The Therapy Edit - One Thing with Charlotte Stirling Reed on ditching the stress over what to feed your family

Episode Date: August 18, 2023

In this Friday guest episode of The Therapy Edit, Anna chats to repeat guest and friend of the podcast, Charlotte Stirling-Reed about how she encourages mums all over the world to let go of the stress they experience around feeding their families. For many parents, feeding the family healthy, creative, home-cooked meals can be a struggle, with busy schedules and different tastes to navigate. After the initial care taken in the weaning stage, it's easy to find yourself falling back on oven chips!Expert nutritionist Charlotte Stirling-Reed is here to help. Following on from her bestselling books How to Wean Your Baby and How to Feed Your Toddler, Charlotte's new book, How to Feed Your Family brings her trademark approach of practical support and nurturing step-by-step guidance to help you manage the juggle of family life.With 70 delicious, balanced recipes, and with Charlotte's expert advice, you'll soon find mealtimes can be stress-free and healthy, so you can continue on your journey of bringing up adventurous little foodies

Hello and welcome to The Therapy Edit with me, psychotherapist's mum of three and author Anna Martha. Every Friday, I invite one guest to tell me the one thing they would most like to share with mums everywhere. So join with me as we hear this dose of wisdom. I hope you enjoy it. Hi, everyone. Welcome to today's guest episode of The Therapy Edit. Today I have with me a returner. I don't know if we've had anyone on the podcast twice.

So I think this is the very first time I have Charlotte Sterling Read and we've been chatting away so much that I looked at the clock and I thought, I'm going to have to hit record at some point. But Charlotte Sterling Reed is on Instagram as SR Nutrition. She is a baby and child nutritionist. She has consulted with many brands, celebrities and media. She reads, writes and speaks about all things nutrition for the family. And her hope is just to kind of inspire confidence.

in feeding our babies, our toddlers and our family. She has a book called How to Ween Your Baby. Then she has another book. And do you know what? The timing of these were perfect because how to feed your toddler came out when I had a toddler and how to feed your how to ween your baby came out when I had a baby. And now I'm delighted that very soon on the 20th of July, which it may already be out by the time this podcast is out. She now has how to feed your family. So I can't wait hear about your one thing, Charlotte, because I'm at that stage in life where every day I'm having to be my family. And I know I'm no longer weaning. I'm no longer, there's less food that gets thrown around. But actually, it's still tough. So I'm grateful to have you. But anyway,

hi. Thank you so much. I'll let you speak now. Thank you for having me on. That was the most amazing introduction. And you just said it all. And I loved it. Thank you. Very nice. And thank you for the chat early as well it's always nice to chat to you i love that and you've got on your instagram you've got kind of courses and resources and yeah we're very grateful for you and i love your honesty on the grid as well you're always kind of sharing little insights into the stage of parenting that you're at and the highs and lows that come with it but yeah how are you they do it's tough isn't they do yeah yeah i'm good i'm very excited about this next book i have to say um it's just i i feel like the family overwhelm is is a lot isn't it and if there's one thing that can be kind of taken

away and help parents and I would like to do that and offer that yeah well and you and you do and you're right like I I have three kids and I have seven school WhatsApp groups and I don't even know how that maths adds up and then you've got work and all of the you know just the emotions that you're kind of navigating each day of your own and your kids and then meal time comes and often it comes to half four or five. And I'd like to think that I'd be one of these people that would really plan what to give my kids that I would have, you know, a nice chart somewhere.

And I'm sure I have tried to do this before. But normally it comes to half four, five, and I'm done in by that time of the day. And I have no plan. And the kids are asking what's for dinner, and I do not know, which just adds to the stress. So I'm excited to have you. And the question that we ask all the guests here is, if you could share one thing with all the months listening, what would that one thing be?

