The Three Questions with Andy Richter - Jessi Klein

Episode Date: April 12, 2022

Writer and comedian Jessi Klein joins Andy Richter to talk about being a working mother, being from New York, having fun writing comedy, and more.

hi everyone uh this is andy richter uh and i am here again uh with another episode of the three questions and i'm i get to talk to a very funny person today i i usually say people are funny and they're not that funny they're honestly i feel like when i say like this next person's real funny usually that just means it's a lot of work for me to make that come true but today i don't have to because yeah now here's the pressure here's the pressure. Because I have the extremely talented, wonderfully funny, much lauded, Emmy winning, Jesse Klein, who is here. Hi, how are you? I'm so good. Good, good.

So you now, I see, are you in like an office setting? I'm in a little, this is my little pandemic. She said that I rent. Oh God, that's not good. She just showed a very unmade bed. Covered in diarrhea. I'm sorry. Okay.

I'm sorry. We'll edit that out. Everyone back to one. I rented this little garden studio from this very lovely uh friend that i've had the pandemic and it's a great little workspace in la uh in la yes in la nice yeah yeah i rented i rented a little tiny office for a minute i'm in burbank okay and uh and years ago i rented uh a little office to write in, uh, because my kids were little and I couldn't get anything done. Yeah. Uh, and I ran a little office and I wrote a

screenplay that sits in the drawer. But you did it and you went on that creative journey. I did. I did. And that was also, that room was the first place that I, uh, experienced legal marijuana in California because I was on my way to go right and stopped by the dispensary because I had gotten a prescription and got some stuff. Well, first of all, just like got there and I swear, I don't think I was examining, but I felt a surge of blood to my penis like like just seeing all of this different weed in on santa monica boulevard got me sexually aroused just slightly just a little bit um but which i instantly the shame and embarrassment of that like made it go away but uh they gave me a little brownie thing that i thought oh sure i'll eat that and then I'll write. And then I just like was just incapacitated on my Ikea futon couch

to the point where I had to call my ex-wife and ask her if she could get our son from science camp because I couldn't drive. You must have loved that. Oh, well, actually, she was really, she was. Your stone husband who was supposed to be writing suddenly can't think of anything. And he had to interrupt her day. I interrupted her Pilates class. So not only that, she was fucking working out and I'm like, and I knew there's no, I just was like, I got some weed.

I ate some weed. I'm too high. I can't pick them up. And she was great. She was like, okay. You know, all right. It's okay. You you know you'll be fine and did not attack me you know yeah but i mean she was cool about you that when you're married

to writer writers can't write until they've gone to a marijuana dispensary worked off a couple of times yep probably eaten two or three huge meals plus snacks oh that's just me my routine no no yeah and jerked off a couple times till it doesn't really feel good oh no till like the last time I was like oh that was gross yeah you're just like oh when will my body stop getting out of the way of my of my beautiful comedy oh if it wasn't for this need for my body to make love to itself, I'd have finished this. If it weren't for these talented hands, damn it, I wish I was clumsy. If I wasn't so hot to myself. Imagine my creative outfit.

Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Well, you, and now how long have you been in L.A.? Because you're a native, as they say, a native New Yorker. I'm glad you know that um I have been in LA now for about uh six years I don't know and are you are you happy with that no no this is a apocalypse of cities sorry why do you think so i'm always now i just i've been here long enough now that you know it's and especially it's like when you have kids the notion of like and first of all we're in it like such a a ridiculous rarefied air that we get to

actually seriously think about well where can i live I live? Whereas most people are like, no, I work at the fucking John Deere factory. I've got to live here, you know? Yes, yes. So, you know. Isn't entertainment kind of the John Deere factory? Well, yeah, it can be. It's not the same experience. No, no, no.

It's all extremely ridiculous. No, but you're here for the factory. The factory. And that's why I'm here for the factory. I'm kind of here working at this this very privileged very rarefied factory and i i'm sorry to offend all the uh people living in la who actually literally just now a bird started tripping outside my door to make the most poetic beautiful bird right started to sing while i'm like i hated yeah the chamber of commerce said it's 72 send a bird over there to fucking sing let's see her

no i am a very native new yorker so i do miss i do miss my new york city and my and i do miss sidewalks yeah yeah that's yeah it's a lot of great things to it and it is great kind of you're also having the kid it's great for kids yes that's the that's we had our first kid in manhattan and you drag a stroller up and down some subway stairs i mean like you know what maybe a volvo station wagon isn't that bad yeah having to ask for the kindness of random new york strangers to help you carry your stroller up the stairs betting on the fact that someone will help all people new yorkers are great so they do usually help they really are yeah yeah um excuse me um were you raised in manhattan proper i was i was in manhattan proper i'm a green village native what did what did your folks do and were they new york stalwart new yorkers

they were and still are nogginwood stalwartwart New Yorkers. My dad was a probation officer and my mom was a teacher. So for the city, my dad is also a poet and a writer. But mainly between cracking skulls, cracking rhymes, probation officers. Oh my God. Probation officers are not cops. Oh, right. Right. cops oh right right you said probation you said probation thanks that you when you hear officer you're just saying police officer but he was a probation officer and when you say probation officer too like i didn't hear probation i heard like corrections you know like prison guard yeah he's not a prison guard he was a probation officer

so it's the person that uh people who i I guess have been convicted of some kind of crime have to check in with depending on their sentence. That's totally. My, my. No, he's more like a social worker than it's a little bit of a social worker function, I think, in some parts of the job. But yeah, and they're both from Brooklyn. Yeah. And was he much of a disciplinarian because of that job? In terms of as a parent? Yeah, yeah.

No, to your mom in the bedroom. Andy! Can we just replay where we've started with diarrhea in the bed? We went to masturbating. Yeah, jerking off. My mom did. There's some weed in there, too. Oh, yeah, the weed.

