The Three Questions with Andy Richter - All Elite Wrestling Star Paul Wight

Episode Date: August 28, 2026

All Elite Wrestling star and former WWE Champion Paul Wight joins Andy Richter to discuss the surprising difficulties of being 6’2” at twelve years old (including getting arrested after his first kiss!), the time he and Andy ran into each other in Los Angeles traffic, how his recent weight loss has made him “half a giant,” the business lessons he took from his WWE years, and this weekend’s AEW All In: London pay-per-view event at Wembley Stadium! Do you want to talk to Andy and his comedian friends live on SiriusXM’s Conan O’Brien Radio? Tell us your favorite dinner party story (about anything!) or ask a question - leave a voicemail at 855-266-2604 or fill out our Google Form at BIT.LY/CALLANDYRICHTER  Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Hey everybody, welcome back to the three questions. I'm your host, Andy Richter, and today I'm talking to all-elite wrestling star Paul White. Paul White is a legendary professional wrestler and actor. You know him from his tenure with the WWF slash WWE from 1999 to 2021 as Big Show, as well as his current work as a wrestler and commentator on all-elite wrestling. Between WWF, WWE, and WCW, he has held 20,000. 23 total championships. He is the only professional wrestler in history to hold all four specific major world championships.

He's also appeared in films such as Jingle All Away, The Waterboy, and Star Trek Enterprise. Here's my conversation with the great storyteller, All-Elete wrestling star Paul White. Hey, Paul. How are you, buddy? I'm good. How are you? Great, great, great, great.

What a great job you did on dancing with the stars, man. We voted for you. Oh, thank you so much. We loved it. You were doing fantastic. Thank you. All I kept thinking of was, damn all that cardio. Well, you know, that was one of the things about it was, like, when they asked me to do it, they asked me to do it in like April, and it didn't start until August.

Okay. And I had been having all kinds of problems with my left leg and my back, and I ended up finding out I needed to hit. hip replacement. I was just grinding my left hip. And, but I, I was feeling so old. Like, I, you know, I was feeling like I couldn't do stuff because I, I was like, you know, like we go, you know, we go to Disneyland. You live in Southern California. You go to Disneyland. And I'd be like, yeah, let's go. And then I know like, oh, shit, two hours in, I'm going to be miserable. So doing that thing. And then I found out I needed the hip replacement. And the doctor's like, yeah, you can still do it. We'll just shoot you full of stuff.

And I, but I started, it was four hours a day, seven days a week. And I, I know, I'm more exercise. I mean, I went than when I played football in high school, it was more exercise. And I was like, well, if I can do this, I can do anything. So it was really good, you know, for that reason. Yeah, I, I've had two hip replacements and two knee replacements. So I get it. Yeah, I got to, when that hip starts going bad, you start, well, how far do I have to walk to where we're going? Yeah, yeah. That's, that's no way to live. And, and all the, it wasn't just like the hip, you know, because it took a while to figure out, but it was like, like, I say back stuff and, you know, like nerve stuff down my leg. And it's all fixed. It's like one of

the most satisfying, you know, like when you get a medical procedure that actually works, it's fantastic. You look skinny. I am. I am. I am under 360 pounds. Wow. I haven't been this light since right after I got out of college. Wow. As R. Anderson said the other day, I'm half a giant now. Just a jai. Yeah, I'm just a jai.

I'm just a jai. I'm just a GI, man. Just a GI. How do you feel? I mean, it's nice. I'm good. I mean, I went through the past seven years, have been rough because I've had like 11 surgers in the past seven years. Just hips and knees.

Yeah, yeah. You know, just all that rigamarole that, you know, the bill comes due eventually, 30 years before wrestling. And we're on the other side of it now. We're out there. You know, I work out every day. My cardio is good. And I'm having fun again. Are you still, do you still wrestle?

I do. I do. I wrestle for all elite wrestling now, which is AEW, which is on T&T and TBS. Yeah. But do you keep the same schedule that you, like, that you would? No. Just an occasional spot. Yeah.

Yeah, it's just like I go out one day a week and for the commentary and wrestling, I'm still fine-tuning a lot of stuff. So it might be a little bit before I get back in the ring and actually do something. Yeah. But other than that, I did have my first in a long time just because of travel. I had my first 37-hour day of being awake. Oh, wow. My flight got delayed out of Tampa. And then I had to take a 5 a.m.

out of Tampa through Atlanta to Vegas. So I had to be up at 3 a.m. And then when I landed in Vegas, they needed me to go to a studio that they had rented for some upcoming pay-per-view stuff that I had to do. I got there. There was an equipment problem. There was a delay.

I got back to the arena in Vegas at 3.40. And we went on live on the air with dynamite at 5. So I missed the production meeting. Literally had enough time to change my shirt and grab a protein shake and did two hours of dynamite, two hours of collision, then hopped on a red eye back home through Dallas.

And I got back to my house like 11 a.m. the next day. Jesus. I was like, yeah, I remember running that hard all the time back in the day, but I didn't do yet. Yeah, yeah. Like, I was just, you know, I was just a complete warm lump for all the cats to climb on. So I didn't move. Can you not sleep on planes? Are you still too tall?

No, you know, it's funny? I try not to. because I find if I sleep on a plane, I feel worse. And also the invention of the cell phone camera has deterred me from sleeping on a plane. I got you. I guarantee I'm not the most graceful sleeper on a plane, mouth open, puddle full of drool. I'll just try to use the time and stay busy and read or something like that. You have just given me a new paranoia because I never, it never occurs.

occurred to me to think like, oh, yeah, shit, if I pass out on a plane, that could end up on Twitter. I don't use, like in the airports, of course, because I can't really fit in the restrooms on the planes. Yeah. There you go. So I try to find the private either family restrooms or handicapped restrooms. Yeah.

Not because I'm boozy and I need a private bathroom, but on a couple of different occasions, I've gone to the restroom and somebody's held their phone up over the. Jesus. It's tall. I mean, the last one was really funny because the guy did it, and I saw his shoes, and he's trying to be real quiet. And I'm just waiting to see what happens. I don't know if the guy's going to see if the door is locked or that stuff. And I see the phone come up over the top, but my arms are so long, I just reached out, grabbed the phone and threw it in the toilet and said, you lost that.

You know, and then the shoes took off running where they left. And I'm like, you know, I'm going to avoid this problem because, you know, one, I don't need that. And two, I don't need to be on a grumpy travel day and do the old high school thing of, you know, giving somebody a wery bird in a toilet in the airport. Probably wouldn't be good for my errands. Well, I maintain my Admirals Club membership simply for the bathrooms. Yeah. Simply because it's the nicest bathroom in the airport.

And, you know, and also, too, especially if it's in the morning, the men's room is a fucking nightmare at an airport, you know? Like after everyone's had their coffee and then they are all like lined up. Yeah, yeah. It's a, that's a good call. It's funny. I have the Admiral's Club and the Delta 360 lounge and I have all that, that BS. But I usually find that they're never anywhere close to where I want to be.

Oh, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? So my thing is I usually go to the restroom before the airport. Yep. you know, other than the standard, if you have too much water, you have to pee. But other than that, I just, I just ride it up. Yeah, yeah. Until I get, like, to the hotel.

Like, I'm pretty bad about, you know, once I get to my hotel room, I'll nuke that. That's for sure. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry, Ramada. Yeah. Hey, red roof in. That might need another room.

There you go. Yeah, that's the thing about wrestling that, I mean, because, There's all kinds of things that are daunting about rest. You know, just like you said, the physical, the things that you see people do as wrestlers, you really have to feel like, okay, that you're asking for, well, you know, in many cases, you know, just like almost like a shortened longevity, you know, because you're there, and you see it so much in like different people that have, that have done that. But it's not even just, there's so much of the travel that's just got to, like you can't even, I don't think anybody can, conceive what that means before they start.

