The Three Questions with Andy Richter - Lisa Ann Walter

Episode Date: May 12, 2026

Abbott Elementary’s Lisa Ann Walter (the self-appointed “female Andy Richter”) joins the show to discuss her start in Hollywood, their mutual friend Elaine Hendrix, her debut stand-up comedy special (out May 15th on Hulu), their Jeopardy! records, what the videos you watch online say about you, and much more. Do you want to talk to Andy live on SiriusXM’s Conan O’Brien Radio? Tell us your favorite dinner party story (about anything!) or ask a question - leave a voicemail at 855-266-2604 or fill out our Google Form at BIT.LY/CALLANDYRICHTER. Listen to "The Andy Richter Call-In Show" every Wednesday at 1pm Pacific on SiriusXM's Conan O'Brien Channel. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Hey, everybody, welcome back to the three questions. I'm your host, Andy Richter, and today I am talking to Lisa Ann Walter. You know, we're from the hit show Abbott Elementary, as well as films like The Parent Trap and Shall We Dance. Her special Lisa Ann Walter, It Was an Accident, premieres on May 15th on Hulu. She's also going to make her off-Broadway debut in Heather's The Musical this April. Here is my very fun and very funny conversation with Lisa Ann Walter. Well, Lisa Ann, you and I could, I was just thinking, you and I could do this whole podcast based on, well, I guess three things. Yes.

Jeopardy, Dancing with the Stars. So much. And Elaine Hendricks. Like, we could just talk about. We could just talk about those three things. Three cues. Yeah, yeah. There we go.

Yeah, three topics. We've fulfilled it now. Yeah, with Andy Richter. No, but you and I got to know each other because you were there. every week, right? Every week. Every week when I was on dancing with the stars. Yeah, yeah, you were there.

The only week I missed was the week I was with her in the hospital. Oh, right. When she was there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She pulled a muscle or something? Was that what it was? No, she, she, it was a rib, it was a rib, not break, but I guess break. Like a rib.

They can't tell. You're cartilage or something. Yeah, they can't tell if it's a, with ribs. They can't tell if it's a break or cartilage has pulled away from the bone, which is part of what it was. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, they just, she came back the next week and they tossed her around like cheap lawn furniture again. No, she, you know, she like, she got a stress fracture in her toe. That was, you know.

You know one of her toes is titanium. I do know that. I've been trying to talk her into doing, they have this competition called toe wrestling. Uh-huh. And you go, it happens to California. I did not know that. Listen, there is a whole world of touristy-ass competitions that we need to be doing as people in. How does toe wrestling even work?

Is it just the big toe? I guess like thumb wrestling, but with toes? I've never done it. Okay. But you know what if I did? Only fans. Then you wouldn't need a network show. No, I would not need a network show.

I would buy my kids' houses off my toe wrestling videos. So I've been trying to get her to do the toe wrestling because I figured she'd be a shoe in. She got a bionic foot. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, she was in a terrible, well, she's got to be on this show. And so we can go. We're not here to talk about her. Let's get her on the phone.

She was in a terrible bike accident years ago. She was on a bike and a car hit her. Yeah. And she went from being a professional dancer, which she was when she came to Los Angeles. She went to like the Performing Arts High School in Atlanta. Yeah. And that was her training. And she worked with all the hip hop choreographers back in the day, like all the real famous ones.

And then her job went away. Yeah, yeah. That was it for the dancing. Yeah. And then she became an actress. Like, she was like, you know what I want to try? You know how I'll fall back on? Yeah, exactly.

And like a minute later she was in, I think the TV version of Get Smart with Andy Dick. I think that was like her first big job. Really? Wow. Yeah. We should really have her on because I'm talking about her career. There was a Get Smart remake with Andy Dick. Indeed. Wow.

Yeah. How'd you miss that? I don't know how I miss that. I usually am very much up on his. career. Well, that's crazy. Yeah, no, and I always knew her because Conan's manager is one of her dearest friends, Gavin Pallone. Yes. So she, you know, I'd see her at different, different events. So when we, when I, she, I found it she was on Dancing with the Stars. It was nice to have somebody there that I knew. And also, and then it was so meaningful to her to, you know, since she had

started out as a dancer to come back. It was. I mean, she was, you know, you, you have your little stories that you tell, as you know, when you do a reality-based show. Yes. It's reality competition. And then they retell them and retell them and retell them. They do, because they lay in what, here's your story. Right. You know, you are the guy who was always the funny man, but now you're going to be like

the prince, you know, whether you want to or not. Yes. American women went, I like him. Yeah, I don't feel like it was in a very neuter sort of way. I feel like it was in a very, I, listen. I don't know. Hang on. Hang on.

All right. I have thoughts about this. Okay. So we're going to segue. But remind me because I have ADHD. Okay. I will not be able to follow the breadcrumbs back. I know.

We're a good pair. I do that on this show. I'm like, wait, what was it talking about? What was that? It was right to the Roman invasion of Mesopotamia. I do that often. But anyway, Elaine, very truly to her soul. Yeah.

Love to dance. Yeah. did little dance videos here and there and, you know, just for fun. And, you know, she danced in shows like we did a show called What a Pair, which was women, you know, like celebrities, duets, singing songs from Broadway for breast cancer research. Get it. What a pair. Yeah. Yeah.

And I went to go see her do it. And then next year I'm like, I want to go, I want to be in. So I started doing it. She and I did one together. I started writing medleys based on Broadway shows. And the year that Hillary Clinton ran against Obama in the primaries, we did stand up your rock in the vote from Guys and Dolls. Sure.

Sit down, you're rocking the boat. And it was very funny. But anyway, dancing for real, she didn't do and thought she never would again. And when she started doing it on the show, she was moved to tears almost every performance just from gratitude. and happiness that she got to dance again. And she would say to me privately, I never thought I'd be a dancer again. And I'm a dancer.

Yeah, that would have had a lot more weight than my, I guess I don't hate this as much as I thought I would. That was my story. No, but here's my thoughts. Here are my thoughts about that, because you were saying, it was just like a, isn't he cute? I think that there was an entire spectrum of mostly women,

can say some man in America that had there were there was an element of he's everybody's favorite dad like be nice to everybody's favorite dad like he's the cutest he's the sweetest he's he's nice to everybody everybody loves him and that was a it's not condescension it's embracing your your niceness no listen i don't i i'm not i'm not complaining no not at all yeah yeah But I truly think that there was a population of women and some men who said, that's the kind of guy I want. I want that guy. That's how women embrace men who we feel happy and safe with. It's, that's a guy who would be nice to me.

