The Three Questions with Andy Richter - Dan Mintz: Summer Camp Stories (The Andy Richter Call-In Show)

Episode Date: August 21, 2026

Comedian and Bobs Burgers star Dan Mintz joins the Andy Richter Call-In Show to discuss your SUMMER CAMP stories! Next week, we want to hear your EX-FRIEND STORIES with comedian Mary Holland! Want to call in for a future episode? Fill out our Google Form at BIT.LY/CALLANDYRICHTER or dial 855-266-2604 with whatever you want to discuss! Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Conan O'Brien. Hi, everybody. Welcome back to the Andy Richter Call-in Show. I remain Andy Richter. This is Conan O'Brien Radio. And if you, well, I'll tell you what we're talking about. We're talking about summer camps and summer camp stories today. Oh, I just realized we're starting a little bit early.

You guys are getting like bonus, I don't know, like two minutes and change. Or I guess one minute and change. So this is like extra. This is an extreme version of the Andy Richter-Callens show. Do I get paid extra for the... No, you don't get paid at all. You've got a Diet Coke and a water. You're double-fisted beverages.

I should get another soda for the extra minute. You know what? You can load up. Just load up on snacks on the way out. They're really on top-notch here at satellite radio is where the real money is. that was Dan Mintz, who I'm lucky enough to have here with me talking summer camp stories. If you have one, give us a call at 855-266-2-604. Dan, for those of you who don't know, and you really should, pause this, go Google him.

Actor, writer, comedian, you know him, of course, as the voice of Tina Belcher on Bob's Burgers, his fully animated special, well-rounded entertainer, which is really super funny about about is like just the solid gold jokes as you're ever going to find. It's available to watch right now on YouTube via 800 pound gorilla media, which is the only media company run by an ape. It's really, it's really something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How are you, Dan? I'm good. I'm so excited to be here. Thank you for coming. I'm glad you could make it. Thanks for having me. Yeah, yeah. I really do love the special. It's so funny. Oh, thank you so funny. And such really, I mean, like kind of Stephen Wright-ish.

kind of jokes. Yeah. Have you heard that before? I have heard. Yeah, yeah. But that's like, that's like high pre. Like that's like the quadratic, like the prime quadratic equations of jokes. Yeah.

And you are getting there. It's really great. Yeah, yeah. I appreciate it. Yeah. Is that, I mean, is that your favorite kind of, you do you don't do a lot of sent story stuff? No, but I never really, I didn't really plan to have that one-liner style.

I just, when I started, I did a bunch of stuff and that's kind of what stuck I think. I think I get, I think I need that immediate feedback every two lines or I start to spiral. Like, I don't know what the audience thinks of me. Now, you don't strike me as an extrovert. No. So stand up is quite a leap. And now that's not an, for people in the know, it's not that unusual for shy people to do this. Yeah, well, we were talking earlier about you did improv and your, you know, stand up seems harder.

for you. And for me, it's opposite. Really? Stand up, I think, for a shy person, it's not that hard. At least, unless you do a lot of crowd work, which is like improv. Right, right. You know you're doing, yeah, because you just, you've done the homework.

Yeah. And you've done the jokes before. If they don't laugh, you're like, well, other audiences like them, not everyone likes them, whatever. Yeah. And then I'm terrified of like, you know, the improv or even just crowdwork, the freezing and not knowing what to say next.

And does that happen to you, occasionally? Well, it doesn't because I don't do improv. You just don't enter into it. Yeah. You just say, nope, hecklers, get out. Yeah, I mean, you know, I have always been like, you know, I've been doing it so long I'm not trying anything to at this point. But early on, I're like, I should work on crowd work. I should figure to do it. But like, it's like taking that plunge of the first time saying anyone here from out of town and then you don't know what they're going to say and what if I can't say and think of anything. So I just never did. See, that for me was always, and I said it, it's homework.

The notion, because I, as we spoke a little before this, I haven't attempted stand-up, and I've done, you know, but I just, it's the homework aspect of it. It's like, I just, because once you get used to showing up and just doing it, it's really hard to then go, oh, I've got, I've got to work on this for four or five hours. Yeah, but the difference between homework, homework, it's like homework if you could turn on the same homework every night. I see. I see.

Eventually you have to do some new homework. You have to do another worksheet for the teacher. It starts to not be so happy with you. Well, have you, this topic, it's summer. You have two kids. I have two kids. You just told me they just started school, middle school kids. Yes.

Were they in camp? Yes. They've been to sleepaway camp. They have been to sleepaway camp for a while since my daughter was six. Okay. first year. And I always got kind of homesick at camp and it was stressful for me. So I was very skeptical. And my wife was going to send them when Sam was eight and, you know, Anne was six. But they loved it. And it's like their favorite part of the year and they go every year.

Is that hurt? It's, uh, it's a, it's going to hurt a little. Now that you mention it, I didn't really think of it that way. We love getting the fuck out of here, Dad. But I do think there's something that's like more crucial now that didn't matter as much when we were kids because Now that kids are like, now that you're not allowed to let your kid, you know, walk by themselves to the park, whatever, until they're like 19 or something. Right, right. It's like that they don't get that experience of just, you know, stranger things hanging out with the kids are in the neighborhood.

Yeah. And then it's like for this camp, at camp, at least this camp, you know, no phones, no screens. Yeah. You can just do whatever you want for a month. And it's amazing. Yeah. Where do they, do they go in California somewhere? Yeah, it's Jamison Ranch Camp.

It's up to a couple of. You know, east, northeast of Bakersfield and the stuff of hells. Very rustic. Oh, like in the Sierra Madres, kind of? Sierra, Ma. Is that in Mexico? No, Sierra Nevada? Yeah, the Sierra, yeah, Sierra Nevada is I think might be the full name. Right, right, right.

The Sierra, yeah, yeah, yeah, where Yosemite is, whatever. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, south of Yosemite. I think Sierra Madre is just the mountains that are just north of us. Oh, okay. I thought, what was the one? It's like treasure of Sierra Madre. Oh, okay. When you, when you.

