The Three Questions with Andy Richter - Aparna Nancherla: Nighttime Weirdness

Episode Date: September 5, 2025

Aparna Nancherla joins "The Andy Richter Call-In Show" this week to hear your NIGHTTIME WEIRDNESS STORIES! Want to call in? Fill out our Google Form at BIT.LY/CALLANDYRICHTER or dial 855-266-2604 with whatever you want to discuss! This episode previously aired on SiriusXM’s Conan O’Brien Radio (ch. 104). If you’d like to hear these episodes in advance, new episodes premiere exclusively for SiriusXM subscribers on Conan O’Brien Radio and the SiriusXM app every Wednesday at 4pm ET/1pm PT.

Conan O'Brien Radio Conan O'Brien Radio. Get your dialing fingers ready, because it's time for the Andy Richter Call-In Show. Hi, I'm Andy Richter. I'm the host of the show. It's not a coincidence that it's named that, because I am the host, and I chose the title. Hi everybody Yeah we're here Again

I'm here with a Parnanancherla Which is very exciting Hi hi Andy Very funny We've known each other for years Too many years really I don't know how we met I have so many people in my life

Where I'm like you are in my life And I don't know how you entered it Absolute same Yeah There are times when I'm like Wait how did we you know Maybe we were born from the same moon I don't think so

I don't think so I mean that would be we would be quite the twins quite the twins the same comedy womb Andy was a metaphor that

all right well a part of it for those of you who don't know and if you don't just get on the stick man get on the stick I've never heard that expression I'm not sure what it means

but it is an expression okay Yeah, it must be some sporty thing. A part is a comedian, actress, and writer. You've seen her in a simple favor, one and two. Unfrosted, search party, corporate, and much more. I was in corporate. I did a guest spot.

You were. Yes, you were. That was a fun show. She's the author of Unreliable Narrator, Me, Myself, an Imposter Syndrome. Oh, boy. Oh, no. Why am I even here? Oh, geez.

Oh, if I had known you're a faker. I'm a fake. But at least I'm out about it. That is true. That is a rarity. Yeah. So many people in Hollywood closeted frauds. Yes.

And if you're authentic about your fakery, that's, you know, the two things cancel each other out, I guess. And you also recently taped an hour-long special for Dropout TV. I did. Is it on Dropout? Is it available? Not yet. I believe it comes out in December. Great.

Yeah. Yeah. Dropout's great. Yeah. There's so much good funny stuff on there. I know. Yeah. I feel like they're doing all sorts of things I don't even understand.

That is true. Well, they do a lot of gaming stuff and I feel like I'm such a novice in the gaming community. No, but I feel too like I'm just, I'm 58 and I do feel like there is some comedy that has started happening that I'm like. I don't know if I get this. Am I missing it? Is there, I'm getting this? I don't notice it so much on dropout, but there certainly are things that I see. Now when I do stand-up shows and there's so many, you know, youth upcoming, up-and-coming youth on them,

sometimes I just feel like the wacky, well, not wacky, but subdued aunt that they let to a few minutes. Just to be like, remember the past? I used to do live shows and it would be sort of like a friend recommended me to call you and I'd be like sure and then I would go and everybody would be like 25 years younger than me and I'm just sitting backstage feeling like I don't know like some creepy old man at like a teen party and I just so I started to be like no unless I absolutely know at least half the people there. Oh, yeah. I can't do this anymore. Now I sort of understand why older women, you know, maybe carry bigger and bigger bags. It's because you have to have something to rifle, you know, just weed through while you're in the corner. Sure.

Some laundry to fold. Something like that. Some old photos to sort through. Sure. Yeah. Some sepia-toned pinhole camera photos. Yeah. Well, our topic tonight, today, this evening, this morning now, is nighttime weirdness.

We have, you know, different topics for each show. Yeah. And I, this kind of came like just weird shit that happens at night occurred to me and Sean, our producer and my producer. And we're like, yeah, all right, nighttime weirdness. Oh, yeah. So I guess it's kind of a catch-all. Great. I'm over daytime weirdness.

No, thank you. Yeah. Keep it for the nighttime. Do you have any good, like, weird nighttimey things that have happened? I mean, I'm just one of your classic neurotics where I feel like nighttime is when everything hits the shit hits the fan, I guess. Like, I'm like, I have COVID. None of my relationships are based on truth. Like, you know, I'm the worst person who's ever lived.

Like, that's sort of my standard nighttime programming. I'm trying to think, I don't sleepwalk. I wish I had, I grind. I'm a grinder. I think I grind more at night than in my career. Then certainly at work. Do you wear a mouth guardy thing? I actually have top and bottom.

Wow. Why? I alternate. Oh, I see. You alternate. That's actually not a bad idea. Yeah, I mean, it was probably a scam, but my dentist was like, you should really switch it up.

so you're not, you know, wearing down your teeth in the same way. I don't know. The way she explained it was like, yeah, yes, I'll pay another $900. Right, exactly, because those things are so fucking expensive. Yeah, I just have a bottom one and I am due for a new one because it is like worn down to where there's like little sharp edges on it from. And it's just when you when you do see, because when it happens to your teeth, you don't really notice it. But, you know, I was getting like little cracks, little microcracks. In your teeth.

In my lower teeth. And that was like, you got to stop that, buddy. And also I had a, this is not nighttime weirdness. This is just boring. I had, I had over time, my bite was misaligned. So I had to do invisible line for like a year and got my bite back in. But it was like I was getting to the point where I was going to be shattering my lower teeth. So it was misaligned from grinding. It was misaligned from grinding and from time and

who knows what, you know, probably, you know, some kind of drug use. Uh, I don't, you know, from my eating crack. I love to eat crack. I mean, it's really good. You got to grind it up though in those molars. Um, but yeah, I, I, when I see the mouth guard and the level of like what it was when I got it, And now it's just like, holy shit, I should, you know, I don't know. I feel like I should put, uh, I'm always fascinated by, do you feel like America invests so much in dentistry compared to other countries? Um, yes, but we have nice teeth. That's what I mean.

That's the difference, I think. Why did we decide this would be our thing? I don't know. You know, Hollywood. Everyone wants. I don't know. In America, the mouth is the window to the soul. Well, it is pretty important.

