The Three Questions with Andy Richter - Flula Borg: Weird Injuries (The Andy Richter Call-In Show)

Episode Date: October 25, 2024

Actor and musician Flula Borg joins The Andy Richter Call-In Show this week to talk WEIRD INJURIES! In this episode of Andy’s weekly SiriusXM radio show, we hear stories about a sneeze gone wrong, a donkey named Jingles, the dangers of churro-making, and much more. Want to call in? Fill out our Google Form at BIT.LY/CALLANDYRICHTER or dial 855-266-2604.  
This episode previously aired on SiriusXM’s Conan O’Brien Radio (ch. 104). If you’d like to hear these episodes in advance, new episodes premiere exclusively for SiriusXM subscribers on Conan O’Brien Radio and the SiriusXM app every Wednesday at 4pm ET/1pm PT.

Oh Yeah Hello everybody Andy Richter here time for the Andy Richter call-in show It's the show where you call in we talk about stuff you tell us stories and we meaning me and my co-host us stories and we, meaning me and my co-host, we try not to make fun of you but it does happen. I have to be upfront. Sometimes we will make fun of you but we do it with love, which is what everyone who's

an asshole says. I do it with love and then it's like no you don't. You do it for your own purposes. And this is all about me folks. Well it's all about me and Floo La Borg. Hello, Floo La. Well, hello, Andy Richter. How are you? I'm fine. Thank you so much for coming in today.

Thanks for allowing me into the building and into the studio. We are on a timer. As soon as this show is done, you are out the door. Yes, and those eggs are ready to eat. Get out. Well, here, let me get your plugs out. Well first of all, I wanna say, everybody, we're live, so you can give us a call at 855-266-2604.

And today's topic is injuries. You know, those funny, funny, painful things. But I mean, everybody's got kind of a fun injury story. Yes, some of them are hilarious. Some of them can be funny. I mean, some's got kind of a fun injury story. Yes, some of them are hilarious. Some of them can be funny. I mean, some of them aren't so, and some of them, it's that sort of dark laughter that you have just as a way of coping with something awful.

With something very terrible. Yes, yes, yes, yes. So if you have any of those stories, give us a call, 855-266-2604. Here's some stuff about Flula. Okay. He plays German legal scholar Hans von Donaihy. Donani, yes.

Donani, okay, close. In the upcoming historical drama Bonhoeffer. Yes, Bonhoeffer. Bonhoeffer. Yeah. November 22nd, written and directed by Todd Karmann. Karmannicky. Karmannicky, see, the German ones I'm closer closer to but when you start to get Slavic, it's over

Yeah, yeah, uh, Flula's disembodied head hosts the video game show neon dimension on YouTube and fubo TV Yes, and you star in the podcast sitcom Fula makes five a sitcom about a family that buys a new dream house Unaware that a German techno DJ wonder who that is holds a 100 year lease to their basement yes and I'm in it you are in next week's is that right absolutely next week's episode first episode of season two very exciting thank you Andy Wow I'm the big I'm the big get for the season opener you are all right no it's fun yeah it was you asked me to record some stuff. And you did it.

And I did it. I went into my bathroom and, uh. Oh, that was the echo. No, I don't think it was. Oh, I was trying to. I don't think it was a bathroom. I think I'm not. It might have been at the dining room table.

I can't remember exactly. OK, I was wondering what those dingles and dangles sounds were. OK. What are those dingles? Honestly, I don't know. I could listen back, and it could be any many, any one of many dingers or dangers. Listen, we incorporated this dingle-dongles into the show,

so do whatever you want. All right. Well, now, you're a world traveler. I've done it. I own a passport, yes. You're all over, a busy man, films, live appearances, techno DJ. As all three, a busy man, films, live appearances, techno DJ. As all three, we have both done.

Yes, oh, precisely. Obviously. Yeah, I mean, yeah. Yeah. I mean, yeah. You're the Tiësto of, where are we? Sirius XM radio, yes. Yeah, I'm the Avicii of Burbank.

Oh, hell yes. Hell yes, yeah. Yeah, I'm the Avicii of Burbank. Oh, hell yes. Hell yes. Yeah. Do you have any good injury stories? Yes, I once as a child accidentally slide tackled a barbecue grill and opened a nice wound on my calf. No, the shin, sorry, shin that is in the shape of a Nike swoosh. Ooh.

Yeah. Ooh. Yeah. Ouch. I think it still is there. No one can see this, but it's right there. Do you see it? Oh, I do see that. Yeah, I have three children now, and I feel like my older kids, we didn't really go to

the emergency room much. Whereas I feel like when I was a kid, we were there once a month from something that like some, like my brother or me, I was there so often from an early age, tipping back in my high chair and hitting my head on a bookshelf. And my mother saying that she could actually see into my soft spot, which had not healed over.

Still has not healed, has healed. Oh no, it definitely has now. Oh, okay. I demonstrate, but I don't wanna take off my wig. Oh damn it. Next time. And so yeah, that was like one of the first ones, and I guess there's probably stitches, scars up there.

My brother once, when I was pulling off his socks, which made him crazy, like it annoyed him, which is why I did it. Of course. He kicked me in the eye and his toenail sliced my eyelid open. What? Yes. How jagged are these nails?

I don't even, I don't know. It just, but it just, it happened. And so I had stitches in my eyelid. Okay, wait. So you said in back in the days, more hospital visits, but with your current offsprings, minimal- Not so many. I always assumed, you know, everything like back

in the days, no one went to hospitals. We would just put some, some vapor rub on it and call it a day. And now everyone goes to the hospital. No, no. Oh, okay. I'm from a long line now everyone goes to the hospice. No, no. Oh, okay. I'm from a long line of hypochondriacs. Oh, congratulations.

So it was like Disneyland. Going to the hospice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's my joke about my hypochondriac relatives is that they all stand such a good chance of dying while doing what they love. Visiting the hospice. Which is being ill.