And then it's just on you, you know? Well, it's on you. It's amazing what you can get used to. I think that becomes a part of it. Because when you're first starting out, you work a little bit here and there. Then as you get deeper into it, it's, you know, I did five days a week all over the world for 20 years. Yeah.

Five days a week. You know, I would go out, I would do Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, home Wednesday, Thursday, back out Friday. You know, that was just what we did for years. And then every six weeks, there was a 10, 12, 14 day international tour every six to eight weeks. Yeah. Whether it was UK, Japan, South Africa, Australia, whatever that was. And you get used to operating with very minimal sleep because in the beginning, it was like, okay, you'd wrestle in town A.

town B was 230 miles away. Well, after the show at 11.30 at night, 11 o'clock at night, you would drive five hours to the next town, check in early in the morning. Some hotels were cool. Some of them warned you out by 11 a.m. If you didn't negotiate a good checkout late thing, there's always this service person that wants to clean the room

that wants to get you to hell out so they can go home. So they're beating on the door at 9 a.m. and you've been asleep about four hours. Yeah. That's why I went to a tour bus for the last part of my career when I was running so heavy. I started in 2006. I leased a tour bus like the comedians used. Sure.

I'd fly in. I had the bus. I had all my clothes on the bus. I went through the airport with nothing but my wallet and my phone. All my clothes are on the bus. My gear was on the bus. And then it was like going to my apartment. Right.

And then we'd do the tour. Then the driver would head on to the next town for the next. week and he would drive, you know, six, seven hours overnight so that whatever main airport was on the way, I would book my ticket out there to fly direct home. Wow. And that added years to my curve because that ice on the bus. I had a hydroculator for heating. Yeah. I had all the suits because they were crazy about talent wearing suits back then and all that BS. So, yeah, the guys made fun of me when I first started doing that. They were like, oh, you know, big ball in blah blah blah blah then they started seeing the benefits of it like yeah 20 minutes after

show i've already show i've already showed eating in my superman pajamas watching sports seven like i'm done for the day yeah yeah you know i don't have a messy locker room to deal with the dirty you bring your bedroom with you yeah bring it with me and that was one of the now that's the that's the that's the rage i guess all the top talent now all have they got buses yeah they have buses in their contracts. When I started doing it, I was like, hey, I had this bus and, you know, the guy in charge says, your bus, your expense. I was like, okay. Oh, all right. I got to do what I got to do to keep up. Yeah, yeah. I do wonder, though, if a seven-foot guy with no luggage and a one-way ticket ever raised any eyebrows at the airport. You would think, you would think something right, like, yeah, yeah, why is

any luggage? No, no, no luggage. Yeah, yeah, no luggage. No, okay. All right. You're flying from, you know, Tampa, Florida, Los Angeles. No, no luggage? Nah. Yeah. Yeah, it was, it definitely makes it when you work that much. Yes.

Now, plus you get a chance to hide a little bit because I can't hide anywhere, Andy. You know what I mean? I stick out. You know, I know. A Yeti at a circus camp. Yeah. I get on the bus and like, you know, I'd have the food on my bus and stuff like that. And I could always decompress.

And I was always ready for work too because I would be at the buildings first because we'd park like sometimes we'd park overnight and get into staging area at the arena and they would plug into shore power. And I'm on the bus. I'm the first one here. Usually I'm the last one to leave

because of all the show equipment has to get out and all that stuff. So it didn't bother me. The driver would run off to the hotel and get a hotel and he'd get his rest in. It gave me a lot of peace, which I think is the main thing that wears you out, traveling that much is not getting enough chance to keep herself together.

Yeah, just to decompress and get some just downtime. Yeah. Right. Do you have one now? Do you have a bus now? No, I'm only working one day a week right now. Oh, okay. It's not that big necessity.

Do you see that increasing with AEW as time goes on? Do you think? I think so for me. I think as our company continues to grow, I mean, we're still pretty young. Like, you know, the internet, of course, has all kinds of opinions of what should be done and who's better and who's this. I've been in this business long enough to see we've got a really good thing going

with AEW and the contract partners with TNT and TBS and HBO and HBO Max. So there's a lot of potential here with this company just for it to grow. Yeah, yeah. For me, yeah, I think as long as physically I continue to do better, there's a lot more stuff that I can do in the ring. And I mean, we're going to London, August 30th.

Yeah. in pay-per-view at Wembley. I leave Saturday, oh, well, the 22nd, I think it is. I fly to New York and then I go from New York to Poland. Yeah. To Warsaw, Poland to do a big thing for our TV partners

over there, so it's growing. That's great. I think it's fun stuff for me. It's healthy for, I mean, I have to confess that I'm not, is, I don't follow wrestling as much as I once did. But it's got to be healthy for the industry to have competition.

Because competition just went away for a long time. Well, it was thoroughly rushed out of the industry. Yeah. You know, I mean, that's one thing that I definitely appreciate about working for Vince is Vince had such a lying gorilla alpha male, whatever you call it. Right. He liked competition and he liked to crush competition. Yeah. So he was very proactive on a lot of things.

I said the other day that, you know, when AEW, when we first started getting in there, there was a lot of venues that we wanted to work. Primetime venues, because presentation of product are you at this particular arena, which is a big arena, or are you on the side over at this smaller arena? Because you couldn't lease the big arena, which you could sell tickets for and fill, but they had contract agreements for no wrestling 90 days before, WWB, no wrestling 90 days after. Oh, wow.

three times a year. And I remember us doing that in WWE when times were lean. And we'd be working in these, you know, 15, 16, 20,000 seed arenas, but we're only pulling 7,500 people. And the building is expensive. Yeah. And I'm like, why are we working these expensive buildings? Because it's about perception. It's about how you present the product. Like, oh, if your brand's in town, your brands working at this big event. Sure, business is lean now, but the business is cyclical. Right, right.

Vince was smart enough to know that anybody's starting up a new company, he was going to basically keep them pushed out of the market, so they couldn't get the same status. There's a lot of things that happens like that. We were trying to do

a TV deal for one of our shows in Australia. And then, you know, where the company could make money and we're going to give them an AEW. And I think WWE went right in the back door and gave them one of their products. Oh, wow. Nothing just to make sure we couldn't get access. You know, in this business, I understand it. It's just, you know, it's on one hand, it's like, okay, we got it.

You're the biggest guy in the block. But, you know, at the same time, I knew what it was coming from and I understand it. But the business evolves, things change. I mean, you know, I think it's a completely different place now with TKO running things. Yeah. I'm very happy where I am now just because I see the potential of everything growing. I do got to say because it, you know, when you say I can understand why someone, like with that Australian deal. But I mean, but I can't, if I was in charge of something, I don't think I could do that.

You know what I mean? I don't think, I think like, okay, cool. There's, you know, like, it's like if there's, if you run a steakhouse, like, Like there's a steakhouse on the other side of town. It's fine. Like, relax. Yeah, serve a better state. Yeah.

You know, it's so crazy. At the same time, that's probably why you and I don't own billion dollar companies. I know. No. It's too much, too much. And it's just too much. Too many fucking meetings. That's why I try to structure my life to avoid meetings as much as possible.

Because like you say, not getting time to yourself on the road. Like, meetings, I feel like just, it's just sucking days off of my life. It's where your brain goes to die. It's like, somebody just give me a summary, like an outline. Yeah, yeah. No, we all can. We'll all 12 of us will give you the summary of the same information, but we'll all take our turn saying it.

Our turn's doing it, and we feel real important why we're giving this information. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think Randy Savage, I just have a great saying that applies a lot in life, whether it's your, you're out. outlook on what you need or what you think you need or what you're trying to do, less is more, brother, less is more. You know, do a few things, do them well and it's less stress. I think that's one of the best things about where I am now in life.

I don't have to do anything I don't want to. Yeah. I mean, it's like the movie that John Goodmose in when you get F you, you know, you get FU money. Yeah, yeah. It's not that I'm grumpy, just, you know, some things I just don't want to do. I spend a lifetime being away from home. I kind of like being at home.

