The Three Questions with Andy Richter - Alyssa Limperis

Episode Date: August 30, 2022

Alyssa Limperis joins Andy Richter to talk about growing up in a Greek family, her viral comedy videos about her mother, and her personal new standup special “No Bad Days” about the passing of her father.

hi everybody uh it's andy richter and i am here with a podcast called the three questions as i am every week uh but i'm very happy today because i'm i get to talk to somebody who i have been a fan of for a long time uh i first got to know her on the internet uh from her uh she did hilarious videos uh lampooning her mother um and which i think is probably how most people know you right yeah i Yeah, I think so. I think so. Yeah. Alyssa Limparis is her name. Thanks so much for having me.

She's another Greek. I talk to Greeks all the time. Is that right? You see, that's why it's a good podcast. That's why I say yes to this. Every time I get a podcast, I say, has the host talked to other Greek people? How many Greek he talked to? How many Greek he talked to, has the host talked to other Greek people? How many Greek he talked to? How many Greek he talked to?

Yeah, yeah. A friend of mine, Dino Samotopoulos. Do you know Dino? I should. I should. He's a writer. He was a Conan writer. He works a lot with Dan Harmon, but he told me that he lived, he grew up in the suburbs

of Chicago. And when his parents moved from greek town out to the suburbs his yaya took him around as a little boy his grandma that is yes when he was like maybe five or six and she went door to door knocking and saying you greek and if they said if they said no they would then she go okay fine until she found some gree no, then she'd go, okay, fine. Until she found some Greeks. And then she became friends with them for life. You agree? Do it, do it.

It's so threatening. It's so threatening. You Greek? I will be if it keeps the evil eye off me. Sure, sure. Yeah, that's it. And like, it's so crazy. And then if someone is Greek, I mean, if you go into a Greek restaurant, and you tell them you're Greek, they just give you the Greeks invented democracy, built the Acropolis and called it a day.

They really did. And they really did. They really did. They've done enough. Now we can relax. Exactly. Come on. We started you guys on culture. You take it. You take it. We're're gonna have a long lunch yeah well uh Alyssa for those of you who don't know is a very talented uh comedian writer you do do you do stand-up I don't know do you do don't you well yeah that's sort of I do do stand-up that's how I started and that's where this show the special started was like that was before I ever did sketch or anything I was actually doing stand-up and then I moved for a bit towards sketch and character work. But yeah, my origins are in improv and stand-up.

In improv and stand-up. Yeah, and what she's referring to, for those of you who don't know, is she's got a great special that I saw last night. It's on Peacock, and it's called No Bad Days. And it's basically telling the story of the death of your dad. Six years ago, was it? Seven years? Six and a half now. Yeah, it'll be seven in the fall.

Yeah. And it's just a big love letter to him. And we'll get into that. Yeah, yeah. Because we'll start. Yeah, we'll save the fun stuff for last. We'll save the, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Don't spoil it. Don't spoil it. Yeah, he's good. But it's a very funny show. I mean, you know, it's not, it's, I mean, it's, you know, there's some tears, but there's also mostly laughs and it's really fun and a lot of energy. I really enjoyed it. It's really great. But you, you're from, you're from New England. Yeah. you're from New England, yeah? Totally, yeah. I'm from Massachusetts, but I'm from Seekonk,

so it's right on like the Rhode Island border. I went to school in Rhode Island and everything. My mom's from Rhode Island. My dad's from Lowell, Mass., yeah. Yeah, it's such a specific, specific geography. Totally. Even like that Southern Massachusetts is different. It's different than the rest of Massachusetts, yeah.

Yeah, and even the accent, it's, it's, yeah, the Cranston, Rhode Island accent is like some blend of New York and Boston. It feels it's like, it's different than Boston. Yeah. It's got some more. Yeah. And it seems more, uh, it sounds, it's like when I moved to New York from Illinois and I would hear some people talking on the street, I'd be like, why are they arguing? And then I, after time realized, oh no, they're just talking. Everything sounded like, you know, like what's wrong with you? Yeah, totally. Everything is so animated. Everything is like, and that's what I always had fun with, with the mom videos was like events that should just be calm and fun, just get so so chaotic and there's just so much energy and volume on everything yeah yeah it's yeah there is there just seems to be and i don't

know if it's an older generation thing of just people that just it's like this thing of like what you're not gonna have stress you're not gonna be stressed what are you talking about then what are we gonna do yeah like there's to be stress yeah you gotta be anxious about something all the time and it you know it's just it's so weird when i moved to la my mom asked me all the time if i was like on weed because she was because i was so calm i think i was just so used to yeah i didn't realize you could you could live a life that was this calm. Right, right, right. Yeah, it was like, you don't have to be stressed. But I think weather does a lot to that too. You're like constantly fighting with the weather on the East Coast.

Here, you're just like, it's nice out. What am I going to do? Yeah. This place, Elsa, this place is such a nice place to be broke if you're broke. Totally. Go outside. In my early days, it was like, oh my like oh my god this is so so like you could really be broke here and not that unhappy no totally if you're broke and you have a car you're

good you're good yeah yeah yeah well now you and you you're one of two kids right one of two kids you have a brother yeah and he's in new york yeah now and your your dad's greek and your mom's italian right no I'm actually, they're both tech. I grew up like a hundred percent quote Greek, Greek Orthodox. But then as we grew up, my aunt did a test and found out that we're actually quite a bit of like 25% Italian. Oh, wow. But I grew up culturally Greek Orthodox. Pretty much Greek. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So is it, and is there's not really, is there the same pressure in the Orthodox Church to have a bunch of kids as there is in the Catholic Church? I think so.

