The Three Questions with Andy Richter - Amy Silverberg: Bad Teachers (The Andy Richter Call-In Show)

Episode Date: August 2, 2024

Comedian (and teacher!) Amy Silverberg joins The Andy Richter Call-In Show this week to talk about BAD TEACHERS! In this fourth episode of Andy’s new weekly SiriusXM radio show, we hear from callers about teachers using their students to run paid Amazon review schemes, a classroom turtle rescue mission, skateboarding instructors, and terrible essay notes - and stick around to hear a call from a listener who attended Andy’s high school! Want to call in? Fill out our Google Form at BIT.LY/CALLANDYRICHTER or dial 855-266-2604.This episode previously aired on SiriusXM’s Conan O’Brien Radio (ch. 104). If you’d like to hear these episodes in advance, new episodes premiere exclusively for SiriusXM subscribers on Conan O’Brien Radio and the SiriusXM app every Wednesday at 4pm ET/1pm PT. 

Hi everybody, Andy Richter here on the Andy Richter call-in show here on Conan O'Brien Radio. Thank you for tuning in. We've got a fun hour here. We're going to take your calls. And with me today to discuss our topic is the very funny comedian Amy Silverberg. Thank you for having me.

I'm glad you're here because you are like an expert panelist. I get, you know, usually it's just some asshole in here. You know, and, but you, today's topic is bad teachers and you are a bonafide, legit, real live teacher. I am, yes.

I'm what we call an adjunct professor. Which means like a gun for hire, right? Exactly, it means you get the least amount of respect. You get paid the least, but I can really go anywhere and teach, and I teach like college and adults and. I mean, how do you arrange like going, like what's the placement where you're like, cause you're not like a substitute,

you're teaching full semesters, right? Yeah, yeah, it's usually when I need money and then like a dog with its tail between its legs, I have to go to every connection I have at universities and be like, do you have a class I can teach? And then I teach, and it's fun. I do feel that I'm like, not to sound corny, but giving something back.

So if standup could really sustain you, you would not teach anymore? I feel bad saying that, but yeah. I mean, I go, and if writing, I have a novel coming out, and if I go a while without needing to teach, and then I always sort of come back to it, and then I'm happy that I'm teaching, and they give me a lot of material. the kids are funny, they're kooky.

Yeah I imagine there's yeah it's not like bartending. No, no, no, no. I get paid to read and write and talk to people about reading and writing. And what's been your experience with bad teachers? You know and on the college level you get some tenured people who it's very hard to get rid of them once they're in there. And I know some professors, they've been using the same syllabus since the 1900s. They're showing just videos of, I'm nervous that this will be, I was going

to say a story of a guy at USC. But you know, they're just some people, they're- I understand, you can't be two, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They're showing things on tape that they've been showing for 50 years and maybe have nothing to do with the subject. Right, right.

Just kind of their personal interest. Exactly, yeah, no, it's a ego boost to be there. But they have things like Rate My Professor, you know Rate My Professor. Yes, yes. And where people can rate their professors. And they actually just took off the chili pepper, which that used to indicate that your professor was hot.

Oh. And they took that off. And I'm upset about it, because I was like, I got a PhD to be sexually objectified. And I know that they took it off, because I keep rating myself. I'm like, this is awesome. Did you ever get a chili pepper? Yes, I And I know that they took it off because I keep rating myself. I'm like, this is awful. Did you ever get a Cheney Pepper?

Yes, I did. Oh, that's nice. And then they took it off, and I was like, what the hell, you know? Well, that's, I mean, you know, it is kind of a, like I remember, I went to University of Illinois, I went to University of Illinois and then Columbia College for film school,

but the first two years, U of I, and I had a teacher who was like a very groovy teacher, and I don't even remember, but it was like pop culture. It was like TV and comic books and all kinds of shit, and that guy was fucking students all the time. Oh, and as a female, the kids always fall in love with their English teacher, and then I always find out that they're gay, so, you know, it's like,

of course you were in love with your English professor and then I always find out that they're gay. So, you know, it's like, of course you were in love with your English professor, you know. Well, apparently this guy was not gay. He was actively exercising his not gayness as much as he possibly could. Yeah, they're trying to crack down on that. Yeah, yeah, and it really is weird because it is like that weird thing of like,

well, you know, these are adults, legally adults, and they have agency, but do they really? And you're in a power structure. I mean, I find this, I will say, you get the football players at USC, and you're like, this guy looks like he could be my father. He looks so much older than me. And then they're sitting next to a 19 year old who looks 11. And it's

like a very big gap. Range. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And do you ever think about sleeping with them? You know, I don't. I try not to. In case the Dean's listening. I don't. That's right. He calls in. Don't worry. The Dean's not listening. I did have a student, he put up an Instagram photo shirtless after my class with the caption, shout out to at Amy Silverberg for teaching me

everything I know. And he was holding a book of poetry. And I was like, this kid wants to be fired. Like, what are you doing? Wow. And I had to comment. Or he wants a good grade. Yeah, you know, I was just like,

I didn't teach you that book. Right, right. He was holding a book of poetry by Bogwon. Oh, yeah. That's the cult leader from Wild Wild. Right, right, exactly. I was like, I didn't teach you that book. Right, right. He was holding a book of poetry by Bogwon. Oh yeah. That's the cult leader from Wild Wild. Right, right, exactly. I was like, I didn't assign that. Yeah, well you obviously got him to show his tits.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, well, my experience with bad teachers is just, you know, the middle school gym teacher who used to, who had a pet gymnastic student, a girl, and she used to demonstrate moves and he would show you like the arch, like here the way her back is arched and you gotta get this curvature, just hands all over.

I think gym teachers are notoriously bad. I never even understand how you become a gym teacher. It just seems like something you kind of waltz in. Yeah, well you like take gym class in college, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I guess you sort of learn human anatomy or something, but then it's like, I mean I could tell kids, okay today it's dodge ball, you know what I mean?

