The Three Questions with Andy Richter - Kerri Kenney-Silver: New Years Fails (The Andy Richter Call-In Show)

Episode Date: January 16, 2026

Comedian, actress, and musician Kerri Kenney-Silver (Reno 911! The Four Seasons! The State!) joins The Andy Richter Call-In Show this week to hear your NEW YEAR FAIL STORIES!  Want to be a part of the Andy Richter Call-In Show? Tell us your favorite dinner party story or ask Andy a question! Fill out our Google Form at BIT.LY/CALLANDYRICHTER or dial 855-266-2604. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Conan Oprah. Coenna. Everybody. Call Inners. There, I just called, I just came up with a name for you guys. Call Inners. Welcome to 2026 and the first 2026 episode of the Andy Richter Call-in Show here on Conan O'Brien Radio. I'm thrilled to be back and I'm very, very happy to also have with me here today.

my guest host, Carrie Kenny Silver. And we are going to be talking New Year's and New Leaf Nightmares. Resolutions gone wrong. You know, you make up your own alliterative things. Give us a call at 855-266-2-604. And if your story's good enough. And it's got to be good, people. Don't waste our time.

Yeah. What the fuck. We're very busy. This is, sometimes there's at least two or three callers on hold. I had to, after this, I still have to go to the grocery store. Yep. See? High stakes, people. Make them good. Which I may or may not do because I also have a nap to get in. Yes. Let's do your bio if you really want to go to sleep. Ha ha ha, ha, boy, zingo. Nobody has time for this.

Sure. You're an actress, comedian, writer, and musician. You've seen her in shows like the four seasons, which is wonderful and currently in its second season, right? Are you getting into it? We just finished shooting a second season. Nice. Of course, the state, Rito 9-1-1. You were also lead singer of the indie punk band Cake Like. I was.

Do you guys ever reunite and get your old punk shit out? We reunite and we have brunch is what we do. That's fucking punk, man. Yeah, it is. Sometimes I get eggs bened eggs. Yeah, yeah. Sometimes I just get the Hollandeys. And I just stare at it.

Well, thank you so much for being. in here. It's great to see you. It's so good to see you. You're like an old OG comedy buddy of Yeah, me. Absolutely. Yeah, you've been from way back in the New Yorkie days. I know, back in our New Yorkie cool guy. Yeah, yeah. We both had nose rings and mohawks. And when we were young. God, remember? Oh, the youth, the youngness. I don't remember. It's, I, you know what, it just seemed like five minutes ago, but then I do like, especially, you know, just aches and pain shit. It's just like. Well, especially for you, you're a professional dancer. That is true.

That is true. Former professional dancer. I tried to do the pigeon pose yesterday because I saw it on TikTok. I don't know if you know about this. I don't know what that is. Don't do it. What is it? It's a yoga pose where you put one leg in front of the other.

I still don't see how it has anything to do with a pigeon. Right. But I got stuck in it and needed assistance from my husband. Wow. So I'm also an athlete. You shouldn't do it alone. That's punk too. Very.

Not being able to get out of the pigeon. Yeah. And I know that you know by just looking at my outfit, I'm still very punk rock. Yes. She's wearing a lot of gingham. It's like a Holly Hobby, I think, doll dress. It is. But it also has like a Pirates of Penzance produced by Holly Hobby sort of feel to it. Yeah. Holly Hobby. The amount of productions, Holly Hobby. I mean, I don't know how she has time to do anything. Oh, my God. Tell me about it. Her version of Green's. Her version of Greece.

The kids of today cannot get enough of Holly Hobby. Or they don't even know where the fuck that is. That's the point. Well, how's your New Year's? So far, so good. So far so good. This, I will be honest with these, one of the first times I left the house.

Oh, really? Since the new year, which is by choice. Yeah. Because I've been traveling quite a bit. So I, it's so far so good. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I'm here with you. Yes.

I mean, that's as far as it goes. Oh, right, right. Okay, there you go. Yeah. And are you a resolution type of person? You know, I like to think that I am and it just never, never goes well. It never materializes. So this year I decided no thank you to the resolutions.

Yeah. But usually it's things like, you know, oh, I'm going to eat better this year. I'm going to whatever. And I'm a sort of like all in or nothing person. And so really it just ends up being nothing. Like throughout the year, I will eat and apparently dress like a four-year-old who's been left home alone. And so for maybe New Year's Day, I'll also have a pickle because that's a vegetable. Sure.

It's green. She says as a question. Yes, yes. It's green. And then it's back to chocolate covered anything. Yeah, no, I've never been. I mean, I just always feel like somebody, somebody, somebody. a friend of mine recently texted me, like, are you doing resolutions?

And this is like a friend that likes to talk about kind of woo-woo kind of things. And I was like, I hadn't thought about it until you just mentioned it. Is it Deepak Chopra? Because he's, oh, every time he gets in a conversation and he's like, oh, it's very woo-low. No, it's not him. And boy, I've been around that fella. That's a separate podcast. That's a separate podcast.

But I was like, I haven't really thought about it. And then I thought about it a little bit more. And I was like, well, there's just always the kind of general sort of wish I'd do better at this, wish I'd do better at that kind of things. And like, why necessarily like when you, I just feel like I just know myself well enough that if I'm like, okay, start in January 1st from that day on. I just know like that I laugh at myself. It's not going to happen. It's a fucking joke. I feel like New Year's is set up to make us feel bad about ourselves at the beginning of the year.

So I actually really think this year, I had a conscious thought that I am going to, anytime I have a negative thought, turn it into a positive thought. Maybe that's a resolution. I don't know, but that's what I'm going to do because I am so tired of starting the year feeling like, I know. I know I'm not going to do that. I know I'm not. And by week one, I've completely let myself down. I remember one year, about 25 years ago, I was trying to quit smoking. So that's just the worst.