I think pretty much what you just said is that it's okay to offer those bish-bash-bush, fridge meal to your kids on the regular. That would be my one thing because I think cooking for kids exactly what you just described is so overwhelming. when you get to the end of the day, you've been working all day or looking after the kids all day and you get to the end of it and you are exhausted and you're then expected to think up a balanced, nutritious, fresh, healthy meal to feed your kids that they're actually going to eat. That is such a challenge. And what I want to try and do is take away some of that burden, take away some of that overwhelm. And really importantly, let you know that it is okay to look in your fridge and go, I've got nothing.

offer some beans on toast. I've got nothing. I'm going to offer cereal. It's okay. It's fine to do. And if you are, you know, trying to encourage parents not to feel guilty about that because I do it regularly and it is okay. And I love that you just said that because that exactly what I want to talk about. Because I think it's a balance, isn't it? And my kids have meals at schools. And I'm, you know, sometimes I need to remind myself that they're going to have a, that's going to be a fairly balanced meal, right? They're not just going to be just shoving them an entire plate of beige like I might do every now and again. So there is that they're not, they are eating other food out and about that I'm not there to see. And I think you shared, was it you that shared on

Instagram the other day? You shared a plate of what we would think of as boring beige and you labelled it all. Yeah, that was you. Yeah. And I found that really, really helpful because it was this plate of beige that I might feel a bit guilty about giving my kids. And then you labelled. Can you tell us a bit about that? Yeah, so that was a sandwich with some crisps. And I can't remember what the other bit, but there was something else that was beige on there. And I was basically just trying to say like, it's okay if this is your kid's tea or dinner sometimes. And, you know, so I think as parents were constantly trying to reach these super high standards. And that includes like the meals that we're giving to kids. And yeah, it's great.

to see the variety of different options that you can give your kids, but sometimes it's also okay to give them a sandwich and some crisps, you know, for their teeth. That's fine. And it can still be really nutritious, and that's what I was trying to show in that. You've still got balance in there. You've got some spread that's in the sandwich. Maybe it's peanut butter or hummus, or maybe there's some chicken in there, and you've got bread, which is fortified with nutrients and has got fiber in it.

And you've got some crisps, which add some energy to your little one's diet. And then on the side there, like I say, there was some finger foods. I can't remember exactly what. but again, adding some nutrition into there as well. So I just think it's so important for us to not constantly berate ourselves over the food and not constantly compare because all of our situations are different. And we're all living within our own means and our own environment and our own expectations. And sometimes just bringing that down and realizing that, you know, our best or maybe not even quite our best is still okay.

And they're still going to have healthy children who grow really well and who have plenty of nutrition. Yeah. Amazing. Such a relief to hear that from a nutritionist, really, really helpful, just to, you know, give yourself a bit of slack every now and again. Exactly. And more than every now and again. Exactly. And like you've said as well, you know, there are so many options, opportunities for kids to be eating throughout the day. So they might be having breakfast and maybe that, again, often breakfast and cereals are fortified, the bread that we give our kids is fortified. You know, if you can whack a few extras in or add a portion of fruit on the side of it, for example, Again, you're getting a really nice balanced meal in the morning. When they go to school, they're going to be having snacks at school. They also tend to have a lunch at school, which is likely to be nutritious. It's meant to be a nice balance option for them.

So when they get home, if they're having, like I say, cereal or beans on toast or a sandwich, it's still a balanced option and we don't need to worry about it. There's multiple times and multiple opportunities in the day for our kids to eat their food. And also, growing children are incredibly resourceful. they will get the majority of the time what they need from the foods as long as they're being given a fairly, you know, varied diet day to day. And so one more thing to add in there is that we always focus on this like one meal or this one time where maybe it wasn't perfect. And we look at that and we think, oh, you know, I've really messed up or they're not going to be getting enough.