Look how he loves his family. Look how he loves his wife. Who was also almost always there. She was there every week. Yeah. Yeah. She and Cornelia. And Cornelia was there.

Amelia was there, who reminds me so much of my daughter. But there, I think, is that segment of the population who are like, that's my guy. Yeah. That's the guy. That reminds me of my guy. Or that's the kind of guy I'd want to be with. That's when you're young and you're when you're a young man and you see women falling for just assholes left and right. And you're like, when do they start liking nice guys that are going to be there?

It's like, in about 40 years. Yeah. Stick around for 30 or 40 years. And they'll be like, you know what? I'm tired of chasing a jerk. That's exactly. Yeah. You get to a point, if I may.

Yes, you may. In our lives, it's truly where Elaine's there too, where we just, we've had it. Yeah. We've had it. Yeah. You don't care. I have zero F's left. Yeah.

I'm living my zero F's left life. Yeah. I just, it's a grown ass woman kind of, I'm just not putting up with that. Yeah. Like, you want to be mean. You want to be a jerk. You want to nays. egg women and all the...

Do it on your own time. You can find... That's the problem with these guys going after young women is they don't know any better. And they start wrapping, twisting themselves into pretzels to get some idiots' approval. Yeah. That's who you care about?

Yeah. The guy who's the biggest achievement in life is he, you know, got top score on Mario Kart, like still living in his mother's basement? Yeah. Why are you giving it? I know, I know. And ish.

I don't want to curse. No, you can. You can't. Oh, really? Oh, yeah, you can say whatever the fuck you want here. There you go. All right. I was waiting for you to break the fucks you.

Well, you've had, I mean, because you've had, you know, you've had a real, I mean, I don't know how to put, just like a real working career. Like in show business. Like you, you weren't swept off your feet by the romance of the business. Yeah, I think initially, you know what? It's so wild that you're saying that because on the drive here, you know how sometimes you get moments in your head of like, I was 30 years ago I just came to this town and this was all new. Yeah, yeah.

I was like, oh, I'm going to do a movie with Will Ferrell. Yeah. I'm going to do a movie with Richard Geer, you know, Jim Carrey, Dennis Quaid, Tom Cruise, whoever I would stand it next to him. Yeah, yeah. And when you're, when I started out, it was starring your own show here, help create your own TV show, starring your own show. In fact, I didn't learn how to like be on a mark for a camera until five years into my career.

Wow. Because I had a camera. It found me. Yeah, yeah. If I moved, so to the camera. Yeah, yeah. I had no idea how to like find a mark and be. I mean, I knew how to be a second banana.

That's what I did. Right. That's how I came up in the business. I think you and I are analogs. Yes. Like you and I kind of get like, I'm a female Andy Richter. I get that a lot. I mean, do you get, well, you probably don't, because my other thing, mine is either the nice guy, but always like kind of the friend, the nice guy or the dumb guy.

Like I played dumb real well. Yeah, I called one of my production companies, Anjeneu's funny friend. It was originally Angenu's fat funny friend. But I got yelled at. And you know what? Honestly, I wasn't. I had that idea in my head. I know, I know.

And the business was trying to tell me, like I remember on my second. show, they kept saying, you know, the lawyer on Fox is real thin. You should wear spanks. She was close to Flackard. I'm like, I'm never going to be that. I'm never going to be a close to Flok. My people were not made that way. Right, right. We are kid-worthy, peasant people with broad hips. Yes. Field-bearing. Field work. Thick thighs. Yeah, yeah. A lot of squatting. But she's brittle. No, she's lovely. Why am I? See, I'm. I. Guilty of it. I'm not being porkler.

There's still work to do. I mean, you've come a long way, but there's still work to do. I'm jealous. I want Harrison Ford. He's brittle, too. Anyway, he's not. He's lovely. I'm just being the bones.

What were we talking about? I went away. No, no. When I came here as the funny, in my head, I was going to be a stage actress and I was doing stand-up. And a stand-up is always the funny friend. Yeah. Because stand-up is funny complaining.

That's really what it is. Right. Right. It's just funny opining. Yeah. It's the amp that you like, right? So I came to this town with an idea of, in fact, when I was pitching the show, I said, if we were talking a sitcom world, Rota gets her own show. Yeah.

But it's not to show Rota where she's the, it's the best friend. Yeah. That's the voice I want. It's the truth teller. Yes. Right? The one who's not worried so much about the guy's attention. Yeah.

So that was my initial exposure to this town. And I kind of had this idea. Well, I guess I'll just wait for my turn to be the star in movies. And I looked around. I'm like, I'm not the star in movies. You know, I'm Renee Zellweger's sister, which, by the way, I was pinned for like six months for the Jerry McIre. Oh, really?

I was supposed to be her sister. And then they cast Renee, and they thought, that I look to New York or East Coast or something. Yeah, yeah. Ethnic. That's their, that's their non-racist term for you're too swarthy. Right, right. You might be Italian or Jewish.

You're not sure, but it's whatever it is. It's not Texas. And we can't say it. And she's from Texas, so we're going to cast Bonnie Hunt, who looks Midwest and lovely. And is wonderful actors. Well, you know, there's no Italians in Texas. Never. You know, yeah, yeah.

But what's hilarious is that you look at a picture side. side of me and Renee Zellweger. Uh-huh. We're related. Yeah, yeah. I mean, there's, we have the same squinty eyes. Yeah. Coofy-lip, squinty eyes.

Absolutely there. For whatever reason. But that job, the other jobs came to me that were like that. Yeah. Jobs in, you know, in the parent trap and, um, shall we dance? And these other big movie jobs came along as the comic relief female. Mm-hmm. So I, even though, like, I had that the same figure.

that I had when I was doing my TV shows, a really curvy, 36, 24, 36, very curvy figure was not necessarily what was the, I was told this out loud. It's not the sold body. S-O-L-D? Yeah, sold. Not the sold body. That's such a strange phrase.

Somebody better tell Jennifer Lopez that because, girl. Sold. Yeah, like, yeah, exactly. And meaning the one that sells. Right. It's such a strange phrase. It just means you're too fat. Yeah.

