The Three Questions with Andy Richter - Bobby Moynihan: Drunken Youth Stories (The Andy Richter Call-In Show)

Episode Date: March 28, 2025

SNL great Bobby Moynihan joins "The Andy Richter Call-In Show" this week to hear your Drunken Youth Stories! In this episode of Andy’s weekly SiriusXM radio show, callers share stories about the world's worst massage experience, getting banned from local radio, peeing your pants, bad Thanksgiving memories, and much more.Want to call in? Fill out our Google Form at BIT.LY/CALLANDYRICHTER or dial 855-266-2604.This episode previously aired on SiriusXM’s Conan O’Brien Radio (ch. 104). If you’d like to hear these episodes in advance, new episodes premiere exclusively for SiriusXM subscribers on Conan O’Brien Radio and the SiriusXM app every Wednesday at 4pm ET/1pm PT.

Conan O'Brien Radio! Conan O'Brien Radio! Hello everybody. We're a little late. Sorry. Sorry, we're just doing too much cocaine. It's only cocaine? We lost track of time. Yeah, it's cocaine. It's here at SiriusXM. They don't have coffee machines. They have cocaine machines. It's why all the programming is so intense.

Hi, everybody. It's the Andy Richter Collins Show again. I got Bobby Moynihan in here with me, which I'm thrilled to have. Yeah, I came late. Yeah, you went then. I apologize. You just gone with the cocaine thing.

I was late because I was getting, I stopped at the cocaine machine. Right, right. I didn't have any quarters. It's really bad cocaine, because it's super cheap. It's old, it's old, cheap cocaine. Yeah.

It's tan. Yeah. I don't know why it's that color. It's old, cheap cocaine. It's tan. I don't know why it's that color. Beige cocaine. Yeah, the baby laxative has gone bad that they cut it with. The baby laxative is the only good part of it. And then most of it is drywall. That's right. Although I am shitting my pants constantly. Same. Because the baby laxative, it apparently works for adults too. Most of it's drywall. That's right. Although I am shitting my pants constantly. Insane.

Because the baby laxative, it apparently works for adults. Yeah. Even if you inhale it. Well, it's scientifically proven. All adults are just giant babies. It's true. It's true. I know I am.

I sure know I am. I mean, if you saw me nude, you would know. I would go as far as two of the giantest babies in America are in this room right now. Absolutely. I cannot tell you how many times women in my life have seen old films of me as a toddler and said, oh my god, the bodily dimensions.

Yeah, you just have glasses now. And more hair or less hair, depending on when it was taken. Every single episode of SNL, there was a diaper in my dressing room, unless it was December, then there was a status. Oh, my God. They used to do that on Conan. It was always... I was on Conan in the diaper!

Were you really? Yes! We were the Dove Men. Remember that ad, um... when it was like all the Dove women, but it was like, they're not regular models. Some of them were heavy set. Yeah, yeah, exactly.

To be inclusive. Right, yeah, yeah. Conan said to not, he wanted to be inclusive too, so he had the Dove men, and he brought us all out in our underwear. Was this before SNL? Way before. Oh, okay.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, because you used to do bits on our show too. All the time. We pretty much introduced you to SNL. Yeah. Yeah. If it weren't for me. Everyone says it. Lauren called me this morning and he said, you go to see how detailed I am. Tell him thank you. Thanks for everything. And I mean everything. Even little golden

books. Thank him for that for me. Wait, did you see that, this is not a joke, did you see that there is an SNL Golden book coming out? No. There is, you know kids golden books, you know those things? Yeah, yeah, of course. There's one coming out. Lauren used to own it.

Is that true? Uh, Lauren owned, that was, and this is what I always heard. Is that why? Um, perhaps. There's an SNL Golden book coming out. Yeah, oh wait, they're looking, oh my god, there, they just brought it up on the screen. I'm not, I'm not. Wait, and it looks like those dolls.

What do you call those? Funko Pops. Yeah, Funko Pop dolls. I am not sure Drunk Uncle will be in the children's book. I hope more than anything, but I doubt it. Look up a little Golden Book's Lorne Michaels. Oh my God, if that's true. Yeah, because he-

I like to think he wrote them all. I like to think he sat on a little mushroom and wrote them all. This is something I heard of, Lorne Michaels. No, this is what I had heard. That he- Oh, bought the rights to golden books.

He had SNL and he made a good living, but he, like, you know, like his best friend is like Paul McCartney and Paul Simon. Yeah, they own like floors of the plaza. And they have a gazillion dollars. So Lorne apparently bought Little Golden Books when it was in the toilet, held on to it, you know, got it back on its feet and then resold it. And that was sort of like, he made a good pile of money on that. I hope that's true just because like also good for him.

I know he loves like writing and pencils. He owns a pencil factory. He loves pokey little puppies too. Loves them. But anyway, how do we get on that? Oh, who cares? Yeah. You were correct.

It was acquired by Broadway Video when they bought all of those, like, the old Christmas Claimation Specials. It was part of the same thing. Wow. Wow. Genius. Wow.

Don't ever talk on air again, Sean. How dare you. Son of a bitch, Sean. God damn it. No one wants to hear that. What the fuck was Sean thinking? Yeah, it's true. What was it, he woke up this morning and thought that that was okay. bitch, Sean. God damn it. What the fuck was Sean thinking? No one wants to hear that. Yeah, it's true. What was it?

He woke up this morning and thought that that was okay. Yeah, yeah. Today will be my day. My, my air debut. Oh, I love Sean. That's Sean Daugherty. He's the producer of this show, which means, I don't know, what does that mean? He owns most of Golden Books now.

He does. He does. He has to restock the cocaine machine and he if you go to his house you snort the cocaine off of golden books. I will be going to the South. Yes, yes. Yeah. The little train that could and man you can after you get some of that sweet blow. The little train that can't help itself. Can't help itself but go go go. Anyway so we're talking, I'm supposed to say that you're from Saturday Night Live, DuckTales, which I did not know.

That's nice. Monsters University, Secret Life of Pets, and the upcoming film Fixed. Is that about spaying and neutering? I don't think that's ever coming out. Oh! Oh! Last I heard it was like in the Wile E. Coyote situation,

where it was put on a shelf and no one will ever see it. From the up downing. From the stillborn film. I loved it, it was fun. Fixed, was it an animated film? Yeah, it was an animated film with Gendi Tartovsky. Oh yeah, Gendi Tartovsky from Powerpuff Girls. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Wonderful, wonderful guy. Yeah, we'll see him someday. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A wonderful, wonderful guy. Yeah, we'll see. Yeah, he was, I think he was a Columbia College Chicago graduate, as am I. I mean, prove it. And Pat, I don't need to fucking prove anything to you. Okay. You were late.