That's pretty much- Don't they often tell kids, okay, today it's dodge ball, you know what I mean? That's pretty much. Don't they often also teach sex ed, which is creepy? At ours it was driver's ed. Driving, okay. It was driver's ed and gym teaching. And he did actually, we would stand there and we knew what was happening.

It's like, you know, like, oh, this is creepy shit. Even if you don't have the words for it when you're a kid. Yeah, yeah, yeah, like your fifth or sixth grade, and you're like, I don't think he should be touching her that much. And then I think it was like a year or two after I was out of middle school,

he got fired for throwing a kid down the bleachers. Oh my God. Well, and I feel like in, you know, 20 years ago, whatever, really hard to get a teacher fired. They would just keep going to new schools and then left a trail of like throwing kids. Yes, yes. All right, well, let's get to the callers.

I mean, that's what we're here for. It is the call-in show after all. We've got a first, we've got Caitlin from Texas. Hello, Caitlin. Hi, is this Andy? It is Andy. Have you called before, Caitlin? Oh, hi, how are you? No, but I follow you on Blue Sky.

Oh, cool, okay. So I'm on YouTube. I like you calling and saying, is this Andy? It could be anyone. It could be. Well, I could be like a screener, like one of the many steps of like, of entourage that

you have to get through before you get to me, which is there's no entourage, there's just me. Well, Caitlin, tell us about your bad, you've got me and Amy here, tell us about your bad teacher story. Yeah, well, I think Amy might appreciate it because I think you're a creative writing teacher. I am. Okay. Well, I have so much respect for your profession, but my story is about a really bad creative

writing teacher. I was a senior in college and my friends and I were all English majors and we were super, super pumped to spend three hours every Wednesday in the computer lab writing. We thought it was going to be great, but our instructor hated the class. She did not want to come to the class. She wanted to write Amazon reviews because somebody was paying her to do that. So you know she would bring us like various pencils to Smith and say how would you describe this in a review? And that kind of thing. So-

Wait, you were having to write the reviews for her too? Also, how do we get paid to write Amazon reviews? I don't know. See, she wouldn't have us write anything. We did not write anything at all that entire semester. She would just bring us things kind of like a focus group if she showed up at all. And so when she didn't show up,

which was about three fourths of the time, she'd always have a really crazy excuse and she'd show up at the end and say like, I'm sorry to be like covered in axle grease and wearing a silk dress and say like, something terrible happened to me on the way here. So one day she sent us an email to say, I'm so sorry, I can't come to class

because I have the chicken pox. And even though she's made our lives really, really difficult all semester, we're English majors, we're a compassionate people, and we feel really bad for her. So she says, but the good news is there's a visiting professor and he said he's willing to fill in for me today. So he's going to hang out with you guys. So we're like, okay, whatever. You know, it's not like we do anything in this class anyway. So this guy comes in like wearing an actual tweed jacket with the elbow patches and the Warby Parker frames. And so he comes in and he has like a little statue and he says,

hey, so you guys are writers. That's cool. And he just hangs out with us for two and a half hours. And we're sort of looking around like, well, okay, we might as well do this. And he leaves and we're all thanking him. And suddenly our instructor shows up and she is notably like not sweaty or pimply or anything and she's like, ha ha ha ha ha. I got you guys. I don't really have the chicken pox. And she was really, really proud of herself, but we could not work out why that would be an accomplishment. Because if your idea of a great prank is pulling one over on a bunch of English majors, that just seems super sad.

A notoriously gullible group. And also, like, a prank is... That's not a prank. That's like if you walk into a room full of people and go, my aunt died and they all go, oh no, we're so sorry. You go, ha ha, fuck you. My aunt's just fine. You know, it's like, what are the, why would you doubt that?

What was the guy a professor of or do you think he was like a talented Mr. Ripley type, just a guy in a Tweet? I can see you in a Tweet jacket. He is. Well, that's a really good question because actually we found out it was her second husband and he was not a professor. He was a computer technician who did not work for the school.

And so he'd been using like an assumed name and he'd come in and introduce himself and say, you know, these are my credentials. But no, he was not in the profession at all. I'm sure he was very good at what he did, it just didn't apply to the class. That's a kind thing for you to say. Yeah. I'm sure he's good at the thing he was trained for. Did you, did this teacher, did you like try and get this, the teacher, not the husband, but the teacher, like to not be fired is what I'm saying. Well, you know, at one point, this is right around midterm, I became concerned

because she had sent us an email about 30 minutes into the class period to say, hey, I won't be going to class because today is an independent study and it's actually a class-wide scavenger hunt and the thing I want you to find is paper and This woman is really our class You know, so we're kind of looking at each other like a Scavenger hunt is typically a little bit more detailed. There's a little mystique and paper. We're in a computer lab

That's not really doing a lot. So at that point I had I mentioned to the head of the department like this is my first ever creative writing course. I was wondering if you could give me like your sense of what the expectations might be and she was not pleased. So this is right after midterm. Our instructor disappears. And when she disappears, they bring in a substitute.

And he's like, okay, show me what you guys have done so far. Like, what have you accomplished in this class? And all it could tell him was, well, we smelled some pencils that she was reviewing for Amazon. And that was about it. Wow. That turned into a murder mystery, the fact that she disappeared. That she was reviewing for Amazon and that was about it. Wow That turned into a murder mystery the fact that she disappeared never to be heard from again, but still you're It's also making me think about how you can't trust those Amazon reviews you can't they might be written by students under duress

All right. Well Caitlin, thank you for calling. Yeah, thank you for having me. All right, and we will move on. Let's talk to Kendall from Louis. Well, it says from LA. Is that Los Angeles or Louisiana? Los Angeles. Los Angeles.

All right. I think you could have put on an accent and bid from Louisiana. I actually thought about it for a second. That's alright. I was like, what would it like to be? I just, I'm bad at it. If I had said like Boston or something, maybe I could have done that bad thing. Well, that's fine.

