The Therapy Edit - One Thing with Dr Alex George on stomping and prioritising what makes you feel anchored

Episode Date: December 22, 2023

In this guest episode of The Therapy Edit Anna welcomes long time friend and colleague, Dr Alex George to the podcast. Published the week before Christmas, Alex shares his one thing; finding your anchor and routine over Christmas and indeed across the whole year. Dr. Alex George is a TV doctor, best-selling author, and Youth Mental Health Ambassador to the government. Alex has become a well known and respected figure amongst healthcare professionals in the UK, from his years as an A&E doctor, bringing the nation accessible and reassuring advice directly from the frontline throughout the pandemic.He has published three Sunday Times Number 1 Bestsellers, Live Well Every Day and The Mind Manual for adults, and A Better Day for children, which also won Book of the Year for Children’s Non-Fiction at The British Book Awards. Alex is on a mission to improve mental health support for young people, and has become prolific throughout the UK in his campaigning for Early Support Hubs.He also has a hugely successful podcast, Stompcast, which promotes the importance of walking in nature for mental and physical well being. In November 2021, Alex presented his documentary for BBC One and Children Need, Dr Alex: Our Young Mental Health Crisis. Alex recently presented the much talked about brand new show, Naked Education, alongside Anna Richardon and Yinka Bokkini, for Channel 4 and All4.To find out more about Dr Alex's work follow him on Instagram and visit his website. You can listen to his brilliant podcast, Stompcast here.You can buy his most recent book, The Mind Manual here.

Hello and welcome to The Therapy Edit with me, psychotherapist, mum of three and author Anna Martha. Every Friday, I invite one guest to tell me the one thing they would most like to share with mums everywhere. So join with me as we hear this dose of wisdom. I hope you enjoy it. Hi, everyone. Welcome to today's guest episode of The Therapy Edit. Now, I have with me, someone who I have had the privilege of going on his podcast and also interviewing him fairly recently. So I have with me, Dr. Alex George.

Now, Alex is on a mission. He is truly a man on a mission to improve mental health support for young people. And he has become absolutely prolific throughout the UK in his campaigning for early support hubs, which he has had amazing success in recently. So incredibly grateful for all the work that he does so tirelessly. He's written many books and his most recent is called The Mind Manual Mental Fitness Tools for everyone. Now, I had the pleasure of interviewing him about this book for the Chartnam Literary Festival. We had great fun on the stage. But it's a really, it's just such a really helpful book, really warm, just absolutely packed with tips and insights that you can implement in your daily knife.

Not like massive, life-changing things, but those powerful small things that actually, over time, can really shift things for you and actually change life in the long run. run. He's also got a hugely successful podcast called Stompcast. And I, well, we walked, I was going to say, I dragged him around my local, the loop that I do, but he was actually a very willing stomping participant walking through the mud. And it promotes the importance of walking in nature for mental and physical well-being. In November 2021, Alex presented his documentary for BBC One and Children in Need, Dr. Alex, our young mentor health crisis. And then more recently, he presented the much talked about brand new show Naked Education alongside Anna Richardson and Yinka Bikini for Channel 4 and All 4.

So Alex, I mean, that is only, I could have at least tripled that bio there. Good night. You're a busy man. You're on a mission. I think you're being very kind. You're being very kind. It was a great stomp that we had. He definitely didn't drag me around.

I loved it. It was great. And you were a very giving, open person, very honest person. and I found it very, very helpful. And the feedback we had from that episode was just brilliant, actually. You know, people really found it so helpful from the topics of, you know, how to look after yourself as a mum and prioritising yourself through to, you know, intrusive thoughts and things.

Yeah, we tried an intrusive thoughts. It was great. And that child and lit festival was great, wasn't it? We just really enjoyed that. You know, we really were just having a chat. You know, you were sharing so many insights as well and, you know, your expertise. It was really great. I really enjoyed it.

