The Therapy Edit - One Thing with Jo Tutchener-Sharp on how to enjoy your kids more

Episode Date: March 25, 2022

In this episode of One Thing, Anna chats to Jo Tutchener-Sharp, founder of the incredible clothing brand, Scamp and Dude about how the challenges she has faced in life have led her to really try and be fully present when she is around her children.Jo is founder and CEO of Scamp & Dude has a long history in the world of fashion and beauty. In October 2015 Jo’s life took a difficult turn when she suffered a brain haemorrhage. She had to leave her children for a lengthy stay in hospital to undergo life threatening brain surgery and it was this moment that inspired Jo to create a brand that helps children feel more secure when apart from their loved ones, and Scamp & Dude was born. Famous for its superpower infused leopard and lightning bolt loungewear and vibrant designs, Scamp & Dude is a British purpose led fashion brand with a huge heart. Now sold in Liberty!You can follow Jo on Instagram at @scampanddudejo and follow her business at @scampanddudeYou can also see and buy the full range at https://scampanddude.com

Hello and welcome to The Therapy Edit with me, psychotherapist, mum of three and author Anna Martha. Every Friday, I invite one guest to tell me the one thing they would most like to share with mums everywhere. So join with me as we hear this dose of wisdom. I hope you enjoy it. Hi, welcome to you today's episode of the Therapy Edit. I am so excited today to be speaking. to Joe touching a sharp of Scamp and Dude. Now, I absolutely love Scamp and Dude. You will, if you will recognize Scampad Dude for the most amazing kind of leopard print. I was saying to

Joe just now the contrast in colour that just put together so beautifully. And a bit of a bit of an outfit for me, it was just such a go-to over the last couple of years where loungeware has rained, but that's not all they do. So I'm going to give you a little overview about Scamp and D. They started off as a kids brand. Joe felt really unwell. She had brain surgery and she had to, she was separated from her young children and she created, um, afterwards this, this kind of this superpower. So it's got this little emblem and the idea is that it just gives, gives child the power, just gives them some superpower when they, and to help them feel more secure when they're separated from their parents. But it grew and grew and grew. And I'm so delighted.

that, Joe, you have a huge adults range now. In fact, it's 80% of your range. Otherwise, I bet you've got asked so many times, didn't you? Can you just make bigger ones, please? And you've launched into Liberty Women's this year, which is absolutely incredible. And we've seen your clothing on stars like Fern Cost and Billy Piper, Laura Whitmore, and loads of amazing collaborations. I mean, I could go on and on, but I think one of the amazing things is that is how you give back and you've raised and donated money to so many different worthy causes and the super scarves. You donate one to another woman for everyone sold and the same with some of your kids offering as well and you're soon launching jeans. So, oh my goodness, how does it,

how does it feel to have been juggling and growing everything over the last few years and navigating the pandemic and how are you today? I'm a little frazzled. Yeah, yeah. I feel like I've got the best job in the world. I literally skip into my office every day. I'm so excited and it's by it. It just drives me so much. I love designing. I love coming up with the ideas of the ways we can help people who are having a hard time and launching into liberty with the women's wear was a massive pinch me moment. And I can't go into London without going into the store and peeking at it. I'm always filming me doing these, like filming it. rail because I can't quite believe it's actually there and the staff are looking, that lady

is crazy. She's always in here filming. I'm going to be heading. I'm going to be heading there. It's been a whirlwind, but it's been a brilliant whirlwind, like, relentless, hard work, but brilliant. I'm absolutely, absolutely loving it. I feel very lucky. And I feel like all of your pieces that I have upstairs in my wardrobe are really imbibed with that passion, actually, and that care and that desire and that drive for it to support kind of more than just the person that is feeling snugly and cozy wearing it. So thank you so much for brightening up. Lockdown days and beyonds. I've got my eye on a couple of dresses for summer and excited that you're doing jeans and kind of knitwear as well. Absolutely. We just launched the knitwear.