You're like, how about January 1st? How about I'm also attending the Rose Parade? And I don't know if you've ever been to the Rose Parade. I have been the last three years in a row because I just moved to Pasadena. And now my wife works on the. committee. But you get like special treatment. This was no, I do not. I was just like a lady in the crowd. That's what I've been every year. It's horrible. And if you're quitting smoking on that day in that moment, that's not the environment. I don't know what Deepak Chopper would have to say about it,

but I don't think you'd recommend it. Well, I imagine it's hard to just light up at the rose parade anyway, although it was 25 years ago. I would have found a way. It was a different, it was a different time. Again, we were very punk rock, Andy. at the rose parade. We're there with our molotovs, ready to chuck them. But the molotovs were made out of flower petals. No, I, this, it is like been, for me, it has been a period, though, of lately. And this is perfect for me.

We have, we're living in an old house in Pasadena that we've been renovating. We lived in it for about two years now. and it's been in steps as enough money has piled up to do the next step. And we just this last week went into a frenzy. All perpetrator, you know, you're like instigated by my wife. My wife is like, we're going to straighten up the basement. This is what we do. We're going to, you know, I had boxes that I hadn't unpacked in 10 years, mostly books and stuff.

And it starts today. Yes. And it starts today. And all my clothes had been on a rolling rack because we were waiting to build in closets for my clothes. Nope, we're going to burn it. That happened. But yeah, there was like so much goodwill stuff that it was, you know. My car, right now, I will take you to the parking garage.

You can barely close my trunk. Because it's all stuck with stuff for Goodwill. Yes. And we found, my son found that Goodwill and Salvation Army, some of them are like, enough. I know. We can't take any more stuff. That's why. That's why my trunk is full. And that's why I brought it here today because you're welcome.

Yeah. Because you and I look about the same size. You can bring it up here to Sirius XM. I've got some guest genes from about 20 years ago that I think are going to look great on you. Oh, I hope they're really high rise. A lot of single shoes. Oh, really? Well, you don't know.

Yeah. There could be amputees. There are. That go to goodwill. I know there are. Well, there you go. You should just start a secondhand amputee shoe shop. Yeah, yeah.

And I guess maybe a one-sleeved sweaters. I'm such a good person. You really are. The selflessness. Just think of the selflessness. Yeah, yeah. But see, my point is that I didn't have anything to do with that. I'm just doing as I'm told.

Well, this is what you're supposed to do as a husband. I guess that is true. I don't want to be that guy, but let's be honest. I know, I know. My poor husband came home from work last night and I had him up on a ladder in the dark, hanging some lights that have been sitting there for two years in a box. And for some reason, last night, I thought this is, it has to be done now. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I love you. Also, women love to see a man on a ladder. It gets him going. Oh, my God. I mean, we were, we went all night. Get down here and turn on my lights. Get down here and plug in these LEDs. That's right.

All right, folks. It's your turn. Now, if you have any good resolution stories, give us a call at 855-266-2-604. And Carrie and I will listen to them and possibly make fun of you. Oh, dear God. A little bit. But in a loving one. With fun, with love.

Gentle pox. It's a new year. Speaking of doing it, gentle pokes. Not like you and your husband last night. Wait a second. What kind of podcast is this? A filthy one. Teresa from New Orleans.

Hi. Hi. How are you? I'm good. I'm not from New Orleans, so I'm from Lake Charles. Okay, Lake Charles. I know where Lake Charles is. My ex-wife is from Covington, so I knew the Louisiana area pretty well.

Oh, cool. All right. Well, it's a lovely place. It is. So what are you got for us? Well, I'm 63, and I have had the same New Year's resolution for about 45 years now, which is to lose weight and to not drink so much. Right.

But you can't do that in the new year because it's Mardi Gras. Right. That's what I was going to say, Louisiana, that's not the place to stop drinking and lose weight. That's so evil, too. The timing, Tresa, I agree with you, just in general, this idea of, well, for you, its location is definitely a problem and with Mardi Gras. But also, this idea that in the dead of winter, where some places it's freezing cold where animals are

we're supposed to be hibernating yes right this is the time when we're sort of like there's a frost nothing's growing yeah this is the time we're supposed to jump off our couches with a belly full of gingerbread yeah and just start doing and making and being and losing weight and

bettering ourselves like give me a minute yeah folks yeah it's so not fair right and you know I just I have a friend who got on Ozzympic because, you know, all else fails, we get on the

Ozzympic, and he just said, well, you know, I said, how's it going? Because, you know, I'm thinking about it, and he said, well, look, he said, the first time I ate something with it, you know, I took a couple bites and I was like, I just don't know, you know.

But I mustered through it. And then, you know, I had a couple of drinks and I was like, I don't know. But I'm a little. through it. So apparently that is not cut out for me because I know I'm a muster. You're a muster. Well, I am a muster. Teresa, I will tell you that I am on one of those. I'm on Zepbound. And it has worked wonderfully. It's worked wonderfully for me. Honestly, I've lost from, I don't know exactly from when I started, but I know that from my heaviest, I'm 50 pounds lighter than I was. And that was combined with,

you know, I was dancing on TV there. So it's sort of. guided and overdrive. But I have had a wonderful experience with it. I think it's been, and I, and, you know, and I've had issues with my weight my whole life. And, and I just am like, oh, there's this, you know, I inject myself once a week and I don't want to eat as much. And as, and I hate the phrase, it quiets the food noise. But it quiets the food noise. Yeah, no shit.

