The Three Questions with Andy Richter - Caitlin Reilly

Episode Date: April 2, 2024

Actress and comedian Caitlin Reilly joins Andy Richter to discuss the L.A. transplants that inspire many of her characters, her complicated relationship with social media, why women are more interesti...ng, why Caitlin thinks she may have helped Andy out at her family’s kids clothing store, her dad’s career in soap operas, growing up as the princess of Hancock Park, and much more.

Transcript
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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey everybody, welcome back to The Three Questions. I'm your host, Andy Richter, and this week I am talking to the hilarious Caitlin Riley. We really had a lot of fun. Caitlin is an actress and comedian, and if you're on TikTok or Instagram, you have seen her characters before. You cannot avoid her. You can currently hear Caitlin as the voice of Fabian in the Peacock show In the Know with Zach Woods or see her in the upcoming film Little Death. Here is my conversation with Caitlin Riley. All right, let's make a podcast. Let's make a podcast. Hello, everyone. My name's Andy Richter. I'm the host of a podcast called The Three Questions,
Starting point is 00:00:57 which it'd be really weird if you didn't know that because you're listening to it. And people don't just stumble onto podcasts. That's true. Caitlin, they don't. That's true. You have an incredible podcast voice, by the way. Well, I think you do. Like, you really dropped in.
Starting point is 00:01:08 Yeah, yeah. Well, yeah. Well, I do have the ability to, you know, to show some pipes. But I, you know, my wife just heard her own voice recorded. For the first time. No, no, no. Just like, you know, like happened to hear –
Starting point is 00:01:27 Your wife lives underground. She sent a voice memo to somebody and then happened to hear, you know, push play on it. Yeah. And then called me and apologized for her voice. Oh, no. And I was like, look, honey. And I was interested, like, how do you think you sound? And she was like, you know, nang, nang, nang.
Starting point is 00:01:50 And I was – that's – because Conan will make fun of my voice and go like this. And that is how I hear myself when I hear myself. You have a beautiful voice. Thank you. Don't let Conan bully you. Listen. Take over the company. It pays the bills.
Starting point is 00:02:05 No, it's just, thank you. I can't talk like that. But then when I'm lazy and I just turn into Glenda Swanson, that's my mother. I get that. What a great mom name. That's a great mom name. Glenda Swanson. Glenda Swanson. She was the last one.
Starting point is 00:02:20 She was supposed to be a boy. So she would have been Glenn Jr. Oh. But because she turned out to be a girl. And would have been glenn jr oh but because she turned out and she's the youngest girl she's the youngest of how many kids of four oh okay of four and the only survivor they're all dead oh she's 80 she's 84 so they died naturally or maybe not maybe not and maybe there's trauma they all were murdered. Oh, okay. But I mean, in late in life.
Starting point is 00:02:46 Sure. Yeah, sure. Which is like, that's barely murder by the time someone- It's barely murder, but doesn't it suck when it happens? It does. Like 95-year-old slain. Yeah. Like, it's the worst.
Starting point is 00:02:59 If you'd just been patient, you could have saved yourself the trouble. You got lazy. You just been patient. You could have saved yourself the trouble. You got lazy. Well, Caitlin, you you are very funny and you're and you have so many fans here. And I embarrassingly I mean, I had I've seen some of your videos because it's you're known for videos. Yeah. You know, you're known you're known for sort of like in my chiropractor business yeah you're you're under yeah you're like no one talks about that black market chiropractor business yeah oh well you're just talking about the chiropractor because i have a and it's it's one of my favorite things and it's happened before i have a rib out oh i've
Starting point is 00:03:43 had that before yeah i yeah you can actually feel it in the front of my favorite things and it's happened before. I have a rib out. Oh, I've had that before. Yeah. Yeah. You can actually feel it in the front of my chest. I had it right here under. I have an incredible chiropractor. I have a good chiropractor. I'm going there today to get my ribs shoved back in, you know. But it's been bothering me all week. Who's your chiropractor?
Starting point is 00:04:01 Ryan Chapman in Burbank. Okay. Yeah. I don't know what the name i don't trust anyone in burbank why not over the hill in the valley yeah walt disney don't trust walt disney i mean he's dead well no i don't don't trust warner brothers no not any of them no all right um well so you you've been you know you have so many like your instagram really is you can it can be a gigantic time suck because there's so much funny so much great stuff on there and it's really uh a lot of fun to look at it and i i always wonder funny first person kind of video you know like the confessional
Starting point is 00:04:49 kind of videos i always wonder when you found instagram were the people in your life greatly relieved that the pressure was off them to paying attention to you oh well yes but also it hasn't changed much oh really if anything it's fueled the monster. Yeah. Where it's like, I'm famous on Instagram. You know what I mean? Yes, yes. No, but every time there's somebody funny that does videos like this, I just think like,
Starting point is 00:05:17 oh my God, your poor parents. I get the zippies out. Your poor parents. You know? Yeah. Yeah. Like, just like, oh, I can just hear you at, you know, nine years old, just them exhausted at the table and you babbling in the background.
Starting point is 00:05:32 Oh, yeah. No, I would put on full shows. My parents would be in bed trying to watch Dateline. And they had a four-post bed. Yeah, yeah. So it was almost like a framed stage. Sure, of course. In front of the television.
Starting point is 00:05:42 Yeah, yeah. And I would put on entire showcases. Yeah, yeah. Like 11 p.m. For some reason, I didn't have a bedtime. They just were like, we can't put her to sleep. Right, right. She won't do it.
Starting point is 00:05:55 Yeah. Are you a Scorpio? I just saw a Scorpio. No. So I'm a Virgo. I have. You have a Scorpio tattoo? Listener, I have.
Starting point is 00:06:04 You are crazy. Listen to me. I have a, this is a Virgo astrological sign. I thought You have a Scorpio tattoo? Listener, I have. You are crazy. Listen to me. I have a, this is a Virgo astrological sign. I thought that was a Scorpio. Scorpio is very similar. It's an M though, isn't it? It's an M and then there's a little thing on it. So Scorpio is an M, but Virgo is an M with a little thing on it.
Starting point is 00:06:18 It looks like a fish. It does look like a fish. Yeah, yeah. And so I got my astrological sign tattooed on my wrist after a breakup when I was 24 years old. Because I was like, I'm going to cut my hair. I'm going to wear sleeveless t-shirts. I'm going to get a tattoo. And then he's going to love me more.
Starting point is 00:06:37 Right, right. And so I got this tattoo. And then I kind of realized I hated it. So last year, like six months ago, I started the process of getting it removed. So I went to laser away and they have these like tattoo removal packages and they're like, you just have 12 sessions. You come in, we laser your skin and then every six weeks you come back in and then the tattoo will disappear. Right. And it's like fifteen hundred dollars. Yes. And so I was like, I'll do that.
Starting point is 00:07:06 And I started it. And the reason I stopped is the last time I was there, the girl who was lasering this area of my wrist took my arm and then started shaking it and screaming. Like right before she was about to put a laser to my skin. And I turned around and I also started screaming. And then she tilted her head back in hysterical laughter and said, don't worry, bitch, I'm just playing with you. So I never went back.
Starting point is 00:07:39 And have you left money on the table? Did you pay for a package? I did. So I have to get it back somehow. But what's funny is Laser Away, the Instagram page, recently messaged me. And they're like, we'd love to do a collab. And I told them. I was like, actually, I'm a paying customer of yours.
Starting point is 00:07:57 And something really messed up happened. And I would like to be reimbursed. And they never messaged me back. Sure, let's do a collab collab and then you can get them. It's you'll be like, you know, like the five o'clock news. Yeah. Gotcha. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:08:13 Hot on the heels. Right. Right. Yeah. I'm a journalist, really. But how many times? Because it was twice. But it looks it's speckly.
Starting point is 00:08:21 It's kind of speckly. So I don't know if I have to start over. I definitely want to remove it. Right. Because I'm just not, I'm not the kind of person that has my astrological sign tattooed on my wrist. Yeah, yeah. Because then you have to have the conversation of like, what's that?
Starting point is 00:08:33 Oh, well, so I'm a Virgo. Oh, okay. And then the person starts leaving. Right. Do you know what I mean? Or if they have a strong opinion about you being a Virgo, that's another conversation you don't want to have, really. Well, Beyonce's a Virgo. Okay. So if Beyonce saw it. She would love it. She might glance for a second as her bodyguards scurried her away from you. No, they would never do that.
Starting point is 00:08:57 She would stop. She would stop. And we would bond. We would bond. Yeah. Okay. All right. I don't think you know Beyonce very well. All right. All right. All right. Sometimes. I'm so glad that I escaped the 80s and the 90s without a tattoo. I know. And I. And it was. You were this close away from getting a face tattoo. I would.
Starting point is 00:09:16 I remember. Not a. As an audience member. Just sort of. It would. Yeah. But it just would have been like a good complexion. Right.
Starting point is 00:09:22 It just would have been like a really perfect, even-toned complexion. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A human face. A real human face. A real human face. Yeah. But no, I just never trusted my own judgment. It's like you say, I know I would have gotten some, and then a year later been like, what an idiot.
