The Therapy Edit - One Thing with Shakira Akabusi on relieving motherhood stress

Episode Date: June 17, 2022

In this episode Anna chats to mum on a mission, Shakira Akabusi about relinquishing control as a mum and learning to roll with the punches and adapt to every new situation that you find yourself in.Shakira is a mum of four, working to shatter the Stereotype around mother, in particular pre and postnatal health, including physical and mental wellbeing.You can find out more about Shakira on her website www.stronglikemum.com and follow her on Instagram at @shakira.akabusi You can buy her book 'The Strong Like Mum Method: Awaken the power of your pre and postnatal body through instinct, knowledge and exercise' at https://www.amazon.co.uk/Strong-Like-Mum-Method-postnatal/dp/1472146581/ref=zg_bsnr_270766_49?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=716Q2XFN9PQDJCSXT4E2

Hello and welcome to The Therapy Edit with me, psychotherapist's mum of three and author Anna Martha. Every Friday, I invite one guest to tell me the one thing they would most like to share with mums everywhere. So join with me as we hear this dose of wisdom. I hope you enjoy it. Hello, everyone. Welcome to today's episode of the Therapy Edit. Today is a guest episode and I'm really excited because I have. with me today. A friend, I'd say a friend that I had met. I've met through both a friend and on the squares almost simultaneously. So Shakira Akabusi, I have here with me today. She is a mum of four.

She runs the strong like mum movement in the UK. She's a women's health specialist and you can follow on Instagram and just see her kind of working out around her four children and showing us that it is possible to be strong like her mum. She has a book coming out. strong like mum method and it's about awakening the power of your pre and postnatal body through instinct knowledge and exercise and she is an all-round gem a gem and a juggler oh my goodness kira the juggle how are you today amidst it all oh good thank you i thought you were going to introduce me as like this is a friend who's invited herself over on numerous occasions okay i like it i like that I like forward.

Forward. I like it. Right. So how are you? Amit's a juggle? You've got COVID going on at the moment over there? Yeah. Yeah.

Again, for the second time. No, we're okay, actually. I am, anytime someone asks me, like, how are you? I end up saying, I'm really tired, which I am. Yeah. But actually, in a good way, it's not, I don't feel drained. I'm just, I think for me, I've got four children. And I often feel as though everything that I can do is sort of stretch to its boundary.

And I need to constantly remind myself to rest and take that time to come back from those boundaries. And I need to learn. I don't need to just stretch every single fibre of my being to everything. Sometimes we need to conserve energy. So I am learning that. But so I'm good. Yeah.

And how, and what are your water? signs then when you're kind of at the, at that very edge of the boundaries and you know you need to pull back? So I've got a history of anxiety actually, which is a massive part of my strong night mom journey. And it's, it's part of the foundation that built strong like mom because that is what a part of the reason for exercise really helps me with and really helps me keep, keep a control and manage that. So that's your flag almost. Wouldn't it be amazing if we could become more, I don't know, just so so that we start noticing when we're even getting near that point. So we don't have to get to that point of like, oh my gosh, I'm, I'm there.

Yeah. So, so true. So, Shakira, we could chat forever. I sometimes wish this podcast is like an hour long because that topic alone would definitely fill it and we could get under the cover of it. But the question that I've got for you today is if you could share one thing or if you could share one thing with all the mums, what would that one thing be? So my one thing would be to roll with the punches. And that's obviously a sporting analogy. But I find this is true in sports and motherhood. Children are unpredictable alarm clocks. And actually, motherhood is full of encountering sudden change. And as someone who loves control, that's something I used to really pride myself on that I had everything under control. I have really learnt through motherhood to have to adapt with the situation that's

presented to me at that time. And I think we've all encountered that to a degree when we went through lockdown and we had homeschooling and everything changed with work and, you know, our whole general routine of life flipped on its head. And really learning to adapt to how you're feeling right now and also what you're encountering right now. So, yeah, I find that in sports and in motherhood, just learning to adapt to the scenario that you're in, and how you're feeling, understanding that sometimes we're going to need rest, sometimes we're going to need action, and being able to, yeah, to be aware of that, to trust your instincts with that, which is, you know, it's not an easy thing to do.

And I think part of that comes with when we do encounter those challenges, being able to breathe through the difficulties. And I never understood the true power of breathing. I used to always think it was just, you know, some waffly nonsense. And I was too busy doing my hit training and I didn't have time for that. oh my gosh since becoming a mom I've really learned I mean obviously breathing is a huge part of physical health exercise whether it's yoga or it's running or whatever it is you want to do but actually as a life skill learning how to reconnect with your proper breath not sort of a shallow breathing that so many people have it can be life changing for your physical and mental well-being so if my

point wasn't roll with the punches which it is it would be learned to breathe right but that's but I I totally and utterly relate and I think I first really learnt about breathing when I was doing my antenatal, you know, the prenatal classes and they taught us the classic kind of hypno birthing breath. I never realised at that point that I would need that more in parenting than I needed it in the labour room. You know, it's one of my top tools that I use when everything is kicking off to try and ground myself. And I think, so yeah, I think the breathing and the rolling with the punches really come together. So how, so when, say you're having a really tough hour or a tough day, how would you put this, how would you put this rolling in rolling with the punches into

practice? How would it look different if you weren't rolling with the punches to rolling with the punches? Well, I, and okay, so that's a really good question because you, you asked my one thing and it would definitely be to roll with the punches. But I also, I'm the first to put on my hands and be like, I'm a work in progress and I haven't nailed it. So, There are times in parenting where, like, for example, for me, a massive trigger is when my children are unwell. And for me, that is always like a huge stress. And I can really feel myself getting worked up and I will try to like grasp everything I can to control it. And then with me being stressed and anxious, everything is, is worse. And like I'm saying in those moments,