I mean, I sit in the, you know, I was sitting in the living room. room and the pantry was screaming to me every night after seven o'clock, you know, until I went to bed. And now, now it's, it's very quiet in there. So I, I think it's, I really am glad to have it. And I don't feel, and I'm annoyed by people being, you know, like badmouthing it or being ashamed of it. Because what the fuck? You got this problem. You've been dealing with your whole life. And then science, beautiful, wonderful science comes up with a way to make it easier to achieve the goal. Yeah, fuck yeah. I agree. I have, I mean, I would never give someone medical advice. But I will tell you, you told me to get my spleen removed and it was a bad idea. I did bring it. You start having

stuff pulled out. I have it here in a jar to give to you. I don't know why you wanted it, but here it is. Please ought to agree. No, I have several friends and family members that had the same situation where they weren't just sitting around eating Cheetos and saying, well, I'm not losing weight. They were going to several different doctors, trying this diet, trying this adjustment to their hormones, to their whatever. And it wasn't working for them. And it's been life-changing for some people that I know. Like you said, big, beautiful science.

I even had weight loss surgery and still. Yes. I had a family member's exact same thing, had weight loss surgery. and is still, you know, was still fighting the good fight and then went on this and then it was a game changer. Again, I can't speak for anybody else. But it makes me happy when I hear that somebody has found. No, I've had mostly a good. And, Teresa, it is true too.

Your taste for booze does. It doesn't like, I still like to have a drink. But it just, and I mean, it wasn't as if I was in a frenzy. before, but it is certainly lesser. Like, you know, like my appetite and my sort of like, I could have, I could use a drink is less than it used to be. Yeah. That's awesome.

Yeah, it's not bad. This is the first time I've seen Andy sober and I've known him 25 years. Hey, why don't you shut your fucking mouth? Wow. Wow. God, it's so early in the podcast for that. I am not sober. How dare you? God, this is going to be a bad year.

I had, I had an absolute anima. right before the show started. My poor engineer, Rich, has to load me up before every show. I do a Bailey's Colonic. Yum. Yeah. Oh, for the holidays, nothing better. I've got a guy that comes in a van.

All right. Well, Teresa, is that all you want to say? I mean, you know, good luck. And do you have big Mardi Gras plans or you just kind of wait until the floats go by your house? I have something every moment of this whole month. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, people don't understand how consuming it is and how like Mardi Gras is not, it's not Tuesday. It's more than a month.

Yeah, it's not. It seems like it's not optional if you live there. Oh, no, it is not. It's not like Halloween where you turn off the lights and you pretend like you're not home. Absolutely. There's, I mean, having had experience in New Orleans and in Louisiana in general from like I say, being married to a Louisiana for 25 years, I was amazed by the attitude in Louisiana, which is just kind of like, well, you're going to have to get fucked up.

Like, it's like, well, you know, like it's like you're going to want to go swimming or you're going to have to, you know, shop for food. Like, you're going to want to get fucked up. I mean, I know you're only nine years old, but you're going to be wasted. Yeah, yeah. You got to be able to go to the dachery shop in your Catholic school uniform because you got to get fucked up, you know? That's right.

It is. It's true. That's just how it is. Well, listen, let's all just enjoy the wintering. Yes. Relaxing, the hibernation, the being kind to ourselves, being kind to one another. And then when the spring comes, maybe we get a little bounce on our stuff and we go for more walks. Maybe we start on this stuff you're talking about the juice that's helpful, you know, all those things. But this mean idea of all of a sudden jumping into action in the dead of winter,

It's, we got to redo the calendar. Yeah. Yep. All right. Well, thank you so much, Teresa. Happy New Year. Happy New Year. Bon Tom Roulet.

That's very sexy. All right. Next up, we have Fernando from Los Angeles, or is it Fernando? What do you prefer? I go by many names. Oh, nice. Oh, I'd like to hear some more of that. Hello, Andy.

I look at you. Hi. How are you? Well, I have, like, a bunch of friend groups that each give me, like, a different nickname, you know, like, Fernie, Nando. Nando, Furny Mac, Fernie Nander. No, because I know, like, the thing that kills me in Los Angeles, and it's, well, I mean, everywhere has versions of this, but, like, San Pedro, you know, and it's like, San Pedro, you know. Yeah, it's very confusing. Where has there ever been, like, you know, a Pedro?

Yeah, true. You know, like, my name is Pedro Herrera. No, it's not. It's Pedro. Well, Fernando, tell us about your resolution issues. Right. Yeah. So, and before I jump into that, can I also just say, before I say, and I know you're

probably tired of hearing about this at this point, but I'm appalled and outraged that you are not the victor. I knew that was coming. Oh, thank you so much. I think it was the biggest show of flagrant fraud and embezzlement and high tree. and all the other things, Watergate. And I won't stand for it. Listen, I got a team of lawyers on it right now.

I mean, there was a lot of hanging chads on that one. There sure was. I'm outraged. I wasn't at all relieved when I got to get my life back and go home and not punish my legs for six hours a day. And eat a full turkey for Thanksgiving. That's right. Just like Tom and Jerry just put it in my mouth and a skeleton came out.

Well, thank you, Fernando. That is sweet. Thank you so much. Although I think justice were served, but I'll leave you to your opinion. Yes, thank you. Great. So I'll just hop right in. And my resolution for last year was one that I did do and I didn't do at the same time, which you'll see how that's the case. But basically, I wanted to place in a 5K or 10K race, which for those I don't know what placing is, is just. getting first, second, or third. Right. Right. Wow.

Like a horse race. Specifically. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You want to. You're getting kind of braggy about what you know about horse racing. All right.

I mean, if you want first second or third, it's technically show. Listen, the guy likes you already. All right. I'm sorry for me. Go ahead. Yeah. So I'm no runner, you know, and I hate it. I avoid it.