But there are certain things. Yeah, there's certain projects that come along. Sure, I'm interested. I want to do that. That sounds fun. Yeah. Because I'm at that stage now where I'm looking for things that are fun and challenging, but I'm not looking for stress and drama.

I don't need, I'm not pulling the wagon. I'm not defining making my mark on the world, whatever my mark is, whether it's a skid mark or not, my mark's been made, so I'm good. Yeah. No, I think that is like a healthy progression in life. Yeah. When you're young, you want to eat the world.

You want, you know, there's ambition and you want everything. But then you get older and you're like, I can't eat the world. You know, like I don't need to. I got enough. I'm going to be happy with what I got, you know. Yeah. My golden test now is because, you know, when you're younger, you want all these things because everybody else has these things.

And if I have these things, it'll signify success. And all the rigamarole that you get caught up, my test now, if I get grumpy and, I mean, I don't anymore, but there are times where I would get grumpy to pass, I would go in, I would turn the pantry on, full of food, okay, that stock, fridge is full, lights are on, okay. Yeah. I mean, you know, that's like I remember times in my life where I didn't have all that.

Yeah, yeah. So, like, I mean, what do I need most importantly right now? And keeping a healthy mind and healthy body and staying active and challenging myself, but not overwhelming myself because of too much need or whatever. Yeah, I don't need all that stuff. The big, big giant mansions and cars and boats and all that. All it is is more stuff you have to worry about. More insurance you have to pay.

Right. More assets you have to imagine. Yeah. Yeah, I'm chill. Less is more. More stuff for your descendants to sell off after you're going to. Yeah. Well, Mike, my descendants are going to be really pissed because, you know, if I can get 24 hours notice, I'm going to play one-handed blackjack and bet it off. No, I'm kidding.

I'm kidding. I wouldn't do that. Well, then you can maybe double it up and, you know, go out. Go out of. I'm lucky because if not, you're going to have to get a job. If not, yeah, yeah, we got to work. Yeah. Well, I want to, because, you know, I used to see it when you'd, you'd, you'd, you know, I used to see it.

when you'd come on the Conan show or I think like I even saw you guys, I think it was, there was a night when the Rock hosted SNL and you guys were there. You and I ran each other one time in traffic in L.A., remember? Oh, that's right. Yeah. That's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that was so funny because you were like,

I was like, what? Who the hell knows? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, that was exciting. That's always fun. And, you know, in L.A., whenever you run by somebody you know in traffic, you know, because it doesn't happen. You know, like, it's hard to run by people.

It's a big town and everybody's in their car. So, well, I just want to, I want to start at the beginning because I mean, your, your childhood, you know, because of your physicality is so unique. And, and that, you know, and also to like, it, you know, it could have gone another way, you know, like it was, you know, you had acromeglia. Am I saying that correctly? Yeah. After my gladia, sir.

Yeah, yeah. And, you know, which is that, which is the hyperthyroidism and you grow and you grow and you grow. It's more of a, it's more pituitary than thyroid. Oh, pituitary. Okay. Yeah, pituitary. It's a gigantism. Yeah.

It comes in, basically give some medical terms for our fans watching at home. If my fist is the brain and you're looking at it sideways, the front of my fist is the front of your face. And here's the bottom of the brain, close to the brain. the back of the brain, if you go straight through the ears or straight through the nose, where they intersect under the brain, it's a pituitary gland. Yeah. And inside of that pituitary gland is a, it's inside of a bone pocket. It's protected because it's kind of like the regulator for your body, as far as all

hormones, whether it's testosterone, growth hormone, tear ducts. There's so many systems that are monitored by that gland. Yeah. And what happens with aquaumption? MAKLEA is, in most cases, it's a benign tumor that grows inside of that bone pocket and puts pressure on the pituitary gland that makes it act in an adverse way. Sometimes it secretes more growth hormone than you would normally get, which makes your bones more dense, which the larger skull, the bigger hands, increased height, because your body's

just in overdrive for growing. Yeah. I'm lucky in the aspect that I come from a very big family. I wasted 35 bucks about 10 years ago for ancestry DNA. Yeah. I was like, oh, well, let's find it. Because my dad was born in 1930. Oh, wow.

So he was 42 when I was born. So he had a whole different way of raising kids. Sure. You know, like I remember I was a good athlete. He used to tell me that, you know, I need to learn how to weld because he'd never seen an unemployed welder and stop goofing around with all that sports stuff. Yeah. You know, I'm like, no, I'm a really good athlete.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But if you learn how to weld, you'll never be unemployed, you'll always be able to put food on the table. So he's very serious. But his mother, I think, was like 13 when she had him. So that was a very, uh, phrased time for obviously a girl that young to be pregnant and not wet. So my last name is W-I-G-H-T.

but I don't know if that's really my family name or not. Oh, wow. Because we don't know who my dad's dad was, so to speak. I got you. And she wouldn't say or she never told? No. There wasn't a lot of like my dad got shipped off to an aunt and uncle that couldn't have kids. And then he ended up going, they were both in the military.

She was a nurse and his uncle that was raised in him was a machine gun instructor for the army. So World War II comes along. they're gone. He's 11, 12 from a farm in Maine. And he ended up going to boys schools in like New York and New England and stuff like that. So he didn't, there wasn't really a relationship with the mother. So, or my grandma, I met her once when I was a kid because my dad's like you need to meet. And I remember it freaked me out because she looked just like my dad, but it was a woman. And I was like five years old. I just kept staring at it because she looked, because my dad had a very distinctive look,

and it was like, she looks just like my dad. Like, it was just, you know, that's what I remember being a small kid. So I spent the ancestry DNA and figure, well, what if there's some Spanish or Italian or something flavorful, you know, is what I was looking for. Like, oh, it's good because everybody had all the cool stuff. Like, oh. Spiciness, yeah.

Yeah, like, oh, I'm from, you know, my ancestors, Nigeria or something cool, you know. And mine came back. Yeah. Like 57% Scandinavian. and Irish and English. So a Viking. Great. I could have saved 35 bucks on that. Yeah. Yeah. Because of the... Mine is the same way. It's all different. It's like everything north of Italy.

I got a little bit of all of it, you know. Yeah. Yeah. It's like, I don't even get a little Italian, no. Nothing cool, you know, nothing cool. It's like, yeah, well, you know, kind of explains a lot. But the, I would have been like normally, because I'm not... I didn't get the tumor probably developed to us about nine or ten. Yeah. This is a cute little story.

They did the height thing where they measured the kids height at two and a half or three. And so they were predicting I was going to be six, seven, six eight anyway. Oh, wow. So I would have been a bigger, bigger kid. But I remember being nine years old. My dad was about six, five and looked like Bluto from Popeye, real big, meaty forms. Yeah, yeah. Just very, he had a presence about him, you know, just, you know, it's an old.

grumpy guy is what he looked like. And I remember being nine years old and my half sister, Paulette, my name is Paul. My dad was real good on names. Paulette and Paul. There you go. He was busy. You didn't have time to think of that stuff. You know, yeah, you know, I'm lucky I got a name back then, you know? Yeah. So she made me a baseball cake for my ninth birthday. And I remember she put licorice on the baseballs for like stitching. Yeah. And nine years old, you know, I threw a complete hissy fit because there was licorice on the baseballs and I hated licorice.

And I thought she'd done it on purpose because she knows, she didn't know. I mean, my sister was like, you know, I mean, I was 13, she was 22. She wanted to make her kid step, her kid half brother, a birthday cake. It's a nice gesture. Yeah. But at nine years old, you know, we didn't have a lot of things. For me getting a birthday cake, I was looking forward to it. Yeah.

And the fact that licorice was on it, I just lost my frigging mind. Yeah. Well, I got my ass beaten for that little episode of throwing a fit and not understand about being grateful and, you know, what my sister did it for and why she did it and the work she put into making it. You know, and I remember I got a hell of a spanking over it. It was a birthday I'll never forget. And I remember going outside, we had the metal clothesline poles. Do you remember the old T-E clothesline pole? Yeah.

