The Three Questions with Andy Richter - Jena Friedman

Episode Date: October 11, 2022

Comedian Jena Friedman joins Andy Richter to talk about taping her comedy special Ladykiller while pregnant, getting into improv and getting booted from iO, getting a job because of improv and more! ... 

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Hello, everyone. I'm Andy Richter, and I'm very excited today. I mean, I'm always excited because of the medication, but I'm very excited today because I have a very, very funny comedian here with me today and a very pregnant comedian. I was afraid you were going to start with that. I have a very pregnant comedian. I have a very pregnant comedian. Jenna Friedman is here who has a new special coming out. It's called what was it? Lady Killer.
Starting point is 00:00:42 Lady Killer. I knew it was like Lady Trouble, Lady Killer. Lady Killer. I knew it was like Lady Trouble, Lady Business. Lady Killer. And it's out. Well, I mean, it'll be out by the time this is out. Yeah, Friday. And it's on Peacock Plus. Or is there a plus in Peacock?
Starting point is 00:00:55 I think it's just Peacock. Oh, Peacock minus. Peacock neutral, yeah. Yeah. So when did you record it? July 15th. So you were when did you record it? July 15th. So you were pregnant when you did it? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:01:09 Did you talk about being pregnant while you were doing it? Yeah, I couldn't not. I mean, it was pretty obvious. And also, yeah, so when I sold the special, I wasn't pregnant. And I didn't think I would. I, like, didn't think I would get pregnant. I don't know how to talk. I've never, I've not talked publicly.
Starting point is 00:01:26 I'm not media trained. Right. Well, that's okay. I've not talked publicly about like being pregnant. Listen, I don't know if anyone told you, but this is a podcast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes. But I wasn't pregnant when we sold the special.
Starting point is 00:01:40 I wasn't really thinking I would be or whatever. And then I got pregnant pretty quickly. I say that weirdly because I'm like almost 40 and my husband smokes a lot of pot. So I just didn't think it would happen for us. And then it did. And I was like, oh, Jesus. Right. And so.
Starting point is 00:01:56 Well, it's because his sperm was able to sneak up on that tough old egg. Yeah. I mean, he's a good soccer player. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Had you guys tried before? I mean, he's a good soccer player. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Had you guys tried before? I mean, tell me this is none of my business. No, it's like I'm not.
Starting point is 00:02:11 I mean, not really. No. And I've never been pregnant before. So I just wasn't. Yeah, yeah. It wasn't a thing. I don't know. But I mean, what was the thought process that went from we're having good life and we have all this free time?
Starting point is 00:02:26 Oh, to try to do this? Yeah, yeah. You know, that's so interesting. I think, I don't know. I was just like, you know, I'm not going to regret it. And, you know, he wanted it. My family really wanted it. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:02:44 It's so weird to talk about. I'm like, I hope he doesn't listen, like i hope he doesn't listen like the little one doesn't listen to the no i i'm i'm into it it's all it's all good yeah yeah but i but like with everything going on right now with like climate change and everything it's just it's a tough sell to that's what you know that's kind of what was behind my question because – I mean I understand it because I'm a selfish jerk and I love kids. You're also a guy. Yeah. I would be a dad yesterday. Well, I mean I'm a – I'm not that guysy a guy to be honest with you.
Starting point is 00:03:21 Like I was raised in a house full of women and I'm a fantastic ally as a result. But I also too, just like, I'm just not like, like my whole life I've been surrounded by men who are like, you don't talk about pussy that much. Yeah. Cause it's like, why, why? I mean, you know, it's a mystery. Just let it be a mystery. Why talk about it all the time? But I do, I mean, and I love kids. And I have two. I have a 21-year-old and a 17-year-old.
Starting point is 00:03:55 And I remember kind of going through that, although, like, climate change wasn't as big a deal as it was 21 years ago. I mean, it was, but we weren't so aware of it. And I had that feeling, but I was like, eh, what's one? It's just one kid, you know? And I think, too, like I was just – I was tired of living for myself, honestly. I was tired of living for myself, honestly. It's like how many more, you know, my ex-wife and I at the time were like, oh, what do we do this weekend?
Starting point is 00:04:36 I guess go to dinner with people, you know, again, you know? Yeah, I think once I moved to L.A., I adopted that mentality too. Yeah, yeah. What if I had stayed in New York? You don't think, yeah, yeah. She's like, well, I'm in LA, there's not a lot to do. So yeah, let's have a kid. Might as well. Yeah. And you also kind of waited quite a while through COVID in order to get pregnant. Because I think there's so many COVID babies. I mean, I've been terrified. I'm terrified. I'm still terrified. It's not real to
Starting point is 00:05:05 me. It's very abstract. Yeah. But I also feel, I mean, as a comedian, it takes you so long to get to a certain point where you're like, I think I can do this financially, or I think I can do this emotionally. Yeah, yeah. And it took me a little longer to get there. Are you at all concerned with the change in perspective from having children on your comedy? Or do you think it'll just kind of open up? Or are you worried because are you worried about being boring? Because like so many people complain about. No, no. I mean, it's definitely off brand, but I've had so much fun telling abortion jokes pregnant.
Starting point is 00:05:47 And I have like a miscarriage joke that I've been telling for a little while, and I was going to retire it. And then just being so pregnant, telling that joke, it was so much fun. It ends up, there's a sight gag involved. It's a great prop to have. And I mean, it's scary for people, but that's my favorite type of comedy. Yeah, yeah. Well, now, as I said before, I have some research here and it says that you were born in New Jersey in 1983 to a Jewish family. They didn't want to get more specific than that. Just a Jewish family. I mean, was it a funny household?
Starting point is 00:06:28 family um i mean was it a funny household yes um well in a way that sneaks up on you my mom was the funniest person i know do you have siblings yeah i have one sister one sister she's older younger she's older she is funny too she um she used to like watch hbo specials and quote them yeah at the dinner table she she's she is the she's funny um and my dad is funny in a weird way too he uh I always had a dark sensibility and he would like nurture it in weird ways he'd read me I remember like Edward Gorey was an early influence and he got me this book called the big book of Death, which every chapter was like a different type of death. There was like death by government, so like electric chair, blah, blah, blah. And then there was like this whole thing about like a chapter about infectious diseases.
Starting point is 00:07:14 And I remember this whole thing about typhoid Mary, and I found it fascinating. I was like five or six. Was this an Edward Gorey book? No, it was a separate thing. This is a different, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. It's like five or six. Was this an Edward Gorey book?
Starting point is 00:07:23 No, it was a separate thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, because I had an Edward Gorey book when I was a kid that I think my aunt bought for me and that my mother disapproved of. I think it was called The Gashly Crumb Titans. Yes, it's the alphabet. It's the alphabet, and it's all children or people that died. A is for Anna who fell down the stairs. Right, exactly.
