The Three Questions with Andy Richter - Beth Stelling

Episode Date: August 18, 2020

Comedian Beth Stelling talks with Andy Richter about being raised by a single mother in southwestern Ohio, connecting with a crowd on a personal level, and her new HBO Max special Girl Daddy. Plus, Beth discusses the power of sharing in laying out a vision for her next big project.

if they partake in shitty trolling it's like bye well anyway uh this is a podcast right now uh it's called the three questions um i'm your host, Andy Richter, and I am speaking today with the very funny Beth Stelling. Hello. Stand-up extraordinaire, comedy writer, jock chick. You're kind of a jock chick, aren't you? Weren't you sort of skinny? Yeah, yeah. I haven't been playing field hockey because of, you know, the pandemic.

Well, couldn't you wear a mask? I mean, do you really get that close? Well, I don't know. They're not running the game, so I can't play. Do you really play field hockey still? Yeah. Wow. Where?

At John Adams Middle School. I mean, look, I don't want a crowd showing up, but yeah. Now, are you playing against middle schoolers? Because that seems unfair. No, I'm much more talented than middle schoolers, Andy. Oh, shit. Here she comes again. Yeah.

Don't awaken the beast inside me. It's a co-ed league of adults, all levels, all ages. Wow. Does it get brutal? Because that's a brutal game. Yeah. I, all levels, all ages. Wow. Does it get brutal? Because that's a brutal game. Yeah, I mean, I lose control of my body. I've been mistaken for being aggressive when I'm like, no, I'm old, and you're 18 and played for Duke. So I don't know.

I'm trying to stop my body from running into you, but it's not listening. my body for running into you, but it's not listening. I was always, like when I was a kid, I was always the kid that like hurt the other children with well-meaning play. The Lenny of softball. A little bit, yeah. Like I specifically remember one time playing touch football and it was a kickoff and the kid was running toward me and I, you know, it's two hand touch. And I two hand touched him and he, it looked like, you know, in movies when a stuntman

is supposed to be blown back by a blast and they have elastic to their waist and they just go fly. Just, he went like off his feet and landed like six feet behind where he was and was like, his feet and landed like six feet behind where he was and was like, Jesus Christ. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. You're like, I wasn't even trying, honestly. Yeah, I just wanted to pet the bunny. That's all. I didn't know I would kill it. I definitely, I think I, I'm trying to think if I did anything bad that I feel, it was always by mistake. I do think I may have broken someone's nose. Oh, really? But I don't, I was tall.

I was really pretty tall and I was a defender. Yeah. And forwards were often, not always, but shorter and quick. And I think maybe I just, I think I never played to hurt. Right, right, right. Yeah, I never like trash talked or anything like that. Don't they wear like face masks? Now they do because we had people's lives ruined by it.

I mean, straight dry. My friend Althea, who actually went on to, she's a designer now, but she was the first of us to like make something of herself. She was on Project Runway. Oh, oh wow she was like the runner-up but she was a ford and she was maybe yeah very very tall and she got the coach slammed a drive a line drive right here it hit her directly in the nose it was like a c-cut blood gushing and then she had to wear a mask the rest of the season and then now i think they all pretty much wear goggles or masks. It's like a new rule.

I thought there was like a face guard kind of thing. Yeah, maybe that's what it is. Like they wear in cricket kind of, you know. My sister coached for a bit our old high school team. Yeah. Anyway, I should know the answer, but we don't wear one. We wear mouth guards. Nice.

But it's technically a no-hit league. Oh. But you can like push no-hit league. Oh. But you can push past. And you can push past the entire length of a turf field. Yeah, yeah. Like hip check kind of thing. You can do that, right? You don't want to be doing that.

Oh, you don't? Okay. No. You can maybe walk somebody out with your hip. But it's not really necessary. These are like pickup games. Ah. Now, field hockey is kind of... is that, was that a big thing?

You're from Ohio, correctly? Right, I'm Midwest. Is that like a big thing there? Because there was no field hockey in Illinois. Right, I'm trying to think if we ever played. We might have played, I'm getting field hockey and speech confused because we would go to Glenbrook High School, but that was for speech. Yeah.

So, yeah, hockey was, we had we had to to your point we had to travel pretty far for away games you know yeah yeah it is usually i guess it's more of a northeastern thing right um it's definitely everywhere you know i think i'm sure i don't know i'm sure there's west coast california college teams and stuff yeah i know oh yeah there would have to be they're everywhere yeah it's a but it always struck me as it seemed like a prep school kind of thing. Like it just, you know, but. Yeah, we would get our butts handed to us by private girls schools. Yeah.

Because that's like, you know, it's kind of, they're able to like live and breathe it more. Yeah. And we were like, I don't know, had boys around to distract us. Yep. That's boys will do that. We were secluded in a beautiful suite in Kitchenette. Yeah, yeah. Well, where are you from in Ohio? Southwest.

I'm from Dayton, Ohio. Yeah. Technically, Oakwood is my little town, which we always got like if someone's listening and they're from that area, I love how I'm like getting defensive before anything happens. Everyone would like joke wood or like call us like the rich kids and stuff. And there are absolutely rich kids. And I grew up just fine. But my mom was a teacher in Kettering City School.

So we were like right on the border. Oh, okay. And, you know, she wrote us this on her own there. I worked with a lot of the kids from Fairmont, which is a neighboring school, and our rival in field hockey. And so when they would find out I was from Oakwood, they would always kind of, I don't know, treat me like I was like spoiled. And then they'd drive off in a Thunderbird with their cell phone. And I waited for my mom to pick me up in the damn Dodge Caravan that wouldn't stop bonging because the door wouldn't close

I was just sort of like cool yeah yeah uh that always bothered me but um yeah it was like a it's still a beautiful school and a great you know good place to grow up yeah but, good place to grow up. Yeah. But a good place to leave, am I right? Yeah. There was always a superlative that was most likely to stay under the dome. Oakwood was kind of called the dome. Why? Because in a lot of ways, it was its own little secluded town, this little safe zone that was perfectly manicured.

Like, you know, as much as I'm defensive about the rap for it, they're not wrong. Yeah. You know. Was it like it did have like a little quaint area, downtown area? Yeah. Yeah. Shops. Shops of Oakwood.

Yeah. That was my sister's first job at this place called Central Park Cafe. It was this couple that came from. I don't want to get it wrong, but I think the Liverpool area. I feel bad if that's wrong. But anyway, they moved over and started this like proper English cafe. Wow. With scones and high tea.

And I did not work there because quite frankly, I often couldn't understand what one of the owners was saying. I worked at, my first job was across the street at Grater's Ice Cream. Yeah. Which was, you know, potentially a mistake. I quit track and field to work at Grater's my sophomore or junior year. I mean, speaking for myself, that would be a mistake. Yeah. There were samples had.

There were mistakes Sundays taken home. Oops. Yeah. When I was in college, I worked at a place that's, I mean, they made like Dairy Queen blizzards. This is like 1988. So, or I mean, 84 to 86 and blizzards were very hot, but these were like high end blizzards, like a higher quality of soft serve and something like 90 mix-ins and stuff. And yeah, that was not good for a chunky kid. No, but I would go home because, you know, you put the stuff in and then you put it on a milkshake mixer you know like a spinning blade and you would just get go home with like a a spatter of butter fat splash them just like my

arms just covered with like specks of of butter fat from the from the ice cream yeah ours was similar but didn't you like if you weren't careful on that mix machine, if you weren't properly watching it and actually doing it, it would cling to the blade and slide up and splash everywhere. Yes. Like an explosion. Or you could cut through the side of the cup because we used plastic cups.

Oh, you did it. See, we used the silver. Yeah. Like a soda fountain. No, you did it in the cup and you had to be very careful or else you could cut through the side of it. Oh, yeah. Which the boss would be like, if you cut through the side, just put it in another cup. Don't redo the whole thing.

