The Three Questions with Andy Richter - George Wallace

Episode Date: August 3, 2021

Comedy Legend George Wallace joins Andy to talk about Atlanta, growing up in a big family, working in advertising, and more!

hello everyone uh you are listening to the three questions with andy richter i'm andy richter and i am very pleased today to have a legend a comedy comedy legend, a landmark. You know, like one of the faces on the Mount Rushmore of comedy, Mr. George Wallace is on today, and I'm so happy to have you on. I've been such a fan for such a long time, and we've met and everything, but we're mostly Twitter pals. Yes, yes, of course, yeah. And it's so good to Twitter pals. Yes, yes, of course, yeah.

Yeah. And it's so good to be with you today, Annie, because in all that, what you just said about me, I hope that just means you're old. Yes, I know. And I love the way you did it because that's what I do for a living. I just lie. I have the greatest job in the world.

I love lying and just making up stuff. I love it. It's so easy, isn't it? I always say that when people ask about my technique of acting, I say it's just lying. It's just lying. That's all I'm doing. I'm not this guy. I'm not saying these... I'm just saying these lines and trying to make people believe

that I'm this guy, but I'm not really him, so it's just lying. And they pay us to do it. And they pay us to do it. and they pay us to do it i just and one time sometimes i have to tell the audience i am so blessed to be able to do what i do i just lie and i asked i did pray one time to god let me be the greatest bullshitter in the world but as for trump trump kicks my ass in that yeah so yes so but he does i feel like yeah so but i i try not to do any more jokes on them, but he's the greatest bullshit ever.

I know. You don't want to, yeah, you don't want to, you don't want him to take up any more real estate, let's be real estate, in your brain, in your mind, you know, in your soul, in the news. But the guy is like, he is something. You don't, I don't want to give it to him, but like he really is a genius an evil genius

of a sort and evil evil i'll go with the i'm not gonna give him any good i'm not gonna say genius i just think he's uh i'll stick with the bullshitter because yeah i'm a bull i'm a i'm a bullshitter andy and all bullshitters know each other i mean yes we don't know each other but we know each other well and i think the difference difference between good and evil bullshitters is that good bullshitters can admit to it. Like, and they know they're full of shit. There you go. There you go. I know I'm full of shit.

Don't mind spreading it and talking to you. That's right. Telling you that. But I'm not going to go, oh, trust me, unbelievable, like you've never seen before. I'm not going to go that far. Now, you're in new york city right now you have a beautiful backdrop of central park behind you which is it's manufactured but you are in fact on central park in new york city right now i'm where your old

friend um colonel bryan used to live i'm at uh you had the same building the building called majestic he lived on 17 and 18. And it just pissed me off. And I said, I got to outdo him. So I bought the top floor, Andy. I have 19 windows. So I'm looking at Central Park. I'm looking at, I'm actually, I can see Kennedy Airport, LaGuardia Airport. If I go to my backside, I see the Hudson River.

And I see the New York Airport. It's a floor through all the way to the back. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Nice, nice. And I'm enjoying I'm in New York City and Andy, New York, this city is really, really good. And by the way, it's my first time being here in 18 months because of the pandemic. I was away. I, you know, I live in Las Vegas, but I spent the last 18 months in the city of Atlanta. And when I'm up here, this is my first week. I came here a week ago, and

I got on stage. My best friend was on stage. I said, I'm going to watch you tonight. You know who my best friend is for 45 years. He's on stage, and he says... Gary Seinfeld, for people who don't know. He's doing 30 minutes, and he

says, well, that's it for me. And now I'm going to bring up to the stage. My friend of 45 years. I said, you son of a bitch. Andy says, he knows I have nothing. He says, come into the stage. And I'm going, you are kidding me. He said, Jerry's talking about me. And, but at the same time, I'm up walking to the stage. And we get up on the stage and we to the stage. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And we get up on the stage and we just had fun. I had so much fun. And one night I said, I'm back. Yeah. But I'm in New York. What a great city. Life is so good, man. I just, I wish you could be here.

Everybody could be in New York. It is awesome. Now, is that something like when somebody says, come on up here and you got to do. And now how long were you up there? I was up there about 10 minutes. They don't, when we walk in, they pretty much let us do a little time in these clubs, you know, instead of what we wanted to. But is that really nerve wracking to not be prepared and then to kind of just go up there? Or do you just kind of fall into just?

You fall into greatness. Let me tell into just... You fall into greatness. Let me tell you something. You fall into greatness. Andy, most people don't do what they like doing. Yeah. This comedy for me is my sex and it's my drugs. There's no place for me to be ever than to be behind that microphone

or the floor underneath me at a comedy club. Yeah. I don't know these people. They don't know me. And we're doing the greatest thing in life. What are we doing? We're laughing laughing we're bringing people together yeah nobody has a better job than me yeah no i that's i've always said you know i mean there's a lot of bullshit in show business and there's a lot of don't you ever forget that whatever you do with anybody after anybody want to get into show business remember half it is going to well 40

percent can be your talent but 60 is going to be bullshit yes let's make that perfectly clear yes and and a lot of humiliation and a lot of rejection but ultimately i do come back to the fact that we are basically it's the it's the base level of an expression of happiness. Like when you're happiness, happiness is nobody's laughing. I mean, you know, in the movies, evil people laugh, but even then they're happy. But yeah, it is like we're making people happy. You know, that's that's the ultimate goal. That's our product.

And it's it's hard to it's hard to feel too, you know, too shitty about it. People still manage to. You're talking about making people happy. Our job is more important. You know what I do? You know what you do? We do better than doctors. We make people feel good.

People go to doctors, they are feeling bad. When they come out of that office, they feel bad. But that's one thing we can do. We can make you smile. And there's nothing better than a smile. You can't even fake a smile without feeling better. You try. We can make you smile. And there's nothing better than a smile. You can't even fake a smile without feeling better. You try. Look at you right now.

Look at that smile on your face. And I felt good. I felt good before I smiled. But when you start smiling, when you're smiling, when you're smiling, the whole world smiles with you. Yeah, it's just great to do what we do.

But I mean, it's great to do in New York York and it's bad. People are eating on the streets and I don't I made a mistake. It's not bad, but it's on its way back. It's on its way back. I guess by September and November when theater is back, more people will be here, but we are having fun in New York City

and the clubs are packed. You were in Atlanta for the pandemic. And that's your hometown. And is that what, did you go back there because you got family there? Or, you know, for the pandemic, it was just a more comfortable place to go? I have all my family there, but don't you laugh at me. I went back because I didn't know what the virus, how bad it was going to be, how bad it was going to spread. because I didn't know what the virus,

how bad it was going to be, how bad it was going to spread. But I'm thinking I'm going to go back for safety precautions because that's where the CDC is located. The headquarter of the CDC. No, no, Andy. Andy, stop laughing at me. Because I said, if they can cure Ebola,

they can cure this disease. So I want to be somewhere near. So you can just drive over and say, come on, cure me. Listen, and listen, I'm on the top floor in Atlanta, too, and I look my viewers right into the CDC center. Thanks for the God. That was my thought, man.

I said, I just want to be near. If they come up with a cure, I want to be near the cure. Did you drop in there day to day and say, how's it going, fellas? How you guys doing? Yeah. When can I go back to Vegas? And my personal doctor became Dr. Murthy. going, fellas? How you guys doing? When can I go back to Vegas? My personal doctor became Dr. Murthy.

