The Therapy Edit - One Thing with Grace Mortimer on taking the pressure of family mealtimes

Episode Date: January 26, 2024

In this Friday guest episode of The Therapy Edit, Anna chats to founder of @myfirstmeals, Grace Mortimer about her one thing, taking the pressure of family meals.Grace is a mum of one from Gloucestershire and her first Sunday Times Bestselling Book, My First Meals: Fast, fun and easy recipes for children with just five ingredients, was published in 2022. And you can now pre-order her second book My Family Meals: Discover delicious, nutritious budget-friendly recipes for the whole family which will be published later this year here.And of course make sure you're following Grace on Instagram here.

Hello and welcome to The Therapy Edit with me, psychotherapist's mum of three and author Anna Martha. Every Friday, I invite one guest to tell me the one thing they would most like to share with mums everywhere. So join with me as we hear this dose of wisdom. I hope you enjoy it. Hi, everyone. Welcome to today's guest episode of the Therapy Edit. Now, I have been scrolling through this wonderful guest. Instagram page and I'm so excited to share her with you. I've just found her and I was saying this

is so unfair. Sometimes I feel like Instagram just shows us pockets of people. So I'm so glad to discover Grace Mortimer. Now she is the founder of the popular Instagram page, My First Meals, which has a chicul underscore just before my first meal. So find her there. And there she shares her healthy, simple recipes for little ones using five ingredients or less. But I would say that the are suitable for the whole family as well. It's not just for little ones. I will very happily be tucking into many, many of those recipes. She is also the author of My First Meals, Fast, Fun and Easy Recipes for Children with, and I love this, just five ingredients. Now, this was out in August 2022, but excitingly, she has a new book coming out in 2024 and it is called My Family Meals,

discover delicious, nutritious, budget-friendly recipes for the whole family with a sensational new cookbook from the Sunday Times bestselling author. Now, Grace, that is going to be on my pre-order list because I've really enjoyed looking through your page and getting some ideas and just trying to get out the rut. But anyway, how are you today? You can be as honest or as top line as you like. Well, I've certainly been better. I haven't think this bug at the moment and the irony of being on a podcast talking about food when I can't actually consume many is not lost on me. I mean, normally I do have a deep voice, but even for me, this is ridiculous. Oh, it's so rough.

And I mean, I'm just a standard that you're even here, to be honest. But you are welcome to make, you know, a stage exit at any point. But so rough. Do you enjoy food generally? Oh, I love it. Yeah. I love it. I love it.

I find it's, I mean, it's sort of difficult to find, you know, me time as a parent and I think that kind of you know I'm in the kitchen cooking for everyone it's it's another way of showing love isn't it putting food in front of people and I just put on Netflix and crack on the food and I just find it really therapeutic so I love it but I also love talking about it yeah and I figure you know you have to eat don't you so it's kind of it makes sense to be to be something that you know you should enjoy you should enjoy and learn how to cook the things that you want to eat yeah And finding ways to just keep it simple as well.

Absolutely. So you're right. I spend a lot of time in the kitchen. And sometimes, you know, sometimes it's quite creative. Sometimes I really enjoy getting creative in the kitchen. Other times I just want something simple, nutritious that isn't too fuffy. And that's what I love about your page is just, yeah, just loads of ways to get creative without the stress of a million different ingredients.

So now, if you could share one thing with. all of the mums what would that one thing be um well my one thing would be do not compare what your children eat to what people are doing online because it is just a dark hole and i think especially if you have a kind of maybe a picky eater one of your children is is you know a bit picky it can be so demoralizing watching you know all these little ones with fistfuls of broccoli happily jumping away and your child won't eat anything unless it's beige. And I think, you know, from personal and very bitter experience, as soon as you bring that kind of expectation and sometimes frustration to the dinner table, you're already, you know, onto a loser, I think. And so,

you know, what I kind of try and do is remove as much judgment because there is a huge amount of judgment, especially if you do share what you feed your children online. You know, people people will look at it and go, you can't give children that much cheese, think about this. Everybody's got an opinion on how everyone else should do this and how they should feed their children, or parenting generally. But it's, I think, actually, if you take away all the expectation and just kind of dial it back, which is kind of how I came up

with the approach of five ingredients or less, because I thought, well, you know, I'm not going to have spent hours and hours in the kitchen creating a culinary masterpiece, it gets thrown on the floor, and I've wasted money, time, and, you know, I was really excited for him to eat this, and he hasn't blinking eaten it. So I thought, well, do you know what, if it's just five ingredients and it takes me five minutes, I actually kind of don't care if you eat it. And as soon as I took that approach, funnily enough, it worked because my little boy was like,

oh, right, fine, okay, cool. Well, I'm just going to get left to eat this, am I? All right. And it works. And then I thought, well, you know, maybe there's something in this. And so we kept trying it and trying it. And he was so, so fussy. It was just demoralising.