Starting point is 00:07:42 Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's great. That's how I learned to read. For real. With death. I mean, was that, did anybody else in the family, was that everybody was okay with that kind of darkness? I mean, my dad's a doctor, and I think when you're in the medical profession, you kind of gravitate towards that. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:08:03 What kind of doctor is he? Anesthesiologist. Okay, yeah, he's making people die little deaths every day yeah yeah yeah yeah it's i can see that because um it does kind you know you start thinking of the human body as like a mechanism you know or like you know like a car or something like you got to get in there and fix it, you know. Yeah. And it's, you know, probably separate from the person involved. Well, did you, I mean, you, what were you doing in school? Did you know you were going to be a comedian?
Starting point is 00:08:39 I mean, did you? Am I? Yes, you are. You are. It says so on my sheet here. Do I, am I still? Do I not? You came up in Chicago's comedy scene, according to this list. Yes. Yes, you are. You are. It says so on my sheet here. Am I still? Do I not?
Starting point is 00:08:49 You came up in Chicago's comedy scene, according to this list. Yes. So I wasn't ever a class clown. I just kind of gravitated towards weird, dark stuff. In college, I went to college in Chicago. I studied anthropology. You went to college in Evanston. I went to college in Evanston. I went to college in Evanston.
Starting point is 00:09:06 Chicago. Just, you know, no, I'm just being. Well, I lived. I'm just being. You were at IO, right? I was. Okay. So I lived downtown my senior year. I had studied abroad and I was in Chile.
Starting point is 00:09:18 And then my friend, I know, I'm sorry. I say Chile, but then people say Chile. And I'm like, okay. Alex Trebek just came in. Whatever. And then senior year, three other friends who had studied abroad, we all just went downtown. So we were like living in Chicago our senior year while we were at school. But yes, in Evanston.
Starting point is 00:09:38 I know. I was just teasing. I know. I know. Did you like Northwestern? Because I was accepted to Northwestern, but I couldn't afford Northwestern. So I went to U of I know. Did you like Northwestern? Because I was accepted to Northwestern, but I couldn't afford Northwestern. So I went to U of I instead. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:09:50 And then I transferred after my junior year to film school to Columbia College. Columbia College. I loved working with Columbia College kids. I felt like they were just like the same thing when I was in New York and I worked with Hunter College kids. They just had like less ego and they were really talented. Yeah, yeah. And I loved working with those kids on projects when I was in New York and I worked with Hunter College kids. They just had like less ego and they were really talented. Yeah, yeah. And I loved working with those kids on projects when I was in Chicago. I liked it.
Starting point is 00:10:12 I had a different experience every year. I studied abroad junior year. I played tennis sophomore year. Freshman year, I just drank all the time. Like I had a different – and then senior year, I lived downtown and did. a different and then senior year i lived downtown and did and i so in the major that i was in which was anthropology to graduate uh with honors you have to do a thesis where you spend your whole year studying a culture community and i was really interested in female stand-up comics and at the time there wasn't really a big scene of female comics in chicago
Starting point is 00:10:42 stand-up wise and somebody was like like, well, check out improv. And so, and I happened to be like two blocks from IO. Oh, wow. And so I went in and there was a woman. And Sharna will let anyone in. Yeah. Sharna. At the time, there was a woman behind the counter.
Starting point is 00:11:01 It was Katie Rich. And she's like, you know, if you, if you, I was like, can I get like a month pass so I can just watch all these classes? Or sorry, I can watch the performances, the shows. And she's like, well, if you pay for level one, you can see all the shows you want for free, and then you can be enrolled in our training center and see what that's like. So I was like, okay. And then, it's a drug.
Starting point is 00:11:26 It was, and that's how I ended up being a comedian. Now, as an anthropology student, being interested in female standups, is that just a frustrated standup trying to figure out? Yeah. I'm trying to not say a hundred percent because I've seen so many people parody that uh phrase recently 99.9 yes i mean i would i did really want to be an anthropologist i i i totally
Starting point is 00:11:54 wanted to be a comedian i think when you come from like my mom's uh an accountant and my dad is a doctor they're very like what is it right brain left i can't i get them confused but they're just they're not artists so um i just i would never be allowed to do that i know that didn't seem feasible it didn't seem feasible yeah um and so i kind of snuck in through under the guise of research yeah yeah yeah and how quickly did it take before you were like fuck fuck the dissertation, I'm going to do this? I mean, level two, Susan Messing was my teacher. Oh, my gosh. She's a dear old friend of mine, yeah. Yeah, I fell in love.
Starting point is 00:12:33 I mean, especially that form of comedy in Chicago at that time, this is 2003, where you're your own writer, director, performer at the same time. You are told to play to the height of your intelligence. I'm not like a character actress, and I think a lot of that is one way to kind of get into comedy, but it didn't resonate with me. But then going to IO where they're like, you can be like the kind of talking head person and just kind of, I love that. That felt like home. And I just couldn't believe that this thing existed that people did. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:13:13 It's like playing make-believe for adults. I really fell in love. Like, I hate, improv is like my rosebud. Sorry for the Citizen Kane reference. But it was just, there was nothing like that. I couldn't believe that that place existed. Yeah. It is pretty,
Starting point is 00:13:28 it can be, I mean, now, now like improv has become almost hack. Well, it's beyond, I mean, it's gone. Like, IO is gone. I mean, I guess UCB
Starting point is 00:13:38 might be back to some degree, but all those places shuttered during the pandemic. But yeah, I mean, it became a punchline maybe what, around the time of The Office or. Kind of. Yeah, because there were so many there were just so many people doing improv and getting into improv and people being aware of the people that had done improv that were, you know, because there was kind of I mean, I was kind of on the front edge of a wave of lots of, you know, I mean, I don't, you know, I did dopey shows in like the, you know, the basement of an Italian restaurant with people. And like, say there's eight people on stage, like four or five of them now are still making comedy.
Starting point is 00:14:24 And this was 800 years ago. So it was just, it was a very sort of rich time in terms of the personnel that came out of it. And I also, and I also too, it was like, it was different. I think, you know, stand up. I mean, I personally never responded to stand-up very much. And, you know, like it was something that I considered doing. And I had friends that did improv that did stand-up too. And there was kind of, you know, and this is we're talking, you know, 1989.
Starting point is 00:15:01 There were definitely two camps. There was like the improv camp and the stand-up camp. And I had a couple friends that would bridge that, but it just never appealed to me. And then, you know, years later, I just have really come to the realization that, like, I don't like being on stage by myself. Yeah. Like, I don't – the thing with the audience is not what I'm there for. It's the thing with the other person that I'm doing the show with. Yeah. And so I think that that, I, you know, I'm not, I'm just not good on my own either.