Oh, really? That was very nice. Oh, that's great. You were born in Atlanta and you grew up there. That's where I got a lot of come from, man. I come from the greatest city in the world. I'm from Atlanta. I come from the greatest family in the world. Don't get me talking about

them. I'm the most blessed person you have ever met. Andy, I'm the most successful entertainer you've ever met. It's not how much money you make. It's how you enjoy your life while you're living. Okay. Yeah. And I've done everything. I've worked everywhere. You got more questions. I'll just say I'm from Atlanta, Georgia. Have you ever been there? Oh yeah. I've been there a number of times. Yeah. Okay. It's, it's the, what, the only thing I don't like about Atlanta is that they tore down too much and built too many high rises there. You know what I mean? Like it, even from when I was there, cause I had my aunt lived there when I was a little kid. I'm from Illinois. I'm from uh okay middle of northern illinois town called yorkville

kind of straight west of chicago but i mean we it was for as much as we you know scared whiteys went to chicago we might as well have been three hours away but you just make your way to portillo's in chicago as long as we didn't get to portillo's that's good yeah yeah yeah well you know that yeah they were but that well that was everywhere portillo's is just everywhere you know every every corner has an italian beef vienna beef hot dog stand you know and they're all the same that's good it's good it's good heart attack food that's but atlanta they did uh you think i don't know have you been there lately do you think they if you thought they built a lot of buildings, they're building a lot now. It is absolutely crazy.

Yeah. It's traffic, but it's still a beautiful place. It's a beautiful place. And I lived one mile from where I was born. Oh, wow. No, it's a gorgeous place, but it's just, there's not a lot of old, you know, like the old buildings are all kind of like. We got nothing. Yeah. Did you say old we got nothing when i lived there they listen to me they built uh the Atlanta Braves went to Atlanta 1965 uh-huh so they built a brand new stadium okay and then that stadium was up until

the Olympics came in like in uh 1996 or 96 all right right 96 the Olympics they built a brand new stadium so that stadium they tore it down it was a brand new stadium now they built a brand new stadium. So that stadium, they tore it down. It was a brand new stadium. Now we got a brand new stadium in Atlanta, just three years old. Nothing is old. There's no antiques in Atlanta. Nothing. The arenas, all this in 20 years. We had a place called the Georgia Dome, but they played football.

Brand new. Tore it down. So you're right. There's no history in Atlanta whatsoever. Yeah, yeah. Everything's new. But a beautiful're right it is a beautiful town it's i mean it's a it's like a park it's like living in a park and but it's yes and it i think it's weird it's it's weird for people that come from other cities because except for maybe los angeles because it is it doesn't feel really centered somewhere

well you're not it's not centered because people are coming to atlanta from everywhere and you because it doesn't feel really centered somewhere. Well, it's not centered because people are coming to Atlanta from everywhere, and you particularly mentioned Los Angeles. Right now, people are coming to Atlanta from everywhere. New York City, they're selling their property. You know what? You lived in Los Angeles. Yeah, I live here now, yeah.

A shack in West Hollywood is worth a half a million dollars. The worst house in West Hollywood is worth $600,000, $800,000. They're selling these places, and they're moving to Atlanta, buying a brand new home for $500,000, and they got money in the bank. So Atlanta, and especially for African-Americans, it is the city. Atlanta is AAA. Atlanta, African-Americans. And I even tell people now on stage, have you ever been to Africa? Do you want to go to Africa?

If you want to go, I'm going to teach you how to get there and it won't cost you as much money. You call Delta Airlines and they will fly you to Atlanta. Yeah. And I leave it right there. Yeah, yeah. And you all know the difference, trust me.

So my friend Stevie Wonder, then I go to church, but he just announced after the Floyd, George Floyd, that he didn't see what's happening in America. He wanted to leave America and move to Africa. That's what Stevie Wonder said. And, you know, we've been smart asses. We're going to drop his ass off in Atlanta. He won't know the difference. Yeah, it's hot. It's hot and steamy, yeah. And they talk funny. They talk funny.

They've got a place in Atlanta called College Park, and there's no college, and there's no park. But Atlanta is a great city, and especially for, you know know not only a great city let's make just perfectly clear atlanta is the number one movie making company of the world yeah not la anymore right right so you see what's happening yeah they that you know all the different locations go through it where they do these tax incentives to make it cheap for people to make movies there and atlanta's going through that right now you know i'm always my it makes my daughter my daughter's 15 and when we watch

movies i'm always getting on the imdb to see where things are filmed and stuff and she's like put your phone down watch the movie but i i love to know where things are shot and all kinds of stuff is shot in georgia now. As you finish reading, seeing your movies, our TV show, Made in Georgia. With the peach there. We're proud of our state. We got a lot

of good things out of my city, believe it or not. I'm born and raised. That's the home of Coca-Cola. Number one. That's the home of Chick-fil-A. Number one food branch. That's the home of Deltafil-A. Number one? Yeah. Food branch. That's on the Delta Airlines. Right now, number one airline.

Yeah, yeah. The UPS. And all the Turner stuff. The Turner. You know, all the Turner Network. CNN and all that. Yeah. So we have a great city there.

Yeah. We did a week of shows there. I'm terrible with remembering what year, but it was, I don't know, maybe seven, eight years ago. It was when the NCAA finals were there. Just a few years back, 10 years back, something like that. I think it was less than that, but yeah, it was great. I shot a bunch of stuff over at the, well, I did a bit where they made me up as, the bit that I did was that I was going to go sample different things in Atlanta. And the first stop was to go to the set of The Walking Dead. And they made me up like a zombie. Really? And then I went to all the other things dressed as a zombie, like to the Coca-Cola Museum dressed as a zombie.

Really? And to the aquarium dressed as a zombie. And, you know, so it was fun yeah it was i haven't gone to that aquarium here it's it's it's ridiculous it's beautiful absolutely one of the best and like my my family my we we go to aquariums that's my kids started with my son my son was very much into aquariums so So we've been to all of them. I'm going to have my birthday. Yeah. You went to Japan. I'm going to have my next birthday in Georgia. Yeah. They have just, you know, the fish all around, you know, it's beautiful. It's going to be great.

Yeah. Yeah. Now you grew up there. Did you grow up in a big family? Did you grow up in a big family? Listen to me, did I grow up in a big family? Both my grandmothers had 21 kids. Oh, wow. And that's 42 kids. And always like that. I saw my grandma last week and she's pregnant right now.

But crazy glue could keep my grandma's legs together. Hey, Andy, did you grow up in a nice family? Because I did. I have the greatest family in the world. And it's huge. And we continue to have family reunions. And my family reunions are like 600 plus. Are you the funniest one? Or are there people there?

Because I find a lot of comedians say, oh, if you want to meet somebody funny, you should meet my cousin. Or you should meet my brother. They're funnier than me. You should have met my Uncle Bo. My Uncle Bo was a crazy man. And I do his jokes right now. Oh, really?

He's the type of guy that would ask you a question and answer it at the same time. How y'all get up here and walk? He would ask you a question. When you're dead? When you're dead at work? What time you get off? Six o'clock? What you kids doing at home

Ain't no school today Yeah Why you ain't talking Got your tongue I could just keep going like that What's your mama cooking Chicken Who's new car that is

In the driveway Is that yours Yeah yeah But my uncle Bo was crazy And he would say stupid stuff Like the Atlanta Braves Man the Braves can't play ball They can't play baseball

With a damn That's my wife When I played ball I was worth a damn. That's my wife. When I played ball, I was a backstopper. That's how old he is. I ain't gonna direct. He said to Andy, I swear to God, my uncle both said, you know when that boy steals first base going down to second? He said, I wouldn't throw that ball down there.

I'd run down there and change his answer. That's my wife. And he would always Andy, he would end up, he said, that's my wife, Ruby. She'll tell you. That's my wife. And he would always. Ask my wife. And he would end everything. Ask my wife, Ruby. She'll tell you. Ask my wife, Ruby. That's, see, he understood getting a catchphrase, you know.

Ask my wife, Ruby. And Ruby would always say, Bo don't know a damn thing. Bo is just lying. And he'd tell her, you shut up. Ain't nobody ask you nothing. He would ask her. He would ask her to ask her. And she would answer.

Then he said to her, ain't nobody ask you nothing. He would ask her, he would ask her, ask her, and she would answer. Then he said to her, ain't nobody ask you nothing. Can't you tell my love's a-growing? So I grew up in a great family, funny family. My dad, my parents, and we grew up in a family of seven kids. Wow. Just a great home. What does your dad do?

