The Three Questions with Andy Richter - Adam Devine: Messy Friend Stories (The Andy Richter Call-In Show)

Episode Date: August 22, 2025

Actor and comedian Adam Devine joins "The Andy Richter Call-In Show" this week to hear your MESSY FRIEND STORIES! Want to call in? Fill out our Google Form at BIT.LY/CALLANDYRICHTER or dial 855-266-2604 with whatever you want to discuss! This episode previously aired on SiriusXM’s Conan O’Brien Radio (ch. 104). If you’d like to hear these episodes in advance, new episodes premiere exclusively for SiriusXM subscribers on Conan O’Brien Radio and the SiriusXM app every Wednesday at 4pm ET/1pm PT.

Conan O'Brien Radio Conan O'Brien Radio. Conan O'Brien Radio. Bapa da, ba-da-da-ba-da-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba. Hi there. It's Wednesday, 1 p.m. Pacific time, the coolest time. And that means it's time for the Andy Richter Call-in Show. The show where Andy Richter, whom I continue to be, takes your calls with a guest host.

And today's topic is messy friends. I don't know if this is a good topic, but, you know, we've got to talk about something. I feel like you got your messy friend right here. See, that's why you got me for it. I actually did think about you and thought you probably have your fair share. Yeah. I mean, you kind of got famous with a group of friends. Yeah, yeah.

That voice you hear is Mr. Adam DeVine. Oh, wait, I mean Adam Devine, who's sitting in with me. He's a guest host here today. You know I'm from The Righteous Gemstones, workaholics, pitch perfect. He's also in a Netflix animated film that's out now called Fixed, which is you play a dog. I do, I do. Who's going to get his balls cut off? That's right.

He's getting neutered. He's getting fixed. How does he become aware of that? Like, I don't think there's... The other dogs. in the park sort of caught him up to that. Yeah, and they're like, they're like, yeah, it's the worst. They, they, they showered me with gifts and with toys and they, they put a Kool-Aid in the

toilet bowl and it was the best day of my life and then they were, they were pampering me. Right, right, right. So then I wouldn't feel as bad to get my nuts. Right, right, right. And then that happened to me and I realized it was time to, to have one crazy night before I had to put these balls to bed. It's a really funny movie. A lot of dog buttholes.

So if you're afraid to see animated dog buttholes, steer clear. Right, right. But if it doesn't, if it doesn't bother you, it's very funny. Gendi Tartakovsky. Oh, yeah, I know. Actually, we went to the same film school in Chicago together. Oh, cool. He's one of the successful ones.

Yeah. But I know he did Powerpuff girls. Yeah, he did Powder Puff Girls. and he did primal and Dexter's Laboratory. Dexter's, that was the other one, yeah, yeah. And then like three of the Hotel Transylvania's. So he's an accomplished guy. He certainly is.

Yeah. You're in bed with the right person, with the right animator. The voice cast is great. Catherine Hahn, Iderselba. Oh, nice. Yeah. High class crowd. Yeah, really, really, really funny movies.

That's great. Is it, I mean, can I show it to my five-year-old or is it more of a grown-up dog butthole. Is she cool? Is she cool? She's super cool and she loves buttholes and farts and butts. It is a little R-rated. They do go to a dog whorehouse.

So you might have to answer some questions. You know what? She has a Barbie Bordello. Okay. So she understands, uh, what's going on. It's red velvet. Yeah. She's cool.

Yeah. Um, yeah. Oh, so how are you? What's like, what's life? You know, I, I, We were just talking a little bit before you got an 18-month-old at home. Yeah. That's your current messy friend.

He is my messy friend right now. We, uh, my parents are in town. They hadn't been to the magic castle before. So last night, we went and partook in the magic castle. For those who don't know, it is an old house that it's like a social club, a dinner place. Specifically for all magicians, all magicians. And, and you have to get, like, get the invite. So it's kind of hard to get it.

Have you been a lot of? times i've been so yeah i did a magic movie for disney like a decade ago right right right right got to do um i got to go like dozens of times so i i knew my way around you got into the cult yeah uh-huh yeah uh-huh um and so we went out we had a bunch of drinks and then of course that's the the morning that my son wakes up at 4 a i'm just ready right ready to take on the world yeah no they will punish you like that you know i i remember very specifically the first time i went out after uh i believe it was when my daughter was born i went out and stayed out too late with friends and she was up at like 5 a.m like and and and my ex-wife was like that was the straw that

broke no no no no no no we managed to take it together for another decade or so all right but um but no she was just i mean there is that moment of where it was like totally like oh do you have fun Uh-huh. Do you have fun staying out until 4? You know, 3.30 or whatever. And I was like, shut up. Leave you alone. A fish has got to swim.

And I need to drink. But yeah, no, that you do find. It's like, that's not worth it. Yeah, I haven't drank for this reason. I've, like, really slowed down my party in ways. Yeah, yeah. The good old days. And then I kind of forgot why I slowed down.

until this morning at 4 a.m. Yeah. And then I was like, oh, yeah, it's miserable when you're taking care of a cute, so cute, precious little kid. Yeah, yeah. And then he's just looking at you like, you dirtbag. I can smell it on you. I can smell it, gin. Yeah.