I thought that was in Mexico. No, it's here. It's here. Well, I mean, at the time, it might have been Mexico. Right, right, right. That makes sense. Yeah, but the Sierra Madres are just here, which is always funny to me that, like, that there was this movie and it's like, oh, they're out way out into the desert. And then you find out, it's like, oh, it's just Bakersfield.

It's like, you know, it seems so, you know, so full of, you know, bandits and rattlesnakes. And it's like, oh, no. it's it's Ontario yeah it's a suburb there's some bandits yeah yeah is it is it like a westerny kind like do they have the classic kind of swimming and all of that kind of stuff in yeah yeah it's like all the class like courseback riding archery yeah swimming just yeah everything i i grew up in alaska um so we had i some very you know cool opportunities yeah but also like they didn't have like is a little bit more bare bones like they didn't have like a million and archery or horseback riding.

Right, right, right. You just went out and shot moose. Pretty much. That was the only active. Well, yeah, I mean, and Alaska seems to be summer camp. You're kind of already in summer camp. Yeah, you're already doing all kinds of rustic shit. Yeah.

Yeah, I, did you, and did you enjoy it when you went? I, like I said, I got, I got homesick, but I liked it enough to keep going. So I pushed, kind of tried to push through the stressful parts. But, but yeah, it was, I did, got to do some cool kind of like wilderness backpacking, you know, four or five-day camps. And then there's a traditional camp. There's just one week, you know, Camp Kushtaka. It was, I remember the lake was yet to swim in the lake to pass the lake to us and it was like 30 degree water. I guess that would be ice.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I wouldn't pass the test. As cold as you could be, I would just be like, well, send me home if I could. I still am a terrible swimmer. I'm just an awful swimmer. I'm sorry. That's okay. I'm not looking for sympathy.

Yeah, my summer camp, because I grew up in Illinois. And the summer camps that I went to were all of it like purpose driven. Like, well, the first one I went to was 4H because I was in 4H, which for people that don't know is like a, it's sort of farm. It's what farm kids. You know, it's like Boy Scouts, but it's co-ed and it's all sort of focused on farm labor, farm projects, farm chores. Yes. Raising animals, craft kind of stuff, woodworking. And I went to the first one I went to was 4-H camp and that was definitely like my first solo time away from my family.

and it was it was it was not fun and i and for all i know i was 45 minute drive from yeah i'd seem like i was hours away um but i just and it was also with that beginning of like that uh does my daughter my daughter's here she ever headphones on okay good because i can do there was like and it also was like my first time in a uh like situation of boys sleeping showering all the kind of stuff together. I think I was probably 11 or 12. Yeah. And there was like in our bunk there in our cabin there was like one kid. It was like the loud kid from the get go. You're like blah, blah, blah. And every night they he would say it's time for the fights. Spotlight man. And that kid would take a flashlight and go like spotlight man, put it on. And he would flash a flashlight on this kid. He would pull down his pants

and flick his penis back and forth. And then do like a play-by-play as if it was a boxing match. Oh, his own. Yeah, his own penis, flicking it back and forth. And it was just absolutely bizarre. And it happened every night. And to my recollection, no one asked for it. It was, you know, a spotlight man was, you know, felt good to have a role in it, I guess.

You know, just to have a purpose. But the rest of us, it was always just kind of like, oh, okay, well, this is what we're watching right now, you know? For all I know, there was all kinds of other shenanigans going on, but that was all I witnessed. That and just the sad one. And you're the one that went into performing. I know. I know. I was so envious of the accolades and the attention.

I do, I also remember once in, they had like a, and I forget what they called it, but it was like, lumberjack skills. It was like chopping things with an axe and stuff. Wow. And it was, you know, I'd say like, you know, at 11.30 meet out in the meadow. And I was the only kid that did it. I went every day to lumberjack skills. And the guy that he was like so nice, but it was, you could tell like, even like after the end, I was like, well, do you want to do this tomorrow? I was hoping I was so close and not having to do. Yeah, I don't have to drag these axes out. Do we have a caller yet, Sean?

Are we doing? All right, let's go to the phones. John from San Francisco, Dan Mance and I are here. We want to hear your summer camp story. Hey guys, how are you doing today? Good. How are you, John? Doing great.

Doing great. Okay, this is from the 1970s. I'm a seven-year-old kid. My mom is forcing me to go to a two-week summer camp because my cousins went, I did not want to go. And when I got there, it was even worse than I could ever have imagined. And were your cousins there? So did you at least have people there you knew? Yeah, they were the older veterans and they had had a good time the year before. So my mom said, oh, well, John will like to go too.

And John did not want to go to summer camp. It was in the Sierra's in California. Uh-huh. And it was kind of your typical late 70s, rustic accommodations, no indoor plumbing, outhouses, health food. Wait, I wonder if this is the camp that my kids go to. What was the name of it? Jameson Ranch. Oh, my God.

Oh, it is. It is. I have a different perspective, but I'm the parent, so I'm happy if it's rustic. Oh, my God. They still don't have plumbing? It's still outhouses? They do have sinks, but yes, and outhouses. Wow. Wow. That's amazing. Okay, so here's the thing.

Here's the thing I remember most vividly. We, there was no showers. So what you were, they would gather up about 10 little boys and heard them into a cinder block room, tell them to drop their robes, and then they would hose them off with a garden. hose. Okay. I can't, I did hear about this, they don't do that anymore, by the way. Yeah. Now you get hosed down individually. It's much more, it's more expensive now. So you get more private attention. Exactly. But at the end, at the end of the hose down, they would say, which was warm water, they would say, okay, who wants a macho? And a macho was an ice, ice cold water,

Spritz. Okay. And a couple of kids would always raise their hand, said, yes, I want a macho. And at seven, I didn't know much, but I knew I did not want a macho. Right. Wow. Well, actually, you know, there is something sort of invigorating, you know. Yeah.