I mean, I imagine with seven kids, your mother raised kids. Pretty much. They were knocking them out. They were knocking them out every year after year after year after year. I'm like seven years younger than my next brother. And I'm a mistake baby. I'm a mistake baby. Oh, yeah. No, you're a blessing. You're a miracle baby. Oh yeah. No, you're a blessing.

You're a miracle baby. Oh, it's not going to say number seven is good. Yeah. Yeah. And, uh, my dad was a butcher. My dad was the greatest man in the world. Butcher and worked for shifting company. You know, the turkey. He was a butcher and they have meats, meats, uh, but what do you call them, butchering cows. They did that in the Midwest. A meat cut, yeah, absolutely. Yeah, like a big processing plant and a carcass comes along and you break it down. And they kill the cows and kill with the pigs and everything and then they make the meat and send out to the grocery store.

So I grew up at home with plenty of meat, lots of meat. A freezer full, yeah. A deep freezer, not just a freezer, a deep reason not just a deep reason and andy and um we didn't know my mom wouldn't have we have steak like four times a week and we have steak for breakfast and we used to have to say mom would you please stop but we didn't know and we didn't know what that was as young kids and great school in high school would you please stop with the beef? We had the cube beef. It's always meat in the house and people would come to our homes for dinner. Just meat like you won't

believe. So as far as food is concerned, we had it made. That's the perspective. Your perspective on what is plenty is the thing that you get sick of. I was reading some book. It was a history book and it just i was reading some book it was a history

book and they it was about something else but it was about fishing and in in like newport rhode island in the 1800s when you've ever been to newport and seen those giant mansions you know along the ocean yes and i've ended up in that all in that area in england, the Cape Cod and all those. Yeah, it's huge mansions, rich, rich people and lobsters were so plentiful. You could practically just walk out and pick up a lobster. It was illegal to serve them to your servants.

Like it was considered like serving them bugs. Because there were so many of them and they did, you know, I mean they are basically big bugs, you know. But it was because there were so many of them and they and they did. You know, I mean, they are basically big bugs, you know, there. And but it was illegal to give your servants lobster. And I you know, that's like now, you know, now now I'm sure everything is opposite. You know, black people have been black people have been eating chicken wings for years.

And about 20 years ago, white people go, well, what the hell is a buffalo wing? And all of a sudden now you can't have a party without having chicken wings. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So that's amazing. Now, when did you when did you think like I'd like to do comedy for a living? When did that kind of start to settle in for you? And I mean, what was the inspiration for that? Boy, what a great question. you want to know something yeah six years old six years old there's a man that you don't know him his name is red skeleton oh red skeleton i know who red skeleton is sure there you go yeah red skeleton came on tv there was a guy named milton burrow came on tv there were some party records. We had a man, his name was Rick Fox. There was a lady

named Moms Mabley. That was another comedian named Judge Pickmeat Markham. That's where the phrase, here come the judges, here come the judges. That's where they came from. Then the Richard Pryors and the Dick Gregors and of course the George Kirby's and Johnny Carson and everybody.

I keep going. Bob Newhart. Yeah, that Button Down Mind. That was the man named Milton and Johnny Carson and everybody. I keep going. Bob Newhart. Come on. Bob Newhart. Yeah, that Button Down Mind. That album. That was the man named Milton Berle would kill us every Tuesday night

at the Texaco Theater. Man, so I used to just love to laugh. And Andy at six years old, seven, eight, nine, ten through twelve, I would listen to those jokes and I would take them back to school the next day and do them in class. And people would just laugh.

And when you see people laughing, that makes you happy. Yeah, yeah. When I see happy people, it makes me happier. So I knew from six years old, this is what I want to do. I went to high school, and Mr. O'Neill on the football team says, Wallace, why don't you play football with us? You know you can play. I said, Mr. O'Neill, I'm going to be a bullshitter when I grow up.

Don't leave me wasting my time. And I said that to him at that time. And he didn't curse back in the day. Right. You know, and I said, and he said, Wallace, you're crazy. I said, Mr. O'Meal, that's just what I'm going to do. Because all my brothers played football. And they would come home with broken arms.

And actually, you're talking about my family. I actually have seven Super Bowl rings in my family. What? That's how blessed we are. Sometimes I don't talk about these things. My brother, George Wallace Jr., is one of the first black professional golfers in America. Wow. He played with Charlie Sefrit.

All those guys used to stay at our house. Charlie Sefrit and all of the black golfers back in the day. Calvin Peete. Calvin Peete. There you go. They all stayed at our house when I was a kid. Yeah. You heard the book.

It's called The Green Book. Black people didn't have certain places to stay. But they stayed in my home. Oh, wow. So my family. Was your house in The Green Book? So did you have like strangers coming by? Or was it just golfers?

I'm such a liar. I almost said my mama did. Just to make the joke. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, but we had. And we didn't have a big house either. We just shared, you know, we had extra beds and somebody moved over. People slept together back in the day.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, we shared beds back in the day. But we had that, and I was a kid watching those shows, and I wanted to be a comedian, so my brothers wanted to be sports people. But my thinking is crazy. I want to be a comedian just watching all of those shows and taking the jokes back to school. Yesterday was my birthday, and I was talking to my first. Oh, that's right.

I forgot. I saw that, and I was going to wish you a happy birthday, and you beat me to it. I'm sorry. Well, you're late. You're late. I'm late. I'm late. The present's in the mail, I swear. But you do lie.

My first great scoop, she used to call me in the room and says, my real name is Henry Wallace. She said, Henry, tell me a joke. And I would tell her a joke like, why do Eskimos wash their clothes in tide? She said, I don't know. I said, because it's too cold out tide. Just little stupid jokes like that. You know, she would look at me and she says, you know, that's not the kind of joke I want to hear. She wanted a dirty joke.

You know, I'm a little boy. I'm going, and I would tell her the dirty joke and she would freak out. I was talking to her yesterday. I still know all my school teachers that are still alive. Oh, wow. We still talk to each other. Oh, that's great. I was telling jokes in the fourth grade.

And that's where my comedy started. And I'm living my dream. I have done. I've reached my goal. I came to New York City. I went to college first because I needed to. Because hearing those stories from the older guys sometime in Bodville, they had no place to eat.

I didn't know what they were going to do. So I don't need to go through that. So I wanted to get a financial question. I went to college and got a few degrees. And that was in Ohio, right? You moved to Ohio? Yeah. Yes.

My mom died and I went to school in Akron, Ohio and studied there. When your mom, what prompted that move? What about your mother's death prompted that move to ohio and why ohio you bring that up there's a reason for everything in life okay i'm seven years uh apart from my next brother i'm a mama's boy okay so my mom had passed away had my mom not passed away i don't think i would be a comedian because i'm a mama's boy i would sleep right then in atlanta and just deal with my peers and probably got a job at General Motors

like everybody else did. Yeah, been the funniest guy at General Motors. Yeah. Yeah. Making fun of those Eldorados coming off the line. That's right. And those El Caminos and things coming off. But yeah, there's a purpose in life for everything.

My mom left my house. She says, Junior, baby, I'm going to the hospital. I will not be back. But don't you worry about a thing in life. Your life has already been taken care of. And I'm thinking, okay, mom, she's going to go to the hospital. Everybody else can come back. She didn't come back.

But everything is laid out for me. And I can't tell you how blessed I am. I went to Akron, Ohio. I went to school. I started working at a place called Firestone Tire and Rubber Company. Making $1.47 an hour. What was the connection to Akron? We had family there. Oh, I had family. The most important thing was that after high school, I wanted to get a degree in transportation. Not a lot of schools offered that program. Madison, Wisconsin, University of Wisconsin, and the University of Akron had that program, transportation program. To this day, most people don't know what a degree is, or would be,

or can be, in education. And was it highway planning? Was it that kind of thing, you know, like city planning? What's a transportation degree? There you go. And I said, does anybody know? I have a degree in transportation. People in the audience said, you're a bus driver. I said, get out. I'll throw them out. Get out. Get out of here right now. Transportation, and people don't know about this, it happens to be the number one industry in the world. People fail to realize the shirt on your back, the desk, the glasses you're wearing, everything you see, transportation is involved. Procurement of goods and services. Logistics. We haven't heard that word in a long time

since UPS changed their slogan to logistics. It didn't work. They should keep with the slogan. They have a slogan called What can Brown do for you? Nobody will ever forget the stupid subject. I used to say, what can Brown do for me? First thing Brown can do for me is move that truck out of the middle of the street, okay?

