The Three Questions with Andy Richter - Blair Socci: Dating App Dish (The Andy Richter Call-In Show)

Episode Date: June 12, 2026

Comedian Blair Socci joins Andy Richter to talk your DATING APP DISH STORIES!  We talk shirtless cowboys, kinky apps, the super-human patience of straight women, and much more. Want to call in? Fill out our Google Form at BIT.LY/CALLANDYRICHTER or dial 855-266-2604 with whatever you want to discuss! Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Conan old bro, Conan. Welcome back to the Andy Richter Call-in Show. Did you have, Blair, did you have something you wanted to ask? Oh, could I turn the volume? Oh, yeah, there's a knob right down there where the thing is plugged in. Much better. That's Blair Sochi.

She's here today. She's my guest host. We are going to take your calls, thus the name Call-in Show. Love it. It's not, it should be Answer Calls Show. but it doesn't sound as good. And we are talking dating app dish or dating app dirt. We couldn't decide which.

You decide. Do you want to give us dish or dirt? Which is my new e-network channel, an e-channel show. Dish or dirt. And we are at 855-266-2-604. Give us a call if you've got some dating app stories. And here's about Blair. I mean, she's really funny.

You can watch your special Live from the Big Dog on YouTube via 8. Excuse me. Live from the big dog on YouTube via 800 pound gorilla media. Via 800 pound gorilla media. Check out her podcast, Spaced Out with Blair Sochi and visit blaresochi.com for her live dates. What is spaced out? Is it about NASA? Well, thank you for asking.

Yes. Well, that's what I'm here to do. It's actually my logline for the podcast is pop culture, mental health, womanhood, and a little bit of aliens. Oh, really? Yes. And my late brother came up with the title before he died. Oh, nice. So then I started it after.

Oh, nice. Yeah. Oh, so you would, did you have it in the works before he passed? Yes. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I was like, I was trying to, because he's the person that I would talk to, like, anytime I saw an aliens thing, I'd send. Was he into that too? Um, sort of in a real cheeky way like me, not like a hardcore, uh, alien

tin hat type of thing, but just sort of a fun send off a, wow, this is a wacky video type of thing. Yeah, I, because I know people are deeply, deeply into it. Well, I have to say, I never considered aliens one time before 2021 where the government sort of just dropped it in there and no one cared at all. What did they drop in? See, I'm one of the people. I mean, if I knew, I forgot.

Yeah. Well, Mr. Blink 182, you know, sort of got involved. I said, I'm going to take this to the top. And they partner with him. And they were like, look, aliens are real. But no one cared because of COVID. Oh. Because the world was, like, on fire.

Right, right, right. So now I've been following a little bit. And did they open up, like, government files or something? They did. Or just a guy from Blink 182 decided. That was what is going to This thing That and Brat Rock

But they did Now they're slowly I mean you can't really trust anything These are you allowed to curse on here Yeah fuck yeah I was gonna say you can't really trust anything These fuckers say But they just released like something

And you know it's all like Literally nothing in there Yeah Like all blacked out like the sex files Oh really? Yeah Not to say that I've poured through them I don't want to mislead the listeners

Listen, I've got a lot of redacted stuff in my past. Although nothing near, you know, I don't even, I shouldn't even be making jokes. Yeah, yeah, you're right. Any kind of like, any kind of true line. Yeah. I mean, because of my alien adventures. Yeah, because I, you know, I've been probed. I'm very excited about the subject of this show, though, because I have been trying to get up the will to start dating again and go out on the app.

Because you have kind of been in mourning about the better's passing. I have. And I haven't been dating. But I got to, as everyone around me, it's like, uh, clock's ticking, babe. You know, so. Such supportive friend. I know. And with my, all the, um, free time I have to. Yeah, yeah, yeah, right, exactly.

They're like, can't you feel your, your ovary screaming? Luckily, I did freeze my eggs when I was quite young. Oh, wow. Yeah. That is very prescient of you. How did you, I mean, what made you just like? Like, I better get these things out before I curdle them. I'll be honest with you.

My boyfriend at the time paid for it. Oh, okay. Nice. But when we were like, oh, neither of us are even close to being ready, you know. So. Well, do you have dating app stories from earlier? Yeah, yeah. And which ones did you prefer?

So for me, I did go on Raya, and then I quickly realized that those are not the men I'm looking for these straight mammoth spray tans and telling vitamins on there. Also, like, why on Raya are they, they're like, oh, yeah, Hans in Sweden? I'm like, I'm never going to fucking meet Hans. Stop showing me people like on other continents. They're jet setters, man. I guess so. Yeah.

So I got off there. And maybe Hans will come to you. Look, I'd love if Hans came to me, but I feel like Hans is on the yachts with the girls, you know. Yeah. The spray tan girls. Yeah, not the meatheads like me. So then I go on hinge and then my therapist made me make a very detailed profile.

She made me show her. Can you imagine the horror? What? It was actually really good, though, because she made me answer honestly, like, what I was looking for and what it was like to date me and stuff. And so then I had a very sincere profile, like, no jokes, like, just like, you know. Yeah. And I do feel like it helped filter out. Like I went on the dates with nice men.

Oh, that's nice. Yeah, like I always hear, you always hear, and I know there are horror stories, but I think I try to screen pretty well. Yeah. So the men I met, it was actually pretty affirming, like, they were very nice. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I was on, I went on, the only one I ever did was hint. Well, no, that's not true.

Because, and I mean, I was married for 25 years. Yeah. So I, um, do you recommend that? I did not date for those 25 years. That's good. had the willpower to be married. No, I mean, I am, I am pretty monogamous.

Like, just by nature. Same. I have no, I have nothing in me that is slick or trying to juggle. Me neither. Zero desire. It is exhausting. Like even after I was divorced, like, I had one night where I had two dates back to back.

Oh, my God. Andy. I know, I know. It was a very productive time. Wow. And it was exhausting. Oh, my God. I was like, this is, I can't ever do that again.

You had to have two different hours of icebreakers. Yes. And where were you from? How many siblings do you have? Well, we, they both were, like I was dating more than one person as a time. Yeah, yeah. So, but it was still, it was still exhausting. I know.