Correct. You're the one with the cocaine machines. I am. I love cocaine. For a quarter. The only reason I got stopped and got some was because it was a quarter. Right, right. Yeah. It's a one ball, not an eight ball. It's a one ball of cocaine. Anyway, our topic today, callers, is drunken youth stories. Clearly. Well, I mean, you could tell cocaine youth stories if you were a rich kid. If I don't want to ever work again. Yeah. Actually, this is an intervention. This is no show.

This is a dumb place for an intervention. This is your family in the studio next door about your drunken youth. No, it's Drunken Youth Stories. And 855-266-2604 is the phone number. So if you have one give us a call I imagine you got some good ones, you know, I Didn't know no. All right. I'll see you guys later. Bye. Bye Bobby. Have a good day. Bye. Bye Bobby I did not drink or do anything until very, very late in life. Like almost when I was done with college. Really? Yeah, kind of.

Were you just scared? I was terrified. No, my father owned a liquor store, and so it was just around a lot, and he was a terrible alcoholic, just drank a lot. So I saw the effects of it, and it just wasn't for me. I just went, oh no, it's stupid. Right, right.

But that being said, my parents both chain smoked in the house. Oh wow. So I smoked cigarettes. Yeah, passively. Like, you know, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like,

I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I like this, I'll stick with that. But like never really, but I have millions of drunken high school stories because all my friends were lunatics. They were all lunatics. We were all great.

Did you end up driving? Definitely, well, yeah. Not only did I drive, I bought a minivan so that I could have all my friends. And it was like, there was a rubber ducky glued to the hood where the hood ornament was. Like it was one of those. Like it was just like, we drove around in that van

and we had friends who had literal vans. My friend Anthony Choppa, I won't say his name, but his real name is Anthony Choppa. Yes. Right, right. He's the best. That's an amazing fake name you thought of. No, that's real, yeah, yeah, yeah.

He had a van and he somehow, he stole it, a McDonald's tables and chair and drilled it into the back of the van. So there was a McDonald's, there was like a little McDonald's table and chair in the back of the van. Wow! And we would just drive around, yeah.

It was like, that's all we did was drive around. You don't know how he stole it? Like, that's incredible. I mean don't know how he stole it? That's incredible. I mean, I know how he stole it. He went in with a drill. Really? Yeah, it was a lunatic.

He's a good, now he does like, when you get your house inspected. House inspection? That. Hey. Hey. Survey. A house surveyor, he's like, he's concerned.

He's always that guy. He was always like, handy and building stuff. Right, right, right. Yeah, and like, a lot of those good friends. We stole everything. Yeah. He could have picked out some better furniture for the back of the van.

Although it is. 1 billion percent completely disagree. Oh, okay. All right, you're right. You're right, honestly. Maybe you don't like chairs in the shape of French fries. If you saw my house, you would know how wrong you are. My bed is just, it's a big hot dog bun.

I would 100% have one of those Batmobile race car beds if I could. I mean I can. Right, right. Well you can, yeah. Well, wife. Yeah, she'd be fine with it. Really? Yeah, she knows, she knows. She knows I'm an idiot.

Yeah, we, I mean, we drank when I was a kid. Like my parents were the, I'd rather you kids drink over here than out somewhere else. Cause also too, like this, and this is something I kind of have brought in. My dad was like, I'd rather drink alone at work. Then. Then drink with you kids?

Then be home. At work, at work. My store, my domain, it has guns all over the place, just in case. No guns, good man, Dollar Heart, Nickel Brain. No guns, really? Wow, cause usually liquor stores, they gotta have a couple guns around. Ooh, do I tell, yeah, no. No guns? Nickel Brand. Really? Wow, because usually liquor stores, they've got to have a couple guns around.

Oh, do I tell? Yeah, no, he had an ice pick. He was not a joke referred to as Ice Pick Bob. Wow. Yeah, for an incident where someone tried to rob the store. Wow. Yeah. That's awesome.

Yeah, well, is it? Is he like, usually, like, what are you going to segue into professional wrestling with? He has it, it's all just the green, the shoot is greased. Ice pick by. Here he comes. Correct. Oh, man, ice pick. That's fucking terrifying. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

That ice pick. There were I was I used to work there all the time because I was a child and that's what happened sure yeah no that's what you did early work in the cash register and there were he took a staple gun underneath the like the counter and he just went kunk kunk so there was like two staples you know what I mean sure sure yeah that didn't work fully yeah And he slid the ice pick right there. So it was like, if anything happens,

grab the ice pick, gang, gang, gang! Wow. Yeah. You know, I just, a friend of mine in Chicago, I was nine. He ran his dad's liquor store, and I used to hang out and get behind the counter. There were like guns everywhere.

There's like four guns in the place. Just in case. Not a gun. Not a gun? Yeah, yeah. Wow. And now, like as an adult, like that never dawned in the place not a gun yeah yeah that's and now like as an adult like that never dawned on me not a gun yeah yeah an ice pick cuz liquor store also just like ten-year-old slammed on New Year's Eve Wow working a cash register in Jersey New Rochelle New York oh New Rochelle

okay wow we should get to the phones yeah I disagree yeah but I mean we should hear the people's stories I don't have a lot Oh, New Rochelle, okay. Wow. We should get to the phones. Nah, I disagree. Nah, but I mean, we should hear the people's stories. I don't have a lot of good... I mean, I was drunk when I was a kid, but I don't have any, like, really crazy ones, because I was always afraid... I was... See, I was afraid to get in trouble. Like, I drank, and I didn't smoke weed until I was out of high school,

but I was always, like, afraid to get in trouble. Yeah. I don't know, you know, just I was always afraid to get in trouble. Yeah. I don't know, just. I was afraid to get in trouble too. I was good at getting out of it, but I was afraid of it. Well, and I've also mentioned before,

whenever the cops would show up somewhere, people would send me to go talk to them. That was just a natural, Andy, go talk to them. We're talkers, and we have a little bit of an Eddie Haskell vibe about us. Yes, yes. You know, like we're really sorry that our friends are idiots.

Or it's like, yeah, and it's also, I think dad stuff. You know, it's like just dad. Like I feel like I was a dad before I was a dad. Agreed, yeah, same. And in Chicago, like it'd be like somebody would say, let's all drop acid and drive to the Indiana Dunes and watch the sun come up. And this is like midnight.

And my answer would be like, no. And then everyone would go, yes, let's. And I'd be like, oh, fuck, I guess we're doing this. I'll drive. I didn't not take the acid, but I did drive. Because I was like, I'm not letting any of these fucking morons drive. But I would do it.