You want to do me a favor? Run this over to FedEx. That's a good joke I used to do. But, yeah, so I have a degree in transportation. The University of Akron offered that degree. And to this day, I buy most of transportation. I love to teach people about transportation it's the greatest thing in the world airplanes water and um pipeline yeah trucks and rail yeah i'm most transparent so that's number one industry so that's what

really took me back on my own and i got to akron i lived with my sister and then i found a new mom they took care of me and And, and Firestone, Tyler and rubber had a financial assistant program. So you go to school, they pay you for your courses. Oh, wow. So then,

and then I got grants and degrees. I have three degrees and I think you're not going to believe this. I think I may have paid maybe $5,000 for the three degrees. Yeah. And I stayed in the dorm. So I was blessed to be in the, I was in the dorm for one quarter and and the next quarter I was a RA, we used to call them advisors at the time.

Right. And you have to be a junior before that happens. But I was blessed to one quarter, and that means food and board and everything like that. Wow. So you're talking about blessing. Don't you talk about where I come from. I could just go on and on and on.

So that's how I got to Argonne, Ohio, And then I was there doing my latter days with Verun James, who was a kid at St. Vincent High School. Oh, wow. Yeah, yeah. Now, did you start doing comedy in Akron? Or did you have to kind of wait? Because you went to New York then, right? Well, no, I did start doing comedy, like I say,

in school, in high school, in grade school, growing up. But you really start to get into it a little bit when you get to college and you're hosting the shows. Oh, I see. So I was hosting some of the social programs in the dorm system. I was in charge of everything,

Andy. I was in charge of the University of Akron. I was one of those guys that I was the dorm counselor, but I was in between the administration and the students. I was in charge of the University of Akron. I was one of those guys that I was the dorm counselor, but I was in between the administration and the students. I was on the student dorms. Do we call it a student council? Yeah. But I represented the students also. I'm the guy that goes to the

president's office. President Norman Auburn, this is George Wallace, president secretary, says, he's busy. I said, well, you tell him I'll wait. It's Henry Wallace. I'll wait. And so, but I was one of those guys on the campus bmoc but the big man on campus they called it back in the day yeah and i made every i made everything happen we i was there doing uh the uh the kent state riots oh wow but i was there and i had to pull that program together and brought everybody together so uh townies dormies and everybody, I made a program called Together.

That was right after the Kent State shootings. And the next night, Kent State and Akron, you were like 20 miles from each other, 25 miles from each other. And the next night, we were out there protesting, and the National Guard's out there, and they clicked those guns, and we scattered. So that's why I was in Akron, and I'm selling jokes there. Yeah. Amazing. So that's why I was in Akron and I was selling jokes there. Then I left Akron, Ohio and I graduated and came to New York and I got a job. I needed a job and I was reading the papers.

That's when you read the papers to get a job. Yeah. The war ads. I got a job. There was an ad that said $75 to $150 a day. I said, let me take a look at this. And I went and interviewed for the job. And it was Cleveland Cotton Products. They sold rags. I sold actual rags, Andy. I sold the ShamWow back in

1972 before it had a name. I sold real rags. And then after that, I was selling rags to the New York City Transit System. And then I went to work for Metro Transit, a guy named Douglas Lee. Douglas Lee invented the smoking cigarette at Times Square. So I became the vice president of the world's largest outdoor advertising agency. Everything at Times Square. I'm turning this way because I'm actually looking

at Times Square now. Yeah. So all the spectacular billboards downtown Times Square, all the 5,000 buses in New York City, all of the buses in Chicago, Detroit, Cleveland, Los Angeles, San Francisco. We had a board even in Chicago smoking cigarettes. I remember that when I was a kid. It was a Marlboro. There was a Marlboro man and smoke would come out of his mouth.

Yeah. Well, at your age, I was probably working. Well, I was born in 66. Yeah. So that probably, you know, that's when I would have been seeing that. It was seven, eight years old, probably. Yeah. So I was 70.

That was in 71, 72. I was doing that. Yeah. And it was a sales job. It was, you know, going around and getting them to put. I was selling advertising. Yes. I was doing cold sales.

And I was making a lot of money. And guess what? That's the same thing I do when I go on stage every night right now. I'm making a sale when I sell a joke. Yeah, yeah. So, and I made a lot of money in advertising and I went into a place, a new comedy club open called The Comic Strip. And I went out and said, let me put you on the back of every other bus going up and down

Second Avenue in New York City, 2nd and 3rd Avenue, in your community, you need to put your business in the streets. Rich Hinken and Rich Hinken and John and Bob Wex, they own the club, and I signed that deal. I said, we'll put you on the bus. And by the way, I knew a little comedy act. I had nothing.

Bullshitter. Why don't you come back tomorrow? I was bullshitting, right? Yeah, yeah. Come back tomorrow night. Let's see what you got. I auditioned on a Thursday, and I've been on stage ever since. Wow. And I started doing, I was a preacher.

I was Reverend George Wallace, because I made fun of the church at the time. Yeah. Man, what a blessing. I've been on stage ever since, and every night I just have fun. And that's why I met Jerry Seinfeld in 1976. We became best friends. And to this day, we're still best friends. And we celebrated last night, my birthday,

into our 46th year. And we're still best friends no matter who. It's great. I'm the most blessed person you've ever met. Why the change of your name from Henry to George? Because I was so stupid. When I got to Los Angeles and I wanted to join the union, there was already a Henry Wallace. So I didn't even know.

I just went, oh, my God. So I said, OK, I'm going to give him my dad's name, George Wallace. I wasn't even thinking about the governor of Alabama at the time. Because my dad was George Wallace and my older brother was George Wallace Jr. But I just took the name George Wallace and it stuck. And people just thought they were going to get the segregationist governor come up on stage when they announced you. My first Tonight Show,

Johnny Carson says, and he was laughing as he said it, don't change your television sets. George Wallace. And I come out and I couldn't even talk for the first minute because people were laughing. I said, hey, Lula May, don't change the stage. Come here, Lula May. George Wallace and I come out and I couldn't even talk for the first minute because people, you know, I said, hey, Lula May, don't change the stage. Come here, Lula May, George Wallace, I'm telling you. Can't you tell my loves are growing?

growing. Now, when you started doing a, you know, kind of like a, I imagine it was probably a gentle skewering of the clergy when you were doing a reverend. Did that get you in hot water with anybody? No, because it was a lot of fun. I had to roll water and everything. And guess what I had, I had the thick yellow pages telephone book. Yeah, that was my Bible. It was called the good book of bell. Whatever you need. Yeah. Look it up in the book. Look it up. You want some shoes? Look it up in the book. It's all in the book. Yeah. And I just went along with that. And then I would tell jokes with the rope on. I would enter the room saying when the saints go marching in and the whole room would just. And, you know, back in the day, we had to catch a riding star in the country.

We had a band on the States, and the place would just go crazy. Oh, when the Saints go mopping in. Oh, that's an entrance. Yeah. Yeah. And I didn't even have jokes, man. I was borrowing jokes at the time. You know, when you're a first star, you don't know where –

you don't know what you're doing. Yeah. You know, just trying to make some money. Well, I, you know, I didn't even do stand-up. I didn't like homework, so I didn't want to have to go home and write stuff, so I did improv. And then, you know, because then you're part of a gang. You know, you're up on stage with other people.

What did you say about homework? He just pulled out a pad that's full of jokes. This is my yellow pad. I'm the guy that's known for taking a pad on stage. I know some other guys have done it, but back in 19, I'm the guy that's known for taking a yellow pad on stage. I got some new jokes here. Some might be funny, might not be.

