The Three Questions with Andy Richter - Jimmy Pardo

Episode Date: January 7, 2020

Comedian and podcaster Jimmy Pardo talks with Andy Richter about (un)healthy family boundaries, first theatrical roles, preempting the comedy podcast boom with Never Not Funny, and discovering his own unscripted stand-up persona. Plus, Jimmy shares the only note he ever received as the warm-up comic on The Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien.

well all right all right let me turn let's go three questions you got your notes you got your questions for me yeah i got my fucking question let's go you know but the jimmy parto version of this is just one question. What's your fucking deal? And that covers all of it. All right. So go. And I'm going to sit here and I'm going to be quiet. I don't believe that part for a second.

And I'm going to look at you with judgment in my eyes. All right. So status quo. What's your fucking deal, Jimmy Pardo? Are you asking me? Who am I looking at? I don't know. I don't know.

I mean, I know I got beady eyes, but I'm looking at you. Is this the unprofessional way you start your program? It's been started. Unbelievable. When we were talking about my tax troubles, that's going right into the fucking podcast. That's going in? That's going right into the fucking podcast. I'd open with that.

That makes sense. Yeah, yeah, sure. People, I want to get the audience on my side. Yeah, they won't be. No, of course they won't. Based on what I heard, they won't be. Of course they won't. Because I'm not. Anyway, let's put

down the charade and let me say, I love you. I'm so happy that you're here. This is going to possibly be the easiest one of these to do. Maybe the most difficult at the same time. Why? Because of your love and admiration. No, no, no. It'll be easy. Well, we'll find out.

Because even if you tear at my heartstrings, you know, even if you do a Sweeney on Marin on me, you don't know what that represents. Is that Julius Sweeney? No, no, no. Mike Sweeney. Mike Sweeney went on Marc Maron. Went on Marc Maron. And? And talked about his childhood.

Oh, which is not a. It's a jaw dropper. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I imagine yours was a little less rough. My childhood? Yeah. Apper. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I imagine yours was a little less rough. My childhood? Yeah. A lot less rough. Yeah, yeah.

I mean, you can't be as well put together as you without having come from a pretty solid background of love and support. Well, I don't know if that's 100% true either. I think I'm an average guy. Yeah? Wearing an average suit, going to an average job. What song is that? I'm just an average guy. Yeah? Wearing an average suit, going to an average job.

What song is that? I'm just an average guy. Is it a Billy Joel song? No, but it sure sounds like one, doesn't it? It sure does. Just an average guy going to an average something, going to an average job. Is that talking heads? Is that what I'm pulling?

No. No, I can't think of that. I'm an average guy, but it's not an average suit. I'm just an average guy going to, who cares? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The point is this. I grew up in Chicago. Second question.

That's where I'm from. What year were you born? I want to know how old you were. You and I, I believe we're born in the same year. 66? 1966, the year of our Lord. And I believe you are slightly younger than me? You were born in the summer? What month are you? I'm October 28th. Yeah, I'm July 28th.

Okay. So three months. You're older than me. God damn it. Yeah. Hey, did you see, speaking of that- I'm going to rub your fucking nose in that for the rest of our lives. Well. Which aren't that long. It won't be that long.

No, we got 40 years tops. Yeah, yeah. I probably got a little longer just based on. Oh, absolutely. On food intake. Oh, you motherfucking had to go there. I meant the style that you eat. You eat a sausage, a beef.

I go lean meats. I'm all lean meats. No, the style too is just too fast. I'll probably choke to death. I had to slow down. I actually was told by a physical therapist that was not talking about my – I was not there for my weight, but that I'm chewing too quickly. I'm like, how do you know that? And she goes, I just know you are.

So I need – and she wasn't wrong. Was she examining your stool? How did she know? I don't know it was uh i i'm still flummoxed by it right um but i i i take my time chewing now based on this woman because she wasn't wrong i know there's so many i i recently too and this is you know the 900th time i've gone in this campaign. Drink more water, stupid. Yeah.

Because I'll, you know, like, I'll be like, I have a headache. And then I realize, oh, I've drank nothing but black coffee all fucking day. Yeah. But you think you're taking liquid in. So it equals out. I said liquid. I'm wearing Invisalign. So liquid kind of got caught up in the braces.

Oh, we'll save that. That's going to be the big ender. You're Invisalign. To take them out? No, no, no. To talk about it. That's where I'm going? Yeah, yeah. That'll save that. That's going to be the big ender. You're Invisalign. To take them out? No, no, no. To talk about it. That's where I'm going? Yeah, yeah.

That'll be the sexy button on the end of this. Well, listen, we call that teasing in the business. I've been doing podcasting a long time. You have been doing podcasting. I know some terms more than you might know. And we're going to be getting to that. Now. You know, actually, I will say this right now.

What? When people had Team Richter, as I like to call them, because I find it hilarious, A, that there's a team, and B, that they are in any way concerned with me or my career. Yes. Team Richter would occasionally say, and by folks, I mean my agent manager people, would say, you should do a podcast. You should do a podcast. And I always shied away from it, A, because I'm not a really big podcast consumer. You don't have to be a consumer to podcast. No, I know.

But I still – You think Conan O'Brien listens to one? He doesn't even – he still doesn't listen to one. He doesn't even really – I don't think he fully understands what he's doing when he records a podcast. I don't know. I think he must – thinks that, you know, is going on some airline somewhere in place of pilot chat. But I mean, but I also I would feel dilettante-ish, you know, I would feel like a dabbler, like

a Johnny come lately. And you honestly were one of the reasons that I would demur when they would ask me to do that because you were in on this thing so early. And in such a really, truly, I'm going to say visionary way that I would feel like a fucking asshole coming in and being like, I'm going to do a podcast. Fuck you, Jimmy. You know, and especially because I do have this apparatus at my disposal in terms of promotion and all this other stuff. And I'm on a TV show. So I totally understand why someone who has been toiling, trying to build a podcast.

I mean, I don't mean you because you're established, but I mean, but other people that are like in podcasts, really kind of devoted to it, really think about it, really, you know, although there's not that many people, most people don't even fucking try. But anyway, but people that are really into it and then all of a sudden there's somebody like me who's on a TV show who has all this like built-in,

built-in publicity, built-in, to get listeners, comes in and la-dee-da's his way in. And I can see how that would be annoying. However, I overcame all that and here I am. Yeah. Here I am. You're not wrong. I resent a lot of people. Oh, but I know that.

The truth is I don't resent anybody. But there was a time. That's not the truth. Where people would come to me and they would say, hey, I'm thinking about starting a podcast. Are you okay with that? Like, that's how early I was in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That I would go, yeah, dude.

Right, right. Did somebody have to go to the first standup and go, hey, I'm thinking about telling jokes. No, no. No, no, that's my thing. The Wright brothers, they might've said like, hey, I'm thinking of building a lighter than aircraft. Yeah. Are you okay with that?

Wright brothers, what were their names? Orville. Orville and Redenbacher, I think. No, Redenbacher's the fellow with the popping corn. I'm not sure what that means. Oh, popping corn is a fun way of saying popcorn. An old-timey way of saying it. Right, right, right.

But I won't, listen, just to put a button on what you just said, I do think it is very, even as much as I'm established in this podcasting world, it is when a famous person jumps in and all of a sudden has a million downloads, that's a little frustrating. Yeah. And, you know, to be one of the first and now just be considered a journeyman is, you know, I'd be lying. Listen, I'm new to this. Conan started before me. He, you know, I do well. This podcast does well.

And then I see that he gets a million downloads and it pisses me off. And here I am. What right do I have to be pissed off? Well, in fairness, you're talking to me and he's talking to Hillary Clinton. So there's a chance there that maybe he's not involved with the downloads at all. In entertainment value, are you going to listen to him talk to Hillary Clinton or are you going to listen to me talk to you?

Divorce yourself from your own personality and everything. What's going to be a better listen? In October of, well, October, what month is this? December of 2019? I'm going to say Hillary Clinton. Oh, you fucking, you're just wrong. I'm going to say Hillary Clinton. Oh, you fucking, you're just wrong.

I'm going to say Hillary Clinton. This podcast is going to be so much better than that. And I didn't listen to it, so I don't know, it might be great. She might have really spilled the beans on whitewater, you know. I think that woman's got some things to say, and I enjoy her, and I think she speaks eloquently. Wow. What office are you? Mayor of fucking Baldwin Hill?

My wife and I were all in on Hillary Clinton. We were all in on Hillary Clinton. I wasn't all in, but I certainly did like her, and I certainly did think that she would be a really good president. I really do. Yeah, but for what's happening right now, Will Becton would be a really good president. You want that beard sitting in the Oval Office? Will's sitting behind the dials right now.

No, but. The dials? Yeah, yeah. The dials. 1978? You're going to

tape this, tape, spice it together? I said, okay, I gave you a little bit of shit about popping corn and you're going to do

this to me about dials? Goose Gander, buddy. Well, now that's a t-shirt. Goose Gander, buddy. Goose Gander, buddy. Yeah, now that's a T-shirt. Goose Gander, buddy. Goose Gander, buddy. Yeah, what's your question?

I don't know. I think this will be very entertaining. At least I hope it will be. But I also think the Hillary Clinton one probably will be too. Is it out yet? Yeah, it came out. Is it entertaining? Oh, they have to say that.

Yeah, I had to see these a-holes with their picture taken by Hillary Clinton. As they said, that tears welled in their eyes. Yes, it's very entertaining. Can we pretend, by the way, that maybe Chelsea Clinton was there, too? Maybe you a-holes can promote the fact that she was on that podcast. She was, right? She was, but it's all, I got to talk to Hillary. Here's Hillary.

There's poor Chelsea sitting there. It's her effing book that her mom put her name on. I don't know if any of that part's true, by the way. But let's give Chelsea some credit. She's wonderful. By the way, there's nobody that handles Twitter with more class than Chelsea Clinton. Nobody handles it with more class than Chelsea Clinton. Can we cut out the Chelsea pandering?

I just don't think anyone cares. I've got her coming on my show. I've got Amy Carter coming on my show. Oh, too bad Billy Carter's dead. Well, we lost him early. Yeah, we sure did. And I lost, we lost the fellow

that played Roger Clinton. Roger Clinton. We lost Roger too. I had all of them coming on. I saw him once, Roger Clinton, back in the day, sitting at the bar

at Dantana's eating dinner next to Dabney Coleman. What the F? Yeah, yeah. Not together, just both of them solo eating dinner at the bar. Right, but they were there. Yeah. That's a Yeah, yeah. Not together, just both of them solo

eating dinner at the bar. Right, but they were there. Yeah. That's a nice one, too. Oh, boy, I tell you. I saw Dabney Coleman recently in an old episode of Columbo. I'm obsessed with Columbo now.

Me TV? No, it's on IMDb TV, which I didn't know was a thing until What is that? eight episodes ago. Is it on your TV station dial or is it on TV?

It's a streaming thing. Oh, wow. IMDb TV. They have commercials, but it's free. Right, right. And so I went through Mannix. Yeah. I went through Kojak.

Right. And now I'm on Columbo. Kojak's pretty good. Kojak's the best. Oh, Kojak's fantastic. And Columbo's a close second. And Mannix is great, too. Columbo is really a good show.

It's great. It's really a good show. And hedox is great, too. Columbo is really a good show. It's great. It's really a good show. And he's great. Oh, he's fantastic. And I never get over the, just the cavalcade of fucking, like, how many fucking, like, yeah, I'll take Jack Cassidy any day. By the way, Jack Cassidy is the best villain. Oh. And so.

