The Three Questions with Andy Richter - Jesse Tyler Ferguson

Episode Date: May 23, 2023

Jesse Tyler Ferguson (Modern Family) joins Andy Richter to discuss his  Tony win, fatherhood, his role in “Cocaine Bear,” his new podcast "Dinner's on Me," and much more.

hi everybody uh this is the three questions i'm andy richter and i am talking today to jesse tyler ferguson from the TV? How are you? I'm really good. It's good to see you. Good. It's good to see you. How's life? You got two little kids, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. My second one came four months ago. Wow. When I was in the middle of doing a play on Broadway, actually. Wow. So I was coming back. Like they brought him to you? Yeah.

Still wet. Cribside pickup. No, yeah. It's traveled back and forth from New York back to L.A. to be with the family as much as possible. But I'm really happy to just sort of be able to focus on him now. Had you wanted to be a father for a long time? You know, it was always something. I'm 47.

Yeah. And, you know, I'm gay. I grew up in Albuquerque, New Mexico. Marriage didn't even feel like a real thing for me. So fatherhood was really like something I desired it, but I didn't think it was ever going to be possible. Yeah. And, you know, I married someone who's 10 years younger and has a lot more like hope in the future and uh was active in energy to like change policy and uh because of him i became very involved in um the fight for marriage equality

and uh you know he really just inspired me to become more active and like you know uh fight for change yeah and uh he he wanted to become a father at some point. And, you know, I kind of started to look at it as like a thing that could happen. And I, friends of mine, same-sex couple friends of mine started to like have babies. Babies started popping up around me. I was like, oh, this is actually, this is a thing that people are doing. Yeah. So, you know, I'm always wanting to follow a trend. Right, exactly.

So we looked into it. We got the pamphlets. There's secondhand stores. You can get rid of them later. Absolutely. We'll try it out. We kept the receipts. Yes.

No, but it's been great. I think deep down inside I was always meant to do this because it feels very comfortable. I mean, I'm exhausted. exhausted. There's a reason why people do this at an earlier age, but I'm really happy I did it and it feels very natural. So I think, you know, deep down inside, yeah, I was always wanting to be a father. Yeah. I think it keeps you young too. I hear that. Yeah. Yeah. I think, well, and my, I have a 22 year old son and son and a 17-year-old daughter from my first marriage, and I'm marrying someone who came with a baby. So I now, I mean, she's not legally mine yet, but I have a three-year-old daughter.

Wow. So that was. That interests me because I, my dad was, he's in a second marriage, and he was telling me that when he met his second wife, I guess technically my stepmother, but I've never called her that. It's Christine, and she's lovely. But she talked about wanting to have a kid, and it scared the shit out of my dad. Oh, yeah. And I just, having grown kids, I mean, what is it? A three-year-old, that's no joke.

Yeah, yeah. I mean, I'm around that age with Beckett, and it's a lot. It is a lot. The mood swings alone. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I'm around that age with Beckett. Yeah. And it's a lot. It is a lot. The mood swings alone. It's crazy. It is absolutely crazy to go from crying to laughing on a dime. I mean, how do you feel about that? I'm fascinated.

I'm fine with it. And I. But you got to be. Well, kind of, yeah. I mean, and I, you know, my daughter had asked me after the divorce, like, are you going to have another kid? And I said, I don't think so. I said, but honestly, you know, I wouldn't mind. I don't, I, you know, because I don't know.

It's just, I love kids. Yeah. I like being a dad. And what the hell? Why not? like being a dad and what the hell why not believe me i i mean i i do kind of try to keep that decision making sort of on the simple positive tip but yeah it does get complicated where i do feel like oh yeah shit that's right even just having a second one like going back to the early like the tiny diapers and like all that, all the stuff that revolves around,

you know, a newborn, you know, the bathtubs that are sitting inside of their little bathtub. Like, I was like, you know, you forget all this stuff and like, you forget partly how easy it is because they don't do anything and how exhausting it is because you're worried about them constantly. It's astonishing how quickly you forget and move on. And then like when you have a second, when you're like, oh God, this again. Yeah. Well, the one thing that I did remember was how transitory all the phases were.

So when you're in the midst of something, you know, where you're going, like, I mean, I know my new daughter doesn't listen to this show, so I can embarrass her. She's completely potty trained, got the hang of it, everything was fine, and then all of a sudden just started peeing her pants again. Right, right, right. Well, it happens to the best of us. I mean, she is a,

she drinks. Big drinker. Loves Infamil. I think she's just, she's playing, and she has to pee, and she's like, eh, you know. And I think that there's also the thought process, pee and she's like, eh.

And I think that there's also the thought process, well, somebody's going to change me. Yeah. Like, you know, if I make a puddle here. Which is my argument when it's late at night and the bathroom just seems a little too inaccessible. Right, right. Well, someone will change me. Or when you're at a restaurant. Or exactly. Can't you get someone to clean that up for me?

restaurant. Exactly. Can't you get someone to clean that up for me? But I, and I have to tell, because my, my fiance, this is her first child. This is her first child. So there's a lot of this kind of stuff where she's like, what is happening? I'm like, you know, sometimes they start peeing their pants again. And she's like, what?

I'm like, yeah, but don't worry. It's going to work itself out. And when you're past those kind of tough patches, it seems like, oh, that was a million years ago, and we're kind of done with that. Yeah. I did definitely have to relearn my baby patience. be patience, you know, just like dealing with like a, you know, this weird little wild animal that is, has no logic to it whatsoever. Right. And having to be like, please get in the car, get in the car, get in the car, get to your location, get out of the car, get out of it, you know, just that kind of stuff.

