The Therapy Edit - One Thing with Midwife Pip on how to be a great birth partner

Episode Date: May 17, 2024

In this amazing guest episode of The Therapy Edit, Anna welcome back repeat guest, Midwife Pip who chats about her one thing; how to be an incredible birth partner.Pip is a practicing Midwife in the UK, currently working as a Delivery Suite Sister and as a Specialist Pelvic Health Midwife.Pip has a wealth of experience supporting parents-to-be through all aspects of pregnancy, birth and the postpartum. Importantly Pip is also a mum herself and wants other women to feel the benefit she felt of her knowledge and expertise on her own journey. Pip's BIG news is that she recently released a book! The Midwife's Guide to a Positive Birth is available here.You can also get more of Pip's amazing support and advice on Instagram and on her website. 

Hello and welcome to The Therapy Edit with me, psychotherapist's mum of three and author Anna Martha. Every Friday, I invite one guest to tell me the one thing they would most like to share with mums everywhere. So join with me as we hear this dose of wisdom. I hope you enjoy it. Hi, everyone. Welcome to today's guest episode of The Therapy Edit. I have with me. We just click record because I have.

I was worried that we'd get all the gold in the preamble. But I have with me, midwife Pip. She is an experienced midwifery sister. She is experienced in so many things around birth and equipping parents. She's hypnobirthing in antenatal educator. She is a pre-imposed natal exercise trainer. She's a specialist pelvic health practitioner. She has got all of this amazing experience.

But she's also a mum too. got the lived experience of pregnancy and birth as well. She is on a mission and she really is. If you follow her on social media, you will see and her palpable passion for parents to feel supported during pregnancy and birth. She believes that with the right support, honest, and she's so honest as well, and evidence-based information, all births should be positive regardless of any twists and turns that crop up and we know that they do. So she has, an Instagram account. It is called Midwife underscore PIP. She's also got online courses. She is on hand to support and guide women through all aspects of pregnancy, birth, and the early

postpartum period, which we all know is the time we just have those questions of, is this normal? Should I be feeling this way? Are these cramps what I should be expecting? So she has got answers that she just knowledgeable and compassionately shares with us. Most recently, now this is why I have invited her back onto the podcast to talk about this because she is an author to her brand new book, Midwife Pipps Guide to a Positive Birth. And in here, she covers similarly to her social media account, but obviously in so much more depth, the honest, accurate and supportive information that expectant parents need and deserve at this important time in their lives. So it is going to be out on the 4th of April. And I was so excited to hear about this because so often

and social media is a little bit limited, isn't it? The word count, and there's only so much that we can say, but this is just going to be a really beautiful, full, supportive hand-holding guide. So, Pitt, now I've been talking about you. I'm going to talk to you. How are you doing? How are you feeling? Hi, Anna.

Oh, thank you. I am so pleased to come back on the therapy edit. I always love speaking to you and your beautiful words of wisdom. So thank you so much for having me back. I am, I'm really well, thank you. I feel like you've just said that I'm really honest. So I feel like I need to now answer your question really honestly. And do you know what? This week, Anna, I've kind of felt quite proud of myself and we don't say that often, do we? I don't think in society. We're not very good at being like, do you know what? This has gone well. But I think this week I've

really taken lots of your advice and really started to look at it. And I'm really started to look after myself a little bit more because the last couple of months have been chaos and I feel like I've really been chasing my tail and recognise that that's not sustainable and I'm in my third trimester of pregnancy and there's lots going on so I've been making really deliberate conscious efforts to find little moments of calm whether it's just lighting a candle for a 10 minute coffee break and just breathing and it's made such a massive difference to every. we think. So I'm really proud of myself this week for actually taking stock of myself and allowing myself to be a little bit more of a priority. So that's my honest answer to your question.

That makes me so happy. And I feel, I feel a glow of pride to you as well. And I always say, I often get mum saying, how can I prepare for the birth of my baby? And how can I look after myself now so that I will be in a better place mentally? And one of the things I say is like start embracing those opportunities to rest now, start accepting that support now. Because when you're tired and when it's all going on, starting to do those things through that fog, you know, it's often harder, isn't it? And we have like that guilt that can creep in and those narratives that can feel quite loud and resistant to those things. So I'm so glad that you are proactively embracing those moments and making time for them being intentional. It's going to stand you in a good stead.