And he's a villain in that thing, like, three different ways. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Lieutenant. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, when they're trying to cover that they haven't killed somebody. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Lieutenant. Now, what is it now, Lieutenant?

And Jack Cassidy and Shatner is on one. He does great. The one I watched last night had Donald Pleasance. Oh, boy. And he played like a wormy wine connoisseur and was just played to perfection. Yeah, yeah. So that's what I do before I go to sleep. Just as an aside, this just reminds me because it's a good Peter Falk story that my lawyer told me.

Oh, I'd like to hear it. My lawyer now is getting near passing off the firm to his son. So he's been around forever. When he was a young lawyer, like first starting out, one of the company he works for his clients was Peter Falk. And Peter Falk had been doing Columbo for six years at this point and was going crazy. Hated it, was bored, wanted out, you know. And they said like, they said, well, the only way you're going to get out. He had a couple of years on his contract.

The only way you're going to get out of this is if you, if it becomes so detrimental to your mental well-being that they are going to have to let you out of the contract. And he said that Peter Falk was delighted and thrilled to go to work and put on a show of being mentally distressed. Love it. And that was like, in addition to doing the show and being- He's doing another show. Columbo, he's doing the show he really loves to do, which is how depressed and sad and miserable and driven out of his mind. All total bullshit.

And they doubled his salary. And then all of a sudden. His mental illness was cured. Did it clear up? Absolutely. Right. It's incredible. You don't need a pill?

Oh, yeah, yeah. You're Peter Falk? All right. Just one more thing. All right, yeah. Wait, how much more? I feel better. I see.

I do it with Oliver, my 12-year-old son. I call him over and I interrogate him about his school day, Columbo style. I see. And then after that, you went to a different class? I see. And then in that class, is it safe to say that you were sitting at a desk? You were at a desk. I see.

So, let me get this straight. Okay. Well, that sounds great. So, you had a good day at school? One more thing. When school was over, how did you get out of there? And I do it, and he loves it for about the first 12 minutes. Sure, sure, of course.

And then it's like, Dad, can we? And then the last 40, he's like, come on, Dad, wrap it up. Safely. And do you have like a mozzarella cheese stick or something? I do. Subbing as the cigar? Yeah, I got the pull-away mozzarella. That's not called pull-away.

What's that called? String cheese. String cheese. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Pull-away mozzarella. Incident with what? String cheese. String cheese. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Pull-away mozzarella's. Incident with what? String cheese incident.

Isn't that a band? Come on. You got to be happy with that as opposed to your reaction. You know, I changed my vote. I would rather hear Chelsea. And Chelsea solo. Dr. Conan. She did a great fish reference.

About Conan. How many kids were in your family? God damn it. Let's get back to the whole, you know, biographical bullshit. Here's the deal. I grew up initially at 76th and Cicero. That's the south side of Chicago. That's the south side of Chicago.

Yeah. Right just south. In fact, we were one house away from Ford City Mall. Oh. And it was me, my dad, my brother, and my mother. That was, that was it. My brother's two years younger than me, Mike. And then, uh, then we moved to Oak forest for eight months and then we moved to hometown, which, uh, hometown was at, uh, 87th and Cicero. Uh-huh. And, uh, basically it's a,

it was built for the, uh, the world war two or the Korean war bets, I believe. And it's a one mile by one mile kind of just little town in between Evergreen Park, Oak Lawn, and Chicago. And all the houses are the same? They're duplexes. Oh, okay. So it was, I want to say, 700 to 900 square feet. Wow. So like a really-

For four people. For four people. Wow. Did you have more room in Orland Park? Oak Forest. Oak Forest. I'm sorry, Oak Forest. We did, but my parents ended up, they got divorced.

Oh, I see. So we moved to hometown- With your mom. With my mom. Okay, I see. And then my mom remarried a guy named Ron, who she was married to for 30 years. Okay. And he had three sons.

Okay. So there were times where there were seven people in that place, five boys and two adults in a seven to 900 square. You didn't move into Ron's place or anything? I think, I want to say Ron was maybe in an apartment. Oh, okay. Because Ron had just gotten divorced too. Oh, wow. Here's the, I don't know if you know this about me. My mom married my uncle. My mother, Elaine, was married to my father, Jim. Right. Jim's sister, Pat, was married to a gentleman named Ron. Well, Ron and Pat got divorced and Jim and Elaine got divorced.

And then Elaine and Ron got married. That is so convenient. Or confusing and awful around the whole world. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Weird. Well, did your dad then marry his sister? Oh, it was his sister. Okay. No.

Yeah, that would be weird. Yeah, that's not going to fly. It would also be weird if like your mom had married her sister's ex-husband. But this way it was like the two outsiders. It was the two outsiders. It was the two outsiders. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then, like I said, they were together 30 years. Yeah.

But it was always- Were sparks flying, you think? What do you mean by that? Do you mean before- Was there chemistry prior? Before the split-ups, yeah. I was a child, six, seven, eight years old. But I'm guessing.

Yeah, yeah. I'm guessing. And it's not anything they ever shared with you? Like, Jimmy, we were hot for each other. You gotta know that. You know, those type of things,

you know, the Chicago way where you keep some things hidden and don't, my mom was a pretty open person, but we also like to, you know,

hey, I'm gonna tell you something, but don't tell your aunt this. Why would I ever tell my aunt this? You know what I mean? I say hello, then I sit on a couch and wait for the presents to be open. See, that sounds healthy. There were some less healthy boundaries in my family. What do you mean by that?

Oh, I know all kinds of fucking details that there's no way I should know. They were just casually said over brunch. Really? Yeah, like things like simultaneous orgasms casually said over brunch. Really? Yeah. Like things like simultaneous orgasms and things like that. Kid you not. By your parents? I mean, your parents would have these simultaneous? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like your father would wait? No, I don't know. I didn't dive in. I just was, I heard that phrase being mentioned as if it was something that I, as a teenager, needed to know. Yeah. And, you know, great. Would you ever in your circle jerks have simultaneous orgasms? I never circle jerked in my life.

Not me neither. No, no. Do you know anybody that has? Like, have you ever met a guy that went, oh, yeah, we did that in, I don't know, a single person? I can't know. I can't think of anybody. Can't do either. At least not a heterosexual person.

I think that it's a far more common thing among gay men. See, that I don't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll take your word for it. Yeah. But no, more than one person in the room while I'm involved in that activity is just, I can't even. I don't, I'm not comfortable with more than one person in the house while I'm doing that.

No, no, no. I can't even. Yeah. That said, I than one person in the house while I'm doing that. No, no, no. I can't even. Yeah. That said, I heard the click of that lock. Go time. Oh, a little private time? More like Jimmy Pargo. I do remember, and I know this is off topic, but it's about growing up.

I do remember that I was at a sleepover once. up i do remember that i was at a sleepover once we we had a uh i was in theater in high school and we had a uh the guys had a hey the guy cast when somebody had a sleepover yeah and then we all were there and then somebody i want to say a guy named gary uh had to be brought up masturbation and i remember my shoulders having so much relief like oh i this is something we could talk about we all we all do this yeah this there's not shame in this yeah i mean there still was you still didn't talk about it with family sure sure but it was like such a relief that there was eight dudes like one by one going yeah yes yes yes yes uh no we didn't then go let's do it now right right um we then went and tried to find some girls i remember being a freshman or something and a kid talking openly in like health class or something about masturbation and then it being a healthy, normal thing.

And him getting just relentlessly teased by it. Oh, it was just awful. Isn't that – Just awful. This is similar yet not similar. I remember this – and by the way, I have the punchline in this, so I ended up looking like the hero here, but it's still, the point is still relevant to what you're saying. In high school, you know, we had to take showers and, you know, with no stalls or

anything, it was just like you're in prison and you would get in and get out as quickly as possible. And one time, this one guy, one of the jock a-holes comes out and he wanted to make fun of this guy named Dan, who wasn't popular, you know, and probably was the nicest guy in school, but nobody cared. You know what I mean? And so- And easy pickings. And easy pickings. And just, you know, there were times that I was guilty of that because I wanted to be liked badly. And then there were times where I would defend that guy because I wasn't that far removed from that guy either. I was closer to that guy than I was the popular people. Anyhow, this,

one of the popular guys comes out and he's got soap in his hand and he goes, look what Dan did. He just jizzed into my hand, like to make him look stupid. And I went, well, you caught it. And everybody died laughing. He did one of those towel things to me, one of those towel rip things things which really effing hurt oh yeah uh but it was like why why did you think what like how did you think that was going to insult him first of all that look it's all over my face god you got me all over the face pearl necklace boy that guy's something quite a trajectory on his ejaculate right got me right in the face can Can you believe it?

What a queer. Right? Those guys are queer, Jim. I think that Dan, look what Dan did. Look what the queer did in the shower, Jim. That is, as you and I always talk about, that is 90% of the people we grew up with? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And certainly on the South Side.

Yeah, there was less of that accent out where I grew up. It is amazing how a half an hour's difference can make a difference between you had a little bit of a southern look they're queer yeah yeah they're queer jim and then there's also and then there was just like my grandparents and like my grandparents friends all talked a little bit like this you know kind of just a little bit of southerny kind of stuff right you know in aurora in aurora or morris were your grandparents in morris no close to yorkville is the name of the town but it was in those days it was a farm town it was Conestad. Right. You know. In Aurora. In Aurora. Or Morris. Were your grandparents in Morris? No, close to Yorkville is the name of the town.

But it was, in those days, it was a farm town. Yes. You know. And so, yeah, no, it was, there was a lot of country people, you know. Right. From other places, but also too. Nobody was talking about cash back on your dodge, you know, in Yorkville. Right. That was nobody's native speak.

Yet, like I say, half an hour away. Right. You know. We're going to go to the mall, Jim. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're going to go there. We're going to get a hot dog. We're going to cook.

Right. You're going to get a pop? You're going to get a pop? Get a pop. I'm going to get a brat and a pop. Yep. Now, it was pop, but yeah, but the accent was just different. It's weird.

Yeah. So, you were in theater. I mean, did you i was create were you and you sound you know you're there wisecracking against some jock about to pick on a nerd you're like a fucking robin hood of wit well again at that moment yes there were other times where i would yeah it is like you know you got him you got you made dad look dumb buddy uh it was you know in in hometown which is really you know that was such a fucking like you know logan's run name for it's crazy right town welcome to hometown uh population conform 5000 maybe yeah yeah very tiny yeah and i step on your conform

piece but that's all right but i think there was, in a weird way, there was that, because if you thought outside of the box of the South Side, you know, it's like, you know, hey, I heard your mom voted for Jesse Jackson, Jim. Yeah, yeah. She thinks he's the most qualified to be president. Ah, interesting, huh? Yeah. But he's a blick.

Yeah. That's right. That's right. Sure is. And that's who she chose to vote for. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I heard your mom, first of all, how'd you hear that? Right.

And, you know, and it was true. true my mom did you have a yard sign or something no yards it wasn't a yard signed area we weren't uh you know i probably we were afraid of having my mom's probably afraid of her house burned down by having a jesse jackson sign right especially yeah her secret vote was well known so yeah that yeah. That is very strange. Like, why did people, how did they know that my mom voted for her? Because my mom wasn't like going to PTA meetings and running their mouth about it. She must have had a conversation with somebody. And then somebody runs their mouth and all of a sudden. Yeah.

I also had this, by the way, when I had to get some new tires for my Fiero. And I went to my girlfriend's house. Jesus Christ. And we get it. You got pussy. Well, you know what? Time of my life that I did. I went to my girlfriend's house and her dad said, hey, here, you got some new tires.

