The Therapy Edit - One Thing with Maisie Hill on being powerful in your own life

Episode Date: July 5, 2024

In this episode of the Therapy Edit, Anna enjoyed an incredible chat with the UK"s leading health expert, coach, podcaster and best selling author, Maisie Hill.Maisie shares her One Thing; how to get comfortable with feeling powerful.If you flip from committing to feeling powerful, strong, confident to reverting back into yourself because it starts to feel challenging and bring up hurdles you need to overcome, this is the episode for you.Maisie Hill is the UK’s leading hormonal health expert, a master certified life coach, andthe bestselling author of Period Power and Perimenopause Power. She is the host of theMaisie Hill Experience podcast, and the founder of Powerful, a life-coaching membershipthat helps people from all over the world come together to learn how to silence theirinner critic, tame the overwhelm and step into a life of clarity and confidence. Powerfuldistils the essence of all she teaches and the insight gained from her extensive coachingexperience into an empowering guide to taking control of your life.Follow Maisie on Instagram at @_masiehill_

Hello and welcome to The Therapy Edit with me, psychotherapist's mum of three and author Anna Martha. Every Friday, I invite one guest to tell me the one thing they would most like to share with mums everywhere. So join with me as we hear this dose of wisdom. I hope you enjoy it. Hi, everyone. Welcome to today's guest episode of The Therapy Edit. And I have with me today an absolute dream guest. I have with me, Maisie Hill. Maisie is the UK's leading hormonal health expert, a master certified life coach and the best selling author of period power, perimenopause, power, both of which I have on my bookshelf

and her new book, Powerful. Be the expert in your life. Now, I was so lucky to receive a press copy of Powerful. And I had a quick, quick look, but it is not on my book. bookshelf because I was reading another book and then my friend was at my house and she saw it and she asked to borrow it. So it's currently with her. She's 25, so she's younger than me. She's living with a couple of housemates and they are absolutely devouring it. They are learning so much. They're talking about the different things that they're learning about confidence and the nervous system. So quite frankly, I cannot wait to get it back. But Maisie is also the host of the Maisie Hill Experience podcast and the founder of Powerful, a life coaching membership that

helps people all over the world come together to learn how to silence their inner critic, tame the overwhelm and step into a life of clarity and confidence. How freeing and life-changing is when we learn how to do those things. Powerful, be the expert in your life is the book that distills the essence of all that Maisie teaches and the insight gained from her extensive coaching experience into an empowering guide to taking control of your life. And I'm really jealous, actually, of my friend that she's learning all of this stuff at the younger age of 25 because I know how much it just powerfully changes the course of our lives. But anyway, Maisie, your work and words over the years have drip fed into how my relationship with myself

looks. So I'm so grateful for all that you do. But welcome. Thank you so much. And thank for having me here. It's wonderful here to hear how the book's being received. And I love that you haven't currently got it for the best of reasons. Yeah, I would like it back. I would like it about. But it's, yeah, it's powerful stuff, isn't it? Taming our inner critic and just almost unlearning some of that stuff that we've just picked up over the years. Yeah. Yeah. There's so much of it. And, you know, I don't, I think sometimes we have an idea of the extent of things, but then when we really start having that lens of understanding of ourselves and being to notice things in ourselves that we're like, oh, that's showing up over here too. Oh, that's over there. And I think sometimes

that in and of itself can feel quite overwhelming to people like, oh my gosh, it's this massive thing in my life that I have to sort out in all these areas. But actually, it's far simpler than that because if you address it in one area and just focusing on that, then what happens is that mushrooms and spills out into all the other areas as well. So actually, if you just address it once, then it, you know, it is the knock on domino effect that happens in all the other areas, which is really fun to watch people realize and see it all unfold. Absolutely. And I think sometimes when you learn these things about yourself and you just see yourself with, with, you know, through that lens of, oh my gosh, I didn't realize my inner voice was.