No, it is. But then I also think about how they always recognize ID corpses from their teeth. Yeah, yeah. So I'm always like, yeah, I guess we're just worried we want to make a good impression. We're very insecure about being found and identified by our ugliest snagliest feature. He was a grinder, but he caught it early. All right. We should probably go to the phones.

We got people loaded up here. 855-26-6-2-604 is the number. We are talking nighttime weirdness. I don't really have any good ones about that, except one time waking up and a cat was in my apartment. I don't know how it got in. I didn't have, yeah, just like a cat, you know. Yeah, it was just kind of like, I knew some, you know,

I woke up and I knew something was in the house. Whoa. You just heard a noise? Yeah, I just heard, I don't know what it is, Like, I will wake. There's certain things that will wake me. Yes. And I have a very large dog.

Okay. And now, and sometimes when she, and we have an old house, when she walks around the upstairs, it sounds just like a man walking around. Like, if I can't hear the click of the nails, but I hear just like, and I'm like, and I'll wake up. Like, someone's in the house. Oh, no, it's just the dog. Oh, shit. But yeah, I woke up. And I was like, just had this feeling that like something was going on.

And it wasn't a big apartment, but I just was kind of had this moment and looked. I was like, is that a cat? That's a cat. There's a cat in my apartment. And did you ever figure out how it got in? I guess I must have left the screen door open a little bit. You know, because it was open a little bit. Yeah.

And I just, I went over and sort of went like, goodbye, go away now. And it sort of left, you know, it didn't hiss or anything. It was very simple. But I don't know whether it pulled. I don't think I left the screen door. It may have pulled out a little or I don't know. I feel like I never realize how territorial I am until a stranger enters my space. Really?

Even a cat, I would be like, get out of here. How dare you? Who dare you? I remember our house had, shortly after we moved in, we found out there were rats in the wall. I guess that one makes sense to be upset about. But something about the idea of them just scampering in the walls. Yep. And could you hear them?

Yeah. Well, we have cats and they would just press themselves up against the wall like it, like it was a podcast. You know, they were like, this is our favorite thing we've ever heard. Oh, I can hear it. Yeah. Oh, at my old house, we had sort of this big old sort of shed that we turned into like a little guest house. and I was out watching TV one night and the screen door was open and I was I was like laying on a couch watching TV and a rat because it was right by the alley a rat came and like walked in the doorway and I I said hey you're not supposed to be in here like and I and after I said I was like that's what I say like it's like the rat's going to be like oh quite sorry sir like it was like it was an Airbnb guest. You're not supposed to be in here. Staff only, buddy. And he ran away.

Anyway, yeah, rats are no fun. Yeah. I mean, I know they're smart and I wish them the best. Sure. But again, it's like when it's in my home, I'm like, I don't know, guys. Disease carriers, though. They're disease carriers. Sorry. Sorry, rats. I'm going to lose all the rat listeners. I was going to make a horrible joke. about that was my name in college. Disease carrier. Oh, dear. Well, Garrett from Arizona.

Hi, Garrett. How are you? Hey there, Andy, and Apana. A pleasure and honor to speak with both of you on doing well. Thank you for having me on. Nice to talk to you. Tell us your story of nighttime weirdness. So luckily, this carried over from last week quite well from the rock music category.

So I used to playing a couple bands and got to tour around a little bit. Oh, and did you talk to us last? week? I did. I said it was at a time, but that's quite our right. That's all right, though. No, no, no. Listen, well, as long as you're filling up time, that's all I care about. This is a community, this is part of my community service this show. So, you know, the content is not deeply important. Okay, yeah. So, all right, so.

You used to play bass. Yes. Yeah, I played bass for a hardcore band out of Los Angeles called The Ghost Inside. And, you know, around that time, we were doing, you know, our tour around the country and in Canada, a van and trailer. In our first European tour, at least my first with the band, it was my first time touring in a bus. And we had just played London and we were crossing the English Channel because the next night was in Germany. I didn't typically drink on tour. I played it kind of mellow. But, you know, the vibes were right that night. And I had a couple drinks. As we were crossing the English channel in our bus, you know, kind of party vibes around. On a ferry?

On a ferry or in the tunnel? Through the tunnel. Yeah. Okay. So we'll flash forward to the morning where I wake up in my bunk, covered in puky sheets, we'll say, and then we'll backtrack just a little bit. Okay. So the night prior, we were all hanging out. You know, look, keep it interesting. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The timeline jumps around.

It's exciting. Yeah. Absolutely. Thank you. So the night prior, we were all hanging out, having a good old time. I ended up passing out in the lobby of the bus. You're falling asleep in the chair. And, of course, everyone did the appropriate thing, which is,

draw all over my face and neck with the Sharpie. Yeah, absolutely, have it coming. They eventually were like, Garrett, go to bed. You know, you're harsh in the vibes here, just being all weird and passed out. So I shuffled off to my bunk and throughout the night, I guess there's the rocking of the bus, kind of unsettled my tummy. Sadly, I have no recollection of this, but I popped out of my bunk. Directly across the hall was our singer, John, and I poked my head in his bunk. He was already asleep right now. He was not a party or didn't drink at all. But he was like, Garrett, what's up? very sleepy and confused. And I proceeded to immediately

vomit in his bunk. Oh. So, yeah. And of course, it's made all the worse, him not being a party or not being a drinker. Yeah,

yeah. Yeah. So he shoved my, uh, me and his gross sheets, which I've now become the owner of, back into my bunk. He took all of my clean sheets and my mattress and put them back into his.

So I woke up in the morning in Germany, covered in puke, not knowing what's happening, but knowing that some, something terribly terrible winter eye and I had all my sheets in a gross garbage bag excuse me and I got to do the walk of shame to the nearest laundromat in Germany. Did you have marker all over your face too? Luckily so here's the good thing. It was silver marker which is not as much not as distracting as a black marker but yes yes I did. Silver is a more tasteful marker to have

in your face. It's Germany they're they got all kinds of weird stuff going on there. It's a very strange. They love that. Yeah, they probably have... It was very consider of the guys in the band. Yes. Yes. Very nice.

