second one is hard as nails because by then I was like oh she's falling is she no she actually has hers I do have to move this like I mean you just become so much more chilled and I think you know along with what we're saying about expectation it's really allow yourself

to go for good enough in most areas because if you go for and that's not about having low aspirations or anything it's just saying go for good enough in most areas and then you can do really well on one day or one moment or one thing thing and it doesn't it just allows you space as you say those where you can turn down the dial

in places and give yourself a breather you can be amazing on one day or you can feel better it's it's so important we're like that with ourselves it's also like fitting in with your personality isn't it so it's kind of like you know if you're not a crazy organized person then you shouldn't really put pressure on yourself to be a really organized person you know like some of my friends will go out for the day and it'll be like a whole bag of kit it up of stuff you know which is I'm so envious of in one way but it's just not me and I've tried to do it and it's just like not a thing you know and the minute you try to do that and be somebody else you fail at being somebody else whereas you win it being you chilled out go with a full

you know like full picnic blanket and full like spread with like you know every kind of if you've forgotten something they are the ones that will have it though so if you're super children you haven't got the staff they'll probably have the stuff so we all need it works at our advantage anyway doesn't it we're all different because I can just use all their stuff. Yeah. Amazing. So Laura, whilst you're chatting, would you like to tell us what the one thing

you would love to share with all the parents and the parents to be here would be? So my one thing would be, don't think too much. That is my motto in life. Just not to overthink and think too much. I think overthinking is so damaging to us, to be honest. Especially to me, I just like going with the flow. When I was having Gene, I was just like,

like, right, I'm not thinking too much about everything, you know, about being too organised, about what we're going to do afterwards. There's a lot, you know, I see on Instagram being served a lot of things about how prepared you need to be or how you should act afterwards or not having guests over or whatever. I just kind of didn't bother with any info like that. I think that's amazing and such a good lesson. This went with what I wanted at the time. Yeah, did you?

Yeah. No, I think like I was similar in that I kind of just went, I don't know how to be a parent. I've never done this before. The one bit of advice I got was from a yoga teacher and she just said, your child's never had another parent. They don't know what you're supposed to do. And that was such a nice bit of advice. Because I was like, oh yeah, they don't know. Like they're not going. There's other moms that are much better. I've seen them on Instagram. You know, they don't know. So in some ways, that was quite freeing. your children will just blend in with your chaos, whatever your chaos looks like. I love that. That's really freeing, isn't it? I remember coming home with my first baby and sticking it on the table in the living room and being like, did they let us out with the baby?

I thought the same thing. I know. We didn't have to. We didn't do an exam. Do you know what? The next day, I was walking around Sainsbury's had a second degree tear and just literally given birth. I was walking around Sainsbury's makeup on,

feeling like that's what? I had to do to show that I was a good mum, just get right back out there. And you know what? I just, I wish I could go back to that version of me and be like, mate, loungeware, sofa, now. I remember thinking, I said to my husband down like the first aisle, I was like, I need to go back to the car. I think I'm going to pull out. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's how you feel. You know, and actually with subsequent children, I was like, you know what, if you want to come around to my house, it's chaos, it's a mess. Yeah. Milk everywhere. Kids. you know, and I think that's just

be gentle on yourself. The more expectations we place upon how we're going to be and feel and what we should do and what it should look like. We can kind of stifle. Well, you're not in the experience, I think, as well. Like, that's the thing. We're so preempting. It's got to look like this. Like, my sister

and she won't mind me saying, and she was like, right, I know what makeup I need. I need to look dewy. I need to look very dewy when I'm giving birth. And I'm like, what do you mean? You're going to look a hot mess. It's going to be okay. But we have these expectations.

That means we're not in the moment of just being in it. And it's all right. We're going to be a mess. We are. And that goes up. Like that goes, that's continues. It's not just when they're a baby. Like there's going to be days when we're a mess.