Because you really got to put on your best self. Yeah. And it's, yeah. And I just, you know. I have to wear like a form fitting outfit. No hat. You know? No hat.

No hat. I have to, you know. They're going to see your cow lick. Yeah. I have to be like an adult woman. I have to try not to curse. Do you feel like that's, you know, this is a shitty term, but false advertising? Don't you feel like maybe you should give them the full blare?

Or do you feel like you're going to like sense if they can handle it? Well, the problem. is like I'm a pretty shy person like romantically. Yeah. And then if you go on a date with a guy and they've already seen you all over something and then you're not starting on equal ground. Like what was that like for you? Well, I, um, I, well, I should say that I, because when I said I started to say, uh, after I separated from my, my ex-wife, uh, Nikki Glazer talked. me into getting on Raya.

And you know how you got to be, like, recommended to be on there? And so she recommended me beyond there. And I, you know, like, went through all the steps of programming it. And they're like, pick some music. And it was all, like, there was, like, I think I had, like, just anything. There was no. There was nothing old. It was all, like, new horrible shit.

And, and I, you're like, it doesn't resonate. Yeah. It's like, none of this music is my. music and then like they want to upload photos which to me is just I'd rather give blood than give photos. Well I have to say you know if you are a man out there please ask a girlfriend to look over your profile because some of like it'll be five selfies in a dirty bathroom mirror and it's like show some of your friends just a normal picture and put fresh towels on the bar at least.

Well, so I did, I filled out my thing and I got, you know, and I try, I thought I was like kind of doing it behind the scenes. And I realized that it had gone public and, but only for like a half an hour. And I was so horrified that I'd like, you know, like put it away. Yeah. But in the short, I was on for like a day. But in the short time I was on, I just, it made my head spin. It's like your, your version of spray-tanned men selling v. It's like, it's like a lot of L.A. ladies.

Yeah. Because I was, you know, I'd set the parameters for, I think the lowest I was going was like 38 years old. Right. So it was all like grown up women. Good for you, Andy. Well, thank you. You're the last man standing in Los Angeles.

Holy shit. No, I mean, I didn't have anything. But I did feel like, okay, mid-30s. Sometimes if there's a man at the comedy store who's hitting on me that I, um, am not interested in, I'll just, all I have to do is tell them my real age. If I want them to go away. Oh, by the way, I'm younger than I, or I'm older than I look. I am much older than I look.

Surprise! Yeah, well, that's good. That's a good, a good weeding out mechanism. But anyway, and I also, on Ryan, I felt like at any given time, there must just be, if you go out to Malibu or Santa Monica, there must be like 30 women jumping in the surf getting, you know, still photos of them live, laugh, loving on any time of day because it was like so many, I guess it's the female, the LA female version of holding a fish. Right.

You know, for a man. Yeah. So Raya, I was like, no fucking way I couldn't handle it. And then I dated for a couple of years just on, you know, on my own lame, my own shitty. Try to meet you. Yeah, my own shitty, you know. If someone offers to set me up, I always go.

Oh, do you? Yeah. Oh, that's nice. Yeah, I appreciate that. Yeah, yeah. No, I, well, I'd love to meet someone through someone. There was a few set up things that I had. And, but, like, there was one.

And I really trusted this friend of mine. And I believe him, but, because he didn't really know. But, like, I went with this woman. I met a woman, and she had six old friends. in about two and a half hours. Whoa. And I had two. And I was like, okay, that's a lot of drinking in a short amount of time.

Was she absolutely blasted? No, that's the other thing. She held it together, which told me. She was totally normal. Yeah, I was like, okay, that's, that's not a good sign. Six old fashions did nothing for her. She's like walking the, she's walking the DUI line perfectly. Perfectly fine.

So I was like, okay, that's, that's, I mean, I'm not a prude, but six old fashions in a couple of hours is a lot. But then, so I dated, you know, I just kind of dated freestyle, you know, out in the wild. Yeah. And then I got on, I actually Googled like which one is the most grown up. Right. Like, and it seemed like hinge and bumble. Yeah. But I just started with hinge.

And I just, I. I mean, within a, like, I guess a month, I met my wife. Whoa. And within a couple of weeks, we were exclusive. Really? Yeah, yeah. I mean, I didn't know that we were going to get married. But even then, that only took a few months.

What was the first day? Was it, what were your first days? Were they, like, dinner? Because sometimes people are like, yeah, you just go on a coffee date. I'm like, I cannot in the daytime find the chemistry between 12, and three over a ice coffee. Yeah, yeah. I feel like I'm on a job

interview. Yeah, yeah. No, we did, well, I will answer your question. I, the first picture you saw was me on the set of Conan. So I, because I didn't want a pussyfoot around and every time somebody... I always wonder what to do there. Every time

somebody messaged me of like, are you who I think you are? I would just ignore it, like, because I wasn't, I don't want to fan. Yeah. You know. I know that's confusing when they go on the date and then they reveal it.

I'm like, I'd rather them just sort of like pretend and then it like come up naturally. Like three years into marriage. Not three years. Like, I don't know. Just like subtle like, you know, oh yeah, I saw you. Like. Yeah. Because otherwise it's too overwhelming.

Yeah. Or I feel. You'd rather them, you'd rather not know. Or like just like. casually, like, just not, like, very aggressively about, I don't know how to word it. Yeah, yeah. Because it's just, like, when they've heard everything about you, then you feel vulnerable. Right.

Because you're just not on this, you're not getting to know each other at the same level. But say five dates in, they let you know, like, oh, no, I've watched everything available to you. Would you have, would you feel like they were keeping a secret from you? I don't know. Five dates is probably long. I mean, kind of like at the end of the first date or something. Oh, the first date. Oh, I see. You know, just something like a little more subtle. Right. Then those people being like, I saw you.

Yeah. Like every night for my entire life, you know. So, but yeah, but my, our first date was we, you know, we got, we got to beyond the app thing to actually texting each other. You know, got over the, here's my phone number thing. Right. And then we did make, we met. And she's from Whittier. She grew up in Whittier and then in the La Habra Heights.