Character building. I don't think they do the macho now either. Yeah, yeah. It's very northern. You know, it's very sort of Finnish, Russian, you know, the hot, hot, hot, sauna, cold plunge. So, did Dan, your kids go there now? They go there now. They just got back. They have a great time. I think, you know, for a rustic camp like that, it's not as rustic maybe, but the key is to start them young because my daughter was like six when they went. So, you know, my son was eight. So I think it's like they're used to it. I think if you, yeah, if they went for the first time now, I think that might be harder. That's the concept of they don't know no better. Yeah, they don't. They don't see abuse as abuse. They just see his attention. Is there still a ban on sweets?

You can't have candy or cookies or anything like that? We weren't supposed to send candy or cookies. I think they had like desserts and the dining hall. Well, maybe because it was the 70s, it might have had more of a, you know, eco-philosophical bent that they've sort of gone lax with. Yeah. There's been some turnover in leadership since then, I think. Well, you are surely not sympathetic to my horror. Certainly sending your own.

Was there soap involved in this hose down, or was it just pure, you know, concentration camp? I've blocked a lot of it out. I'm sure we were told to like, okay, soak your bits, turn around, hose off. Yeah. Spread them. Spread them. Yeah. It's, yeah.

But I was so desperate to get out of there. I actually gave myself an ear infection so that I had to get picked up early. I only lasted about eight days. How does one do that? Do you just like keep shoving sticks in your ear or something? I was like, I'm going to go swimming. Maybe it was the ice cold hose down that I got. But anyway, I'm like, hose me, give me a macho right in my ear.

Right in the ear. All right. Well, you're fine now and you sound very macho now. So, you know. Yeah, sounds like it worked. Yeah. God bless you. God bless you. All right. All right. Thanks, John. Thanks, guys. Appreciate it. All right.

855-266-2-604 is the number. If you have a summer camp story or if you have a wild card, which is, you know, anything you want to talk about. We'll take that too. We're not picky. What was that sound effect? That's, that's, you hear that every time. Try saying wild card. Wildcard? That's what they... Yeah, yeah. We don't know how that happened.

It's just as part of this studio. I think it's a ghost. Next up, we got Sean from Boston. He's got a Cub Scout story for me and Dan. Yes, hi, Eddie. Hi, Dan. Dan, my daughter's wanted me to tell you how much a family all are of your work on Bosnia. Oh, thank you.

I appreciate it. So, Andy, they don't, $90s don't know you, but I think you're the greatest. Oh, thank you. Thank you. That's all right. You get out a little bit. Okay. They don't need to know.

Okay. So in the early 80s, I was in the Cubs Scout, and we had a long weekend camping trip that were going on. I was the first time camping for a long because we're kind of an inner city troop. And every 25 or 30 of us aged, it's seven to 10 years old. and so and we're all going to be staying in this cabin so we get there and they sit us down and we have the safety topic use the buddy system never go off alone don't run with your knives or whatever stuff like that and also you know never go out at night because the crazy dead mother

might get you they're like whoa whoa what what and they kind of gloss over that and somebody we're wondering what is going on the den mother was what they called any woman who was a leader in the camp it was a different time, but that's what they called it. So we ask around and a different leader takes us aside and tells us this story. There was a time where there was another troop went off, another, you know, 25, 30 kids. They went when they were in a cabin. And all the leaders except for one decided to go do something else for the night and they left this one woman in charge of all these kids. And they, the kids were awful yelling, screaming, throwing stuff. She couldn't get them to them under control. She's there by herself. She's at her with end.

And then she absolutely loses it. This is what they're telling us. With her right arm, she reaches over. She rips her left arm out of her shoulder socket and proceeds to beat all of the children to death in this cabin. And then she ran out into the forest and she lives in the forest now. And so that's why you don't go out at night because she will get you. And this is their story to make sure, you know,

that we stayed safe inside the cabin. But I'm seven, eight, nine years old were being told this. And every so often one of the leaders we didn't notice at the time, they would disappear and they would go out into the forest and cackle, you know, at night to make sure it would just kind of cementing like, oh yeah, don't you leave because she's out there right now. Wait, wait, I don't understand. They would go out into the woods and like fake like they were her?

Yes, yes. I see. I mean. So, you know, the kids are like, oh, that's not true. true. And then you hear somebody cackling, oh shit, no, that's true. Oh, cackling. I thought you said tackling. Oh, I thought you said tackling, too. That's the cat. Yeah, yeah. Oh, no, cackling, sure. I mean, a flaw in the plan is that if she's still using the arm, by this point, it's so decayed. It can't even be that good of a weapon. But also why take the arm off? Yeah, yeah. If you just hit them with both arms or once.

Yeah, you use both arms. You could beat them with both arms. And then you still have an arm when it's over. I mean, it does have a little more pep, the story, you know, but they're ripping. If we're with the age, I see these holes at the time. Of course. We were just all absolutely fair chitless. And we did not go out at night. Mission accomplished. But I questioned the tactics because clearly I'm still thinking about it today.

I mean, another thing, so you do get more leverage with two arms. Yes. But if you took like 10 minutes to find an arm-sized log, you could use that. Right, exactly. And you still have your arm. And also, if you have, say it's just your right arm, if you have the right arm, if you have the right arm strength to rip a left arm out of its socket, you do not need a weapon.

You just pinch kids' heads, like, you know, like soft melons. And they would snap. I just, these kind of stories are like, because so much of parenting now, are you a parent, Sean? Oh, yes. So, you know how you think about things and you're like, there's things you don't say to you. your kids that were said to you because you're like, well, that will upset them.