Okay. All right. Yeah, my mom could never get the stink out of my shirts. It was just like old milk. Yep. My work shirt smelled like barf. It's one of the worst smells in the world. I was actually just talking to somebody yesterday about when my kids were little,

I had a car that came off lease that I had to dismantle the armrest because the whole car smelled. It was just disgusting. The whole car smelled like old yogurt. just disgusting. The whole car smelled like old yogurt. And I was like, this car, I had to, I had to like dismantle the head or the armrests. And it was just like, just disgusting buildup of milky goo wash out, you know, with like bleach or whatever. And then just like, let it sit open in the driveway with the windows open for like two days. And then it was still kind of stinky.

Like I still had to kind of like really spray the car down when I took it back in to, you know. Did they take it back? Yeah, sure. Oh, good. I mean, you know. You could have let a dog loose in there for a couple of days. Just let it lick.

Yeah, yeah. Let it lick. I thought you meant let it just like get dog smell oh no the cover-up yeah i was thinking cleanup duty now um you said you were from a single mom family was how was there just two of you uh i mean just you said you had a sister right so i've got i've got two older sisters megan and hannah and my mom raised us for a while she did remarry once actually oh yeah yeah i always joke that um she accidentally married the church organist and so that was a trip but i'm the kid you know there's always a kid that's home longest with that guy. Yeah, yeah.

And it was me because I was the youngest. Right. And, you know, I always like preface things with like I have some material about this because I always feel disingenuous if I'm repeating. But, yeah, I mean, I liked him at first. And then my sisters said, we hate him. And I said, me too. I'm doing whatever you guys are doing.

I mean, you know, I think it's like there were fun times to be had, but it's odd when someone moves into your home like that. And we had a smaller home and one bathroom. Things change so drastically when not just someone else comes into the home but a dude yeah yeah i was gonna say that's a lot of women first of all yeah like in one house uh and then girls you know i have a daughter who's gonna be 15 soon and i just know like soon and I just know like 11 to 14 has been it's a it's a it's a big a teenage girl of that age is a big presence in your home yeah so when you triple that yeah and I think too it's like for me that age because they got married on my ninth birthday yeah which was not a gift, like directly on my birthday.

Wow. And my mom still feels bad. Yeah, that's not. Yeah. And it wasn't like a guess what. I think it was kind of one of those, it's the only day. Yeah, yeah. I have no clue.

But the point is she still feels bad. But that age, I mean, I didn't smile in any of the wedding photos. And something that now is great to look back on yeah but i think it's that age is for me at least was still like oh maybe this is like a dad figure yeah and then you like you're saying as you're progressing that the time that he was in our home is such a big change it's basically going from like maybe you're my dad like who's fucking my mom you know what i mean like it's such a transition of feelings and changes even of what i was going through you know yeah because i had my first like real

relationship at 15 so i don't know my first real boyfriend i 15. So I don't know, my first real boyfriend. I mean, sooner, I guess, but I'm talking about. Okay. I was going to say something else and then I stopped myself. Right, I know. In 10 minutes or so, you'll be saying it. You'll soften up. You'll forget your place i've been

fucking since 15. uh how long scare you now that you just told me that your daughter's 15 i had a lot of things going through my head no honestly and i can say this because i know she doesn't listen to this podcast it's up to her i you know that that is something and this isn't like it's not like oh i'm such an ally kind of thing but it is like that when fathers say proprietary shit about their daughter's sexuality it makes my fucking skin crawl it makes my fucking skin crawl. Yeah. And it has done that since I, before I had kids,

I was always like, what do you, you know, like a guy comes to date my daughter. I, you know, I, you better watch it.

I'm going to really intimidate him and, you know, put my gun on the coffee table. So he knows that I'll murder him. Right. If he, you know, if these teenagers respond to their own horniness. Right.

Which I just always was like, why don't daughters get to be horny? They 100% agree. Yeah. I mean, as long as you give them the information. And we are. I was humping all kinds of stuff around the house yes i feel like it's just like it is an odd thing that's not as much talked about i i have a my uh i have a joke about it in my upcoming special but it's like i remember when we were learning

about sex ed our health teacher was saying basically that this is like part of the joke and it's real that they taught their sons how to masturbate or at least like that sounds graphic but you know taught them what it was it's like that's not to my knowledge that wasn't really that's not being taught to most young girls like hey here's what you could do to feel good yeah yeah you know what i mean and i think of that i'm i'm not i'm not over here saying like on her 14th birthday get her a dildo i just am saying like talk about it because they're i babysat little girls and they're humping stuff i had a daughter and you like i i had not been around like i had not been around uh a developing and i mean little like before she's five. Yes, same.

I babysat all types of young little kids. Kids find their genitals and they go nuts. And I hadn't ever been, and I was like, wow, she's really fond of that part of her body. Right, right. And I mean, I will say the parents I dealt with, I respect, because they were not like, knock it off, like some sort of

humpy dog. They would say something like, remember, that's for your bedroom and you can do that alone or something like that. That's for alone time. Yeah, that's the kind of thing you say, that's for alone time. Yeah, or just you or something like that. But it would be nice, I guess, if it were talked about. I don't fault my mom. It's not like i was ill-equipped but it would be nice to just maybe even if it's uncomfortable you have the discussion that's like here's why it feels good you have like nerve endings there and you know if you explore it yourself then you'll have a more a more um fun time once you choose to do it with someone else. You'll have a fun time right now. Yeah.

Maybe you won't make the mistake of handing the keys over to another 15 year old who has no clue what they're doing. You know, it certainly makes the time pass, you know, more enjoyably. And I, well,

and I don't think, I also think like, I never, nobody ever taught me how to, but you figured it out, you know. Right. But I also I've dated guys. So that felt shame or like didn't know what they were doing. Did it too soon before? Yeah, I certainly didn't.

You know, I wasn't boasting about it. And in fact, I remember in high school there was a kid. remember in high school there was a kid and of course he was like the kid that uh like that was like a a man like had like hairy legs and chest in like eighth grade and was and was eight inches taller than everyone and then by the time we were sophomores he was four inches shorter than everyone and starting to bald. Whoa. Yeah. And but I remember he in class talked about like talked openly about like, yeah, masturbation is a normal, healthy thing.

And just that he got like he's ridiculed by it. And I and I even it's like one of my like the things that I think back in my life with shame. And I teased him about it at lunch when other people were teasing him about it. And just the look on his face, I immediately was like, oh, why did I do that? Yeah. Of course. Like, he's not saying anything that, like, he's just, he's admitting something that we're all, everybody's fucking jerking off like crazy. Yes.

And he's just brave enough to talk about it. And we have to fucking make fun of him. And it was like, it was actually like kind of a formative, like, you know, I never really teased anybody that about, well, not necessarily about just masturbating, but just. Yeah. It was like, oh, that did not feel good. I'm not, I'm not one of those. Right. but just it was like a like oh that did not feel good i'm not i'm not one of those right i don't get off on on making fun of somebody you know for that and to their face and humiliating people it's not good yeah i love how he was like doing the right thing most guys are like in high school

most dudes are like instead of just like masturbation is normal. They're basically like, I use this girl to jerk off. And everybody's like, cool. Yeah. No, I know. Well, it was, I do think things are, I do think things are just easier now. And I do think like, like when you said like, there's no one. Yeah. When there's no one to talk about it, but there is like, you know,

teen Vogue telling kids how to masturbate. I mean, they were telling us Cosmo is probably how I learned about blow jobs and how to give them. Oh really? And that, yes. And that was, that was me in high school.

