The Three Questions with Andy Richter - Bobby Lee

Episode Date: April 23, 2024

Comedian and actor Bobby Lee joins Andy Richter to discuss the family wig shop, laughing through trauma, trying crystal meth around 12 years old, why persistence can be more valuable than talent, bombing so hard you cry, how one amazing AA sponsor led him to comedy, why 2024 has been the best year of his life, dinner with Jamie Lee Curtis in Hungary, and much more.Want to talk to Andy live on SiriusXM’s Conan O’Brien Radio? Leave a voicemail at 855-266-2604 or fill out this Google Form! 

Hey everybody, welcome back to The Three Questions. I am the host of The Three Questions, Andy Richter, and this week I am talking to comedian, actor, and podcaster Bobby Lee. You know I'm from MADtv, Harold and Kumar, Reservation Dogs, his stand-up comedy, and his hit podcast Bad Friends and Tiger Belly, which I was a guest on and I had a riot. His new movie Sweet Dreams with Johnny Knoxville is out now here's my really wild and woolly conversation with the totally nuts bobby lee can't you tell my love now wait, did I hear you saying like Wondering what we're going to be talking about

On this podcast? Well, here's the thing, Andy Richter I don't watch anybody's podcast Yeah, I don't either I don't know what the format is going to be I don't know Well, this one, it's called The Three Questions And the three questions are

And I don't ask them explicitly What do you mean explicitly? I mean, I don't ask them explicitly. What do you mean explicitly? I mean, I don't go like, so where are you from? Can you do it telepathically? Do it telepathically. No, I mean, this is just what will guide the conversation. Where do you come from? Where are you going?

And what have you learned? Oh, no. Yep. Oh, my God. Yep. See, but I don't blame you for not knowing because I was on your Tiger Blood podcast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I thought we were going to, it was all Charlie Sheen trivia.

Yeah, it wasn't. It wasn't. I tricked you so much. It wasn't. It was just fun talks with you and your ex-girlfriend. What the fuck is that about? What do you mean? Why do you have an ex-girlfriend now?

We started it together. It's like, let me, okay, so the Pixies, right? What are they? You mean like white stripes? Like, is that what you're kind of saying? Yeah, the views, not the mythological thing. Yeah. The Pixies, the band, right?

Yeah, yeah. Kim Deal, right? Right. Is the Pixies better with Kim Deal not in it? I don't think so but did Frank Black date Kim Deal at some point no no no I don't understand

I'm talking about the personal what I'm saying is the tiger belly not blood oh tiger whatever god it's aggressive you didn't know what this podcast was about either it's two questions with Andy Richter man

of course I know who the fuck are you that's the first one God, it's aggressive. You didn't know what this podcast was about either. It's two questions with Andy Richter, man. Of course I know. Who the fuck are you? That's the first one. No. So here's, okay, yes, I don't know if Frank Black and Kim Deal had a sexual, probably not. Right. But I'm just saying, I don't think the Pixies are as strong without Kim Deal. So it's like, Kalilah, I started the podcast slash band with.

Right. deal so it's like kalilah i started the the podcast slash band with you're right i still i you know honestly like in relationships i don't have weirdness after they that they die the relationship after the person dies no no i keep them around i have a lot of exes around my house no what i mean no what i mean is is that I don't have any resentment. I miss them, and I want to see them again, so I have no problems working with her. That's nice. No, that's actually really grown up and healthy. I was kind of just teasing you.

I know. Thank you for that. But does it, for either one of you, does it sort of then kind of make you go, oh, well, maybe we should give another try? No. No. I'm okay with it, but in fact, all my relationships, I'm still in contact with. Oh, that's nice. Sarah Hyland, not the one from Modern Family, another one.

And then I have, like I saw Christine, my girlfriend, with her husband or baby at the airport a couple months ago. That was nice. So I have no problems with it. That's good. So where did I come from? Is that the first? Yeah. I know you came from San Diego.

And I didn't know that because I had this whole sheet. Yeah. Yeah. I Googled it. It's mostly Wikipedia. It's not. I mean, come on. It's a podcast.

We don't work. I was born. I was born at Sharps Hospital in San Diego. 1971. Nice. In September 17th. Right. And I was born, and it was a golden egg.

And then what popped out is a panda. You're really. And he climbed up on top of a rice mound. There's mountains of rice in Korea. Right, right. And in San Diego. And in San Diego. By proxy. And he queefed. Nice. And in San Diego. And in San Diego. By proxy. By proxy.

And he queefed. Nice. The panda. Yeah. And a bubble came out. Right. Pink bubble. A pink bubble.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And inside there was a maggot. I've seen you at your shows. Yeah, you know. Yeah, yeah. Because the pink is the blood. Right.

Sure. So it's a bloody, you know, queef bubble. Sure. You know, and there's a little maggot in there surviving off the nutrients. Right. And then that's me. That's youef bubble. Sure. You know, and there's a little maggot in there surviving off the nutrients. Right. And then that's me. That's you?

Yeah! Wow! That's me! How long did it take you to turn into a real boy? 14 years. Wow! 14 years. Yeah.

You know, congratulations to your parents. They really stuck it out. Thank you. I don't know if I would have 14 years of raising a maggot in me. Yeah, yeah. So I'm just hoping that a maggot in me. Yeah, yeah. So I'm just hoping that it turns into a boy. Yeah, yeah. It turned into a boy.

Yeah. Thank God. Yeah. But anyway, I lied just now. I was born regular. I know. Okay. I know.

Yeah. I know you like to make things more interesting. I do. And I think everyone appreciates that. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. This is filtered water? I don't know.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, it is, actually. Okay. We have, but, you don't know. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it is actually. Okay. We have, but you know, it comes out of the sink, but it's like a special, its own little water. Oh, I can't drink it then. It's filtered. Really?

It's Aaron Brockovich water. I was complaining to them earlier. Is this Aaron Brockovich water? What does that mean? Do you ever see the movie Aaron Brockovich? No, but it goes through a filter that's under the sink, like a specialized filter that gets changed. Then I can drink it.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, it's not like straight out of the tap. It just tastes funny. Anyway. Listen. So I was born in San Diego.

And then your folks are Korean. That's fairly clear, right? How is that clear? Because you said already. Well, I didn't say that. Yeah, you did. I said I was Korean. Right. How is that clear because you said already well i didn't yeah you did i said i was korean right how is it clear for my face no because you said you're korean it's like if i don't remember saying it but i guess from your mouth to god's ears yeah you did say korean okay and also yes i am no but i mean there's also a you you've mentioned it in public before that you're Korean.

He finally comes out. On the three questions. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bobby Lee admits. Yeah, I'm Korean. Yeah. And how long had your folks been in? Were they Korean?

How long were they Korean? I don't know. No, no. How long had they been in San Diego? Well, my parents met way before that in L.A. Yeah. And they met through other family members. They didn't come here as a couple from Korea. Right.

And, you know, my mom hated my dad. He stalked her, apparently. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did he, like, wear her down? He wore her down, yeah. And then she moved to Wisconsin, and he followed her there. Wow.

Yeah, and he wooed her with meat. With meat? Like a steak. Right, right. Not as like little tiny. Sure, sure, of course. Yeah, yeah, but with like, you know, a steak. And she's like, oh, well, he can provide.

And so then she, I guess they had sexual relations, and then they had me. Oh, wow. Yeah, and then. Now me. Oh, wow. Yeah. And then. Now, were you conceived in Wisconsin? I don't know. No, San Diego. San Diego.