Oh, well. Yeah, that's... Yes, go ahead. Yeah. Sure. So, recently, they reached out and said they were doing a big two-night show at the Brooklyn Bowl in Vegas. You know, so 3,000 cap venue. Really cool.

They asked me to come out and play a song with them just for old time sake, which is really nice. Oh, they're still an existing band. Oh, they're kicking butt right now. They're at the height of their game. Believe me, me leaving the band did not hamper their success, shockingly enough. Oh, geez. Well, I hope somebody else in there is still puking on people. You know, we can only hope, but I think they've gotten their stuff together.

So I got up to play the song, and my wife, Tara, right before I go up there, she's like, don't get up there, jump around and hurt yourself. Sure enough, eight seconds into the song, I kind of do a little jump, and I step back, and I kind of hyper-extend and drive my heel backward, and it popped my Achilles tendon on stage, which is a thing that I didn't know could happen. Yeah. So luckily I didn't fall over or pass out. And shockingly enough, my adrenaline was pounding.

So it didn't really hurt as much as I would expect it to. But it was definitely like, hey, that's weird. So I kind of limped around stage for about three minutes, but managed to finish the song. Wow. And so now did you need to be surgically reattached? Oh, yeah. Oh, the story gets better. Yeah, absolutely.

Oh, my God. There's a for that. It's nighttime weirdness. moving into surgical fun. Totally. So I have health care through the VA, a prior service member. So I called the VA once we got back home and I said, hey, I injured myself, don't know what happened. They directed me to urgent care.

They said, hey, we don't have an x-ray machine at your local clinic. So just go to your nearest urgent care. Tell them what happened. The doctor there didn't x-ray. I was like, well, there's no break. It's just a really bad sprain. And I was like, okay. So I kind of operated over the next few weeks.

This is actually about six or seven weeks, and it didn't heal. And I contacted my primary. I was like, hey, this is definitely not a sprain. And she ordered an MRI, and they found out it was a complete rupture of my Achilles tendon. And in that time, my calf muscle had receded up my leg considerably. So they were actually separated. Yeah, it was actually separated about 6.6 centimeters, I believe. So they had to do a full incision down the back of my calf.

They had to cut my calf muscle in half to drop it down and connect it with the tendon. And my surgeon actually said it was the largest incision she's ever made. Dude. Whoa. That's rock and roll. I got pictures. You let me know, Andy and Aparnet. You want pictures. No, that's all right.

Radio is a picture medium. And you gave your wife years of I told you so. Oh, yeah. What a lovely gift to give you. As if she didn't have enough. I know. Yeah. Yeah, but it's really, it's truly as a gift.

This story had so many curveballs. I ran out of reaction noises. Oh, uh, all right. Well, Garrett, thank you so much

and I hope heal up and feel better. Luckily, I'm all good now. I appreciate it. I hope you both have a wonderful day. Thank you for all evening. Thank you,

Garrett. Thanks, Garrett. 855-266-2604 is our phone number, uh, nighttime weirdness. Uh,

and if you want to tell about your surgeries, too, that's, you know, it's always interesting. Savannah from Washington. Hello. Hi, how are you?

I'm good, Savannah. Is that Washington State or D.C.? It's Washington State. I know it. And then I always feel like, I feel like when I tell people I live in Washington State, I have to say Seattle City. It feels incomplete without a state to not name that the city is indeed a city. You could just say Seattle and then it would really shortcut the whole thing. And then play the Frazier music.

Yeah, and then play the Frazier music or some grunge or toss a salmon. I think that we need to redo this whole intro. That's okay. It's really. Hey, everybody, it's Savannah from Seattle. And that's a litter of two that everyone was that. Oh, that's beautiful. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So tell us your story. What happened to you? Well, this dates back to 2013. Okay. The old days before the global pandemic, I was, um, was. looking in a newspaper archive from a newspaper out of Fort Smith, Arkansas, looking for information. I feel like this is very related to what we're talking about earlier. I should tell you what I was doing, digging around in that. I was trying to help solve a mystery. It was like

there was a John Doe, and I was, he had a lot of, clues about like the stuff that he had in his pockets when they found him in 2001 and um and they thought maybe well I can tell you briefly this is in his pocket he had a hotel key and a watch and a key ring with two keys but his wedding ring was attached to that that keychain and a straw and a pocket knife nail clipper cigarette rider 21 quarters three dimes two nickels two pennies a dollar bill is what A strong? And 21 quarters, Jesus. He was

obviously murdered at a laundromat. Well, so they found him in the river that ran through there and he was, they said his remains were mummified. He was entangled in some branches. And the estimation

was like he was in there maybe like a year. And no. But I was like, oh, he had a tattoo that said Teresa and a heart on it. And I was like, I know that, dude. I was like, this is 2000, 2000 to 2001 when it happened. I thought he'd been in there maybe a year, found him in 2001. I'm like, this is 2013.

We're in the future when we're talking about the internet. Like, I can be somebody's hero here. Let me do some digging in the police feet section of the Fort Smith newspaper to see if I can find any clues about finding him, to see if there's any information. Side note. I did help solve that. And the daughter, I posted on web flutes and the daughter had been searching for information about our missing father and happened upon my post. Wow.

And it gave me the full context. And it got in a fight with his wife. Her name is Teresa, left the kids in the hotel room, said he was going to the store and he never came back. But presumably he fell into the river. It was like, you know, whatever. Wow. Wow. Well, good for you.

giving Teresa and her kids some closure. I know. I'm like, I did something good. Yeah. This one time. I hope that. But anyway,

so this, but my good deed steered me into a news article very short from the police beat that still freaks me out enough to think about it, what, 12 years later?

Mm-hmm. You're ready for it? Yeah. Yeah. So this is from November 15th, 2000 out of the Southwest Times record, which is a Fort Smith newspaper. A Fort Smith woman received a scare but was not hurt when she encountered an intruder in her home Wednesday, according to police.

A police report states that the 52-year-old woman entered her residence on Amberwood Court at about 6.30 p.m. So we'll note, this is after daylight savings time. It's going to be pitch dark. This is 6.30 p.m. Wow. All right. It counts as night time. Sure, of course.