But actually with food and nutrition, it's not about what they're having in one day or one meal. It's about what they have for weeks and weeks and weeks on end. So we need to stop looking at this one day of failure, you know, in inverted commas, or this one meal that we thought didn't go brilliantly and think about their patterns of eating overtime because that is what matters so much more than that one meal or that day-to-day foods that we're being offered. I hope that makes sense. That makes perfect sense. And I think I got that little bit of information years ago when I started following you on Instagram. And that has stuck in my head because it's that it's that broadening like widening your vision for a moment just thinking the bigger

picture and knowing that they might have eaten a great lunch yesterday and also sometimes I have to remember that say I'm getting my period and I really want comfort food and sometimes in these days I'm a little bit kinder to myself in just thinking it's just how my body works at this time of the month and you know when we're tired or we run down and we might want a bit more of this or a bit less of this, or we might lose our appetite a little bit, we might gain it a little bit, what more saltier foods, or whatever it is, I think sometimes extending that awareness to our kids, that they're not always going to approach the same food with the same, you know, excitement or devouring this, yeah, completely. It's so hard not to do it, though, because it's almost like

I've prepared this, I kind of expect you to be eating it. And obviously, You know, children are all so different. They go up and down all the time in their appetite. So it's perfectly normal for them to just not fancy something on one occasion. And like I said, it's much more about looking at what they eat over the day. And I think, yeah, taking away that kind of overwhelming feeling. I mean, the books that I've written on how to feed your family steps much more into the kind of practical side of feeding your family, trying to make that easy. Because as we said at the beginning, it's such overwhelm, isn't it?

That idea when you get to the end of day and you're thinking, what on earth am I going to feed the kids? But in all honesty, it's trying to tap into that. It's trying to give you tips and strategies to make that a little bit easier and to take the pressure off and to help you with things like budgeting and food waste. And if you want to, menu planning, which can help make things a little bit easy and also, like we said at the end of the day, can take away from that, oh my God, what am I going to give them?

But, you know, it's children's appetite change all the time. So it doesn't mean that just because you've cooked something, they're necessarily going to eat it. And that's why looking at this kind of wide week is a much better way of doing it. So helpful. And also takes the guilt out of it or the self-criticism that sometimes we can find that my kids not eaten this, therefore I'm failing somehow. You know, we take it quite, we can take it quite personally, can't we? Yeah, massively. I think that it's some kind of act of rebellion.

But it's so much in parenting, I think in general, we do take everything on. And I mean, there's so much amazing. information out there, but it's so hard not to read something and then go, oh, I didn't do that right. You know, oh, I didn't, I didn't get the right balance of foods in that meal. Oh, gosh, I've messed up. But actually, it's not really the case like that. And I think that's why I like to try and say to parents, like it's okay to offer Bishbashbush meals. It's okay to think that that wasn't perfect, you know, like I said at the beginning, we're striving for such, you know, high goals that we're inevitably going to mess up sometimes. And so in our heads,

We're like, oh God, we just failed at that. We just messed up. Actually, we haven't done anything. We've just, you know, lived and been imperfect humans, which is what we all are. I love this. I love this. You are speaking on my wavelength. So for those mums who, as I was saying that just feed in the family sometimes feels like a lot and I get to the end of the day.

And sometimes we've run out of milk. Sometimes we run out of things like eggs and bread. And I can, oh, I just, I'm not in a routine with it all at the minute. Sometimes I get, do a really good job of like sitting down planning and doing an online shop. So I know we've got everything. Yeah. And then I just forget. And I feel like I'm just kind of frantically paddling just to make sure everyone has something.

Like our fruit bowl has got, you know, a withering orange right now and a moldy banana. And I, sometimes it is teeming with apples and things that I know people will like. So I feel very inconsistent at the minute. So for those listening are relating, what is one top tip with regards to planning and feeling a little bit more in control that you can give us a sneak peek off from your? So can I give you two little things? Because the second one kind of follows on. So the first thing I would say is exactly like you said before, if you can, do try and

take a little bit of extra time out for that prep. Because if you can do that, let's say on a Sunday morning, you spend an hour doing a bit of prep, getting your act together, feeling a bit better and in control of everything, it makes such a difference. And it's something I've actually got a menu plan in the book where I kind of have done that. And I've given you like the times and the foods to put and where to put them and how to freeze them. And it doesn't take a long, but it actually can have a huge knock on effect to the rest of your week. So setting aside an hour, maybe two hours at the weekend or on a day when you feel it's appropriate to just make some extra meals, freeze them, store them,

make some extra snacks, freeze them, store them. And like I said, I do it now, and it takes me about an hour and a half on a Sunday morning. And I feel so brilliant for the rest of the week because I know I've got two meals, emergency meals in there, and I've got multiple snacks that I can get out as and when I need them. However, having said all that, and all of this is in the book. So you've got, there's menu planners, the recipes, there's timings. there's also loads about like storing food in your freezer and how to do it a bit more approach, you know, a bit more realistically, basically.