And you just have to like get over it. And you can't take your grown-up patients into baby world. You got to be like, you know. No, I'm learning a lot. Yeah. Yeah, I'm in that place where my patients being tested hourly, if not more often. hourly if not more often and it's uh you know i think it's making me a more patient person because of course i love this person so much and it's hard to be super angry at this really cute kid yeah who's driving me crazy yeah yeah but you know it's like you know getting down to their eye level and just like really talking about i was like gosh this actually works really well

maybe i should start implementing this with my husband, just getting to his eye level and saying, I know you're having big feelings right now. Yeah. No. And it's also too, like the thing, I mean, from like the way that I was raised, my parents' parenting, I think was much simpler because they hit me. You know what I mean? Right. They would give you a swat. I i mean they didn't brutalize me sure i mean you i guess you could make the case that any swatting is brutalizing but that definitely right you know i got a gazillion spankings and when it was time for you know get in the car and you're like no there's no negotiation it was just like you know a sharp shock of pain exactly and and when you don't have that,

it is like way more complicated. Oh, for sure. To try and talk them through it. Yeah, it's so interesting because I was talking about that with some friends of mine who are also newish parents. I was like, you know,

I was asking, did you get spanked when you were a kid? And I got spanked when I was a kid. Oh, I mean, weapons. There was a whole, you know, wooden spoons. Rulers, wooden spoons, and I just wouldn't. There was a whole. Oh, wooden spoon. Rulers, wooden spoons, you know, spatulas. That's right.

My grandma used to do the go cut your cut me a switch. Oh, no. Like go go up into the yard and pick the weapon I'm going to beat you with. That's right. That's right. Yeah, I know. But it's just it's something that wouldn't even listen. I mean, I'm a still new dad, but like I just can't even I just can't even fathom that that would be something that I would implement.

Yeah. It just doesn't seem possible. You know, there's the very first episode of Modern Family. Ty Burrell's character shoots his son. He had shot someone, his sister, and then sort of like now it's like, well, now we have to shoot you with this BB gun. Right. And they're scheduling the time to shoot Luke

and you know he has a birthday party all this stuff and like he ends up coming out with padded with all this stuff you know

so it's not gonna hurt him and I remember doing that I remember like knowing that I was in trouble and the first thing I would do is go find a small throw pillow and put it in my butt

as if my parents weren't gonna notice I was like padded like a drag queen you know it's like and did they just spank you on top of it or no they would pull it out thank me sometimes then it was like well then if you did that you get the pants get pulled down and it's oh that's right on the skin right right right i mean i've and i've said this on this show before

i confess to my son who's the oldest at one point that that every new hurdle, we didn't know, you know, it was the first time we were doing it. Whereas with his sister, we'd kind of been through all this stuff. Yeah. And I'm wondering when you hit those kind of challenges where you don't know what to do, what do you guys do? Like, do you read a book? Do you rely on grandma and grandpa? Or do you just wing it? It's a little bit of crowdsourcing. Yeah. Asking.

I tend to not ask the grandparents because I just feel like so much has changed. Yeah. But I do. You're also inviting them in. Right. And you do not want to do that. Yeah.

It also gives them so much power when you like want their advice. Like, oh, that's where you're at. Yeah. So I tend to ask my friends who have, you know, are my age. Like, what are you guys doing? Yeah, yeah. How are you working through this?

There's so many books. There's so many different ways to do things. We're in the potty training phase right now. For myself as well. I'm just doing a refresher course for myself. But, you know, we're using the opportunity. You have things. It's like, you know, you take golf lessons, you know, just to

get the game back up to speed. Everyone's already in that mindset. Might as well do it now. Putting it off. But, you know, there's so many books about that alone. And, you know, it's just like figuring out which system you're going to go with and then sticking with it. And I mean, I don't know.

It's you get so much advice. It is you have to cherry pick things. I mean, you can't and everything's conflicting. You know, I do ask my modern family cast who have kids, mostly Julie, because she seems to have her stuff together around her children specifically. The rest of her life's a mess. But with her kids, she's great. Well, she also is a very, I think, a very down-to-earth person.

Yes. Yeah, yeah. And a realist. And she just has great resources. Like, if you're like, what's the best fill-in-the-blank, she has that answer for you. So, yeah, it's just a lot of crowdsourcing. You were born in Montana.

That's right. You're a cowboy baby. Yeah, I guess so. I just started watching Yellowstone action. I was like, oh, this is where I'm from. Was your family from Montana? No, no, no. Because you didn't live there for long, right?

No, just a year. Yeah. But then we moved to Albuquerque. We moved around a little bit. My dad was in the military. Oh, I see. So we moved around a bit. Also, I'm a microbiologist.

So it's just he landed at the state lab in Albuquerque, which is why we ended up there. I mean, couldn't have a career more different than mine. Yeah. Which is cool. And yeah, but I don't remember Montana at all. And my dad had a big, I believe it was his 70th birthday in Montana, in Missoula, Montana, where I was born and where they used to live. And so that was the first time I went back and actually saw, you know, this state that I was born in. Yeah.

And it's beautiful. Yeah. Yeah. What was it like growing up in Albuquerque? Not great. Sorry, Albuquerque. Listen, they've changed a lot. They have grown immensely, and I'm very proud of them.

But, you know, first of all, just raising a redhead in the desert is, what are we doing? A lot of issues that are popping up now for me. A lot of parasol use. Yes. A lot of issues that are popping up now for me. A lot of parasol use. Yes. It was, at the time that I was there, you know, I was an artsy, I was an indoor kid. You know, loved the arts, was not a big sports person. Yeah.

And the city just kind of thrives on everything that I wasn't interested in. Ah. And then I went to Catholic school on top of that. Oh, boy. And I was gay. So it was just a lot of different things coming at me. You know, I didn't have an easy time in school. I moved around a little bit because I was being bullied so intensely.