Well, Kendall, under your name, it says chemistry. So you had a bad chemistry teacher? Yes. I actually, I was never surprised by Breaking Bad because I experienced enough of it. But I'm like, oh yeah, that doesn Breaking Bad because I experienced enough of it. I'm like, oh yeah, that doesn't seem too far-fetched. I had a chemistry teacher who was late to class almost every day. And then sometimes he was so late that we had to go down to the office to tell them

that our teacher hadn't shown up yet. And then we had to wait for a substitute to show up and then he would come in. And one time he was riding a skateboard to class and he actually got it confiscated by a vice principal. Oh no, yeah, he was cool. But like he was also like not there. Like he was gone and like, yeah, this was high school. Yeah. I went to high school and like we, I had like, we had a bunch of really cool science teachers who were like, you know,

science is fun and look at all this stuff. And then we had like this science teacher who like couldn't high school and like we had like, we had a bunch of really cool science teachers who were like, you know, science is fun and look at all this stuff. And then we had like this science teacher who like couldn't show up and like was the running joke about him not being there. And like, I actually, I got in trouble because he had a turtle in the classroom and I used to take care of it because I had turtles at home, like, cause I was into that. And I took one of the turtles home because he was gone so much that I would just come in every day and have to clean out the tank because it was a mess. And so I took it home to just keep it clean and clean out the tank.

And then the next day or the day after that when I came back, I found out he was freaked out about the turtle being missing so much that he was like, I'll offer a reward. I'm so like, I don't know. Somebody took my turtle. It's so sad. And I like, my friends actually blame me for his downward spiral. Like, I think like in 2011. Yeah, like I, I'm actually a monster really. Um, but so when he, we graduated in like 2002 and our 10 year reunion was about like 2010 or so like close to then.

Um, and we were watching the news just like randomly, like, cause we were outlaid and came home and so we just had the TV on and I actually heard on the TV, like I just heard like little bits and then all of a sudden I heard such a Dutch project, like his last name, like gas station knife point. I was like, wait, what? We like rewound it. like, gas station knife point. I was like, wait, what? And we like, rewound it.

And it turned out that he had robbed a 7-Eleven in Cine Valley and like, had been arrested and had all of that stuff like, dealt with too. And we actually checked because we weren't sure it was the same guy. And it turned out it was. And yeah, like that was exactly when everybody was like, see, you should never have taken that turtle home.

Because- Wow, that began a spiral. Can I ask a quick turtle question? I bet you're going to ask the same question I am. What were you going to ask? How did you get the turtle home? Was that the same question? So I kept it in a little...

What was your turtle question? I just have a kind of overarching turtle care. Okay. I like turtles and I always have thought maybe I would like to own a turtle. Right. Are they difficult to take care of? That was your question? No, no.

Not really. It's actually creepy to be an adult woman who lives alone with a turtle. Yeah, no, they're actually pretty easy. I think they're easier than fish because you don't really have to put so much stuff in an aquarium with them and it's kind of nice and you literally don't have to do that much to clean it, which is a part of why that was so frustrating because literally like it's like like turtles are like cats of the sea basically like you only have to like scoop out some poop every so often if

you do then the tank is fine and yeah I like just walked out yeah no I I am and like everybody was like was that turtle-shaped thing in your pocket. I just put it in my pocket and I just walked out. Yeah, no, I am. And then everyone was like, what is that turtle-shaped thing in your pocket? And I was like, nothing, I don't know. I'm glad to see you. I kept it in a little container in my locker and then checked on it between classes. And then I just rode the bus home with it

and then just kept it in my tank for a little bit. You're like a hero. I think I kept it for like a year or so. Thank you, that's what I try to tell my friends. But little bit. You're like a hero. I think I kept it in there. Yeah. See, thank you. That's what I try to tell my friends. But for turtles. Literally one of my friends, he told his wife this story. And when she first met me, she's like, oh yeah,

you're the guy that stole the turtle. And I'm like, I'm a hero. Are you kidding me? No, you intervened. You're like turtle protective services. I have some real, I think my clearest memories from elementary school are the pets, you know? There was a snake.

Yeah, exactly. And like, yeah, you have like, it's how you learn like adult responsibility and stuff. And like, we were all like, you know, we were all like crazy teenagers who didn't care about anything, but I at least cared about like turtles for that, like for the time. And yeah, my camera teacher actually I was even more, he was

even more like my less favorite one because all that stuff that I did, including taking care of his turtle, and he like explained how he had to give me a C in the class instead of a B and I felt kind of bad because I kind of unloaded on him. I'm like dude, you're the teacher that doesn't show up to everything and you're telling me that I didn't do good enough for your class? Like that really hurts, man. Like I thought we were cool. Like what the hell?

And that like also contributed to a spiral, I'm sure. Like I don't know. We had a snake in my third grade class and just passed away. And I, yes. And that teacher, third grade teacher is a conspiracy theorist and I do of course follow her closely on Facebook. Oh, see, yeah. teacher, third grade teacher, is a conspiracy theorist, and I do, of course, follow her closely. Sure. On Facebook.

You gotta. You gotta. It all tracks her. Yes. Yeah, that's like, you need to watch out because that teacher might be in the news pretty soon. Like, you might see them in orange. I bet. Yeah.

She's a little low. You lose like some kind of like scaled animal and you're just gonna, you're gonna go bad real fast. Well, thank you for your turtle good work in the world. Yeah, yeah, for your turtle fostering. Well thank you, Kendall. Yeah, I'm happy to do it. I'm always a turtle advocate. Thanks so much, I love you guys. Thanks very much.

Go save another turtle. ["The Lion King"] You're listening to the Andy Richard Collins show on Conan O'Brien radio. I'm here with Canadian, that's like a Canadian comic. I wish. You're a comedian, Amy Silverberg. We're talking bad teachers. You know in this I remembered another bad teacher.

I had a French teacher, talked French, it was the first class of the day, and she was also kind of a little religiously kooky. And she came into class late one day, crying her eyes out, and she couldn't speak for minutes. And we're like, what's, and it wasn't a very big class. And we're like, what's, what's, what's going, why are you, and she're like, what's, and it wasn't a very big class. And we're like, what's, what's, what's going,

why are you, and she finally like gathered her composure and then said, there's this movie and it's this movie, and I think it was called either like J-O-N-I, like Johnny or Joni. A French movie. No, it was, it's an American movie and it's a religious movie about a woman with no arms who becomes a painter with her mouth.

