The Therapy Edit - One Thing with Midwife Pip on reflecting on birth and labour

Episode Date: September 23, 2022

On this episode of The Therapy Edit, Anna chats to Midwife Pip who shares her one piece of advice to all the mums; that there is no perfect way to birth your baby. A brilliant listen for any expectant mums feeling pressure to achieve whatever they perceive to be a 'perfect' birth.Pip is a practicing midwife in the UK, currently working as a Delivery Suite Sister she has a wealth of experience supporting parents-to-be through all aspects of pregnancy, birth and the postpartum. Pip has trained and worked in some of the leading maternity units, has continued to study through a master's programme and is passionate about all aspects of women's health and wellness.​The decision to found her antenatal classes and postnatal support services arose from having met and cared for many parents who, despite attending antenatal classes, had not felt prepared for the potential twists and turns that may unfold during labour and birth. Pip is on a mission to bridge this gap by providing honest, evidence-based antenatal and postnatal education to ensure women feel empowered to birth free from fear and prepared to navigate their parenting journey.​Enthused by the momentous benefits of exercising in pregnancy and a healthy, nourishing pregnancy diet Pip is excited to bring you programmes that will facilitate an active pregnancy lifestyle and that support a woman's body through birth and in preparation for motherhood. ​Pip has an ethos that "a positive birth does not have to be un-medicated; it just needs to be from an informed place of positivity and free from fear".This underpins her midwife-led antenatal classes and parenting preparation courses to give you the very best pregnancy advice. Find out about Pip and all the words of wisdom she has on offer here https://www.midwifepip.comFollow her on Instagram at @midwifepipAnd listen to her amazing podcast here https://www.midwifepip.com/podcastIf you would benefit from support and insight around your birth or labour, please head to birthtraumaassociation.org.uk

Hello and welcome to The Therapy Edit with me, psychotherapist's mum of three and author Anna Martha. Every Friday, I invite one guest to tell me the one thing they would most like to share with mums everywhere. So join with me as we hear this dose of wisdom. I hope you enjoy it. Hello everybody and welcome to today's guest episode of The Therapy Edit and I'm so excited to welcome midwife Pip, Pip Davis here today. And I was actually having a little scroll this morning as you do. And I came across one of Pip's brilliant reels. She shares loads of really helpful info on her Instagram page, which is midwife Pip. And she was talking all about the

transition stage of labour. And it just took me right back. And she was saying about the kind of really common things that moms will say like, I can't do this. I'm going to go for a poo. And it's just, yeah, it just really took me back. So it's so good to have you here. today. You've got Finley. He's currently nine and a half months old. You're a practicing midwife. You are on an absolute mission. Your passion is to empower women and empower mums with evidence-based information, which is so useful when there was just so much info coming at us to have such a great source to go to. You have online pregnancy and antenatal classes. And what I love about those is that there are some live elements to that as well, where you can chat with the mums. And it just makes it so

accessible, isn't it? And then you've got the Midwife Pitt podcast as well. So all of this amazing information you're putting it out into the world as a mum of a young, a young baby. So how are you feeling today, Pip? Oh, thank you so much for having me. I'm really excited, Anna, to have an adult conversation. Very excited, because I've done a lot of singing nursery rhymes this week. So it's really nice to actually speak to another adult. So thanks for inviting me on. I mean, we can sing nursery rhymes if you want to say the nursery rhymes i'm quite i'm quite fan of the wind the bobbin up even eight years down the line still got a bit of a soft spot for the bobbing don't don't fully know what a bobbin is but but we think that that one's been uh that was done the rounds this morning

so when you realize that you've got different versions of the nursery rhymes then you go to these like nursery rhyming classes like i was sat at yesterday and i'm singing a completely different version of wind the bobbing up so or the different tune and it's you know yeah the different tune to sleeping bunnies yeah different animals bunnies Crocodiles? Yeah. Yeah. It's wild. And then you just, you know, there should be, there should be standardised versions of these things. We need to bring it in. We need to bring it in. We do. Everyone's free-styling. We should create a CD and say, this is the CD. This is the version. You will never be caught out at a playgroup again, you know, doing too many hops in

Hot Little Bunny. But isn't that just the way that we're all winging motherhood, be it at nursery rhymes or what we feed our children? We're just winging it on we, every day. Make it out. Our own way and our own version. So, Pip, the question that we ask all our guests here is, if you could share one thing with all the mums, what would that one thing be? Love this. So my one thing would be that there is absolutely no one best way, no one right way to birth your baby.