Oh, being in the ER. Being sick, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow, I'm excited for you. It's being ill. Oh, being in the ER. Being sick, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow, I'm excited for you. It's fingers crossed. I'm knocking on my words. Yeah. So yeah, and I mean, I, broken leg,

my mother backed over me with the car. What? Yeah, but when we were delivering papers, I had a paper route and I was hanging out the back of the station wagon. And she didn't back over me with the wheel, but my foot got caught in a pothole as she was backing down sort of an incline and it hyper extended my foot and I had a broken leg.

So it was your paper route and mama was driving you as you tossed papers out of the back? Yes. Ah, okay. Yes, yes. Did you ever injure somebody by throwing these readable papers? No. No, but I was one of those children

that hurt the other children. Like, just in good-natured play. Oh. You know, like, touch football with me was always, I always was like. Less touch, more tackle. Well, yeah. It was, no, it was touch, but then like the other children would go flying.

Oh, okay. Were you, as a child of the same size and momentum as your peers, or were you just more aggressive? I was pretty much the same size I am now. And the same bodily dimension. I've retained my toddler dimensions throughout these. No, no, I was, I was,, no, I was not like very tall,

but I've always been strong. Stout. Yes, yes, yes. Very, you know, Swedish stock, German stock. You would have destroyed me. I was a skinny mini. Were you? Oh, I had no, yes, you would have destroyed me, absolutely.

And did you have a childhood full of injuries? Well, some of them, well, many were sports. Many sports. So lots of us saw back and many ankle twisties. But the slight tackling of the grill was the worst. And then as with you, the hitting of heads on things, I once hit them on a windowsill in Rome as I was walking backwards and then my back of my head just was bleeding non-stop. Oh yeah, those head wounds. Don't stop. Oh, they are really something. Yeah, can't stop, won't stop. Yeah, they're really amazing.

I mean, that's like, once wrestling figured that out, they were like, alright, cheap special effects. Just elbow for real in the head, see what happens. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Gussher. Ooh. Alright, well, are we ready to go to the phones? We are. Once again, the number is 855-266-2604. Andy Richter, call and show. Andy, Floola. Hello. And now we got Colleen.

Colleen. Hello. Hi, how are you? I'm good, thanks. How are you? I'm pretty good. Well, me and Floola are ready to hear about your pain. We're very excited. Well, how are you? I'm good, thanks. How are you? I'm pretty good. Well, me and Flula are ready to hear about your pain. We're very excited. Well, it's not my pain. It's my husband's pain, but I like to laugh at him. Even better. Great. So we were on vacation in Mexico, and our first morning I was awoken to him, the sounds of him screaming. He had sneezed while he was urinating and it

caused him to rupture his urethra. What? What? What does that look like? Does it look like like a cartoon cigar that had a you know like on a you know that had an exploding cigar was it like cigar that had a, you know, like on a, you know, that had an exploding cigar? Was it like, yes, like a broomhead or something? What does that mean? It was all internal. We didn't know what was going on. We did a telehealth with his doctor back in the States who said we had to go to the hospital to do testing because it might require surgery. Wait, we've gone too far because he sneezes. What happened? He said the most intense pain he's ever felt and then a lot of blood.

Oh, yeah, because that's a place you don't want blood coming out of. So then he began to pee pee blood? Yes. I would think so unless it was just spraying out the side. Oh yeah. Yeah, that would be extra alarming. Like a recorder, just holes everywhere. Yes, yes.

Exactly. He needs to be like the little Dutch boy putting your thumb in it. Oh, no. Oh, so I mean, what was his initial thought? He had no idea what happened or why it was so painful, but we quickly put together this because he had sneezed at the same exact time.

His doctor said it's fairly a regular occurrence, which is disconcerting. Wow. Okay. Wait, can I just ask, what is the rule to learn here for other people who own penises? To never sneeze, to stop peeing, I guess, while you need to sneeze. Okay, so hold the pee, I know, hold the pee and then sneeze or just let this flow as you hachoo? I'm not the, you're retooled. Listen, no, I need you to give me medical advice.

not be your retools. Listen, no, I need you to give me medical advice. Colleen, we need medical advice. Both of us have a lot of writing on this here. No, well, it would seem like you don't, you wouldn't wanna, I mean, you would have to have the kegels to stop the urine, because I would think that like pinching it off and then sneezing would be even more problematic.

Yes. That's just my guess. And I'm not a trained urologist. I'm more of a natural. Yeah, you're a natty. Yeah, yeah. You're a natty doc. Right. Wait, Colleen, how was this telehealth appointment? Were pants lowered or was it all more just philosophical? were pants lowered or was it all more just philosophical?

Just philosophical. But we did then need to go to a Mexican hospital and all along, he doesn't speak any Spanish. I had been just hobbling us along with my high school Spanish. Yeah. But they don't, in high school Spanish, they don't teach you the word for urethra. Or rupture. Yeah, both. Or rupture. Yeah. so that was an experience. The doctor was hysterical and came in with a cartoonish accent. Like he was like a Looney Tunes character and said, like, I know you think that we all wear some breros, but I actually went to medical school. It was the strangest experience.

Was that his natural accent while speaking English, or was he doing like a Speedy Gonzales? He was doing a Speedy Gonzales. Oh, wow. And then talked to us normally with just a slight accent. It was like, no, I'm just messing with you guys. It's... I kind of like him.

He seems great. I want him to treat my pee pee. Yes. Is this all while your husband is in deep pain? Absolutely. Perfect. Great. Wow. So what is, I mean, does he, your husband whips it out.

Speedy Gonzales takes a look. I caramba, probably his words. Yeah. Andale, Andale. They did ultrasounds, he ultimately ended up not having to have surgery and just had a round of antibiotics and then it healed on its own, but it was, it's quite the story and I love to tell it. Was it ruptured in one spot? Yes. And where was that spot? Oh, I don't know. Shaft, tip? Inside. Inside the body, you know?

Paint a picture for us. Yeah, inside the body. Oh, okay. At least I don't know exactly, yeah. Wow. That is crazy. This is, I know it's Halloween month. This is terrifying.

