The Three Questions with Andy Richter - Claudia O'Doherty: Back to School Stories (The Andy Richter Call-In Show)

Episode Date: September 18, 2026

Actress and comedian Claudia O'Doherty (Love! Killing It! Maddie's Secret!) joins the Andy Richter Call-In Show to talk your BACK TO SCHOOL STORIES! Callers share stories about teachers who cast themselves in the lead roles of a high school musical, a first-grade pants-wetting incident, and a heartbreak at Disneyland. Want to call in for a future episode? Fill out our Google Form at BIT.LY/CALLANDYRICHTER or dial 855-266-2604 with whatever you want to discuss! Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Conan O'Bride. Here, Andy Richter-Callin show. I really should make that my sign on. What's up, fuckers? I'm here, I'm very excited. I've got Claudia O'Darity here today. A filthy foreigner taking jobs from Americans. That's why I came.

That's what I wanted to do. That was the plan all along. I was going to have Bruce Springsteen. But then you were like, n'uh. It's got to be me. It's got to be a foreigner. We need an Australian doing that, singing songs about New Jersey. Is that what he does?

In a Pete Seeger accent. In a Dust Bowl accent. That's me. I do that really well. Well, you've been here for a long time. I have. I came here for the show, the Netflix show, Love. Yes.

Which you always have to add those two. Paul Rust. The Paul Rust vehicle. It's a starring vehicle for Paul Rust. You always have to say those two words before. You have to say Netflix show. Because otherwise I came here for love. Right, right.

But it was a show. And I was living in London at the time. And then I got cast in that show. And it was like those early days of Netflix where it was like, I don't know, they were like, it's definitely two seasons. So I was like, I guess I'll move to L.A. then. What a shocking idea. And had that ever crossed your mind as a possibility? Nope.

I mean, there are actually sort of multiple documentaries, Australian documentaries about like Australian actors coming to L.A. And some of the bleakest things I've ever seen, I would never do that. Like they just end up, like, stranded in Tarzana. Yeah. And, like, I'm just, like, confused and really sad. And I was like, well, God, I would hate to do that. I hate to be an actor. Turns out I am an actor.

Yes, yes. Oops. But, you know, I had a very nice entry. So it was like, it introduced me to lots of people. Yeah. And they got to be, you know, continue to be in the comedy world, which was the world I. already existed in. I know.

Do you like living here? I do. I do a lot. Yeah, it's really nice. Yeah. I was so, when I lived in London, I was like, why is it so hard? And then it turns out I love sunshine. Oh, is that what it is?

And when I came to L.A., I was like, oh my gosh, this is like Sydney. It's the same sun as Sydney. Yes. And that does do something nice to your brain. Yeah, yeah. I haven't spent a lot of time in Sydney. I mean, I was only in Adelaide for a little bit. I've only been to Australia once, but I was in Adelaide and I was like, oh, this is just.

It's so nice. The birds are crazier, but it's pretty much California. Yeah, it is. Although some people, someone told me once that the Dalai Lama considers Adelaide to be like a cursed location and sort of like the devil's asshole. All of the, that was not, I did not make up that phrase. I'm sorry if I'm allowed to say that on the radio. But there were, um, classic Dalai Lama. He talks like that all the time.

All of the serial killers are sort of in Adelaide. Wow. There's something bad about Adelaide. Sorry, anyone from Adelaide listening. See, that's like the Pacific Northwest here. Most of the Pacific Northwest is like, I would say, 60 to 70% of all true crime books take place in the Pacific. Some kind of chemical was used there in the 50s and then everyone got poisoned and turned

into serial killers. That's a good one. I'm pretty sure that was it. Let's go with that. I had something of that nature. That's got a meaning at Netflix. They still know you. It's the chemical thing.

Plus, wasn't it the invention of freeways? So suddenly people could murder someone and hop on a freeway and drive further away and not getting trouble for a for a while. Yeah. No, it definitely does. Yeah. I mean, that wasn't like reason number one for the freeway system. I mean, it was Eisenhower was like, well, we're going to make it easier for cereal kill me. Well, this is why I'm here.

Andy, I want to get rid of the freeways because of that. It's making it too easy for the serial killers. But I do think we should all live just in walking distance of anyone we care about. I know that's weird because I do live in America. Right, right. I'm from Australia. Well, I mean, you live in a pretty hip neighborhood. I do.

And so you're close to probably lots of your comedy hipster friends. It's true. And we can walk to each other's houses. And that is like you do feel like you've unlocked the key to happiness. Especially as you get older, too, and you start to get older. I'm not getting older. What are you talking about? Oh, oh, I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. My skin's incredible. Well, we're talking today, and this is to you listeners out there. If you have a back-to-school story, give us a call at 855-266-2-604.

You might get in on the conversation, but there's very stringent standards. It's got to be a good story. If it's not, then we'll just hang up on you. Actually, that's not. true. That would be scary. We'll take pretty much anything. Yeah. Okay. Cool. So I feel because you don't age, you go back to school. That was like five minutes ago for you. Oh, I was at school earlier today. You were. That seems like a problem. It's back to school. Like hanging around children. No, well, you know, if you're in the class. Oh, okay. Sure. Absolutely fine. Um, yes. Wait, what's the question? I did go to school. The question is, is like, what, like, what does back to school? Like, do you, do you see that, like, warmly? Because I will preface it with.