Starting point is 00:09:41 Yeah, that's what happened. How dumb I was, you know, to do that. I do that now with buying clothes or anything, really. Oh, all the time. I don't trust my opinion. I don't trust me with anything. Yeah. Ever.
Starting point is 00:09:55 Oh, no. And I have children. Yikes. Terrible judgment. Yoinks. Yeah. No, I, yeah, no, I, the other one that i'm always like i feel like if i had any spare money to invest i would invest it in the ear gauge regret industry oh yeah because
Starting point is 00:10:16 there are people walking around with pieces of fucking calamari hanging off their heads and they gotta feel bad about that it turns my my stomach. I can't handle it. Sorry, gauge wearers. What was it, the early 2000s or the mid-2000s where everyone was gauging their ears? Yeah. I can't. And now? I started smoking weed senior year of high school, and I was like, I'm going to fucking do it. I was really close.
Starting point is 00:10:40 I was really close. So glad you didn't. So glad I didn't. Oh, my God. I was really close. So glad you didn't. So glad I didn't. My God. My wife was very close to getting a Red Hot Chili Peppers asterisk, a big one on her shoulder. Oh, wow. And she's really glad she didn't.
Starting point is 00:10:55 Thank God. Yeah, yeah. Wow. She's from Whittier. That makes sense. Yeah, exactly. Those out there cities of California. There's a lot going on. They love Red hot chili peppers.
Starting point is 00:11:06 The farther you are away from the ocean, the weirder it gets. That's my theory. It's pretty weird by the ocean, too. Well, for being from Illinois, it's all pretty weird. You're from Illinois? Yeah. Where in Illinois? A town called Yorkville, which is straight west of Chicago, about 70 miles.
Starting point is 00:11:21 Oh, wow. Okay. My dad was from Chicago. Oh, really? Yeah. From Chicago proper? I think so. Southside? Yeah. wow. Okay. My dad was from Chicago. Oh, really? Yeah. From Chicago proper? I think so. South side? Yeah, yeah. I don't know what that means.
Starting point is 00:11:30 But I'm going to Chicago in June. Cities often have different sides. Sure. There's a north side, there's going to be a west side, and there's going to be a south side. He went to St. Carmel High School. Okay. I recently told John Mulaney that, and he was like, I know that. Is it St. Carmel or Mount Carmel? Mount St. Carmel? No, Mount Carmel. Mount Carmel High School. And I said that to John Mulaney that. Is it St. Carmel or Mount Carmel? Mount St. Carmel. No, Mount Carmel.
Starting point is 00:11:45 Mount Carmel High School. Yeah. And I said that to John Mulaney and he was like, I know that school. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. That's my John Mulaney impression. It's dead on. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:11:56 And your dad is an actor. He ended up out here working on soap operas for many, many years, correct? Yeah, yeah. And who was he and where was he? He was, well, he started out on As the World Turns as a young man. Yes. And he was Dr. Dan Stewart. Sure.
Starting point is 00:12:16 I don't know the context of that at all. I just, he would tell me every day when I, as a child, I was Dr. Dan Stewart on As the World Turns. And he's a handsome man he was a very handsome guy yeah and then he was on General Hospital for about 11 years and he played Sean Donnelly who's a detective they they had detectives a part of the show about a hospital there was a lot of detective work going on yeah Yeah, there's crime and stuff. Yeah. So he was on that when I was a kid and then stopped. And then when I was in high school and college, he was on Passions.
Starting point is 00:12:52 Oh, that's the crazy one. That's the crazy one with like the witches and the monkeys. Yeah. Wasn't there like an evil little person that was supposed to be a doll? There was an evil little person. Yes, that was supposed to be a doll that came to life. There was a monkey. But those characters were not on the show when my dad was on the show.
Starting point is 00:13:10 When my dad came on, he elevated that shit. Right. Of course. No, it was pretty terrible. But it did put me through college. So thank you, passions. But yeah, crazy show and the monkey on the show had a dressing room that was next to my dad's dressing room and was it a monkey or a chimpanzee well a chimpanzee
Starting point is 00:13:34 excuse me oh it's okay it's monkey derogatory well i mean the chimpanzee is an ape so right you know i mean it's that unless but aren't we but aren't we yeah but i mean i unless the chimp is is listening, we probably don't have to worry about it. They're always listening. Are you a fan of the Planet of the Apes franchise universe? I mean, I liked the old ones when I was a kid. You need to start watching the new ones because they're pretty incredible. I've seen some of them and I, you know, I don't know. They're incredible.
Starting point is 00:14:03 Steve Zahn, who's one of my favorite actors, plays a monkey in one of the more recent films. Well, he wouldn't be a monkey. There's no monkey. I'm sorry. It's the planet of the apes. There's chimps, gorillas, and orangutans. They're all the same, though.
Starting point is 00:14:16 No? No. Dr. Zaius, you know, the blondes, you know, some of them are blondes. You're talking about the OG one? Yeah. Okay, okay. And I think there's some of them are blonde. You're talking about the OG one. Yeah. Okay. Okay. And I think there's some orangutans.
Starting point is 00:14:28 It's orangutan. Whatever. I'm not saying monkey. I feel like that's a slur. I feel like I'm going to get canceled. We get to correct each other. This morning, I have a four-year-old and we were driving driving to school, and we have two dogs, and one of them is getting a haircut. And I said, Daisy's getting a haircut today.
Starting point is 00:14:51 And she went, no, Polly is getting a haircut. And I said, oh, right, Polly. I said, I got the names mixed up. And about 10 seconds later, she said, I loved when I was right. That's amazing. I loved when I was right. That's amazing. Yeah, I loved when I was right. That's amazing. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:15:09 That is so funny. I mean, we all do. We all do. I love when I'm right. I love when I'm right. Yeah, yeah. And luckily I get to be right most of the time. Most of the time.
Starting point is 00:15:18 Yeah. Yeah. Can't you tell my love's a girl? Really? You like all of it? You see, I'm not even that aware of them. Well, I wasn't. Of the latter day Planet of the Apes. I wasn't either, but then I did a binge recently. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:15:38 Where my boyfriend and I were like, do you want to watch every single Planet of the Apes movie ever made? From beginning Charlton Heston, O.J. made? From beginning Charlton Heston OGs through? Not the Charlton Heston one, but we started with the Mark Wahlberg one. Oh, see, you're so young. I know. You're missing out. But as a child.
Starting point is 00:15:53 No, I have seen the OG one, of course. I'm an old soul. I've seen an old movie once or twice. Right, right. Ghostbusters was so scary. It was so scary. It was so scary. Yeah. But yeah,
Starting point is 00:16:07 I just got, I have a weird fascination with those movies. They're not good. Yeah. But they're great. Yeah. They're great.
Starting point is 00:16:14 Yeah, yeah. Yeah. There's a, I mean, you grew up here. I grew up, literally the house that I grew up in is four blocks away
Starting point is 00:16:21 from where we're sitting. Oh, wow. And my family has a store on this street that we're on right now. I want to talk about, they own a store called Flicka. Yeah. Which is a children's clothing store.
Starting point is 00:16:31 Yeah. And toys too, you know, some toys too. I have spent a gazillion dollars. Shut up. In that store. I might have helped you. You very well may have. I might have waited on you because I worked there like on and off for eight years.
Starting point is 00:16:45 Because I have older kids. I have a 23-year-old and an 18-year-old and now a four-year-old. I'm so certain I helped you. Absolutely. Yeah. I think so. Yeah. And you look familiar to me.
Starting point is 00:16:58 Oh, my God. Well, I am the princess of Hancock Park. Is that true? Yeah. Not according to me. I mean, I'm pretty familiar with Hancock Park royalty.
Starting point is 00:17:12 Yeah. I abdicated. And I used to live in this neighborhood. Oh, did you? Yeah, I lived on Highland between 2nd and 3rd for I don't know for 12 years. Oh, wow.
Starting point is 00:17:27 And so which is not exactly large. But we were over here. Not even fucking. No, I listen. Yeah, I know. There's a lot of Orthodox Jews by us and there's a lot of Republicans by you. You know, we're in Hancock Park. Are there?
Starting point is 00:17:41 Oh, fuck. Yes. Now. Yeah. No, I mean, they're probably dying out. I hope so. Yeah. But there? Oh, fuck yes. Now? Yeah. Oh, no. I mean, they're probably dying out. I hope so. Yeah, but there's, yeah, definitely. The younger Republicans.
Starting point is 00:17:50 Hang out at Wilshire Country Club. Oh, I never have. Yeah, yeah. I never have. Oh, I do all the time. Oh, good. No, no, I mean. Good, good, good.
Starting point is 00:17:58 Great. No, I have had friends that are members there. And also my children used to go to golf camp in the summertime. Oh, God. Yes. Which my son. Jesus Christ, Andy. In between one year and the next year, we asked my son when he was probably about eight, like, do you want to go to golf camp next year?
Starting point is 00:18:17 And he said, oh, he said, absolutely. And I was like, I don't even really feel like you like golf that much. He goes, the lunch is so good. Because they would give him lunch, you know, like in the middle of the day. That's amazing. So yeah. And I'm sure it was like caviar and no, it was probably just like burgers, you know, burgers and hot dogs and burgers and hot dogs. I did do tennis camp one year at the Marlboro school back when I was a kid. And that was the worst month of my life. Why?