So 6.30 p.m. She just walked into her kitchen when she heard a man's voice whisper. I'm watching you. The voice seemed to be coming from the living room, which was unlit. The woman later told the police. The woman fled from the residence and called the police. Officers went to the residence and did not find anyone inside, but they observed that entry had apparently been made through an upper story window, according to the report. The window had been opened and scuff marks apparently caused by show. were found on the wall below the window. The report stated nothing was reported missing from the residence. Like, it's so, can you, like, the fact, it'd be just broken to, like, whisper, I'm watching you. Yeah. It didn't take anything. Yeah. It makes it even scarier.

It's an informational thing. It's just a little prank. Just want you to know. I'm watching you. Well, now every time I come into my house and, like, I'm turning on the lights, I am braced. for to hear I'm watching you. And I hope it never happens. But apparently, like, there was never any follow-up that didn't receive any, like, spooky media attention just happened.

Who knows? But, yeah. Wow. You should just leave the lights on. I know. I know. Also, that's not news. It's like, you know, women get terrified every day.

Yeah, come on. Are you saying like what a wimp she was for reporting it? No, I just mean it's standard that women are terrorized in this country. I know. In this, any country. In any country. Men are scared too. Men are scared too, but I think men are scared a lot less than women are.

Yeah, like that man was probably scared. He didn't scare her enough. Yeah, there's not a lot of women walking around or a lot of men walking around going like, some woman's going to attack me in this dark parking lot. So, yeah. True. Yep. All right.

Well, thank you, Savannah. Thanks for letting me share that. All right. Thank you. Some other people out, so I don't have to carry that around. Have a good one. And either leave the lights on or, you know, just get over it. And great sleuthing.

Move on. Great sleuthing. Yeah. And great sleuthing, yeah. Keep up the cold case work. Thanks. All right. Next up, we got Danielle from New Mexico.

Hi, Danielle. How are you? Hello. I'm good. Hi. Hi there. So this is nighttime weirdos and weirdness, right? Sure, whatever. Okay, so I'm kind of a nighttime weirdo. I, um, since I was a kid, I've had a sleep disorder where occasionally, not every night, but like once or twice a year, I will act out, like physically act out my dreams and my nightmares, right? But I have no memory of it.

So I rely on, like, witnesses, right, to tell me that this is even happening. Because if no one's there, I will just, like, wake up and think, oh, it was a normal night of sleep, right? Right. Are you, do you all, but I mean, do you ever wake up somewhere else? No, that's never happened to me. But I have woken up with, like, like, bruises or, like, scratches that I'm like, huh, did I get abducted or something? Right, right. Like, I don't know. So the funniest story that happened to me

with this, like sleep disorder, was when I was in high school. And I'm in my 40s now. So this was a while ago. But I had two of my closest friends over for like a sleepover. And my sister and I used to share our bedroom. So she's like used to my weirdness, right? But my friends like didn't know, right so this night i like apparently we were all asleep right and then like probably like at one or two a.m i just shot straight out of my bed and turned on the overhead light like waking up everyone and then i started to like frantically crawl on my hands and knees like looking for something like looking under the bed looking under my dresser like really really frantic about it and my poor friends we're like, whoa, Danielle, wait, what's going on?

What's what's happening? And I just sat up and again, my eyes are open during this. Even though I'm not really aware of it, I guess my eyes are open. So I just sat up and I said, oh, I'm looking for my knives. Oh, okay. I just went back to looking for things underneath the bed that they were all sleeping in, right? Yeah. Wow.

Wow. Did they wake you up or did they just like go, okay, I hope she finds her knives. Oh, you're right. See, that's the funny thing is like I don't know what they did. I should ask them, right? I'm still friends with them. I don't know what they did because I just woke up the next day like a normal day. Right. And they were like staring at me. Like I don't even know if they went back to sleep, to me honest. Like I was in the bed though. So I must have crawled and gotten back into the bed with them. But I don't know. Maybe they went back to sleep. But they, like, stared at me and they were like, you don't remember what happened last night. So they're not even, they're not even really aware that you were asleep. No. Wow.

No. Wow. Yeah. Wow. Well, it sounds like you're a lot of fun to shack up with. Yeah. I feel like if you have that, if you have that tendency, you don't have sleepovers. You have witnesses.

That's right. Right. That's right. You have testimonies for people to, you know. All right. Well, Daniel, thanks. Go ahead. No, go ahead.

No, nothing. I was just going to say it was something like I had, when I had my first kid, I was a little paranoid about having an episode. Oh, right. Sure. My newborn was there. Right, right. Because you're already sleep deprived.

I'm like, maybe I'm not so safe. Well, you wake up. Nothing happened. She's still alive. You wake up and find a. turkey in the crib. Where's the baby? Exactly.

She survived, though. All right, well, that's good. Good, good. Thank you. All right, Danielle. Thank you so much. Thank you. Have a good one.

All righty. 855-266-2-604 is the number here. Next up, we got Thomas from New York. Hello, Thomas. Hi, they're good. How are you? I'm doing it right. This is my first time calling.

in anywhere so apologies with my nerve oh don't be nervous don't be nervous this is you're all friends here and uh thank you for for making us for letting us burst your collar cherry oh yeah sounds good i like that's no it's actually kind of gross as it came out of my mouth i was like that's bad i shouldn't have said that i'd like to apologize to everyone i'm happy that my parents don't know serious exam exist. All right, good, good. So tell us what happened to you. All right, so just for background, my parents live in a cape house with two floors.

And growing up, my sister and I each had one of the bedrooms upstairs, mine to the right of the stairs, hers to the left. And along the front of the house on the second floor, there was a crawl space that went from one end of the house to the other, one access in my room, one access in hers. Now, my mom really loved Christmas. So this was kind of like a Christmas story, but a little spooky. She would always get more and more Christmas stuff. And then since I was the youngest, I would have to go crawling into the crawl space to get things out and put things back in.

Now, I'm a giant. So for me, it was like crawling through a triangular coffin-sized space. So I didn't really like it. So starting at my entry and halfway down the crawl space, there were boards to crawl on and a string of Christmas lights to provide light. but my sisters have had no boards, no lights. And as a kid, I never wanted to look down that way because it made me uncomfortable, maybe because I was in a coffin-sized space. I'm not sure.

