The Therapy Edit - One Thing with Gemma Bird on how the the early years of motherhood cost AND give the most

Episode Date: May 26, 2023

In this Friday guest episode of The Therapy Edit, Anna welcomes guest Gemma Bird who shares her one thing which is a reassuring piece of advice for those in the early years of parenthood worried about the spiralling costs in the early days.Gemma is a mum of two, speaker, author and regular television contributor who specialises in offering advice for mothers on managing a budget and money saving hacks.Gemma Bird’s practical and savvy money-saving tips have made her a social media sensation with over 330k followers on Instagram. Gemma isalso a regular on ITV's Lorraine as one of the show's expert 'Saver Squad'.From entertaining the kids, useful money-saving apps and the best deals and freebies, hard-working Mum Gemma shares the ‘need to knows’ to push through economically challenging times.The key to Gemma’s success comes from her own motivation, a working Mum who frequently held down multiple jobs to make ends meet; she is actively instigating change, dropping the perceived shame and secrecy around being strapped for cash, in debt or economising. She says, “There is a pride & empowerment that comes with being in control of your money”.You can follow Gemma on Instagram as @moneymumofficialYou can buy Gemma's most recent book, The Money Journal hereYou can buy Gemma's first book Money Mum Official: Save Yourself Happy: Your Ultimate Money Tips Guide here.

Hello and welcome to The Therapy Edit with me, psychotherapist, mum of three and author Anna Martha. Every Friday, I invite one guest to tell me the one thing they would most like to share with mums everywhere. So join with me as we hear this dose of wisdom. I hope you enjoy it. Hi, everyone. Welcome to today's guest episode of The Therapy Edit. I've got an amazing one for you today. talking to Gemma Bird. She's on Instagram as Money Mum official. She's part of the ITV Lorraine

Saver Squad. She basically shares so many tips and hacks, gets us thinking about how we're spending our money on her Instagram. I mean, you will go down the most amazing rabbit hole that will save you, it will save you pounds, learning and just being prompted to think, for example, about how you buy snacks for your kids even. So Gemma showed us how packaged raisins. So you know, tiny little boxes. They're about £8.24 per kilogram. But a bag of raisins, normally a shelf full two down, is one kilo for £1.90. So a massive saving. All you have to do is just separate it out into pots and you're saving all that money. So things like that. She shares hacks. Like she got her oven clean for £1.50. I now feel totally swindled for the fact I paid someone.

Oh my gosh. I literally don't want to tell you how much I paid someone to clean my And so often we look around and we think, you know what, I can't save money. But if we have the right knowledge, we really can make a huge difference. So Gemma's also got books to guide you through Money Mum Official, Save Yourself Happy is her first. And then more recently, we've got the Money Journal, plan your budget, take back control. So there are her books there as well to give you lots more information and guidance and to help you just really plan and make changes. So there we go, Gemma. That's that's you.

wow thank you very much that's very kind of you how are you today it's great to have you on i'm not too bad today yeah um i suffer with anxiety sometimes i'm like when i do podcasts i'm like god um i'm fine talking to people but yeah no i'm actually feeling quite happy and chirper was it the word chirp chirp chirpy chipper that's it yeah chipper today so i feel all right today we can make up some new words for that i often accidentally end up kind of joining two words together Like on a podcast. Oh my gosh. I'm creating a whole new language here.

I hope people can understand me. I call it generisms when I do. My friends are like, what are you talking about? I'm like, oh, I don't actually know. It's gemmorism. I've got aneurysms. So, Gemma, the question that I ask all the guests on this podcast is if with all your knowledge and all your hacks and all of your amazing story around how you shifted your

financial situation with all this kind of insight. that you've been putting into practice. What is the one thing that you would share with the mum's listening? The main thing I would say to any mum listening is the toughest years really are from nought to four. Once they start school and you've not got those nursery fees or you could go back to work and you can have help through the summer holidays and it's only those summer terms you're paying out for, they're the sort of the best months, but they're also the best years of a child's

life and they go like that. So I think if you're in that nought to four stage and you're worrying about finances, remember it's not forever. and also their little tiny cuteness is not forever. So try and sort of lap that up. And yes, financially, you're probably going to be the most broke you've ever been between those four years. But things, they will grow up so quickly.