I remember stepping up on a cement block and hanging from it with my hands because I wanted to be tall because I'm going to be big one day so I could kick my dad's ass. And that was my whole focus. I'm going to get bigger than him and I'm not going to take a spank anymore and this, that, and the other. Well, be careful what you wish for. You know. So, yeah, because I mean, you know, you know. know, just their stats, like, because that, that, it was within those next few years that you really shot up.

Yeah. I mean, I was always a head taller than everyone. Yeah. But like, right around nine to ten, I mean, I shot up. I think I went through, I think I went through puberty at like 10, 10 and a half or 11. Just like I had, I started getting hair on my chest at 11. Like, it wasn't much. Right.

But like when you're a kid, then all of a sudden, you've got hair in the middle of your chest. and you're starting to grow hair on your chin. And, you know, your father, this is the 11. And my dad was not a proponent of facial hair or long hair. Like, his thing was, you know, very military-esque of high and tight and, you know, shave. You know, my dad had that beard that went from the bottom of his eye to his throat. And it was always blue. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And like, he would shave in the morning before work. And by the time he came home at, like, 5.30 at night, he had to be. a friggin beer. Yeah. It was like, so I wasn't allowed to grow facial and that stuff, but I was like 6-2 at 12, 220, you know, so it was- And having to shave. What a pain in the ass.

Yeah. I remember being 13, and I was 6-5, about 235, and a bunch of us kids were playing some, I can't remember the name of the game, but basically one kid has the kickball and everybody else tries to tackle one. I believe we called that Smear the Queer. I believe you're right. Yes. Yes.

We did not. Yeah, we had no. Yeah. There was. Yeah. We didn't understand in those days. Yeah. I thought for some reason I was confusing it with wall ball.

I remember now, wall ball was the one where somebody would throw the ball. And if you didn't catch it or drop it, you had to run, touch the wall before someone else picked you up and nailed you with it. Yeah. That one I'm not familiar with. We just had dodge ball,

which was just throw balls on each other and try and hurt each other. Yeah, or dirt clods like clots. Yeah, I mean, we're Degeneration X, so there you go. That's right. And I remember my shirt got torn during recess, and I grew up in the South, and they're very, very religious, very Baptist, very proper.

Yeah. You know, and my shirt was torn. And I remember the art teacher that I had, had the shirt collar all the way up with a little brooch at the bottom and long skirt, long sleeves, very, very proper. I remember her turning pink and getting flustered because my shirt was torn and I had a hairy chest. And at the time, I was just like, well, why is she freaking out so bad?

Like, I came to school with this shirt. I don't have another shirt. But like she was ripping on me like I was Satan spawn for running around with all this. Now, I realize I get it because, you know, she had her own issue she was dealing with. Right, no shit. Yeah, she was getting turned on. Yeah, basically. Looking back now through an adult size, it's like, hey, lady, that was a you problem, not me problem.

You know? Absolutely. And I remember getting kicked out of class and sent to the office and I was upset and crying and didn't know what I'd done wrong. You know, the principal was real cool. But at the same time, like you go through those things or people would talk to you. I think the first time I ever heard the word mongoloid was in a football game and I played soccer. I was a good athlete. I was a goalie.

thought my dad called me a gooly because he thought that was funny. But I would do the kickoffs on our football team. And in high school, they formed the little wall when they received. And then the little wall would move forward. Yep. Well, I was at the time probably 6-11, 290, ran a five flat 40 in pads. Wow. So I went through that wall like a bowling ball through pins.

Yeah, yeah. Equipment, kids flying everywhere, smeared the other guy, just knocked the bejesus out of him, tackled him. I did my job. Some drunk mom comes on the field with a plastic cup with beer in it. And she threw it in my helmet. It goes, you freaking mongoloid.

Oh, Jesus. I remember looking at my friend, David Barry. I looked at David Dees, we called him. I said, what's a mongoloid? D's goes, it's not good, man. It's not good. Those things were a little rough.

Like, I, it's funny in one aspect because it was brutal to grow up sticking out like that. Yeah. Being seven foot in high school and all the things like you, you go out, you know, in high school, you go out on a date. You go to the movies with a girl. You go somewhere and you're six, eight, you know, 230, 240 pounds, whatever it was. And, you know, you've got your basically, you look like you're 20 years old. Yeah, yeah. But you're on a date with a girl that's in your class that's 15.

Yeah. You know, and everybody's looking at you like you're some kind of like, no, actually, she's two months older than me. Like what do you? Yeah. So that made things very, very awkward and even how people would talk to you. I have never forgotten the story of your first kiss. Yeah.

It is such a good story. I know it's not as terrible. But I mean, you know, but I mean, you know, look, for my for my cannibalistic purposes. Yes. But no, it's because, well, and also too, the follow-up of your mom's reaction. Yeah, my mom was pissed. Yeah, I've gone to a church thing.

And it's one of those kind of things where, you know, in the South, they do a lot of things to get the youth into church right away. And it's like, oh, you come roller skating rinkin on Saturday night. They pick you up in the church bus, you know, and then you bring a sleeping bag, and you go to the roller skating rink and they play music all night and there's pizza and soda. Yep. And you roller skate all night and then they would have everybody would sleep like on the carpet area in sleeping bags. Yeah.

And then the next morning they would give church in the roller skating rink. You know, it was a way for the church to connect to the youth. Yeah, yeah. Hey, I'm a kid. I get to roller skate all night and get free pizza. Absolutely. I don't care. What are we talking about here?

Like, you know, I mean, I could have been selling time shit. and I signed up for. Yeah, no, we had church youth group stuff at the same, we, I had the exact same thing. And it was like, it's a hayride, you know, like that Jesus stuff. Yeah, all right, I'll sit through it. But, you know, it's the hayrace, right. And I remember there was a girl that was older than me, and I'll leave her name out of it to to protect her identity.

But she was, I think she was 14 and I was 13. So I was about 6'5 then. And she gave me a kiss. by the lockers on the little bench. We're sitting on the bench talking, and she gave me my first kiss. And then next thing I know, I get tackled by the rent-a-cop

that was running the roller skating rink. I mean, full-blown, Lawrence Taylor, diving, tackle, smothered me the whole nine yards. And I'm freaking out. I was a good kid. You know, I didn't cause problems. Yeah.

And I don't know why I'm in trouble, what I do wrong, that I'm embarrassed. The girl's embarrassed. They pull me into the office area. You know, where's your ID? And I'm like, I remember just telling, I don't even have a library card. I'm 13.

I have no identification at the time. You know, I'm 13. I don't have a library card. Like, I don't have any ID. You know, and they're looking at me like, yeah, sure. Because this is a different county. I had found out about this roller skating thing, kind of weaseled my way in to be at the right place for the pickup.

out like it was a lot of scamming on my part to go to it. Yeah. But I heard it was free pizza and roller skate. You know, that's how we hustle back then. So, you know, I'm all in tears beside myself. And they did the thing on the radio and my mom heard it. And I remember it was one of the only times I was happy to see my mom. My mom come tearing ass to that parking lot.

And she was effing livid. Yeah. You know. And it was a good time to be safe. by her. And I mean, I was miserable. Then you go back to school and then, you know, the school's like, oh, he got arrested for this and that.

And it was like, I didn't get arrested. Like, I didn't do anything really wrong. Right. But, you know, the trauma that you go through. So that made it very awkward for, for a long time. Yeah, yeah. Didn't your mom, like, get kind of a, didn't she run for office or something after that? No, no.

She was the undersheriff for a while in the county that we leave in. Oh, okay. And she worked for Aiken County. She worked for, I think, Orangeburg County. Like, yeah, she was in law enforcement for a long time. Like, I used to piss her off because she'd have her scanner on in the house, and I would turn it off. You know, you know, she's like, oh, it's a quiet.

Damn it, Paul, did you turn my scanner off? I'm like, you know, because the thing was always going off, you know, 10, 14, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Right, right, right. That's going on all the time. So, yeah, it was fun. Can't you tell my. My mom wasn't, I would say she was very fierce.

