The Therapy Edit - One Thing with Amelia Freer on how to nourish yourself

Episode Date: June 24, 2022

On this episode of One Thing Anna chats with Amelia Freer about why self nourishment for mothers truly matters.Amelia Freer is a Registered Nutritional Therapist and international best selling author, debuting with the inspirational Eat. Nourish. Glow., now translated into many languages. Amelia’s fourth book, Simply Good for You, was released in Dec 2019.You can follow Amelia on Instagram at @ameliafreer You can find out more about Amelia's work here https://ameliafreer.com/You can buy your copy of Simply Good For You here https://www.amazon.co.uk/Simply-Good-You-bursting-goodness/dp/0241414687/ref=sr_1_1?crid=111R7OIHLMOZR&keywords=amelia+freer&qid=1655116668&sprefix=amelia+freer+%2Caps%2C64&sr=8-1

Hello and welcome to The Therapy Edit with me, psychotherapist, mum of three and author Anna Martha. Every Friday, I invite one guest to tell me the one thing they would most like to share with mums everywhere. So join with me as we hear this dose of wisdom. I hope you enjoy it. Hello and welcome to today's guest episode of The Therapy Edit. I have with me a UK leading nutritional therapist and a healthy eating expert. And her name is Amelia Freya and we've just had the loveliest little chat before we hit record. And she is warm and passionate about nurturing and giving us the tools to live a full and joyful relationship with food and encouraging us to take care of ourselves through the way that we eat.

And everything that she does is not about kind of deprivation and stepping a fine life. of like eating the right thing and eating the wrong thing. It's just about keeping it simple with good nutrition in a way that allows us to celebrate food because we, you know, we eat numerous times a day. So why not find ways to have a really joyful relationship with the things that sustain us? So Amelia is an internationally bestselling author and her most recent book is simply good for you. So, and it's good for you. I love that. It's simply good for you. And this, you know, this learning and this resourcing ourselves is good for us. So hi, Amelia. It's so good to have you here. How are you today? Hi, Anna. Thank you so much for having me and thank you for that

lovely introduction. It's really lovely to hear you share about my work and that you get it. I am good today. I was just sharing with you a little bit frazzled because I've got a four-year-old daughter who is having a bit of a tricky time at the moment and I struggle with the tantrums and managing that ever elusive balance between motherhood and also working and sometimes just thinking, I can't do both. How can I get her to school on time or nursery on time and be back here and, you know, calm and composed to talk to you. Here we are. Yeah, and you certainly do seem calm and composed, but it's often like that swan, isn't it? There's kind of kind of really under the surface.

And even when the tantrum was passed, I do find sometimes there's still that kind of residual adrenaline and stress. And did I manage that right? And I'm reading a little bit. All of that adrenaline pumping around my body at the moment. That's all going on there. So, Amelia, the question that we ask our guests is, if you could share one thing with all the mums,

what would that one thing be? For me, and obviously this comes from my line of work, it would be that we mothers are just as worthy of good nourishment as our children. I think, you know, I've been a practitioner for almost 20 years and obviously I only had my daughter four years ago. But for years and years and years, I worked with women who would come and see me and they would feed their children beautifully. They would spend ages planning and preparing and researching. And in fact, often the consultations would turn to their children. They would say, what should I be giving my daughter?

supplement should I feed my son? What's the best food for kids, etc? And I think, of course, we mothers all relate to this. We, it's, children do become our priority and we do want to do everything we can do to make sure that we're raising them as best we can. But what I, what I saw, you know, firsthand for years and then experience when I became a mother, is just how much we put ourselves to the bottom of the priority list and end up being too tired having made delicious, nurturing food for our children that we're too tired to make anything for ourselves and end up just having a chocolate bar or a piece of toast and sort of forgetting that we're as worthy of that nourishment and in fact as needing you know every body needs nutrition it needs good nutrition

in order to thrive and I suppose what I spend a lot of time trying to to help mothers do is understand that because we all want to be the best mums that we can be right um understanding that by nourishing ourselves, it doesn't have to be perfect. But by feeding ourselves, by fueling ourselves, that is going to help us to be better mothers because it's going to help us have, you know, more stable moods, more stable hormones, more stable energy. So I think wherever possible, it's trying to put that same energy and time and organisation and planning that we do for our children into our own diets to, yeah, to help nourish us properly. I think that's so, I mean, I'm getting flashes of.