I run from it. And I made this resolution because. because I had done a 5K with my girlfriend, and it was a very non-competitive race. So I did fairly well considering that I didn't really train for it too much or anything, besides playing sports and pick up with friends. And so then the idea occurred to me, if I actually put in the effort and time and I train, then I could potentially place for my age group, which would be really cool. and something I hadn't done before.

So I, yeah, that ended up being my goal. And so since the start of the year, you know, I was training. But then, of course, by like March or so, I had completely forgotten about this goal of mine and any semblance of training. So, like, I didn't even sign up for the race, which it takes place in November. But later on in the year, I had a friend who did sign up for that race, but then they could no longer attend because they had got like a toe fracture. So they were looking for someone else to take the place. And so they reached out to me and I, of course, accepted just because I had fun last time I was doing the race.

I didn't even think about how my resolution was the place. but I had an idea where I wanted to because I occasionally also make little YouTube videos on like different skits and bits and things and I thought it would be fun to like pretend that I am like impersonating him or like becoming him right for this race

and so I decided I was going to do that going into it and so and that consisted mostly of me every mile, like saying to the camera as I'm running a fact about this friend of mine. Can I interrupt you for one second? Fernando, can I ask you a question? There's no chance you're like wearing his skin right now, right? Not anymore. No. Oh, good. Those things go bad pretty quick. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, you got to really tell those things right. Well, anyone who's seen Dexter knows that. Okay, so go on. So yes? Yeah. So, yeah, so it consisted of me just,

like saying facts about him and you know it would be like i'm nick my name's nick i'm gay i'm from statin island you know i would just say these things i was that each mile saying one of these things and now these were truths right these aren't just things you made up yes okay okay no these are all true yeah they're all true um and i i i you know i'm getting to about like mile five and at that point i i'm pretty tired i can't really talk anymore if I want to like finish the race. I either have to continue the bit or right or finish. So I end up running out of things that I could actually say that I knew for sure were true.

So I just I just put my effort into finishing the race. And then to my surprise, I actually did end up placing third for my age group. Wow. And I, which was great. But then at the same time, you know, it was under his name because, you know, I didn't transfer it to mine, my name or anything, you know, because of the whole video idea sort of. And I'm not even sure if that technically could transfer it. Yeah. But now, like, if I looked up the record, it's his name and not my name.

You know what, though? I feel like you won double. Yeah. Because if this story had just been, I ran a race. I came in third. you probably wouldn't be talking to Andy Richter right now, but you are. So it's a double win. Or Carrie Kenny Silver.

Yeah. So I feel like you're the winner. And I feel like Nick probably got a good laugh out of it. Right. And also, are there really going to be people like archivists looking up the results of this 5K? I mean, let's be realistic. Let's be realistic. I mean, that is what I do in my free time.

And I'm not even a runner. Hmm, let's see. Well, how was the Alhambra peach run results? Oh, that was Marcus D. Walters. He ran about a 30-minute mile. Well, that's great, though. You did it. And just, and, you know, and it's also like, I will also say, and I don't know if this entered into it, but you didn't try and you achieved your goal. Like, was there a part of you that was like, oh, shit, if I had only remembered to. apply myself, I might have even done better. Yeah, I think, I think that was definitely the case. I didn't really expect that much, that good of an outcome. Yeah. To begin with and, and I had forgotten about it.

I think if I had been more prepared going into it, but I'm not going to try to make this resolution again. I'm satisfied. I almost sound like I want to try it again, but I think I'm good with just doing that. And, you know, but I agree if I had, if I had spent more effort into training beforehand to accomplish that specific goal, I definitely could have maybe gotten a higher. Yeah, but you know what? You can also look at it. I'm just thinking of the thing of like, I fucking did what I want.

I didn't even, I don't even need to try that shit. That's how good I am at this thing. Fuck this running stuff. It's too easy for me. But you also don't know, maybe anxiety would have taken over, or maybe you would have trained so hard that you hurt yourself and couldn't do the race. So maybe it happened just how it showed. No, the casualness is key. I think it may be.

So guess what? This year, I may win the tour to France. I'm just putting it out there. Possibly. I am not going to train. I honestly don't know if it's a running race, swimming, or biking. And I'm not even going to do the research to find out. Why would you?

When I am back here next year on this day, hopefully I will have at least placed in the tour to France. You should get a ticket to France, though. Listen, I'm going to do all the, I will be doing no preparation for this. I want to do it like Fernando. Let go and let God. And also, Fernando, here's the other way I feel about it. Fuck running. Running is the worst.

I don't think it's good for you. Am I wrong? It just not good. It doesn't feel good. You should only run when something is chasing you. That's my rule. Or you want something. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Ice cream is going the other way. Right, right. The ice cream chalk or, you know, like the bus. Right. And it's raining. Yeah, yeah. But otherwise, no, running. No.

Stupid. Yeah. I agree. You did it. You did it already. Well, Fernando, you're a winner in our book. Yeah, that's the only one that matters is to me. Thank you.

Go, Nando. Go, Fernie. That's my nickname for you. Yeah, yeah. Go Furfer. Thank you. All right. We'll talk to you later. Thanks for the call. Bye.

855-266-2-604. We're talking resolutionary, a resolutionary problematic situations. Is that what we're talking? New Leaf no-nose. I wish I would have done it better isms. Katie from Virginia. Uh-oh. Carrie. What?

One thing about this show is, is we don't have very high standards in terms of topicality. Well, you don't have high standards as far as guests either, because look who's sitting right in this chair. And also, you can't tell because I'm under the console, but I took off my pants. You get what you get and you don't get upset with Andy Victor. But we will take any call about any topic. Oh, sweet Jesus.

And we call them wild card calls. Okay. Because they're wild cards. Oh, I'm so excited. And they get their own sound effect. And apparently Katie from Virginia. has a wild card call for us. Oh my gosh, I'm both excited and terrified.