Mine was, we're all at our friend Jay's house, and everyone's wrecked, what are we going to do? And it's like, well, we know what we're going to do. We're going to get in the van, we're going to drive around, and we're going to collect all of the recycling bins that we can, and lawn ornaments that we can, and we're going to go throw them on the lawn of our enemy. That's what we're going to throw them on the lawn of our enemy. That's what we're gonna do. And I went, fine. And by the enemy, you mean a church. I meant a Catholic church.

Oh, callers, drunken youth, let's hear it. We got Six, I guess. Is it Six? CIX from Cape Cod yes my name is six hi six how are you I'm great how y'all doing good is that short for Sisto short for I'm the sixth person and a sixth child in a hippie house and they didn't have a name for me so they called me six. Wow. Oh, I like that. This is six from Cape Cod and not six from Blossom. Yes, I'm not six sticks from hell either,

but I like it some. Never thought you were. You sound like a nice kind. Yeah, you do. But you do sound like you drank a lot when you were younger. And older. Oh yeah, I started at about 12. Oh, nice.

Yes. That's good. As long as you got double digits, you're fine. Thanks for all the talk about cocaine. My nose has been running. Oh's good. As long as you got double digits, you're fine. Thanks for all the talk about cocaine. My nose has been running. Oh, sorry. Oh, well. Well, tell us, I hear you got a New Orleans story for us.

I do. When I got out of high school, I joined the Coast Guard and when I got out of boot camp, I got stationed in New Orleans. Nice. So my first week there, the captain took us new guys out on the town to show us around and drink

and have dinner, whatever. So we went to Pat O'Brien's. I don't know if you know Pat O'Brien's, but they got these things called hurricanes. Yes, they're served in like flower vases. Yes. Yes, and they're kind of pink and they're very potent. I think they got about 10 white liquors in them, like a Long Island iced tea.

Exactly. So anyway, so we're drinking and we're drinking and we're getting hammered. And the captain is like, you guys, I do this for all the new recruits in. I take them to the, I forget the name of the place, Lafitte, Lafitte La Blah. Yeah, Lafitte's blacksmith shop. I don't know if that was it, but it was something, the Lafitte, whatever. Anyway, it was the oldest whorehouse in New Orleans that is now a massage parlor. Oh, nice.

A beautiful, lovely massage parlor. Yeah, yeah. Because you know, the thing is, when you're going to a bordello, you want to go to an old one. Or I was going to say, or one just under new management. Yes, yes, exactly. So anyway, go ahead. So you go to a massage parlor. Yes, but it's in like one of these old New Orleans buildings, the iron balconies and there's 20 girls in the main

room and you get to pick one and go up to the room. So I'm in the room, the girl tells me to take off all my clothes. I take off all my clothes, but what I did is I had a pleather jacket. You remember pleather? Sure, I'm familiar. Vegan leather, they call it now. So I took my vegan leather jacket off and I threw it on a space frame heater. Oh boy. So I got on the massage table. She goes to get some lotion or oils or whatever. Yeah. So I'm laying there and

So I'm laying there and I'm kind of just looking around, just all naked and all excited. And I see the rooms slowly filling up with smoke. And I think this is like 79, 80, I thought it was like a disco thing, they're piping in a little smoke. Right, a little atmosphere to make it, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So the red lights in the room and then the smoke is

So that's going on for a minute. So in the grill comes in and she screams she goes what the fuck are you doing? I look around in the whole room is fucking on fire. Oh boy The fucking dream same exact thing happened to me, but I was in Cape Cod Did it really? No, no, okay. No. Okay. All right, so you were face down on the table,

so you didn't know that there were flames? No, I had my head down on the nice table and it was all happening behind me. So I'm just like looking out the window towards, you know, Bourbon Streetbon Street you know enjoying the site and I like to picture you with your chin on your on your fist and like kicking your legs and I'm going oh boy and I've never of course I've never I'm 18 I never had a massage I've ever been touched a woman you, you know, a real woman. No, he fucked robots.

No, yeah. All the time. I have all the, when you're a teen, yeah, in those days. Sure. So, uh, so what happens? Oh, so, so she runs out screaming and I get up and I'm like, Oh shit. Oh, and I look at my coat, I look at my clothes and they're all on fucking fire. Oh boy.

I kind of put it together like, Oh shit, I did this, oh fuck. And I'm like, oh fuck, I had no clothes. I disagree, that's on her. She knows the space eaters there. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. It would be a thing, yeah, especially- By the first time it happened.

When a pleather wearer walks in, you gotta- The first time someone locked in with a pleather tagging. You gotta let them know. Pleather's dangerous. Don't blame yourself, Six. Also Six, I have a question. Your name is on the monitor spelled C-I-X. Is that how you spell it?

That's the hippie parents. You spell it C-I-X? Well, my parents tried to do S-I-X, but the hospital was a Catholic hospital and they said, oh no, oh no, you're not gonna name him S-I-X. Right. You can name him C-I-X. Oh, right, because probably because the Satan. Oh, because of the devil? Yeah him S-I-X. Right. You can name him C-I-X. Oh, right, probably because the Satan. Oh, because of the devil?

Oh, how'd they meet? Number six. Yeah. Sheebus. It's the number of the beast. Wow. Well, you were just robbed of your metal career. Yeah.

But now you're six from Cape Cod, which is all C's. Yeah, yeah, that's nice. C-C-C-C. And right above it, it says Current Caller, which is both C's. Oh, wow, Current Caller, six from Cape Cod. Awesome. That's five C's and there's probably some guy on Instagram that would freak out about that.

The numerologist dudes. So wait, so what do you do? Do you grab your clothes? Do you wrap a sheet around you? Well, my clothes were melted pretty much. My clothes were all in a kind of bonfire type thing. Okay. So I grabbed the sheets from the, from the, wherever,

and wrapped it around myself and ran out. But I realized all my fucking buddies are up in these rooms also. My captain, a couple guys from my boat, some other dudes we met. I'm like, oh fuck, no one that knows this place is on fire but me. So I ran back up, fucking broke down every fucking door, kicked down the doors,

yelling fire, fire, fire. Everyone's in the fucking half naked getting blowjob, getting, you know, doing it. Oh, it was one. It was massage plus. So about, I think about six or seven doors, I kicked down and got everybody out and then we all ran out into the streets. So about, I think about six or seven doors, I kicked down and got everybody out. And then we all ran out into the streets, but about 20, 30 of us, half naked,

naked, draped with sheets and such. And then the wireless fire department, awesome dudes came and, you know, hosed down the place. Let's talk consequences. Yeah. Yeah, that was, yeah. And everyone, like no one knew it was me.