I think so. So why didn't your parents, come on, they should have cranked out a few more. Yeah, I know. No, it's definitely not. I don't think it's quite as much as in the Catholic. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. But there are big, I think it's more like maybe the

thing that i felt more was your extended family is just very large like the amount of cousins and second cousins and third cousins that is very big and then yeah there's an emphasis on that perhaps and is that what you grew up with yeah yeah yeah yeah that's just yeah that can be now is there a downside to that because there is kind, it seems like the more people that you know, there is nice, there's this community, but also it is like, oh my God, the more people know what you're up to. Right, right. I do think that there's a combo. I think like when I first got to New York City after, because then I went to a small college too. I went to a small college in Vermont.

And so when I got to New York, I do remember feeling like, holy shit, I'm free. I can just walk around. No one knows me. No one cares about me. Like I can just sort of be a free agent in a way that felt very liberating and exciting. Probably based from, yeah, growing up knowing a small town, big family, small college. Yeah. Yeah. Like how many aunts and uncles and cousins were around? Okay. So like technically speaking, I really only have one main aunt and uncle on each side. Like both my parents just have one other sibling. Yeah.

But then my mom's side, I have like so many people I called cousins because all of, she grew up down the street from all of her cousins and then their kids felt like my cousins so second cousins second cousins third cousins or like a plenty and yeah that that was I would say the majority but then on my dad's side it was a bit smaller but that's where we would spend all of our summers with his side of the family yeah in New Hampshire yeah and what what is your did your mom mom? Yes. My mom's a teacher and my dad was a sheet metal salesman. Oh, wow. Yeah. And is that something he had, he always been in that business? Like, was that a family business or anything? No, no. He was, uh, he worked at Motorola for a while in, in, um, like not the sales side. So whatever the other side is, i don't know he it was always just like he wore a yeah he

had a briefcase and he worked from like nine to six and uh then at a certain point he switched to sales of sheet metal and he really liked that because i think it had more flexibility in his schedule because he was on such a rigid schedule that's what i now that I'm an adult, I'm like, man, both my mom and my dad for so many years just worked a, like, steady every single day. I know. Going, it's really. And when you get used to, like, this life, too. Right. I mean, just for me, something that I've been really having lately, you know, from, you know, i've worked a fair amount and i and i mean and i've worked

long days and i have worked you know and i i was never afraid of work but then just like as my life has played out like for 11 years i was on the conan show yeah which you know there'd be things that we'd go do but an average day of the conan show, I mean, I was in around, you know, 9, 30, 10, and I'd go home at 6. Yeah. And that was four days a week, Fridays. We didn't do shows, but, you know, I'd go in, but kind of, you know. Yeah. I'm so afraid that, like, I'm going to get a job now where I have to work hard.

I mean, I need a job right now. I really want a job. I need a job right now. I really want a job. But like the notion of getting on a show where I'm going to have to work like for four months, or say six months solid, 12-hour days. I'm like, oh my God, I am really not used to that. I'm going to have to get my chops back. I know.

Yeah, we kind of live a little bit of a, yeah, it's a more fluid lifestyle. You're still working a lot, but it's a little bit more on your own schedule. I think the pandemic changed a lot of that too. Oh, absolutely. Yeah, I'm sure there's a lot of people who feel that way who are even just working now from home. And by the way, listeners, you're free to hate me for being like,

yeah, I might have to work 12 hours a day. You're free to hate me. I know, I understand what an asshole thing that thing is. I don't even know if it's like the 12 hours a day, but I do think it's the maybe like, it's just like my dad was in a cubicle. I guess there's just something about that. It's even like I waitress for a while and even waitressing like every day someone new is coming in.

There's some new stimuli. But the idea of, yeah, the cubicle of it all is. Do you have attention stuff? Do you have like a to ADD kind of stuff, do you think? I don't think I have AD add uh not that side of things uh yeah i would i know you got depression but i mean everybody knows that about yeah everyone knows that at this point uh yeah yeah look at me i'm a huge bummer everyone knows that you walk in the room oh my god it's her it's her it's her no you know I have a lot of anxiety my but uh it's more just like maybe overthinking overthinking yeah versus ADD yeah because that's for me that notion and I mean

it was kind of odd that I ended up kind of doing the Conan show because one of the things that I set out to do was not see the same faces all the time. Like I started out in film production, working freelance. And I really was like, it's always a different job. It's always changing. You know, one week it's,

you know, one week it's a Sears commercial. The next week it's a Wheaties commercial. And, you know, and then, and cause it's freelance, it's different people.

So it was not, I didn't set out to be like, I want to work in the same place for a long time. And that's another thing I think that is, you know, watching the office is fun from, from an outside perspective. But the idea of being in that place with all those people is really kind of a bummer, which I think is the point. Okay. But then I would say, okay, now we can, this is like against what I'm saying, but I'll also, cause when you said the commercial thing, I'm like, I will also say, even with Conan, like, I really loved, I feel like that was one of the first gigs which you totally made possible, by the way. So thank you so much for bringing me into the fold.

You guys had such a great, I just really loved the, yeah, the show. You guys had such a great vibe and I remember feeling like oh it's nice coming back to the same place multiple times because sometimes when you're on the project project commercial to commercial one-off job to one-off job there is so much time spent like just getting to know people getting to know your environment and by the time you get to know everything you're on to the next job and that that can get exalted as much as it's exciting that can get exhausting and then when you're on a gig for a while you're like okay i don't have to worry about all that i can just worry about the comedy or the acting of it which is nice yeah that is that is that is true and that was all and i mean and that's why we ended up

and you know that's why i gave somebody your name was because i was like when we found people that were good use them again again. You know, like why go, why throw out a net into stranger, strangers every time, you know, people are good. And that's why, you know, when we started in New York, we had all those UCB people. Yes. I mean, Amy Poehler was on the show a bunch and totally Matt Walsh and Matt Besser was on the show. And Ian Roberts did a bunch of stuff and Andy Daly and a bunch, you know, you could, you know, a bunch of guys and, uh, and, and women. Um, but it was, it was really, uh, it makes the show better too. I mean, there were so many, you know, you're one of those people that I would always say, you can think of a bit and it has X amount

of funny on the page. The idea is to hire somebody that gives you X plus as opposed to like somebody that you got to like push to get to X. You know what I mean? And you're one of those. Well, thanks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're one of those people that could do that. And UCB, all those UCB people were that way too. Like I have an idea.