Oh, well, thank you. Thank you. I wasn't expecting that. I think we're both very passionate about these things that seem like small and like really implementable that actually over time we form them as habits have a massive impact on our mental health and well-being. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. The little things consistent. I guess it's like what you're saying then in the bio. I think the older I get, I guess, the more that I experience, I guess, professionally as well as personally, it's more you realize that it's actually the little things that you do consistently. not the big gestures in life. You know, it's those small things that you do each day that might add 5% to your happiness or your peace or whatever, those multiple, multiple things that you do that are 5%, 5%, 5%, 5%, add up to be 20, 30%, which is significant.

Whereas if you should do one grand gesture every couple of weeks or months, then that does not have a continuous and lasting effect, I think, on your life. Yeah, so those little by little things. And as people listen to this, it is the Friday, I believe, before Christmas. So it's all taking off. Merry Christmas for you. And it's chaos. Absolute chaos.

I have, I say I've hidden. There is a massive pile of all of the Amazon boxes and they're just behind my laptop. And I've told the kids, I can't bother to hide them. So I'm like, if you want to wreck your own Christmas surprise, go and have a, go and have a rifle through those boxes. otherwise, just leave them be. Did you used to go and find your presents when you were younger? No, I was like I actually really like the idea of not laying to the day. The temptation was there, of course.

But no, I think it's nice to have that surprise. I've always really enjoyed Christmas, actually. You know, growing up, we didn't have, you know, we didn't have a lot, I would say, but we had enough as a family and we would enjoy Christmas and, you know, we'd have little gifts and stuff like that, which, you know, just made it. And I think it really, it was about, you know, the family and the feeling of togetherness at Christmas that you love. And the act of giving gifts as well is just a beautiful thing, that how nice it is to give. I think giving is actually more enjoyable than receiving in many ways.

And especially when it comes to gifts, you know, so I think it teaches you a lot about that. It's not just about going, oh, I can't wait for the presents I'm going to get. So, yeah, I loved, I loved Christmas on the whole. I mean, it can be very hard. And I think in recent years, it has become more difficult. You know, we spoke about my brother and, you know, his, you know, him passing away. And there's many people that are listening that will have empty seats at the Christmas dinner table on the day. You know, there'll be people that they're missing, that are loved ones.

And I think at these times of year, it does remind us, like with birthdays. So birthday's Christmas, it reminds you of the people that aren't here. And I think that can have quite a big effect on us. But I've learned, I guess, it's only been a couple of years to kind of accept, like, accept. that to some extent to allow it to kind of know that it's it's okay actually to feel sad on those days about these things and by actually opening yourself to those feelings you actually feel much less distressed by them. I think when you start thinking, oh gosh, why am I not just really happy on Christmas Day and I should be over this? It makes things a lot worse rather than going actually

it's fine to be sad about this. Why don't I sit for half an hour and have a think about them, have a cry, you know, talk to the family about them and then, you know, just allow yourself if you feel like it to enjoy your day, but if you don't feel like it and you just want to kind of feel a bit sad, that's fine too. Yeah, so not putting pressure on yourself to feel any particular feelings. I really love that. And I had a massive cry yesterday morning, just the overwhelm, everything at the weekend was just a lot with my kids. And I felt so much better after. And I remembered that there is so crying itself and just allowing yourself to feel how you feel. It's so productive because it actually releases those hormones that can shift your mood.

You know, you get a bit of that lovely kind of that oxytocin and some of the endorphins. So it's a really powerful thing to allow yourself to feel how you feel rather than pressure yourself to feel a certain way. Now, I'm also aware that there are loads of people with empty chairs at the table. So that's going to be just really reflective and maybe painful and sad. But also those difficult family dynamics that people might be a return. learning to. And what, tell us what, because you're, you're a man of the little things, being the powerful things. Tell us one of the things that you're going to be doing this Christmas season, just to care for yourself each day. Well, you'll have, you'll get no prizes

for guessing, but, you know, stomping for me is the biggest one. And something I would say to people, I guess, over the Christmas time is just to be aware of, you know, the possibility that the change of routine or perhaps dropping the normal routine can actually have a quite a shaking effect on your mental health, actually regardless of whether you're going through a difficult time or not. And I would really encourage people to try. Yeah, it's about a time of relaxing and family, but try and have a bit of routine too. Just a couple of this anchoring things, as I like to call them in your day. So for me, it will be still sticking to my 7.30, 8 o'clock, whatever time it is, walk going for my walk in Wales with Rolo each day. And that's going to

be one of the biggest things for me because that truly is the anchor point of my day. I go on about this that the most important hour of my day is the first and it's because it's the hour that I prioritise my health at the most. And at the start you said about the fact that I'm busy and doing lots of different things, but the reason I can do lots of different things, well, there's several contributing factors, one of which is that I have a great team and we all work together. It's never an individual thing. But secondly, because I put health first, which people find that are,