Of course. But nothing that I know is stored down there. So, as I said, my mom got more and more stuff. After a while, I was like, during Christmas season, I'm not going back in there to put this back in just to take it out again after Christmas. So I piled it in front of the entryway to the crawl space. Sometimes I left the doors open, though. So it could just be residual caveman jeans, but I never slept well when the door was left open behind the boxes.

I couldn't reach it without moving all the stuff, so I had a laziness. I would just deal with it. And sometimes the vibe that my room gave off, I'm skeptical, but the vibe that it gave off was like something was standing in the middle of my room at night watching me sleep. But again, I chalked it up to like that. I chalked it up to paranoid caveman stuff. I was like, this is clearly my jeans trying to protect me from like a saber two. tigers. Right, of course. So one night I'm sleeping in my bed tiger knee style. I don't know if you know about this style, but it's probably one of the more comfortable ones. I'm on my side slash

stomach, one knee bent up, right arm under me, and left arm out slightly. So, you know, all my weight is on my right side. Okay. My bed is against the wall. So my bed is against the wall opposite my room from the crawl space. My back is to the wall. So I'm starting to try to sleep during Christmas time. when I hear fingernails on fabric on my pillowcase behind my head, where the wall is. And you'll know the sound. If you go home and drag your fingernails on any fabric really, you'll know the sound. You can do it too many thousands or anyone listening. You can just mess with them.

It'll be fun. Yeah. And then after I heard that sound behind my head, I felt something lift my right shoulder where all my weight was about an inch off the bed and then drop me. So I freaked out a bit, you know. And for some reason, some weirdly irrational part of my brain was like, hey, if this was, quote, something that just grabbed you, don't give it the satisfaction of reacting. Maybe it's just trying to get to you. So I lay there, eyes closed, pretending to sleep for like the next half hour or so.

I didn't open them, so I didn't know how much time passed. It felt pretty long, but I finally drifted off to sleep. Then another time during Christmas season, I came home late from my girlfriend's house, maybe 1 a.m. and my sister wasn't home but her door was open and lights off just darkness so I went up the stairs quietly to now wake up my parents

got to the landing and from the darkness in my sister's room I heard a masculine voice say my name now I'm Lithuanian and in Lithuanian names are conjugated according to what's happening in the sentence so my name like in Lithuanian style is Thomas but if you said something was mine

you'd say tumo or to give something to me Tamoy, so it changes. So that voice said tamai, which is how you say the name if you're calling their attention to you. So I was like, wow, a voice in my sister's room just said my name authentically. And so I freaked out, you know, walked calmly into my room with that rational part of like, hey, don't let it have a satisfaction of getting to and walked into the room and closed the door. But once I was in, I called my girlfriend, who's now my wife, she can't testify against me, but I can use her as proof if I need to. That's just happened. And I was freaking that. And I was like, someone has to be awake right now to speak to you because I'm just freaking

out. And after all that, I made sure the crawl space doors were closed. I kind of like secretly apologize to the crawl space just in case to cover my bases. And after I moved out, nothing like that happened again. But I also have a faint recollection, like very faint from when you're like a little kid, maybe five or six years old, that my parents were trying to calm my sister down. and she was like screaming saying something like her bed was moving in the night. But again, very faint recollection, and no one in the family really talks about it. So that's my strange stuff that happens at night. Did you tell your sister, hey, by the way, I just heard there's a Lithuanian in your room?

Well, no, just because I didn't want to freak her out. I'm a noble person after all. And also, I didn't want, you know, maybe I didn't want to get to. too paranoid and have like a CIA conversation outside and speak in code because what if I'm in the house and I say hey I heard this voice I pretended I didn't hear so you know you get you start going down these paranoid paths you're skeptical but then you start feeding it a little bit and then you start going ping ponging back and forth on it had there been thankfully once I moved out had there been Lithuanians in the house before

you guys well we were we're all Lithuanian in that house at the time I know I know but what I'm saying is like if it was a ghost how would a ghost know the conjugatory properties of Lithuanian? I thought because all the Christmas referencing that it was Santa. Well

Santa would know all the language. Wait, say that again? I was going to say if that was Santa, you and I are going to have a long conversation when I see him when I had to make a photo off with my topic. Yeah. But yeah, it was spooky. It's not the only spooky stuff that happened in the house,

but that was related to that call space. Well, see, that's what I mean is that it probably what, I mean, unless you just, by chance, there was another Lithuanian family there before you guys, it was probably a demon that, you know, could like read your mind and knew how to speak to you, you know, the way Pizzouzoo was like, de me, de me, you know, to the,

to the Jason Miller character, an exorcist, you know. I did like that you were like, I'm just going to not give this demon the satisfaction of reacting. That's what you would love. That's what demons love when you're like, eh. If everyone. I've said that to my friends. I've said to my friends, they're like,

hey, we're thinking about saging our house. And I'm like, okay, I'm skeptical. But I'm just saying, if you mess it up, now you're letting everything in there know that you're trying to get rid of them. Right. Just don't mess with things like that. Yes, you're, you're displaying weakness. Yeah.

See, now, but if everyone took your methodology, there would be no horror movies. It's true. Yeah, it's like, oh, here comes Jason. No, he isn't. And then Jason's like, well, fuck this guy. He's not going to be scared. I guess I'll chop up another teen. So in a way, you're saying that I have the possibility of being a hero for people.

Absolutely. Absolutely. Absolutely. You could be, yeah, you could be like a new conjuring sort of, you know, like, I don't know, maybe get your wife involved if you have a wife. Did you say you had a wife? Yeah, girlfriend who became a wife. Oh, girlfriend who, right, girlfriend who became wife. Yeah, you guys could go around and just deny spirits and demons. Yeah, just the sheer, the power of indifference. Yeah. Look, I know your daughter's on the ceiling, but just ignore it. Don't give them the satisfaction. It also works on comedians. It wants you to react. It wants you to react. She'll come down for. from the ceiling in her own time. Just ignore it.

All right, well, Thomas, thank you so much for the creepy story. Thank you. No problem. You all have a good day. You too. Next up, we got Jacob from Wisconsin. Hello, Jacob. Hi, Andy.