All right, let's hear it you know and that training was so helpful because I yeah I I'm really glad for that training even if I'm not like performing improv like oh but that that training helps in yeah all those situations yeah absolutely yeah you don't yeah yeah you know improv doesn't you know some people it's a religion it and for me it's like it was a really good place to learn. Totally. And it was a really fun thing to do and I still enjoy it, but I kind of like, you know,

no, I, you know. It's a tool I have versus something that I want to, yeah, land on. Yeah,

yeah, yeah, exactly. Can't you tell my love's a-growing? Well, were you always a funny kid? I mean, I,

you know, from seeing the show, I could tell you. And I mean, your mom must be funny. Yeah, she's... Is she funny or is she unintentionally funny? I think she's unintentionally funny, but also she's funny too. But my dad was super sharp and super funny. Yeah.

They were different types of funny. Like my mom, I would say, as my videos are a bit more like, yeah, physical and mannerisms-wise, she's very funny. But my dad was very, he wouldn't quite say as much, but what he would say was very smart and very funny. But also like just at the end of the, at the end of the piece, there's just like a little shot of him dancing with somebody. I don't know. Was that, was that your mom that he was dancing?

That's me. Or is that you? Oh my gosh. I didn't even recognize you at that. Oh, that's funny. Yeah, that's you at that. Oh, that's funny. Yeah, that's me. Just the way that he's dancing. I was like, that's a funny guy.

You know what I mean? Oh, totally. He's got timing. Yeah, he's got timing and he knows what he's doing. Yeah. Putting on it, you know, and he's having fun. He's having fun. He had a lot of fun with life.

He really was someone who just had a lot of fun with life. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I mean, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And, I mean, you were always, I guess. I think so. Yeah, it was always.

Close to him, yeah. Oh, me and my dad, yeah. We were always close. We were, yeah, I would say we were always very close and very similar. So, we would just like, we did everything together. We exercised. We had fun. We fought.

He taught me writing. I would argue with him. Yeah, we were just very, yeah. Were there ways that you related to him? Like, I should say, in what ways that you related to him were different than the ways that you related to your mom? Yeah. So I would say that my dad. And was there competition?

No. No, it never felt like competition. It was always just fully, I think that's why my parents' marriage worked so well because they're just very different people. I would say my dad and I have a very similar mental brain. So I would say probably like we both live more inside of our brain deal with more stuff that our brain is telling us my mom like my mom can make friends with anyone I don't think she she her she's just very like extroverted and empathetic and fun my dad and I were perhaps a bit more introverted in our heads a little bit more. Yeah. Does your brother, does your brother favor your mother more?

You think? No, no. I, I think it's a, they just served very, like if you had a heartbreak, you're like,

you go to mom to cry and then you go to dad to tell you like, here's how we're going to handle this. Here's the facts of it. Here's the facts of this. And this is why you're not going back to this guy because look, this is, look at this. And he would, yeah, here's this Abraham Lincoln quote. And here's why we're going to and we're going to go for a run and we're going to move forward. Yeah. But if you wanted to, like, cry that you wouldn't go to my dad to cry. So I think that they both just were they served very different purposes. Yeah. I think that's kind of

a very classically gendered difference because I and I mean, it took me it took me a long time of being a husband and a father to realize that when somebody comes to me and says, I'll be like, all right, first thing. And it's very linear. It's like, okay, we're here and there's these problems and we want to be here. So let's pick a straight line between here and there and get to work. Totally. And having to learn like, oh, no, no, that's not necessarily what they're asking for or even what's called for. What's like the best thing to do, you know?

Maybe, yes. But I also think I struggled with that a lot. I don't think I realized how much I had to learn that for myself because I did rely. I relied on him a lot for like, well, what do I do moving forward? How do I get from here to there? So I think when he was gone, I was like, I do moving forward? How do I get from here to there? So I think when he was gone, I was like, oh, I don't know how to get from here to there. And now I got to figure that out. I definitely relied on him very heavily.

He had very, very strong opinions. And he knew, he just kind of, I valued his opinion and advice very strongly to the point of probably not even creating my own quite as much, which I had to do over the years. Do you think that maybe he overdid it a little bit? I mean, you know. Probably. Or that I underdid it or whatever. Because like my, I don't think my brother struggles with this. So it might have just been that i just leaned very heavily so it was maybe i could have

been better at being like no i'm gonna put up a barrier but i was just like no i still need this uh yeah yeah yeah yeah but definitely i mean like and i even talked about it in the special but i was late for my age i mean i should have been more further like uh what's the word detached but i just wasn't i was still really attached. Which goes back to your point maybe of the community too of like it was just growing up with so much family. It was like, yeah.

Well, and also detachment is a very modern concept. True. The notion that you detach from anybody, that's like, you know, a hundred years ago, it's like, what are you talking about?

I'm sorry. You stay enmeshed forever. A hundred years ago and then for Greek people, that hasn't even happened yet. They're like, what are you talking about you stay in meshed forever a hundred years ago and then for greek people it hasn't even happened yet they're like what are you what are you talking about enmeshment no it's called family yeah yeah yeah exactly no i don't we like so many i just actually was at disneyland yesterday with my girlfriend oh my god and uh i just saw like a family. It couldn't have been more perfect. Big, multi-generational family. And like four of them just arguing, arguing, arguing. And the dad, he looked like the dad of the whole bunch,

had a shirt on that said, nothing's more important than family. more important than family and i just was like well yes but there's also there's some things there's some you know there's some other concepts it's not that simple no anyway have fun yeah enjoy enjoy the mickey mouse ice cream and yeah uh yeah no i think i think that that is a newer concept and it was not that i will be the like my grandparents lived with us like their grandparents lived with them so yeah this this me even living across the country is a big like that's even different than anyone else in my family yeah do you still get the feeling that there are people that are like, what are you doing? Like, hey, why are you out there? Or is your success sort of?