Starting point is 00:15:31 I just am not a good self-starter. So it's, I need a gang of people to do it with. I'm also too lazy to write stuff. So if you're going to be like, you know, get out there and write something like, well, okay, you know, I could do that. And, and it does make you feel like if you can do that and if you get good at it to where you're doing shows for a paying crowd however many times a week for 90 minutes at a time, you can do anything. I do think when I started working professionally, I wasn't very intimidated by much. Yeah. Well, I was going to ask you how, how, like, because I got into IO before the,
Starting point is 00:16:10 before the internet, before like, you know, social media. Right. And I just really stumbled in it. But how did you find it from, you went to U of I? Oh, I went to film school and I was in film school and I had taken some acting classes. And when I got into film school, I did a lot of acting because nobody in film school knows any actors. So film students end up being actors. awful. Every time there'd be like a screening of student films, and I would be in it, three people's, you know, film students that I only knew by sight would be like, hey, I'm doing a movie next weekend. Could you really? And, you know, so I would spend a lot of time wasting afternoons in like forest
Starting point is 00:16:57 preserves, you know, with kids that didn't know what they were doing. So I ended up acting a lot and it began kind of the learning by doing, which is totally like my methodology of being an actor. And then I worked in film production, still wanted to perform and wanted to write, but I just, you know, was shy and Midwestern about it. And a friend of mine started taking classes at IO. And I just was like, well, I had even looked in the white pages and looked up Second City at one point while I was working as a PA in film production and called and like, what, how does it work? And, you know, what, what, and it just sounded like six levels of classes.
Starting point is 00:17:52 Like, no, it doesn't sound. But this friend of mine started at IO. I don't even know. I think I maybe saw one show and was like, oh, and all it took for me was like I said, I'm not good. One person to sort of like just put a crack in it. And then I, you know, I started the classes and and then just kind of just built from there. And, you know, like kind of a, you know, I grew up in a small town and like towards the end of high school, I was just miserable, just free floating misery. Didn't know why. Went to U of I, you know, got a little better.
Starting point is 00:18:39 Took some art classes, was a little better. Went to film school, you know, kids with black lipstick. And I'm like, well, you know, it's still a kid school, you know, kids with black lipstick. And I'm like, well, you know, it's still a kid from, you know, Hoffman Estates. It's like, he's not that scary. And we have a lot in common. And then I got to improv and I was like, oh my God, my people, like I'm finally here, you know? And that was, that was almost all of it for me for a long time was just, this is just the most fun. These are the best people. I finally feel a part of something.
Starting point is 00:19:15 We just fucking laugh all the time, you know? And there were people that were very careerist at the time. And like the people that I loved, we'd be like, what the fuck? What do you mean? No agents have come to see our improv show yet. What do you think is going to happen? But somewhere along there, I was always kind of like, well, you know, something, I don't know, something will happen. And then for me, what it was is the real life Brady Bunch.
Starting point is 00:19:42 Oh, was that an annoyance? It was an annoyance show. I've talked about it on here. I don't want to, you know. But it was Brady Bunch reenactment that was very popular. It was like very timely with disco, you know, nostalgia, 70s stuff. And that's what got me out of Chicago to New York first and then to L.A. And then it just kind of built from there
Starting point is 00:20:05 can't you tell my loves are growing I didn't but I wasn't I didn't get into it with a with a anthropology dissertation so that's also how I got like booted out of it. Like I, so yeah, I wrote this thesis and it was pretty innocuous. And I actually, I have a book coming out in April where I have a whole chapter on this. Um, but the short version is that a blogger asked to put it on her blog. I was like, of course you can put the paper on your blog, but then everybody in the Chicago community, like in the, Iowa is a pretty small community. It was even smaller then.
Starting point is 00:20:49 I mean, now it's non-existent. It was even smaller then. But people read it. And Sharna, I had a show with Alison Bills and Hans Holsen. And she took that off the schedule. And I got kicked off my Herald team. It was. What the fuck? There was one... I get where she's... I mean, you know Sharna. I get where she was coming from in
Starting point is 00:21:10 the sense that I had one chapter. It was so innocuous. But my advisor is this woman, Michaela DiLeonardo. She is this radical feminist Marxist. And so she was like, everything is about race, class, gender, political economy. And so I wrote, I had one chapter just about being a student, being an intern, and my experience. And it was a bar, people drink, people were handsy. And I just, it was one, it was literally a paragraph where I just talked about like sexual harassment in the workplace, very lightly. And it was funny because I... Well, it's it's always, it's always funny, but the anecdote that I chose was like a very light anecdote where I was like working and literally reading bar, uh, economic emergence of women. And I like some male teacher came up and
Starting point is 00:21:56 like put his hand on my lower back and was like, your hair, does it naturally flip like that? I thought it was funny that I was like reading about sexual harassment in the workplace while it, that's the, all I wrote about, and I didn't mention his name and I just said it's kind of funny. And then just kind of how I thought that it was interesting that especially then, Tina and Amy were already on SNL. And it was a really empowering place to be a young woman doing comedy on stage. Yeah. But then off stage, you're still dealing with all the shit. And young guys were dealing with it too.
Starting point is 00:22:25 They're just, students were having affairs with teachers and it was just, it's just like, it was an unregulated like work environment. And I just talked about that very mildly, but because it's Sharna's work environment and she would be legally liable
Starting point is 00:22:38 if anything were to happen, you know, and this is before social media. So it, it just kind of happened. A journalist at the Reader reached out and she's like, wanted to talk about it with me. And I just, And this is before social media, so it just kind of happened. A journalist at The Reader reached out, and she wanted to talk about it with me, and I just didn't want to. I felt really bad because I just wanted to be part of that community.
Starting point is 00:22:56 I didn't want to make waves. I just kind of wanted to be part of that community, and I was heartbroken. And so I just quietly left and got into stand-up. See, that's fucked up, too. I mean, because it's like I thought it was all about expression. And I thought it was all about, you know, ideas and, you know, freedom and yes and. But what is? Not no out. No, no.
Starting point is 00:23:25 I mean, Sharna is Sharna. But also the interesting thing is, and again, I wrote a whole chapter about this in my book. But a decade later, there was this whole brouhaha, which I've not said that phrase ever. But there was this whole. I'm glad we cut that out. That will cut out. Brouhaha. Brouhaha.
Starting point is 00:23:45 But I mean, Halloween's coming up. There was, so a similar thing happened, but because the social media was really amplified and there were all these articles about sexual harassment at IO and all these other theaters. And you had Sharna being like, well, this has never been a problem before. this has never been a problem before. And it was just kind of interesting how all the same stuff that happened that I, that I witnessed and wrote about was like very prevalent a decade later. Yeah. And in lots of places, you know,
Starting point is 00:24:14 I mean, and there was a, you know, and then it also, you know, there was the whole performers aren't getting paid thing, which was a big uproar, which I don't know,
Starting point is 00:24:24 I guess just because I'm old and now I make a living doing this. I was kind of like, well, yeah, yeah. It's like, there's like 50 kids doing shows and you think they all should fill out I-9s? I know. It's so tough because when you, I mean, those places were so magical and they existed in this moment. And I see both sides of it. Yeah, me too. But also like stage time when you're first starting out, stage time is like it's its own commodity and you needed to get better. That's your payment.