Oh, that's the thing. You don't know what's going to happen. You don't know what we're going to get. Katie, you have such control right now. Go ahead. I do. Hi, Andy. Hi, Carrie.

I'm so happy to be talking to you today. Thank you so much. So I'm with you guys. I don't honestly do resolutions. So I was not cut out for a resolution story. But I thought I would come to you with something a little silly that has like a tiny little touch on New Year's. So I'll jump into it.

So I'll be a little bit of context. My in-laws, I'm married to a wonderful man named Henry. And my in-laws are wonderful people, but they're like quite quirky in kind of a Vermont way. Okay. So again, for a little context, one of the first times that I visited them, it was New Year's. And they said, oh, we do this annual New Year's bonfire. It turns out to be a 15-foot bonfire made of Christmas trees. Wow.

Doused in kerosene and lit on fire using like a rude goldmerg machine type of ignition mechanism. Oh, nice. So these people are fun. They then follow that with like a sauna and an old maple sugaring shack that they converted themselves. like wildly unregulated gets up to 200 degrees. I mean, they just do crazy stuff. So like, kind of from the beginning, I'm thinking. Is this nude sounding?

I am told that there was a lot more nude sauniting, like during childhood. I always bring a swimsuit when you go visit them. Yeah, yeah. But like, it's definitely happened. Yeah, you don't want to see your in-laws. Well, depends on who your in-laws are. I guess that's true. Think of it that way.

Or if you're shooting some- for Pornhub. Well. Yeah. Yeah. Some people might want that. But I like my swimsuit. You do you, Katie.

This is just, this is just context. Okay, so the wild card part comes next. So they're all, I love the sound effect. So they're also this like wonderful, like calm,

they're Quakers. Okay, have you guys ever been to a Quaker, like service? No, I have not. But I'm also trying to imagine nude Quakers in a sauna. But go on. This is so information, so much information for my little brain. Keep going.

I'm very excited. Wonderful, kind people. So, like, if you go to a Quaker service, I think they're mostly on Sundays, although I can't say for sure, you just sit in peace and quiet. Like, there's no one presiding over it. There's no one, like, you just stand up if you feel so moved to speak, okay? About anything. So this brings us to.

my husband's grandmother's Quaker funeral. So we're all sitting there and it is like very quiet. Everyone is sitting in silence and this woman stands up and she says, I just want to say how grateful I am for Aunt Sally because without her, I would have grown up in a cult. And the one sitting directly in front of her, immediately stands up. Her chair like screeches back, makes a sound amongst the silence. And she goes, well, I grew up in a cult. And I turned out just fine. And then she sits down and we sit for 40 minutes in silence. So that's kind of it. What, what do you get the backstory, please? What cult are they, are they, they're not referring to to Quakerism as, as a cult, right? Honestly, Carrie, that really just tells you that I could have set it up slightly better.

No, they're not. Basically, so the rest of the story is that we, my husband and I like go find this woman. She's his probably third cousin or something. And he and I are kind of like, you know, having ESP like, okay, how do we bring up the cold? We need more information. No one really knows about the call. Exactly. Exactly.

But we're like, we got to know. We got to know. So basically, after like five minutes of kind of circling around it, my husband goes, so tell us more about the cult. And long story short, like they were in a legitimate cult and basically her mother and her sister. So there's the grandmother, Sally, and then she has two sisters, okay, this woman's mother and this woman's aunt. And basically the Sally's two sisters, one had a daughter, who's this woman that's talking, and one was pregnant, and they had joined this like Bible study group. And basically it like slowly or quickly evolved into a cult. And they, the, this girl, her father had found out that his wife was going to leave the state, flee to Texas.

with her daughter and with her sister and like continue on with his cult. And so basically he called a federal marshal to intercept them. And the, so then like the mom still went, but the daughter didn't have, wasn't allowed to cross state lines without her father's permission. By the way, this is a great story.

This is a great plotline for a Christmas movie. Absolutely. Go on. It really is. And so then basically the pregnant sister has the baby in the cult. These two girls now, I don't know, 35, 40 years later, our cousins are both no longer in the cult because I guess it was like shut down by, I don't know, the government. And now they're sitting in silence at the funeral and fighting over whether or not it was good to have grown up in the cult.

Wow. And they still sat next to each other. I know. I was like, is it just because you didn't know anyone else here because you disappeared for so long? Wow. So Grandma Sally was like, no, you can't take that kid or it was the dad that took the kid. How is Grandma Sally responsible? Yes.

So Grandma Sally, so the dad calls Grandma Sally and is like, Sally, what do I do? They're about to leave with the cult leader with this man. and she helps him call the federal marshal. And basically they all three go, I guess to the Bible study that they were all departing from and have this big conflict and take the kid out of the situation. And the Sally's sister was like, I don't care, I'm leaving anyway,

I'm following my heart and left for the cult. And so Sally helped with, with the organization of the save, I guess. That's how it happens. These cults, I'll tell you, my son went to school last year. He's a sophomore now in college. And I had, as, like, the year was, as we were coming closer to the time for him to leave for college, I would just jot down a thing that I realized, oh, I never taught him about this.

Or, oh, here's a life lesson. I forgot to tell him. And the day came right before he left for college. And I said, listen, I have a list of things. And he rolled his eyes and said, oh, my God. Okay. Get it over with. And the list was ridiculous.

I mean, it was like, you know, if there's, if the toaster says on fire, don't open the door, but plop, he's like, I know that. Don't run from a charging bear. I swear to God that was on there. If he went hiking to make yourself big. Big, yeah, yeah. Make noise. I can show you the list.