How about you? I am very close to my parents. They are both very interesting characters with very interesting backstories. very interesting backstories. So there, and particularly my dad, very interesting background with a grandfather, my grandpa,

his father, my grandfather was involved in some criminality in his time. And so a lot of some trauma, I think more, I think he became a probation officer in some way as just reaction oh yeah very sort of a solid risk-free job with the city to raise children yeah yeah so there were there were like just people that sort of made their living criminally in his past uh at different at different times yeah yeah yeah that's spicy though it's so yeah some spicy spicy stuff spicy little light jewish mafia involvement at different times it's honestly

that's exciting you know it's like and you have that you're just like one or two generations away from career criminal i i'm not to be trusted and not to be trusted you've got it in you you're like you know you're like a pit bull like sure most of them are sweet but you never know when they'll snap i look look don't say that because the pit bull people i know i know very effective it was a joke pit bull people pit bull people come on pit bull people i don't trust somebody yeah my daughter got bit in the face by one. Did she? She did.

I mean, the story, everything's fine and stuff, but yeah, that sort of like solidifies your... You just don't know what they went through, you know? Yeah. Sorry, they're really going to get so mad. I know, I know, they're going to get so mad. Everyone should stop being people. And I know some great ones.

I do too. Oh, absolutely. I do too. But I just, for me, I think that you can look at a golden retriever and say, I bet that dog's a good swimmer. And no one's going to go, no, no, no. That dog is, you know, that dog, we'll find out what the owners did with it in terms of it swimming. Yeah.

I think odds are it's a good swimmer. That Dalmatian wants to run along that firetruck. It sure does. Dalmatian's absolutely number one biters, I think. Yes. Worse than pit bulls. Yeah. German Shepherd and Dalmatian are number one biters, I think. Yes. Worse than pit bulls. Yeah. Well, when.

German Shepherd and Dalmatian are number one or two. In LA, it's just, it's hilarious. Why do I have these stats at my disposal? Clearly a full psycho. They're at opposite ends. When we had the dog bite and went to the hospital, children's hospital, they said, it's pit bulls and chihuahuas. Oh. Just lots of chihuahuas.

Because chihuahuas will bite you in the face. They don't care. Yeah. They're just like. Well, they're nervous. Chomp. Yeah. If I was that little, I guess I'd bite too.

Yeah. So are you an only child? Was your. No, I have an older brother and i have a younger sister so i'm kind of a classic middle personality and did you i mean how was living in an apartment with a family of five did you have a nice bedroom or did you share? No, no. And yes, yes, we shared. It was a kind of, you know, it's funny because growing up, you know, I'm 46. So I was born in 1975. So I'm in New York City in the 80s. Greenwich Village was not the neighborhood that it is now in terms of like, so fancy,

fancy. It was kind of cheap and like a little bit above the poverty level, I think, at the public school that I went to in terms of like that median income. Anyway. So, but New York City kids are just very used to like, like most of my friends kind of lived the way we like, people are just used to very, very, very small situations. And it wasn't until later, cause you're also, you're a kid and it's all, you know, but it wasn't until later that I realized it was an absurdly small apartment. It was very, very small. Um, and yeah, it was basically, i shared a room with my sister um but then sometime yeah and there was one bathroom for five of us in one closet for all five people but it all just seemed very normal to me yeah um it really prepares you for a lack of air of mystery about

living with other human beings yes we probably all knew way too much. But I just remember this kind of like, I don't know, sometime in the last 10 years, me and my mom went to the Tenement Museum in New York City, which is a very beautiful, I don't know if you've ever been there. I've been, it's fascinating. It's like one of my favorite museums I've ever been to. It's like a perfectly preserved tenement from like, you know, the late 1800s, I guess, or something. It's like the immigrant experience in the Lower East Side.

Anyway, so I've never been actually. And I went with my mom. And, you know, there's tourists from all over the place. And we go into like, there's one or two like preserved apartments. And we went into one and they're giving this tour about like how people slept in here and and all these tours are like oh my god how did people live like this and me and my mom are like this is just like our house because our building is an old tenement building yeah yeah anyways but i i love growing up in that neighborhood and uh my parents

still live in the same building and the same apartment i grew up oh that's great that yeah that kind of continuity is great no matter where whether it's a farmhouse or uh you know an old tenement you know yeah yeah i mean it's a walk up and that's the part that's a little oh yeah that's yeah as they get older too that's yeah although i imagine that keeps you young you know it's got to keep you in shape. They're in great shape. Yeah. But I mean, yeah, they're in their 80s.

But, you know, they are dying in the world of New York because they love where they live. And they're, you know, they're classic sort of New York Jew weirdos. I didn't say that. I said that as a compliment with so much love. No, listen. So many of the best people I know are New York Jew weirdos. It doesn't sound the same coming from you, Andy. New York Jew weirdos.

Yeah, the last name. Yeah, love, love, love. Yeah, yeah, it hurts. Although there's a lot of Jewish Richters. There are? There are, there are. Because when we moved to- What is Richter? Richter is German?

Richter is German. Richter is German. It means, and it comes kind of from the same root as Reich, you know, and Richtig. And Richtig, which means correct. Okay. So Richter is either a judge or a knight. Ah. So like Richter is like the protector of what's right, you know?

Oh, okay. I see that. Yeah. Yeah. It's very much so now, but when we moved to New York city, I started getting tons and tons of mail, fundraising mail for, for Jewish organization. Yeah. for just different ones because uh but just because you know um they they name checked it as richter you know

and it made me think about it you know like oh is it and then i looked and you know you could see lots of heim richters and lots of schlomo richters in the phone book so richter i was like wow okay here this is the only place i've ever been even remotely thought of as jewish you know in new york city you never know yeah you never know yeah watch your back watch your back just give your cars for the kids and then get out of there yeah just give the kids your car and go cars i was at the opposite thing where you know there's like the lubavitchers in New York who like on Jewish holidays, like come up and want to, like, they stop people because they think look Jewish and it's free to like come

inside and pray or light the candles. And they, I'm never, I'm always. You just realize like, you're like, I'm very Jewish looking face. And they're like, yes. Well, my ex-wife and I, we, our old neighborhood, we lived in Hancock park in a very, a very Orthodox neighborhood.