Yeah, they moved back to San Diego. They had a wig store. Oh, wow. So, you know, when I was born, we lived in the wig store. And so I lived in this, my cradle, because there's still a cradle there. In the wig store? Oh, yeah. Is it still your parents' wig store? No, they sold it to my uncle,

and then, so maybe 10 years ago, they sold it, so 10 years ago, before they sold it, my uncle, I went up there, to the,

there's a storage room, where all the mannequin heads are, where the broken ones, right, and so it's all these shelves, with mannequin heads, where the broken ones right right and so it's all these shelves with mannequin heads and in the middle of this room is a cradle wow and so i guess when i was a baby i looked up and all these mannequin heads were like looking down on me right right yeah but i don't think it was i was it was petrifying i well you don't know what it is

right now you just think it's like you you know, those Star Wars senators from the movie Star Wars. You know what I mean? From the Clone Wars. You had a galactic council looking down on you. You had a galactic council looking down on me. Judging you. Or I felt like maybe I was special. Like I'm anointed or something.

I'm the chosen one. But it was also a good practice because I imagine they were all white. But it was also a good practice because I imagine they were all white. You're right. Yep. You're absolutely right. In the 70s, they didn't have Asian mannequins.

Judged by a bunch of white faces. Which makes me kind of mad that there was only one type of mannequin head in the 70s, right? There should have just been one like this. Just one. Anyway, I can do that, guys. Anyway, yeah, yeah. But, and then, let's get real for a second. You want to get real for a second? Sure.

But it was a very dark childhood, I think. Really? Yeah. How come? I mean, I want to know. Do you really? I do. Yeah, my dad was a drinky drink.

He drinky drink a lot. And then he abused abuse. Yeah, yeah. Hit, hit, hit, hit, hit, hit. Are you an only child? No, my brother, Steve. You have an older brother, yeah. Yes, I just remember as a kid, like kid like um constantly like just being aware that he

was home and scared and scared and also just kind of like you know figuring out if it's like because there was different personalities he had yeah sometimes it was like nice you know i mean so it's like you look around the corner i go oh but something he'll shift real quick so they had all he go hello right hey dad i don't like you you know i mean and like you'll switch fast you know Oh, but something he'll shift real quick. So he'll go, hello. Right? Hey, dad. I don't like you. You know what I mean? And like, you'll switch fast.

You know what I mean? Right, right. And so when you're a kid, you're constantly like, and all the screaming and the abrupt like, you know, rage kind of like, it's very traumatic. Yeah, no, it's awful. And it's, no, when it happens. It's a clap. No, well, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah no it's it's awful and it's no and it happens no well yeah that is a that's a common reaction to it and i mean and i didn't i had more like moments with a stepfather who had an alcohol problem wow but it wasn't like all the

way through uh you know like all the way through my you know, like all the way through my childhood. Oh. You know, it was just like it got bad for a number of years. But I totally can relate to that. Did it ever shift into a lighter thing or not? Well, he and my mom split up. Oh, I see. That's good. And like I, at the time, and he's not like, and he wasn't, he wasn't natural, like a naturally abusive person. And he's the father of my half brother and sister.

And he wasn't a, he just was, he had a business that was going bad and he was an alcoholic. You know, he was, he was drinking all the time, but I did like when he moved out, I did sort of, even at the time I said it was like we were living with an alarm, you know, like a fire alarm going off. And, you know, say a fire alarm is always going off. Eventually you get used to it, you know, but it's there and it's causing tension. And when he left, it was just like somebody switched that off. And you were like, oh, my God. Wow. This sort of source of tension and worry and anxiety that was constantly here that we got used to is now gone.

And like, oh, just this sort of like relief, you know? Wow. Yeah. I know what that's like. Yeah. Like we'd feel that when he went to work yeah yeah yeah but um well then did your mom remarry after that uh no she never remarried okay and how old were you when that happened uh this this happened in my early teens oh good yeah high

school was fine it was you know yeah no there was it was it kind of it was into high school too a little bit yeah yeah yeah yeah a little bit you don't talk to him anymore well he's dead so no um but i did i mean after uh afterwards after they separated he got sober and he got remarried and he's you know and like i say he was still he was my brother and sister's dad right so yeah i would see him and it was and even like you know our family too was you know and like you say in korea being good no no being being good with being good with exes very shortly after he and my mom split my mom would have him over for like christmas and thanksgiving all right you know because it's like, you know, she could do that. She could say, well, for the kids and also for him.

She also like, she didn't hate him, you know. And she felt like she didn't want to be alone on holidays. So I was used to that. I got in a fight with a bunch of comics at the comedy store once because, well, a couple of years ago when I broke up with Kalilah, because they're like how can you have a relationship with your ex that's weird yeah and i go what are you talking about because if it's if your relationship's based solely on sex yeah or that kind of thing right you know i mean

then i guess it'd be weird afterwards but that's like my you know i mean don't you share emotions and right and connection and and you and intimacy and all that other stuff? Yeah. And you become friends with them. And I just don't understand how people just can completely cut it off. But I guess that's how some people are. I mean, somewhere in the middle, I think. Because there is like, you're friends with, and then there becomes this sexual romantic component. And, and I think for a lot of people, when that goes away, it's too hurtful

to have that be gone. Whereas if it's, you know, you know, if you can sort of integrate all the different parts of you and say like, okay, yeah, but the, the sexual romantic part that's gone, I think, yeah, you can, you know, get along with somebody, but the sexual romantic part, that's gone. I think, yeah, you can get along with somebody, but it takes two people who are willing. Two people to tango. Yeah, it takes two people who are willing to overlook that or who aren't crushed by the fact that your sexual relationship is over. I mean, a lot of people, I think, are just too hurt by the notion

that somebody doesn't want to fuck them anymore. Like she doesn't want to fuck me anymore. I can't be around her. Like, you know. Yeah. And also she's like, you know, she's seen me naked, you know, and I have had sex with her and she has decided. Maybe that's it.

Yeah. Yeah. Maybe that's it. Yeah. Yeah. She sampled my wares and is no longer interested, so goodbye. But in my situation, I've always been the one that was kind of not wanting to do it, maybe.

Really? Yeah. Do you usually end it? No, what I do is I'll force them to break up with me through time. Right. By mistreatment or do you cheat? No, no, no. You don't do it. Or you withdraw. Because those are hurtful things. Right. By mistreatment? No, no, no. Or you withdraw. Because those are hurtful things.

You have to be very subtle about it. So you do little things to weird them out. So here's one that I do. When I orgasm, I don't make a noise. I lock eyes with them and don't make a noise. It's very creepy. And you do that on purpose? Yes. If you want to break up with someone?

I'll look at them and I'll go Oh He's Oh yeah If you do that like 10 Folks you can't see it But that was gross Yeah yeah If you do that 10 times in a row

It just gets into their Wow Yeah yeah Or you forget their name For a split second Oh that's bad But you do a snap Yeah yeah

So you go hey Sarah Right So it's kind of subtle They're like I don't know what that is But if you do 20 of those They'll break up kind of subtle they're like I don't know what that is but if you do 20 of those they'll break up with you

then you're like yeah yeah they don't know why right but you do the no orgasm no noise

yeah yeah you forget their name like 10 times yeah or you give them the same gift two years in a row wow

like different things like that like an oven mitt have you ever I've done that have you ever thought about having one conversation about the topic?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Can't you tell my love's a crow? Listen, you know, I don't want to waste a year slowly. You know what I mean? I just, I want to break up. Yeah, yeah. That's so hard to do. I even doing that now yeah yeah it was difficult that hypothetical breakup was so hard right right i don't yeah i don't like confrontation yeah i think it's no i get i get that you know like

growing up with my dad i would see i was always my brother and i were always like avoiding right hide that's what i was gonna ask what did you did you were you just quiet or did you try to adopt like did you try and adjust your behavior in a way that like so that you'd get on your dad's good side there was no way or try and affect his mood you know because he didn't speak english oh you know i mean barely and you didn't speak korean very well i understood korean right um but yeah there was like, I've never, here's what's sad.

Like I've never had a talk with my dad about anything about life. Yeah. You know, when you, you know, that's pretty much it. Yeah. That's the conversation.

