The Therapy Edit - One Thing with Holly Tucker on the power of pursuing your passions

Episode Date: January 28, 2022

On this episode of The Therapy Edit's 'One thing', Anna Mathur chats with Holly Tucker MBE, founder of notonthehighstreet and Holly & Co and the UK Ambassador to Creative Small Businesses.Holly's one thing that she wants to impart to other parents is that enjoying and focusing on your career is not something that will damage your children. In fact it's quite the opposite.Holly believes that following your passion and building a business doing what you love is the key to a happy and fulfilled life. Through Holly & Co, a creative content company, Holly is working to positively influence this creative movement by redefining what it means to be a ‘small business’, encouraging more women to start their own businesses, as well as empowering our young with the skills to thrive when entering the new working world.Bringing colour and creativity to the business world, Holly seeks to advise and inspire anyone who is dreaming of starting or is already on their business journey through her podcast ‘Conversations of Inspiration’, events, a physical shop, and now, her business book, Do What You Love, Love What You Do, which is a Sunday Times Bestseller.Follow Holly on Instagram at @hollytucker and visit her website at www.holly.coBuy Holly's book here https://www.amazon.co.uk/Do-What-You-Love-Empowering/dp/B08ZSYLNK8/ref=sr_1_1?crid=12BMVN11B119K&keywords=holly+tucker&qid=1642501766&sprefix=holly+tucker%2Caps%2C97&sr=8-1

Hello and welcome to The Therapy Edit with me, psychotherapist's mum of three and author Anna Martha. Every Friday, I invite one guest to tell me the one thing they would most like to share with moms everywhere. So join with me for the next 15 minutes as we hear this dose of wisdom. I hope you enjoy it. Hi, everyone. Welcome to today's One Thing and I'm so excited. to have this guest on today. I have sat with her and never have I felt

such warmth exude from a person, not temperature-wise, but just who you are, Holly. You are such a passionate giver. You are so generous with your knowledge. And Holly Tucker, it's an absolute pleasure to have you today. You were the founder of Not on the High Street,

an absolute go-to for so many of us, even all these years later and you are the founder of Holly and Cohn. You've been a founder for the last five years. You are the UK ambassador to creative small businesses. And you just, you again, that word like generosity, you are so generous with your knowledge. I've watched you over the last couple of years, kind of supporting and handholding and advising and encouraging small businesses

through the pandemic. I mean, what an absolute roller coaster and what a gift to be sharing your, knowledge in yeah just helping them along through that kind of battling through that roller coaster that is being challenging for small businesses and you have a book which I have on my bookshelf right right besides me which is kind of just it's called do what you love and love what you do it's again like just empowering people and how to get from this idea maybe a dream that they've had in their mind for a while into the actual doing which is often the hardest step so again you kind of handhold people so

Thank you. How are you today, Holly? I'm so good. Thank you for such a lovely introduction. That is very, very kind of you. How much more to say. And I've been looking at you as well with such admiration for all you do as well. And I know we're going to talk about women and being mothers today. And I think it's extraordinary what you've built, the support you've built as well. So straight back at you. Oh, thank you. Thank you so much. Well, it's a pleasure. I wish we were sat on a sofa, we literally sat together. I think the last time we met was, was it the day before you had to close? I think it was because actually, do you remember Steph, who I know you've just spoken to, popped in because she's local and she was in tears and we were just all

a bit panicked, weren't we? But I don't think we realised what was coming. No, there was a buzz of kind of anxiety and knowing that we were on the edge of something, but not. entirely sure what that was it was that whole sort of some people are wearing face masks do you think we should and then suddenly it was the sort of Churchill announcement by Boris and and and who would have thought that's two nearly two years ago you know absolutely is astounding isn't it it is it is so a huge chunk of kind of your your time with holly and co has been kind of supporting businesses through yeah isn't that odd almost half of holly and co i've not thought of it like that. Yes. You know, normally, you know, when I built not on the high street,