It was on there. Okay, nice. The last thing on the list just was one word and it just was cult. And I just said the word and he just started laughing. He goes, what would you like me to, should I join one? Should I not join? Like, what is your take? Would you like you listen to the cult?

And then I realized that it was unnecessary to have these come. Anyway, he runs a cult in San Pedro if you want to join. It's for ex-quakers. It's for ex-quakers. It's involved in the shipping industry. Yeah, Katie, see, my thing here, I mean, I'm going to make another pronouncement. Bible study. just asking for trouble.

You go to a Bible study. Next thing you know, you're going to get sucked into either like a biker gang or a cult or, you know. Slippery slow. Or a multi-level marketing scheme. Paramilitary organization. But I. That's the, it's their festering messes, those Bible studies. I do have to say, though, I love a messy funeral.

Oh, that is true. It's like, it's like people watching at the airport. I love to watch other people's dramas play out. Except there's snacks. Oh, there's snacks. There's a priest. Yeah. It's so layered.

Yep. Nice. All right, well, Katie, thank you so much for the wild card. Thank you both. Happy New Year. Happy New Year to you. Thank you. Happy New Year.

Love you. Too soon? That was too soon. I love you too, Katie. I just met her. I love you too. Oh, I love you so much. for is the number. And we've now got John from Virginia.

Hello, John. You're our second caller in a row from Virginia. Yeah, what's up? The phones just are not working. I'm suspicious. John. Hi, yes. Hi, Andy. Hi, Carrie. So great to see you speaking with you. Thank you so much. Super fan of you both. Thank you.

Thank you. In the early Conan days and Carrie, I was watching you on the state or a long time ago. Right on. Thank you. You on Reno. So he's a fan of both. So it's an honor to be speaking with you both. Thank you so much, John. Now tell us about your- I'm also calling from Virginia. Yeah, but that's okay.

We don't worry about it. Geographic biases. I mean, we're getting over them. Except for the Dakotas. Oh, those Dakotas. Don't get me started on both north and south. So angry. I mean, you couldn't just be one Dakota. Right. Exactly.

Yeah. Had to be too. Pick me as states of all. John, so tell us what's your resolution. I have on my notes, resolution this year. You got a new one? Yes, this year, this year. So you know how on our mobile devices we will get updates or information on how much we are

using our mobile devices per day? Yes. And I started noticing that my own time that I spend on the mobile device has been increasing of late. And it's about, you know, I get messages like you've been using your mobile device eight hours, nine hours a day, ten hours a day. And I'm like, man, I am, I'm awake maybe 12 hours a day. So that means like 80% 90% of the time I'm awake. My eyes are glued to my mobile device. Yeah.

And I think that's healthy because I'm sensing my eyes. You know, I'm losing my eyesight. You know, my eyesight is getting worse and eyes are straining and all that bad stuff. And so I've decided for this year I am going to use less of my mobile device and do more things like reading and starting to books. So less time and more. no screen time. So I was looking to ask both of you two things. One thing, if you had any tips for using your mobile device less screen time. And then also if you had any good recommendations for any books that you've recently read, you know, whether it's self-help books or some

thrillers or suspense novels or something like that that have kept you busy, something like that. So that is my hope and wish for this year's less green time and more, you know, becoming more informed, you know, maybe of current events and, or just reading more books or becoming more well-informed, I guess, the better all-around person. Well, this is, these are all good. And I have the same book resolution, especially because I just went through a bunch of boxes of old books and got rid of a bunch of them and was like, There's a lot of these fuckers. I haven't read one word of and I've been carrying them around for decades.

I know. So yeah, I'm with you. And as far as recommend. Well, the screen time will get to that. The books will do that first. We'll go back to front or front to back. Yeah, whatever. I'm currently reading a book called The Man from the Train, which is about a serial killer at the turn of the century that no one

had connected a bunch of series of grizzly murders for years and years and years until this one writer was, and he's mainly a sports writer. I forget his name, Bill something. Will you guys look that up, what the author's name? It's something very simple, like Bill Andrews or something like that, or Bill James or something like that, Bill James. And he's mostly a screenwriter or a sports writer, and he got his daughter involved in researching this. And they just found that all of these murders for like 20 years with the exact same M.O over like a four or five state spread all near a radio near a train, you know, like the train tracks. Thank God. And a whole near a train station or a train stop.

All near Sirius XM on a Wednesday. Yeah. And and and and no one ever contact, you know, there was no sort of conversation between. law enforcement agencies because we're starting in like 1905 to like the 20s or something and this guy finally put it together and he apparently has going to he's figured out who it is too I haven't gotten to that point yet but it's pretty it's pretty amazing and pretty chilling and a really good book. And how long can you read for? I can read for well it depends if I'm reading in bed it's usually about 20 minutes tops and then I'm and then you're out but but if I if I if I

I am in the mood and it's day and I don't have any distractions or things, which is, that's the problem is, is, is then I can probably do like maybe 45 minutes. And do you put your phone, this is for John and I. Do you put your phone on Do Not Disturb? When I read, no, you know, but I do, I do silence it sometimes when I just wanted, or I'll put it on sleep. That's sort of, I guess, the same thing. But yeah. And as far, oh, and the other, in the other book I'll say, and I say this all a time because it's the best is a showgun by James Covell. Oh, yes. A classic. Oh, yes. Have you ever read that? I have not. That's on my list. Oh, it's so freaking good. That's a great place to start, too, because it's so freaking good. It's all encompassing. Yes. I also like, I also like entertainment right now that doesn't have

anything that really takes you away. Yes. Really takes you away. Yes. It's very transportational. And as far as like minimizing screen time, I don't know. It's like just, that's like one of those things that I always feel like that you find as you get older is like the key to willpower is doing it. That's it. It's like there's not a lot of gimmicks. There's just like you got to get to a place where you just kind of do it. And I know there's apps where you can set timers where you can't even break into your phone, you know, and maybe pursue that angle. I just have a different feeling about those kinds of punishment ways of getting what we want.

want. I'm learning that as I get older that for me that tends to not work. Sort of like, you know, a post-it note on the fridge, you know, don't eat that. Yeah. Hands off, Patty. Yeah, exactly. Like those kind of negative things don't work for me. So what I've started doing is the pretty much the opposite, which is like either I treat things as a reward or I will say, if I think about it, in other words, if I'm on my phone mindlessly doing something and I think to myself, let me get that knitting project back out again or I want to mend that thing or, you know, I've been wanting to try that recipe. The second I think of it, I have to stand up and do it. So if I tell you don't think about a pink elephant, then we're all thinking about a pink elephant.