I don't give a shit. I'm doing these new jokes. Actually, I did Arsenio one night. I took the pad out in 1993. I took the pad. I said, I'm going to do some new jokes on this show tonight. I took the pad out in 1993. I took the pad out. I said, I'm going to do some new jokes on this show tonight. I got Leneman next week. I got to make sure this shit is funny.

You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Right? So, and I still take it up on stage now. And I got some new jokes that might be funny. And I'll say, joke number one, work real good. Yeah. Joke number two, work real good.

Joke number three, needs work. Needs work. And all these girls, yeah, said joke number four, work good. Then I get like joke number five. Joke's funny, audience sucks. They go crazy. They go crazy. And then I said, okay, let me go to my app. You know what they would say? Go do the pad,

man. Go back to the pad. They love helping out with the jokes. And to this day they I love doing new jokes and I my personality if the joke is not funny that's really funny to me yeah I need to work on this joke what can I do and just have some fun with it and not right every night I go on stage and I do something funny and something different you know and I now you mentioned that because you know you your personality I mean and so much of your life just listening to you go through it. It's the strength of your personality that just you just kind of said, OK, I'm here.

Recognize me. Put me to work. You know, I mean, whether it's student council or, you know, being in college and, you know, doing protests against, you know, against the war and selling it, going into a place and saying, you're going to put stuff on buses. Where does that confidence come from? I mean, is there is there a source or was born with it? Did you come out? Did you come out bullshitting? I think the source came from my dad.

My dad, George, real George Wallace. Yeah, here's a guy that had a second grade education, could not read, and wound up being president of the PTA. Wow. And he was in charge of the community. And back in Atlanta when I was a kid, he was making I told you he was a butcher. He was making

$200 and, no, $2.50 per hour. He would be at work at 5 o'clock in the morning. You know, butchers get off. They're like construction workers. They get off at 1. So he started his own business as a contractor building houses. So he was making double money there and making things happen. And we were that man.

And he was that man in the neighborhood, Mr. Wallace. He can do it. In the churches, Deacon Wallace, he can do it. Whatever money they wanted to raise, Mr. Wallace could do it. The community, Mr. Wallace could do it. That's how he became president of the PTA. And couldn't read. But he got things done and made people

happy. We built a garden in the neighborhood of about three acres, and people, the whole community ate off the garden. And my dad was always doing something funny. He was just crazy. And he was a strict man, too. When I was a kid, my dad was so good, he could just make us laugh, and he would piss us off. And after he was a kid, my dad was so good,

he could just make us laugh and he would piss us off. And after he would piss us off, man, he would always say, now, come on, give me a little smile, boy. Give me a little smile. And then we,

come on, you can give me a little smile. You can do it. You can do it. You can do it. Give me a little smile. God, I know you're going to smile for me

and pretty soon you'll break, you know? Yeah, yeah. They would do stupid shit like I live up here you live down there come up to see me sometime he just so people

without the video you're touching underneath your nose and then your chin and then doing the I live up here you live down there come up to see me sometime that would make him so mad but he would do that he would do I live up here. You live down there. Come up to see me sometime. That would make him so mad. Yeah, yeah. But he would do that.

He would do my mom. My mom would bake a cake, and she would say to him, how's the cake? I don't know. Give me another little slice. And she'd give him another slice. And he'd eat like three slices. She says, is it okay? How's the cake?

He goes, hmm. Yeah. That means, you know. Yeah, just okay. After three slices. Yeah, yeah. It's all right. She knew it after three slices.

Right, right. He was always joking. He was joking with me, man. He said, Dad, can I use the car? And he goes, mm-hmm. I said, Dad, can I use the car? Mm-hmm. I knew that was not a yes.

Yes, yes. Yeah, yeah. Come on, man. Can I use the car. I knew that was not a yes. Yes. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Come on, man. Can I use the car? So I got that. But I mean, that's wonderful. So not there was no choice. You had to be involved. You had to you know, it just wasn't it wasn't acceptable to sit at home and do nothing. To this day, whatever it is, I'm going to be somewhere around the top and it's going to be with laughter and fun. That's why I could have been

a minister. I should have been a preacher, make a lot of money like Joel Osteen. Joel Osteen is the greatest comedian in the world. Joel Osteen never starts a sermon without doing what? Telling a joke first. I always like to start with a funny story. So I could have done that. I really think Congress should be loaded with comedians.

Man, could we get work done. Yeah. Could we get work done with Congress with more laughter and comedians inside. Right. Yeah, it's full of bullshitters anyway. It'd just be a lot more fun. It looked like the president of the Ukraine, he was a comedian. And we had a guy from Minnesota, Al Franken.

Al Franken, yeah. Yeah, we needed that. We need more comedians and people laughing. All of us hated him in the office. And we had a guy from Minnesota, Al Franken. Al Franken, yeah. Yeah, we needed that. We need more comedians than people left. All of us, nature did in the office. Can you imagine what you and I could get done in Congress? People need money. We got printers.

Take care of people. Yeah. Take care of people. It's a great system here. This is the greatest country in the world. Whatever people need, we got it, and we'll have it i i uh you know i i'm i'm vocally political you know and so of course you are and people will tell me people will tell me you know like why don't you run for office and i say you know because my my grandfather

was the chairman of the republican party of our county for 30 years and he served in a in a governor's cabinet in illinois he was the director of conservation for the state you know i i so i grew up as a kid because when my folks divorced we moved in with my grandparents so i got dragged to republican pig roast pancake breakfast and lunch and nights all you know and it's all and i you know the Republican aspect of it, it's funny because now of all of his kids, there isn't a Republican left. They all, you know, as Republicans, as the Republican Party changed from like the party of Eisenhower into the be the party of lunatics. All of you kids are going, that's some bullshit. Yeah, exactly. Now, you know, they're all because they're out there, you know, it's just they're well, not nobody's rich.

So it's like, why the hell would we be Republicans now? But so I, I, I knew what politics. I like how you slid that in. Nobody's rich. Yeah. I mean, well, I mean, I mean, relatively. But but I knew what politics was. And that's why people ask me about it. But I knew what politics was, and that's why people ask me about it. And I'm saying, well, first of all, all you do is ask for money. That's your job. My brother's a school teacher. He ran for Congress. All it was was asking for money.

That's what it's all about, right? And I just couldn't do it. And then it's like one long PTA meeting, too, like your actual work day. It's just meetings and bullshit and people talking and everybody's saying the same thing and so it's like yeah if i could go and actually make things happen it would be you know maybe why don't we make that a big problem at your office you go to congress if i go to make things happen it's kind of like uh say you and i will look at just like the the Voter's Rights Bill, and sometimes, did you ever start

to think, what the hell is that all about? What is a Voter's Rights Bill? It should be one page, one card. You're born in America. You're 18. You vote. Just that simple. Yep. When you turn 18, you can

vote. Period. Period. That's it. You got no stipulations, no suppressions, no nothing. You can vote and let's make it a national holiday. Let everybody vote. Let everybody vote. Or put it on a Saturday. Make it on a Saturday. Whatever!

And just make it as easy as possible. This is the greatest thing you could do, is voice your opinion and vote. And that's why you and I should be in office, to be honest. All of us should be. Can you imagine what we'd do? I'm serious about the comedians that we were to do this. We know we're going to be out of there at four because we know we've got a spot at seven or eight.

We're going to the show. Got other things to do. That's why comedians are the smartest people in the world. We do know all the social ills of the country. We see these people. We talk to these people, and we hear their problems. And we have a

job that we get paid very well, Edmund, but we do it, well, most of us would do it without getting the money that we get, just because it's satisfying to go to work for 30 minutes a night, and you're done. You're just bullshitting and talking and having fun. But I say bullshitting, once again, I got to pay out here. a night and you're done. Yeah. You're just bullshitting and talking and having fun.

Yeah. Yeah. But I say bullshitting once again, I got to pay out here. It's a lot of homework. Yeah. Do you have like a library of yellow pads? Do you save them?