Because I think it is a conversation that's been really muddy. Like the waters have been really muddied, I think, when it comes to moat to birth. and it's left women often feeling disappointed in their mode of birth, perhaps feeling guilty, frustrated. And it just shouldn't be that way. Like, birth is so unique and powerful, isn't it? And I believe passionately that every type of birth should be super positive, super empowered, and that when you hold that little baby for the first time,

you should feel nothing short of superwoman. Oh, I love that. I think that's so, that's so wonderful to hear. And I wish I'd heard that. I wish I'd really had that sense the first time around. I have this very vivid memory of, I was one of those kind of really long, early labourers. So it took me forever to get to establish labour. And I remember having gone in and out and got sent home, went back in, got sent home, went back in. And I remember standing on the steps going down into the hospital from the car park. And saying to my husband, I need some pain relief, I, and feeling this absolute grief that I'd failed somehow. And when I think back

to that, you know, version of me in 2014, on October, the whatever, I'm trying to remember what day I went into hospital, but compared to her when I gave birth, but, you know, I just wish I could go back to her and be like, you're doing an amazing job, however he gets here. And I think, Yeah, it is. And so many people I think carry such a, I don't know like their own narrative around what's right. So I think that is just really powerful to hear. And you know what I think? It stems often from birth fear. And I think we are living in a world now where we are probably more fearful of birth than ever, than ever before. And we look back to like my great grandparents era. Childbirth was actually not massive. safe at that point. You know, women did die during birth. This just doesn't happen now. Not in our country, not in a developed country. But despite it being safer than ever, we actually are more fearful of it quite often. And I think a lot of that has to do with the media. I think it's got a lot to answer for because when we, when often women sit and think about birth,

they see people screaming and shouting, legs in stirruits, officers running in, you know, clapping forceps at them. And that's just not how it needs to be. But when we've been almost brainwashed, you know, with these kind of narratives, it's no wonder that suddenly you see your pregnancy test and you're like, brilliant and pregnant. And then your mind fast forward to nine months and you're like, oh my gosh, I've got to do this thing. And you go on mum's net. And it's like, don't be induced. It's going to be awful. You must have an epidural because labor is so painful. It's like, what is it? Everyone says, it's like pushing a watermelon out your bum hole. Well, it's absolutely nothing like that. But we have all these narratives that play into it. And you know how powerful

our minds and body connections are, well, than anybody. And I just think that has so much to do with it. So we plan for this one type of birth because we feel this need to, like, control every aspect because we're so worried about these twists and turns and fears. So we plan this one type of birth. And if there's any deviation from that birth bubble, we then have these feelings of inadequacy or fit or comparison like oh my gosh we just cannot compare our births to others it just isn't a comparable but unfortunately it falls into that track way too often i think yeah and i think even and i'm sure you'll know this so well i've had so many moms that i've worked with that have said that have basically experienced traumatic feelings at their birth but because a friend

had a you know quote unquote kind of more challenging birth and they feel undeserving of those feelings when actually if we just look at our own experiences in isolation, the feelings, you know, that we have the resulting feelings and valuing those for what they are, then we're less likely to be kind of stuck in this, in this trauma mode, don't we? And I love that, I love what you're saying about, you know, that control. And if I think about my, you know, my, um, the labor notes, the, the birth plan, there we go, the birth plan that I had, baby one was so extensive. Like, I did such more writing to fit it in the box. And, then for number three it was I pretty much wrote nothing to be honest so I was just like just

want safe I just want to go with it see see what happens see what I feel see what's needed and you know yeah it's like that control that desire to control things and to control the an experience that is going to be different each time the control one's so interesting isn't it because we do often hear that women are fearful of this lack of of control when it comes to labor and birth. But the ironic thing is, you are only ever going to be like 100% in control because at the end of the day, it's your body and your baby. So if you say yes, something happens, whether that's, you know, an induction, an epidural, you're pushing, whatever that is, you say yes, it happens. If you say no, it doesn't happen. And in the days of informed consent,

it is that simple. You say yes or you say no. So you are only ever going to be in control. But where I think we sometimes lose this in translation is what we need is informed consent and without the information. And I'm talking like non-biased, evidence-based information, ideally ahead of time, because you've been a laboring woman three times, Anna, it's really hard to properly comprehend like pros, cons, risks and benefits of a scenario when you are in the midst of contractions and established labor. So taking ourselves back and really starting to think about some of these twists and turns that might crop up antinacally and in pregnancy, so that actually when it comes to these moments, we are equipped with those tools.