it was just during the recession. And actually now, Holly and Coat was slightly built, you know, at the back of the recession, but also now half of a pandemic. You know, it's unbelievable, isn't it, when you look back? But I suppose the whole point of being an entrepreneur and, you know, being people who are wanting to look at success in a different way is that we can soldier through. A lot of people I spoke to was, you know, we're set up for success, old entrepreneurs like yourself, because actually the whole point is every day you have to pivot. Every day you have to survive. So we were actually quite well set up for a pandemic if there's such a thing. Yeah. Just that flexibility, I guess, that creative thinking of, well, right, okay, we didn't expect this. How can we,

what can we do? What can we do? I'm not scared of failure nor change. Yeah. And I saw so many lives that you did. I know I did one with you over the pandemic. You were just, you know, just encouraging and supporting and equipping. Every day. We were doing live every day for powerhouse. You are. I was, by the summer, I was a bit exhausted and there was a lot. It was unbelievable though. What an experience that was. And for your listeners, we built something called SMESOS, which was live broadcasting from day two of lockdown. to help people not feel alone. And I think that's what a lot of small businesses felt was alone.

And I know what you do is for mothers and people who are on that journey, again, helping people just not feel alone. And I think it's an amazing moment and time in business that we can have such unbelievable plights that are so much bigger than the utilitarian nature of our companies. And yet it is still a business. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Well, you have a huge amount of wisdom.

And those, those, they were Instagram lives. Are they still available for people? Absolutely. Yeah. If you had to, yeah, my handle is at Holly Tucker on Instagram and you can go and get the whole backlog. And there's lots and the most amazing people that were so generous with their time because I think everybody, you know, these incredible people that had like yourself, no time normally, were all stuck at home. So I was able to get some of the most. Pin them down.

pin them down. I was like, what else are you doing? Come on. Help the small business community. Oh, thank you. So they're there. There's an amazing kind of library of resources in those conversations. So Holly, as a businesswoman, an entrepreneur and a mom, what is the one thing that you would love to impart share with the mom's? Okay. Well, you asked me this question. So I sort of really thought about this, you know, the one thing. And I suppose, I suppose it is in no ways a working parent, are you harming your child? And what I mean by that is basically far from it, I think the very rewiring that's essential for our children's prosperous future is watching you work. And I spent maybe a decade properly worrying. You know, my son's just about to be

17. So I spent nearly a decade properly worrying that my son would be irreversibly damaged by me being an entrepreneur and I'd always wanted to be a mum since the age of 15, right? So there I was getting my dream. And yet, at the three months after he's born, I started not on the high street. And so I basically feel that it was only when he started, I suppose, his own business at 11 years old, and he openly called me his role model still today, nearly 17. I realized that, that guilt that I felt for nearly a decade, some years, slightly paralyzing me was a complete waste of energy. So that's what I would like to impart today. And that guilt that was such, I guess, just consumed probably some of your thoughts and feelings. Did you just, were able

just to let it go then? Did you see it differently? Or was it then a kind of process of just, yeah, I guess approaching it differently every time that way it might come? It really, I suppose, kicked in. And I look at my younger self and I say, that's okay. I think probably anybody would feel it. So he was three months old. I got together for my business partner, Sophie, who's 10 years my senior. So she had children that much, a little bit older. And so those first two, three years, which were the most unbelievably difficult, not paid working every weekend for 50 weekends with a newborn baby. and every day and every hour type scenario, you know, it was incredibly difficult because I was obviously missing, I missed his first steps, I missed his first words, I always was there, you know, my non-negotiable was putting him to bed, so he knew that as a constant, and my weekends it was about quality of time, not quantity. So I very early on had a couple of things that now a clever person like you would say, oh, that was really good.