Do you have like a, you know, a thousand yellow pads stored away somewhere? I don't have quite a thousand. Seinfeld has a thousand. Did you see the bit that Seinfeld covered the street with his notes? Uh-uh. He covered an entire block with his notes on the street.

Wow. So, yeah, we have the yellow legal pad. Yeah. It's a hard cover. It's a hard cover that's not flexible. So we have the yellow legal pad, and we just write, write, write all day long. And I take mine to the stage. And I had it last night, and the last night on the stage was B&B,

and B&B was Branson and Bezos. These are the two guys with the ship. Yeah, yeah. And I'm just going, these are the two richest men in the world, right? And I don't know, people start laughing. I don't know, they're the two richest men in the world, and they go up in the space, okay, for 11 minutes.

Yeah. So by the time, wait a second, I went to lunch, to the space luncheon. They go up in the air and by the time I get back to my car in the parking lot, say what? They're down. You're back. Say what? You're back from where you were.

Why did you leave at the first place? I can't even get across town in 11 minutes. They spent all this money. Yeah. So I'm like, it's like the first London. I don't believe they did. I don't believe they went anywhere. But it's amazing.

Yeah. I mean, they go up and then they go. Well, I couldn't believe, you know, he goes up in that dildo rocket and then the rocket's gone. And then they and then they just crash land. I mean, it was like a plane ride with a bad landing. Stop it! Stop it! All in the same setting, right? Yeah, it was just a plane

ride. You didn't go to space. You were on a plane. It was like a slingshot. Okay. Yeah. What goes up must come down. Listen to me. That song, What Goes Up Must Come Down was longer than the actual space i know it's ridiculous and then the goddamn cowboy hat you got to put on it and not just not his dad's cowboy hat it was three sizes too big for him

yeah well now when do you when do you decide all right i can quit selling ad space and i can just do this how long was it before that first time on stage to when you could when you could just be a comic dude i was doing it yes i was selling i was selling an advertiser during the day but i was on stage at night yeah and i was on stage only six months in New York City, and I was killing it and standing ovation and everything. And I said, you know what? I want to go out to California. We need some advertising from California.

All of the record companies were out there. So I went out there as a salesperson. In two weeks, I had drawn up like $500,000, $600,000 worth of business to put on buses in New York City. Yeah. So I put like Elton John and Donna Summer at the time. I put them down in Billboards in Times Square. And I said, all the time thinking in my head,

I told the bosses, we need an office in LA. That's convenient. That's what I told them. That's what I told them. In the meantime, because that's where the comedy store is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I went out and I moved myself out. And after about two months, they said,

Wallace, what the hell happened? You just bring that money like crazy. And all of a sudden, it's not working like we thought it was going to work. And I said, well, I don't know what's going on. And they said, well, we might have to make some changes. And I said, well, just do what you do. Do what you have to do. Because I was at the comedy store every night.

Right, right. So that was my big deal. So sales went down once you really started to devote yourself. Yeah, and so we somewhat departed. And the next thing I know, I was on stage one night, and they said, could we talk to you for a second? And we were on. I forgot his last name.

He was Officer Dunn on Dave Osborne. And the MMM officers officers come out in his face suit on a letterman used to come out of the office oh yeah yeah i know who you mean yeah yeah yeah i don't remember his name yeah yeah but he said we'd like to talk to you we're producers of the red fox show oh yeah we'd like for you to be a writer on the red shot red fox show i said oh i don't know what i'm writing i don't know what I'm that good. Was that Sanford and Son or did you have a variety show? The variety show immediately after Sanford and Son on ABC.

So they said, well, we think you can. We've been watching you for a few weeks and you've just been having a good time up on the stage. And then that was after following Rich Pryor, Jay Leno, Elaine Boosler,

and Robin Williams. I didn't know. I just loved being on stage, Jay Leno, Elaine Boosler, and Robin Williams. I didn't know us. I just loved being on stage. You know, back in the day, we just all followed each other and just did everything. And so I said to the guy, I don't know whether I'm into the writing. I know I love to perform.

And at the time, I didn't have a job. They said, well, it's $2,500 a week. And that was in 1976. And I said, $2,500 a week? And he said, maybe I could come up with a little something. So I went into the writer's world for a year in Red Fox. What was he like to work for? I didn't get to see him a lot, to be honest.

We wrote the show in the Valley. We shot the show at CBS in the city. And the show aired on abc so i'm like what the hell is going on here you know i didn't know about how the system worked at all yeah i didn't get to see red fox a lot because he would only show up for uh even not rehearsal he just show up and he was heavily drugged and i didn't know anything about the drug and people were crazy back in the day but uh it worked out and I had opportunities. That's when I first met the great Muhammad Ali.

He was writing the show. But that's when it all came together. And then after a year I said, you know, Redbox is doing the jokes. But as a writer, you always go, he got a laugh, but he should have done it the right way. Let me do my joke. So I said after that, I'm going to do my own joke. So I went out and I started doing the Tonight Show and all of that. I did the

Tonight Show with Johnny Carson on a Thursday and the next night I was in front of 17,000 people with Natalie Cole. So I never wanted to do television or movies. I don't know anything about acting or anything like that. Yeah, yeah. You didn't want to sit calm. You didn't... I just wanted to be a comedian in Las Vegas.

Yeah. That's because I heard, we used to, when we started, there was guys like Hockey Puck with Don Rickles and guys like that. I was just going to say Don Rickles. Yeah. These guys, they're making $300,000, $400,000 a year. I'm just starting as a comedian in 1976 but that sounds good that's enough money for me

and you're doing the same thing you want to do anyway yeah that's my goal is to get to Las Vegas and sure enough I found Las Vegas in 1979 two years later after I started with opening for Diana Ross and I walked out I make so much money in Las Vegas I walked out in front of

Cesar Spalding and I walked out and I made so much money in Las Vegas I walked out in front of Cesar Spouse and I said to myself, I could go back. Yeah, I made it to Vegas. That's my goal. I made it to Vegas. I could go back to advertising. At that time I was making about even that time I was making $75,000 a year in advertising. But then I

thought, not. That's when the phrase not. I went on to work with Diana Ross for a year and a half. I just wanted to open, be a comedian, learn how to be a comedian. Then I went with Tom Jones for five years. That's all I want. I wanted to learn how to be a comic. Big houses, small houses, 70,000, 15,000 arenas, stadiums.

I did it all. Yeah. And I can handle any room. Do you change your act very much for the different size rooms, or do you kind of do the same thing and just? Well, when you go out as a barometer, you got to go, you know, when we're saying hello, a lot of people don't know what we're doing, but that we're sizing up the room, the feedback,

how the speed of the room is working. I do a different set every night because you don't know what's going to happen with me. Yeah. I'm like uh in las vegas i went to las vegas as you know uh in 2004 for 30 days 60 days 90 days and turned out to be 10 years yeah and uh yeah my ex-wife and i came and saw you uh yeah while we were out there yeah and uh it turned out and i own the show i did not work for the hotels like most entertainers do

i did all of the marketing and of. I did all of the marketing. And of course, I did all of the advertising because that was my world. I knew how to rule the advertising world in Las Vegas. I created the new thought patterns and branding in Las Vegas. I'm the first guy to put five trucks on the street of advertising back to back to back to back to back to back. People said, Wallace, why the hell would you put that many trucks just back to back to back? Don to back to back. People said, Wallace, why the hell would you put that many structures back to back to back? Don't come down Las Vegas Boulevard. And I said, hey,

why did you ask me about it? Yeah. I just wanted to be a comedian and I about 19 2000 2012 I'm just going like, dude, I don't know what to do next.

I've conquered my goal. I made a lot of money. I don't know what to do next. But I love stand-up. And I'm still doing it. And like I always say. Do you like living in Vegas? Is Vegas a pretty good place to live?

I love. I live there right now. I love living in Las Vegas. I don't gamble. Cause I'm smart enough to know you can't win. Anytime you see a new hotel going up, that's not from people winning. Yeah.