learning to breathe and really be able to distinguish between what, what is an anxiety thought and what is my instinct, you know, what is my maternal instinct? And everyone always tells you as a mom, trust your instincts, trust your instincts. But if you're worried about something, those two things can often blend and being able to really distinguish between the two. So taking that time to breathe and think, you know, really try to access that logical path. What, what am I presented with? What action can I take? What is out of my control? What can I do to try to help the situation? I also find, like for me, exercise. And I hate using the word exercise like that because it doesn't need to be go to the gym or go for a 5K run. I love running. But it doesn't even matter if you're going for a walk or if you

go into the garden and you stretch. Or if you just go outside, take a deep breath, reach your arms out and just reach your body, relax your body and physically de-stress can make such a difference. If my children are winding me up, let's say they're not ill. They're just winding me up. It's dinner time. I'm trying to feed them. They're like, ah! And the twins are things. throwing the food. And Ezra's like, I've forgotten how to chew, which he says all the time. I've forgotten how to chew. And so it's absolutely chaos. If I either can sit there and be like, right, can you eat your food? No. Hold that baby's arms down there, getting that food and then if I can go away and just physically relax my body, because everything gets so stressed

and tense, if you physically relax, it can really have a direct impact on how we emotionally feel. So just learning that relationship between the body and the mind, learning how you your, yourself, you know, really going on that journey of self-discovery. And sorry to ramble on, but journey of self-discovery is, it's all part and parcel, but through motherhood, I've never learned more about myself than I have as a mum. And it's, yeah, you learn about new depths of patience, energy, resilience. Yeah, thank you for that. So, Shakira, just some quickfire questions for you.

Okay, hold tight. What is a motherhood high for you? Do you know what? My motherhood high the other day. It happened really recently. I looked outside. I was washing the dishes and I looked outside and all my four children were playing happily together. This is rare because usually one of them is wondering about something. But in this moment, all four of them were playing a game together and it was like the sweetest moment. I'll remember that for the rest of my life. It was. just the best thing to see that sibling unity. That was, that was absolutely a motherhood high. I love that. And it took looking up and looking out to see it, didn't it? And I think so often we're kind of just rushing around and we could, it's so easily, you could have easily have missed that. Missed it. Yeah, true. So what a, oh, what a lovely, I love it when you get to absorb those moments and you know that they're imprinted somewhere. Yeah. I love that. And what is a motherhood low

for you? If I'm honest, I think my motherhood low was actually my breastfeeding journey with my first, which I breastfed no problem, sort of in terms of latch and milk supply, all of that was great. I had not expected the emotional challenge that I personally encountered with breastfeeding. And this isn't a negative story about breastfeeding in general because I went on to breastfeed all of my children and with the twins where the demand was doubled, I had one of my most positive experiences. So it's not to say that breastfeeding was negative itself, but I had not prim prepared for that demand. And I think when you're a new mum, the relentlessness of motherhood can be a shock to the system. And with breastfeeding, I really felt that. And even when I then

went to combination feeding and then suddenly you sterilized emotions, the amount of taking all the stuff and going on holiday or visiting that. It was just the, I could not believe that all of this came into, came into it. I had not been prepared. So I think that for me, emotionally was a massive, a massive struggle and something I learned from. Yeah. And what is one thing that makes you feel good? One thing that makes me feel good. Um, going to the beach space, you know, I love space. I love space. I'm religious. I know that's not for everybody, so I'm not trying to preach. But one of my favorite quotes from the Bible is that he leaves me besides still waters and he takes me to green pastures. And for me, that is everything. When I go to a big green field or I go to the beach and actually my children, if I take them to a big green field or the big, they are so happy with space. It's amazing. Even when we're outside in the garden, which I love being outside anywhere. But when we go to somewhere with space, they just run and it's like their animal instinct just to be through and run and it's just I I just love having that space around me that tranquil open space. There is so much research to say

how positive and impact those kind of green and blue spaces have on our nervous system and our minds and our body and oh just yeah so that's why we feel good and it's it's the science as well isn't it, as to why sometimes we crave and seek that? And then finally, how would you describe motherhood in three words? Well, okay, literally, that's... Yeah, if I hope I had to. The first word, the first one would probably actually be joy. Like, the first thing would be joy.

Then I'd be like, ah! And then I'd probably be like, I love that. No one's done sounds before. I can imagine that second. Ah, it's probably woken up a couple of babies in cars, but that's okay. That's okay. Yes. Joy. What was the last one? Yeah. I love that. Brilliant. Well, thank you so much, Shika. And when is your book out? So my book is out on the 9th of June. Yes. So I'm very excited for that. And that can be pre-ordered or purchased, but whenever this podcast comes out, I'm not asked Kate. But, but yes, it's going to be such, and it's beautiful as well. It's green and it's golden. It's just going to be

a really powerful resource and a handholding resource and an empowering resource. So thank you so much for that. And thank you for your words today. Thank you for having me on. Thank you. I will see you soon, hopefully. I will invite myself over. Don't worry. Thank you for listening to today's episode of The Therapy Edit. If you enjoyed it, please do share, subscribe and review. You can find more from me on Instagram at Anna Martha. You might like to check out my two books called Mind Over Mother and Know Your Worth. I'm also the founder of the Mother Mind Way, a platform full of guides, resources and a community with the sole focus on supporting mother's mental and emotional well-being.

It's been lovely chatting with you. Speak soon.