She wasn't a mom by today's standards as far as like, you know, she's not going to hand me my iPad and a cuddle bear. That's for sure. Like, I mean, it wasn't that kind of parenting. I remember she was working nights and I thought it would be a great practical joke to put the water sprinkler in the bedroom window while she was taking a nap and turning on. So my little dumbass. Yeah, it sounds funny when you're a kid and you're bored and you live out in the country and there's not much to do. Oh, this would be a great joke. Mama laugh.

She did not laugh. She was pissed. You know, and the water sprinkles going in the bedroom and she was mad. She's yelling at me and I remember she was so pissed at me to lean out the window and she shot at me. Oh, my God. You know, and I took off hauling ass in the woods and hid the woods. Until my dad came home from work. And I remember my dad pulled him to look, Mom's trying to kill me.

Mom's trying to kill me. I'm blowing snobbles out. My mom's getting her coffee ready for her to go to work. She goes, quick crying. I didn't hit you. You know, my dad's like, what did you do? Jesus Christ. I was trying to be funny.

And I put the water spree in the bedroom. And she got mad. And she shot at me, you know. Like, you know. So you tell that story now, people would be like, oh, my God. It's jaw dropping. Yeah. Yeah, well, my mom was working nights and needed her sleep.

And her shit kid was bugging her. So, I mean, that was a different generation back then. It truly what? It truly is. And there's a lot of stuff that you do here and you're like, no, that's just bad. But there is a lot of stuff that was like, oh, yeah, no, that was, you know, I mean, just corporal punishment, generally. I was just talking to somebody about this other day. You used to get that in school, right?

If you got in trouble in school, yeah. Yeah, there was a fucking paddle hanging up in the vice principal's office, you know. I got that in seventh grade, seventh grade, they used to do the announcements in the morning. You do the Pledge of Allegiance. Yep. Then they would do the announcements. And then the principal would list off everybody that got in trouble the day before and said, Mr. White, please come to my office.

Mr. Jones, please come to my office. you know, and everybody, you know, you would know like, okay, I'm in trouble. I got to go, I got to go to the office. Yeah, yeah. My thing was I found out they had an old soda machine in the teacher's lounge with that brown paneling on it, a hook machine. I know. And I would kick the soda machine because I went right by the teacher's lounge on the way

of the buses and the way home from school. So I would kick the soda machine and it would spit out sodas. Now, what I got, I mean, sometimes. it would be a tab. Right. You know, but sometimes you get a Coke or Mountain Dew or mellow yellow or whatever it was at the time.

But kickers can't be choosers. Yeah. Yeah. So I would put those sodas in my backpack, and then I would sell them on the bus ride on the way home for a dollar a can. Yeah. You know, so, I mean,

that was high-priced robbery because I think a soda was actually 35 cents. But when you're on a hot bus in South Carolina, hey. Yeah. You know, I knew what capitalism was supplying demand. I learned that real early. And you're not making change. No, I don't have change. I don't have, you know, I didn't do credit either.

Didn't do credit. There's no credit. Like, you can't cash now or not. I'll take the sodas home and put them in the fridge. It's fine. I'll have sodas for me later. So. Yeah.

One day it rained a little bit when I cut by the teacher's lines and I, my feet had gotten muddy. But I had giant-ass feet for a kid. I think I wore like a size 13 or 14 shoe then. Yeah. So when I kicked the soda machine, I left a nice footprint on the side of the soda machine. And the next morning, I'm not in trouble in school.

Everything's fine. Then I hear Mr. Brown, our principal, who was a ballheaded black man that was also a reverend. He was an ex-football player, and he was kind of guy that he was the kind of guy that he had his paddle when he walked the halls. He walked the halls with it. Oh, boy. He didn't play around with Mr. Brown. He just didn't do it. You know, like he conducted yourself orderly as.

gentleman and da-da-da-da-da-da. And he comes over the intercom. He goes, I want to talk to the Coca-Cola cowboy. You know who you are? Come to my office. And I remember just thinking like, oh, no, how do they know? Who told them? And then I go, he says, son, I appreciate your entrepreneurship.

He says, but you left evidence in the teacher's lounge. Your footprints on the side of the machine. And, you know, and I remember getting, I remember getting three wax and two days after school picking up trash with a bag and a stick with a nail. I had to go around the school and pick up trash. And then I learned how bad kids littered during recess because I never paid attention to it before. Of course. After spending two days after school picking up trash, it was like, hey, I'm going to, I might be out here again. I'm going to make sure I put my trash in the trash can.

Right, right. Put in the trash can because, you know, yeah, walking around picking the stuff up sucks. So. Well, I, this, this was a surprise, too. I didn't know this,

that you were a cheerleader. That you quit, that you quit, because I love this, that you quit the football team because you had a disagreement with the coach. I did.

I went to another school and, um, I went there to play basketball. I went to a Catholic school. And, um, I wanted to play basketball there. And,

It was a good opportunity for me, education once. And all I wanted to focus on was basketball. I had kind of a burnout with a football coach from my freshman year. I wanted a letter for my jacket. Yeah. And his response was, I don't give letters to freshmen. He says, you can come back next year and earn one. I was like, I'm not playing football again.

I see you, dude. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I had that, believe or not, I had that wrestler mentality even as a kid. I was a little bit of a rebel as far as rules went. Yeah. And I just, I wasn't a kid that you could really, I would say, I would, if you asked me to do something, I'd break my back to do it. Yeah. If you told me to do something, well, we might have a problem if I don't like it.

Because, you know, I was also young and feeling my oats a little bit. So I was like, I'm not playing football again. You also, you're getting to be seven feet tall, you know, like, you know how. big you are, you know what an asset you are and to be treated, you know, like you're, like you don't bring something to the table is insulting. Well, and again, you understand where I grew up, it was a big football mentality. Of course. Everybody was football in South Carolina.

You know, it's like a lot of southern schools. Like, if you're not playing football, what's wrong with you when you can't? Yeah. You're not supporting your school. You're not doing this. And I remember, I just want to play basketball. I was it. And I didn't like, this is a weird thing.

Football in South Carolina sucks. It's hot, it's muggy, the equipment stinks, there's bugs. Like, it's just, it's outside. That wasn't my thing. Basketball's inside, AC, I'm in. I like it. So maybe I was a little, I was a little bougie back then. I don't know.

Anyway, I didn't like the attitude of the football coach where I went to the new school. I just didn't like him because he automatically assumed I was playing football and I was going to do this. And he's talking to me like, we've got some kind of a report. poor like I've this guy has helped raise me or something I just didn't like his his pushiness at the time it just it just set wrong with me and he said he ordered a bunch of he ordered some shoulder pads and a helmet and all this stuff and this is what I'm going to do for the football team and I'm like I'm not playing yeah and then he started cussing me like I was a grown man you know like you know I'm an effin idiot and this is that and I need to support the school and this is what I need to do

and you need to support the team. I said, okay, you want me to support the team? Fine, I'll support the team. So I left his office and went straight to the gym. It was like six girls that were doing the cheerleading thing. I said, hey, can I join you guys? And they looked at it like they thought I was clowning. I said, no, I'm serious.

I'll show up for practices, whatever you guys need. You know, and I explained to him what was going on. And then, yeah, of course, because then they had somebody to like post and live to do all that stuff. Yeah, so I got to do that for a little while. And that was fun. Then my junior year, I went to a different school. The school I ended up graduating from because the Catholic school I went to closed. Yeah.

Around since 1930 in that year, they shut it down. I went to another school, and the football coach is cool. Coach Franken, I used to call him Catfish was his nickname because he had a hair lip and he only like four hairs on either side of his mustache. Yeah, yeah. But he had that nickname since high school and it was okay. You call him Catfish, yeah. That was his thing, Catfish. You know, he looked like a catfish you pulled up out of the river.