Starting point is 00:24:57 And you need to find your voice. Yeah. And that's your payment. It's just, it is really tricky. And with like the sexual harassment stuff, when you're on stage, you're supposed to be unguarded and open. And I remember I would get so what got me really good at improv. I would do these like open jams at the playground theater, different places where you just have
Starting point is 00:25:15 people come from all over. They get thrown on teams and then you perform with them. And I remember like there was like this 50 year old man from Naperville who would just like be on your team. And like if you were in a scene with him, his go-to move would he would just grab your leg. And like you just had to figure out a funny way out of that. But no, no. I mean it's totally creepy. But I just remember like, oh, he's your son and he's afraid to go to preschool.
Starting point is 00:25:42 And then you're supporting him and his weird sexual misconduct. Right, right, right. Or he's a baby orangutan. He's a baby, like stop touching my boob, son. But that's how it was. And I think like also my generation of, I think I'm 39. So this is a whole separate thing, but if I get groped and I don't, I'm not welcoming this, but like, it doesn't, I don't register it as anything because it's so normalized from what my whole generation kind of experienced growing up. I do admire the younger generation where they're like, really, I feel like I'm poking a hornet's nest by even getting into this topic. I feel like I'm poking a hornet's nest by even getting into this topic but um but improv it was very it was it was very funny looking back on it like how egregious it was when you're just like there are no rules and also there's no barrier to entry so if you're on a herald team with your friends that's one thing if you're just like in a level one or two class with some random people
Starting point is 00:26:42 you don't know anything and and they they don't have the same like boundaries that you do yeah so there's a lot that whole world is so funny yeah it's yeah it was I mean because you know I hear I mean there's you know In fact, I remember working and there was a script supervisor that I worked with in Chicago who I loved because she was just really super dry and really funny and completely unflappable. And at lunch one time, and again, this would have been like 1989 and 1988, something like that. It was the phrase date rape. It was the first time it was entering the public consciousness. Yeah. I mean, and it was like this new thing, like, you know, and it made me think, like, have I ever like coerced someone into.
Starting point is 00:27:39 And then I think like, well, yeah, I mean, you know, I mean, I was persistent, but I didn't, I never like, no, I mean, you know, I knew that no meant no, but it did make me think, oh, about this. And I was, you know, I was aware of it because I was made aware of it. And this woman, we were having a discussion about the concept of date rape and, oh, we're talking about date rape now. And this woman said, I don't think there's any such thing. And I was like, what do you mean? And she said, well, I mean, if you go on a date with somebody, you kind of want to fuck them, don't you? And I was just like, wow, that is a different way of looking at it. And I think that there are women that are older who are like, yeah, man, you know, yeah, you get used to it.
Starting point is 00:28:22 Like you learn that one guy, you don't go in the elevator with them. it's like that snl sketch about like old hollywood women just like what they endured i mean every generation i think like the women a decade or even two decades older than me i just all of their stories about like hollywood in the 90s it's just it's a horror movie it is it is and i think and also mean, but it's great now because. Because I'm supposed to say that. No, no, no. No, no, not because. No, really, truly, it's great because men and I, you know, and everybody, you know, like, you know, being an ally or whatever.
Starting point is 00:29:01 But no, I'm quite serious. Men are fucking stupid. And they need there to be people punished to learn like, no, don't do that anymore. Like, that's not the way to be. That's, you know, because, and also men are, I mean, I know men that are like it, you know, first of all, the improv group thing, everybody's 20 years old, everybody's horny and they see horny behavior and they think, well, hey, it's a free-for-all. And it's like, no, you're not.
Starting point is 00:29:29 There's nuances here, dum-dum. And then they, so they're learning the nuances finally, I think, you know. Yeah. And it's also, I think it's very hard for men. I talk about that in my stand-up special. I think it is. Lady killer. Lady killer. On Peacock. Well,
Starting point is 00:29:47 I mean, I, it's, it's not a joke cause like it doesn't really make people laugh, but it is a line in my special, but it's a. Part of the special is not funny. For sure. Well, the book is called not funny, but it is literally called not funny. But the special, yeah, there's a line and, and, and it was like an epiphany that I had how it is harder for men and I'm not and I you know I'm the disclaimer is like I'm not just saying that to get on Joe Rogan's podcast but I do think it's actually harder for men I get smoke a cigar I think it's harder for men than it is for women and the reason is and this is again a line in the special I feel like khaki telling you, but it's part of the conversation, because men are so good at killing women, but we still live longer.
Starting point is 00:30:32 So it's like, come on. You know what I mean? Like, it's because you guys kill each other, you die of heart disease. Like, it's just, I think it's really hard. And I think part of it is, I think once we— We're just nihilists you know like murder just happened I think our society makes it really hard for like like hard for boys to grow up and like I think you know gender can be like a prison and yeah I think you know once we like the me too
Starting point is 00:30:59 movement was really cool it's over now I don't know how much it did but to it also it's helpful for men to not have to feel like they have to be the aggressor or that they have to be a certain way and i think like you know we'll have i don't know if we'll ever have equality maybe when maybe like once the robots take over but just like the less we are constricted by gender, I think the better we'll all be. You touched on something that I wanted to talk to you about, which is that there's a lot more women in comedy now. Yeah. And I just want to get your thoughts on that. Because it just makes comedy better. It just makes comedy more interesting to me.
Starting point is 00:31:45 comedy better it just makes comedy more interesting to me because uh that and for me that's all you know forget allyship having women's points of view in the comic zeitgeist is just like oh my god fine you know like something different because you know there's a brand of bro stand-up that is i just i mean it's sitting on the conan couch for all those years like you know we our booking was really good but occasionally there'd be your kind of standard bro comic and i'm just like how can you do this status quo bullshit just over and over and over and over and over well just i guess because you make a living at it. Yeah. But I mean, just like a shout out to Conan and JP. Like I had been doing standup, I think for 13 years by the time I even got a late night spot.
Starting point is 00:32:31 And I didn't think I'd get that spot, but JP was so cool. And I got that, I did that, I did a set about, it was right after Charlottesville. It was about treating Nazis like women. Yeah, yeah. And I got a job off of that the true crime show that i'm on now it's literally because the second set that i did on conan so out of any i mean the only outlet there was something i did on cso and then peacock but besides that conan was like the one show that really supported my voice in a way that i was
Starting point is 00:33:02 even like shocked that they did. Yeah. The first. But the thing about. I had nothing to do with it. I know you didn't. I just was there. I just was there. I happened to be there that day. But it's cool you're having me on now to promote Lady Killer and Peacock.
