The Three Questions with Andy Richter - Eddie Pepitone: Bad Neighbor Stories (The Andy Richter Call-In Show)

Episode Date: November 28, 2025

Andy returns from “Dancing with the Stars” for a very special Call-In Show! Actor and comedian Eddie Pepitone joins The Andy Richter Call-In Show this week to hear your BAD NEIGHBOR STORIES! Want to call in? Tell us your favorite dinner party story or ask Andy a question! Fill out our Google Form at BIT.LY/CALLANDYRICHTER or dial 855-266-2604. This episode previously aired on SiriusXM’s Conan O’Brien Radio (ch. 104). If you’d like to hear these episodes in advance, new episodes premiere exclusively for SiriusXM subscribers on Conan O’Brien Radio and the SiriusXM app every Wednesday at 4pm ET/1pm PT. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Conan O'Brien Radio Conan O'Brien Radio Hello! Hello, everyone. We're back. I thought I might take all of November off because I was dancing, but then America rejected me.

They threw me out like yesterday's... Did you know this, Eddie? Eddie Pepitone. here today. Hi, everybody. The very hilarious Eddie Pepitone, who we've been friends for years. He's been on the Conan show 750 times. And he's a very funny stand-up comedian.

You can, his new podcast, Apocalypse soon with Eddie Pepitone, is available on all platforms, subway and L-Train. And you can find his tour dates at Eddie Pepitone.com. Did you know I was on Dancing with the Stars? No, I did. I was on Dancing with the Stars. it and forgot. Yeah, no, that's all right. But I mean, but I had actually, I got, I got to the quarter finals. I got through nine of 11. Yesterday was the semi-finals and, and I got to the quarter-finals

based on, on entertaining, entertainment quotient and guile. I just, because everyone was better dancers in me, but people liked us. So they kept voting us back in. And we had fun. Yeah, yeah, I had a lot of fun but I thought I was going to take this show all of November off for dancing just in case I made it to the semi-finals and the finals but I did not I was I was bumped after the quarterfinals which honestly is a blessing in disguise because if I had stuck around any because everyone left is like really good dancers and if I had stuck around any longer people would have lost their fucking minds and they would have had a very good reason to lose their mind that this fair that old man was still there while these young people were getting kicked off.

You know, I was on an episode of my crazy ex-girlfriend, and I had a, there was a choreographed dance number, and I got to tell you, I was not in great physical shape then like I am now. Right. No, right now, Jesus Christ, you're bursting out of that shirt. And I mean, in a good way. No, but I was terrified at the choreography. I have some kind of weird dyslexia with dance steps. You are speaking my language.

Is that right? Exactly where I was before I did it. Yeah. And it just got beaten out of me by repetition. And it's four hours a day, seven days a week. Four hours a day? Four hours a day, seven days a week. And then once you get to a certain point, it goes up to five hours and then it goes up to six hours.

Like they're now, they're now at six or seven hours a day rehearsal. I would have, I got voted off. a week ago yesterday I got eliminated I shouldn't say Boulder off I just I was eliminated and it would it would have gone up to six hours a day the next week my God and I was

I was in I mean I'm I need a new hip I need a new knee and and I was I was dancing for an hour than icing for 15 minutes and dancing for an hour than icing for 15 minutes and just with the first day off I realized like I'm not recuperating I'm healing like I was I was

destroying my legs you know because it was so much wow and i do take solace from the fact that everybody is like that the young healthy people really they're they're in the physical they have a physical therapist on set and and we're all lined up because we're all a mess because this sounds a little like abuse it's it's you know what there there certainly is some something very special about it in terms of like it definitely it had it had transformative powers over me that I've talked about a lot in that it just made me uh it made me it got me out of my comfort zone yeah in a way that made me think and believe me I was like I love my comfort zone I made it it's comfortable and now and when this thing making me get out of it and making me get out of it and then like I said

repetition like not just get out of it but then get out of it and keep working work and working working it made me realize like yeah i got to do that i got to do that for after years of being kind of curmudgeonly about physical activity and stuff and yeah and just about like thinking like more optimistically about my physical future you know i was going to say that's amazing exercise and it's and it's and there is something about the i mean i guess you can quit if you want to but for me it's like I was I was there because well I mean I got into it too just sort of like as a knowing this is good for me and and submitting to it in a way that you submit to something that you know is good for you but also too this was a job this is a TV job and that's like one of

the things I take seriously yes and part of this job is devote yourself to it work really really hard yeah and and I was like yeah I can't I'm not going to half ass this I'm not going to fuck around. This is this, you know, it's the same thing like knowing my lines. Like, I'm not going to not know. I'm not going to show up to work and not know my lines. Absolutely. And in this one, the knowing your lines was know the dance. Do it as, as well as you can and keep pushing yourself to do better and better. So it wasn't like, I needed, I guess I needed a paycheck. You know, I needed to be like, sign a contract and I have a paycheck to do this. And instead of like some sort of like weird, you know, yoga retreat. uh some sort of you know like period of silence for three months or something and that and it but it really did and and it's a common thing that i've heard from other people that it really does change you in a way that you you you appreciate it and then it makes you it does make you appreciate your own ability to come to confront and overcome shit you're afraid of stuff that you're like, you know, you don't want to do.

Absolutely. So that's anyway. And it feels good. It does feel good. It hurts. There's a lot of. And it hurts everybody. I was just telling you, even the young people on the show, there's a physical therapist.