Oh, sure. And it was on, that is it, Yom Kippur with the costumes. Is that the one with the costumes? Purim. Purim. Purim. that the one with the costumes? Purim. Purim.

Purim. It was Purim. It was Purim, and there was groups of teens in costumes doing fundraising door to door. My ex-wife and I were coming home from a funeral. So we both came out in black and were walking up the front steps. And these kids came up, and they were speaking to us in Hebrew. And we were like, what, what? And then just some old man who was driving the van yelled, they're not Jewish.

Okay. All right. Fine. Sorry that he cried. Sorry. We just happened to be coming home from a funeral, you know, shot a gun in the air. No, I didn't. I didn't.

I think they had all the guns in our neighborhood it's not like there's never been anything that happened no listen i i if i were uh i i'd arm up to uh history history is on their side everything's done great yeah history's on the side of jews amassing weapons like it's you know i i give them some slack there it's got a little slack yeah so was it a funny house is it are you a funny family i mean um i it's an interesting question i mean not really i mean in some ways it was a very uh serious house Like my, my, my father, especially as like a pretty serious person, but in a wayrennan described in his show like like when things are dark that like having a little humor feels like an air bubble like when you're like there would be little air bubble moments um but it wasn't like everyone was like an uproarious yeah yeah

stand up it was it was yeah political like kind of serious political wise or just. I think it's temperamentally like my parent, my dad's kind of a serious person. And it was also a lot of, I think like there was a certain amount of financial stress and just having three kids and like, just, I think even just the, just having three kids in general. I mean, I have one child and I'm very at capacity. And I think even just having three kids in general. I mean, I have one child and I'm very at capacity. And I think just having three children in New York City is hard.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So it was just like getting it done. Yeah, I can see that. Yeah, and it does. When kids are little too, it's a grind. You forget to be nice and you forget to be not tired and you forget to like put on a oh yeah a happy face sometimes because it is it's exhausting it's exhausting

i mean i have to i always i've always been very appreciative of you know my parents worked very hard and my dad had 1.3 jobs that he was like, I never, we didn't see him very much when I was younger, just because he was always working. Yeah. Worked during the week and then would work a night shift as a security or a long shift as a security guard at the Morgan Library, another great museum in New York City. So I was always very appreciative of the sacrifice that they were making to raise us. But especially since I had my own kid, whole new level of just, I mean, I am the most privileged in the world. Like I have an amazing full-time nanny who couldn't do anything without her assistance. And I really don't take care of my child all that much in terms of just hours. I mean, I work full time. Yeah.

But even it still feels overwhelming. And I, I guess I, it doesn't feel great to admit that, but I'd be lying if I said like, I I'm still exhausted by parenting. Yeah. Yeah. It's the little child. Cause it is when you're in it, it's just so it's so boring. But the stakes are always so high. with a toddler who's going to do the same thing yeah 25 times you know and then that was that was also like that would that was i've talked about this before that was the days too when like uh daddy would go behind the garage for a second and come back and and i had friends at that time would be like you know like like friends that smoke weed that they were like oh and i'm never high around the kids.

And I would just silently say to myself, well, what do you, that's the fucking best time. What do you, you're blowing it. That's. Yeah. No, you're really wasting. When are you going to get high then? I know. I know.

Like after they're in bed. Yeah. Um, no, I'm not a, I'm not really a pot smoker, but I, you know, I just lean on alcohol. And certainly it was always very careful about, I just want to say, never driving, never driving. But like home alone for an uninterrupted stretch. Definitely. Definitely pouring. Right.

Otherwise you would go. You say F? Yeah, you can say fucking nuts like hey that's what i was gonna say all right you go fucking nuts yeah yeah fucking nuts yeah really and i anyway it's i mean i always think it is like yeah it's a beautiful thing and it's the best thing but it's also it's like it's the hardest thing but it's also it's like it's the hardest thing and it's not hard in like some sexy way that you know like rescuing people from a train is it's hard in a fucking dull way in a boring way that you can't even complain to anybody because it's like you're complaining to someone who if they have children is going through the same thing or who is a product of that same tedium like it's not it's not like it's a rare thing.

The tedium of raising children, you know, it's always there. It's always there. But it does feel like you're really I mean, does feel like you're really not allowed to talk about it. And it's like this is what I wrote about in my book is that it feels like anytime you try to tell someone about anything hard about your kids if they don't have kids it's like you're telling someone about your dream like tune out in the exact same way as when like trying to tell someone about a dream you had yeah yeah yeah don't care

don't care yeah no sure yeah yeah no i mean, too, like, you know, you make the lonely. It just does make the loneliness. The inherent loneliness of it is made, I think, even more lonely by the fact that, like you said, it's not like you're doing a lonely thing that people will be interested in later. It's like, you know, when you really feel like no one gives a fuck. Yeah. Yeah. And why? Because they're like, I got my own thing over here.

And I think, too, like you're saying, you know, you have you know, you have it all by some sort of standard. You know what I mean? But like the kind of the standard about, say, like when our mothers were were younger and they would be told you can have it all which meant a career and a family and all that stuff and it's like yeah you can have it all but it's like that much more work and that much more stress and that much more you know yeah you know you're if you're just supporting if you're just taking care of a kid then then you feel like, well, I'm not expressing myself. And if you're working and you're like, I'm not taking care of my kids. So it's just you don't get to feel very good anywhere.