And so there's an old steakhouse called the Dalre down, I think it's in Downy, maybe. Okay, this is sounding very chic to me so far. No, I mean, this place is like when I said, do you know the Dalre? She was like, yes, that's where we used to take my grandma. I love old steakhouse. And she was like, yeah, that's great. And also, too, she's a vegetarian. Whoa.

And she's like, yeah, I can make it. And you can, and I have, make a really good meal out of the sides at a steakhouse. Oh, totally. You know, a baked potato and some spinach. Sometimes I don't even get steak. And I love meat. And I'm the same way. Like, I love eating at steakhouses.

And I frequently will get like mostly sides because they're, you know, it's really a nice meal. They really do it up over there. Yeah. So we, she's like, yeah. And so we went and we had dinner at the Dalry. And then, and then we, after that, we, after that, We met downtown at a restaurant. I feel like a steakhouse.

See, that is like a really romantic kind of fun vibe for like a booth type of thing for a date. Yeah. I think. And also too, it's like that's me too. I felt like if you don't want to like I'm not going to the fucking hottest restaurant on Melrose. Yeah. I'm not even going to a bar. Yeah.

I'm too tired. You know? Yes. Yeah. So, oh my God. That's such a sweet story. I love that. Okay, well, you're encouraging me then.

And we hit it off really well. I would say, you know, you might want to, you know, include an on-stage picture of yourself. Well, I was about to say I see, because male comedians, their lives, incredible. I cannot fucking believe that. Oh, I'm at the comedy store and you will see the hottest women alive. throwing themselves at these men with gout. And my dear friends that I love to death, I truly love, but like a lot of my guy friends

are batting so far out of their, you know, it is incredible. Yeah. Wow. They just message them. They're at the show and then they just DM the guys and then all of a sudden they have a girlfriend, like the next week.

It's a beautiful life for you guys. And, well, and I think it's also, like, it is something that I am amazed at women's ability to, like, let the physical attributes of a man kind of be like, well, you know. Thank you for saying that, Andy. And just, and they're so understanding and so like, well, your personality is the important thing. And, you know. And also, too, making someone. that they prioritize somebody that can make them laugh. I feel like you're the first man to ever really give women credit for this.

Oh, no, I think it's fantastic. I mean, it's like men are fucking gross. So it's like the fact that women can fall, well, I mean, there's, you know, as my, as my young, because my, my, my, my oldest kid, my son is gay and his little sister's five years younger. And there was a point at which she was like in junior high. She got in the car and she said to my ex-wife, and she did not explain herself afterwards. She went, well, I guess I'm straight. I know. Like, she was like pissed off about it.

Every day I pray the straight away. Yeah, I do. And it's like, so if you got to be straight, you know, like, you're just going to have to put up with. No, I have to remind myself, though, because it is a little, because, like, you know, being semi-public or whatever, you get these messages from men that are like, I want to smell your armpit. You know, like, and you're just like, what is wrong with you? Right, right. What would ever make you write that to someone? And also, you've got to get in.

Yeah, you know, I admit smelling an armpit can be nice, but you've got to get into the relationship. You don't lead with that. And even then, you've got to kind of do it on the slide. But then I have to remember, like, men as a collective are scary, but I know so many men individually that are really wonderful men. and I have a lot of male friends that I am inspired by how committed and how much they love their wives. And that impresses me and gives me hope. I try to collect couples that I think are really happy and remind myself because I feel like I'm part of this like wave of this age of women where it's like, I don't know, we just have careers that we're passionate about. We have very deep friendships.

Love our families. Like very extensive communities that like I'm not really always feeling. like I'm missing anything. Like I don't, I'm not like super motivated, but I don't know. A little girl in me probably is like, oh, I, what is true love like? Yeah. Well, I, you know, I like it. I like being married.

Yeah. I don't, you know, and I didn't get married just for the sake of being married. I mean, and my wife is, you know, she just turned 50. I'm 59. So we're grownups. I'm so proud of you. And we knew, we knew like. You and Keanu Reeves dating age appropriate women.

Oh, yeah. We're so alike. God. I always say that about you. Yeah, yeah. Me and him. I should be in the next Matrix movie. I think so.

We already conquered Dancing with the Stars. Matrix's up next. It's up next. Hello, Wachowski. That's why we're here. If you got a dating app story, give us a call at 855-266-2-604. Let's talk to Callista from Canada.

Look at it on my screen it says current caller Callista from Canada Cowboy So alliterative good job Sean Hello Callista hi Callista how are you I'm good how are you good good you've got Blair and me and we're we're here waiting to hear your dish or dirt Dish or dirt as Calista absolutely so I went on this date with this guy from that I matched with on Tinder I hadn't been on the dating scene for all that long, and so I was kind of just taking gates with whoever I matched with wasn't really sure that I was looking for.

Were you coming out of a relationship? Is that why you say you weren't on the scene? Yeah. And how did you pick Tinder, by the way? I got a relationship for, hello, sorry? I said, and how did you pick Tinder, by the way? Oh, yeah. So I was in college, and I feel like just everybody in college at the time

just was the way to go. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I ultimately ended up on Hinge after that, but figured out that Tinder was not what I was looking for. Right, right. Yeah, Tinder seems to be the get laid. It's the fuck up. Yeah, yeah, it's the fuck. Which is cool.

You know, yeah, yeah. I mean, that's what you're into. That's a valid, valid drive, you know. Yeah. And so I matched with this guy. He seemed nice. We had talked for about a week before he invited me to go on a date. We were going to meet downtown and go for dinner at a nice restaurant.

Is this Toronto? And so I went down. No, I live outside of Toronto. Okay. I live in a town called Kingston. Okay. It's kind of in between Toronto and Ottawa. Okay.

So you go downtown. You meet this mystery man. Yeah. I do. I go downtown. I meet the mystery man. I'm looking around and I don't really see a guy that matches the pictures that I saw. Oh, God.

We agreed to meet in a park. Yeah. A park. And so I'm looking around. I'm looking around. And I see that there's this guy across the park who's also looking around for somebody and he starts heading in my direction. And so I'm like, oh, that guy, he doesn't really look like the photos. Maybe the photos were like five years old.