Yeah. And this was like a moment in my life where I really had to do a serious inventory. And it would, I want it. It's a bigger thing. But I saw, and I clocked myself doing this in traffic by a grade school. kids running around on the playground and I went like oh look at them so sad and I was I instantly was like what the fuck

dude you need to talk to somebody about that that is worrying that that would be your first thought because it's like so sweet they're running around yeah yeah and I don't know exactly

Are you from the Pacific Northwest? No I am not I am from the Midwest where you know You know, we're miserable, but pleasant about it. Yeah. I mean, you know, we have our share, we have our Gacy's. Yes.

Yeah, we have our guine's. Yeah. We have our fucking Dahmer. Those are some real plastic. Oh, I read a book about him in his school. Yeah, yeah. Dommer's got a real good Wisconsin accent too. Yeah, yeah.

But I just want to think about his accent. Yeah, that's the main thing about him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. His funny voice. Yeah, his funny voice. Cannibalism, shmanableness. He had a cute accent.

So, yeah, I think it's just, well, I mean, I spent a lot of my, this, hey, guys, ready for some comedy. I spent a lot of my life being sad and depressed. Even going back to childhood. Right. So I think that's why I look back on it because I did, you know, coming from divorce and then, you know, moving and stuff. And there was, I'd spend a lot of time being sad. So when I see kids out on the playground, I put myself. back in that position of being like a sad little kid going like, how come I don't live with

my daddy anymore? Oh, no. Yeah, yeah. Knee slappers, folks. But so how do you feel? Like when you think back to school, like was your grade school? Well, first of all, you don't call it that, do you? We call it primary school.

Primary school, yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's from K to six. Yeah. We don't have middle school. You just go right into high school? We go straight into high school. Okay. Yeah.

And is that four years or six years? That's, we do a full six years. Okay. Okay. Yeah, but you're just calling it, you know. Yeah, it's just different words. But you go to three schools. Yeah, usually.

Like, why would you, why add that upheaval? You know, it's like every time you change a school, it's kind of scary, right? Yeah, yeah. Probably you're going to get really depressed every time you do it. I honestly don't know. But yeah, that is kind of a standard, I think in most public school systems. Now, like, there are, like, my, my oldest daughter went to an Episcopal school that, and she went K through 12. Did she like that?

She did. Yeah. And in fact, when she got to high school, we gave, you know, we said, you know, there's other places you could go. Yeah. You know, like more, more creative, you know, like an artsy-fartsy kind of school. Yes, totally. And her school was pretty artsy-fartsy, but an even more artsy-fartsy one. Yeah.

And she said, no, I want to, you know, I like, stick with my. Yeah, I like that kind of. Because they also, especially by the time they're seniors, they're treated as like. Gods. The golden gods. Of course. Yeah. And you're seeing it from when you're five or six years old.

So you're like, I got to get there. And they're there. You know, I did present a thing when she went up to college that I think she was just used to being in one place. Totally. So knew she. And I think she still has difficulty. Yeah. Like acclimating to new friend groups.

Oh, I bet. Because like the first time it happened, she was little and it was all sort of taking care of. I do remember before I started high school the night before. And I had no reason to think this particularly. But I remember thinking to myself like, right, you're not going to make any friends. And that's okay. Because you can just stick to yourself. I just really work really hard.

Yeah, yeah. And that's not what happened. But for some reason, I was like, this is going to be really bad. Yeah, that's called, fuck me, no fuck you. Always a good attitude to go in first day of school. Fuck me, no, fuck you. I was just going to say, can I sit by you? But actually, I ended up meeting my best friend within the first like five seconds.

And I was like, can I sit here? And she was like, I guess so. And have you stayed best friends? And that was my best friend. Wow. And you guys are still close? We are still friends. Oh, that's great.

I wouldn't say we're still best friends. But that sounds mean. It's on her. But we do live in different countries. Come on. Yeah, yeah, come on. Come on. Come on.

She needed you and you left. Yeah. Quite frankly. Yeah. Yeah. That's the thing I do. Were you funny, Ben? Yeah.

Yeah. I was. Yeah. I've always been funny. But I think I was like painfully shy when I was really small, which I don't really remember so much as like my parents are like, do you know how weird it is that you do this? Because you like wouldn't speak to anyone. I'm like, really?

but I was always silly and funny and my dad's a musician and an artist and there was just a documentary about his band in Australia because it's the 50th anniversary and it was amazing seeing all this footage of him because I was like oh like doing these interviews in the 70s and the 80s and I was like oh he's obviously so funny

everyone knows like their dad is funny but you're like oh he's so funny in these interviews I'm just him yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah Yeah, I come from pretty funny people too. Yeah. And it's just, this is just what we did.

Yeah. Did you get in trouble for being funny? Like, could you? Not really. Because I used to like, I couldn't shut up. Yeah. Yeah, I couldn't really shut up. But I was, I was very good at sort of like avoiding getting in trouble generally and sort of like secretly being funny.

And, you know, I would do, I guess I would do lots of pranks on teachers. Yeah. Like, I don't know why I was being so mean to them. One time I was like, okay, everyone, we're tearing up pieces of paper and putting them on top of the ceiling fans. Because when the teacher comes in, he'll turn them on and then, you know. Right. And it'll be a little snowstorm. And it'll just upset him.

And it did. He was just like, why would you do that? And does he figure out who does it? No, no sort of inquisition. I'm not getting in trouble. Yeah, yeah. The only time I got in trouble was when I was a tech on a high school play. Yeah.