Yeah, yeah. Let me just say, this is a very scary story, Colleen. I will never urinate and be near a farm or springtime again. There's so many things that can happen like this. Like my ex-wife in her 30s, just both of her retinas started to detach. What? Yeah.

And it was this sort of thing like, and she's very nearsighted, which is astigmatism, and that's where the eyeball kind of gets football shaped. And the retina is just a tissue that sort of sits up against the back of the eyeball. And because of that conical misshaping, it's sort of, the way it was explained to us was like water behind wallpaper, and it starts to peel off.

And she just was like having weird vision stuff. And we go in and they're like, oh yeah, the right one is almost 75% detached and the left one is about 30% detached. What would happen when she sneezed? Well, that was, I think that was like one of the things that was strictly verboten. Couldn't do it.

And it's why our second child was a scheduled Z-section, because they were like, no, no, no more pushing for you. No straining. Yeah. And it's because the way that they correct it, there's different, but she got two silicone bands around her eyeballs that will be there forever, like squeezing out either end of the eyeball

and forcing the retinas in place. This is insane. Yeah. So their solution was to rubber band it essentially? Exactly. That's right. Exactly. That's right. You lay down, which is better

because the other solution was they fill your eyeball with gas, some kind of gas that then you then over a period of a couple of weeks, your body replaces that pressure, whatever gas it was, I don't remember. But you have to stay for like two weeks face down on like a massage table. You can't, like, if you get up and go upright, you can only be that way for short periods of time.

How do you make a doodie? I guess quickly. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Which, I mean, I'm incapable of that. Yes, yes. You know, it's a luxury for me. You read an entire encyclopedia, Brown novel.

I absolutely do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I go from the beginning of Instagram to now. To the... Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a while. All right. Well, Colleen, how long was your husband out of action, if I may ask?

Oh, I'm glad I wasn't sure with how long. I'm glad you continued with that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's good. A few weeks, yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah, he was in pain for a few weeks, yeah. And his first time back on the playing field, was he nervous? Absolutely. Yes.

I hope you laughed at him. Yeah. You coward. Get in here. Figure it out. All right, well Colleen, thank you for kicking us off with a good one. Nothing like a hurt pee-pee to get the ball rolling. Next up, we got Chris.

Hi fellas, how are you today? Good, good. Very sassy. Good, so my story is I went to a friend's wedding in Chicago, there were like shots of vodka Sure. at each place setting. Yeah. I was told it was because of the Polish wedding

I I don't know if that's true or not or if it's just an excuse for something. Do they have that? Malort or that slivovitz? Those those nasa just vodka straight unpronounceable vodka nice delicious I had no problem. I had no problem with it as you'll hear in a second I had no problem with it, as you'll hear in a second. So every time there was a clinking of glasses or whatnot, we'd do the shot, the staff would come around immediately and fill it. This happened several times, pretty quick succession right from the beginning of the reception.

The dancing started and the song, Feeling Hot Hot Hot by Buster Poindexter came on. Yes, of course. It's a Chicago wedding, so that's gonna happen. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's in the city charter, right? Yes. So, they, a conga line started. It was about six women over the age of 50 of me.

I was the caboose trailing. I'd had probably five or six shots of this vodka at the time. We're going around the room, everybody's having fun. Oh, also at each people's place setting was a heart-shaped tin of cinnamon candies with a dried and groomed space on them. So I put that with me and yeah, very, very fancy.

I was walking around shaking it like a maraca to the song. To the beat, yes. Yeah. Yeah. And in the path of the conga line was just a straight chair that the women in front of me were getting up and like kind of curtsying on. I was feeling myself, so I decided to jump over it. Instead, I jumped over it and as soon as I landed I just felt the entire contents of my right knee like explode. I heard a pop and I just crumpled to the floor but I got up because I was drunk. I thought it would be okay but I couldn't put any weight on it. It swelled up so quickly

that it was like straining against the limits of my suit pants. Oh wow. So I had to leave. Yeah, I had to leave and go to the ER in Chicago. I had to like leave the wedding. And yeah, I was fully, fully torn. I had to get it replaced. I'd fold knee replacement. I had a cadaver ATN put it, cadaver ACL put in. What? Did anyone go with you or were you by yourself? Yes, no, my date went with me.

And on the way, the cab driver, we told him what happened and he said, you know, I have chronic back pain, why don't you take a couple of these? So he gave me a couple of pills from his prescription bottle, which helped. Which medication was that? Just curious. I didn't ask. Perfect. But it worked. Thank you didn't ask. Perfect.

Thank you, cab driver. And did you let the people at the ER know, oh and by the way I took two mystery pills from the cab driver on the way over. No, I didn't. Good. Yeah, yeah. Keep them in the dark. What's the harm? Totally. My favorite part of the story is this, you know, the wedding was captured by a videographer when I was talking to my friend later.

I said, is the fall caught on tape? He said, Yeah, he said, they were right on you and all of a sudden you jump in the air and then it's just like you fall through a trap door. You can't see you anymore. Oh no. But the camera stays there for another second. You stand up and your face is as white as a sheet but you're still shaking those fucking cinnamons like a maracas. This is good. So that's my... I told everybody I did it playing basketball when I got back. Yeah, yeah, good move. Yeah, strong post move. Twisted it. Yeah, strong post move, twisted it. Chris, is this video viewable by civilians?

Yeah, if it is, let me know so I can bury it. Okay, copy. Listen, that could be worth some money on AFV. That's America's funniest videos for people out there who aren't in the Vin DeBona clan like I am. Get on board. Yeah. Well, thank you so much, Chris. That's a highlight of the DeBona career.

Thank you guys. Have a great rest of your day. Thank you. You too, Chris. All right, next up. If you've got an injury story for us, give us a call at 855-266-2604. We have Lindsay. Yeah.

Hi, Lindsay. Andy Richter here. Fleula Borg. Hello. Excited to chat. Yeah. Hi Lindsay. Andy Richter here. Floola Borg. Hello. Excited to chat. Thanks. Feed us your delicious story of pain. Okay, well when I was 19, I worked in a little zoo, or a wildlife educational park, and I was in charge of the barnyard area.