And she tells us about this story and how important it is and how, and we're like, oh, okay, and you're sobbing about it. And then late, she calmed down, we started learning some French, and then later in the class somebody said, like, did you just see that movie this morning like why was it so and she said oh I actually haven't seen

it yet I just read about it and we were just like and she she actually did she was let go well and I'll be honest there are some semesters of mine when I know I haven't been my best you know I went a breakup, then I'm asking the kids, have they ever gone through a breakup? How do I get over it? Really? Oh yeah, and then later I'm like, I shouldn't have talked to the students.

But it's like creative writing. I got an evaluation that was like, Amy's fun, talks about breakups. I was like, this is humiliating. I hope nobody, I was like one of those breakups where you're telling even the person sending you to collections, after you're talking about it constantly.

And you know, I was like, write about your breakups. And they're like, we don't have them. Right, right. Yeah, that's the good thing about being a creative writing teacher, I imagine, is that virtually any topic. Anything you're going through, you can make it into, you know. Right, right.

You guys, do you guys have problems shoplifting, like compulsively, where you guys have problems shoplifting? Like compulsively where you can't stop stealing? Yeah. All right, let's go back to the phones. That's why we're here. Chris, from Franklin, Massachusetts. I hope that's not too specific for you, Chris. No, it's totally fine. Okay, because that's where you're from. That's what they tell me. That's right. How are you doing? Tell us about the bad teaching experience you went through that you're probably still reeling from. I'm just saying that to up the stakes. Sure, absolutely. So I went to college for journalism and it was my senior year and

unfortunately I had to take a public relations class as part of this journalism requirement, which is funny because the two are completely different, but it was a requirement and so I was taking this class with this kind of grumpy old professor and he gave us an assignment about apathy on college campuses. He had written, heard, or read some article and he decided to give us this assignment. And so I wanted to do well on the assignment and so I spent a lot of time thinking about it and trying to give a nuanced approach to why college students at that time were kind of being more apathetic. And I talked to my mom about her experiences growing up in the 70s and what it was like

in college campuses then. And I wrote this whole essay, and the professor absolutely tore it apart, and it was just this long screed at the end of my essay where he wrote all about why I was so completely wrong and then at the end he wrote and I'll never forget it I find it hard to believe you will succeed at anything much less journalism good luck Wow! Journalism a profession famously um doing great not having any sort of famously doing great. Not having any sort of issues. No problem.

Yeah, how could anyone be bitter in the teaching journalism? Well, yeah, but he was just teaching PR or something, wasn't he? No, that's such a cool... Also, as someone who writes a lot of things in the margins of my students' papers, I can't imagine saying something so cruel. And obviously not true, because you sound great. Well, thank you. And by the true. Because you sound great. Well thank you.

And by the way, I heard you on a podcast last week and you were fantastic as well. So kudos to you. Thank you. Well there you go. You got a fan. This is the guy I paid. Well Chris, are you a journalist now? Not anymore, but I was for several years.

I wanted to go into sports writing and I ended up being published in Sports Illustrated and ESPN. Oh nice. So I ended up doing okay. And why did you stop? A lot of reasons but I ended up finding a great job actually on a college campus. I now build websites for a medical school. Oh nice. That's good.

Can I ask a Sports Illustrated question? Sure. Who gets to a Sports Illustrated question? Sure. Who gets to interview the swimsuit models? Is that like a coveted byline? I think it's a more coveted job to take the photos. Photographer them. Yeah, yeah. That makes sense.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's amazing that that still exists. I know. It really is. With all the naked bodies you can get on, like, the little box that you carry in your pocket. Well, and there used to be really great, I mean, I know people said this as a joke,

but I also think it's true, great articles in Playboy. Yeah. And I feel, does Playboy Magazine actually even still exist, or is it all? I'm not even, I honestly don't know. I can't imagine that didn't suffer from. I know. Can't imagine Play playboys doing great after

Porn hub and only fans well you can't look at porn in Texas these days, so who knows we might be back to dirty books Well alright Chris well, I mean did you did it was like did you do any Have any actions after this guy said that cuz I mean I seem, that would seem to be something like you could report to a dean or something. Yeah, I talked to the department head who I knew pretty well. I had a lot of classes with him and he ended up telling me that the whole reason this professor was being so ornery was because he had just been denied tenure.

And so that kind of put things in perspective a little bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I also feel like there used to be a thing, I don't think is as common anymore, at least in graduate school for creative writing. People wanted to write short stories and novels. And there'd be some ornery professor who would be like, look at the guy next to you.

Look at the woman on the other side of you. Neither of them will succeed. This industry is so hard and you probably don't have what it takes. Like just this whole thing of kind of trying to talk you out of it. And I had professors who would like tear up your short story in front of you and like stomp on it.

Just this site. And it did feel like when you got out of it, like you had gone through bootcamp and you wanted to say to yourself, this made me a better writer. And in retrospect, it's like, no, it didn't didn't you could have just been you could have given me constructive criticism and been yeah Yeah, no this they were working something But they love they love that look to the left of you and look to the right of you those people aren't gonna make it

Right. It's like what are we going in this it is kind of big. I've seen that like I think it's this idea of like, anyone thinks they can be a writer. It's like, come on, it's not rocket science. We're not going to war. Yeah, and also it's like, yeah, you're teaching. Yeah, and also that person, definitely, their life isn't quite where they had pictured. Yeah, where I went to film school,

the idea was that you were being taught by actual professionals. And then you get in there and it's like, yeah, kind of. Yeah. Creative writing's a bit better. It's like actual novelists will be teaching you, but the ones who are nicest to you are usually the most successful, which is interesting. Right. Cause they're not. Shout out to Amy Bender, my mentor. Way to go Amy Bender. All right. Well, Chris, thank you for calling. Thanks so much guys. All right. Thank you. All right, well, Chris, thank you for calling. Thanks so much, guys.