And it's all. And I think it's like just carry on doing what you like to do, what you're comfortable doing, whether that is, you know, I got back from the hospital and I was like, I want to go to a restaurant and have steak and chips. You know, we went to a restaurant that night. You know, because that's what we wanted to. wanted to do. Yeah. And if you didn't, you wouldn't have. Yeah. I didn't want to go to the

supermarket or I didn't want to like, you know, see a friend or whatever or I didn't want to stay in bed. That's what I wanted to do. So we've always just been, I've always just been an advocate for just doing what you want to do afterwards, um, whatever that may be and not living up to anyone's expectations, especially, you know, grandparents or. So remove that pressure, remove that pressure. I, do you know those moments you have when you think, oh my gosh, I've actually really grown and changed. I had to learn very hard to let people be there for me and to be honest and open and kind of fight the perfectionist. Don't worry I've got this from behind the scenes. I'm like, ah, I'm a hormonal mess and I'm exhausted. And I remember after my second, very much

being like that and then really getting to a point where I was like, you know what? Needing people isn't failure. It's just, it's human. We need community. We're wired for community. And then after having my third, I remember WhatsApping my friend who was due to come around and meet the baby to say, don't come over, I'm a mess. I was a hormonal, too tired mess. And I was like, do you know what I did? I deleted the don't. And I thought, wait a minute, I need her because I'm a mess. And I said, come over, I'm a mess. And I think so often what we do when we need people around us, when it's all going on, we can think, stay away until I'm like, I'll pull myself back together. It's unacceptable.

Well, actually, this is when we need our community. Whoever that might be, be it a parent or a friend, it's okay for people to see you where you're at. And I think I... And if they're going to judge it. Well, hopefully not. People judge what they don't understand, I tend to find. So we've got a few minutes left.

I would love to share one thing that I would say has totally, it's tiny and everyone can use this. I would say that it's can really transform my parenting, but also huge things in my life. So it's this little reframe. So you know when you're like, oh, I've got to do the washing, I've got to make the milk,

I've got to do the dinner, I've got to get up with a baby. I've got to. And I started turning it to I get to. So I've got to, to I get to. Now I actually cried in front of my washing machine when I started doing this because it was that mundane like,

oh my gosh, there's so much washing. I've got to do the washing. I've got to do so much. With three must be. And then they get, I see them walking around in the clothes I've just cleaned, getting them dirty. And I'm like, oh gosh, I'm going to be seeing that again tomorrow. How dare they? And I stood in front of the washing machine, feeling really grumpy.

And I thought I get to do the washing. And it took me a second, but I thought I get to do the washing these little clothes with these kids. You know that I have the privilege of having these children. I have the privilege of having clothes for them. I have the privilege of being able to pay the electricity. Yeah. I have the privilege of being in a home. Yeah, we're so lucky.

And all of this, so I think it's one of those little things that takes me from the really boring mundane to feeling really kind of recognising the privilege of that moment. And, you know, I get to get up with the baby. I know your eyes are tired and your body is just desperate for sleep, but there is such, sometimes I need to remember the privilege. My son came in at 2am, again, having a bad dream and I gave him a cuddle. And I thought, I get to do this with him. I get to be his safe space. It's such a good reframe and I use it a lot as well. And it really does shift your mindset.

And I don't want to be like those, you know, those memes or those people on Instagram which, like, you need to just, every moment is precious. Because not every morning is that precious. Some of it's really annoying. Yeah. Being a parent. Love you.

To my daughter. But actually, that is good for the moment. When you want to lose your head or you've stressed out to just say, no, I get to do. this. It really does shift something, doesn't it, in your mind? It doesn't mean it's not boring and mundane, but it's also, it's also, it's also. It does work for taking the bins out as well, I tried it. It's the bin one for me.

You need to use it. I do use it. I'm like, I get to take the bins out. I've got food and every step. I'm like, I get to do this. Look how happy I get to have all this food in this full bin as I'm struggling with it. It does work, though.