And everyone was smoking cigarettes. Mm-hmm. And then. me and my other friend, the only other tech, everyone got caught, but like we got the most caught, and then we sort of took the fall for everyone. It was so annoying. So none of the kids who were like acting in the show got in trouble or couldn't be in the show. And we got like kicked off the show and I'm like, don't care. That's your first lesson in above the line and below the line show business. And I was like, I can never be a- Fucking techs get out. It was so mad at us. But I did

lied to my parents. I was like, oh, you know, I wasn't smoking, but I'm taking the fall for everyone. So that's pretty cool. And they're like, okay, great. I was holding it for a friend. Exactly. It was like, yeah, I'm like standing with people smoking, but you know, I was as if I would ever smoke. Oh, yeah. God, I don't smoke anymore, but wasn't it so cool smoking? I smoked for probably about 20 years. Oh, it's amazing. And, I mean, close to 20. between 15 and 20 but yeah it was it there was a lot of it that really and I mean I used to I used to go the notion of going out and closing a bar you know like sitting at a bar with friends like with friends sure but like the drinking was secondary to the orgy of nicotine just the like just cigarette after cigarette after cigarette and that was like the thing that that was the biggest that was like I fucking can love that.

Talk about until I couldn't stand. Talk about a ritual. Talk about something to do with your hands, which is obviously like what phones are now, which is so much grosser, even though obviously it doesn't give you cancer necessarily. Yeah.

But like, just like you need a reason to go outside. Have a cigarette. I used to, I made it profound because like, and this is true, what do I do? Like,

what do I do with myself? Is a question I still have trouble answering? And it was always. an answer. What's my purpose? What am I here for? Oh, smoking. I'll have a cigarette. God, you're cool doing it. Yeah, yeah. And I'm occupied for a good, I don't know how many minutes. About four minutes, probably. Is that how long it would take? Three minutes? God, it was incredible. But just like having a reason to go places, loved it. Yeah, yeah. If only, they could make a way that it didn't stink. I know. The smell is bad. I can't believe that the whole world used to smell like that. Well, I think I

mainly smoked when I was in high school. Oh, sorry. Mr. Mrs. so dirty. Sorry. But like the coverage I was doing where I would just spray like deodorant all of myself. I was like, I must have smelled crazy.

And it was like really nice of them to just be like, hi. Hi. Like what? Oh, she smells like secret. All right. Well, let's go to the phones and talk about back to school because it is, you know, it's that time of year. Michael, from New Jersey, you got Claudia and me, and we want to hear about your school issues.

Michael. Hi, Michael. Michael. You who? Come on. Michael. Michael, where are you? Are you okay?

Michael. I'm here. I'm sorry. I had my phone on mute. Oh, that's okay. It's the worst thing you could do when you call into a radio show. It's not called a mute in show. I didn't want to talk over.

you. That's okay. That's okay. We're together now. Hi. Hi. Big fan. Big fan of both years. So, thank you so much for letting me be on. So my first, my story is my freshman year of high school. I was a theater kid and I tried out for the spring musical because my sister was also in musical. She was a senior. And that year, for some reason, they decided to cast all of the leads with teachers. No. And all of the teachers. What? This happens.

This happens. This happens. Yeah. Also, the show is, the show is Gypsy. And they cast all of senior girls as the strippers and had all of the male teachers, the adult male teachers come up and play patrons in the strip club. No. And they stripped for the teacher. Wow.

This is 1991. Illegal. And this is this is Epstein Island High School. Good life. And the principal was Galane Maxwell. That is, this is very, but this is something across the world, I think, with, like, in school. I've heard of teachers.

I've never heard of teachers. I've heard of teachers inserting themselves into school productions. But I haven't heard about it in high school so much. I've heard about it in, like, kids schools because it's like, you know, like the kids. Well, yeah, but in a preschool, it's like somebody's got to keep the show going, you know. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. But, like, this is. This is a very troubling story, Michael. Honestly, it's really, really bad and weird. And also, like, teachers should not have enough time to be memorizing lines and learning blocking. They should be busy. Exactly. Teaching.

Something else is going on. And just like that they're so desperate for attention that they're like, I need to be in those high school production. Right, right. Right. And the whole thing about being a teacher is you're a community theater options. You're supposed to. Yeah, exactly. And you're supposed to keep your disappointment with yourself and your life under.

rap as a teacher. It's too much information about this person. Yeah, no, it's like we get it. You could have done more. And the fact that it was multiple teachers is sick. Really? Like one troubled teacher who inserts themselves into the musical, I guess, sure. But like multiple, that is bad.

One actually would be fantastic. Like if like the theater director. Yeah, yeah. I've got to do this. You know, I am Joseph. Give me that technicolor dream coat. We hit a similar, well, it wasn't quite this situation, but we would have, at my high school, I went to a girl's school, but we would collaborate with a neighboring boys school for the Year 11 musical. And we did West Side Story, but no one in Year 11 was good enough to be Tony, so they had like a 12th grader be Tony.

So not as egregious as a teacher, but that was an amazing production of West Side Story. Not a single Puerto Rican insight. Of course not. I played miscellaneous Puerto Rican girl. Oh, very nice. And, yeah, it was really... You have a very miscellaneous air. Thank you so much.

Well, wait, now, Michael, so how did this unfold? Well, my parents complained because my sister thought she was going to be Mama Rose. Well, she should be. Right. Yeah, she should have. And no other parents complained, so they just let it happen. And even though my, you know, my sister was yelling at the top of her lungs, how awful she was being, you know, being passed over.

Because, you know, if you sort of pay your dues and your senior year should be your time to shine. Yeah, yeah. No, and it happened. It went off. I mean, the teachers played all the roles and they did everything and no one complained and everyone just acted like that. Something that's normally happened and we just were being ridiculous.

And did they do that? My sister was still mad about it to this day. She should be. I'm mad. And his sister is Charlize Theron. Exactly. And it made her stop. Did they do this in subsequent years?