But having said all of that, the one thing I want people not to think is if you don't get to follow that menu planner to a T, that's okay. I don't. I have a meal plan that I do. But most of the time I'm going, oh, haven't got that, haven't got that. Okay, I'll just do X. So it's taking that pressure away from yourself. As soon as you do something and you put pressure on it to be perfect.

or to follow it to the tea, it's going to end up with you feeling, again, inverted commas, like you've failed, like you've messed up and you're going to be like, I'm not going to bother with that anymore because I just failed every time. But if you take that pressure off and create that meal plan, give yourself that time and that headspace and, you know, get yourself so that you feel organised. But then at the same time, don't berate yourself when things don't quite go to plan and you go, oh, I haven't got that at the moment. So it's just going to be a couple of bits of pepper with a dollop of hummus and some breadsticks today. because that's what I've got. That's okay as well. So make sure you give yourself the opportunity

to go, I haven't got that. It's not going to be that today. I'm going to do a Bishbas-wash meal from the fridge. Then you will find it so much easier, I promise you. And that is what I do because I have these ideas of this is what it's going to be like, but on multiple occasions, sometimes I'm like, I'm really tired. I've been working really hard today and I'm exhausted and I don't want to make that meal or I've forgotten to get that out of the freezer. So do you know what it's going to be today is a leftovers that I can find in the fridge. And that happens to me a minimum of probably two times a week. So it's doing the menu plan, getting yourself organized, feeling okay about it, but not giving yourself guilt when it doesn't go to plan. And that is the key in my experience

with the menu plan. I love that. And I don't doubt that that is kind of that, yeah, that humaness is woven through your book. This is so helpful. And what it's making me think of is that kind of being your future friend because I often talk about how as mothers we need mothering like sometimes we need someone to step in and just look after us but in that hour that you're taking or that hour and half that you're taking on a Sunday whatever day it is what you're doing is mothering your future self so that when she's standing in the kitchen feeling just a bit done in you've given her something that says I can help you out in this like we've got this oh I've got I've got the answer so It's so true. It is true, isn't it? It's like when you have got that hour, and if you can earmark that, and I'm going to really try and do this, because especially when I get your book and I look at the meal plan, I know that's going to really help me, is, yeah, just looking on that as I am mothering my future self in taking this hour for the moment that I have, when I have a bit of energy, for the me that is standing in the kitchen, feeling a bit burnt out and tired and a bit, wanting to grow up.

come in. I am being that for myself. Exactly that. And I did it last night. I had got a, in the morning, I got the curry that I'd made out of the freezer. And I was like, oh my God, this is just so nice. I don't have to think I've got to finish work early. I've got to do this. And it was such bliss. And the other thing I would say as well is when I do do my hour and a half, I make it me time. So even though I am still mothering, I'm getting ahead. I'm like, do you know what? I actually quite like cooking. I like getting organized. It's enjoyment for me, but normally it's done with chaos around me. So I will shut myself in the kitchen. I put a podcast on or listen to your podcast or a history podcast or listen to some music if there's like a new Taylor Swift

album. I put that on. When do we actually get to do that? Like never. So this is mothering, but it's also for me, it's self-care. Like I enjoy it. My head is going, I'm not listening to music. I'm not having someone moaning at me. I'm listening to my own podcast. And it's joy and so I really try and make the most of it like that as well with a cup of tea with some you know eat some of the biscuits that I've been making or whatever and it's I really genuinely enjoy the time do you know what it's also really good for our mental health when we can do something from start to finish isn't it and you're absolutely right the times that I have try to do meal planning I've normally been sat in the kitchen on Saturday morning the busiest

time of the day with all the busyness going on around me but actually if I could really make a space for that, find an hour in my week where I can actually sit down and give it my full attention from start to finish. I'm going to actually feel really good when I come away from it, not just in that moment, but all the other times where future me is tearing my hair out by the fridge, wondering what to do. So that is, I love that. It sounds like a long time, doesn't it, an hour and a half, but it actually, it isn't. And it makes such a difference. Like you say, to those times during the week when you think, oh, God, I've got to do this and this and this. So, but yeah, I just think it's made, it's been a game changer for me.