Oh, God, Callista. I'm hearing like a horror movie score in my head right now. Yeah, yeah. And the two things that I noticed about him right away were she was wearing cowboy boots, which is fine. Right. But he wasn't wearing a shirt. Wait. We were going to a nice restaurant and he was shirtless.

Why? And didn't like have a shirt hanging out of his pocket or anything? How old was this man, Galista? I think he was probably about 25. Okay. Men are freaks. No shirt to dinner? But long pants.

Yeah, long pants, long pants, but no shirt. He didn't have a shirt in his pocket. I thought maybe he would have a shirt somewhere. I was hoping. And we get to the restaurant. and obviously they won't let us in because he's not wearing a shirt. So we had to go and find. Do you address this?

Do you address his toplessness when you greet him? I didn't mention it. Hi, Barry. Nice tits. I didn't mention it. I really should have mentioned it. I feel like this should have been my first red flag on the day. I didn't mention it.

How are we going to get in the restaurant? Yeah, what the fuck? Cowboy, pal. What the fuck? You forgot something. Do you forget your wallet? Right, right. Did you leave your shirt at Chippendales after you got off work? It's funny that you mentioned the wallet thing.

We go to a patio and we sit down. We're getting some weird looks from people because he's not wearing a shirt. Right. I'm giving him the benefits out. They let you on the patio. It went on. It's basically you went dining with a dog. It's the same as if you had brought your dog.

We actually allow service animals on the beach. There you go. I brought a water bowl for your date. So the waitress comes around to take her order, and he ordered the cheeseburger from the kids' menu. Nice. At 25 years old, and I thought maybe it was a money, a money thing. Like, if he didn't have a lot of money, I could understand that.

He just wanted crayons. He very sternly said to the waitress that he didn't want tomatoes. and she asked if it was an allergy and he said, no, I just don't like vegetables. Which felt really childish to me, especially because he's ordering off the kids' menu. Of course. And half naked?

Like a child? Right. Yeah. So she brings our food around and there's ketchup on his burger and he gets really upset with the waitress. It sounds like you're unbucked. It sounds so crazy. Yeah, it does.

It's really nice. And he says to her I said no tomatoes and she's like, well, ketchup. is not tomatoes, but it's... Yeah, yeah. Exactly, exactly. And so she took a batch. She remade his kids burger.

And when we get to the end, we're having a nice conversation. I'm trying to ignore the fact that he's not wearing his shirt. What were you talking about? What are the topics? We were just, we were talking about our jobs. What was his job?

I have to know. We were going to school for. Drug dealer? I think, I think he worked on a farm. Oh, okay. So the cowboy thing kind of makes sense with that. Right. And so she comes around, she brings the bill, and he forgot his wallet.

It's with his shirt. And so I don't mind paying on a date, but she asked me on the date. So I feel like maybe he should have paid. Yes, of course. Ew. And so after that, he asks me if I want to, he was planning after our date to go on his jet ski. And he asks me if I want to go with him. This is how murders happen.

Oh, my God. And so I said I would go with him. I don't know what I was thinking. You were going on the ocean out on the open sea alone with this man, who probably didn't even have an estate issued ID or maybe he's a alien. Yeah, maybe he had to ask for some ID. I mean, I texted my friend and told me where I was going to be, but I guess he's taking me out into the lake, so that's not super helpful.

Oh, okay, okay. He had lights jackets. Oh, yeah, I forgot you're in Canada outside of the ocean. I think that you might have been dating Kenny Power. You're dating a Danny A bride character Yes So anyway

Okay so you go You do go God love you You are a yes and kind of gal You have a real sense of adventure You would have hitchhiked in the 60s I was look at pretty adventure I wanted to get out there

And what did you wear on the jet ski? Did you also remove your shirt? She put more clothes on I went home and I got a bathing suit And I met him there So I was properly dressed. So I show up at the boat ramp and he's still in his jeans and cowboy boots and he's loading the jet ski into the water. And he walked down the boat ramp into the lake in his cowboy boots

and jeans like waist deep into the lake with the jet ski still wearing his boots. Yeah. This is serial killer shit. And he gets out of the water and his boots are filled with water. Of course. And he doesn't dump them out. He doesn't. He just is, Now, completely ignoring the fact that his boots are filled with water and his jeans are soaking wet. That was probably his bath for the day. We get on the jet ski and it won't start. And this should have been where I said, hey, I'm going to get off and I'm going to go home. Do you have any money for gas?

So he had gas in his truck and he filled it up and we get out on the water. I have a life jacket. I'm feeling okay about it. You are the most patient woman alive, by the way. Truly. I know, I shouldn't have done this. He starts going really, really fast. And there's a, there's a ferry boat in our area that goes to an island near us, a big, big ferry boat.

And he starts speeding up towards where the ferry boat goes across. And the ferry boat, you can see it. And I was like, maybe we should, we should wait for, I'm like yelling because we're going pretty fast. I'm like, maybe we should wait for the ferry boat. And he says, no, no, like, it's fine. like we'll get, we'll get past it. And we're going, like, right towards it. Wow.

And we took this giant wake wave. Of course, that's really, yes. And we go so far up into the air because he's going so fast. And we come down and we hit the water and I've fallen off the jet ski right into the path of the ferry. And he kept going. Kalissa, how are you still alive? Girl. I'm like, this is it, this is where I die.

This is, this is, I'm done for. And I can't see him anymore. He's, he's gone. But he did, he did come back for me. He, he did a little spin back around, came back for me. He thought it was really funny. I did not. Are you kidding?

I think it was quite as funny. And I asked him to, to take me back to the, the boat ramp. And I did not, I did not call him again. And did he, did he attempt to, for a follow-up? Yeah, he did, he did text me back on Tinder. and he was like, I had a really nice time. Like, let me take you out again. Like, I owe you a dinner since you paid.

And I just, I didn't reply. Now, you must. You must have looked him up online. What's he doing nowadays? I did. I have not looked him up since, actually. Oh, well, look at you. I feel like, such restraint.

I feel like maybe he's, I feel like maybe he's not doing, doing too great. But. He's got a jet ski. But, yeah, no, I have not looked him up since. I don't have a jet ski. I'm so stunned right now. Like, if I saw this in a movie, I'd be like, the writing is a little too far. Yeah, it's too much.