And it's something that it's a short moment in time that we have to sort of all get through. And it's just about sort of changing maybe the way we live our lives for those four years. But they can also be wonderful as well with the memories you create. Well, that's so good. So it's like balancing the stress and the concern around. money, you know, maternity leave pay, it's not, it's not great, is it? It's a real challenge. I've got friends that have gone back to work before they would have liked to. I've got friends that are really stressed. I've actually got a few friends that have been prompted to start

their own businesses and then again, great enjoyment, but also that adds to the juggle. So it's, you're right, it's a real time of financial shift, but also you're saying it's an amazing time as well. precious years. So make sure that you're enjoying, enjoying those years too. Yeah, it's about finding a good balance, I think, between it because it is a really, really tough time. And as you say, maternity leave, especially with the cost of living rising, it's definitely not enough. They definitely need to be up in it. We need more money given on maternity leave. You think about it, it's been set like that network for years. It's only gone up sort of a few pounds a month, but everything else has gone up so much gas, electric, petrol, childcare.

I mean, there is some fantastic new childcare coming out, which I'm really pleased to see from nine months. But, you know, food, everything's gone up so much that I do think that's something that definitely needs to be looked at in rise with the cost of living, you know. It was hard enough when I had Brody 10 years ago, when I had Bronte four years ago. But now, you know, going on just those couple of years,

everything's risen so much that mums need more. and dads need more support in that first year. And obviously, there are steps. I'm really pleased, as I say, being made from sort of they're going to be starting taking children from nine months and the 30 hours. And that's going to take a lot of pressure off for a lot of parents. But it can't come soon enough, I think, from most parents. Yeah, absolutely.

The increase in the cost of just kind of day-to-day life. So for those parents listening who are thinking, yeah, we are having a hard time right now. And also those parents thinking, you know, we just have nothing left at the end of the month, it would be amazing to know how we can just approach our money in a way that just takes some of this fear and anxiety and stress out of our finances. What easy wins? What little tweaks would you recommend? There's no magic one for anybody, of course. If you've not got enough coming in and you've got more going out, then obviously that is a real worry. People say money doesn't buy happiness, but if you've not got enough to cover your food and your bills, then it does buy happiness.

We all need enough to live. No, things just bring us joy for a moment in time. We work hard from, why shouldn't we have them? But, you know, when you're in that situation, it is difficult. So the first thing you need to obviously do is what a lot of people have done, but there's also still many people that don't because obviously they bury their heads in the sand. I don't want to do it is go through your in-goings and your outgones. You know, maybe it could be something as simple as have you got a car that you have

when you was at work and you're paying $500 a month. Could you for a year lower that one to sort of a 200-pound payment a month to get that $300 back? if you've got your skies and your gym and everything, yes, a lot of that is for social, but could you maybe cancel your gym membership as of another crowd of women if you're doing it for social that you can go to walks with or runs with and using things like YouTube? All these things we don't want to necessarily do, but sometimes these things that we do make us sleep at night money-wise.

And also, is there anything we can do as a mum? So, you know, buying the toys, getting them secondhand, doing things like toy rotation, getting a box, because children, you know, you can buy something for 100 quid and within 30 seconds, they're bored of it and what the next thing. So it's about getting out a box off hour on a Monday, then a Tuesday and rotating them and selling the old to replace the new. And also looking at things, what can you do at home? Is there any online surveys you can do for some Amazon vouchers?