Right. Right. So I know that even if you win a hundred thousand dollars, it could be one of the worst things that happens because all of a sudden, you know, I can do it. No, you don't.

They're waiting for you. But Vegas is a good place to eat, to live. And if you can stand the heat, but you know, first like me, you don't. They're waiting for you. But Vegas is a good place to eat and live. If you can stand the heat. But, you know, a person like me, I don't go out in the heat. I'm always in the air. Go downstairs, get in the car. It's a beautiful city. It's cheap. It's actually the entertainment

capital of the world. Even today. Do you end up spending a lot of time in casinos just to go to restaurants and see shows and stuff? Or is there kind of when you're a local you kind of live a separate life from the strip most people do live a separate life on the strip but i live in the hotel my condo is across the street from the hotel but i'm always working though so let's make it perfectly clear i'm always working i don't get to see a lot of

shows i get to see a few shows i I do favors when something special is happening. Like tonight, Celine Dion called. She needed me two nights to open for her because so much press was going on. I had to go out in 30 minutes before she came out because she was doing a lot of press. So I had that opportunity. Diana Ross, the first one that took me to Las Vegas.

She didn't come back in 30 years. I reopened for her. Same people. I just have fun in vegas so i don't see i see all the shows i want to see but i'm pretty much working yeah yeah i worked every night i love working now what what uh you know like you said you kind of you kind of conquered it you've kind of you know what so what's next for you i mean what do you what do you see i mean now that we're out of this pandemic and, you know, you can start your life again, because I imagine you, you know, you couldn't do shows. I did not do shows. I did not do shows.

Was that hard for you? You know, you're still writing on your yellow pad. You don't have anywhere to get it out. I did, too. I'm on every Thursday night at 7 o'clock, a lady named Sybil works live. Oh, okay. And this morning I did Tom Papa. I still do a lot of Zooming, like I'm working with you in the podcast. Sure, sure. So I get these jokes out of the way. So after 18 months of being in, sure that we were talking about dealing with the pandemic, some things I would do, and, you know, just jokes. I was trying to stay six weeks, six feet away from myself. I was so concerned about it.

I would move mirrors and eat strange habits, just talking trash. I was eating strange things like chicken and Cheerios. I was doing a lot of things. And I was watching television. I was crying on TV because I'm watching these TV stations like Undercover Boss, you know.

And eventually I wound up crying watching Undercover Boss. You know, and eventually I end up crying watching Undercover Boss. And then I watch the sad stories on The Voice and America's Got Talent. You just can't be a regular singer now. You gotta have a story to go along with it. Oh, I know, I know. I was incarcerated up to 30 years.

Yeah, it's like tragedy porn on those days. Yeah, right. Exactly. You gotta, you know, you can you can't you know you got to have like a you know a mother that was blown oh no oh my mother my mother my mother had a heart attack and they said why are you like well my mom had a heart attack and she just her last thing she wanted to say was me to win this show on america's got talent okay well what uh what are you gonna do after the show well my mom is still in the car. She had a heart attack. I left it running. The AC's on.

She's fine. No, she's still dealing with a heart attack. I'm going to take her to the hospital. I always love on those shows when they say, like, you know, I just want to say to all the people that said I couldn't make it, that I'm going to make it. And I think, who the fuck are these people? Like, who goes around telling people, you'll never be a singer? said i couldn't make it that i'm gonna make and i think who the fuck are these people what like

who goes around telling people you'll never be a singer i just i don't i'm like where are they growing up like just like bully town you know i mean that's a phrase i use you know when people say stupid things about me that's if i hear one more person say if i can do it you can do it yeah yeah bullshit you can't do what i do you can't do what i do if you can dream it you can do it yeah yeah bullshit you can't do what i do you can't do what i do if you can dream it you can do it no no no you know you sure as hell want to do yeah yeah yeah so people say that that just drives me crazy yeah and that's what i pick up on things like the other day i talked about a lady said she felt comfortable in her own skin. So I'm thinking about it. How do you know? Maybe you don't want to know.

You've never been in somebody else's skin? Yeah, maybe she's been Hannibal Lecter in people. Exactly. Then I try to take the joke down. I know I feel much better in Oprah's skin. I feel much better in even Jeff Bezos' skin. I feel real good. Then I have to take it to the, you know, my jokes are ABC,

but I didn't feel better at all. Sharpens skin. It's going to be a little tight. So when people say stupid phrases, I just pick up on them. There's nothing wrong with me, but I love that. Well, so what are your plans now going forward? I mean, you're in New York now. Are you going to be there for a long time or are you going to try and get back to Vegas when Vegas gets over?

I'll leave. I still have a residence in the Westgate right now. Oh, wow. But I'm not going back until mid-September. But I have so many things. I'm the father. Phoebe Robinson has a new TV show with ABC. I'm the father on that.

Oh, nice. I've got like four TV projects out there. I'm doing so much in movies and crazy things like that. But my new program, my real show, is I have a deal with Norman Lear. You know the great Norman Lear. Of course. 97 years old. That's our partner.

And I've known him for a long time and I had an idea. I wanted to go for a levy boot Sanford and Sutton. Ah, yeah. I just wanted to hear it. You can pull it off now, yeah. Da-da-da-da-da-da. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da.

I just wanted to hear that. He said, no, you can't do that. He says, Joe, just be you. Do something with you. Come back. So I was with a friend of mine. His name is Dan Ewan. He helped me write my first book, Laugh It Off.

I know Dan, yeah. Yeah, so he was telling a friend of mine. His name is Dan Ewan. He helped me write my first book, Laugh It Off. I know Dan, yeah. Yeah. So he was telling me about his kids. You know, he has two kids, and they're twins, and one is a girl and one's a boy. But the boy never identified as a boy. Always knew that he was a girl inside. And so I said, Dan, you got to love this kid no matter what. I don't care what it is.

You got to really, really love this kid no matter what. And having done it, I thought a light went off in my head. I was like, oh, Sabina's son. What if I had a son at one time and we put it together that the son, I'm an old guy in Mobile, Alabama, raised a family. The son left, went to New York City to do his thing or her thing. I didn't know about it at the time. Went to New York City.

And 30 years later, knocks on my door. Says, dad, it's me. Me who? He says, Edmund. I said, are you Edmund's wife? Yeah. Dad, it's me. So he is transgender.

Yeah, yeah. So I was very mean and then slammed the door in her face. But she's still slandered and I have to be educated and soon we come together on this. And not only am I going to be educated as a black father from the South,

but America's going to be educated as we grow. And I'm taking it to the black church. Which is, you know they don't they got to deal with this people everybody's got to live and let them yeah and eventually i'll have her running for mayor uh-huh and she may not win but the the awareness is there yeah yeah and my my my associate producer and partner is laverne cox uh-huh that's great where we're going with this yeah yeah absolutely and with roman lear and uh so we hope we start you and with dan ewan yeah that's great i mean that's

that's a that's you know that's where i mean i don't like preachy comedy you know like comedy that's like overtly political it always just feels like choir preaching, you know. Yeah. But this is something where a funny. Yeah, it's a funny show that's about something and they can actually do good because that's how, you know, it's like Ellen DeGeneres comes out and the world falls apart and then she becomes America's sweetheart. You know, like people get used to like, oh, all right, I can I can handle what did you say? I can handle a gay woman. There's a guy named Barack Obama. Yeah. All of a sudden people get used to it. Yeah. We got an African-American Jewish vice president.

Yeah. That's what I'm talking about. Create the awareness that everybody's OK. Yeah. And it just takes time. Yeah. Just takes time. Yes. Now, I imagine people ask you for advice or, you know, to get some kind of philosophy. Yeah, because I know everything. You know everything. It's quite obvious. I'm talking to you. If I don't know it, I can call Jerome Seinfeld and, God, he knows everything.