Starting point is 00:33:17 I was against it, actually. I know. To talk about women in comedy or whatever. I think the other thing that's interesting is like I'm not like I'm a pregnant person who happened to have a special that was already like I had already sold. Already booked, yeah. But that's also cool. It's like the more women that are doing comedy, like the more of us who just happen to be pregnant when we're taping our special. And I definitely talk about it, but my impetus for talking about it isn't that it's like the elephant in the womb
Starting point is 00:33:47 or whatever, like the elephant in the room, whatever you want to call it. Yeah, yeah. But it was because of like the Roe v. Wade stuff. And I'm like, I can't squander this opportunity. I just have to talk about this stuff because after, I mean, we knew that that shit was happening in like 2010.
Starting point is 00:34:04 If you were like following this stuff, and I worked at the Daily Show, and I was like very much like on the abortion beat. Yeah. And you just knew this moment was going to come. And so, but once it did, the idea that being a person who is pregnant in America, like you were a second class citizen under the law, it's really scary. Like I just had to drive through Ohio to take a flight. And I was driving through Ohio and I'm seven months pregnant. And I'm like, if we get in a car accident or something happens and I go to the hospital, I can't be sure that I will be okay. The fetus will be fine. But like my life is not as protected
Starting point is 00:34:47 as the life of a fetus in like many states in this country. And that's really scary. And so I don't even know how I got onto that other than it's always my go-to. Yeah, yeah. But like I just- It would occupy one's mind. Well, yeah.
Starting point is 00:35:04 And so I had to talk about it. I feel lucky that I got to talk about it in the special. But just like the more women that are in comedy, the more of us will like hopefully we'll have jobs where we are pregnant and you're pregnant. And it's just the thing that is lobbed on to what what you're doing. Otherwise, it's not like it doesn't define you. And it's not it's not like the central theme for me of the special. But I did— I just hope it doesn't, you know, like there's a whole genre of, like, comedians who have to be pregnant all the time.
Starting point is 00:35:36 Well, yeah. Yeah, well, there will be. I mean, that's what we're working towards in Ron DeSantis' America. Legends of pregnancy. I know. Well, no, what I asked you was about, like, just there being so many more women in comedy now, and me just kind of wondering if you have any theories about why that is. I mean, there are more people in comedy.
Starting point is 00:36:02 There have been a lot of women for a long time. They just have gotten erased. And I think that we don't think about that. I mean, Mae West from that era and even before. In the Borscht Belt, there were female comedians. Sure. Belle Barth, I think her name. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:36:22 I'm so bad. Well, even like Toadie Fields. Yeah. You know, Moms Mabley. Yeah. Phyllis Diller. Phyllis Diller. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:36:31 And so I think that there definitely are more women because there are more people. It's also there's more of an awareness to bring voices, marginalized voices kind of into the mainstream because of women who've done that. But it's not like an automatic thing. It's people actually working to make it that way. I think one of the most interesting things that I had heard that I'm going to butcher because of my pregnancy brain. Oh, my gosh. You have been really dumb this whole time. There were more, I think, female directors in Hollywood in the 1920s than there were male directors.
Starting point is 00:37:07 Oh, wow. I'm going to just say that that's true. But let's fact check that. Or like in the 30s. Nobody look that up. No, don't look it up. It's just, it's a fact. It's a fact.
Starting point is 00:37:19 But stuff like that, when you learn about that, you're like, oh, wow. So, you know, we have this idea that progress exists and it's linear, and that's maybe not the case. I see. But there are more women now. There are more people of color in mainstream comedy now. There are more trans people. There are just more people who don't fit the mold of like your typical white guy comedian now. And they're also getting paid.
Starting point is 00:37:47 That's the thing that I think is also really important. They're like actually thriving. And getting noticed and getting attention. And getting noticed and changing, you know. And I think, yeah. So that was actually the kind of thesis of my paper. Oh, really? I looked at white women, particularly white middle class women's achievements in improv, like Tina and Amy Perfect Example, Stephanie Weir, Rachel Dratch. And then how minority men and women were kind of struggling in the Chicago scene to thrive in the same way. And I, it sounds academic-y,
Starting point is 00:38:25 but it was like looking at improv as a mirror for like a social inequality or social equality in terms of different groups. And so the idea was that, you know, white middle-class women have achieved all these strides
Starting point is 00:38:38 because of like economic emergence of women, the feminist movement, looking at like college enrollment, where do people first learn about improv, top tier liberal arts colleges, look at the number of women the feminist movement um looking at like college enrollment where do people first learn about improv top tier liberal arts colleges look at the number of women birth control you know birth control yeah but then minority men and women are still struggling because of like racism because of all these other things because these places are predominantly white and so if you're like a non-white improv and i did i had all these really cool interviews
Starting point is 00:39:01 with people on the scene at the time some Some of them are still working. Some of them aren't, who were just talking about, you know, like being tokenized on stage with their all-white teammates and how like the all-white audience was laughing like at their tokenization. And it was really interesting. And at the time that I was there, improv in Chicago did exist in this like separate but equal category where you had IO. in Chicago did exist in this like separate but equal category where you had IO and then you had like all black improv group all Asian improv group all Latino improv group because people just didn't feel like they were supported in the mainstream because they weren't and then Second City which is this is so funny because it's like so you almost want to parody it but Second City like tried to have all these diversity outreach programs but they they there was like this effort to build a theater in Bronzeville,
Starting point is 00:39:45 but they were going to charge like $20 for tickets. And people were like, fuck you guys. Like we have a Bernie Mac. We don't need to go, you know, like we don't need to watch this like weird form of like comedy that- That might not work. That might not work.
Starting point is 00:39:58 Yeah. And so that was a really interesting window into comedy that the specifically the stuff about like race in Chicago. And Chicago is also a really interesting window into comedy, specifically the stuff about, like, race in Chicago. And Chicago is also a really interesting city in terms of race because it's very segregated and— By design, yeah. By design. By design. It's not like, oh, it just kind of happened that way.
Starting point is 00:40:18 Yeah. It's like, it was, yeah. And when you're white, you don't, like, think about it until you start to about it. And then you see it everywhere and you're like, oh, my God. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So. And, you know, yeah, it's like whatever. Really funny. Really funny.
Starting point is 00:40:32 This is a riot. can't you tell my loves are growing yeah i i mean i you know like i said i i i'm really glad that there's i mean it's hell on my ability to get cast in things these days but i mean i'm i'm you know very very happy with with the changes that are being made i mean you're still not enough i mean you know like in terms of stand-up you know it I mean, there's still not enough. I mean, you know, like in terms of stand-up, you know, it's still like there's still like a female tokenism on lots of bills. I know from, I hear from, you know. Oh, stand-up, stand-up in the club, stand-up as a whole separate. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:41:16 And that feels like that hasn't like changed since the 80s in terms of like every aspect of it. If you go to the improv and do a set, I'll get like a $10 check. And you're like, really? Yeah. Yeah. yeah and it'll be like we have one girl you know like of 10 comedians like well we got one girl yeah um but i i also think i think uh one of the things that i think uh helped a lot is uh social media because there were a lot and i mean there was a lot is social media because there were a lot. And I mean, there was a lot of really funny women working today. And I mean, and I mean, you kind of from videos, you know,
Starting point is 00:41:53 popped because of videos that you put out on YouTube, which I guess is social. That is social. No, I did. I mean, I had this web series making fun of the New York Times wedding videos. That was like one of the first things I think people saw. I did this weird interview that ended up in HuffPo. I had submitted a packet for Letterman, and then the people, the head writers saw that, and then they looked at my packet again. And so the internet really did actually help me get out there.