All right, thank you. All right, next we have Kevin from Long Beach calling in from the LBC. How's it going? Don't hold it against me, please. I don't. I don't at all. My in-laws live in Long Beach.

My mother and father-in-law live in Long Beach. It's a beautiful place. I like the in-laws live in Long Beach. My mother and father-in-law live in Long Beach. It's a beautiful place. I love Long Beach. I love Long Beach. Yeah, we go there a lot. So tell us about your... I'm a little scared to listen to the show because I am currently a teacher myself. I'm about to tell a bad teacher story. I'm hoping that the next call isn't like one of my former students. I hear that.

That might not go well. Listen, I should have prefaced this too by saying because I did get some when I announced this topic online I did get some people saying you know teachers are under fire right now they're you know they're a bit under attack in today's and maybe this isn't and I just thought yeah but come on. I think this can be said with love. Right exactly and I mean my brother and sister-in-law are teachers. I love teachers. Most teachers are great. It's also so much less funny to call in about the teacher that changed your life. Right exactly. We're not interested in that. Who cares? And that's why none of my students are calling in. Right because that's all you do is change lives for the better. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, talk about my breakups.

That's probably the same for you, Kevin. No, don't worry. No one's going to call in except to say, he changed my life. Yeah, I'll consider this a safe space. Yes. So what happened? And what do you teach? Well, I currently teach middle school. Oof, you're doing God's work. Yeah, that's rough.

I've learned as people talk about their various teacher stories, it kind of depends on what your specialty is and what your comfort is. My wife has been a preschool teacher and preschool director for decades and that she would not want to walk into my classroom, no amount of money would do it. I'm kind of the same way. I don't want to walk into a preschool classroom. Junior high, so what a pivotal moment. It is.

And we joke that preschoolers and middle schoolers are similar in many ways. Their bodies are changing. They're learning to push boundaries. They're learning social norms. They're going through all the same sort of things at the age of 12 and 13 that they are at Force so, you know

Yeah slave to their body's development Yep, so so what happened to you my night My nightmare story at the time I think all of us in high school thought it was funny and that was I had an economics teacher who was fully tenured and just didn't care. And as a result, he would show up, our class was immediately after the morning break, and he would show up into the class just stoned, just beyond stoned. And if we were lucky, he would press play on a video before he passed out in class. Wow. That's if we were lucky he would press play on a video before he passed out in class. Wow.

That's if we were lucky, yeah. If we weren't then he would ramble on. He sounded almost like George Carlin, if that's the only way my mind can picture him, but George Carlin, you know, was lucid. Right. Maybe he was a stand-up comic. Maybe he was going out. I took an econ class.

Sorry, go ahead. I was just going to say, you know, later on in life when I found myself in credit card debt, I used to think back that maybe I could have learned something with an actual economics teacher. What were you going to say about that? I was going to say I took an econ class in summer school and we used to order pizzas that would come through the window. The pizza guy would come to the classroom and we'd open the window and he'd. So I also, I remember learning one thing in econ,

tinstaffle, do you know what that is? There is no such thing as a free lunch and that is the only thing I've retained from econ. Oh wow. I don't even, I don't think I ever took an economics course which is why I'm desperately broke. Supply and demand, that seems to be the thing they say. Well, was there any repercussion?

I mean, do you think that the, this is in high school, right, you said? Yeah, that was in high school. And as I said, the repercussion is at the time we basically knew we would get A's as long as we didn't rat them out. I see. You know, that was kind of the deal.

He was like winking at you. I don't remember if it, yeah, yeah, I don't remember if it was ever said out loud, but that was the basic idea, the understanding was that, and like I said, at the time in high school, we all thought it was great, and then later on, I'm thinking, well, I don't know anything about investments, I don't know anything about how to save money,

or, you know, so I'm in college, and if you're in college, you get 20, 30 mailings a day about credit cards, apply for a credit card, okay, sure, you know, and sort of what I college you get 20, 30 mailings a day about credit cards, apply for a credit card, okay sure, you know, sort of what I did and yeah. I do feel like they should spend more time teaching you that even in, you know, because I remember, I still get confused about that, kind of like where's the money going? I know in middle school the basics of the stock market. At the end of the year, I have my students track stocks

where they invest money, you know, and they go through the process. And I tell them this story, even though it's not necessarily a middle school appropriate story. I'm like, I had a high as a kite teacher, didn't teach us anything. So I wanna make sure, you know,

in case you get that high as a kite teacher, you have the basic stuff. Right, right. Exactly. And don't do drugs, kids. I mean, you know in case you get that high future you have the basics down. Right, right. Exactly and don't do drugs kids. I mean you know. Yeah. At least you know at least tell everybody that I told you not to do drugs. Thank you for doing the Lord's work. This was back in the days when it was not lately. Yeah, yeah, I'm sure. Alright well thank you Kevin. Thank you very much for the call. Yeah thank you guys good talking to you. Alrighty. I

Want you in you're listening to the Andy Richter calling show. I'm Andy Richter. I got Amy Silverberg over here We're talking bad teachers and if you ever want to come on this show You can always give us a call at 855 266 2604 Or fill out our Google form which you can get on all my social media stuff. If you're listening to this as a podcast, it's in the description, etc. etc. We got another call coming in. We've got Ryan from Los Angeles. Hello, Ryan. Hey, hi. How's it going? I'm actually Kevin's former student, so I have a lot to say about him.

Nice. No, but I'm, yes, I actually have a crazy, maybe unique story. I had a doppelganger who followed me from elementary school through high school and confused all the teachers, and he was very misbehaved, and I would usually get blamed and punished

for everything he did. Did he have your name? Yeah, or is this, are you insane and is this you? Just- It's a fight club. Yeah, yeah, is it a fight club thing? Yeah. Spoiler alert, by the way.