Starting point is 00:18:47 I had the meanest teacher and he kept telling me that my form was shit. And I was nine. And he would say your form is shit. Yeah, your form is shit. Yeah. Wow. And I bet he was probably 17. No, he was like a 52-year-old man with a ponytail.
Starting point is 00:19:01 Oh, my God. Yeah. That's great. Yeah. That's great. Formative. Yeah, That's great. Yeah. That's great. Formative. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:19:07 And not a lot of angry old men teaching tennis. I know. And that's ironic. I was sarcastic because there's a lot of angry old men. There's a lot of them. Tennis is intense. But you didn't go to Marlboro? No, I didn't.
Starting point is 00:19:19 I went to Immaculate Heart, which is, well, we have bad names for each other. So Marlboro, this is inside information. Marlboro is the sluts on the street. Nice. And Immaculate Heart are the hoes on the hill. Nice. Because we're in Las Feliz. I see.
Starting point is 00:19:35 And our school is on a hill. But it is the same high school as Megan Markle. Thank you. No way. Yeah, thank you. And are the girls there, in fact, hoes? I mean, no.
Starting point is 00:19:50 No. It's Catholic school. Heidi Fleiss did go to Immaculate Heart, though. Oh, wow. And so did Tyra Banks and the Go-Go's. We took my son,
Starting point is 00:19:58 when we first moved out here and we were shopping for a pediatrician, we took my son, who was, you know, maybe a year old, to Heidi Fleiss' dad. Because her dad is a pediatrician. No way. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:20:13 Wow. And he was sort of a very soft and gentle, skinny, hippie man. You know, kind of, you could just tell he was like a weird old hippie with long, curly white hair. And he was very sweet. And the two things I remember from it is he asked, he said, well, is William circumcised? Oh. And we said no. And he said, oh.
Starting point is 00:20:38 And he asked me. I'll do it now for $10. No, he asked me, he said, are you circumcised? And I said, yeah. And he10. No, he asked me, he said, are you circumcised? And I said, yeah. And he said, well, most fathers really, they have a thing about wanting their son to look like them. And that, why didn't you? And I said, well, I said, I feel like he was born perfect.
Starting point is 00:20:56 So why change it? And he went, good for you. Good for you. What a strange conversation to have because none of that matters. Good for you. What a strange conversation to have because none of that matters. And then when he started examining my son and, you know, like, you know, he did just the regular kind of examination. But when he took his diaper off, he went, well, you are a boy. What?
Starting point is 00:21:21 Yes. Like, I wasn't in doubt. Dr. Floss. Yes. Yes yes yes ew i don't like that we didn't either he that we did not choose him as our pediatrician you know that was okay you know wild just you know there's a you know baby doctors baby yeah yeah they're not they're they're like not full of irony you know what i mean they're not they're they're like not full of irony you know what i mean they're pretty straightforward yeah um it's serious business yeah yeah yeah yikes so did you did you grow up going to comedy stuff here did you yeah yeah go to the groundlings when you're little and well not when i was little i i went to i mean i grew up kind of obsessed with
Starting point is 00:22:03 comedy and and uh i was obsessed with tr Tracy Ullman's show on HBO. My parents let me watch HBO at a very young age. Yeah. So I was watching that. That's fine, though. That's fine. It's really fine. I mean, my parents let us watch.
Starting point is 00:22:18 My parents let my brother subscribe to Playboy. Wow. I like that. Because like, you know, whatever. my dad would uh he would take me to the newsstand and he would buy the playboy magazines and i would ask him why and he'd be like the articles are fantastic so oh and the titties and the tits and the titties yeah yeah and the well-groomed pubes yeah i think i'll be there but uh but no and then also my i i say this all the time whenever i'm asked but my parents had these old best of johnny carson tapes on vhs um and this was basically like a youtube
Starting point is 00:22:55 compilation video before youtube you know that you would kind of buy these like vhs box sets of like best of like jerry springer or like yeah Springer or like Johnny Carson or funny moments, whatever. Anyway, when I was six, I was obsessed with these tapes and I would watch them over and over and over again. I was obsessed with Johnny Carson. And then when I found out that he was no longer living. Identifying what just these old men, you know, it's all just like old men. But even like the guests on the show, I thought that it was happening now. And I was like, oh my god, Phyllis Diller.
Starting point is 00:23:32 Gina Lola Brigida. Bea Arthur. My favorite. So when I found out that a lot of these people were dead, I was beside myself. Like when I found out that Johnny Carson was dead i i couldn't understand that i was so sad wow yeah so that and then i i watched a lot of mad tv and in living
Starting point is 00:23:55 color yeah um snl when i was super young so i was definitely obsessed with it yeah yeah what what about your mom what does your mom do and where is she from here too well she's actually from sweden oh wow um so my dad my my dad is from chicago that's the name flicka yeah it means girl in sweden girl in sweden and some people like why is your family store named after a fucking horse um and those people are stupid. They are. But my mom's from Sweden. She came over here when she was seven, I believe. To California. To California. Her parents were already here.
Starting point is 00:24:31 Yeah. And... They left her behind? They left her behind. Maybe you will find us. They pulled a Jack Nicholson on her. They pulled a Jack Nicholson on her. She thought that her grandparents were her parents.
Starting point is 00:24:43 Right? No shit. Really? Well, because they left when she was her parents. Right? No shit. Really? Well, because they left when she was so young. Right? So I don't think she was being lied to. I just think that she was thinking differently. That's so weird when people do that.
Starting point is 00:24:53 I know. It's so weird. But so my grandparents came here to kind of set up shop. Right? I see. They were setting up shop and then they got pregnant. And they were like, okay, we need to go get our other kid. We need to... Fuck our other kid we need fuck oh shit god damn it we need to go get her yeah you know um so uh her grandparents were like lilybeth you're gonna get on a plane in the sky and go to america and see your mom and dad
Starting point is 00:25:22 and she was like i'm sorry what what's a plane my who and what and dad. And she was like, I'm sorry, what? What's a plane? My who and what? And what's a plane? Yeah, yeah. Like she lived in a very tiny village in Sweden. Yeah. Anyway, so they put her on a plane and she gets off the plane.
Starting point is 00:25:36 And wait a second, hold on. Your note says diagnosed with ADHD as a kid. That's true. Are those notes for me? Yeah, kid. That's true. Are those notes for me? Yeah, yeah. That's amazing. See? I love that that's on the notes.
Starting point is 00:25:51 Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's fantastic. Yeah. It says weak character, too. Yeah, I can see that. Just weak character, yeah. Yeah, we'll get into that. Shoplifter.
Starting point is 00:26:00 Shoplifter. I do have a shoplifting story. All right, good. But yes, so when she saw her dad in the airport, he up to her you know what's so funny too is that you were distracted right by yeah a adhd classic adhd and that's totally me like with my intrusive thoughts of like hey you got a tattoo are you a scorpio you know always ready to change the topic yeah you know and grind the gears yeah but uh anyway so his so her his her dad ran my mom's dad ran up to her at the airport and said lily beth we're so happy you're here and she thought it was a stranger so she slapped him
Starting point is 00:26:38 and ran away um yeah so trauma a little bit of. But yeah, then she then she didn't like speak English for the first year and a half that she was here. She was learning English. And the only thing she knew how to say in English was I don't know how to speak English. So everyone thought she was assimilated and she got married at 18 and had a baby at 18 and was married and then went through a divorce and then met my dad. They met on the Paramount lot. Oh, really? Yeah. They met twice in one day, once at the Paramount lot and then four hours later at the Mickey Fine Pharmacy in Beverly Hills. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:27:20 And was she in show business? Was she? She was a model for a minute and then she really wanted to be an actress. Sure. Who doesn't? Who doesn't? I'm still waiting. Me too.
Starting point is 00:27:31 Yeah. And she did some commercials. She did some Grey Poupon commercials. She was in the one on the yacht. Wow. She was the woman on the yacht. Nice. That's her claim to fame.
Starting point is 00:27:42 Keep an eye out for it. She was the woman on the yacht. Nice. That's her claim to fame. Keep an eye out for it. And she was a secretary for a big producer on the Paramount lot. I forget who, but she would tell me. And so she was always on the lot, you know, running around and doing stuff. And she bumped into my dad.
Starting point is 00:27:57 And my dad was like, nice legs. Did he really say nice legs? I don't know. I think he said, I think. Oh, no, they actually met first at the pharmacy and then four hours later on the Paramount lot. So they were at the pharmacy. Are you following me? Yes.
Starting point is 00:28:14 So they first meet at the pharmacy. And, you know, my dad thinks that she's beautiful. And he says something like, God, these prescription prices are getting crazy. And she's like, yeah. And so that was it. And then four hours later, he's on the Paramount lot going to an audition and they pass by each other. And she turns around and she goes, are you following me? And then that was it.
Starting point is 00:28:38 Oh, wow. Yeah. Yeah. Was your dad a ladies man? I mean, being handsome? Did he? I mean, I would think so. He was very handsome and charming for sure. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Was your dad a ladies man? I mean, being handsome, did he? I mean, I would think so. He was very handsome and charming for sure. Yeah, definitely. Because that kind of like I hear that and I'm I mean, I've never had a relationship with somebody that I didn't have at least like 15 hours of exposure to, you know, you know what I mean? It's like I just recently did a live show and someone on the show made mention of it was Andy Daly and I and May Martin was was in it.