But it's so interesting because I know when it was happening, it felt like it was really dark. But looking back on it, I was like, God, it wasn't that bad. I mean, my life wasn't threatened. But I remember just having a very hard time sort of finding my footing and finding outlets that sort of supported the interests that I had. Yeah. And I had to get really creative with that. And it was also why, like, I was desperate to move to New York, which I ended up doing.

But I knew nothing about the city. I just knew that that's where, you know, Broadway was. Right, right. And all these, you know, these interests that I had were very viable there. So it was this destination. And all these, you know, these interests that I had were very viable there. Yeah. So it was this destination. It was like wanting to go to the, you know, Oz. Yeah. It didn't seem real, but at the same time, I knew that once I got there, it would feel right. Yeah.

And it did. That's great. Yeah. I mean, how did your parents react to having to change you around at all these different schools? Were they, you know, I mean know i mean it's a pain yeah that's what i'm gonna say i mean did they ever sort of yeah did you feel like they were going okay but oh my god you know maybe a little bit i i don't know i mean i i could i do know that when my mom when i I sort of was super honest with my mom about some incidents that happened when I was in seventh grade, I think it was, just being bullied pretty intensely. She just had no idea that it was that bad.

And I think she felt terrible that she didn't know. It was sort of like, well, why didn't you tell me? And a lot of it's because I was embarrassed. I was still closeted at the time. So it's like hard to talk to your parents about something that like you are hiding from them or like skirt around the actual thing that you're talking about. So I'm sure she was, I can only imagine she was super empathetic

and my father, so I don't mean to leave him out of this decision. But like I also imagine that it was a pain in the ass because I had to like find somewhere for me to go. So I ended up going to a different school for my eighth grade year. And then when I started high school, I went to the main Catholic high school in Albuquerque. And a lot of those people that I had fled from in seventh grade were all of a sudden part of this larger pool in high school. And it sort of started up again a little bit like, oh, yeah, you thought you were going to get away from us.

I was dropped right back into enemy territory. But it's so interesting because by the time I was a junior in high school, I sort of was letting myself become more the person who I ended up being, specifically as an artist. Like I joined the speech and debate club that actually didn't exist, that I started at the school. And it was just like me and maybe like one other person. And I dragged a few of my friends into it with me.

I had very few friends, but like the few that I had, I was like, well, you've followed me into this. And I ended up doing really, really well. And like I remember I did a cutting, a dramatic interpretation. It's a 10-minute cutting of Angels in America by Tony Kushner. Oh, wow. Which is, for those who don't know,

it won the Pulitzer Prize, but it's a play about the AIDS crisis and Roy Cohen. It covers, it spans many different platforms. It's not a great piece for maybe a 16-year-old kid to be doing in Albuquerque, New Mexico.

But I ended up going to nationals with this piece. Like I won like all the districts in Albuquerque and I got to go to nationals, which happened to be in the Bible Belt somewhere. I don't remember exactly where. So, you know, I got there and I did my piece. And, of course, I was immediately like got incredibly low scores and was eliminated because I was like they didn't want to hear this material this challenging material being spoken to them I believe because I was very good it couldn't have been because my talent um but then when I came back to Albuquerque my English teacher who knew I was doing this stuff and was trying to be supportive of me I think kind of saw potential in me asked me if i

would do the piece for the classroom and uh i i said well it's this it's kind of as like you know i told him what it was about and why i was nervous about he's like i know i think that i think it'll be great and i ended up doing this piece for these kids who like historically from my first grade a lot of them were like my my biggest, like people that would torture me. And here I was doing this very revealing thing for them. And I'm sure it made some of them uncomfortable, but there were a few people that I had never spoken to before.

And all these like 12 years that I've known them that came up to me for the first time and were like, you're really talented. You're great. Like you're gonna be on Broadway someday. And that was my hope and my dream. really talented. You're great. Like, you're going to be on Broadway someday. And, you know, that was my hope and my dream. So it felt strangely vindicating to, like, sort of stay in that place where I had so many challenges and yet still kind of make my way to the surface and survive and also show them what I was capable of.

I'm proud that I fought my way through that whole experience with school. They always say these things are character building. I'm sure if you told me that at the time, I'd be like, oh, for fuck's sake. But in hindsight, I think probably... I'll take a little less character, thank you.

But I think in hindsight, maybe it did sort of shape me to who I am today. It is amazing how, like in yours and mine, how old are you, if I may ask? 47. 47. I'm 56. And in our lifetime, going from being afraid to hold hands, you know, like my dad is gay.

And when he would come visit me in Chicago or in New York, that was because he's from Bloomington, Indiana, which has a kind of a, it's kind of like a little pocket of gay life because it's a university town. Yeah. But that was something he always was very struck by and in a very kind of melancholy you know

in a very melancholy way that you know that he couldn't do that um i mean frankly i think he had problems with relationships generally so i don't know't know if he would be holding hands with anybody, but that's, you know, that's not, that doesn't have anything to do with gay or straight. He was always struck by that. And I'm always struck by the fact, I mean, we talked about it at the beginning where in a lifetime, gay, you know, gay people being married now is, is except, you mean it's accepted largely you know there's still pockets of places where they're trying to go against it but right but you know there's still pockets and then there's also like you know that there's places where they're overturning it again which is terrifying yes um or and then there's countries you know like japan still right incredibly sort of no there's still a ton of work to do. But we have, in this moment, I'm allowed to be married to my husband, which is great.

Yeah. And I mean, but it's because it does seem like such an awful time in so many ways. Like there's so much scary stuff going on. But then you do think like, well, I i mean gay people can be married and they can hold i mean i and my son is gay i have my 17 year old son is gay and he and his boyfriend you know they've gotten to enjoy a just like a very open life they've been they've been dating for five years now they're they're i mean we're ridiculously cute, just the two of them together. But I remember, you know, when they went to prom, showing some of my gay friends at work their prom pictures.