It was shop class, shop class for me. Yeah. No, Cosmo was always a good, a good, like Cosmo was always a good a good like Cosmo was yeah Cosmo was a puzzler for teenage boys because I think it was like I don't know I don't know how other boy well other boys I was fairly repressed I think I don't and i there's all kinds of reasons for that but i spent probably the first 20 years of my life not really understanding the sort of equality of horniness

of sexuality like i i just felt like sex was something that women did for men because they were nice you know and it took it and I just I don't know whether that's my mom's fault like for not like I mean not that I'm you know I want my mom to be horny in front of me but I I feel like she kind of was not you know the most open about sexuality and kind of you know and was kind of maybe a little judgmental, you know, towards other, you know, I don't know, but I just, I always felt like, that's not something that women are into. And then you find out like, oh no, they are.

And oh, hooray, you know? Yeah. Like, you know, getting to film school and like finally being around like artsy girls who are. Right. But I think that contributes to like the idea that women, you know, like what you learned getting to film school and like finally being around like artsy girls who are right. But I think that contributes to like the idea that women, you know, like what you learned or whatever, whatever you absorbed doesn't even mean it had to be taught to you.

Yeah. Was that, and therefore that contributes to like a long system of sometimes thinking like, like, I don't know. I was just thinking of this yesterday. Actually.

It's like, why do I have to be thankful? Why am I like so impressed or whatever? When a guy's like, like, I don't know. I was just thinking of this yesterday, actually. It's like, why do I have to be thankful? Why am I like so impressed or whatever when a guy's like very vocal or communicative, like, Hey, can I go down on you? Or, you know, like just talking about things or, um, you know, similarly like in bed being like, no, I want to make sure that you orgasm. And it's like, wow, thanks. But it's because I think for so long, like whatever you absorb stuck around too, which is just like, oh, you're doing this for me and thank you.

And I'm so happy to have this happening instead of like the mutual enjoyment. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, exactly. Like we're in this together. Yeah. Neither one of, yeah, exactly. Like, we're in this together. Yeah. Neither one of us are going anywhere, so. It's always better at a party if everyone's having a good time.

Yeah, no, I know. It is, but, you know, I don't know. It's, you know, it is kind of the, you know, men don't have to, when you run things, you don't expect that you have to, like, be considerate. That's just basically it. That's, you know, I mean, and it's, you know, that's not the way you should be and that's not the way everyone is. But that's, like, that's the easiest. That's the path of least resistance when you are a member of the power structure is to be like hey fuck it i don't care i got mine you know yeah and whether that's an

orgasm or a job or a scholarship or you know uh the ability of not being beaten by yeah by law enforcement you know you're like, yeah, whatever. I don't, what do I care? Well, I think that's, it is interesting. You know, we're obviously experiencing people sort of now being like, well, I, like, I guess I'm trying to think of the clearest example that I saw someone figure it out. And because like, if you understand it, if you like you do do which is what you just pretty much just acknowledge which is like well it's not affecting me i'm kind of like easy breezy going along so it's i'm gonna keep doing that and how do we how do we fault that person yeah well this

is a dark example but things like watching the hunting Ground or something on Netflix, which is about like the college rape epidemic. And for me, I'm watching it and they're interviewing a dad and his daughter was raped by someone on the football team. And basically, I mean, spoiler alert. Sorry, this is not funny. But basically she was raped by someone on the football team. He comes to town expecting like investigation justice.

And this is a white man. And the police forced to work with him and, and this man to be stopped, captured, whatever. Captured is a funny word, but stopped, brought to justice.

Held accountable. Yeah. Instead he's able to finish the game. They were a championship football team. The girl was ridiculed, ostracized, called a liar, and she eventually committed suicide. Oh. And the dad is sitting there, and it's the first time he's realizing, like, I thought they would help her.

Yeah. Because of what I've experienced with the police. Yeah, yeah. But I sat there for months with her as she fought and we waited for what never came. So it's like, again, this is a very, very dark example, but it took that for that grown man of a daughter who was whatever it would have been 1920 to be like, oh, they don't help you. Yeah. They help me. Yeah. And it took that long. And I think that that's still what people aren't help you. Yeah. They help me. Yeah. And it took that long.

And I think that that's still what people aren't quite understanding. Like I work hard. They should work hard too. Yeah. It's like you can't outwork racism or sexism or whatever it is. And for you to not understand that's upsetting. Yeah. Not to mention just like obviously all these systems in place that contribute to it.

So I'm experiencing it. We all are right now. Just I'm sure you have people in your life too that aren't quite getting it. Yeah, I mean. Maybe you're in a better situation than I am, but I have some Florida family members in Michigan. Yeah, no, there aren't. I mean, I have cousins that are sort of, you know, like the polite kind of old style GOP.

And they voted for Trump and they's like gleefully watching, you know, people get ejected from rallies or questioning if they're, you know, they see a Hispanic person that, why are you in this country? Or, you know, enjoying moms being shot by rubber bullets in Portland. I mean, they're online openly enjoying people getting shot by rubber bullets. And then there's kind of like, well, and then there's the nice Republicans who think that all of that is very unseemly and very rude and just tacky. And, you know, Trump is just trashy.

And, oh, I wish he wouldn't say that stuff yeah like we're supposed to rob these people in peace yeah that's the thing is it's it's kind of just an extension an extension of all the same stuff but anyway field hockey uh very yes very seamless transition thank you yeah no i went to podcast school for Segways. Now, wait, so your mom, when did your mom and dad divorce, if I may go back? That was in 88. And how old were you? Not even born yet. Not even born yet.

No, I'm just kidding. No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Well, no, I was going to say, I don't know. Do you want to give your age? I mean, but. I was in my, I was about three. Oh, wow. And, or almost three i'm confused yes yeah and three four what's the difference

i had a drinking problem either way uh i think and then yes and there was a period of time where i didn't see my dad and it was just you know know, my mom on her own there up until about age nine. So, you know, there was a lot, it was a lot just us four, like this kind of core four of women. And I think that was probably another reason why it was tough to like let a new guy in. Was his lack of presence his doing, your mom's doing, or a combination of both, if I may ask? It was his. Yeah, it was his doing. And, I mean, of course, it takes two to tango.

But, yeah, it was definitely his. And he moved to Orlando, Florida. I told this joke on Conan in front of you, I think, but to be an actor, which is, you know, not where you go. And he's, I talk about this in my upcoming special, but like, he went down there and he just, he's still there since, but yeah, he remarried. And that was another odd part, you know, like that's another human to go once we finally he won visitation rights we we go down there and meet our new stepmom which is a whole you know it's a lot for kids it's a lot for kids to get on a plane and fly from ohio to florida yeah yeah yeah

and i was doing that from age six on and he was married to her before you met her or anything yeah we didn't get there was no screening for us. Yeah. Not like you should have to have your kids choose the person or anything. No, but you certainly want to involve them in the process. Yeah, that was pretty wild. Yeah. To be like, this is a stepmom.

Yeah, that's like one of the things that I felt when I had kids was like, and I didn't have it like a formed opinion that I could describe, needed to be kind of like, you don't let them, they still, you still got to be like, no kid wants to be in charge. They may not think they want to be in charge, but it's bad for them. It's bad for everybody. So, but you do want to involve them in it. And that was always like, that was the kind of shit that made me crazy when I was a kid. When it just seemed like, oh, all this shit's happening and I don't, oh, I guess I'm, okay, this is what's happening. You know, here's the agenda. You know, young boy, you're doing this now. Like, well, okay.

All right. I don't want to yeah or yeah and then to there not being a lot of room for complaints of it and i and that is not to you know i think i was raised pretty well and there was a lot of kind of great stuff that happened but yeah yeah i mean that we definitely experienced that to like an extreme extent which is having to get on a plane and spend an entire summer away from my mom you know in a place that i wasn't totally familiar with right orlando florida for a month in the summers that's so long that's such a long period of time to be away from your mom. And so hot. Humid. Yeah.