Because I think when you look at society's depiction of like or description, I guess, of like what it means to work hard, often it's putting your work and your achievements and your goals above everything else. And therefore health often drops towards the bottom. Think of exam season when you're revising for exams, what things drop, your social connections, diet usually probably gets worse, you exercise less, which is actually rather stupid because those are all the things that are going to make you more successful. So I've learned over the years that by making my health the priority and going out and you're getting up having my cold shower in the morning, grabbing my cup of coffee, doing my gratitude work. We launched the men's mental fitness app called metal, particularly for men, very, very helpful.

So I do some of my kind of mind hacking, mindfulness exercises on that, out the door, the road off the walk. And that really sets up my day. And it's like a statement to myself and the world that the most important thing is my health. And as soon as you get that order correct, everything else will fall into place. And no surprise, I come home, I'm very productive from after that walk, I'm focused and I'm able to achieve my tasks. Why? Because the most important thing was prioritised.

Yeah. Amazing. So a real encouragement to all the mum's listening just to think, what are those things in your routine that you shouldn't just drop because it's Christmas. Like you, I've stopped drinking recently and it's been, do you know, one of the things that's been so transformative and I wasn't even an everyday drinker. I used to be, but over the last couple of years I've really challenged and shifted that and I've gotten to this place where I've given up for six months. So, and I'm actually doing it. Are you six months in now?

No, I'm like six weeks in. Yesterday, I was, yesterday, the fourth of December was my year anniversary of not drinking. So I've had my year. So I was just going to say that's amazing. The hard bit is the kind of first four to, I think four to 12 weeks was the difficult. First four was easy because you kind of knew and motivated. It's the motivation discipline curve, isn't it? Kind of you have a high wave motivation that drops off, then discipline comes in. And eventually discipline once it's there long enough, it becomes habit. And I think people should apply this to almost any change. Motivation, discipline, habit. That's the, that's the order of things to be. And even every now and then, you'll still need to apply discipline to habit,

but in much less, much smaller ways. Like, how often do you have to be disciplined about brushing your teeth, for example? I think very rarely do you need to tell yourself, no, I need to brush my teeth. Probably, perhaps when you're feeling extremely tired after night out or you're feeling unwell, maybe then you have to apply discipline, but most of the time you just do it. So I think the first four to 12 weeks, I think, or four to ten weeks is the most challenging bit. And then I think it just becomes like a part of your life.

And it's been such an enriching process. I've enjoyed learning. and you realise that life is probably just better without. Yes, I'm definitely realising that. And I've been thinking that for quite a while, but I think one of the benefits has been that in the morning, early morning, I'm more energized to do those things before, in our house before the kids get up.

We've just bought one of those cold pod. I see poor things and sat in our garden. Oh, you're a hardcore person. I just think sometimes you just start growing these little, these little things that start out as a, you know, I'm just going to do one lap around the block today because I've only got five minutes to, you know, the fact that you are now consistently going out on a good chunky walk in the morning to benefit you before you start your day. And what started for me as like a 15 second cold blast in a cold shower is now two minutes

in a cold pod. And I think sometimes we, when we want to address habit, we can really, we can go the whole hog right from the off, can't we? And almost just overload and overwhelm ourselves. and it's not sustainable. But I think what I love about this advice is think about what are those little parts of your routine that benefit you. Hold on to them over Christmas. Keep them in there. Grow that walk from, you know, quick dash out to the shops to, you know, a walk, you know,

a slightly longer walk where you can properly stomp it out and give yourself some headspace and benefit all the more for it. So what would you recommend then? So if you're encouraging people to get out for, for their walk to hold on to those bits of routine. When they're out on that walk, is there anything you'd recommend that they do so that they can really kind of max out on the benefit?