Like that puts too much sort of darkness into their heads. Uh, that can't be good for them. Why the fuck did, what, why did this just happen within the last 20 or 30 years? Like what was how could, was there no empathy among parents, uh, parents? Was it just like, no, no, scare the shit out of them constantly. Make them afraid. Make them, um, give them the idea that like the world is a, is a, is a, place of just grotesque violence that can happen at any moment. It's so strange to me. Like,

what happened to make us decent? Well, it's because of the awareness of trauma, right? Like, you didn't used to think there'd be long-term effects. But why, why? How do you not, I mean, nobody had to really tell me that, like, when my kids were little, like, don't threaten them with extreme violence. Like, I was kind of like, you know, it seems like that's a big. bad idea. Seems like that might have some effect. And like, you know, and yeah, I could, I could look to my own experience of having the threats of violence or actual violence, you know, an actual sort of corporal punishment and be like, oh, yeah, that didn't work. That wasn't good. You know, it's like the whole thing about like torture doesn't work,

you know, like there's no point to it. You don't get quality information. And it's like, you don't get quality obedience from beating a child, you know. Um, It's just, it's weird that I mean, I know there was just like this shift, but it still is like kind of fascinating to me as like, what happened to make this C change? And because you don't even like you don't see people hitting their kids in the store anymore. Like I remember when I was a kid, people, you know, Kmart. If you wanted to go see kids get hit, that was the place to go, you know. I don't think I've ever seen that. Really?

Oh, no. I used to see it all the time, you know. And I guess there isn't that sort of like, it's my kid, I'll do what I want. Like now it's kind of like, you know, well. It's a level of like, oh, well, it was good enough for me. It's good enough for them. And somebody eventually along the way said, like, well, you know what, I didn't like that. So maybe it's not, you know, maybe it wasn't good for me.

Yeah. No, God rest her soul. My mother one time said, you know, I don't even remember. It was about something like this. And she's like, well, I did that with you. and you turned out fine. And I was, I said, really? Do you think so, Mom?

Did I? Did I actually turn out fine? Because my fucking, you know, to borrow a joke of a friend of mine, my therapist has a boat named Glenda. That's my mother's name. That he bought with all the time I've spent and all the money I've spent on him. So, well, Sean, thank you so much for the call. Thank you. And, you know, beware.

women carrying their other arm and their one arm. Good advice. Thank you so much. All right. Bye, Sean. Thanks. 855-266-2-604.

That's the number if you got a summer camp story. Chris from Kansas. Hey. Hi, Chris. How are you? Good. How are you? Good.

I met you when you were in Kansas City for a big fundraiser and I told you I listened to your show and I was going to call in and remind you. Well, there. Now I remember. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So this is a camp adjacent.

My camp was canceled, and I was very upset about it. My father's a sports writer. He was covering a Royals Minnesota Twins game up in Minnesota. He called back, this is the 80s, and this is going to go well with the story you just told of how times have changed. So he calls back to my mom. He's like, hey, why don't you have Chris Ann come up and spend the weekend? I'll take her to the baseball games since, you know, she didn't get to go to her camp. My mom was a little leery about it, but, okay, let's do it.

If you Google what the Kansas City airport was like back in the 80s, It was maybe 50 feet from the front door of the airport to your gate. Every gate had its own security. So she could literally walk me through security and still wave at me to get on the plane. So it's not safer than, right. It's not like today where you've got to walk three miles through the airport. Well, and also in those days, too, they let you go through security if you didn't have a ticket. Like, I remember people used to be able to drop their kids off at the gate and then just book it out of the airport.

That is true. You're right. She may have even been able to go all the way. I didn't think about that. Yeah. So I don't remember what it was like on the other side, on the Minnesota side. I feel like it was a little bit more of a trek. But I was, by the way, I'm like 13 years old. It's between sixth grade and seventh grade. So I get to Minnesota and my directions are to immediately go down to luggage, find the van that's Brown that has the higher regency. I don't know if I'm allowed to say the names of these hotels on the side. Sure, sure. It's not their fault. That's the hotel, right? Well, yeah, this won't be their fault. To look for that. And then it comes around every 15 minutes, grab it, go straight to the hotel. So the conciergeers will be waiting for you. And then she's going to, somebody was going to walk me over, you know, across the street to the baseball stadium.

Wow. Easy McPeezy, right? No. No. I'm getting like chills just to get on the hotel van. Right. So I'm waiting. There's no brown van.

I'm like, okay. So I waited at a 15 minutes. minutes, no van, no van. This man sits down next to me. He's in a suit, obviously probably a businessman. He's like, hey, which hotel van are you waiting on? I'm like, I'm waiting for the Hyatt. And he goes, ah, it's too bad.

I'm waiting for whatever he was waiting for. He's like, we're trying to get, I'm here for business, and we're trying to get some ladies together. We want a party. And I looked at him and like, I am 13 years old. And this guy was like, oh, my God, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I feel, you know, he felt horrible.

So he runs off and scamper's on to his bus. Yeah, that bus, that bus, he got on, comes around another three or four times. So now you can imagine, 15 minutes times, whatever. I'm there two hours. My mother's back in Kansas City losing her mind. She's doing my laundry and smelling my clothes and this last time she's ever going to see me. How is she going to divorce my father?

This is all his fault, right? He's out of his mind. He's supposed to be covering the baseball game and he has no idea. They had all the hotels looking for me. So then finally, this white van with a man rolls the window down. And he's like, hey, what bus are you waiting on? I'm like, I'm waiting for the hi. He goes, oh, that bus is broken.

I'm actually the bus. Now, you'd think I was so tired of being there, so bored, I just got on the bus. I'm like, heck yeah, I believe you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Looking back at this at the age I am now as I'm standing in the carpool line for my 13-year-old son, no way would that ever happen. We are not rearranged enough. But, yeah, but I made it.

And then, of course, the whole baseball team knew, like everyone knew. So for many, many years, the Royals players always knew me as the kid that, you know, almost got kidnapped or whatnot in Minnesota. Well, that's good, too, because at that age, you do want everyone to focus their attention on you. At 13. Exactly right. That's where you feel most comfortable with an entire group's attention of adults, especially like baseball players. A 35-year-old man. Yeah, going like, hey, kid, have fun at the airport.