He's in the purple lane with them. No, he had a different name, but he just looked like me all the time. And I even grew my hair out in high school, but then he grew his hair out. So I was still getting punished for things he was doing. And you were in the same grade? Yes. Do you know what's become of him?

He's like fucking your wife. Yeah, he could be going in, I don't know. He could have been stealing my girlfriends in high school, I wouldn't know. But he didn't look that much like me in my opinion, but to all the teachers, he could be going in, I don't know, he could have been stealing my girlfriends in high school, I wouldn't know. But he didn't look that much like me, in my opinion, but to all the teachers, he did. I remember the principal once called me over when I was in third grade, which is really scary, and she said, like, you've been misbehaving

this whole class, I've been observing. And I was, I remember, that was when I realized, like, oh, people think I'm him. And it got to the point where- Did you think he was less attractive than you? Cause that would have pissed me off. Were you like, I don't look like this guy? Yeah, exactly.

I mean, I'm like, I look way better than this guy. Yeah. In my opinion. Yeah, but in high school, the sheriff called me in one time and they said, hey, someone pooped on the floor in the men's bathroom. And we have footage of you leaving the bathroom around that time.

What town was this that they called the cops based on a poop? Well, we had a sheriff in the school and I had to go to the office. I thought they were like, 911, we got to shit. Code Brown, Code Brown. Yeah. So they said they would DNA test the poop, so maybe he got in trouble for it, I don't know. That's insane.

Now, did you know this kid? Like, did you try to foster some sort of relationship with him at all? Yeah, he was very nice to me. Maybe not to the teachers, but to me, he was very nice. So we got along well, and I never really told him that, hey, I think I'm getting blamed for all your stuff because I'm afraid he would have done more bad stuff thinking why I get away with it. Did he agree

that people were confusing him for you or was he like that's never happened to me? I feel like he did I feel like he knew that too I never did anything bad so I assumed he was being rewarded for things I did but But it haunted me for all this time. Well, he's not, I mean, I don't mean to be a stickler here, but he's not a bad teacher, you know? And the teacher, you can't blame the teachers. You know? No, no.

Walk around with a doppelganger. They're not paid enough to differentiate between two individual students. And I just wanna reiterate, there's nothing worse than someone saying, oh, I met someone who looks just like you, and then seeing them and being like, this is a troll. Oh, oh, it's terrible. This is a hag, a hideous hag.

If it's a small woman with a raspy voice, everyone's always like, I met your twin, and I rarely am happy. It's rare. People online will say, they'll find some old photo and it's me and it's always like some horrible fat baby faced man. And it's just like.

Oh, that they're saying like this guy looks like you. Yeah, hey look it's you from the 30s. And it's just like, ugh, you mean that toddler man? Ugh, this is what people see. And Ryan, I bet you are more attractive than that guy. Yeah, fuck that guy. Well, yeah, thank you. Well, now that I'm an adult, people

say I look like Jared Kushner. So I'm afraid Russians are going to get mad at me. Oh, boy. Was it Jared Kushner? Oh, you know what? Yeah. Wow, because he does misbehave. Tough to look like someone who's a bad,

or to have a similar name. My mom has a friend named Monica Lujinsky. That's just wild. What a name, right? Oh boy. Yeah, and that one was in her seventies, so she's had that name for a long time. Right, right, right, exactly.

They can't, yeah, they can't expect her. It's not like a porn name she created. Yeah, yeah. Just wanted to reiterate that. But't, yeah, they can't expect her. It's not like a porn name she created. Yeah, yeah. I just wanted to reiterate that. But I bet Bill Clinton would still hit on her. Well, Ryan, thank you for calling. And, you know, beware of your doppelganger. He might still be out there.

Yeah, he's lurking around. Thank you so much. All right, next caller, we got Rich. He's got a story about grad school. And how's it going? Good, how are you? Hello? Good, good, good.

So this is, I gave a little background. I was bullied by teachers a lot of my life. To a point that I became a teacher to help other kids not have to deal with it. I'm a psyched-out teacher. I worked in psych. I taught at a, I taught for two and a half years at a psych hospital as a teacher in a psych ward. That was great. Oh, wow.

And so anyways, I look at mean teachers as bullies more than mean teachers. And I feel like there are people who didn't have a good childhood and trying to erase them from kids or they're just to kind of like make sure they're an asshole to kids so they don't have a good childhood. Yeah, yeah. Anyway, we had a student teacher as part of my master's program and I'm in an elementary school and I'm in a classroom and the teacher is like old school me. Like just you walk in there, you're just scared to do anything.

And again, I'm in the class, I'm sitting at a kid's desk and I'm surrounded by 11 year old. It felt like a nightmare you have, you know, before you student teach or, you know, while you're in school and kids in front of me and the teacher goes, you know, the have, you know, before you shouldn't teach or, you know, while you're in school, and kids in front of me and the teacher goes, the other kid, help me doing your work, you better be doing your work. And I felt really bad. For the kid, I said, Oh, I'm sorry, she did it the next week. And I really she had been yelling at me both those times. So I'm in

the classroom being yelled at, what am I doing right from a teacher might delete my my,, my, the teacher was, I was a student teacher of, and it's again, it's just having a nightmare. I'm like, how am I being, I'm being yelled at in a school with like 11 year olds next to me. And I went to talk to her, it's a miscommunication, what am I supposed to be doing?

We arranged it, we said it again. I wasn't teaching that because I thought I was, I had to be like observing, it was very confusing. So I'm finally teaching in the front of the classroom and apparently I'm doing it wrong and she's in there and she's like yelling at me while I'm teaching. And I had to quit because if I didn't, I was gonna take a pencil and stab her in her face.

I was just gonna lose it. Like I would not hurt somebody, but I was like, if I don't leave this room, I'm gonna go. Because I had teachers like that as a kid and it was like triggering already. So you were being observed teaching, correct? Basically I was a student teacher and because of my school kind of doing something wrong instead of having one teacher at three and they didn't know what was there, so it was kind of a bad situation. But either way I was student teaching, right.