And I didn't tell any, this is the first time we were told this story actually. Wow. Wow. Statue of limitations is, I'm guessing. Did you, was the fire beyond a point where you could, yeah, seven years for that. Seven years for burning down a rubbing tub place, that's it. And then you're in the clear what, past, past seven years. I feel so, I feel stupid for place, that's it. And then you're in the clear past seven years. I feel so, I feel stupid for asking, I'm sorry. Yeah, I mean, it's all right, you're not a lawyer. The worst part is, is I am. Did you ever consider attempting

to put out the fire yourself? Yeah, like maybe swinging that big old dick around. Yeah. Huh? Yes, you were obviously backed big old dick around. Yeah. Huh? Yes. You were obviously backed up. There was fluid available. Yeah, no, it was a little too out of my wheelhouse.

Oh, it was big enough that it just didn't seem possible? No, it was like in one of those, you know, it seems like one of those movies where the whole, you know, you look at the whole, the room. Like backdraft. From door to ceiling. Wow. Backdraft, exactly.

Wow. It was a backdraft situation. Wow. They'll get you over time. Did they at least save the historical building or did your pleather jacket ruin the historical landmark? I'm sorry to say that the structure did not make it. Oh my god.

It all burned down to the fucking ground. You burnt, so you're admitting to the internet that you burned a hooker's house to the ground. Or not only they live there. It's a rub-and-tug. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, they might live there. They might be, you know, there might have been some, you know, human trafficking going

on, which is hilarious. Yeah. And just, you know, 137 on a Wednesday. Always a good Capron story. Good time to admit it. I get it. Well, six, I'm glad you made it out. Yeah, thank goodness.

Yeah, yeah. I'm not so happy about you ruining the lives and like the livelihoods of a bunch of- Yeah, the livelihoods of a bunch of- many, many people, probably renters, all those disabilities. Right, right. And also that, you know, that ironwork. Yeah. Oh, that ironwork.

Ironwork alone. It's probably just crashed into the streets. It's a sad day. Yeah. Well, thank you for calling and thank you for your service for guarding our coasts Hey, you know what they say Coast Guard's got the best dope do they oh Fuck yeah, dude. What do you think takes them off the boat? Oh, wow never considered I I did not know where and now I didn't I wasn't on board with you now. Yeah. Yeah way to go

Alright six Now, I wasn't on board with you, and now I am, Six. Way to go. All right, Six. I hope you have a super day with the city. Yeah, bye, Pindios. All right. Wow. Yeah. Burnt down a building.

I don't know if that's true. That is not a prerequisite for this show. Oh, great, I don't think so. That is not at all. If I did that- I'm calling in next week. I'm gonna say some crazy shit. When I got an alumni award from Columbia College Chicago, which I now have mentioned twice,

and I said to them, well, I'm not, because I didn't graduate. I said, I'm technically not an alumni. And they said, if that were a requirement, we wouldn't give out any awards. So this is like that. You don't need to be truthful when you call in here. I like that. You don't need to be truthful when you call in here. I like that. 855-266-2604, Andy Richter College show. Love saying my own name. Bobby Moynihan's here.

Angela, hit us with your drunken youth. Hello there. Hi. Well, first of all, mine is a little, much more wholesome. Oh, thank goodness, Angela. Well, bye. First of all, hi, Andrew.

You can't buy in that golden book, by the way, because I have never missed a live episode of SNL in 50 years. Oh, wow. Wow. Yeah, met you met you in 2001, Bobby. And I'm like, I'm not worthy. I'm not worthy. Good to talk to you. You know, so a little background, you have to know that I'm a cashew. A what?

How's Frank? I was just joking. You're a cashew or a human? I'm a cashew. My dad was Catholic. My mom was Jewish. Okay. I did not know that that was a thing.

And your one woman show starts? You know, yeah, truthfully, I wish. Anyway, so it does factor into the story. So alcohol was given in my house because my dad thought Italian people, if it's sweet wine or if it's tawakka, I started drinking at about seven. Not all the time, but I would be included in the drinks.

Just a little sip. So this is just a little sip. It's good for you. I always drink much more, but yeah, nice and warming and you know. Yeah, yeah. So it was 1976 Thanksgiving, my Jewish mother, who sounded like this, anyways, prepared four days. Like she was so ridiculous with holidays, preparing the turkey and doing all this stuff.

And you must know my dad was an everyday alcoholic. My mom was a periodic. And if you know periodic, they're fucking crazy. You know, they drink once every couple and make up for lost time. And I hated it. So I guess this Thanksgiving, my mom woke up and got her CC and water go.

And my dad's solution for that was, I was 11. He said, I will go anchor liquor and I will buy you any alcohol of your choice and you can get drunk with us today. And being a good half Jewish girl, I asked for a bottle of Manischewitz. Sure, that's smart. Because I knew how delicious. God's booze is what they call it.

God's booze. Kids alcohol. Yeah, yeah. Exactly. I sold a lot of it as a child to adultsze. Kids' alcohol. Yeah, yeah. Exactly. I sold a lot of it as a child to adults. Almost Kool-Aid, yeah. I literally did sell it to adults as a child. As a child.

Yes, but it was religious. It was Jewish, yeah. Sure, sure. Even though I was Catholic at that time. Anyway, so I drank probably half the bottle and passed out. And I came to, and the turkey was burning. Everyone in my house was passed out. Was this at a massage parlor? And I'm like, well, I'm going to get my… No, no. It was in Carson, California.

Okay. So, you know, place we got evicted from. Anywho, I pulled out. I'm like, well, I'm going to have Thanksgiving, you know, ask these drunk asses and I'm probably still very drunk. I can barely have the big turkey out of the oven, but I, you know, got it up on the counter, managed, hacked it up with a steak knife because I didn't know how to carve anything. No, of course, they don't teach you that at seven. I'm an only child. I started to feel lonely.

So I got my my little dog Dolly and I tied her in the laundry cart because I knew she would run away and I spoon fed her and laundry cart because I knew she would run away. And I spoon fed her and we had Thanksgiving together. And then I rocked her and she threw up and that was like my magical Thanksgiving. Now, when you say everyone was, were they all passed out? Were they passed out from drinking or like was the turkey giving off personal poisonous fumes? No, they were all drunk off their asses. And that's hard drinking, you know, when you pass out. Yeah, yeah. Day drinking on Thanksgiving is just greatest.

Day drinking. It is. Especially just purple, thick Manna Shevitz. Right, right. Yeah, it is. It's so sweet. It's just grape juice with dirt and alcohol in it. You should put it on pancakes. Yeah. It's just tired. All right, Angela. Well, I hope that your Thanksgivings are now better. Yeah, you do a fantastic impression of your mom.

You could have been on Us Now, I believe in you. I, dude. Dude. Don't even, I'm 60. Angela. I should be the first lady on there. Yeah, come on, go for it. Imagine if they had a 60, I would be so psyched. If they had a 60 year old right now.

Yeah, yeah. I would bring it too. Leslie Jones was 50. I'd show it all. Oh yeah, Leslie was, yeah, she was pretty old when she started being. All right, Angela, just go down to NBC with a sign and say Bobby Moynihan said it was okay.