you put that boundary in, do you ask me? Well, I didn't call it a boundary then. I was just like, oh my gosh, I need to smell my son's hair at least once today because it'll be the only good thing that's happening. So I think that that was those initial years, you know, the initial years where you're such a, you just want to wrap them up, don't you? And they're such, they can't walk and they can't do anything. You just need to be there. And I suppose what happened was Sophie, my business partner, you know, there'd be two o'clock in the morning. Frank would call me to say, that he'd walked, you know, I wasn't there and it would be absolute meltdown. And Sophie gave me such words of wisdom, which was, you know what, Holly, you don't realize this,

but when they're older, older, when they remember, when they're properly going through the playground battle, when they're properly dealing with, you know, what I've just dealt with, which is two years of going out and pushing boundaries properly, where it becomes actually dangerous. You know, they've flown the nest, so to speak. I am able to be there more now. And you know what? You're doing the hard strides right now. But as long as they're protected and nurtured and you've got quality and quantity of time correct, you're not going to do anything wrong here. And it was the best thing for me because I was like, okay, okay, I've got that now. Now, this is not openly spoken about. You know, you just, if she hadn't have said that, maybe I just would have had, there wasn't a plan in place. And that sort of gave me that first steps of having a vision to what this meant. And I think then it was little, comments such as my son, he calls me Baba, he turned to me tiny and asked me if men can start businesses. And I said, well, of course, my darling. And he said, but I'm not a girl, you know, and I was like, oh, gosh, we're changing something here. Yeah. Yeah. And brought him into, you know,

he used to clean. He used to call me very, very messy because I used to put paper on the floor so he could clean something so I could get the last of my emails done in the office. So from two, when he could barely walk. Do you know what I mean? He was in the office. He's played a part throughout my entire career being around, watching me, letting him into the downs and the bad days and the good days. You know, I was lucky enough to collect an MBE.

He was sitting in the front row. It was a reason why he hadn't seen mum for those bits. Oh, I see. You've helped all these people. Or lately at the Congregation of Inspiration at Holly & Co. He started up his own business at 11. and he still runs it. He sold his sweet jars at the congregation. He saw me on stage. I think there's something about that. And now he's studying business in A-Levels. He has his own

business. And he comes and works at Holly & Co. He's part of the team. It's a, it's a completely beautiful thing that we have between each other. No one else can have that bond. It's us. And that was because the rewiring started so many years ago. And I, managed, I managed to get hold of my guilt and control it. Wow. I think what's really coming to mind is that is how much of a gift it is to your child when you live your life well, you know, when you live authentically. Absolutely. To who you are. And I think it, I read somewhere and I always, I never forget where I read it, who wrote it, but it was saying, you know, one of the biggest burdens we can put on our children is not living our lives.

Yes. You know, it's that martyr, the martyrdom to motherhood that, you know, down the line then there can be guilt on that child of I stopped you doing what you were meant to do. And how inspiring it is for him to see you living to the flow of who you are. So it is inspiring to him. For him to live in his flow. Yes. This is where we talk about the fact that, you know, I believe that every child has a diamond and it's our job as parents to find that diamond and to shine it, right, and to nurture it and to understand that that could be anything from adoring birds to adoring, you know, finance or whatever their thing is, right?

It's understanding that. And he knew I was going, he knew that that was me. You know, there is hollyisms. There are, that's just so holly and co. That's what he just says all the time. He could come in and he could literally be, I look at like succession, you know, I'm watching at the moment. I'm not saying we're anything like this,

but it's like that I would love to work with him in the future. He would be in great ambassador to for the fact that he believes in living a good life. I always speak about it. Like, why do we call small businesses SMEs? maybe we're good life companies and actually it's reteaching him business and life and how actually it's just one thing if you run your own business it's a 360 existence it's less ordinary it's authentically you you know the heart of your brand is you so for him he has just literally observed that through not in the high street through holly and co so his notion of the

future is absolutely about building what is him. You know, it's, well, I love classics, but I love music and I think I want to look at the future of the high street. And I'm like, okay, that's you. And now build your career and your life around those things. Because even when you're 40, you probably will have the same passions. You know, I always always, we say look back to when you were a child and you'll probably see your business there in some you know in some way your passion about life people okay well that means that you need to build that as an adult and I think we all get stuck I think we can all put on a existence for our children I think we can have the nine to five and then we don't let them in you know what were you

doing all day mom you know let's not talk about the office you know I just think it's such a an interesting concept for our future, one that the education system is not dealing with. So again, the responsibility I would say is on the adults to teach from the home. You know, you're going to have a multi-hyphenated existence child in the future. 80% of the jobs by 2030 that exist today will not exist then. Wow, goodness me, that's a stat, isn't it? Isn't it? You know, you're going to have to have your own brand.