like that you can't kind of un-learn it you'll never you'll never look at that dialogue in the same way again and then it gives you options doesn't it to yeah introduce them a slightly different way and yeah so sometimes it's just in the recognition yeah and i think just picking up on what you said there it's just that idea of having options you know no one's saying that you have to be a certain way or that you have to do get it quote unquote right all of the time or anything like that but this really is about like giving yourself options because what's really stressful in life is feeling like you have no options and actually that's a consequence of stress responses is going into that black and white thinking and only thinking well I have to do this or I have

to do that and you know like when you're in a stressful situation and you're just like oh either got to do it or I can't and that's it and then it takes someone else going well have you thought about this and what they're suggesting is so stinkingly obvious. When you're in that kind of stress response, that creative thinking is just far less accessible to you. Whereas another time, another place, another day, you know, once you've moved out of that stress response, you're like, oh yeah, there's this other solution that I could do. Or maybe I could do this instead. And, you know, things, there are options there. So, yeah, I just love the idea of having options. Yeah, and it's so it just really prompts a lot of self-compassion, isn't it? And I think that's

a theme with all of your work from helping people understand their bodies and their cycles and also, you know, their internal dialogue. It's all the more that we understand ourselves, the less we're just going to be saying, what's wrong with me? Why am I like this? Why can't I just think clearly in that situation? And when we start to understand the nervous system and what's happening when we're in that fight or flight state and that we literally struggled to think creatively because our brain is working in a different area and it just incites that gentleness towards ourselves and that understanding. Yeah, I mean, you've hit the nail on the head there. I think that's what my work is all about in all the iterations of everything that I've done and currently do. It is about

the relationship you have with yourself and being kinder, more compassionate and more respectful as well. And, you know, speaking to yourself in the way that you would like others to speak to you and that you would speak to other people and just when you understand how your physiology affects you, you know, whether that's the hormones of the menstrual cycle, what your perimenopause transition is like, your stress responses, when you can be like, oh yeah, there's this thing going on

that means I'm more likely to have this going on. And that doesn't mean that it needs to be blamed or become an excuse, or things like that. I mean, that's a very nuanced conversation. But, you know, it's like, oh, yeah, of course I'm feeling that way. My period's due. Or, yeah, I'm actually feeling really overwhelmed today. So, of course, I'm a bit more irritable or shut down and need to retreat. And I think, especially when it comes to parenting, when it comes to mothering, then, you know, this is the time in life when if we haven't already become acutely aware of what's going on inside ourselves, it's like,

you know, the volume gets turned all the way up. And so that's the time in life that I often find that people are needing support, needing tools and resources and ways of understanding themselves, but also speaking up for themselves, addressing the things in their life that they are unhappy with, that are causing stress, anger, resentment, sadness, grief, you know, all of the things. I mean, it's full on. It is, but it's also really liberating when we start making these connections. And I think an amazing thing about powerful, your book is that as we're

learning to reflect and find more compassion for ourselves and see ourselves through this lens of understanding our nervous system a little bit better, it also helps us find more compassion for an insight to other people in other people in our lives. Like my son, for example, he has a lot of meltdowns and before I understood all of this I might you know I might be firing questions at him what's wrong let me how can I help you whereas actually now I understand that just as you were saying with us he can't access that part of its brain in that moment either so learning about myself is helping me parent better and learning about parenting is also teaching me about myself and it's it's a wild ride and you you are there kind of just yeah warmly warmly holding and informing us

along the way so I'm grateful. But I would love to ask you, Macy, what's the one question? And we've probably already touched on it because how can we not? But what's the one? I would love to ask you, Masey, what is the one thing that you would like to share with all of the listeners? So, oh, this was such a good question. I've reflected on this a lot. I think I really wanted to speak about being powerful. in your own life and how that actually feels because I think, well, first of all, I find a lot of a lot of my female clients, a lot of my female friends, you know, all the people I've had conversations about what it means to be powerful with, kind of uncomfortable with the idea

of being powerful. And they say they want it, but then they kind of back off from it and apologize for it or say, oh, I don't really mean it like that because there's this notion that being powerful is a bad thing, okay? But I think there's also some misconception about how being powerful in your life is going to feel because I think it sounds like it's going to feel wonderful and you're going to feel really strong and good in yourself and, you know, you're just going to go through the world feeling fantastic. And actually being powerful, is often deeply uncomfortable and challenging. Yeah.

