The Therapy Edit - One Thing with Dr Tara Swart on neuroplasticity, oxytocin and the parenting love bubble

Episode Date: October 6, 2023

In this Friday guest episode of The Therapy Edit, Anna chats to Dr Tara Swart more deeply exploring the topic of neuroplasticity (as touched upon last week). Dr Tara explains to us that you can reinvent yourself personally and professionally using neuroplasticity. You can also impact the development of your children’s brains by understanding this. This segues into manifestation and mindfulness for both parents and children. There are loads of practical tips for lessening stress and feeling better as a mum in this episode.Dr Tara Swart is a neuroscientist, medical doctor, executive advisor, Senior Lecturer at MIT Sloan, and author of best-seller ‘The Source’ which has translations in 38 global territories. Tara is passionate about disseminating simple, pragmatic neuroscience-based messages that change the way people live and work. She personally advises a small number of executives via personal recommendation only, and speaks at major conferences globally.You buy Dr Tara's book, The Source, here.You can listen to Dr Tara's podcast, Reinvent Yourself, here.

Hello and welcome to The Therapy Edit with me, psychotherapist's mum of three and author Anna Martha. Every Friday, I invite one guest to tell me the one thing they would most like to share with mums everywhere. So join with me as we hear this dose of wisdom. I hope you enjoy it. Welcome to today's guest episode of The Therapy Edit. Now, this is a guest that I have actually dreamed about. since listening to her on a podcast, I think it was Jenna Coucher's podcast, and it's called Gold Dicking. And I think this was years ago. But I have with me today, Dr. Tara Swart.

Now, Dr. Tara is a neuroscientist, an advisor and an author. She works with companies and individuals worldwide to help them achieve mental resilience and peak brain performance, things that improve people's ability to manage stress, regulate emotions, which is always one that I hone in on because I'm always trying to find ways to regulate my emotions and support my kids in regulating theirs and retaining information. Another thing that I need to be able to do more of. On her website, she says that the top list of priorities essential for optimum brain function are rest, nutrition, hydration, exercise and mindfulness. Also things that I think us moms can find so many ways to justify not doing or to lower the bar for those things that

we give ourselves. We can feel guilty around rest, but this is all about how actually these things are essential for brain function and it's important that we find creative ways to do those. She has a book called The Source, which I'm pretty sure you'll be adding to Carr after you hear her words of wisdom. Now, this is a rigorous proven toolkit for unlocking our minds and reaching our fullest potential. And what I love about Dr. Tara is how she explains manifestation through the eyes of neuroscience. Now, this took her from being a skeptic of manifestation to a believer. Now, she also has a podcast called ReInvent Yourself with Dr. Tara, which I'm shocked that I didn't know about and is now firmly on my list.

And you can find her on Instagram where she just gives loads of kind of insight, bits of information that just really kind of challenging, transform your thinking. So, hello, my dream guest. It's very telling you. Thank you so much. I was so happy to meet you and then get invited onto the podcast. So this is really exciting. Well, I just, I'm a little bit obsessed with neuroscience, and I am always, I just love it when it's explained in a way that we can actually kind of grasp and grab hold of. And you do that so beautifully. So I'm excited to have you on. But how are you today? Yeah, well, I hate to complain about this and we're about to talk about mums and sleep, but I've been up early doing a podcast with Australia and I'm not a morning person. You are not a morning person. What time do you have to get up?

I'm not even going to say it's going to be so embarrassing. You know, you see, I love, I love mornings. I'm actually quite happy if I wake up naturally at like half five. But in the evening, I'm a goner. Don't talk to me. Don't invite me anywhere after 7pm that I have to wear a bra. And, you know, if my husband expects to get a sentence out of me after half nine, absolutely no chance. So right, well, I would love to hear with all your knowledge and experience what the one thing that you'd like to share with all the month's listening. would be. So I really thought hard about this because a lot of the things that I share about, like getting unbroken sleep, not being stressed, particularly around the time of conception and pregnancy, those things scare moms. You know, and I get messages saying, I haven't had unbroken sleep for years. I've got young kids. Like, what's going to happen to my brain when I'm older? So the one thing that I want to share is that you are neurochemically protected by what I call the love bubble. Oh. So the love bubble correlates with the hormone oxytocin. And this is the one that's

released during childbirth, breastfeeding, and it underlies the amazing bond between the newborn baby and the mum. And more recent research shows that it also underlies the bond between dad and new baby and actually changes the dad's brain, rewires it to bond with the baby, have less testosterone so that they're not competing and they're more protective, which is I think is incredible. But the oxytocin levels are very high for mums. And so even though it's ideal for, and these are population norm studies, they're not for every single person. It's ideal to get eight hours of sleep a night that's not broken because of the cleansing process in the brain. The fact that your oxytocin levels are so high around that time

