The Therapy Edit - One Thing with Charlotte Stirling Reed on feeding your kids with confidence

Episode Date: July 15, 2022

In this episode Anna chats to Baby and Child Nutritionist Charlotte Stirling-Reed about the importance of confidence when it comes to feeding our babies and children.Charlotte, alongside being an expert in infant and child nutrition, is a Sunday Times Bestselling Author and founder of SR Nutrition which you can visit here https://www.srnutrition.co.uk/Charlotte's new book, How to Feed Your Toddler: Everything you need to know to raise happy, independent little eaters will be published in September and is available for pre-order here.https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Feed-Your-Toddler-independent/dp/1785044052/ref=sr_1_1?crid=3II4AH7MIDWX8&keywords=how+to+feed+your+toddler&qid=1652113519&sprefix=how+to+feed+your+toddler%2Caps%2C1416&sr=8-1You can also follow Charlotte on Instagram at @sr_nutrition

Hello and welcome to The Therapy Edit with me, psychotherapist, mum of three and author Anna Martha. Every Friday, I invite one guest to tell me the one thing they would most like to share with mums everywhere. So join with me as we hear this dose of wisdom. I hope you enjoy it. Hi, everyone. Welcome to today's episode of The Therapy Edit. I have with me today a guest. And her name is Charlotte Sterling Reed.

You might have seen her alongside Joe Wicks. She's also worked with Stacey Solomon. You've worked with so many people, haven't you? Yeah, I've worked with lots of people now, actually. It's just a wonderful world of Instagram helps to, you know, us to introduce ourselves to those people. So, yeah, it's been brilliant. Getting connected.

And you are a baby and child nutritionist. So you consult with brands, celebrities and media. You read, write and speak about all things child nutrition. and you're on Instagram as SR underscore nutrition. And what I love about your work is that you're so passionate about kind of giving confidence in feeding children, aren't you? And I've never, I've never realized how emotive a topic is since I had my third. And I feel like my two boys were so, they ate anything and everything. And honestly, I remember sitting with friends in cafes and stuff.

And my boys would go for the broccoli first. And I took it on myself as like a compliment to my parenting. It made me feel. Honestly, I took it personally. And my friends would laugh at my kids that would head for the broccoli. And then I had Florence, who is a whole other ballgame. And it really showed me how different kids are. You know, she's the one that would leave the broccoli to the end

and quite, you know, turned down anything remotely nutritious. and you know then I think you realise how emotive a topic it is and also it's not a reflection on me as a person and a mum and yeah it's been fascinating so I'm so excited to speak to you and so grateful for your book How to Ween Your Baby which is a time's best song so congrats on that so anyway enough from me how are you Charlotte I'm fine I mean I've had one of those mornings where you know Ada woke up at five and then decided to have a tantrum for an hour so it's It's been a joy. It's been a joy.

But no, I'm good. I'm just getting over illness and feeling much better. So actually feeling pretty good, to be honest, despite the early wake-up. How about you? How are you? Oh, thank you. Yes, I'm okay. I was just thinking how that kind of early morning tantrum is quite a substitute for coffee,

isn't it? There's nothing that wakes you up in the morning, like dealing with all of that adrenaline and cortisol. But yeah, we're okay. We juggle with a lot of that as well. but I actually got a workout in this morning and everyone stayed in their rooms until seven. So it was blissful.

Wow. So it's slightly different to you this morning. But it's ups and downs, isn't it? It's always ups and downs, yes. I've learned that very much, especially with having Ada. She's a strong will little one and she's taught me a lot about the world.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, the challenges. And I think we learn so much about ourselves as well, don't we, in motherhood? And I think I'm looking forward to hearing from you today because, again, you know, nutrition and feeding our kids is it's something we have to do every single day, day and day out. And if there is any confusion around it, any, you know, it's just so good to have a, have a rounded understanding and insight into how we can approach that confidently. Yeah. I think you're so right about the emotiveness of it. I mean, it's such a, it's such a tough time for parents. And I genuinely. started doing what I was doing because I was feeding my son when he was weaning and I was sharing it and I just was absolutely blown away by the number of questions and anxiety and concerns and

you know confusion that there was and I just thought I've got to do something about this and that is genuinely where all of my work then when I stopped doing any other work and I focused on baby and child and toddler nutrition because I realize parents need support with this and they're not really getting it anywhere else. Yeah, support and also I think what I get from your page is inspiration. I'm really grateful for that. So Charlotte, thank you for joining us. What is the one thing that you would love to impart in all moms? So, you know, the aim of what I do day to day, it has to be giving parents confidence around feeding their children, whatever their age, whether they're weaning, whether they're facet, whether they're older kids, it's confidence because I've learned