You went and bought it from the Indian, huh? I go, what? I go, I went to the Goodyear on 159th. It's Indian owned, huh? I don't know, dude. I'm sorry. It says Goodyear. I neededth. It's Indian-owned, huh? I don't know, dude. I'm sorry. It says Goodyear. I needed tires.

That was the spot. If I bought three, I got one free. I don't know why I need to be a bigot about where I'm buying my tires, you a-hole. Yeah, yeah. Anyway, going back to- So why didn't you stick around the South Side? You know what's weird? I stuck around the south side

a lot longer than... You wanted to? Well, people kept on saying, and I know we're bouncing around timeline-wise, but when I started stand-up, why don't you move into the city?

Why don't you move into the city? And it was like, well, because it's only a 30-minute car ride, and my mom and stepdad say I can live here for free. Yeah, yeah.

Why would I want to split rent with four guys and have bunk beds? Right. And a Fiero is a very economical car at the time. Oh, it's sleek. And then I bought, after the Fiero, I got a Chrysler LeBaron convertible. Oh, my God. Which in Chicago, too hot to put it down in the summer, too cold in the winter. Never had the top down.

You were like a divorcee before you were even married. I so badly wanted that convertible. And when I could afford it, I got it, man. You got it. Was it new? Did you buy it new? Oh, yeah. Oh, wow.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. Yeah, I bought it when I worked at MCA Records. I finally had the money to buy my dream car, which was a Chrysler LeBaron convertible. In Chicago? In Chicago. So eight months out of the year, you're driving under a leather bag. Basically.

That you can't see out. And then again, in the summer, way too hot and humid. So like you wouldn't put it down for that either. Right, right. Like, hey, should we put the top down? I don't know. It seems kind of hot. Gross.

Under the air conditioning. Yeah, makes sense. Did it have wood sides? Say it again? Wood sides? Mine did not have the wood sides. Mine was a nice, beautiful red with the black top. Oh, wow.

That I got the, I got it over there at the, oh, what was the name of it? Community? No. Mancari, no, it wasn't Mancari's because those guys may have been mobbed up. Solosi Edelson? Wasn't those guys either. No, because that was Ford. Oh, what was it?

147th and Cicero. I'll never remember the name of it. Ah, well, then let's not waste time. This is valuable podcast time. Cary Frank was the sales manager. I remember that guy's name. Cary Frank. Wow.

Yeah. How you doing, Jim? Yeah, we'll get you in that car today. Yeah, we'll get you all. Yeah, Jim. Yeah, we'll get that. You've been dreaming about it, eh, Jim? Right there, you put that. That's where you put your soda, or dare I say, you put your beer. Oh, I don't drink, we get that. You've been dreaming about it, eh, Jim? Right there, you put that.

That's where you put your soda, or dare I say, you put your beer. Oh, I don't drink. Never mind that. That's 100%. That's a true conversation. Now you're going to like this ragtop. You can never use it. Oh, sounds great.

Thank you. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's perfect for you, Jim. All right, so you're in theater in high school. Well, in hometown, hometown was very athletic based, you know, Little League football, that sort of thing. And I wasn't good. And so, but I was

into choir and recitals and all that. I enjoyed doing that. We didn't really do plays. We would do in grade school, we would do kind of like a tribute to West Side Story. And then... And you liked singing. And I did like singing. Yeah, yeah. And we would do kind of like a tribute to West Side Story. Uh-huh. And then. And you like singing. And I did like singing.

Yeah, yeah. And we would do like seven songs from it. You know what I mean? But, you know, the acting would be gone and it'd be, you know, again, more like recital. So we would do that sort of thing or Grease. Was there goofy choreography too? Oh, I'd imagine.

Oh, I hate that. I remember one time we did, we were doing a tribute to the Beatles. Yeah. And I was part of the Sergeant Pepper phase. Oh, sure. And so I had a trumpet as my prop. And I remember during the trumpet solo, and I can't, I don't know the Beatles well enough, I'm embarrassed to say, to not remember what song it was. But, and I turned to my side, to my right side and pantomimed playing it and uh got in trouble for that because it was not part of the uh the choreography i was in the moment and uh they were like yeah you know what

that's not what we had planned i'm like so me having an instinct is being squashed yeah seems what are you anti-hometown this is hometown this is hometown we don't do this here jim it's hometown jim and uh come on still not comfortable with what your mother did. No freelancing in hometown. I'm sure that your mom's candidate would have no problem with it. But here in hometown. He didn't win, did he, Jim? Yeah, he sure didn't.

You know? God forbid he would have. So perfect. Not everybody, of course. Not everybody. No, no, not everybody. Not everybody. Just 85%. Your number, not mine. I probably would have gone higher. so perfect not everybody of course not everybody not everybody just 85%

your number not mine I probably would have gone higher now I so you were yeah

so I did all that yes but is it accepted are you ostracized not ostracized do they say like that Jim's a little light in his loafers

yes there was one guy that did that and then he convinced in 6th grade this is 100% Yes. There was, there was one guy that did that. Uh, and then he convinced in sixth grade, this is a hundred percent true. In sixth grade, there was a guy named Jerry, uh,

who's last name I won't give, but I do on every other podcast. So you could easily find it. Right. Uh, who was kind of the bully big man on campus. Uh, in fact,

Danielle, I pulled out a picture recently of sixth grade and she goes, that's him. Like she knew exactly who it was in the photograph. Wow. Um, and he convinced everybody that I was, well, we didn't use the word gay because we didn't really know what it meant. Right, right. I was that because I liked girls.

That was the logic. Oh, because you were friends with girls. And I was smooching with them and such. Yeah. That is not the definition. Right. That we had out in Yorkville. Or anywhere really. anywhere, really.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jim's got to be an F because he's in choir and he's hanging out with the girls. Yeah. Smooching on them. Smooching on them. It's like, how is that the, you know. Yeah, yeah. I hear he's sexually attracted to them.

Right. There's a rumor that he might have put a tongue in her mouth. Well, ooh la la. Yeah. So that was so sixth grade I was not well liked because the girls liked me and I may have been considered a little light in the loafers because I was in choir. Yeah. In fact, somebody wrote that on a locker once. Jim's an F. Enjoy choir practice or something. Okay.

And. Thank you. Okay. But, but, but I was, it devastated me. Yeah. In sixth grade. Yeah, yeah. You know, now I could say thank you and go F yourself.

Yeah, yeah. But then it was, you know, I had a knot in my stomach. Why don't people like me? Why can't, you know, why, you know, instead of going, well, this group of people does like you. Yeah, yeah. You know, who gives a damn about these people? It's a different world too now because my son is gay, and he told me once when he was in junior high, and I think most – he wasn't – he didn't make – I think most kids kind of figured out early on that he was gay, even in junior high. And he, I remember he told me once

that he was sitting around with a group of boys and some of them, his friends, and one of them was talking about that's so gay. Oh my God, that's so gay. That's, oh my God, that's gay. And my son said, is that a problem? Like, is being gay, is that a problem? And they all kind of went, they weren't necessarily chastened. They were just like, oh yeah, yeah, I guess it isn't. Right.

Like they put two and two together and like, I guess I don't really have a problem with gay. Yeah. You know, really per se. And so, yeah, to say something is gay is like,

you know, although I must admit, like there's still an eighth grader in me. Sure, of course. That will see something. It's like Amy and David Sedaris used to call things, that's quare. Like, that's quare.

Like, over-emotional or over-sentimental or just kind of prissy or fey. Like, that's quare. And there's still things where I'll be like, a commercial will come on, and just to make the person I'm with laugh, I'll go, gay. Right. You know? And it's totally dumb, and it's, you know, but it's like. I get two things.

Growing up, and I'm sure it was the same in Yorktown, Yorkville. Yeah. Yorktown's north of. Yorktown's a mall. Yeah. A beautiful mall. Oh, boy. It, saying gay, that's so gay for me growing up, we didn't, again, we didn't know what

gay meant. No, I know. So it was just, you know, that's gay. That guy's gay. We didn't know what it meant. It meant nothing. Yeah. So it was only until maybe literally 10 years ago that me and my friends stopped saying it because it was like, hey, you know what? It's a different world now. Yeah, yeah. And to say, hey, that guy's a thing. It's like, that's... I just in the last few years realized I should stop saying cocksucker

as a derogatory phrase. Isn't that funny? Because it is like – Because you're basically saying the same thing. Yeah, you're saying the same thing. And what a fun word to say. It's such a good word to say. But it also – when you think about it too, what a lovely act.

Why would I want to make that a derogatory thing? I'm pro-cock sucker, you know? But again, I think at the time it probably was a, again, we were two youngs under his name. It's absolutely a homophobic statement. But like I say, when somebody cuts you off in traffic, boy, is that a good one to yell. It just feels good to yell it, you know? But I, you know, one of the many sacrifices I've had to make

to wokeness is not screaming cocksucker in my closed car, you know? Well, but you're in your closed car. You get to, nobody's hearing you. No, but I try not, you know what I mean? Of course I do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm trying to like train myself like a dog,

you know, like with repetition. Like, you know, if you do it here, you'll do it out there somewhere. Yeah, that's a good point. Yeah. We, on our podcast, the award winning Never Not Funny that came up earlier in the program, we were saying it. We're not going to get to it, so you might as well get it in there. All right, got it. Okay.

We were saying it quite a bit for the FAG. Yes. And again, playground vernacular. Yeah. And then we got an email from a guy saying, hey, you know what? I understand you guys are saying this from your childhood. Ironically. And with air quotes around it.

100%. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 100%. But you know what? Could you not? Yeah. And we looked at each other and went, we sure can. Yeah.

Of course we could stop saying this. Yes. The guest that day was Paul Gilmartin. He opens up the door, what's going on, F's? And we're like, Paul, we literally today decided we're done with that. Yeah, but he gets to. And again, he was saying it for, like, again, ironically stupid. Yes, yes, yes.

I was in a movie where I, the character opens up the door and I say, what's going on, F-A-G-G-E-T-S, if that's the standard spelling. And it's like, I- It's F-A-G-G-E-T-S, if that's the standard spelling. And it's like, I- It's F-A-G-G-O-T. It is? Yeah, yeah. What's the E-T? Is that the cigarette? No, that's Fage.

That sounds like a jewelry line. Oh, that's what we've been referring. Oh. Yes, the Fage. Oh, Fage. Yes. Actually, there is a, I can't remember the name, but in New Orleans, there's a fancy jewelry store.

And I think it's called Mignon Fage. And it's all kinds of like jewel-encrusted fleur-de-lis. So steak gay? Yeah. Gay steak. Mignon. Yeah. Come on down to Gay Steaks.

Come on down. It's awesome. Gay Steak. I'll tell you what. That's gay. You say New Orleans? Didn't you say New Orleans? New Orleans is more, honestly, sounds kind of Brooklyn-y. I'll tell you what. That's a kid. You say New Orleans? Didn't you say New Orleans? New Orleans is more, honestly, sounds kind of Brooklyn-y.

I can't do it. Well, listen, this is the guy I know. Right, right, right. This fellow. This is Justin Wilson. Originally from the Bayou. Now he lives in New Orleans and he runs himself a jazz house. Oh, God.

And he's married to, I believe I just said her name on my show, Denise, but he has trouble saying the S's. This is the third time I've wanted to say get out during this. What was the first two? Just out of curiosity. They're gone now. And I really, I washed my hands of them because I got to get through this thing. I'm doing character work.

