The Three Questions with Andy Richter - Kyle Mooney: Gifts & Giving Stories (The Andy Richter Call-In Show)

Episode Date: December 26, 2025

Comedian Kyle Mooney joins The Andy Richter Call-In Show this week to hear your GIFTS & GIVING STORIES!  Want to be a part of the Andy Richter Call-In Show? Tell us your favorite dinner party story or ask Andy a question! Fill out our Google Form at BIT.LY/CALLANDYRICHTER or dial 855-266-2604. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Conan O'Brien Radio Conan O'Brien Radio. Hello. How are you? I can't hear you. You have to speak up. How are you? Oh, wait, never mind. This is a one-way communication, my favorite kind. I mean, until the calls come, I guess. Hi, it's Andy Richter. It's the Andy Richter call-in show.

It is our, I guess this would be our Christmas episode because we're not going to be on next week. I mean, what do you people want from us? We have families. We have holiday stuff to do. So this is it. And our topic today is gifts and giving whatever that means to you. We're really running out of steam here in terms of topic. that to have callers come in and call in on.

But if you have a good gift story, give us a call at 855-266-2-604 and join the conversation. Kyle Mooney is here. He's my guest host, and I'm very happy about it. Andy, I can't even say how excited I am. The fact that I'm referred to as a guest host,

I didn't know I would be given such a solid label on assignment. You share responsibility for the next hour. That makes me nervous. Okay. Then you are, well, let's say like you're a monarch. Like you have all kinds of power but no responsibility. I still feel like you're giving me too much credit. Kyle's going to sit here and listen.

I like that. Here now is my pal. I'll pitch in. Kyle Mooney. Who is here to just say stuff occasionally. Yeah, baby. Yeah, baby. Yeah.

All your favorite film references. How are you? How's things? I'm pretty well. If I can like kind of sort of peel, I don't really say, take the curtain back for a moment, reveal something before we got on these mics, we were talking about the holidays coming up. Yeah.

And I feel like, you know, I'm finishing those last few things before I finally get to settle down and enjoy this time off, my family, and, and just sort of chilling out. Yeah, yeah. Absolutely. And you have kids, right, don't you? I have a daughter.

She's two and a half. Two and a half. Yeah, yeah. See, that's good, too, because you can, they're not very demanding in terms of gifts. Like, you don't have to, you know, it's like you get her a cardboard box. She will be, yeah, we've got,

we got her four cardboard boxes and they're different sizes. Of course. So it makes it a little more exciting. Yeah, right, exactly. It has to be some stimulation. Yeah. And I got to be honest. I think she'll be.

most interested in just the medium size. Yeah, why aim high? Right, exactly. She's so young. Yeah, I know. And you have family in San Diego, so do you have to, do you have a bunch of people down there you got to buy for and all that? My father and stepmom are coming up from San Diego. Oh, nice.

And so it's just going to be them. The rest of my family are sort of scat my brothers or I got a brother in Northern California and one in New York. But you know what? I sent a text this year and I said, This is, I think, apropos of the theme of today. I was like, maybe we don't need to do the gifts for those of us who are not in the same place. Yes. And we've been doing it, you know, since we all moved out of the house.

Yeah. And it was a tough pitch. But ultimately, I think everybody was like, yeah, we don't need to be doing this. I can't agree more. I mean, absolutely. It's just. And I now, like, I kind of. I'm like, oh, fuck, I got to, like, there's people that I don't see every day that aren't

in my everyday sphere that I have to, that I guess I got to buy them things, you know. Yeah, and, and I mean, let's be, it's, it's just added stressors, right? Yeah, yeah. For me, a big stressor is just the like, I mean, obviously the choosing of the thing. That's tough. But then it's like making sure it gets to them on time. Yeah, yeah. And then, you know, whatever.

of bull crap that just comes with like the feelings of like did you like my thing yeah yeah yeah oh i have i mean my well my parents my mom and dad both had so have i should because they're both alive but so much attachment to your reaction to gifts that they give you there where i'm just like to where they were like there's you know i i like i don't i'm estranged from my dad And there are like gifts that were given that he felt were not given the proper response. Given the proper response or reaction or use that were huge like problems in the relationship, which I'm just like I can't conceive of that. Like if I give you a sweater and I never see you wear it, I don't give a shit. Yeah.

Take it back. Do whatever you want. Can I ask you what one of these gifts was? Well, they involved, they were, it was also gifts that I bought him over the, and it was over years. Yeah. Over years. And, but like, for instance, my son, when my son was about, I was probably five and maybe six. And my dad had gone to Costa Rica and had bought my son a poster of like the tree frogs of Costa Rica.

Okay. And had sent it, I think, from Costa Rica in a car. board tube. When it came to us, it was squashed flat and had tire tracks on it. So, of course, it was creased and looked terrible and was awful. And we explained, and he's like, where's the tree frog poster? We're like, well, it was creased and destroyed. Yeah. So we threw it away. And that was like, and he could never process, like, but it was, it had a tire track on it. Yeah, it was trash. Yeah, it was, and, you know, and that, but that was still evidence of disrespect and, you know, neglect. You don't care for the love and time I put into this thing.

Absolutely. And I, and it's, to me, it's like, when you give a gift, it's not like a token of your, it's not, it's not, it's like, it's like, representation is not as significant. Some sacred object that represents my opinion of you. It's just a thing, you know. Absolutely. And I will say, like, when I'm on the receiving end of a gift, I've felt this in other moments throughout my life or even just like, this is how I'm trying to build an analogy and forgive me that I might not articulate it in a perfect way. It's all right. But like even sometimes when I'm playing games, I struggle with this.