Well, you know, you came up with the group workaholics, which is like that it's, you guys seem like party hounds. And I know from, you know, being privy. to interviews with you sitting next to you being interviewed before that was you guys had like yeah like a party house that was just like we did pretty crazy it was wild yeah it was a wild time uh yeah we lived in the workaholics house we we lived there me blake and kyle our director lived there before getting the show and then we got the show and then we just used it yeah well we lived there throughout season one so they would like slide the sides under our door in the morning as we're like waking up and we're like in boxer shorts and robes you get a location

fee right we sure did oh that means you're living free and making cash we were like well we're gonna get canceled yeah netflix uh comedy central cancels everything and let's face it right we're not that talented we're not south park yeah we're not john stewart yes and we're and we're not Yeah, we were right. We were right there. But yeah, so it wasn't until season two that we were like, let's, let's go blow our money. Right, right. Let's not be responsible anymore. Well, also, too, wasn't it a, wasn't it kind of a drag to shoot it in the same place? Like, weren't there times when it was kind of a pain in the ass? Well, it's a pain in the ass when you aren't in the first scene of the day. Yeah, that's what I mean. And there's just like a six-year-old man like running cable through your bedroom. but yeah beyond that yeah but for the most part we were so it was a three-headed monster we were in every scene right everything together so it was it was pretty fun but i mean what were some of the wildest things that actually happened in that house and is that the wildest the location of

your wildest escapades or was there earlier ones no i think the very next me and blake then rented a like big dumb hollywood hills house and uh we had this crazy part and with, like, Tyler the Creator and all those kids showed up. And by the way, we were grown men. They were children. And they were just at our party. They're teenagers. They were teenagers at this point.

And they're Blake's friends. And I'm like, Blake, there's all these teenagers. Like, they're really cool. They're in this hip-hop group, odd future. And I'm like, I don't care what a rap syndicate. Yeah, they could be Minuto and that still wouldn't make it right. Manudo. Wait, is that Minuto?

They can say. I'm right, no problem. All right. Yeah. Yeah, and so it was this big crazy party. And then Blake decides that someone was saying, I'm going to jump off the roof. And Blake goes, if anyone's going to jump off the roof, it's me. Which is a stupid thing to say.

Because then all of a sudden he has all these teenagers peer pressuring him, youth pressuring him into leaping off our roof. On to the workaholics, Comedy Central, branded beer pong table we had beneath about 15 feet down. And he decides to cannonball through it, which was the worst decision. Right. And he broke his back. And I'm remembering this story now. Yeah, yeah. He broke his back.

And then I am such a good friend. He was like, oh, my back. I think I broke it. And I'm like, no, you'd be able to tell if you broke it. And he's like, I think I'm telling you. I think I'm saying that. That's what's happening. Yeah.

And then the next morning I wake up and Blake's dad is in my bedroom over top of me. And he's like, hey, Adam, I just want you to know they're taking Blake to the hospital right now. He may have broken his back. And I'm like, oh, my God, I'm the worst friend. And then that actual clip was released of them calling into 911 because I guess 911 clips are like public domain. They are. Yeah. Yeah.

And we didn't let Blake live this down because his dad goes, he's having shooting pains up his anus. And they're like, where's the pain? They're like shooting pains up his anus. Yeah, yeah. Are you sure that's not the broken back? It could be something else. So that might have been.

So you guys didn't call, like he could walk, obviously. Yeah, he ended up like he couldn't, he was like, hobbling a little bit and then he ended up DJing for like hours because he was like no this is good because I can like sit and I could just DJ

I'm the DJed and I'm like go for it wow can we get these teenagers out of the house eventually yeah well he did first of all you don't cannonball I mean if you watch any

professional wrestling you got to take you got a flat back bump on that table if you're going to go through it you know and you got to get it in the middle you do you know You know.

Yeah. I mean, I wouldn't do it, but I at least know how to. I mean, that was my younger days, like, for comedy purposes, even before I was being paid to do it. And I mean, from when I was like a kid, like we had a very narrow old stairwell, you know, in our house. It was like an old farmhouse. And I used to fall down it for a laugh. Yeah, comedy falls. Yeah, yeah.

I mean, it would make my grandmother shriek, but it was like, you know, it's like, you know, if you kind of touch. everything and kind of roll like yeah you might get a little bruise or something i was really i i uh was on crutches a lot as a child like a lot and from from stunts no i was well i was hit by a cement truck as a kid oh which well that's hilarious yeah i know it's comedy yeah thanks a lot at i bring you down but then for years and years i would have a surgery and i need to be on crutches again yeah yeah and so like throughout high school i'm just kind of always on crutches this happened when i was 11 and then throughout and but i was so good at falling on crutches.

Right. And so that would be like just, I don't know why I thought it was so funny that I, that people thought that I was hurting myself. Yeah, yeah. People would then be genuinely kind and try to help me. And I'm like, got you. You idiot. Oops.

I had, like, I'm the same way. Like, I can, I can, I know how to fall. Like, and I, you know, and I always, I almost always if, if I do fall, which I don't fall very often. but I do take that sort of protective turn or like tuck in my elbows to roll into it yeah tuck your you know like tuck your chin so you're you know get a whiplash and there's we actually had you know because they had footage of it but during doing the Conan show first day back from a hiatus in which I had my knee scoped so I'd had knee surgery my knee is all ballooned up and there's a bit with a what you know the those things that had handles that were two big wheels that were supposed to be the future of, it's like treadway or, uh, I don't know. You know, you know what those things are called?

It was, it was like a, like a walker? No, it was, it was like a supposed to be that, you know, like personal, uh, you like a personal transportation thing. Oh, oh, uh, Segway. Segway. That's, yeah, yeah. Um, they had a segue that like my lectern was, you know, like a fake lectern on the segue and I was I was you know practicing with it and you can see in the footage like it just

dies and as I fall I like you can just see me like turn and put this leg like totally up in the air and protect this leg and I was like yeah see well you know I fell but at least yeah they said that I think that guy died on a segue the guy that created the segue he think he like fell off a cliff way to bring it way to bring it down again Adam I think he was hit by a cement truck. I just shot right out. He did die riding the Segway off of a cliff. Look at me go.

Like accidentally or was it on purpose? That remains to be seen. Oh, okay. Well, I'm going to get on that right after we're done here. Research. Right. Unless the segue turned on him. You know, killing its maker.

You know how it is. You always want to do that. I've seen Black Mirror. I've seen that episode. it's it's a drive that we all have all right well this is the andy richter calling show we ought to talk to some callers uh if you have stories about your bad friends 855 266 2604 is the number to call uh and first up we have jeremy from california jeremy are you who jeremy jeremy is it jeremy no it's jillian oh hey jillian well you know what hi jillian well you know what i

We've got, we've got some dyslexic working, dyslexic working on the phone. So, yeah, yeah. You too, girl. So, Jillian, are you, you're from Lomita? No. All right. Well, this may be, this may be something. Are you from?