So if I tell myself, don't be on this phone. I've got to stop being on this phone. It's all I'm thinking about then is this phone. But if I think about something else, anything else, Anything else. The book that's sitting there or that that hedge right outside my window that could use a trim, that whatever it is, I do not give myself a second to talk myself out of it. So like when I wake up in the morning, I go straight outdoors. So I don't pick up the phone. And then once I'm outdoors, no, no, sweetheart, no. And I live on the freeway. I live on the 101 freeway. It's so. dangerous. Wow. I'm surprised you haven't heard about me on the news. I haven't. Yeah.

There's a Gapers block. I'm very fast. That's fantastic. That's a great tip. That isn't really good. And I have used that. There was a point in my life, too. I actually should get back to that where I had, and I'm not even like one of these

kind of people that puts up post-it notes, but I did have for a while above my desk, I had a note that said, do it now. Do it now. Which was the exact same thing. It was just when something would occur to me, I'd be like, don't put off that email. Don't put off that phone call. Don't put off that home repair. Do it now.

Also, so if you sort of take the post it away and just make it part of your natural flow of energy. So in other words, you know, you are not saying to yourself, I am taking this privilege of phone away from me. Yes. But I am getting to do this other thing because I, guarantee you, and I'm speaking also to myself, obviously, I guarantee you if you do go on that walk, if you do go outside and, you know, pull those weeds, if you do read that chapter in that book, if you do try that new recipe, you will not say, I wish I hadn't done that. Yeah. But I guarantee, after four hours on your phone, you'll say, I wish I hadn't done that. Yeah. Oh, for sure. Absolutely.

That is so true. Yeah. It also has, it's got to be a great. great way to get out of conversations you don't want to have. Like when somebody's talking to you about something, then you're like, oh, those weeds I got to pull. Sorry. Then you just become like total ADHD. Sorry. I got to do it now thing.

So zip it. It was nice talking to you. There's a hedge I need to trim. I got to read a book. I'm going to use that for sure. All right. Recipe isn't going to cook a soap. All right.

Well, John, thank you so much. And happy new year. Happy new year. With putting the phone down. Thank you. All righty. Thank you so much. That's your year.

Thank you. All right. Let's go to Brendan from Boston. Co-workers at New Year's Eve. Uh-oh. Hey there. How are you? Hi, Brendan.

Hey. Got me and Carrie here. Hey, everyone. Tell us about your coworkers. Yeah, yeah. So every year, last, you know, a handful of years, I've tried to throw a pretty good New Year's party. you're a holiday party.

And last year, over the past two years, I've gone, you know, trummy with the coworkers and last year decided, you know what, I'm going to invite them to, you know,

meet some friends and family, whatever, have some folks in the office there. It could be fun, right? Yeah, could be risky, though. Unfortunately, did not go so well. Oh, boy.

An important piece of background is one of my coworkers had a little bit of a fancy for another coworker and had apparently thought they would be each other's new year's kiss. Was that discussed prior with the other co-workers? No.

Had they gone out on a date before? No. Let me guess. It's a fella thinking about that about a lady. It's not a lady thinking that about a fella. It's the inverse. What the heck? Oh, what a vixen.

Can you believe it? It's a new year, ladies. Yeah. She had just gone through a pretty tough divorce. And I think was excited. you know, about a potential office fling that was not reciprocated. Wow.

It became very apparent that it was not reciprocated when the other co-worker showed up with a date. Oh, boy. But what, blah, blah, blah, blah. She kissed him anyway? No, no, no. She had gone into the night. Everyone got a plus one

so that, you know, I didn't expect to talk to me all night. Right. So the first co-worker, the gal, she brought one of her friends, the other co-worker, he brought a date. The first co-worker, we'll call her Abigail. We'll call the other guy Barry. Okay, good.

Abigail shows up thinking she's going to, her and Barry are finally going to hit it off. Little does she know Barry brings a date. She's just constantly rolling on the lip-bone. The whole night she's kind of moping about it. Exactly. The whole night she's kind of moping about it. And eventually she's not there anymore. No one can find her.

I'm poking around. go to my back porch. Oh, this is at your home. Back in my apartment. Yeah, yeah. We're a few floors up. You were at my holiday party. All my friends are there, all my family's there.

And out in the back is me and another friend go out to the back porch. Oh, no. And we find her. No. And she's sitting on the railing. Oh, God. I thought something so much worse was about to happen. We're an apartment building for a few stories up.

And she's sitting there smoking a joint with both legs on the other side of the rail. Oh, Abigail. And we say, hey, Abigail, is everything okay? She looks to us and says, oh, don't worry about it. It's not your fault. So immediately I'm in panic mode. Hey, like, get down from there. And I'm trying to play it cool.

Like, oh, hey, like, that seems, you know, she's like having fun. But please don't do that. And she's, like, saying no and pushing back on it. At one point, she delivers the great line of, you know, being up here makes me feel like a kid again. It makes me feel like I'm climbing a tree. Is she like this at work? Yeah, she's totally, I mean, she's a kind of a character. She was kind of a character at work.