We have that understanding and that knowledge. So it's not a brand new thing at that point. And we can make informed decisions because without the information, we can't make an informed decision. We need to have that information there. And the best time to try and get that on board is in pregnancy. So I'd really recommend anyone listening who is currently pregnant. it's such a powerful time to start preparing, not just for Plan A, and there's nothing wrong

with having a birth plan. I like to call it preferences. So you've got some like preferences that are really important. But also think about how say Plan A might be a water birth with hypnoborthing techniques and beautiful fairy light. Wonderful. But what if a water bath isn't possible? How are you still going to have a positive and empowered birth if it's perhaps not at home in a hospital setting or even in a theatre setting? How can we transfer those things that are really fundamentally important to you in all of those settings. Because I think that's the key that we sometimes miss and then leaves women into that path of failure and adequacy and all of that horrible stuff that just should never be in the same sentence as childbirth.

Yeah, that's so helpful to think of it as preference. You know me. I love a reframe. Think of it as birth preferences rather than a plan. Because when we have a plan, we feel like we feel like we have to stick to our own plan. Like we feel like we have to be accountable to it down the line even when we're in a different mindset. So we've kind of created a set of rules for ourselves. But when you turn it, when you tweak that to preferences, it makes it a lot more open, a lot more open to change, doesn't it? So thinking about those mums, I always imagine people kind of walking their dogs or coming back from a drop off or something, but those mums that, you know, it feels like years ago that they did this, it feels like a distant memory. However,

there are some residual, still very present feelings of guilt or trauma or just even in the way that they, you know, might talk about their labour or think about it. You know, what would you like to say to those moms? I think it's really important. We take ourselves back to that moment and really look at it with a fresh pair of eyes. Perhaps imagine that you are a friend or a family member looking on you rather than yourself if that makes it feel a bit easier. But really look at what your body went through for your baby. Because when I think, you know, for example, I leave such a really long latent phase, like super exhausting, probably days and sleepless nights of contractions on and off to safely bring your little one on earth side, actually if we can, if we can look back at that and think,

I did that for my baby. Me and my body had that mental and physical strength and resilient to go through that. We can hopefully start to appreciate what our body's capable of. And and see that as a strength rather than as a weakness. And cesarean section is always one of those things. If women have had an unplanned caesarian, there's always that almost sometimes a grief for not having had that vaginal birth or felt that sensation.

And that's okay. It's okay to feel that way and we can recognize that that's a very valid sensation. But to think actually you have gone through major abdominal surgery to support the birth of your baby, to protect them, to make sure they were born in the safest way for you and your little one. You know,

that's, that's incredible. Like you're an actual real life warrior. That should never be something that we feel was a failure or was something that you did wrong. It's just, it's just not the case. Actually, it's incredible. And thank goodness we have medical intervention in this country that allows us to do that, because that is why we are having mums and babies well and thriving after more complicated births that sadly a few generations ago may not have been the case. So feeling proud of yourself for a difficult journey, I think, is important. Such warmth and compassion in those words there. And I think often that's what we can lack when we look back at things that we've been through, isn't it?

Is that actually how would I, what would I say to a friend? Yes. Someone that I cared about. And often we find it so much easier, don't we, to conjure up that compassion in that way. So that's such a brilliant, that's such a brilliant tool. So Pip, I've just got one intriguing question for you that I haven't told you about. But what was it like as a midwife for you going through that process, having supported so many mums and when, you know, so many people through that, what was it like for you? Yeah, it's such an interesting one, isn't it?

because I really wanted, and I really thought actually that when it came to labour itself, I wouldn't have a midwife head on. I really thought I would just be focusing on the labour and I wouldn't be thinking in the way I would as a midwife. But that wasn't how it was. I really did still have my midwife head on. And I think, you know, if we are blessed enough to have another baby, my anti-natal preparation is going to be switching off that midwife head because I just couldn't, which was really frustrating. And I don't know why, because I don't I was very blessed. I had a beautiful, wonderful friend looking after me who I'll be forever grateful for, completely trusted her to keep us safe and well. But I was very much, well,

it's this time now, so this should be happening. And we had a bit of a jake because my little boy was born in the pool. And at the point of him coming out, she was like, well, you've just managed your entire labour pip, so you might as well just live your own baby as well, because I just couldn't switch up that mid-type head. But I have to say, I absolutely, and I know, know I'm really blessed to be able to say this, but I absolutely loved my labour and birth, and I look back at it with super precious memories. And for sure, like, it was relatively straightforward, but there were some twists and turns. My placents didn't come out, so I needed some help with that. But my overall impression when I look back is really positive. And I think

that has kind of just consolidated even more my relentless passion for making sure that all women feel like that, regardless of how their babies are born, you know, waterbirth, hypnibirth, birth, cesareans, epidurals, foresets, inductions, whatever that birth journey looks like, that feeling, I think we need to make sure is copied across for women because it really shapes, I think, how you go into motherhood, how that fourth trimester looks. It's just so important. So, yeah, it was a strange dynamic for sure, but I loved it. I loved it. Oh, how wonderful for those, for those whom's room you walk into in your workplace. You know, what a gift to them to have you.