They've got such beautiful sleeves. I wanted them to have the, you know, when they blues on sleeve. and yeah, really lovely, brightly coloured jumpers and we've got cardigans and then the jeans launch at the end of the month and they've been a long time coming. It's very hard to make jeans. And the whole thing about Scamp and Dude is everything is really, really flattering and I design everything. I fit everything to myself and I've got a very real body. I don't, I'm curvy and I want things to flatter. So everything is designed to. really, really flatter and to suit all body types. So the jeans, we've got special little bits in the pockets to kind of tuck your tummy in a bit. And the shape of the boat is I've learned

so much like this. The way you put the pockets and you angle the pockets can be more flattering on the bottom and give you a little bottom lift. And it's been fascinating. It's one of the things I love most about Scampen Dude is the learning. I'm learning so much every day, which I love. feeding your brain. It's very, it's really, very fulfilling. Yeah, well, it's, it really comes through. So thank you for all the, all the, all the, all the, all the love and the thought that you put into everything. And so, Joe, the question that I have got for you today is if you could share one thing with fellow moms, what would that one thing be? So I thought this was such a brilliant question, actually, because it really got me thinking and I thought of loads of things.

I thought, oh my goodness, I need to share this. I need to share that. But the, the, the, the one that I ended up deciding to talk about was really being present and appreciating the small moments. And this is because it's something that I, after I was very poorly, I appreciated life, totally appreciated life more than I ever had before. And it was, it sounds so silly, but the little things I'd suddenly see the sun shining and the rays coming through the trees and be like, oh my God, that's so beautiful. And just, I just started appreciating everything. And then with the kids, I started appreciating the little moments that I used to be so frazzled. Like when I had my brain hemorrhage, I was, my kids were one and three.

And I think I was in survival mode before then and probably wasn't appreciating the little time so much. And I was, yeah, I don't know who isn't frazzled when you've got a one and a three-year-olds. Swept along with life, aren't you? Yeah. And you are in, you are in survival mode. And I think after I've been poorly, I just tried to make myself. stop a little bit and appreciate those little moments. And for me now, also after launching Scamp and Dude for a lot of the time, I'd find myself trying to juggle motherhood

and running the business and combining them a little bit too much. So after I'd pick them up from nursery or from school, and I'd be trying to work and look after them at the same time. And they were getting naggy because I wasn't giving them my full focus. I was getting naggy because I couldn't reply to this email properly. And it just didn't work. And I remember thinking, okay, I'm going to have to change something here. So I'm going to stop. As soon as I pick them up, I'm going to put my laptop down and my phone down.

And I'm going to give them my whole focus. And then as soon as I've fed them and, you know, we've had a play and then they go to bed. My laptop comes out. My phone comes out and my work has 100% focus. And it changed so much for me. I stopped feeling so anxious and panicky about, oh, and trying to, you know, when you're trying to do the two, you're just not your best self.

either one. And that was really helpful to me. So anyone who's trying to juggle work and motherhood, that would be my big advice. And anyone who's not juggling work, but it's just putting your phone down and not scrolling when you're doing bath time, for example. That was a big one for me. I noticed I'd get them in the bath and then I'd let them play and I'd be on my phone answering emails or scrolling on Instagram. And you're missing these lovely magical moments that are happening. And often those lovely moments can be at really mundane things that you're thinking, well, I can get on with these emails and answer these emails. But if you just stop and watch them and interact and play, you have, they're the magic, that's the magic, not Instagram, not what you're seeing

on Instagram. Yeah. And I think often, you know, when anything hangs in the balance, when, you know, when you're in one of those moments in life where you just think, oh my goodness, you know, everything could change in this moment. It's those, it's those Monday moments, isn't it, that you, that you want? It's those Monday moments. that you're just like, oh my gosh, I just wish if I could do that one more time or if I could experience or talk to that person that one more time just or just even that moan on the, you know, on the bus or whatever it might be that connection. It's those little things that we that we want. Yeah. And it's, yeah. That's it. When I was when I was facing my surgery and I