Is it sticking your headphones in? Is it, you know, what are your tips for really benefiting from that five or 20 minute walk, whatever it may be? Absolutely. And if you're trying to justify the time, they have a little tip that I think can justify time for you is that if you go on to your phone right now, everyone, as you're listening,

and you go on to your screen time and look at your average screen time I'm going to hazard a guess it's between three and five hours so if you're looking to steal a bit of time steal it from that time and that's that I'm not judging anyone my screen time is quite long

partly because of my work and all the different kinds of things but that's the reality of it but that's an honest way of looking at it you know so we don't have time there is always time it's just prioritising and sometimes because phones are so clever it's not nothing to do with

it's not actually about us really It's about how clever the phones are. They engage your brain, your dopamine, your reward cycles. They keep you trapped in the app. And you think you lose all this time that you actually do have. So, yeah, if you think I don't have time, have a look at that and use that as a motivation. Say, do you know what, I'm going to steal 45 minutes out of that screen time. I'm going to walk instead.

And you'll be so grateful for it. So, yeah, my tips, I would say, you know, try and do a few anchoring techniques within the walk itself. So first of all, routine is important. I think it's actually good to have a consistent loop or a direction of walk. You have your loop, don't you, that we went on? I do. I know it well. Have it set out because there's something about repeating the same walk each day that provides grounding.

Part of this, I think, is because you will go through many different things in your life, good and bad. And what you'll realize is that when you walk on that loop, you've had your best days, but also your worst days. And that is actually very comforting because you realize that if you're having a bad day or something's going on in your life at that time, you will know. that there will be times that you do this loop again, that you feel great. And that is a very, very optimistic and a very brilliant way to create an anchoring. Because even if you're going through rubbish time, you go, well, I've done this before very happy, and I will get that happy time. And then I think when you're walking, it's just having just a couple of things that give you a sense of gratitude and presenteism.

So the thing that I do, there's two bouts of, or two rounds of gratitude I do. One is when I'm brushing my teeth in the morning, and there's something around, there's some science around brushing your teeth and doing something active while you're doing gratitude and creating that and helping that sinking into your mind. Also doing gratitude while brushing your teeth means that that habit is stacked on another habit. You know you're always going to brush your teeth, therefore you're going to be, you're going to always be able to practice that gratitude. And usually when brushing my teeth, it's very much gratitude looking in the mirror thinking, I'm grateful that I'm healthy, I'm proud that I've been strong or I like the way my

hair looks. It'll be like something little, it might be big or small things, but they're very much focused around me, right? And then you're anchoring that gratitude and yourself. Then I do the second phase of gratitude when I'm walking. So the great thing about doing it and you're walking is that you're in nature, you're looking at the world around you, you're reminded constantly about how incredible the world is and nature is. And it really puts you in this state of mind while walking of being open to feeling, deeply feeling gratitude. So usually when I'm walking, do I know I feel I'll either name three or five things that I'm grateful for in that day. So I walk in the mornings.

I'm looking forward in the day and going, well, actually, I'm really grateful, A, now that me and Rola are having a walk. I'm really grateful today that me and Anna are going to do a podcast. I get on with Anna, it should energize me. I'm grateful that later on I'm going to go to the gym. I'm going to exercise. And I am actually so grateful in this cold and, you know, crisp day that I'm warm in my coat. And tonight I'm going to be tucked up in bed and safe and warm.