That's what it means. Jesus Christ. And my entire career, just like my entire life. Yeah. I operated under that. I'll get those rolls when I lose 15 pounds. Yeah. I have to lose 10 pounds and then I'll get that role.

Yeah. Then I'll be deemed worthy. And it still happens now. Well, that's why it pisses me off that we're experiencing, experiencing this resurgence of skinny obsession. Yeah, yeah. I used to, one of my lines, you know, if I, if I lost 25 pounds, I get a lot more jobs as the fat guy, you know. 100 percent. You know, and I always felt, and I mean, because I'm under, I was under the same thing. Like I have been picking on myself for virtually my entire life. Yeah.

For being too heavy and why can't you get it under control? Yes. You know, my fault, my fault, my fault. Right. And I mean, and that's just one aspect. There's also the part of me, that loves me and that is perfectly fine and doesn't really give a shit about what other people think. Right. But I contain multitudes of neuroses. Yes. You know how it is. As most funny people do.

Yeah. I mean, that is the, that is, you cut open a comic, you find twist. Yes. And usually it's a combination of extreme self-confidence and deep self-loat. Yes, absolutely. Yeah. The two exist. I mean, and it's almost like a cliche.

Yeah. How much they exist and coincide within one person. Mm-hmm. But that's another reason why I think people flock to you and love you and why women like you is they, women tend to look at people and see a total, the total person. And they embrace someone to men intend and care for the broken boy or the sad clown or whatever. They're like, no, just be funny at home. No, women. Until they get the comic at home and then they're like, oh, dear.

Turn it off. Oh, dear. Turn it off. And also the need, just the need, the never-ending need that a comedian has. Can't you tell my loves it grows? Yeah, but don't you find that the balance is what works in a good relationship? Of course. A million times.

Look on your wife's face when you performed each and every time because I had to watch her. I watched you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I would always turn and look at her. She's better to look at. Oh, my God, stop it. No, no. I mean, no, I, that was a joke, but I just think she's lovely. No, and I mean, and that's, I was also going to say, like, women are so much less shallow than men.

Like, women look in many, many ways. They will look like beyond the physicality and go, well, there's so many other nice things about this person. Yeah. And so many other good things about this person. And also, too, I do think that, like, um, Men, and again, this is all generalizing. Yeah, let's lean in. I'm leaning in.

This means it's serious. Men fall in love and they still have a laundry list of things that could be better. Whereas women fall in love and they have a laundry list of things that they are now going to accept. Yes, or improve. That's the danger zone. He'd be great if I can fix that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can fix that as the death of a lot of relationships.

But I have a theory about it. You want to hear it? Sure. Okay. So I have a lot of theories based on biological imperative. Yes, I do too. Do you? I do.

Shake. I do think because we're animals and so many things. The complicated choices are based on animal. Yes, behavior. And the attraction of a male to a female is, I'm just going with men and women at this point. There are other attractions, obviously. But let's just talk about men and women for now. We only have an hour.

Right. And we're a spectrum. Everybody is a spectrum of different desires and, you know, things that blows up. they're skirt up. But men attracted to women is generally based on the likelihood that they will procreate with their young. Yes. Right. So a 10 inch differential of waist to hip, no matter what your weight is. It doesn't matter if you're 100 pounds or 200 pounds. If you have a 10 inch differential of weight of waist to hip, it means that you are fertile and you can bear children. And that's what they're attracted to. They're attracted to signs of health, white teeth, shiny, thick hair, things that

skin. Yes. You will birth my children and live to, you know, raise them. Right, right. Right. And females. Because I'll be off. Yeah. And males are attracted to many different females, right? It's the reason why we developed as as humankind. There's one woman in the room could probably back me up. We are, we didn't use to have, um, open season on our bodies. We had periods of estrus of heat. Yes. Yes. Right. We still. do. Yeah. You go, you knock on the door of a woman who's in between ovulation and period. Yeah. You got a much better shot. Because her body saying, attention fellows.

Get in there. Let's get in there. Keep a calendar, guys. But don't show the government. Yeah. Because they're on to us. But, but if periods of heat kind of dissipated because the females that had longer periods of heat were bred more.

And therefore, that's who survived, right? Yeah, yeah. Females are attracted to the male who can bring home the meat. So therefore, sometimes in our modern day, that means money. This is why all men are thinking they only want money. There's a reason for that because we have to have safety. Because that baby, we only have a certain number of eggs. Y'all can make babies everywhere.

We only can make the certain number of babies that nature allows us and we have to protect them. We don't leave them, right? So your money has to take care of us and the baby. Sometimes it's fiscal. Sometimes it means that the male physicality is stuff that means you can make a baby. The butt, the legs, the big rugby player legs. Right. That's my thing.

Those things say we can stoop and I'll make a baby with you. You'll make sturdy kids. Yeah, yeah. I make strong arms and shoulders. You can build the hut. So some of it is throwback to the biological imperative part that's physical. but most of it now is you can support me. And the funny means smart.

When you're quick and you're funny and you make me laugh and you give me joy, that means that you're taking care of me emotional. Yeah. Well, I would, because my version of this kind of biological imperative is, I want to hear it. Here you go. Is thinking back to, you know, early man. A, the man, it is the man, like his concerns are get food, make babies.

Yes. So that we as a human race survive. Yes. And the imperative on, you know, I feel like on women. Because it's, you know, I am a strong ally. Oh, I know. You're not going to hurt my feelings. Say whatever it is you think.

What I mean is just that I'm, I am a feminist, which people scoff at that I, their man should say that. Which I'm like, well, I don't know what else you call it. They scoff that women say it to. I know. I don't know what else you call it. They've been calling us names. The acknowledgement that it's... Just call me a witch.

If feminist bothers you, fine. I'm a witch. Right, right. I'm making spells. I'm dancing in the moonlight. I just think women have a harder time than men. That's all it is. That's all I mean.

And I acknowledge that and I have seen that my entire life. And I acknowledge it. And but you then you do live a life as a cis hit person with a wife. And you do see like, oh yeah, there's all kinds of. of stuff that's just like, I'm the bird with the shiny feathers. Yes. And I'm supposed to keep away the predators. Yes.

And the predators are rent, utilities, you know, financial ruin. Those are predators. Yes. And, you know, who's going to save the babies now with no one to protect me? Who's going to save the babies from the tiger? Yes. And, you know. It all boils down to that.