And also, you know, through all the work that you do and social media and with your classes and your online work and your podcast, how even those who don't have the joy of having you as their midwife, they can still access that same kind of amazing, amazingly compassionate and warmly delivered, kind of evidence-based info that will support them. So thank you. I have got some quick-fire questions to finish off. Hit me, hit me.

So I've got, my first one is, what's a motherhood high for you? Oh, a motherhood, it's got to be those morning smiles. No matter how rough those nights are. When your little one, there's a smile, and they'll just smile at you in the morning and their eyes light up, you're like, oh, all is forgiven. Oh, wonderful.

And then coffee. And a motherhood, and then motherhood low. What's a real kind of challenge for you? So one of the things, I'm through it now, but one of the things that really shocked me in that fourth trimester was that feeling of loneliness. I have lots of friends. My family aren't near, but I have a wonderful supportive partner. But that like breastfeeding, constantly around the clock, that change, it was my first baby, so that complete change in personality and priorities and life dynamic,

I definitely sat there sometimes and thought, oh my gosh, this is the loneliest I have ever thought in my life. And I don't think I was prepared for that at all. it can really hit you can't it when you recognise that feeling even though you know you have you do have a support network and yeah i definitely relate to that and what's one thing that makes you feel good what makes me feel good being outdoors and moving my body um whether that's running walking dancing just being outdoors and moving my body brilliant and coffee and coffee as well A little bit of coffee on the side there. And how would you describe motherhood in three words to finish off?

Oh, interesting. I would describe it as beautiful because I generally adore it. Quite life-affirming because it really has made me prioritise things. So things that felt important before just don't anymore. And lastly, oh, this is, I don't know if this is going to count Emma, Anna. really blooming hard. That's not just one word, is it? But it's really tough. The most beautiful, chaotic roller coaster. But yeah, that was more than three words. Yeah, I love that. No, you're welcome to them all. So thank you so much, Pip.

To finish off again, where can people find you? So if people just want a little bit more, Pip Davis. A little bit more. You can find me on Instagram. I'm at Midwife underscore Pip. My podcast is Midwife Pit Podcast. There's a theme in all these names. And my website is midwife pip.com. So on there, you can find my blog and all of my pregnancy and antenatal and postnatal course options. Amazing. And tell us just, in a sentence, tell us a little bit more about your podcast, what people will find there. Yeah. So my podcast, well, I actually started my podcast, Anna, in 2020 lockdown when there was suddenly just no information for anyone. And I was like, oh my gosh, like there was hardly any information before. Now there's nothing. We need to do something

about it. So it's essentially me chatting to expert guests, real mums, professionals, leading experts. And we chat about all things, pregnancy, trying to conceive, birth, the postpartum, motherhood, women's health, a proper mixed bag. Then the idea is that it really just helps to support you wherever you are in that journey because there are some challenges. There is a lot of mixed information on the internet, good old doctor Google. So it's a safe space to find accessible information for all really. Brilliant. Thank you so much. Thank you. Well, it's been lovely chatting to you. Oh, thanks for having me. Lovely reflecting back as well. And thank you for your warm and lovely supportive words. Oh, you're a star. Thank you, Anna. Thank you for listening to today's

episode of The Therapy Edit. If you enjoyed it, please do share, subscribe or review because it makes a massive difference to how many people it can reach. You can find more from me on Instagram. at Anna Martha. You might like to check out my three books, Mind Oath and Mother, Know Your Worth, and my new book, The Little Book of Calm for New Mums, grounding words for the highs, the lows and the moments in between. It's a little book you don't need to read it from front to back. You just pick whatever emotion resonates to find a mantra, a tip and some supportive words to bring comfort and clarity. You can also find all my resources, guides and videos, all with the sole focus of supporting your emotional and mental well-being as a mum.

They are all 12 pounds and you can find them on anamatha.com. I look forward to speaking with you soon.