Yeah, I think that, I think, yeah, I think people are cool with it, but it did take a while where people were like, what are you doing? It's harder when you're just in the earlier stages where people can't see it, but you're feeling like you're growing, but the growth is not something that other people can see. You're like, instead of performing in a basement, I'm performing above ground. And they're like, okay, how are you making money? So I think once, yeah, now I think people are important. Does cousin Nick have his own special? Yeah, yeah, exactly.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, now, are you, like in school, are you a funny kid? Are you, like, you know, you know, because you're pinning a picture of kind of an anxious kid, but you also, I mean, I would have a hard time believing that you weren't kind of funny. I don't know if I was an anxious kid. I don't know if I was. Because I was so stimulated, I guess. I was like just very busy. I ran track competitively.

I danced every day of the week. So I would go to school, go to track, go to dance, come home and do homework. I think I had so much stuff that I don't know if I even had time to get too anxious. And then I think as the years, college, I think is when stuff kind of started to, my brain started to turn on. In your household, was it, were you just encouraged to just be that busy all the time, to be that? I think so. I think so. Kind of like the videos. I mean, I think busyness was just a part of my life. It was very like, if we're not moving, what are we doing? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, like even vacation. We had a family come on vacation with us, and I remember afterwards them being like, we're never going on vacation with you again. We didn't stop for lunch. And yeah, yeah, they were like, they couldn't believe it. Where we were like, what do you mean lunch? We don't do, it's vacation. Yeah, we have to see the sights.

We have to go on the buses. Yeah. Yeah. Was your dad, I mean, do you think he was good at kind of encouraging you to, you know, as his daughter as opposed to his son, like, you know, pursuing your own way and, you know, and kind of self-actualizing? Hmm. actualizing? Well, I think he was always very, I think he, if he grew up with the resources that he and my mom provided for me, I think he likely would have gone into a more creative field. So, I think he was always very excited that I was pursuing this. So, that was great. And then he was also always very one foot in that and one foot in like, make sure you are stable and have stable income. So I always, always had a job. Like I never did we get those jobs? How did we, at 23, how did we look someone in the face wearing slacks and being like, I'm passionate about revenue? Well, were you like people like, you know, advising people on investments and stuff?

Yes. I was like, I was like advising businesses, Andy, not people. I was like going up in front of, it was like this, the school we went to just, I feel like the only jobs that came to the job school were like a financial consultant or investment banker. An investment banker. What school is it? I went to Middlebury in Vermont. Oh, okay.

And so it was just like, there weren't a ton of, like, I didn't know how to find a job. And it was like, if you're really smart at econ, you do finance. And if you're more of like on the liberal arts side, then you go into consulting. So yeah, I got a job as a financial consultant. I went to Tuck Business Bridge program over that summer and like learned how to, how money works. But I always felt like I don't want to, this is, it was just like, no, this is just my day job so I can do the other stuff.

Yeah, yeah. Which is unfortunate for like, what, Coca-Cola or whoever I tagged. Right, right, right. Well, what do you, I mean, do you think you did a good job or do you think you were kind of. Definitely. I think that consulting is not, like, I think I thought I needed to know so much about finances, but actually you just kind of have to be an outsider looking in. So in fact, not knowing a lot about finance isn't, for the position I had, was not terribly important versus looking at everything structurally and being like, what, how could we manage this better? So it's actually a really, I really liked the job. I just had to travel Monday

through Thursday. So it became not viable, but I had a tough time leaving that job because I really did love it. I really loved it. Oh, wow. Yeah. Yeah, because that's amazing because money, I don't understand. I still don't understand it. Yeah. And I mean, and it's just, but I'm terrible with math.

Like, I was the same way. Like, math, it just, I just never could. Get it. Just could never get it. It just never made any sense to me. And I'm still kind of that way. You know, like when someone explains to me, like, my options with my life insurance. Right.

I'll think, okay, I got it. And then I realize, like, three minutes later, I forgot what you said. What was that? You know. Totally. Yeah. And especially, yeah, insurance and, like, annuities. What was that? Totally. Especially insurance and annuities.

There's a lot of stuff that, APR, there's a lot of confusing stuff that does feel confusing by design. Because once I went to this business program, I'm like, this is not that complicated. I think they're just, it's, there's this, it feels complicated. But once you're looking at it like this. And my mom was a math teacher, so I think, my brother's an engineer. So I think math was in the home. I had a private teacher. I think if maybe if my mom wasn't an actual math teacher, I might've also struggled. When did you start to think like that you're going to be funny for a living? Can't you tell my loves are growing? When did you start to think that you're going to be funny for a living?

Well, so in college I started doing improv a lot, and I loved that, and sketch. Was there a group at school that just, like an extracurricular thing? Yeah, Middle Brow was the name of my group. Oh, because of Middlebury. Yeah, Middlebury, Middlebrow, Highbr middle brow high brow low brow come on come on crazy with the k and i i had just gone so hard into track and i i had mentally not felt that well and then i got to improv and i just remember feeling like okay it's gonna start making sense now i love group. I love how I feel when I'm here. We didn't know what we were doing. We were really, it was always like, either we're going to be funny tonight or not. It never felt like we had it.