And that's, and that's your, you're there to do whatever. By the way, two things. Number one, never realized it was pronounced cis het. I've been saying Cichette this entire time. I had no idea. That sounds like a classy salon with custom bras. Welcome to Cichette. Exactly.

Where the boobs are real. Well, yeah. We're not going to judge. No. But the other thing is, that is exactly it. You've nailed it. We are mostly interested in historically the data shows in the protection. It's funny because there will be all sorts of videos now because I occasionally look at videos on Instagram.

It's okay. Constantly. I know. It's poison. It's hiatus. And I just buy myself. When I was on tour with Dancing with the Stars, I was, I realized I just spent two and a half hours looking at fucking Instagram reels. Yes.

My life is slipping away. How many dogs and puppies do we? And by the way, the answer is all of them. I need to see all the dogs and puppies videos. But I mean, I'm looking at like trees being felled. Yeah, that's process porn, though. Hey, I love that shit. Oh, no, listen.

High five. Yeah. Yeah. Process, we have the same brain. Yeah. I am the female Andy Richter. Did you get into the pimple popping videos yet? Oh, I love them.

I love them. Sometimes. Oh, that shit's good. That I don't have as long. Because you're not a woman. I know. Seamales are into it because we have the men in 10. We need to cure disease.

That's why if you're a dude and your wife starts popping the zits on your back, Shut up and let her. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Similarly, the videos... My wife gets mad if she sees that there was one that she didn't get to get. She has to click. Oh, no, you got to let it cook. I know, I know, I know.

I try. It's going to be even better. Sometimes they get, they get shaved off accidentally. No. Well, it just happens. Save that for her. All right, I'm sorry. The videos I get mad at are when they're in the TJ Max.

And they have whole videos of men talking about how women got to be in the TJ Max. There's one I saw where the guy was like, just let her be in the TJ Max. the TJ Mac she's happy. She doesn't need her to buy anything. Just let her walk around holding a pillow and a nice coffee. She doesn't care.

And I was like, that's berry picking. That's how we are. It's biological imperative. You stupid motherfucker. It's berry picking. We got to find the best pillow. I already looked at TJ Max.

I've got to go to Marshalls now. That's what we do. I am going to play this part for my wife because a fucking home goods. That's it. She's gone. She's gone for hours.

I got a semi. I'm a female semi. I'm super patient. But it'll get to a point and I'm like, please. Because you walk into a store, you're like, oh, we need a pillow. Yes.

Look, here's one. She can't stop. And you're done. Every single store in the mall. It's so funny to hear you say that. And not, no, I don't like that scent. I was looking for the scent that was in that hotel when we were in New York.

Remember that? I got to find that candle. She does things like... Because we have to find the best things to bring back for our young and our family. We have to make it the best thing. Yeah. Because that's, we can't help it.

It's genetic. It's future planning because there will be like, oh, look at these St. Patrick's Day plates in June. They're on sale, though. They're so cheap. And then we have bins of seasonal decor in our basement. We have a little tiny caloric. California basement, but it's full of seasonal decor.

Are the bins properly notated? Fuck, yes. There you go. Why are you crying? They're labeled. I know. You got that. No, listen.

That St. Patrick's Day party's coming and you got your place. You might forget about the place and buy more. Right, right, right. I just don't like celebrating the Irish. That's the only thing. That's my problem. As I look at my ginger producer. Half the people in the world think you're Irish.

I know. I know. You've stood too close to Conan. I know. It's just, it's just fun. It's just fun to say. Like, it's just having, you know, like. Just saying you hate the Irish.

Well, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because also like, I mean, he does a lot of pro-Irish stuff. But like, but like, you know, it's like to go, for me to go wave a flag and be whatever version of white I pick, you know, because I'm basically north of Italy, you pick it. I'm in. 100%. I'm part of all of that. Yes.

And, but like, he just, he's so deep. Irish, that it's almost, like, I think it's too much for it. Okay. So, this just in, this is another part of, by the way, we don't have to discuss Jeopardy at all, because we're doing it now with this conversation. There are people like, damn, really? I get it. I just discovered recently, not like this year, but in the last couple of years, that there is a part of France. Okay, so my mother's family is Sicilian, right? So that DNA, shows up when you do the testing as Southern Italian, but also in there is African, which I'm 4%. Yeah.

Because Sicily children was ruled by the Moors, which was the old name for people from Africa. Yeah. For like 800 years. Yeah. That's who came over. And then also the Middle East. Sicily has been run by everybody. The Vikings, the Germans, the Norwegians, everybody.

I've got a great grandmother whose name was clotild. Oh, wow. Sicilian. Yeah, yeah. So there you go. And I look just like my sister and grandmother, white, white skin, green eyes and blonde hair if it's not colored. Right. So you get any flavor.

But the dad's side, my dad's side, which is French, French German, Al-Saysian, their name and origin is from Normandy. Yeah. Okay. So what does Normandy stand for? I just watched a show on the Vikings the other day. Yeah, yeah. They gave it to this king, anybody who saw the show Vikings with my friend Catherine Winneck starred in it. fabulous show. But the brother, he wasn't really the brother of, my boobs going to pop out.

That's all right. You're a monk friend. Thank you. The guy Rollo, who was a king, he wasn't really the brother of Ragnar in, like in the show. But he was a Viking. Yeah. And they basically gave him part of France, so the Vikings would quit coming to France and killing people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So they gave them the whole province of Normandy, Norse, man, Northman. Yeah. Yeah. Right. That's where my people came from. Yeah. So that is why Volta all of a sudden makes sense. Yeah.

Because it is a Norman Viking name. Yeah. Which is the reason why every time I watch a show about Vikings or hero Badron, which is a Scottish drum, but it came from Vikings. Yeah. I get aroused. Because this was a surprise to me, but I finally was like, I'm part Viking. Yeah. And there you have it.

Yeah, definitely. And same. No, yeah. You see that in me, though? Yeah. I see it in you. I, I, no, I, uh, I definitely see that because, and, and the part about being a Viking that, uh, like my favorite aspect of being a Viking is that it was seasonal. It was just during wintertime.

Like, we're, we can't grow anything, you know, like it's too hard to fish. The sea's too rough. Let's just go kill some monks. Yeah. Yeah. They got stuff. Yeah. Let's just go steal shit.