Yeah. He doesn't know. Right. So it's like, like I learned everything about life through 12 steps. So when I was 17, I went to my third rehab and then i got sober then yeah and so i had a sponsor and i was a junior in high school and i went to men's meetings and i i met all these like older men with a lot of time you know me sobriety and they would you

know they were all like into Ram Dass or, you know, these type of things. So I learned how to deal with life through 12 steps in high school. Cause I didn't learn it from home. Through like borrowed fathers at, at, at 12 step meetings.

Yeah. I mean, my sponsor, Dan would go, um, next week, you know, um,

I know you have a week off at school, so we're going to all go to a monastery and learn to meditate. Wow. And you know, I know you have a week off at school, so we're going to all go to a monastery and learn to meditate. Wow. And, you know, in the late 80s, I did that. Wow.

You know, and so I was like, so like, I was exposed to like spiritual elements. Yeah, yeah. It was weird, but it was cool. And were your folks not religious at all?

No, I mean, they, you know, I mean, my mom was a Jehovah's Witness for like two months. Yeah. I don't know how. That's a good amount of time. Yeah, yeah.

If you're going to do it, make it short. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And then my uncle was a Mormon, so I was baptized Mormon. Wow. Yeah. And I never went after that, after I was baptized. Right.

And then my dad was a complete atheist. So yeah, really not much you know um and my dad what happened was in my early 20s i told my parents i was gonna do stand-up and do comedy and they were like what nothing to do with it and then i mean were they at were they just indifferent or were they like you fucking idiot you know they don't know what it is. Yeah. You know, I mean, they don't know who Tom Cruise is. Right.

Or whatever. And what is this laughter you speak of? Yeah, yeah. I mean, that's essentially what it is. Yeah. I mean, I think my dad goes, you never make me laugh. Yeah. You're not funny.

Yeah. Right? And I'm like, yeah, you don't know comedy, dad. Right, right, right. You're not funny. Yeah. Right? And I'm like, yeah, you don't know comedy. Right, right, right.

You know what I mean? And also, the audience won't be hitting me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Well,

they did. You know what I mean? Really? I mean, with the San Diego scene. Was this the La Jolla? No, but when you're bombing,

that's a hit. That's a spiritual hit. Yeah, yeah. But you're asking for it. Yeah, but then when I was 29 or 30, I called my parents and I go, hey, next Thursday, I'm going to be on Tonight Show, Jay Leno.

And they were like, on TV? Yeah. And they stood up. They stayed up to watch it. Yeah. And then it just changed after that. Oh, wow. Because they up to watch it. Yeah. And then it just changed after that. Oh, wow. Because they couldn't believe it.

Wow. And then I got on MADtv, and it was on every Saturday night. So my parents would stay up Saturday nights to watch it. Yeah. And then they were on it. And were they proud? Yeah. They were in sketches.

Oh, wow. Yeah, my dad did a sketch with me and Ike Barinholtz. Like a number of times? My dad was on it maybe four or five times. We'd get residual checks. yeah yeah so they completely got into it yeah you mean later in life and he changed immensely obviously did he stop drinking at some point no but he um was just very gentle it was weird yeah and i completely forgot about all that trauma until he died. And when he died, it all came back.

I was terrible. But anyway, that's where I was born. You know? San Diego. That's right. What's the second question? Look, you're here for an hour. Just calm down.

Take the foot off the gas. You got somewhere to be? No. I love being here. This is fun. Oh, good. Yeah the foot off the gas yeah you got somewhere to be nah i love being here this is fun oh good yeah no i was happy yeah i do too i had and i had a great time on uh tiger farts or whatever that was yeah yeah thank you um well and and i want i do want to talk about because you you know you know. Well, no. What? No, just your addiction issues, because they're hilarious. No, because it is such a formative thing. And I mean, and you were, I mean, according to this. What are you looking at?

You tried marijuana and methamphetamine around 12. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. I didn't know San Diego was. was oh yeah so so they had such mean streets down there we it was north county san diego okay and it's more inland you know and um the town i grew up in poway was you know there was you know pockets of um affluent people but there was also pockets of you know not the not the ghetto, but like, right. You know,

right. Right. Um, I, uh, well, my, so my dad had a refrigerator in the garage.

We had one in the kitchen, obviously, but there was one in the garage filled with his alcohol. Uh-huh. And my mom would stock it like it was a liquor store. Wow. And so it was just infinite amount of liquor. I could just,

so, you know, it started with that. And then nobody kept track because there was so much just drink. So, you know, it started with that. And then nobody kept track because there was so much. So you could steal all you want. Yeah. And also, you know, I'm 11, 10, you know, I mean, two beers will get me pretty drunk. Sure, yeah.

You know what I mean? And are you doing this by yourself or are you like showing your friends like, come on over, let's steal some booze? I've always been a solo guy. Oh, really? Yeah. I would do meth solo. Wow. I would, all that. I love it. I love being by myself. I discovered meth at 12

and marijuana. How do you find meth? There was a kid across the street that was skateboarding and then he kind of flipped his board over and sat on the curb and just started chopping meth on the other side of his board and i walked across the street i go hi i'm bobby he's like what's up i go i want

some i didn't even care what it was right and he goes i go why what is that he was telling me it's it's crystal meth you know you won't sleep for days i don't want it cool i did a bump i didn't sleep so it's snorting it, yeah. Yeah, yeah. And then that was it. I mean, it was the greatest thing ever. Wow. Yeah, and then But I mean, do you know that kid? I mean, how do you get more

at age 12? You start asking around. And how do you get some at age 57? Asking for a friend. Well, here's the thing. Okay, so I'm going to tell you how I got the money. Okay. It's very interesting.

All right. So my parents had a safe. Okay, so my dad owned and my uncles owned like 75 stores called Fashion Gal at the time. They're like clothing stores. Wow. Right? In addition to the wig shop. Yeah.

Yeah. Okay. Yeah. And then so every Friday. Fashion gal. I know. So my dad owned five stores in San Diego. Wow.

Himself. Yeah, yeah. So on Fridays, he would, I don't know why he did this, but on Fridays, he would like go to all five stores and grab the money of the week in these brown paper bags, bring him home, put it in a safe. It's like Goodfellas. I know. And then on Mondays, he would take all of it

and bring it to the bank. Right. Right. So, and he always forgot his lock, so he always kept it ajar. He never locked the safe. Oh, he kept the combination in a jar? No, he didn't know the combination. Like one time he couldn't

remember the combination. It was a whole thing. So they just, you know what I mean, put like a thing in it so that it would like a cardboard thing so it wouldn't shut all the way. So effectively it was like putting in a kitchen cabinet. You could have just put it like on the ground. Right, right, right.

And you know, when you're like, I would steal like a couple hundred bucks. putting it in a kitchen cabinet. You could have just put it on the ground. Right. I would steal a couple hundred bucks. There was thousands. Right, of course. If it's a take from five fashion girls. There's also five different bags. You would take maybe 40 from me. You know what I mean?

You were a clever little thief, weren't you? I stole probably over my lifetime in that $25,000, you were a clever little thief. Yeah. And I, and I stole, um, probably over my lifetime in that 25,000, 20,000. I mean, over the years. Yeah. Yeah. And they had no idea. Yeah.

It was the best. And I would just get weed and like rocks of meth and acid and all that stuff. Wow. It was so fun. Was there ever an element of guilt? No. That you were taken in and just you know i i felt so to see my mom get beat up and stuff yeah you know i mean she's like she has a missing tooth

wow because my dad knocked it out and stuff and so when you're witnessing all that you know my hatred it's so funny my brother and I experienced the same thing, but he lashed it out into the world. Yeah. But I lashed within. Oh. I hate myself. Oh, boy. Not now.

Yeah, yeah. I love myself now. Oh, you're so proud of myself. Well, you ought to. I'm so proud of myself. Everyone does. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Except your exes. Yeah. It's more of a pity thing with them. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. But I, so I just, you know, didn't feel bad. Yeah. You know, I just, I was always, because, you know, we had a blockbuster video too by my

home. Yeah. So I was always just like, you know, you know, I watched Taxi Driver as a young kid and like Blackboard Jungle. I mean, just like all these, you know, Rebel Without a Cause. I always felt like I was going to die young in a glory. You know, I had no dreams of going to college or having a family or anything like that.