Yeah, I'm doing it. I'm doing it. I think. think it just has such profound impact on everything, doesn't it? And it's, like you say, now's the time to do that. Everyone's going to benefit from it. I'm a nicer wife. I'm a nicer mom. I'm a nicer midwife. And yeah, we deserve it. I tell women all the time, you know, that they deserve that. And then I think, well, why am I not doing it myself? So that's, yeah, been my little mission and I'm loving it. Good. And do you find, did you feel guilt initially or has that been part of that relationship for you with rest or what's happening with that now. Oh, that's such, I've always felt a horrendous guilt on it. If I'm not working or doing something

for someone else, you know, children, husband, family, friends, whatever, I've always felt guilty. Like I've found just being with myself almost impossible really in the past. But I think maybe it's a bit of an age thing as well as we kind of get older. I really feel like my 30s have been a time of real self-acceptance and actually getting to know who PIP is and what matters to PIP. And I love that. So I've started to really, I think, I think probably respect myself more and recognise that actually if we haven't got our mental and our physical health, nothing else really matters. So all of those, you know, workshops and those emails and that to-do list is completely insignificant if we're not well in our minds and bodies.

Yeah, and you deserve to slow down. And I wrote something yesterday about how when we just speed through life, we don't, we don't see the sunsets, we don't see the little moments and our kids, those little moments of just joy and just ease that they have. And that the world never stops and we have to proactively pause and slow down. Otherwise, we just whiz by. And then we get old and we tell everyone else to slow down because. we regret living so fast. So, yeah, it's just so wonderful to hear that. And no one ever asks us to do less, are they?

People are only going to ask us to do more. So we have to instill those boundaries. So that's been my little 2024 mission. And I feel like this week, I know it's like Tuesday, but that's still progress for me, okay? Good, good. And I think as you start doing that more and more, you start separating out your identity from all that doing, you start realizing that the world

doesn't fall apart when you do a little bit less or a little bit slower or you just lower the standard. And the people in your life who really matter to you, they still love and accept you even though you're not running around 100 miles an hour. In fact, they probably enjoy you that little bit more. So it's just, yeah, it's just recalibrating, isn't it? Yeah. I'm so glad you're on that journey. And I'm so glad I'm as well. So the question question that we ask all our guests here, and I'm really excited to hear what you're going to say this time, this episode, is Pip, if you could share one thing with everyone listening, what would that one thing be? So my one thing this time is going to be around birth partners

because I think in 2024 our one thing when it comes to positive birth prep is getting birth partners on board. And I feel like the role of the birth partner has changed so drastically generationally. So if I look at my mother's generation, my grandmother's generation, the role of the birth partner has massively shifted. And I think it's important that we have really great communication with birth partners in terms of their preparation and deciding who actually is the best person to support you during birth. And sometimes that isn't always the obvious person or persons. But the reason I and I want to just emphasise and highlight their role is because we now know from evidence and literature out there that a supportive, constant birth partner

reduces the risk of poor birth outcomes, medical intervention, emergency cesareans, all those things that often women want to avoid in their own birth. But birth partners can only do that if they have information, if they actually also understand the process of birth and women's health problems, right? Often, often it's sort of when it comes to things like pelvic health or perineal massage or breastfeeding and preparing breasts and things like that, it kind of, you see the birth partners sometimes start to flush or they sort of leave the room for that, part or that bit's left or mum just to figure out. But actually, you can't truly advocate for somebody and empower somebody unless you have that information to who. So I really want to

encourage expectant mum's listening or potential birth partners to get on board of that whole pregnancy, birth, postpartum information preparation package. It would, I think it would also, reduce birth trauma in birth partners because we know that's a massive issue. They're really vulnerable to it. So that's the one thing or the one drum that I want to beat is to get people more involved. Yeah, so those birth partners need to get listening to your book. And I say listening to it because actually my husband, I'm just thinking my husband obviously in this, I love a book, I read, read, read, and he'll take forever. I think he's read half of one of my books. I keep telling him I could have written anything about him in there and you wouldn't know. But actually, he would,