They're all lined up to get fixed, you know. That's amazing. Have you taken it? Now, when did you get eliminated? Just a week ago yesterday. Okay. A week and in that week, have you already noticed the difference in yourself? Yeah.

Absolutely. Yeah, in terms of, in terms of like my legs hurting less, basically. And my legs and my lower back hurting less. Mentally, do you feel better? No, mentally, mentally I actually do kind of miss it. There's a withdrawal and there's a kind of like, because it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, I got used to not having to worry about what I was going to do with myself because I was dancing and then I in you know like in we did mornings and then there was in the afternoon I'd usually have podcasty kind of things or interview things and then go home and I'd be so fucking tired that all there was to do was bed you out on the couch with my daughter with ice on my knees and uh and so now it's like I got to think about what to do with myself again yeah I do miss I miss the physical activity the sort of forced physical activity um I mean I'm I'm I'm

back doing the gym but I mean already I'm not yeah I mean but I mean I don't work out hard I mean I'm just talking about cardio you know doing cardio which I have loathed my entire life do you do strength stuff too a little bit a little bit I don't I don't I don't care that much about that kind of stuff all I hear it's good as you get older all I really want out of the gym is my heart to not give out and my spine to not collapse I just want poor and I don't care I like when they ask you, your goals. Yeah. I don't want the spine to collapse and the heart to go.

I want to be held upright until I can no longer stand upright. And then the rest of it, I don't really care that. Well, I applaud you because getting out of my comfort zone is always a panic attack waiting to happen. Yeah. Well, you said you work out with a trainer now. And that hasn't always been the case. No, no, not at all. And the thing I noticed is I would have such resistance.

I'm sure many people have said this, but I would have such resistance to going to the gym. And then once I get there and I love my trainer because he knows me. And once I would do this session, I noticed how much better mentally I felt. And I wasn't really working like a lunatic. I don't like that thing like, go. Like, somebody yells at me. I'm like, fuck you.

I'm out of here. I'm not paying you to yell at me. Exactly. I could go home for that. That's not my kink, you know. Yell at me and also read me my credit report. Yeah. No, but yeah, it was for me, the benefits of working out with a trainer is mental.

Yeah. Besides physical. Yeah, yeah. No, my whole life I worked out with a trainer because it was. It was the only way I'd go. I mean, same. Yeah, I had to make the appointment. You know, until I made enough money to be able to afford to go, you know, to the gym with the trainer.

Yes. Which means starting in the mid, when I got on TV, basically. Right. Right. And that was, but I left to my own devices, I don't give a shit. I, because my thing, too, is always like, my joke was sort of like, oh, you mean if I work out, I get more of this, like, meaning this life, like this thing I'm not so crazy about anyway. You know? Me and you were cut from the same. Yeah, yeah.

You mean I get to delay that wonderful nap that I take in that beautiful box that my family buys for me. Like that actually sounds kind of nice, you know. And I mean, and I've worked past that now. And honestly, this is fucking dumb. And it's not dumb, but I mean, it's like a ballroom dancing competition had all these like positive effects on my life, which is like, you know, like, you know, deliverance. comes in the funniest forms and this, you know, wearing shiny clothes and having confetti sprayed at me is where I learned to like, love myself. Who knew?

Who knew? Everybody's trying to get me into tango. You ever hear that your friends are like into swing dancing? And I'm like, what do you do? Why? Yeah, yeah. No, I actually, no, I mean, you know, my wife and I have talked about like, yeah, maybe, you know, maybe we'll take some dance. Because she, she likes to dance, but she likes to just, you know, dance to a concert, you know, like freestyle kind of dance.

I do that Mick Jagger with the head, the head thing, like the little rooster. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, that's it. Yeah, yeah, that's it. Yeah, yeah, that's it's a good move. It's served him. He's still doing it.

That is amazing. Yeah, yeah. When you see these guys. 83 or something like that. I saw them in Dallas. For three hours or something. It's unbelievable. It's unbelievable.

It was raining in Dallas about four or five years ago when I saw them. And Jagger goes, it was raining. He goes, the rain makes it very hard to dance. I bet it does. And Keith Richards was there just going, hey, it's good to be back. Actually, it's good to just be here, you know, anywhere. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, they're great.

Well, today, folks, out there in Radio Land, we are talking bad neighbor stories. If you have one, give us a call at 8,5. 25-266-2-604 and we will possibly put you on the air if it's good enough and Eddie do you have any a good bad neighbor stories what I remember is a guy moved in with his wife and kid and he seemed a little hillbillyish and then I hear and it's an apartment in L.A. so the wall sucked. Yeah, yeah. Like any good apartment and uh anyway he was a guitar player and i tried to nip it in the bud and i've learned that you can't come off angry so i started doing this thing where it's like hey dude hey jerry i see you play guitar because i would hear him yeah he goes yeah i love guitar and i go yeah i love it

too but could you kind of you know could you not could you not do it at night? Yeah. Or just kind of keep it really low, you know what I mean? Because it was electric guitar. He was playing through an amp. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

And it was hilarious because he would say to me, oh, yeah, man, don't worry about it. And then he would do it. Yeah, yeah. So then I would revert to my hostility, which is my go-to thing. Right, which is a trademark of yours. That's right. That pepatone hostility. Yes. Yes. And I would just take my fist and pound. I wouldn't knock on the door anymore because that's what I did at first.