Yeah, like, right? The fact that you almost got, you got launched into the, a fairy, it's like a, it is like a Keanu Reeves movie. See, this is what I was talking. I had not been on a jet ski since. I'm sure. This is what I was talking about when I say, a women's ability to. overlook things with the option with the notion that like well there might be something beyond this like shirtlessness and no walletness and jet skisness like maybe he's you know there's still a

chance i mean god love you the boyfriend that i had yeah the boyfriend i had had before him was was was pretty nasty and so i feel like i was just in a very hopeful well this guy's nice so You're in a vulnerable state. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Oh, my God, Colissa, I'm just glad you're alive. Yeah, yeah. Holy shit.

Thank you so much. Right. And I hope you're happy and fulfilled today. Yeah. I am, yeah. I'm getting married. I ended up finding a guy that had been around the whole time. I'm marrying a guy that I went to high school with.

Oh, congratulations. This is great news. That's lovely. Thank you so much. So happy for you. Yeah. Mazel Tov, as we say down here. Thank you.

Okay. All right, Callista. Thank you so much for the call. Ladies, stay on the land. Yes, stay on the land. On the first day. Absolutely, I will, I promise. Insists on no shirts, no shoes, no service.

Absolutely. Yeah, the business, that you could hang a sign and it'd be the same. Okay, let's go back to the phones. 8555. Well, I mean, we are still on the phones. 855-266-2-4 is our number. We've got Ian from NYC or Ion if it's Ion-Zering. Uh, Ian, yeah.

Hi, Ann, how are you? Hey, nice and God. How are you guys doing? Good. Blair and I are here to hear your story. Yeah. So this happened many years ago back in, I want to say, 2012 or so. Good year.

Um, because, say it again, sorry. I just said good year. Good year. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, did you say it? No, that's why. And, um, yeah. I think OkCupid and plenty of fish for the two biggest deaths, I think back then.

So I think I was on both of them at the time. And I met this person, you know, the first date goes really well or whatever. We met at a bar and, you know, seemed pretty normal at that point. And then, you know, I said, okay, like, hopefully you get to meet up again and whatnot. So she texted me, I think, like, a couple days later and was like, hey, I want to come over to your house and I'm like oh man I

you know I just got out of like a long-term relationship but I just got like a new apartment and all that so I'm like oh awesome I'm probably going to get late or whatever yeah and then and then so she

five minutes before she arrived and I think this is also before there's her friends that I drive her over five minutes before she came over, she asked for like a tall glass in my apartment and I'm like, okay. So I bring it down let's get there and then gets out of like, you know, her friend's car with like a huge jug of vodka and filled it up nearly to the brim. And I'm like, oh fuck, like what are I? Oh, shot. How old was she? So I think she was like maybe around the same age as me, so like maybe around like

25, 24 or something like that. Wow. Wow. And she needed the glass to be, she needed to meet it at the curb. She couldn't wait for the trip up to the apartment. I'm so sorry, Ian. I sort of love her so far.

Curbside. She said curbside service. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you don't know, maybe that friend that drove her is a handful. Maybe she's like, at the end of this ride, I am going to need vodka ASAP. Yeah. I think she was already pretty, pretty drunk to you.

Okay. That's a safe bet. Yeah, that's a safe bet. Yeah. That's a safe bet. Yeah. Yeah. And then, so we get up to my apartment and, like, she finds, like, a thing of orange juice in my fridge. So she pops it up from, like, nearly full to, like, all the way from the brim. Yeah. It's, I guess, technically makes it a bit of juice, yes. Yeah.

Helped herself. She's a drink. Went into your fridge. I was like, all right. While I'm used. That is crazy behavior. And then, and then, um, she proceeds to drink pretty much most of it, like within 20 minutes. And I'm like, all right.

Like, I think this might be like, yeah, I'm, I can't believe me to have to babysitter until like next day. It's like, but he just got to then want to go on my bed. And I'm like, okay, well, we played one-out sex, I guess. Yeah. And as you. That's always a bright spot in an otherwise unpleasant date. Or maybe the lowest point.

I was going to say I can't speak to that. Well, I was assuming you couldn't. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, Ian? So you get into the bet, you get into where the heavy work happens. Town town. Yeah, yeah.

I guess, yeah. Your magic chamber. still both like, yeah, which happened to be just like my living room slash bedroom, I guess. They were the studio apartment. Okay. Like literally like two stuff like a little bit. Yeah, yeah. Would you care to go to the bedroom?

You're in it. What was this? You're about to fuck her. Yeah, yeah. We're about to fuck. But she was like, you know, we were both fully closed. So I think she was like dry something at this point. Okay.

She decides that like the duck. Nothing. Keep going. Yep. Just keep going. Yeah. And yeah. And by that time, she thought it was a good idea to start talking to me in Korean.

Now, mind you, I'm not Korean. I'm so, you know, and she's also not Korean. She's white. And I'm like, I don't know what the call you're saying right now. Do you think she was a spy? What? Like, why? I have no idea. Why would a white woman?

You know, she was shooting her shot. She was like, you know, this may, you know, you learn Korean. You got to use it. And you see a Filipino guy. You take the shot. You might be wrong. You might be right. She perhaps thought you were a linguist.

So, but anyway, she's talking Korean. She, what? Yeah. She was sort of played off as if she was trying to teach me. And I was like, no, you thought I was Korean. I'm pretty sure you thought I was Korean. So anyway. But yeah.

And then, so nothing happened, I think, at that point. I was already, I got pretty turned off at that point. Yeah, yeah. Oh, that was the final straw for you. Right. Something about the Korean language is a notorious boner killer. Sorry, my Korean listeners. Not that she requested a large, tall glass at the curb for her handle of vodka that she brought to you.

That's a third point. Yeah. Yeah, but, you know, again, what else are you going to do? Look at the wall? Look, I like when people are direct. I don't want to guess what they want. She did you the favor of giving you full-on Susan or whatever her name was. So anyway, so nothing happened.

and do you like, you tell her like, hey, why don't you find a bar? You're rummy. I had an entertainer like the rest of the night basically and until like I think she finally wanted to sleep at 5 a.m. or something. Oh, my God. And I was like, I was like, all right, like really got to go to sleep. All right. And then I forget that I had an idea.