I did plays at high school. Yeah? Are you thinking that's what I'm going to do in college? Here's what happened. Okay. So we moved from hometown. We moved back to Oak Forest. Yeah.

To where now we have a normal size house. Yeah, yeah. And it's me, my mom, and stepfather, and my brother. And I went to Oak Forest High School, and I had no friends because I was new. And I tried out for the sports, and no good, no good, no good. Again, Oak Forest, very athletic heavy. Yeah. And then it was time for the. Again, Oak Forest, very athletic heavy. Yeah. And then it was time for the spring play,

which was Bye Bye Birdie. And my English teacher, Linda Deutsch, said to me, hey, you know, auditions are this week. You really should audition. And I auditioned and I got the role of Randolph McAfee, the young boy. And then from there, I was, you know, a theater guy in high school.

Yeah. And- Does it, do you think that, and I don't know, I don't know why I'm, you know, I'm fishing here. Did the divorce have anything to do with, with that kind of aspect of. My, uh, my manager, Bruce Smith, who I've been with now for 25 plus years. Yeah. Uh, when I did a one man show back in 2001, uh, he came up with the title based on the show, my one-man show, Attention Must Be Paid. And that was the title of my one-man

show. And it really, it answers your question. It's like attention, I need attention. I need, yes, there's a divorce. My mom and stepdad are great and they're supportive. My dad lives elsewhere, but I need to be. Right. There's all that you feel like life is passing you by because all these things are breaking up and. Yeah.

And everybody's, you know, like you got your mom hooking up with your uncle and your dad off probably getting remarried. I assume. He did get remarried. Yeah. Yeah. Several times. Yeah.

Yeah. But yeah, there's no question. There's no question in my mind that that's what it was. But that also, as you know, because you came from this, you know, we're the misfits. Yeah. And so then you find a gaggle of misfits in theater and like, oh, these are my friends. Yeah. And I wish, it's the one, I've got several regrets, but the biggest regret I have in life is that I didn't embrace that as much as I should have.

I still wanted the popular kids to like me. I still wanted to fit in. I still wanted to ask the pretty girl the homecoming. And I wanted to do all of that instead of just going, this is your circle, dude. Enjoy this. Enjoy that you don't love Bruce Springsteen the way everybody else does and that you're like Chicago. Embrace that instead of trying to fit in. Worrying about it. Exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And making yourself feel less than. Yes.

And again, it's probably the only regret I have from high school is that I probably should have embraced my, what was nerddom then certainly isn't nerddom now. It took me a long time because our school was so small and there wasn't real, there wasn't theater kids. There was just like, there were kids that did sports that also did theater, you know, like that were in the plays. But I didn't think they, they scheduled the rehearsal so that football players could be in the plays. Right. Right.

And so, and I, you know, and I was a fairly popular kid, but I, but, you know, towards senior year, I started to feel real miserable and not understand why I felt so miserable and just didn't fit in, you know, and I didn't even kind of realize it because I didn't know anything else. Right. I went to U of I and was like, it was just sort of a larger version of a smaller town. You know, I mean, it's very sort of. Champagne or better. Yeah, it's very, you know, it's very kind of middle of the road sort of existence. And, you know, huge Greek system, all fraternities and sororities. And like I joined a fraternity out of just kind of like small townish, like, well, I guess this is. That's what you do.

What you do when you want a social life. And kind of within months was like, what the fuck? I don't want a big cherry in my ass. This is fucking gross. Why am I doing this? Well, I made sure that there was no sort of hazing and stuff. All right. But there's still all kinds of judgmental bullshit.

And it's. How long were you in the frat? I was only there two years and I joined my sophomore year. So only within one year and i never lived in the place and even like the you know like during pledge week we're supposed to sleep in the chapter room which is you know the the sacred conclave which is just some fucking piss smelling room in the basement we're supposed to sleep on old mattresses down there. And like after the first night of just drunken assholes,

because part of that week is the elder ones, you know, the actives coming in drunk and let's go down and fuck with the pledges. Just turn on the lights and, you know, like ask, make us recite fucking shit

that some sort of Baptist assholes came up with in 1906 you know all the rigmarole you know mumbo jumbo about this this thing and after the first night of that i was like fuck this i'm going to sleep in my apartment yeah and they were like you gotta sleep down there i'm like nah i got classes i'm here for school and then they'd be like one day would be like wear your clothes inside out. And I was like, no. And it wasn't just me.

It's not like I'm some super herbal. Like half of us were like, no fucking way I'm wearing my clothes inside out to class. No. And there'd be like, you have to. Not gonna. Not gonna. And so it was very toothless anyway. Yeah. And there were a lot of, and it was, it also mirrored my high school life.

Although I was not in, in that there was a huge divide between stoners and non-stoners. Yes. And in high school, that was definitely, there were the burnouts and the jocks. No question. And I didn't smoke weed until I was out of high school. And just out of like kind of fear and weirdness. And that's what, and I had a lot of friends that were quote unquote burnouts because they were just, you know, kids. And some of them were on this fucking sports teams and shit.

You know, they were like sort of tweeners. Right. And, but in this Friday was definitely like all the guys that got high. Awesome. A lot of fun, really fun to hang out with. A lot of them live, you know, in their own apartments, go party at their house. It's great. And then the rest of them are all these like, you know, chips and biffs with their fucking flipped collars, you know.

And I was like, this is not for me. And then I went to film school, a little bit more of a breakdown. Like, oh, okay. Yeah. These are my weirdos. and then I went to film school, a little bit more of a breakdown, like, oh, okay, yeah, these are my weirdos. And then when I get to improv, that's when it's like, okay. So, it took a while, but I have done, like, I've thought about the same thing, like, for my daughter, who's a very creative, funny person. And she goes to a really nice school here, but it's a regular school. And like, there's a couple of arts high schools. Like there's a charter art high school downtown.

And I really encouraged her to get involved with that because I had this feeling and I told her, the sooner you get around creative, you're going to be a creative person. I don't see you getting an MBA. Right. You know, I don't see you becoming a dentist. She's not going to be a CPA, right? Yeah. So I just was like, I do think the quicker you get around a big group of creative people, the better.

Just the better. You're, it's, it's one of the few sort of, I'm, I try to be as hand, you know, like as non-intrusive and like project my, my wants and needs onto my kids, let them do what they want to do. But this is one where I'm like, I got a pretty good idea of who you are. I got a pretty good idea that it's similar to the way I was and this is what I would have done or if I had to do it over again.

So it's the same thing. It's like, get around creative people as quickly as you can, you know? I would say the same for my son, Oliver. As soon as he can get to that. Yeah. The better as well. Yeah, yeah.

Because he's a funny, creative kid. Yeah. And luckily his gaggle of friends now are kind of these neat little kind, sweet kids. My kids were the same way. Yeah, the same way too. But so it's, and my daughter has decided, no, she's going to stay where she is. And she likes where she is. Well, she likes as you like. And she's doing real well. She likes it's, and my daughter has decided, no, she's going to stay where she is. And she likes where she is. She likes it.

She likes it. And she's doing real well. She likes it a lot. But it was just, it was something I wanted to, you know, and this is to like a couple of years ago when they're struggling transitioning into teen years. She's what, a freshman in high school now? No, she's a eighth grade. She's an eighth grade.

She's only a year older than Oliver. I thought she was two years. Nope. Eighth grade. She's born in 2006 older than Oliver. I thought she was two years. Nope. Eighth grade. She was born in 2006? No, 2005. But she's a little old for her class, you know what I mean? And Oliver's young for his.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mike's just smart. So he's in there a little sooner. Sure, I get it. Yeah, he's a little short. Yeah, and his parents are those kind that push their kid beyond what they should. We do not. Okay. I want a yes and your bit, but I will not own that one.

You can't even fake it yet. No, I cannot. No, I'm not either. I could never, yeah. You know, my parents never did either, and maybe that's why I was a C student, and I'm being generous. Yeah, yeah. But I don't want to look at his report, at his grades every,

what did you get on that test? If you got a D, he'll get an A on the next one. I've had, you know, I've had, it's been a source of friction between me and my ex-wife through over the years of like where she's like, you know, I'd be like, I got to pay attention to this school shit. Okay. You know, because A, my mother, my dad was not there. Right.

My mother, it was like, hey, did you do your homework? Yeah, I did it, Ma. Yeah, okay. That's it. And then, like, two times a year, a parent-teacher conference. And that was pretty much it. But that was school back then. That was what it was.

That's what, yes. Yeah. And now, because it is different. Now it's, like, super into yes. Yeah. And now, because it is different. Now it's like super into everybody. Yeah. But there was like a, I would try and like, oh, God, I got to be in this. And I got to. And then, you know, it would get to the point where they're like, they're doing long division.

I realized I don't know how to do long division anymore. At all. I don't know how to do it. So, sorry, kids. Right. You know, find it, see if you can find it on YouTube. I don't right you know find it see if you can find it on youtube i don't you know but i remember having uh like kind of a conflict with sarah once where she goes like i get the sense that you just don't really care about their grades in their school and i was kind of like

yeah you're right i don't really i mean because a they both – because I got good grades. Nobody was pushing me to get good grades. I didn't get A's. I got B pluses and A's with an entire school career of if he'd apply himself more. And it's like, man, I'm applying myself way more than I want to get these B pluses. And so I was always kind of like, I'm not that worried. And so I was always kind of like, I'm not that worried. And I never felt burdened by this, you know, they got to get into Harvard shit. I don't give a fuck.

Go to community college. I don't care. 100%. They're going to be fine, you know, because they're going to be smart, creative kids. Yes. And this is all predicated on knowing them long enough to know that they are self-sufficient, that they have a sense of standards, that they maintain themselves for themselves. Like my kids don't want C's. They want to do better. They want to excel just out of a natural sort of human urge. And we do encourage, you know, do a good job at whatever you're doing.

Like if you're going to do the dishes, don't do them sloppy. Yeah. Do a good job. It's all part of the same thing. Can I interrupt? You don't have somebody that comes in and does that for you? The children wash the dishes? You don't have help?

No, we don't have. I mean, and to be frank, most of the time I gave up that ghost and I'd be like, I don't want to fight with you. I'll just do the fucking dishes myself. I don't have the energy, kid. We got a dishwasher. Oh, I don't want to fight with you. I'll just do the fucking dishes myself. I don't have the energy, kid. We got a dishwasher. Oh, I mean, load the dishwasher.

I'm talking about Stan. He comes in on a daily basis and I go, how you doing, Stan? I hear him, he hits the time clock and he waits around for me to eat.

You put him out in the yard because you don't want Stan in the house. Stan's not in the house. You got a washer. You got a washer tub out there. You got a hose. Sure, sure.

He sprays those down. I'll buy the creek in the back. He hangs got a washer out there, yeah. He's got a hose. Sure, sure. He sprays those down. I'll buy the creek in the back. He hangs the plates with the clothespins. Uh-huh. Yeah. Can't you tell my love's a crow? I used to say, by the way, and this goes back to something you just said, that for me me high school was just the time until play rehearsal yeah like it was just like i just didn't care yeah and so if i was happy getting c's because

i didn't care yeah it's like i don't i'm not going to be a mathematician yeah i'm gonna you know i you know i probably didn't know it subconsciously i probably did i'm gonna be an actor i'm gonna be you know i don't know if i knew i was gonna be a stand-up right but i knew i would be in the arts. And so, to me, it was like I got to school at 9, and at 3 o'clock, we're done. At 3.05, I'm in the theater. And it was like I was just waiting that time out. Yeah.