Yeah. And these men going, oh, and I could just tell that they were saying, oh, that's cute, but also like, goddammit, you know, I didn't get that. And you don't ever, you won't, you're not going to get another prom. No. So, yeah. So, were you intimidated by New York? I mean, I know you were excited to get to New York, but New York's a scary place, you know? It is, but I was in such a bubble there.

I went to the American Musical and Dramatic Academy, which is a conservatory program and you don't get a degree, you get like a certificate of completion after. Oh, wow. And you can finish it in like, literally like 16 months if you power through the summer. Wow. And so I

was just... And does that mean anything out in... Oh, God, no. Yeah, I mean it's, you know... No. Yeah. anything out in – Oh, God, no. Yeah, I mean, it's, you know – No. Yeah. No, no, no, no, no, no. I mean, even to, like, you know, a play that's being put on, it does – you know, I mean, the audition's what's going to get it for you. Exactly.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I had zero credits. I, you know, even when I was back in Albuquerque, I was usually in the ensemble of whatever the local thing was. Like, I didn't have any speaking credits to my name. Wow. So, yeah, I'm sure my hair. And that wasn't discouraging?

Because you started in Albuquerque as a kid, right? Yeah, I did. But I think it's just, I don't know what it was. And I wish I could go back and bottle some of that confidence. Yeah. Because I have major imposter syndrome about everything now yeah um but I do feel like I just had this sense that I was gonna be fine like I just had a great sense of um uh faith in myself which I don't understand I I look back on myself like I don't know how that had that. Wow. You don't have any hunch, like, I mean, loving, supportive parents, you know?

No, yeah. The fact that, like, I have to have this or what the fuck else am I going to do, you know? Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. I mean, yeah, they were very supportive. But I did feel like I had no other option. Like, I was just going to have to make this work.

Right, yeah. I had no other option. Like, I was just going to have to make this work. Right, yeah. And I don't know if I, I don't think I had aspirations to become, you know, a star in a sitcom. Like, I think I just, I was like,

I'll be happy in the ensemble of Les Miserables. Right. Truly. Right. But to answer your question, I wasn't intimidated by New York at all. I felt like, it felt like a warm hug when I got there. Yeah. And it was because I had that bubble of people that, I mean, I didn't leave the Upper West Side where the school was.

I mean, I went down to the theater district to see Broadway shows. But, like, the village? No, no, no. Like, I didn't know how to get down there. Really? No. God, no. Wow.

How long did it take living there before? I'm sure I went down with friends like maybe once in the first year that I was there. But I was, you know, I was in my comfort zone. I was like, let me just stay up in the area that I'm familiar with and comfortable with. How long did it take you to feel like it was home? Or did it ever? No, it does. And it still feels like home. And I haven't lived there. And God, it's coming up like close to 15 or 16 years. Yeah. Um, I was really fast.

Like it was one of those places. I, I remember, I remember telling my parents, I was like, I can't believe I have a bed here. Yeah. And that was like immediate. Yeah. So I just feel like that's, that's exactly the definition of home, right? Yeah. Like where you get to put your head down.

Right. Exactly. Um, and I was like, I, even though it was a dorm room and it was like, I don't want to live in this place. This is a disgusting place to put your head down. Right, exactly. And I was like, even though it was a dorm room, and I was like, I don't want to live in this place. This is a disgusting place to put my head down. I just couldn't believe that the place existed. Yeah, yeah. And that you were in it. Yeah, living in New York City.

Yeah. When my mother first visited me when I lived in New York City, I lived in Hell's Kitchen when Hell's Kitchen was still kind of dicey. when Hell's Kitchen was still kind of dicey. And she confessed to me years later that I said goodbye to her and the taxi took her to the airport and that she cried all the way to the airport just because she was so afraid for me. And it's, you know. So many people ask my parents, it's like, why did you let him do that? How did you let him do that?

Yeah. And their answer is like, oh, he was going to do it regardless. Right, right. Holding him back from that would have been cruel. And again, I mean, it's one of my, like, look at all these people doing it. There's a lot of people living here, you know, and they can't murder all of us. Yeah. Some of us are going to get by.

That's my mantra right before I leave the house every day. Well, can't get us all. Yeah, maybe I'll miss. There was something in my notes about that you came out to your dad three times. What does that mean? Well, I mean, I feel like some of the times that I came out, it was sort of like, I mean, the proof was in the action that was, like, I was caught stealing gay porn from a Hastings book. Wow. And bookstore.

And I had these magazines under my shirt. And I had been doing this for a while. So I had a stash at home. My dad had found the stash that I had at home because I had moved it out behind the house because I was afraid he was going to find it. And then he saw me climbing over the wall with, like, a box. And he was like well that's suspicious yeah which it is and i think he's expecting many dads would just let that slide but but i think if i remember correctly i think his initial thought was like oh god he's like

selling drugs which is hilarious yeah yeah and so he found my stash. And so that was one time. So I was like, you know, we had a discussion about that. And then I was, and I don't think I ever said, like, I'm gay at that point. But I think it was. Yeah. I had like a bookstore's worth of stolen gay porn. And you could, you didn't, it wasn't foisted upon you. You chose to steal.

No, I chose to do that. I chose that life. I chose that dangerous life. And then it happened to be where I actually got caught at the store and had to like – You klepto. I know. I know. Wow.

The really disturbing part about this is that the police held me in a little room at the store. And then when my parents came to pick me up they showed them the nature of the material i was stealing and then um i actually had to go and appear in front of a judge and i had to do community service uh and so that was another thing that happened and then my mom sort of like broached the subject with me um a few years later when I was in school. And I had a boyfriend that she came to visit me. And she could tell that I was having a relationship with this person. And we didn't talk about it there. But she wrote me a letter saying, I know you're gay.