Yeah. Especially if you like to not feel good like I do. It's a real rat fuck. but i mean have you how how has that been how has it been to kind of have a career an enviable career especially in a in an area huh i mean sure i'll take that as a i don't like no absolutely you've i mean i don't know yeah fuck yeah i mean i i'm working i work in comedy and you've worked on some really fucking amazing things you look at you look at your resume and there's not I mean I I don't even I can't even think of like oh yeah that one like oh that shitty job I think it's sort of been

scrubbed from my MD oh has it been scrubbed yeah no you know I mean I've done plenty you know yeah no any jobs that were jobs and, you know, you get paid. And yeah, because it's not that fun. And it's not that it's nothing that I'm like, you got to check out the new episode of, you know, Shitville that I just taped. You know, I've definitely done some some Shitville jobs for sure. Sorry, I didn't mean to just be so incapable of taking your cover. Can't you tell my loves are growing? But you have an enviable career that I think, you know, was kind of happening when, you know, when you were having a kid at the same

time. And I mean, and I bet that was kind of, it was, it probably tore you a little bit in terms of like, here you got this, you know, this thing that everybody envies. And then you've got this beautiful child that, you know, is the real reason that we're here. And, you know, and that becomes so evident. I mean, was that tough to go through that or. In terms of like missing my child while I was working and stuff like that. Yeah. And I mean, it just feeling like, you know, this is having it all. Well, I really, I mean, I'm not the first person I, the having it all phrase. I, I just don't understand what that phrase even really means for like anyone's

life. I mean, I don't know. I know even really means for like anyone's life. I mean, I don't know. I know. No, it's a it's a fuck you phrase. It's like it's like you can have what men have and have what women have. Where men just have to have what men have. You know what I mean? Like nobody expects them to have it all.

I mean, well, a because it's sort of like, well, they do. They kind of run shit. It's like, yeah, yeah. Men are doing just fine. You know, I think I kind honest if i'm being truly honest i hope i yeah that's as i said that i'm like it's so gross to say it's all been lies up to now um no for me it's been more uh you know trying to think how to say this like i I don't want to say I don't miss my kids, but a lot of the job, like when he was younger, like, I mean, he's young now, he's six, but when he was really little, I was kind of taking more time off. Like I was working part-time and I didn't feel like I was able, cause I was trying to be just a little bit more around. And I was the one who had like the opportunity to have like a more flexible job. And so I was doing like consulting on shows or I'd be

like two or three days a week. And I, or, you know, and I'd have to put like, kind of, I was lucky to be able to say like, I have to leave by five or something like that. And I, or, you know, and I'd have to put like, kind of, I was lucky to be able to say like, I have to throw yourself into work and like if you're gonna stay till nine o'clock to finish something or ten o'clock you're like i don't know one's waiting for me it doesn't matter like no one gives a fuck and you know a little bit now like uh i do say you do feel the weight of having to be the one who's like, I, if you're lucky again, this is all lucky luck, privileged luck, um, to be able to do. But there are times where I have to go home to relieve our nanny or because whatever I have to put them to bed or, and you're, I'm like, I, I, and and you and everyone's having fun finishing whatever

the thing is and you're like I kind of wish I was able to stay yeah you know what I mean that's that's how I and of course and this most recently the thing I just was shooting with Vanessa Bear and Molly Shannon was the first time I've kind of really

fully show run a show where I was on set and it was such a crazy amount of hours. And then I was really missing my kid because I, you know, it's production. Yeah. Yeah. The balance is tough. And I'm, I've just definitely at times felt like I was, I do miss really being able to fully immerse in a job without thinking about feeling guilty or, know other responsibilities yeah

well it's it's kind of like the whole loss i feel like that was part of why lost daughter was like such a great people were talking about them it was just letting like a this moment of seeing a piece of art where it's like discussed that women don't like it can feel really good to be away from your kids yeah yeah yeah you know dads are very feel very free to talk about and moms generally don't not these are generalizations but oh yeah no uh i know dads that are like way too free like i feel way too free to talk about i remember a guy that i know uh because my son's 21 now and kind of of the crop of my peers we had the we had a kid really early yeah we had one of

the first kids of our group yeah and i just remember having numerous conversations and it was usually with like bigs like the kind of the bigs like guys that i knew that were like you know making some money and kind of you know everybody knew who they were and they just had their first kid and they're so happy but i had so many kind of what basically i would translate into. So is it just about them now? Like, is it just going to be about the kid now? Yeah. And it's kind of like, yeah, yeah. Really?

You thought like it'd just be like 10 minutes of like, oh, cute baby back to you. You know, Johnny Marquis. And I just, I, it was always kind of appalling to me or like one guy literally saying like, yeah, you know, when somebody gives me the kid and it's a baby and it's like, oh, it's cute and I love it. It's my kid. But then after a while, I'm like, can somebody take this thing from me? Yeah. Wow. You feel okay to say that?

Well, the thing is, I think women feel that just as much, but they're just, you really, really truly feel like you're not allowed to say that well the thing is i think women feel that just as much but they're just you really really truly feel like you're not allowed to say and i mean and i think you know this is all i'm not blazing any trails in this observation but you know there's there's i feel like the cliche at least like in the in the john deere factory we. Like, you know, male showrunners, certain kind of male showrunner who has like a wife and kids and just like, they want to stay extra late. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Like they don't want to go home. Yeah, yeah.

Because like the person working really hard is at home. Yeah. at work bonking dick jokes around for a living yeah like hanging out with a bunch of funny people or like being an hour six of being alone with a toddler you know if they're you know under whatever age like aren't even talking and you're that isolated i will take the dick joke room as i yeah a lot of a lot of people would you know it's also you know you're also too with like uh you're with people professional funny people you know they're paid to be funny like yeah it's fun yeah like what more could you want out of co-workers and i mean and it varies because some some rooms are bummers some rooms where everyone's supposed to write comedy, it's like, come on, guys, quit screwing around and let's write some jokes, you know, just depending on who's running things.