So I think I just want to do away with the idea that this is going to feel fantastic and just have some real talk about, no, it's going to be challenging. It's going to bring up stuff. You are going to experience challenges in your life in accessing your power. But it's also, it is going to feel fantastic because you're acting from a place of congruent. in yourself and you are being authentic about yourself and how you communicate with other people, for example. But of course, that's going to bring up, oh, can I say this? How are they going to react? What if I'm letting someone down here? Oh, am I going to get in trouble, right? Because we often have

that good girl narrative and I'll know someone's going to yell at me. Someone's going to tell me off. I'm going to be in the headmaster's office. So, you know, but all of these, situations, opportunities for us to access our power. And so, you know, I think when we talk about being powerful, it's often about like the grand vision for your life and making really powerful life-changing decisions. And it is, but it's also the micro moments across your day-to-day life. You know, the conversation you had this morning, the thing you didn't say, but, but the something inside you really wanted or needed to say that thing, but you held yourself back for whatever reason. It's all those tiny moments that I'm really interested in because they all

add up. So I guess in this, I'm kind of challenging everyone that's listening to find the moments in your day where you can step into your power. I'm literally having a physical response as you say that because I've had a few difficult conversations this week good conversations important conversations around moving deadlines and I've historically never asked to do that oh that's a big one and the feeling in my body the stress the you know all of they're going to say no they're going to think I'm not capable they're going to when actually I know that I'm honoring that little voice inside of me that I've shut down. so many times over the years

that actually I want to give more space and I'm seeing my life shift and my self-respect grow as I do it but the feeling as you're speaking I'm feeling some of those feelings I've spoken in the last couple of weeks in some of these conversations with my voice slightly shaking

and my hands slightly sweating but afterwards that feeling that comes when you know that you've honoured yourself yes is it's yeah it's like it's worth it it's hard it is it is hard and it's you know it's like flexing muscles that maybe you haven't flexed before or haven't flexed a long time or you know maybe even in your childhood you were punished for flexing those muscles so you've kind of tucked them away in order to protect yourself and keep yourself safe maybe it's not something that was modeled to you by your

peers or by the adults in your life. So it can be a very new thing for people. And I think that's where understanding of that level of arousal in the body and the activation of the nervous system and stress response. But that activation doesn't equal a bad thing. That's like really in service of us. And I think just highlights that actually this is important. You know, if my palms are getting sweaty if my heart rate is up then this is important I'm on to something here and just as you've been doing being able to offer yourself kindness in that moment yeah and compassion and follow through and then those voices inside you're like oh you listen to us like we said we needed this and you wanted that and you did it and now like okay we can just get on with the day and you know it's it's it's a really it's

Because once you do it, there is no going back. It's so, it's almost like you're thinking, right? What other boundary have I just let be completely steamrolled in my life that actually maybe the world can withstand me putting that, putting that there? And sometimes, and I think a big part of it for me is, and I wonder what you think about this, has been coming to terms with the fact and the feeling of being misunderstood. Oh, yes. Yeah.

This is such a fun topic for me. Yes. Being misunderstood and, you know, for me being autistic, like that is a very common autistic experience at being misunderstood, not just feeling like you're being misunderstood, but people all the time misunderstanding you. So, but I think an actual, I had a conversation with someone close to me in my own life in the last week. again, as you were saying, having a bit of a challenging conversation, but an important one with

someone that I care a lot about and who cares for me, but kind of meeting each other in that place of the challenging conversation. Thankfully, both of us know how to care for our nervous systems in those moments and we can walk the talk. But I, they had interpreted my behaviour a certain way and what I had said a certain way. And I said, well, you know, that really wasn't my intent. That wasn't the intention behind what I was saying. And I shared what it was. And they kind of went back.