Right. Knock on the door and do that adult thing of like, hey, Jerry. Right. It's very loud, you know, and I would make up things. I actually told him I had a baby. I'm not kidding. I found it. I found a baby, Jerry. he was out of a big podhead whatever yeah yeah and just pounding the fucking walls and he would stop sometimes and other times he wouldn't stop yeah and the biggest battle i had was with myself as always yeah because i would when he wasn't playing i would be waiting for him i would be waiting for him to start you know what i mean like walking around the apartment going let me tell you something yeah and me and my wife we get along because we hate together we don't love together but we bond through hatred it is an important part of like if you can bitch about the same

and the same people with your partner it's very strong it makes a very strong bond we bond about the backup beepers yeah trucks that never end in our neighborhood yeah honey did you hear what time they started oh yes i did and it leads to love making because we're so sure you get worked up yeah and we're connected speaking of backing up darling well yeah i uh yeah you know you have one well i mean i just i'm also there's like a couple that i'm just sort of i always am worried then like the person's going to listen you know uh well i changed the name oh i but it didn't the name they'll know that i'm talking about them but i mean but you know they follow i did i did i did have like i did i did move in a house the first house that i bought in lost which actually

was the first house that i ever purchased in los angeles had a pool that's a big deal oh it was huge it was a huge deal and uh it had a pool and i met my next door neighbor really early on and he said he's like he's talking to me and he knew he knew me from television and he and he and he said this thing to me and this was like this was like just an introduction into like our relationship and how and how it went from there he went like you know the guy that lived here before he goes this fucking guy you know never once did he invite my kids to come over and go swimming in that pool never once never once to say had us over for a barbecue and to swim swimming in his pool.

And I just, I mean, we've been talking for like a minute and a half at this point. And I was like, well, they want to come swim and just have them ring the bell. And he wouldn't, oh, no, no, I wasn't saying that. And I was like, they want to come swimming, have them come ring the bell. You went right to the solution. Right. Just, you know, whatever. And, uh, don't tell me the bell started.

No, they never rang. But there was, they were similar kind. It was always kind of like, I always felt like it was, he was just. a guy, it's like, you know, I'd like something from you. No, well, all right. Not going to get it. Sorry, buddy. But yeah, but I had

and then I had, well, it's also, I think it's again, too, like, after my ex-wife and I split up, I lived in an apartment building. And this building, it was in Burbank, and it was like a new, a brand new building,

like, and kind of fancyish. And there were a lot, lot of people, I don't know, I don't know what, because they rent short term or something, but there were a lot of people from out of town that had child actors and like their parents, like parents of child actors living in this apartment while they're stage mommies, is, you know, has a character arc on young Sheldon or something like that. And the people, I had a balcony and the people directly below me figured out, that I lived up there.

So when I, and when I was on my balcony and they could hear me, it'd be like, Hey, Andy, are you up there? Hey, listen, come on down. You know, and, you know, and I was dating at the time too. So a lot of times, you know,

it's like I'd have people over and we'd be on. And it would just, I would, I would have to tell people like, if we go out on the patio, you have to be really. Oh, my God. Because otherwise it'll be a 10 minute conversation. and like like let's cut why don't we just hang out at the pool now and just like no leave

alone and one were they trying to network i don't i just think they were just excited i mean they just were excited to have me there and they just had that sort of like friendliness that people have out in places that aren't los angeles or new york there was one time where i was i was out there and I had, I was out there with a friend and we had, what? What, the time? Is that what you're saying? Oh, okay.

I know. Relax people. Jesus Christ. They're telling me like, get to the phones. I know. Oh, and I see it's like we have nine cults. But anyway, I'll just quickly tell you that I was out there with a friend and we had a joint in one of those round tubes that you buy from the dispensary

and it rolled off the balcony down onto theirs. And they were down there and they're like, Andy we found your joint You want your joint back And I was just like to my friend like going no Hush, don't say anything All right, all right, fine Let's go to the phones

I'm having fun with my friend here Excuse me Bad Neighbor calls 855-266-2604 Let's go to Kate In Ohio Kate I'm sorry to keep you waiting That's okay

Yeah, I mean Can you hear me? Yeah, I can hear you. Oh my God. Hi, Andy. Hi. Thank you. Thank you.

You're here with me and Eddie Pepitone. I agree run a fan page. Oh, you do. I actually run a fan page for you on TikTok. It's called Kate in Ohio. Okay. With a seat. I will look it up.

Oh, my gosh. Hi, Kate. It's Eddie Pepitone. My best friend, Brandi, have a story for you. Okay, good. Yeah, me and Eddie are here. Hi, Eddie. Oh, hi, Kay.

Okay. So basically, our story actually has to do with you. Oh, wow. I can't even laugh. Oh, this is going to be awkward. I hope I didn't do anything. Yeah? No, you didn't. You didn't.

Okay. Okay, so basically for both sophomores in college, we go to school in New York. And about two, was it two weeks ago? Or three weeks ago? I think it was Danielle, when Danielle got out. Okay. Yeah, so when Danielle got eliminated. Yep.

We always hosted, like, a watch party in our room, right? Because who wouldn't do that? Sure. And we're very adamant, like, Andy Richter fans, like, vote for Andy. Like, we're right on everyone's whiteboard. We're, like, screaming down the hallways, like, get on your phone, vote for Andy. Like, do it now. Thank you.

I'm glad that you were alienating your people in your life on my behalf. I appreciate it. They called at least 30 people on her phone. Every night, at least 400 votes for Andy by the end of the night. Thank you so much. Thank you. That night, we're all like, okay, let's get everyone on our floor to watch the show. Like, it'll be fun.