So, the goats, the ponies, llamas, donkeys, all kind of barnyard critters. And like petting kind of thing, like are kids mingling in with the animals? Yeah, yep, you can feed them, there's many rides, all kinds of stuff. Great. Yeah, and one day I'm walking around doing my rounds

and I see that a certain donkey named Jingles has a little cut on his back leg. Okay. So, I grab some ointment, I go in there to take care of Jingles, and I did this the wrong way. I was being foolish, but I was only 19. So, I kneeled down to take care of his little scratch and he circled around to kick me. So I tried to scoot back and I fell and I broke a bone in my wrist. So yeah. Jingles did not get, he didn't get a good foot on you.

We didn't get hoof to skin contact. Okay. Okay. But the intention was definitely there. Right. Did you then immediately use this ointment on your wrist? I didn't. I didn't know what to do. I was kind of shook up.

So I drove myself to the hospital and I really irritated the nurse when I didn't tell her it was a workers comp from the beginning because apparently that's a very important part of the process. Or yeah, workers comp, donkeys comp. And it turned out that I broke the smallest bone in your wrist that's the hardest to heal. So I had to be in a cast for a year. If you're going to do it, do it all the way. Number one, what is the name of this bone?

Not a pop quiz, purely curious. I think it's called the scaphoid. Ooh, ooh, okay. Scaphoid. Like the tiniest, littlest, miniest bone in your, where your thumb meets your wrist. It sounds like a creature from the dark crystal. Yeah. The scaffold. Yeah. Look out for the scaffold. Wait, you said a cast for 12 months for 12 months. Yeah. So I it was a summer job. I had to go back to college with still wearing the cast. And I had

to tell everybody because of course everyone asks I had to tell everybody a donkey broke my wrist for an entire year. And is it the same cast? Cause doesn't it get nasty? Yeah, there's a, there was a whole series of casts. There was one that zipped on. I got a few of the hard canvas ones. I got some fabric ones. There was a whole spectrum.

Ooh la la. Wow. Wow. With the different seasons, you know, it's fashion. Of course. So you did not choose to invent an exciting story the whole spectrum. Ooh la la. Wow. Wow, with the different seasons, you know, it's fashion, yeah. So you did not choose to invent an exciting story involving ninjas and bonfires, you went with the truth? Well, for a while I was telling people

it was some kind of circus accident that I was an acrobat and I slipped on the bar, but Donkey turned out to be a better answer anyway. Okay, yep. Or just, or you could have just been like fucking jingles. bar but yes right donkey turned out to be a better answer anyway okay yeah or just in or you could have just been like fucking jingles yeah and then people be like okay jingles no follow-up question necessary was writing advertising songs and carpal tunnel all right well Lindsay thank you so much I'm glad you're better does it give you trouble on on cold days or anything like that?

Yeah, when it's wet, it gets a little sore. And I live out in Seattle, so it gets wet quite a bit with the rain. So I am frequently reminded of dear old jingles. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I have a few of those. Yeah? Yeah, yeah. Pains like this? Yeah, yeah. Like I have a thumb that got hyper extended. And this is a good one. While driving a golf cart.

What? I had my hand over the spoke of the wheel and I was doing U-turn and it went up on the curb and then back down. And because there's no differential in them, the wheel just snapped around. And it hyperextended my thumb and I was like, ow. And what I didn't know was that it had one of the tendons where it attached to the bone, the bone was cracked and it was just hanging on. And then about two weeks later,

I was in Charlotte, North Carolina, working on Talladega Nights. And in the middle, and it hurt, and it hurt in, and then it just, apparently that was the day that the bone chip let go. And it was crazy pain, like my pinky hurting. And then like my whole hand being numb. And it was just because it was moving around in my thumb

and sitting on different things. But I had to go, I had to get it reattached, surgically reattached. And I went through like five months of hand physical therapy. What? Like shoving your hand in rice and squeezing things and touching each tip of your finger.

And they were like, yeah, you have to do that or you'll lose the flexibility in your thumb. And that thumb now, when it's cold or wet, it hurts in that bottom, it's like the bottom knuckle. This makes me think. So Lindsay, after one year, was one of your hands very tiny? Oh, yeah.

All shriveled and pruney? Yeah, yeah. No, I did a lot of the PT too. so we got it back up to match the other one. Oh, okay. Good. Very important. Good. That's important.

You need your hands. Yeah, matching hands. And your wrists. Yeah, a lot of stuff. A lot of stuff involves wrists. Yes. All right, Lindsay, thank you so much for the call. Yeah, thanks so much.

It was nice chatting. Danke für alles. Ah ja, vielen Dank auch. Sch the call. Yeah, thanks so much. It was nice chatting. Danke für alles. Ah ja, vielen Dank auch. Schönen Tag noch. Bye. Tschüss. Uh, Christine. Christine from Colorado. Hello. Hi. Hi there. Andy Richter here from Le Borg. Hello. We're here to listen to your injury story. Yeah it's kind of a

crazy story when I was telling when I initially started telling people it they joked that it was from like a Final Destination movie. Oh nice. I love those. Those are like totally like comedy bits. Yes. Every every the way that they set those up're so, I never watched them till my daughter, when she was in high school, she was a horror buff there for a while. And it was, I just loved like- It's funny. Yeah, there's like five red herring ways for people to die

before they get the actual way. And sometimes it's literal red herrings. Yes. Yeah. All right, I'm sorry, Christine. I'm a red head. So there you go. Just a shout out to the final destination people. Yeah, of course. So basically, at the time I was in Florida and helping out with a charity event

in like a church parking lot, they had this big like wedding sized tent, big like wedding size tent, um, serving food and doing all this stuff for a charity. And, um, as we know, Florida can have some crazy weather very quickly and it was a sunny, wonderful day. And then suddenly the clouds rolled in and the wind picked up in the span of like a couple of minutes and, um, the tent started to shake and I was in the middle of the tent trying to clean stuff out. So it wouldn't be a projectile, you know, things like that. And I was like kind of right underneath and the tent started to clap. So I came running out and they had one of those like

guide wire, like basically it was a metal rope. And I'm running out and the rope catches me on my neck. What? And it tossed, yeah. And it tossed me in the air. I, of course, just flew in the air and landed on the concrete, because the parking lot, on my side.