Yeah. But, yeah, no, I mean, it was based on experience. But, you know, that sign that you see, drive like your kids live here. kids live here. You know, like, like I, I tweeted a joke about that, which is like, I pulled up in front of a house and sat in the car for a half an hour in silence before I went inside. I used to do that. So, you know, I'd pull up in front of the house and I could, I could hear the screaming and I'd just be like, maybe I'll listen to another half hour of Howard before I go into the house i've got to wrap up this this this american life what happens to them i mean it's funny though because like well

you know when you're talking about like the rooms that are bummers where it's like let's like let's stop fucking around and write some jokes i will say that that is like part of the, when you say like things that tear you up like a little bit too, since my son was born, like this most recent job I had, a little bit what sucks is that you do have to become the person who's like, let's stop fucking around. because you've got to go home. Yeah. Like you do have to, you like, I, you know,

I mean, I think everybody, most people do want to go home and you obviously don't have to have kids to have other loved ones. You want to go see and write your life. And I do think like that's best generally, but I like just on a visceral level. I think one of the things I do feel is that I like just to get the work done in the time as a mom that I have trying to like keep it moving so we can all be out of there by five o'clock. Suddenly, I'm like, it doesn't feel great.

It's not as fun. You know, it feels like sometimes you are a little bit of a it's just not as fun like yeah you're the cop fun banger and everyone's like goofing around and diarrhea jokes and all that and like looking at your watch like guys i'm sorry we actually do have to work becoming that person is a weird identity to become yeah yeah i can see that because i also too like i it's a balance you don't want to be an asshole but you need to go home yeah no i i and i mean in i've never run a room i've only kind of been like the little lord fauntleroy in the room it's like sort of i don't like that ending think of something else guys you know i mean and i i pitched too but i but i don't i've never had

to say holy shit we've got to get this script out i've always been the jerk that's like come on like let's just fuck around and we'll figure it out and oh it's so much oh to be the to be the i'll figure it out yeah yeah oh i kind of call it like someone in the because i feel like this is what I've been on other jobs. It's just like a watercolorist. Here's some feelings. Yes. My home.

Maybe they feel more on weed and angst. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's like dipping in and out with some light opinions. That is fun as fuck. I bet. I bet.

Yeah. No, I know I have writer friends who are at that, you know, consultant position, go in twice a week and. The best. Yeah. Just be wise and funny and chuck in a couple of jokes. Zoom in. And of course, I'm just talking about Bruce Valanche.

I'm very close friends with Bruce Valanche. I know who you're talking about. So you go to Vassar uh right yes correct which is uh as as a woman and i will remember i was probably a teenager when i overheard this woman in an airport say vassar a hotbed of lesbianism that was i was like oh wow i never i didn't because i was from the midwest i didn't even know what vassar was at the time but so you went to this hotbed of lesbianism quite obvious you know for the lesbianism yes no you went to you went to the famous there's a simpsons joke about vassar which i mainly went to vassar because my dad wanted me to go there.

I'll say that right now. And he kind of knows. There's a famous Simpsons joke where, I don't know, she like for some reason out of Lisa's control, she gets like an A minus and not an A. And she comes home and she's like, now I'm going to have to go to Vassar. And Homer says, there'll be no more vassal bashing in this household young lady you went to vassal you're like it's not harvard yeah but yes i went there and there are some lesbians there but uh it's coed now when she said that she barely opened her mouth people she went there

are some lesbians there. Well, I think part of why my dad wanted me to go there was, he'd be mad if I said this, but I think he was truly hoping that I would never have sex. Mostly women. It's co-ed, but it is definitely predominantly ladies. Yeah, still women, yeah. Because it was women's only for a long time.

It was women's only for a long time. And then they only for a long time and then they advertised the ratio now i don't know what it is now but back then they would say oh now it's about like 60 40 like 60 ladies even and then you would get there and you're like this feels a lot more like a 70 30 a little straight girl trying to get some action. I was like, oh. Yeah. That's great. That 30 is really an optimistic 30. That's like a real, like a hedging their bets kind of 30. Yeah. I'm going to go to Vassar. 50% of the 30 are gay. And then now you're down to, here's where I'm at.

Now it's difficult math. I don't even want to, I'm not good at math. I don't know. Yeah. Basically like one stag. Just dough squirming around. And I was not very far off the top of that pile. Yeah, yeah.

Well, did you, I mean, you did some like kind of improv stuff in college, right? Is that kind of when you start taking it seriously? I didn't do improv. I did, how do you, I did. kind of improv stuff in college right is that kind of when you start taking it seriously um i didn't do improv i did how do you i did um that filthy behind teeth of show business thoughtfully and so much research that i'd freak out um no i did um i joined um a sketch comedy troop uh that was called laughing stock you're welcome oh nice and uh make a good soup out of that and there yeah i mean we thought we were much better than the other group which was happily ever laughter oh boy oh boy but um subjective um yeah comedy comedy teams and dog rescues the worst

named things in the world oh my god um yeah acapella groups they're the worst oh that's true yeah but uh yeah i've never uh performed or done any kind of comedy before but i was always a very big kind of closet uh comedy nerd again um because again this is from i'm 700 years old so this is like pre-internet, you know, actually. Like I just started like email was just, we got little like intercampus email, you know, that we would send from like that kind of thing. But anyways, so there just wasn't, you know,

pervasive comedy culture to that, like where you knew about so many other comedy nerds, the way people, but I had always really loved like the Marx brothers. I was super obsessed. I watched like so much, I guess comedy central was hot at the time. I just ended up and watched so much of that stuff and just always loved it. But I was very shy and not like um fake like when actors you're like yeah yeah yeah and um but then yeah i joined i i just on the lark