And luckily when I was 17, I got sobriety, you know, and my life changed. Yeah. And, you know. Was that your first time in rehab? No, it was my third time. Oh, wow. But I went to this place called the McDonald's Center.

And it's funny because, you know, when I was at the McDonald's Center at 17, so this has got to be 1988. You know, I walked out into the lobby and there was this old Korean man. Not old. There was a Korean man with white hair down to his, like, waist. Wow. He had tattoos on his, you know, right? And his name was Dan. Yeah. And he walks up to me. He was like, he looked like

a Mortal Kombat fucking character. You know what I mean? No, that sounds like a Kung Fu movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He just came up to me and goes, I'm Dan. I'm your sponsor. Like, I didn't even know him. And I was like, you know, Korean. You were assigned to him by the McDonald people? No. Or he just decided? No, because I would complain about there are no koreans in aa so how can we get right koreans

can't be right be alcoholics it's ridiculous so they introduced me this guy dan right who had like at the time right 15 years of survival whatever and he he also spoke Korean and English, and he was able to communicate with my parents, which was like a godsend. Because he would go, like, in Korean he would say, he's going to go to this A meeting every Saturday morning, so he has to pick up the cake at this baker. So you got to give him money. You know what I mean?

And my parents were all on board. So every Saturday morning I would, like, go to a baker, bring cake to this men's meeting in Mount Soledad, men's in La Jolla, and set up and cut the cake and stuff. Next week, I'm going to San Diego to give Dan his 40-something,

50th, long cake. He's still in my life. 50 years of sobriety? Oh, that's great. I forget exactly what the number was. But yeah, Dan is, you know, he came to my show a month ago in San Diego. I did a show there.

I love him. So he's still in my life. But anyway. Yeah, yeah. What? No, no. I'm just saying. I mean, what?

I'm just, yeah. Well, but then I was going to say, like, do you think of him as the father figure in your life? Yeah. I do. And I, he, like I said, you know, I mean, he exposed me all these elements, spiritual elements and stuff back then. And it's like, there's what was so interesting because I went to rehab in La Jolla. And then after I graduated from high school, it just made sense to move there.

And then after I graduated from high school, it just made sense to move there. And I lived a block away from the La Jolla Comedy Store in which where I started stand-up. I see. And so what happened was I spoke at an A meeting when I was 22 years old. And it was like a speaker meeting. So there's hundreds of people there. And I crushed. Like I fucking, I would kill it when I said it.

And then this guy came up to me and just basically went, you got to do stand up. Yeah, yeah. And so I just, you know, at 23, without sobriety, without me being in La Jolla, I always believed that everything kind of happens. Yeah. I just followed this path and everything happens for a reason. Yeah. And so I just showed up at the La Jolla Comedy i live i work next door actually at a coffee shop and i already kind of knew the manager and he you know i got a job there as a bar back and i started doing open mics wow and then

nine months later paulie opened i opened for paulie shore in vegas uh-huh and then because he worked with you in la jolla, he would headline on the weekends. And one day he goes, I want to see you go up. And I went up before him. And then he had me open for him. And then Mitzi was there. Uh-huh. And after like a nine month.

Mitzi Shore, who owned the, yeah. And after nine months of doing stand-up, she made me a regular. Wow. It was like incredible. That's great. And then I moved to LA and then. Here I am. Well, you must have been good.

Yeah. Well, if you look at my Instagram. Yeah. I have a post that I just discovered maybe three weeks ago about. So, Pauly's brother, Scott, when I was just starting, I was working at a restaurant too. And he goes, I want to make a documentary comic. So, he filmed me at my work and also filmed my sets

so if you look at my Instagram back before anything like right when you were starting out yeah like I was 8 months into comedy probably before the Vegas thing and you could see a little clip of me doing a little stand up and also me at my coffee shop

job making coffee and stuff. Wow. And me just talking about like, you know, I have to work. You know, but it's really just, I'm proud of myself. You know, I honestly, and don't say no, no, no. I'm going to just say something, okay?

I don't know if I have that much talent. You know, I mean, here's what I do have. Do you want me to say no, no, no? No, but, no, but. Because I'll just sit here quietly if you want me to. No, no, no. No, what I'm saying is, is that, what I'm saying is, is that the one thing I do have is, is that I, I'm brave enough to go up on stage.

Yeah. And I didn't quit. Yeah. Right. And I, I, I just would not, I would, you know, this town is all about no. Mm-hmm. No, no, no. Mm-hmm.

And I don't take no for an answer. I just kind of like absorb it. Yeah. I just move forward until I get the yes. I mean, I just have that ability. I don't know why that is. Yeah. You know, I mean, I guess, I mean, I i know how to memorize lines i know how to write a

joke and stuff like that but it's like i don't know how difficult that is i don't know i i totally relate because it's like what we do is kind of nebulous it's not like yeah yeah we didn't go to fucking juilliard you know what i mean yeah yeah and it is kind of, you know, I mean, my acting is just, I got jobs. And then I, you know, like, oh, okay. You know, sort of. I mean, I. Have you ever done a scene and you see Video Village, you know, right? Yeah.

And you do the scene and they're kind of just discussing. They're like, I guess. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. And they look at me and they go, okay, we're just going to move on. Yeah, yeah. And you go, is that good? I don't know.

No, I know. I always, my entire, my entire acting career, you know, you do a number of takes and then they're like, and then they'll, you know, often say like, is there anything you want to try? Like, you know, you'll do their direction, how they want to do it. And they'll be, anything you want to try? And I'm always like, no. I know. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

If you think it's good then i'm gonna take your word for it i know the same way yeah yeah like i'm gonna get out of here yeah yeah it's so uncomfortable it's kind of no matter what the job one thing i've always been good at is leaving work oh me too as fast like as fast as possible there's two different types of people there are some guys that want to stick around. I don't know why. I don't know either. They want to talk to the, you know what I mean? And just be around it.

Right. I'm always like, let's get out. It's on fire. I was raised by lazy people who taught me that work is to be avoided. Get out of there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know? Did the bell ring?

Leave. Yeah. You know? I always feel like, am I acting? But I have to act like an actor. Yeah always feel like Am I acting? I have to act like an actor Because I'm so nervous But I have to exude Some sort of confidence

I remember one time Sometimes I do Sex and the City I've seen you on it I have Because my wife watches it I don't watch it because I'm totally hetero I'm so straight I'm hetero too

I don't even know what a throw pillow is I can't pick out drapes I'm straight yeah me too one time I was in my dressing room like bent over trying to memorize these lines and then Sarah Parker just walks into my room.

She goes, okay, let's do it now. And I just remember, like, this is what I wanted to say. I don't know. I don't know it. Yeah. I'm so nervous. But instead, I remember going, all right, act like you know what you're doing. Yeah.

Oh, you want to run it? Yeah, yeah. Let's do it. Yeah. Right? But I'm acting like an actor. Right i'm really myself there yeah oh i'm not gonna be able to function i'm not gonna be able to do it i my first i i did uh i did this really dopey show that started in chicago what's it called real life brady bunch i love it it was reenactments of brady bunch episodes it got well it's no it was if you've seen the brady bunch and

just think of adults doing it in bad wigs and um but i did that we it got very popular it went to new york and the casting director saw it and i played mike brady it was like the most boring character in the whole show is that the oldest it? It's the dad. It's Robert Reed. Wow. And so this, somebody said, hey, there's somebody wants to talk to you after the show. And I went out and it's this casting agent or casting assistant

and she says, you're really good. You should talk to my friend Molly. She's an agent. And so, okay. She gives me her number. I call her up. I go sit across from her for 45 minutes to an hour just kind of chatting what agency making her life i don't remember honestly and um and she's like this kind of old cigarettety lady you know and she was i one of those but she was yeah but she was just like uh you know what you're i want to rep you and i'm gonna call and

she called wow she like was like i'm gonna call the casting at you know like the network new york network and she's like she calls somebody and it's like i'm gonna call you know dorothy at abc and she's like yeah and then she's talking to me she goes i got this kid sitting here he is amazing you gotta see no he's not just a funny guy he can do it all and i was like can i you know but i realized i realized right there that like oh she's treating me as legit it would be rude to deny her you know like she's saying this and so i gotta go out there and follow up you know you can't go yeah hang. Hang up. I got nothing. Yeah, yeah. You can't do that. You don't really know me. I know.