You know? Yeah. Because it was, It was like the phrase they would go a liking, which meant basically pillage. Right. You know, it was just a synonym for pillaging.

So, yeah. It was just like, yeah, that's what we do. Yeah. We're farmers mostly. Yeah. But we also split skulls and steal gold. If you saw where we lived, you wouldn't want to be there in the winter.

And I mean, honestly, they went down to Mercia, right, England on raids and then went, shit's much nicer here. Yeah, yeah. Like the weather is much. Right. Like how bad is your weather... Yeah. You know.

Your weather has to be super bad for you to go to England and go, it's nice here. It's nice. Like you figure they did that until they saw it, like, Italy. I'm going to stick around. Yeah, yeah. Can't you tell my loves it grows? Sorry, we segued way away. We really gotten away from...

Was this on your list of questions? No, no. These aren't questions. This is just, this is all, this is everything about you. Which one of my favorite things on here was that... I'm going to shut up in here. Was that you think? No, I just, I just love that this quote from you.

I made babies almost immediately when I went to New York to be an actor. Instead, I got knocked up and that's when I started doing stand-up. That's correct. Yeah. I found something I was good at. What, why'd you have, I mean, how old are you having? Why did I have babies? No, no, no, no.

But I mean, so young. Especially when you're, because that's. It was right out of college. You know what I mean? I mean, that is not the pattern. That is not what anybody does. No, but I'm Catholic. I

You went to a college with Catholic in the name. It's Catholic University of America, baby. Wow. But not because it was Catholic University. It was because it was one of the best, it's not a conservatory, but it was one of the best drama schools in the country. Oh, really? Yeah.

In fact, I was offered a senatorial scholarship to University of Maryland and would have had to pay for nothing. And I said, no, I'm going to go to Catholic and work three jobs. Wow. Because they had such a. good department. When I wanted to learn how to do it correctly. And Catholic. I wanted to do the Greeks in Shakespeare. Yeah, yeah. Catholicly. I was not Catholic in school, Honey Child. Let me tell you what. Let me tell you what. It was the 80s. Girlfriend had fun. Yeah, yeah, yeah. As most Catholic girls do.

Which is why I got pregnant. Yeah. Yeah, so I went to New York, and I think I think I was out of school a year when I got pregnant. And I had been with my boyfriend. We were living together and we met doing a street car named Desire. So I was Stella. He was Stanley. Oh, wow.

We were making out every night in the show because the way they had it set up, you know the scene, Stella. Yeah. Hit her and then he goes and grabs her and they make up. And then there's a whole scene with Blanche. And people who don't know the movie,

I'm like, what the hell are you talking about? Yeah. The point is, on our, show, which was connected to Arena stage, it was a really great production, but the scene would just dim where we were on a bed, like it was supposed to be our apartment. And we'd be rolling around

making out, like every night, and the scene would go on. And I was very method. So we became boyfriend and girlfriend. And you might as well. Yeah, I got pregnant, and he wanted kids. And so when I told him, he was like, let's get married.

Oh, wow. And so that's why we did that. And he's still one of my best friends. He was over last night. We watched 90-day fiancé together every week. That's nice. Yeah. So you were young when you did a first child. I was very young.

I was 21? No, no, no. No. Like 20. I think I just turned 24. Okay. Yeah. But still.

Yeah. That's crazy. Yeah. Like I just think back to 20. I mean, I have a 25-year-old son. And you think about it. And he takes very good care of his little sister, but it's not the same as actually having a child. No, not at all.

Yeah. And when I think about my youngest are 25-year-old. now, the twins. And when I think of the possibility of them breeding, just no, just no, you are not, you're not ready. But I mean, honestly, I had been on my own financially since I was 17. Oh, really? Because, yeah, I was paying for school. I mean, my mother, up until I turned 18, my mother gave me the, I don't know what it was, $600 a month or something. She kept my dad, 300. It was maybe $300 a month. And I had that. And then I turned 18 and I stopped getting it. that. Yeah, yeah. And then I

had some help from the government until Reagan came in. I had a good about a help for the school. And the rest of it was, kids won't believe this today. My work-study job was typing. My mother made me take typing in high school. I would transcribe Catholic philosophical speeches

from the original, which included a lot of Latin terminology. You know those Catholics. Right, right. On to freaking paper. It's not a computer. Yeah, yeah. It's paper with whiteout. And typos. And I got paid $2 and one cent an hour to do that. Wow.

So I also waited tables. Were these sermons or that people were like dissertation? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a guy from India, from some church in India made a speech about St. Thomas Aquinas. And you would transcribe. Yeah. Wow. Yeah.

There's real interesting stuff. No wonder you were horny. I also learned to smoke doing that because I was so hungry all the time just up and no food. Right, right. Yeah. So anyway, that was the college experience. And I went to New York to be an actress, got pregnant almost immediately. Yeah.

And once I had the baby, it was the height of the comedy boom. And all my friends that were up there from the drama department that were like in the BFA program with me. There was 18 of us in this program. I wasn't even going to do BFA. I wasn't going to do it. I was like, what can you do with that degree? You can't even teach. Where you do B.A and then.

Yeah, yeah. I was going to do a B.A. My mother was like, why would you switch? That's crazy. And there was an audition. I remember I was coming back on the plane from spring break. I was in Fort Lauderdale, deeply sunburned and hung over. And my friends were all auditioning that next day.

And I was like, well, I'll audition too. Yeah. And I just did it on a whim and got in. Yeah. So all of those people were my best friends. Yeah. And they all said, you should do stand-up. Wow.

And they weren't doing stand-up. They just said, you're funny enough that you should do it yourself. Yeah, you're the person. When we're at a party, you're telling stories and making everybody laugh. You should do that on stage. And had that been something that had occurred to you? Never. Never.

I mean, I loved it. Like, when I was a kid, I had, like, I had albums. George Carlin and Richard Pryor were my favorite comedy albums. And I used to, like, do the routines to my mother. And there's nothing like an eight-year-old doing full on Richard Pryor. Yeah, yeah. And I learned I could curse and not get in trouble if I made her laugh. Right, right.

So, boy, did I? No, yeah. When a kid, when you, as a child, you find out that like, if adults are a bomb, how you can defuse them by making them laugh. Yeah, 100%. Oh, my God. What a power trip. Yeah. What a power trip.