I am mostly paid as an actor, right? Yeah. I am in, you can call me a professional actor. I would never say, I don't want to brag about that or say that out of about. But that is mostly what I'm known for. but I will say that moment when a gift is handed to me and I can feel in the other person's eyes that there's an expectation for a reaction

I cannot I can no longer act and like if I'm supposed to be the person who is overjoyed I have the worst read the most stale like yes oh oh awesome yeah I can't do it and it's really frustrating I am paid to do this, and in that moment, I am awful. You can't do it, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm, and I do feel for people, the people in my life, like, you know, my kids and my wife and, and my siblings, where they're like, what can we get you for? And, you know, birthday, same thing.

And I'm like, I don't know. Yeah. Nothing. I mean, and it is true. And my ex-wife used to get frustrated with this, too. When I would want something, I would just buy it for myself. You know, and I mean, and I'm not talking about, like, crazy stuff, but like, you know, I want a couple Lamborghinis, big old jet. Yeah, Lamborghinis, that's pasta, right?

No, but you don't just like a camera or something. Yeah, of course. You know, rather than say, hey, I'd like this camera, I just go buy the camera. And I'm, you know, and I feel like, well, just say you bought it for me. I don't, you know, all the money comes from the same place. Yes. What is it? And this year, I did like, I bought a company.

I bought a couple things, you know, just like a jacket. And I told my wife, yeah, you're giving me this, you know. Same. Yeah, no, I told my, my thing is I told my wife is like, I'm going to go to a baseball card convention and I'm going to spend $200. And you're going to splurge. That's my Christmas present. Yeah, yeah, you're going to go nuts for me at the baseball card.

Are you a big baseball card guy? I've gotten into, I was when I was a child. Yeah, yeah. I've gotten really into buying, like, vintage baseball card packs. Yeah, and then you see if... And then I open them and try to find the rookie cards. Because there's, like, a hidden treasure in there, right? Yeah, you get it.

I opened up a Ricky Henderson, 1980 tops. Yeah, yeah. Get that thing graded. I could, you know, I could be looking at $1,200 bucks. And how has that worked out financially? I, well, there, I think poorly. I think I'm wasting a lot of money on these packs of baseball cards because the odds of actually getting the thing that is valuable is slim. It's slim.

Yeah, yeah. Well, that's the house always. has the edge so yeah um well that's good but you're enjoying it it's not just about that so it is it is i mean it's a nostalgic feeling i guess but it is awesome to yeah when that i do actually like make a loud noise like when i when i opened the tony gwin 1983 tops i had been buying all these packs of 83 tops and probably like let's say 15 in after over the course of two months yeah open one up and there it was i gasped i like i was like oh i like didn't know how to respond it was there it was staring at me it was pretty magical and how much is that worth well

it depends on the grading on like the condition of it yeah and you you're supposed to get these professionally graded so like if it's mint if it's like a 10 mint if it's a perfect score probably i don't know 500 a thousand dollars something like that but anything below that is what is not that much money not that much yeah and are these packs are these pristine cards that have never been opened yes oh cool and they're just They just, they just been sitting in a warehouse somewhere. Exactly. In Topsville, USA.

Yes. Yeah. I got to get to. Yeah. Do a heist. That's sort of the mecca. Yeah, do a heist. Yes.

Break into the warehouse. I got to get some guys together. I'm going to corner the market on 83. Steal all the 83s. All right, let's go to the phones because that's what, this is a call-in show and we need callers. And we're talking gifts. 855-266-2-604 is the number.

First up, we have Frank. Hi, Frank. Frank is calling from Texas. You got me and Kyle. Hey, gentlemen. Good afternoon. Andy, congratulations on your Dancing with a Star's journey. Thank you for sharing everything, the vulnerable parts, all of it, your victories, your setbacks, all of it.

It was a great journey to follow. We're really just all proud of you. Thank you so much. I appreciate that. Yeah. Okay. here's my story. It starts off really bad, but it ends happily. Okay. I am growing up in Tennessee, my non-custodial mother kidnapped me off of a street corner in Baltimore when I was 12.

Took me to Tennessee away from my family. She was not mentally well. She had issues, obviously, and I grew up in a household from the ages of 12 to 18 in eastern Tennessee in a rural community in an entirely different environment. So I was a very sheltered, lonely kid, and there was a very sheltered, was alcoholism and violence in the house and all kinds of stuff that we could dive into on another show. Well, wait, okay, because this is, wait, before we get to the gift part, because this is so much. I mean, does your, does your father come look for you? Does you, I mean, do you make any attempt?

Oh, wow. Oh, that sucks. I'm so sorry. That's okay. And again, that's a whole other, maybe a whole different show on series that we can unpack. Yeah, when we do our childhood abduction. theme. But bottom line is it was a tough, rough and tumble a few years from me in my formative years, didn't have a lot of money, not a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of it.

But by the time, in 1978, when I was like 14 or so, my stepfather had gotten a government job, and we rented our first house, and then in 79, we bought our first house. So we were doing okay. I was a book nerd. I loved news. I loved history. I loved reading. I I loved information. So in 1978, they had these electronic games by Colico, you know, the football games with the little blips and bleeps on it. Absolutely. They had a game. They had a game called QuizWiz.