And then there were times where I would just not go to school. Oh, really? And my stepdad finally said to me, he's like, yeah, it's been a couple days in a row here, huh? I'm like, yeah, you're making a – you caught me. And then Linda Deutsch – He noticed you were – He noticed. Hey, huh? I'm like, yeah, you're making it. You caught me. And then Linda Deutsch. He noticed you were out. He noticed. Hey, it's Wednesday. Hey, you should.

And you're here? You're here for the third day. You're still sick, Jim? You're here watching Prices, right? Exactly, right? Oh, interesting that you know all the answers to Match Game. And Linda Deutsch,

who came up earlier, who was the theater person and the English person who I did have the opportunity to thank 20 plus years later for her support and encouragement. Because I probably wouldn't, in a school that was all athletic based, I probably wouldn't have gone into what I'm doing without her encouragement. Yeah.

But she, she caught onto it too. And she was like, you know, you can't come to play rehearsal if you don't go to school. Because I would just show up at 305. Right, right. And nobody's the wiser. And she's like, you know, you can't come to play rehearsal if you don't go to school. Because I would just show up at 3.05. Right, right. And nobody's the wiser. And she's like, you know, you haven't been here for that. I'm like, okay. Yeah.

And so then I would just go there and I would wait it out. And then, you know, 3.05 would be play or speech team or, you know, whatever it was. Right, right. Yeah. Now, when you get out of college, you go. I didn't go to college. You didn't go to college. I'm sorry.

You went and got out of high school. I ended up working at, in Bremontown Mall in Tinley Park. I worked at Orange's Records and Tapes. Oh, yeah. And then when I graduated high school, I- That was a really good store. It was great. Yeah.

My buddy Dave, he was in my wedding. There were a few of them. Orange's was a chain. You had one in Aurora. Yeah. And JR's Music Shop was the other one. JR's and Orange just was a chain you have one in aurora yeah um and jr's music shop was the other one the jrs and oranges were a chain and um i i wasn't sure what i was gonna do after high school i knew i wasn't i was it was like you know i'm gonna take a year off yeah and then i got

promoted to assistant manager at jr's out in lincoln mall in mattison illinois and then i just kind of worked at record stores for a few years. Yeah. And then in 80, I guess two years after, was it two years? Yeah. Now, were you thinking, I'm going to try and audition in the city or anything? Well, yeah. I ended up, not at first, because working at a record store was pretty effing cool in the mid-80s. Right, right.

It was really cool. Yeah. And again, I found my misfit. And you're young and who gives a shit. Yeah, yeah. And I got my Fiero. Oh, my God. I'm getting that puss you talked about earlier.

Fuck, yeah. I mean, it was happening. Probably driving that Fiero right into the puss. Oh, you kidding me? That was low and sleek? Oh, yeah. So I then, in 86, I went to Second City. Mm-hmm.

And I started the Players Workshop of Second City. Oh. And the reason I did that was I did go, I went to an open call to be in Michael J. Fox's The Light of Day. Uh-huh. And a guy in line is like, I gotta hope this call doesn't take too long because I gotta get to Second City. And I was like, what do you mean? He goes, well, I take classes at a place called the Players Workshop of Second City. And I didn't know there were classes for that.

I didn't understand. I just thought like, you're Robert Klein. Yeah. And Bill Murray, or you're not. Youbert klein yeah and uh and bill murray or you right you're not you're born that thing yes yeah and he goes oh i take a class he goes why don't you come with me so i came with him to the class right i wish i could remember that kid's name i'll never remember it right he's a man now of course right and did he try and smooch you no he did not this was not he wasn't uh grooming me i'm sorry uh nope it was was okay. Okay. And I was like, hey, I'm going to do this.

And I talked to a woman who ended up being my teacher, a girl named Judy Morgan. And Judy said, well, you know, new classes start, whatever, October 12th. Yeah. And I was like, I'm in. And so I went to Second City for whatever that was, maybe six, seven months. And then- How many levels of classes is that? Two levels. I did two. Two levels. Okay. And I then moved to Pasadena to go to the American Academy of Dramatic Arts. Oh, wow. So while I was at Second City, I auditioned to go to the Academy. Okay. So that's why I didn't continue at Second City. I didn't know that that's what brought you out to California.

Then. Oh, okay. And then I did one year at the Academy and I, as I've said many, many times, I was an arrogant idiot where I, these kids were fresh out of school. So their children, I've been, I'm a man. I've been out of school for two years. And I just was stupid. I was stupid. Yeah. And so I butted heads with all the teachers thinking I was smarter than them.

Yeah, yeah. And, you know, admittedly, the Second City training kind of gave me, really gave me what I needed for what I wanted to do. Right, right. And going and doing Shakespeare wasn't helping me. Also, too, I think when you do improv, where you get on stage, you don't know what you're going to say. And then you go to theater school, and they teach you all this make-believe-you're-a-tree for 10 minutes yeah you're like hey

i've already been on stage making things happen telling stories i've already walked through jello at second city yeah you know what i mean like yeah yeah a hundred percent and so uh so but instead of embracing it and going but you signed up for this yeah enjoy it i would i would again i i butted heads and so at the end of the first year, it was decided that, uh, uh, that I would not come back. Oh, they, it was a mutual thing. It was, uh, maybe 70, 30 them. I see. I see. I would have gone back because I grew up going, well, you go to college, you go to school and I would have gone back to the second year. Uh, but at my, uh, what do they call? I can't think of the word. If you're getting, if you're leaving a job or you're doing a last little interview, exit interview sort of thing. They said, look,

you're very talented. This is not the place for you. Go back to Chicago and start doing standup. Oh, they said that to you? Yeah. A guy named, oh, what's his name? Bryn Meyer. He's since passed away. Bryn Meyer. He's since passed away, but he said, what's his name? Bern Meyer. He's since passed away. Bryn Meyer. Uh-huh.

He's since passed away, but he said, that's obvious what you want to do. And so go back. Did you know that? Was that in your head? It was then. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

I met Bob Fisher who ran the Ice House. He came in. I was working at Warehouse Records in Pasadena. And he's like, you're really funny. You should do standup.

And he goes, I own the Ice House and he gave me his card. If you ever want to come by, do it. And I went there once and went into a panic and ran out of there.

Yeah, yeah. Then went back to Chicago and did not go back to Second City, but I went back to managing record stores. And then I started working and doing some community theater. And then went to, started working for MCA Records, the record label. And then started doing open mics during that. And then my boss. What do you do for MCA Records? I was a sales rep.

Oh, okay. So you go around to record stores and. And I would say- What did you do for MCA Records? I was a sales rep. Oh, okay. And- So you go around to record stores and- And I would say, hey, the new Tom Petty is coming out. How many do you want to order? Right. And hey, the new Tiffany's coming out or the Fine Young Cannibals. Bobby Brown was big then.

At the end of the day, it's still you're a salesman. Yeah. You might as well be selling vacuums. Right, right. Just different record stores. But- Yeah. It's the music industry.

Yeah, yeah. So I'm hanging out with Elton John. I'm hanging out with, again, Tom Petty. Like, I'm hanging out with – Yeah. And at that age – When they come to town, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. He wasn't flying me out. Yeah. You're already fucking. I was. I was already fucking. Yeah, yeah.

Although that's more A&R. Right. But I was that – and I was only 21 years old, 21, 22 years old. Wow. And I'm really the greatest job in only 21 years old, 21, 22 years old. Wow. And I'm really the greatest job in the world. Yeah, yeah. And, you know, I'm getting free records. I'm going to free concerts.

Right. But yet, and you know this as well, I do, that hole wasn't filled. And it was like, this is great, but I want to be a performer. Yeah. And then I started doing the open mics. And then my boss finally said to me, it's obvious you're not paying attention to your job. You know, what do you want to do? And then I said, well, let me think about it.

And he's like, what? And then the next day I came in and said, I'm going to, I'm giving my two week notice. I'm going to pursue standup comedy. And they had all seen me recently. Everybody at MCA came out to see me at the Barnard Barrington, which was a comedy club at that time. Bombed, miserably bombed. I mean, that's great that they out to see me at the Barn of Barrington, which was a comedy club at that time. Bombed, miserably bombed. Wow. I mean, that's great that they get to see that. And they saw it. And then Monday, a lot of avoiding eye contact. Yeah. There he is. Hey,

Saturday, like pretending it didn't happen. Well, you tried. It was that like, well, good for him. He's got a hobby. Right. So when that morning when we had our sales meeting and everybody was in this office, maybe 10 to 15 people were in there. And my boss said, so before we get started, I just want to let you know that Jim let me know this morning he's quitting to pursue stand-up comedy. And it was a lot of looking down at the table going, that a boy. Pavell your dreams. That's what to do. Like they just saw me suck.

So they had to be thinking, what? Why are you leaving this? And by the way, it was like a $100,000 a year job. It was a crazy amount of money job, especially at that age. Which is why I was able to afford a Chrysler LeBaron convertible. Right, exactly. And still living at home. And still living at home too.

Yeah, it's all gravy and which is why i was able to quit that and then make 150 bucks a week doing stand-up sure because i had all of the savings for many years yeah um i eventually then declared bankruptcy because my life you know took a shit but that is funny uh uh but yeah so i did all that and then i started doing stand-up. And then, you know, in fact, it's 30 years this year that I quit MCA. Oh, wow. And so I've been doing stand-up, you know, it's been my living for 30 years. Wow.

Not a household name, but you know what? Yeah, yeah. So you never had another job aside from warm-up at Conan, I guess. But that's stand-up, you know. That's stand-up. know, I mean, yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's, it's, but you never had any other job after that. I, my roommate, uh, Pat at the time, uh, even after bankruptcy or bankruptcy or yeah.

Yeah. When we were roommates here. Yeah. Yeah. Cause I moved back out here in 95. Uh-huh. He took a job doing telemarketing to sell toner. Yeah. Inks and toner.

And he was like, just come and do it, man. It's the easiest job in the world. Just come and do it. You know, you're here anyway, and you're not auditioning yet. And, you know, just come and we'll sit next to each other, make each other laugh and just come into it. So I, the day that I was going to do it, he was sick. So it didn't show up. So I show up for my first day of job of being a telemarketer, sat down, I call one guy and I just went, nope. And then he was like, all right, time for a 10 minute break. And the boss lets everybody go outside to smoke. I didn't. And I just went outside and I called him up and I go, this is the worst effing job in the world.

What are you doing to me? He's like, trust me when I'm there tomorrow, it's a lot of fun. I was like, I don't think I can make it. He goes, you can make it one day. I go, I don't think I can make it. And I walked in, he's at his desk and I went, I'm out. And he goes, what? I go, I'm done. And he goes, what? You're not even giving us a day? And I said, no, I can't it. And I walked in. He's at his desk. And I went, I'm out. And he goes, what? I go, I'm done. And he goes, what? You're not even giving us a day? And I said, no, I can't do this. And he goes, well, I guess we'll send you your check, which was $16. Right, right.

And that was it. That's the closest that I've had to a job. Wow. Other than quote unquote show business. Yeah, yeah. For 30 years. Wow. One day, $16.

Not even, two hours. Yeah, yeah. Eight bucks an hour. What a pussy you are. Wow. One day, $16. Not even, two hours. Yeah, yeah. Eight bucks an hour. What a pussy you are. Yeah. What a goddamn, ugh. Did you ever do telemarketing? No.

It was the worst two hours of my life. I actually, and this was at a point where I really needed a job. I was, I fucking sold my high school ring so I could eat. What? Yes, at this time. What did the ring get? Like, what did that fetch?. What? Yes, at this time. What did the ring get? Like, what did that fetch? What?