No, no. This was the one year they did it. And then the next year they had somebody else in charge of the play. I think they realized maybe at the... I should hope so. And what was the party line that was put out as to this is why we're doing this? That's a great question. It's akin to having, you know, like the teachers on the,

basketball team. Like it just doesn't make any sense. And so there wasn't a party line. They didn't like say, well, the reason we're doing that. I think the idea, if I remember correctly, the idea was that these were adult roles and that they should be played by adults. Well, don't do the freaking show, except for the strippers. Yeah. Except for the strippers. Yeah, we can use the team goals for that. Right. But Michael, what, did you play anyone? Were you in it? I was, I was a newsboy. So extra, extra, you know, that sounds perfect. You know. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, well, I really did shine. Oh, good. I'm sure. I've sold so many papers. As a freshman, that's what I was going to end up with anyway. Yeah, of course. Yeah, of course. Yeah.

Yeah. All right. Well, Michael. My sister was really the one who got passed over. I understand. I understand. And she is right. You know, she's going to go to the grave with that grudge.

Maybe you should do a podcast to figure out why this happened. Right. Or mount your own production of jimms. and put her in it. Only put teenagers in it. Yeah. And then teenagers. Just teenagers and your sister and your sister. See, that sounds good.

I would see them. Due to them what my sister. Yeah, yeah. All right, Michael, well, thank you so much for calling. Thank you so much for having me on. I love you guys. Love you too. Thank you, Michael.

I'm very much in love with you. 855-266-2-604 is the number for your back to school stories. Steve from Chicago, Claudia and I are here. Here we are. Hey, how's going? Hi, Steve. Great. Pleasure to meet you, Claudia. It's amazing to meet you, Steve. Oh, thank you. That sounds so sincere. I appreciate it. Thanks. Sorry. Andy, so like, I grew up in the Chicago area. I think I'm a year younger than you. Uh-huh.

I had friends who went to Columbia. I were friends who went to Columbia College. I went to the annoyance theater of brunch and call it prison slots and mention the musical and stuff. So a lot of your stories that you tell them like, oh my God, I've been there and stuff. Oh, good. It's exciting. So you know I'm not a liar. No. I need you for verification.

I got your back, Mandel. Thank you. So what's your back to school story, Steve? Okay. So like a month or so ago on your call-in show, someone was talking about youth sports. years ago. And oh my God, they brought back a memory I had blocked out, not sure. And I texted someone I went to high school with and said, hey, did this happen?

And he said, yes, yes, it did. Yeah. So when I was in junior high, when I was in junior high, you know, after gym class, everybody had to, you know, strip off the clothes and take a shower. Yeah. That's the way it was back then. Apparently, that's not the case anymore. Was that the first year that you had?

had to do that because I remember that being incredibly traumatic. Scary. Yeah. Yes. It was, yeah, it was seventh grade, first year in junior high. Yeah. Didn't know a lot of people and it was kind of weird getting naked with a bunch of Yes.

I distinctly remember standing next to my bed and in the light of, you know, like my nightstand lamp, seeing the beginnings of pubic hair and thinking, oh, thank God. Thank God. I'm going to have like three or four. Cubic hairs by the time I get half to disrobe in front of all these children. I think that's more boy like boys definitely had to be naked around each other. But girls, we weren't naked. We weren't naked like that.

Yeah. You don't get as stinky though, I don't think. What does that mean? Like body odor. Oh, yeah. Teenage boys are gross. Oh, no, no, no. Oh, no.

Oh, no. What's that? As, you know, you don't get as stinky. No, we don't. But we do still get, I mean, there's still problems for sure with those hormone or fluctuation. Yes, yes. We, but not as bad as boys.

Boys get revolting. Yeah, yeah. And also I can't imagine, well, I mean, the notion of like a, an adult being in the girl's locker room, being a real stickler about you get your clothes off and get in there. Like that, I don't, that doesn't compute, but then having experienced it as a boy that there's some, you know, get those clothes. Get in there. You got to take a shower.

Got to clean up. You know. Sounds scary. That's very scary. So, but anyhow, you set the tone. You set a very sexy scene for us. Exactly. Yeah.

Thank you. Oh, thank you. It gets way sexier depending on. Okay. All right. So, okay. So, you know, after gym class, the gym teacher would be in the locker room. He's like, you know, everybody got in the shower.

So everyone was shower. And the gym teacher who was 35 to 45 years old. balding mustache, big glasses, would pass out the towel to everybody. He wouldn't hand them to you, though. He would toss it in the air over your head, making you jump up in the air for it. Oh.

Naked. Nice. Also seems like a slipping hazard. It sure does. It doesn't sound good. But you got, you know what, that is a man who knows what he likes. A jumping team.

Sure. A mid-a-team. Let's see those dink. Dangles dangle. Wow. Yeah. Disturbing. And then when we get to eighth grade, you know, the towels are just to have been for everyone to grant.

Right. Because it's a different, because it's a different teacher? Yes, different gym teacher who apparently was not a bird. Right. Or did you just, did they have had a year of being able to trust you with getting your own towels? Like you guys turned out to not be a group of towel thieves. or towel hoarders or towel, you know, towel hogs. If that's how you have to justify it, you know, that's cool.

But did they get rid of the teacher or is it just you get a different teacher and a different grade? Oh, no. Yeah, no. Eighth grade is a different gym teacher for the boys. So there was never like we need to get rid of these guys making them boys jump. That's my knowledge. Sounds like another podcast.

