The Three Questions with Andy Richter - Clare O'Kane: Winter Stories (The Andy Richter Call-In Show)

Episode Date: December 19, 2025

Comedian Clare O'Kane joins The Andy Richter Call-In Show this week to hear your WINTER STORIES!  Tell us your favorite dinner party story or ask Andy a question! Fill out our Google Form at BIT.LY/CALLANDYRICHTER or dial 855-266-2604. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Conan O'Brien Radio Conan O'Brien Radio. Hi, hi, hi, Andy Richter here, Andy Richter Call-in Show. Thanks for tuning in. We're back again. We have winter stories today. So if you have a winter story, give us a call at 855-266-2-604, and we may put you on the air. There's no guarantee, but there's no guarantee of anything in this life.

What the fuck do you expect from us, people? But thank you. Thank you for listening. That laugh that you heard, that's from the very funny comedian and writer, Claire O'Kane, comedian, writer, and actress. Thank you, multi-hypheny. I forgot. I forgot, I forgot. And the singer?

Yes. Singer, too, singer musician, right? Yeah, yeah. Oh, nice. I try to do all of it. Right. Maybe one well. Influencer?

No. Oh. Well, you better influence this show to be good. I'm a negative influence, actually. I influence things to, I'm a D influencer. Yeah. Her album, Everything I Know How to Do is available to buy on Bandcamp. It's very funny.

I have heard it. Thank you. I have. She's written for Shrill, SpongeBob, and S&L. You can subscribe to her substack at clog, c-l-o-g, dot substack.com. Not clot. Something about clot. Clot was taken, I'm sure.

It was taken and it's like 50% grosser than clog somehow. Don't you think? Yeah. And clot, you can't say, oh, it's just a shoe. Whereas clog. It could be a shoe Or a poop poop in the toilet

Right, exactly So that's kind of fun Right, exactly Or an artery Yeah It causes an aneurism It kills you You ever have any of those

You got any stints? No, nothing like that Nothing like that No I only have Bone and tooth Alterings Nothing

Nothing Yeah, nothing vascular Yet That's good I got my fingers crossed, hopefully. We're crossing our fingers over here. So we're doing winter stories. Burr.

But you're not, you're a Californian originally, correct? I am. So I've never really experienced, besides living in New York for a couple of years, growing up, I never experienced cold Midwest winter. Right, right. I understand you've experienced. Oh, yeah. I just actually was in Chicago.

I just got back yesterday. I went to see my mother because she, recently. She went from living on her own and then living with my brother and now is in a nursing home and I hadn't seen her since she had done that because I was dancing on television. Mother. Do you love me now, Mother? I'm sorry, mother. I'm too busy learning to cha-cha. I cannot come see you. But it was scary when she had transitioned to go in and like health-wise, but now she's doing great. But I just felt like I should go see her because I'm not going to back there for Christmas, but it was

fucking cold. Yeah. It's fucking cold. And I have become spoiled. I'm a pussy now from living in California as long as I have. And I also getting older too, like there is a thing because I used, I'm

still, most of the time, I'm hot. You know, like I... You run hot. Yeah, I run hot. So, but I'm a lot, I don't run as hot as I used to because there are times and I'm like, I'm cold. I'm So, I need a sweater. I think it's in the, you feel it in the bones.

Yeah, yeah. It's weird. Yeah. I'm a bit of a pussy now, too, and I've only been back here for about three months. And I'm already like, it's 60 degrees. But what's today? Today's December whatever. Yeah.

It's 82 degrees outside. Yeah, December 10th. It's crazy. Yeah. It's great. No, it is. It's weird. It is weird.

And it's, and now, and I just, I just, I just listen. and for the temperature just because the choice between shorts and long pants. What's the 80 degrees? You put long pants on? No, no. If the high is going to be over 80, then it's shorts. Totally. But then if there's like between 75 and 80, it's kind of like, well, what am I going to do today?

Like where am I going to be able to show off my legs? What part of my house am I going to be standing in? No, no. I usually have at least one thing to do that takes me out of the house for at least a half an hour. That's very good. So I have to think about that. But today was shorts. It's like it's supposed to be high of 82. I'm like fucking shorts. I'm schfitsen. Yeah. Otherwise, I'll be just sweating all over the place. Do you think about, you know, how the weather affects your mood? Yes. When I used to live here in L.A., I would be so depressed, but it would be sunny. And that almost

made it worse. I know exactly what you mean. Because when I first lived here and was like, broke broke broke um i was like this is a much easier place to be broke than new york city which is where i had come from um but that's not like it doesn't help that much it's just it's just not as cruel and you can go outside and be sad you know um and do things like i used to i remember i would go like just for this just for the sake of something to do like go to a driving range and hit golf balls and then be surrounded by other, it's all mostly men, my age or older, who have nothing more to do on a Wednesday afternoon that go hit golf balls. And it was like this collective sadness.