Starting point is 00:29:10 And they said to me and Andy asked about our pickup lines. And I was like, it's hilarious that you think I have any idea. Right. How any of that works. You have to be friends with that person for five years and kind of like accidentally slip in and like a holiday party. Yeah. I've done improv classes for a million years and then, you know, just pray for the booze to work, you know. But yeah, that's so that's.
Starting point is 00:29:35 But, you know. Hot people. Hot people are. They have. It's so easy, you know. It's so easy. It's so easy for hot people. It really is. I know.
Starting point is 00:29:44 Oh. Well, anyway, once she met your dad, was that, did she continue to work or she opened a store? Yeah,
Starting point is 00:29:51 no. So, so then they started dating and they both had daughters already from their previous marriages. Okay. So,
Starting point is 00:29:58 it was kind of a Brady Bunch moment. They got married. Nice. And those are older sisters of yours? Older sisters of mine. Okay. So, I'm the youngest of five
Starting point is 00:30:06 of five wow that's a big that's for la that's a big a big brood it's a big bunch yeah yeah yeah there was a lot of girls all the girls all girls oh my goodness yeah wow and the dog was a girl and the cat was a girl wow yeah yeah um but yeah so there's a 19 year age gap between my youngest sister and then me. I see. And then my oldest sister, I believe, is like 65, 66. Wow. Wow. Yeah. And my dad, my dad was 55. And there's somebody 19 years younger than you. No, no, no, no, no. So so there's a 19 year age gap between me and my older sister who's the youngest. Oh, I see. So you're the youngest, youngest. I'm the youngest. But
Starting point is 00:30:51 when I say that, I'm saying like my youngest sister. I see. Of the coven of sisters. I understand. The next sister up is 19 years older than you. So you were what is known as an accident. 19 years older than you. Yes. So you were what is known as an accident. No. I was artificially inseminated in the 1980s. What? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:31:12 Wow. Yeah. They just decided like the 19-year-old was leaving and they were going to be left with each other and they better get another kid in there to buffer. Well, I don't know. I think my parents really wanted a child together. Because my mom, when she had my two older sisters in the 70s, they gassed her and knocked her out. It was a really traumatic birth experience. And then when my dad had his older daughters with his first wife, he's smoking in the waiting room. Oh, so they never had children together.
Starting point is 00:31:45 Until they had me. Wow. Yeah. And how long had they been married at that point? They were married for, I want to say, eight or nine years before they, and then they had me. So they got married in 81 and then they had me in 89. How old were they? So my mom was 42 when she had me.
Starting point is 00:32:06 And in 1989, that was kind of unheard of. So to go through artificial insemination and then also to be 42 in the late 80s, like that just wasn't a thing that was happening. Yeah. And my dad was 55 when I was born. Because my wife had a daughter when I met her. And she had her daughter when she was born because my wife I'm my wife had a daughter when I met her and she had her daughter when she was 43 and I'm 57 and we have a four-year-old so it's like it's similar yeah we're in that similar boat where which is a very LA it's a very LA very LA thing to do but yeah and
Starting point is 00:32:41 you know and some of the little fuckers in her class have said like, are you her grandpa? Oh, that would happen to me all the time. Shut up. All the time. My mom would take me around like, oh, a little day out with your granddaughter. Oh, yeah. And my mom was both of my parents. Strangely, both looked 25 years younger than they are.
Starting point is 00:33:00 Yeah. But that would happen all the time. And my sisters are always, you know, oh, you and your daughter. And yeah, all the time. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But that would happen all the time. And my sisters, they're always, you know, oh, you and your daughter and all the time. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:33:09 Did you, now did you find like, as you, like, did you, was it a different experience like being in high school and having older parents? Like, did it,
Starting point is 00:33:18 did you notice it or was it just they're your parents in it? I'm asking very, for very personal reasons. No, no, no. Looking forward, like, you know, when I'm in a walk, using a walker at my daughter's high school graduation. your parents in it i'm asking very for very personal reasons no no looking forward like yeah so when i'm in a walk using a walker at my daughter's high school graduation one thing that
Starting point is 00:33:30 i will appreciate or that i do appreciate not will um is that i was exposed to older things right right i was exposed to johnny carson i was exposed to Frank Sinatra and Bing Crosby music I was exposed to old movies I had a lot of education about the past and I wasn't sort of this like 90s kid that had no context of what was before me because now you look at you look at kids now and it's like iPad kids and they like they don't know what a CD player looks like. Right. And I didn't have that. Or a rotary phone. Like, I knew what an 8-track was. I knew what a rotary phone was.
Starting point is 00:34:09 Yeah. You know? Because I had these older parents that knew so much. Right. And taught me a lot. And so, I really appreciate that.
Starting point is 00:34:17 Like, so many old movies and old music and old literature. Like, all of that stuff, you know, was taught to me. but when i was in
Starting point is 00:34:26 school i would say like school was tough because it was by the time i got to high school middle school and high school everything was so advanced and you know like the age the age-running joke of you know the hardest you'll ever cry is if your dad is sitting down with you trying to teach you how to do your math homework you know yeah yeah yeah everyone's had that experience of getting yelled at by their dad trying to do multiplication like it was so hard because it's it changes so much like every 10 years like the math yeah i recently saw a tiktok video of how they're teaching kids how to do long division right now and it's insane looking like i don't know what they're doing right i couldn't help my kid do math oh well and that was you know
Starting point is 00:35:12 i didn't want to do math when i had to do math yeah so when it got to time to like teach my kids math i i would i mean i would go to they'd have the parent teacher nights every year at school, which by the way, I don't know how, how it is with you, but like parents today are, are expected to, yeah, expected to be involved so much more than my, you know, I can only, you know, there'd be like one teacher's meeting, you know, a year and then nothing. And I think that's how I think you were on your own. Yeah. Well, my parents were super involved in my day to day when I was home. Yeah. But my parents were also old school where it's like, why don't we have there's another fucking meeting. Yeah. Yeah. It's too much. And I would go to these parent teacher things and they'd be like, well, here, let us explain to you how we're teaching the math. And I'd be like, well, that's between you two.
Starting point is 00:36:08 Right. What the fuck do I need to know about that for? How about you teach them and then they learn it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, that's just like, and, you know, and it's private school too. So you're paying for it. Up the ass, yeah. So it's like if you go to a restaurant and the chef comes out and wants to tell you step by step how he cooked the meal.
Starting point is 00:36:23 I don't care. Just cook the meal. Just cook the meal. I don't want to bring me a kid that knows math. Right. You know, that's all I want out of the other end. Right. Yeah. And then my ex-wife at one point did tell me she's like, I get the feeling sometimes like you just don't really care about their academic life. And I was like, yeah, you're right. I do not. Yeah. I do not care. Yeah. It's nice to get good grades and I like them to get good grades. And I got like, yeah, you're right. I do not. Yeah. I do not care. Yeah. It's nice to get good grades. And I like them to get good grades. And I got pretty good grades without even, you know, like luckily smart enough and kind of paid attention during class.
Starting point is 00:36:56 But like reading. Lucky. Ugh. Lucky. And so I did enough. You know, I think I was a B plus student who could have easily been an A student if I had tried harder. And my kids are A students, you know, like they're great. That's great.
Starting point is 00:37:10 Yeah. And I mean, and I'm proud of them and everything. But like if they were C students, I wouldn't be, you know, like gnashing my teeth and frustrated. That's like, you know, which, you know, my kids, my son at one point was like i wish you push me more and i'm like when push yourself i was like honey you need a different dad then because that is not me you know push yourself yeah right so i was like nobody pushed me i was i was like once i left the door it's like well see you at dinner you know and whatever happened in between was my business but also i think that's a generation now like everyone, everyone is, like, expected to be a girl boss.
Starting point is 00:37:48 Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. And it's, like, it's not. It's fine. I had a terrible time in school. Right. But I also was, like, I'm never going to need any of this.
Starting point is 00:37:58 And this is all fucking bullshit. I'm going to get on Instagram. I'm going to. No. Oh, God. Oh, no. No, but, like to, no, oh God. Oh no. No, but like I literally,
Starting point is 00:38:08 I had to repeat math all the time. I had to do summer school. I had to, you know, all the things. It was such a pain in the ass. And I remember I was in geometry and I just started crying
Starting point is 00:38:19 and I had a very nice geometry teacher and she was like, let me help you kind of understand why you need to know this and I was like but I don't I don't need to know this it's ruining my fucking life I'm and I and to this day and like I was lied to you're like if you ever blank then you might need to know the Pythagorean theorem right and, right. And I was like, you're fucking lying to me. Yes, yes. I would rather have learned how to do my taxes. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:38:49 Or buy a house. Yeah, yeah. Like, I don't know how to do those things. Yeah, yeah. But I've never used geometry, and I'm still mad about it. I'm still mad. I mean, it's only if you're going to do, mild carpentry, like minor carpentry. If you're going to be working with angles as you're cutting wood to put something together.
Starting point is 00:39:11 If I ever construct my own back deck. Yes. Then I can refer. You might need it. Yeah. But no, I don't. And I don't. When my kids, when it came around to long division, I realized like, I don't remember how to do this.