So we've got another podcast idea, Andy. This is another horrifying scam. It really, it really is weird. Like, I remember my uncle Bill, who has passed, but he grew up in the same town, a little town in Illinois that I grew up in. And he, they used to swim in the river. Because there's no pool or anything. Yeah. But in the summertime, boys would go swim in the river and they'd swim naked.

Yeah. And he was like, yeah. And there was like this man in town that you knew, like, don't swim over by him or he's going to, you know. know, kind of mess with you. Oh my gosh. And it just is like, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. Yeah, yeah, okay. That's, you know, that.

And then that has to be known by people. Yeah. And it was just sort of like, yeah, you know, that's how. It was like it's like, like that at the beach in Australia as well. Yeah. Yeah. It would be called rock spiders. Just sort of old men who'd sort of like hide, scurry behind rocks.

Oh, my God. There's rock spiders. And it's like, okay. Wow. And it's just weird how like at such an early age you get to, You get the lovely introduction to like just male perversion. Yeah, it's scary. You know, it's just really weird.

Yeah. I mean, my, and this is not at all funny, but former speaker of the house, Dennis Hastert, who was convicted of like sex crimes against boys was our wrestling coach. No. Yes. And during my. you know, high school years. Oh, no.

There was awful, awful things happening. That's awful. I mean, we're really got to be vetting these, anyone who's working with children, extremely, extremely carefully. This is very bad. Yes. Did you do wrestling? No, I didn't do wrestling, but I did. And I've said, like, I was interviewed by the news about this when all these scandals broke.

But like, I remembered there being. a green vinyl chair. Like it was like an upholstered chair, but a pollstered, like furniture or a hospital furniture. Right. You know how it's like, it's like, yeah, it's kind of a wing chair, but it's like you could pee all over it. Totally. And it would be hosed off. Yeah.

That's this kind of chair. And it used to sit because like the shower, you had to take a right turn to get, you know, like a right turn to get into the shower. And it would be stationed outside the shower because you couldn't just pass by and look into the shower. You had to go down a hallway. And it would sit there. And I just remember that chair being there and never really feeling like I experienced. But it was, he was just like,

you know, coach wants to make sure that you get clean, you know. Oh gosh. Like it's, you know, like they're keepers of hygiene. It's fucking awful.

Yes, yes. It's really bad. It's taking a turn. Steve. Can wrestling coaches ever be normal? Because it's like, there's this guy.

Oh, yeah. The Steve Correll one. Yeah, Foxcatcher. Yeah, yeah. Those are the only two I know, and they're both sickos. Yeah, yeah.

No, I think there's got to be at least three wrestling coaches that are normal. If there's any wrestling coaches out there that want to, you know, that have a problem with those numbers, give us a call. 855-266-2-6-0-4. Call us. Well, Steve, thank you. Thank you for helping me turn this show into a bummer. It's my fault. It's my fault.

I met the wheel. All right. Have a good one. I'm not the one who I went ahead. I'm the one who I know. I know. I know it was me. It was me.

All right. Next up. Chad. Hi, Chad. What's up? Hi, Chad. Hey, poor Claudia. What a country we live in.

A lot of really bad stuff has happened in Australia too. Yeah, yeah. They got their own kind of curfers. We got tons of creeps. Yeah, yeah. Well, so y'all can, this will be maybe a uplift. story. I'll paint the picture real quick. Okay. Primary school, so first grade for me. Thank you for putting it in terms. I understand. Yes. There you go. So we have two, well, we have a row of classrooms in this building. Each

classroom is joined like a hotel with the joining room door or whatever in between. In that little hallway is two bathroom stalls. So two classes can use the little bathroom. room in between, in between the rooms. So I was always quiet and scared to say anything, and I really had to pee. So it got to the point where it's an emergency before I would say something. And somebody in school or in the class had gotten in trouble and was about to get a paddling. So they would take the kid into that little restroom to give them a spanking. and so she told me the teacher said hey go sit up at the front just wait until we're done and then you can go to the bathroom so I sat up there

she came out and I was like okay can I can I go to the bathroom and she was like oh no because we got so-and-so now I don't know what was happening everybody was getting beat uh Texas so I neglected to say it Chad's from Texas so yeah it makes more sense Sure, yeah. Sorry. You know, whatever, getting spankings. Okay. Right. I'm in the front of the class in this little tall wooden, like, high chair type situation.

And I'm pissing. I'm just pissing. Of course. And front of the class, and I'm looking down and there is a huge puddle of pee. Like, like embarrassingly big puddle of pee. And I don't think anybody's paying attention yet, but then they can start to see it. Yeah.

Kind of like just growing. And as I was waiting on the call, these little patches of this memory were coming back because we all know with trauma, you remember it or you forget it. Right. So I'm a little bit of both. I remember what was happening. I couldn't remember the teacher's name until I was waiting. So Ms. Goto, you asshole, did this to me.

But now, she's probably gone. This isn't as uplifting as I was explaining it to me. Well, I wanted it to be funny. I see all over my thing. Yeah, I understand. I understand. But once again, I'm just, I feel so bad for you retroactively.

I feel bad for this little first grader. And also I'm like, this teacher, what's wrong with you? If you've got a class of six-year-olds, like they're not great with their understanding how much they need to go to the bathroom. Yes, yes. I have a six-year-old. And when we're out, it's always an emergency. Of course.

And I negotiate it. I'm like, you got to go early. She's like, I don't even know I have to go. And when I know, I got to go. It's really bad. You know, and I'm like, then we need to get you to a doctor. My six-year-old niece is obsessed with going to the bathrooms in restaurants. So she pretends she needs to go to the office.