Oh, oh, we lost, I'm sorry, we lost Jeremy. We know you're Jillian. Hi, Jillian. What's up? You got me and Adam. Everything's back on track now. There's no need to worry. Hi.

Hi, how's everybody doing? Good. How are you? Really well. I'm great. I'm really excited to share this story because you guys are like some of the first people I've told about this. Oh, this is good. Juicy. Hot goss. It's very juicy. It's high school gossip. You know it's good. Say it again? It's high school gossip. So you know it's good. Oh, love it. Okay. Love it. All right. You guys ready? We are. Hit us with it. All right. So I was made aware of this back in like March, but I think it happened sometime late last year.

So a girl I used to be, like, best friends with, and I'm talking super best friend. Like, she was at my house all the time. We would hang out together all the time. Pretty much any time we were together, we were together. So she and I, we kind of had like a, we were drifting apart, just growing up, that kind of thing. But we were still cool with each other, I thought. And she started this fake list of people that her ex had either, like, tried to get with or had gotten. Hello?

Oh, shit. Oh, no. A friend took her out. I heard a click and then she was gone. And I was really, oh, we got to get Jillian back too. Man, I want to know. Because she just started to get to the dirty stuff. The hot tea.

Jeremy, are you there? I'm here. Hi, Jeremy. Sorry, we lost you before. How are you doing? Yeah, yeah. I'm good. All right.

Well, you got, we're doing good. Oh, we're doing good. get me and Adam and let us hear what you got. All right. Well, I was saying, I got this friend, and he's a bad friend, but he's also a pretty badass. Okay. So the story that I'm going to tell you guys today, it's, I'll try to tell a good story, but I also try to just tell you the truth.

Okay. So what happened was this guy invited us to his own death party, and then he didn't die. Oh. Okay. Explain the parameters. Well, I mean, I guess that's what you're going to do. Yeah, with your permission. Of course.

So what ends up happening is this guy, he's like, look, dude, he goes, he's been telling everyone he's got cancer. He doesn't. He's like, yeah, I'm dying of cancer. We're like, no, you're not. He's like, whatever. Oh, he's a good one. Yeah, solid prank. This has been going on for years, okay?

So then finally the guy goes, look, he goes, look, they're not going to get me chemo anymore. They said it's too late. So they said, I got to say goodbye to everyone. And I'm like, okay, whatever. He goes, dude, so I'm having this big party at my folks house. And I'm like, all right, he goes, I swear, he goes, if you come this, he goes, I swear 100%, Larry said he's in 100%, Andrew's in, and Jones is in 100%. Like, they're already coming, so I need you to come.

Because I live farther away, so he's trying to get to go. Right, okay. Sounds like a real sausage party. Yeah, you got four guys coming to your death party. Yeah, right. And so I might add, he said this was for prostate. Oh. Okay.

Okay. So I don't know how that plays into the sausage party. Well, I mean, first of all, prostate cancer is not that deadly anymore, you know, especially if you're young, but whatever. Okay. It's fine, you know. All right. So you, you yes and him. Especially not deadly in his case because he doesn't have cancer.

Of course. Okay. So you all decide. Not having cancer is the least deadly form of cancer. You're absolutely right, Jeremy. Yeah, it has a highest success rate of curing. 100%. Uh, so, so you guys show up to the party, I take it. And is it just the four dudes? First, I call all the other guys. No, it's just dozens and dozens of people. Okay. Oh, wow. It's a part. First I call up the other guys and I go, look, did you say you're going to this?

He goes, hell, they're like, hell no, dude. But if you go, I'll go. And I go, fine, it's in. I'm in. I'm 100%. I'm going. So I coordinate with the other dudes and then we show up. And I got to be honest, on the day that we showed up, he's telling me the other guest list if I'm like, I'm in. So he's like, okay, so he's telling me the other guest list. I'm like 90% of these people are not showing up. I'm talking about like old teachers that we had, one of our favorite teachers is going to come to say goodbye to this poor dude. And then, you know, a lot of our other friends.

So anyway, we all go down there and guess what? Everyone showed up. Wow. So we sit around. This is where it gets, yep. Okay, go ahead, Jeremy. Okay, just that, so then we're all sitting around and we're just drinking those, you know, the family drinks, having a good time.

but Phil, I'm not going to tell you his real name, it's Phil. He goes, I have to go, like the night before we showed up. He's like, I got to go with my folks. So he's got his parents in on this, too. He goes, I got it. This is why he's a bad friend, but this is also a pretty badass story, right? We'll be the judge of that. Yeah, yeah, we haven't reached the finish line yet.

So, yeah, we're kind of in the middle of it. I don't know if it's even started yet. He goes, look, dudes, I got to go with my folks because like some old childhood friends. like, you know, when I was a kid, these people helped raise me. He goes to their house for dinner with his family and they're all in there, tell me these guys, he's a garner. So we hang out at the house. No one's there.

This is the night before, me and Larry and a couple other people. We're all, because we're out of towners. We're staying at their place. And they go to this dinner, and then they come back. So he's got everyone in on this, like, 100%. And that's why he's a bad friend. So his parents, and his parents are abetting this. They know their accomplices.

They might be bad parents. I don't know what's going on because, like, you can't, like, they must, they must know something. They're smart people. The dad's a dentist and the mom's a local. She was one of the small town attorneys. Okay. We've got to be on to this. I mean, he's been telling them the same story for like 10 or more years.