Yeah. Yeah. But so anyway, I don't know if I thought I could do it as a career. I knew I liked it. And then I gave my graduation speech and I wrote a lot of jokes in it. And I remember feeling after that, like, Ooh, this could be, this standup could be fun. Cause it felt a bit like standup. Yeah. Um, but I don't know if I ever thought it was going to be a viable, like, I still was like, I got to get this finance job and do this a bit as a hobby to figure out. I didn't have any model of like, how do you make this a career? How do you make this financially viable? So I don't

know if I, I thought it, but I wanted to. Were you high in your class? Is that why you gave a speech? No, I was, it was a. Or did everybody give a speech? Is that? No, but you had to, you had to like audition. So it was more of an audition process versus, uh, versus grades. I see. But it is funny because when you say you give the speech, everyone just kind of assumes you're the valedictorian. Right. I don't always correct them. If they don't ask, I'm like, sure, sure, right, of course, of course. And then you quickly on your phone, what's a valedictorian?

How to spell valedictorian. Well, were you running track in college, too? Yeah. Yeah. Wow. I ran track my freshman year. What was your area? I was a sprinter.

Distance sprinter. Oh, wow. Yeah. Yeah, so I did the one, two, three, four. Yeah, yeah. Awesome. Yeah, I loved it. Yeah, I loved sprinting.

Sprinting, yeah. Were you good enough to – did you have a scholarship or were you – No, but I was All-American in high school, Yeah. Were you good enough to, did you have a scholarship or were you? No, but I was all American in high school. And I would say that it certainly helped me get into college. Like I would say it was part of, but I didn't get a scholarship. I wasn't that, I was a scholarship good. And then, yeah. But that's a, I mean, you know, that's a very sort of, you know,

You know, that's a very sort of, you know, it's an upper echelon of students to become actual student athletes and, you know. Totally. Be competitive still through college. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. There's no pros, though. That's the only thing. With track, you're not, you know, there's no pros.

Like, you go pro? Yeah, you go pro. There's no MLB. You can go pro. There's's no pros like pro you go pro yeah you go pro there's no mlb you can go pro you can go pro it's just your your uh an olympic you just go to the olympics and it's like and you sell shoes and whatever and you sell shoes and you wear your sports bra you take your pictures then you get some free gear from ASICS. But look. Well, when, what made you, I mean, when did you start to really feel like you could quit this job that you that you could quit the money job and kind of start? I was it was not, I would say it was not that I had enough career success in comedy that that made me feel I could quit.

It was more this realization, if I stay, I can't keep going in this other direction. I see. So it was more just like, because again, I'm traveling Monday through Thursday, living in different cities, and then getting back for three days. It just was, it wasn't viable. And that was for how many years you did that? Just, I eked by in one, because my dad kept, he was adamant about like, just give it a year, give it a year. And I think I crawled across the line. I gave it, but I was terrified to quit. I was really scared to quit, but I had a, I got it

before I quit, I got a waitressing job. So I knew like, you know, so it was just going to be, I was just going to be making money instead of through consulting through. Yeah. So it's going to keep doing the same stuff. Just take a different job. It's it's I mean, I did this. I did similar. But for me, it was just work in film production, which I, you know, make a't you can't commit to a show that where there's rehearsals and where you're trying to come right to script together and then get a job on a commercial that you're like, well, for two weeks, you won't be able to see me because I'll. Right. So I had to stop doing that and got.

A, you know, a job waiting tables and stuff and moved furniture a little bit. tables and stuff and moved furniture a little bit. But, but yeah, it's, it is, it's like, because you're not going and you can't, you're not telling your parents, you know, I got a job on a TV show. You're saying, I just, I have to leave my schedule open to see what happens with this incredible long shot. Which I will say that's gotta be, yeah, that's the thing that I think is the, that's, it's a hard leap. It's a really hard, like, even when I make those micro leaps still, it's just hard. It's hard when you have to make the, you always want to be like making the clear decision where you're like, oh, it's obvious. Everyone would see this and they're like,

well, now, yeah, you're working at this TV show or something. But sometimes, yeah, I feel it is about leaving space open. And that's just a scarier decision to justify to, yeah, you're working at this TV show or something. But sometimes, yeah, I feel it is about leaving space open. And that's just a scarier decision to justify to family members. Right, right. Yeah. But you were young enough, too. That's the other thing. That's true.

That's true. You know, I do, you know, anybody that's worried, anybody that's, I'd say, younger than 30. Yeah. Like, oh, I can't do this. Like, no, you can. You can. It'll be okay. And it'll be harder later. It's only going to get harder. So. Yes, yes, I can't do this. Like, no, you can. You can. It'll be okay. And it'll be harder later.

It's only going to get harder. So do it now. And I do, I'm sure you felt this way too, but I remember the, I felt very light. I felt like the minute I was waitressing, I was like, okay, I don't have this heavy, like I was carrying such a heaviness with me all the time when I was at that other job

because I was like going against what I wanted to do, which isn't a good, that's not a good feeling yeah and I think also too you're you can't get away from thinking this is me for the rest of my life yes like this is like the this this times 40 years like is that what I want is that totally and that the the the weight of that is just like oh and i think like it there's there's like validity to that it's like why be in something you don't like that's that's it it's like i just if this isn't what i want with my life then why am i then why am i here yeah why am why am i here it didn't make sense to me yeah yeah, how long before you feel like, OK, this is making sense. Like, I'm not just like, you know, scared, waiting tables, wondering. I wonder if they'll have me back. Yeah. I, well, it was a bit choppy because I was waitressing for a while, doing live shows, feeling like I was getting some traction in terms of being booked more as a stand up. Yeah.

Going through the UCB program. But then my dad got sick and then I moved home. Yeah. And then I would say it wasn't until after he died that I felt that I started to feel like, okay, this is, but also with him dying, I was like, well, I don't care. This is what I'm doing. It was so clear to me, like, oh my God, we have so little time. This is all, this is all so quick. What, of course I'm just, so then I think I started going a little bit harder once he passed away. Cause I was just like, I just saw how quickly it can all go. So I stopped being maybe so, so scared or, you know, yeah. You talk about that phone call in the show and, you know, just recap it a little bit for us here. Yeah. So are you, are you at home?