of various memories of me, also very recent memories, often, as you were saying, the kind of the juggle of all the things that we have to do. And often, you know, I'll do my kids lunch and then they'll be happily resting or napping or whatever. And then I'll do a bit of work. And then I might need to do a school pickup and it's, you know, half past two. And I'm leaving and I'm feeling a bit lightheaded. And I suddenly realized that in the pursuit of being a good mom and taking off my to-do list as well with work or house admin. I've like totally neglected to eat lunch and maybe I may or may not have even had breakfast. Yeah. Amongst the school chaos and you know and and and you're so right. It's the mood. It's like when I'm hungry, I get hungry. I feel irritable. I'm not fully there

because my you know my blood sugar's on the floor. So you're so right this is about it's it's a gift to our parenting as well and our moods and our feelings. Absolutely. It's a gift to our, it's totally a gift to our parenting. It's going to help us cope better, which is what, you know, we all need those extra little tools in our toolbox. But it's also something that you talked about a lot in your work. It's, it's that little gift to our future selves, you know, before going to bed now. Because I mean, you know, I'm not perfect. I became, when I became a mother, it was horrifying to me with all of my knowledge and all of my experience that I somehow failed to eat well and sort of fell into the most dreadful habits of just inhaling toast.

And, you know, that was actually how my fourth book came about was because I suddenly thought, my God, I've got to learn a new way of living here and I've got to learn a new way of eating. And I no longer have the same time or headspace or desire to cook in the way that I used to cook. So that's actually what that book was about. So it couldn't be more simple, quick meals. But it comes into that preparation. So it's in the same way that we would never let our children leave the house without breakfast in the morning. We would just never do that.

We would never forget to make our children's pack lunch or let them skip a lunch because we know that their moods will, you know, nose dive. And we know that they'll suffer as a result. But yet, why is it okay that we do that for ourselves? And so some of the, like my simple tips, sorry, I was just saying like now, because I know that I don't have time in the mornings, I put my smoothie ingredients into my blender in the fridge at night. It's so simple, but it just, and I don't even really like smoothies, but I need to fuel myself in the morning. And this is the only way that I'm managing at the moment, unless I eat rubbish or things that I don't really want to eat that aren't necessarily making me feel

my best at the moment. So a smoothie is currently my solution. And if I do it the night before, it's a second while my daughter's toast is toasting or the eggs boiling or whatever. But also I think now, whenever I'm making my daughter's food, I just make extra food for me. So I'll eat whatever she eats. So it's sort of instead of making separate kid food, it's just my rule is that we all eat the same thing. It doesn't mean that it's like the best food. So again, I just want to repeat myself, none of this is about perfection. none of this is about being perfect.

I'm not saying that we have to be perfectly all the time. But consistency is the aim. And so we're all going to have the bad days. But if we can try consistently to get in at least one decent meal a day, it's going to be helping our future selves. And as you say, a gift to motherhood. Yeah. And I love that, you know, you're saying smoothie isn't really my favorite go-to.

But it's something that I can do. And it gives me something of what I need. And for now, that's what. needs to happen. It's better that than nothing. And I think that's it. It's so often where you think I would love a salad. Ideally, I'd make myself something really beautiful for lunch, but I haven't got the time. So therefore, I'm just going to forego it all together. And it's, yeah, and eating, you know, I'm sure so many of your recipes are good for all of the family. You know, give the kids some of that. And just how can you strip it back and simplify things? And I think it's so powerful what

you were saying about you wouldn't let your daughter go without breakfast. You know, When do we start valuing ourselves less than those that we love? And I often find it helpful to imagine, like, a little me inside, you know, like a young me, we all have a young version of ourselves. And, you know, and it can be helpful to get a picture of you as a child and think, how would I, would I let her go without breakfast? Exactly. Oh, that's so moving.