It was a game, 1,001 trivia quiz questions. It came for the book, but it had codes that you could punch in with the answer, and it would bleep and blip. And I wanted it. I didn't ask for a lot when I was a kid. We didn't have a lot. I, you know, it was 35 bucks. We didn't swing that Christmas, 1978. under the tree there's a box oblonged shaped just like it open it up it's a piece of paper with an iOU

wow so you know you just pack that away in the back of your your mind for a while until therapy comes along later and i just accepted it and i knew that you know they probably could have afforded it they probably just didn't you know again i i don't want to paint a horrible picture of my mother she had issues right she had real issues mental health issues and she was yeah yeah i oh you is shittier than just getting you something else you know it's like shape it's acknowledging it's acknowledging you want this thing but fuck you you know basically kind of yeah because the because if it's an iOU you ought to be able to cash it in like on december 26th like here i'd like to i'd like to you know i'd like to redeem this or or three weeks later in my birthday

they rolled around. Oh, wow. No, no, nothing. Wow. So acceptance. Like I accepted a lot of things in that period of my life. So flash forward. An adult, I moved back after a radio career in Tennessee, 25 years in radio, during morning radio and broadcasting and news, I fulfilled my dream. I moved back to Baltimore to start a new career and to reconnect with some family members that I never grew up with. I had a couple of half sisters that I never really grew up with. Same father, different mother. So I did that, and one night, my half-sister and I were having game night, brother and sister, competitive monopoly night. We're talking about games and how much we love board games.

I said, you know, one time when I was a kid, I'm just relating a story that I kind of, you know, it doesn't weigh too heavily with me anymore, but I related this story to her, and it apparently moved her. She'd never heard about it. Didn't know a lot of details about my life at that time because she was a child or an infant, you know. So a couple of months later, right after my mother passed in 2021, the package arrives at my door. She had gone on eBay. She found a mint condition, 1978 Colico QuizWiz, bought it for me and had it sent to me. Oh, that's nice.

So sweet. Yeah. And there you go. And were the questions, were they challenging at this point? They were 1978 Watergate questions and a lot of Henry Kissinger shit. You know, but hey, I'll take it. That's what the kids love. My 978-year-old self was happy.

Yeah. Kids loved Watergate. Yeah. The story is longer. It's a little more fleshed out, but that is the gist of it. You know, when somebody does something like that for you, and I really, I mean, I'm getting choked up talking about it when I really wasn't expecting it. Yeah. And it just brought all of that full circle.

What it meant to me was immeasurable. that's great well thank you for what a lovely what a lovely uh christmas gifty story you know thank you i thought so too i saw your post asking for this i've been wanting to call your show and i thought i'm waiting for the perfect subject and i saw this and i thought that's it well this was a good one so thank for thank you for kicking us off frank thanks yeah man big fan thank you for everything thank you too all right brother all right bye bye Well, next up, another Texan, Sam from Dallas. Hi, Sam.

Hey, hey, how's it going? Good, good. How are you? You got Andy and Kyle Mooney's here. Hey, nice to see you, Andy. Nice to see you, Kyle. I see you too. Look, the truth is, I'm not going to, this is not a super wholesome story at all.

That's all right. I have to follow up with Frank. came. That's okay. We could use a change in theme. Okay. So here's a story. So me and my friend Robbie growing up all the way through elementary into high school, we used to do like every year we'd give each other a gift. This was just something we did. It was something we started when we were kids, like a parent that got us to do it and then we just continued it through. And so this This gift takes place when we were around 16 years old. We both just got our driver's license.

So a little backstory. Robbie was raised in kind of a podunk town as a pastor's kid. And he was a good kid, right? Like he was very, you know, very conservative. He didn't do much. He didn't do drugs. He didn't do anything like that. And so he was a good kid.

Like he didn't, he wasn't rebellious at all. So for our 16th birthday, I decided to kind of mess with him a little bit for birthday. For Christmas, when we were 16 years old, I decided to do something a little bit, a little bit out of pocket. And I got him a Playboy branded Cologne and body wash set from Coles. And look, I thought that he was going to look at it and laugh and think this would be really cool. you know, I was in high school, so it wasn't, it wasn't cheap. And as soon as he opened that thing up, he was like, oh my gosh, Sam, no, there's no way, no, I will not, I'm not going, I can't. And he like starts trying to dig out, and just to be fair, I want to, I want to paint the picture here.

There was not, the package was really innocuous. Yeah, it's just a bunny. It's just like the little bunny ears on it. Yeah, yeah. He's like, well, what up? He ends up just getting so. riled up, he storms off in a rage out of my house and just leaves it with me. He is so mad that I gave this to him. And I was just so confused by the fact that he was so, so, I mean, he could have been like, hey, but he was just so mad. Anyway, right. About two hours

later, I get a call from his dad because, oh, another thing I should add is that, He told me, when I gave him that set, he said, if I bring this home, my dad will spank me. And he was being serious. Yeah. He was 16 years old. Wow. He was like, my dad will whip me if I bring this home. I was like, oh, my God, okay.

And then he storms out. So about two hours later, I get a call from his dad. And his dad says, hey, Sam, I don't want to. alarm you or anything but um robbie got a pretty serious car wreck really close to our house he uh he rolled the car over three times and when we pulled him out of the car he was completely drunk um he was absolutely wasted keep in mind like there was literal cans of beer and bottles of liquor in his car in his he's 16 years old wow this is two hours after i gave this kid I tried to give this kid a Playboy branded Cologne set and cold.