Like, everyone will vote for Andy and it'll all be great and he won't go home because we'll all vote for him. And then we're watching the show. And we're all getting very emotional, just like screaming, like jumping for joy when you're dancing, when you're like everything. And these two girls who live directly next to us start yelling at us and trying to take our phones to, like, hide. them so we can't vote for you and we're like this is actually insane like you guys they were in the room with you or they came bursting in like phone cops like they literally came bursting in like our doors in our dorm hall like they closed but they always leave open like a little crack unless you push it shut right so they like opened the door like they're just like we hear you guys yelling about

andy like he needs to go home and we're like why like leave us alone and then they literally had granola bars and they started throwing them out of it in our race. We were like, if you'll get out, like, we're going to call the R.A. Like, what's wrong with you? Yes. Vote for Andy's peace and quiet. Anyway, then we end up, obviously, still voting for you. But they're still, like, yelling at us.

And then they eventually leave. And then it gets to the elimination part of the night. And they're like, Danielle and Bosnod, we're all like, yes. Like, thank God. It's not Andy. Like, he lives to see another week. Thank God. Because, like, we're not going to watch the show if you're not on it, I fear.

Well, we still root for Jordan, obviously. Like, we're not watching the show if you're not on it. Is that Jordan Peterson? No, Jordan Childs, Olympic gymnast. Okay. Oh, yeah, yeah. But so, I mean, and when, were they Danielle fans? Were they pissed and did they come in and start throwing things heavier than granola?

Oh. Whitney fans. The last night wasn't really too good for them. I don't know. Yeah. Whitney Cummings? No, Whitney Carson. She's, Leavitt.

I'm sorry, Whitney Leavitt. Whitney Levin is the pro that's on the show. Whitney Levitt. She's one of the secret lives of Mormon housewives. She's a reality star. I just saw an ad for that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, apparently their lives are not that secret from what I understand. Yeah, their lives are really public.

Yeah, they are very public. Yeah, so then when you like got to stay another week, so we're all cheering, screaming, because like our friends would record, like me and Frannie are like probably the biggest Andy fans, I would say, out of our little friend group. So we always, she, my roommate, Maddie, she always records, like. are their reaction to the elimination just in case because I literally hope you look at my TikTok when you got eliminated there. It's really sad. Okay, anyway. So that night, after we're all like screaming, jumping for the elimination, they come back and they're like, they're like just,

they're just so mean. Like they're just like the epitome of like a brady like burl. Like imagine like a bratty teenage girl. That's like everything you can imagine. I don't know what you're talking about. Never encountered that. never encountered anything like they were so mad at us and they were just like this is because of you i'm like okay my 20 votes did not solidify him saying in another week i'd be here and then um it actually got so bad like their voices like they were so raised and they got so angry that we actually did have to call the r a and they got escorted off our floor and they had to go to community standards Wow.

Coming out of their doors. Wow. Everyone was like staring them all the way in our room. We were like, we just wanted to see Andy. Like, I don't know what you want. That is not what ballroom dancing is about, guys. Literally. It is not what ballroom dancing is about.

It's about love and artistry. And they were like accusing me of this being like my first season voting, which just isn't true. Like I've been voting for at least three seasons now. So who gives a shit? This is just not true. Who gives a shit? shit if it was your first night voting what are they the the vote cops no there's a lot i mean it all of all of the passion that you would call it and some might call it insanity uh that goes along with

with watching dancing with the stars is very good for the show and all the sort of like the online tumultuousness is very good for the show but it it is a bit much at time like they're like it's it is really it is a bit much at times and there's also and i also was like It has really made me aware of how many, like, there are literally hundreds of thousands of dance experts out there because everyone's a genius when it comes to dancing. Sounds like the internet. Yeah, yeah. They're like, no, these are the best ones, but I'm like, please. I'm like, you don't even know what they're doing.

Like, please. Like, I could not do what Andy's doing. So why are you doing him? I was doing it and I didn't know what I was doing. You know, I mean. Do they know your rehearsal schedule? Oh, thank you. Yeah, they don't care about.

Oh, okay. And I literally, thank you. I would have taken me the finale if I could have. Well, thank you, guys. Yeah, if you accept my, like, DM request on TikTok, I wanted, we wanted to, like, our own little, fake little mirror bowl. All right. You don't have to do that, though.

I appreciate it. But, you know. But that would be so cute. All right, well, all right. Well, guys, thank you so much. I got to move on to more calls. But I appreciate it. And thanks for voting for us.

And, you know, sorry about causing all the strife in your, in your domestic situation. And don't forget to watch Eddie. Pepitone's new special in the dorm. I will. Yeah, the collapse. The collapse with Eddie Pepitone. Okay, I will. All right, thanks, guys.

I will always support you, Andy. Thank you. I love you. All right. Love you guys, too. Thanks so much. All right, moving on. Let's go to Rachel in California.

Rachel, you got Andy and Eddie here. Hey, guys. Oh, this is so cool. Oh, thanks. So not to beat the dancing with the Star's horse to death. It's kind of been my life lately. I go right ahead. I had never seen a second of it in my life.

I heard you were going to be on, so I started watching. I cannot tell you how obsessed I got with watching you and Emma every week. It was just such a bright spot of joy and like what has been kind of a hellaciously awful year for so many people for so many reasons. I keep hearing that and it makes me feel very, thank you, it. I keep hearing similar things and it makes me very proud and very. I'm very happy that I did it and that we did it the way we did it. Yeah, and Eddie, congrats on the new special. I look forward to it.