Are you right? So the details of it are, I was, I was living in this apartment with the dogs that peed and it was with three roommates and it was like sort of a chaotic fun apartment but that day I was moving out of that apartment to move in with one of my best friends and I was still at the stage where my parents were coming to help me move so my parents were coming to help me move my stuff was kind of in boxes my room was kind of emptied out and um I got a call like we'll be there in three hours we just hit the road and I got a call like five minutes later and I just knew it and I picked up and my mom was screaming and my dad was sort of like, it's okay. Like he was kind of, and my, I just heard, yeah, like my mom say basically my, I knew, I knew my dad had had headaches and I knew that he had gone for an MRI that morning. They wanted

to go before going to New York. And they just, the minute, the minute they saw the MRI, said, you got to turn around and come back because Jim has a brain tumor. And. Oh, my God. They were on the road on the way to come. Wow. To me. Yeah. And so, and they, yeah, they just called sort of, yeah, basically panicked.

And my brother was in the city at the time. And it was like, I don't think we knew yet how bad it was. Yeah. But we knew we should get home. So these amazing friends just helped bring my stuff or helped me maybe get movers to get my stuff to my new apartment. And my brother and I and his now wife, Megan, went home, and we were just like, let's just go home. Let's just go home for the weekend maybe even. I don't remember what I packed.

And then once we got to the hospital that night, it became clear it was terminal. And so I just – I didn't go back. And then I stayed home. Yeah. Yep. Wow. Yep. And so his – it was just a series of headaches.

I mean, were they – Sort of. It was a series of headaches and then some confusion i'd say um and there was this one so a lot of headaches um which i don't like saying because i feel people get panicked about it they're intense headaches consistently yeah and then also he was seeing things basically and we didn't really we thought my dad drove a lot for his job so he would get tired but one time he saw cars cars, he was like, it was so weird. Cars were coming at me when I was on the road. And we were like, okay, that, and so that's, that's, that's around when

he got the MRI because it felt like, well, something is off here. And then all that just heightened basically as the disease went on. Do you, when you go home and there's a situation that you're faced with, do people kind of, are they handling it? Are some people handling it? Are others not? Oh, it was a very immediate, I would say, shift. I think like it became very clear,

like, okay, my brother and I are going to be in charge here a bit because my dad was, he was not able to, and my mom was really scared because she was just, she'd been with my dad, the only person she'd ever been with. And they had said, it was just, she couldn couldn't i would say she was just really scared so yeah i i we very quickly kicked into just like okay we're gonna we're gonna we're gonna everyone was we had such a beautiful community and neighbors and family but yeah it it was not like it was certainly not like my dad was like and my mom were like we got this don't worry about it was not it was very like okay uh mark and i my brother and i were like we gotta we gotta help out here

yeah yeah yeah is your dad do you feel like your dad is working hard to put everyone you know to put people at ease, you know? I don't think so. Yeah. No, no, I don't think so. No, I don't think so. I think he, no, I think, probably not. I think if he did that, he would have, he would have been like, all good. Like, go do, like, he was, no, I don't think he,

I think he was, he was scared and wanted to just try to make the best of this time we had together. And he was, he was upfront with everyone about how scared he was? Not necessarily. Yeah. But you can tell when someone's not, like, it's terrifying. It's's terrifying there's no way you can't be scared you're every month we'd sit in a car and drive to see how much the tumor grew so yeah it was just like it's like you're just death is like looming all the time so

but when i asked him at a certain point if he was scared, he, yeah, he just said like a little. And then I asked like what he wanted, what he would want with more time. And he said, I would just want to keep doing what we're doing. And that to me was like, okay. Yeah. Then that's a win. Then we just keep doing this. Then we just keep doing it.

But it's a, it was a crazy experience to be that close to death because when you're that you feel it it's like we're now death is like so close to all of us in a way in a way that i just had never even i was young i'd never even considered i and then to look at it yeah every day and feel it looming or coming closer. Yeah. That I felt like I escaped death when he died. Cause it was like, that's how I felt. It was like, we were all so close and meshed that it was almost like,

okay, I was very close to death too. And now I, it's going to come for me eventually. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Death was imminent,

but now it's gone there for now. Yeah. For now. Yeah. Did he ever have any, you know, like kind of conversations with you where he really kind of divulged like how he was feeling about it? Or did he all just, yeah, he just kind of kept that to himself? No. Yeah.

There was one moment which we ended up cutting from the show, but there was, yeah, no, he, there was one time where um again because i talk about how like i didn't get that goodbye like he was just not talking about it there was no there was none of that uh talking about exactly how he was feeling necessarily um but yeah one time i we went to this wedding and uh he was really sick and in a wheelchair and like i was like carrying him in home and we're like sitting on his bed and i just said like oh dad like i wish you could be at my wedding and he just said like i will be there and that was kind of the end of the discussion and so for me that was like he's gonna be with me and he knows that and that's enough uh yeah yeah yeah but at the time i wanted more i wanted so much

more i wanted right i wanted like that thing you were saying you do it like i wanted like but how do i get from here to here without you how do i get from and it was like that i wasn't gonna because it wasn't yeah that was no longer yeah he yeah yeah and because it was about him too it was like you know totally he didn't have it to he didn't have advice for himself totally because why would you because why would you and all of a sudden yeah you're it's and he was so fit it just was i think not in the any of our realm when none of us had even thought that that was a possibility yeah yeah yeah now you describe, I mean, you talk so beautifully about just kind of in the show about just sort of the ritual and the routine that you guys had. Yeah.

Where he just, you know, it was just a matter of just spending time together. Totally. Going for a walk together while he could still kind of walk. Yep. Well, he could still kind of walk. And I'm, you know, it's such a nice, I mean, did he have that? Do you think that he had that mostly with you? Or did he have that with your brother and your mom, too? Did they, you know? Yeah, I think that he, I mean, during the sickness, it was with all of us all the time.