And he freaked out. So for some reason, he, this sent him into such a spiral that he ran out. Somehow at the age of 16 came into the possession of copious amounts of liquor, sped home, and rolled the car over three times on an old country road. Wow. And all because of this. And I was just so, and he's okay. He was totally fine, but. Well, maybe not mentally.

I mean, I, I would, I would venture to say he was not fine. No, not at all. Well, especially because after that, I had to ask his dad. I was just like, hey, you know, this is really awful to ask. Like, I should have asked, like, can I come visit him? Can I give him food? But I said, did you have to spank him? Oh, wow.

And he said, yes, Sam, I did. And then he hung up the phone. Spank him because he rolled the car and was drunk? Yes. Jesus Christ. Now, was there ever a conversation after the fact about the significance of the playboy Cologne and why it set him off so much? He never, like we, we didn't talk for a long time after that.

Wow. For a long time after that. And by the time we had reconnected, I was about to get married. I mean, we really had kind of falling out. Yeah, yeah. But I would not dare bring it up, I feel, because I feel like something must have broke. Yeah, yeah. When I gave him the little bunny ears branded Cologne.

Yeah. And even, yeah, it was just, that's my crazy story. Again, sorry, Frank, yours was awesome. well that yeah no that's okay it's not a contest i mean it is because we do pick a favorite at the end but uh i just want to know uh what did the because you obviously used the body wash right and the cologne oh yeah how what did it smell like um it was kind of uh i kind of thought it smelled like uh act like i did not think it like act body spray oh okay i i didn't think it was very good no i i mean i'm that I think that that's a safe bet, like right off the bat, you know.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. I definitely got used out of it. I was able to not waste it. So it was good in the end. Yeah, I would think, like, yeah, I wouldn't trust like, hey, this Playboy thing, I bet it smells good. You know, all like, when I hear Playboy, I think the grotto. And that thing couldn't smell.

Sweaty. Yeah, just like, well, like bleach. Chlorine. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Maybe it was just bleach. All right, Sam. Maybe. Sam, Merry Christmas, if that's your thing.

Merry Christmas. And thanks for calling in. See, Sam. Thanks, easy. 855-266-2-604 is our number. Oh, wait, I forgot to do all this stuff. And mention that you have a podcast called What's Our Podcast with Beck Bennett and Kyle Mooney. That's true.

And it's available wherever you get your podcast. and you have a film Y2K, and it's on HBO Max right now. That's accurate. Yeah, yeah. And you've got a new album, is it a new album? The Real Me? Yeah, well, I have the Real Me came out in March, and I have a holiday album called Winter's Wish.

That's out currently. You are a busy fella. I got to stay creative, Andy. That's just the reality of it. Not me. And I admire you. I love Coastin. You love kicking it back, kicking it back.

I love Coastin. I like doing a bear That's what I'm saying That's what I'm looking forward to I want that moment to come Oh man I love doing a bare minimum With little or no reward It's really

I think everything you're doing is great Just to say that loud It's not a good plan But it does feel great So anyway All right well there I got that away I'll mention that's why I drove here

No I know I know You needed that plug And I know And I'm sure that somewhere Beck is sitting listening And like all right finally Yes Finally

He feels good I just got a bunch of texts from him. I got to respond to him on. And I bet he probably subscribed to Sirius just for that. Yes. Yeah, yeah. He did. Of course.

Yeah. No, no, no. I know he did. Oh, let's go back to the phone. Steven from Minneapolis. Hello. Hi. Hi.

I should talk now, huh? Yeah, that's the deal. All right. So when I was in third grade, my dad died, like the week after Thanksgiving. and I was out of school for a few weeks and on my first day back a bunch of kids came up to me and were telling me Brett's going to give you a Nintendo Brett's giving you a Nintendo

and Brett was a classmate of mine and I had no idea what they were talking about but it turns out there was a local radio station that had some sort of contest where you could nominate you know people who had gone through trauma or adversity like charity games. and he nominated me and my family and we won or he won and for i'm assuming it was the radio station that um insisted on this they couldn't just hand it to me there had to be an assembly in

the gym oh wow so that they could um yeah so i was already like a shy socially awkward kid at third grade too that's really young yeah um so yeah i had a They do that in front of like all 100-something third graders in my school. Yeah. And then I got home that day. And, you know, I had the Nintendo in my hand. This was 1989, by the way. And I told my mom what happened.

And she went, oh, you know, I already got you guys a Nintendo. This is great. I can return it. But the difference was the one my mom bought did not have the Super Mario duck hunt combo game with light gun. Yeah. And the one the radio station game, he did. So I came out okay. Nice.

Well, I mean. Did you, were you ever, were you able to ultimately get the duck hunt game and the gun? Well, no, you said that's the one from the radio. That's the one they kept. Okay, good. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry, I got very nervous there momentarily.

Because that duck hunt game was fun. Yeah, especially if you put the gun right up to the screen. It's easy. Yeah. That's the secret. Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's cool. Well, did you still have the Nintendo?

It's probably packed away somewhere. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well? So thank you, Brett, wherever you are. Yeah, thank you, Brett. That wasn't nice of him, you know?

Oh, yeah. It was super nice. We weren't even friends. Like, we were friendly, but we never hung out or anything. Yeah, yeah. I mean, because, yeah, third graders aren't usually known for their empathy. They are not. Yeah.