Just know, they're not life-changing, but they might be able to buy bits and box for your child. And, you know, kids don't need everything. They don't know if it's second-hand. You know, loads of stuff for Brody. In fact, most of Brody's toys in a little all second-hand from like the NCT and any new sales, looking at maybe like going to like church groups and community groups instead of, paying out each week for groups that maybe are 10 pounds ago and you just maybe you're giving a donation. Is there something you can do with a group of women and you all sort of

rotate and go to each other's houses each week? Is there money you can make around the home? Or have you got a friend that's gone back to work and it's got loads of stuff they need to sell? That's a business instantly for you. You could then say to your friend, okay, drop everything round. You're not paying out for stock because they're giving you the stock. You could arrange like a 50, 50 split on the profit or 40% to you, 60% to them, whatever work. for you and then straight away you've got some kind of source of income you can do it around your child now you've got sites like vinted eBay gum tree Facebook whatever site works for you people always say what's the best site what's the best site okay there's fees on eBay for

example and the buyer pays them on vintage but you might get more money on eBay for certain things so it's using different platforms and sort of learning that skill as well obviously in Amazon store you can create you know there's there's no easy fix but there is things you can do to take that pressure off for that little amount of time, even if it's like you usually have that beautiful holiday abroad, well, maybe this year you can stay in England or you can house swap with somebody for a week. You might have a friend that lives in Dorset

and they want to come to Essex and you can do something like that. It's looking at other ways to save cash and make money and try not to, it's easier said than done. I know it is because when I was in it, I used to think like this. But when I look back, and especially even with my second child, I've definitely lapsed it up.

try not to worry about things you haven't got as much. Do you see what I mean? I was used to think when Bronte was little. As long as I'm paying me bills and I've got food on the table, and we did do things that we cut down on our sky and loads of things like that. We had a cheaper car when Bronte was really, really small and things like that. We did make those sacrifices so that I could be around for Bronte because that's what I wanted to do. And it does get easier.

Like she starts school in September. My career is now taken off a couple of years later. Do you see what I mean? So things change all the time for people. And it is a really difficult one. And it's not an easy fix and I do feel for a lot of parents as well. Yeah, but I love what you're saying is, you know, these changes, they might not be forever, but sometimes we just have to make switches.

We have to make changes. We have to pull back and switch things up for now so that we can make things sustainable. And I also love what you said about, you know, looking at what's going out each month or the subscriptions that we might have had that actually we don't really read that anymore. We don't really use that product or, And perhaps we might not have even realized that we're still paying for something that we signed up for years ago. But actually this takes doing that thing that can feel really brave sometimes of sitting down and looking at the situation. Yeah.

And that can feel like a huge thing to do, can't it? Yeah, I think that's one of the most hardest things. I think people, you can say bury your head in the sand or don't want to look at it, but they just think, I'll do with it tomorrow, I do with it tomorrow. Like you just don't want, you don't want to like look at that reality that it could be like, actually it's really, really bad. But once you've done that and you've gone through that, you can then put steps in place. It's with any thinking of whether it's your finances, your weight, your exercise, your mental health, whatever it is you want to change. Once you start doing some things to improve it, you do start to feel better. And it's exactly

the same with money. And there should be no ashamedness around debt at all or being worried or not understanding it because, you know, I've always been good with money, but I can't read very well and I'm terrible at writing. You know, I'm dyslexic. I don't understand how to write things. properly and I really struggle with that. So we've all got strengths and weaknesses in life. So I think it's about trying to sort of work together. And I'm sort of open and honest. I ask for help with brands I work with. Like, can you write the caption for me? This is what I want to say. But can you help me with that? And I do ask for help because I'm not good at that. But whereas I'm good at, like, creating the idea for the advert and showing the money

angle on it and what we can do. So I think it's about working to your strengths and weaknesses as well and knowing if you've got a weakness in an area and that's okay. Because there's nothing wrong with it. We've all got a weakness, haven't we? We've all got something we're not good at. We've all got something we are at. So it's a win. Yeah. So just just knowing where your strengths are and actually the fact that we're not always strong in like I really struggle with mass. I had to have a lot of help when I was younger. To be honest, my eight year old is is better at mental mass than I am. So that's always been an area that I've struggled with. So money, you know, I've come up against challenges just because I don't get the sums right. But if we just carry on and we keep trying and then we keep feeling like