You have to go with it. I know, but in that moment, you're like, you're literally going probably, I don't know if I can do it. Oh, no. Yeah, absolutely. I'm the same way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And especially coming from Chicago, the notion of New York was incredibly intimidating to me. You know, Chicago was like, chicago oh yeah i mean i'm

funny in chicago but in new york you gotta be i don't know classy or something yeah and then i quickly learned especially like then doing the conan show and when we like started i realized oh no no there's new york especially when you're like we need uh to see have people in here to do a sketch it's a comedy sketch and then you get like 15 people and to have people in here to do a sketch. It's a comedy sketch. And then you get like 15 people and you're like, Jesus Christ, not one of them is funny. You know what I mean? It wasn't until a bunch of Chicago people moved to New York

that we got all these like day players for the Conan show that really helped us make all these bits. The worst is, I don't know why that just... So I had this Comedy Central pilot and I called in all these bits. The worst is, I don't know why that just, so I had this Comedy Central pilot and I called in all my friends. Yeah.

But then because it's my show, I have to watch their audition in the room. Yeah. It's the worst. It's so weird. It's the worst situation to be in, right?

Yeah, yeah. Because you want to like, you know what I mean, go, John, just calm down. Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? This is not John.

Right. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's great. Yeah. But they come in like, you you know i mean yeah yeah yeah it's great yeah but they come in like you know i mean yeah so weird yeah oh my and also too i've been in that situation too where people will want they'll like kind of like can you get me a part on your show and then you have to act like uh i don't have any control over that. And it's kind of like, your name's in the title. You do have control.

I think you have a little bit of influence. But I'm like, oh, that's beyond me. Why won't you do it, though? Because you know in your mind, the person that's asking will never get it. Or is not right for something. Okay, I'm Philip. Okay. All right, Philip. hi philip contango

hi hi i'm philip contango how's life in nairobi i'm pretty good oh good hey andy you know you know i've been acting yeah yeah yeah um hey man what up dude give me well now what i'll tell you is yeah well let me finish what okay all right to say. All right, all right. Sorry, Philip. Jesus Christ. Well, listen, yeah, yeah. I'm used to talking and not listening, okay? My name's in the title. All right, Philip, go ahead. All right.

So can I get a couple lines as the waiter? Because it's on the breakdown. Well, sure. You know what? You're going to have to read, first of all, because the decision is not just mine. But you're a producer. I am a producer, but I'm not. You're the star.

You're the producer, and I don't run the show, which was always true. There was someone else that ran the show. Yeah, but I know, but it's me, Philip. I don't want to say that. I know, I know. It's Andy Richter and the executive producer. I know, but you have to. Two lines.

Philip, I got relatives that want to get in this show. You're just fucking Philip Katanga. Have a little self-awareness, for fuck's sake. Can't you tell my love's a crow? Now, I'm reading now. Okay. Would you be in the room with Philip Rad or no? Probably not.

Probably not for a one-off part. All right. For a regular or for like a big featured part, I think that I would. But even then, I don't think like when there was somebody that was, you know, like a big featured player in an entire episode, I don't think I read with those people. Oh, you didn't? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Those people. Those people. The two liners. No, but I think that somebody else would make the decision, then I would just find out. Oh, the casting assistant almost.

This woman is playing the woman you're dating. Right. This woman, you know, this man is playing, you know, your angry neighbor, you know? Yeah, yeah. But I have called, like, you know, and the casting assistant would go,

hey, my buddy is coming in to read a couple lines. Just tell me what it's like. Yeah. You know what I mean? Well, like, on know, and the cast member would go, hey, my buddy is coming in to read a couple lines. Just tell me what it's like. You know what I mean? Well, like, on Andy Richter Controls the Universe, which was the first show that I had, I pushed to get my friend Tommy, who's one of the – Tommy Blatcha, who's been a guest on this show and who's one of the funniest fucking people in the world. And this is – you know, I came from the Conan show. This is my first LA thing. I very much am being treated like a clever boy, you know, like not like a grownup who's been on TV

for a few thousand hours or whatever, but like a smart boy that like, you know, oh, sometimes he can make you laugh with words that nerds haven't written for him. So, you know know so i got my friend tommy on and i mean i was a producer on the show that had my title in it i wasn't a co-ep i wasn't a you know associate producer i was just a producer i was like a you know a corporal um in the war that was named after me you know um? Yeah. And so I, it was definitely,

there was a lot of, you know, like you, in fact, at, there was, this was such a weird, weird one in it.

There was a session with the guy that ran the show and the director that was, you know, sort of the director for most of the episodes and directed the pilot. And there was a casting session with, with a, one of the series regulars, I think is what it was, but it was definitely,

it was a casting session that it was the three of us. And then this, this, I think it was a woman and they were trying to explain a, give her a note and explain it. And I might've said, and I just said something like, you know, it's kind of

like x you know like i kind of just to clarify the note i thought i'll be helpful and i'll just say it's like this yeah i mean i didn't get it you know it was just like one off-handed comment the next morning when we're in the writer's room that i was called into a room aside and told you cannot speak to the act you cannot give notes to the actors what do not give notes to the actors and i was like wait wait okay the executive producer probably said yeah and the director they both together were like and and i do what i say fuck you i know but i was just like no okay you okay. You could say fuck you. I know, I know. You're the star of the show. But I would, you know, I would now. Now I would be like, okay.

What year was this? This was 2000. Oh, yeah. 2001. You couldn't then. Oh, okay. You couldn't then. Yeah.

You can do it now. Yeah, yeah. But then you had to absorb it. Yeah, yeah. Because I remember a bunch of stuff, times where I went, okay. Yeah, yeah. Right, but now? Yeah.

Fuck now. Well, I did. There were times. As time went on, there were times where I went, okay. But now? Yeah. Well, I did. There were times. As time went on, there were times when I would say no. And I mean, and now, being able to say no and learning how to say no is, oh, it's fantastic. Oh, yeah. I love it when I get to say no but that's also sitcoms used to have I have to say

had all this weight to it but now you know I could also just do an internet show and make as much money it doesn't have that kind of power back then I would audition six times then you would test

the signed paperwork. Oh, absolutely. You're going to show up. Yeah. You know what I mean? And then you're like testing. Everyone's like, Tom Hardy's there. What, against Tom Hardy?

Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? And it's like, what, by me? Yeah, yeah. And you're fucked, right? Yeah, yeah. You know, one time I was against Brandon Ruth of Superman. Really?

Yeah. It was him and I for a part. I go, who wrote this? Did he get it? Yeah, you got it, who wrote this? Did he get it? Yeah, he got it. Oh, wow. Did anybody get it? You think I'm Superman?

What if it was for Superman? That would have been like, we think we might throw a curveball. He cast Bobby as Superman. They did it with The Little Mermaid they changed it a bit yeah sure yeah but back then no there's no I'll Get Superman

right right I just watched that I just watched that Quiet on Set the four part mini series on Max Plus there's your plug about the Nickelodeon children's shows

I heard that was good it's pretty amazing. And it is like, like I'm watching it. I'm watching it with my wife. And there's like something about how in the first season of all that, they hired two female writers. Oh, no, it was it wasn't even all that. It was the Amanda Bynes show. So it was the show about the girl.