That's great. Well, Stephen, thank you for that. These are some nice stories. Yeah, yeah. I mean, honestly. Gun in the game. I was, yeah. And I want to apologize for flipping that.

Yeah, yeah. No, it's okay. We'll be talking about this after. And their mom had got to save the money for that she'd spent on the other one. That's great. That's great. All right. Well, thank you, Stephen.

Thank you. Have a Merry Christmas. Have a great holiday. All right. Next up. Linda from Pennsylvania. Hi, Linda. Linda? Hello. Hi, Linda. Kyle Mooney and I are here waiting to hear your story. Hi, Kyle and Andy, I'm so excited. Anyway, my story is pretty funny and it's not, hi, and it's not a super long one. So I took my mother and my mother-in-law out to, this isn't the Christmas story. It's a Mother's Day story, but it has to do with gift giving. So I thought it was appropriate. We took them out for Mother's Day,

lunch to a really nice restaurant. It was my husband, myself, my mother, and his mother. And we were exchanging gifts towards the end of the meal. And my mother-in-law reaches down and she says, Linda, I have your present. Here you go. And she pulled out this giant gallon size zip lock bag that had white something in it. And I was like, oh, and she goes, these are underwear. Now, I washed them, but they're not really used. I just don't like them, and I thought that these would be really nice for you. This happened just as this server was coming around to ask us how our meal was. So the server saw my look of horror last, of course, like a smart, looked at me, smiled, and I had to graciously accept a bag of giant white granny.

panties. Wow. As my mother's day present from my mother. Nice. And it was a Ziploc bag? It was a Ziploc bag, like the clear one. Yeah, yeah, of course. That you write like chicken on it or something.

Yeah. And the day gift. That was the best present I ever died. I like too that she thinks like giant granny panties are right up your alley. Also, the qualifier, anytime it's like, I couldn't really. I don't like them. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

And she, at least she quantified that they weren't used, but she had washed them. Right. They were pre-washed at least. Yes. So at least, you know, they were pre-washed, which was very nice of her to pre-wash them. Well, she had, gives me her discarded. I'm assuming she tried on at least, at least one pair to know she didn't like them. So, like, one pair.

Did you ever wear them or did you just? No, no, no. Yeah, yeah. No, because, I mean, I, you know, I'm, you know, I'm, you know, I'm, you know, wasn't terribly older, old at the time. Not that I'm much older now, but it was a few years ago. I wasn't really, you know, a white, big, they were literally what you were, would picture. They were the giant, like, white. Did they, like, come up past your belly button?

Exactly. My poor husband, like, he never, he actually never heard the end of that one. Like, every, his brothers, they have big Irish family, like, forever. They, I was the joke of the family. Like, even at, like, we just saw each other on Thanksgiving. And even at, Thanksgiving. They're like, hey, Linda, would you get from Joan this year? That was her name. Sorry, Joan, if you're listening. She's not listening. I'm like, they're like, did you get old, old wrinkled up underwear? I'm like, why is it? Why are you the butt of the joke? No pun or, you know, clever joke. You know what I mean? What's the mother that's the jury? People are just, I don't know. I think, yeah, I think that just a bag of underwear. That's the joke. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, the bag of underwear was the joke, and she was serious, though, and that, but that's the thing. That was my entire Mother's Day present. Wow. Like, I got nothing else but a bag of pre-washed, quote, unused, awful underwear.

My mom, who was there at the time, she had this look of horror on her face as well. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, underwear should never change hands. I mean, I understand, you know, I mean, granted, I live a. a privileged life. But I sort of think underwear should remain just with one person. Right. And if you buy underwear, here's a tip.

If you buy underwear and you don't like them or you're not going to use them, don't regift them. Yes. That's not a big re-gifting. Right, exactly. I thought that was the law. Yeah. Right.

Like you do not re-gift underwear. So, yeah. But that was, yeah. That's the best gift I've gotten. I think you should have made your husband wear them, just to be like, this is your, this is your fault. You got me into this. Yeah. All right, Linda, thank you.

Thank you for the call. Thanks, guys. Happy holidays. Thank you, you too. All right. All right. Now we got, this, the calls are being genius. geographically clustered because Linda was from Pennsylvania. Now, Lee is from Pittsburgh.

Lee? Yes. Hello. Hello. Hello. How are you? I'm good. Thanks. Oh, thank you. Oh, thank you. How are things in Pittsburgh? They are, well, they're warmer today. We've got snow that's melting away. Thank God. I'm originally from Charlotte. That's why I talk kind of funny. Okay. So I used to love snow until I moved up here and realized that life went on when it snows and everybody doesn't stay home and yeah so it's and you understand being from Chicago but um I have kind of a more lighthearted story everybody's story I've got some really depressing ones too but I don't like to focus on those and this has sparked a core memory that I wanted to share with you that so I was this is very kind of leave it to beaver kind of stupid dorky kind of Christmas dumbass teenager stuff but being

A lifelong goofball, you know, I didn't really have an allowance. Like, I didn't get a regular allowance, number one, because I didn't do anything that, like, deserved it. I figured, well, here's these chores. Well, I'm just not going to do it. I'm not going to earn it. So that's fair, right? Yeah.

So I just figured I, you know, I begged out of it, said, I need the money. But Christmas gifts, I really liked giving presents, and my birthday is December 8th. So I usually got some birthday cats. that I would always invariably spend on other people's Christmas presents. Sure. And that was like the one time of year I got to redeem myself.