40 bucks? Yeah, it was gold. Yeah, something like that. Maybe, you know, I mean, it was gold and, oh, but. Did you ever go back to get it? I don't give a fuck.

Honestly. I say that as a guy who just went through, my mom passed away and I had to go through all of her stuff, found my high school ring and went,

oh, there it is. And then put it right back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I said it to you, like, did you ever go, like, you don't care about your ring. No. Why would he care about his? And you know, and like, nobody has them anymore. I don't know any kids out here who, where there's a high school ring. But it was such a thing when I was growing up.

Oh, it was a huge thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You get your ring. Yeah. But, but at that time I really a job. And I went and applied. There was this telemarketing job in Chicago. And it was like, it was my first experiencing with it. But now it's kind of a cliche when you see, what do they call it? Burn rooms.

Boiler rooms. Boiler rooms. No, just like literally nobody had a had a desk they had a folding chair and a phone and then just like double stuck to the wall was phone jacks like a wire with like a little bit of a conduit kind of plastic conduit covering it around this empty office space i think like the boss and one other person had desks and And then there was like a folding table that everybody ate lunch at, whatever. But it was just phones

and people sitting on the floor if they wanted to, on the phone, selling coupon books. And the boss that told it to me, who was just like such a fucking knob. And you could just tell that this guy is going to just be just awful. Just is going to love being in charge. Not me, but just is in loves being in charge of people.

And told me, gave me this whole thing about these coupon books. He goes like, wait, if you do use all of them, I guess you do. You know, there is some savings, but he goes, but that's not the point. Point is, it's like, you want to get people who are susceptible to this kind of sales pitch. And he tells me, like, you got to, like, first of all, you make them nervous. Like, you tell them, like, you don't have enough money to cover your, you know, couldn't you use more money? You make them nervous. Then you say, well, here's this thing that's, you know, going to make everything different.

And then you break them down again. And then you make them feel bad again. Like, but if you don't get this, you you know you'll be making all this you know like basically saying manipulate yeah manipulate old people on a roller coaster ride of fear and aggrandizement in order to sell them a coupon book yeah i was like oh think about it. As I drive way up Damon, I'm like, no fucking way. Right. You know, I couldn't even take the job. So, yeah. I mean, I was.

Well, I'm stronger than you. I know you are. You're just a stronger, better person. Honestly, you really, you pushed through. Wait, you just looked at your watch. Your stories are so tedious. Oh, my God. Not according to the 12 listeners that tune into this thing.

Well, you're going to double it up this week, buddy. Yeah, yeah. I don't have to exist behind a paywall. Ooh. That's one episode a week. Exactly. Well, actually, the paywall is actually good for you. That you can live behind a paywall.

It is now. It is now. When we, here's the thing. When we started Never Not Funny, we did two years for free. Which, when did it start? 2006. Okay. And there was nothing.

There was a few, you know, a show out of the East Coast called Keith and the Girl, another one called Dawn and Drew, Ricky Gervais and The Onion. Yeah. And I think, Paul Optomkin tells me the super ego started around the same time. Oh, okay. But as far as this talking, there weren't a lot of it. Right. And so Matt Belknap, who is my co-host now and a business partner for the last 13 years,

came to me and said, you want to make your UCB talk show into a podcast? Yeah. And thank God I said yes. Yeah. And we just, we did two years for free. Podcasting wasn't taking off. I mean, it literally was nothing. Yeah.

And I kind of- At that point, was it on the internet? Did you download episodes? Oh, yeah. Same that you do now through iTunes or Apple. Oh, there was a podcast area on that. Yes. Oh, okay.

There was. And, but it still felt, I say this to to my i still felt like i was doing cable access yeah like i felt like i'm but no i'm toiling in obscurity toiling in obscurity and and you're doing it because you because it's a it's what you're doing is a radio show yes it's as good as any fucking radio show out there but you're not doing it for anybody you're not on a radio station you're doing it out into the ether. And hoping people enjoy it. Yeah. And luckily we had a following.

It wasn't huge at the time, but we had a following. And so it was like, I don't want to say we were doing it for nobody because, you know, these people are still with us. Like they've been with us from day one, some of these folks. And thank God they were there. Yeah. But after two years, I was like, Matt, why are we doing this, man? Why are we, for everything you just said. Yeah. And I said, you know, I said, why don't we try to get paid for this? And, and,

and the internet told us you're dumb. This will never work. Right. So we went behind this paywall and then literally we get behind the paywall and the podcast comedy boom happens. Yeah. And, and so we go from, I think that was the first, when I was first on the show was right after you went behind a paywall. I think you're right. Yeah. Yeah. Um, uh, from – I think that was the first – when I was first on the show was right after you went behind a paywall. I think you're right. Yeah, yeah. Because you – that would have been – I don't remember years.

I'm terrible at that. But we started – But I remember at the time being like – Why are we doing this? People – no, no. Just that like, wait, he does this – I kind of – you know, like podcast was still sort of like, oh, yeah, isn't it a radio show sort of? And then, oh, but he's getting people to pay – to subscribe? Like, wow.

And then I remember, too, at the time having a conversation with you where you're saying like, yeah, no, I'm – you know, like I'm making money. And I was like, wow. And we were making – and still are, luckily, making money. Yeah. And, but again, a lot of people, like, you guys are stupid. You're going to fail. Yeah. And the one thing that they were sort of kind of right about is we just chose the paywall at the wrong time.

Because then we went from battling for literally the number one spot on Apple iTunes, which was The Onion, Ricky Gervais, and us. We would rotate that top spot. Yeah. Depending on the week. And we went from, Ricky Gervais, and us. We would rotate that top spot depending on the week. And we went from there to then here comes Comedy Bang Bang. Here comes Marc Maron. Here comes all of these podcasts. And we just kept dropping down because nobody knew we existed anymore because we put ourselves behind a paywall.

Right. And by the time we then got out of the paywall, the market was pretty flooded. The market's flooded. Yeah. And we still have a wonderful fan base. Yeah. And, you know, could it be bigger?

Of course it could. Yeah, yeah. I also was able to buy a house. Yeah. And so, which I wouldn't have been able to do had I not gone behind a paywall. Precisely. So, everything worked in our favor, except that we kind of got passed by. Yeah.

And I jokingly say that we're the beta tape of podcasting. And then here comes the VHS of Mark Maron. Yeah. Which is betas better and more entertaining and a truer format. But then here comes the VHS. Conan O'Brien. Many years.

Well, he's the Blu-ray. Right. Like he's so far down. He's the 4K. Right? Yeah. Looks good. Yeah.

What's he really saying? Right? Where's the beta tag? You take it off, you dust it off. You love it. It's still another superhero story. Big deal that you can see all the pores in his skin. Pass. Yeah. Pass. Hard pass. Yeah.

Sever that Hillary Clinton episode. Oh, I thought you meant superheroes. Oh, no. I was talking about Conan. Either way, you can see the pores. Sure. That's the bottom line. You can see the pores. Well, now.

Yes. Just to go back a little bit. When you're doing stand-up. Yes. Because you, I would say, you are a crowd work guy. Yes. I was. I'll interrupt.

And I want to talk about the evolution of that. Okay. Okay. And I thought that's what the evolution of that. Okay. Okay. And I thought that's what you were going to say. Yeah. I don't know if you, did you perform at the Roxy in Chicago at all? I only saw shows there. I never did shows there.

That was the greatest place in the world. Yeah. You know, I came out of there, Matt Besser, Matt Walsh, Jim O'Hare. Dino Stamatopoulos and Andy Dick. Dino, Andy Dick. Yeah, yeah. And boy, some others. But, and we would all-

I think Jill Talley and Tom Kenny did shows there. Oh, that I don't know. I think so, but I may be wrong. If they did, I don't remember. I may be wrong, yeah. But Thursday nights was open mic. Yeah. And you could come up and play bongos for your six minutes.

You could do standup. You could do a song. It was a legit open mic that then, because standup started becoming bigger, it started leaning more towards stand-up yeah anyhow that's where that was our Thursday night and it was a place to grow and it was a place to um to just be you and if you failed nobody looked down their nose at you they was like oh it's just six minutes it's just six minutes yeah but if you did six minutes out in the

at the the last laugh in Rosemont you might not get on the show the next i gotcha the roxy let you fail yeah and so because of that i i was really free and uh and i would go on stage and i would basically improvise my entire set yeah and i would be in the moment not crowd work necessarily just kind of be stream of conscious richard lewis sort of stuff and uh and i was a great open micer i and, and I would sit and watch the other comics and they ended up calling me the comedy doctor because I would be, Hey, you know that joke, you know, what if you did this? And we all kind of helped each other. And, and it was this great nurturing environment, the Roxy. Did you get a t-shirt made? It said comedy doctor. T-shirts, hats, bumper stickers. Okay. Yeah. Everything. I know. I just assumed. Buttons, refrigerator

magnets. Continue. Then I, you know, I started hitting the more and more of the suburbs. Okay. Yeah, everything. No, I just assumed. Buttons, refrigerator magnets. Continue. Then I started hitting more and more of the suburbs. Yeah. And I started getting- Doing the same kind of thing. Doing the same kind of thing. Yeah, because you were inspired to be daring. And I would be, look, this is about to take a turn, and I would be great. Yeah. I was a great open miker, and I would go to there and I would show up at the comedy cottage, and the guy would go, hey, you be great. Yeah. I was a great open mic-er, and I would go to there, and I would show up at the comedy cottage, and the guy would go, hey, you're great. You want to make money next week?

And so I started making money really quickly. Yeah. In fact, my first open mic was October of 88. My first paid gig was March of 89, which is quick in the open mic world. Sure. And then I quit my day job in July of 89. So it all happened way too quickly, but what ended up happening when I started getting paid, I was like, well, now I've got to take this seriously. I can't just go up and wing it. Like I've been doing it now. They're giving you $50.

You've got to be Paul Reiser, Jerry Seinfeld, Robert Klein, who I all, I looked up to. Yeah. Uh, but that's not me. Right. And I started doing this really scripted act that sucked yeah and uh i would then get now it sucked did it really suck oh yeah people like oh no oh okay it sucked but i would be able to save it by being in the moment from time to time if somebody heckled sure or if something happened i would then be in the moment where like i would get big laughs so like if you're the manager sitting in the office, you'd hear part of getting laughs. Yeah. You didn't know that there was silence before that.