And they hired two, right. Two female writers made them split a salary, which they, which the writers then found out later was totally against the rules. And, you know, and they were,

and there was lots of, you know, lots of like, is it okay if I call you the girls kind of stuff? And I was just, and there was something about like that, you know, like the, just the outrageous things they were asked. And I was like, they should have just fucking sued him, which one of them did end up doing. And my wife was like, yeah, but back then that would ruin your career.

And then later in the thing, it's like, I sued him and it ruined my career. You know, like no one would work with me because i sued this this guy that like was incredibly successful and made a bunch of money for these people and who you know multiple investigations of and not like that he was you know sexually abusing me but just he made a terrible toxic workplace yeah for teen girls you know yeah yeah i mean that's creepy i mean bill gonz in that environment, you're fucked. You're going to be buried with legal shit. It's going to be terrible. It's hard looking back on things like that because it was the same. I've had instances of men that were me too

that I wasn't specifically aware, but I did kind of hear like, oh yeah, that guy's bad with women. Like women say, don't be in an elevator along with that guy. And it was right. You just kind of were like oh okay yeah that guy women don't get in an elevator alone with him yeah and then like well back to work you know and looking at it it's like yeah why didn't i say no yeah and it's like because yeah you don't know't yeah that wasn't the way it was

but you hear rumors too you don't know if they're real or not you know what I mean I mean remember that old rumor that the gerbil and Richard Gere's butt

yes like where did that come from I don't it's ridiculous I'm sure it never happened and those are the kind of rumors too that are like you know

or like Rod Stewart needing his stomach pumped and then finding gallons of semen in it it's just like it like, you know, or like Rod Stewart needing his stomach pumped and then finding gallons of semen in it. It's just like, you know, even you get to like age 11 and you're like, wait, that doesn't make any sense.

That doesn't make any sense. And like, a gerbil in your ass? I just, A, how do you get it in there? And B, no! Was it a show business journal? A gerbil? Yeah. He's like, yeah,

yeah, look at my face. There's plenty of things to shove up your ass that are easier and probably much more pleasurable. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know?

Yeah, yeah. But I don't even know how that gets, there was a pre-internet. Yeah, yeah. People just say it. I remember I was,

I worked on a movie with him in, in Dallas and his wife, like it was a day that his wife and his kid were there, a kid or kids, I can't remember, were on set. And he was such a lovely guy. Still, I assume is, you know, but like just great. And then seeing them as a happy family together. And on my way home from set, I stopped at the grocery store in Dallas. And there's like a tabloid that's like that it references the gerbil thing right there and i'm just like jesus christ

what a fucking life you know kids look at that yes people look at that absolutely you have to explain to them yeah i don't know how that happens yeah and i really don't have a gerbil. You know I love gerbils. Yeah. I would never. You've seen it with them. I would never. Never, never. Wow, that's crazy. So let's go to the middle now. What's the second question? Who's running this thing?

Me. No, I want to follow the rules. Okay, I know, but I mean, I'm still talking. No, you didn't. You had a little dip there. Well, tell me about. I know, but we're still like where you there well tell me about I know but we're not we're still we're still like where you come from oh yeah we are because I want to I want to talk about the

change in your life well first of all before you started doing stand-up you did you have any idea of what the rest of your life did you have any plans for the future because you were working at a coffee shop what's your living in La Jolla because of recovery. Here we go. I was deeply in recovery. And when I was now, let's see, I started standing when I was 23. So when I was maybe 20, I met a guy named Scott Collins.

No one knows who he is. Nice guy, though. At an A meeting. And Scott goes, I want to do, I have a loft with a little space there to do an acting studio. And he goes, would you like to? And I go, well, I'm not. I'm more interested in comedy maybe, but not.

He's like, well. Oh, so there was an interest there. There was still an interest, yeah. And he goes, I know a guy named Gary Austin. Do you know Gary Austin? So Gary Austin started the ground. Sounds like a porn star. No, he started the groundlings.

Oh, okay. Yeah. And he goes, Gary travels to city to city and teaches improv. So Gary came to San Diego to this actor studio that he had,

my friend had. Yeah. And I took a year worth of classes twice a month. Oh, wow. So that's where I started kind of my...

So there had been a little bit. A little bit of interest, you know what I mean? It was... Because I did it in high school school to improv at an acting class whatever so i you know i was in plays too i was in the sound of music oh nice who were you in the sound of kurt oh one of the kids and that's also one of the reasons why i knew i liked laughs because remember when fralein maria calls the kids down for the first time? Yeah, yeah.

And they come down the balcony or whatever, right? Right, right. I remember coming down. It was a high school. Yeah. And as soon as people saw me, the whole theater went berserk. Because one of the Von Trapps is Korean. Yeah, yeah.

Right, right. Yeah, yeah. And I remember, you know, I go, I'm Kurt. Whatever the line is, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the players went crazy laughing, right? Yeah. And then I remember going to the director. You know, I go, I'm Kurt. I'm whatever the line is, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the players went crazy laughing, right? Yeah. And then I remember going to the director, you know, it's high school, and I go, is there

any way you can change the lines? He's like, what do you mean? I go, well, just, you know, I'm Kurt. I was adopted. Right, sure, yeah, yeah, yeah. Or I play under the sun too much. Right? You know what I mean?

Yeah, yeah. I have a skin disorder. I don't know, whatever it might be, right? He's like, like no we want to change it i was ivf yeah yeah yeah yeah because then then i wouldn't get the laugh but i got you i liked it yeah i mean so it's like so i dabbled in it so you know gary really kind of taught me about commitment yeah and on adding information right right i mean you know he had the foundation it's like, you know, you're taking improv classes, but you don't know if it's, I mean, I was the same thing.

I started taking improv classes and it was like, well, you know, I wasn't, I was taking improv classes with kids that like, and I took them because they were local, but with like kids that like moved there from Phoenix because they wanted to be on SNL.

And I was like, yeesh. I'm like, I don't know. Second City, right? Second City. Yeah, yeah. Chicago. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Improv Olympic.

Oh, yeah, yeah. And I just was like, wow, I just kind of am here for fun. That's crazy. Yeah, yeah. You know, I wasn't so much focused on like one goal. Like I'm going to get on SNL or I'm going to headline Madison Square Garden or whatever. Could you have one of those?

I think when you were just talking about all this I think they're little dopamine hits. For instance the first time you do a show

where there's an audience because sometimes when you do shows early on there's no one there. Two or three people whatever. But you're like

there's a hundred people here and then you do well that's, there's no one there. Yeah. Two or three people, whatever. Yeah. But you're like, oh, there's 100 people here? Mm-hmm. And then you do well. It's like a drug. Yeah, yeah. Right? When you book your first commercial. Yeah.

Oh, yeah, you have lines. Yeah. And I get to do with, you know what I mean, Charles Barkley. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And you move up. Yeah.

It's like little drug hits. Yeah. I think that's why I did it. And there'll be a year where you get nothing. Yeah. And you move up. Yeah. It's like little drug hits. Yeah. I think that's why I did it. Yeah. And there'll be a year where you get nothing. Yes, of course. Right? Right, right.

But then when you'll, out of nowhere, someone will call you and you're like, really? Yeah. They want me in that? Yeah. You're right. And it's like, and you slowly move up. I think that's what I'm here for. Yeah.

The little lottery, like mini lotteries. Yeah. I think that's what i'm here for yeah the little lottery like mini lotteries yeah i think that's what show business is and and also too i think it's for me too there was the aspect of you can't do that like you you know you can't do that then and it's like well look i just did you know i played to 100 people and i did really well and people backstage were saying you did really well in front of those 100 people. And then I did book that thing and I did get this role. Right. And so it's like, I can. Yeah. Sometimes you can't. Like you said.

Sometimes you can't. But like you said. I've done I can'ts before. But there's still a voice in you that kind of still believes like, well, this you can't. But you learn when you can't. Yeah. There was one time where I did a movie where I go, I think I can. And it was a monologue.