Starting point is 00:42:19 And it does. I mean, it levels a playing field. It kind of takes away the gatekeepers. Yeah. And that does help people who are outside the mainstream. It's definitely. It's like I had a conversation with kind of a crotchety old man the other day. He was like, there's too much content.
Starting point is 00:42:35 And I was like. Well, you're going to die soon. Yeah. Just what, you know. Yeah, yeah. There's enough for you. But, you know, and I said to him i said well yeah there's less gatekeepers and that's a good thing because he was like he used to the quality used to be higher
Starting point is 00:42:50 because you know you had to work hard to get on to nbc or onto whatever and i said well yeah but there was gatekeepers that made a very that were deciding what you got to see. And sure. Now, you know, it's hard to choose. And you think of like, you know, like a standup special, like lady killers or lady killer. And, you know,
Starting point is 00:43:11 it's on Peacock, you know, but you might be like, which one is it on? You know? I mean, I do that constantly where I hear of a show and I'm like, I got to fucking Google it to know which one to look at,
Starting point is 00:43:23 you know? Yeah. So, yeah. Anyway, go gals. How's that for an ally message? Well, I mean, how do your folks react when you are like, I've used my anthropology degree to get training in improv, then alienate the improv community. They were very worried. I remember when I first told my mom I wanted to do comedy, she literally said, I'd rather you be gay because at least it's something you can't control.
Starting point is 00:43:58 That's in the special. I added it. I never talked about her on stage, but because I'm going to be a mom. Yeah, yeah. They were just very scared. And then when I got Letterman, which was, I got that job in 2011. So before that job, I was in New York. I was bartending.
Starting point is 00:44:13 I was doing all sorts of other jobs. Right out of college, I took a job in management consulting because it was the best job I got and I needed money. And it was just not the right fit. What does that even mean? It's exactly. I don't want to say the name of the company, but on their pin, the slogan was like delivering innovative solutions that endure. It's a total racket. You go in there and you tell a company how to run, but it's very much political.
Starting point is 00:44:43 If the company wants to fire people and they can't, they'll hire consultants to do that for them. I didn't ever have to do that, but. That'd be the fun part. That would be the fun part. No, I remember I was like working for a large health insurer in Florida and I was 23 and I don't know how anyone ever took me seriously, but we were like building an org chart for like a senior version, like a version of their business that would cater to the over 65 market. And I had all these names and I was just trying to populate the org chart with like just names as an example. I didn't have resume, just random names.
Starting point is 00:45:19 And I was like, Jose Sanchez, like I'm going to be an equal opportunity employer. I'll put him as a CEO of the claims processing unit. Just fucking around. And the next day I was actually at the elevator and they had this like big brother type monitor. And they're like, congratulations, Jose Sanchez. You have just been promoted to like senior head of claims processing. And I was like, what the fuck is this job? And you didn't even know kind of what you did?
Starting point is 00:45:44 No, I just was 23. or 23 and i was picking names and picking names and i was like and then oh it was such a dumb job it was so i mean actually where's jose jose today is he's ceo of that company ceo of rinse. That's fantastic. Yeah. But I got that job. Okay, so it was a lot of mostly engineers applied for those jobs, but I had been taking improv. And I got that job because of my improv. It's so silly to say, but the interviews were these case interviews where they'd be like, how many pennies can fit inside this room or whatever? And it's a long story.
Starting point is 00:46:29 It's maybe kind of boring. But it was definitely because I had, unlike all the engineers who are way smarter than I was, but just kind of not really social. Good communicators. Good communicators. I had been doing improv every night. And I was just really sharp at the time. And I just was able to bullshit my way into that job. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:46:44 Nice. And how long did you do that? A year and a half. A year and a half. up at the time and I just like was able to bullshit my way into that job yeah yeah nice and how long did you do that a year and a half a year and a half and then I left and um this is in Chicago this is in Chicago I had um I was where I was on this like political sketch show and um I had like every week I got to do this like sketch that was like making fun of American Girl dolls. But like it was like a Garbage Hill Kid version of that. So I had like refugee girl and like it was like a different refugee. And then I wanted to make a play about it. And so I was like kind of thinking about that.
Starting point is 00:47:18 And then when I left the consulting job, I just kind of threw myself into writing a play and producing a play. And that's also in the book I talk about. And that went to New York, right? Yeah, it got... Is that what brought you to New York then? So it got one star in Time Out Chicago. Okay. They called it the worst comedic attempt of 2007.
Starting point is 00:47:41 Congratulations. That hadn't been a category. They created a new category. You're breaking down barriers. It was so mean. And the play was good. The only thing, and so then it got into the New York Fringe and it got four stars in New York. It was a very good class, not class, but for me, it was a very good class on satire. Because in the first version of the play, we had a different refugee from every continent. It was a political play. I wrote it.
Starting point is 00:48:14 I had a cast of 12 Second City IO friends who just dedicated their time to make this thing work. time to make this thing work. And the only difference between the one-star review and the four-star review was that the one-star review, the final song was like, we know this play may be a buzzkill, but donate to these local nonprofits, which does, it was a little preachy. They totally, they were so mean. I actually, we reached out to Time Out Chicago to put that review in the book because it was like, it was like the mean, people were like, did you, do you know her? Did you steal her boyfriend? Like, why does she hate you? Yeah. And they wouldn't let us put the review in the book, which I'm bummed about.
Starting point is 00:48:58 But we got. Did they give a reason? We couldn't put the whole review, but there are quotes from the review. Oh, okay. So I got a little bit of it. But it's like, if you're going to be, if you're going give me a one-star review, please let me put that in the book. And then in the New York version, same exact play. The only difference was that the final song was just purely satirical.
Starting point is 00:49:19 We had all the girls come out, and instead of saying bye, they had signs that said like B-U-Y in different languages. And it was like a celebration and like rampant consumerism. And we just didn't apologize. And so when you apologize, I think, and Trump's a perfect example of this because he doesn't apologize. And he's kind of like, things don't stick to him. When you apologize, you just kind of open, you like open the floodgates for people to just attack you. But when you don't apologize, they go away, which the floodgates for people to just attack you. But when you don't apologize, they go away, which blows my mind because I think being able to apologize is part of being a better person and evolving and stuff. Yeah. I mean, I think it works in life.
