The Therapy Edit - One Thing with Erica Davies on how to feel good in what you wear

Episode Date: May 13, 2022

In this episode of One Thing, Anna chats to Erica Davies, former fashion editor, stylist and author about the importance of finding your style confidence in the early days of motherhood.Erica is the author of Leopard is a Neutral which you can buy here https://www.amazon.co.uk/Leopard-Neutral-Really-Useful-Style/dp/B08BSSSDRY/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1EP8Q7K4QHOA6&keywords=leopard+is+a+neutral&qid=1651659585&sprefix=leopard+is+a+neutral+%2Caps%2C94&sr=8-1You can also follow Erica on Instagram at @erica_davies

Hello and welcome to The Therapy Edit with me, psychotherapist's mum of three and author Anna Martha. Every Friday, I invite one guest to tell me the one thing they would most like to share with mums everywhere. So join with me as we hear this dose of wisdom. I hope you enjoy it. Hi everyone, welcome to today's guest episode of The Therapy Edit. And today I have with me, Erica Davis. Now, Erica is a former fashion editor. She's a stylist and she is author of Leopard is a neutral.

And what I loved about this book is that it's all about our relationship to style. But it's encouraging us to find our own style. Find your comfort zone. And also giving you a bit of confidence, I guess, in when you want to step out of it and how to step out of it. And I love that it's kind of full of. Erica's personal stories and her career learning and also just gets under the covers of some of the pressures and challenges that we have upon us as women. So highly recommend that you look that up. It's just brilliant. If you look at your wardrobe and think, oh my gosh,

I don't even know where my identity is within it. This is just a really amazing, encouraging and warm guide to help you with that. So hi, Erica. How are you today? Hi, Anna. Oh, that was a nice introduction. Thank you. You said all the right things about the book because that's exactly what I really wanted it to be when I wrote it, just warm and inclusive and to sort of invite the people who've never really felt addressed by the fashion world to feel included to that party. That's really, really what I wanted to achieve with it. So thank you. That was really good. I just think it's so useful. I often think as we're so immersed in kind of the digital world now, we're so often told what we should want and I sometimes look at my wardrobe and I think how much of this would I have been

drawn towards if I hadn't had all of these kind of many different often conflicting external influences and I think what I love about it it's about it's about understanding yourself yeah understanding your like how where is your identity in and how can you express that in what you wear and what do you feel comfortable yeah and how do you want to be seen by people all of those things. You're absolutely right. We are just bombarded with choice now. And it's the same for homes. You know, everybody's got this fabulous interior design aesthetic or seemingly because there's so much choice on Instagram and people are sort of trying to find their own way in a sea of it. And I think it's exactly the same with fashion. You know, it's very, very difficult to really

nail down what you like when every day you're being shown different outfits and different choices and you probably like all of them. But yeah, trying to distill it into that essence of who you are and what you want to be and how you want to show yourself, I think, is fundamental. Yeah, so brilliant. Well, thank you for that. So, Erica, the question that I asked the get here is, if you could share one thing with all the mums, what would that one thing be?

My one thing would be about that time after you've given birth when you're not feeling yourself. and it's trying to get your confidence back with fashion after you've had a baby. Because for me, and I talk about this in the book actually quite a lot, because I just remember it so vividly. I was very much a person who dressed for the office. I was really comfortable with my work look, so I had my outfits. And I worked on a newspaper, so it was quite suety and booty for the men.

And I worked in fashion, so I could be a little bit more flexible. but ultimately it was quite a strict dress code. So I knew I had my wardrobe sorted. I was dresses and statement jewellery. Then at the weekend I probably had a couple of things that were very comfortable, but that didn't reflect anywhere near my work wardrobe. And then I had this baby and I was going to be at home for a year and I had absolutely no clue, even though I was a fashion editor,

how on earth I should wear, what I should wear, what I should be choosing to wear because obviously my body had changed. I put on a lot of weight with my first pregnancy and that was a difficult thing because I was inhabiting this sort of relatively new body. Plus you've got all the things mentally that go on with having a newborn. And I remember particularly this one day when my mum had come down to babysit our son and my husband said, come on, I'm going to take you out. out for dinner. And I can remember opening my wardrobe and standing in front of the wardrobe and just sobbing because nothing, nothing. I tried on all of my work dresses that I loved and I hated

everything. I hated myself. But it wasn't anything to do with the clothes or my body. It was just that everything had changed and I just didn't feel in control anymore of this perfect setup of this world that I had. And I had everything I wanted. I was so desperate to have a baby. I was so grateful. I had a beautiful little boy. And it just, the clothes thing focused my mind. And I just thought, no, I need to go back. I need to really think about this in terms of, okay, what are the practicalities of my new day to day? Don't hold onto the past. Don't hold on to the pieces. It's like if you've lost weight or gained weight or, you know, you've, and you're holding onto clothes that. meant something to you in a former life when you did you had spare time or you went out for drinks every Wednesday with the girls after work and now you're not living that life anymore get rid of things you know really start to streamline and think about what is needed now and I think if I was to share one thing it would be to really sit back take stock get out of