And we had a discussion about it. And she talked to my dad about it. Then, so years later, my dad asked me out of the blue if I had a girlfriend. And I was like, okay. All right. Oh, dad. And so I was like, dad, you know I'm gay, right? And he's like, oh yeah, your mom

mentioned something about that. Although maybe you forgot to pay your dues and your membership was canceled. Which has happened to me before and it's a nightmare. It's embarrassing. The paperwork. Yeah, I read your book suddenly straight. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It was not a pleasant year. And, you know, my dad now says, well, I know now. I was like, well, you danced at my wedding, so I should hope that you know. But, yeah. God, I think the cash of porn should have been the kicker. Just like maybe nipped it in the bud there. Yeah. Years of torture afterwards.

When my, when my dad came out to my mom, that was what ended their marriage. And my mom has said to me that she had no clue, which if you were to meet my dad, you would think, you know you know what a what a nice elderly gay man you know you like it just it's so funny and like yeah in a backwards looking lens or from that kind of 50s lens of theirs you know and she also said like all these things came flooding to her we're like oh right i remember that you know so a lot of long walks. Yes. Yes. A lot of like, you know, in those early days and when you get out and you're auditioning and, you know, doing plays. I imagine you're doing day jobs too. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Waiting tables or whatever. I worked at a few different coffee shops. One of them called Star Starbucks, I think. Is it Starbucks? And then another independent one. And then I worked at a few,

I bartended at the Winter Garden Theater where Cats was playing. Oh, wow. The musical Cats. Probably still playing. Oh, no, it just ended.

No, it ended a while. It's in Justin, but it ended a while ago. I was there kind of near the, well, when it was close to the end. But, so ended a while. It's in Justin, but it ended a while ago. I was there kind of near the, well, I don't know if it was close to the end. But so I worked there, and then I worked at a gift shop in New York where I folded T-shirts, Phantom of the Opera T-shirts, Miss Saigon. But, yeah, that's how I, and then I babysat a lot.

I had a lot of odd jobs. And even after I got my first big acting thing, and then that ended, I had to go back to, you know, the day jobs. And the first job that I got was at the Delacorte Theater, which is this huge theater in the middle of Central Park. And it's where so many great shows have started. You know, and they get like, I did years later, I did like the Merchant of Venice with Al Pacino there it's very high quality level stuff so that was my first job

and a lot of New Yorkers go see these shows at the Delacorte Theater because the tickets are free you wait in line for them and there's 2,000 seats and you know

it's the public theater sort of giving back the theaters of democracy and it should be available for everyone so that's their motto and it's something New Yorkers love. So I was part of this big show and got a lot of attention

and then working back at this gift shop in Midtown and people would come in, theater goers, seeing Broadway shows and recognize me from the show over the summer. And I got a firsthand experience of people sort of critiquing the like what what the show was like you know what i didn't like like right to my face because i was accessible now i was like literally you know selling them right uh a mug uh you know or statue of liberty figurine and so like here i am you know listening to them critique me right to my face so it was it was weird because I had had a little bit of success but I still was like you know needing to make ends meet and

a lot of the people I babysat for were were actors who were doing better than I was obviously that's why I was babysitting their children right um and uh yeah it was it was it was weird but I felt it wasn't a scary time for me it felt like like, you know, it was just what it was. And I had a lot of faith that it was going to all work out. When did you feel like, okay, it's going to work out? Now I'm okay? Yeah. I did a musical called the 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee.

Oh, yeah, I remember. I was in the original company of that, and i got to develop it from the ground up and when we moved to new york uh they got these rapturous reviews and immediately they moved it to broadway and i just sort of felt like okay this is a jumping off point and that was i think that happened uh almost 10 years after I moved to New York. So, you know, there was a period of time where I was really, you know, struggling against me. Did you ever lose faith? Did you ever think?

I got very frustrated. Yeah. But I don't remember a time where there was always something to look forward to or always something that, like, I felt like could happen that kept me going. There was never a point where I was like, I don't know what me uh kept me going there was never a point where I was like I don't know what my next audition is there was always something and also you're in you're in a milieu you know you're you're in a with a group of people and you know probably many of them struggling struggling similarly you know and uh yeah and why not yeah yeah I mean it was uh it was I, you know, worried about money because theater actors don't really

make a ton of money and you can't really live on that money for very long. Yeah. So it wasn't until like I moved to LA that I actually was able to like pay off my student loans. But like I did definitely, artistically, I was like, okay, this is a major loan for me. Were you in the Spelling Bee show until it ended? Did you?

No, I left early because some producers from LA came and saw the show and I got cast in a pilot that ended up going

to a series called The Class. Okay. Directed by James Burroughs, the great James Burroughs who did Taxi and Cheers and Will and Grace and Friends. And it was sort of like the script that all the actors were circling around,

and I got to be a part of that cast. And it was this great group of actors, Jason Ritter and Lizzie Kaplan and John Bernthal, Lucy Punch. It was just a really great group of people. And that was the thing that sort of like really launched me into like... Why didn't they go?

Was there a consensus? Opinion? You know, it was... What they were trying to do was they were trying to serialize the sitcom a little bit. And it was like right when Lost was like

really big. Yeah. And they loved the idea of this huge ensemble where you can kind of follow different characters. Maybe other characters go away. Like you barely see them in an episode. And like you just sort of follow what this person is doing. They tried that concept with the sitcom.

And halfway through, they realized it wasn't working. And they kind of tried to fix it. They fired some people. They reconstructed. It's just there was no, the vision started to get lost because there was too many cooks

in the kitchen, I think. It's something that even, I've heard James Burroughs talk about it even recently. He's like, he still can't believe that that show

didn't work. It was replaced by The Big Bang Theory. Oh, I've heard of that. So, yeah, yeah.