So when I was about 14, I'd say, yeah, in 1985, I learned the wonders of Charlotte's very limited public transit system, buses, right? Right. And a whole new world was opened up to me. I was like, oh, sweet. I can go anywhere I want. I can go catch a bus. It's not that hard. and I can have this newfound freedom

and I'm just hot shit running around with my money burn a hole in my pocket. So before what they built, what is the main skyscraper in Charlotte now, still the tallest one, there was this weird block of shops and there was one, I think it was called cachet, and you had to ring, I don't know how I found it,

you had to ring a doorbell, and this woman would let you in, and it was magical because you'd walk in, and it was like a gag and magic shop, like old school, like peewee giant thumbs. Yeah. You know, that kind of, that kind of, I was novelty shop. I was so thrilled.

So I went in there and spent almost all my money except for a couple of things that I got from my mom. I wrapped everything up and I was so proud on Christmas morning and disappointed pretty much. It was, I mean, it was just my mom and my sister, but disappointed everybody. My mom, I thought a really great gift would be a padded. toilet seat that kind of like sticks to your ass when you stand up and like squishes out and flattened she didn't like that she was okay with weird allen 3d which was like a new release that just come out which i now own on vinyl i still have that copy but she was pissed off about

the toilet seat but my sister my sister was nine years old and i i bought her a ball cap like a trucker cap at that store that said shit for brains and had a big plastic coiled up doctored on the bill. Yeah, yeah. I got, oh yeah, I got her like the classic hillbilly teeth. I got all this stuff. She opened up the shit for brains cap and just started sobbing. Just crying, crying, crying.

Yeah, and I get, wait, she got you these nice paper bat, you know, those paper mishet earrings. And I was just, oh, Jesus Christ. And I ran out to my room and I found one of those little, like, tape recorder. One of the ones that had the handle that would, like, come out. Just, you know, sick to set in it from Kmart, stuck it in a shoebox, wrapped it up real fast, and was like, here. There's this instead. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

But I thought it was great because because I thought, oh, I've got this measure of independence. I've got some money in my pocket. And I just disappointed my entire family by missing the market. I just thought, I was really proud of those. presence, but I still had to be a jerk and get her a cap that, get a nine-year-old cap that said shit for brains. You know what? Honestly, the reason I was like, yeah, sure, I know that cap because my daughter, who's 20

now, when she was about, I would, maybe the same age, but I would say eight-ish, we were at a store and she saw the shit for brains cap. And he was like, oh, my God, I love this. And bought it for, I mean, I bought it, but she would wear it. She would, she, like, thought it was hilarious and would wear it around. She has tape. Yeah. Because she has tape.

And, you know, and a very strong sense of self, too, you know. Yeah. Well, I mean, I would have done the same thing, but I was also 14. And that same Christmas, I believe I had opened up all my presents with an exacto knife and rewrapped them and learned the hard way that there is no satisfaction in doing that. Yeah. You know, the shame you feel, I wrapped everything back up, but I always had to confess when I did something bad. And what I really wanted that year, for whatever reason, was a rubber chicken. My mother fulfilled this request, and I always had to confess when I did something bad.

So I wrote on a tag. I opened me first time a rubber chicken. Oh, boy. And mom was like, you opened all the freaking presents, didn't you? And I said, trust me, the shame I feel is punishment enough. and that was me. But it was like when Beaver Cleaver is about 13, 14 years old, like the best years of Leave It to Beaver when he's just such an absolute dick shit

that it's the best entertainment. Yeah, that was that Christmas. Well, I don't know what compelled me to share that and it's kind of benign. Well, you're a compulsive overshare. I just, I'm going to diagnose you right here. So. Thank you. You're welcome.

Well, Merry Christmas. Thank you, thank you for the call. And I hope that people are people in your, you know, you're not still giving out joy buzzers and stuff. No, no, no, not, you know, unfortunately, my sons, I think they have their own. Oh, yeah. They get it.

Kids. Thanks so much. All right, thanks, Lee. Merry Christmas. All right, 855-266-2-604. How are you doing over there, Kyle? You know, I'm getting more and more in the mood in the, in the, of the holiday season. It's really, the spirit is building within me.

The spirit, yeah. Some good stories, some bad stories, some sad stories, some heartwarming stuff. Yeah, I feel like there's a, a bar is being set in my head of what Christmas could be like coming up. And I'm like, I'm feeling more confident to be honest. Good, good, because I wouldn't want to ruin it and like overset your expectations. No, I feel like I'm learning a lot of things that I shouldn't do in the next few days. Yeah, yeah. No Ziploc bad.

of Granny Pannies. Unless it's your thing? I don't want to get into what my wife and I are into. Okay. But that would be okay? Yeah, but if we can put holes in the bag. Okay. All right.

All right, then. Yeah, and maybe not so clean, if you know what I mean. Yes, sir. Oh, yeah. Merry Christmas, indeed. Chad. Chad from Texas. Hello.

Hello, gentlemen. How are you? I'm very well, and I just want to say to Kyle real quick, because I feel like he's just taking it all in. Thank you for Y2K, for those who didn't grow up through the millennium that was a documentary, basically. Oh, that's very sweet. I really appreciate that. It was really cool. And, Andy, you're the secret sauce to everything.