And a lot of crabgrass. Was there room for you guys in his home? We, all three of us, I'm trying to remember the setup. Oh, I think it was my older, I always liked the air mattress. My sister's on this, whatever it would have been, full-size bed. So we all three shared a bedroom. Our suitcases open for most of the summer on the ground. Wow. And I was on the air mattress on the ground. Yeah. And how was stepmom? You know, I mean, the reality is she drank too much, which is the earliest stories of my stand up comedy. So like, yeah, that's how I would get.

I come back and make the field hockey team laugh about my step parents mostly. Yeah. Yeah. Just like I guess my first real like story that I put into my act would have been us at Margaritaville. Wait, wait, wait. Yeah, I think me. No, no, no. The first place was Brio.

She got drunk and started flicking salt on us and calling me and my sisters vampires. And one of the punchlines was like, wrong seasoning. It's garlic. one of the punchlines was like, wrong seasoning, it's garlic. You know, and just, you know, not like, oh, God, full embarrassment. I'll never live this down. We were in Orlando, Florida, so everybody's a mess. But I think like it was just those types of experiences,

the public sort of embarrassment sort of, really I guess what I'm saying is such an opposite of my mother yeah and i think that actually instilled a strange that still resides in me today like a very weird i don't know i guess it was guilt in some ways i could pinpoint that like going home and accidentally calling my mom, dad, you know, like my mind being so scrambled and then feeling guilty. I was never like cruel to her. We never like played tricks on her or were cruel, but it was so different from my mom, even from, from, from meals to, to Christmas tree, you know, like my mom's classic christmas tree she's white fake tree yeah you know like my mom's we're having breakfast for dinner and she's like i cooked a gourmet meal but really that just means like couscous i think it's like or like three cheese macaroni. Yeah. Craft out of a box.

Wow. But I think it was just like, there was a sense of like odd guilt to like, am I supposed to like her? You know, and just her being so different, like the publicness of her, you know, like even like being at a meal or something. If I didn't like something, wait, you know, like get over here. i didn't like something wait you know like get over here she didn't like that what can we do and whereas with my mom that would have never oh that's what yeah that's more you know like the cringe factor yeah um so just just a lot i guess

of changes and then i think too there's something that i've I'm trying to pinpoint that I've worked through in therapy, which is just be like the idea that my dad would leave, you know, and go in this opposite direction. And then having us have to go down there and share time and space with this woman who in some ways I felt, again, I'm sorry I keep saying this. It's like I don't like telling jokes out of turn, but I have a joke about it in my special. It sounds like I'm oddly trying to promote my special. No, I know. I know what you're doing. But the truth is I don't like telling jokes that maybe people are going to hear.

I know. I don't know why. I should probably let go of that. Yeah. You know what? You really should. Because a, I used to do this, especially coming from improv when I would do a press junkets for things that I was on.

And, you know, you have to do like 20 interviews in a row and they all ask the same questions. And eventually you end up with the best answer. You know, you workshop the answer by the sixth or seventh person. And I would feel so guilty about thinking up a funny answer for something. And then, and I would, and initially in my improv training,

I'd say the funny answer and then I'd be like, well, next time I got to say something else. Like in three minutes when the other person from who gives a shit news comes in here with their videotape that they plug into the machine but yeah but but it does but it took a while to be like no just give the funniest answer that's all anyone yeah and i know i because listeners are going to be like beth shut the fuck up and just say the joke yeah well and that's the thing too is that i think that you're probably thinking that there's going to be somebody who went like, oh, she tried to tell that as just like a truthful anecdote when it's actually a joke.

Right, right. But it is also true. I think some people are always so shocked when – I think I've been posting some old stand-up clips because my special is coming out next month. So I've just been trying to be like get people excited for it. Yeah. And I have a joke's just references a time where i would do this party trick where i put a tall boy between my tits and drank it without hands

and i posted that photo with the clip and people are like oh my god it's real i'm like i can't tell you something that isn't real right right i mean of course there's comedic exaggeration sometimes like if i say i bit off my niece's toe, I didn't really do that. But like for the most part, what I'm saying has happened to me. Anyway, you're right. And the joke is basically I always felt like my dad chose my stepmother over me and my sisters. And I get it. Like she gave him head and all we had were questions.

So as an adult, i do get it but and it didn't really feel like we weren't making that a rivalry it just felt like when you're splitting this time with your father with this other woman who's used to being with him all the time you think she'd be more gracious about being like yeah just go do whatever you want you're only here for a short period of time yeah even though it felt like ages to us. It's a challenging thing when you're, you know, my mom got remarried and I don't particularly remember.

I don't remember there. I just kind of remember like just the weirdness of like where, you know, she, she got married and she had been dating my stepdad, but like just the weirdness of like, okay, now we're getting into like his old Pontiac station wagon,

rear facing seat, which like I'd never been in one of those. And he had just bought it and it was used and like in, in the seat. Like they obviously, they hadn't cleaned it out. Cause like there was a bunch was used and like in the seat. But they hadn't cleaned it out because like it was a bunch of like little toys in the seat. Oh, my gosh. It was like a treasure trove.

And they took us on their honeymoon because what was she going to do with me and my brother? Right. Just weird. Just, okay, now, okay, Mom and stan are in that cabin right we're like in this adjoining cabin and i mean i'm not thinking like oh they're over there having sex or whatever because i just wasn't i mean i was i i just didn't put those things together like thankfully yeah but i didn't hear anything but it was just it was just weird just like, okay, now there's persons in our lives. But I didn't really like, I never felt that threat of like being thrown over for him. I don't have any.

That's good. Yeah, I think my mom kind of gave us that feeling. And I, you know, I just, I got divorced within the last couple of years here. And that was something like my daughter especially was really, I think she had just this fear that I was going to marry someone else and just forget all about them. And it took a while for her to realize that's not going to happen. But I mean, I can't blame her. Like, yeah, I can, you know. Sure.

Even at whatever, you know, she was 13, 14. Even, you know, she's probably been around enough men to know like, oh, yeah, he might just ditch us. Sure. It happens. Yeah, or she's heard enough stories or whatever it is to feel left behind. I think it's a valid fear. And then in the same, what am I trying to say? You also, like we were going back to consulting children,

and also it's your life and you have to do what makes you happy. Yeah. So it's like it is a mix of those things. You don't want this parent to defer like it bothers me when i'm watching movies and they are deferring to the children maybe it's because i wasn't deferred to but when when i'm watching and they're like well is are you okay with this or what do you think about us getting married and they're like no and then they listen to the kid i'm like no fucking make yourself happy. Yeah. No, that's, I mean, that is, but you gotta, you know, you need to invite them into the process, but kids also kind of, and I think this is what ultimately was like my biggest frustration as a child is that I, I might get saved, but I don't get a real vote.

You know, I'm, I'm kind of like just auditing this class, but I don't really get to take part in the discussion. And that's the way, you know, and I mean, going forward, like I say, I mean, I don't know, like if I was to meet someone that my kids absolutely loathed, which I can't imagine happening because my kids have pretty good taste. my kids have pretty good taste and I think you know but I you know I still I can't imagine like somebody that made me really happy that they yeah that they wouldn't want to they you know they have an investment in my happiness too and not just because I'm a tyrant but it's you know because they love me and they want me to be happy. I think the only time for me, like as an outsider, where it's valid is like being protective of your parent. And to me that I've experienced that where it's like you are seeing something they're not.

And that is frustrating. Yes. If the kid is like, I don't know about this person and the parent doesn't listen. Or don't you think they X, Y, or Z and the parent, you know, there is such thing as whatever, love goggles or seeing what you want to see. So sometimes, yeah, I guess it's just, it's a delicate balance of both.

Yeah. That's always like one of my most frustrating pet peeve movie plot points is a kid going, but they're vampires. Yeah. There's no one believing them. And it strikes like such a chord with kids of like, no one ever believes me. Yeah. But I think my stepmom's an asshole.