A woman after the fact told me I looked like a rag doll, just flying in the air. And basically, I ended up being really lucky, because they said since I was running, the wire got under my arm, so it cut, it basically went down my arm, so it cut, it like basically went down my arm and didn't hit my neck like full on straight or else it would have potentially like crushed my larynx or one of those like crazy things right on my

neck. But I had like bruises all down my arm and then it looked like I had been basically choked out on my neck with like a couple of gashes. Um, and I had to like repeat the story multiple times, like an ambulance came and checked me out and then I went to the hospital and I had to like repeat it multiple times and people like thought I was lying and I ended up getting like a cat scan just in case and everything, but I ended up with just a concussion and a lot of bruises. But like, yeah, it like legit looked like I had been, like someone had tried to choke me.

Wow. How high do you think you went into the air? I would say a little bit, cause everyone's really freaked out when they, I was only unconscious for like, I think under a minute from what they told me, but like a lot of people were like crowded around me because apparently like I definitely took some air

when I went in the air for sure. Wow. So the cable had broken loose and was whipping around. Yeah, kind of. I think it was more that the tent collapsed and the rope that was going across to, it obviously wasn't put upright, I guess. And so the rope just kind of hooked under, yeah.

It was kind of crazy. And I tell people the story too because I was supposed to work the next day and I ended up like having a friend who was there at the charity event who I worked with call in and they were just like, yeah, a tent collapsed on her and they were thinking it was like a camping tent and that's why I couldn't work because I had like a concussion and stuff and then it like finally came out as to what actually happened. Right, right. Well, I hope you sued the shit out of that church. Thank you. Yeah, or the charity, whichever.

I actually didn't because I was in my early 20s and I didn't know and I thought it was a charity and I didn't understand how that worked at the time. So I was like, I don't want to take money from the charity. And I just had them pay my hospital bill and that was it. Oh, but they did do that. Yeah, they totally paid for the hospital bills. They got like a CAT scan and stuff. They were really concerned that I had bruising all down my arm and I landed kind of like on my side.

So I had like some bruising on my face too, in addition to my neck. And so they did a CAT scan, made sure nothing was broken. And basically they just like cleaned up a couple of my scratches and then just gave me a tetanus shot and were like bye and like sent me home the same night. Wow. Yeah and then and then like I'm sure that like for two weeks after people are just thinking that you had been brutalized like you know like someone had attempted to murder you. Yeah it was very weird to explain because it like I had attempted to murder you. Yeah, it was very weird to explain because I had bruising around my neck and bruising all down my arm. I had a gash on my neck too.

So yeah, it was definitely crazy. And just like I said, everyone just kept being like, this is like the final destination. I just had to repeat it so many times. I was like, yeah, I've never heard that one. Yeah. I must ask again, is there any video footage of this? No, sadly there wasn't.

And only a couple people saw it. My friends had their back turned and said they saw me landing, but they didn't see me get hooked. I had two of my friends there that were at the event. And my parents didn't see it. They were also volunteering. And apparently they were on the other side of the parking lot and didn't see it, but then came running over so like oh so your folks were there

oh yeah my parents were there volunteering as well and like I said I invited a couple friends it was like a hookout to raise money for charity and stuff and so for victims of steel cable injuries yes yes that's exactly what the charity is for. Alright Christine, well thank you so much. Thank you and I just wanted to say I have been a fan of yours forever, Andy. I watched Conan my entire childhood and life as an adult and I'm also a big fan of Lula. I love you.

Oh thank you. I'm a rookie as well, so thank you guys. Oh thank you, we love you too. Yes, alright. Andy Richter Collins-In Show. Give us a call, 855-266-2604. We're talking injuries, and that's what we're gonna talk about

with Rob from San Diego. Rob, hello. Hola. Hi there, you got me. Hola. You have Flula. Hola, Robert. Andy and Flula, pleasure to talk to you, big fans. Good talking to you, Yes. So yeah,

I'm a musician among other things and once upon a time I was riding an electric scooter home from a gig through the pothole streets of downtown San Diego and I went down hard. Wait is this like a lime scooter or is this one that you owned yourself? Actually, I bought one after riding some of the limes. I thought it was kind of fun. And for the most part, it was fun, but it was not fun that night. Did you have a helmet on? I did not. I did have a guitar strapped to my back.

Oh, honey. You've got to put a helmet on with those things. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, arguably, I got very lucky. I don't actually, I got very lucky. I don't actually it's very blurry I do have surveillance footage of the two police officers who gave me a ride home. Oh Like a cop came in I came in the other cop came in pushing the scooter and I gave them both a fist bump with

my good hand And I kept that clip. Oh good very important Well, wait, so when you go down, what happens? I, of course, my big mouth, I stop the flow of the story here. Well, I've only had two spills in the couple years that I was writing it. And you just kind of crumple. And again, like this night in particular things were a little foggy because you know I played like a three-hour bar gig I had some beer

and probably a couple shops and so it just wasn't a good combination of things at all. Was it a pot hole or did you just sort of go over you know were you going too fast? I think it was a combination of the road condition. It was dark I was probably going too fast and probably more than anything just you know my my like, you know sobriety at the time was You know, you were fucked up. Yeah. Yeah, you were yeah. Okay. Yeah What's honestly probably kind of numbed the pain a little bit Like I was able to sleep through the night

and the next morning I drove myself to urgent care. And I assumed it was gonna be like a simple cast or something like that. And maybe I'd missed like a few days of work, but apparently my x-rays were making the rounds and they were telling me like, I'm gonna need surgery and probably be out of, I ended up being out of work for like three and a half months.