No, actually, it was traumatizing. Yeah. Well, I remember as a kid getting on the wrong bus, just the wrong city bus, and I could hear on the radio, like, they're looking for this kid. And I, and like, I just did not say anything just because at that age, you're so passive. And you know, like, oh, maybe I could go ask someone for help. Yeah. Yeah. I guess. Yeah. Wow. And so how did it resolve itself? I just got to the end and then got off and then got on the bus going back. And got back to where you started. Yeah. Like, you could have just. Yeah. Like, you could have just. ask someone at the airport or ask the bus driver or something. Yeah. Yeah, I think yeah. My brother and I used to travel by train all the time, just the two of us, you know, but we did have each other, you know, and I think what, you know, when I was a kid, I, I mean, when I was like 10, 11, 12, there were a couple times where I flew by myself. Yeah. And I, and I, you don't see that very much anymore. Well, now they have, I mean,

there's like a service with the airline, right? The unaccompanied minor. still was. I mean, there was then, like, just, you know, like people had a heads up about it. Yeah. But I don't remember anybody ever walking me from one place to another. You know what I mean? I feel like, like, because it was you, it would be like, you know, my parents at one end and my relative at the other. But there was, like, my aunt would meet me at the gate, you know, like that. I think that in those days you could do that. Like, oh, I would get off the plane and my aunt would be there, you know. So it was like. It was just the plane that was the issue. It's like a long elevator ride that went sideways more than a, yeah. Yes, exactly. And there's something you know. Yeah. With peanuts.

Right. All right. Chris, thank you so much. Thank you. I'm glad you made it. Come back again. Come visit us. I will.

I certainly will. Okay. Okay. Take care. Bye bye. Next up, we got Kevin from Wisconsin. Kevin. Andy, great to talk with you.

Good to talk to you. too. Wisconsin is a very summer campy state. Yes. So this actually takes place in Connecticut. Oh, well then screw me. This was like 25 years ago. I was a camp counselor at this little camp, and kids had to bring their own tents and things, and so we had a big area for them to do that. Well, part of my job was one morning I had to go and wake everybody up. And so I came to this one tent, And it was, you could just, something was reeking out of this tent. It was nasty, disgusting. And I kind of knocked in their tent and they opened it up.

And I said, guys, what, what? Did something die in here? What, what's going on? And they said, well, they pointed to a puddle. And I said, what did you spill? And they said, well, it's not that we spilled anything. It's just we didn't want to ask anybody where the bathroom was. Oh.

It was just, oh. And I had to hose that tent down. Yeah, yeah. You've got to clear everything out. Yeah, take everything out, hose it down, try it off the best we do it, but, and definitely show them where the bathroom was. Yeah, yeah.

So, oh, it was nasty. How many kids are in the tent? It was just two. Oh, okay. And it wasn't like rural and I... They had a lot to drink yourself, but... Yeah. It wasn't, like, rural enough, you could just go pee in the woods?

They're like... Well, that's the thing. It was. I mean, there were woods. There were wooded areas. I mean, they're right in front of an area. So I don't know why... Was it just pee?

Yes. Fortunately, that's all that it was. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, because, yeah, I mean, peeing in the woods is, like, 80% of the reason that I would want to be in the woods is for peeing in the woods. The joy. Well, that's what you do.

Yeah, the joy of outdoor urination. Even my six-year-old daughter understands that, you know. It was on the template, you know. Piss everywhere. Well, thank you for calling, Kevin. Next up. Tom, Tom from Pennsylvania. What's up, Tom?

You mean Tom from Cargville, Indiana? Possibly. Is this the terrible Boy Scout trip? No. Oh, well, whatever. We'll hear whatever you got to say. Tom, Tom from Clarksville, Indiana. What do you got to tell us?

First of all, Andy Rick, you're an incredible fan. I've watched you for years. I admire your honor and take it. You're a special man. Oh, thank you. I'm a Marshall's grandmother. I went to karate camp back in 69. Oh, my God.

This was a minute. It was, you know, throwing stars, nunchucks, all that stuff. Kind of impacted me. Well, sir, what happened? My mom did that. My dad encouraged it. So then I think this is pretty cool. I want to keep with it.

Four black belts later in different systems, I'm a Marshal's grandmasters in 2012. And it's so weird because my children, I have five children, I go win to Marshaar's camp. They're all Marshares' teacher. This was a legacy of so much honor and so blessed. I am impressed with your positive attitude and your conversation with people. You speak with integrity, energy, and your voice flows. Like the wind on the mountaintop. Really soothing.

Thank you. But it was nice throwing shortkins at seven years old. It was a lot of interesting moments. But it's something I never forgot. And now that I'm almost 70 and I taught for 40 years, I will never forget. Master Art Wong. This man was teaching at 92. And I said, how, sir?

He goes, I can. And I will. If you don't, you won't. Yeah. Just incredible. Wait, you were throwing. You were throwing throwing stars at seven years old? Rubber ones.

No, no. Oh, rubber ones. Oh, okay. Yeah, because. Yeah, you couldn't do, you know, the weapons were plastic nunchugs. They wait until you're eight to really give you the, like the swords and stuff. And make one country, you can't do it until you're 14. Oh, okay.

Still dicey. I don't know. I want to give a 14-year-old. I mean, they have the arm strength there to really get the throwing star deep. I've only seen the, I thought those were like only in movies. I don't know. That was actual martial arts. Oh, no.

Yeah. No, no. In traditional Chinese arts, there are weapons that they teach children. They serve with robots, but they do distance. In other words, 10 feet, 15 feet, 20 feet targets and all that. But Grandmaster 1 was a funny man. Martial arts, nine years. He told me a funny story about living in China.

He said, the grandmaster goes to the doctor. He says, so if you tell me, I take care of myself. but he ran exercise, I'll get old sick and die. He said pretty much. Well, you know, all you get is one chance. Don't mess with life because health is moving, laughing. And they say humor is the best medicine you can have because stress is everything. Yeah.

And happy. And you are a master just humor. You always have been positive. They're funny. You're a good looking man. You have great humor in your words. but your words are very serious. You talk about luck and love and happiness.