Hi, Aparnas. Hello. How's Wisconsin today? It's not too bad out. It was pretty hot a couple weeks ago, but it started to cool down. Nice. Well, tell us about your nighttime creepy weird story. A couple years ago, we moved into, actually it was 2020, we moved into a triplex.

And my bedroom had a small window that goes under the deck. And one night, I was awoken by this sound. And I was like, what the heck is that? I flip over and there's sand pouring out of the window. And I look out from the window into my bedroom. Yes, okay. Oh, gotcha. And I look up into the window and a groundhog is staring right at me.

Yep. And we lock eyes and it turns around and kicks more and more sand. right into my room and I'm just like how what I I can't believe this and it leaves it there's just a little tiny I don't even know what to call it it's just like barely even a crawl space and it walks out and I immediately run outside to see if I can find where it's going and I discover that there's a hole in the lattice work under the deck and so this This groundhog turns out is my new neighbor. And over the few months after living there, I saw him many times.

Also squirrels and a frog. And eventually what we had to do is just we pulled the window open. It had been shut by a previous tenant and blocked a little bit. but we were able to force it open a bunch of sand comes pouring out and we were able to clear it out a little bit and then put up some like winterized plastic over the window so that wouldn't happen again but our landlords never found out about this and coincidentally they happened to put up a new lattice work blocking off anything from coming down there again or trapping them in there right yeah that's true I, you know, I live in rural Wisconsin, and across the street from me is both a cheese factory and a cornfield. Mm-hmm. And that, I believe that groundhog was going back and forth between my room or that little crawl space there and the cornfield. Right.

Or the cheese factory. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Could have been a cheese factory. More monster, please. All right, Jacob. Well, thank you. You know, you could have gotten some rent out of those creatures, you know?

Yeah, especially with the sand kicking. Yeah, the sand kicking. It's just rude. It is. I should have charged. Yes, yes. All right, thanks, Jacob. Can I say one thing real quick?

Of course you can. I just want to say for any listeners who haven't read a partner's book, go check it out. It's very funny, very informative. Oh, how nice. That's so nice. How nice. Wow. That's great.

Now I know why the Groundhog wanted to be his friend. I know. All right. Thank you, Jacob. Thank you both very much. Next up. Also from Wisconsin, what the heck? What are the odds?

Well, 2 and 50, I guess. Chris from Wisconsin is calling in, and he's got what we call a wild card call. Ooh. Aparna, a wildcard call is an off-topic call. It could be about anything, and that's what Chris has got for us. So, Chris, let us have it. Wow, okay.

Hey, Andy, and Aparna, thank you for taking my call. Second time calling you listening all the time. Oh, great, thanks. I called you back in April when you had your pot stories, and I had two of them that I couldn't decide what to do. I told one, and I'm going to tell this other one. And now I also found out, I had a nighttime story, too, but I can, I'll do that another time. Yeah, make it another wild card.

Yeah, another wild card. Thanks, Andy. So, I may, at this time, it's a senior year in high school, 1988 in Colorado. Three of my friends and I, I have a Jeep. My two other friends had Broncos. And we're just out screwing around going, doing some BB gun hunting, you know, basically just shooting BB guns and whatever on this place called Plum Creek. And we're walking around and, you know, it's, it's a beautiful day.

Walking around and we start smelling skunk. I'm like, goddamn, why are you smelling skunk? Smell and skunk and we're walking around. All of a sudden, we come in this little clearing, and there's these three of the biggest pot plants we've ever seen in our lives. We are 17-year-old, 18-year-old kids that just pretty much sprouted chubs instantly. We're going, oh, my God. I mean, these plat pants were 10 feet tall, Andy.

They're huge. There were buds on them that were seven to ten. I mean, they were huge, huge. So we're freaking out. We're like, holy shit, holy shit. We had nothing to carry this stuff in, so we're like, what do we do? I had a sleeping bag in my Jeep. Two of my other buddies had sleeping bags.

So we just went back to our vehicle, grabbed the sleeping bags, and we took every butt off these three plants we got. We ended up getting six and a half pounds. Jesus. Wow. Yeah. And another three pounds of leaf. And here we are, you know, like I said, we're seniors.

It's a month and a half, oh, about two months before our senior or before our graduation. So we were, we had all the stuff. We called it Plum Creek Bud because that's where we, we found it, Plum Creek Bud. And this stuff was incredible. It was incredibly skunk. It was, I mean, it was, oh, my God, it was a great, great pot. So we were giving it away, selling it. We were eating pot salads.

We were doing so much of this stuff. Listen, we're in the middle of tomato season. I know exactly what you mean. Yeah, yeah, I'm going through. Yeah, I mean, they were coming like no tomorrow. So we had sweet corn season out here too, Andy, by the way, too. Right, exactly. But anyway, yeah, so, well, that's in Wisconsin, not in Colorado.

But anyway, so we sold a bunch. We got, we paid for our prom. We paid for a full, we got 10 rooms of the embassy suite hotel for our senior prom. We paid for two limos. It was crazy. It was just awesome. We still had stuff after graduation. We went through our ditch days and all this stuff.

So two months later, say late July, early August, we have a big kegger party, you know, high school kegher parties. so this party here and then you know there's always going to be a couple of like maybe one or two old kind of old guys that are trying to hit on on the high school chicks right you know this guy's in his late 20s like 30s and we're passing

buds around and joints and we're no stuff and he's like god this is some good pot and he starts telling this story like you know I had some I had some plants up over here and all stuff and I think you know the deer didn't get them but you know I thought I thought somebody,

I thought, you know, the cops got it, but they, they would have taken the whole planet but my, they took everything.

No shit. We were the guys that did this, took these guys pop-pice. He shows up at her fucking party. We were, we were like, we were like,

oh my God, are we gonna get fucking killed? We're gonna get shot, but the guy didn't, he was oblivious to it. We just, we didn't, we did tell him where we got it.