Thank you, Rachel. So I'll get into my story. All right. This is like circa 2010. I was living in Portland, Oregon at the time. And I was living in this giant condo complex. And everyone live really close to one another. So both my front door and my back door were like right next to my name.

neighbors front door and back door. And my neighbors were this really big intergenerational family who we didn't know each other at all, but we saw each other all the time. So we would say hi, how are you? But I did know that this one guy in the house was named Jesse. And I knew that he was the uncle of the kids in the house because they would call him Uncle Jesse, which would always make me chuckle because of full house. Right. I have no recollection of ever having any sort of significant interaction with Uncle Jesse before until one night I get a knock on the door. I go downstairs. I open it. Uncle Jesse is standing there and he is holding something in his hands. And I'm going to let you guys first

guess what you think he was holding. A gun. His penis. A penis gun. That might be the only thing grosser than what he was holding. Okay. What he was holding, I immediately recognized to be a urine specimen jar. Oh, wow. He proceeded to tell me that the next day, he had a job interview. I knew it. He had to take a drug test.

Oh, no. Oh, no. He told me he was not going to pass, and he asked me if I would be in this cut for him. How presumptuous of him that you weren't a partier? I mean, first of all, true. Yeah. Right. Come on, Jesse.

I'm fucked up right now. I really should have shut it down like a lot harder than I did. Yeah. No, you fucking freak. What did you say? What did you say? Okay. So my, I'm almost positive what I said in response was, well, you know that they can tell the difference between male and.

female urine, which I do think it's true, so it wouldn't work for me to give it to you. Even if that's not true, it's an excellent answer. That's very true. The female urine is pinker, right? It's a pink shirt. Yeah, it has an apple smell. Yeah, it smells like a bath and body work. It's really nice.

So, yeah, so he did not know this. He seemed to accept this and went on his way. That is like the only conversation. he ever had. Wow. I don't think he got the job because I continued to see him all the time all over the place of the apartment.

But man, this haunts me. Like I want to know did he knock on other doors? Yes, he was going, he was going door to door. I mean, he might have or maybe

some reason I give like the vibe of a chick that would just pop a squat and piano cup. Hold on, Jesse. I'll be right back. Yeah. Well, it'll also, the thing that occurs to me is that you said there were children in the home. Those kids were obviously on drugs, too, because it's right there to make one of the kids pee in the cup.

But no, apparently, those kids are probably stoners, too. That's a really good, a lot of good points. Yeah, that's Portland. You know, that place is a hell. He didn't, also worth noting, he didn't offer to pay me. He didn't offer me like a cook. like nothing. He just like would you do this for me?

But I mean, if he said, I'll give me a cookie if you pee in this cup. That would actually, that's worse than just asking it to be in the cup. A cookie. I do like cookie. Do you know what the job was? If you're out there. Uncle Jessie. I don't know what the job was.

I don't know. That's all right. Yeah, I don't think he got it. Just to give you like a visual, he was like, I would say like early 90s, Eddie Vedder, but the meth head version of that was kind of his life right right yeah i was going to say like to ask him like what's the job and stuff in that in that moment it's hard to have be in the frame of mind of like i better get details because this is going to be a good story like you're just you're in fight or flight right you're in fight or flight you're in piss or run mode then so that's

that's exactly right thank you for understanding and uncle jesse if you're out there please call in because this truly let us know. We want to know. Yeah, he's probably a lawyer now. All right. Well, that's my story. Rachel, thank you so much for calling. Yeah, this is so fun.

Take care you guys. You too. All right, 855-266-2604 is our number. We're talking bad neighbors. And next up, we have Lindsay from Memphis. Oh, I bet there's some bad neighbors in Memphis. Lindsay, you got me and Eddie Pepitone. What's up?

Hey, what's up? Hey. I miss you on Dancing with the Stars, Andy. Thank you. I was also on it. Eddie was in the audience. Eddie was in the audience. Holding up signs.

Supporting another team. Yeah. Supporting Corey Feldman, even after he was gone. Anyway, so anyway, Lindsay, what you got going on there? Okay, so this story is about a party complex that I used to live in in Memphis and a lot of locals know it. It was called Audub and Downs. And if you live there, you know, you're probably young or maybe you're older and you just didn't want to stop partying, but you were a partier. So it was known as a party complex. I mean, you didn't even say apartment complex. You said party

complex. Yeah. When you're, when you're very much known for that. When you were being shown the apartment, did the landlord give you a bag of wheat? Yeah. No, but she was drinking a glass of wine. Wow, yeah, okay. Ah, nice, sexy. So I, you know, I was a partier, I was young, I was in college, so it wasn't like I was a stick in the mud or, you know, quiet. And you knew the reputation of this place. Oh, 100% everybody did. Right, okay.

You did not go live there with a family. Right, right, right. You weren't looking for quiet. No, no. So I moved in, and this was actually like my second or third apartment at this place, and this couple moved in below me. It seemed normal, seemed fine, but they quickly started to play like techno at all hours. And it wasn't just like, it wasn't just like techno, you know, it's on. It was as if they had two giant speakers and it was just like Night of the Rockbury all the time, all the time.

And I started to get tired of it, but I'm not, I'm not that kind of person that's going to, like, weaponize the property manager or all the police on people. So I, I try to talk to them about it. I'm like, I'll go down there. I'll talk to them. It's cool. They'll be cool. You know, we've been cool. It's fine.

So I go down there and I talk to the girl. And she's fine. Like, she's cool. And she's like, oh, my God. I'm so sorry. And she's super apologetic. You know, okay, cool. This, that wasn't bad.