And how old is this person? Yeah, approximately. Well, I'll tell you, this happened when we were 40, probably 43 years. years old. Oh, okay. So you're fully grown adult men. That's, yeah, that's different. I'm thinking 19 or something. Yeah, I was thinking some kids. Okay. You sound very useful. So then when they, when everyone was at the party was like, ha ha, I got you. I'm not dying. Yeah. We're just having a regular party or how did you find out that he wasn't actually dying? Because admittedly, having a party and seeing, having everyone show up. Yeah, yeah. That's, that's fun. Right. You know,

old teachers and the like and also even if you know that it's that it's predicated on a falsehood it's still a party yeah you know yeah well let's see what happens let's see the wreckage thank you and there was wreckage and this dude might have liked that version more like with the wreckage you know but um so yeah so the the party went um so then yeah everyone shows up the folks are kind of in on it or they're not in on it but they're like going along with it And, dude, so the thing is, is this guy committed like 100%. So you know what he did? Dude, he shaved his eyebrows in his head.

Classic symptom of prostate cancer. Yeah. Okay, because he, yeah, he supposedly... Chemo or whatever, yeah, yeah. Right. So that's how far into this this dude is. Wow. I would have asked to see his pubes do.

I do that all the time. I think that's just a good thing to all your friends. Yeah. With cancer? With cancer, folks, you're like, you could have just shaved your head and your eyebrows. Let's see those pubes. All right, okay, yeah. What's that butthole do?

I got it. Okay, you're down there. Yeah, it looks like Thanksgiving turkey, no problem. All right. Okay, you passed a test. If the party was at my house, I would have. Yeah, yeah. But because it was out of his mom and dad's house, I didn't feel like I should ask and see anyone's butthole.

Right. That's true. Yeah. That's fair. So then how did you end up finding out? Yeah, yeah. We've been, we've been. So the party's throwing.

blocks here. You guys have been to some parties. Yes. We've all been to your friend to a friend's death party who didn't bother to die when it was over. So it's weird, you know, we went. Well, nothing, no magic surprises. I mean, the dude still cling into the story five years later. And no, I'm like, dude, you were already supposed to die.

We just keep going. Okay. Right. Okay. So maybe you, hang on, Jeremy. Maybe you're the bad friend because maybe this guy had cancer, defeated the cancer thought he was going to die

had a party everybody showed up everybody had a great time and then he didn't die and maybe you and your friends that are calling him out and saying

hey you didn't have cancer when in fact maybe he did have cancer because that is yeah we're like hey dude where is this where is this death we were promised to death

and we yeah and I would agree that maybe I am the bad friend except I did drive over 300 miles. Yeah, that was nice of you. That was nice of you. But then I feel like we should just be happy. And so he's

never come clean. No, absolutely not. Wow. And the parents are in on it and that leads me to believe that maybe, just maybe, he did have cancer and he beat it. It wasn't just our friends. It wasn't just

like our group of friends. Like this guy's a pretty well-known tale teller so but we all put up with it because we grew up with this guy and we love them but dude the the family the catholic priest from the church that the parents go to they were there the mom and dad's friends like there's there's somewhat socialites they were all at the party wow well organic summertime backyard blowout but it wasn't like anyone didn't know why we were there like there was no there was no mistaken premise yeah yeah whole thing everyone there was like yeah it's too bad about phil and i was anything i'm glad i'm glad you you got a great party out of the deal.

Sure. And I, and honestly, at this point, you could maybe get a three-part Netflix miniseries about it, you know? Absolutely. Every hear of Scamanda on ABC News. Did you see that? I didn't. It was some woman that faked having cancer and to raise a bunch of money. She's ripped off a bunch of people. Oh, really?

Yeah. There's actually, I think you're right. We need to start the documentary and Andy and I will produce it. Executive producer. Sure, sure. I don't really want to do any work. Yeah. I would like to make some money.

That's why I'm saying to produce it. Right. We're not going to do anything. I will say, but the twist here, the twist, the psychological bender, instead of scamming us out of money, they gave us liquor. Yes, he's not good at scamming. Yeah, they're a pretty bad. Yeah, they're supposed to be personal gain.

Yeah. All right, well, Jeremy, thank you so much for the call. Thanks, Jeremy. Can I say, I think Jeremy was the bad friend in that situation. It sounded like he, this guy had cancer and defeated it. Right. Which you'd think Jeremy should be happy and, uh, it is a pretty bold statement to have someone who, uh, to accuse a friend of yours.

Yeah, yeah. And if their parents were, I mean, you know, I feel like your parents would, would know whether you had cancer or not. Right. Right. Okay. Do we have a caller up? We got Jillian.

Is Jillian? Okay, thank you. Hopefully I don't get disconnected again. Sorry, Jeline. We're having some technical issues. It's okay. Don't worry about it. So anyway, we were just at the point where people were talking about having sex with each other.

Yeah. Okay, so refresher, one of my ex humongous best friends used to be very close, all that. She's with a new guy. They're very gross together. It's all that. So she's deciding, I'm assuming with this new boyfriend, that she wants to kind of get back at the other guy. So she makes a list of people that he was apparently trying to get with. And this is her ex.

Yes, this is her ex. Okay. So I was on this list, but everybody knew that it was fake, that she was making it up for attention because I'm her ex's cousin. Oh, wow. And everybody knows that I'm his cousin because that's, like our whole thing with our friendship is like we'll walk around and just be like hey cuss what's up yeah yeah it's it was out in the open yep she had other thoughts other ideas that i don't even want to know yeah she sounds like a she sounds like a bad friend jillian was she was she

pushing this was she pushing this notion hard um i'm not really sure i think she was i'm pretty sure she was really just trying to get her ex kind of in trouble, kind of give them a bad look. Right. Now, when you said she made a list, like, did she post it at school? Was it online? Was it, or was it just in a diary of hers? She had it, like, on her, like, notes app, and she was just showing people.

I see. Okay. Like, she made it look like a screenshot off of his phone, even though they have two different types of phones, so you could tell that it was hers. It was not very well thought out. Right. But it was not the greatest thing to hear. I will say, Jillian, though, you know, cousin

fucking is a thing that happens. Yeah, I understand. I understand your... But that's not what I'm going to. I mean, yeah, because southern Ohio, it might as well be Tennessee, you know what I'm saying? But it's not for everyone and it's not for me. Yes.