But yes, but I took it this. And they kind of like doubled down on things. And I just said to them, look, I'm telling you that was not my intention. And this is what was my intention. but I, if you are determined to have a view of me, there's nothing I can really do about that. And to say it with all the love in the world and all the respect in the world,

but just I'm not going to keep having a conversation where I'm explaining and justifying myself. I have told you, now it's really up to you if you want to believe that or if you want to continue. And that's not to say that my behaviour is always like, perfect and spot on sometimes I think so I'm like oh yeah actually there was something behind that that you know now I'm noticing in myself and I have that uh self responsibility and

responsibility to the relationship with this person but it is so freeing when you get to that point where you can release the need for people to understand you amazing well I'm so grateful that you're bringing these conversations and just equipping us and generously, yeah, sharing all your amazing coaching skills. And I encourage people to grab a copy of powerful, be the expert in your life because, yeah, everyone deserves to address that inner critic, not feel so ruled by overwhelm and stepping into a life of clarity and confidence. We get to live this life once. And like, Maisie's amazing. at, yeah, just encouraging us to, to honour who we are and give the world that version of ourselves that deserves to be seen. So I encourage you to grab a copy of the book and also

have a look at the membership as well, the powerful membership, because that's where Macy shares her skills in a more intimate way. So thank you, Macy. I would love to finish off with a quick, quick, fire question. I'd love to know your motherhood high at the moment. What's your motherhood high. Well, it involves TikTok. Okay. Candleous, a motherhood high with TikTok. So we recently taught my son how to ride a bike thanks to this amazing TikTok hack. So I'm going to give it to all of you now. Wow. You get a bath towel and wrap it round your kids chest and torso and you hold the towel on the back, like the ends of

the towel. That way, as they find their balance, you can lessen your grip a bit rather than you know when you're like trying to hold on to the back of the bike absolute nightmare no no no not for me so he taught my son how to ride bike and a week later he said he wanted to go on a big bike ride ride and i was like okay why don't we cycle i don't margate why don't we cycle along the coast until the point we're done and we'll just get the train back because there's all these train stations along the coast he's like yeah great so off we go we ended up doing a 20 mile bike No way. To Whipstable, all along the coast.

That's incredible. Like a week after he learned to ride. A week later. And for me, it was just such a high because that level of movement really suits him. But it's kind of, you know, some days it's easier to fit that kind of movement into our day. And other times it's harder. But since he'd learned to ride, like, I think we're seeing like the most regulated version of him. because the movement and the balance really is what his body needs.

And I just feel like we've entered a new phase of parenting now that he has this resource for him, which now he'll have for life, hopefully, to support him. And so, you know, I think a lot of parenting, a lot of mothering is that balance of how do we take care of ourselves, how do we take care of our kids, and, you know, how does that impact our life as a family and as a household. and for us learning to ride a bike has been huge. So for me, it's like, it's an absolutely massive win. You never realise what a gift that TikTok video is going to be.

I know. Oh, I love it. Well, thank you so much, Maisie. It's been just, yeah, a gift talking to you as well. So thank you for joining me. It's been wonderful. Such a juicy conversation. Thank you so much.

I am so excited to announce that my brand new book, The Uncomfortable Truth, Change your life by taming 10 of your mind's greatest fears is available for pre-order now and is out on the 8th of August. And in this book, we tackle some of life's big, unavoidable, uncomfortable truths such as some people don't like me. I am going to fail. Life isn't fair. Bad things will happen. And in this book, we tackle these big uncomfortable trees that rob us of so much headspace and energy as we try and control and avoid them. And as we move into a place of radical acceptance of these truths. You will find yourself living more freely and

intentionally with more presence and confidence than ever before. So come on this journey with me and pre-order now at Wardstones in Amazon. We can celebrate together.