And I got so nervous. Yeah. And they said action, and nothing came out. Wow. And then the director was like, you okay? You need some time? And I literally looked at the person and go, there's nothing you can do. We could do this now or 30

minutes from now yeah i'm just not going to be able to do it wow he goes what no he goes what wow like what the fuck yeah i go i'm just telling you i don't know what's going on right now but i'm petrified i'm like stuck was it a tough monologue like No, I just got in my head. Wow. You know what I mean? And that was the one time where I couldn't. And what did they do? Just even thinking about it. No, I'm sure. Oh, that would make me... He just keeps thinking about it, makes me fucking... Oh my God. What did they do then?

We're moving on. Oh, wow. Yeah. And I remember, like, it was embarrassing going back the next day. Yeah. People were like, actors are looking at me, like, look at this fucking... You know? He doesn't want to fucking do nothing. Wow. He should kill himself. They were saying that?

Jesus Christ. In my mind, you know what I mean? Yeah. I mean, a couple of times in my life where I've had moments of like, oh, I froze. Like one time I did a show, I did a stand-up show in, oh my gosh, even thinking about it, it causes me PTSD. Yeah, yeah. But I did a show with, it was this thing called Doghouse Comedy Jam. Yeah.

And it was up north, you know, I think San Jose area. Yeah. And it was like this, you know, hip-hop radio station. They did this yearly show, but the show was packed. It was like Chappelle, Cat Williams. Oh, wow.

I mean, just on and on. Right. Yeah. And I, Leslie Jones was before me. Uh huh. It's 20,000 seats.

Yeah. Like 15 to 20. Right. And I'm literally, can I stand? Yeah. There's like a brick wall right here. Bring the mic up with you though.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Yeah. There's like a wall right right here. Bring the mic up with you though. Okay. Okay. Yeah. There's like a wall right here and like, you know, and there's a hallway. Yeah. So there's a wall, hallway, and I see Leslie kind of from the distance on stage and the fucking wall is shaking.

From laughter? Yeah. She's killing that bad. Right. Like, ah, right? And already I'm like, I'm fucked fucked i just nothing i got nothing yeah yeah and i went to jeff wills from live nation i turned to him i begged i got out of my hands and knees sir please sir let me not do this one yeah what the fuck you're talking about stand up yeah

you'll be fine so then what happens she gets off and like everyone's high-fiving her right and then the host is like ladies and gentlemen and there's smoke in this hallway you know they put smokes and i'm like smoke machine yeah yeah it's not her killing smoke right no i know or cigarettes Or cigarettes. It's just, it's WWE entrance smoke. And I run out there and I come out and it's like a sea of people.

Yeah. Right? And I just, on Andy, I just know, I know me and I know my situations. It didn't feel right. Yeah. And as soon as I opened my mouth, I'm like, here we go. And I remember two minutes in,

just everyone booing me. Oh my god. Right? Oh my god. And I'm standing there like, like my body is being vibrated with boos. Yeah. It's like, you know, in Platoon. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Riddled with boos. Riddled with boos. Right? Yeah, you know, in Platoon. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Riddled with booze. And I'm like, I'm done. And then I start to cry. They can't see me. Because it's so far away. But I just remember like, oh, I'm crying. In my mind. And I turn around.

I don't even say goodbye. I just walk off stage. Wow. Right? And now I have to go through the smoke again. Right? So I'm, like, running into the wall. Right. Yeah. And whoever is on next is like, oh, fuck.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought I had ten more minutes. They're scrambling. They're scrambling, scrambling. And I remember ending up in, like, a medical room. Like, the medical place. I don't know why. I think I just, like, I'm having a heart attack.

I don't know. Something. Wow. But I remember, like, them, like, patting me down in this room. like the medical place i don't know why i think i just like i'm having a heart attack something wow but i remember like them like patting me down in this room and my agent was there matt he's still my agent yeah and he's laughing yeah right and i go why are you laughing he goes dude at one point you weren't even speaking english i go to me you're going you know what I mean? You're going you know what I mean? Just nonsense language. You went into this thing we've never seen

in our lifetime. Everyone's laughing. Because I had to do the show again the next day. Yeah. But I switched the line up a little bit. Right, right.

It favored me. And you did okay. I killed. Nobody bought. Yeah, okay, good. The next time. Good, good. But you did okay. I killed. Nobody, yeah, okay, good. The next time. Good, good. But still, here's the lesson.

Yeah. Even though that was the most horrific thing, right? And I remember laying in the hotel bed with the sheets, you know what I mean? Just laying, just looking at the ceiling. Yeah. Should I kill myself? Yeah, whatever.

The thoughts. Yeah. But then I'm always like, no, you gotta do it tomorrow. You gotta kill. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're just, you're a warrior. Yeah. And just, you know what I mean? Take your The thoughts. Yeah. But then I'm always like, no, you got to do it tomorrow. You got to kill it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're a warrior. Yeah.

And just, you know what I mean? Take your licks. Yeah. And then, you know, and I just, a month ago, I was with Segura and Burt in Vegas at the MGM. And they had me, me and Shane Gillis did guest spots on their show. Yeah. It was 15,000 seats. And I just murdered.

It was like the greatest. You know, so you have victories as well one thing that occurred to me that i didn't that i didn't say to you is like you know because you did have you know i sit here and i talk to stand-ups and they're like you know i ate shit for four years before anybody noticed me and you did have a fairly quick from when you started yeah yeah stage you did have a fairly quick thing. And it's because you have an energy to you that is very likable. And you have a charisma and a magnet. Honestly.

All right, thank you. No, you're very easy to like. Oh, thank you so much. And I mean, just you talking, just you being in a room, it's like you are likable. That's so nice. Yeah, yeah.

No, and you can tell too that like, you're, you're on the good side of life. Yeah. You're, you, you represent positive things. Listen, I, um, I don't, I don't want to be like my dad. Yeah. You know, I really do. I want to do, um, you know, i look at him and i go i want to

nip that in the butt yeah and i want to just just be a better guy than he was you know although you know at the end of the day he had he grew up when during the korean war where he saw dead bodies and yeah you know i mean and crazy shit yeah you know and probably didn't have enough to eat oh yeah no he didn't he was a street kid too he had Yeah, no, he didn't. He was a street kid too. He had to survive. Wow. And he did all these things. My mom, same thing. So it's like generational trauma. Yeah.

So I, listen, I've been afforded a lot of help. I have a therapist, psychiatrist. I go to A meetings. I have people around me. I'm constantly just daily maintenance, dealing with where I'm at. And at the end of the day, it's like I know not to feel depressed. You have to get out of yourself and help other people.

And so I'm trying to always be in service no matter where I'm at. I try to get comics over. I have my own A meeting for only comics. Oh, wow. And I started that with another comic and it's growing and it's been it's something that i've gotten a couple of it's helped people get sober and it only makes me feel like i'm a part of this world right and like not a piece of shit and it's meaningful it's really really meaningful yeah i mean it's hard to do sometimes

sometimes you know you're not like you know you're you're in self you're thinking about your career or whatever and those are like the dark and that's where i'm the most miserable yeah and i'll have weeks of that yeah i was just like you know because i'm you know andrew santino my podcast partner he's killing it yeah like he's in really like legitimate movies yeah yeah you. I'm watching him. You go, oh, he's a star. He's flying. And I'm on the ground with a broken wing. I want to

fly. And you do it and it's not working. That's when you're in self. And then when I'm out, I have a TV deal an i have a tv deal you know i have a couple movies coming i mean i'm not i'm right no i know i'm no i'm in the same boat i have so much self-pity at times for like how much i'm not working yeah

and then i talk to people and they're like what what do you know? I mean, I might give off a little hint of that to somebody that I know kind of well. And they're like, what the fuck are you talking about? Yeah. Like you're you. We have great lives too. Yeah. We really do. Yeah, yeah.