Starting point is 00:39:24 Right. And it's like, well, there's a calculator. I don't really need to know. Also, like kids in school these days. So I like just got the like a home computer with Internet when I was 15. And the Internet back then was obviously very limited. Yeah. Was it dial up still?
Starting point is 00:39:40 It was dial up. And like you couldn't really like I couldn't like use the Internet to help me with my history homework for example or like help me write a paper so the internet is literally endless now so how are kids not constantly cheating do you know what i mean yeah no absolutely i think i think a lot of them are i think they're like pulling you know like it's ripping off source material from all over the place. Can't you do like, oh, I have to write a paper about Adolf Hitler in World War Two. Let me just go to chat GPT and I'll be done with it in 20 minutes. Probably.
Starting point is 00:40:16 Like, I don't understand how like how are they avoiding that? Yeah. And how a teacher. Well, usually if the technology gets better but usually you can tell i feel like most ai things that i've read there's they're just you can tell but you can take the information and then rephrase which i used to do with spark notes back in the day oh yeah well i i do think that like people are using ai and in term paper where they'll let the ai write the term people and then they'll go back and humanify it
Starting point is 00:40:45 right that's what i mean yeah yeah yeah but that's but that's so easy i know but i'm fascinated i would be such a fucking kick-ass student now i would know all the angles coach i could do it yeah no it's funny because like i was i was know, I had an animated pitch that I wanted to do that was like, that it was going to take place in the Middle Ages. So I'm like, I want kind of, you know, like I don't need deep dives, but I do kind of want to get some sense of like what are different things that, you know, what life was like in the Middle Ages. Yeah. And there's like like there's a encyclopedia britannica website yeah i'm still looking at the encyclopedia britannica yeah it's just on the internet it's all on the internet yeah yeah yeah oh those lucky bastards well did
Starting point is 00:41:39 you go to i mean in school were you doing acting, you know, like school plays? And did you know that that was kind of where you were going? Yeah, I was doing all the plays, all the musicals. And it was at your house. So you lived in a house that show business paid for. So you're like, yeah, this makes sense. Yeah. But it was never like, I don't know, it's weird.
Starting point is 00:42:01 It's almost like I liked acting and performing before I even correlated that my dad was an actor. Oh, really? Yeah. So I like so my dad was on a soap opera, so he was on TV every day in the middle of the day. Right. And so growing up, it was, you know, my mom would put on the TV and be like, oh, there's dad. And it was kind of this fun little thing. Yeah. But I thought everyone's dad was on TV in the middle of the day because that's where work was right and so my best friend in elementary school or like pre-k or something like that was like my dad's a pilot and i was like no your dad's on tv like what time of the day is your dad on tv maybe he plays the pilot yeah
Starting point is 00:42:43 ryan's hope and i didn know, but I didn't understand. And then there was there was there was like a Christmas episode of General Hospital where everyone who has a kid brings their kid to the children's hospital scene. And, you know, and so my dad is filming this scene. But you can hear me. It's like on a tape somewhere. You can hear me like tugging his shirt and being like daddy daddy i want to cook like i had no concept like why are there weird cameras here what is going on where is his office like i had no concept of what was happening wow until like later later yeah yeah and why is the detective bringing his child to the hospital? Right. And why are we at a fake hospital?
Starting point is 00:43:25 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. My kids had weird things like. It was it would be a weird thing where they knew that I was a voice in a cartoon, but they would think I was the only human. Yeah. The rest was like I was in Madagascar and that like, yeah, that's me doing that voice. But the rest of them are actual like giraffes and lions and things. Same. So my dad was technically one of the first Avengers. There was the Avengers animated show in the 90s and he was Hawkeye. Wow.
Starting point is 00:43:55 And I remember thinking like, okay, so my dad's Hawkeye. But like there was no concept of like he went went into a job and and like as an actor and there are other people flops and went and talked to a microphone yeah yeah yeah it was just like other people's dads also do things like that sometimes yeah there was no concept of what the can't you tell my love's a girl and i mean it's good to the for children to be unimpressed with their parents yeah you know lives and work and to be sort of like yeah that sounds boring very impressed as they get older yeah yeah did you were you impressed that with your dad as time went on definitely yeah i would say yeah because i mean he was a character actor for so long and i know character actor is kind of an old term right these days but well i think i feel like people
Starting point is 00:44:56 get offended by it now i mean same yeah like i'm not an ingenue, but like I. Yes, you are. You seem like. Literally stop, Andy. No, honestly. No, literally stop, Andy. It seems like you're so young and you don't know much. I know. That's really. And I'm so beautiful. Oh, so beautiful and naive. Oh, you're just going to get chewed up and spit out by the world.
Starting point is 00:45:17 I can't wait to be tarnished by the industry. Really? Like a little silver spoon. Like a fawn being run over by a truck yeah no like at first i was like for a while i was like my dad was on soap operas okay like i was like such a little cunt about it sorry that i used the word that's all right i I love that word. Me too. Oh, that's fantastic. I love that word. I love the UK usage of it too. Cunt. Yeah. No, just like one of my favorites is in The Exorcist when the drunken English guy that Reagan kills.
Starting point is 00:45:59 And then when he comes back after he says, you're a cunting daughter. Like cunting as an adjective is so fantastic. Your cunting ways. Your cunting daughter killed me. The Brits know how to talk. Yeah, yeah. They make anything sound like chocolate. It's fantastic.
Starting point is 00:46:19 Yeah, yeah. No, but as I got older, I definitely appreciated my dad's career a lot more. And I was like, wow. Yeah. I mean, he was on like the Mary Tyler Moore show. He was on the Love Boat. He was on Gunsmoke. He was on 90210.
Starting point is 00:46:34 And made a good living, you know? Yeah. And that's hard. Yeah. It's hard. Yeah, yeah. It's impossible to do that. You know?
Starting point is 00:46:42 And that usually means that you're like you're good to work with right you don't you don't do that if you're if you're an asshole right because that people find out and they stop hiring you right totally you know so your day's coming they're finding out no i know it's been finally found out it's the they're like they're like no he's on the surface he's nice but secretly very judgmental. Always judging. Which actually does kind of make something that I thought about you is that so many of your characters are sort of they are. They're even like they are on their face.
Starting point is 00:47:22 L.A. waitress, you know, like very California-y, very much about LA people. And you're an LA native. And it just makes me wonder, why do you think that? Because it is almost like an outsider's perspective that you have on LA people, LA culture, LA brains. And I'm wondering if you ever thought about why you'd have that because natives view that differently i think that's my theory like so a lot of those like la archetypes
Starting point is 00:47:53 and personalities and stereotypes those are what i call the transplants oh i see they come in and they start to run amok uh-huh you know and so it's a lot of these kind of stereotypical personalities and characters that i've sort of witnessed my whole life and i'm like what is that about you know and so i have this i feel like i'm outside looking in even though i grew up here because i feel like natives to la like i grew up very in like a very down-to-earth dynamic with my parents and my family i didn't have like a super like hollywood childhood right like you know my dad was a working actor but he was not famous like you know what i mean like yeah swanky parties yeah no it wasn't my mom opened up like a mom and pop kid store like Yeah. Like, you know. And so, yeah, I don't know.
Starting point is 00:48:46 I just, like, I remember Erewhon, the store, when I was a kid, was just like a crunchy vitamin shop. Yes. And it's always been there. It was there since I was like eight years old. When I first came to L.A., it was like that. It was just like the health food store where it was full of weirdos. Right. It was full of weirdos. Right. It was full of weirdos.
Starting point is 00:49:06 Yeah. And now it's this hip spot with like $30 collagen smoothies. Yeah. Yeah. I haven't even been in probably 15 years. Same. Just because like why? It stresses me out and I don't want to do it.
Starting point is 00:49:17 Yeah. Yeah. And same with Larchmont too. Like I grew up on Larchmont. There used to be a hardware store. There used to be a diner. I used to go there. Yeah. And now it's like Diptyque. And I don't know what the fuck else is over there. I know it stresses me out. Yeah. Yeah. It still is a really nice area. And I'm
Starting point is 00:49:35 really it's very nice. I'm very glad to have a reason to, you know, and I use this studio just as like a place to get out of the house, too. And it's really nice to have it here. But yes, you are missing like Cafe Chapeau. I think about Cafe Chapeau every other day. Korean family-owned diner. It was so good. It was so good. They had no employees.
Starting point is 00:50:04 It was only if you were like a child. No, it was just them. Yeah, yeah. It was just them. And it was like, you want eggs? We'll make you eggs. You want some potatoes? We'll make you potatoes.
Starting point is 00:50:12 Yeah, yeah. And it was this little diner. Yeah. We would go there every day. Yeah, I used to be there all the time. Oh, it was the best. And they had hats on the wall. They had hats on the wall.
Starting point is 00:50:20 Yes. Because it was Cafe Chapeau. Yeah. So it was hats. Yeah. Molly Shannon, I'm going to name drop, but Molly Shannon told me a very funny story once about Cafe Chapeau, where we were talking about Larchmont because she's lived in the area for a long time. A long time, yeah. And we were talking about Larchmont, and she said once that her and Will Ferrell would frequently meet up at, I might be butchering the story, but she said that they would frequently meet up at Cafe Chapeau wearing very crazy wild hats and speak in accents to each other and be in like fully different characters for an entire lunch together and then part ways.