through my career, that confidence is everything when it comes to feeding your kid. If you've got some confidence around the what and the how and the why, then actually you're pretty much good to go. And it can make the whole feeding journey so much different. So how do we get? How do we get confidence? How do we get more confidence, especially if we're feeling a bit confused, a bit overwhelmed, a bit, I don't know, a bit stuck? I mean, I think there's so many different ways that you can, but I think that for me, the simplest ways are to, I mean, first of all, not to kind of, you know, do lots of talking about my book, but the reason why I wrote my book is exactly that. I've got a 30 day guide in the middle of it. And it's the kind of very start of weaning your baby, what to do for those first 30 days. And the reason why I wrote that is because once you've given parents that handheld guide, once you've given them, some instruction. Once you've given them the kind of the do's and the don'ts and the this is how to loosely do it, you can actually impart that confidence and then they go, right, I get it now.

I know how to do it. I know that there's not going to be good days and there's going to be bad days. And I think it's just about that. It's a little bit of handholding. It's a little bit of support. So for parents, however you can get that support, whether you read a, you know, a couple of, you know, evidence-based guidelines, whether you check out a page that gives you inspiration and ideas or whether you have a step-by-step guide through a certain period of your feeding journey, then you can normally go, okay, I get it now. I know what to do. And honestly, I've seen so many times how parents just need that little nudge, that little shove, that little bit of advice. And that's it. They're away. They're feeding their kids and they're not worrying

about the day-to-day ups and downs, the food refusal, the fussy eating, the, you know, the days where they throw yoghut in your hair. It just becomes part of that feeding journey. and the normal, you know, part of feeding kids. I love that. I think we put so much pressure on ourselves, don't we as mum sometimes, to kind of just sweep in and know what we're doing. And I think no matter what we ate like pre-kids,

whether we were someone who really enjoy getting creative in the kitchen or whether we just kind of relied quite heavily on takeout and quick grab and go meals, suddenly when we have kids, we are, it becomes part of a role. it becomes part of the job and I think I think you're so right isn't it it's instead of pressuring yourself

or kind of criticising yourself or finding something challenging or it's just knowing that it's it's new waters it's uncharted territory for you so where can you go what can you lean on what what learning can you kind of fill yourself with so that you're confident in that space

exactly and honestly it makes such I've seen time and time again how just that little bit of advice or hand-holding or confidence, just it goes such a long way. It makes a really big difference. And you know what? As soon as a parent and mum relaxes, that actually makes all the difference to how feeding goes, you know, because we spend our time being so anxious, don't we? And, you know, as human nature, or for some reason, we always focus on the negative. So we focus on the moments of food refusal, the foods that they don't eat, the meals that they have refused. We focus on that

and we don't think about all of the stuff around it, the weeks and weeks of them eating really well, or the weeks and weeks where actually it's gone brilliantly, we always focus on the negative. But, you know, if you know to expect that, if you've got some confidence with what you're doing and how you're offering your food and you know, do you know what? I'm doing this to the best of my ability. You know, this is good enough, the way I'm feeding my child, then actually it can make you more relaxed, which makes mealtimes more relaxed, which makes your child more relaxed. And all of that goes towards helping them to be happier little eaters, basically.

This is just so helpful, Charlotte, because I think so often we're just looking for signs that we're getting it all right or we're not, especially if we're feeling insecure. It's often we're almost looking for proof that we're right in the fact that we're not doing a great job of this. And I think what you're saying is it's so helpful in just kind of zooming out a bit and not just focusing on that meal that day and letting it make a statement. I do this so often. Letting that thing, how well they're eating that. make a statement about how well that food journey is going or even more so, more powerfully so, is how well, how well I'm doing as a mum, big statements to be making, depending on how it's also a lot of pressure to put on them, isn't it?