gone are the days that you can be born an entrepreneur. You've got to have a different mindset. The planet needs you. Business needs to be anchored in purpose and intention. Now these things won't come through at school you know just it won't

come there through business studies but it can come from home and I think we need to try and let our children in a bit. Yeah and think about what are those things that perhaps you've put on a very slow back burner thinking I can't do that because I'm a mum what what might it be like to you know get holly's book do what you love

and love what you do and just explore how might that become a part of your life along with motherhood and what i love about this holly is that like when you're talking about mothering your son this is the way you mother us like you're such you are such um you're such a i don't know like a small business mother you are you're incredible and this but this is this is how it's like watching your lives over the last couple of years. You are mothering people. You are mothering so many people. Your son, you know, you're mothering him and you are extending that mothering and that encouragement of authenticity and kind of living your purpose. And why not? You know, asking that question, why not? Like, why not you? I think in the last few years, I suppose it sounds

all sort of quite, you know, I suppose genuinely I like to live in gratitude. And I talk about this 29,000 days of where on the planet. And I, as I say to Harry every day, and it was so funny. I mean, I say every day, since he was a child, today is the most unique day. You're never going to get it back. You know, when he was four, when he was five, you know, you can be anything you want today. Any of your dreams could start today. Literally, who knows what will happen at four o'clock today?

Like, just this excitement in life. And I drove it in anyway. He was walking down the stairs. And as I said, he's nearly 17. can I swear at all on this podcast? Yes, you can. A tiny bit. I'll just say the F word.

He turned around to me and he just went, you said, oh, I'm knackard. I can hardly open my eyes. And I was like, you know what, Harry, you know, walking this big man walking down the stairs, today is your day. And he just turned to me and he went, you know what? And you're effing every day is my day. He said, today is not my bloody day. I'm knackered.

And I was like, I laugh so much because he's obviously had this for a decade of me cheering. leading him down the stairs. Today is your day. But it is what I do. I think I'm on this planet to help people be the best versions of themselves. Maybe that will be on my grave. You know, that's what I see. You do that. And then if I look backwards, if you always look back, if you say, what is my place and also where do I want to be as a mother and remembered and everything? And then go back to that point and then come to today, how will you behave? You know, are you inspiring them? One of the loveliest things for me is building a business with my son and my husband and my family and my sister all around me and how much it's enlightened their lives and my team it's like it's like a love

bomb going out what could other people do if you've got an idea maybe and you're putting it on the back burner what if you said to your daughter thinking of doing this do you fancy being my cheerleader in this I mean who knows do you fancy coming on this journey and she might be 10 she'd be like Yeah, you know, maybe I could do the wrapping, maybe I could do the sticking, maybe I could do, do you what I mean, it's the most beautiful thing and it teaches them so much outside of technology, outside of, do you know what I mean? And I think it's family businesses, I think will be part of the future. Yeah. Oh, Holly, I love, I love, because I know that there are going to be people in the car on the way from the, you know, drop off and pick up, just thinking, your passion is, in your authenticity. it is contagious and in the most wonderful kind of non-pandemic kind of way it's a bit of a word now isn't it but thank you thank you so much for inspiring that thought in us and encouraging and let go of some of that guilt so thank you who knows what will what will begin what little flames you'll have and just remember there is never a good time like having a child

to start a business there is no entry in the diary that is perfect there's no time that you make the right money. There's no time that you have the time. You can just start today by your intention. I'm going to make a change. And that's all you can do. That's the beginning of your business. It's not printing the business cards. It's not the business plan. It's not the, it's just the, okay, let's do this. And so if that is you today, you know, congratulations. You've just started your business. And I just think that that's something we've just got to free ourselves up as women to in order to do. Thank you. Thank you. So empowering. Thank you. I know those words will reach deeply into many, stirring it up, stirring up that part themselves.