Starting point is 00:51:01 I believe it. And then do it again with like a different character and a different hat. God bless them. And I just thought that was so fantastic. Yeah, it was. Cafe Chapeau. My God. Yeah. What a place. I know. It is different. And the hardware store. It was a great old hardware store.
Starting point is 00:51:18 It was a great hardware store. Yeah. Look at us. Look at us. Look at us. Old, old, old old Saltz complained about how things used to be better. Things were different here. Look at us. Look at us. Look at us. Old, old, old, old salts complaining about how things used to be better. Things were different here. Yeah, I don't like things changing. Except for my Depends.
Starting point is 00:51:34 I would love to wear a Depends every day. I wouldn't. It looks comfy. I wouldn't. Like just a big t-shirt, slap your Depends on, go to bed. I just can't. Yeah, but to bed. I just can't. Yeah, but I mean, I just can't.
Starting point is 00:51:48 I mean, I know it wicks, you know. It wicks. I can't wait for it. And I think I'm going to like it. Okay. That's all I'm going to say. There's nothing stopping you. I could do it now.
Starting point is 00:51:57 Righty down the street. Just go get yourself some and let her rip. Yeah. Just walk around with a big puffy butt. Can you imagine? Sorry, guys. I shit myself, so I'll be right back. I just gotta change. I gotta change myself. There's a
Starting point is 00:52:12 great Jiminy Glick where he's talking to Steve Martin, and Steve Martin just makes a passing joke about adult diapers, and Jiminy Glick Martin Short just immediately goes and he's like, I'm so glad you brought that up. Can you make a stinky in them?
Starting point is 00:52:30 He's been really thinking about, well, sure, of course you can pee in them all day. But can you shit in it? Can you really take a shit in them and get away with it for a while? Until the appointment's over. I miss Jimini Glick. Yeah, that was a really funny character. So many of your characters, too, and they're so funny, but they're so annoying. I know. And you do do some male drag. But like if it was a man doing, like the person doing these characters could be accused of misogyny because there's such detailed examination of various female foibles that it's like all these people are so hilarious, but oh, they're so awful.
Starting point is 00:53:23 It's weird because I've gotten some comments in the past from certain women being like, this is misogynistic. Yeah. And of course, me doing that voice is going to be seen as misogynistic. Right, right, right. But it's. And you did say cunt. I did say cunt. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:53:39 But it's. First of all, the only way that I can explain it is like I'm a woman. Yeah. And I love women. And I think women are fascinating and interesting. And I think men are dumb and boring. Like legitimately. I really do.
Starting point is 00:53:55 I mean, I don't want to sit here and be like an ally. No, but I 100% agree. Women are so dynamic and interesting. If I'm at a party. And smart. If I'm at a party, usually there ends up kind of being, you know, often like a gender split.
Starting point is 00:54:14 And even from when I was a child, like the men are watching the game and the women are in the kitchen. Oh, are you going to check out? Yeah. And I was always like, I'm going to the kitchen. That's where the conversation is.
Starting point is 00:54:26 They're gossiping. They're talking about their marriages, their sex life, whose kid they hate. Like, oh my God, are you kidding me? Yes. The coven. Yes. It's the coven. Anyway, I love women and I think that they're so interesting.
Starting point is 00:54:40 I also grew up in a family of very dynamic, interesting, loud, opinionated women. So I just, I'm a woman observer. I love women. But also when I do male characters too, it's so weird because people are like, why do you always do women? And it's like, well, I am a woman. Right. It's easier. And so there's my grab.
Starting point is 00:55:01 You don't have to put on the makeup of the stubble. Right. Yeah, yeah. put on the grab the makeup of the stubble right yeah yeah um but i i do do men sometimes and it's usually just me being like oh shit like because i just fucking hate them oh fuck dude sorry about that dude bro yeah um yeah no and i i mean and i can i understand that too because I always – like criticism is natural and healthy and it's how progress is made. So it is like you can't go through like not noticing like, geez, that's fucked up. Like what are you supposed to just go like, nope, everything's cool and hunky-dory. So it is – yeah, I mean I can see that. Like, what are you supposed to just go like, nope, everything's cool and hunky dory, you know? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:55:45 So it is. Yeah. I mean, I can see that. And you certainly, you know, you certainly can love something and also have pretty, you know, cold eyed ideas about that thing. Shortcomings. Yeah. I'm talking about my mom. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:56:03 No, but it's not. It's not even to me like it's not like the woman's experience it's it's just these different personality types yeah but some of them happen to be women i just i don't it's not like i'm doing women specifically do you know what i mean like i'm just doing i understand i understand. I understand. Yeah. But it's also too. It's the nature of an Instagram feed. Yeah. Because there's no space in between.
Starting point is 00:56:31 You just can just goes bam, bam, bam, bam, down, down, literally in a line straight down. And you just see like, oh, there's, you know, like there's a woman that is, you know, self-absorbed. And there's another woman know uh self-absorbed and there's another woman that's self-absorbed in another way and i mean but they're all they're all kind of you know none of them are like oh she's just making that up they're all like oh yeah they're always based off of an experience i had and i don't think i don't think they're all like attacking or anything like that. I just it's more of me just finding that kind of personality type funny and interesting. Yeah. You know, like I posted one video a while back of a doctor's receptionist.
Starting point is 00:57:19 Mm hmm. Yeah. And that's just my doctor's receptionist. And I think that she's wild. Like she just is so little and she's always eating. And the fact that I interrupted her eating is like, wait a second. Yeah. And then brushing off.
Starting point is 00:57:38 Yeah. And it's like a big, everything's a big to do. And I just think she's so like little and fascinating. Yeah. And that's, that's it and do you worry about her seeing no but there I did I did do a video a girlfriend of mine we went to lunch and we had a waitress who was wild and she was like super gregarious and just like is that the every waitress in LA yeah yeah and she was just like the coolest bitch I'd ever met. And I got railed last night.
Starting point is 00:58:07 Yeah. And she was just so cool. She was like that kind of girl that you meet in high school. You're like, how do I become friends with her? Like she was, but she was like my waitress. Yeah. And so I made the video and she found it. And she was like, I think this is me.
Starting point is 00:58:23 And I saw the Instagram page and I was like, oh my God, it is her. So I sent her a message and I was like, I think this is me. And I saw the Instagram page and I was like, oh my God, it is her. So I sent her a message and I was like, I hope that you're not offended. Like it is the largest form of flattery. Like I am obsessed with you. I think you're so cool and interesting. And I exaggerated some things for jokes,
Starting point is 00:58:37 and she was like, oh my God, no, like this is the best thing that's ever happened to me. I love this. Thank you so much. This is so awesome. So she's really, I like follow her on Instagram and I think she's like super cool. Oh, that's ever happened to me. I love this. Thank you so much. This is so awesome. So she's really, I like follow her on Instagram and I think she's like super cool. Oh, that's great.
Starting point is 00:58:49 But yeah. Yeah, no, I mean, you're always going to piss somebody off. I mean, you know, I feel like the landscape of social media right now is people just being offended at things all the time.
Starting point is 00:59:00 Right, right. You know, so I don't, who cares? How do you feel? Because you are, you know, social media don't who cares how do you feel because you are uh you know social media i think can be like a love hate uh kind of relationship and especially for somebody like you it's how i know about you and and it's how probably many people have known about you and there's probably things happening a lot of the things that are happening outside of social media for you are because of
Starting point is 00:59:25 social media. And I mean, how does that, do you ever feel like you're going to get off? Like it's, there's going to come a point where you're going to stop doing this or do you still enjoy it? How much of a mixed bag is it? It's a bit of a mixed bag because, you know, I started making the videos and posting them during lockdown. Right. OK. And so that's how it started. It was just for fun.
Starting point is 00:59:48 Just for fun. And I hadn't done that before. I hadn't posted videos on any kind of platform before. Is there a phrase for character videos, you know, to a camera? Is there a first person? Sometimes people say front facing comedy. Yeah. I don't know. I didn't even know what it was or what I was doing when front-facing comedy. Yeah. I don't know. I didn't even know what it was
Starting point is 01:00:06 or what I was doing when I was doing it. Yeah. And then I realized like, oh, I'm doing that. Yeah. Oh, that's me. Oh, that's that thing that I've been doing. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 01:00:17 And so I was just posting videos on TikTok and then they kind of blew up. And then I was like, I started to get scared because I was like, too many people have seen this and I have too many followers and I don't know what to do now. And this is getting out of control. Yeah. And then you're afraid of.
Starting point is 01:00:33 Attention. It's so weird because like as an actor, as a comedian, like you want attention and the attention then gives you jobs and then gives you money and then you have a career. So you obviously want attention. But then there's a part about when you get attention so quickly, it's terrifying, you know, so that's kind of what I was experiencing. I understand it completely. It started to bleed into and so TikTok was like my little dirty secret. Yeah. Right. And so things were kind of getting very popular and viral on TikTok. A lot of followers, a lot of, you know, people liking and commenting on videos. And then it was on the news.