he likes listening to books so you've got your audio book as well and I think that's a wonderful another way of accessing that information just is like the woman might enjoy reading the partner might enjoy listening and then those different access points but I think you're so right and thinking back to when partners weren't even in the room when babies were born and then perhaps they might have been sat outside the room waiting and then another generation where they were at very much at one end of the bed. Yeah. And whereas now this invitation to really be a part

and a really predominant supportive part of birth. Yeah. It's changed a lot. It has changed a lot. And I think there's so much that birth partners can do. And I know often, especially for male birth partners or birth partners that haven't been through birth themselves, it kind of feels a bit like you might be this bystander role,

kind of just sit around, waiting and feeling a bit awkward, like, you know, in the corner of the room. But actually there's so many practical and physical and psychological things that you can really do that make a massive difference. And there's a whole dedicated chapter in my book for birth partners for that reason. But I really encourage those that can, that have the time, the space, the capacity to read all of it. Because actually there's nothing more beautiful for me, Anna, as a midwife,

when a baby's welcome into the world. And you can feel that bonding moment of that family. And that comes from that other person, that other birth partner, that dad, whoever, other parent, feeling that involved in that kind of closeness and that connection rather than feeling like they've been this kind of bystander in the corner of the room. not doing so much. So I think sometimes partners feel that maybe they're a bit screamish and the idea of being there is a bit concerning, but actually when you start to unpick those concerns and understand those concerns and give birth partners a space really to be heard and to have

their concerns and anxieties heard in the same way we want to be doing for birthing women makes a massive, massive difference. And it's amazing to see both parents, empowered in that journey and both parents supporting that bonding and having a positive postpartum because you'll know as well as I do, Anna, in that postnatal time, it is ultimate teamwork. You need to be able to communicate, do you? It is the test. It is the test of all tests when you're both sleep deprived and navigating these crazy new roles and identities. So having gone through that together and really prepared together makes, I think, a really big impact. Yeah, and it meets that very deep human yearning need to feel seen

and understood, isn't it, when your birthing partner has taken time to have an understanding of the birthing process and even what the different stages mean. And I remember really one of the most pertinent moments of all the learning around birth I did was to learn about transition and that we both, that's one thing I remember is that there may well be a time when you're fueled with adrenaline and it all feels too much, but actually that's when things are really coming, you know, coming to a head, coming to an end. And I just remember

we both had that little nugget of information and it meant that in that moment when I was going, I can't do this. He was like, this is transition. I think it's, and it was just such a unifying moment. But what are some other tips? So, yeah, tell us maybe three tips for a birthing partner that might be a little sneak into your book that you would little nuggets they can take away. One of them actually leads beautifully into what you just said about transition. So one of the things I encourage birth partners to do is to learn the breath work strategies that women use during labour and birth. So I talk about the upward breath and the downward breath. But the upward breath particularly is really beneficial for that transition stage.

So if you have the knowledge as a birth partner about what transition might look like, you can identify it like he said your husband did. And you know how to use that breath. One of the most powerful things birth partners can do because that spike in adrenaline that happens. And it might only be for sort of 10, 15 minutes, but it can be a really scary and overwhelming sensation for that woman. So if you've got that breath and you can get eye contact, put your hands on her shoulders

or hold her hand and just, explain that this is that transition stage and connect that breath again because even with the most beautiful breathwork throughout all of labour, often it's that stage where it all goes out window, chaotic and crazy. And actually, if you can reconnect and bring her back to that powerful breath work, count the breath together and allow her to regain that control, then that transition stage is a much calmer experience. And it means that you can move nice and swiftly onto actually meeting your baby rather than this kind of crazy stressful time that can sometimes crop up during transition. So that would be my first one. Love that one. Brilliant.