I think maybe 30 minutes went by, boom. the music's back up and I was like you've got to be kidding me and so I went back down to oh I'm so sorry I'm so sorry and the music would go down but each time it would like get turned back up and this went on four weeks and I'm not talking like oh they just party every night no it was just like all the time where like 3 a.m and stuff like that oh 5 a.m. 6 a.m. How did you sleep? How did you sleep? I didn't and I eventually went to the property manager. I did not call the police, but I went to the property manager

and she was like, oh my God, I'll talk to them. I'm so sorry. Absolutely. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So she talks to them and I think it might have gotten good for a couple days and then it got bad again. And I'm like, you've got to be kidding me. And it went on and on. I refused to call the police because I just

did not want to be that jerk. Right. You know, you're not a fucking narc. No, I didn't want to do that. And plus, you know, they might have found, you know, things in my place to. Oh, I get it. So I was like, no, I'm good, I'm good, I'm good.

Yeah, decaying bodies. So eventually I, I see stuff being moved out and I see people with like hazmat suits downstairs. And I'm like, what is going on? And I go and I find the property manager, Brenda. And I'm like, Brenda, what happened? And it wasn't the loud. Techno that got these people out, they actually got evicted for not paying their rent. And when they went inside the apartment, they had to get a hazmat crew because they discovered that they were making meth.

That explains a lot. Yeah. Oh, boy. Because meth loves techno. Yes. Yes. Incessant, never-ending soul-crushing techno. Absolutely.

It wasn't even good techno. Yeah. I mean, listen, I wouldn't be able to know. And especially like through the floor, how do you know the difference? You know what I mean? It's good when you're on meth, I guess. I guess. Now, was it in the bathroom?

Was it in the kitchen? It also shows. It was in the back. Okay. It was in the back of their apartment because like everybody's apartments opened into the kitchen. And their kitchen and their living room looked totally normal when I had seen it. But I hadn't been past that. I see.

And when I went in, the Brenda let me go in there and look and it looked like um I'm trying to think of that movie like my is it is it Michael Douglas the game when it's like they turn off the lights and there's all the graffiti all over the wall oh yeah all the crazy stuff's written like 12 monkeys type shit and it was just everywhere like graffiti all over the walls oh nice but it met but it wasn't art it was just nonsense it was scrawled yeah unsequit or crap wow it was just they were in there listening to to techno and like scribbling on the walls and apparently making mess. This is also, it's illuminating too, about, I guess, you would think that a meth lab would be a good business model, but if you can't afford your rent, I mean, how good can it be? I don't understand that. Perhaps it was subpar quality meth. Perhaps their usage was a bit too much, you know what I mean?

In the words of NWA, don't get high off your own supply. Maybe that, yeah, it could be it. Did he wear a Heisenberg hat, the guy? This is way before that. Oh, okay, yeah. It was when I was very young, so I don't even know where they are now. Oh, I'm sure there's somewhere great doing well. All right.

Well, thank you, Lindsay. Thank you for that. And I'm glad you didn't blow up. Yeah. Because that can happen, you know. Me too. Yeah. All right.

Have a good one. Happy Thanksgiving. Have a good holiday season. whatever you celebrate. You too. All righty. Thanks, Yeah.

Bye-bye. All right, next up, we've got Adam calling internationally, I mean from Canada, but still, Adam, you got Eddie and Andy. What's up? Hey, guys. How you doing? Hey, thank you. How are you? Hey, hey.

I'm great. I just want to say, first off, I've been a huge fan of Andy since the early late show days. Late night days. Thank you. And I just want to, I have a, I have two daughters. One of my daughters is 11. And every night when I put, before she goes to bed, we watch the old drive, drive the car, drive the desk.

Oh, yeah, desk drive, yeah. And, like, I started to pretend with my girls when they were younger that we were, like, pretending that their bed was a car and we were driving that. Oh. And I showed them where I got that from. I got that from you guys. Oh, thanks. Just like you still live.

You didn't have to credit us. You could have just let them think it was your bit. I had a you know what I mean I had a love to know it was an original material I understand you have a lot of integrity yeah yeah that's great I appreciate it I wish everyone had that no so my my neighbor's story um when I was in university uh we had a split level host so we had my brother and I and two girls we shared the main level and there's a guy his wife and a pit bull in the basement. And we didn't have a recipe for romance. Yeah, right. And so, I mean, things were pretty chill. We didn't really have parties at our place or anything. And I would just

get up in the middle of the night and walk to the kitchen for a drink or something. And the floors creaked. It was an older house. And I'd hear banging coming from the basement. And I'd stomp back a bit sometimes, like, if you got really aggressive. And it was a back and forth. And, uh, And it was like, you know, we never were really face to face. It was a back and forth, like floor stomping versus ceiling banging. I love that. Yeah, yeah. Passive aggressive.

Yeah, yeah. And then one night, we had a big party there one night. And I had friends from my hometown there. And we probably had 20, 30 people there one night. And we were all outside afterwards waiting for a cab. And one of my friends decided he had to urinate before we got to. the cab and he went up to the side of the house and the guy's basement window was open and he pissed and the guys oh no no no yeah he didn't mean to but he didn't know the history going on

there between us and the guy came out the pit bull came out and he's standing in front of us and there's like me and like 20 of my friends and uh there was some some words shared sure and this guy was little crazy so I wasn't uh you know I was kind of hiding in the background to be honest and one of my friends uh got in his face and confronted them and uh but I had to live there after the party you know what I mean right exactly you couldn't keep your 20 friends with you for their duration come on guys move in with me yeah it's it's all fun in games that night but then you know I got to drive back home tomorrow on a Tuesday afternoon yeah right Yeah.