Because, of course, why, yeah, why do we? well obviously nutrition there's so much of a personal relationship with an individual's you know self-love so this can go very deep and obviously I spend a lot of time working with my clients and sort of trying to unpick where their self-worth is because that's so entwined and the food choices that people make but it just seems to become a sort of acceptable thing as mom so that we can inhale the coffee and expect ourselves to thrive in that way. And everyone's different. Some people can manage for that breakfast, but, and some people are totally fine with, with, you know, what they're doing. But I know that when I don't eat proper, you know, three proper

meals, I end up making really poor choices and feeling rubbish. And, you know, when I'm chopping my daughter's cucumber to give her, like, her cruditase with hummus, I just chopped some extra cucumber and chuck it in a Tupper and that becomes part of my salad. You know, so or like if I'm having salad for supper, I'll just give her a deconstructed version. So we're eating the same thing. The chopping board is out.

The time that I'm putting into it is, you know, the same time. So I think when mums go wrong, where we all can go wrong, is leaving us till the very end of the day and then we're just too tired. And if I did that, I wouldn't eat because I am too tired. And I don't want to start, oh, I've got to get a chopping board out and start preparing the vegetables. So I have to kind of be savvy with it with my time throughout the day.

So I kind of just believe in. And I know it doesn't work for everyone, but I eat at the same time that my daughter eats now because it's what works for me. And, you know, either leave leftovers for my husband or, you know, we figure it out. Yeah. Yeah.

It's just so, it's so helpful. And you're so right about it being like the way we feed and nourish ourselves is so intrinsically linked with our relationship with ourselves. And it's, you know, what you were saying at the beginning about, it being a gesture. You know, these things are gestures. The way the decisions that you make are statements of how deserving you believe you are to receive them. Now, how deserving we believe we are and how deserving we feel we are are are are often two very different things. But if we ask ourselves, you know, if I want to

build my sense of self-worth and my self-esteem and my self-care, should I be making myself lunch or should I not? And you might feel undeserving of that, but actually you're starting to change that narrative in the relationship that you're forming with nourishing yourself. Quite right. It's so linked, isn't it? Yeah, and the 15 minutes it takes to make and eat a quick and simple lunch. Again, it doesn't have to be Instagram worthy. It doesn't have to be perfect doesn't have to be the most nutritionally balanced even but just eating something you're going to work better in that afternoon you know you'll probably get through more emails you'll probably as we've already said you know manage the you know school pickup a bit better etc so it's um we often

think we don't have the time because there's so much to do but it does in the long run help us you know manage everything better yeah there's so much to do and that never starts but we are the doing it. So it's kind of almost like thinking, well, you know, the car, there's so much to do to a car to keep it running safely. But ultimately, we need it to run safely. So therefore, we need to do those things first. Like, we need to feed ourselves first before we do all of the things so that we are able to do that in a way that is safe, even. Absolutely. And enjoyable. Yeah. When we're depleted and hungry, I am, my sense of humour's gone. I, you know, It's not fun, is it?

No, it's awful. When your blood sugar is low, it is really, really awful. Yeah, well, thank you. So if, you know, when we've had a hard mothering day, and I think sometimes if our gesture towards ourselves is almost like that self-punishing, oh, no, you get all this stuff done and then you can eat, and we know that we'll never get the stuff done. But actually, if you can't do it for yourself now,

think about that little, you know, five-year-old you, 10-year-old you. and think, well, she deserves it. You know, there's a part of me that is just trying to get it right. There's a part of me that just needs to be nurtured and loved. So if I can't cook it for grumpy mum, me, can I cook it for that me, for little me? Yeah, that's so lovely, Anna. I'm going to share that with clients. It's a really lovely way to think about it.