But they were doing it because they had so much money they didn't need to work. No, no, no, no. These are not fancy places. Broke-ass guys? Yeah, these are broke-ass driving ranges in the valley. Damn. Yeah. It was not, yeah, it was not, it was not a kind of.

country club. And it was and you could also, there's also so many people here that Mark Marin had a great line years ago where he said, you know, there's that sort of like brownish cloud that's hanging over Los Angeles. It's not smog. It's vaporized disappointment. And you could really, there's so many times when I feel, and I still kind of feel it too where you go to a coffee shop and there's so many people sitting there on their laptops and and there's just this kind of like, oh my God, there's so many people here just trying and trying and trying. Yeah. It's really disappointment city.

Anyway. Yeah. Burr. Welcome back. Jingle Bell. Yeah. What made you move back? Just something I never thought would happen, which is I missed my family.

my roots. Oh, really? I missed my, I missed the comfortable, familiar feeling of California. Yeah, yeah. And I really never thought I would. And then I got older and I go, what if I want to have a kid? Well, I don't know if I want to have a kid here. And I'm like watching women carry their strollers on the subway. Up and down the subway. I had to do that with my first kid's stroller up and down the subway steps. It's kind of gnarly. I'm sure it makes you a stronger person. Yeah. And will and whatever. But I'm just like, you know, if I can do this easier and be closer to all my best friends and my family, I might as well just do that. Yeah, yeah. And it's cheaper.

And you dragged your husband with you. Was he okay with the whole thing? I dragged my New York jamoke of a husband. And he likes it a lot. He's never lived anywhere but New York or Long Island. And yeah, he's like, wow, it's like really nice here. Yes, bitch. What are you talking about?

It's nice here. Wow. I feel really good. You drive down the highway at certain times and you smell flowers at night. It's beautiful. When you have your windows open. That blew my mind. I'm like, I smell flower. I'm going 60 miles an hour and I can smell flowers. Eucalyptus. Yeah. It's pretty wild. Yeah. That's my favorite smell of anything is eucalyptus in a wood chipper. In a wood chipper. Like when you go by and they're like wood chipping eucalyptus limbs, I swear to God, there's been times when I've driven.

passed three times on purpose, like going around the block, just so I can drive by again. It's so good. There's kind of nothing like California. Yeah. It's got everything. It's an amazing place. It really is. And if you want to experience winter, you can just go to the mountain.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Go to the mountains. Yeah. I don't, yeah, no, and growing up, I do, I am glad that I grew up in the cold. And actually, when I was home, because I told, my sister heard me talking about that this theme was winter.

And she reminded me of a winter story of my own, which happened, I was probably eight or nine. And there had been a big snow. And we lived in a farm that was no, a farm that was no longer a farm. Like the land around it was houses and stuff. There were some farms still nearby. But so we, but it was still kind of a big farm setup. Like we had where the barn was was now a big garage building and then our house. and then like a big open area where you would park tractors and things.

And it had been plowed, but then there had been a melt, but there were still big piles of not quite melted snow with a crust of ice over them. And my brother and I took the parts of a broken swing set, the metal tubes that it had rusted apart. And we shoved one into one of the snow mounds and then took turns tying each up, each other up to them and throwing big chunks of bark that we ripped off a tree at each other, like we were throwing knives or hatchets at each other. And when it was my turn to be tied to this pole, it was kind of wiggling and I thought, oh, this will be, you know, I'll be like the Hulk and like pull the pipe out of the ground and, you know, charge at him, you know, with my arms still tied to my

sides. But what I didn't realize is that the pole is about a foot down below my feet. So when I got it out of the ground, I couldn't support it. And so I fell flat with my arms tied to my sides and not just fell flat, but like on an incline. Like I was up on a hill, so I fell below, you know, parallel and smacked my forehead full force forehead onto the ice and crying and my brother you know don't tell mom don't tell mom don't tell mom he because he untied me quickly and i went into the house and uh went inside and my mom was on the toilet because they were never closed bathroom doors in our house i don't know how your family was kind of also the same yeah yeah what's up with that it also and then you meet people that had closed bathroom doors and you're like oh really i'm not friends with those people

I'm married one of them this time. That's probably good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I mean, it's one of the few things that it's not to character. I'm like, really? Oh, okay. I guess I'll close the door, you know. But I went in and I had my hand over my forehead and I was like, Mom, I fell.