Whoa. Surgery on what? Your spine? So I know so I ended up breaking or shattering might be a more appropriate word my wrist and my pinky in like multiple locations so they had to put in metal plates and pins in both my wrist and pinky so I got some cool scars. Is that on your fret hand or your strum hand? Oh good question. metal plates and pins in both my wrist and pinky. So I got some cool scars. Is that on your fret hand or your strum hand? Oh, good question. So I am right-handed and luckily it was on my left hand which is the fret hand. It did take a while to kind of get back into like forming certain chords but luckily I'm

just as bad now as I was before the injury. Were you hoping for some sort of like Django Reinhardt payoff? Like that somehow your mangled hand would make you a prodigy? Yeah, you know, like the doctor was like, well, you'll never play again. And then it was just a fight to get back on stage. Yeah, I'll show you. Exactly. Mediocrity awaits.

And now you have an excuse. Anytime something goes wrong, you have this debilitating injury you can lean on. Yeah, from that point on, now whenever I see someone with a cast on their arm specifically, or really any kind of thing, I'm always quick to ask what happened because I feel like I have a kinship with the injured. Right, right. And do you still feel it? No, like for the most part everything's back to normal. Like two of my favorite things to do or to perform, but also

I like the kayaking and I just got back from a little kayaking trip on the Colorado River like and I'm playing gigs again on a regular basis. Like my range of motion isn't quite what it once used to be, but it's not really affecting anything. Thank you. Yeah, whose is these days? Exactly right. Yeah, exactly. Two questions.

When did this occur and do you still ride your scooter? So this was in 2021. And for a while I didn't ride the scooter. I was kind of terrified of it. Like just, you know, just the, and worse things happen to people on scooters. Like you hear horrible stories all the time. And you know, I was having a good experience

for the most part, but after this, I was kind of scared. And after a while I did get back on it a few times because I wanted to be the surfer who gets bit by a shark but doesn't let that stop them. They want to go back out there and get on the waves. But I realized the difference is the surfer didn't get bit by a shark because they were drunk. Right, true.

I did. So I still have the scooter but it's just collecting dust and I should probably sell it because, I just, you know. There's also a difference between you and the surfer that gets bitten by a shark in that the surfer that gets bitten by a shark, that's way cooler.

Yes. Way cooler. Sadly. Than wiping out on a scooter. Have you? Thanks for the reminder. That's all right. It's what I'm here for.

This is just advice for you to revise your story into a shark. Maybe the shark, you were just at a red light and then a shark came and what did they do on sitcoms? They jumped. They jumped out of the sewer. Yeah. You know. That's exactly what happened.

Okay, great. Perfect. All right, Rob. Thanks for the call. Nice talking to you guys. Bye, Rob. Nice talking to you. Hi, Carissa. Carissa from Oregon. You're. Bye, Rob. Nice talking to you. Hi, Carissa.

Carissa from Oregon. You're on the Andy Richter Callen show. Hi. Tell us about your injury story. Okay, so this was 18 years ago. I was a senior in high school and I had an AP Spanish project where I had to cook something

and then present it to my class in Spanish. So that night, or the day before my project, I decided to make churros, and I was deep frying them as you would. And it exploded everywhere. Yeah. Wait, it exploded? What do you mean it exploded?

How? It exploded, I don't know. It was the second batch, and it just got all over the kitchen, all over the ceiling, all over myself, so burning hot oil. I screamed because it hurt. I ran into the other room to my mom who was like watching the Filipino channel and at like the highest volume. And I was screaming and crying and she was like, what is going on?

So then she panicked and called 911 and then an ambulance came and a fire truck. The firefighters came into my house and they looked at all the dough and the hot oil everywhere and for some reason they installed a smoke detector in my bedroom. Great. I don't know. Wait, the firemen were like we better put a smoke detector in her bedroom. They, what did they think you were going to start frying up churros in the bedroom? Just every, yeah. I have no idea. Did a bedside fry dad? Yeah, you know.

Yeah, yeah. But yeah, I was just like screaming and then I think the medics didn't know what to do with me because the oil was on my arms and my face. Oh no. So their solution was hosing me off in my driveway and my parents' house was in a cul-de-sac and in a nice little town. So, you know, we've got a fire truck, an ambulance, myself, screaming in the driveway, getting hosed off.

So that was fun. So then I rode the ambulance to the ER and the person that was taking care of me was like cleaning up my burns. This white man asked me in an accent, totally racist, asking me if I wanted him to put cinnamon and sugar on my burns. What? Yeah, so that was like, you know, just the cherry on that.

Because it was churros he was using. Yes, yeah. Oh my god, people are just the best. Yeah. What a great guy. What a solid guy. He was really trying to take your mind off your pain with racism. That's a good tonic. I have no idea. So I went home with pain meds and second degree burns. I didn't go to school the next day because I was in pain and it was blistering and I was high off pain meds. And then when I went back to school I told my AP Spanish teacher I had a doctor's note.

I went in I was in tears telling him because I was also humiliated. I was 18 so I cared about what I looked like. Yeah right of course. I had burns all over me. Yeah and then he was like oh well I'm sorry but you have until Monday, cause I think it was Friday or something to do it. And he had zero empathy over the fact that I missed school because I was in the ER getting my second degree burns. Yeah. Boo.

Is there scarring today? There is, and it's 18 years now. Wow, oh my gosh. I will not deep fry anything ever again. I'm so sorry. Because you're making churros. No lumpia for you then? No, well, I mean, I will eat that,

but I would prefer someone else to make it for me. Don't deep fry any dough. Yeah, yeah. Done. Deep frying, I avoid just because it's such a pain in the ass. Yeah. And it's messy.

Yeah, yeah. I don't need this. Yeah. And it's messy. Yeah, yeah. I don't need this. Yeah. So I assume zero churros were consumed by you after this event. Not made by me. Oh, okay, made by someone, okay, okay, yes. Yes, yes, yes.