we're failing, we keep feeling like we're getting it wrong, that will take us to one place. actually sometimes just recognizing, accepting that we have strengths in other areas and no one is going to be strong in every area. So if it's something that might be impacting money, then that's not failing. That's just being human. Yeah. So get some insight and get some support and get someone to help guide you, guide you through that. And where can people go? Because you've got your, you've got the Money Journal, which I absolutely love. I love the fact that you can start it. It's 12 months, but you can start it at any point in the year. So you don't have to just start from January. Like we often kind of put things off, don't we? But you're saying,

you know what? Start now. Take this month now as a starting point. And that's what I like about it. It's your journal to write down exactly what you want. There's lots of hints and tips in there and tricks to save money. And there's also a guide at the back that sort says, okay, December months are coming up. And it's about really good ideas like planning a year because someone's going to be more expensive than others. Like December's always a really bad month for us because you've Christmas, but we've also got a car insurance that we pay yearly as well that comes out. So it's like a sort of a double whammy and we've got a car tax that comes out and that's just gone up as well. And car insurance went up. So December for us, so I always sort of try

and from August put money away for that four months. A lot of it is about planning because, you know, you can't suddenly find like a couple thousand pounds for extra things for that one month, whereas if you'd put it out way throughout the year, it makes it easier. So it's about looking at your year as well. And that's what sort of the planner does. It makes you look at your actual year because everyone's year is different. You might have a bill that comes out for your children, for example, in May, their dance classes, or whatever it is, you know, it's about planning is so important when it comes to money. And this is, this is so important because I feel like our culture is, and all the advertising and all the marketing that is plowed, you know,

thrown at us all day, every day, says, you only live once, you know, you never know what's going to happen tomorrow, just go for it, you know, sign up for pay by credit. And it's all like, you can have this now and you're saying that actually that can get us into that place of really just desperately wanting to bury our head in the sun and saying, this is too much of a mess. I can't even go there. So, yeah, it's that kind of countercultural. Actually, the most empowering thing is to look ahead and plan and feel like you've got some control because that's where it gets hard, isn't it? When we feel like I'm not in control of this. Exactly that. And I always say like there's nothing wrong with buying a beautiful car. an amazing house, a designer handbag, a lovely holiday. That is what we work for at the end of the day. We want nice things.

We want treats. And I'm all for that, you know, but it's all about buying what's within your budget and not worrying what's where other people around you are doing. For example, like, I've got lots of friends who've got Chanel handbags. I don't have a Chanel handbags. They're like 10,000 pounds because I just can't justify it. For me, that's just, I've got a couple of these other handbags that they're nowhere near that sort of price.

So it's about not worrying what others are doing because we're all different in life. We all want different things, and there's nothing wrong with if that's something you really, really want. And that's something you want to tick off your list to have in your bag, in your wardrobe and wear it out. And you get pleasure for that every time you pull it out. That's great. But it's about making sure you're not getting into debt to get it. That's my main thing on my platform is not buying things you can't afford. Like always make sure you've got, if you want to buy that Chanel handbag and it's £10,000, for example, have you got 30,000 pounds?

Because if you haven't, you can't really afford it. That's what I always say. Always make sure you've got three times that amount. if you've got 10,000 pounds and you want it, and that's all you've got. If you spend that, you've then got no money left for bills, so you actually, you can afford it, but you can't actually afford it because you've got no money left. Do you see what I mean? So I'm all about making, yeah, and getting the best deal,

no matter what it is in life, shopping around, and whether it's a car or a luxury item or a holiday, like it's about saving up for it and getting the best deal we can possibly find because I'm definitely not one of these people that don't think we should have nice things. I do think we should have nice things, but within reason to our budget, and it worries me, especially the young people with social media, it's not taught in schools, and I'm so passionate that it gets taught in schools money, and that they look on social media and they think, oh, no, that person's got, that person's going, for example, I'm 441. So an 18-year-old, of course I've got more money than an 18-year-old, but it worries me that

they think, oh, you know, Gemma's got that pan bag, and it's about going, okay, it doesn't matter what Gemma's got. Gemma might be 41, she might have gone through those years of pain and saved up, and maybe she's now got a career, and it's just trying not to look at others, which is very, very, very hard for the young because of social media. So it's about trying to make a platform to say, yes, I did get this, but I've got the money to get it, and I got it here, and I got a discount, and what would you like to get?