So I was in a classroom supposed to be teaching, observing a teacher and also, you know, running the class at certain point. Yeah, that's the difference. Well, there's nothing worse than being observed doing really anything, but especially teaching. I don't want, I hate to be observed while I'm teaching. I feel like it's a special relationship

between you and the students. I don't like someone kind of watching me. Although you're used to hecklers. Yeah. You know, you got some skills, heckler skills. That's true. Also Philadelphia, you know, had legal corporate punishment in schools until 2005. Oh, yeah.

So I think like I looked out. So I think it's kind of a thing. And so anyway, you know, I basically quit student teaching and then I had to go to a special school. I had to go to a meeting with my university and apparently I got yelled at again. What does it mean that you don't get to choose if you go to or not?

So I knew I was in trouble. And then I go to my new school and then they tell me that I caused trouble and I was put on probation. Because I, you know, because I quit, because I basically didn't like being yelled at by a teacher. I understand. Well, are you sure you're not the problem, Rich? I mean, we're all thinking it.

Are you sure it's not you? I never really, I never wanted to be a classroom teacher, to be honest, it was never my intention, but I had to go to student teaching. I understand. But it was just very weird to be in grad school and school and to be you know to have to be sent to It's a little monotony school to finish my student teaching. Oh, wow So just like I was like in grad school and I'm being I mean, you know

Like this kitchen that gets into other schools and it was just a crazy fucking experience and I have been a teacher For five years now. I like it. I did have one school wasn't the best but the where I'm at now is really good and I thought about this my whole life because you know before I was teaching I was a one-on-one with special needs kids and I can't even begin to tell you the horrible shit I saw for like 15 20 years yeah yeah well thank you for calling rich so yeah and I'm glad you guys are covering this topic. Onward. Yeah, no, no, no.

I'm very happy in the future now, and I take care of kids who I know would be bullied otherwise. Excellent. It was all good. All right. Thank you. Thank you so much. All right.

I look forward to you. All right. We got a next caller here. We have Maggie from Illinois and I understand, Maggie, this isn't necessarily a bad teacher story. Maggie? So, yeah, hi. Hi. Some of the bad teachers that I would have had may have been shared by yourself because I graduated from Yorkville High School. What the what? Hi. Yeah. What year? Hi. 2002.

Oh, see you're much younger than me. I'm a little bit younger, but I, the main point of my story is that I was a little bit obsessed with Conan Show and you at the time. Uh-oh. So. You're number one fan calling in. Uh-oh. This is gonna get weird, isn't it? So I know, I was hoping that I wasn't meant to call in

on last week for like the creep show. It might come off a little soccerish, but I think you could understand from like an ADHD perspective on like hyper focusing. So like my hyper focus was anything Conan. So when I found out that you graduated from Yorkville, I like went to the library and searched through the year books and found when you were there.

Kind of the same, I don't know. Yeah, it was because I had to go by picture really. It was like not like internet times, you know. And also I had a different by picture, really. Right. It was like not, wasn't like internet times, you know? And also I had a different last name back then too. Exactly. I did. So I'm like the back of the hair, which is- You have a full head of hair, which is-

Which is nothing. Yeah, no, it's because, and that's just because my born name was Richter, my mother got remarried, my stepfather adopted my brother and I because my mom wanted to have more kids and wanted us all to have the same name. And then after they split up, I changed my name back to Richter.

Okay, I thought you were gonna say your name was like Richterowski. No, no, nothing like that. No. When you've got a name like Richter, you know, a good German name like that, you don't want people to think that you're anything but German.

Yeah, I was Swanson. I was Andy Swanson Swanson. Oh okay so also a pretty basic name. Yeah nothing. So yeah so you did find me and you found that I have the same face which I want to say packs with Satan pay off you get you stay young forever. He's aging gracefully. Yeah it's like you, he's gonna take my soul. Okay, whatever. As long as I look good. As long as I look good. I don't need a soul.

Yeah, yeah, soul's small. You're like a real housewife. Yeah, I'm in showbiz. I can, yeah, I can get out of the cornfields of Yorkville, Illinois and end up in. Yeah, are you still in Yorkville? I am not, no, we're up towards Wisconsin, a little more like suburbian. I mean, York feels grown, kind of like crazy. So a lot has changed, but at the time I did, so I looked

at the yearbook and found like who teacher wise was there still from your days. And I kind of like asked them like many interviews like do you know him? Do you remember him? What did you think of him? You're interviewing the teachers. There was a couple that I remember if you want to know. Are you kidding? I'm a deeply self-involved man so I want to hear every second of it. That's what I was hoping for. She's preparing to write the biography of you. Yeah, yeah. Maybe? I've thought about it. So, first I struck out with Mr. A**, Coach A**. I don't know if you had him in particular.

I know who he is, yeah. He was a football coach. Okay, so he was, and he apparently gives no... He doesn't give a flying fart about anything media or TV or movies. So when I asked him, he's like, you watch too much TV. Go get out of here. Yeah, yeah, that sounds, I saw, I once,

I once saw him throw a child. I mean, and it, you know, it's a kid in high school, but I went in the library, he threw a child and knocked over three bookshelves, like three standing bookshelves. And I hope he's still teaching. Yeah, yeah. Probably, wow, okay.

So yeah, so yeah, he had a temper, I'll just say that. Yeah, I think he had eased up a little bit, but maybe it was like the well I'm done caring type of thing. Yeah, or he's old and doesn't have that child throwing strength anymore. Upper arm strength. Yeah, yeah.

Anyone with anything nice to say about Andy? Yes. Well, there were a couple other not nice ones. What were the other not nice ones? Art Hegney. Wait, no. Tell me the not nice ones. Okay, I'm cackling.

Art Hegney was the type who would give a non-answer. So I asked him, and he kind of smiled in his like Devious way and said, oh, yeah, I remember him. I taught him everything he knows So I didn't know how to take that maybe No, no he was I mean I Art Hegney was my favorite teacher of my life. He was great He's a he was an amazing teacher and I always loved him very much. So when we do a segment on best teachers.