Bobby Moynihan said I can get in. Bobby Moynihan. Come on, Lauren. I'm sure they'll walk you right up. Come on, Lauren. Come on, Golden Books, let me in. S-and-L Golden Book. Yeah.

All right, thank you for the call, Angela. It was an honor talking to you today. You have a great one. I love you, Angela. I missed you. It was good to talk to you. Yeah, yeah, hope the sciatic is better. We'll see you again in 20 years. Yep. Brian, you-hoo, man. I missed you. It was good to talk to you. Yeah, yeah. Hope the sciatic is better. I'll see you again in 20 years.

Yep. Brian. Yoo-hoo, Brian. Well, I am from New York. Yeah, that's right. This is him. I hope you're from New York, because that's a weird last name. That is, well, no, I am from New Jersey originally.

That's okay. Many years ago. Yes. My story doesn't involve setting anything on fire, other than everyone knows. Listen, that guy set a high bar. We cannot, Six said a high bar. We cannot expect all to have burned down a rub and tug. We just can't.

It's tough. I don't think I could top that. Yeah, yeah. We did. Which by the way, top that. Yeah, yeah. We did, uh... Which, by the way, hold on one second, Brian. Okay. Brian, I did, I just have to, I'm just remembering, uh, Sona Muffsesian, Conan's assistant, Sona.

Uh-huh. Uh, she had twins and I, when I found out she had twins, twin boys, I did suggest that she name them Rub and Tug. She did not, though. No, she didn't. She did not. She did not. I thought that would didn't. She did. She did not. She did not. I thought that would be such a good. Get in here. Yeah. Yeah. Both boys. Yeah, they have. Yeah, sure.

Anyway, Brian, go ahead. You didn't burn anything down. He's like, you ruined my story. Oh, I'm sorry. That was it. No. That was it. That was it. That was my entire story. We had a bunch of kids when we were about 12 years old, 10 to 20 of us, found a clubhouse. And we went in and we would- What does that mean? What does that mean?

Like an abandoned building? A burrow left behind by a badger? We thought it was abandoned. Oh, okay. It was actually a building that was for lease. We more or less did breaking and entering rather than squatting. So we basically broke in and turned into the Lord of the Flies for a few months until the police came along and broke it up.

Wait, like you lived there? Or like you just hung out and went back every day with your buddies and decorated. Yes. Oh Yeah, we did that too all the time drinking and yes drinking and Just basically grabbing ass and smoking pot and getting drunk and starting fights Wow So did any any tragedies happen or was this just pretty much that well? No, no, there was an arrest, at least three or four of us. It was a big old bust. Wow. Just for being there? Did you destroy any of the property or anything? Well, we destroyed, yes, we destroyed the place, yeah.

Yeah. Wow. Rip-fades out, that sort of thing, yeah. That happens, Brian. Yeah, see, when I was a kid, when my mom got remarried, we moved to like a new subdivision. And so there were construction sites, new houses, like ranch houses being built all around us. And there was one directly across the street from our house. And my brother and I and a couple of friends

were over there and I was probably eight or nine, nine, 10 maybe like that. And it was a rainy day and we were having a mud ball fight inside the foundation of it, like in the basement of it. But like the ground was still muddy. And so we're having a mud ball fight and just huge splotches of mud all over the cement walls of what was gonna be the basis.

That they had just made, that just poured and probably hadn't cured. I don't know, I can't remember if it was me or my brother were writing each shit on the wall in the mud because we had so much mud on our hands that we're like wiping it off and making handprints. I think it was me, I'm not sure, but as I was being written in each shit,

we heard, get the fuck out of here, you kids. And it was just like some construction-y guy, probably the guy who was building the building, and we all get out. And it's like, there's-y guy, probably the guy who was building the building. And we all get out. And it's like, there's no, we have to go directly across the street to our home. There's no thought to like, let's walk around the block so he doesn't know where we live.

But. Right home. Oh, we used to climb the roof. We used to like, we threw a ball up on the roof across. I lived in New York, and across the street from us was the town hall, and we would climb on the roof across I lived in New York and across the street from us was the town hall and we would climb on the roof of the jail like we didn't know right idiots on rollerblades like rollerblading around what the fuck are we doing this is the jail.

What 12 year old knows about breaking and entering or trespassing? The end of my story is that months and months later, no, this family moves in and we're kind of befriend like this kids, befriend the kids. We go down in their basement and each shit is on the wall still. They've painted the wall and the kids like, yeah, we painted the wall like four times, but it keeps seeping back through and And all the muddy hand prints and everything were still, still visible. That's the greatest.

Yeah, yeah. Anyhow. All right, well, Brian, you got anything else for us? No, that's it. All right. Well, thank you. Thank you and- More or no less, Brian.

And stay out of houses your don't belong in. That's my advice. That's a great rule of general. General, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. Wait to be invited. Think of yourself as a vampire. Next up on the Andy Richter Collins Show, 855-266-2604, we're talking drunken youth.

We got Sean from Maine. Maine seems like a place where everybody's drunk all the time. Is that true? Yeah. Yeah, you're not wrong. The colder it gets, the drunker they get. Yeah. Yeah. There's trees and alcohol. That's pretty much all we have. Yeah. Yeah. And snow. Yeah. So I have a story for you about the time I got banned from radio in Portland, Maine.

Oh, nice. Years ago. Nice. You got all radio? Ah, I stopped, there was one station that explicitly banned me, and I stopped getting invites from the other ones. Invites? What the fuck is going on up there? I was a stand-up comic back then.

Oh, okay. And, yeah, I mean, this was during the comedy boom of the late 80s, early 90s, when you had to be a comic by law. Right, right, when Mane was just lousy with them. Oddly, it was. Every bar had a by law. Right, right. And Maine was just lousy with them. Oddly it was. Every bar had a comedy night. Wow, okay.

At that point, it was nuts. And I was promoting a weekend show with George Hamm and Bob Marley, no relation. Yeah. And we used to get a radio appearance on the three mornings leading up to the show and mine was last. And the night before we did a show together

and all the comics went back to my place and had a couple of drinks and a couple more. And my radio spot was at like 6 a.m. or something stupid like that. And we decided we'd just stay up all night. We'd go to the radio station together in the morning. You know, they goad me on while I'm doing my interview. And I'm still a little buzzed on the way there.