My mother would be ready to smack my sister into next week and I would just make them laugh. Yeah. And the fight went away. Yeah, yeah. So. Were you the middle? No, I was the youngest of my mother and dad's kids. And then he, they divorced.

shocker. Yeah. And he remarried and had twins. And had twins. So I guess I am the middle by the fault. But that was like when I was 13. And that's, you had a second batch and twins. Yes.

Wow. And that weird? That's funny. It is weird. Yeah. Yeah. But mine was, I think my stepmother had fertility meds. Mine was just a trick.

Yeah. Trick egg. Was, because they're identical. They're identical. They're identical. And mirror. Oh, wow. So they start off identical as one.

egg, one fertilized egg, and then they, at, I think it's three weeks or four weeks, it just goes blip, and it kind of, and is one of them right-handed, one of them left-handed, that kind of thing? Wow, that's amazing. What about the natural part in their hair? Yep. One swirls right, one swirls left. That's crazy. That's how we figured out they were mirror as they started, the part, definitely, because they looked

exactly the same. Right. But then the hands, when they started doing things with their hands. Yeah. Because you can tell them apart by whose hair is parted in one way. was when they went to, they also went to Catholic high school, but because it was cheaper. Yes. And I was paying. That's one, that's one thing Catholic high school has going for. Yeah, they're like, have lots of babies. We got to.

That is factored into some of our decision making. Exactly. Well, maybe the Catholics, but both of my, both my ex-wife and Jen are Catholic, and both of them were like, no. Yeah. You know, they had I didn't go to Catholic high school either. My mother wanted me to go because they had a better education. And I was in all the advanced classes in high school. And I was like, absolutely. Oh, girl school? Not on your tin type, ma. Both my, I mean, it's just a, I can't think.

Yeah, no, I can't. But they went and they have, is a co-ed school. And they have like top 10 fencing schools in the country, like of schools that the kids go from the fencing program and get full scholarships or go to the Olympics. It's not wild. They're also a big football school. But. And one of my kids wound up playing football.

I was not happy about it, but he got injured so bad he quit. I'm like, good. Yeah. But they had this fencing program, and I kept trying to talk them into fencing because it was my dream that they would be like in their identical bodies, identical faces behind the beekeeper mask. Right. With their name on the back, the same last name.

Yeah. And then they get out there and at the last minute, nobody knows if they're right or left. It's this last minute. Switch hands, boom! Get a point. It was like an 80s movie. Right. That was my dream for that.

They could have been like the Williams sisters of fencing. That was my dream. Yeah. All that money that comes with those fencing contracts. Yes, exactly. Yeah. Maybe they'd be pirates. I don't know.

I don't know. You don't know either. Yeah. I would in one of this, I think it was Cincinnati. I was in downtown Cincinnati just, you know, for this tour. And there was like a fencing school. And I was like, wow, that's, I didn't, that's strange. You didn't know.

People studied that. Yeah, we're still doing that. Although. In Pasadena, we don't, my daughter, this is, I'm sorry, people, I know you don't care. My daughter does ice skating in Pasadena, like where the, you know, Civic Center is. Right. And one day we went down around the corner to get coffee and there was kids fencing. And we just went in, like a fencing tournament, a weekend thing, because.

it must be like an extracurricular thing, but just hundreds of kids fencing in this big auditorium, and it was really pretty fun. But who thought there were that many kids interested in fencing in Pasadena? I don't know. I think they come from all over there. We have to. How many schools are there?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. As opposed to, you know. But it was huge. And, I mean, it went from adults to little kids. Oh, okay, so it was all ages. Yeah. Because I always drive past, like, Taekwondo schools. Do you ever, like, think about, I mean, I know it's a business.

And I'm sure it's a, It's a great discipline. Physically, it's a great discipline to learn. But I always think when I drive past one of these schools, do parents really think when they're dropping their kid, oh, yeah, my kid's going to be, he's going to sweet the leg. Right. Like, do they have, they're in their mind that he's going to be like a badass martial artist?

Or just how it is sometimes when you drop your kid off at something and it's just to drop them off at something? It's an hour. Yeah. Yeah, I think that could be it. It's an hour where you don't have to sit on a field. Yeah. Yeah.

And also. Which, by the way, is how? They're getting, they're getting their exercise out. Yeah, yeah. None of you all have kids, do you? My oldest son. Wait, you pick baseball, by the way, is the answer. Yeah, yeah.

Because there's seats. It's the best. Yeah, yeah. And usually a cover. Yeah. Because I've been a hockey mom, a football mom. Nobody really did baseball, idiots. They all did soccer.

Yeah, yeah. Like, none of my kids. kids were ever going to be soccer star. Like, look around. You're not going to be a soccer star. My oldest boy when he was five or six and I started, because I'm not like, I'm not super sporty. Like it wasn't, I grew up without a, well, first of all, my dad, my dad's main interest is opera. My dad's one of his main interest, too. So he wasn't going to be tossing the ball around with me. Yeah, yeah. So I didn't have that. That's where I became a football. I like baseball and I played sports as a kid. But I, but it was, it was not a natural, like, I see these dads that are like buying them a little mitt.

I cannot wait to get him in the backyard. Can't wait. With my son, I would think, like, I guess I should, like, feel, I'd feel the societal pressure. I guess I should toss a ball around with him. Yeah. And it was so funny. One time we were doing, we were tossing the ball bag of forth for about four or five minutes. And he said, can we just go inside and draw?

Yeah. And I was like, yes, we can certainly go inside and draw. Yeah. But he, I took him to his friend's soccer game. to see if he was interested. And when we got in the car to drive home, I said, do you want to do you want to do that? And he said, like, I don't want to do anything where there's other moms and dads yelling. I was like, that is very fair, very fair.

So he played tennis, you know, which there were some moms, but it wasn't, you know, they're not yelling fully. You're supposed to be quiet. Like, I loved it when my oldest played hockey. And he did really well. He wound up playing for the travel team and the California Golden Bears. Oh, nice. He worked with the program that the kings have with, they play with like special needs adults. So we got to skate with like Luke Robatai and like he did well.

Oh, that's fun. Yeah. Remember, he went in for like, because out here you got to like audition for schools. Like he went in to talk to them when they, you know, see if they want to have you in their school. Yeah. And they talked about hockey. And they said, what do you like about it? And goes, I like checking.