I wouldn't say it's for most people. I wouldn't, yeah. Not for most people. No, I would say it's not for most people. Well, we're glad you're not fucking your cousin. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

And it is problematic to be accused of cousin fucking just for clout, it sounds like. Cloud chasers. And, you know, a lot of the rest of the list, you know, I'm kind of, I'm younger than this cousin a couple years. A lot of the other girls that were on this list were younger than. me. Wow. So not only was she trying to make him look like a cousin fucker, but also trying to make him look like a pedophile. Yeah, yeah, I like it. Yikes. Wow. Mm. Well, she really hated this ex-boyfriend. Did she ever get her come-upins? Like, did any, did she ever get any blowback from all this lying and, uh, trashing of characters? Honestly, I don't think so.

Well, get to work, Jillian. Yep. I think it's time for you to make. a list, Jillian. Get out there and burn her to the ground. I will. Just for you guys. All right, good. Wow, finally. Yeah, this show's making a difference.

Look at us. Making a dent. I love it. All right. Well, Julie. Thanks. Thank you so much. Thank you so much, guys.

You guys have a good day. All right. You too. Thank you. You too, Jaybug. This is the Andy Richter Call-in show. I've got Adam Devine here, and we want to hear your stories

about messy, messy friends. 55266-2-6-0-4 is the number to call. We're here for another half hour or so, I mean, unless you've got something, unless you've got like a two-hour banger of a story. Yeah, we could free our schedules for that. I feel like Jeremy would have kept talking. He would have. If we very well could have.

If we let him, he would have, he would have come up. At that party. Come up with some more slogans about what was going on. Frankie, are you there? I'm here. I'm in Tennessee. the cousin fucking capital of the world. Cousin fuckers tonight.

You called it. That's right. Well, hi, Frankie. What's up? How are y'all? Good stuff. Listen to y'all the other night on a road trip. I'm a musician.

I travel on a tour bus and back some years ago, quite a few years ago, I was on a tour bus and we were at a hotel, a few alcohol beverages going around, of course. And this paramedic ambulance shows up to the hotel. was a male paramedic and a female paramedic, and they obviously had something going on. So they got out of the, out of the ambulance and went up to the motel. It's one of those motels that I would say. I called a motel because the doors are facing, you know, outward. Sure, right, right.

They went in there. They're not interior hallways. Yeah, yeah. There's no hallways. Yeah, it's kind of an I won't tell motel hotel kind of thing. Gotcha. And they obviously had some medicine to administer to each other, insertions. That's kind of what was going on.

And so we're watching this. And, of course, one thing leads to the other. And someone says, you think they left that ambulance unlocked? And somebody's like, I don't know. What's the chance? So three of us get out. We're musicians. There might be drugs in there.

Smart. There could be something happening there. So three of us get out. And we walk up, and sure enough, that door is open. And I looked at it. And, you know, I'm a law by citizen. I don't want anything to do with this. But that singer and that drummer looked at it.

And the next thing, it was like, well, you think the keys are in it? No. Well, surely the keys were in it. Wow. Next thing you know, that singer jumps in there, shuts the door. The drummer, who's about 21 years old, gets in there. And I thought they're going to take it around the block, right? I mean, they're going to pull this out of the parking lot and then go down to the stoplight

and just spin it back in maybe 10, 15 seconds, right? And then we're going to run back to the bus. It's not a full-on Grand Theft Auto. Yeah, that's what I thought the bit was. That's what I thought the bit was. I wasn't all in on the bit. And so. But were you in the ambulance or no?

You didn't get. No, I did not. I did not. Okay. I did not participate. I mean, I was, you know, I was into the, I wonder if the keys were in. I was into all that, but I wasn't into what grand theft ought. That's not my bit.

You know, I was out. So they went out. my favorite comedy bit. No, I mean, I mean, anything for a laugh except maybe that and a few other things. So they pull out there and get to the corner where there's the stoplight, and I'm thinking, quick right turn back in here, 10, 15 seconds, kind of funny. You know, we can laugh about it. Light turns green, and he takes the left down the highway and takes off out of town. And I'm like, oh, this bit just changed, right? Did he hit the lights at all? Yeah, that's part of the fun.

They did not, yeah, I know. Got to blow through some red lights. The situation that they were in. And so then the next thing was, what do you think happens next? They're done fucking, yeah. Yeah, I mean, it's a quickie bit, right? So they come out of the hotel room. You know, they're on call.

Yeah, right, exactly. A grandmother, a lot of slipped and broke a hip. Yeah, when you're on, when you're on the club, clock, you're not going to, you know, have a languorous love affair. It's just in and out, right, right. Back on the road. And so they come out and I'm standing in the parking lot. Now, I'm not like wanting to associate with any.

At this point, I'm just a, you know, I stumbled up on this situation, right? I don't know anything. Frozen with fear. Yeah, yeah. And so, and so they come out. Of course, they call it in, and I could probably count to three. and I hear every, every emergency light, emergency vehicle, siren in the county, in the city, sounds like, you know, maybe we're talking Tallahassee, Florida.

Yeah. So all of a sudden, it's just like I'm hearing every siren in the world comes on. I go, oh, man, we're in the game now, right? Yeah, yeah. So did you call your friends and give them a heads up? Like, hey, maybe ditch? This is actually, actually, to be honest with, this story is like 20, 25 years old. I don't even know if we were rocking cell phones then.

Like late 90s, early 2000. Yeah. And so there was no cell phone. You got to page them. I mean, I'm sure they started hearing this. And so, yeah, I don't think anybody had a beeper. So they started hearing the sirens. And I'm just standing there in the parking lot.

So I ran to the hotel room and I had other musicians. I'm like, hey, fellas, if you're holding something. and probably might not be the time to be carrying on. And they're holding all the morphine they stole from the ambulance. So what happened here? So now all of a sudden, so I see, as I see, so the Paramax have come down, they were up in about the third floor of this hotel. They're down in the parking lot.