And just, you know, I made those up on the fly, really, but those, that's a kind of example of the things that I will do, you know, and it's, and I think, you know, people worry about I need to think about so deeply about what do I feel grateful for. They need to be profound. They shouldn't be actually. There should just be things that roll into your mind. You think, right, three things or five things. What comes to your mind, big and small? And just hold a moment of gratitude for each thing, you know, sip your coffee while you're drinking, feel the cold air in your face or hear the birds, uh, tweeting or tweeting, all, all those things will, will, will, will, help anchor that sense of gratitude. And just as, you know, there's a saying that creativity is a muscle or an idea that creativity is a muscle, gratitude is as well. It's something you need to practice and work on. So at first, it feels different or unusual. But once you've been doing it like I have for years, really, but very, very focused in the last couple of years on it, you'll find it transformative and you will feel the benefits of it. I love that encouragement. And yeah, so when you're going out on your walk this Christmas, just think what are those things that you're grateful for? Just, you know, don't worry about the big, massive things. Just even think about the small

things. Notice those surroundings. Get into the habit of going on a regular walk. Know that you're just nicking from your screen time and that's a really healthy thing still from because God knows we need less of that. And yeah, just notice how you feel different each time and let that bring hope and encouragement. So thank you so much, Alex, as always, for your warm, amazing, generous wisdom. I'd like to finish off just with a couple of quick five questions. That's all right. So besides walking, what is one thing that is bringing you joy at the moment? I think the thing that's probably bringing me the most joy at the moment is, I mean, actually, there's a few things. One popped to my head as I've really got.

into kind of running but I guess maybe that's similar to to walking I don't know it's a little bit faster yeah perhaps perhaps the what I would say is this is that what's bringing me joy is trying new things and and opening myself to new experiences like I went along to a run club the other day which was really social and it was on a Friday and we were like there's music and running and you know you get out with music packs on your back and all this kind of stuff and it was just so much fun and regardless of the running it was about meeting new people and trying to new things. So I'm kind of grateful for or finding a lot of, I don't know, a lot of positivity from just being open to new experiences. And I think that can happen at any time in life. We don't

have to kind of box ourselves off for certain kinds of people. And, you know, I'm not someone that's done this before. Therefore, I'm not that kind of person. I think just being open to things, you know, and the more that you try new things, the more comfortable you become in new environments. And it teaches you a lot. I mean, we learn a lot when we're vulnerable and we try new things. It teaches us that we're actually pretty resilient and we're pretty capable of going into most environments. So yeah, I think that's the thing for me is what really brought quite a lot of joy is just trying, trying new things. Like I'm tempted to, I'm tempted to try CrossFit, for example. I mean, using that kind of sport and exercise things here. But, you know, I really,

I've really liked to learn the piano. I've been threatening to learn the piano for a long while. I try to, but I need to kind of get into it and have lessons. I think it's just go for stuff, you know, break the mold. And yeah, if I enjoy, and just exploring. It's fun, and I think removing the pressure to be good at something from the off that is often quite stifling. We think if I'm not any good,

then I'm just going to, you know, I'm no good at this when actually there's so much joy in the learning. And then finally, looking ahead to 2024, if you could choose one word that could be a bit like an intention for you, what would that one word be?

Peace. I think being a piece is the, is the best possible aim or target. I think we often place a lot of pressure to be happy. But happiness, as I think we've spoken about before, is a deflection from the baseline. It is part of life, but happiness is only one aspect of many things that we need to feel.

I think feeling at an overall average of being at peace is probably where I'd like to sit. I'd like to just be at peace more really. That would be my goal for 2024. A lot has happened over the last few years. been incredible highs, but also incredible lows. And I'd rather sit along the kind of gentle level of peace for a little while, I think. I love that because peace, you can find peace in the hard times, can't you?

Because it's just that, it's just that trust that it will be okay, that even if it's sad and messy and hard, you can hold on to that sense of kind of grounding peace. I love that. Might steal it. So thank you so much for joining us. And I encourage everyone to grab a copy of the Mind Manual, Mental Fitness Tools for everyone because even if you just flick it open to any random page, you will find an absolute nugget of wisdom or a little habit to try out. So thank you, Dr. Alex, for everything

that you so generously bring to us. And you do great amazing work. Merry Christmas. And you too. Thank you so much for listening to today's episode of The Therapy. And if you have enjoyed it, don't forget to subscribe and review for me. Also, if you need any resource, at all. I have lots of videos and courses and everything from health anxiety to driving anxiety and people pleasing. They are all on my website anamatha.com. And also don't forget my brand new book Raising a Happier Mother is out now for you to enjoy and benefit from. It's all about how to find balance, feel good and see your children flourish as a result. Speak to you soon.