It really has. It's made such a difference to my stress levels during the week and my feeling like, yeah, I've got this, I'm on it. But at the same time, like I say, when I have those days where I haven't got something, I still just go, I'm going to fridge raid or I'm going to get your cereal out, or I'm going to get something frozen from the freezer like fish fingers and some chips. And it's knowing that that's okay too, because if we don't know that, the menu planning isn't going to, isn't going to stick, you know?

Brilliant. Yeah, you'll fall at the first hurdle when it all goes wrong and you'll think it's all or nothing, therefore, I can't do it, it's nothing. We've been in that idea. Thank you. Thank you for all the humanness that you bring into this, Charlotte. So your book is going to be an absolute gift and I cannot wait for it to drop through my letterbox.

It's just, as with your other books, perfectly timed. So I encourage everyone to go and pre-order that or order that. because I'm assuming it will be out now. But as we finish off, I'd love to give you some quick-fire questions, which you may or may not remember what they are. Yep, hit me. Let me think, which of these am I going to ask? What's one thing that makes you feel good?

Having a bath. I know it's very cliche, but I love it. It's my time to just switch off. So having a bath with a candle. Even in the summer? Even in the summer. Oh, God, yeah. Just a bit tepid or do you go for the heat?

No, it's hot in the summer. I love it with a candle. Do you ever have daytime baths? Oh my gosh. When I did that, I did that maybe like a year ago now and I cannot, it was like height of luxury. I was like, I cannot believe I'm doing this. That is my like absolute self-care maximum is bath daytime. No, I don't.

It's always post kids in bed. You need to fit another one in. I don't know about yours. Mine don't go to bed now. They're not all asleep by it until. Eight, half eight. Then there's no time left. No, bedtime at nine.

I want to go to bed. I have dinner. Bad. Daytime bars. Maybe you can try and fit one of those in. Yeah. And then what is a motherhood high for you? Let's finish on that one.

A mother, do you know what? I'm going to say right now. I'm going to say right now because I am loving my kids' age at the moment. Like I've been through so many ups and downs with this. But right now, they are playing and they are liking each other. and I'm just like, what is going on? So I'm going to say right now, Ada's also hit an age where she's being just a joy, a real joy.

She's so funny. She's got such a good character and her and Raffia playing. So I'm going to say right now, just watching my kids playing without screams, without fighting. And, I mean, it possibly will change next week, but I'm just going to soak it in while I can. Lap it up, lap it up whilst you can. And it, you know, it's ups and downs, isn't it?

Exactly. And there's joys in each age, as my mum always says. I ask her, what's your favourite age? I mean, she said every age is there's something good. Oh, I love that. But thank you so much, Charlotte. And thank you for the resources that you skillfully and passionately give us to help relieve some of the stress around feeding our families and our kids.

I'm grateful to you. And the same to you because I love your podcast. I listen to it all the time. And it is such short tip bits that just give me confidence. So thank you. Thank you. Oh, we have to listen to yourself in a few weeks. Oh, great.

Thanks, love. Thanks, Anna. Thank you so much for listening. Please do take a moment to subscribe, rate and review as it really helps get these words out to benefit more juggling parents like us. And head to anamatha.com to find my resources on everything from health anxiety to people pleasing, starting at only £20. And finally, don't forget to pre-order my new book, Raising a Happyer Mother.

how to find balance, feel good and see your children flourish as a result. I can't wait for you to have that. Take care and we'll chat soon.