Now, and all of a sudden, I see the ambulance is coming back. And about the same time, they pull back in the ambulance. the first police officer pulls in and then there's probably like eight or ten cops maybe more pull in behind him and of course he gets first he gets a good cussing out by the paramedics you know like somebody could have needed that ambulance you know could you know you could be like we should be trying to save somebody's life so they were getting tucked out and then the top put up we were just in and out for a quick wait wait wait wait wait what the cop says and so yeah and so the cops were not happy even a little bit.

And so the singer, the guy who steals the ambulance, his angle's going to be like there's some infidelity going on here between the paramedics. And so he's going to try to just point this out, right? Yeah. Right. So he's going to try to take the high moral ground after stealing the ambulance. He didn't like what they were doing in there.

Yeah, it was a sin. It was moral judgment. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes. And so they arrested them right there on the spot. Now, we're mid-tour. So we basically, we have a tour. bus we get everybody up we get our bus driver up we follow the police um kind of the whole

entourage to the jail because they're going to book this guy and his and the drummer drummer's 21 years old and clean cut kid he doesn't even know what just what just happened yeah he was just going to be kind of hang around the singer and all of a sudden he's like wide-eyed has no idea probably never been in trouble in his life so he has no idea what happened so our bus is sitting out there from the jail for probably they booked them and put them into jail for probably four or five hours and then and then we head off to the next gig and then it turned out that this singer had to do a benefit write a check and they basically got out of it wow well that's great yeah because you have a tour bus it's so you guys sound fairly successful he has to do a

benefit can you tell us who the singer is oh I I'm, you know, I'll let, I'll let the history makers and the internet searchers and all that stuff. The lurkers, yeah, yeah, you've got to be careful. You know what I mean? I'm like, I can't, I can't tell, but not at that level. Right, yeah. I'd rather just call a radio show and out the world. Smart.

Yeah, because what I was thinking, too, is that I'm just thinking of it from the, the paramedics point of view. They come downstairs, they go, shit the ambulance, it's gone, call the cops. but when the cops are going to get there it's like a what are you doing here and b you left the keys in the fucking thing yeah like so they're exposing themselves to you know liability too you know i've i've had a car stolen and the keys were inside the car and the cops told me that it's not stealing then and i'm i'm like i think you're lying i think that's wrong yeah yeah i don't think that they could just take and i'm just saying it's like saying if you're front of you're door is unlocked that your stuff is up for grabs. That's exactly what there was. And I was like, you just don't like to work, I think. And you're exactly right, because had they done the short bit where they came back right away, even if the paramedics have come out and caught them, because their tails

were tucked, and you're exactly right, because they left that keys in that, they probably would have, like, shamed them and let it go because they didn't want it to escalate to the point where now this is going to become potentially a national story, and they're going to be the butt of the joke. Wow. So that was the problem, as he went, he was just gone too long. Yeah. National story.

And people are going to find out that Tom Jones stole an ambulance. Sammy Hagar. I don't think either of those guys were in it, uh, would fit the Tennessee, uh, that's not really Tennessee cousin play, but, right. So that we're, I take it. So it's not, you know, there's a statute of limitations on. I don't want you to name names, but I take it that the genre of your band was country. I think that's fair.

Okay. Yep. All right, good. Well, that'll be interesting. It is. Toby Keith, it is. There we go. George straight, not so straight.

Not so straight now, are you, George? You're in an A-list world there, and I wouldn't call this singer A-lister. Okay. All right, thank you. Got it, got it. Okay. Interesting. Well, thank you so much for the call.

That was a great call. Great show, guys. All right. Thanks a lot. All right, up next. Oh, listen, give us a ring. 855-266-2-4. I'm going to be straight with you, people.

We lost a few callers. We got one hanging on. But come on, give us your stories, you know, your messy friend stories. Come on. Bring us in with a win. Yeah, come on. Sean from Arizona Hey fellas

Hi there What's up Sean? I love you guys Oh thank you We love you too I mean it's conditional If this story is no good Then daddy will pull his love away

Andy He actually suggested that I call him daddy This interview I did I had my publicist email him It's like if you could just Just call him daddy He likes it You know, the standard no eye contact thing, you know, all that stuff.

He doesn't want that. He wants all eye contact. Don't look away. Oh, my God, that would be such a hilarious thing to do. I insist on constant eye contact. Always be looking at me. Everyone, always be looking at me. All right, Sean, hey there.

Go ahead. Tell us your story. Well, Daddy, Toby Keith and I are here with Gillian. We just have her eyebrows off. All right. I suppose this, it kind of started off as a wild card story. Nice. I held, I held.

But also this person is now a bad friend, but that's not really the story. So former roommate, college buddy, we bartended together back in the day at ASU. Party school. Yeah, classic party school. Classic party school. Yeah, party school to end all party schools. Many good times had. I'm sure.

He cracked a tooth, cracked a tooth, neither root canal. I had pretty much the exact same thing happened about a year earlier. We're both bartenders and students. We live in the USA, so we obviously had no insurance. I found a dentist that was amazing that sort of reached out to. students or restaurant workers. It was a pretty easy fix. About 800 bucks, I told my buddy.

You mean advertised, advertised somehow to students and bartenders? Or it was just like sort of restaurant workers. People just knew that there was this. And students. Okay. And is he in Arizona or is this, are we talking across the border? Traveling somewhere. No, she was local.

I mean, it was probably about a 10 minute drive from. the house we were renting at the time. Okay. All right. Well, good. Yeah, well, great. That's good. Yeah. So far, this story isn't bad at all right. It's a dental work done. Yeah. It sounds like it. Yeah. And so my buddy who was epically frugal, like, probably the most frugal person I've ever met on the planet, like the quintessential example of like tripping over a dollar to pick up a nickel. He, he had the same issue that I had as like, here, go to this person. She's super. Super amazing.