We were pretty, we were very nonchalant. Once we got that stuff, we didn't tell anybody where we got it. Oh, okay, yeah. I was going to,

Yeah, I was going to say, like, it's a good thing you didn't, like, go, like, and this is all free, you know, because A, that hurts the price. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We were young and dumb, but not that young and dumb, we kind of learned a little bit. But, but, yeah, just the small world of, oh, my guy, four months later, here's this cat. Yeah. I mean, being an old guy, almost 30, trying to hit on high school girls, and we got his fucking pot. Yeah, because as I was, as I was, as I was. As you're telling the story, I'm thinking, that's not wild hemp.

That, that, like, if there's that much bud on a big, like, that's somebody, as, you know, like in Silence of the Lambs, somebody loved this thing. Yeah. You know, somebody loved that weed. Somebody took care of that weed. I kept thinking, sounds like we hit jackpot. Yeah. Oh, we'll be right back. Oh, that was a good one.

That was a good one. It was okay. It was okay. It was okay. Yeah. Let's not get crazy. Oh, okay. Well, I liked it because it was, it was funny. But, yeah, it was just, I mean, a funny, couldn't believe it happened. And it was, it just, it blew us away. Yeah, yeah. And did it ever occur? Did it occur to you before that that maybe this was someone's weed or did you just think, like, you, you had to know a little bit, like, I think we found someone's gross, but. Yeah. I was the one, I was the smartest one of our. friends, okay, if you want to put it that, or say that nonchalantly, I was the smartest one of the guy.

I believe it. I'm like, this is somebody's shit. Yeah, yeah. There's some, I mean, we're dragging, we're dragging freaking sleeping bags behind us. Yeah, yeah. We're pot in it. You know, I mean, it was, it was insane and throwing in, yeah, it was, it was crazy. How do you, how do you store it? How do you store it while you're living with parents? Right. We got, okay, we had one friend, his parents were potheads, too.

Oh, of course. You always have that friend. Yeah, they were both postal workers. Yeah, he was a Vietnam vet, and they smoked more pot than, I think, in the state of California did it. I mean, they were a big pothead. So they just cut him in on it. Right. Yeah, yeah, we gave, well, we gave it to, yeah, we gave, yeah, we gave them to Cyrus's parents, yeah. Nice.

No names, please. No names, please. Sirius's parents. All right. Yeah, there we go. Well, thank you, Chris. Thank you very much for taking my call, Andy. And I'm going to read the book, and I'm going to keep being a fan.

All right. I think you guys are fabulous. Everything you're going on is awesome. Thank you so much. Thanks so much, Chris. Call back. All right. Next up, I think we've got time for one more.

We got Jake from Baltimore. Hello, Jake. Jake, you got Andy. Hi, good afternoon. Hi there. You got Andy. You got a Parna. What's going on?

Not much. I called a month ago, and hopefully I could tell a better story, but... Listen, they're all good stories. They are. This one is just as good, if not better. And so at 2020, this would be President's Day weekend. So right before the COVID shit hit the fan and everything. Oh, okay. We were going up to Rome, New York, to my wife's grandparents' house. well her grandfather passed in 2016 and man he was just the greatest guy in the world decorated bomber pilot just you know oh man i wish i had an ounce of everything that he put

into life when it's all set and done um and grandma um at her age who passed away a few years ago, was on the main floor because she couldn't get up and downstairs. So the plan was, you know, or I will sleep in grandma's, grandpa's bed. My kids would sleep in my mother-in-law's old room or whatever. And, you know, we'll go skiing and we'll make the most of the weekend and whatnot. And this was the first time ever left in their bed because of the situation and whatnot normally on the pull-out couch. So the first night we're there, middle of the night, dead asleep. The alarm clock at max volume was set at a, like, AM FM radio station that was like the loudest, like the loudest, this static-y, like, most hilarious guy in the world.

And the little bitch that I am, I just grabbed my wife so hard and just said, help me, help me. And it was such, like, I grabbed her so hard. I literally almost, like, dislocated my shoulder. And my wife was freaked out as well. Don't get me wrong. But when we, like, debrief this situation. Oh, and she's still to this day.

Just help me, help me. And it always is referencing, you know, that night where, you know, and I probably would throw her in front of a burglar who was to come in and in between us or whatever. You're just digging a deeper hole here, Jake. Yeah, yeah, but I hope she's not listening. That's feminism. It's all good. That's feminism.

That's what the women have been fighting for. Totally solidified my belief in, you know, the ghost. and afterlife and Grandpa Harry saying get the fuck out of my bed what do you do I don't care well do you think that the alarm was set like do you think that

oh right it was set and like it had been going off every night and your and grandma just didn't notice because she was downstairs right if you don't believe in ghosts you know maybe that's the situation well I mean did you check and see

did you check and see is there you know because you can check and see what time is the alarm set for on this thing? I didn't even think about it, but it was one of those old ones. Not old, but it was like, you know, 80s, 90s, 90, the alarm with that, with the rest. But I didn't even think to that. I bet your wife thought of it and probably checked it. I also like that ghosts are, ghosts are always like, let me just give them a quick alarm.

Like, it's always through, like, electronics, like, let me give them a little flicker. That'll show my kids. sure sure 100% I actually just watched the movie ghost with my kids and they kind of like I don't know reminded me of that situation but 100% they've got to get in touch with you somehow and why not some frequencies of sorts 100% but you know if that's how he has to get in touch with us and kick me out of his I then went to the couch the rest of the time I took the things Well, at least, at least, and I'm assuming you weren't boning, because that would have been really, that would be too much.

No, would be. No, no, no. As much as prisky as we are at times, we do show some of the little restraint. Yeah. Sure. Yeah, because grandma's from the old Great Depression era, and we just, all, nothing but respect for sure. Yeah, because in the old depression, nobody liked fucking.

They sure did not like fucking back then. They were all no thing. That's when you want to fuck is when you're broke. That's like that's poor people are so good at fucking because they've got nothing else. It's scientific fact. And we just turned 40. There you go. 14 and 11.

But I do want to say, speaking of late night, my parents put the doctors when I was very young on 80, riddle in medicine which is a stimulant and i just want to thank you and conan for you know literally putting me to bed oh thank you every night because the jokes on you uh you give me this stuff and the tv in my room and with some bunny ears uh you know i'm gonna watch conan so excellent thank you so much jake absolutely no thank you for your time have a good one all right we got we got we got we got one more here i'm being told we need to fit in bob from arizona because He's got a really great wild card. Bob, let us have it.