You're not supposed to, but I do it anyway. And I'm like, dude. So he was announced to go to that. school. But now that I think back, he should have played rugby. I like cheering the kids on, but I would cheer the other team on too. Yeah. I just like when they're doing well and having fun. Yeah. And that does seem to be the, and I totally am with them. Like if that's your, if that's your retirement plan. And by the way, that was true at my kids high school, this big, you know, sham anon. It's a big high school football team out here. They're out here.

There's three. There's Madrid, Maudi, right? And Sierra, whatever. Yeah, and Chamanad. They're like always, you know, in the finals. And it was so, it was such a vigorous training that they had to tell them, like the state had to tell them, you got to give them two weeks off in the summer. Like they were having them trained starting end of May or whenever they started, spring, through till when season started, like, six. six hours a day in the blazing sun. Yeah. And they had to go, look, you guys. But I remember telling my sons, both of them were in football at the beginning, and then they wanted to move one of the twins. Like I said, they're opposites.

So the one, there was one email, one agro. So the agro one, who by the way, I figured him out when we were playing like Pop Warner, they were lined up. And the coach was telling him to do something. Kids didn't understand it because he was deeply hood. Great guy. They literally couldn't understand what he was telling him to do. And I did like blindside on my kid.

I grabbed him by the helmet, pulled him over. And I said, see the guy in the vest, climb over the line and take him down. Just take him down. Like you do your brother at home. Just take him down. Yeah. It was Santini. Right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he did, like for the rest of the game. And they were like, what hell did you say to him? But I knew he would be an aggressive player. Right. And the big coach said to me, Mom, we got to fatten him up. I want him on defense next year. And I was like, what do you mean? Fatten him up. Like I opened his mouth like a veal poor milk down his throat. And he goes, basically, you got to give him like a dozen eggs every night right before he goes to sleep. And I'm like, I don't think he's going to, I think this is his body type. Like his father is lean. His father is an Olympic decathlete. So real muscular, but not thick. And I was like, I don't know if that's going to work. But he kept getting injured, like bloody injured. And every time I would walk on to the.

onto the field, the coach would be going, hey, mom. And I'm like, what do you do now? You know, blood running down his face, pulled the sartorial muscle from his hip. He got deeply injured. And I was like, maybe this is for us. But you would see, but in that story, all the parents that would come from downtown or wherever they were driving in from an hour and a half to the school just to watch practice. And I mean, every day. I know, I know. No, I have my siblings in Midwest drive hours and hours and hours for basketball, softball, baseball. Yeah. You just, it's their weekend.

Yeah. It's just driving. I don't have any problem with that. Like, I don't have any issue with that. Like, that's what you do as a family. Yeah. The only issue I have is when you are, when you are putting all of that pressure on the kid. Yes.

And then if he doesn't perform, he feels, he feels your disappointment. He knows he didn't perform well. Yeah, yeah. And he can't have his whole. being wrapped up in that. It's, I told my kids, you don't need football. You need your brain. It's supposed to be fun.

Extracurricular, extra, which means it's supposed, yeah, it's supposed to be secondary or tertiary, you know. Yeah. Extra. Yeah. We can cut all this out, by the way. No, I played, I played football in high school, and I know I got at least three concussions. And I, and just, and then it came to a point where we had that thing where the, the, the Illinois High School Athletic Association had rules about when you could start practicing.

Right. There was like a time when you could start without pads and then a date that you could start with pads. Right. And he, this coach was like, we're going to have optional all through the summer. And I was like, fuck that. Yeah. And quit and got a job at the grocery store. Much better.

And, and didn't get any concussions at the grocery store. No, hardly ever. I twice got hit, hit somebody and then like, came to not yeah i got up you just did over i got up and walked over and sat down on the bench but twice yeah found myself like on the bench like yeah how did i get here yeah yeah and then just knowing that's not good no something you should do repeatedly so and that's i was so happy when my my son didn't want to he wasn't interested in football i'm just like thank god and my my siblings too they're like they're when their son was wanted to

play, wanted to play, and then was like, eh, you know what, I'm not going to, they are all like, oh, God, thank you. Yes. Yeah, yeah. But the worst is soccer. Yeah. I think we can all agree as parents. You can all agree that standing on a blazing hot field, standing. Yeah. Just standing there holding a bag of

orange haves. Just fucking nightmare. Yeah, yeah. Nightmare. In a game known for its low scores. I mean, just children running hither and thither. Yeah, yeah. Willy-nilly. Yeah. No plan in sight.

They were just kicking. How was, because you have, you have four kids that I know of. Yeah, that you know of. And, but I mean, when you're working, how did you have, did your spouse help out? Yeah, I mean, originally, like, there's a reason why there, if you look back on the comedy voices of that time. Yeah. When they were handing out TV shows to comics, I mean, not all over the place. They were a little discerning.

But, you know, I was on the ABC block, which was all comics. It was Roseanne whose show I followed, Tim Allen, Brett Butler, me. Yeah. And then whatever came on at 10 o'clock. Right, right. And then there were others that, like, I think Sue Costello was like they had. Sue got one on Channel 5. They would be like, you know, they try it.

They try. They try. Running different comics up the flagpole. My show did incredible. It was we beat Roseanne's numbers rather than just like track them. we would build on her numbers on some of the weeks. I was number one in the time slot every week, except for when NBC had the Olympics.

When we were up against the Olympics, I didn't do as well, but that was only like one or two weeks. And the rest of the time I killed, people would die for the numbers I had. I think we went between 13 million and 21 million viewers every week. So our average was like 17 and change. Like, we're a hit on Abbott and we get one point.

I know. Seven. It's like crazy. I always say that was the first year that H, the high budget S-Bods came in, like HBO and all of those. Yeah. And I was also up against the Sopranos, but people didn't have HBO as much. Like, they didn't have it. Right.

So the shows that they called Monster Hits in those days was ER shows that had a 33 share. Yeah. So a third of the people in the country were watching that. show. So at an average of 17, 18 million a week, we were a good hit. We were a good hit. We weren't a monster. Did you do two seasons or one season? One. Because a new, a new president came on. Oh, yeah. New president came on. The new alpha male must kill the offspring of the previous alpha male. Yes. And this one was an alpha female. And they brought her on because she was the person overseeing the program programming. No, she was like one of the producers of the shows that were like the New

New York hip, like friends at NBC. And they brought her over like, well, we want those numbers. And we're like, well, that's not the network that you are. You're ABC. You're working class regular people. Yeah. But what were we talking about? We were talking about comics who got shows.