She, she, her whole business is designated towards, you know, college students and restaurant workers, that sort of thing. And he said, no, I grew up on a military base on the Mexican border. My dad has a buddy on the other side of the border. I'm going to go down to him because I want a gold tooth. He's going to charge me 600 bucks. I'm like, well, I paid a year ago 800 bucks. And my buddy had like a super old truck.

He's going to drive down. It's going to be a tank of gas down. tank of gas back. Plus, I also love having a measurement of what my time is worth. So I'm like, dude, you can like spend so much time driving down and back. And then this old truck that he had, like it'd just fill up like a quart of oil every time back and forth, yada, yada, yada. He's like, no, no, my dad's got a buddy. I'm going to go down there and get this done for 600 bucks. And he won the gold tooth. And it's like, I don't know the teeth names, but it's like the one right behind the canine so like yeah it's a bicuspid yeah it's a bicuspid yeah he's got like a big

thank you daddy just like a bicuspid i mean and i actually to get a gold tooth i think like oh yeah that's kind of cool it's kind of cool like it's 200 bucks less you're if you're an arizona bartender so far yeah sean i'm on his side yeah this is all checking out yeah so so he goes He's got a big, wide face, like a Cheshire cat, too, right? Okay. So, like, he wants it to, like, able to see it. Yeah. So he goes down, and he gets it done.

It's on a Saturdays and a stay of the night, crosses the border, comes back over. It's like 20-ish years ago or something. Comes back, stays night at his parents' house, comes back to where we were living, and he looks like he got the shit kicked out of him. I mean, just, like, beat up. And so he opted for just the one initial shot of Novocaine, but no gas. And then the story then on like a Sunday afternoon that he's telling me is like, it's this dude's living room and he's like laid out in a lazy boy.

And that's the dentist office. And this guy is just giving him a root canal and then putting on a gold tooth. And so he opted to just drink a ton of tequila. So my kind of friend. Yeah. Again, this guy, I mean, I'm not, I have, I'm still on his side, you know. Yeah, Sean, it seems like you're just explaining the coolest guy. Right, exactly.

Of all time. This guy's a problem solver. A little unorthodox, maybe, but, you know, come on. Well, and again, this is more of a wild call versus a bad friend. But thank you for the horn. So he, they're clamping the goal. gold tooth on, it was so painful that he said, yes, it's fine. So he comes back, he's telling me the story. He says, no, I'm going to wait until the swelling goes down. I'm going to hold

this gold tooth up with my tongue for the week. And then I'm going to go back to Mexico and then get it clamped on properly once the swelling's gone down. Fast forward, the next day, Monday, we're at work, like high energy supper club kind of thing where we show up in the afternoon. sit down for free shift to have dinner together. He runs to the bathroom comes back behind the bar where he and I were working. He's like, dude, I swallowed it. I'm like, he swallowed what? Like, the

tooth. I swallowed the gold tooth. I'm like, of course you swallow the gold tooth, dude. Like, now just go down the street to the to the person that I went to. He's like, no, I'm going to get it back. Right. No, yeah. Don't tell me anything about that. You got to sit through your own shit. We've all been there. Everyone's

been there. Yeah, yeah. So it was a very much out of sight, out of mind, and it would be the next Saturday. I'm a rolling home and he walked, I was walking down the hallway. He's like, dude, I got it.

I got it, man. I had a system and I got it. Like, you got what? And he points back to this big Cheshire, cat's face. He's a system, points back to like this thing on his nightstand. He's got like one of our rocks glasses from our, like, our shitty college bar

bar cabinet, sitting in like blue index, just this thing at the bottom of the glass. He's like, I got it back. My system worked. I'm like, dude, no way. And he drove back that weekend, put it back in his mouth. And every time he smiles, it's just like this shining thing. And I didn't want to know the system.

Like, I think, I think shit jokes are sort of like low-hanging fruit. Right. But the world turns on him. Their world turns on him. You know, what are you going to do? Yeah, but I had to know. And so it was like his whole system was like he had a backpack. He just threw like a box of garbage bags in with old flip-flops.

And then he's like a mad duker too. Like he was he had to shit before we left the house and then on the way to a show or something like that. He would have to shit at the gas station on the way to the show. Well, good. He was able to get it out quickly. Right, exactly. He was experienced. Well, it was like it was from Sunday.

It was Monday to Saturday. Yeah. And so he would take a garbage bag, put it in the toilet, put the seat down, go. Yeah, no, I think we can. Yeah, you know, you're not, you're not describing electrolysis or something. Yeah, this is fairly easy to figure out. Yeah, I'm able to put that together. Yeah.

I think we know what happened. Well, this is, and I mean, the guy's got almost sort of literally a shit eating grin, you know, I mean. Literally. Yeah. And he can always point. to that tooth and be like that came out of my asshole and no one I don't know anyone that can say that it's a fun story on a first day it's a really fun story yeah yeah yeah you know yeah you're getting to know someone right and it's you know it shows like flexibility you know willingness to improvise

determination yeah yeah stick to itiveness yeah yeah Sean I mean it's grit yes probably literal grit yes well all right i mean this guy's still in your life he still has the gold the gold tooth in there uh he definitely has the gold tooth now he'd have falling out a couple years ago his midlife crisis was kind of bizarre okay well they get that's that's a that's a later topic yeah yeah all right well sean thank you so much for calling katherine zeta jones she deeps beneath the lasers whoa thanks sean all right I love you guys. A line from workaholics.

I like that. Yeah, yeah. He said, a little shout out to you. Thank you, Sean. While you're here. That felt good. That felt really good.

If there was another guest host, that would have been weird. That would have been, yeah, yeah, off-putting. Okay, all right. Well, bye. Sure. Up next, we got Art in Irvine.

Hi, Art. How are you? What's up, Art? Hey, can you hear me? We can hear you. And I, oh, I forgot to preface this. We got a wild card call. That's just, it's just off top.