The second one would be to have a checklist. Now I know this sounds really basic, but I think sometimes, especially if the role for you is a little bit intimidating or you're not quite sure what you should be doing. I love a to-do list. I love a checklist. And I don't start my day without a to do list to know I get everything done. Actually, as a birth partner, if you've had a really kind of robust conversation and decided what things she think will really help her, whether that's, for me, for example, my husband had like a checklist of what to do when we arrived at our birthing room because I wanted my diffuser on and some certain lighting and certain music and made a little kind of snack station. So having that almost to-do list, because often you'll be tired as a birth

partner. Labor loves to happen overnight when everyone's exhausted. So you can refer back to actually these are my roles. These are my jobs. These are the things that will make a difference. It takes that pressure off, just having it written down. Might be on your phone. In the book is a checklist for birth partner so you can physically have it if you prefer. Whatever works for you, but have that clear communication so you know exactly what you can do to help and the reality is we're all different as women so what helps me won't help you won't help my friend or you know the lady next door in the in the birthing room next to us so having that individual conversation and communication is really powerful. Brilliant. And then my third would be to look after yourself too. So I think as a

birth partner, you do give a lot of yourself and actually knowing that you've got things that you need. So that might be things, simple things, like a change of clothes, some toothpaste and deodorant, some snacks, actually looking after your physical wellbeing. But also, especially if you are someone, like we said before, that has some concern or some anxiety around birth, what might happen, your role, speak with someone beforehand. It's really important that you have access to that support as well and that this is a positive time for you. You know, birth partners can have beautiful skin to skin,

having, you know, doing things to bond with baby in pregnancy, really getting involved and speaking up and communicating about any kind of concerns or anxieties you might have to look after yourself as well as a birth partner, which is really important. You're a team at the end of the day. Was that three? That was three and they were absolutely brilliant.

really practical and tangible and yeah that's great and yeah I definitely was second the snacks because I think I had some great snacks packed I think my husband was a little bit nervous about tucking into my snacks but labour went on for a lot longer than we thought so he was pretty peckish so I think I think subsequent labours we just pat loads of loads of snacks for everyone um hangary men is never a good situation nor is nor is nor is uh a woman in labour when someone's eating your popcorn or whatever it is. It's valid. It's my popcorn.

Oh, but that's so helpful. And your book is just going to be a fantastic resource. And I know that with all, with the way that you're someone who is kind of like straight talking away, but you do it with real compassion and warmth as well. So it's just such a brilliant mix. Your book is just going to be an amazing resource. and I know it's going to be very heavily recommended and heavily thumbed through and people are just going to be so grateful to have your voice in their heads

as they move through those different stages. So thank you for all of the time and energy and effort and juggling. And early mornings, you said about your 4am alarm that was set at one point to get it done, which is it's a massive labour of love. Pardon the pun, that was accidental, but very well placed. So thank you. And I'm really excited for that to be out and we'll be linking it in the show notes as well. But to finish off, I would love to know something that you do to the makes you feel good at the moment in life.

Oh, good question. Yeah. What am I doing that makes me feel good? I know. Go on. In the morning when I get my little two-year-old up, we're starting to have a little bit of skin to skin again. Why do we only do that with newborn? You're so right.

Like it's beautiful, isn't it? So, I mean, partly it started because he was obsessed with my going bump and he wanted to take good morning to his little brother. But actually now, we just both take our top off and have a little puddle in the morning. And it's so, like, you physically feel that oxytocin. I just think, why did we stop doing this? Yeah, that's wonderful. So, yeah, a little bit of oxytocin to start our day. Oh, I like getting to the bath with my kids.

can't get in with all of them anymore, too. They get too big. But I play this seatbelt game where I put my hands around their waist and then I kind of knit my fingers together and they have to keep pressing on my different fingers and then one of them opens the seatbelt. And it's just a cheek away just to get like that skin to skin. And I remember doing that with my mum. But yes, you're right. Bring back the skin to skin. Yeah, let's all have more cuddles. Yeah, I love that. Oh, well, I wish you all the best as you head towards your own birth. And, yeah, just grateful for all that you do to support people through there. So thanks for it.

Thank you so much, Anna. Thank you so much for listening to today's episode of The Therapy Edit. If you have enjoyed it, don't forget to subscribe and review for me. Also, if you need any resources at all, I have lots of videos and courses on everything from health anxiety to driving anxiety and people pleasing. They are all on my website, anamatha.com. And also, don't forget my brand new book, Raising a Happier Mother is out now for you to enjoy and benefit from. It's all about how to find balance, feel good and see your children flourish as a result. Speak to you soon.