didn't know if I was going to come out, that's, it was those little things that I was thinking about like, oh my God, like who's going to, well, obviously my husband would have read them or bedtime stories. But it was that thinking of I won't get to read them bedtime stories. I won't get to do bath time. I won't get to do all these little things like watching them in their school play and all these things. It was that that was in my head. It wasn't, oh, I've never run a marathon or I've never gone to, I've never went to this tropical island or what. It was nothing like that. It was all so focused on the kids. And I have these little flashes when I think about them being grown up and looking back and thinking, because I would already look back and

think, oh my God, I miss the three-year-old Sonny. And remember those moments. I really miss that. And it goes by so quickly. And I know that sounds really cliche, but it's important to remember that. And so think, I'm going to soak them in. I'm going to soak them up and just remember this and appreciate these little, funny little moments and not lose it because I've just been so busy with my head in the phone or the laptop. And I think it's the being present thing is, I think is so important, but being really present, not physically present, but being mentally present as well. So, Jo, to finish off, I've got some little questions for you, just a few. So the first thing that comes into your head when I ask, what is a motherhood high for you? A motherhood high.

I think, well, on the same kind of vein, it's so special moments like camping in the garden with the kids. We've got a tent that we put up in the garden in the summer. We did it quite a lot during lockdown. And those magic moments of all camping together in the tent. sunny designed a print for scamp and dude that was another magic moment because he he created he drew these funny little characters and i turned it into a print and that was that was a magic moment taking him into liberty because they picked it and taking him into liberty to see his his print in liberty was was magical um and little moments like the other morning we came down like you know all these different stages like i said i miss i was looking back and missing the

little three-year-old Sonny, but you actually do appreciate each stage. And now, Sunny's 10, Jude, seven. And I love this stage so much because it's, everything's getting easier. You have brilliant chats with them. They're so funny, but they're so, you can have great chats. And one of the things I love as well is they can, they don't have to get us up in the morning. So on a weekend, they can come downstairs and make their own breakfast and sit and entertain themselves. And I actually recently had a line to like nine o'clock on a week. Ken and I was like, what is this? I thought I'd lost this forever. Yeah. Amazing. We came down and I went, what are you doing? And they went, oh, we're writing

business plans. I was like, what? And they were creating these business. I mean, they were bonkers businesses, but the fact that they even knew what a business plan was and that they were creating these businesses, I was like, this is magic. This is magic to me because I want those boys to know they can do whatever they want to do and they can create whatever they want to create. And they see how hard I work. So it's not. not like they think, oh, you can just make anything. Although Sonny did say, the other day, he said, when can I get a job? I want to get a job. And I said, well, you're only 10. So maybe when you're 30, you might, thinking maybe you could get a paper round or something. And he said,

okay, because I think I know what you want to do. And I'm like, okay, what? He said, I'd like to start a beauty brand. Wow. Oh, okay. I wasn't expecting that. I was thinking more paper round but the way I love the way their minds are thinking like the world's anything's possible why not why not yeah I want to get on with it when can I get on with it I love that what brilliant what brilliant moments and brilliant highs that are coming out of those conversations and yeah great that lion oh I love one of those yeah and what is a motherhood low for you or definitely the worst the biggest low for me was finding out I was very poor and not knowing and having that fear of leaving them without a mum that was hands down the biggest

low. That was utterly terrifying. And then another one of my biggest lows was when we moved out of London and Sonny was literally told me I was ruining his life because I was taking away all his favorite things, his house, his friends and his school and it broke my heart to be to to to still do that, even though he was saying that to me. And I was like, oh, God, maybe we shouldn't move. And I knew his life would be better with us moving. And I knew he'd settle and make new friends. But it was such a hard thing to do, knowing how much I was hurting him by doing it. But in the long run, I knew how much better life would be for him. And it was after six months of being in the new school and being in the new house. And I said to him, if I said you could go back now,

would you? And he went, I'm not sure. And I thought, okay, this is good. Yeah. We're moving in the direction. Your set thing. Yeah. Yeah. But it was not nice. Anytime your kids are not happy, like Jude was having some trouble at school,

a couple of boys who are being a bit mean to him. And he was really finding that really hard. And watching your child suffering and not wanting to go into school, or it's horrendous. It's the bullying thing. That's something that really bothers me. I have our superpower button, which is on every garment, is that was designed to press