And all sort of communicating together, because we're all different. We're all made up from different walks of life, but the only thing that we've all got in common is money, but we all have different amounts of money. And it's very, very, very important that we don't try and keep up with that person, because there's always someone better off and there's always someone worse off than you. And that's the way it's justice, rightly or wrongly. made the rules on that. It's just the way it is, you know. So I think it's really important that we're talking about money and we're saying what we can and can't afford more. Yeah, because it is,

as you say, it's something we all have to deal with. Every single day we have to deal with it. Every time we leave the house almost, it costs something. So therefore, the relationship that we have with money and our approach to it, it shapes a lot of our life. Yeah. Thank you so much. Lots of hope driven. And also, people can go over to your Instagram, which is Money Mum, official and they'll find lots of your journey and your story there and all of those tweaks and those little realisations that actually we're spending more than we need to in some points and purely because of the marketing of you need raisins in tiny little boxes and therefore you're going to be paying an extra six quid for the pleasure of your kid probably not eating

the raisins and then you know it ended up under the sofa for a few weeks but for finish after i'd love to ask you some quick five questions what's a mother high for you? A motherhood high. The main thing I think, maybe a lot of people would say this one, is the minute you get your baby and the love you feel for them. I just think that's the biggest high I've ever had in my life both times. Like, the rush is just unreal. There's nothing like, if you could bottle it, I'd be a billionaire. Trust me. For that moment, I'm a billionaire. Trust me, when they give me that baby, I'm a billionaire. That would be a good one to bottle and just replay. wouldn't it, if you're having a bit of a wobble.

Oh, that love. And what's a low for you? I think when the children were little, if I'm honest, the low for me would be I was worrying about money and worrying about things. But when I look back, it does outweigh it. That's why I was saying it earlier. But it was a low at the time, the worry about,

oh, what am I going to do? Like, how am I going to work? like, what am I going to do now? I've got a baby to look after. So that's probably was my low. There was definite moments where I felt really anxious with that. Thank you for all that you put out there that are supporting people that are you then. Yeah.

Yeah. That's what you're doing really, isn't it? You're giving back to your younger you. You're giving out what you needed. And finally, what's one thing in life that you do that makes you feel good, apart from going on walks and seeing friends, because you've said that one. Going on holiday is my main thing I like to do. I love anywhere.

That can be anywhere in England, anywhere abroad, seeing new things. I know it's walking and outside in the fresh air, but that really does give me a rush to see in new places. Like, I love it. That's what I live for. I work safe to see the world. That's what I live for. Now, that was my reason for my home of a hoggy job was that I could have,

holidays and see the world because I think for me that's the most important thing, memories. Yeah, even if it is in the UK with a bit of drizzle and not quite sometimes. Hopefully that sunshine will come soon. But thank you so much, Gemma. So people can find you at Money Mum Official on Instagram. We can enjoy all of the insights and the tools and the tips. And people can find your books, save yourself happy and the Money journal that are there for you as well. So thank you so much for joining us. Oh, thank you so much wherever we're on. It's lovely to meet you. Thank you so much for listening. Please do take a moment to subscribe, rate and review as it

really helps get these words out to benefit more juggling parents like us. And head to anamatha.com to find my resources on everything from health anxiety to people pleasing, starting at only £20. And finally, don't forget to pre-order my new book, raising a happier mother, how to find balance, feel good and see your children flourish. As a result, I can't wait for you to have that. Take care and we'll chat soon.