And Marley starts poking at me, trying to get me to cause trouble on the air, to drum up attention for the show. And he's like, dude, just mess with him, it'll be funny. Yeah. And kind of like- Classic Bob Marley. So as soon as the DJs introduced me-

Stir it up, if I may? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, we had a light dusting of snow that morning. Okay. So as soon as the DJs introduced me, lean on the mic and go There's a school in auburn augustia bangor bath bittiford camden. No school at ghoram gray hollis And the dj's are freaking the fuck out, you know, I just freaked out. I just felt like school got cancelled

Yeah, and i'm just yelling over them turn off your radios and go back to bed There's no school for anyone. Whoo, and uh, that was my final appearance on WMGX in Portland, Maine. Oh, that seems, you know, pretty uptight. I know, I was just trying to give people a day off. Yeah, right. If I was a parent, I would have murdered you. Right? If I was a parent who had like, or like did,

yeah, and like you ruined my day, I would have, I would have, I would have set out every morning to ruin your day. There's nothing funny about school cancellations. Now I gotta take care of this little fucker. That being said, I grew up on like morning, like I grew up with Stern, like you know what I mean? I love talk radio in general.

So I do love the idea of actually getting on radio and telling everybody, if I wasn't a parent right now, I would give you an award, a radio award. No, honestly, that seems like so silly. It just seems like, you know, it's just like one of those things it's like, you know, I mean, have a little fun with it. The kids are going to be happy.

It does feel like every radio executive is Paul Giamatti in Howard's film. It's like, oh, I was making that sound. Right, right. No, and it's the early, it's the very good. It's not it's funny. Yeah, it's the very beginning of like, you are in char of experience with like, person in charge of creative people, and in radio, creative as in air quotes, but in charge of creative people

who is absolutely sure that they're right about everything. Correct. And that they know, like they know, no, you can't do that. You're wrong I'm right point is like oh absolutely you absolutely can There's nothing really stop besides you So alright Well, thank you Sean. I'm sorry. I hope that that would that that wasn't what pulled the rug out from under your stand-up career

Yeah, I hope that you were I hope you return to radio and stand up No, I heard up on comedy and switched over to writing video games and comics and that worked out pretty nice. Good, good. Yeah, yeah, that's something worthwhile. Yeah. All right. Great talking to you guys.

Love you, Sean. Thanks so much, Sean. Is that true? Do we have technical difficulties? Oh, well, we can't get callers in right now. Well, that's probably the worst thing you could hear for a show that's based on callers, I'm guessing. I know, but you know what? The thing about me is I don't give a fuck about nothing.

I mean, you know. The best part is my heart rate has not raised, lowered. It is the same as it was before we found this out. That's because we've earned that. We sure have. We sure have. You grew up in Chicago, you said earlier? Outside of Chicago.

I meant to say, like, so you probably, did you like know Tina and all them? They're a little bit younger than me. And like, I knew Matt I knew, I knew Matt Bess, or we're talking upright citizens, bring in people. Yeah, like when you were growing up, like who was the people you were hanging,

or, or like in these, coming up. Yeah, coming up through comedy. It was people like David Keckner. Wow. Brian McCann, do you know Brian McCann? Of course, yeah. Brian Stack. The best.

Yeah, Jodie Lennon. There was also Melanie Hutzel and Elizabeth Cahill, Beth Cahill, they were on SNL for a couple of years. I just saw Melanie. Yeah, Melanie was out there. So yeah, there was still a lot of people that, you know. It's just crazy, I love hearing that. I love the idea of everybody, like that,

hearing what schools kind of came, like did you know Sadeka? Sadeka's from Kansas City. He's younger. Yeah, because like for me, I was in a show, one of the theaters in Chicago that I worked at, we did a show called The Real Live Brady Bunch. That's right.

It went to New York and then it went to LA. So I was out of Chicago and like, Melanie Hutzel was in there. She was. She was. She was Jan. She was real. It went to New York and then it went to LA. So I was out of Chicago and like, Melanie Hutzel was in there. She was, she was. The man famously. She was Jan. She was real. And that was like one of the things I think.

In the movie too. No, no, no, nobody from the original show. Yeah. You were Alice? I was Mike Brady. Amazing. Yeah, yeah, but I wasn't originally, there was like four or five different Mikes

because it really was like, you put on a wig and you know, you'll be fine. But, so I was, I was Sam the Butcher or the dog. Yeah, I was Sam the Butcher in Chicago. I was Sam the Butcher and I was a bunny Hinton's dad, buddy Hinton the bully's dad. That was, I think my first role. But, and then at the end of that, of SNL,

or of SNL, of Real Life Brady Bunch, I was in LA and I got the movie Cabin Boy. I'd started doing a little bit of jobs here and there. And then I got the job on Conan and went to New York in 93. And during that time when I was in New York and LA, that's when Upright Citizens Brigade became something. Like I knew McKay, I knew Adam McKay,

he was in there originally. But I knew Besser and I knew Matt Walsh very well. Matt Walsh and I have been together forever. I mean, as lovers. As sexual partners. As sexual partners. Very unfulfilling sexual partners for both of us. Yeah, he's funny, but not kind sexually.

Yeah, he's not good at fucking, no. That's well known. But, yeah, then, but so- This is good vamping, right? Absolutely, this is what we're doing. But I didn't know any, I didn't know Amy Poehler or Ian Roberts, who were the other two members of Upright Citizen's Brig, until they came to New York.

So I knew Amy then, and then I met Tina, you know, through them at that, so... So crazy. Yeah, yeah, but it was great. And then when those people started working, like I... When those people started working on SNL, and I had, like, my first sitcom after Conan, I was really, like, I really wanted Amy to be on it.

She's so good. And, uh I really wanted Amy to be on it. She's so good. And I talked to her about it and stuff and then it was kind of like, oh, I'm gonna do SNL I think. Like they're talking, I was like, oh fuck. And I actually tried to get, I wanted Adam McKay to write on Conan

and he sent a fucking amazing, cause Adam McKay has the biggest comedy brain. I mean, he and Conan O'Brien probably are the two biggest comedy brains. But... That's crazy. Cause I, that's like where I, like my first jobs were Conan.

Yo, really? Kinda, yeah. I mean, like my first big job on TV was Conan. Oh, I have a fantastic, true alcohol story involving Conan. Oh, good. I, I guess, I guess I can tell this to you. Yeah, why not? I've already begun.

I got caught smoking weed on the street. Yeah, yeah. And the cops took me in. Outside near UCB, the cops took me in outside near UCB. The cops took me in. I'm standing there doing the whole like booking thing. I'm handcuffed to a pole. Yeah. And I mean I don't know what country the person's from makes any difference. What do you mean? Oh gotcha thank you. know, I got scared that I said something stupid. No, no, no. And they said empty your pockets and they handed me a little blue tray.