And I took my hand away. And she went like, oh, my God. Like, because it looked like a half a plum on my forehead. And it was there for like four months. You could see remnants of this giant purple knot on my head. That's my winter story. There's others too, you know. Yeah, I never had anything like that.

Nothing like that. No. Nothing like where you had to wear a light jacket one day. Yeah, maybe it was like 72 degrees and I put on a cardigan. You know, I think though, if I ever had to, if I grew up having to shovel snow. yeah out of like a parking whatever yeah out of a driveway I would have a better personality you think so yeah that adversity yeah I needed to go through a little more adversity yeah because yeah because that does suck and you do have to do it it takes so long yeah and it hurts yeah yeah

yeah when you get old it gives you a heart attack and then you can die and then you don't have to do it anymore silver lining to every cloud all right we should go to the phones ring ring hello So 855-266-2-604 is the number. First up, we have Casey from Long Island. Long Island. Hi. Hi, Casey. How are you?

I'm good. How are you? I'm good. You have me and you have Claro Cain here, and we're waiting to hear your winter story. All right. My winter story is when I was 12. The only place around me to go sledding was the local sump, which I guess is kind of gross, but it worked. The local what?

The local dump? The dump. Oh, okay. stump the sump what's the sump you guys don't know what a sump do they not have sumps in california it's literally like well there's a sump pump but that's where you know water out of you literally in these kind of they literally dig like giant drainage pits in neighborhoods oh for water overflow to go got it got it yeah no yeah no i didn't know that was what it was called a sump but that makes sense you know yeah yeah so you're in the sump letting there which

is kind of gross. Of course. Yeah. And some kid, I guess, before us, built a ramp. And I went off the ramp and I landed on a patch of ice. And I fractured my pelvis and I broke my wrist. But I didn't know it at the time. I was 12 and just stupid, I guess. And I was like, oh, this hurts. So my friend had a run and get my dad. And he came and he tried to get me to like walk out of the thump and I'm just screaming, I can't walk, never specified why I couldn't walk, just that I couldn't walk. So my dad called the ambulance and they thought my back was broken. Yeah.

So I go to the hospital and they put me through like a million x-rays and MRIs and everything. And they're like, her back is fine. Like, what are you talking about? And it was a learning hospital. So all of a sudden there's like 20 students in there. Yeah. Nobody asked me if this was okay. And he's like, you can see from her bone sticking out of her wrist that her bone is broken here.

Again, I'm 12 and I'm stupid. And it never even occurred to me that my wrist was broken. So now I started having a complete panic attack. Was it sticking through the skin? It wasn't sticking through the skin, but you could absolutely see it out. Yeah. Yeah. It was gross.

Wow. And one of the students poked my broken wrists. Oh, I'm getting nauseous to thinking. about this honestly. But the doctor wrapped up my wrist and he's like, okay, you can go home. And I'm like, I can't go home.

I can't walk. And he's like, there's no reason you can't walk what you don't want to go home and started yelling at me. And I'm like a traumatized 12 year old. And I started crying. And finally, he ordered a cat scan on my pelvis.

And that's when they saw the fracture there. and they admitted me and I spent three days there and now I'm a 12 year old with a walker and like all these old people equipment and I was embarrassed was the walker like kid sized

because I bet that's really cute it was like I mean kind of but it was specially formatted to be able to use with one hand because I had my whole left side of course because my yeah and it was

it sucked so hard and then I ended up missing like a million days of school but because of that I had to get tutoring and I always sucked horribly at math and they got this eighth grader to tutor who did not know how to tutor so she basically did my final project for me in math and I got a B plus and because of that I got a dog so it all worked out wow so everything kind of worked out. Long Island schools are great. The incentive program. Get a B plus. Get a dog. Yeah. Listen, she was the best dog ever, so I think it was worth it. Have you had any later in life issues from your broken pelvis? Oh, yeah. Pregnancy was the worst. Oh, really? Yeah, I can only imagine. Did you have the natural childbirth or C-section? I did. I did. But my third one,

had a lot of amniotic fluid. So the weight of that on like my old injuries ended up putting me back into a cane. And I had to walk around with a cane. Oh, wow. Fucking kids. Yeah, he's cute, though, so I'll keep him. Yeah, there you go. Yeah, it better be.