Yes, I will say Art Hegney. Art Hegney would be on a lot of lists. Yeah, he was great. What did he teach? English. He's retired now. It's always the English teacher. English, yeah.

And I think he's retired. He was the head, I think he eventually was the head of the English department, and when he was there, they had started to do like independent study, advanced placement kind of English, and it, the whoever was the head of the English department was just like making it garbage. And I was, and I was really like, you should be head of the English department.

And he's like, just, because I actually, I'm remembering this now, I've thought about this in years. I was going to press, and I don't remember exactly how it was being mishandled, but it was the advanced placement English independent study thing was being so mishandled that it was making it useless.

And I actually asked to have a meeting with the principal about it. And Art Hegney actually asked me, because I was not gonna let it drop, and he's like, could you please let it drop? He was like, you're not helping me. Yeah, yeah, he's like, this isn't winnable, so please stop, so I did.

But I haven't thought about that in a million years. So who else said that? Shout out to Art. For my great Art Hegney class. Yeah. He was the best. He was AP English for senior year,

and he was incredible. Yeah. So yeah, thanks. See, we didn't even, that was all, that all started when I was in school in the 80s. We didn't even have that. Wow. AP English started.

AP, yeah. Nothing like that. So who said the bad stuff? All right, last thing was Mr. who I believe was a coach at the time. These names. So he was one of the ones who I think sort of got curmudgeonly in his later days.

I was probably at the tail end of his career. He was my AP history teacher. And when I asked him, he kind of dead eyed me and said, yeah, I remember him. He wasn't that special. Well, that's just a bitter old piece of shit old man. I should have been on TV. Yeah, yeah.

He wasn't that special, says the guy in Yorkville High School. Uh-huh. Yeah. I love the idea of- Special enough to move past Yorkville High School! I love the idea of someone who goes to the same high school but in a different year. Yeah, yeah. My mom went to the same high school as Kobe Bryant, and the way she talks about it, it's

like they had a relationship. They were the best friends. Exactly, and my mom's 69. Right, right, right. It's like, may a relationship. They were the best. Exactly, and my mom's 69. It's like, may Kobe Bryant rest in peace. They didn't date. They didn't know each other. And she's always like, Kobe Bryant, we what? And I mean, there's like what, 20 years difference?

Oh, more, I think. Did you fuck Kobe Bryant? I don't think so. We all did. Lower Marion in Philadelphia. So there she went to high school. Well, Maggie, I mean, have you passed through this obsession with me?

I think for the most part, but it is really great to hear your voice. I will say I'll leave you with positive feedback from, I don't know if you remember, cause I'm not sure if he was full-time teaching staff but later in later years as an adult I worked at WSTY the radio station in Plano. Sandwich Plano Yorkville. I think he might have done some exactly. I think you did a little like I don't know internship or class work there or something but anyway I happened to okay I happened to be working there with a retired teacher

who had moved back to the area. His name was Jim Wyman. And I think he did speech team as well. Yeah. So he said that you were great. You had comedic timing that was like beyond your years at the time. You were super charismatic and you always, you know, he knew you were going to go somewhere with your humor and your comedy. So that was nice well thank you and you know of

course what Andy will think about tonight as he drifts off to sleep is the guy who said he's not so special not so special my wife what do you do I'll be thinking about that as I drift off to sleep well you know Maggie thank you so much this has been a wonderful blast from the past, and I appreciate your devotion and stalking of me. I'd love for you to take an interest in me. Yeah, you're welcome. Yeah, now, yeah, become Amy's stalker.

Yeah. Yeah. Come out, come out. She's like, not interested, and I, and I, if you've heard that, I love it. I get so hyper-focused. Okay, yeah. Nice, nice.

Thank you. All right, well, Okay, yeah. Nice, nice. Thank you. Alright, well thanks, Meggie. Awesome. And I hope it's not too hot there right now. It's pretty hot, but it'll do. It's fine. We'll make it through. Alright, thank you, Meggie.

Well, that's it for the show. It's already over? I was having so much fun. It's already over. I mean, what do you want from me? It's all I have. I'm wrung dry. It's already over. I mean, what do you want from me? This is, it's all I have. I'm wrung dry. Okay, he's wrung out like an old towel.

That's right. As I said before, if you want to be on future episodes of this show, you can call us at 855-266-2604, or there's a Google form, places, you know, like I said, in my bios of social media, in the descriptions of a podcast, and Amy, who is nice enough to come in here,

although she only lives like five minutes walk away, so it was really, yeah. I'll come every day. I don't do this show every day, but enjoy. I'll come. Enjoy. You can follow Amy on Instagram, at Amy Silverberg, you still doing Twitter? I'm on Twitter, you can follow Amy on Instagram, at Amy Silverberg, you still doing Twitter? You still?

I'm on Twitter, you can follow me on everything. Are you still active on Twitter? Yeah, there's not much going on. Yeah, there isn't. I just promote things on there, but it's like, it's a bummer over there. So if you want info on Amy's tour dates, you can get them there.

She also has an upcoming book, her debut novel. Correct. I mean, debut novel. First time, long time, it's coming out later this year. Do you know exactly when? No, you know, I've been a little late on every deadline that I've had. But it will be coming out.

And if my editors are listening, I'm working hard at sweet speak. She's going straight home, don't worry. It is the story of a young aspiring writer and her relationship with a famous aging radio host. Baba Booey. Is it based in reality? No, no, no, no, it's fiction, it's all fiction, baby.

It's a fantasy about you and Baba Booey? No, no, no. Oh, I can't wait for the Howard Channel to get a hold of that one. No, it is, and I, I can't wait for the Howard Channel to get a hold of that one. Oh, no, it is. And I am a big Howard Stern fan, Baba Booey, but not as big of a fan as I am of Andy's. Oh, boy.

Well, that's a good note to go out on. Hooray for me. All right, thank you for listening. Thank you for calling. We'll be back next week with more of the Andy Richter Call-In Show. Bye-bye, and Baba Booey to y'all!