It does work, honestly. I get to snuggle my baby at 4 a.m. for the fourth time. all the time that's so lucky but there is you know I just think little things like that that just alert us and bring in it's not just it's not about saying don't feel overwhelmed don't feel tired don't it's saying it's the end you know feel tired and overwhelmed but also grateful and recognize the joy in those messy mundane moments as well so how are we doing for time does anybody have any questions for our lovely guests or myself we've got a little bit of time for Q and A, you can ask anything, kind of mental health, well-being.

Any question? I thought it's a really good reframing there. I like that. I love that one. I think we all need to do a little bit of that. Do you know, another one that I've been using a lot recently, especially when it's just, you know, just a bit loud and a bit stressful. I imagine that I'm actually like 80. Yeah, old grey hair sitting in a little rocking chair, a little bit like one of the breastfeeding chairs that I'd quite like in my, in my living room. And I imagine that I imagine that I've been given an opportunity to go back in time and have my children around with little kids.

So when it's all kicking off, I'm like, I'm 80 and I'm back, and this is I've been transported back in time and it's stressful, but it's also wonderful. Yeah, it's a nice one. That is a good one. I love that. That is a very, very good one. That is great.

I'll be thinking about that. You do that one. You try to. I need to tap out. I'll be like, I'm 80. I'm coming back for a moment. Because we'll go back, right? We will always do that.

Like my dad says to me, now is like the best time of my dad's like nearly 70 and he's like best time of my life was like you and your sister listening to sound of the sound of music and dancing around and being noisy and I think we think the bigger things are going to be it but actually that chaotic moment that we might be having is actually what we'll reflect back and go oh I miss I mean we'll be looking at it through rose tinted spectacles of course but we will miss it and I think that's such a lovely thing to like just take you there without you actually being there so you can still enjoy it It's such a good idea.

We think those moments are going to last forever. Yeah. Even if we think back to the newborn days, you know, the sleepless nights, you think that's it for life. It feels like it at the time, doesn't it? It's a week of it. It just feels like a lifetime, isn't it? But it will change. That's another thing why it's important not to think too much because everything changes, doesn't it?

Yeah. Just when you've cracked something. Every two days. Yeah. I've cracked that. We've got a routine. Ah, they've changed. and as well people will frighten you

like this is just something for the really new ones people will scare you with you wait until the next day just you wait to the days listen that's such that's the word at every stage there's good and bad right there's every there's a tough bit and there's a really lovely bit at every stage so let's ignore

when you hear that and those that have not had their babies yet you will hear those people you wait to the teeth they always want to tell you their bad birth story as well don't they oh yeah but always and no my kids now are a little bit older and I get there just you wait until they're teenagers. You think it's hard now.

And just to validate yourself, if people around you are going to just you wait, you think, you know what? I don't know what that's going to feel like. Yeah. I am where I am. It might not be bad for me. It might not be bad for you.

I've got friends that love having teenagers and love having toddlers and love. My mum said she loved every stage of my age because she could see the good in it as well. Yeah. Yeah, lovely messages. Do we have any questions for the ladies at all? You've got one now.

Your friends just stitched you right up. Here's Sean, so we can hear you. I'll do that next time to you. No, I just, I think it's really hard being a working parent as well. So I was just after like, if you had the piece of advice for managing that career,

being a good mom, the guilt situation, that would be awesome. That's a good question. The big bag of guilt that comes with being a mom. So much of it. Really hard. anybody got any answers

I think we've probably all got a little tip well I think probably what you said about the and I think the and is going to come into play you will be a working mum and you'll be a great working mum some days and not so much the net like there's no