Yeah, because. Again, worth it. Worth it. And the other question that occurred to me, did the doctor apologize for being such a dick? No, he was a jerk. He never apologized. He just, like, scoffed and walked away. ever came back. Yeah. I had, I had like really young tooth so my mom started calling him Duky

Hauser despite him. I had when I, the, uh, my doctor that should have had an apology was once when I, I, I for years had a lump on my testicle that I just was like, well, I'm going to, I got cancer. I'm going to die. And then when I finally got, uh, health insurance, one of the first things I did was, all right, I'm going to get this lump checked out. And I went to this urologist and he like feels my testicle and kind of yells at me and goes like you don't have a lump what you're feeling there is a natural sort of formation it's a it's like it's a it's a natural anatomical feature he wanted to see a lump and I was like I was like really and then I had to like grab my own testicle and go like right here this one right here and he and he touched it and he went oh well yes there is one but it's very subtle je jeez I was trying to trick him, you know, and it was. I just wanted you to feel me up. Yeah, exactly.

I don't do this every day. Yeah, yeah, come on. I wanted, I waited to get insurance so I could have someone feel my sack. And be disappointed. Yeah, yeah. No, and it was a calcium deposit. Yeah, that happens. Probably from a football, you know.

Well, thank God. Can you let it go for so long? You get nailed in the nuts. Yeah. You know, so many times in football that you're going to have that happen. So anyway, all right. Well, Casey, thanks so much. A lot of pelvic area talk in this one.

I hope the rest of the calls can meet up and match up. Stay warm out there in Oceanside or wherever the hell you are. Long Island, come on. But where in Long Island? I am in Selden, which is almost the dead center of the island. Okay. Nice. Not that that helps.

No one's ever heard of it. Is it cold there today? It is, not as colds, but it's super windy. Yeah, yeah. It sucks. Yeah, it does. Ugh. All right, well, enjoy it.

It's 82 here. Ew, shut out. Don't rub it in. Sorry, Casey. Sorry. Enjoy your broken pelvis. Goodbye. It's warm here.

Ouch. Oh, thanks. Bye. Enjoy festival. Bye. We'll be checking out Andy's balls here for the rest of the day. Yeah, we're going to, there's going to be a live stream on TikTok. All right. 855-2-66-2-604. We're talking winter. We got Warren from Cleveland.

Hello, Warren. It's cold out there in Cleveland. Well, it sure is. Well, it's 37 right now. But hi, Andy. Hi, Claire. I hope you are both doing well. We're doing fantastic. That's awesome. You know, I've, you're a producer told me. to get right to it, but I just want to say, I've been watching you since, you know, the 90s on Conan. I love you, Andy.

Thank you. And you absolutely shine outside of Conan's, you know, shadow or whatever it is. Oh, thank you so much. Something might imply. See, my producer's a real dick who doesn't want anyone to say nice things to me. So he tries to head that off at the past. You get to the point. Yeah, yeah.

Whereas I just told me to talk. I would just like this whole hour to be people buttering me up until I slide right out I told me to call you a piece of shit. All right. That's more like it. Whatever I can to throw you down. All right. Well, Warren, tell us what's going on, wintry.

So six years ago, 2019, there's black ice on the ground. My wife is watching the news. She's telling me, hey, watch out when you go out to go to work. Be careful. It's very icy out. You know, everyone, the news is saying that there's a bunch of black guys out. And I go, yeah, yeah, whatever, I got this.

I know. I've been living. I've been living in Cleveland for a lot of years. I know winters. So I'm walking down my porch steps. There's about five steps, and then there's a concrete slab on the bottom with a little lip on the edge.

And, of course, I slip on that black ice right outside my house, and I fall in, my, luckily it was my leg, but my leg lands right on the lip, and I hear an instant snap, like celery snapping, almost exactly like that, right? Yeah, yeah. So I'm like, okay, it hurts, but I think I can just walk it off. I didn't know exactly the extent of my injury at that point, but it was kind of obvious.

I was kind of in denial. Of course. So I try to get up and I realize instantly I can't, I can't walk. This is not good. And my leg is very limp. So I army crawl my way back up, the steps, arm by arm. I pathetically try and open the door, and I'm yelling at my wife. You were right.

You were right. Well, that didn't get to that part yet. Yeah, but yeah, I was going to eventually. Eventually, sure, sure. And then, of course, one of the many times I've been right, 90%. Okay, all right. All right, okay. So she yells, she comes yelling at me.

me. And she goes, be quiet. Don't you know the baby is sleeping? I had a one-year-old and a six-year-old at the time. Yeah. So she's telling me basically shut up because she thinks I'm joking, right? Because like, oh, I just told you this black ice and now you're coming in and you're putting on these theatrics for me. Yeah. And obviously, instantly, you know, I say call 911, call 911, and then she realized, oh, not a joke. Yeah. Like, I'm laying on the floor. My leg. you can see a pop back and forth is very, it's clearly broken. I go, oh, my God, this is terrible. So I call my words, and I'm like, hey, man, I just broke my leg.