Yeah. Is your dad still with your stepmom? Uh-huh. Yes. Yeah. Oh. dad still with your stepmom or uh yeah yeah oh and is it difficult that you use these stories as your your my dad is very like all press is good press uh for him and his his business um what's his business he he dresses up in different costumes and he stands on street corners and

yells at people to get them into that business. Some might call it a sign spinner. He calls it a live roadside commercial or a character directional. So he's out there. Like this is something we grew up helping with. I know you're like, oh, my God, Beth, it's near the end of the podcast and you didn't tell me this sooner. That's always been his job?

He did that. I want to say he's been doing it i don't want i'm gonna get the number wrong right 29 years wow i mean that's what is there money in that yeah i mean like i remember i we would all help him we'd all work the business and by that it often meant sitting in the car with ac on bringing him water you know so he wouldn't pass out but well he was dressed like uncle sam on stilts and stuff yeah yeah he was like my sister hannah would help him get up on stilts which by the way were meant for drywall joking yeah no fuck yeah oh my god and uh he'd be like on the ladder over like near an overpass like for sure potentially gonna potentially going to die. People throw things at us.

I mean, like, yeah, so we'd sit in the car and do that. He always – I talked to him kind of recently. Because, you know, memories fade. I don't know. For being someone who doesn't do drugs, sometimes I'm worried about my memory. Like, why don't I remember? He said I would be like bored in the ditch. Like not happy about it on like bored in the ditch. Like,

not happy about it on the side of the road. In the ditch. I'm not sitting in the car. I'm going to the ditch. I like the outdoors. Catch me in the ditch, bitch. Yeah. So, we would help him and stuff, but we would also, he'd fill out his little invoice. And Beth, can you take the invoice in? And it started at like 35 an hour. Wow. Now he's not working eight hour days. Right, right. But usually lunch rush or dinner, about three hours, I want to say. Wow.

Three, four hour shifts. Do you have a pilot written for this, my dad? I do. Oh, of course you do. Yeah, I do. I have that. If you don't, I for this? I do. Of course you do. Yeah, I do. I have that. If you don't, I'm going to write one. That was my writing sample, which got me all my writing work.

And then I've been developing a show right now that includes this part of his life. It is. It's a jaw dropper. it's a jaw dropper. It truly is. And once again, for the listeners, it is a chunk of my upcoming special on HBO Max, August 20th. Which is

produced by Team Coco. Absolutely. Couldn't have done it without you. I know. When I saw that, I was like, wait a minute. I thought this was just because we enjoy each other's brains, but no, it's all it's all synergy interconnectedness it's all what do they call it uh vertical marketing or whatever

well i would have come on we would have done this even if i wasn't having a special but it is also weird weird times obviously yeah yeah the zooming so oh yeah i mean we're having to do Weird times, obviously. Yeah, yeah. The Zooming. So, oh, yeah. I mean, I don't know. The Zooming we're having to do. I think this is just. Who would have thought we'd miss a podcast being together? Like, who would have thought you'd miss getting in your car to go to the studio to do a podcast? I, and you know what?

It doesn't, like, this is great, and this is going great, and I'm very happy and thankful that you came on here but it is different it's like it is different than to be in the same room with somebody it's more fun I think it makes a better kind of you know I don't know there's just a better it's a better energy exchange because there's physical

and distance between you you see the same space. You see the person in 3D. Yeah. You know, you can see my, I don't know. It's just everything's better communication-wise. You see my body language, my eyes. It's the same thing for me why I'm not doing stand-up.

I just, I don't want to do it on Zoom. Yeah. The longer I go, the longer I wonder if I'll do it again. I know that sounds so dramatic and like I'm begging you to like be like, no, Beth, you have to. You have to. But you know what I mean? It's just like I know I have this. They need you at the chuckle hut.

Who farted factory called and they're desperate for you. Yeah. It is different. do you really think that like like that you know you might not do stand-up again i feel like my gosh everyone talks about how scary stand-up is and this or that and it's like well i've just been doing it for 13 years so i'm not i was never stopped to think about how it might be scary you know and i think the longer i go i think think it's over 100 days now. It has to be. March 7th is when I filmed the special, and that's the last time I did stand-up for an audience was my special.

Wow. So I did do one event with the Sklars on Zoom. It was like a fundraiser for their kid's school. Mm-hmm. And it was fine and fun, and I love those guys, and that's why I did it. But it's just not the same, and I was fine and fun and i love those guys and that's why i did it but it's just not the same and i was really nervous yeah so that was my first time doing stand-up in 95 days i remember and now it's been even longer yeah i just think when am i gonna do it again i know there are comics touring right now oh yeah no i don't want to like getting fucking covid right so i'm like i don't want to shit on

them i just but i don't think it's a good idea for me to do that yeah for people or myself what but i mean but is there is it going to happen again is it making you rethink the actual doing of it or is it just yes absolutely really because i'm you know yes the pandemic um the place i'm in in life like um the second wave of the civil rights movement the black lives matter movement sometimes it just feels like what would i have to add right now that would be helpful yeah so i think too it's important to remember without being i don't know i was talking about this with a musician friend he's like yeah but think about the musicians during the 60s and how integral they were to processing everything that was going on and to me that makes sense i'm like yes yes, yes, we need music. We need musicians to keep writing, but I'm not applying it to myself. I don't know. So it's easy. I mean, it's, I mean,

it's a, it's a, a very much of a micro level, but it's like for me on Twitter, like I, you know, I used to talk about politics a lot more, but now I just kind of feel like nobody needs to hear from me right now. I'm not going to, all I'm going to do is be dittoing what people who have a much more vital voice and a lot more skin in the game than, than me. Yeah. I just feel like it's the role becomes more amplifying, I think for you in a place. But now,

but now for you, is it like, is there something like, are, do you not miss the crowd? Do you not miss the atmosphere? Do you not miss the- I have such a strange relationship with it. And I think it's changing too. I mean, I look back at all the things that I, I mean, again, sacrifice seems a bit of a stretch, but you know, things I gave up. I remember one of my, you know, I say last real relationships, meaning not someone in the industry, not someone so part of this life out here. With a civilian, you mean? Yes. Yeah, yeah. Was Nick and he's somebody I went

to college with and like, this is getting, this is me being like, no, everything happens for a reason. But it's kind of one of those things where I'm like, that ended because of where I was in life. And I was so, I was driven and I had goals and they were standup related. And to say that it was our relationship ended because of stand-up is not too far from the truth. So I look at that and I'm like, okay, so I chose this. And it's gotten me to where I am. And I can't have regrets about that because he's moved on and I've moved on. So it's not about being like, maybe I can make that again you know it's more like everything I've done has led

me to this point yeah I achieve something and put passion and anger and um hard work and time and energy into my hour and it's coming out yeah and that's like a piece of work so now what do i want to do that again yeah on the in on these terms yeah i don't know if i have the discipline currently well what if it say the covid is you know we're free and clear there's a va you know there's a what do you call it a the vaccine and by you know like thanksgiving we're out of this and real you know normal life returns are you like back in the clubs i yeah i mean i guess i might be yeah i would i'll feel so out of it and i and i think i i think i underestimate sometimes just what feels like crap to me might be is still potentially a magic trick to the crowd yeah so i have to maybe remember that

it goes back to this discussion of me going i have a joke about this it goes back to that because it one thing i learned from touring with sarah silverman is like she stand up is also acting in the sense that each time you tell the joke it's a performance it should be like the first time you tell the joke i am over here in my head struggling with being like disingenuous so i'm like you guys know this one so even if i'm on stage and i don't have an hour of new material because we've been in isolation and I don't want to tell another joke about my can't fit in jeans. You know what I mean? Like, so I go back to maybe old material instead of being like, here is a great act that I worked many years on.

I'm like, you guys know this one. Yeah. And it's like, no, you, I should be presenting it. Like I have, I should have this whole podcast. Like there's my jokes. Yeah. And instead I'm like,

I am shit. Can't you tell my loves are cold? Does the crowd aspect, is that, are you like, do you have an ambivalence to working for crowds? I, no, no. I think I've developed a strange, I don't even know how to phrase this.