means that there's no evidence that mums or primary caregivers get more dementia later in life than non-parents. So not to add that stress into the mix at that time. I want to take it back and say and explain why I talk about those things and the importance of them, but with the absolute kind of key being that neuroplasticity is your way of protecting yourself against the potential downfalls. So epigenetics means that your baby doesn't just inherit your genes that you, were born with, but inherits the expression of the genes that you have at the time, around the

time of conception. And it's not just the stresses and strains and traumas that you might have experienced in your life, but it can come from previous generations. So the famous studies are on Holocaust survivors and Dutch famine survivors and how their stress responses were altered, and these showed up in later generations. And it's not always a bad thing. Sometimes it makes you more resilient, but sometimes it makes you more anxious. So it's kind of working out how that might be in your family tree. And then, as I said, absolutely understanding that neuroplasticity, which is the ability to change your brain at any age, can help protect you from that.

Also understanding that oxytocin, that bonding hormone, the love bubble, and cortisol, the stress hormone, they're in like a seesaw. So your oxytocin levels are high, but whatever you can do to not let the cortisol, or creep up and like rebalance that is also really important. And I know that's easier said than done, but I'm really hoping that this love bubble idea will give people the strength to think, okay, I've actually got like something in my toolkit. And so I can use that to understand that however much I can manage my stress levels, that's only going to be a good thing. Because obviously blood is going around your brain and your body. It's going through the placenta.

It's going through the baby's, you know, vascular system. And so just like, you know, with what you eat, how deeply you breathe, your cortisol levels are also going to affect the baby. And, you know, if you're a first time mum, that's even more stressful than, you know, becoming a mum for the second time when you kind of know, or third time or whatever when you kind of know what you're doing. So again, understanding that it's okay to be stressed, it's okay to feel terrible because you're sleepless, but you have got this protection. and to use that to create like the calmest environment for your baby because that's what they're going to learn.

You know, they're going to learn from your facial expressions. They're going to learn from how they see you managing your emotions, which you mentioned. And that later, you know, by the time they're starting to walk and talk, you can really use neuroplasticity to help them to understand how to manage their emotions, manage any anxiety. and you know maybe even introduce mindfulness do mindfulness with your young child yeah that's what I would say for a start yeah I love this because there's so much hope in it isn't and I often get mums asking me you know what there's so much that I might have done that might have damaged my child and there's nothing that I can do about it now and I think what you're saying

is that we there is far more than we that we can do yeah there is far more that we can do yeah there is more kind of plasticity. And I think sometimes we can think of just kind of the black and white, the rigidity of like this happens. So now I've messed my kid up forever or I was stressed when I was pregnant. So now my kid's going to be anxious forever. And I think what I love about what you say about your book is that this, this kind of this awareness of manifestation and the plasticity of our brains. So it's actually personally changed you from, and you say an unhappy, close-minded and disconnected woman wanting more from life to a successful entrepreneur. living with confidence, purpose and joy.

And I think this just provides us as parents and humans with so much hope that whatever has gone before, whatever is in our genetics, whatever we have done or said or whatever facial expressions we might have used in a really messy mothering moment, that actually there's hope and don't get stuck in that. There's a way forward. That's absolutely the message. So I think, you know, I do talk about epigenetics and generational trauma and people say, well, I can't change the past. But the point is that neuroplasticity means that you can change the future.

And that, you know, if you were unaware that your stress or previous generation stress would have an effect on your baby, you wouldn't do anything differently. But the awareness I do believe is important. And that's why I say those things. but, you know, I really wanted to introduce this idea of the love bubble to like say, okay, that's in the past, you're in the love bubble, what are you going to do in the future? And the options are so huge. Yeah, so the power of the oxytocin. And my kids aren't babies anymore.