Like you have to empty everything in your pockets. They take everything out of my pockets and at that time it was like a, probably like a Blackberry, like an old cell phone, da da da da da da, all this stuff in my pockets. There was a fake mustache. And when they put my phone in the bin, it lit up. And my screensaver was a friend of mine,

Katie Dibbled, oh you know Katie Dibbled? Yeah, yeah. A friend of mine of Katie Dibbled just with a big black dildo, like just doing something crazy. Right, right, right. And he looked at me, he looked at me and he was like, just doing something crazy. Right, right, right. And he looked at me, he looked at me and he was like, who the fuck is this? And I was like, what?

And he's like, you some kind of comedian? The cop? And I went, yeah. Cause he's holding a fake mustache and like there's a lot of crazy stuff in my pockets. And he goes, oh, you're a comedian? And I went, yeah. He goes, oh yeah.

And I went, I goes oh yeah and I went I'm gonna be on Conan in like 20 minutes I had shot a Conan the day before and they turned it on and we watched it I watched it in a in the New York police station did they let you go no I just kind of giggled and I got a ticket and I went home but they were like they but the the general consensus of everyone in the room was like, hey, he wasn't lying. Yeah, yeah. All right, that's good. I was once walking home in Chicago and I was having to park, I had a Toyota pickup truck

that I had to park far away from my apartment because it was in danger of being repossessed. And I was walking back from a show that I had had a costume with, so I had like an armful of my cheap shitty clothes, and two cops hopped out of their car and came over and said, there's been some robberies. What do you got there? What do you got there? And it's like, clothes?

They're my clothes? And then I told them, I was coming back, and it was a Brady Bunch night. And I said, yeah, I'm coming back, the real Brady Bunch. And they're like, oh, what are you fucking Bobby? Like, no, I'm coming up the real Brady Bunch. And they're like, oh, what are you fucking Bobby? Oh, boy. No, I'm not.

But whatever. I got into a car accident. I hit someone, and my car got totaled. And the cop was like, your car's totaled. Just take everything you want and stuff it in the cop car. And I opened my trunk. And there was a giant cardboard cutout of Angelina Jolie from Tomb Raider.

But it had Zach Woods's face cut out and put on it because she was doing a sketch show with Zac Woods at the time. There was an animatronic black Santa Claus. We had just all these dumb, stupid props in the back of my car and I had to stuff them all in the cop car. In the back of a police car.

And he brought them to my home and he was just like, what is happening? Yeah, you're the problem, not the crime. All right, well, I guess we got callers back. We're close to the end here, but we got Graham. Graham, are you there? Yeah, hey, I don't know why I use my real name. Me neither, Graham.

Oh, that's all right, it's not Graham. I don't know why you told us. It's not Graham, let's just call you Cracker. Smart. Tell us about your drunken story. Okay, so this is in college I used to I used to just I don't know to be funny. I would drink way too much and then It's awesome often the best thing it's often really funny And then I would just like crash my buddy's couch and roll over and go to work in the same clothes because it's my first job and I

think things didn't matter. And so there's this one night where I didn't black out per se but I guess I browned out or whatever I just don't I don't remember how the night ended. That sounds like you shit the bed or something. It's funny you mention it. I'm late for work. I'm wearing the same clothes. So I I'm like, Oh, God, I got to go. I run to work. And I'm like, I was I lived in New York at the time. So I'm like sprinting. And, and I make it just barely and no one cares because it's just an office and it doesn't matter. And I was like, awesome, I'm killing it, I'm functioning. And then I smell awful and I don't know what happened.

And so I text my buddy and I'm like, hey, what happened at the end of the night? And he said, oh, you thought it'd be really funny if you stood up and like soiled yourself in front of all of us? It probably was hilarious. At the time, I bet it was a fucking killer bit. I got a buddy named StankDraws from college

who shit his pants for five bucks and we still call him StankDraws. He was the best man in my life. I love him with all my heart. Love you StankDraws. He's gonna die. So you shit your pants and you still had the shit in your pants

and you could not tell that you had shit in your pants? Yeah, I had no clue. It was mostly, I think it was mostly a ghost poop situation. It was like a little bit. A ghost poop. That's still present. You know when you wipe and there's nothing? Yeah well I think that whole thing is called a cry for help, Graham. When you shit your pants and you're unaware that's when it's either time for- Would you not use my name when you say shit, you're paying me? Right, sorry cracker.

I was gonna say, can we have your last name and phone number, please? Well, so what did you do? Do you go to the bathroom and wash out your drawers? Yes, yes. Yeah, and I threw the underwear away. Of course, I mean, why wouldn't one? And then I cleaned myself.

I still think so. And then I cleaned myself. Yes, Mark. I still think so. And then I just went to work and it was an imaginary job. Were you at work when you figured out? Yes, yes. I was already well into my day. Wow. And you said you just sent emails?

Yeah, it was like a, what do you call it? Well, I don't want to say what the job was, I suppose. I worked in, it had to do with books. It was something about books. And I just sat around and I read books. Oh. Oh, you're Graham from Barnes and Noble, aren't you?

Oh, Barnes and Noble Graham. I know him. You're the one who shit his pants. And nobody at work caught on? Nobody went by and went, you know? No, truly no one said a word. Honestly, you could take a shit right next to me. I wouldn't realize it if I was at work.

Oh, wow. And I wouldn't even mind. That's good to know. You should put that on the resume. I do. And casting sessions, let them know. By the way. I always say, hey, everybody, Bobby Moynihan,

five, eight, 356,000 pounds. I don't mind if you shit next to me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, by the way, this nose, kid, knows nothing. Smelled anything. This nose hasn't worked in years. Yeah, yeah, go ahead, shit. You're gonna be shittin' right now, I don't care.

All right, Graham, thank you for the call. Thanks, guys, appreciate it. All right. Love, thank you for the call. Thanks guys, appreciate it. All right. Pleasure, Graham, if that's your real name. Yeah, Graham. All right, we got time for one more. Skip? Hello, Skip?

Yes. How are you? Oh my gosh, it's such an honor. Oh, thank you. So good. Thank you, Skip. Two things, you and Ricky Bobby, hilarious. Bobby, you a drunk uncle uncle I yell immigrants all the time

Yeah, I think the point you miss the point of the sketch I like the character. I like what he said When somebody says something they mean what they mean Okay, go ahead. He's sorry. Yeah I'm excited on time. I'm retired federal correctional officer. I will live in San Diego I worked in the prison downtown. Okay, and I'm a season ticket holder for the Padres If you guys ever been to San Diego, we have a great ballpark Wednesday my partner it was his

birthday I said let's go to the game day it's one o'clock I called it I left work early like two hours early because I was about to retire anyway right I had not eaten the night before I didn't eat that morning I said you know what I want to get a good buzz on season ticket holders get $5 cut water drinks if you guys know what those are you those are strong Two hours before the game. They're canned cocktails for those who don't know. Right I had four to thirteen percenters as soon as I got there. Oh boy. And then somebody like my my Padres inspired vans and I did like two shots of tequila. Okay now I got to get food. That's 52%. Are you still, wait, are you still in your uniform? Have you changed?