decided to audition for uh that group and i with a terrible really some terrible material but i did get in and i do remember going on stage the first time, my first show with that group. And like, I, it was a very unforgettable feeling of like the first time getting a laugh on stage and just being like, Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I, and I, but I just had never got like, I've never done any kind of theater class or acting class. Like I had zero, zero. So, but I mean, do you, but you know,

and not too long of a time you're doing standup comedy, you know, it's like, and, and, and what happens in those years? Cause I know you and you worked at comedy central, didn't you? Yeah. Yeah. It was actually a bunch well yeah i did so i i was in college and i had that little outlet and then um you know i just had always felt very uh risk averse again because of various family factor you know you just don't have the freedom that you might have if you sort of know you have a safety net of what you're going to do like oh i know i know you know have you ever heard of this yeah yeah discussed um but uh yeah i i studied art

history was my major at college use it every day good good good yeah everyone needs it um and was didn't know what i was going to do and then then graduated and worked at a video store for a little while. And, and then became. You get a lot of tail at those places. Oh, so many DVD copies of Jumanji being sling. Anyway, but then I started temping. I was temping and I temped my way into Comedy Central and I, uh, a job opened up as an assistant in development there and I got that job. And, uh, it was like a very amazing time. It was right when South Park was like just exploding. Um, I developed Strangers with Candy or i was an assistant when strangers with candy was being developed oh wow um because it was and kent alterman was my boss he was a very good friend of

mine and and ran com ended up running comedy central through uh it's goddamn salad days put so many great shows on the air so many shows shows on the air. It was so great to work for. And yes, it was just brilliant and left a huge stamp on that network. So yeah, his first time around there was when Strangers was coming out and UCB, Upright Citizens Brigade had their show. Yeah, they had a show. So that's when I started working there. And it was just so exciting.

And I also was just so thrilled to have this job it was like fully just uh being thrown into the briar patch or whatever I'm making that reference I'm like what am I saying but I was young and I was um I was so happy to have this job but I was still very intimidated about performing myself and it took me like several years to start doing stand-up i wanted to do it long before i started doing it i was very very scared about it yeah yeah why do you think what do you think it is that made you do it so you know i mean because usually if you're that fearful about something for many years, it's likely you're not going to do it. I mean, I just mean it's likely one's not going to do it.

So why do you think that this had such a hold on you? I think I am just generally kind of a very late bloomer, like in my DNA, in terms of things taking me a really long time to get to to where I need to go. And I, I think I started doing it. I guess I, the first time I went on stage, I was like 26, which is kind of old, I guess for standups, like people, I don't know. It feels like people start younger. I interview people on this and they're like, I first, I did an open mic at 15 and it's just like, what? Yeah. I'm jealous of those you know I always feel

like oh what what would I just sound well just like what would I have done if I'd gotten a little more of a running start but we are where we are yeah well and also the notion of like at 15 or 16 being like I thought it was okay to get up on stage and have a room full of strangers look at me like that's like in and of itself it's like i needed to be 22 before i even got over that hurdle you know i mean i i do always feel like people like that though it's it's a muscle that i or i don't know just something i wish i'm so in awe of it like Like people always kind of had that confidence. I'm still good.

Confidence is the thing that I think I always just, I learned a lot looking at people who are able to just kind of really barrel forward and believe, believe in everything they're doing. But I think for me, it just really became like, like just, it was like kind of literally tearing me up that to not do it. It was just really a desperate need.

And I, I was like in therapy about it and I just finally had to get over myself and do it. But I, I, I feel like I, I'm proud that I did it. It was hard. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's yeah. It was hard. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's, yeah, it's.

So why did I do a desperate need for love and approval? Same as everyone else, Andy. Well, not everyone. You know, there's a few sickos out there who are fine. It's like when I meet people who are like i've never been to therapy i'm like oh wow so shocking oh my god never been to therapy what's that like to just be come off the assembly line and operate you know just do your job as a human just chug along in society without any kind of like yeah undercutting yourself or you know paralyzing bad thoughts

fuck you nice yeah yeah well now i did want to say because i can imagine i mean and you know it's it's not an unfamiliar you know no it's it's been brought up before there's performers who are shy you know and i mean and i have a certain shyness to me. And so, and you'd be weird, like, well, why did you get into this? It's like, well, some ways because I'm shy. And in some ways there are two different things, you know, like being, being on stage is different than going to a dinner party where I don't know anybody, you know? And, and it, and they're just, they're, they're like, they feel like different parts of my brain and my spirit, you know? Totally.

But I do, because people who are reticent, people who are shy, when they hear you say, you know, you wish you had this self-confidence and you wish you had all this, but you do it, you know? I mean, there's clips of you on stand it, you know, I mean, there's, there's clips of you on standup, you know, you've, you've done your own specials, you've written

books. I mean, how, what would you say to somebody who would say like, who would hear you say, I wish I had that kind of self-confidence and they're going, well, wait, but you have all these accomplishments. How did those two jibebe i think i would tell that person it's a hypothetical person it was really just me trying to find a question you know no no no no i know uh you know what i think also i've learned a lot in terms of i do think like going there was a momentum to doing stand-up that did it's funny when you bring up the thing about like being at a you know a dinner party is still it's like a different animal in terms of the kind of confidence that it requires but for me it did there was a

momentum to doing stand-up where I feel like the experience of that like actually it was a momentum to doing standup where I feel like the experience of that, like actually it was a little fake it till you make it like it did actually a bit more confident. And I, the sort of skills that you have to learn or acquire being on stage and that you get from like muscling through. I feel like I did carry over a bit into my personal life. Like I still, I wouldn't describe myself as a very confident person, but I'm much more confident than I used to be. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