Absolutely. And you know, I think this is it. We often are, you know, we feel like how our children eat is reflecting, yeah, how we are as parents. But actually, I think one of the things to say is that children are in charge of their own appetite. They're in charge of what they eat. We're not. We're in charge of what we serve, of what we offer, and they're in charge of whether they eat it or not, because actually they're independent people and they have their own autonomy. And I think it's really important to remember that. And I think parents often, you know, medicalise, you know, if children haven't eaten well on one meal or two meals, it's like, oh my gosh, there's something wrong or they're, they're fusty eaters. Whereas actually, naturally,

we all have variations in our appetites. Sometimes I wake up and I'm really hungry and other times I'm like, oh, you know, I've got to 11 o'clock and I think I haven't actually really eaten anything today. And I think, you know, I always try and talk about those meal times being very much bidirectional. So it's not you telling them how much they should eat. It's more that you're serving them food and you're listening to their responses and you're listening to their cues that they want more, that they've had enough. And, you know, I think, yeah, taking the pressure from thinking like this is not all down to me. This is down to us. And this is us working together to figure out, you know, what appetites look like, what balanced diets look like. And, you know, what my

child intake is over time rather than on this specific meal on this very specific day. Because it could be affected by so many factors. So useful. Do you think a thought just came to me about how, you know, the diet culture and all of these things that we've been that we've bought into over the years that's just been kind of thrown at us, the kind of the plans. and you must get this many of this and that many of that. And it's like we've kind of been fed this idea that there is a formula to follow. And if we follow it, then, you know, this will be the outcome. And actually, sometimes it's about reconnecting in ourselves, our appetite and what we need as we're trying to encourage and do that for them, just letting go some of that control and going

back to actually there are elements going on outside of our control. Absolutely, yeah. And I think, you know, that is so important. I think I've really seen a bit of a shift where we're coming back towards this, you know. Yes, there's guidelines. Yes, there's recommendations for how much and, you know, how many nutrients we need each day. But actually, ultimately, that's going to vary so much from individual to individual. And actually what we're trying to do is get children to be able to connect with their own innate needs, like what do you need? And, you know, they can do that by listening to their own appetite. Sure, we can role model. We can make sure they have access. We can serve up a variety and we can give them a balanced diet. But actually, we're not in charge of them

actually eating it or getting that. That's not something we have in our power. And I think it's really important to try and pass that baton off that, allow them their autonomy around their food choices around their meal time. And I think, you know, yeah, it all comes back to this, you know, listening to ourselves and listening to what we need. And instead of it being like, this is your plate, and I need you to eat minimum 75% of this in order for me to feel like you've had enough. Well, actually, what if that child doesn't need that amount, doesn't want that amount, isn't hungry for that amount. So it's got to be, like I said, this bi-directional communication around the table, they're allowed to express, I don't want anymore, I've had enough. And

we listen and we respond to that appropriately. Oh, because I guess children are, if we allow them to be, they are intuitive eaters. Many of us have lost that along the way and actually trying to reclaim that back for ourselves. Yeah. So in a way, we can be learning from them and encouraging ourselves to give them the space that they need to make those choices based on their own intuition. And that's what we want to encourage, is just that, is then working out themselves and, you know, learning about their own feelings, you know, do I feel hungry? Do I feel like eating that? And allowing to have them to have that autonomy around it. Thank you. This is particularly helpful. I'm just thinking a lot about my three-year-old, but she's just three. And she's a very different eater to the boys. So it's almost like you're kind of learning new things each time, aren't you? And you can't just copy and paste? an approach. It just doesn't work like that. But you've had some exciting news. You've shared some

exciting news and this has come at a perfect time for me. So thank you. Do you want to share with us what's going on? I have written a new book which is called How to Feed Your Toddler. And it's essentially a follow on to how to win your baby, but it's the next stage. So it's kind of one to fours. And I tell you, it's a tough right because it's such a complex area. And we've been talking today, toddlerhood and And exactly as you just said, all children are so different. So I had to kind of write it with all of that in mind, trying to make sure that we got the kind of the nuance of feeding children, if you like, and, you know, try and put all the research down onto the page, but also allow for that flexibility because, you know, my two children

are completely different. They're different with their food choices. They're different with how much they eat. They're different with how regularly they need to eat. And children are also different. So there's no, you know, they're like I said already, there are. guides, but, you know, we have to have that flexibility and how to feed your toddler really tries to tap into that. And it tries to talk about methods of basically helping to raise

children who really, really love foods, you know, without the pressure, without the copseeing, without the battles at meal times. And that's essentially the aim of it. So, yeah, very exciting. Amazing. Oh, my goodness. Well, thank you. I mean, I feel like you've written that for me at this time. So I'm going to pre-order that. And when's that one out? So that is out, September the 29th. So yeah, 29th September. Very, very exciting. And yeah, I can't wait. Brilliant. So you can pre-order that. So thank you so much, Charlotte. So much food for thought. That was a terrible accidental pun. Mind I add that one. I love to finish with some quick fire questions. Let's just get to know you a little bit better. So what is a motherhood high for you?