Topic is that. That's all that means. I like it. Yeah, yeah. But it's, you know, it's, it's fun. Because we don't care here. You know, like, topic, schmopic, whatever you got. We're having fun. Art, go ahead. Tell us what you got. Art. Art. Art. Art, are you back? There you are. Art. Yeah, I'm back. I'm back. All right. This is definitely a wild card. Okay. Hit us with it. Nice. Yeah, hit us with it before you run out of quarters again. yeah really uh this is from your young and dumb show love it yep okay so i'm 10 years old so we're looking at like 1971 okay and at that time i don't know if you experienced this but at that time like if i came home and said so-and-so's father hit me my parents response would be well what did you do to deserve to be hit yes sure so yeah as long as i didn't have any broken bones or blood That's a, yeah, classic.

That wonderful thing they call old school. Yeah. Yes, but anyway, so it's a Sunday, and my dad and my brother are going to do, my older brother are going to do yard work. And so this is fun for me because I get to hang out with them. But my dad's putting gas into the lawnmower or in the garage and he spills some. And he's looking around for a rag, and then he tells me, stand back. And I go, okay.

And I stand back and he takes a book of matches and flips a match on it. And it goes, poof. and I thought that was the coolest thing I had ever seen in my life. I still do. You know, at 10 years old it was. And so, you know, I just can't stop thinking about this, you know. And so the next day, you know, of course, I'm going to school and there's a kid that I, what's known as an origin story.

Yeah. And so anyway, anyways, I tell them all about it and everything and we get home, we rush home. and so I take a tumbler from my mom's Tupperware and I fill it up with gas and then there was this parking lot of few like up against our neighborhood and we go into the parking lot we're running into the parking lot

and I take the cup and I throw it on the ground and so now we're looking at about probably like a four or five foot diameter puddle of gasoline and I take the match and I throw it on it, and this gigantic orange fireball goes flying up into the air, big old black mushroom cloud, and we are just freaking out, this is the coolest thing ever. And when we didn't realize that when we came running out of the garage, my friend's dad was

standing out in front of the house, and he's looking, what do you guys up to? and he came around the corner just to see us do what I did we turned around and his dad is standing there and right away my friend looks at me and points in me and says it was his idea you know and do it all that and his dad's not buying it and he tries to run past his dad and his dad is a big man grabs him by the collar and brings up and just starts

whooping his butt you know and now he runs away and he says we're not done go to your room and he looks at me he starts walking towards me and I'm thinking I'm going to get a big whoop in here you know and he squats down he looks at me and he says what time does your father come home and it was like about 430 actor and I go up 530 and I go is that when you're going to tell him and he goes oh no I'm not going to tell him you're going to tell him and now this great thing that I thought was so cool yeah that's now done a 180 and I'm freaking out.

Yeah. And he says, and if he's not out in front of the house by 545, he goes, I'm going to tell him and you're going to be in real big trouble. Right. And so I go back, I go back home and I walk into the house and I walk into the living room and I'm in the days. My brother says to me, hey, get out of the way. I can watch you TV.

And of course, I turn around and go, you know, pick on me. You know, I'm freaking out, you know, that every time somebody says something to me, I'm just I'm just very, really oversensitive. and so anyways I'm waiting of course my dad comes home and I wait till you know 544 and 59 seconds oh that must have been a sweet 14 minutes yeah yeah oh man I was I was dying and anyway so I'm I'm crying and telling them all about it and he says and he goes why would you do something like that then I start to say how well you know when you did it and then he's looking around for my mom and say shut up kid just go to your room you know yeah yeah he doesn't want my mom to hear

You know, so anyway, so I go to my room and my brother comes in and I thought he was really good to start giving it to me, but he actually was pretty cool. He's just like, you're in trouble, man. And then when he asked me why, I told him, and he says, okay, mom's going to ask you, do not mention dad. So he's looking, you know, he's trying to school me. Right. And, hey, you don't want to be a number. Right. Exactly.

Yeah, yeah. But I'm 10 years old. Of course, I threw my dad under the bus. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Fuck that guy. Yeah. But anyways, I look at my room faces the front of the house. I look up my front window.

My dad's walking out, and the neighbors, he's there. My friend's dad is there, and he's got a cooler there, and he hands my dad a beer. And they just start laughing. Yeah. Talking and laughing and just, can you believe this stuff, you know? Yep. Just proud of their two pyro sons. Yeah, yeah.

Well, and also, they've been there. I'm an innovative story. Yeah, that's, I mean, your dad obviously still has that urge in him. We all do, like, yeah. I want to light this office on fire right now. Yeah, pool of gas, throw a match on it. That sounds great. Yeah, that's fantastic.

It's only natural. Yeah, well, listen, our... That did cure me of that. That's good. That is good. That is good. I'm glad you didn't take that into a doll to. We got to go because the hour is almost up here.

So thank you so much for the call. All right. Anybody comes on me with a spark where I run for the hills. All right. Thanks, Art. Thanks, Art. Let's see. Take care.

All right. Let's see. We usually, we pick a favorite. I got to go with the ambulance joy ride. Yeah, we got to go. What's his name? Frank. Yeah, Frank from Tennessee.

That was a good one. Yeah. And also great storyteller. Absolutely. Frank knew what he was doing, beginning, middle, and, you know, some of these stories, they would Miranda a little bit. No, he got to it. He knew what he was doing.

And also, just to spill that much dirt on Travis Trit is amazing. All right, well, thank you. Travis Trit. Is that the kind of, Trint? It's Trit. That's the references the kids are really. Yeah, they're gobbling this up. Adam Devine, thank you so much for being here.

Check out Fixed on Netflix. You got anything else you want to plug? No, I'm doing. I'm doing some stuff with the workaholics, guys. We've got a cruise coming out. Oh, nice. We're going to go on a cruise. So this is important is our podcast.

Go to this cruise is important.com and book your cabin. Do it. 22nd through the 26th. Wow, that sounds great. I hope it doesn't become a poop cruise. Oh, how dare you even say that. Sorry. You all stick around because Lori Kilmartin's on next with Stand Up on Conan.

I'll be back next week. Thank you. Conan O'Brien Radio Conan O'Brien Radio