For sure. Yeah, and in this podcast, the concept of faking it till you make it is a very recurring theme. And it's been a recurring theme in my life, still is, you know, and like there's little micro fake it till you make it so when you get into a new situation and it just you just have to learn like you know what are the real stakes and nobody's going to kill you nobody's going to you know take you to jail it'll be fine you know yeah well i think one of the things and i'm sure you've

seen this a billion times over yeah from your seat in life is i like just at the point in my career i will say one thing i've always found so interesting as i kind of got from went from slightly bigger jobs to slightly bigger jobs and then became adjacent to starting to like oh this famous person or this famous actor or this famous comedian as you do quickly see like oh everyone's freaking the fuck out all the time yeah yeah yeah like very few people you just start to see like someone that again it's a cliche but like someone you would think is very confidently moving through life is also a mess a mess yeah a mess about their work or with a few you know a few exceptions but yeah yeah i i find that i grew up uh with my you know in a stepfather

and my mother had their own businesses. And I saw that the way those businesses were run, which is, uh, kind of sit around and be, you know, and like have coffee and chat until something, a fire breaks out and then put out that fire. But there was, there wasn't a lot of planning ahead. There wasn't a lot of like an organizational structure. It was all just kind of catch as catch can. And I thought, man, I can't wait till I'm out in the grownup world where shit is organized and people have their stuff together. And then I work in like network television and realize, oh no, no, it's all, it's all just putting out fires. It's all just people like sitting at their desk, kind of hope, like trying to be quiet. And so they can just like

listen to their podcast and hope that nobody comes in and tells them to do something, you know? Well, there's also the moment where you, like I remember when we first started doing Inside Amy Schumer and it was me and Amy and our other amazing executive producer, Dan Powell. Like, I don't know when that show started, I was, I don't know, my late thirties or something, but it was my first time I was the head writer of that show. It was just really the three of us, you know, we're in charge of it. And like the first

time issues came up and it was like, Oh, we're the ones who have to figure it out. oh we're the ones who have to feed like there's mama and dada and then we're like well we're mama and dada I don't know what to do with the problem and that feeling like I still kind of have it

I have it as both as a parent of my actual child and I have as a work parent of people where I'm just you know always like I'm the one who's in fucking charge yeah and that's a real that's a real fake it kind of you know because you people are watching so you got to go like well what are my options and you're you know okay let's try this one don't you think that's good you know i mean you just got it. How many pill cases I have in my bag?

Once per morning. They know they can hear the rattling. The what? They actually can. I actually do have something rattling in my bag right now, but it's my Advil. It's Advil, I swear. Oh, my God. The huge guy one.

The anxiety one. i swear oh my god the huge guy one the anxiety one oh it's the number of medications and you know and vitamins and oils fish oils and whatever that i take it's like i have to like around people you know that aren't my children like i have to be like yeah i have to take 45 pills right now give me a minute once you get i feel like a moment where you really should start shopping for your grave is when you get those little rectangle pill things with Monday to Friday and you're just, yeah, yeah.

I'll see you there. Oh my God. You have like a little makeup case. This is, yes, this is folks at home. This is a real people. And it's gold.

It's a gold. It's gold. It's a golden pink Sepphora makeup that i that i hijacked probably five years ago from hey i didn't know you were gay i'm i'm mostly gay except for the except except for the having sex with men part that's the part that's like i can't get behind that um no that i i swiped that that was like a surplus from between my daughter and my ex-wife like this big makeup case with that's clear and i'm like that's good for my pills grandma's pills will fit well in there so then your pillies yes yes and you're so organized well and then those go into the little

thingy like the little thingies in the kitchen where where grandma remembers yes your monday to friday yeah to take her pills so anyhow well listen we're getting close to the end here um and you got a new book yes tell me about this book that's why you're here it's not because of your love of conversation oh shut up i'm kidding i've had nine years no good good i and i i know i but i mean but i want because i want to plug the book i want to make sure that you get that um this is a book that is called uh i truly just had that moment where like someone asks you your name and you're like i don't know i'm not sure oh uh it's called i'll show myself out um and it's uh is this your second or third this is my second book second book okay you better

enjoy it because i don't think there will be a third. I'm writing books really hard. It's a collection of essays about midlife and motherhood. I've been working on it for a real long time. I wrote a lot of it during the pandemic, which was a special experience. But no, I kind of got this idea after my son was born and was feeling a lot of the feelings that we've talked about earlier in terms of loneliness and isolation. And I'm not liking this as much as I should. And then also the absurdity moments where things are just, you can't believe what's happening yeah like there was a moment when i was potty training like what i dealing with the potty training stuff which i you know there's no world in which anyone

thinks about potty training before you actually have to deal with potty yeah and then once you're it's like buying real estate like it's not interesting until you're doing it then you're like how is this not all anyone all talking about? Adam all the time. And I found it very difficult. But we were in the middle of that little struggle. And there was just a day where we decided he was almost there. But then he just wouldn't pee in a toilet outside the home. We could not get him to do that.

And then we would have to drive home from wherever we were any time. He had to pee or poop. And there was just a day where it was like well we're going to force him today we're going to we're going to take him to starbucks and we're going to load him up with hot chocolate and he's going to have to be there which is basically child abuse coffee would be good too coffee coffee is instant laxative you should have just espresso'd him up. Yeah. And it just became a moment of, it was such a showdown. And I was me in a Starbucks, a public bathroom stall, like not a one-er, you know? Oh, wow. And he lost his mind.

And I'm sitting on the floor of a public bathroom and people are coming in and out. And he's screaming like operatic, like, mama, no! You know? And I'm like, you might! Like losing my mind. And I was just like, Make water! But like, I'm like, this is, I used

to be, it was like I used to be somebody. Like, contender. And those moments, so I was just like, I wish there was like, kind of a book about this. You know, and I feel like so many books that are written about, not to shit on other people's books, but there is a lot of books.