My youngest one's nearly five. My oldest one's nearly nine. And I look back and I think of some of the parenting approaches I used when I was starting out as a parent and that I would absolutely not use now because I have different knowledge and different insight. and I've read different books and stuff and consume lots of things on social media that have taught me another way. And I, you know, there have been times when I've looked back and I thought, oh my gosh, what have I done to my son in doing this or responding in that way? And what you're saying is that we can change, we can change things and we can change the futures and our brains are

malleable. And yeah, it's just really reassuring, isn't it? And how is that oxytocin now for those with older children. So is there still power in that oxytocin now, if we have a good snuggle on the sofa? Does that still help us? So physical affection, cuddling, kissing, co-sleeping, all of these things massively boost oxytocin. And just as an aside, you know, if you're lonely,

having a bath or a massage has a similar effect. Really? Yeah. Yeah, that became really important in lockdown because some people were alone. so that was a way to get because if you think about it before even just like in a normal work day you'd shake hands with people at least you know what I mean like and then hopefully have a snuggle on the sofa in the evening as well but if you were alone you just you just lost all of that

immediately and it's so human touch is so important to us because of oxytocin levels and that balance that I mentioned so you know we had chronic stress during during the pandemic and if you didn't have oxytocin either. That was a really bad cocktail. So, yeah, cuddle as much as you can. And of course, you know, they go through stages that there's an age where they don't want to cuddle you that much anymore. Then they're teenagers. So it gets a bit harder, but you just have to, obviously you still love your kids. So you have to focus on the fact that that does induce oxytocin, just like the eye contact and the occasional time that the teenager isn't grumpy and actually gives you a kiss or says you're cool or something like that.

Just take all of that and, like, add it to your oxytocin bank. So oxytocin kind of helps. It's like a bit of a protectant. Oh, totally. Yeah. It's a little bit. Yeah. Stress cortisol actually kills neurons, but oxytocin is neuroprotective.

And also, that's why things like baby massage are so important, too, because I remember when I was, like, giving my godson reflexology, and his dad was like, why are you doing that? it's really good for their stress levels. And he was like, yeah, because he's so stressed. He's just a baby. He's like fed and sleeps a lot. He's fine. Got a lot.

Yeah. But actually, I think our bodies hold stress, don't we? Because we get stimulated by our environment. And even if you're hungry and you're crying, there's stress in your body, right? Hmm. Yeah. And it's also like, it's a proactive thing. So reflexology and massage and like bathing them in warm water, that's giving them

high levels of oxytocin so it's starting them off you know in the right way i mean there's that awful um study that was done on the romanian orphans um but it showed one beautiful thing which was that you know there were a number of babies that were followed up later in life and most of them couldn't hold down a job couldn't get into a relationship unfortunately usually if they had kids they had to be you know taken away but there was a small proportion of of these now who were happily married, had a great job, you know, didn't have any mental health issues. And they had notes from the orphanage, but upon seeing this, they went back and interviewed the carers to kind of try and work out what this one difference was that meant, you know,

a really whole life compared to a very damaged life. And there was one carer. They weren't supposed to cuddle the babies because they thought that would mean that they would bond with the carers and not get adopted. So they were perfectly well looked after. They just weren't played with or cuddled.

But there was one carer who, when she left, she gave the baby in the last cot a cuddle before she left. And they were able to identify that the babies that slept in that last cot were all the ones that ended up. Yeah. Like with healthy lives. So that's the power of the

oxytocin and human touch. Isn't this incredible? Because I think we're so often focused on what we aren't able to do or the moments that we feel like we failed or we haven't responded in a way that we want to. But actually, we can so easily overlook such a powerful ability to equip our children and ourselves with this connection and the cuddles and the kisses or that even just the contact that we have with our children that isn't physical. And I guess even sometimes just thinking about them in a nice way probably prompts a little bit of that oxytocin. So how can we get more of it then?

So beyond the cuddles and the kisses, I like the idea of the bath because that doesn't even involve another person, but there must be something about that. Maybe it's the comforting nature. It's being immersed in warm water because that's like your body's then enveloped in something which is kind of like a cuddle, you know, in the fact that it's. we're like, isn't it, being in a bath, kind of like being in, yeah, in that small space with the warm liquid. I wonder if that's something about it. But I just think this is amazing because then oxytocin really helps to balance out the stress hormones that are so often. I think we can so easily find ourselves living in this place of constant adrenaline and cortisol. And focusing on that, you know, just being very aware of that, I'm really stressed. I haven't slept enough. I can't get everything done. And so I think even just a narrative to self, you know, if I talk a lot about affirmations and mantras, just for general reasons, but, you know, in this case, for mums, I would say, I'm protected by the love bubble.

You know, replace that negative narrative with the love bubble narrative. Looking at what is there and what is working for you rather than what feels like it's against you and dwelling on that, which is so easily done, isn't it? So it's that shift in mindset. and that shift and that challenge of that narrative. So what are other ways in our, so I haven't got the kids today until kind of four o'clockish. What ways, and I've got a bit of stress going on in my life right now, how can I increase some oxytocin levels so that I've got a bit less stress when my house becomes quite chaotic? Yeah.