She also wants to isolate you? Like, she's always like, why don't you take me to the bathroom right now? And you're like, God damn it, okay. Well, that's, you know, that's how a killer works. Yeah. Separate you from the herd. That's what she does. But, yeah, no, it's just.

And then to have you sit and. front of the class. Like, let you, let you pee your hands at your desk. Come on. You know. Right. Right. Pee in the desk or in the car on the way home or whatever.

Were the kids. You be scared as a like a first grade teacher that like you're going to be anything you do even slightly weird is going to inflict such like intense trauma. Like foundational traumas on these children. Like, well, you're just tired. I can remember her face when she came out and noticed what has happened. She was thrilled. And it wasn't, it was just a, yeah, she was just like, oh.

And as an adult, I'm thinking, oh, she's probably like, what is, what am I, what's going to happen to me now kind of thing? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, as a kid, I was like, I'm so sorry. I just peed in your class. Yeah. But in Texas, all she has to say was, I was busy beating a child. And they're like, oh, okay.

We get it. Oh, I, oh, all right, then. Yeah. Fish got to swim. All right. Well, Chad, thank you so much for the call. It was amazing. All right.

Thank you, y'all. Thank you, Chad. Thank you, Chad. 855-266-2-604 is the phone number. And, oh, this is exciting, Claudia. Why? We've got a wild card call. What does that mean?

Oh, my gosh. A wild card call is off topic. Oh, my God. It's a wild card. Okay, wow. It can be. I'm electrified. Yeah, yeah. Who knows.

That's the not knowing is what's so sexy. It's an amazing really. What do you got for us? Hey. Hi, Jeff. Hey, Andy. Hey, Claudia. I'm good. I have a crazy story. Not super crazy, but so I worked for Disney animation for about 18 years.

Oh, nice. And yeah, I've worked on a few animated films. But I'm an artist. And so from time to time at Disney, they would bring in these artists, visiting artists that would just show how awesome they are. And they brought this one Korean artist. I don't know. Can I say his name or not? Maybe not.

I don't know. It's your funeral. Kim, it's my death. Kim Jong-ji. He's this amazing artist that could draw like on the spot and he can draw in perspective like fish eye. he could draw a motorcycle just by just imagining it. He's in perfect detail. Amazing.

So he comes. Yeah, just amazing. Like as an artist, he's a god to us. So he comes and he does this demo and he's drawing. And we, I was like,

oh, this guy's awesome. Maybe, you know what? You know, at Disney, when you work at Disney, they have this thing called the Silver Pass where you can go to

Disneyland whenever you want. Yeah. I was like, to his interpreter, I was like, hey, I could let you guys into Disneyland for free. Just let me know when you want to come. And she talked to them to him and he said, yeah, let's go. And so the following Saturday, I meet them down at Disneyland. We're outside of the park, you know, ready to go in. He brought his kids, his wife.

The kids had never been there. They're like eight and ten. Perfect. And they're looking in the park. they're super excited. And I walk up to the gate to let them in and the cast member says, I'm sorry, but your past does not work today. And I was like, uh, what?

And I thought online, I checked the dates and I guess I got it wrong. Yeah, sometimes because it's like the old, the old Southern California resident ones, they were blackout dates, which are like the busy, the busy, busy dates when they don't need to have the, you know, to up the, yeah, these possible. So I had those back in the day and we would go on like Wednesday, you know. Yeah. So anyway, continue, Jeff. Right.

So yeah, it was a blackout day. And I was like being stupid. I went to the interpreter. I was like, I don't know. I could pay for this, but it would have been over $1,000 because I didn't have a pass to go and so I'd have to pay for myself. Right, right. Like five people.

So I went to her and I said, sorry, I can't let you guys say today. It's a bit of a mistake. And I felt really bad and the kids were like crestfallen. Oh my God, nightmare. I guess, I know, I caused trauma to these children. Yeah, yeah. And so I did, I had to go home and I couldn't pay. I mean, I could have afforded, but it was just too much.

You definitely should have made for them. Yeah. I didn't really know them either. Right. So that I, that was done. Yeah. Sorry, go ahead. No, no, you go ahead.

Oh, and then, so there's a part two of the story. Okay. Fast forward, like, 10 years later, I was giving a talk in Portugal at this artist conference. Yeah. And I was, I saw the guy's artwork. he was, he had drawn on the wall there and I was taking video of it. A very side family at the Disneyland gates. Yeah, your face inside an asshole.

Basically. But he had drawn this amazing artwork and I was taking video of it. And from behind me I hear in this thick Korean accent, sorry you can't take pictures here. And I turn around and it was the guy. It was the guy. It was the artist. Did he recognize you?

No, he didn't recognize me. I was so thankful. Wow. Wow. And I told him, you're amazing. I actually took a picture of him. He was super nice. He's so nice.

And I just, yeah. Yeah, I ran away from there so far. Yeah, yeah. I was going to say, you know, you did forget about, there's three words that could have helped, Knott's Berry Farm. You just drive them over there. It's probably half the price.

Those kids are from Korea. I don't know the difference. Yeah. Like, you know, Snoopy's ears, that's Mickey, but his ears are all fucked up. Wait, does Knottesbury Farm have characters? Yes, they have Snoopy. Oh, that's pretty good. Yeah, yeah.

They have Camp Snoopy, which is like the little kids part. Okay, that's a classic American character. Yeah, absolutely. That's really good. Absolutely. Well, that sucks. I'm sorry, but. Okay, go ahead.