I feel like that are written about motherhood or parenthood are kind of like cutesy, like sort of like very broad. And I was, hadn't read anything that kind of to me balanced like how truly dark, dark, dark, it feels with also like being very funny and going in between those two things. And so I ended up writing this book. And just also the idea that mother's stories are like worth telling was another kind of thing that was on my mind in terms of uh like thinking about like the hero's journey

archetype in our culture where like we only tell the only stories we think are worth telling you know it's like the star wars archetype of like a man who's on a journey and ventures out of town and slays a dragon and etc and you know i felt like um, maybe the hero, there's a hero's journey in, in this experience, you know, and women do, it's just, it's very internal. Yeah. But it's equally dramatic when you're in it. And I just kind of wanted to explore that, I guess. Does that make it sound like a fucking interesting?

No, it does. No. Well, first of all, you're funny. So I know it's going to be funny, but but i i mean but it is it's all yeah i mean a i have terrible attention deficit stuff so like reading like any self-helpy kind of book that i've read that i say like oh i read that it means i read the first third of it and i was like okay i can take it you know oh i've never read more than a third of a book yeah oh good that's a relief but i mean you know no it's hard i mean especially as you get older it's hard yeah yeah but that's i do think like

essays is nice little chunks right right you don't feel guilty you can little niblets right you just you know you time them for each toilet session you time them oh absolutely yeah yeah right exactly or the drive to the store to get more toilet paper the audiobook so many times um well where do you where do you want your life to go like where where like if they all think if uh you know like do you see yourself staying here do you want to are you gonna direct movies are you gonna start a christmas tree farm uh you know what oh that was somebody it was a real series of options. Yeah, yeah. Well, those are pretty much the female archetypes that I'm familiar with. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Secretary, Christmas tree farm, director. I mean, I have no idea. I don't know. I really just find as a chronic depressive, you know. No, really, I all joking aside about that. Like just finding joy is like a big, just trying to stay on the joy path. That sounds so LA, but no, it sounds good. It's good. Yeah, really. I mean, I think,

I think people in Oklahoma can get behind that. Yeah. I, I, I'm a person who finds it, and I find it hard to be happy. Yeah. And so that is like, oh, I'm always kind of trying to figure out how do you do that? Seems like a big question for me all the time. And it seems working with your friends seems like a really good one. Just career and career stuff. I guess I'm not worrying about things beyond just like,

is this having, having the privilege to be able to pick some jobs that seem actually fun. Yeah. That's that is like this whole thing. This show business is kind of a racket because you do get to have fun for a living. And there, there is a yin to the yang because it's very stressful. It's hard to find positions, but you do get to have a lot of fun and you get to, you know. Yeah. At best. I mean, you know know there are the jobs definitely where you're like

how did writing comedy become so awful yeah yeah but um yeah that's all i guess that's really i'm trying to live a life where like happiness and joy are allowed to be the top priority is like however much work it takes and hard work it takes to keep that at the front feels good. Yeah. And then you've, you know, there's also the conundrum that I sometimes, cause I relate to all of that a hundred percent. And then the conundrum of like trying real hard to not try, like, you know, like, you know,

like really focusing all your energy on having a light touch, you know, just these very contradictory kind of things that yeah seem insurmountable and seem just illogical but once you're in them you're like no no that is kind of you do kind of have to focus you know like you have to work hard at remaining open you know yeah and it's it's not, and the point isn't the success either. I think it's just that you continue that kind of process. Yeah. Cause I think those continued process,

closed process processes are what make you feel like, okay, well that's done now. What does it feel like open-ended processes of, you know, learning to just be better at being alive, those can sustain you for a long, long time. Yeah. It's like finding that very beautiful space between just caring so much about what you're doing and also not caring.

Like, just always remember. actually, that's a Kent. I'll just to bring it around to Kent one more time. I remember one thing that Kent said to me when, I mean, truly, I don't know. It was like 23 or 24 and it just started working with him. And I think we were walking to lunch or something. And there was, I can't remember talking about, but there was, you know, there's some fire to put out about something. I remember he was like, you know, he's like,

it's important to remember it's just TV. And I've carried that with me in this whole, like I, in my most like, what will we do? You know, I'm like, oh yeah, it's just TV. Yeah, yeah. The world is on fire and people are, you know, it's like, it doesn't all have to weigh so much i've i love to be in the position of so many people having finished an interview on the conan

o'brien show and turning to me and going like with real kind of like concern was that okay and being able to say like it doesn't matter like yes but also none of it matters. Like my answer is never know. Yeah. Although for one or two, I was going to say, there might be ones that weren't okay. Yeah. Yeah. Was this okay? This was fine.

Okay. It was adequate. No, this was great, Jessie. Thank you so much for taking the time. I really appreciate it. is so fun i know you're in the the final the the heading towards the end zone of a show right so it's just tv it's just tv no it's a very fun show but yes it is just tv but thank you so much for having me on this is so fun sure and uh and the book again is called it's called I'll Show Myself Out. And it is available from all of your booksellers.

Book pimps. Book pimps. Your local indies. Yeah. As well as your giant monsters. I think it's April 26th. Okay. Okay.

We'll say that. Yeah. April 26th. Don't buy it before or after. Just that day. Pre-order. Pre-order. Ohorder oh yeah pre-order the shit out of that thing you're the shit out of that this that fucker yeah go into your local

bookseller and say i need a pre-order this shit sure yeah they'll have it lined up for you yeah the latest jesse klein joint and they'll go well of course oh yes we know and then they'll be like who is this person? Thanks, Andy. Oh, sure. Thank you, Jesse. And thank all of you out there for listening. This has been The Three Questions. And next week, it'll be The Three Questions again.

The Three Questions with Andy Richter is a Team Coco and Your Wolf production. It is produced by Lane Gerbig, engineered by Marina Pice, and talent produced by Kalitza Hayek. Thank you.