Starting point is 01:01:08 And then there was like articles. Like I was like, what is happening right now? And you're not able to do anything else anyway. Right. And so then that started to bleed into my Instagram. People found my Instagram. And then I started just posting some of the videos on Instagram and then getting more followers on Instagram. And my sister called me and she's like what the fuck is going on
Starting point is 01:01:29 are you like are you what is happening on your social media and I was like I've been posting videos on TikTok I have to come clean I don't know this is out of control I don't know what to do um and then i woke up one morning i've been doing porn i've been doing street crystals street crystals street crystals you know street crystals um and then i woke up one morning and i was verified on instagram and i was like and i just started crying out of fear because I was like, Oh no, now what?
Starting point is 01:02:11 There's this level of like, I don't know. Like I have like old pictures of like ex boyfriends and like my dead dog and like my family on my Instagram. And I was like, do I have to delete those? Like, Oh no.
Starting point is 01:02:23 Did you or? I think I privated some things because people are weird on the Internet. You know, so you so all of a sudden you have to be a little more private and intentional, I guess. Yeah. But yeah. But I mean, so now I'm in this place where in the last few years, obviously, that afforded me a lot of opportunity. Years, obviously, that afforded me a lot of opportunity. And I've, you know, worked really cool jobs and been working on TV shows and this, that and the other.
Starting point is 01:02:56 And so now I'm in a place where I'm like quite busy, which is fantastic. Yeah. So I'm not making as many videos. That's not where much uh i guess social media uh attention happening or engagement i hate all those words right because i hate social media but um but yeah so when i when i do post a video when i feel like it now it's kind of like hey guys um i don't know i guess if you like this you could take a look at it i don't know remember this remember me remember how i used to do this remember when i used to do
Starting point is 01:03:30 this all the time anyway here's a i just kind of being silly like it's it all it feels a little but i try not to think about i just do yeah when i feel like it yeah exactly and it does it it does feel it's any well i mean any kind of performing is better when you're doing it just because you're having fun doing it yeah well also i like performing live now better yeah you know because now i'm doing that more i have like a monthly show at the largo and i caitlin riley and acquaintances and acquaintances i have to change it to something else because typing out acquaintances on like a little poster is such a pain in the ass. I hate that word and it's so long. No one knows how to spell it. So I have to change it to enemies or something.
Starting point is 01:04:15 Yeah. And her crew. And her crew. Yeah. But yeah, I just, I don't know. It's this thing that was sort of born out of lockdown. And so now I don't make as many videos. And so for a while I was like, oh, is that bad?
Starting point is 01:04:33 But then and then I decided to not think about it that way. Yeah. You know, because it's I just things are things change and evolve. Yeah. Yeah. But it is the weird thing about being a performer too is that most everybody, some aspect of their professional life, even if you're doing something deeply creative, is sales. Yeah. And the thing about being a performer is you're the product. Right. And the thing about being a performer is you're the product. Right. You know, you can go and sell, you can show up and say, ask people if they, you know, need a new copier machine.
Starting point is 01:05:11 And if they go, no, you're still no skin off your nose. But if you're going and saying, do you like me? Yeah. Would you like to buy me? Yeah, it's weird. No, don't. It's weird. No, thanks.
Starting point is 01:05:23 You know. It's also strange because, you know, I did certain characters a handful of times. You know, there was a character that I did. I called Wasp Mom that got very popular. And so I would do, you know, several different videos of her just in different situations because I just always did what I thought was funny. And people liked it. People thought that she was very funny, very waspy, you know, out of touch,
Starting point is 01:05:48 mom, wife, whatever. Hancock Park. Yeah. And so, you know, video of her trying to cut the line to get a vaccine, video of her trying to figure out how to vote for the first time, like things like that, you know?
Starting point is 01:05:57 Yeah, yeah. And as I, as a comedian actor, changed and evolved, I don't like do those videos anymore, right? Because I don't connect with it anymore. It's not really in my reverie anymore. It's not something I'm thinking about or doing. And I would get a lot of messages from people being like,
Starting point is 01:06:16 how come you don't do Wasp Mom anymore? And it's that thing that I feel like a lot of performers experience where it's like, how come Julia Roberts doesn't do rom-coms anymore? It's like, I mean, I'm not Julia Roberts or like any famous comedian. How come, you know, so-and-so doesn't do their show anymore? It's like, you know, we're people
Starting point is 01:06:36 and, you know, it's a constantly evolving thing. And so I feel like the internet doesn't understand, the internet wants things to be constant and consistent and the same. Yes. And so I feel like I've noticed a lot of my comedian friends have a hard time with like relating to that aspect of social media. It helps so much. And then it also kind of drains with that. That like, well, how do I.
Starting point is 01:07:02 Right. You know. Well, and also there's plenty of people. there's plenty of shitty people on the internet that are more than happy to give you the same shit over and over and over and over again. Yeah. Because there's not like. And those are, I think those are more just like internet people. Yeah. You know, like vloggers.
Starting point is 01:07:21 But there is. You know. Influencers. What you're, you know, there is, there is art in what you do. And if you don't feel it, you know, like you're not going to just shit out or wasp mom because people want you to. Also, it's...
Starting point is 01:07:35 Until you get the deal, the wasp mom TV show. Hey. And then you are wasp mom all fucking day. I'm trying. But yeah, no, I mean, it's funny because doing all that stuff awarded me, you know, doing like getting dream jobs of mine and working on shows that I'm fans of. So it's like now I'm busy doing more professional stuff. And it's like, how come you don't make any more videos? It's like because I'm working.
Starting point is 01:08:00 Right, exactly. Yeah, yeah. You know? Yeah. How come you're not writing more resumes? Yeah. Yeah, why don't you write resumes anymore? Yeah. You know? Yeah. How come you're not writing more resumes? Yeah. Yeah, why don't you write resumes anymore? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:08:07 You know? Yeah. Well, because I got jobs. Right. Well, what are you working on? What do you want? What are you here to plug? Myself.
Starting point is 01:08:15 No, I am. My ears. Right now, I am a voice on a show called In the Know on Peacock. Oh, and that's Zach Woods' Stop Motion. Zach Woods, Stop Motion. Zach Woods, Mike Judge. Boy, is that guy funny. He is the best.
Starting point is 01:08:31 He is so funny. And he's somebody, too, that, because I saw him, he was on Conan's podcast, and I saw him, and I said, like, you're selling something, because all of a sudden, you're doing front-facing comedy. I know. I know. I know. And he's so fucking hilariously good at it. He made an Instagram to promote in the know.
Starting point is 01:08:52 Yeah. And now he's posting these videos and he's just wild. He's so funny. He's always so funny. He's like one of those people, like they're just people in comedy where you just like fall in love with their brain. Yeah. You're just like, oh my God their brain yeah you're just like oh my god that brain is so special he's also so wildly intelligent like we got lunch recently and the way
Starting point is 01:09:13 that he talks to you like it just feels like a warm hug yeah you know what i mean like he wants to know like when when was the last time you cried you know like at one point at one point he asked me like i was talking about my dad he had passed a couple of years ago and so we were talking about that and he looks at me and he was go he he goes when was the last time you felt beautiful in your grief and i was like oh my god yeah he has a woodland creature aspect to it no i he the way his brain works, I think, is so beautiful. Yeah. You know, he like really wants to know human beings.
Starting point is 01:09:51 Yeah, yeah. You know, I think he's fantastic. But yeah, so he and his writing partner, Brandon Gardner, and my judge made In the Know, and it's on Peacock and it's stop motion animation and I'm in it. Yeah. And I play the character Fabian. Nice. And it's great and it's very funny
Starting point is 01:10:09 and it's on Peacock and everyone should watch it. And I'm also going to be on a Netflix show coming out April 25th called Dead Boy Detectives. Oh. And that came out.
Starting point is 01:10:19 Well, they just announced the premiere date yesterday. So now I can say it. April 18th. April 20th. What did I say So now I can say it. April 18th. April 20th. What did I say? April 25th. I have April 18th.
Starting point is 01:10:29 That's wrong. Oh. Wow. Well, people. I mean, it's on Netflix. You'll find it. Just look it up. It's up there.
Starting point is 01:10:37 Nick is looking. It's there. It's up there. You're also in the upcoming movie Little Death. Yes, I am. With David schwimmer and gabby hoffman yeah premiered at sundance this year i know i haven't seen it yet were you there no you didn't go so there was a screening before that i got invited to and i couldn't make it because i was doing something else yeah but then i realized that was the only time i would be able to see it before
Starting point is 01:11:01 sundance and then it premiered at sundance and everyone loved it and I kept getting messages from people being like I saw you in Little Death you were great and I was like oh my god I haven't seen it yeah yeah so um I'm so I hear it's great and David Schwimmer is amazing we have a scene together and he's not only the nicest person alive yeah but is But is an incredible genius actor. So, yeah. Well, what else you got? I mean, what are you looking forward to? I mean, you know. Are these the three questions? Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 01:11:34 Okay. Wait, have you been asking me the three questions this whole time and I just didn't know? Where do you come from? Have you been talking about where you come from? Yeah. Where are you going? Are we not now talking about where you're going? Wow.