So you could take a bath. You could massage yourself. So you could use an oil before the bath to like massage your body. you could do dry body brushing you could go and find a friend or neighbor or a family member to hug yeah i can do that i mean eye contact can induce it too so i'm sending you some love now through the through the camera sending it right back thank you um but you know even like calling a friend it's just because you already have that feeling of that when you're with somebody that you love you get oxytocin so just hearing their voice could could help as well um you know go for a

massage if you have time like plan that maybe plan a reflexology next week when you know that the house is going to be empty for a while um that's mostly well have sex that's another way yeah that in the diary these are all really implementable things aren't they and i like the idea of self massage because it these things are real gestures to yourself aren't they and how often do we touch ourselves in a kind of a really intentional, you know, a nice way. I think often we're just quite functional in our movement and the way that we treat our bodies. So it's just turning towards yourself favorably, isn't it? And doing something kind and doing something that feels good, even if it's, yeah, just hearing a friend's voice and giving a neighbor a hug.

So I love that. There are practical ways that we can, we can pump up the love bubble and lessen our stress and that anxiety and that adrenaline that's often coursing through our bodies. And so, yeah, just an encouragement of people to think proactively about how you can do that for yourself today, but also the amazing protective nature, the resilience that that oxytocin brings us. So thank you. That is absolutely amazing. I love how you bring these kind of scientific concepts just into kind of implementable life in such a warm way. So thank you for a the gifts that you bring us in that. So I would love to ask you two quick-fire questions to finish off.

You've already told me you don't like quick-fire questions. I'm sorry about that. What's a challenge for you in life at the moment? What's going on? It's a challenge and a gift. I am recording for season two of my podcast. And I still have the Reinvent Yourself theme, but I have decided to apply indigenous wisdom to modern mental health struggles.

in doing that, I have learned so much about the atrocities against indigenous people. That's really actually upset me. Last night, I had to call a friend after recording my podcast because I was so shocked by what I heard. But it's made me, you know, want to showcase that, give it a voice. So I've got motivation around it. It's just I take things like really emotionally. So that has actually been quite eye-opening. yeah just processing what you're learning whilst knowing that you're giving a gift in yeah putting that out into the world but the impact of the reality yeah of what you're learning about well thank you i mean i need to binge listen to your podcast so i look forward to the second series and having my eyes opened and then finally what is something that makes you feel good i'm really into mushroom powders at the moment okay yeah

So actually about 15 years ago when I went through a period of stress, I researched like what's the best way to build your resilience to stress and I found out about mushroom powders. So I took them then for a while. And I remember kind of sending a note to my own brain saying, don't forget this because chances are you'll be stressed at some point later in your life. And this is the answer. I mean, the effects were dramatic. So I've just been incorporating them as far to my healthy routine again. but I am kind of obsessed with mushrooms, like eating them and the powder. So that's ringing me joy.

It's bringing you joy. I love that when your eyes are open to a whole new kind of area of wellness. Yeah, I take lines main, I think it is. And I can't even remember why. I think I read someone recommending it. I was like, okay, I could do with all the support right now. So I added that. That one's actually good for neuroplasticity.

So that's amazing. Yeah. Oh, good. So maybe moms should take that one when they're in the love bubble because it will help to increase the positive effects. Yeah. There we go. There's another little sneaky one thing in there. Explore mushroom powders and how they might benefit you. But thank you so much, Tara. It's been a privilege to have you on. And I know that, yeah, I think loads of people are going to be thinking right. How can I up my oxytocin? Life is chaotic. I've got a lot of stress. What can I do to

up that and give my body and my brain a bit of resilience and my children some resilience as well? and all is not lost when it all goes wrong because there is the love bubble. Let's focus on what there is supporting us within our minds and our bodies along the way. So thank you. And everyone, I encourage you to go and find Dr. Tara on Instagram and get her book, the source and just being encouraged whether you are an avid supporter of manifestation or you're a skeptic like Dr. Tara said that she was before she really understood it. It will take you on a journey.

And, yeah, she's just passionate about how. helping people live their full potential. And that's what you do through all your work. So thank you. Thank you so much, Anna. I'm so glad I could be on this podcast and share my message with all the mums. Thank you so much for listening to today's episode at The Therapy Edit. If you have enjoyed it, don't forget to subscribe and review for me. Also, if you need any resources at all, I have lots of videos and courses on everything from health anxiety to driving anxiety and people-pleasing they are all on my website at anamatha.com. And also don't forget my brand new book Raising a Happier Mother is out now for you to enjoy and benefit from. It's all about how

to find balance, feel good and see your children flourish as a result. Speak to you soon.