I can't be in today. And he goes, what the fuck are you calling me for? You should be in the hospital right now. Good point. The ambulance comes. They have to cut off my pants. It's my favorite pair of pants, of course. Not the leather ones.

The leather chaps, yeah. So they had to cut those off. They take me in the hospital, get me in surgery right away. Turns out that I completely broke my tibia, and I fractured my fibula. I fractured my ankle. Wow.

So they shoved the rod in there. Nice. Been there. Four screws. Did you have one of those halos on it? too. Halos? You know, like one of the, it's like, it's like they put pins that stick outside your leg

and then there's like a circle of metal that screws onto it. No. Okay. No, they didn't do that. Okay. Thankfully. But you can still see the screw or you can touch the screws and kind of see the bumps and there's scars there still.

All right. Just give me your address. I'll be out and I'll touch them. Claire and I'll get on a plane. Head out to LAX. I'd like to take a look at those. Yeah, yeah. We're here to touch your screws. Got to go.

Can you also give me a kiss? Yeah, probably. Get me like you did Allen, too? Yes, of course. One kiss. That's all the fellas get from me is one kiss. Well, I mean, how long were you recuperating for that? It was a four-month process. Wow. And was she, was your wife, was your wife, did she roast you over like I told you so's or did she kind of let that go?

I mean, she kind of let it go. because she knew, I mean, we both knew, right? Yeah. It doesn't really need to be said at that point. Right. Yeah, so they stuff me with, they give me some percocet, and, you know, I'm like, I'm not going to take this, but the first month was really painful. So I'm taking this percocet, and I'm also smoking a little weed there on the side, too,

to kind of. Oh, yeah, man. That's a great. I get it. A great combination, not going to lie. It really was a great combination. Yeah, yeah, sure. And, yeah, I wanted to re-op.

on the Kyrgyzette, but that was a bad idea. So I did not do that. Right. But I, one time during, so she had to drive me around because this was my right foot. One time I was limping around, uh, where she was driving me around and I'm, you know, in pain. I'm angry. And, uh, you know, I think you, uh, I think you mentioned beforehand that, you know, to have these winter problems to help develop your character and make you a better person, right? Yeah, yeah. Claire said that. Yeah, Claire said that. Well, I had this happen to me, and I'm still a piece of shit, okay?

So what happened was she was driving me around. I did not like the way she was driving. I was getting pissy. So I tell her to stop the damn car. I'm getting out. And in a very non-dramatic way, I gather my crutches. I open the door. I kind of hobble my way.

out again. She said, come on, stop, get back in, get back in. I just, um, I crushed my way back home about a mile. Oh. And yeah. You showed her. Yeah. Those chafed arm, those chafed armpits really showed her. Oh, yeah. Dang. Definitely was not fun. Well, Warren, I hope that you've calmed down since then. When somebody, you can't look the gift horse in the mouth. When somebody's driving you around you just got to zip it you know yeah yes just toke that sweet cleveland herb yeah man and chill out yeah that uh uh buck eye bliss whatever i don't know all right warren well thanks so much for calling and be careful thanks andy salt those steps before you leave all right i religiously now all right good

All right, 855-26-6-7. Wait, what were you going to say? I was just going to say, winter is deadly. Oh, absolutely. Which is, again, I think it does add character. It could be bad character. Absolutely. But it's the same way that how, like, America has never experienced, at least in the last however many, 200 years, like war, like we've never, we're not like a war-torn country, whereas every other country in the world has experienced what it's like to have tanks roll through the streets.

So they're a little more even keeled. They don't sweat the small stuff. And that's how I feel about people from the Midwest. Absolutely. And they're more fun to hang out with than party with. Yeah, yeah. I don't, yeah, that's a good point. I don't know.

Because they definitely are sort of more centered, more grounded, I think, you know. Yeah, it's like what is important. Yes. food, wine, that's right, partying, and being smart. Yeah. Well, I can tell you that on the days, especially when I was young and lived in Chicago, there were days when the snow was so bad that the city is shut down. Right.

And we would, and I, me and my friends all lived in shitty apartments with terrible heating. You know, you had a radiator. So it was like you could either be in the room with the radiator and sweat or be in the next room and freeze. and we would just like people would get we play cards you make it work yeah we play cards or scrabble and just drink and smoke weed and it was so much fun you know because like and and there really is something to well nothing we can do nature shut the city down right you know like commerce fuck it school fuck it you know yeah and growing up too the same thing listening to the local radio station to hear snow day yeah yorkville schools are closed

Yay! I get to stay home and watch TV. Price is right. Here I come. Not to generalize, but Californians are... Pussies. Pussies, yeah, yeah. I'll say it.