All the time. But that was, I would say, i guess he had it with everyone but me and him towards the like a later chapter of my life because my brother's three years older than me so for a while when it was just me in the house and my dad that was the exercise together became very much our thing yeah yeah yeah but um yeah how long did it take him to pass away one year one year so it was just a very intense year. So you were back home the full time? Yeah.

Yeah, I would go back and forth. I would pop into New York every now and again to like see friends or maybe do a show here and there. But mostly I was at home. And I was always so scared when I was gone that something. It was very, yeah. What was it like to do shows while this is going on? Well, I'm pretty sure if I remember correctly, I didn't do stand-up during. So I probably did like improv.

That was just a way of having fun and sort of escaping a bit. I didn't go back to stand-up until after he died and I started talking about it. Because that's what felt weird. I couldn't. Improv was never about real life, but stand-up always was wasn't that for a while just felt like I can't talk about this without talking about this yeah the people that were with their two drink minimum say here's what I'm going through everybody yeah right it's like they don't but I do remember any time I went to the city, it was like, yeah, I just I do just remember this dark, just the feeling of like, I can't like it's it's heavy at home. It's heavy. Things are heavy.

And just feeling like, OK, I can breathe for a second while I'm here. But knowing that time was knowing I didn't know how much time was left was always like, I got to get back because it could be quick. Yeah. When he when he passed away, how long how long did it take to where you felt like and I mean, obviously, you know, you're going to be processing it forever, but where you felt like, OK, I can go back to, quote unquote, my life again. No, I don't think I had a life. I don't think I had a life.

Like, I think that that's a big part of it was like, I don't think I had a life outside of my parents in a big way. I think my home was always home, my parents' home. My like vacations were always with my family. So I think it really was just more of like, oh, okay, that's gone. And everything that was sort of with that life is gone. So now it's time to build. I would say once I moved to L.A. is when I felt like I built a life I love. I did it.

I do feel like, okay, this feels nice and I have a life and a community that I love, including parts that I was building while my dad was alive. But it never felt like I was going back to my life because I didn't have a full one, I would say. Right, right. Now, your boyfriend, were you guys together when this happened? No, but we did know each other. We knew each other, yeah, from each other yeah from comedy and stand up and open mics and then we we started dating once i got back to the city yeah did he i mean was he sort of with you through the process of your dad passing away at all not necessarily a bit a bit but not uh we weren't yeah we weren't, yeah, we weren't fully together during it.

Yeah. But he was, yeah. And you moved, you moved separate to LA from him, didn't you? Correct. If I remember correctly. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I moved here first. What caused, I mean, why did you leave?

What was the impetus for moving out here? Well, my, I had, I had not been repped for a while. And so I was just kind of doing New York. And then I got representation and they were all in L.A. and they were just like, well, if you're prioritizing acting and you don't care quite as much about live, then you might as well come out here. And at that point, that's where I felt. I was like, all right, yeah, I can still do live shows while I'm out here, but I don't need to be New York. I think the real benefit is just the quantity of shows you can do.

And at that point I wasn't doing, I had already made this show and I put this show on ice for a second. So I was like, yeah, let me come out there. And I was ready for a change. I was really ready for a change to New York was, was wearing me down and I was so happy to be in the sun and to be at a bit of a calmer pace of life. Yeah.

When, And to be at a bit of a calmer pace of life. Yeah. At what point did you start to think that your processing of your dad's death, there was a show there that you were going to do as a show? Well, kind of to your point of you can't drop in on people's two-drink minimum, like dropping the checks. Soon into doing material about this, I realized if I really want to do this, I have to make it a show so people know what they're getting, so people are coming to a black box to see this show versus a comedy club where I'm just dropping in. Which I kind of talked about in the show, but I started doing this like months after he, months after he first passed.

It was a different version, but his first joke's the same. The last joke's, the last big number is the same. The running's the same. So it, I was very like, I think caged up and I had all this,

this stuff I wanted to say and share. And so it became a show rather quickly. Yeah. How much of it, of doing a show like this for you how much of it was art and how much of it was therapeutic like how much of it was i need to tell this and then but also because your your art is taking your life and putting it on stage and making people laugh with it. You know, that's just so, of course, when this something like this happens, when anything happens, you know, if you had been in a motorcycle accident, you'd be talking about that, you know?

Totally. Yeah. I don't know how separate they are for me. I think for at least up until this stage for me, art has always been very therapeutic. It's been and that feeling I got when I got to that improv group at Middlebury was like, thank God this feels, this, I wasn't living well. I just wasn't feeling well.

And now I feel like, okay, I belong and this feels good. So I think for me, always art has been this like pocket of like, I can let stuff out, whether it's a serious blog or a mom video. I mean, those mom videos even were therapeutic because I was spending so much time as an adult with my mom. I was, she was living with me because she was super down and couldn't live in the house anymore. So I was like a grown adult with her mom living with her in New York city. So that's where the, so those videos are as therapeutic as this show is

they're just different types. So I, I, I think that it's yeah. One in the same in a way. Yeah. No, I could see. I mean, when you put it that way that your mom was living with you in sorrow and in grief that like, yeah, I can see where you'd need to like her rearranging your closet. You'd be like, I need to put this on a video because I had to get it out. I had to get out of my closet, mom. Yeah, right. In order to write in order to still be a kind human. It's almost like a way that I can handle things is OK. If I'm if I'm dealing with it in this way, then. Yeah. Yeah. Kind. It's almost like a way that I can handle things. It's OK if I'm if I'm dealing with it in this way, then. Yeah. Yeah. And that's what I love about art and acting is like to be able to to live in someone else's shoes even is like, OK, I'm processing something through the lens of this character, through this person in a way that's really. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. At the end of the special, you say, this is the last time I'm doing this. Like that, that the actual filming of it marks an end of the life of this show. Yes. And what was that feeling like? I mean, is it good? Is it bitter? I would say when I first started sort of doing that ending, I would fully weep every time. And the last time I ever did it, the second taping of the night, I really wept. I don't know. I think I thought when I moved to L.A. that I had let go. But I think this show was a way that like I still hadn't quite yet. And then revisiting this show really helped me, I would say, take the final step of like, it's my turn. I got to go.