Sir, I'm honored to talk to you, and I consider a blessing to have you even had a moment of your time for that. Well, thank you so much, Tom. Thank you so much. And call again sometime. Yeah, you know, keep track of the topics and give us another ring. Take care of my friends. The best you and your family.

I wish you peace and happiness on your daily journey. Thank you, Tom. Bye-bye. Well, that's an ego boost for the day. All right, now we got the best. The other Tom. Tom from Pennsylvania. Tom. Hello, how are you doing, Andy? I'm good. How are you doing? Yes, Andy. Can you hear me? I can. Very good. Yes. Well, I'll get right to the point. Okay. When I was in Boy Scouts in the 70s and we had a weekend camping trip to our Scout Masters farm out near State College, Pennsylvania.

And there was an upper meadow. It was sort of a humid, you know, partly cloudy rainy day. I'm sorry, partly cloudy day. And so we went off halfway on the farm up the hill. And then all of a sudden we noticed some thunder clouds just forming over the rich. And then all of a sudden, torrential rains came down. There was a small stream alongside the, our campsite. The water came up over the banks into our campground, flooded everything.

Clothes got wet, food got wet, everything was soaked. And then to top it off, it was a brief shower. Then the cows from the upper meadow decided to come down off the field up there, came right through our camp, trampled everything, and tents were muddy, everything. So we had a regroup. We went back to the old 1820s farmhouse, you know, and there we are in our, practically our skitties, sitting around drying out and drying our clothes out. The scoutmaster was saying later in the day, you know, this house is so old, you know, George Washington's actually slept here. And then being a little younger, we thought, well, did he?

Maybe he did. I'm not quite sure. I know he traveled through the area. But, yeah, that was one of my worst camping trips that we ever had. Everything was just gone. The spaghetti was plumped together, you know. But, you know, somehow we made it through and got home and had a story to tell you 50-odd years later.

Yeah, see, this is... You think that would be that the spaghetti is one thing that would get better if everything is soaked, because now it's like half cooked. Yeah, it's already there. Yeah, but you're going to end up with just like a rod once you cook it. Yeah, you get a spaghetti rod. Yeah, see, this is the difference. I mean, to me, you tell that story and I just think, well, you went home, right?

Like, I don't have any of the Boy Scout ethics. I'm just like, well, yeah, after that, you just go. home, right? Yeah, right? No, no. No, no. You figure it out. Like, okay, all right. I guess there's, I guess there's some value to that. Yeah. When I was in Boy Scout camp, I was getting my wilderness badge. And so I had to build my own shelter on a night that it rained. And that was really not fun. I bet. And how did you do it? You just, it's like a lean-to. You put sticks on a leaned over tree and then moss and stuff. Oh, and just moss.

You don't have like a tarp. No, yeah. And does it work? Not really. Mine didn't. Yeah, yeah. Are you, were you rained on? Yeah.

Oh, wow. That was like the night that it rained. So I'm saying I sympathize. But we had some indoor buildings to go into. You could do naked in the frame. Probably. Yeah. You know?

Yeah. Yeah. You could get wet, wet moss pouring on you. Well, Tom, thank you. I'm glad you made it. All right. Thank you. All right.

Enjoy the program. Thank you so much. All right. Thank you. All right. 855-266-2604. Looking for more summer camp stories and me and Dan Mintz. We got Sean from Florida.

Sean, what's up? Hey, thanks for taking my call. First, I want to say, Ben, love your stand-up. Oh, thank you. Bob's Burgers is the, absolutely, and Bob's Burgers is the show. We have an eight-year-old. I don't know if you should be watching, so we have decided that's our family show,

and he absolutely loves your character, and he loves the story I'm about to tell. Thank you, and I think as long as you don't watch the first season, eight is okay. It's a little darker in the first season. Well, normally something, yeah, no, and I agree, and something will happen, and my wife will, say we shouldn't be watching this, but then I'll take all the blame just to make it make us all feel okay about it. I'll just, I'll push for us to continue. Well, I remember, I mean, just as a little aside here, just before you talk, Sean, I remember because Lauren Bouchard, I'm friends with a number in John Benjamin's an old friend of mine, but I've been friends with Lauren for a while

through John, but I remember the original concept was that they were making burgers out of human flesh. Yeah. And it just became a fun family show after that, you know. Well, when they told us, like, okay, they're going ahead with the show that you did a voice on for, but, but they're changing it from a family candles to just a family with a hamburger restaurant. It was like obviously the best decision that. At the time, it sounded like the most like networky, ruining of a concept. Right, right. No, because I think I like read for like some tests. some early test. You were on the phone, I think, at the first thing. Yeah, and I think I was playing like an FBI agent investigating the cannibal family, you know, and then they cut the whole

aspect of me and being employed for a long time. All right, I'm sorry, Sean. Tell us your summer camp story. No worries. And just, just so I can share some praise, Andy, I know it was a long time ago, but I love Cab and Boy with all my heart. Oh, thank you. Still, I, I, I, I cherish, I cherish your part in that. Yeah, no, that, that job, that was like winning a contest. That was an amazing job to have so early on, so I loved it. Okay, so I, I have a story for us, low rent day campers, because I, I, I'm an eight-year-old, but I'm an older guy, so I love the movie Meatballs, and every summer I wanted to go to camp. Yeah. I'm assuming that everyone has seen meatballs.

And it's just, you assume that's what it is. But my parents said it was full of child molesters, which I think really they didn't have the money to. But either way, I guess that that's the situation I was in. Right. Well, they might not have been wrong. That's the thing. You know, depending on what camp you're talking about. Yeah, you never know.

And in those days... You're right. You're right. Listen, it was money. But I appreciate the fear that was instilled. Right, right. That gave me a good reason for what I know. Right.

So I'm going to day camp, and this is just such a random story, but it has stuck with me my whole life, and my kid can't get enough of it. So one of the, like, this is one of these camps. One day we go to a lake, just wait around in a lake. It just nothing was good. One day we got a giant slip and slide. I'm six or seven, and I'm six or seven. And I'm running up to a couple of girls that I think I'm feeling to have a crush on them, but I still want to look cool. I'm running up and I do a split unintentionally because the ground is so wet.