I think it's the guilt often does come with us but I don't I think we can do our very best to be kind to ourselves and to do all the things that we've already said turn down the noise you know be really super lovely to yourself but there will be some days when you still feel guilty about

something, it's just reminding yourself that every single parent that has ever lived has probably felt like that has felt like that and has got it wrong in some way. And even when you go online or you see that person on the school run and you think they have it crap, they really

don't. They're probably crying into their pile of washing at home. We're all doing our best. I don't know a parent out there that doesn't have it. I mean, just to get me here today, we were saying, you know, just to get me here, I'm juggling a million things. You know, my kids got a birthday partied in my other child. I've got one with me. Grandparents

have been pulled in. Friends are being texted. Could you have a for an hour? It's probably always going to be like that, but that's okay. I think that's the key. It's worth it. It's a crazy dance and we'll look back like you said and we'll go, that was chaotic, but we did it and we'll have loads of fun along the way. And yes, you know, sometimes it will be hard. But I think it's just crazy dance, isn't it? We're not always going to get it right. Yeah. I think one, of my tips for guilt along with that is to actually ask yourself, am I actually doing anything wrong? Because I think a lot of the time we feel guilty

and we don't even question whether that guilt is actually justified. You know, you're not doing anything wrong by working and juggling motherhood. It's probably, you know, for many people, it's an absolute necessity. And I think when we challenge whether we're doing anything wrong and we realize actually I'm not doing anything wrong, we start removing some of that kind of self-criticism. Finding a bit of compassion for yourself, you're doing an amazing job.

It is hard because it is hard. Yeah. It's not hard because you're weak or you're not good enough. It's hard. It's hard because it is hard. And I think asking yourselves that if any of you are finding something hard in pregnancy, in early motherhood,

later down the line, just asking yourself, am I finding this hard because I'm failing because I'm not good enough because I'm not strong enough or patient enough or actually, is it just hard? Yeah. And yeah, that just allows us to bring a little bit of compassion which is often much needed.

So sending you love. Definitely. So much love. Be kind on yourself. Yeah, yeah. We're doing the best we can with what we have. You're doing it for them as well, you know? We're working for them basically.

Absolutely. Giving them the best, aren't you? Showing being good role models and it is. And doing what's right in your heart. And sometimes it's a break to go to work. Work is definitely easier for me. You get to put your makeup on and your pretty dresses and your nice trousers. I was like James Bond walking out of the house this morning.

It was all going on and I was like, I love you, bye-bye. Yes. And I'll come home and I think I actually wrote an Instagram post about this this morning. On the way in, I felt, you know, I felt sad that I was leaving in the chaos. My seven-year-old's autistic, so he needs a lot of extra from us. I was sad that I was leaving when he was distressed. And I was also happy that I was coming to do something that makes me passionate.

And whilst before I would have felt so guilty, I thought, and I recognise that sometimes when we step into that different space and do something, it's so good for our mental health to do things to completion, which we often get to do when we're at work. Yeah. You know, and I realised that that guilt, I hadn't done anything wrong. Being here with you guys, with you guys, is refilling me. Yeah, you'll go back.

You're going to go home. I'm really ready. And I will be more patient and more grounded. You can tag people out. Absolutely. Yeah, I'll let my husband, I'll be like, he'll be frazzled and I'll be like, it's all right. Yeah. I got it like you've had a spa day, but you've actually been here.

So it's a gift to our kids sometimes and we are able to make time to do the things that we enjoy, whether it's work or just stepping away for me, it's going for a walk. I used to feel guilty even just leaving the house to go for a walk, whereas I'm now I'm like, I am loving you by going for this walk. I will come back with more. Yeah, it's true. It's true. Did you girls ever feel like, and I don't know if any new mum's out there felt,

like this, you know you needed that break, like the nice bath, go and have a bath, but you didn't want to miss a moment. Did you have that tear of like, I do need to go and fill up my own cup, but I can't miss anything. Yeah, totally. I kind of lay in the other room sometimes thinking, oh, sounds fun in there, but I'm really tired, but shall I go in? Yeah. I'm missing out. On every spoon of breakfast she's having. I know. I mean, you kind of control yourself. And the breakfast. Yeah, now I'm just like, oh, God. You enjoy your breakfast.