And he was the athletic director there. And I remember he's just like, yeah, if you want to play, that's great. She says, I know you're working on basketball, but if you want to play football, just let me know. And that was it. He never asked me again. Yeah. Never asked me again. And then when my senior year came around, I was like, hey, it's my last year.

And I had become friends with all those kids that were playing football. And I was like, I kind of want to play my senior year. Is it too late? I says, no, it's not too late if you want to come out and play. And that was the thing. There was no pressure of, you know, the school needs you, the teen, needs you, all this other stuff. It's like, hey, if you want to come out and have fun and play, come on out and have fun and play. And I did.

And I had a great time with it. My senior year. Yeah, that's great. It all depends on, I think it all depends on the coaches. And sometimes, especially back then, you had some guys that were like, positive alcoholics are a little bit pushy. So I, I'm totally with you. I mean, I was, I was the same way. I had, I played football in high school and then we got a new coach.

And at the end of my, yeah, it was my junior year. No, it's my sophomore year. At the end of my sophomore year, because I was going to play varsity. And I was pretty, you know, I'm like, I'm not as big as you, but I'm, you know, 6-1 and I was pretty big. And was a lineman. And, um, he had this meeting at the end of school. And he said, it's like, we're going to win state this year. And this is a small town in Illinois.

And football's really important there too. Sure. And he said, so I'm going to have, he said, we're going to have five nights a week for two hours a night. We're going to have voluntary weightlifting and conditioning, which was weightlifting and running wind sprints. Right. And he said, and I think you all know what voluntary means. and and they all went ah ha ha yeah and i just i was like what are you laughing about this guy he just stole your summer you know like and i went home and god bless my mom and my stepdad

they went you're going to quit aren't you and i had already decided i was going to quit and they were like yeah yeah you know what you know that's ridiculous you know and probably illegal too probably probably it probably gets fine for today absolutely it was illegal absolutely It was. You couldn't put on pads, but I guess you could do that, you know. Yeah. They could run your dick in the dirt and get you in shape. You didn't have to put it on pads.

You run plays with no pads, and you'd run your offenses and you'd run your defenses and all that stuff. Yeah. Yeah. There's a lot of stuff that was far in between the lines where they had voluntary. Like, even when I got to college, the NCAA had rules where you could only practice for so much. Yeah.

But then they had like voluntary conditioning and free throw practice at 7 a. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? It was like, it wasn't voluntary. Right, right. No. If you wanted to play, you had to do it. Yeah, you're going to be an hour every morning at 7 a.m.

didn't matter what time you got in, you're going to be up. You're going to shoot free throws. You're going to run sprints, you know. So, yeah, I mean, that's the, that's the environment back. I think it's a lot different now because people are hip to the game. Although I have friends of mine that have. have kids out there in California, out there in L.A. And it's just the amount of traveling that's dumped on the parents now.

It's unbelievable. It's unreal. Like, when I was a kid, the bus left the school, took you to the game, brought you back to the school, your parents picked you up at night, or somebody's mom gave you a ride home. Or if you're old enough, you drove home from the school. But the bus took you to your away games and then you had home games. now from when I listen to some of these schedules, like one buddy of mine, his daughter's in volleyball,

and she's pretty good out there in California. And it seems like every week, it's a full-time job for them. Absolutely. The parents are driving into tournaments and driving into this and driving them to that. And it could be three hours away. Yeah, it's like, holy smokes.

Like, yeah, my own man, you know, I got in trouble for fighting in school one time and I got to stay after school doing the picking up trash thing. and he was pretty pissed at me for fighting in school. Like he didn't, you know, there's nothing at my age that I should be funny. I'm there to work on my books and get my marks. Yeah.

He had a funny way of talking. Yeah, of course. And the rest of that was nonsense. So, you know, you can get your own ride home, you know, because if I missed the bus, get my own ride. Yeah. I was the same thing with practices. Like he wouldn't, he wouldn't come pick me up after practice.

You know, he says, you want to do that on your own. I work. I put a roof over your head and food on the table. If you want to do that stuff, that's on you, find a way. Wow. And we lived about five miles from school. So my thing was either walk home after practices, yeah, jog home.

And, of course, I was the only one that lived that side of town that way. Yeah. When I was younger, and I'm talking like eighth grade stuff. Like, I would have to. You couldn't have to jog home. Yeah. Or catch a ride. Yeah.

I actually had to pick up trash. And I remember my dad. would some reason have to come into town or you're lucky I'd come in and get milk for my coffee or you're lucky the part for the particular car was in. Like he picked me up every day about the time that I was walking home. Yeah, yeah. But he made it seem like, you're lucky I was going this way.

Yeah. You know, because he would go into town. He would pass me. And I'm like, oh, what an asshole. Just really? Like, I know you saw me. I'm walking. It's a too late highway.

I'm your son. Yeah, yeah. I'm your son, but I'm hoffing it down the road after school. And then on the way back, he'd be like, well, I'm heading this way, jump in. And it wasn't jumping the cab. I got to jump in the back of the truck and ride like the dog on the way home. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, but he was pretty stiff on a lot of things like that.

Fair, but stiff. He didn't want you to get the idea that he loved you. Well, it was funny when I was, and this is a story I don't know if I've ever told before, just because I love you so much, Andy. I'm sure the internet's going to go nuts over this. Oh, good, good, good. I was about 13, 14, right around that time. And my job was to rake the leaves in this house we were living at the time.

And we had two giant pine trees and an oak tree. Like every week, I would rake a 10 foot tall, 25 foot long thing of leaves. It would take me 12, 13, 13 hours. hours on the weekend to rake the backyard. Yeah. You know, like I never hated trees so much in my life. Like every Saturday when I was a kid was gone because I'd have to rake leaves. One Saturday out of the month or whatever it was, I'd have to rake leaves.

Yeah. So I remember I'd gotten in a few fights and was feeling pretty salty and you're at that age, testosterone and, you know, your friends are telling you how tough you are and other kids know how tough you are. So, you know, you're not dealing with a grown ass man. who's 50-something years old, who was pretty tough himself. Yeah. So I remember sitting on the coffee table watching TV, and my dad said,

hey, you've got to rink the law. And I looked down, I went, I looked over my shoulder. Why I did that, I have no idea. Yeah, yeah. Like, you know, my dad was never my friend growing up. My dad was my dad, if that makes any sense. Like, there was no. There was just a line that there wasn't, you know.

Yeah. He wasn't a casual relationship. Yeah. No, it wasn't like, you know, your dad's, my dad, like, I saw one kid's dad one time hug him and give him a kiss on the head. And I was like, ugh. Like, what is this? What are you doing? Like, what's wrong with you?

You know, like, my dad's good job was a handshake and a pat on the back. Like, you know, like, good job. And that, for him, that was, you know, everything. So anyway, I got smart and did the old over my shoulder. I'm feeling pretty, pretty arrogant. And next thing, I know he's standing right next to me while I'm sitting. And the second dumbest thing I did is I stood up and I bowed my chest out like a guinea rooster

like he used to do in the school yard, just stand real tall. And I remember looking at it and went, what? And I did that with my head. And then there was a bright light. And I woke up between the coffee table and the couch. And I remember my mom was there and she had a bag of frozen peas and she's putting in my face. She goes, what in the hell were you thinking?

And I remember asking my mom and said, what happened. He had knocked me out that quick. There was no argument. There was no discussion. There was no, hey, you're being disrespectful, Paul.

No, there was none of that. And he wasn't there. Years later, we got to become best friends. Like, I love my dad. Once I quit being a dipship teenager

and started spending more, I realized how smart he was and a lot of things and what he had gone through his life and why he was the way he was. And I learned to love him so much as I got older

as a teenager. Like he was my best friend. Like I wouldn't, like, everybody want to go out on Friday nights and hang out. So, okay, well, from six to eight, I'm hanging with my dad. Because we were going to town and we would shoot pooled together. And he didn't, I would put like Zizi Top, Tush,

in the jukebox, and he didn't like that. He listened to big band music. Yeah, yeah. So he would tear the filters off of his cigarettes. and shove him in his ears like they were like ear plugs. He goes, I know what you're doing. You're trying to distract me with that damn music. And I'm like, go ahead, old man, play.