Starting point is 01:11:46 That was so seamless. I know. What have you learned? We'll get to that too. That was so seamless. There've been little dribs and drabs of that all the way throughout. Wow. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:11:55 Amazing. That's, you know. Amazing. I'm like fucking Charlie Rose, low rent Charlie Rose over here. No, you're, you're my Charlie Rose. No, thanks. You're my Charlie Rose. No, but I mean, Rose. Oh, thanks. You're my Charlie Rose.
Starting point is 01:12:11 No, but I mean, do you have long, do you have like some, you said, you know, doing dream gigs. But do you have kind of real concrete goals that you're going towards? I mean, no. I mean, I don't know. I feel like I just want to be happy and do what I love, which is what I've been doing and find happiness through it. Because I feel like a lot of times in this industry, it's very easy to lose the happiness part. Yeah. Because it's very stressful and you get your ego bruised a lot. And like you said, you are the product. So there's a lot of rejection a lot of like am i
Starting point is 01:12:45 good enough how come they're doing that and i'm not doing that and and why is that person mean to me and how come they didn't call me back it's like it could kill you if you let it yes and so i have been trying to like there's have you ever seen the movie soul the pixar movie soul yes so you know that part and i'm gonna butcher the lines but there's the part where he comes back into his body the lead character and he's playing that show with sort of this iconic jazz musician that he's a fan of and so they do the show he makes it they do the show he kills it and afterwards they're outside of the theater and um and i think he says to the lead musician like,
Starting point is 01:13:27 okay, when are we doing the big show? When are we doing the next big show? And she looks at him and she goes like, babe, that was the show. And he's like, well, that was it? Like that was it? And they have this exchange where there's this metaphor about fish in the ocean and I'm gonna butcher it,
Starting point is 01:13:42 but it's like, you know, there's a fish who really wants to see the ocean. So this other fish takes them to see the ocean and they're like, no, this isn't the ocean. This is just water. And it's like, no, you're in the ocean. This is it, you know? So I feel like that's kind of where I want to go.
Starting point is 01:13:57 I want to get to this place where I'm in the ocean and I'm happy and I'm experiencing it and I'm present as opposed to like, oh, if I get that series regular, oh, when I win that Emmy or oh, when I sell my show that I'm, you know, just being present and happy and doing it while I'm doing it. It's hard to do. It's very hard to do. Because it's a very goal, especially, I mean, it's a goal-oriented world. Yeah. Thanks, capitalism.
Starting point is 01:14:28 But it's also. Men did that. They sure did. Men did that. Yeah. Way to go, men. Way to go, men. I'm going to cut my penis off.
Starting point is 01:14:36 You should be dead. Yeah. Why don't I just die? Just fucking die. No, but it's a very goal-oriented business, too. Yeah, yeah. And, like, I kind of, like, to be frank, you know, sitting next to Conan O'Brien and seeing him at an early age achieve his dream, you know, pretty much.
Starting point is 01:15:02 Yeah. You know, because then there was eventually The Tonight Show, which, you know, he achieved that dream, too. But then, you know, much you know because then there was eventually the tonight show which you know he achieved that dream too but then you know shit gets in the way but i saw him at an early age get to replace david letterman and then kind of felt like he was still this there was still this kind of factory in him and and i mean, and I feel it in myself, like it's like a dissatisfaction factory. Yeah. And even when I got that job,
Starting point is 01:15:32 I had these like, it was a weird transition because, you know, like job, money, love. You know, like the three, the big three that you're like, you know, like always like, I got to do better. This has got to be better. Right.
Starting point is 01:15:50 I got a job on TV on a really funny show. It's huge. Was making more money than I ever thought I would make. Huge. And I was in love and, you know, getting married, recently married. Everything was fine. Right. So, but the machine was still making this anxiety,
Starting point is 01:16:08 this still go forward, keep going. It's not good anxiety. And I found myself having these like crazy mortality. Oh, that was happening to me last year. Yeah. Yeah. Last year I was like. What's the point of it all?
Starting point is 01:16:20 I'm going to be dead in five minutes. Right. You know, not in five minutes could be 50 years, but still it's like, nothing means anything because I'm going gonna be dead in five minutes right you know not in five minutes could be 50 years but still it's like nothing means anything because i'm gonna be dead in the ground you know there's there's an anxiety that comes with there's yeah it messes with your brain and and i started to become like wildly negative yeah to the point where i was like oh no this is not good like i was very very unhappy yeah i was like wow why am no, this is not good. Like I was very, very unhappy. And I was like, wow, why am I unhappy?
Starting point is 01:16:48 This is crazy. Because Caitlin six years ago would be beside herself with like, you know, what I've accomplished and what I'm doing and the kind of life I'm living. And like, oh my, I'm here being like miserable, why? You know, and it's that, it messes with your brain. And so you just have to or at least for me i really want to like be present and enjoy myself and not like stress
Starting point is 01:17:14 about you know because it's imposter syndrome right i feel like a lot of comedians and creatives like they have imposter syndrome so the fact that you got your dream job and you're making all this money all of a sudden it's like well i mean the fact that i got in it's a crock of shit so you know nothing everything's meaningless yeah and it starts to mess with you groucho i wouldn't join any club that would have me as a member exactly it's that thing and i mean and i still to this day having been on you know done the work that i've done and on the shows that I've been on, I mean, whether with Conan or, or outside of working with Conan and people say the most wonderful things, especially young people who are serious about comedy, who were the young,
Starting point is 01:17:58 who were like me when I was a young person who was serious about comedy and the shows and the people that were meaningful to me. Getting to be that for people is so profoundly meaningful and so wonderful. And I hear such wonderful things, yet there's still a voice in me that goes, well, what did you do? But just kind of sit there and crack wise. You're like, what the fuck?
Starting point is 01:18:20 What are you doing? Yeah. Like, where's your body of work? Like you snuck in. Yeah. Yeah, like there's no paintings. There's no books. There's just you.
Starting point is 01:18:27 You're not a genius. You're a fucking loser. Singing wisecracks. Yeah. Yeah. There's still that voice that like, just kind of, you know, the auto shitting on my, you know, myself voice. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:18:37 And like you say, I still, 57 years old, very, very happily newly wed with a new daughter and and and moved into a new house um and it's it's a touchy time you know i mean there's we're we're in an old house that we're renovating and you know and we there's lots to do and only so much we can afford and i still at this age will be like, well, yeah, but I mean, once I get something going, like a regular gig where I can really, you know, like it'll start soon. It'll start soon. I'm like, no, this is, I'm not waiting. It's not like when my life will start any day now. It's like, no, it's going, it's going it's happening right now yeah so yeah yeah so look at us yeah look at us well and that's pretty that's i mean that's i think that's
Starting point is 01:19:33 the third question don't you yeah is where am i going yeah yeah well what have i learned yeah what have i learned we kind of you know we kind of knocked those two out together yeah yeah that's my current journey. Nice. Yeah. Well, this has been really fun. Really a great conversation. Thanks.
Starting point is 01:19:50 Likewise. I mean, I'm glad we had you in here because you're local. I'm local. It's always good to get- I can be here anytime. Locally sourced guests. Locally sourced guests. If it falls- Organic.
Starting point is 01:20:00 If it falls through, it's just like, Caitlin, get over here. Yeah. Yeah. Totally. Do you still live near here? Yes. I live about four over here. Yeah. Yeah. Totally. Do you still live near here? Yes. I live about four blocks away. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 01:20:08 So I'm a girl. I'm a local girl. And so you stayed close to home. Well, I've lived all over. I lived in Las Feliz. I lived in Glendale for two years. That was a dark time. Glendale sucks.
Starting point is 01:20:23 Sorry, Glendale. Glendale is hell's asshole of LA County it's not so bad it's awful it's not so bad it's awful it's terrible
Starting point is 01:20:31 and then after that I moved I moved back to this area yeah yeah yeah alright well thanks everyone thank you Caitlin
Starting point is 01:20:39 this is really fun thank you Andy and and check out Caitlin check her out you know if she's walking down the street check her out Thank you, Andy. And check out Caitlin. Check her out. You know, if she's walking down the street, check her out.
Starting point is 01:20:51 Hey, I need the love. If she's in her house and you're in the bushes, check her out. Yeah. Yeah. Why not? Why not? And hey, check out Andy. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:20:59 Check out Andy. Thank you. Yeah. You know what? I'm going to check out Andy. And I'm going to check out Caitlin. Nice. And I'm also going to check out Andy. Yeah. You know what? I'm going to check out Andy. And I'm going to check out Caitlin. Nice. And I'm also going to check out Andy.
Starting point is 01:21:10 Thank you for listening. And I'll be back next week with more of the three questions. They're the same questions. The Three Questions with Andy Richter is a Team Coco production. It is produced by Sean Dougherty and engineered by Rich Garcia. Additional engineering support by Eduardo Perez and Joanna Samuel. Executive produced by Nick Liao, Adam Sachs, and Jeff Ross.
Starting point is 01:21:33 Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, with assistance from Maddie Ogden. Research by Alyssa Graal. Don't forget to rate and review and subscribe to The Three Questions with Andy Richter wherever you get your podcasts.
Starting point is 01:21:46 And do you have a favorite question you always like to ask people? Let us know in the review section. Can't you tell my love's a-growing? Can't you feel it ain't a-showing? Oh, you must be a-knowing. I've got a big, big love. This has been a Team Coco production. I've got a big, big love

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