Holly, to finish off, I always ask a few quick fire questions. So what is a motherhood high for you? Motherhood high is, I would say, can I say it's the sort of, it's the everyday at the moment. I was very worried about my child growing up because I I had this guilt that I'd miss so much, and then he's going to go. And I would say for ever, and I know it's all mums, by the way, we can't think about our kids growing up. I would say in the last couple of years, my son has become a man and I am bloody proud of the man he has become. He is going to be a gift to the world.

And I feel like I was so worried about this moment and Mother Nature has been perfect in getting me ready to unleash him to the world. Wow. Wow. What high. Thank you, Holly. And what's a motherhood low for you? A motherhood low was in those early years. You know, there was, it was unsustainable what it took to launch, not on the high street. You've got to remember it was the third marketplace in the world after Amazon and eBay, two women in Sheen sitting in this cold office, trying to build technology that eBay hadn't even built, with dial-up modens still being a thing. You know, people didn't like putting credit cards and we were into a website and we were launching it.

You can't, we didn't have smartphones and we didn't have social media. Okay. So what we were doing was actual impossible and so a low would be the wasted tears I shed, um, truly believing that my absolute goal. of being a mother, I had just completely effed it up because I was, and I sort of knew that in my heart, it wasn't like a, uh-oh, I think. It was just the, you know, we've got to work another weekend and then we've got to work another seven days. And then we, I'm not going to see Harry, you know, and he's eight months old. And so that was, it was about four years, I would say, that were

truly tough, no money at not on the high street, nearly collapsing, risking the house. What have I done? I don't see him type feeling. And that stage was an incredible low. You know, I was 28 years old. You know, I just, you know, and that's where I hope someone today may be having that same feeling, you're just got to reverse that rewiring. You're just got to just literally reverse it. I'm doing this because I'm going to be an incredibly strong woman for him to look up to.

Yeah. And that's exactly what I needed to do. but we're in a different age now for people like you. Do you understand being here asking me these questions? You know, we're living in the fruits of that time. You know, we're benefiting all these small businesses are benefiting from the fruits of that slog, that low. Yes.

So finally, how would you describe motherhood in three short words? Definitely my calling. Definitely my, my durocell battery you know it's it plugs into me and it it makes me want to do more for the planet for the world for the future of um harry's life um and um and the most hilarious um we've become the most hilarious double act right who cares what anyone else thinks i'm sure i'm sure you are We, I would say, along with our passionate screaming matches that we can have, they always end in absolute fits of laughter.

So it is just, yeah, it's extraordinary, yeah. But I don't know if those are the right things, but those are the three things. Those are wonderful. Whatever it is to you and those are, oh, brilliant. I love that. I love that, oh, that laughter. It's so bonding, isn't it? Yes, absolutely.

Absolutely. My poor husband, but yeah. He's normally the butt of a lot of jokes. Oh, bless him. I'm sure he doesn't mind, hopefully. He doesn't. Worth it. Well, thank you, Holly.

Thank you for your wisdom. Thank you for the little flames that you've planted in people today. I hope I've been able to do that. You have. Thank you. Thank you. Thanks for coming on. I'll speak to you soon.

Thank you, Molly. Thank you for listening to today's episode of the therapy edit. if you enjoyed it please do share subscribe and review you can find more from me on instagram at anam arthur you might like to check out my two books called mind over mother and know your worth i'm also the founder of the mother mind way a platform full of guides resources and a community with the sole focus on supporting mother's mental and emotional well-being it's been lovely chatting with you speak soon Thank you.