Well, what do you think, like, is, you know, sort of the point of the George Wallace story, of the Henry Wallace story? You know, Wallace stories, it's all about living. It's all about loving. And most important, it's about laughter. I love to laugh and I love to make people happy. I think the greatest thing in the world,

and we know laughter is the greatest medicine in the world. So that's what I'm all about is about enjoying life. My purpose on earth is to give back. back. And I've had so much fun. Once again, I've done everything. Name something I haven't done. I was at Dr. Martin Luther King's funeral. I've been to Nelson Mandela's cell in Robbins Island, South Africa. I've been on a great roll with China. It's not too much I haven't done. And my best friend in the world. I'm so blessed to have the number one man in comedy.

Some things are not meant to be understood, but we're just best friends. Jerry Seinfeld, I talk about him all the time because that's my best friend. Yeah. And he's like number one. And I talk about him on stage sometimes, how rich he is. Yeah. And he being my best friend and as rich as he is, he got a jet. I take advantage of it.

I got a jet. Yeah. He got a yacht best friend and as rich as he is, he got a jet. I take advantage of it. I got a jet. Yeah. He's got a building full of Porsches. So do you. So do I. You can borrow a car for sure. But I can't get in. So I just leave the cars alone. But the jet, I about, you know, we go to the house. His house is so big on Long Island that when you get to the gate and you punch in the security code, Waze is still giving you directions to the house. And 2,000 feet, you will have reached it. So I'm having fun. He said, Henry, you shouldn't be talking about me like that. I said, you shut up. You play ping pong. You play ping pong.

He was telling his daughter about it last night. Usually when you play ping pong, eventually the ball goes astray, right? So in his house, we ping pong the ball goes in another room where he said don't go get it don't go get it he turns around there's a crystal ball with 200 football balls 200. so i'm just going like i don't know what the hell's going on in this house this is rich people man i says i got up to peter the night i went to the bathroom i came back my bed was made and i chopped it on my pillow I don't know what the hell's going on in this house. Wow. It's just, are you sure you weren't at a hotel?

I mean, that's what I'm saying. A chocolate and a bed being made. So I talk about it, man. How, but those are my things that I can share with him. And when,

when God blesses you with a good friend like that, you just can't beat it. You just can't beat it. And it's good to, you know, and like, it's nice that, that good to, you know, and like, it's nice that he is, you know, generous and shares

and remembers where he came from and who he came up with. But it has nothing to do with who he is today. It has to do with he just being my friend. Yeah. See, I don't look at, you know,

people, most people look at him and yes, I'm not going to, I'm the one telling him to just shut the hell up. Yeah, yeah. That's my buddy. Because he's my friend yeah it's nothing to do with who he is in uh america and america tv and making all that money yeah i think

that's always important i mean just from what i've witnessed in show business is that you the people that don't keep people around them that remind them who they are and to keep them grounded and that push back like people that don't, that, that they surround themselves with. Yes. People. Yes.

Yes. And it makes you nuts. It makes you crazy. It, it makes you so that you start to really, you know, you're, you,

you fart and you think it's roses. You know, everything you do is perfect and right, you know. We tend to somewhat micromanage each other a little bit. Like we were even talking about the pandemic at this moment. And I said to Jerry, let's just wait and see what happens after 4th of July. Talk to me two weeks after 4th of July and we'll see if this is really going to control. This is two weeks, three weeks after 4th of July. Talk to me two weeks after 4th of July and we'll see if this is really going to control. This is two weeks, three weeks after 4th of July. We have a little spiking going on in the country right now.

So we continue to wear the mask and we're debating whether we're going to, well, we're not going to go back to work until September. Really, real work. We're going into the clubs in and out real quickly. I still wear my mask because that's just me. But we still, he listens to me in small matters when it's time to be truthful and not be a yes person. I'm not a yes person. Yeah, well, that's good. Well, listen, I really appreciate you spending all this time with me today.

It's it's a joy to talk to you. Well, what did we talk about? Did you mention this at all? Oh, yeah. You've got it. You've got a joke book. Hey, Andy, what did you call it? A joke book? Well, it is a joke book. It is a joke book. Yeah, I mean that in the best possible sense. It's just a book of jokes. It's all like a lot of the stuff that you put out on Twitter.

Now, you follow me on Twitter. Is it jokes or is it whatnot? Are they jokes or are they whatnot? I think that sometimes they're a hybrid. They're a joke not. Oh, my God. Joke not is going to have to make a decision when the shit goes down between the jokes and the nots. And listen to me.

I need more followers, too. Go to me. Tweet at Mr. George Wallace. This book is called Vultuit and Whatnot. It's $19.95. Did you know I put a book out where hardcover is $140? Andy? No, I didn't. The hardcover is $140.

People say, why would you do something stupid like that? I just thought at the time it was 140 characters. Yeah. For tweeting. Yeah. For tweeting. Yeah. And I just said, do you know people are buying $150 hardcover for their desk, for their tabletops? Yeah. It's amazing.

But this is 1995. And you get this from me, GeorgeWallace.net. Okay. GeorgeWallace.net. You can't get it on Amazon. Okay. If you get it on Amazon, you wind up sponsoring a ship going up. I want my money, okay?

That ship was prime. That ship was prime, trust me. This is farm to table. This is farm to table right here. So it's about the funny little jokes, how poor I was when I was a kid. Things I'll straight up do. I'll straight up take a flea to a farmer's market. I'll take a farmer to a flea up take a flea to a farmer's market

I'll take a farmer to a flea market I don't give a shit, I don't play by the rules I'll eat a cup, cake out of a pan and pancakes out of a cup I don't give a shit, those things in here like that even my first time just seeing E.T. just a few months back last year rather, and it's just come like

I didn't know, you know my kids had an alien in the room. I kicked your ass. Call him home. Make a long distance call. My friends would kill me. All kinds of things like that in the book. It's just things like I'd straight up drink a half a glass of whole milk and a whole glass of half and half.

I don't, pray by the rules, I don't give a shit. I did that one time. I said, I'll drink a half a glass of whole milk and a whole glass of half and half. that one time. I said, I'll drink a half a glass of whole milk and a whole glass of half and half. But a lady in the audience said, Mr. Wallace, if you drink a half a glass of whole milk and a whole glass of half and half, you may not give a shit, but you're going to

take one. And the replies in the book, that's what's funny. What I say is cute, but the replies are awesome. Oh, that's great. Oh, that's wonderful. Shout out to the top fives in the world. The replies are, yeah, so it's a lot of fun. Oh, that's great. Oh, that's wonderful. Top fives in the world. So it's a lot of fun. So get that book.

Georgewallace.net, everybody. Get on there. Yeah. You have been so wonderful. I don't know what have we talked about anything today. I guess you figured out where I came from and where I'm going. Yeah.

That's sort of the point of this. Yeah. Yeah. So I've enjoyed you much. And we can talk about so much. What you need to do is come visit and look at this nice view of New York City. I'm looking at right now. I got to take you up on that.

I got to walk a mile. I'm going to walk a mile through the park. Oh, nice. It's nothing like Central Park, ladies and gentlemen. You get a chance to come to New York City and you're going to enjoy Central Park. That's my office. And I'm looking over. If I get up and stand up, I see Strawberry Fields. Stupid thing about New York City, then you're going to enjoy Central Park. That's my office. I'm looking over. If I get up and stand up, I see Strawberry Field.

The stupid thing about New York City, ain't no strawberries in Strawberry Field. There ain't no park on Park Avenue. Madison Square Garden is not square. It's not a garden. It's not a garden either. It's not even on Madison. That's my head. A little. So that's my head.

No crazy thoughts out of my head. And we just love to have fun. I love you. There's absolutely nothing you can do about it. And I love you too, George. And thank you so much for coming on the show. And thank you all out there for listening. And we will be back at you next week.

Thank you. Thank you so much. The Three Questions with Andy Richter is a Team Coco and Your Wolf production. It is produced by Lane Gerbig, engineered by Marina Pice, and talent produced by Galitza Hayek. The associate producer is Jen Samples, supervising producer Aaron Blair, and executive producers Adam Sachs and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Your Wolf. Make sure to rate and review The three questions that Andy Richter on Apple

podcasts. Can't you tell my loves are growing? This has been a Team Coco production in association with Earwolf.