Well, I just think this is so, your words are so powerful in that we are, we deserve and we need to and those are the fundamental truths aren't they we're worthy of lunch we deserve lunch we need lunch yeah um yeah so thank you absolutely and your books just have you know especially your most recent one that you wrote needing those simple good quick recipes so that's there for us all isn't it you know absolutely with like easy to find ingredients perfect and um you know nothing complicated or judgmental or, you know, none of it's about perfectionism, but just getting a decent balanced meal with a little bit of protein, you can choose what type of protein that is and some vegetables and a piece of fruit and a little bit of, you know,

maybe whole grains. And honestly, it's that simple. It doesn't have to be complicated. I love that because, you know, just the way that you're talking, the way you describe it, it's like that mothering that we need sometimes, you know, just opening that book and seeing those recipes that come on you can do this you've got a lot of these things or they're you know they're easy to access and you know that kind of that nurturing in and walking through that that we sometimes need yeah I mean even like going back to my experience I said I was just inhaling toast and so it started with me I was like how can I make this toast more nutritious because I know that not I'm not saying that toast is bad I try and not use good and bad labels

but I knew that I was like crashing all of the time and I was so tired. So I was like instead of toast and Marmite, what can I add to this toast? So I started adding smoked mackerel because I knew that I needed some protein. Smoked mackerel is in a packet. It's got a long shelf life. And then I added some spinach because I needed some vegetables. So that was like one of the first recipes in the book. And in fact, I did a whole chapter for like toast toppings in the book.

So if all you can manage at lunchtime is a piece of table, toast, there's like 20 different ways that you can add things to just to sort of like fill up your nutrient needs. Yeah, that's so helpful. Because when we're tired or when we're just in a rut, the normal things are the normal things that we head to, aren't they? The habitual choices that we make. So I love that. It's just about, sure, do that, but actually here are some ideas that you can add to it to actually nurture and nourish your body through these next few hours in a way that perhaps that bit of toast wasn't, was never going to be able to do for you.

Yeah, it might have been emotionally, it might have been comforting emotionally because it's a food that, you know, we've got some connection or attachment with like Marmite and Toast for me is very much a childhood memory. But, you know, as you said at the very beginning, we need to eat every single day. We need to eat three times a day.

It's like something that we're never going to escape. But we need essential nutrients and vitamins and proteins and fibres. We need a wide variety. of them every single day. It's not enough to have them at one meal. It's not enough to have them just in a smoothie. And of course, you know, I know it's hard. I'm not talking about perfection, but we've got to just start to think, what can we add in to make, to like top up on nutrition or to give us something that we didn't get yesterday. So like it might just be a different colour of fruit or a different colour vegetable or just add in an extra portion of vegetables.

You know, that's going to help top up our nutrition. And it's, you know, what I love about this is it. it's not about making those choices out of indulgence. It's about actually honoring yourself and considering the necessity of what your body needs. Yes. And then finding ways to have fun and be creative and enjoy that and look forward to it more. Rather than just it being something, oh, I've just got to eat for the sake of it. It's what can I, you know, what can I create?

What can I do that's nice and quick and simple that is enjoyable? Because I deserve to enjoy that as well. Absolutely. It's awful when we have this. I've just got to eat. And or like, you know, eating, I don't know, when I used to have a desk job, an office job years ago and sort of eating a sandwich at my desk while working, not sort of honoring, you know, that I deserved that moment to pause, to rest, to digest, to savour my food. I think so many of us eat standing up on the run, multitasking, looking at our phone. And even if we can just take five minutes, just pause. You know, that sort of takes us down into a whole other area of mindfulness around food. But bringing it back to what you said, you're right. We deserve to actually enjoy our food and not think of it as being a laborious chore. And I don't think it should be as long as we just find some things that we can, you know, build into our life and get that little bit of organisation there really does help us.

Yeah, there are many boxes to tick in life, but we deserve to treat ourselves the more than just a square box on a page to be ticked. We're much more precious than that, aren't we? Yeah. Well, thank you. Thank you for inspiring that thought in us. And actually, yeah, just the importance and the symbolism of these actions that we make towards ourselves and how we can be making decisions that are easy and simple, but are just

nourishing and nurturing us in a way that we truly deserve, regardless of whether we feel like it sometimes. Yeah. So I have some quick-fire questions for you, Amelia. Okay. What for you as a motherhood high? I think, I mean, there's so many. They change all the time, don't they?