Oh, I thank you. My goodness. Well, I thank you. Yes. So, quick story. this isn't a gift I got, but this was some friends of mine when we were kids. I don't know

the year. They got a Super Nintendo for Christmas. And like a lot of us, when we were younger, we would dig around and root around and try to find where our family hit the things before Santa came and all this.

So we found the Super Nintendo wrapped under his mom's And I think it was probably two weeks before Christmas. And we were like, that is about the shape. That box looks like a Super Nintendo. Like that's what they asked Santa for and everything.

So we opened it. It was. And we played it. And, you know, we played it. And then at the end of our little session, we packed it back up and we wrapped it back up. And we did that every day for about two weeks. and nobody was yeah we were little shit um and his mom never i don't think she i don't remember hearing that she figured out that we were doing that yeah yeah what we what the hell were we

doing we were unwrapping and wrapping a present repeatedly to play a thing they were going to get in a couple weeks i think what what that what i mean maybe not you but i think what your friend was doing was dealing with the neglect that he was experiencing of being left unsupervised for long, long stretches of time that would allow him to like unwrap a complicated electronic device, hook it up to a television, play with it to your satisfaction, and then rewrap it and put it back. That is a latch.

Yeah, and I was proffting off of it. Yeah, yeah. You know. Were you playing Super Mario World? Do you remember? Yeah, yeah, it came packed in with it. That's what we were doing. So when they opened it, they had a freaking save file already on the cartridge.

Well, you boys are good at this. I don't think anybody knew what was going on. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, right. That's great. That's awesome. All right. Well, thank you, Chad.

Yeah. Thank you, Chad. Take care, Chad. I just, and this happens occasionally on this show where I just, I will like remember an on-topic story. And I just remembered one from it was either last year or. Christmas ago. And my wife, she's big on like stocking stuffers. Like she has stockings for everybody, like for my older kids and for like her siblings and different people. And, and she likes to just get like little stuff for the stocking stuffers. And she was, and she'll often like

go to Nordstrom rack or like one of those kind of store, you know, like the sort of resalee kind of stores and get like bath products. and beauty products and just that will be she'll put those in them and she bought you know a few different women she what she thought was face wash and it was called honey pot and she didn't really read the the label very closely and and i looked at it immediately and i after it was received by people in an odd way it was intimate wash it was to wash her vagina. Wow.

And she gave it to people and the reaction was like, what the fuck? Are you trying to tell me something? Yeah, yeah. She got it for her mother, you know? And she like, when she figured it out, she like had her brother intercepted so their mother didn't like this.

So she saved one of them. She saved one of them. But yeah, but there was some, she had some esplanin'n't do. I thought it was facial watch. And I was like, yeah, you should probably read the labels a little closer. next year for the Nordstrom rack you know I got to say absolutely definitely fully agree but like the bag in the underwear the bag of underwear yeah the private parts wash how everyone will refer to it

these are things that somebody could get some use out that's true we all have vaginas well I mean half of us right we all have a little more than I would like to think that that I could probably utilize that sure sure of course yeah yeah I mean you know so if there's any leftover from any of the who didn't like it. I will take it. Wow. And the panties. Sure. Oh, yes. Whatever. Sure. Yeah, yeah. Just saying. Just saying. I'm just saying. Joe from Hilton Head. Hello. Kyle and I. Hi there. What's up? Andy. Andy, Kyle, great show. I'm really in. I'm sitting there just enjoying this. Oh, thank you. I'm thinking about, Linda, a couple of calls ago, I think I have the The Christmas gift that I received, I think, might have been purchased in that novelty shop that I think it was Charlotte that she mentioned.

Oh, wow. But, yeah, so I've been sitting here reminiscing. When I was 10-ish, 10 years old-ish, up until that point, you know, I'd gotten great Christmas presents, especially from one particular aunt or aunt, depending what side of the basin, it's line you're from. Sure. And she was my favorite to the day that she died. I loved her. She just was more fun. But I used to get, you know, like Red Rider, you know, BB guns and slingshots and, you know, all the kids stuff, you know, up until the present that she presented this particular morning.

Does anybody know what a pooper, scooper is? Of course. It's a, it's a, really, I've never seen one or even heard of them. one yeah no it's like a big pair of pliers yeah yeah but it's like a big pair of pliers yeah and uh you it's like a you scoop it i mean you it's like it's got a uh lever like um in the middle like a big old steam shovel like that you know yeah like a big old steam shovel yeah yeah the reason that i take everybody the listeners time of this thing it really did warp my personality and that hasn't straightened out yet uh um you

Up until then, I was just a great kid. I was doing all the fun stuff, and until the day I got this pooper scooper. And it really was a coming of age. Some people would have been a traumatic, I would be thrust into analysis kind of thing. But it warped me, it worked my sense. I was in a church meeting this morning, and I played a practical joke on one of the members of this meeting. Some would attribute that to many, many, many, many years ago, this pooper scooper that sort of warped me. And I have happily haven't recovered from it.

Was the prank poop related? Because at church, they don't go for that. Well, no, no, no. Oh, no, no, the practical joke this morning was not poop related that I can think of. No. Well, did you have a dog that you got this pooper scoop before? Yeah. Yeah, no, we had a dog.

So it was functional, yeah. It was very functional, but I didn't want functionality. Right, right. I wanted fun. Right, exactly. I wanted a BB gun. I wanted a slingshot. I wanted a, you know, whoopee cushion.