Oh, sorry. No, no. Well, no, you tell me you forgot that you had a. What? Oh, I had an IKEA delivery the next day at 10 a.m. Ikeye. And I forgot about that. Sure.

Yeah. And so the IKEA delivery from, because my set this whole time, it's on the floor, but my bed frame finally came in from IKEA and I was like, all right, great. I could finally have a bed frame and I was like, you know, finally awake. Right. All right, fine. I guess I'll just start assembling this. And then, I guess with heart,

were like instead of the two guys like helping each other out like it's done like the veteran yeah and i was like oh crap like what are i hey hey wake the fuck up you got to help me build a bed whatever yeah yeah that's how i got my ikea god's she helped you yeah she did help me nice well there's a happy ending yeah she yeah it was a happy ending at the end of it um you know i I finally got my bed off the floor and whatnot. You're a real glass half-fold type of guy, Ian. This woman just came and terrorized you and you're like, well, my bed's off the ground now. You're going to make a good husband, you know.

You saved the fee of building it, you know, like having IKEA build your bed frame. You got that labor for free. So, I mean, do you just, after she helps you with the bed, are you like, is that when you're like, all right, this is. been fun, but get out. I unfortunately had it entertain her for another couple hours because your friends Ian, come on, stand up, Ian. Yeah, well, yeah, you got to go now. I got to, like, do other things.

Right, right. But, yeah, so you've got to hang around until 2 p.m., unfortunately. Oh, my God. I don't know. That is so much. I mean, was she at least kind of fun? I don't know. I don't remember, actually, to be honest. Oh, Ian, you've got to put a higher price on your time.

Yeah, I agree. You really need to value yourself more. And did she ever, like, want to go for a round two? I think she did. And I said, yeah, no, I'm good, man. Right. I don't have 48 hours to spare. Oh, and it turns out that woman, Pam Bondi. Incredible.

All right, well, Ian, thank you so much for the call. Ian, that was fun. Thank you. From D.C. Ami? Hi. Hi. It is Emmy.

Yes, it's Emmy. Hi, Emmy. Blair and I are here. Hi, Emmy. Hi. So hit us with your tail. Okay, yeah. Like an alligator.

I was on, so there's an app called Field. I don't know if you're all familiar with that. I have all my friends keep telling me. I said that that's not for me. What's it called? Field. It's like the kinky app. Oh, oh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. That shit's too expensive. You got to get all kinds of gear. Is that true? Emmy? I mean, not exactly. I mean, you can, like, but you can use your hands. Yeah. Okay. I got, I got two of those. Sure. So, all right. Yeah. All right. So, okay, so Field. I bet it's spelled F-E-E-L-D. It is. How'd you know that? It is. Because I'm, I've been on the internet. Oh, okay. So go ahead. Field, you get into it. So, um, I got into it. Um, I, this was actually,

At the time, I was in an open relationship. Uh-huh. And so this was my first date in an open relationship. And I matched with this very attractive woman. And she seemed intense, but promising. You know, she said in her profile therapy was sexy. So I guess I thought that was a green flag. Sure.

And so, you know, we agreed to meet up at a cute little diner. And she was late, which was okay because she had texted me. And I was like, oh, you know, I'm going to be late. How much late? And then, I mean, you know, like 30 minutes? That's a lot. That's a lot.

That's a lot. Anything past 10, I mean, even 15, you're getting like interesting territory. Yeah, I do the college class rule,

which is after 15 minutes, class is canceled. And you're, you should be allowed to check out. 30 minutes is a lot. Yeah. Anyway. Yeah,

it was a lot. So this fucking tardy bitch shows up. Yeah. Yeah. And, uh, she was a bit bedraggled. Like she looked like she's just like run from, I don't know, yoga class or something.

Yeah. Or maybe another date. Who knows? Right. But she was like bedraggled in like a cute way. So I was just like, okay, well, that's, you know, she's cute. She's not, you know, she's sweet. She proceeded to, you know, order multiple bloody Mary's and consume them very fast.

Yeah. And, yeah. And I had maybe one drink, but I was like, you know, it's D.C. it's basically brunch so you know what time was this so I mean it was like you know like noon oh okay so you know yeah so it wasn't like and it's a weekend originally for you to yeah it's a weekend okay and um and so you know then the diner was going to be close like they we we talked for a while and then the diner said that they had an event they were going to be closing for like dinner trap right so i was like okay well that was really short but um so we decided to kind of walk around and we went to a coffee shop

and we talked and she sat down and she proceeded to kind of unload on me she talked about her really volatile breakup where she and her ex who was in Spain they basically were like throwing glass at each other and straining at each other in Spanish and I was just like I was like okay

and I was like okay I understand we all get we have trauma that's fine you know and you're just on the dating scene I get it and then she basically asked me right after displeasing all of this that she asked me

if I was having a good time and I was like you know I'm kind of a you know kind of a people pleaser and I was like yes yes I am having good time she burst through the tears

in the middle of the cafe and you know people were like looking at me thinking I was breaking up with her and I was like oh trying to calm her down and I was like I was like oh it's not she's like her

you know and she was she said that she was like she was the first date she'd been on in a while. And she was like, she really liked me and thought I was attractive. And I was like, thank you. Even though you like didn't talk the entire time? Yeah, basically I didn't talk the entire time.

But I was nice to look at and listen. That's very attractive for some people. Not speaking. Love it. Yeah. And she mentioned that she lived nearby. And I was, by this point I was like worried about her. And I was just like,

okay, I'm going to walk you back, and then I'm probably just getting Uber and go home. And when I walked to her apartment, she proceeded to, like, grab my arm and pull me into her apartment. And I was just kind of like, oh, oh, you know. And I was just like, oh, okay. I'm getting worried at me. For a minute. I know. I know.