And I love food. And so does my partner. And I remember he'd, you know, go to bed having to sort of eaten sort of nothing, really. And I just remember sitting on the bottom step crying, thinking, how have we got to this? How have we got to? How have I, a person who loves food and, like, you know, I'm really passionate about it. I've got a child that won't eat. I just don't know how we got here.

But I think we got there. because I had this expectation of how he should be. So I put that onto him, which was unfair and it was wrong. So we learnt the hard way. Oh, but how freeing, though, because I think you're so right, when we start thinking, right, so-and-so is feeding her kids here, so I just saw that, and then so-and-so is, you know, this many vegetables and following this plan,

and it just becomes so high pressure that meal times, I guess you probably ended up approaching it with a bit of anxiety and, you know, before you even served up a meal of how is this going to go? Is you going to want it? Is it going to reject it? Is you going to get enough? And actually, so you're saying, just put the blinks on, make it simple, take the pressure off. Take the pressure off yourself, but also, I guess as a result, you take the pressure off your child as well.

Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. And I think we kind of, you know, I don't know, maybe this is just me, but I think when it comes to, well, probably everything actually. when it around parenting, but particularly food, I think we kind of go through three phases. You know, there's no better parent than the one that hasn't had the child yet. You know what I mean? They're going, oh, no, it'll all be organic this and, oh, you know, absolutely whole food zoning. And we all, I think, maybe start out with this expectation of how wonderful we're going to be when it comes to food.

And then when you realize probably quite quickly that it's not sustainable, it's incredibly expensive. And actually, children maybe don't want to eat. loads of quayua and green beans. I don't know. Maybe some do, but not my little boy. Anyway, you kind of go through this, right, I've got to be broken now by this. This is not how it's going to be. And you sort of go into, you know, right, I just need them to eat anything. Anything. I don't care what it is. Have a bowl of cereal, whatever. And then you kind of, you move through that and then you get to, we now know how to do it our way. And our way might be, we have home-cooked meals five nights a week and we have, you know, freezer stuff two nights a week.

Whatever it is, you kind of get to this place where you think, do you know what? We made it. We know how it works now. Yeah, absolutely. And I think I've been so humbled by parenting in so many different ways. But my first child, he was one of these kids that just loved the broccoli. He would, my friends would laugh because he would eat the broccoli first. He would eat the vegetables first. And honestly, Grace, I thought it was all down to me. I thought I was. just doing a great job. I thought I'd done it all right. And then I had my second. And it just challenged it. You know, it challenged everything. And I think being humbled and getting to those breaking points sometimes where you think, do you know, I have less control than I think can actually be really, really freeing because it just frees you up to think, right, do you know, I'm just taking the pressure off because we're all breaking under this pressure for food to look a certain way and

for, you know, the week of eating to be ticking all of these different boxes. So, yeah, absolutely love that encouragement to take the pressure off. So as you're getting creative in the kitchen and thinking of these five different ingredients, what, like, tell me a bit of the process behind that and how it all, yeah. Yeah, how it happens. Yeah. So, I mean, did you ever watch Ready, Steady Cook? Yes.

Oh, yes. Favorite bit when they just have these ingredients and they're like, off, here you go. Yeah. So, I mean, it comes, do you know what, to be completely honest, it comes from a place of being the most disorganized person I know. And so my life is a constant state of ready, steady cook, you know, opening the fridge and going, oh my God, how have I not been shopping? Like, I run a food page. I write books for going to say, and we have this. And I have to make a meal out of it. But I also kind of love that challenge because actually, like, I am a chronic overthinker. I overthink about everything. everything. So to have a task to focus on in the kitchen where I actually tend to get peace and quiet is it's kind of for me that's that's almost like the therapy. Yeah. I just love it. And so then I think, right, okay, so we've got to have some kind of carbohydrate, some kind of vegetable, some kind of seasoning and then we'll just see what else happens. And it's, I genuinely enjoy the process and sometimes there are some absolute shockers. You don't see those on it.

Instagram. But I mean, yeah, that's that's kind of how I sort of build it. I think, right, you need a carbohydrate, one, two vegetables, a protein of some sort, maybe some fat, you're just cheese of some kind. And then, you know, once you've sort of got that, you can add stuff. I mean, you know, everyone's got a spice rack and they sort of, oh, a bit of this and a bit of that and see what happens. Although you have to be careful because I did once add cumin. No, it's curry powder to an apple crumbull because it wasn't really. Oh, wow. They've got sea on the top.