It's my life now. I got to, I have to let go of this. I have to let go of this and I have to now move forward with my own life with my dad alongside me, of course. And like I say in the show, with the starting point being here because of where he brought me. But I think it was really sad at first, but it's also good and time and it's exciting and it makes me feel like, okay, now I don't know what's next, but it's going to be instead of like maybe like running from something or healing from something. It's like just growing and being and existing without maybe so much of a heaviness in a backpack.

So that feels kind of nice. Yeah. Yeah. It's been processed. It's there. Right. And it's there also. It's like it's there.

Really, it's there. It's on tape. Totally. It's there. You can look at it again and again and again. Yeah. Yeah. I don't think I will. I don't think I will.

But it's there for other people. I don't like watching myself ever. Yeah. Yeah. Other people can look at it. But yeah. And it really was. I felt like when I was doing that show, I was hanging with my dad. So it did feel like, okay. Even backstage, it was always like we're going out there together.

And so even that element, it's that will be a loss. But but, yeah, he's everywhere. That's the thing. It's like he's everywhere. So it's not. Yeah. Yeah. Well, what is next for you? I know you just said you don't know what's next, but you've got to have some ideas or you've got to have some ideas of what you want to do, you know, and, you know, not even necessarily show business, you know. Right. Life, you know. Life. Move on to a boat, you know.

Learn to fly a helicopter. Things like that. I couldn't want to do either of those things less. But I just, yeah. But I just, yeah. But no, I feel really, I do feel really excited to like, I do think a lot of my life was like, okay, we got to like get out of this job and get towards this thing. Or we got to like go home and help. Or we got to move on from grief. It does feel good to feel like, no, my task is to live and to, I really love my friends here and my community here.

And I'm like going to Big Bear in October and I'm with my friends. I'm really excited for that. And like, it just feels nice to, I don't know, maybe just feel a bit more like I can be present in a way. But also, I love acting, and I'm excited to be acting and continue acting, both in stuff that I write and I don't write. Yeah. Do you have, like, definite projects that you're out there taking around? Yes, if you're not watching, you should be watching Flappish Misdemeanors, season two. The season finale is this week. I play Sidney on— Oh, that's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yep, I play Sidney on the Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yep. I play Sidney on the show. I haven't seen it, but I know. But yeah, I. You got to watch. Things are cooking up. I've seen you. I've seen you selling it on your, you know, various instant.

Exactly. Instagram and Twitter. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's a great. It's a great show. And that show has been such a joy to be on. Just chock full of so many New York comedians who are so funny that every it felt like Conan. It's like everyone there is really funny and it's just a fun.

Tell people where they can see it. So you watch that on Showtime. Yep. It streams every every episode streams on Friday and airs on Showtime TV on Sundays. And then, yeah, moving forward, I have a me me and my friend, Mae Wilkerson, who directed the stage version of this show early on. We have a movie that we wrote with 42 production companies that we're taking out and we are taking out a pilot right now. So yeah. Oh, that's great. Yeah. Good luck on all of that. Thanks. And people always ask like, like, uh, you're going to keep

with your family. I'm like, no, my family's done. My family will never show up in my art again. They've been, yeah, they've been, yeah, they're getting a break. My family's getting a break. Yeah, yeah. That's good. Yeah. Well, what do you, I mean, I mean, you kind of do a show about telling us about what you've learned about this.

But I mean, outside of that, I mean, what would you want people to take away from just kind of your, you know, I mean, you're young, you know, but, you know, what you the path that you followed up until now? What would you like people to take away from it? Well, gosh, yeah. I guess maybe twofold is like really trying to get good at trusting your gut and following your gut because choosing your gut over fear, I think has, yeah, if I could look back, I was just so scared to take some of those leaps. And it was like, no, it's okay. Your gut knows what, it's okay. Fear is normal. If you're feeling fear, that's okay.

And the importance of community and people. You can't go it alone. You need friends and you need people in your life who you love and who love you and who you look forward to seeing that's fully outside of anything you're doing or creating that you can just be yourself with them. I think that's like something maybe we take for granted when we're younger, when you have so many like family and friends you've known for so long. It's that's something I think that really is still important in adulthood. Yeah. Yeah, it is. And you gotta, it's more work to keep it up. It is, it is. Cause you're not at track practice or dance or you're, you're scheduling hangs and yeah, you gotta water your friendships, but that's, that's what's, I don't know. I, yeah. Like, like we always say,

family and friends are the most important thing. Who else are you going to scream at? Who else is butting for you? Do you know where to push? Where to push and they can't leave you because they're blood. They love you. They love you. Always hurt the people who love you the most. You love you most because they're legally bound to you. They can't. They can't if they tried. They're too young. because they're legally bound to. They can't.

They can't if they tried. They're too young. Oh, well, on that note, on that warm and fuzzy familial note, thank you so much, Alyssa, for taking the time. No Bad Days is on Peacock. Now, it's a great show.

I recommend it. I insist. You insist. I recommend. I insist that you go check it out. And I hope to see you soon around campus. Yeah, yeah. Same. It's good to see you.

And thank you, all of you out there, for tuning in again to The Three Questions. I'll be back next week. Bye. I've got a big, big love for you. for tuning in again to The Three Questions. I'll be back next week. Bye. Supervising Producer Aaron Blair, and Executive Producers Adam Sachs and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Earwolf. Make sure to rate and review The Three Questions with Andy Richter on Apple Podcasts.