Yeah. Big pussies. And they say, oh, they're so chill, they're so cool. They don't care about anything. Californians are some of the angriest people you've ever met. Yeah. If you get them angry. Right, right.

And they don't know where to put it and how to put it. Yeah. Whereas Midwesterners... Yeah. They figure it out. They have a nice outlet. I would say generally, yeah. Or I'm extremely generalized.

There's exceptions to every rule, of course. But, yeah, but no, I think so. Yeah. I think, yeah, no, I definitely think that having a sense of perspective on things is a Midwestern characterist. Californians are useless. Can't do shit. But also, too, Midwestern, they got their issues, too. They got their, you know, like.

Yeah, they got their serial killers. Yeah, they got their serial. But they also have like this kind of aura of niceness that's really kind of high. It's a cuntiness that is just as cunty as any other cunty. Survival mechanism. Yeah, yeah. Oh, hello. Bless your heart.

That kind of thing. Right, right. So Iowa nice. That's what they call that. Iowa nice. Yeah, there's like it's, you're always nice, but really you harbor judgments and talk about people behind their back. I see the weirdest people I know are from Iowa. Oh, really?

Yeah. Oh, nice. Yeah. let's go back to the calls get back to the phones Luke from New Hampshire Hi Luke Hey

Claire and I are here And we're ready for you Winter time All right So we have a A flooding story From when I was in my late teens A group of friends

And I would go out to this hiking trail That would lead to a waterfall And usually we would kind of hang out there During when it's not snowing But when it snowed We would carve a little path down the waterfall and sled down it. Oh, wow.

And so it's about, like, a 20 or 30 foot, like, waterfall, but obviously it wouldn't go straight down. We would carve, like, you know, like a slalom through it. Right, switchbacks. So we went out one year. Yes, exactly. With sled. So no control.

So we would went up there. We did a few runs, and I was behind my friend who was like a big adrenaline guy. And we're walking, and he stepped on a part off the path. and fell into the crack of, like, where, like, one of the waterfalls that went down to rocks and managed to grab, like, like, a frozen route. And I just, I was used in front of me. I just watched him disappear. And so I dropped my tube and I looked down.

He's standing there looking at me. So I reached down, I pull him up, and we're both, you know, looking at each other shell shocks, like, you almost just broke your leg. And so he kind of came up and was laughing. How far do you think it was of a fall? If he were to fall, probably a good, like, 10, 15 feet. Oh, okay. So it was, you know, it was into darkness, too, because everything else was covered in snow.

So it was just one of the cracks that he just fell through. And so it didn't really faze him too much. Like after we were both kind of looking at each other wide-eyed, he started laughing. And then we went up, you know, did another run or two. And he decided that that wasn't enough. And he wanted to go sledding more because there was like a snowstorm incoming because New Hampshire, like the snowstorms can get pretty bad. Yeah. So we decided that him and his girlfriend were going to grab their Jeep, and they were going to tow us in tubes behind it, going down one of like the straightest roads we have in our town.

And so we did that a few times, and obviously we were getting snow and ice kicked in our face the entire time, and we can't see. So we're just holding on to a rope, sitting on a tube going down a road. And one of the runs, I hear her yell 30. so I literally like looked up and I said do you mean miles an hour and when my buddy next to me he let go like the adrenaline guy because he wanted to just shoot off the side he I look over and I just see a puff of snow and he just goes tumbling off to the side and I let go and went off into the woods over a rock wall luckily no injuries but it was the safe to say it was definitely the last run of the day wow so intense yeah yeah that's yeah that's yeah that's

not, yeah, you don't want to get dragged behind a vehicle. It's just, it's definitely fun, you know, because there's not too much to do in New Hampshire, so you kind of have to make up your own fun. Did you have, were you going down the, the slope in inner tubes? I'm just wondering why inner tubes happen to be available. It was whatever we had. Oh, I see. So sleds, toboggins, like plastic refrigerator doors.