I was, it was so whirlwind, and I was like used to it. And I was like, maybe this is like normal for dating because I hadn't been, like I said, I hadn't been dating a long time. I was like, well, you know, all right. And then she, like, and then she said, I want to show you some pictures. And I was like, okay. And she had gone to some sort of pink event where they had like an artist who did these like BDSM Disney sketches. It was like Bell and like tied up and all that stuff. And I was like, okay, she's like, that's me.

And I was just like, well, that's actually Bell from Beauty and a Bee. But I love that for you. and she wanted me to do that to her and I was like well I'm you know consent first you know yeah yeah um and and then she proceeded she put she put aside of the pictures and then she proceeded to lift up her skirts

just in front of me just just did that and um just and she was not wearing underwear and I proceeded to stammer and blush and be like other than oh god you know like okay um yeah that doesn't sound like a lot of consent. Yeah, there was no consent. And it's just like this and this and this. And I was just like, I, is this what I think is like? Oh my God. And I was like, I don't think it is. And then she, then she's like, she sat, sat down and she started to tell me about her horrific,

you know, abuse. This is the date from hell. Jesus. Oh my God. So hot. So hot. I mean, I was like, look, you're hot, but you're not that hot. And you know, that was important to say. Your trauma is turning me on.

God. And so I said, now, once I kind of calm down, I said, hey, I'm going to get an Uber and like just go home. And just I want to make sure she was okay. And then she said, oh, I'll drive you home. And I was like, no, no, no, no, no. I think it's like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I'm good. And then she was like, no, no, and she insisted. And I was like, I don't know what I was thinking, but I was like, okay.

Yeah. She was sober by now. And so she got into her car and she drove me back to my place or actually a few blocks away from my place to kind of lied about where I'm like, smart. She's had to wear with all the, yeah. I was just like, okay. Good job, Emmy. They're not all mistakes, Emmy. Yeah, the survival instincts didn't really kick in until after you drove with her, but they came online.

Yeah. Right. They did. They finally did. And then she asked to, you know, we part. And then she said, I had really great time. And I was like, uh-huh, yeah, I'm so glad you did. And then she asked to kiss me.

And I was like, you know, I don't know what it was. Maybe it was like, I was like, well, she's crazy. So maybe it's going to be really good. Yeah. And I kissed her. Sometimes that shit can be hot. It can be, but it was the worst kiss I've ever had. Oh, my God.

Just hung down my throat. Oh, yeah, yeah. So your standard disney kiss is what you, the way bell kisses. But nothing about this lady reads as subtle. So I wouldn't imagine her as a gentle kisser. That's the equivalent of the flashing her beave. It's the kiss equivalent Of lifting one skirt, I guess

And I And I just like Shelly pushed her way And I just kind of I jumped out of the car I kind of ran Went to my apartment Like a weird

Into traffic Get away from Yeah Exactly Oh my God Emmy And did she reach out to you again? She did Of course she did

Of course she did She probably showed up at your house. She's probably wandering the neighborhood right now. I'm hanging from the fire to escape. Help me, Emmy. I would not. Yeah, she showed up with like a bunch of like flowers. She's, you know, picked from the, like, in front of my apartment.

I don't know. But it's just like, yeah. I'm glad you're alive. I'm glad I am too. She asked for, she was like, I'd love to see you again. And I was like, you know, I'm really. good. I, you know, I just don't think this is a good idea. And, yeah, and then that was, that was that. And then I blocked her number. So, oh, boy. Well, I'm proud of you for the book.

Right. Now, did you go on to try this app with better success? Yes, much better success. Oh, good. Good. Yeah. Well, that's good. At least you got some spankans out of it. I mean, I don't know what your thing is. I'm just assuming. Yeah, my thing, it could be anything, right? Yeah, yeah. But actually, no, I actually am seeing somebody right now who is an astrophysicist. Oh. Oh, hell, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Now, that's good. You want space knowledgeable, not space-e. Yeah. Yeah, not spacey. Yeah. Space actually, like, knows about what's going on in space. Awesome.

Well, Emmy, thank you so much for the, thank you for sharing. I mean. That was traumatic. Good job. Keep it on. Thank you. All right. Well, good luck with you and your space pal.

All right, we got one more. And this is a wild card called Bluer. And the wild card is just off topic. That sounds fun. Yeah, yeah. Wait. Yeah, yeah. I didn't say wild card.

I just said off topic. It's all right. I got an extra one in there. Allison. from Pittsburgh. What's your wild card? Hi, Andy. Oh, my gosh. I'm so happy to be speaking with you. Oh, thank you. Well, Blair's here, too. Don't ignore her. Oh, hi, Blair. Hi, Blair. Hi, Allison. Welcome. I, thank you. I guess I have a wild card question, but as I was sitting here waiting, I did think of a story.

Okay. But my wild card question was just, I am getting, oh, my God, I'm going to stop things. it. It's up to you. My question is I am engaged and I'm in the process. Thank you. I'm in the process of, you know, planning a wedding and struggling to do so. But I just was wondering if you had any advice for wedding planning, just marriage advice

in general, any of that. Oh, boy. Well, the wedding planning, I mean, that's hard. And it depends on your situation. Are you getting a lot of outside pressure to do things that you don't want to do? Yes. Like what is being asked of you that you're unsure about or not wanting to do? Well, so our planning was delayed for a little bit just because my fiancé got a new job.

We had to move. It was just a whole bunch of stuff. And then it turned into we were struggling. with finding venues that we both agreed on and whatever. But then it turned into a lot of like my mom and my friends and everybody being like, are you guys even getting married? You need to do this. You got to get married by this point.

You got to do all this and blah, blah, blah. That's so annoying. Yeah, yeah. Way too much. And I was like, I know. This is my wedding. Let me plan it. What's the we're ready to plan it.

So, yeah, those are like the outside pressures right now. I would say just in terms of wedding, planning, fuck those people. that and you can i mean and honestly you know it's your wedding it's your thing and people should let you be they should let you do it and let you do it the way that you want to do it now that being said you know it is a party and you do have to sort of take in some consideration like with my wedding like there was you know our wedding was a little bigger than we wanted it to be because there was just people that came that were very important to my wife's parents to be there and so So we were, you know, we weren't crazy about it, but like it seemed like, you know, was a nice thing to do.