I'm sure that one didn't make it into the book, did it, Grace? No, that one didn't. No, actually, saying that, it made it into the prolog. Oh, yeah. It reminds me that friend's episode. Who was it? Was it Rachel made a lasagna and a trifle or something like that? Oh, gosh.

Oh, we've had some shockers as well in our kitchen. My husband once made pasta for my birthday with prawns. And he used, I don't know what chilies, but we couldn't even, every time we breathe, the air, it was burning our mouth. So we still remember it kind of five years later. Happy birthday to you. The pasta dish, happy birthday to me. We all know how we're spending the next day.

Oh, amazing. And do you often eat together with your son? Yeah, so we try to. But I also think there's a huge amount of judgment around that. I mean, like, so children are, I don't know, particularly my little boy, I think, just starving all the time. Like, it's just a black hole now of, you just have to keep feeding. And so, you know, he gets home from school and he's sort of, you know, gorn.

I think, right, you know, let's just do some food. And then I don't want to eat it like five o'clock. I just don't. Like, it's kind of, that's the evening down then, isn't it? I feel a bit sad in an evening when I haven't got a meal to slip forward to. No, me too. Like when the kids are in bed, and I'm like, right now it's my time to crack on with something delicious. and it's like I've already eaten. Well, yes. Just add next to chili. Let's make it a sensory sensation.

Yeah. I mean, what's there then? Fruit and chocolate. No, I want to sit down. It's really tasty. No, that's it. And so, I mean, at weekends, we obviously, you know, we eat together and Sunday lunch is like the big one. Everyone kind of helps. Everyone sits down. There is no exception to that. But I do think a lot of the rest of the time, you're just doing what you can to get by. And it might be that, you know, you know, somebody's, you know, doing his spellings whilst I'm trying to, you know, cook something for Tom. And, you know, but just, it, it, it, it, it, it, it's, it's ideal to all eat together all the time. But I don't live in a world of ideals. Yeah. I live in a world of survival. Absolutely. We, uh, the dynamic in our house has really changed recently because my youngest is now far, nearly five. And I didn't, I like eating Thai feed and curry and I didn't want to

eat what they were eating. So I'd cook twice. You know, I'd cook for my husband and I. He would often get home from work at like half seven, half eight. So I'd want to sit and eat with him. Whereas now, my husband works from home sometimes one, two times a week. So we might choose to eat with them. But also, we might have had a big lunch. We might think, I just don't really want to eat dinner at five. So I think that's a lovely way, just to take it as it comes, take it, you know, depending on what you want to do in the evening. But I try and sit down with the kids. I try and sit down with the kids. So that's something I am trying to do more. I am trying to do more of. But yeah, I think that's another way that we can so easily fall into that comparison trap on Instagram and

social media is everyone's having these lovely meals together and that just doesn't work for this season stage of life or this day with these clubs or, yeah, another another way just to kind of sidestep that pull to comparison. Yeah, and the pressure. And again, you know, as soon as If I'm sitting down and I'm cross because I'm not really hungry and this isn't really what I want to eat, then it's not really a conducive environment for, you know, a child to think, oh, I'm really enjoying this dinner. I think I'll have seconds. You know, they're not going to do that if you're sort of, you know, stress because you think I've got to do this. And I was listening to an episode, Harriet Slew, was it, that you had on?

She was saying, you know, the relationship that you have with food when you become a parent changes massively. and it's so true and I think for a lot of people it's almost it almost goes under the microscope and I'm trying to say get rid of the microscope throw it away

don't do it so helpful so for those who are standing in the kitchen in the evening thinking I'm here again I'm here again I'm looking at the fridge I'm feeling so uninspired

this is so boring what would you want to say what would you want to say to that man apart from buy your book I mean number one number one by Grace his books, pre-order the next one, like me.

I don't know, really, what I would say to somebody standing in, because what I would want to say is go and have a look online, but then in the same breath, I'd say, but don't compare yourself to, you know, anything online. So it's a bit of a, there's a bit of duality about it. But, I mean, that's what I do, to be fair. I mean, we all have our phones in our hands, don't we? All the time, to be honest. And I'd be looking through, and I think, oh, that's such nice idea, but I don't have that

ingredient. And that, to me, doesn't mean I can't make it. I just sort of wing it somehow. But I do think actually, particularly at the moment where, you know, budgets are tight. Food has never been so expensive. Social media is a great free resource, full of fantastic recipes. And actually, it's kind of great because particularly Instagram, I think, it almost, it's essentially like a trip advisor. Because if you see a recipe you like and then you go into the comments and all the comments are, I tried this, it didn't work.