So how did it, how did it resolve itself? Was it just kind of a lot of posturing and the pit bull saying, come on, guys, let's think about this. There was a little bit of a standoff that night. I only lived there like another month and nothing bad happened. But, you know what I mean? I learned what floorboards to walk on after that night. Yeah, yeah. You'd calm the war, the war of the stomping.

Yeah. Well, was there at least an attempt to say, like, hey, Anybody that the urinating in your window was an accident? No, no. We never cleared that out. See, yeah. I wish I'd been there. I would have really been able to mediate.

You guys would have ended up friends. Yeah. I don't know if you got time for one quick, one quick, one more quick story about a neighbor. Of course. Go right ahead. But, all right. Well, I lived in an apartment building years later with my now wife. and there's a security guard in the building

and he's a really nice guy he had even you know older guy looked out for the building he hadn't even been stabbed before like trying to watch it for someone's car out in the parking lot but he still kept on doing his job like he got stabbed you said

yeah he got stabbed yeah just questioning some guys who were like looking in someone's car windows trying to look out for one of our tenant's car windows and so anyways one night I'm watching a movie by myself late at night. The volume's not that light or anything, and I hear bang, bang, bang, bang on the door.

And I go to my door, and it's a security guard standing there and open up the door, how's it going? And he said, good, good. I said, was I too loud? No, no, no, no. He said, but I got a question for you. And this is like 1.130 in the morning. Does your wife like ice cream parfaits?

And I said to him, yeah, I mean, as much as the next person. Yeah, yeah. And he's like, fall, he said, follow me. So I didn't question it. I didn't question it. All right, buddy. I got in the elevator with him. I went down to the basement of the building where the parkade was.

And he was just taking to show me. Someone had moved to the building. And they left a box of old ice cream parfait, like the old retro ice cream parfei. Yeah, yeah, and the plastic cup. Yeah. Yeah. And he just wanted to the pass those on to me. But I just think it's funny.

that I didn't even question this guy. Right. I just followed them. Okay, buddy. Let's go to the basement. Sounds like our urine sample. A little bit. Yeah, a much more benign. Right, right, right. And also could it, I would have thought it was maybe some kind of sex thing. Ice cream parfait?

Oh, sure. I mean, who doesn't? A cone? Yeah, yeah. I guess, I mean, I guess we provided a urine sample too that night to my neighbor in the basement, but he didn't have. All right. Well, Adam, thank you so much. Thanks, Adam. I appreciate it. All right. Have a good one.

I don't know for some reason I just flag. And I guess this is a neighbor story. But when I lived in New York City, my apartment, the building that I lived in was taller by about four stories than all than like three buildings to the west of it. Right. And then the next building was sort of a similar, was like a shorter than ours, but, you know, you could see onto it. And I wondered, and it was in the middle of the day. And there was, you know, those little sort of like structures that are on top, which is where the elevator, like where all the elevator works are? You know, like on top of a city building, there's like a little sort of hut and it's all where the elevator stuff.

Yeah, yeah. But it's like a little thing. Well, it's an access panel or an access place to the elevator. There's a door to it. And that door is propped open. And I noticed there's a guy sitting in a wheeled office. office chair looking back at my building with binoculars. Oh, shit.

And he's looking up and down the side of the building. And then all of a sudden, like, see something that he likes, stands up, whips down his pants to his ankles and starts jerking off. Oh. Like in broad daylight and is jerking furiously. And then for like a short minute and then stops, pulls his pants back up and goes back to scanning, like looking at different apartments, and then

the cycle repeats. He sees something whips his pants down, starts Can you see if he ejaculated? No, I, no, I mean, I was, I'm like four buildings away. Okay. So it was still kind of, because it's impressive, but I, he's ejaculating. I don't know.

And I mean, but I, and I couldn't even really tell about, wow, the status of his erection, uh, you know, because I know you're thinking about it. Because, and of course, I think we all are, would be thinking about it. That is hilarious. Like, I called the police station. You did? Yeah, and I was like, hey, there happens to be a guy jerked out. And they were

like, and I didn't call 911 because I was like, right, you know, I just looked up. Yeah, the local precinct close by. And they're like, all right, we'll send somebody by. Because I was able to figure out like what number it was. And then, and I just stood and watched as there was like, did the cops go there? Did you see the cop? I saw him like, like, he, He could hear somebody in the stairwell and then like scurry and like, you know, like pull up his pants and, you know, pull the office chair back in and hurry back in. So, but it did put it in. Did you have any inclination to go up on the roof with binocular? I mean, that roof.

No. And see what the hell he saw? No, no, no, no. I have a very vivid imagination. I don't need that much help. Anyhow, that just came to mind. And that was a neighbor. It was amazing.

I was a member of someone in my neighborhood. Jordan in Kansas, we want to hear from you now, Jordan. Hello, Jordan. Eddie and I are here waiting to hear your bad neighbor story. Hi, Jordan. Well, first, Andy, I have to say, I am here with your youngest fan that has ever probably existed. My four-month-old daughter, Lillia, loves you. Oh, good.

By far, every time you would dance, she would coo and laugh. and giggle, and you by far were her favorite dancer on the seasons of Dancing with the Star. So it is an honor that we get to tell my bad neighbor story. She was not born when this happened. I was a senior in high school back living with my parents in Virginia. Okay. And my lovely parents across the street one day, my brother and I are looking out the window, and we see a bunch of cars just moving in across the street.