Yeah, yeah. And then eventually, I think it was 90, when was it? 92, 93. Yes, New Year's Eve week of 92 going into 93. I had gotten so tired of people saying, you're so much funnier offstage. You're so much funnier. You know, you in the moment is great,

but your act, and I was like, and I would take it very personally because like, but I'm making my living being a comic. They're like, yeah, but you're so much funnier. And so for whatever reason, my friend Paul Gammartin, who I've mentioned many times, he said it to me in a way where it finally clicked, where I then on New Year's, on the second of, I made the decision to just go back to doing nothing

but improvising and doing crowd work and then finding the stories that way. And I struggled for years, bombing miserably. One club in Michigan, the report back to the Booker was, we never want to see that guy again. And luckily the booker liked me. So he sent me back there and the report was, we told you, we never want to see him again. But luckily I had this guy named Mark Colo who supported me, who booked a bunch of clubs in Michigan. And then a guy named John in Chicago who booked me and then Bert Hassett Zanies eventually. And they would let, they kind of let me find myself and it, cause I,'m not kidding I sucked yeah and then when I finally went back to you know improvising and being me on stage um again I found so it took some some footwork to do and to find myself again but yeah I finally was able to do what I do now how much was the

transitional period once you went beyond that New Year's Eve I would say 93 into 95 oh wow okay it's like a two-year and some of that would be i also had a horrible breakup at that time 94 so i would go on stage you know very bill hicks dennis leary angry yeah and just i got two words for you fuck you like that was a punch line and like and proud of it yeah yeah and go like if i found the goods now man and just angry at the world because of this breakup. So that might've set me back a little bit, but that two years is where I really found what I was doing. And then when I moved out here, luckily this guy, Bruce Smith

from Omnipop saw me on a showcase. Eric Fagan moved me out here. He used to book the improv and he was working for CBS. And he's like, Hey, if you move out, he saw me in Detroit. He said, if you move out to LA, I'll manage you. And I moved out here and then Eric quit the business six months later. And luckily though, in that time, he couldn't take it anymore. He couldn't take me. Too much fucking Pardo. This whole business. This guy's so unscripted. I can't trust him. Yeah. Yeah. Luckily he had done a showcase and this guy, Bruce Smith from Mom and Pop saw me and said, I think you're great. And he signed me in July of 95. So, and I just, I moved out here in early February of 95.

Wow. So, luckily that happened. Yeah. And here we are. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And how many dates, do you still do dates? I do about one a month.

Yeah. And I do it really just to. Get out of the house. Yeah. Give Danielle a break. Well, I'm sure she sees it that month. Yeah. And I do it really just to... Get out of the house? Yeah. Give Danielle a break? Well, I'm sure she sees it that way. I would never leave the house if I didn't have to. Why don't you do some stand-up, Jerry?

God, yeah. Could you give us a break from that Columbo impression? Why don't you go to Chuckles in Tempe? It's too hot. That's what I tell her. But, you know, my schedule got, I was going out probably two to three weeks a month until I got the Conan gig. Yeah, yeah. And then, you know, which you, you know, were very instrumental in getting me. Yeah, instrumental.

Is that, am I not being, am I not praising you enough? No, you are. Am I not kissing your ass enough? No, well, I – I've done it for the past decade. That honestly was one of the things that I was happiest about about that whole transition is that when they – you know, I came back to work for Conan. He was going to be on The Tonight Show. And because I had been out here and none of them really had – and not that I was like totally in touch with the scene or anything. But I had worked on multi-camera sitcoms and had seen the gross fucking display that warm-up on those shows is. Right. Which is, you know, get up!

Here's a t-shirt. Here's some more candy, you know. Get your energy up. Get it up. And I was just, I just couldn't, it made my skin crawl to think that that was what our Tonight Show warm-up was going to be. And so Jeff and Conan said, do you know anybody? And I said, you. And I don't know that they even looked at anybody else, did they? And again, some of this is self-serving,

but what I love about this story is you and I knew each other, but we probably didn't even have each other's phone numbers. Like we didn't know each other. No. We knew each other. Yeah.

From maybe doing shows together at the UCB, that sort of thing. Yeah, yeah. And so when I got called to do the job for the interview and I sat down with Mike Sweeney, he told, this is exactly what he told me. He said, hey, we used to have Brian McCann used to run down from the writer's room, do the warmup.

Yeah. Now that we're the Tonight Show, we don't want to do that anymore. And so we were talking about it and Andy, I was like, oh, I don't, I don't really know Andy. And I'm like, where's this? And he said, Andy Richter said, well, the guy who can do anywhere from 10 minutes to an hour off the top of his head with the same sensibilities as this show is Jimmy Pardo. Yeah. And Mike said, so the job is yours if you want it. And I was like, I don't know if I do want it. I don't know if I want to be a warmup.

And he's like, and then he said, well, if you don't take it, we don't know what we're going to do. We're not looking at anybody else. You're the only, we looked at some clips of you on the internet. Conan said, that's our guy. Please take the job. Yeah. And I took the job. Yeah.

And so I thank you for that. And you were the internet. Conan said, that's our guy. Please take the job. Yeah. And I took the job. Yeah. And so I thank you for that. And you were fucking great. Thank you. And I miss you. Thank you. Miss you, miss you, miss you all the time. I, look, here's- And it is a source of irritation that you're not here.

I'm not going to go into it any more than that. Here's the 100% truth. It was time for me to leave. Yeah. You know, I ended up getting, at that time, I was hosting my show on Science Channel. Yeah. So I got my own show.

And the landscape had kind of changed in who was coming to the Conan tapings. Yes. It wasn't Conan fans anymore. Right. As much as it was people that didn't get tickets for Mom. Precisely. And that sucked. So all of a sudden, instead of doing my style of comedy in front of Conan fans.

Who are open to it. Who are open to it. And expecting it, yeah. I'm getting audiences, and Conan and you, we're getting audiences that were, they just saw Mike and Molly. Yeah. So why isn't this warm up throwing candy at me? Right, right. Why are we not doing a dance contest?

Why is he just being funny for 18 minutes? Right. No, thank you. Yeah. And also picking on me a little bit. Right. In a way that's not just like, you know, it's typical, you know? Yeah.

It's actually funny and creative. It's funny and creative. Yeah. Thank you. And it isn't just like fill in the blank. Like I'm going to find a guy with goofy hair and do my goofy hair bit. Never. Yeah.

I had the same. I did have the same three jokes about turn off your phones and pagers. Yeah. There's your exits and earthquake. Like I had the same three jokes for that, that would do every show right and the rest of it was was just whatever whatever yeah and and i know i literally the only note i ever got this is true and i was there for seven years doing the warm-up the only note i ever got was jeff and conan and steve hollander our stage manager who's a great friend to this day uh they called me in i'm like

oh shit i'm getting fired they They go, hey, listen, we were talking about the warmup. What do you think if we have you go out five minutes earlier and you do 18 minutes instead of 13 minutes? Okay. Yeah, yeah. That was the only note I was ever given except the one time at the Tonight Show

when you yelled at me and you may not remember this. I don't. I, some guy, some guy was laughing in the audience and I still was trying to, still finding my footing. Tonight Show was, I was good at it, but I wasn't good at it yet.

Yeah. I got really good at it with TBS. Yeah. Because that wasn't a warmup. Yeah. So one show was going very well, and a guy's just laughing like crazy. And he goes, and I said, thank you, sir. And he goes, you're great.

I go, you're fucking right I am. And there was never a rule that I shouldn't swear. Yeah, yeah. But it was always like, it's a tonight show, dude. You wear a suit. You don't swear. Have some respect for the, I don't want to. Institution.

Institution. Thank you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I know. But I came off and you go, dude, you can't be swearing. And I said, I go, it just slipped out. It's not a big deal. They're like, yeah, they're not going to like that.

And it ruined my fucking weekend. Oh, really? Oh, man. Oh, I'm sorry. It ruined. I called up Mike Sweeney. I said, hey, man, I said, I swore today. He goes, yeah, who cares?

I go, well, Richter seemed to, he's like, you don't think he was busting your balls? I go, I don't think he was busting my balls. I wish I could remember because I don't know. balls and i wish i could remember because i don't know if i if i wasn't busting your balls it was i would and now i wouldn't care you know like now say whatever the fuck you want i mean we swear on the air now right because it's just but you know that's it's whatever nine years later or 10 years later and it wasn't i think maybe it was the notion that it was the tonight show i don't think you were wrong. Yeah. But it was like, well, dude, I'm not making a habit of this.

I'm not going out there and being Dice Clay. Right, right. I literally, it was like, I quite frankly was thrilled. Like, I liked me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it was like, you're fucking right I am. Yeah. And then to immediately walk off and be, not yelled at, but kind of reprimanded.

Yeah. It was like, oh, and it was on a Friday. So I couldn't even get back to work the next day. Oh, well. You're too fucking sensitive. That's the main thing. Coming from you. Coming from you.

What is that supposed to mean? You know exactly what it means. How fucking dare you. But I do. Listen, all ball busting aside. Yeah, yeah. The fact that you threw my name around for that job, and it was for seven years, and to circle back, if they came to me tomorrow and said, do you want to do this again? I'd be back here in a heartbeat.

Oh, really? Because I love everybody here. Yeah, yeah. I like the- Same here. I like the family of it. Yeah, yeah. And I never felt, I never, that's not true.

Towards the end, I felt like, oh God, I'm going to work. Yeah. Because, you know, things had changed. But I never, I looked forward to coming here because I got to see you. I got to see, again, Steve Hollander. Yeah. Even though Conan and I would literally have 90 seconds a day together, for that 90 seconds, he's making me laugh, I'm making him laugh.

Yeah, yeah. And Sweeney, and I've become great friends with Todd Levin and Dan Cronin, the writers, and Laurie Kilmartin and Josh Comers, who used to be here. Yeah. I loved coming here. Yeah. You know, the only person I never really clicked with was Will Becton. And I never really clicked.

Actually, Will was the cameraman. You mean the Sphinx? Yeah. Will was the cameraman and editor of the Pardo of patrol which was the web series i did when i was here and so will and i got to will's engineering this again yes yeah he's on the dials we got it yeah all right um yeah i i'm i i am 100 with you because it's like the show is the show and it's fun and at this point it's you know kind of falling off a log and I enjoy doing it and I make a nice living.

But if I didn't like these people, I wouldn't be here. Right. I wouldn't still be here after all these years, but it's just the night. It's a really, really nice place to work.

Well, you know, to that, I mean, Jennifer Samples, who's in the room with us as well. I mean, she was witness to it. I walk in and here's cameramen hugging me. Yeah.

And the security guy, Jim, is like, Mr. Pato, good to see you. Yeah. And this is what I always liked about the Conan world. It's never show busy bullshitting. No. And I think it's because most people came from New York. Yep. And then became part of Hollywood.

And also, too, and I've seen this elsewhere, even if you are show busy bullshitting, when you come into a genuine place, you gotta fucking conform. You gotta conform. You gotta be, you can't be a fucking phony because you just nobody puts up with it. And like when we're done here, I'm gonna go up to the writer's floor. I'm gonna make my rounds and play some grab ass.

Yeah. And see some people. And be escorted out. Oh, immediately. In a few minutes. Oh yeah, Jim hugged me, but he knows the rules. Yeah, yeah. Jim, your pass expires at noon. I'll give you seven minutes. That's what he says. Gather up my box, my belongings like I did the day when I left here. Oh, jeez.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. And you rode away on a leaf down a stream. Oh, my fievel? Yeah, a little bit. Is that the name of that mouse? Yeah, yeah, it is. Did I get that right?

It is, yeah, yeah. I don't know. I misspelled a word earlier, and I'm going to be in my head about that the rest of my life. Oh, boy. That's the second thing you've ruined. You've ruined my weekend. You've ruined my weekend. It's only Wednesday.

Jesus Christ. You've ruined my weekend. What's your plans for the future, Jim? I don't know. Hey, Jim. Hey, Jim. You got some plans, Jim? Yeah.

Listen, second question. Where are you going? You know, I got a new web series. I did not know that. I got a new web series called Jimmy's Records and Tapes. Oh, I do know that. I do know that. Yeah, yeah. Because you have an encyclopedic knowledge of music that people don't care about. And from that era. You've nailed it. And from that era. Yes, yes. It is. You've nailed it. It is that. But it is a deep interest to people to whom it is an interest.

It is. And there are people who love it, you know, and who love, well, I mean, I'm sitting in front of the biggest one, people that just will talk all day about Eric Carman B-sides, you know? You bring up Eric Carman, that guy is a- Oh, I know he's in a Twitter feud. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A Twitter feud with our friend- With Steve Van Zandt.