or I tried this and it was absolutely disgusting, then you think, right, fine, won't waste my time trying that one. But, you know, then when everyone's raving about something, you think, well, because I'll go, and it's free. And it's a great way of, you know, supporting a creator who does it for free as well. So, I mean, that would be kind of,

that would be my first poor call, to be honest. And your page would be great for that. I mean, I'd recommend everyone head to your page because you've just got literally lovely, just lovely pictures of food. there and I could kind of click into any of them. I think there's a, I'm looking at a cheesy bean burger right here with baked beans, sweet corn, got these, self-raising flour, grated cheese, finely sliced red onion. Bam, I literally have half of those ingredients in my freezer and in my

cupboard. And there we go. What are some staples you'd recommend people just keep in their freezer? Because we always have, I always have onion, chopped onion, frozen, because because it's I'm flipping a hate chopping onion, and it's always there. I have chopped garlic, frozen again, and peas and sweet corn. And those are like, I always make sure that I have those in my freezer. Any that you'd recommend, especially for people that want to go on your page and have a good... Well, I'm a, and I know there's a huge amount of snobbery around this, but I am a huge fan of those really cheap bags of mixed frozen veg and frozen spinach.

Yeah. Frozen spinach is so good because you get... like the bits of carrot in. Yes, I've got frozen spinach as well. And it's brilliant. So, yeah, those mixed frozen bags, the reason why I like them is because, like, you can just about add them to everything. Yeah, because they're small enough as well, aren't they? They've, normally they're chopped down. You could just add them to some eggs and make like frittata or yeah, or cottage pie. You throw in with the mint, you know, anything like that. So I always have a bag of that. But then, yeah, the frozen spinach is brilliant because you can just, you know,

curries, anything like that, just a few cubes of that. And suddenly it's sort of reasonably healthy. Yeah. Yeah. So those would be the things that I would always have in my freezer. But I think there's a really weird snobbery around frozen veg. And I don't get it. Like, I really don't get it. Because a lot of it the time, it's actually higher in nutrient density than the stuff that's vacuum packed that's been sitting in a warehouse for six months. So I'm all for frozen veg. Good to remember. Yeah. There's always a frozen. something that ends up in pretty much every meal in our household and it's there you know you don't have to and you're right the spinach is really expensive you get a massive bag you it sees a bit of heat and suddenly it's like ooh it's just so small and you need it's never enough so yeah just stock up

your freezer with some frozen stuff and know that actually they retain a huge amount of nutrients and you're more likely to get more veg in so thank you so much for encouraging us just to take the pressure off especially as we head into the new year often we can put the pressure on ourselves, can't we, to start changing things and improving things when actually what you're saying is step away from that, keep it simple for yourself, take the pressure off, just put the blinkers on, stop comparing yourself and, yeah, find a bit more headspace and enjoyment in meal times because of it. So, a couple of quick fire questions. Yeah. What is a motherhood high for you, Grace?

motherhood high for me oh um i have a very very shy little boy um don't know how i'm not shy um but yeah he um when his teacher told me he's really come out of his shell and he started contributing in his classes and stuff i feel oh my gosh i'm so relieved so relieved wonderful yeah the pride yeah he's really coming out of his shell which is um which is amazing that's amazing Oh, those things, we never really think that those will be the highest, do we, before we have kids and the feelings that you can get from those moments. And then finally, to finish off, what is, besides cooking, one thing that makes you feel good, one thing that you do that makes feel good? Ooh. I mean, I like running.

I really like running. I ran eight marathons. What are? What now? Goodness me. I ran from our house. in Gloucester to Mount Snowden and climbed it in eight days.

Wow. Yeah. Incredible. Well, it's a charity. I did it for charity. But I love, I just love running. I love it because I, you know, it's a great time to think. Well, I mean, you can do a lot of thinking and eight marathons in a mountain

and a lot of crying too. And a lot of crying. A lot of therapeutic, emotional release. Oh my goodness. Wow. How long to have those things that you enjoy and that you've found. But thank you so much. much for joining us and encourage everyone to head online or head to your nearest bookshop and

make sure that you pre-order my family meals discover delicious, nutritious, budget-friendly recipes for the whole family. Yes, please. Thank you so much for joining us and for your lovely warm wisdom. And now, Grace, please just go and lie down. Thank you very much for having me. Thank you so much for listening to today's episode of The Therapy Edit. If you have enjoyed it, don't forget to subscribe and review for me. Also, if you need any resources at all, I have lots of videos and courses on everything from health anxiety to driving anxiety and people pleasing nail all on my website, anamatha.com.

And also, don't forget my brand new book, Raising a Happier Mother is out now for you to enjoy and benefit from. It's all about how to find balance, feel good, and see your children for. flourish as a result. Speak to you soon.