Oh, it's such a tough one, isn't it? I have to say, I would say a motherhood high has been in the last month or so. where I have just, and I know it's very cliche, but I've really started to see this connection between Ada and Rafi. Ada's got lots more communication skills now, and she's really coming into her own. And it's just those tiny, sneaky little moments like them in the bath and they're laughing. Or you hear, you know, Ada falls over and Rafi in the other room says, are you okay, Ada?

And I mean, it absolutely kills me. Even now, it just makes me well up, which is so so sloppy. And like I say, it's so cliche, but it's just, It's just making everything feel it's all okay. You know, you have those anxious moments and, you know, we have difficulty with Ada growing up. But I'm now got to a point now where I'm like, yeah, this is good. This is what we're going for. And everything's well if they're both well and they're having this beautiful, blossoming relationship.

I love that. What a wonderful thing to see. And what is a motherhood low for you? Oh, dear. So I hate saying this because I always feel guilty about saying it, which I know I shouldn't, but it's definitely post-birth with Ada. I mean, it was such a challenging time. Ada was a very unsettled baby,

and I spent months just trying to figure her out. And she's still a complex toddler now, but, you know, I can communicate with her and I get her, and, you know, she's robust and amazing and all this beautiful personality come out. But the first months after having Ada, probably like 18, but definitely 10 were the, the toughest of my life today without a shadow of a doubt really struggled there so it's got to be

that i'm so sorry ada been oh i think i think you know my mom always says the the good things in life the things that end up being the goodest are often the things that we've had to fight hard for and i think you know you and i've had you know there's been some crossover in our experiences and i feel like the love that i have for the child that i had to fight hardest to feel that love you know to bond with and fight through those exhausting scream-filled days. You know, it's a love born through fire. And I think it's, you know, it's just as something about it, isn't there. And I think that guilt that you feel, you know,

you're just having a normal human response to the circumstances. Yeah. It was incredibly hard and you fought through it. And that is love. You know, that is love in itself. And I definitely agree. I think it just make it a little bit more something. You know, I just, I do have this connection with AIDS.

now in the sense that I'm like, well, you put me through hell, but you know what, her little personality is just something else. And, you know, I absolutely adore her. She is, she is wonderful. And I'm sure she's going to be a wonderful, challenging, wonderful girl for the rest of her life. Well, you went through it together. You went through it together. And you, you know, you kept walking through that time. And that is a big, that is a big act of love if ever there was one. So Charlotte, what's one thing that makes you feel good for the sake of feeling good? I think at the moment I'm going to say sitting in the sunshine or having a little stroll in the sunshine because I feel like a very different person now like Ada's 21 months and you know I just feel a bit more like oh here I am you know I've sort of woken up and I feel like it's happening at a time where the sun's come out and I know it sounds strange or you know a bit very vague but I just love it. the sun. I love the outside and I think feeling like I've woken up and now the sun is shining

and the weather's really warm and we're all outside and I'm, you know, all of that, I just love it. I love sitting down a cup of tea in the sunshine for five minutes and I love taking a little stroll by myself, no screaming children in the sun. So I'm going to say that. I love that. Absolutely. I love it when those things coincide. It feels really serendipitous, doesn't it? So how would you describe motherhood in three words to finish off. I would say, exhausting, educational and beautiful. Exhausting, educational and beautiful. Good balance of words there.

Well, thank you so much, Charlotte. And I wish you all the best in this. It's a valuable, wonderful new book. And people can find your book, How to Ween Your Baby. That is there, ready for them. And it's absolutely brilliant. And it's, what I love about it is that it is about the baby, but it also benefits the whole family. So there are so many recipes there as well that go beyond just your baby.

You can enjoy them as well. And it's just that learning. It's that learning that's really important. And it goes back to that pressure we can put on ourselves to just know everything that, how are we meant to know? How are we meant to know these things before we started this journey. So resources like yours are really, really important. So thank you so much. for your time today. Thank you for having me, Anna. So privileged. Thank you. Take care.

Thank you for listening to today's episode of The Therapy Edit. If you enjoyed it, please do share, subscribe or review because it makes a massive difference to how many people it can reach. You can find more from me on Instagram at Anna Martha. You might like to check out my three books, Mind Oath and Mother, Know Your Worth, and my new book, The Little Book of Calm for new mums, grounding words for the highs, the lows and the moments. in between. It's a little book. You don't need to read it from front to back. You just pick whatever emotion resonates to find a mantra, a tip and some supportive words to bring comfort and clarity. You can also find all my resources, guides and videos, all with the sole focus of

supporting your emotional and mental well-being as a month. They are all £12 and you can find them on anamatha.com. I look forward to speaking with you soon. Thank you.