to give the kids superpowers and I have a portable superpower button which is a key ring and it's in neon bolt and I designed that to go on book bags basically so obviously adults can use it on their keys but to go hang on book bags so they could take it to school

and press it if they were feeling a bit anxious and we give £5 from each sale to anti-bullying pro to help kids who are being bullying because that's bullied because that's something that's something that really bothers me i mean there's so much on social media with adults isn't there there is there is and it's just that lack of control isn't it you can't you can't make it stop you can't you're not you're not there in those

moments and you just want them to feel loved and protected and yeah oh i love that idea i'm going to get one of those actually for my for one of my kids who would particularly love that on his book bag and he would use it and find that really helpful Um, so next question is what's one thing that makes you feel good, something you do that makes feel good. Um, so me personally, I would say if it's, apart from the magic moments I was telling you about like with being present and the best bit of your day has been doing that jigsaw with one of the kids because you've been present. And I would say it, the thing I do for me is locking the door and having a bath and being away from everybody. And my, my husband's,

why do you lock the door? And I'm like, because I don't want any of you to come in. Yeah, that's your space. Yeah, I just need a moment and that's my kind of reset. And I used to always listen to a business podcast or I'd be scrolling through Instagram, scheduling content. And I've stopped myself from doing that now because you're still working if you're doing that. And I just need to try and have half an hour where I just don't do anything and I just let myself stop because the pace at which I live my life. I think it is a little unsustainable. And so I keep trying to go right to stop. Get your phone. That's another discipline. I'm going like, don't even take your phone in. This is a new thing. I definitely have my phone in every time for the last, however many years.

But my new thing is put it down, leave it outside the room and just try and relax. Wow. It is again, it's a discipline because we are so encouraged in a way to fill all the gaps, aren't we? Don't need any gaps? You don't know what you might feel. deal. If you stop, you might never start again. But I think, yeah, it's just creating that breathing space. You're doing that. Yeah, I'm going to try that. I wonder how long I'll last. I wonder how long I'll last without a book or a phone. And finally, three words you would like to use to describe motherhood. So the first I would say is overwhelming from so many ways. I think I was first overwhelmed by the love that I felt. I couldn't quite believe how much I loved this thing. But what

came with that also was an overwhelming fear. I've got to keep this baby alive and this terror and this I remember the overwhelming feeling of no, I was running a business at the time. I had 50 members of staff. I had, I was capable of doing it. I knew I could do that, but I didn't know if I could do the baby. And I was like, oh, I don't know how to do this. Why don't I know how to do this? I know how to do other things. And I found it so incredibly hard. I really struggled when I had sunny. He didn't sleep. He had dairy allergies. He'd actually stopped breathing at the beginning because of that we hadn't, didn't know about the dairy allergy. And it's, it knocked me for six. I was an absolute shadow of my former self. I was anxious. I was so skinny and, oh, I was not in a great

place. I really struggled. And I think part of that was, I didn't know how to do it. I didn't know how to be a mum. And the natural kind of mothering side. Yes. But I mean, I think the biggest thing was the lack of sleep. I think the lack of sleep is, oh, it just, it breaks you, doesn't it? It has more of an impact than I think people, people recognise before they're that sleep deprived. But yes, it really does. It really does.

Well, thank you so much for sharing with us and just inviting us, I think, just to, yeah, have moments where you just slow down and drink it in and put some boundaries in place perhaps that will enable us to be more, yeah, just to be more present in those moments of our lives that will just move on by, regardless of whether we stop to notice them or not. Yeah. And thank you for everything you do. Thank you for everything you do and the colour that you bring, the colour that you bring to our worlds. Thank you. That's lovely.

Thank you for listening to today's episode of The Therapy Edit. If you enjoyed it, please do share, subscribe, and make you know, review. You can find more from me on Instagram at Anna Martha. You might like to check out my two books called Mind Over Mother and Know Your Worth. I'm also the founder of the Mother Mind Way, a platform full of guides, resources and a community with the sole focus on supporting mother's mental and emotional well-being. It's been lovely chatting with you. Speak soon. Thank you.