Steve Van Zandt, that's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I think my friend Chris Regan is also fighting with him. I haven't seen it, but I just heard, you know- Oh, you know what it is? It's Nils Lofgren. It's Nils Lofgren that's having the real fight with him. Oh, wow.

And then Steve Van Zandt tried to come in to be the, you hey nobody's fighting anybody here yeah no they're fighting oh they're fighting yeah yeah uh anyway just so i can get this out uh every every week uh jewish records and tape is i i start i do a different year yeah we started in 1975 and i talk about an album uh and i go into a little bit about the album but it's more about how that album had an impact on my life yeah uh for instance this week is 1979 and i talk about get the knack yeah and again i talk about a little bit about the knack but it's more about how it's the first time i got the second bass with a girl oh um and so the story is about that and just uh or like 1978 was about chicago and how it was important to my dad and my mom. And so it's that. Yeah.

And you can get that at youtube.com slash never not funny. And it's 10 minutes. Yeah. And, you know, it's not never not funny. It's not this. It's not just riffing. Right, right, right. You know, it's a little more scripted than I usually do.

Yeah. And history is on my side that when I'm scripted, I'm at my best. So I like it. It's a little something different for me. And I like it. And it speaks to exactly what you just said. It is an era of time and an era of music that is very specific. But if you like my stories, you don't care that it's about the knack.

Yes. It's about the human engagement. Absolutely. Yeah. Well, I will actually check it out. And that's not the sort of thing that I do, but I will. People that, I've heard that from people that are like, you know, I'm not a big podcast guy, but I enjoy this.

Yeah. In fact, our own, your stage manager, Steve Hollander. Yeah. Texted me and he said, I'm loving Jimmy's records and tapes. It's like you're just talking about your life. Yes. Yeah, yeah. That's what I'm doing.

That's great. And with the excuse of the album as the launch pad. Well, I'm sure that also, too, I'm sure that you can relate to something that I've been finding as I am, you know, sliding into my dotage is that I don't give a fuck. I want to do things that I like doing. I just, you know, for me, it's now about whatever I'm doing, am I enjoying myself during the time that I'm doing it? You know, unless it's got a nice check attached. That's, you know, I'll do anything.

I've seen your game shows. I'll do anything for a good check. I've seen. Oh, boy, will I ever. Damn. And vigorously. But you know, that's what this is. Podcasting should be that.

When I hear now that, hey, I'm doing a pilot for a podcast at Blah Blah Network, I'm like, you're doing a pilot? What the F are you talking about? Yeah, no, I know. Again, I'm the first guy guy in so the idea of a pilot is i understand it's changed i hear things like where i i because i don't i i'm not exactly sure the details i'm low to say the people one of the funniest people we know just worked up a pilot

for a scripted podcast and got turned down f you on and i I mean, this is truly one of the funniest people we know. And we know a lot of funny people. I know seven. Yeah. It sounds like this guy's in that seven. Yes. Or this woman. Yes.

And that just blows my fucking mind. But see, here's the beauty of podcasting. Then do it yourself. Yeah, right. You don't need it. Here's the big secret in podcasting. You don't need a network. I know, I know. Well, I mean, like, Dax Sh don't need it. You don't. Here's the big secret podcast. You don't need a network. I know. I know.

Well, I mean, like, Dax Shepard is a perfect example of that. He just, like, had some. He's famous, though. He's famous. Yeah, but still. But honestly, and he's a friend of mine. So, I mean, I, you know, he's a lovely person. He's a talented guy.

He's an interesting guy. He's a good talker. And he's like, I'm going to do this. And he just does it himself. Right. Through no organization. I had to get some, I can't do, I wouldn't do all this shit myself. I can barely fucking get the dishes done by myself. And he just like, yeah, I'm going to do this thing. And bang, zoom, it just takes off. And that's not just

because he's famous. You know, I mean, he could have done a really boring podcast. The initial splash is because he's famous. Absolutely. Let's not dismiss that. Absolutely. But you got to follow through and he follows through and he's selling out live. So it's like, yeah, you can do that. And you can also, you don't need any sort of, you know, any sort of structure around you.

You don't need the structure, but you could use the back end for advertising. Yeah, absolutely. Of course, of course. And if it's like you, where you like the idea of just showing up and talking, and you've got a Will Beckton and a Jennifer Samples putting it together for you, then you need that. Yeah. And so that's where a network is good for you.

Yeah, yeah. So I'm not putting down networks. I'm on a network. Yeah, yeah. I'm on, I think, the same network. Yeah. Earwolf. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I'm not part of the Team Coco, though, because, you know, I left in 2015. Right, right, right. No, you're persona non grata. And they slammed that door. Yeah, yeah. I actually had to tell them, the powers that be, that Don Pardo was coming

in today. And nobody caught on. That man's dead. It doesn't matter. They're not detail-oriented. They got their head up their own Conan O'Brien ass. I get it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So don't worry about it. It's all about that. But yeah, no, if they found out, I'd let you in the building. Jesus. So I shouldn't go to the second floor?

They're all cowards. Safe over there. They're all cowards. You could go right up to Conan's face and be like, hey, buddy. And he wouldn't call. You know, he'll- You don't think he'd do anything? Oh, he'll have security chase you, but you'll already be off the lot, you know.

Okay. And it'll just make him feel good. All right. I'll give him that through later then. All right, Jim. Okay, pal. Good to see you. Third question.

Oh. Yeah, yeah. You got it. Wait, I thought that was the third. No, the second was where are you going? Oh, what's three then? The third is what have you learned? From this?

No, from your life. I mean, do you have a big philosophy that you, like, you know you know you know what the one thing i will say is be true to yourself i know that's cliched yeah but as a guy and i told you about who was himself as an open micer then changed to try to conform and then finally found himself again yeah yeah i would say that across the board and i say it to my son don't worry about about those two idiots that are making fun of you. Focus on the people that care. Be true to yourself. Don't conform so that those two like you.

Or in comedy, who cares about the table that's not laughing? Although we all are drawn to that table. Oh, that's all we look at. We're all drawn to that. If there's a face in the crowd that's not laughing. They hated me. That's my guy. Of course. I'm fucking zeroed in on that.

And because I'm in the moment as a stand-up, I then try to win that guy over oh yeah instead of the 499 other people that are loving you yes yes so did that just and again i know it's i know it's a it's a you know a pillow it's stitching on a pillow i know i know honestly but it's true stay true to who you are yeah do you find that you are you able to do that in your personal life with your friends and with your family and your loved ones too? Yes. Yeah, yeah.

For better or worse. Yeah. You know? Yeah. But, I mean, now does that compromise,

compromise? You know, like if you're in that way, is that something that you come across? No. No, I've compromised a lot in my life.

Yeah, yeah. I still have the need to make people happy and like me. Yeah, you do too. I still, I don't want anybody ever mad at me. No, I've compromised a lot in my life. Yeah, yeah. I still have the need to make people happy and like me. Yeah, you do. I still, I don't want anybody ever mad at me. No, I don't. Yeah.

But, you know, I. Even when I am in situations now where I'm like, I'm being taken advantage and I'm going to speak up for myself. And I know 100% I'm in the right and the way that I stick up for myself is polite and within reason and respectful. It still burns a fucking hole through my stomach for two days because I might have upset someone. 100%. Yeah. It burns a hole in my stomach for the two days leading up to it. Yeah, yeah.

Then I finally have the courage to do it in the kindest, politest way. Yeah, yeah. And then for two days, I'm worried about, is that okay? Yeah, yeah. Talk to Danielle, my wife. I said this. way. Yeah, yeah. And then for two days, I'm worried about, yeah, talk to Danielle, my wife, I said this. Yeah. Well, that sounds great.

Okay. But couldn't it be taken this way? Yeah, but it wouldn't be because you said it like that. Yeah. Although I do have the capability to yell at a Jimmy Pardo and say,

hey, you can't swear, you know, or- It ruined my weekend. Or also quite seriously, I do have the ability now to say no or to like be like, hey, no, fuck that. It's not going to – and especially around here, I find in producing comedy, I don't take a lot of time to hold someone's hand and go like, this is a really great idea, but I really think that it might – it's just like, nah, it's not working. Yeah.

You got to get over it. Yeah, yeah. idea but i really think that it might it's just like nah it's not working yeah you gotta get over it you know yeah yeah yeah and then so it's more compartmentalized we're in that kind of thing i will occasionally be a little too blunt about stuff or i'll say something about a bit in front of the person that wrote it without realizing that's the person that wrote it yeah and be like oh sorry buddy i was you know yeah i didn't realize that was your baby that I was calling idiot. But, yeah, but I agree, you know. Got to be yourself. That's it.

Yeah, yeah. I mean, you'd be lousy at being anybody else. Seriously, Lyle Waggoner, who the hell are you going to be? Well, he's got a Winnebago business. Oh, he does. So maybe. So maybe. Yeah, that is true.

Right? Are they Winnebagos? Well, they're trailers a Winnebago business. Oh, he does. So maybe. Yeah, that is true. Right? Are they Winnebagos? Well, they're trailers. They're trailers. Yeah, he has a trailer business. Yeah. Anybody that knows who Lyle Wagner is. Knows this.

That listens to this is going to know, oh, yeah, he's Starwagon. You brought him up. Even if in your Lincoln fucking Nebraska, you know, oh, yeah, Starwagon's. Thank you for having me. Listen, this is really, like I said, to borrow a part Oh, yeah, Star Wagons. Thank you for having me. Listen, this is really, like I said, to borrow a part of, it's been a joy. Thank you. It's been a joy.

It's been a joy. Thank you for finally asking me. The rage I had in me about not being asked to be on here. Well, I mean, come on. I know. I'm the king. You don't want to bother the king. No, no, no, no. Oh, it's not that.

I got to go with the splashy names before I get to like, you know, the nostalgia week. Josh Gombelman? I pick him because he's the nicest guy in the world. This is what I wanted. I wanted to get to the point where he shits on previous guests of this show just out of, you know, the bigness of his heart. And to be clear, I picked the one guy that I know, I know. That's obviously for humor. I know, I know.

Because he is brilliantly funny and, your words, not mine, the nicest guy in the world. And if you, but the minute these mics are off, I want to know who you're really pissed about. That you've had on? Yeah, yeah. Oh, I'm sure there's somebody. Oh. I'd have to look at a list. I can tell you.

There's probably five. You know what? I could probably pick them. All right. And let you know who they are. All right. Because I'm like, yeah, I bet you're really pissed that probably five. You know what? I could probably pick them and let you know who they are. All right. I'm like, yeah, I bet you're really pissed that that was on. That guy made the cut before me.

Huh? Yeah. Interesting. You were on the, you know, I'm not, what is the matter? You are on a long list that they are like, who do you want? That you finally got to the bottom of? No, no, no. Who do you want on the show?

I make a long list. And then people whittle away on it. Because you know me, I'm not a real hands-on kind of guy. Yeah. Tell me when to show up. But I am really thrilled that you were able to do it. I'm thrilled. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm thrilled. And, you know, another, probably have you back in six months when this thing really tanks and no one wants to be on it. See you in a half a year. All right. Love you, Jimmy. Love you. And I love you, listeners. And we will be three-questioning with you next time.

The Three Questions with Andy Richter is a Team Coco and Earwolf production. It's produced by me, Kevin Bartelt, executive produced by Adam Sachs and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Chris Bannon and Colin Anderson at Earwolf. Thank you. This has been a Team Coco production in association with Earwolf.