One more a little bit. One more little bit. So after that conference, he flew to Paris to do some talk, and he had a massive heart attack and he died. Oh, wow. And I felt really bad. I suck. I'm the worst. I didn't cause it.

I'm saying. Yeah, yeah. Come on. You know, there's main character syndrome, and then there's that. And that's crazy. No, that's crazy. But I, but he was on. amazing talent and much respect

to him and his family. Well, thank you, Jeff. Damn it, Jeff. A great story. Yeah, a great story, but it's a bummer of a wild card. Thank you. Oh, all right, big fans of you guys. All right, thank you.

Thanks, Jeff. Okay. All right. Love you, love you too. Love you. Love you. It's like when someone's drowning. I love you.

Would you rather be drowned to death or burnt? Fire or water? Wow. Wow. It's a good question. Yeah, yeah. What do you think is quicker? I would assume fire is quicker because you would maybe drop dead from smoke inhalation. Right, right.

Gosh. But, I mean, both seem really scary. Both are terrible. And I'm not a good, like suffocating is like my, Like, that's the thing. And I mean, ever, when I was a little kid, like, you know, my brother, like, you said, put a pillow over my face when we were wrestling. And it flipped me out. Like, I don't know if it was already in me, but like the notion of, and I had like asthmatic issues.

And I was a breathing issues anyway. So I think that. And also, like, I'm not a good swimmer. The notion of, like, I'm the person that every time I've ever been on a boat and like with a small. A small group of people. Yeah. Uh-lala, exactly. That was the name of the boat every time.

I don't know how there's so many boats. But, and it's let's get off and swim to the shore. And I go, okay, there is net, that is, and that's probably happened like three times in my life. All three times I go through a fucking complete mortality crisis. Really? Like before I get to the, and I have to. Do you do it? Yeah, I do it.

Wow. That's pretty good. But I do have this feeling of like, I'm swimming and swimming. and it's not getting any closer. And maybe this is it. Maybe I drown here. And I don't like let anybody know that I'm panicking. Yeah, which actually probably makes you feel more panicked

because you're trying to control. Exactly. Oh my God. I had, have you ever been to La Jolla down in, down, it's above San Diego? Uh-huh. There's La Jolla Cove. And it's actually, it's a really beautiful, like, cool little beach village kind of place. Do people snorkel there?

They snorkel there because. Because they have a big migration of rays. Yeah. And, you know. I've seen Instagram videos about this because I'm obsessed with snorkeling. And there's lots of sea lions in that area too. But it's a very populated beach. And I went out with my son and his friend when my son, my son was probably 12 at the time.

And we went out to look at the sea lions and see the rays on plastic kayaks. Yeah. And when you say plastic kayaks? Yeah. What do you mean? So, oh, no, sorry, I was thinking of jet skis. I thought you were talking about like a motorist jet ski. No, it's not.

No. It's the sort of, you know, pointy-ended little canoe. Yeah, where you're kind of like your legs are tucked in. Yes, you're tucked in. You're sort of sitting on top of it. I'd hate to flip it one. Well, this is what happened. I'm scared.

Is that we go out and we're going around and we're pretty far out. Yeah. And I can't remember. I think I had a. a life jacket on. I think, of course, they probably make, yeah, I should hope so. But my,

like, I started to just feel like with every wave that I was going to capsize, like that I was going to go over. And I was, I, and sure enough, like at one point, a wave, and they weren't terrible ways, I went over. And then I, like, was trying to get myself back up on it, could not do it. Is there a technique for doing that?

Yes, there is. And I mean, but I'm not good. I know what it is. It does seem like you can be dead in one second. Yes. In a kayak. Yes. Oh, yeah, kind of. Yeah. Well, these aren't the kind, you know, like the river kind you have like a little apron that you put around yourself. These are just kind of sitting on top of. Not so scary. And, and I mean, you know, it's like there's grandmothers out there too. It's not like incredibly dangerous. But I start to get a little panicky because I can't. I'm pretty far out. And I mean, grandmothers. I have this thing on, but I can barely get the thing turned over. I don't know what is going on. And so you're underwater? No, I mean, I'm, you know, I'm floating. Yeah. And I'm trying to get it turned over and trying to get me onto it when it's turned over.

And I just am having no luck. And these two young women who are the guides and they're on a tandem. Oh, we've got guides. Yeah. They come over to kind of like help me. Fantastic. And I try and get on there. They're like, get on our kayak.

I try to get on their kayak. I capsize them both. I knock the boat into the water. I feel like such a fucking asshole. I'm still kind of feeling panicky. I've got my son and his friend coming over concerned. I'm like, no, it's okay. It's fine.

Everyone else is in the water now, but it's fine. Not just drowning myself. I'm drowning these young women too. But they kind of, you know, we end up, they get back on. And I'm just like, let me hang on and get me close enough so that I can walk and I'm pulling my my kayak I get to get to where I can walk you know I can touch the bottom I drag my kayak my kayaks weighs 300 pounds yeah it was completely full of water no it had a crack on the top like there's you know there it has like this metal seal that is the hole that it's

you know it's like a blow mold yeah and it has this hole that and that there's a metal seal completely uh broken and it's just Like it takes three of the like helper guys to get it out of the surf because it's so heavy. Did you have to pay for the kayak? You know what? That's a good question. I don't know if I went back and was like I want my money back. I don't remember if I did that.

Oh, wow. So much white guilt in me that I can't do that kind of thing. I mean, my people have had it so good for so long. Yeah. Well, we're near the end here, Claudia. Oh, my God. Let's pick a favorite caller. Oh, we choose a coli?