Literally anything you, whatever you want like that, you know, that. polished tube they didn't national lampoons that little tin yeah cool yeah anything we had in our garage we just took it and went yeah yeah nice that was sledding is a fun thing that is fun you guys didn't get to do that out here i'm shredding the waves yeah you were yeah you did get surfing but you know especially californ i used to live out there too and it was my first snowless christmas it was like 70 degrees no it's definitely a little let down it's weird you get used to it, but it is weird. Yeah. Like the initial, you're like, oh, it's Christmas and you look outside. I'm like, it doesn't feel like Christmas at all. No, it doesn't. Until your house

fills up with relatives and they start to annoy you. And then you're like, oh, yeah, this is it. Yeah. Yeah. Happy holidays. You find yourself in the other room, kind of avoiding. Right. Yeah, exactly. All right, Luke. Well, thank you so much for the call. Yeah, thank you. All right. Oh, Claire, this is exciting. On this show, we do a thing. We have what we call wild card calls, which means they're off topic,

so it can be anything. That's what makes them a wild card. Cool. And we've got Donna from Long Island, and she has a wild card call. Hit us with it, Donna. You got me and Clem. Claire. Hi there, Donna.

Hi, Donna. Hi. It's a wild card one, but it happened in December. Okay. I have a son who's always been quite mean to me my whole life. Yeah. And so. They'll do that.

For no good reason. If you let him, though, and I bet you, I bet you he's got a reason. I don't know him, but I bet you he's got a reason. No way. Okay. All right. Anyway. Anyway, go ahead.

Anyway, he was going to turn five, and he was always saying to me, I'm going to run away, I'm going to run away, I hate it here. And I'm saying, okay, I know that really breaks your heart as a parent. Yeah. So the only way I thought to stop it was, I said, come on, let's go, we'll go for a ride. We got in the car, went to the local mall, I went into the luggage center, and I said, pick your parting gift. And you don't think that's for me? But what does he do? I'm laughing.

Yeah, yeah. But does he pick one out? He actually picked one out. And I'm like, look, you got to stop saying stuff like that because one day you're going to say something to the wrong person. I'm going to kick your butt. Yeah. And I said, it hurts me as a mom that you, you know, you think he can get away with this. Yeah.

So pick out your pot and give. And the next. time, I'm going to give you a bus fare, and that's it. Wow. And did that resonate with him? He does mention it on his birthday. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Remember the time you put me in the car, but he stretches it, and you weren't going to take me home? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is he nice to you now? No. He just moved out, and he took his dog. Oh. And that's, and that's, was he, Is his dog or your dog? It was his dog, but he moved in for nine weeks, and he moved out at the five-year-a-pop.

All right, well, you know, there is something, though, when you do, as a parent, when there is a moment where you're like to your kid, hey, that hurts my feelings and you see it resonate with them, where you're like, there's your equal. parts satisfied and upset you know because like you've made your kid feel bad but there is this part of like yeah motherfucker my feelings I have feelings too and you know and you can see that's a a big step for them to like oh yeah right you're not just a piece of the scenery you're not just teacher at home yeah yeah well Donna yeah and go ahead you know he he's a good kid he just moved out of for his dream job so good for him good for him all right well Donna thank you so much stay warm out there in Long Island oh it's horrible yeah well you know it's probably your positive attitude that really made him so nice to you oh thank you Donna

all right next up we got time for one more. We got Artie from New Jersey. Artie. Hey, what's up, Andy? Hi, Claire. Hi, there, Artie. What's up? Oh, not much, man. It's just so cool. I was hoping they didn't tick this story because I'm terrified that my friend's listening, but I don't care now. Not that many people listen to this shit. I mean, yeah, it's barely promoted. It's on satellite radio. Who is that? You know? It's going over every single social networking site I have. Oh, okay. Well, good.

yeah um yeah man um so like one snowy jersey night back in 2004 three and my friends and i decided to go out driving um during a snowstorm in the middle of the state of emergency which is what you're supposed to do right during a state of emergency yeah it's fun right um it didn't matter because we had this car called the intrepid the dodge intrepid the 99 year version it was a man Remember the Dodge Intrepid. So, like, we were, we were cruising the streets or whatever, and my friend, he liked to just, like, drive around wherever. He knew the back roads, and we took a turn off of this, like, this, like, small bridge in Edison, and we entered this, like, little, like, townhouse area. And we drove in the back and went under the bridge, and roads were, like, terrible. They were icy. And he pulls up to, like, this, like, pond. And I'm thinking of myself, I'm like, he's not really.