Yeah. I did a split and they're looking at me and it was pain that I still remember. It's still ingrained. I know what that felt like. Yeah. And I could not get out of it. I think the only way to do was like to turn over, but I sat there and had a long conversation with them about the split I was in and whatever else they wanted to talk about until they walked away.

And then I finally got out of that split. My kid loves that story so much. And now that I'm sharing it, with you and Dan, this is, this is really going to be a big day for me. Oh, good. Good. Now, was it, was it the first time that you, like, was it a one-time involuntary split? Or had you had the capability of doing a split before? No, no, no. No, no. It was one and done. It was unindone. intentional. My body shouldn't have done it. Yeah, yeah. I know kids are more flexible, but no, it just, it was one of those like,

you know, four, like one foot is in front, one's in back, and I went down and stayed here. And I just, I endured that pain. I mean, it was a, it was a real kind of a benchmark in my life of, like, that's the level of pain I can take. Yeah. Yes, and probably, probably some sort of, you know, cartilage tearing there you know yeah because I can only imagine if I was forced into a split it would involve some tearing

at yeah at our age oh yeah no forget it I can actually put my foot behind my I can put my foot all the way behind my head now because of no I'm kidding I can't I was uh

I was gonna say I may have seen you on the internet So they thought that it was on purpose. You like, because you sold it. Yeah, you just thought that you were super cool, the splits guy. I'm the splits guy. Hey, hey, guys, check this out. Yeah. Let's talk for as long as you like.

Yeah. And I'll hold this food. All right. Well, thank you, Sean, for that. I'm glad that your yoga days are behind you. Thanks, guys. All right, bye-bye. All right.

We got Max from Cleveland. And Max, apparently, Dan, has some insight on outdoor urinating. Max. Hey, Andy and Dan. How are you guys? Hi. Are you a renal expert of some kind? I can't say that I am.

Okay. However, I, you know, I enjoy outdoor urination as much as, you know, the next guy. Absolutely. The story is for my days in high school marching band and band camp. Fortunately, this was not my. incident, but I was there for it and had a good laugh for many years after. So basically, you know, band camp, we were in cabins and, you know, you wake up and you're nowhere near bathroom. So one of the kids in the cabin decided that he was, you know, going to go out and take a leak behind

the cabin. Yeah. Pretty standard operating procedure. No problems there. Don't blame him. Yeah, of course not. So the big. issue at this time was apparently there was a bee in the area and the bee took the opportunity to visit this kid and stung him on the pecker. Oh my goodness. As you can imagine, not the greatest scenario. So after that happened, he obviously had to go to the nurse who was the mother of one of his classmates and, you know, exposed himself to her and had that embarrassment.

Right, right. The, I guess, where the humor of it comes in is. Oh, it's hilarious. On its face. Don't worry about that. I think it came in a while ago. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, you know, being asshole high schoolers, we decided that he needed a nickname. and, you know, because of bees and their production of honey, we decided to call him sweetmeat for, you know, the rest of his high school career. So, you know, not only did he have the indignity of, you know, his classmates' mom, you know, having a good look at him, but he got to be called sweetmeat for a couple years after that. So you think that bee thought it was a flower and was attracted to the nectar. Or the bee was a pervert. Yeah, I mean, basically it was a perverted bee. Yeah. Is this situation here.

A bee on the prowl cruising. My grandfather, who lived in Springfield, Illinois, back, I guess, in like the 50s or the 60s, he had a cabin in Arkansas that he was building. And he went down there with his sister. and he somehow got a tick on his taint, like right behind his balls. He had a tick. And they were supposed to be down there for like a week working on the cabin.

And rather than have his sister remove the tick, he drove all the way back to Springfield to have his wife do it and then drove all the way back to Arkansas just so he wouldn't have his sit. Which I think I would, you know, a drive from Arkansas to Illinois, not it's not a little drive. I mean, even when you don't have a tip on your team. But I mean,

yeah, there's that. The way there is like probably not pleasant. But I think I might just struggle through. Sorry if my sister's listening. I might, I might just have you go ahead and get that tick. Because it always seems to be, really? All right. Okay. I mean, it's your sister. It's not the end of the world. But anyway, I don't know why he went on that tangent. It's just, you know, genitals. insects. Well, that's, maybe we should do that our topic next week. It was a natural progression. Yes, genital and insect stories.

Well, ticks are rachnets, but I think so. All right. Well, thank you, Max. I might be wrong about that. Thank you. Ticks being arachnids. So in case any fact trackers are other. Hold on.

I don't know. Hey, Siri, are ticks arachnids? Oh, ticks are parasitic arachines of the order exodiacs. Vita. You were right. That would be my nightmare to like, you know, arrogantly point out that's a fact that I was wrong about. Yes. As your sister is pulling it out of your tape, you're holding your scrotum up. Well, actually, they're arachnids. Oh, okay.

We got Simon calling in internationally from British Columbia. Simon, Dan and I are here. Hey, Jen. How's it going? Hi, good. I'm good. How are you? Good, good. Great. Thanks for having me. This theme has been, I guess, positively triggering. As your guests tell the stories, I'm remembering more and more stories. So this one I haven't thought of in years.

It was pretty funny that it just sort of popped in my head. Before I tell the story, quick note on the urination. When I was a little kid in camp, we used to have a sleeping bag air out days, where we would air out our sleeping bags, and everyone had to air out their sleeping bags. It wasn't until years later that I realized that was for when one kid peed their sleeping bag. Everyone would air out their freaking bag. So no one would feel bad. How nice.

So smart. So Canadian. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. In the States, we'd, we would single out that little fucker. Get them, boys.