So there has to be some give and take. But mostly, mostly you should stick to your guns and just, and just be brave. You know, when your mom starts doing her magic on you, just have to be like, you know, you just have to stick to your guns. Because it's about you guys. And it can be a very corrosive experience. Yeah, the planning. It's super stressful. I mean, you know, in my my first marriage, we didn't have any money.

We were getting married at City Hall in New York City. And just like picking out our, we made our own invitations with like rubber stamps and stuff. And just picking that out, we got in a fight. So it's like it doesn't even matter. The bigger the scale, the bigger the fights. So I would say also, you know, really try and keep that process. with your fiance happy and

productive and know that it's like it's for you. This thing is you know they say oh the wedding's not for it's for all the other people. No the wedding's for you. This is for you. This is the beginning of you guys's life together. So make it the way you want it to be. And don't break yourself. Don't find, don't go fall into financial ruin over it.

Yes, definitely. It is just a point. party. So, uh, right. But that's, is anything else? Anything else you mean? I kind of, I kind of wanted to share the story of how I met my fiance because it is kind of funny. Okay. So when I first graduated from college, it was the first homecoming that my college was having. And so I went back and stayed with some friends of mine who were then seniors. And the one girl that I was staying with her boyfriend at the time, who was now her husband, was also coming for the weekend, and he was bringing his friend. And in walks this friend, and he's just like the biggest

douchebag you've ever seen in your life. Like, that is who he was walking in the store. Wow. Okay. Truly. I've told him that, too. And I just, everything about him was just so irritating. I mean, he was a 23-year-old guy who just wanted to party. didn't care what he did or what he said. Right. And one of the things that he wore was, exactly. One of the things he wore was these god-awful bright red pants. And every one of my friends is making fun of him for these red pants.

And he eventually changes out of them because of how much everyone's making fun of him. So it's like super late into the night. We're all back at our friend's apartment at that point. And one of my friends looks at me and we start talking about these red pants. She's like, you should go in the other room and put them on. I said, hurt, got it. Right now I'm doing it. Run in the other room, find these pants.

I throw them on. I run out in the living room. And his face was the most priceless thing I've ever seen in my life. We actually have video footage of it that I do think will be shown at our wedding. That's really cute. Wow. It is hilarious. Um, but then I, I, you know, we all woke up the next morning. We all left never to see him again. Right. What was his, what was the look on his face? I mean, did he, did he know he was being spoofed? Yes, his eyes were like he had seen a ghost. He was in his mouth was like his jaw was on the floor. It was, it's just so funny. I'm so happy we have this video. Right. By the way, I just, I just want to break in to let you know. And I showed, I'm wearing red shorts. They're shorts. But.

but they are red. But I would never make fun of you, Andy. Well, thank you. Thank you. I'm really pulling it off. No, he has a lot of gravitas. So you're saying, how did your fiancé make the switch to a douchebag to a husband? Yeah, when did he shed his duchiness? Well, so, so yeah. So I, we all leave the next day. I never think that I'm going to see this man ever again. So cut to the New Year's from 2023 into 2024. and my mutual friends with him, they were having a New Year's party. And I got invited and I was like,

you know what? I don't have other plans. I normally had like, because they live like an hour and a half away. So I normally, like they would invite me every year. I couldn't ever go, but this year I could actually go.

So I said, you know what I'm going to go? He walks in and I was like, oh, this man. Yeah. I'm looking at his outfit too, seeing what he's wearing. It was actually something normal.

So I was like, okay, at least he got back. going for you. So where the party's going and he comes over to me and he's like, so how do you know the couple's name? I don't want to say their names, but he was like, how do you know them? And I said, Paul, I've literally met you and I wore your pants. He almost fit his pants right there because he realized, oh my God, that's Allison. Yeah. And he and I ended up sitting at the table and we talked the entire rest of the party.

And friends of mine have said that we're there, they said that it looked like magic was happening at this table, just like how we were like our banter and the way we were talking. And he was like, I mean, no, but at the same time, I was like, this man has changed. He's not the same douchebag I met however many years ago. Oh, good, good, good, good.

He still has the face blindness, but he's dressed better. But with a reminder, he's quite engaging. Oh, he is. He is one of the most captivating people I've ever met in my life, but I didn't know that when I was 22. And so were you off and running then? I mean, we spent the entire night together, exchanged phone numbers. We went on our first date a week later, and we have not looked back ever since.

That's great. Well, congratulations, Allison. Thank you. Thank you. I appreciate it. And good luck on the wedding. and I hope it goes off without a hitch. I appreciate that.

Thank you so much for your advice and your time today. All right. Thank you. Have a great wedding. Yeah, have a great wedding. We'll talk to you later. Well, Blair, we always pick a favorite of the, that's it for us. Do you have one that you like?

Okay, I mean, I am stunned. Your producers did an excellent job because those stories were. This was a absolutely insane. A fruitful crop. Yeah, and it's very difficult to even pick one because they all just, I can't believe how crazy they were, but I am going to have to go with the shirtless cowboy. Absolutely. It's got the visuals. Yeah, I like how they're.

Shirtless, jet ski, you know. The jet ski and walking towards each other like a shootout in a, to me, in a park. Right, right. Or like a dead drop in a spy movie. Yeah. And there's, you know, like people with earpieces. And she's like, him no shirt, no wallet. And she's like, yeah, sure, I'll go on a judge.

Yeah, yeah. She really had an adventurous spirit. I know. And Callista, we love you for it. So glad you lived to tell the tale. Yes. So glad you're alive. Well, Blair, once again, I want to tell people they need to check out your special

live from the Big Dog on the YouTube 800-pound gorilla media feed. And also you have a podcast. Faced out with Blair Sochi, visit Blair Sochi, that's B-L-A-I-S-O-C-I.com for her live dates. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. This was a true pleasure to be on this show. We've got to come back. I would love to.

We will be back next week, and I'll be talking small town tales with the very funny guy Branum. This is going to be a treat, just like today was. So if you have a small town tale, give us a call at 855-26. 6-66-2604 or fill out the Google form in my social bios. And as always, wildcars are welcome. I love you all. I'll see you next week.