I'm going to have a bar. Before we finish, I think it would be really nice to let people know where to find you. Amazing. Because Holly, you've got so much wisdom. Laura, you've just got so much kind of inspiration and lovely words for both of you. So where do we find you? So people can find me on all the social medias. So I am Holly Matthews.

Of course, Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, Facebook, all of the places. And if you go to I amholymathews.com slash all my stuff, you will find all my stuff. And for anybody that's based in London or fancies a nice trip out away from kids and stuff for the day, I'm doing an event on the 18th of November called Restivell. And that is a well-being event. It's a really nourishing self-care day. Restival. Restive.

I need a rest. Sounds great. And we have all, we've got a makeup artist there. It isn't just for moms. It's for dads. We have a barber there who's going to be cutting hair and just a chat with a barber. It's all around well-being and it'll be such a nice day. We have moms that come along and just enjoy the day.

Now, if you do, however, if you're a single mom or a single dad and you think you can't get there, just message me. You can bring your child along. I don't want anyone to have like a stopper because they don't have anyone to tag out. Bring them along. We'll help and it'll be a lovely day. So where is that? So that's West Essex Golf Club.

So, Chingford, and it's 18th of November. It's all day. You can drop in and now. It's activities and well-being, and it's just going to be lovely. You guys are absolutely more than welcome to come along. We will have a lovely day. And my book, The Happy Me Project, is on all the places you can get books, and it's 60 chapters, but four pages of each chapter,

and it's definitely intended for us to, like, read in the toilet quickly. It's amazing. Thank you. Thank you. Lovely. Thank you. And what about you, Laura? Where can we find? Well, I'm on Instagram. It's at Miss Laura Coleman. At Miss Laura Coleman.

Even though my miss is now technically. I keep you know. Well, and I am on Instagram at Anna Martha and I have lots of books. My most recent one is called Raising a Happier Mother and it's all about the fact that I look at all my parenting books on my bookshelf and when I'm in the thick of it, I can't remember anything I've read. like our brains are not thinking oh what was in chapter two on like how to respond to that

behaviour or that sleep challenge when we're depleted and we're burnt out as mums when we can't thrive um so the book is all about actually all our focus is often on the kids when really if we can get the mums thriving and feeling good and confident and finding ways to deal with the anxiety and the worry that sometimes keeps us awake even when our babies are asleep then actually you know we deserve to be nurtured and Every new mom that I have around me is getting Anna's book. It's so nourishing and it makes you feel that guilt that we were just talking about, reading your book, it makes you go, oh no, it's okay.

I'm okay. It's such a nourishing book. All of your books are, but your new one is so beautiful. And the ribbon movement. Oh, yeah. I love that. Can we just give that a little mention? Yeah, so gorgeous.

Yeah, so the ribbon movement is basically just grab a ribbon, tie it onto your changing bag, your buggy, your handbag. whatever and all it does is says I am open to you being kind to me and I'm open to being kind to you whether you need a hug or a nappy or just you know that little look across the you know sensory play the high five when someone when your child's having a meltdown just it's okay we've got each other yeah I think so nice I think sometimes we really want to be kind to people but we get worried I don't want to offend them I don't want them to think that I think they're not a good mom but we just want to like go and even visually just give someone a hug you know I love that

I think that's really unspoken, just little language between the mum's. It's great. Well, I'd like to say a huge thank you and a big round of applause to our beautiful ladies. Thank you for that lovely chat. Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much for listening to today's episode of The Therapy Edit.

If you have enjoyed it, don't forget to subscribe and review for me. Also, if you need any resources at all, I have lots of videos and courses on everything from health anxiety. to driving anxiety and people-pleasing nail all on my website, anamatha.com. And also, don't forget my brand new book, Raising a Happier Mother is out now for you to enjoy and benefit from. It's all about how to find balance, feel good, and see your children flourish as a result. Speak to you soon.