You got to do it fast, though, because Lori Kilmartin's show is coming up quick. Bob. I know. I don't want to mess with Lori. Oh, right. Nobody does. All right, well, I'll just tell you,

I'll get into it really quick then. We live here in Arizona, and my wife and I have to fly back to Pittsburgh to visit my folks in the dead of winter, which is a long flight. My wife's a really nervous flyer. She hates flying. And we have an 11-month-old, our first kid.

Oh, that's even more fun. So we don't even know how it's going to be to fly with a kid. And I'm nervous because she hates flying, and I'm like, hopefully nothing goes wrong. This is a nighttime flight, so it technically is kind of nighttime weirdness. But anyway, so about three-quarters the way through their flight, there's been bad turbulence, but the turbulence gets even worse about three-quarters the way through the flight. flight. And sitting in front of us is a whole family. It's like three younger women and an older gentleman. They're spread out between the seats, you know, across the aisle or whatever. And all of a

sudden there's a commotion in the seats in front of us. Now, I'm only getting pieces of this because our 11-month-old is occasionally freaking out and crying and, you know, we're dealing with him. So, you know, there would be stuff going on and then we'd be, you know, attending to our kid and then getting back to the whatever is going on. But they announced on the PA, that they need, if anybody on the plane is a physician or has medical background at all, please let the flight attendants know. Okay. So now I know it's really, so now I know it's really bad news.

Whatever commotion is going on ahead of us is really bad news. And they mention they may have to divert to Baltimore, which we super don't want because then we have to stay overnight there. Right. And, um, Baltimore. Sorry, Baltimore. Yeah, kind of. Jake.

Sorry, Jake. And, but, and so. So the older gentleman is now on the seat in front of us to the right, first seat on the plane. They've got him, I can't see it that well, but they've got his head propped up, I guess, by the window, because his bare feet are sticking out into the aisle. Oh, dear. And so I'm like, okay, well, then someone comes from the back of the plane. I'm like, oh, I guess this is the doctor. And there's more of a commotion, and this commotion continues.

and then my son started freaking out so we're sort of trying to calm him down and sometime during course of that it seems like they got the commotion all smoothed out that there's nothing um you know that that everything seems calm now yeah that's well that's what I thought so um everything everything seems smooth the guy is relaxing with his feet sticking out in the aisle and the three uh daughters or grandchildren or whoever they are sitting in front of They're sitting in front of us, and I tell my wife, oh, it looks like everything's clear. Seems like everything calmed down. The doctor's gone back to his seat.

They announced that they are diverting us to Baltimore. And then I see a flight attendant come, and he's speaking to the women in front of me. And I only catch bits of it. But the one thing I do catch is, she says, you know, we're 35,000 feet in the air. so he didn't have that far to go to get to heaven. It was a shorter trip. Oh, boy. Oh, my goodness.

That's, seeing, that's not, that's not correct. It's a misnought. Yeah, it's a misnought. Yeah, it's a misnit. The heaven is in the sky. We don't know that. Yeah. It's pretty presumptuous.

Yeah. And what a, what a strange thing to say to, I know they're just trying to comfort these people, but. Yeah, yeah. Right. Like, yeah. Or at least his ghost, his spirit won't be tired when he gets there. Yeah. Because it was a shorter trip.

They got a train. those people to say something different because that's just that's cold comfort I'd say they could have just offered the new flight yeah right exactly they could have said like look we're touching down we're going down to Baltimore what more do you people want isn't that a fitting in so we have to dad or grandpa or whoever he was well so then they they announced they're diverting us and they say we have to we have a medical emergency we have to deplane the patient first but I'm thinking well it's not really a patient I mean right right you know But they're not going to say the corpse.

Right. Yeah. Right. But then when we get there, we wait there for ten or five. And I keep looking at these bare feet that are sticking out into the aisle. He's in the first sheet. Then they announced to us that they've actually decided that they're going to deplane us first. Oh.

So we're the first people off the plane. It's a little memorial service. Yeah. And so they had him covered with a blanket except for these bare feet. Oh, my feet. So we had to sort of, oh, my God. So they had a flight attendant right there with him. So as we walked by, they would be like, just be careful.

And they would sort of, you know, indicate the corpse feet and be like, you know, just move around him or whatever. Those are corpse feet. You don't want to touch those. Those are dead. Yeah, that's all I can think of. So, yeah, we got so we had to, they deplane the entire plane and made everybody just tiptoe around this dead body on the plane. And so that was a nightmare. And then we were stuck in Baltimore for like two days.

Oh, my God. There was a big blizzard on top of everything else. Oh, wow. All the flights were canceled. It was a whole nightmare. But that's the worst experience I've ever had on a plane, though. Well, Bob, thank you for calling and giving us that wild card. Truly wild.

Hopefully that helped his wife's flight anxiety. Yes. Now, were the people in front of you in any way related, or you just were eavesdropping on them hearing about it? Oh. No, my impression was that that was part of his family, that they were spread out across the aisle because they had more people. So, no, they were definitely, I think when we took off,

some of them were sitting with him on one side of the aisle, but because there were four people, they, you know, they couldn't all fit in one three-seat chunk or whatever. So, yeah, so I got that, I got, and then I started being aware that they're crying, you know, like you said, there was a lot of turbulence going on. My son is crying. My wife is freaking it.

So I, but once I heard that line, I was like, okay, I just remember looking over at my wife and being like, oh, it's bad. Yeah. It's bad. All right, Bob, well, thank you for the call. We got to get moving here. No problem. All right. Thanks, Bob.

All right, usually we pick a favor, but we don't have time. Thank you so much for coming. You got to tell you, everyone should check out your book on Reliable Narrator. Thank you. And is there a name for your dropout special? It's TBD. TBD. That's catchy.

All right. Well, partner in Antrilla, thank you so much. Thank you. Thanks for having me. I'm happy to have you. Oh, shit. Goodbye. Oh, that was a mistake.

Stick around. Get out of here, LaBamba. Stick around to here, stand up on Conan with Lori Kilmartin. I'll be back next week. And, oh, I don't know. I actually, we're in reruns next week. I got other things to do people. All right. Love you all. Goodbye.