It's like, instead of seeing, like i i need to see it more positively it goes back to almost like you know if you put something out there yeah you can get it's already difficult to do that which people just brush past it's already difficult to put yourself out there put something of your work out and then you can have we've we've about this, all of us as performers and public figures have talked about this hundreds of millions of times, but you can get 99 positive feedback in the one comment that's negative. So instead of me going to a crowd and being like, these people came to see me, they love you. They're excited. I'm like, don't get cocky. You don't have fans. And the one person who's there who starts to heckle me that's what

i'm pulling from it it like i need to be defensive yeah instead of like coming out and be like hello you're welcome we're all here together because of me like i don't want to think like that and so i think that if i could go back in time i would have a bit more of a positive view of it yeah but I also think some of the material in my new special is potentially feather feather ruffling and I and I had that in my mind as I toured it like I needed to be a little tough yeah to talk about it and what I would get in return yeah yeah and did you get that was there pushback from the crowd about some of the stuff that to talk about it and what I would get in return. Yeah, yeah.

And did you get that? Was there pushback from the crowd about some of the stuff that you were saying? Mostly in Raleigh, I would say. Yeah. And so when Bobcat went there after me and experienced that racist incident in the crowd and this fight that took place, it almost made me, I don't want to say feel better, but it justified my bad experience there. Yeah, yeah. Because I was like, oh yeah, that's why they hated it.

Yeah. And again, we can't really say that because I had a lot of amazing people come out in Raleigh. So there is a lot of positive in the crowd who's with you, who's on board. But there's the people there who, like at his shows, broke out in a fight, you know? there who like at his shows broke out in a fight, you know? Yeah. So I guess if we're talking scales, the scales were tipped towards I'm not welcome here. Yeah.

Yeah. It's difficult because you don't get to choose who comes to see these things. And different towns are different, really different. If I've been in durham i think it would have been a fully different experience which i was supposed to be but my agent had messed up and scheduled those things too close together i was supposed to be a motorco in durham would have been a fully different experience yeah then that goes back to the argument of

should you only be preaching to the choir yeah yeah well you know i mean yeah but i mean are you preaching or you i'm definitely not preaching but i am making people ideally question maybe something that they've thought about yeah i know but i mean but it's also kind of like you're also there i i mean mainly to be funny. Yep. And that's the best part of this, of any version of this stuff that we do. But, I mean, for me, I just kind of feel like, no, why not have a good time? You know, why not talk to people that want to hear? Like, would you rather have a dinner, you know, have dinner and have a conversation with somebody that doesn't want to hear anything you have to say, or somebody that's

like, yeah, kind of halfway on board with you. And then, you know, you kind of, yeah, yeah. I mean, I've had to do that in Vegas. You know, when I, I did Kimmel's club twice last year, and normally I would definitely not do a club twice, but Vegas is not the same. Right. Anytime you go there. Yeah. Yeah. And that's the difference with that. But I just eventually started adopting a way to open the set, which is like, hi, I'm this

person you don't know because I'm not a famous person. And my jokes will not hit you over the head. My punchlines will not hit you over the head. Like it's really more of a scavenger hunt. So best of luck to you all. And then they are like, okay, now we know what we're in for. Cause if they're expecting Carrot Top, which again, no shade on him. I think he's a very talented performer. They're not going to get that with me in Vegas. So I have to tell you what's about to happen. And I think that was my experience in clubs early on where it was just like because i was even more subtle and potentially comatose yeah i mean yeah

you're not exactly i'm closer to my personality on stage now than i ever have been i but when i actually have noticed that over time because yes you know yeah my first conan said i'm like like sort of asleep well it wasn't that you were asleep but it was that there was you it was definitely a persona an on-stage persona that's different than now you and and now yeah yeah now is much more you which yeah you know i uh takes a long time to kind of get there yeah but i mean it's and it but it's always like that's kind of the point you know i mean is to be you as much and i think too you know like when you were saying because i definitely when you were talking about the one

person out of a hundred and that i you know just say to yourself like i don't have fans like who you know yeah and then but then on the other hand. So then you go to like, you know, you know, I you don't want to go out there and go like these people love me. Right. Always love me. And here I am to give them the gift of me. You know, it's in between. is where you gotta be i need to find that better yeah it just it i i mean from having from just having been doing this and you know being old uh it takes time but it it's like yeah you rent because it's like the people that are really into their, that, you know, getting high on their own supply or, you know, like auto-fileting themselves about how fucking important they are. They're miserable fucks.

And the people, but then also too, like to think like I'm garbage and I'm dirt and I don't deserve any of this. It's also not fun. It's a drag. It's a real fucking drag, you know? So it's kind of like, yeah, I do this it's a real fucking drag you know so it's kind of like yeah i do this but it doesn't you know it's like yeah i just do this this is my job you know and then i you know i mean i'm very proud of having been on a tv show that matters to people and having done on a few different tv shows that matter to people and having done work that matters to people but i fucking you know i'm still like now just like a guy in a house in burbank with a dog you know you know who doesn't vacuum enough you know i i it's you know and i don't want it because i don't it me i almost

probably have like an allergy to self-aggrandizement. That's too much. Yeah. I think it's because if you see it in other people, it bothers me. But I think it bothers me because it works. So, you know, you see some of these people, I don't even want to shit on them necessarily. But like I see what they're doing and the sort of like, I'm looking at like, not god man you know or a woman it's like to me i'm kind of like fucking sit down it's like but why am i doing that yeah i should try to be more

like them yeah but you can't i don't know i i just don't know i mean because i don't, I'm in that same, I'm, you know, probably 20 years older than you. And I'm still kind of still living that. It's just to a lesser degree. It probably bothers me. You know, it's probably less of a, it's lower down on the agenda. But I still have that kind of same thing where I just see people that are like world eaters I yeah call them they just it's like it's not and there's never enough and I just am like oh I just couldn't do that I mean and like I'm gonna an amateur here and I'm not to say that Conan is is a world eater but like Conan

has has big ambition. I mean, you don't get to be what he is without having ambition. Right. And in between the tonight show and the TBS show, there was this, we were getting on, we went on a tour and we were getting on a private plane. And there were about 15 of us,

you know, like getting on this private plane to go do this conan show and there's like and i'm thinking as we're getting on a plane there's like two semi trucks loaded with gear driving to the gig and it's going to be and i just was like i could not handle that pressure like if it was about like the andy show and it's like my private plane and there were 15 people to go do the Andy show and trucks with Andy gear. I would just be like, oh, I, you know, I want to disappear. I just couldn't handle the pressure of it, you know? Yeah, I find so much of my career and comfort in what I always have been, which is like the kid's sister.

Yeah. So when I tour with someone, I open for them. And when I'm on their show i write for them and um when i'm acting i'm a supporting character so it's sort of like that in a way and it's part of my stand-up too so it's like well this is who i am to you i'm like i'm like your best friend yeah i'm not the big person you're here to see and get the autograph i'm like here to make you laugh. Cause I'm like your friend. Yeah. I heard.

So that type of feeling. I heard Steven Van Zant once talking about, you know, being Springsteen's guitarist and having fronted his own bands. And then just said like, yeah, I like it better when I'm the guitarist. Yeah.

It's just like, it just, it works better for me. It's less pressure. And I totally relate to it. I'm like, oh yeah, I just like it just it works better for me it's less pressure and i totally relate to it i'm like oh yeah i just you know as time goes on too i have like i'm trying to figure out a way to be in show business but not have to do like 80 of the ugly shitty show business stuff like being on podcasts of talk show sidekicks uh you know like uh you know the fucking eat your vegetables of show business uh um no i mean this part is the fun part

all right i know i'm kidding but i mean but like the publicity part and all the kind of schmoozy parts just i just don't have any patience for it anymore. Not to mention that it has changed so drastically. Yeah. That's the other part of it. You know, so much of it, not just because of the pandemic. Pandemic. You know, because, you know, there's digital premieres and we're doing this right now.