But it's now like called the churro incident amongst my family and my friends, so. Well, did you, and for your makeup project for this Heartless teacher, was it more churros or did you like change to, you know, taquitos or something? I changed it. I think it was like, I don't even remember what it was,

but my mom cooked it and I was terrified of crying anything for a long time. Yeah. It's guacamole. You can't get guacamole burns. No. Yeah. All right, Carissa. Well, thank you for the call. I'm glad youacamole burns. No. Yeah. All right, Carissa.

Well, thank you for the call. I'm glad you're okay today. Thank you. And be careful frying. Yes. Seriously. Be careful frying. That's a message to all you kids out there.

Everybody. 855-266-2604, that's the number. You got an injury call. We got about 14 minutes left. Next up we have Patrick. He's a Hoosier. Hello. First of all, where are you calling from, Indiana?

I'm always curious about the Midwest. I'm calling from Indianapolis, specifically the north side of Indianapolis. Nice. If Tom Lennon were here, he'd know exactly where I am. He sure would. You know what? It's funny. I'm going to see him.

I'm going to be on After Midnight tonight, and he's one of the guests. Great. Yeah, I can't get away from that guy, his geographic knob. Because he's done this show. And he's an old man who likes to tell you very specific things about various geographical areas. Oh, not just Indiana.

He knows everything. He knows everywhere. It's like, oh, that's by the, you know, the Texas Hatchi River. So it's like, anyway, Thomas Guide Lennon. Shout out to, yes! Shout out to Tom Lennon. Patrick, tell us your injury story, enough about him. Sure, so it's the fall of 2020.

I'm a senior in high school. I just got out of school and I'm about to go to work. And I close my car door on my head and I knock myself out. What wait how does that happen? What Patrick? You know for the past 24 years I've been asked that question the answer is I don't know I got knocked out.

I think I'm kind of a tall guy I'm not like freakishly tall but I'm like six foot two and I just think I timed it poorly and I just was closing the door and just got it right on my head. Okay. I'm kind of trying to, I am picturing it. Cause I mean, I'm capable of hilarious clumsiness. Sure, me too. But I don't think I've ever,

I've hit, I've definitely hit my head getting out of the car. Same. Or getting into the car. Oh, of course. Yeah, But never actually close the door on my own skull because usually I'm aware of getting it out of the way from closing doors. You know, of the million times I've closed the door, that's the one time, but it only takes one time. Okay. Well, that's the one we're talking about. Well, Patrick,

did you begin the closing process, remember that you forgot something, lean in and then get crushed by your own door, or is it just happened? You don't know why it happened, but it happened. You know, Flula, I would love to tell you that I knew, but I think just my elbow and arm went faster than my knees going down into the car seat. So I just, I just shut it.

Oh, wow. You were getting into the car or getting out of the car? Getting into the car. I was at school, I was about to go to work, which was the second part of the story. So do you get knocked out? Do you hit the ground? Are you like slumped over the console of the car?

I am slumped over the console of the car. So I wake up where everything is kind of red, but like my vision comes into play and I'm kind of like screaming. What? And a little bit bloody. And I'm like, oh God. And then my head, obviously, as you might expect, was just absolutely killing me. And my vision was all messed up. Now,

you would think I would, I don't know, like ask for help. I mean, this was 2000, I didn't have a cell phone or anything like that, but it asked for help around me or anything like that or go back into school. But I had a job to go to, I had work to do, and my job, I had many jobs at the time, but one of my job was to be a volleyball referee at the local Boys and Girls Club. Sure, obviously. You can do that with a brain injury. Yeah. That's exactly what I did. So I drove to the Boys and Girls Club, which was a terrible idea. And you know, the thing about being a volleyball referee is they've got that little stand, you know, that's like several steps up. Sure. Yes.

So I told the guy who was kind of the scorekeeper in the bench behind me, I go, hey, I have got a bad concussion. There's a very good chance I'm gonna fall off of this. And I said I need you. Just so you know, FYI. Just so you know, I have horrible internal bleeding in my brain. So the thing was I realized everything was just swirling. My whole vision was swirling. But if I could focus in on the volleyball itself, the world would swirl around it.

But I had enough of a vision to see if the ball was either on the line or out of bounds. Wow. So is this the best refereed match you ever refereed? Well, yeah. I can only assume so. It's a hard time knowing how well I did, but this was fourth and fifth grade girls. So obviously incredibly important that the game go on. Critical.

Yes. But there was one coach who, she was always a screamer. She would scream at the kids, she would scream at me, most certainly would scream at me. Well, it's fourth and fifth grade. Scream at everybody. This is critical, yes, yes, yes. High stakes, high stakes.

Yeah, it's fourth and fifth grade. This is critical. Yes, yes, yes. High stakes, high stakes. Yeah, it's what matters. Yes. And I remember just being so kind of out of it that she was screaming at me from the sidelines and I just didn't register or care. And then after the game, kind of my boss came up to me and she saw that like I was just like my eyes were all dilated. I was not okay she's like oh my god what is wrong with you it's like yeah I have a bad

concussion she's like why didn't you like why are you and then at that moment the mean coach started screaming at me and I just looked at her and I go ma'am I have a concussion I'm not listening to you at this moment yes and what was her response do we remember she just kind of huffed away. Nice. Good, good, good. She believed me is the thing. Like I was that messed up that she didn't think I was lying to get out of being screamed at. Based on how you said it, she's like, yeah, that checks out. Yeah, it's 100%. 100%. So we called my mom. Now my mom is amazing. She is a nurse. So she heard the news and you know drove to, I worked the gym and looked at me and she's like, oh my, oh no, you are,

you're in bad shape. So she drove me home and the entire time was kind of like, why, why didn't you tell anybody? Why? And I was like, I don't know. I just felt like I really had to be a referee at that volleyball game. Yeah, yeah. It's what I'm built for, Ma. Yeah. I'm also picturing it like that your head was like sort of peanut shaped,

like that it squished it. Oh, yes. So it was all malformed for a little bit, you know? That just- There absolutely was like the cut of, and you could kind of see the contour of the car door of kind of where it went from horizontal to vertical along the left side of my head. Ouchie. Well, are you okay now? I think so. I you know with everything we know about concussions and CTE, it kind of scares me. But you know, I never joined, you know, combat sports or I never played football after that or before that frankly.