Yeah, yeah. I mean, they don't win anything. Okay, fantastic. Yeah. You know, Steve's story was very impactful, but I cannot vote for it as my favorite with the weird gym teacher. Disturbing. Yeah, tossing towels. So I think it's got to, for me, I mean, if I may go first.

Please do. The high school teachers. That's crazy. That is the funniest story. Yes, yes. Every single story has a sort of dark edge to be honest. Yes, yes. No, that is a movie.

That is a. A funny movie. Michael, I might steal it from you. Yeah. I won't. I don't ever follow through on anything. So don't worry. Writing movies hard takes a while.

Oh, I did it once. Did you? Yeah, yeah. Wow. And it was, it was. Forever again? Yeah, that blank page is a fucker. Yeah, it's spooky.

So. No one, no. So is that yours too? Michael is my number one as well. Because it had everything. Yes. It had theater. Oh.

You know, me? me. I do. And I know you. Trotting the boards. Wait, what plays are you in in high school? Now, my high school plays, there's, I, and I think I've told the story. And in fact, a girl I went to high school with called in about it.

Really? Yeah, because I, I was a good natural actor. And I am of the opinion that you can either do it or you can. Yes, you definitely. And so, and I, because I was raised. I just watched television my entire childhood. Me too. Yeah.

I was sort of well-versed in different things. And there was a fall and spring play. And my freshman year, I was in the fall and in the spring, had small parts. And then in my sophomore year, in the fall play, I, there was, the plays in our school were so stupid. They were like, they, though, the, I remember my freshman year because my brother played a mummy. My brother's six foot five and played a mummy. Wow, that's great. And it was called boys and ghouls together.

Loving it. And one ticket, please. They were like, like 50s, romantic comedies that like were like rejected Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis movies. Yeah, with no rights required. And nothing, yes. Like, I probably cheap as hell. Yeah, yeah. And I even asked like at one.

point like why don't we do more difficult you know like real and they're like no nobody wants that okay they definitely would prefer it so i there was a part and of course it was like just like it was like a swami wow and i could do the accent of course you could and so i did i could do the accent and everybody in the or in the auditions was like oh my god you're so great and it was sort of the comedic part in the play. And I got like a little dog shit part when all the parts came out. And I, you know, I'm not, I'm, I'm, I would not call myself like a great self-advocator. Yeah.

But in this instant, I was like, motherfucker. Yeah. I went straight to the director's office. Yeah. Who was our guidance counselor. And I was like, what the fuck? Yeah. And he said to me, well, he said, I got to be honest with you.

He said, you're by far the best actor we've ever had in this school. Amazing. Okay, thank you. Yeah. He said, but I talked to Mr. Barron's who directed the spring play. And he said that you and Julie Kraft were a disruptive influence backstage. Which means we were like the two theater kids that were being fucking theater kids and having some fun. Yeah.

You know, and doing what you're supposed to do in show business, which is have fun and creative and silly. And he's like, he's like, if you do this play and, you know, and you do a good job and you show that you can like buckle down and be serious. And I would just like, I don't want to be. Yeah. I don't want to be in it. And I never did another play. Like it's a weird power play to be like, I'm going to teach this 16 year old a lesson. And it's like, why are you mad at 16 year old?

In submission. It's bizarre. Yeah. So that was our place. They were always dumb as shit. And then I never did another one, you know. And I was the best actor to ever go through that place. I mean, yeah, I've heard that.

That's what I've heard. They should put that on the town, on the Yorkville, Illinois town for the sign outside of town. Best actor in this high school ever. Ever. All right. Well, Claudia, everybody's got to see. And I haven't seen again.

And I, this is on me. But John Early's directorial debut, Maddie's Secret. Oh, yeah. You've got to see it. It's now available to stream. I'm going to watch it this weekend. Please do. I'm going to put that fucking kid to bed and then put on this dirty, dirty movie.

And for our listeners in New Zealand and Australia, you can catch her in this year's new comedy series, New Zealand Spy. It's true. And that's a lot of fun. Did you shoot in New Zealand? I did at the end of last year. It was so beautiful. I got to work there for a couple of three, like maybe two and a half months. Really?

Oh, I loved it. Where were you? I was in Auckland. Yeah, we were in Auckland. Yeah, yeah. I could not believe how beautiful the locations we were going to. It was unbelievable. And it is truly like North Island is the Shire.

Yeah. And then the South Island is Rohan and Mordor. Exactly. I haven't seen a Red Lord of the Rings, but I agree. No, it's like it's just, it's an unbelievable. It's so shockingly beautiful place. Yes. It's why all the billionaires are going to ruin it.

I know, but the show New Zealand's fight is funny. And I think it'll be out in the UK as well. And who knows, it might come to America eventually. Awesome. Yeah, yeah. You can always do a VPN and steal it too. There's always that. You should.

Well, thank you so much, Claudia. Thank you. It's been a delight. It sure has. And I'm going to see you again soon on something. I'd love that. I'd love to have you come in and do the three questions. Please do.

All right. Well, you know what, as long as you're available, as long as you're not in New Zealand filming spy shows. Fingers crossed. I hope I do get to do that. All right, I'll be back next week with Tamri Aegea, and we're talking airplane stories. If we're lucky, we'll get that guy that got duct taped to a seat.

Oh, my God. We've got our staff working on it, and we want to just know. We want to get his side of the story. He kept trying to bite people. That's why they taped his head. Listen, you know, who hasn't tried to bite him on a plane? If you've got a story about an airplane situation or itchuation, leave us a voicemail at 855-266-2-604 or fill out the Google form in my Instagram bio.

I love you all. I release you. Thanks everyone. I love you too.