And he goes, should I do it? And I said, no, absolutely not. And I actually got out of the car. I said, I'm not, if you're going over that and all my friends are like looking at you, like, come on, you know, get in the car. I'm like, no. Right, right. My friend said, word for word, Tony, if you're listening, he said, you are stupid

if you don't get in this car. And I said, okay, but he made it seem like he wasn't coming back this way. we have to cross it, and there was another exit. So I said, okay, I'll get in the car. So Tony goes, and he starts driving, and he's driving over the ice, and it honestly felt like an eternity. We're on that thing, but we made it over. So I noticed at the tail end, when we were driving over the other side of the pond,

there was almost like a bump, and it was, like, kind of driving over a curb. And so we're driving and trying to go out the other exit. we get to the other exit, and it's closed off. And he's like, oh, well, we have to just turn back around and we have to go back over the pond again. And I'm like, I'm like, oh, come on, man. So sure enough, I'm like, when we go this way, you got to drive slow because it was like, you know, you go over that bump. The car is going to go down. They didn't listen to me.

He went to speed he went to. He goes down. Car goes into the pond. Car starts sinking. The Intrepid started thinking. So I'm like, before the car is starting to fill up with water, I can't open my door. Because of all the ice and everything in the pond, I'm trying to like break the door, break the ice with the door. And I'm like slamming and slamming.

I'm a big guy. So I need a little bit more room to get out, get out of the car. Yeah. And it just wasn't happening. And by the time it was like up to my, probably up to my knees, but I was finally able to escape. and I couldn't I couldn't help myself like when we finally got out everyone got out safely and uh he he was he was in tears he was crying

like my mom's gonna kill me and I said you know what Tony I said that was that was stupid of you to go over the pond so I kind of like kind of like put it back in his face a little bit but yeah and the intrepid just was swallowed up and was gone they went it went halfway in they actually got it out he He tried to get away with it without telling his mom for, like, a couple of days. Like, they had it towed out, and then they had it brought to our other friend's house, and it just sat in the dryway. But eventually, they had to, you know, tell them.

And the car actually, they still used the car for, like, at least another year and a half. Oh. Like, they just got it fixed up. Yeah, yeah. So it was unsinkable. That's great. Good job. Good job.

Yeah. Those are the days when you could just, I guess, get. A car towed out of a pond and your parents not find out about it. I would not know how to do that. For like a couple days. Yeah, yeah. Where's your car? It was, yeah.

Oh, I just parked it at a friend's house. In the winter with all this ice? Yep, that's what I did. The only thing I regret was not being there when she found out. I wish I could have saw that. Well, I'm glad you're safe already. Thank you. All right.

Well, you take care. and thank you for calling. You too. Thank you guys. Thank you for let me share this. Oh, you're welcome. Yeah, stay off the ice, already. They love you.

All right. Bye. Thank you. Well, Claire, at this point, we usually pick our favorite caller. Well, I think this is pretty easy, but... You go ahead. You say. Well, I just want to say, first of all, a lot of great East Coast accents all around.

Oh, my God. Donna, thank you for calling. From Donna, from Casey. You know, even Luke from New Hampshire, I didn't even read. I realize there was a New Hampshire accent, but I liked what he was bringing. Already was great. I'm going to have to say the wild card, Donna. Yeah, Donna, that was pretty good.

Yeah. Thank you, Donna, for that call. I'll go along with you because I don't really have a favorite today. Today's pretty neutral. Well, I wasn't listening for most of it. And you know what, winter stories? Not as good as you think. Not as good as you think.

I was expecting like a Sir Edmund. Hillary would call in. I think maybe it was too broad of a subject. Like somebody calling in and like, you know, like they got trapped somewhere and had to, you know, chew off their own arm. A shackleton sort of situation. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There are not many shackletons out there anyway. Maybe a Yeti story.

Would that have been so hard, folks? A Yetie? Anyhow. Next time. Well, thank you, Claire. Thanks for coming in. Once again, everything I know how to do. It's available on Bandcamp.

her substack is clog substack dot substack dot it's clog substack.com that's how you say it yeah that's how you say it

well thank you for doing this it was great seeing you and next week on this show we are talking gifts and gifting with Christmas just around the corner

you know if you got a good gift you got a shitty gift if you gave somebody a gift just something around gifting just make it better and winter. I mean, I know I come up with these topics, but it's up to you people to make them shine. I know. Let me just in my ears like Kyle Mooney. Yeah, Kyle Mooney will be here. Jesus, these people are just they, it's like they don't, they don't think I'm a broadcaster.

Right. You're doing so much. I'm doing so. Honestly, all the plates are spinning at once and it's me that keeps him going. So gifts and gifting next week. Kyle Mooney will be here. Looking forward to that. So leave us a voicemail at 8,5. 266-2404 or fill out the Google form in any of my social media bios, and you may be on the air. So anyhow, thanks, folks. Thank you. Thank you, Claire. Thanks for having me. Thanks, listeners. I'll be back next week with Kyle Mooney.

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