I wanted, you know, something like that. Yep. And so I shared that with everybody. My aunt who probably, it might be a genetic thing, gave me a sense of humor. Oh, well, that's good. I like Conan so much. I like a sense of humor. Oh, great.

Andy, like your sense and humor, I get to watch you every once in a while. Well, thank you, Aunt. What was her name, Aunt? She was Aunt Jane to me. Aunt Jane. Thanks, Aunt Jane. Yeah, yeah. My mother's from Virginia.

She would have been Aunt, but my dad was from Pennsylvania. So she was Aunt Jane. Yeah, we were Aunt. Yeah, it was an aunt when I was a kid. She was a fun, fun person. So I wanted to share that with everything. Thank you, Joe. Merry Christmas.

Thanks for the call. Merry Christmas, you too. All righty. Bye-bye. All right. We got one more call here. We got Gus from Nebraska. Hello, Gus.

Well, hello there. How are you? I'm good. You got me and Kyle Mooney and we got time for one more call and it's you, Gus. Congratulations. You'll be the last call of the year maybe? Yeah. How about that?

Well, what an honor. Well, this is another aunt story, only not quite as fun as the previous caller. Oh, that's okay. I had an aunt. She was also my godmother. Yeah. And so it was tradition for her to get me a Christmas gift and a birthday gift. And so Christmas rolls around.

She was also my Sunday school teacher, and she wasn't particularly nice in Sunday school. Very strict German woman. At any rate, she must have asked me what I wanted for Christmas, and I'm about 11 years old, and I'm sure I gave her a pretty non-response because her gifts were typically not all that great. kick in with. And so I end up with a gift delivered to my home. It's beautifully wrapped. It's a really big box and it's very heavy. And I am really excited to maybe finally have gotten a good gift from my Aunt Mary. So Christmas Day rolls around and it was the first gift I was going to open because, again, I'm pretty pumped about this. It was so heavy and I opened it up. And lo and behold,

it's a brick. It's an old brick. What the fuck. She got me a gift of a brick because I didn't give her an answer. So to my knowledge, it was the last gift I ever got from her. Wow. And I guess it served as a good lesson. You know, if you want something and somebody asks you what you want, you should probably give them an answer.

No, no, no, that's, no, that's fucked up. That's, that's cold-hearted. Yeah, that's excellent. That's an excellent example of the German sense of humor. Ha ha, I will show you. No, that's sad. How dare she, Aunt Mary. Shame on you.

Yeah, yeah. I was probably 53 years ago, and I still remember the color. Yeah. You should have boxed it up and giving it back to her next year. Or put it in her casket. It wouldn't have been a bad idea. Put it in her casket. Here, you're giving you this back for the next world.

Yeah, well, I did tell the story at her funeral, so I got her back, I guess. Yeah. Well, good job. All right. Well, thanks, Gus. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Thank you, guys.

All righty. Bye. All right. We usually pick a favorite. I mean, when I say usually, I mean, we pick a favorite at the end. Yeah, yeah. So I'm going to let you go first Oh gosh

If you're in this hot seat I feel like people must mostly be like I don't want to do this I want to be given this responsibility I know but it's too bad You signed up for this Well actually you didn't really You just said yes

I liked them all Okay I'm reviewing in my head here Right Yep take I will you have some time Okay It's just it's the Conan channel There's not really a lot going on I definitely liked

who told the Super Nintendo story That was... Re-wrapped? Yeah, Stephen. Yeah, yeah. Oh, no, that was the radio station one and then the rewrapping was Chad from Texas.

That was the one... I like that Chad compliment of the movie Y2K, so that goes a long way. Oh, well, then you could just pick him for that reason. I want to say, but the bag of underwear also is pretty good. It's memorable. See, I'm going to say,

because it's the Christmas season, and I want to be nice for once, that Frank's story at the beginning of finally getting the Wiz Kid after having it. Yeah, yeah. It was a nice... It was a nice sort of full circle

and, you know, redemption arc. Love that shit. I'm very glad you asked about the actual quiz question. Yes. Well, yeah, because I actually like, that sounds right at my alley. I'd love to play with like a quiz game

for children from 1988 or whatever was. That'd be so much fun. Yeah, it's always fun to get to play the trivial pursuit from, you know, 1980s or whatever. Yeah, exactly, yeah. All right, well, Kyle, once again, what's our podcast with Beck Bennett? It's wherever you get your podcast. Y2K, it's on HBO Max. Two albums, God damn it.

The Real Me and Winners Wish, which is a holiday-themed one. That's true. By my persona, Kyle M. Oh, dude. Nice. He's, yeah, well, I am Kyle M. Right, right, right. But he's more mysterious, maybe?

I'm just, like, finally allowing myself to be my true self and be creative and artistic in ways that I've sort of not allowed myself to by pursuing these other things. Right, right. And as Kyle M, you're the guy that's in a hurry. Doesn't have time for a last name. You know, I never thought about that, Andy, but I really like that, and I think I'm going to use that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, Kyle M doesn't have time for Oonie. Well, I got to spend my time creating.

Ah, exactly. TikTok. goes the clock. Speaking of which. I can hear my guitar from here. All right. Well, thank you all for tuning in. We're in the holiday season for the next two weeks.

But as always, you can leave a voicemail at 855-266-2604. Fill out to Google Forum in my social media bio. We'll take your stories anytime and we'll get back to you in the new year. But that's all for us. Happy holidays, everybody. Be good to each other. year. See you next year.