But because this would have happened even if not. But yeah, I know. I do know what you're saying, where it's just sort of like what's changed so much too feels like we're open, we're so easily accessible. That didn't used to happen. It used to be a comic that you went and saw and toured, and that was your time with them. It wasn't the chance to be like,

Andy, send us a pic of what you're eating right now. Right, right. Right. You'd be like, you know, you see me on the TV and that's it. So like there is a strange sort of accessibility and openness that can leave you feeling very vulnerable too. Yeah. Which is odd. Yeah, well you just

you don't answer any DMs. That's the answer. Just decline, decline decline decline now when you uh when did you really like was there a point when you thought like okay i can do this for a living like this is like do you remember a point or was it sort of more of a slow build? Yeah. And are you still in Ohio? Cause I know you went, went to Chicago.

Did you go to Chicago to do standup? Yeah. I left school. Like I finished college. I did graduate in Ohio and I moved to Chicago the very next day. Um, yeah, I just got my fuck around. Yeah. Just did it graduate, moved to Chicago the very next day. Wow. Yeah, I just got.

Why fuck around? Yeah, I just did it. Graduate, moved to Chicago. And I was going to do a play there. And I did a play there for like, you know, $100. You didn't act in a play? Yeah. I was in The Good Person of Szechuan by Bertrand Precht.

Oh, okay. And so I was a theater person. I was going to do theater there. And I want to say six months later is when I went to my first open mic. Oh, really? Yeah. And I spent four years there. And I was very, yeah, again, driven and just like goal setting. And this is what I want to do.

And I knew I would move to L.A. I thought about New York. And Kinane was like, it's a $10,000 detour. And I was like, I've never seen that amount of money. And I saved up the most I could possibly save. And it was not much. Now that I'm looking back, it's astonishing. I thought I should move with that amount of money.

I think I had, I forget if it was $1,200 or $1,600. I think it was $1,200. And I saved up for a long time um i can't believe i did that and um and i think the first time i felt like maybe i can do this like this is gonna work was i well i guess it was like a mix of two things one stands out as my evening with best selling at meltdown like the first time I got to like do an extended set at Meltdown, I was like, maybe I can do this. You know, it felt good.

And it felt like the closest step to my personality on stage. And I can't remember the year now, but. It doesn't matter. 14, maybe. Google it, people. But yeah, that was the first time I was like, maybe I can do this. I'd be myself on stage instead of this anxiety of a comic with a script. Yeah.

And then, of course, there's realities of feeling like maybe I can do this, which would have been Christian Duguay hiring me at Ridiculousness, the show. Christian Duguay hiring me at Ridiculousness, the show. That was my first, to me, break where I was not having to live off of my paycheck from Intelligentsia, which I think was around $300 every two weeks. I mean, it was tough. Yeah, yeah. And how long were you on Ridiculousness? I wasn't even – I was just like – I forget my, I forget my title, but you know, we were just in the writer's room, but what that really meant was, you know, coming up with the categories and stuff

like that. So I think it was like a producer position or whatever. I can't remember how long it was. So they're not going to pay you as a writer. Right. Because you would have to join the guild. I'm familiar with that concept. Exactly.

Yeah. So I forget how long I was there. Um, but it was really only one season and that was enough for me to bridge the gap between nannying the coffee shop errands. Now I'm getting paid by ridiculousness, which was the most money I'd ever had in my life and touring opening for, um, I think it was Jessalynick at the time. So I was able to finally, it's like I always compare it to Elf, to Will Ferrell as Elf on the escalator. One foot on the ground, one foot going up the escalator. And you're like, ah, should I let go?

And I quit my job at Intelligentsia. And I was like, I think I'm going to be able to somehow do this. And you did pretty much, right? Yeah, yeah. But I kept living in a dining room for about seven years just to be safe. My rent was like $650. Yeah, yeah. I was living there up until writing on crashing, actually.

Wow. I'm a very, yeah, I'm a safe. I fly safe. Oh, well, it's all, I mean, look, you're living the champagne lifestyle now. I freaking have a bookshelf, dude. I know. People can't see it. We're on a Zoom call here, but she has caviar smeared around her mouth.

I'm hoping it's caviar. That's just my mustache. I haven't been able to get to the. The depilatory shop. The depilatory shop. The depilatory shop. Well, I mean, so you've got... When does the special, the hour drop? August 20th.

August 20th. HBO Max. HBO Max. Team Coco. Team Coco. Nice. All right. Well, I'll watch.

I would love that. I'm sure they give you a private link. I'll be brutal too. Yeah, please do. Send me your notes. Well, what do you, I mean, I mean, we kind of talked a little bit about, you know, because the where are you going portion of this. We've talked a little bit about it but i mean what what do you like all things working out exactly how you want what what's what and where does it

go from here i'm all things working out exactly how i want the industry reopens. I do get to tour again. And I feel like the ideal for me is, is not, I don't, my, not like it would be bad. I just, I don't picture arenas.

I picture like, I would love to be able to tour in smaller theaters or venues where it's people who I know want to be there. As opposed to when you first start and you're headlining and people just expect a comedian and get you and you're like, what is this? No, I believe people there to see you. The room makes a huge difference. Like, yeah. So that's, I do want standup to always be a part of my life, but I've, I've been developing a show. Um, so like, where do I see it going i i hope that it goes to series and

i get to do seasons of it and yeah it helps people is it is it is it your i mean are you the star of it it's like a semi yeah semi autobiographical dark comedy i've been developing with sharon horgan uh-huh um and yeah i would i would play myself in it and it's about me and my mom and my sisters and basically how childhood trauma affects romantic relationships and partners the idea that you know if someone does something bad are they a monster forever or is eventual redemption? And the idea that if someone who's been through trauma or victimized, are they a victim forever? Or are they able to eventually move past it, shake it off and make better choices with better awareness? And this is something that you have very bravely done in public too. I mean, over time, you know.

Yeah. It's definitely been a big part of me. I never wanted it to be, but I mean, over time, you know. Yeah. It's definitely been a big part of me. I never wanted it to be. But I think, you know, by sharing it, my initial intention was to be helpful to other women and sort of almost just shoot that awareness out to my community. And that story, as you know, just very much got away from me. That wasn't within my control. And so that has continued to affect me in the sense of like, well, I don't want to be public like that again because it ran away from me. I lost control. People can make any judgment they want on it. But the initial intention was to protect women around me. Yeah. Well, and I mean, for people that don't know, but you were public about an abusive relationship that you were in. Right.

From someone in the community. It wasn't about revenge or calling them out personally. It was just meant for the community because that's what my audience was at the time. because that's what my audience was at the time. And of course I was touring and I had a following, but it was more like the idea of me wanting to share because that's kind of what my whole life up to that point had been, which is what I shared with you even early. My field hockey team, I'm making them laugh about my family.

So it's almost like to me it felt like, are you going to pinch the butt of somebody that has a megaphone in their hand? Because they're going to squeal and everybody's going to hear it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's kind of like, that's how my life had been up to that point. And if it happens to me, I'm going to talk about it into the mic. I think I've learned all kinds of lessons along the way, which is like maybe some things you get to choose how much you share with someone, you know? And so that's been something I've played with and how personal do you want to be?

But I don't know. Well, and also, you know, I mean, having been through a divorce and being a public person, there were some things, you know, I, I didn't share a lot, but, but there were some things that I just kind of felt like, and it wasn't, it was also kind of just like people in my work life and stuff where, you know, I went, I wasn't like crazy, crazy, but like I came apart and there were times there were things I needed to say that were part of me dealing with this. The worst thing that ever happened to me and like, sorry, you know, like I'm going through the worst thing that's ever happened to me. And just because you're an adult doesn't mean you have it together. And just because of how you dealt with that situation, a traumatic event, doesn't mean that's who you are now or that that was the best version of yourself.