all your clothes and be really, really ruthless. Remember that it's not about you. It's not about your body. You will lose the weight. You will put the weight on. It doesn't matter because all that will happen in time. The important thing is the you right now, what you need right now. And it's just building up your confidence. I think it's all about building up your confidence until you get to a stage where you're thinking, actually, I do feel a little bit more like myself now. I love this and it just shows, doesn't it? How intrinsic what we wear is with our identity and how we feel because I almost felt that, you know, when you were saying about that moment where you were looking at this wardrobe full of those work outfits that you felt so comfortable and confident in

and they were, you know, formed with, they were reflective of your life stage and how symbolic certain things are in our wardrobe. Yeah. And how kind and generous it is. And we take a moment to think, actually, what pressure might I be putting on myself by forcing myself towards this style or this part of my wardrobe or these outfits when actually the kindest thing would be to think where am I now? What can I do to close myself in a way that feels good now? Yeah, feels a bit like me. Yeah. But is useful and practical for the me now. So I have. So I have. have some quick five questions for you. What is a motherhood high for Eureka? Oh my goodness. Well, just that you think you've got it with each stage. You think this stage they can't get any

better or this stage they can't get any cuter or oh my goodness, the things they say now. But I've got a 12 year old and a 10 year old now. And it does just become much more. And it just becomes richer. You know, the conversations that I have with my 12 year old now are amazing. And I'm sort of endlessly fascinated by how he knows this or where did he get that from because that's not me and you know you go from this having this tiny baby where you're teaching them everything to them telling you things so I think it's just the motherhood high for me would be to see my children's personality coming out more and more I think it's just an endless joy I mean they drive me mad as well I'm not going to say that but just that

lovely conversation that you can have as they get older. And I can't wait to see how that progresses. That's so wonderful. And I think the reason that's wonderful is I share a lot on social media about, you know, the challenges of having young children. And then I get a lot of messages saying, you just wait. You think this is hard. You just wait. And I, and then it's almost like this scaremongering about the next stage and the next stage. And so I, I found that really lovely to hear. But it's just about talking to them and you can reason with them and talk to them as they get older. Something my mum always said was I loved you at every, I loved you at every stage. And of course, I remember, you know, being a terror as a teenager and mostly because of the kind of those hormonal

outbursts and friendship issues. But I love, I love it. I love hearing her say that because it sounds so positive. Like, you know, we're not, we know that there's hard stuff. We know that parenting is tough that it is not just suddenly you're going to turn into this easy, breezy dream as soon as they hit a certain age. But I love hearing those positive things. Thank you for that. So a motherhood low for you? Probably just, I mean, the sleepless nights, and I had it at the weekend because I had a sick

daughter, and I'd completely forgotten those nights of endlessly being disturbed and up and down and backwards and forwards, and I'm not very good on a lack of sleep. So I do remember that particular time when they were babies as being particularly difficult. So yeah, probably just the lack of sleep. And also that kind of sense that you do lose yourself for a time. You know, you do sort of give everything to your children. And I was definitely, this is being completely honest, I was definitely somebody who gained a lot of self-esteem from my job.

and when I had my maternity leave, particularly the first one, less so interestingly with the second one, but particularly with my first, I do remember thinking, I don't know who I am anymore. I don't know who I am anymore. With the second, I was ready to relinquish that feeling and I just embraced it. But yeah, I do remember that sort of sense of loss of a little bit of who I had been. But then of course, course it becomes something lovelier and richer and more wonderful because you're a different person but yeah the sleeplessness and that sort of slight losing sight of who you are and I think now it's so reflective what you were talking about isn't it about kind of just choosing always to let go and and recognise where you are to know that that was important to you and it's a part of you but actually you're in a different place now and how can you embrace that for what it is kindly. Exactly.

So what's one thing that makes you feel good? I love the weather now. I love being out. I like getting up early. I like going out with the dog. I like that hour where it's just me, a podcast, the dog, the sunshine. I just feel completely re-energized and ready for the day.

I get such positive energy from this time of year and just seeing everything, less so in the winter. Maybe I have got that sad syndrome, but this time of year I just feel much more positive. Being by the sea, we live really near the sea, so any kind of outdoor with the dog in the morning on my own. I'm somebody who needs that time on my own. Yeah.

And I think recognising that and making space for that and letting go of any guilt because you know that it benefits you. but then as a result, it benefits everyone around you. Nice, a person. Better mom, I think. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. And then finally, how would you describe motherhood in three words? A blooming roller coaster.

I love that. True. I was just counting. Blumming roll. Perfectly done. Bang on. Good as that, bloody, couldn't I? A bloody roller coaster. You could have.

You could have. You can and you just did. I love it. Well, thank you so much, Erica, for everything that you bring to us. in empowering us and encouraging us to find and feel confident in our identity and how we express ourselves. It's really, it really is important and the joy that you bring on your social media as well. Thank you. Thank you for your time today. Thank you for asking me. I've

really enjoyed it. Thank you for listening to today's episode of The Therapy Edit. If you enjoyed it, please do share, subscribe and review. You can find more from me on Instagram at Anna Martha, you might like to check out my two books called Mind Over Mother and Know Your Worth. I'm also the founder of the Mother Mind Way, a platform full of guides, resources and a community with the sole focus on supporting mother's mental and emotional well-being. It's been lovely chatting with you. Speak soon.