And we're like, oh, we're finally getting new neighbors. How exciting. And then my brother kind of jokes and is like, huh, that looks like Greek letters. I wonder what that's about. And my dad takes a look outside and he said, oh, we're having a frat house move across the street. How lovely. Were you nearby a college? Were you fairly close to a college?

Well, okay, so close enough that we are about 10 minutes away, so far enough that this was not a neighborhood that. the college kids lived it. I see. If that made sense. Right, right. We were in the county side. The college was in the city's part of the area.

Got it. So not that close. Yeah. But yeah. And so I did some digging because I like to be a little bit of a snooper. Uh-huh. So I looked up those Greek letters. I just typed in the university and the fraternity.

And the first thing, the fraternity's name, suspended indefinitely. And so they have been kicked out of their housing. And they decided, oh, a $2,500 a month house, that's really cheap for five guys to live in a house, isn't it? Wow. So five guys decided to move into this house in a very residential neighborhood where there were children, elderly people, high school students. Right. And I think the icing on the cake, well, there were two. was their first frat party there were i counted there were 40 cars lined up and down the street

of our house yeah uh in our neighborhood uh and then the second one i was babysitting my next door neighbor who lived directly across from them and i'm helping him with his homework and i go to get a glass of water and he just started laughing hysterically and i go what's so funny why are you laughing and he's Like, that guy, you see him, he's peeing in the front yard. One of the frat boys decided in the middle of the day, not to go inside. He had just come home from class and decided, yeah, I don't feel like I'm locking the door. I'm just going to go ahead and pee in the front yard. It happens, so, I mean, yeah, I mean, one of the joys about, I mean, there's many joys about being a male, but one of them is easy access to, you know, outdoor urination.

He may have been a landscape or two. You guys do have that. It's, I mean, and I, listen, I know it's a luxury and I never would, I would never take it for granted, but it is, you know, it happens. But yeah, go around the back. That, that, I mean, there is that point. Yeah. You know, like you said. But during the day, it's a little weird.

Yeah. Right. During the day, well, and they also, they never locked the door. Like, we would often just see the front door sitting wide open. And I think one of them actually came to my parents' house after I had gone away to a different college. to let them know that his car had been broken into and which my father or son well, did you lock your door?

Oh, you're supposed to lock your car door is what he responded with. So these were trusting people. He's a very nice vehicle. Yeah. Very nice. They were very interesting. When they finally moved out,

it was a very happy day, but it was also a very funny day to see all the things they were throwing away. I had never seen so many doors and high-quality furniture. And I think the funniest was there was one guy he had a very nice flat-screen TV that he could not sit into his car.

And I watched him, put it down on the side of the street and just drive away. He's just like, I don't need it. I can just get another one. It's no big deal. Did you grab it? No. My parents wouldn't let me.

Oh. And I know my wife was listening. I wish you let me get that. Why didn't somebody like complain to, you know, like the landlord and say, hey, you know, you ruined our neighborhood with all these hooligans. We did, we did try to complain to the, I don't know if we complained to the property manager or the leasing manager. Because it was owned, funny enough, it was actually owned by some, but the house is actually owned by somebody in the neighborhood, which made it even funnier. So we complained to them first, and he said, well, I'm not running the house anymore.

here's actually the company that's running the house now. You can take control with them. We contacted them and he just said, well, there's the fair housing wall. We can't discriminate of who we rent to. And we're like, fair, but you realize that's not, yeah, that's not true. That's not true. There's five frat boys living across the street that are doing interesting tasks in the daylight and the night time that no one wants to see. Well, I think, you know, that's, it's a, it's a problem with Greek life.

it's just the Greeks it's the Greeks you know it is all right well Jordan thank you for calling I'm glad that those days are behind you yes it made me stronger as an individual but it's something funny too nice nice all right and thank your daughter and tell her she can you know I think the reason she probably liked me is because I was the most infant like just in terms of bodily dementia yeah yeah I have I have a baby's body in many ways not in there's very vital ones where it's profoundly different but yeah it's probably just like look at that giant baby dancing around oh yeah exactly it happens all right well thank you so much by jordan all right thank you bye bye well eddie that is the andy richter collins show

that was great thanks that was great a little harrowing to hear the stories it's nice you know I mean this is a pretty good topic there's some good stuff happening yeah yeah we usually at the here we pick a we pick a favorite caller um i think just for pure sort of dramatic tension you got to go with meth back i was going to say the same thing with a very close second to the urine yeah yeah you know hey can you give me a that is just so funny it's a new twist on the cup of sugar yes that one would normally want to borrow diabetes in this case All right, well, Eddie, again, you got, you got, I have a new special app called the Collapse. It's on YouTube.

Okay. And it's out now? It's out now. Check it out. And you can find tour dates at Eddie Pepitone, which is P-E-T-O-N-E-E-E. Dot com. And that links to all my socials, yeah. Nice.

And I'll be back. Well, no, I won't be back next week. Well, yeah, because it's Thanksgiving. I mean, for God's fake people. I have a family. I have a life. You can't expect this all for me. I'll be here.

Eddie'll be here. He has no family and no life. But anyway, thanks for listening. I'll be back in a couple of weeks with more of this. Stick around right now. You'll be able to hear stand up on Conan with the hilarious Lori Kilmartin. Happy Thanksgiving! Conan O'Brien Radio

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