But like I saved those, that time for him. I enjoyed my time with him. But years later, we got to be really good friends. And that day, when he knocked me out when I was like 13, he says, he went down the road in his truck and he cried. He said, because I knew you were getting so big and so strong. and everybody else was already scared of you. And I knew that if I didn't knock some goddamn sense into you,

you would run over everybody. Yeah. It sounds horrible, but for me at that time, the way times were, best thing, because my dad said be home at midnight. My ass was home at 10 till.

There was no effing around because it realigned the respect factor so much. And then as I got older, I loved him, and I didn't want. want to disappoint. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I remember he had a real weird way of doing things. I had a kid across the street. This is a terrible story, but sorry, Andy. That's all right. This kid across the street had all the Star Wars stuff. Millennium Falcon, X-wing fighters, Darth Vader fighter, the different loose Skywalker's, the Han Solo Empire Strikes Back snow outfits. He had everything.

Yeah. I had some bootleg, Star Wars knockoff robot thing that wasn't even C3PO. It was some other kind of bootleg. Like, I didn't have shit. It was PC3O. Yeah, it was like C-BPO or something like that. So, but this kid was aggravated. And I used to do bike tricks where I would do endos.

And you remember when you had the bikes and everybody would do the bike. Yeah, the BMX bikes. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I had a Western flyer, but I had the pegs on. on it and I could do this thing where I would jam my foot between the front forks and do an endo and spin around and drop the tire and all that goofy stuff. Yeah.

Which is great for training agility. That's probably why for a big guy I was so agile. Yeah, yeah. You know, those are the things that I was trying to do like everybody else. So anyway, this kid wanted to learn the bike tricks. And I said kid, he was my age, but mentally he was a kid compared to me. So I was like, yeah, why don't you go get all that Star Wars stuff, man? and I'll show you I'll do the trick, and then we'll play with him.

Well, being the little shit that I was, I took him down the road and said, you're going real fast, and then jam your foot in the front porch and lean forward as hard as you can. That's what gets you to tip up, you know, and he did it when ass over tea kettle, you know, hit the friggin' sidewalk. Yeah. Busted his collarbone. Yeah, Jesus. He's screaming, skinned up. He runs home.

They take him to the frigging emergency. Well, I scoop up all of his shit. it and take it home. I took everything. I took them when in Falcon. I had everything laid out my room and my mom was out of town. It was just my dad and my dad was studying for an airplane power plant mechanics test because he worked on airplanes and stuff. So he's studying for a test and, you know, I come walking the door and being a kid, you don't understand your parents know your forensic financial accounting. They know how much, because they know where your money comes from.

Yeah. You know? So my dad goes, where did you get all that stuff? And I said, I made a trade. I made a trade. Right. You know, you know, and my own man had a real harsh philosophy about stealing stuff. He called it thievery.

Like, it's like the 1400s or something. You commit thievery. And he had zero, zero tolerance policy for people that stole stuff. Just none, which I should have known better than. But he just kind of looked at me and he went back to study him. So I had about four hours where I got to play with all these toys. I had him set up in my room. Some sitting on the edge of the dresser.

Some about to get in the X-wing fighter. Like, I was having a grand old time. Yeah, yeah. Well, the kid's dad comes to the door and knocks on the door. And the kid's dad was cool because he says, yeah, Paul and Zach were playing. And Zach had a bike accident. I just wanted did Paul get a chance

and pick up all the sex toys for him? And right away I caught the gist of the conversation I was, yes sir, I sure did.

Let me go get him for you. So I ran in my room scooped every there and brought up, boy, I hope he's okay. You know what I mean?

Oh, he's fine, that's okay. Thank you for picking up. Like the dad was cool because my dad was a menacing force. Yeah,

yeah. So he probably understood that. Zach's dad understood like, yeah, if I throw this kid under the bus, you know, it's going to be bad.

Or if I get too froggy, I might have to deal with his dad, meaning my dad. Right, right. Everything was very cool and Copa said it. And then my dad shuts the door and says, I thought you said, you made a trade. I said, well, sit on a couch. So, I mean, it's like 630 at night. I went to sat on the couch. I went to go turn the TV off.

Okay, so I'm sitting on the couch, just sitting there, gives me supper. You know, after supper, you go sit on the couch, nine o'clock, which was bedtime. He goes, all right, brush your teeth. Go to bed. So I got out, brush my teeth. I said, oh, that's cool. I didn't catch a spanking. This is great.

This is all. That's bad. Sit for a couple hours. That's fine. I'm good. You know, he's more worried about studying. This is not a big deal. I get up the next morning.

I have breakfast. I go to haul ass out the door to go to the park to hang out with the kids. He goes, where are you going? I said, Saturday. I'm going to the park. He goes, sit on a couch. So I sat on a couch. He made me live.

lunch. I sat on the couch. He made me supper. I said, I couldn't play with the dog. Like, I couldn't, I just had to sit there. Wow. House arrest. Saturday night, we brushed my teeth. I had to take a bath. Saturday night, took a bath, brush my teeth, went to bed, got up Sunday, had breakfast, he goes, sit on the couch. And finally, I just said, can I have a spanking or something? Because this, this sucks. Like, I mean, we had one of those clocks that had the second hand that went around. Yeah. And I just remember sitting there watching in that second and, you know, there was no talking. There was no fidgeting or goofing around.

I just sat there. It says, oh, you want to commit thievery? You want to be a thief? This is what happens to thieves. They sit in jail. They don't have TV. They don't have dogs. They don't have friends.

They sit and contemplate, you know, whatever his big thing was. Like, it was so stiff. Yeah. Man, I never stole anything again after that. Yeah, yeah. That just wasn't even within my radar. Yeah, yeah. That was such a harsh lesson, but right away it told me, yeah, if it ain't mine, I ain't touching it.

Yeah, yeah. Well, Paul, I could talk to you for hours and hours and hours. I know, I dragged your whole thing out. No, no, listen, no, don't apologize. No, I love talking to you. And I, you know, well, I'll just have you back on in a little while and we'll just, we'll get to. Oh, why and just come out and see you and we'll hang out. That would be fantastic.

I would love that. I would love that. Do you come out this way very often? Well, I can't. I've got a bunch of D&D guys that I play Dungeons and Dragon with me out there. I love that. You play with Joe Mangonello, right? Oh, yeah. Joe Maganello. He's back in Pittsburgh now. I'm running with some of the same guys. I run with Joe Wiseman, who's a creator of the TV show Goes. Dan Wise, Vince Fawn, Jack Black, Patton, Oswald, Tom Morello, John Gray, Dan Hernandez. And it's a group of us. You're a D&D gang, right?

I am such a nerd. I have this setup in my office with two monitors and a microphone. This is not for doing podcasts or work. This is just so I can play D&D. That's it. I have this whole professional setup to like, oh, you should do podcasting. I'm like, no, no, no.

This is so I can play D&D. I got my character sheet and then my map. I'm good. No, I love, there is an aspect of a lot of wrestlers. Because I think John Seen is kind of a nerd too. and Joe is definitely a nerd. John's a nerd about stuff that you would not expect John to be a nerd. He's also a little bit of a savant on some things, though.

I don't think he'll ever admit to it. Like when you start talking about different cars and European cars and classic cars and stuff, like, he's, like, I thought I was a car guy until I met John. I was like, ooh, I am not a car guy. Yeah, yeah. You know, he's on a whole other level on some stuff. Yeah. But yeah, I just love the, I love the nerd aspect of so many, like, you know, big, strong guy. Like, and Joe's that way, because Joe's that way is, and Joe's hilarious to be around him, too, because it's the D&D stuff.