Well, a serialized sitcom is kind of i mean i don't mean to be on the side of network executives yeah yeah but it is kind of the thing of like that doesn't so much work and reruns you know no no not at all oh god no i mean it was i you know i don't think anyone would have taken that chance now. I think at the time, I mean, it was also created by very respected showrunners, David Crane, who created Friends. Oh, yeah. And Jeffrey Cleric, who created Mad About You.

So, you know, I think the network was like, all right, let's see what happens. James Burroughs was into it. So, you know, I think now it would be a harder sell for sure. Yeah, yeah. It might have been you that got it canceled. You know think it was yeah yeah truly that closeted guy i played straight on it like no one was believing it oh yeah oh wow yeah wow yeah how was that for you great your first oh was it i mean but to have your first thing in here to be you know i mean yeah i think looking back on it there might have been a little bit of like oh that was maybe a little hard to like i wasn't i wasn't in a place where like

talk shows were wanting to have me on where so i wasn't like feeling like i my personal life was going to be exposed in any way so i felt a bit protected in that respect but uh yeah maybe maybe i i it was a little like weird for me, but I, I kind of like looking back on, I was like, was that the last time I played straight? It might've been. Yeah.

Well, I mean, because, you know, uh, uh, modern family, you know, you created such an indelible character in that,

that it is. I mean, because after I just said, Oh really? You play a straight character. I thought like, well, yeah,

dummy. Like why wouldn't he? But then it's, but it's just because, you know, oh, really? You played a straight character? I thought, like, well, yeah, dummy. Like, why wouldn't he? But it's just because, you know, you are a gay person who played a gay character so, you know, ably and so wonderfully on a show that's beloved. So, yeah, I mean. Do you worry about that? Do you worry about kind of, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I, you know, I think for anyone who has, it's very lucky to be on a successful show like that. But, you know, you're spending the rest of your career trying to, yeah, and trying to counter program people's opinion of you and crawl out from under that character. And, you know, as actors, we want to be able to play everything. out from under that character and you know as actors we want to be able to play everything so you know if if when you walk into a room 90 of the people in the room recognize you as this one thing because you've been in their living room doing that thing for the past you know however many years it's just it puts you in a really hard place yeah um you know i just did i'm in that movie cocaine bear and um my friend liz banks is director, and she invited me to do it. It's like, okay, well, we need to massively change the way I look.

And so I shaved a mustache. We got a wig. I kind of look like Bruce Glanche a little bit. Was it just for fun that you wanted to change the way you look? No, I was like, I want people to not recognize me. I want them to be like, who is that? I wanted them to not I see I see yeah who is that is that yeah

I wanted them to like and I think that's what happened I think a lot of people don't even know I was in the movie yeah and I'm not in a

super long time the cocaine bear does get to me pretty early but it was it was fun to do but I was like oh you know what

I played straight in that me and Margo Martindale basically Margo Martindale of all peoplego Martindale, of all people. Wow. Who is one of my favorite actors. She's the best. Is the greatest.

We sort of played. She has a crush on my character. I don't think it's, you know. Right. It's returned. But yeah, yeah. Can't you tell my love's a crow how long were you after that that show did you sit then the the first uh show it's called the class the class after the class were you like okay la for me no um i

well that's not true i i thought well that got canceled but i should probably stick around here for i now have a bed in L.A., see what happens. But then the writer's strike happened. Oh, boy. And all work kind of dried up. So I was going back and forth to New York, and I was doing a workshop of actually a musical version of the movie Elf as the Will Ferrell part. Oh, that's – you know what? Were you the – oh, no. I'm sorry, I'm thinking of something

else. I'm thinking of the Sandaland Diaries. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Which I also did when I was young. Oh, did you? Yeah, yeah. Oh, that's great. The David Sedaris piece, yeah.

Yeah. But I was workshopping this musical, and so I was like, well, this, I'll probably end up back in New York doing that. And then when the strike ended, I got a script of a new show called Do Not Disturb. It was kind of an upstairs-downstairs sitcom about a hotel. And I was in the downstairs. You know, they put the ugly people downstairs. Oh, no, honey. I know, but it's true.

And that show got canceled after, I think, three or four episodes. It had terrible ratings. And I was like, this isn't going to last. Yeah. And the next season was Modern Family. So I went from the show that was canceled first of the entire season to the show that won the Emmy. So I went right from the bottom to the top, which is crazy. What was, I mean, how soon after the debut, the premiere of Modern Family, did you feel your life?

Because I imagine your life changed dramatically. Yeah. I mean, we got all this Emmy love after our first season, and that felt really crazy. I was never expecting that for myself. I kind of saw it maybe happening for Eric and Ty. But they really showered all of us with a lot of, um, a lot of love. And I was like, Oh, this is, this is resonating in a way that I don't even think I understand. You know, but the thing about the thing about this business is you're, you're always

like looking for, um, the pink slip you're, you're, you know, you just, it's, it's, it's constantly, uh, a career of, um, being fired or being let go or things just disappearing. And so I think, you know, especially in the theater, I mean, like you never have a job for too long in the theater. So I just didn't have it. It wasn't part of my psyche that this was going to be something that would be a consistent job. And I was, I just, I had, I think it was even like season four or five. I was like, okay,, I had a, I think it was even like season four or five. I was like,

okay, I think we're, I think we're okay now. But yeah, it ended up being a job that lasted for 11 years, which is just unheard of,

you know, in this business. Was that long enough? Too long? The perfect? It might have been a little too long, but I'm happy we did that.

You know, I think we, there was an opportunity to end after season too long but I'm happy we did that you know I think there was an opportunity to end after season 10 and I'm just really happy that we got to do

one last season knowing that it was going to be our last season because it gave us that year to sort of say a really long slow goodbye right

and just enjoy it and really take it all in yeah so I'm grateful for the 11th year but I think probably we were all in. I'm grateful for the 11th year, but I think probably we were all exhausted. I don't think we did

anything super revolutionary in that last year, but I'm glad that fans I think were happy that we gave them one more year. It certainly was, you know, I made some more money, which is great. Yeah, yeah. I imagine. I think the writers were kind, which is great. Yeah, yeah. I imagine, yeah.