Oh God, oh God no. I changed. I got my Padres gear on. Okay good good good. Okay yeah, because I was thinking like you still had the mace and the you know the nightstick and whatever. No no no. Okay. No no no no. So I worked for a lobby at the time anyway so nice I'm already right I gotta get food in me so I go get a couple bar your dog I hork those down I go to my seat I'm at the field level the warden I was from friends with a warden he was hey we got the HR manager today we got box seats come over to us I go yeah I'll be there on minute let me wait for my buddy our buddy that my partner he it was his birthday so I'm like I'm away for him he decided to wait until two o'clock to get, my partner, it was his birthday. So I'm like, I'm gonna wait for him because he decided to wait until two o'clock to get off

but the game was at one o'clock. I'm like, you're crazy, let's just go. Anyway, I'm in my seat. I'm not feeling so hot. I gotta go to the bathroom. I go to the bathroom, it's like, I don't know, 10, 15 yards from my seat. And I hork everything out for a good 20 minutes.

I like that hork means intake and output. You hork the hot dogs down, you hork everything out for a good 20 minutes. I like that hork means intake and output. You hork the hot dogs down, you hork them back out. That's nice. It was like the exorcist. And I felt, now, by the way, I'm 49 years old. I never get this shitty. Yeah, yeah. I know my limits.

Right. And so, but the thing was I didn't eat. I could do this normally, but I didn't eat before. Right, yeah. Well, yeah, I mean, it's common sense there. If skip I didn't eat I could do this normally but I didn't eat before right? Yeah Well, yeah, I mean it's a common sense there if skip don't eat. Skip don't work. Yeah, right, right So I sit down I go, okay, so I cover my face for a second. I check my text and my buddy's like hey I'm in the seat. I go. Hey, bro. I'm not feeling well. I had something bad. I went home. I'm in the bathroom I'm like, there's no way so I just need to go couple of minutes and I close my eyes. And then all of a sudden it's like in the movies, like you see that the one eye pops open and like starts

looking around like Marty Feldman, right? You're like, what the hell? Are you in the bathroom stall? Yes. Like, like, like, like laying over the like, do you have like, are you over the bowl? Or are you sitting on the toilet? I evacuated everything and I sat on the toilet. Okay. Okay. I just need a minute. Yeah Yeah, so I hopped the one I open like Mike said Marty Feldman from Young Frankenstein Yeah, all of us. What the hell why is it dark in here? I'm still drunk, but I'm coherent and I'm not feeling sick anymore

I go I look around it pitch anymore. I go, I look around, it's pitch black. I walk out to an empty fucking stadium. Wow! All the businesses are shuttered. It was like the walking dead. Wow! And I'm like, I was like Rick, coming out of the hospital, like what the hell?

And I was like, I'm sure you guys find me. I go, hey, where are you going? I go, I'm at the exit over here. He goes, yeah, you gotta go this way. I'm like, oh shit, that means I gotta walk all the way around the other side, around the stadium, right, well luckily I had found parking, and I knew I wasn't gonna drive,

because I was still no state to drive, I don't play with that. And I'm walking around, this is how late we were. I walk out past, Skip, you don't play that. I walk out past him, right? I don't. Tour buses and the Cincinnati Reds are getting on their bus as I'm walking around. That's how long. I get to my car and I'm like, screw this.

I crawl in the back seat. I love my Lexus. That was my retirement gift to myself. And I passed the fuck out for another five hours. Wow. I was like, this is another five hours. Wow. But Chris Sabo from the Cincinnati Reds took a shit on his car. Ellie Nella Cruz, screw you.

I was like, I was out. I was out. And I'm like, and then I came clean with the word the next day. I'm like, dude, I was hammered. I was in the bathroom. I told my friend and they like, you're kidding. I go, no, dude, I was right next to you the whole time practically. I told my friend and they like you're kidding. I go no, dude I was right next to the old time practically you probably pissed right next to me I was like, I'm not drink and I I swear the rest of the season 25 more games I did not drink at one game. This is the perfect for home alone five, right? Exactly if

Robbers robbing the stadium. Yeah home run alone. I love you Yeah, that. I was robbing the stadium as well. Yeah, yeah. Home run alone. I love you with all my heart. Yeah. Yeah, that's, well, you've given all the San Diego callers carte blanche to go hide in a bathroom stall because they know that that's the way to... Right, they won't check. They won't check. Wow. Go right ahead.

All right, well, Skip, thanks for the call. That's great. And thanks for not driving drunk, buddy. Yeah. Thank you, you guys. You guys keep on rocking. All right. Well, that's it for us.

We usually, forever, we figure out our favorite call at the end. And I think it's going to be hard to beat down burned down a massage parlor. That's as far as like drunken stupidity. I wanna beat it so bad. I wanna beat it so bad. But I don't think I can.

What else do you want? I'm just gonna say Angela from, I almost said Angela from Turkey. Right. Angela who was, she was a Turkey and she called from, no. Angela was, I love her. Yeah, yeah.

She was my favorite. I love you, Angela. I love you. But I don't, maybe not the best call. I just wanted to say, I love her. Yeah, yeah. She was my favorite. I love you, Angela. I love you. But I don't, maybe not the best call. I just wanted to say, I love you. Well, that's, that new favorite could mean whatever you want. I'm gonna give it to Angela.

She's a woman, she deserves it. Once again, nothing matters. Nothing at all matters. Nothing matters ever. Then let's give it to everybody but Skip. No, I'm just kidding. No, I'm just kidding. No.

All right, well kidding, Skip. Well, Bobby, has you got anything you want to plug besides movies that aren't coming out? Sure. Yeah, why not? I got a podcast called Who Me with the Batman on CBB Presents on CBBworld.com. I got a children's book called Not All Sheep Are Boring. You can get it on a computer I'm on the show

NCIS origins oh playing dr. Woodrow Brown as a regular uh I mean well like as a girl no no just kidding yes I am recurring nice yes sweet so is my wife my wife's on it now too. Oh wow. The incomparable, well you got fuckin' information on people over there, don't ya? Yeah, she's the best. Yeah, I do. Yeah, yeah. Blackmail.

Regular Jeffrey Epstein, tell everyone. Yeah. Well Bobby, thank you so much, this is really fun. I really appreciate it. Always a pleasure to see you. It was really great. And thank all of you for listening. We'll be back next week with Joe Mandy,

who won't be nearly as funny as Bobby. He will burn down a massage parlor. Yeah, yeah, he might burn down a massage parlor. And stick around right now for Stand Up on Conan with Lori Kilmartin. See you next week. Thank you very much all. Bye. Bye. We love you.