Shame. Yeah. So my story, I feel like it might dump you out with the last story. So in Canada, we have LT training or leadership training. So for kids who maybe are campers. they want to move on to becoming a leader. So I think it was about 15. And this was a camp that I had attended,

and now I was training to be a leader. So I was really excited. You do this whole sort of orientation for a week, and they decide how many weeks of camp you're going to get. And I got four, which was a big deal. So I was super pumped. That meant four weeks of work, and all into the supervision of adults and things.

But I was assigned a group of kids. And I was really into theater and storytelling and all this kind of stuff. And each group got one overnight. trip. So you would take the kids out into sort of the outbacker into the woods. And with the sort of tutelage of an adult, you would get the kids set up and build a campfire, build a shelter, kind of like a rustic shelter. And so I took these kids out. And we've been bonding over the last, you know, a few days. And so I felt like I had a really good rapport with these kids. And we were sitting around the campfire and they were asking me for a ghost story. And I was sort of looking to my adult mentor for some

guidance and he was an older fellow and he was kind of like, oh, you know, you do what you like. You tell the story. I'm sure it'll be fine. So I didn't have a plan. And I think the story was kind of a cacophony of all the ghost stories I'd heard over the years. And I went full tilt. And this was like an hour and a half long ghost story. It was intense.

There was blood. There was death. I went way overboard. And I should have known I went overboard when one of the kids turned from the fire to throw up. And so I, but I finished the story. and, you know, I as big as dinner plates with these kids, you know, didn't even think about how do I transition kids from bed after a horrific story? Yeah.

And it wasn't a positive ending either. So we lay them down under the tarp and I go to my tent because I get a, I'm an LTA or a leader in training. So I get a fully enclosed shelter and they're in their, they're in their tarp. And in the middle of the night, I guess they decided there was going to be a revolt. The kids were totally upset that I told the story, and it wasn't playful. They were angry. And so this has got to be maybe eight or ten kids rallied, jumped on my tent and pummeled me, not playfully, pummeled me, stomping me. And unfortunately, one of the places I got stomped on was my nether regions right on my left testicle.

And woke up the next day with quite a swelling and had to go to the doctor and get some looking. on my epididymus. And for the rest of the camp, I was swollen epididinous guy walking with a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a shuffle. And also the explanation, how did this happen? Children. Yeah, exactly.

Exactly. It's a gang of children. Okay. Yeah. And where was the adult? Yeah. I don't know. But that was an interesting event, you know, to say the least.

And I did go back and work. actually. So I finished the full cycle of the tour of duty and I went back the next year too. All right. It was a good time. And your testicles are okay today? They're okay now. I have three sort of semi-normal children. So I think they're going to say three semi-normal testicles. I'm going to say, buddy, that ain't normal. Right? Yeah, yeah. All right. Well, good job. Congratulations to both you and your testicles. Thank you. Thank you, Simon. Take care. All right, we got time for one last one. We got Bob from Maryland.

Bob, Dan, and I are here. What do you got for us? Hey, guys. Hi. Hi, Bob. All right. So it's a two-parter. All right.

It's a good. At Scout Camp, you know, they have the tents with the platforms on it, and you have a rigid tot, like a metal cot, you know, that you would find in a barrack somewhere. Apparently, I snored as a kid. So one day, I, I was. I woke up, you know, went to sleep in the tent, woke up in a lean to about 500 yards from the camp on my cot. Wow. So they had picked me up in the middle of the night and carried me out and put my cot in this

lean two. And it happened another time. And the last time it happened, I happened to wake up when they were carrying me. And I told them they had to carry me back and they carried me back. You are sounds Bill Murray Yeah Where they put him out in the lake

Yeah In meatballs Yeah yeah Well you might have You might have sleep apnea Because if you're so sound of sleep If your entire bed can be moved Across uneven ground

That could be a health issue I mean we're diagnosing it quite after the fact But Well you're not wrong So let me cut to I retired from the Army Okay And I'm at out camp again

I'm sharing a tent with one of our Scott guys who happens to be a fireman. Okay. He wakes up in the morning. He goes, dude, you stop breathing every. I couldn't sleep because you stopped breathing. Yeah. So I come back from breakfast and he's moved all of his stuff to another tent. It felt like a divorce because he took all the good stuff from the tent.

And I feel like you should have been more concerned about you not breathing than his sleep. at that point, especially as a fireman. Exactly. Like, that's their job to save people's lives. He was concerned he was going to have to do CPR like I was dying. Yeah, and he's off the clock. As it turns out, yes, I have sleep apnea. Yeah.

I have not slept since 1999 without my machine. Yeah. So, yeah, but waking up as you're being transported or waking up somewhere else, you know, this was in 77. So I don't know if the neatballs was out. by then. Yeah. But it was certainly like the precursor.

Right, right. They probably ripped. Yeah, they ripped you guys off. That's what I'm thinking. All right. Well, thank you, Bob. You guys are great. Thank you for the call.

Thank you. All right. Dan, we usually pick a favorite. They're up there on there. We had so many. We got through so many today. I mean, I thought it seemed like such a classic kind of like confusion. dark comedy, the van, the getting in the white van, was I think a really good moment.

Yeah, yeah. It definitely, if it had gone differently, it would not be as funny. Right. It had far more, like, inherent danger than saying getting stung on the penis. Yeah. So, yeah, all right. Chris, you win. You win nothing. But congratulations. Um, the parental neglect really paid off, uh, for you. All right, everybody once again. You got to listen to and watch his fully animated special, which is really fun that it's a cartoon stand-up special. Love it. Well-rounded entertainer, Dan Mintz, it's on YouTube, the 800-pound gorilla. Thank you so much, Dan. Thank you for coming in. This is fun. Thanks for having me. You got to come back sometime and do the same. And next week, we will be back at 4 p.m. Eastern talking cops. That's right, cop stories with

comedian Gil Azeri, who is a wild man. If you have a story about the cops, or if you are a cop and you want to tell us your cop stories, give us a call. 855-266-2-604, fill out the Google form in my social media bios. And as always, wild cards are welcome. All right. Now back to more Conan Clips. Love you.

Next week. Bye. Conan O'Brien.