But I suppose, like, when I see my daughter being kind without being guided by me, so when I see her do like an automatic kind gesture or have a kind thought, that always makes me feel, you know, just so. proud and so happy and it's not something that I'm having to like enforce um I think I think those times and sort of when when we just have the like quiet snuggles when it's just it's not about performing it's not about you know the you know when when when things are just calm and peaceful and you have a good cuddle and that to me is the heart and I like what you said you know it's not prompted by you that kindness but actually what is happening is

is what you've been, what you put in is coming out in a good way. So it kind of isn't prompted by you in that moment, but it will be being informed by all of those times when you've been kind, even beyond those moments that we feel like being kind. So it's lovely. I think those moments are so rewarding as well. Yeah.

And what's a motherhood low for you? Oh, I think my daughter. was in a really, really horrific dog attack when she was about one and a half. And, yeah, I still, I still struggle. I still play through the moments before leading up to it. How did I not stop that from happening? How did I not see that? It was going to happen. And fortunately, you know, she doesn't remember, but I do. Oh, I think it's so traumatic. So traumatic, and that feeling of helplessness as a mum sometimes and that feeling of vulnerability where you realise quite how much of your heart

lives outside your body. Yeah, yeah. I can't imagine that. So, so scary. So what's something that makes you feel good that you enjoy? I'm an introvert and so I charge my batteries being alone in silence when I'm not being asked questions or. anyone needs anything from me. So for me, it's, I spend, I love being in nature. I'm definitely

a country girl at heart. So for me, it's going for a quiet walk or spending time in my vegetable garden, just pottering, harvesting vegetables or sowing seeds. And I just, I love peace. And that's, and I really need it more and more and more. I just need to make sure that I carve out alone time for me to kind of properly recharge, which sounds like that. horrible as a man, but sometimes I just need to not be touched, not be asked, not be needed. Yeah. It's hard to, it's hard to carve it out. Yeah.

It sounds, you know, I think often we feel guilt around seeking to get to what we need. But actually, it's, you know, I'm often having to remind myself, this is an active love because it will allow me to give again. Yeah. Yeah. So it's, you know, it doesn't sound horrible at all to me. And finally, very simply. Easiest question ever. How do you distill motherhood into three words? Oh, my goodness. I mean, honestly, I just don't know how to answer this question. I think exhausted comes to mine first because I find it, I guess maybe as an introvert. So exhausting, privilege. I mean, it's love, isn't it? It's love like you just can't ever imagine. And it's, it's, yeah, it's. It's, it's, yeah, it's. It's, it's, yeah, it's.

a whirlwind, isn't it? So much. It is. I love that little extra one. You slipped in there. But Amelia, no, you are very welcome to it. It's very true. Thank you so much for so warmly and openly sharing with us and getting us to think. And hopefully there will be people, whether they're listening on the school run or on a quick walk with a dog who will be thinking, you know what, I need to honor my body and to honor myself in making some lunch. or preparing some dinner. Yeah, yeah, I really, I know so. I know so.

Well, I'll start sharing a few ideas on Instagram over the next few days. I want some ideas. Send people your way. So thank you so much for your time today. Thank you so much, Anna, lovely chatting with you. Thank you so much for listening to today's episode of the Therapy Edit. If you enjoyed it, please do share, subscribe and review. It really makes a massive difference as to how many people

this podcast can help. You can find more from me on Instagram at Anna Martha. You might like to check out my books called Mind Over Mother and Know Your Worth and my brand new book called The Little Book of Calm for New Mums, grounding words for the highs, the lows and the moments in between. It's a little book. You don't read it from front to back. You just dip in according to what emotion you're feeling where you'll find a mantra, a short passage and a tip to help give you some comfort and guidance in that emotion. I'm also the founder of the Mother Mind Way. This is a platform packed with guides, resources and videos with the sole focus on supporting mothers' mental health and emotional well-being. Have a good week.