Starting point is 00:49:56 But, yeah, with a play, you don't – because it does kind of feel like – But even in, like, any public persona, like with the Me Too guys, it's like the ones who never apologize seem to be doing better than the ones who even apologized. Yeah, yeah. For whatever reason. Well, I think, you know, at the end of a play, it is kind of like, sorry for that thing you just sat through. You know, it's like, you know, I've always felt like one of my pet peeves throughout my career has been when I have been receiving rejection, like a pilot script not being picked up or a series not being picked up, is when the person doing it says things like, you know, I could be wrong.
Starting point is 00:50:39 You know, it's like, motherfucker, just kill me. Don't be like, I'm sorry, I have to put this knife in your heart. Just kill me. And be firm in your conviction that I must die. Do not, you know, because it's just like. It is really interesting how confidence, and especially in our industry where everything's so subjective that just that that that unflinching belief can take you so far yeah and i remember i so after letterman i worked at the daily show and i remember i was a field producer there and it was the hardest job in
Starting point is 00:51:16 comedy you're like writing and directing these segments that are on the road with all sorts of variables i always felt the opposite of envy of everybody that's, whenever I'd watch, you know, especially in the heyday of that show, I was just like, oh my, cause I knew how to do remotes, but like our remotes were silly. No, or like you're like writing a thesis on like why like the minimum wage is important or like to elevate. You have to be funny, but you also have to be Ed Bradley. Yeah. Yeah. No, it was, it was the hardest job, but it also trained me for the show that I do now and everything I've done since it was like film school. But I remember when I first got there, I would just – because I would – if I didn't get a shot, I would tell my bosses, oh, I didn't get that shot because I didn't – I was in a soup kitchen and I didn't know how to tell the homeless guy to like get out of the way. Or like I would just say what I didn't get.
Starting point is 00:52:03 And I was working with all guys and they're great and they're some of the smartest people I've ever worked with but they were all just also confident yeah and I remember like having to train myself to be like don't like you're don't be don't tell them what you didn't get just like fake it till you make it um and it took me a while but I think also when you get talk about like directing too that's a that's a real quality of a director you just have to kind of be the dad yeah yeah or the not the mom well but you have to just be you have to like have this sense of like calm and peace and authority that I do think for whatever reason I don't know why it's gendered but for a lot of women like you know we have a I don't like to speak in generalizations but I know I have a tendency to like apologize even when I was playing high school tennis if I hit a ball out
Starting point is 00:52:49 and the other person got the point I would just say sorry I don't know what that's about but I think that in terms of like confidence and just having that like unflinching belief in yourself or at least faking it that is a thing that leads to success more than being, even if you're being honest, being. Well, it's, as you said, it's a, it's a subjective industry. So it's like, yeah, you could be right. You could be wrong. But the thing is, there just has to be one person that gets to be the, nope, we're going to do it this way. You know, there's, here's six different ways we can do it. I like this way.
Starting point is 00:53:27 And you just have to be, you just have to pray that that person is not just liking their own way every time or liking that. 50%. Yeah. But yeah, no, it's,
Starting point is 00:53:39 it's, it's vital. And I always was like amazed, like a friend of mine, once a friend of mine on the Conan, it was a writer on the Conan show said, if you had an idea, pitch it once, but it gets shot down and you still want to do it, pitch it again.
Starting point is 00:53:53 And then like in the very, very, very rare instance that you think there is gold here and they're missing it, pitch it maybe a third time. And after that, let it go. Goodbye. It's not going to happen. Or put it in your notebook and take it somewhere else. And there were just, throughout my career, there have been comedy writers who just could
Starting point is 00:54:17 not see their babies rejected. And it's like- Were you going to say kill their babies, but then you didn't because you're talking to a friend? No, no, no. No, listen, you can handle baby killing i think yeah yeah yeah i mean it's pretty much you made a career of it yeah you know talking about baby killing in one form or another yeah um no but yeah you're right it does take somebody to just say no sorry this is how we're gonna do it it. And, and then in like the, you
Starting point is 00:54:46 know, you use the parenting metaphor, like, cause it does come down to because I say so, you know, and which is like the, as a parent, you don't, but it's, there are times when it's like, because I say so, and we got shit to do and we got to move on from this, you know? I don't know. I don't know what it's like to be a parent. I'm terrified. Well, that's, you know, that I guess, you know, because the second question of these of these three is kind of where you're going. And I mean, where do you think that like, how do you have any idea? Do you have a picture in your mind of what being a mother and doing what you do for a living and having your career like what that's going to be like i mean if it were my dream i would feel like and i shouldn't say this because
Starting point is 00:55:28 trump is not my parenting muse but you know because of all the incesty stuff but um i love that he never really no no it's because no no no it's because cut that it was no because i get an hour light so gotcha yeah i love the one thing I think is cool about Trump is that he like never changed a diaper that I wish that I could say that. Is that something he said? I think so. I think so. I wish that I could be like, you know, I've never changed a diaper.
Starting point is 00:55:57 You know, I don't think that's going to happen. I told my husband. Have you never changed a diaper? No, but I'm about to. Yeah, no. And I would love to continue that. You should practice on your husband. Just get used to it.
Starting point is 00:56:08 How do you know we don't? Well, you said you did. Yeah. Yeah. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right.
Starting point is 00:56:13 You're right. Anyway. But I don't know. I don't. I haven't been reading any books. I haven't been thinking about it. I've just been between the standout special and the true crime show. I've been pretty occupied.
Starting point is 00:56:29 So I have no idea what we're, this is like the first time I've been completely unprepared going into something. Yeah. And it happens to be like a birth of the most important thing. Supposedly ever do. Yeah. I'm just like,
Starting point is 00:56:41 uh, do you think that's kind of by a subconscious design? Oh, it's totally conscious. I'm, I'm terrified. Yeah. do. Yeah. I'm just like, uh. Do you think that's kind of by a subconscious design? Oh, it's totally conscious. I'm terrified. Oh, it's a conscious design? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:56:50 Eh. Those things are hard to kill as much as you know. That's so calming. That's comforting. When you get to the second one is real. Because the first one is all about like, holy shit. Yeah. You know, you go through the pregnancy and then there's the fucking baby, you know, like, wow.
Starting point is 00:57:08 And you can't believe it. And then you get home and it's like, okay, now it starts. And you're so afraid of just like, what's doing now? What is this stuff coming out of it? Yeah. And then, you know, the second one comes around and you're like jesus christ you know these are very resilient little creatures yeah and you know you just i mean yeah you got to feed them and change them and love them and you know but it's like yeah you'll figure it out i mean
Starting point is 00:57:39 you know people have been having kids and then just, you know, just winging it forever. So, you know. But it's, I mean, it is great. It is really great. And it really does kind of, it's really great in terms of like, I mean, this isn't anything I came up with. I mean, this isn't anything I came up with, but in terms of just your perspective, and there's just so much, the freeing thing about a kid is there's so much stuff that was important, that was a drag, that it was important, that you just realize, oh, my God, that means nothing. That shit means nothing. Yeah. And, you know, because it is like, it's like getting, you know, being able to get Peppa Pig on your fucking iPad becomes more important than what your manager said you should say at that meeting. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:58:39 So it's pretty great. I recommend it. I'm glad you're doing it. Yeah, I'm looking forward to being a dad. Yeah. Let your husband do the mothering. That's fine. I mean, I've always said, because I, my parents divorced when I was young and I, I, you know, my, I didn't see my dad very often. And I was around so many women that like my fathering, it's not exactly mothering, but it's a cishet male approximation of what I saw mothers do, you know? And my, you know, my 21-year-old at one point, because he was having trouble, you know, just keeping ahead of the shit that he had to do in his life.