And then it's also the little dog that goes everywhere. Oh, yeah. It's like he has this tiny little Paris Hilton purse dog that he is with him. I've never seen him without the dog. Well, he's got such a great relationship. relationship with bubbles and and you know and bubbles is funny. Bubbles doesn't like dudes. Oh really?

Bubbles likes girls. That's convenient. But yeah, but Bubbles doesn't like dudes and I'm an animal lover. Yeah. So I have, you know, I know how to keep my energy calm and all that stuff.

Bubbles doesn't give a shit. Bubbles was like, nah, you're too big, stay away from me. So I don't, I don't do the, oh, hey,

can I hold your dog? Yeah. Can I pet your dog? Absolutely. Which I never do that anyway because, you know, I don't like people petting my animals either. It's like, you know, like, they're mine for a reason. Like, go get your own. You know what I mean?

Well, I take that. I would take like when a dog rejects me because I love animals too. Right, right. When a dog rejects me, it's worse than when a person does. 100%. You know, it's like, oh, my God, that's, I really wanted that dog to like me. Yeah. You know, like people, it's like, yeah, whatever.

You know, all right. It's fine. I love bubbles in death. I do. Like, you know, like, I've tried to bribe bubbles with certain treats and whatnot. And bubbles, this isn't having it. You know, I think part of it, too, is my hand is bigger than bubbles. Of course.

You know what I mean? Bubbles is like, you know, that kind of a thing. But you got to, you do kind of have to understand Bubbles' point of view. Sure. It's like people that bring me their kids all the time. Like, you might have watched me on TV and you might know that I'm a nice person or whatever. To a two-year-old, I'm like, you know, a friggin giant from myth. Yeah, yeah. They look at their parents as the biggest humans they know. Then they see this

massive thing and they're like, oh, take a picture with my kid. And the kids like, oh, my God, no. It's like, it's okay. Why don't you hold him or her? Right, right, right. And the kids looking at me the whole time, like, what are you? I think when they're tiny like that, too, they have an innate understanding and fear of being eaten. So they probably are thinking like, what do you You're giving me that this thing is going to eat me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like the scary clowns at the circus. Yes, exactly.

Yeah, no thanks. I'm good. Well, Paul, I'm going to let you go. And I got my daughter here, too. As I said, because I did my radio show earlier, and I got my six-year-old here, and she likes to count how many times I say the F word. Oh, my goodness. I didn't know if she was there.

I didn't drop the F-bonds. Oh, no, I don't think you did. No, no, I did. And I, you know, she's used to it. She says she, you know, she, listen, it gives her, she loves nothing better than to have a little something to lord over me. Oh, they love it. Donors are like that. Just a little bit, sure.

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, my daughter has no idea how lucky she is. She was born a girl, you know, because when she was younger, like, I would have settled a lot of problems by taking him out back and punching him in his stomach. But because it's a daughter, you have to go, well, yeah, okay. this is what we're doing. Yeah. You know, like you want to have patience, you know, with a son, I'd just be like, what, have you lost your mind?

Really? What's wrong? Yeah. So, anyway, girls are great, though. Girls are good for guys like us. They keep us fun. I have found, too, that, like, having, you know, a son and two daughters, like the, like the, like my, my ex-wife and my wife with the daughters,

there's things that they try and pull that they're like, I know what they're doing. Fuck that bullshit. And then there's things that like my son would try to pull that I, that, you know, my wife would be a little more open to. And I'd be like, no, no, no, no, no. I know what he's doing. I know what he's doing.

You know, and I do think there's that gender cross where like I've always been much more, much easier with my daughters than I am with my son. 100%. And just because I know I understand him more. Yeah, you know the male mentality. You with that age. You know what's going through that. Yeah.

Yeah. We have the same wiring. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. With the girl, you don't know.

Then you're like, hmm. Yeah. I don't know. She kind of sounds sincere on that. Yeah. She would never do anything that bad. No. Then the missus go, are you stupid?

Do you know? Yeah. Yeah. I guess I am. Yeah, but she's so convincing. I don't know. I know. Yeah, that's great.

Well, Paul, I got to tell everybody, AEW all in London takes place on Sunday, August 30th at Wembley Stadium, and it'll air live on pay-per-view. That's got to be a lot of fun. That's got to be, you know, to go to London on somebody else's ticket. Yeah. It is. It's a great time I actually leave. And I go to Poland early to Warsaw, Poland to work with our TV partners over there and do a little hand-shaking and make sure that stays. and shootover London, meet with our great UK fans in London.

That's going to be a great show. We got Will Osprey, who's a hometown boy, a London boy, who's going to be the main event for the world title against Kenny Omega. So that's going to be, I'm very excited to see that show and hear that crowd. Because even though there's a part of you that, oh, yeah, you always think about yourself performing, but at this stage of the game, I'm excited for the talent to work in front of those crowds. And those UK fans are absolutely insane. They're some of the most rabid, you know, the work.

word fan comes from fanatical. They're definitely fanatical fans. And I always, I just love too that like, you know, there's this attitude among Americans that like, oh, the English are classy. Hey, man, they're not that classy. You know, soccer hooligans. Some of their TV shows are very classy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I told that story the other day. Like, I went over there one time and that was, they chanted, you fat wanker, please retire. And then there was one, there was one, there was one Irish guy in the front row, just, just dial it. You know, like the most morbid, horrible stuff can be said to you. Then you go back a year later and, you know, your character's different and they love you.

Right, right. Yeah, yeah. That's always a great experience because, you know, everywhere you work in the world is a little different. Everywhere you work in the U.S. is a little different. Yeah. Whether you work up north, down south, out west, Midwest, the crowds are different. And that's part of learning your craft is, I'm sure it's like being a comedian, I guess, you know, being on tour. a comedian.

Yeah, no, there's, yeah, different, different, yeah, exactly that. Different towns, different crowds. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. The UK and English crowds always let you know what they feel, and they're there to have a good time. Yeah. You know, and that's a great environment to be in. So I'm excited for our town. I'm excited for AEW, that's becoming a big event for us.

Well, Wembley. Yeah, if you're filling up Wembley, that's pretty good. Pretty damn good, yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's funny because when I started with AEW, I told Tony Kahn, I was like, hey, we need to get to O2 Arena in London. We need to work O2 because it's great for the talent. It's great for the brand. Because I knew how important that market was. And of course, billionaires think differently. He goes, why would I do O2 when I can do Wembley? I'm like, okay, well, that's why are you on the place and I don't? Yeah. Well, Paul, thanks so much for your time. It's great talking to you. And I'd love to have you back on. Yeah, and if you do get out here. Yeah, man. You know, just.

I miss you, dude. You're such a good dude, man. Oh, thank you. You too. I'm happy you're doing well. Thank you. I'm so proud of what you did on Dancing with the Stars. You did so good.

I'm hosting their podcast this season, too. So I, they dragged me back in. So I love working for them. Did they drag you in? No, no, no, of course not. No, I love working for them. They're really nice people. And I, you know, I did the tour with them.

I just, it's like, It's like, yeah, it's easy. You want to pay me something to come back and do stuff? Absolutely. Yeah, sure it is. When you're around good people and it's a good, wholesome show like that and a lot of fun. Yeah. You know, it's funny.

I got wrapped up in the drama with it because you guys do that thing where you guys tease that and we'll find out when we come back from breath. Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm like, I'm sorry. They drive you nuts. All right. Well, thanks, Paul. Thank you very much, Andy.

Take care and be well, buddy. All right. You too. I'll talk to you soon. Yeah, man. The three questions with Andy Richter is a team cocoa production. It is produced by Sean Doherty and engineered by Rich Garcia. Additional engineering support by Eduardo Perez and Joanna Samuel.

Executive produced by Nick Leow, Adam Sacks, and Jeff Ross. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, with assistance from Maddie Ogden. Research by Alyssa Graal. Don't forget to rate and review and subscribe to the three questions with Andy Richter wherever you get your podcasts. And do you have a favorite question you always like to ask people? Let us know in the review section. Can't you tell my loves are growing?

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