I think the writers were kind of like, oh, yeah, yeah. Okay. All right. What have we got? You know, it's a lot of episodes that they have to come up with. Yeah, sure. Yeah. Is there something in your mind to do something with your career that will top Modern Family?

Like, is that something, a thought that you've actually sort of formulated? I don't know if anything will top it necessarily, but I mean, a nice companion piece would be great. You know, I just did a play on Broadway and I won a Tony Award for it. So it's like, you know, that was a, you know, coming from, if we're like going to fast forward to- Congratulations on that.

Thank you, thank you. Yeah, but if you rewind back to the beginning of this conversation where I was just a kid who went to theater and being the ensemble of Len Miserab. Then I won a Tony Award. So it's like, for me, that was a moment. When it was happening, I was like, okay, this is a big deal. And that whole experience of that play of Take Me Out was a career highlight for me. And that whole experience of that play of Take Me Out was a career highlight for me. I just, you know, I mean, I got to do so much with Modern Family, but, you know, I didn't get to use my full toolbox.

And there is this character that I got to play in this play was, you know, it was multi-layered in ways that just you can't do on a sitcom. Yeah. The audiences aren't interested in super multi-layered characters in sitcoms. They kind of want a prototype. Right. And so that was, it was just, it felt really good after 11 years of doing something, you know, where your episodes are crammed into 22 minutes to do this like two and a half hour play where you get to really explore a character. It was really liberating. And I, it opened up my desire to do things that surprise people.

I would love to do something more dramatic. When Modern Family started, there was no streaming platforms. It was just all network television. So I love that this... I mean, I felt like I came out of a bunker when Modern Family was done. I was like, where are we?

What's going on? What is what is this um you know industry now and uh i i love that there's there's so much great content out there and um that you know you don't necessarily have to be tied down to this contract that will last you another 11 years yeah if you had to choose, stage, TV, or movies? Well, I mean, I'm in a lucky position because I've made some money doing TV. Because, again, you don't make a living wage for very long doing theater. But I do love, I mean, for me, it's always will be theater first. If you're asking me, like, what fills my soul. Yeah. Yeah.

And what fills my bank account is something different. What do you think, I mean, what is, I mean, there's obvious differences, but I mean, what is it about the theater that speaks to you more so than filmed? It's, you know, Eric Stonestreet would always make fun of me on Modern Family because I would love to rehearse and like, you know, he's like, let's just do it. Yeah, yeah. Just tell us where to go

and let's do it. Yeah. I love that. He's an improv guy. He's an improv guy. He's great at that. Yeah. And with theater,

you know, you get this like long rehearsal process and you really get to figure these people out and really study the material and you have these long discussions

with the other actors about it. And it's just, it feels just so rich. And then, you know, with television and film, you know, you do something, you do a day at work and then an editor takes it and kind of Frankensteins it together into this performance that ends up being on television or on film. And, you know, in theater, you are the editor. It's one long take. And you're just with the audience for that long take.

And no other audience will ever see that long take again, that performance. That's going to be unique to that day. And there's just something so special and electric about that, to be in a room with all these strangers watching something that will never happen the same way again yeah

you know we do the same play the words are mostly the same unless someone you know changes them or Jesse Williams

would always go up on his lines he would just forget what he was saying and make shit up I was like that is not what the playwright wrote

but we're still on the track so good for you yeah but you know it's that performance just takes place in that moment. I think that's so special. Yeah.

You've got a podcast. Yeah. Did you know that? That's why I'm here. I'm practicing. Well, you're doing very well. Thank you. Yeah, you're podcasting up a storm.

Dinner's on me with Jesse Tyler Ferguson. You actually do eat dinner with people, right? Yeah, I take someone out to dinner and we just have a conversation over dinner. And how do you, do you go like to a restaurant? Yeah, yeah. And is it noisy and, you know? We've only done a handful of them so far. And so, you know, each restaurant presents its own challenges.

Yeah. The restaurants that we've been working with are usually pretty good about finding us a quiet space. so far. And so, you know, each restaurant, um, presents its own challenges. Uh, the restaurants that we've been working with are usually pretty good about finding us a quiet space. Uh, but, you know, we, we like that you can hear the bustling of the, the, the restaurant, you know, you hear the waiter come over and drop the menus and talk about the specials. And, um, I just feel like, you know, having a meal with someone really loosens people up. I think conversations are different over a meal. Couple of drinks.

Couple of drinks always helps. And at least in this first season, I'm focusing on people I'm already kind of friends with because it's like I'm getting my own feet wet with this and I need a safety blanket. It's fun for people to eavesdrop on conversations. Absolutely. And people that are friends. Yeah. And our first episodes, it's me and Julie Bowen. Oh, fun.

And so, you know, I feel like for people who are fans of Modern Family, like, to hear this conversation with this person I adore who played my sister for 11 years,

I think that could be really fun for people. And, you know, the conversations tend to get, you know, they go into a deep place. I talk about imposter syndrome,

which I mentioned having. Yeah. I talk about, you know, depression. We talk about families. We talk about divorce. I talk about imposter syndrome, which I mentioned having. I talk about depression. We talk about families. We talk about divorce. We talk about our kids. It's in, of course, the work that brought us together. But I think it's, I'm really enjoying it. It's interesting. Interviewing

Julie was way harder than interviewing, say, Fred Armisen, who I would interview a few days afterwards because I know Julie so well and there's such a shorthand and with Fred I know him a little bit but there's so much I don't know about him so it was

I'm doing Jesse Williams tomorrow on the podcast I'm not doing him like I'm talking to him I'm not doing Jesse Williams. That's a pull quote. Sorry, buddy. It's going on TNZ tomorrow.