I was more of a performing arts kid. This is the only time. Yeah, I was a lineman in high school and they used to call it getting your bell rung. Yeah, I've heard this. Yeah, and I had that a couple of times. And in one of them I actually Could you know because your brain is kind of just floating floating in your head It's a sort of gooey mass and and I

distinctly felt the mass of my brain slosh Like backwards and forwards like I could feel the mass of my brain slosh, like backwards and forwards. Like I could feel the mass of my brain getting moved back and forth within my skull. And then, like, you know, the next thing, I was sitting on the bench. Like I got hit and I think I hit my head on the ground.

But like I said, that happened at least three times. And I only played football. Three times. No, freshman and sophomore year. And then I got a job at the grocery store, but it's still, and it gets me, got your bell rung. Ha ha ha. And even at the time, I was like,

this does not seem like a good sustainable sort of system. No. No. Yeah. You know, I was on the wrestling team, quite poorly, but I was on the wrestling team and our wrestling coach had a very strict rule under no circumstance were you to drink any water at all during practice. And I just kind of accepted that as, oh, that's what you do. And then many years after the fact, I became a teacher and I saw my students having wrestling

practice drinking water. I was like, what? You can't do that. You're not supposed to have water. I was like, oh my God, why did it take me this long to realize how awful and insane that culture was? Insane. Well, thank you so much, Patrick.

I'm glad you're better. Thank you. I hope your brain works good now. Me too. Me too. All right. All right. Big fan of both of you. Thank you so much. Thank you, Patrick. Bye. Bye-bye. We got one more. Eric from Philadelphia. How are you? Hello. Hi there. I'm just staying on the last call and I gotta make it quick.

Okay. So I will do just that. I'd like to talk about a 24-year-old injury that my family still brings up to this day involving myself and my younger brother Carl. Oh it's legendary. It's a wrestling related injury which Luna you should be familiar with since you you fought with an actual WWE wrestler. Very true I lost I mean on film it looks like I won but as a let's be honest. Right. Right and that's that's a wrestler who really knows what he's doing with his wrestling moves. Yes. But this takes place back when I was 14 and my brother was 9 or 10 in the year 2000 and we very much did not know What we were doing with wrestling moves, right?

So the the years 2000 there used to be a very funny late-night show skit about that But it was it was also when the WWF attitude era was in full swing. Right. And, uh, the attitude era, it was known for sex, ultraviolence, blood, yeah, all the stuff that parents didn't want their kids to watch and emulate. And my brother and I watched them emulated at all. Oh boy. Uh, one of the popular wrestlers at the time was The Undertaker. His big move was the choke

slam from hell. That's where he grabs a guy by the throat, he picks him up by the neck, and he slams him down into the ring. And at the end, The Undertaker had really long hair. He would flip his hair up really hard and it would look really, really cool when he did it. So we had just gotten done watching Monday Night Raw and as most kids our age are ramped up on several hours of television we started wrestling in the kitchen and so just like The Undertaker I grabbed my brother by the throat and the move is you jump and then that's how they actually lift you up. So he jumped

lifted him up, slammed him down onto the kitchen table and pulled it off flawlessly. But like I mentioned earlier, there's a second part to it. You got to flip your hair back in order to complete the move. Sure. I whipped my head up, whipped my head up as hard as I could, forgetting that there was this bulbous ugly glass chandelier type thing hanging above the table exactly level with my height right and so when I whipped my head up I knocked this chandelier which is probably the size of like maybe a gallon of milk all of its hook it falls and just completely shatters into the back of my head I mean it hurt but more or less I came out relatively unscathed

save for you know the bump on the back of my head. My brother however was laying on the table underneath me and that glass all had to rain down onto something. So he caught a face full of chandelier glass. Ouch. And did it cut him? Well he jumps up thinking my dad's gonna be pissed because we, you know, we broke a thing and we made a mess and a loud noise. Right. Yes. And as he turns his head, like breaking bad, you get a look at the other side of his face and it is covered in blood from his ear down to his neck. Oh no. And he doesn't feel a thing. He later said he only started crying because I was so terrified and it was out of fear

Yeah, yeah, even out of anything, you know painful It's about that grabs him rushes into the emergency room and they reveal a piece of glass Sliced his ear right down the middle in half and it was gonna require a bunch of stitches to put it back together Whoa Wow, and he ended up fine. He ended up fine, still has two ears. Okay. And an awesome scar, I hope. The awesome scar, a fun story,

which he included in my best man speech. Nice, of course. And the family still brings up the last time we ever wrestled. They call it the ear slicing story, not the possible concussion story. Right. But since I was the one that did it.

Well, yeah, you gotta go with the splashier injury. And, Eric, we got to move on, because we're at the end of the hour, but thank you so much for calling. Thank you, Eric. Thank you for having me. It's a delight to talk to you. Thanks. Well, Flulu, we normally pick a favorite one.

I got one. Go. The peepee story. Peepee story. we really started. Yeah. It started. We started, it was gonna be hard to top a ruptured urethra. Yeah, yeah, no, that's also the most horrifying,

but also just the best in many ways. And it really does cause sort of a phantom pain, like what you can sort of definitely. Yes, but all of these were like, I was 19, I was 18. I was, that one was, I'm an adult, I just sneezed I was 18. Yes, that one was I'm an adult I just sneezed while peeing. Yes, that one sticks with it's a real Halloween like a real haunted scary spooky story Yes. All right. Well, check out Flula in the movie Bonhoeffer out November 22nd a neon dimension on YouTube and Fubo and

Flula makes five Starring me next week. Hey-oh! All right, well thank you so much for listening. This is the Andy Richter Collins show. We're here every Wednesday. Tune in next week. Goodbye!

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