That's what I wanted to ask you. Are you happy with your life? Like do you like your life a lot now? He's getting close, people. He's leaning in. So, this year has been the best

year of my whole entire life. Oh, wow. I'm so happy to hear that. I really am. Oh, thank you. Why would I not be? No. Okay. Okay. And tell me why. I don't know why. I really don. Oh, thank you. Why would I not be? No. Okay. Okay. And tell me why. I don't know why.

I really don't know why. It's just, I'm around so much support for me that it's almost, I just get emotional thinking about it. Yeah. It's just, I'm overwhelmed with love. And not just in my 12-step life or my family, even in this business. I've had my friends stick up for me

and just really be there for me. And it's just the things I've done. I've just done so many cool things this year. I'm going to go overseas to do this weird movie with a couple of these older actors that I never thought I'd ever be in a thing with. I'm super excited about it. And then I'm doing shows with Andrew,

and Andrew and I are best friends and sometimes we have to pinch ourselves because we're like you know I went home I did San Diego and it was like

5,000 seats in this auditorium and all my high school friends are there wow you know what I mean and I'm just like and they all came backstage

and hung out yeah it's like super fun you know so it's just like I just everything about it is you know what I mean and you know? So it's just like, I just, everything about it has been great,

you know what I mean? And, you know, I suppose it's the first time I've ever been single. Oh, really? Like single,

single? Like single, single. Yeah. I'm killing it. You know what I've seen? I've seen headlines. I've seen headlines

about murdered pussies all over town. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But no, it's been so good, man. And I know the shoe could drop, but you can't think that way. That's another thing I'm trying not to do is like, oh, these guys are great now, but when is it going to get bad? But it's not.

I just live in the moment. Right, right. I think, i think too i mean you're you're about five years younger than me i also feel like there was a point at which and especially because i just being depressed a good portion of my life there was a point like in my late 40s that i just kind of got better like Like I just, I don't, it wasn't, there wasn't any sort of like flash of light or, you know, some great realization. I just, it was just like, oh, that cloud that was around me just kind of moved on. And, and I'm able to kind of like actually interface with my life and kind of, you know, like, it is good and and i am here and you know and i do you know i've i've said before too like you get this i mean it is a kind of wisdom just because

you've been alive long enough and you've you know you've touched the stove enough to know like that's hot don't touch that and and i just think like there's no you can't have that knowledge young because if you were young and pretty and that wise you would be too dangerous like wisdom has to be shared with only like the leathery old people because then you know it's like let them know yeah it's like, let them know. Yeah. It's funny. I've talked to other people in their 50s.

Yeah. Right. And we're all in kind of the same place. Yeah. And I think the number one thing is that I've learned maybe later in life, it's just things just pass. Yeah. And I don't have to freak out about, you know what I mean? Because issues come up 10 years from now,

I'm not even going to remember what they are. I have my ex-girlfriend's niece. She went to high school in my house because I lived with my girlfriend. She lived with us. She would talk about her problems.

It was funny. When you listen to them, you go, yeah, in high school, I i probably had the similar problem i just don't remember what they are yeah and they had no significance in my life now yeah at all right it's just they're nothing it's nothing yeah right but it was you would lose sleep at the time how am i ever gonna get through this yeah carry carry or whatever and it's just like, things just pass, man. Yeah. And my sponsor goes, like, I'll complain about something, and he'll go, like, if it's a Friday, he'll go, is it Friday's business? Like, what do you mean?

I go, that has nothing to do with today. Yeah. It has nothing to do with the things that you're doing right now. Yeah. They're all hypothetical problems. Yeah. I mean, issues that aren't even real yeah so you know i you know you learn yeah um how long does this go you know what you just

jesus christ what a dick no but let's go to the second question no no i was gonna i was gonna tell you you just answered the third question what have you learned you You actually said, I have learned bad times pass. Yeah. Was this an Elvis pose? Whatever, man. Well, no, we're done. I loved it. I loved it, too.

This was really an awesome conversation. If I ever see you in the streets, don't ever talk. No, I'm kidding. If I ever see you, I love you so much. I love you, too. Let's hug and let's be friends. Yes, definitely. You're my new, you know, here's another guy, Rainn Wilson. You and Rainn. Let's be friends. Yes, definitely. You're my new,

you know, here's another guy, Rainn Wilson. You and Rainn are my new white guys. Oh, really? For life, yeah. You need more white guys.

No, no, no. I'm very picky. I'm picky. Not this guy for sure. Oh, wow. He's Mexican. That's why I knew. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I hate Mexicans. I love them. But anyway, thank you. So I want to plug some stuff. Yes, do. So I have a movie coming out with Johnny Knoxville and Theo Vaughn. It's called Sweet Dreams. Yeah.

And it comes out, I don't remember, April something. Wait, hold on. I got it. And then. April 16th. Yeah, I'm in a movie with Kevin Hart. I have only a couple scenes. But it's Kevin Hart, Jamie Lee Curtis, Cate Blanchett.

And it's called Borderlands. It comes out. It's like an action movie based on a video game. It comes out this summer. Oh, nice. Yeah, that's on my Instagram, my trailer. That's cool. What was it?

Have you been in a big effects kind of movie like that before? No. Wow. Yeah, it was cool. First of all, we did it three years ago. Oh, wow. In Hungary. Okay, not only that,

like, I've never been in a movie with people that people know. I mean, like, you know what I mean? Yeah. I've been in movies with friends. Like, I did Drugstore June, but all my friends are in it.

Yeah. And, you know, they're big, but I don't know. Yeah. But that was, like, the first movie where I was like, you know, like,

oh, real. These are the real ones. Oh, yeah. And I remember when I was about to fly to Budapest, because it was during COVID, so they go, you can't leave the hotel. So all the actors have to hang out with each other. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You and Cate Blanchett in a hot tub. It was amazing. Wow. So my agent was like, they're not going to hang out with you, probably. So just be ready for that. I realized for a month of loneliness. Yeah. Right?

So I show up at my hotel, and there's a letter on my bed. And it said, hey, we don't know each other, but we're here in Budapest together. So tomorrow at noon, meet me at this restaurant and let's have lunch. Dear Jamie Lee Curtis. Wow. So I woke up the next day and I showed up and she was there. It was amazing.

Yeah, yeah. You know, and she hasn't called me back in three years. Must have been some lunch. You know how you become friends with people on a movie? Oh, absolutely. I'll see you. You know what I mean? You should never see any of them.

Right, right, right. Yeah, yeah. But in that time, just milk it. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, so I'm in that. And Tiger Belly Bad Friends are my podcast. And you're going to be doing live dates of your podcast, Bad Friends.

No, but there's a big one. With Andrew Santino. In Hawaii. Oh. I'm doing a Tiger Belly Live. Oh, nice. Soon. Soon.

It's the best show you'll ever see. Like, when do you mean soon? In April somewhere. In April sometime. Yeah, yeah. Look it up. Oh, wow. Yeah, but it's going to be in Hawaii.

It's the best show you'll ever see. On which island? Oahu. Oh, on Oahu. Oahu. Okay. Okay. There's more than one.

It could have been four. All right, all right, all right. They ran me on. Oh, thank you for being here. This was a joy. It really was. Goodbye, everyone. We'll see you next time on The Three Questions.

Oh, Bob, he's putting his car keys in his wallet. He's leaving. So fun, man. Fuck. Jesus, I thought we shared something. Anyway, three questions is done. Bye. The Three Questions with Andy Richter is a Team Coco production.

It is produced by Sean Doherty and engineered by Rich Garcia. Additional engineering support by Eduardo Perez and Joanna Samuel. Executive produced by Nick Liao, Adam Sachs, and Jeff Ross. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, with assistance from Maddie Ogden. Research by Alyssa Grahl.

Don't forget to rate and review and subscribe to The Three Questions with Andy Richter wherever you get your podcasts. And do you have a favorite question you always like to ask people? Let us know in the review section. Can't you tell my love's a-growing?

Can't you feel it ain't showing? Oh, you must be a-knowing. I've got a big, big love. This has been a Team Coco production.