That's right. I do it. But, you know, before every interview, I always get like, oh, God, this is going to be the one that just bombs. And so far, it's been really great and really fun. But, yeah, I mean, good luck with it. I'm enjoying myself immensely. It's a great opportunity to go to some really amazing restaurants here in LA

and then also I'm doing a lot of them in New York as well. But then just hang out with some friends. Some of these people I see them a lot, but I don't get to hang out with them one-on-one and just have a conversation. There's a group of people on my list that I'm going to have on as guests. I don't know these people and i'm really looking forward to

those conversations so i will say it does occur to me that it is it has been fun for me to interview people that i know very well and to ask them questions that you know kind of like why did your parents get a divorce i mean that i don't that sure you know, kind of like, why did your parents get a divorce? I mean, I don't – Sure. You know, that kind of thing that you wouldn't normally ask somebody. Yeah, and that you're in a context that you can get away with prying into your friends. Yeah. There's also so much room for nuance in these longer conversations.

You know, when I'm on Conan, for example, it's like you get six minutes and, like it's a, there's an audience and you're playing to them and you're rushing through these stories sometimes. And, you know, it's, it's, it's really nice to relax and breathe and just have a conversation. Oh, absolutely. Yeah. No, the talk shows are, they're not even a conversation. It's a very kind of, it's almost like a, a little improvised sketch. Yeah, exactly. It's not a, you're not going to really learn much. Right. And to try in that context too is, you know, it's like trying to give a sermon at a county fair or something. It's just like, it doesn't, you know, it's not hard to do something serious.

I'm a laugh whore. I'm a laugh whore. So you've put, if you put like more than like 10 people in front of me i was like how am i gonna make nine of them laugh yeah so you put me in front of an audience at conan for example and like i'm like i'm gonna do i will be ruthless and i will do things that i would never normally do in public whoopee cushions exactly hundreds of whoopie cushions. Oh, God. Well, what do you want to do with the rest of your life? Do you have any plans beyond kind of just more of the same, you know, raise your kids?

I'm really happy with where am I? I've been constantly surprised by the opportunities that have been given to me. Yeah. And I just hope for more of that. I hope that, you know, I have a few projects coming up. It's a little early to talk about them, but like there are things that I was like, oh, I never saw myself doing that. And that excites me. And, you know, I now have two other people in my life that I have to think about.

in my life that I have to think about. And I'm excited to sort of, you know, carve out space for them in this career that I've made for myself. It's a hard career, I think, to raise a family. And, you know, there's a lot that is asked of you. Yeah. And especially when you are someone who people recognize, you know.

Yeah. It's also profoundly self-involved, this career. Oh, 100%. So it's kind of hard to recognize you know yeah it's also profoundly self-involved oh 100 so it's kind of hard to you know which is why it's such a joy oh sorry is why it's such a joy that um you know you have these people that you can't be self-involved yeah yeah they that's not on the table yeah yeah that's and when you have kids it's i mean it's almost like, oh, thank God I can stop with all this me. I can just take care of somebody else. Yeah, absolutely. What do you think the main lesson you've learned so far in your life is?

Or the thing that you can share that might be helpful? I think it's important to not be too controlling with where your career goes. I think I've learned to let things lead me to the next thing. I don't know. I don't know if I have

great lessons that I've taken away from this career yet or my life. I do feel like it's very important to lean into my uniqueness. And, you know, I started off in this business wanting to do musical theater in New York, which is sort of like are expected to kind of fit into a mold and be like everyone else and have this type of voice and be able to dance this type of way and look this certain way. have this type of voice and be able to dance this type of way and look this certain way. And I soon realized that all these things that I bring to a room that are just uniquely me are way more valuable than doing any of those things well. I'm not a great singer. I'm not a great

dancer. And yet I was in a few fantastic Broadway musicals because I brought my own sense of self to them. And that uniqueness is what is going to get me to the next thing. So I think trusting the gifts that I've been given and not compare myself to other people has been something I'm still working on, but I'm learning that that's a very important thing. You know, even under like really sort of, you know, aggressive pushback pressure from kids and mean Albuquerqueans that you pressed on. I mean, it's very commendable. So everyone should go be in musical theater is what I think the point is.

That's what it is. Move to Albuquerque. Yeah. Do it the way I did it. Yeah. Get bullied for a while. Yeah. Well,

dinner's on me with Jesse Tyler Ferguson is a new podcast that is going to be on May 23rd. Check it out. I will. And Jesse, thank you so much. Thanks. For, for coming in and spending some time with me and

good luck on the podcast. Uh, you don't have to pick up the check, do you? I think this, no, no, I don't physically pick up the check, but I don't let the guests pay for it because dinner is on me. Right. Of course. But you know, the production company. Yeah.

Yeah. Of course. Me. Yeah. Yeah. The other guy. The entity. Right.

Right. All right. Well, that's another one of these. Thank you very much for listening, all of you out there, and I'll be back next week. Bye-bye. The Three Questions with Andy Richter is a Team Coco production. It is produced by Sean Dougherty and engineered by Rich Garcia. Additional engineering support by Eduardo Perez and Joanna Samuel.

Executive produced by Nick Liao, Adam Sachs, and Jeff Ross Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista With assistance from Maddy Ogden Research by Alyssa Grahl Don't forget to rate and review and subscribe to The Three Questions with Andy Richter Wherever you get your podcasts And do you have a favorite question you always like to ask people? Let us know in the review section.

Can't you tell my love's a-growing? Can't you feel it ain't a-showing? Oh, you must be a-knowing. I've got a big, big love. This has been a Team Coco production.