But being public, you know, in some sense, there's record of it. Yeah. You know, and that can be traumatizing, too. Well, I felt at the time, it's like, hey, I need to heal. And I mean, not like in some sort of corny, you know, a Yonla fixed my life kind of way. But like, it's like, hey, I'm coming. I've come apart. This is a process. Part of it is going to be public because I can't even fully get a handle on why part of it has to be public.

It just is. And it's what I feel. And instinctively, I felt like that's, you know, what needed to happen. And I also think for your situation, if I may tell you what your situation was. No, but, you know, I mean, one aspect of what happened to you was the notion that you were supposed to keep the secret. And that is, that is like, if you keep that secret, then you're complicit in the keeping of future secrets. So when you come and say, like, I'm not going to keep this secret, and I'm going to say this happened to me and it's bad and it's wrong. It doesn't, you know, that's a message like, oh, you know, like, because there are,

there are very base people that, cause everybody gets angry. Everybody gets furious at their partner. There's a difference in some people where they lash out. Yeah, absolutely. And violently, and they need to learn. Absolutely, because I think another aspect of it too, which I sort of alluded to, but it came to my attention that I was not the only one, even though I had asked if I was,

and the person said, yes, I was, but I wasn't. So that was for me also the impetus. Like it's got to stop or it'll happen again. And again, it doesn't have to be my responsibility. But when someone's asking you, like you just said, don't tell anybody this, you know, like depending on who saw that, they might've needed to hear that too. That if someone tells you to keep something secret, well, maybe you you know like please don't share this it's like well i think i need to share it yeah no it's myself and others yeah it's keeping you a prisoner of your own

you know your own pain yeah you know absolutely I think, yeah, like you're saying, though, when you have to, like what you said, the second sort of aspect of it is the public aspect. And that's a whole other thing to deal with. Yes. Because even if I had dealt with this within my family, it would have been tough. Yeah. I dealt with this within my family would have been tough, but then to share it more openly, which at the time was just, again, like you, like I relate to what you're saying. It's like, I just did it. I just felt like I had to do it. Yeah. You know, it's not like I thought about it for months and years and planned it and knew that this was the right and only way, you know, it was more like a, this has got to come out. Yeah. It's self-preservation.

It's not an aggressive act. It's like you said, it's not a grudge. It's not scoring points. It's, it's self-preservation. Yeah. Yeah. Well, we're getting near the end here. I don't like to keep you too long.

I mean, I'm sure you have lots to do. Oh, it's, it's stacked for the day. Yeah. I get it. Yeah. I'm going to open the door and it's stacked for the day. Yeah. I get it. Yeah. I'm going to open the door and see if there's mail next. Maybe three more times. All right.

What is like, what's the best thing that you have taken away from your life this far? Like what are you happiest about? What's the best lesson you've learned? Wow. The best thing that I've taken from life so far, I guess in relation to, I'm looking at my office wall for inspo. I have a letter from a young gal who came and saw me in Portland framed.

And she brought me a little care package, which I, you know, I've seen happen to other comics, but I wouldn't say it happens. It's, you know, I'm not the person who's showered in gifts after a,

like a figure skater. Well, it's about time. Come on. Shower me from now on. But she wrote me this letter that at the time, of course me cry and i'm sure if i read it now it'd make me cry again but she showed up to a show on must have been thursday came back on saturday with this little care package and this letter that i opened and it was like curated to both of our um similarities and

she just shared with me like it's so nice to know you exist. Someone who all these things like me, X, Y, and Z enlisted them. And so I guess like my biggest lesson, even in relation to what we just talked about, like, what do I have to offer? I think it's that, I think it's sharing my vulnerabilities, things I've been through. For her, it was like, you know, sharing my vulnerabilities, things I've been through. For her, it was like whether having a MAGA dad, having been with an abusive partner, being somewhat germaphobic, having someone give you a hard time about your weight,

all the things that she shared that she saw in me that I said into a microphone in public. Yeah. She's like, I... And got laughs. It's so nice to know you exist. Yeah. And so I guess the nicest lesson to learn is like, when you share, you can help other people

who don't have it in them to share, who would otherwise feel alone if you hadn't said it into the mic yeah yeah it's i mean i'm i've never been like a big i've always you know like i'm kind of from an absurdist school you know there's not like like i don't the notion of political humor to me doesn't work because i don't know how to make it funny you know it just isn't like the news isn't funny to me um but i have been open about struggles with depression or whatever and it's been and i don't i didn't do it because you know i, it always makes me squeamish when I hear celebrity types talking about, you know, I talked about my struggles so I could help those out there.

But it is like you talk about your struggles and you can help people. It's like so many beautiful encounters with people that just the simple thing of saying, like, you talk so openly about struggling with depression and I could never do that. And, you know, it's like the version of what you're saying, but it's like I wasn't on a stage, you know, it was either on a podcast or on an interview or something, but they're like, it made me feel like I could do it. Like, it made me feel like I could admit this thing. And it's just, to me, like, to not say, like, you know, the people's relationship with their own mental health is, like, I always say, like,

would you walk around with a broken leg, with a bone sticking out of your leg? You'd go to the hospital, you know? But people will walk around being miserable for years because they think it's some sort of, it betrays some sort of inherent weakness in them. Yeah. Or that, oh, people might know. And they're like, babe, people know they see the bones sticking. Yeah, exactly. So yeah, no, it is, you know, it always, it's, it's usually good to share you know yeah right and i've also i've also learned like we were saying before it's like some things are just for you yeah and so you're

gonna learn the difference yeah you're gonna falter but you know i think too just it's again i guess cheesy but when you when you look at back at life you think like oh i wish this didn't happen or that didn't happen it's like you can't take it back because that's life. So I guess I'm grateful for all the traumatic events that have made me who I am. I feel stronger for it. I'm glad I've experienced those parts of life and have been able to, like you're saying, my job to me has been make dark things funny. Yeah. If I can do that, then to me, I guess I have some sort of power over them, but it might help somebody else too.

Well, keep doing it, please. I will. Okay, good. I'm gonna. And what is the name of your hour? It's called Girl Daddy. Girl Daddy? Which is the last, I guess you'll find out in the special.

But it's also, it's an old tweet of mine, which is basically I've been called a female comic so many times. If I have kids, I'm making them call me Girl Daddy. But, you know, there's more to that bit. Right. You got to watch to find out. Girl Daddy would look good on a t-shirt. Yeah, I'm going to have them. I'm going to have them at bestselling.com, baby.

Check out the merch at bestselling.com. Coming soon. It's not up yet. Well, thank you so much for doing this. Thank you for having me. What a great way to start my day because you know I was in bed right before this. I know. I actually got up and took the dog to daycare, but that's about all I did before this.

Yeah, that's something. I didn't leave the house. I just got my hair into a shape. Well, no shape is a shape. Look at this one. Oh, it's a kicky curl. Fun, loving, and free. All right, Beth. I release you. Okay. girl. Fun, loving, and free.

All right, Beth. I release you. And I look forward to seeing the special on HBO Max. You said August 20th? August 20th, HBO Max. Same day as Chelsea Handler's. Hopefully people stick around for mine.

Check it out, people. And we will get back at you next time on The Three Questions. The Three Questions with Andy Richter is a Team Coco and Earwolf production. It's produced by me, Kevin Bartelt, executive produced by Adam Sachs and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Chris Bannon and Colin Anderson at Earwolf. Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, associate produced by Jen Samples and Galit Zahayek, and engineered by Will Becton.

And if you haven't already, make sure to rate and review The Three Questions with Andy Richter on Apple Podcasts. This has been a Team Coco production in association with Earwolf.