And then the friend I had walked out to the porch with runs back in, grabs Abigail's plus one, and is trying to like, in a hushed whisper, tell the friend, hey, Abigail's legs are on the other side of the railing, and we're not sure what's going on. I think she's like drunk and high. and she's trying to whisper that to the friend. The friend, screw her, Abigail's plus one, screams in the middle of the party.

You mean in a suicide way? And then everyone, Happy New Year! Everyone runs out to the porch. The friend has to talk Abigail down. Abigail comes back in. Midnight happens. The kiss doesn't happen.

1130. All of a sudden, Abigail, roosh, runs across the party. out the door, her friends chasing her, stops to me. It says, Brendan, thanks so much for having us. I got to go find Abigail. Runs out after her.

Oh, Abigail. So that's why you're done about your co-workers to your New Year's parties. No, no, no. This is why you don't invite Abigail. Yeah, yeah. The other ones sound fine. I bet someone brought a dip. There's only four of us.

Oh, my. Now, when you say was. Yeah. She's still with us? Or, yeah. She's no longer with the office. The office, but she's with... Wow, that was...

She was released from employment. Because she hung her legs over the other, or because she sexually harassed the fellow that brought a date? We actually... That's an whole interesting thing. We have no idea why she was fired. I'm guessing we were other... We reached out to us afterwards,

like, hey, do you know what happened? And none of us had any of you what happened. She had her, like, six-month review, like a month before she got fired. And they were like, yeah, you know, you're not the best, but you're okay. I'm feeling for Abigail. She's got, there's a lot going on.

She gets called to HR all of a sudden. And our boss said, hey, like our supervisors, hey, Abigail's out of the office. Maybe we should all go get a drink, you know, and then she can close up the office and be done once her meeting's over. So we all leave. It turns out she's at an HR meeting getting fired. Wow. And we still don't know why. As an old British friend of mine used to say, bless.

Bless her. Bless her. You know what? Yeah, no, that's rough. Yeah, it's, it is rough, but I mean, come on. That's like, I don't know. I mean, I have a sympathy at a certain extent, you know, a rough breakup, but yeah. No.

That's really a lot to be hanging your legs off. No, we don't do that. And that's, you know, that's, you know, that's. I've got to add that to the list. I'm going to add it to the list of things to tell my son not to do. Yeah, don't do that. Yeah. If you are sad at a party, right.

Don't make everyone think you're. You want a New Year's smooch from somebody who doesn't want to smooch you. Don't fake. Implicitly threaten suicide. I'm going to go. It's what's known as a party no-no. Yeah. Well, it's a downer.

It's a bummer. Really is. And I mean, and it's, yeah, and it's also, it's the whole thing about, you know, oh, it's a cry for help. Yeah, it's a cry for help. But sometimes a cry for help is a real pain in the ass. Right. Yeah.

I mean. Guys. You can cry to somebody else. other than me, poor Brendan, your co-worker, who out of the goodness of his heart, was opening up his New Year's Eve celebration. Oh, Abigail. Throwing the, a wider net.

Will you stay in touch with Abigail? She tried. Okay. She stayed in touch with the rest of the office. And she wouldn't stop bringing up the fact that she was fired. And everyone kept in Chino, wasn't taking steps to find a new job. get a therapist

to do anything. She needs some help. I was the last one to break ties and let it fade off. It's only been a couple of weeks too, right? Or was this last year? No, this was last year's New Year. Oh, okay.

All right. Well, Abigail, if you're out there, call me next week. We're almost done here. But, you know, we'd love to get your side of the story. Yeah, I'll give you Andy's address too. No, no, no, no. He loves to have people stop over.

Although, if you jumped off our roof, you would. Just twist an ankle. Yeah. Break a leg or something, you know, nothing. Yeah. Maybe your spine. Maybe your pelvis.

The key's under the rock. Depending on how you land. All right. Well, Brendan, thank you so much. Sorry, your party got ruined. Thank you so much for having me. Keep up the good work, y'all. Love it.

Thanks, Brendan. All right. Well, that's our show. Carrie, we always pick a favorite. Oh, my God. Well, I got to say the last one. God, I love you, Brendan. You're a good guy.

But that was a bit of a downer. Yeah. Not your fault. Right. I do like it though. It was pretty good. Well, it's pretty intense. Yeah, there was a lot of drama in that one. But here's what I, this is what I like.

Yeah. And I think you know what I'm going to say. Yeah. Something that involves drama, but also kind of funny, drama at a funeral. Yeah. That was a good one. I'll let you pick that, but I still think I like Brendan. Because I really do, I kind of have developed a crush on Abigail.

Oh. Oh. She's right on my profile. I love them crazy. Okay, well, this is some, we'll stick around after. 420 friendly and cuckoo crazy. That's my type. Around.

Hamanah, homina. I have some books I want you to read. They're in the back of my car. I was going to bring them to Goodwill. I'll take them. Think they might save you. I've got some tables that need leveling. Carrie Kenny Silver, thank you so much for coming here.

Thank you for having me. This has been a really wonderful hour. Thank you so much. I would join a cult with you. All right. Let's do it. Speaking of cults, Netflix, check out the four seasons. The people are slavishly devoted to that show.

Well, they should be because it's really great and it's not just because of me. It's great. And that's four different seasons you get to deal with. All four of them you get in one. Wow. They were going to do it just, you get two seasons. But then they're like, you know what? You get all four.

Why not? It's Netflix. All right, everybody. Well, thank you so much. I'll be back next week with more of the Andy Richter Collin show. You all take care. And I love each and every one of you equally. That's not true.