Starting point is 00:59:24 And he's like, I wish you'd been kind. Sometimes I kind of wish you'd been more of a hard ass. It really forced me. And I was like, you got the wrong dad. I was like, I just, I cannot carry the burden of, you know, like, you got to get a job. You know, because I have said, like, you should get a job. And if they're like that, you can still end up a comedian because my parents
Starting point is 00:59:46 were like that. Right, right. Well, but I mean, how do you think is, you know, are you going to
Starting point is 00:59:52 write more books? Do you think, you know, is it going to impact touring or are you just kind of, it's just a
Starting point is 00:59:57 blank landscape? It's a blank landscape and for whatever reason, like, he has, it's been so easy the whole pregnancy i mean like the true crime show i got to green light stories that they probably wouldn't have let me
Starting point is 01:00:11 green light if i was like i'm pregnant so can we do a story about the criminalization of pregnant women um you know so i it's been i mean i'm gonna still be editing that show while i'm like crowning but it's been really weirdly easy more more than I thought it would be. And I know that once they're out, it's harder. Yeah, yeah. But I mean, yeah, my husband's awesome, and we're going to, I think, co-parent pretty well. And I think, you know, I don't know how it's going to affect my work more than anything else going on. Sure, sure.
Starting point is 01:00:49 Well, what do you, what, from your path through all this stuff, both work and just life, I mean, what's the, like, if you could boil down the one thing that you've taken away from it um what do you think that would be i mean is there something you tell yourself that kind of like sums up some comforting thought or if somebody says like no all right thanks everyone good night um A comforting thought or just, you know, like, what's a what's a lesson you've learned? You know, I think. gonna leave here and be like oh i should have said that um i think like you know put it in your next special yeah but like i know this sounds cheesy but like being kind and um and and like you know not looking sideways and and just trying to get better and like all those things that because you know there's no there's no such thing as like making it in our industry right yeah like you
Starting point is 01:02:02 once you get to a certain place you always kind of once you're somewhere you just kind of covet somewhere else a little bit so it's like and i'm not good at like living in the moment um i'm not i'm not i'm not that thing but like yeah i mean for people who can be present like i need to meditate whatever but i do think like you know being kind to people and just like like focusing on like what you can control, I think are things that, you know, make me feel more calm and happy and, you know, and not fixating on what you can't control. Yeah. comedy i remember like when i took that daily show job it was behind the scenes job in production and i was like i wanna i don't know if this is what i want but i'm so glad i did it because i learned so much and when you when you have like skills that aren't just like doing stand-up i think it just you it's it's more empowering yeah and so that and then when you're
Starting point is 01:03:01 when you have more control that for me is like more calming yeah yeah and then when you're, when you have more control, that for me is like more calming. Yeah, yeah. And then when you're nice to people, you have friends that you can, you know, that you're not, it's not as lonely. Like to your point about improv, improv is so cool because you're laughing on stage, you're creating something out of nothing with all these other people. But standup is very, can be very isolating and lonely. So kind of tapping into the community of people doing what you're doing and trying and like finding your people through that, I think has also been good. Have you found that like being a nice person, that people expect something different from you because so much of your material is challenging? You're such a cunt on stage. Yeah, exactly.
Starting point is 01:03:43 I was going to say super cunt, but no, not, no, not, I would, but you know what I mean? Your, your, your stuff you talk about is challenging and stuff you talk about is many would say not nice. No. And I, and it's, it's an acquired taste and I, you know, I don't like, I don't appeal to everyone, but I mean, I don't know. I think I, the the more into this like the community of particularly female comedians are some of my favorite people um and uh it's been comforting to have you know people who've had a similar experience as like your friends and allies like as you're doing this whole thing i don don't know if that answered your question was your, I think my material on stage isn't, I'm not,
Starting point is 01:04:28 it's not like, like reverse Bill Cosby or anything. It's not like I'm like, I think I'm the same person. I think my material on stage is, it's definitely evolved to be, you know, I think when I was first starting out,
Starting point is 01:04:40 I was experimenting a little bit with a kind of like a snarky caricature of myself. But I think like the material that I say on stage now, I don't think that that is, that diverges so much from what I think. I do think I lean a little bit more political in a way that might not be helpful to people who disagree with me, which I have to kind of figure out how to. I mean, I think all of us now, it's like, how do you talk to people who like believe that JFK Jr. is still alive? How do you reach across the aisle and talk to people who want to kill you? But I think, you know, I'm still evolving, but yeah, I still don't think I answered your question. What was your question? Well, I mean, I just, is there, Yeah, I still don't think I answered your question.
Starting point is 01:05:22 What was your question? Well, I mean, I just, is there, and I'll say again, like challenging material. Is that, are you a challenging person in your personal life? You should interview my husband. I'll probably say yes. Well, that's different. I was like playing. You always save the worst for the ones you love the most. No, but I mean, like I definitely have a dark sensibility that, like, I was playing, I think, like, Scattergories or some weird game with friends.
Starting point is 01:05:51 And I wasn't, my husband literally today, he was like, you know, sometimes you could, like, change it up or, like, be a little more whimsical. And, like, I don't know if I have, if there's, like, if I'm whimsical, I think I just have this very singular point of view that is a little alienating to people. Yeah. Whether I'm on stage or I'm playing Scattergory is trying to justify why a rapist is sticky. Yeah, yeah. It's also a little late for him to be wanting you to be whimsical. He doesn't want me to be whimsical. We're just trying to monetize.
Starting point is 01:06:20 We're just trying to pay for the night nurse. He loves me for who I am we're just trying to get paid can't you be more light dark you know yeah well thank you so much thank you so much
Starting point is 01:06:35 for coming out and for you know spending some time with me I really appreciate it oh of course thanks for having me and good luck. I don't mean with the special. I mean, you know, I mean with the baby because it's
Starting point is 01:06:54 And I know what you meant. Yeah, good, good. All right. And thank all of you out there for listening. I'll be back next week with three more questions with someone who's probably not pregnant. is Jen Samples, supervising producer Aaron Blair, and executive producers Adam Sachs and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at
Starting point is 01:07:28 Earwolf. Make sure to rate and review the three questions with Andy Richter on Apple Podcasts.

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