About TV. Oh, I was going to say I was the only one besides Roseanne that was a mother. Yeah. Like they gave Brett Butler kids, but she didn't have kids in real life. Like I was a working comic, a road comic who had two. kids. By the time I had my daughter, I worked up until three days before I had her. I was back on the road when she was five weeks old. Wow. Like expressing breast milk into a Ziploc bag and putting it in the freezer of the comedy club. Wow. Yeah, it was nuts. And being incontinent on stage. That was

fun. It's a good closer. Yeah. And now. Front row might want to move back. You're in the splash zone. Yeah, it was, it was a voice that you didn't see very much in comedy because it's not very common to have a dad who's like, yeah, I'll watch the kids, honey, you go be a comic. But my guy, he was the one who wanted me to do something on stage. He was like, if you don't perform, if you're a stay-at-home mom, you're going to be miserable and we're going to be miserable. Like, go be a performer. And then he became my manager, and he still to this day supports me. He says, I'm the funniest female comic to ever work. I'm like, Relax.

Take it easy. Also, why has it got to be female? Yeah. Well, you can't just be comedian? Fucker. Yeah, it was really supportive. He was out and helped watch the kids. He was also working when the kids were little.

He worked at a office supply company that instead of like waiting tables or driving cabs, these are all like actors that did that. In fact, that's how he filled up the rules. rooms at the showcase clubs in New York. Our deal was with these people that ran the clubs. We'll give you an early show at 6 p.m. We'll fill the room. You keep the

food and drink. We're going to charge a ticket price and we'll keep that. And the guy in charge has to watch Lisa do 20 minutes. Yeah. And I passed at all the clubs doing that, doing these shows. But he filled it with like his clients. And he was a really good

manager. That's great. Yeah. And then I would drive into the city with my son or both of the kids and hand them off to him and he would take the bus home and I would keep the car and go do six sets in the city. Yeah. That's great. It was a busy life. Yeah. Well, and I, you know, with TV comedy, I mean, it feels like there isn't TV comedy anymore compared to what it was, you know, those years ago, yeah, yeah, except for Abbott Elementary. Yeah, it's doing very well. But And for a while, it felt like, it felt like. Yes.

It did. But it does seem like it. Scrubs came back. It does seem like it was for a while. Like when you say like there's no TV comedy, there was Abbott Elementary. There was. And has, is it that much? Is there a different feeling for that show for you and kind of what it means?

Or is it another funny show that you're working on? No, no. It's 100%. First of all, different experience. Second of all, it is really, I love the show. It makes me actually laugh. It's really funny. Yeah, yeah.

You know, there were scenes that I'm not a part of, or I don't see what the camera's doing. The way that the camera work was designed for this show is, it's different from the office. It's the same guy as the office. It's Randall Einhorn who designed how the cameras. He came from action sports, like X games. And so he designed this stool that they would sit on so that they would move.

But on the office, it would stay. still and the actors would move around with these three cameras. With our set, it's three cameras that are always moving. And we're in the scene, but the cameras can change, right? Yeah. And so that's why it feels really authentic docu style. The cast I'm working with is top notch. We've seen that on other shows we love. You know, there's an ensemble that just works. Yeah. Like cheers or whatever, right? You're like, okay, that's a great show that the ensemble works. Yeah. Sometimes casting is like, can be 80% 80% yeah

and just like oh just get those people working and we felt it week one we were in the pilot and we all were like this is a hit I wasn't even worried like you're usually so worried is it's gonna get picked up when they go to upfront

are they gonna announce us I was like I remember being on the phone with Cheryl and she was like girl we're fine I said if they don't if ABC doesn't pick us up another network will yeah like you don't see that every day what was even more gratifying

to me was the fact that this was a show that came from the world, the mind, the experience of Quinta Brunson, a young black woman. And they weren't trying to change it. They weren't trying to, let's soften it, because we don't want her to look angry. Nobody, all the notes from the network in the studio were good.

Yeah. They were good notes. We all were like, yeah, that makes sense. And compared to what I experienced, where most of the notes were, we're talking about mid-90s, right? 94 was my first show, 96, we should. shot the second one, 96 and the 97.

Most of the notes were, we got to make sure she's likable. And I'm like, I'm a mom raising children and going to work. Like, I don't have to do everything right, A. But there was also like ideas. It's fucking meaningless. It is. And it's misogynist. But on top of it, there were,

I remember in the first show, they said, hey, what if we had an idea? What if there's like, you get like a hot young manny and he lives with you, the manny? And I'm like, what, you know what our jobs are, right? The husband and wife. And yeah, and I went, we're not,

who's got money for a man? I said, America doesn't have nannies. America gets on a bus and takes our kids to daycare. Yeah, yeah. What world do you think? I said, listen, I love you guys. You're great. You've been out here a long time.

All those states you fly over, I've been performing in them for the last eight years. I've been with them. I make them laugh. Yeah. Yeah. You got to trust me on this. And now all of a sudden, I'm difficult.

But, I mean, honestly, that was part of it. They didn't, on a lot of it, they had a hard time listening. Out of curiosity, were the people giving the notes on Abbott? Drugs. No, no. The people giving the notes on Abbott, were they women or were they men? In a lot of cases, women on Abbott, like the head of Channing Dungee is still, the head of Warner Brothers. and the people in charge of at ABC or what no because there's Craig Irwick as well but I don't know if he's

giving notes yeah we had like our executives on in charge of our product project were women and one man and the big bosses Dana and uh Carrie Burke are women yeah so that's part of it in my experience that's it's a huge different I a couple of the shows that I did it was women that bought the show, women that okayed the show, women that liked the show. And then you got to this wall of fucking men who are like, I don't know, who are these people? And there is, like with the manny, that's a male note because they're like, the people watching this got to want to fuck somebody. That's 100%.

They got to want to fuck somebody. I don't want to fuck anybody in this soon. And they would, by the way, part of this, well, me, I mean, I was hot. Yeah. That was part of the reason I got the show. Very fuckable. Let's just say it. Let's pull that quote and put it on the Instagram.

Thank you. On the Instagram. Back then, definitely. Now, I don't give a shit. But back then, you know, that can be fun too. There's a reason. You're not into it. You know, lead the enthusiasm to the other person.

That can be a riot. That's usually how I do it. It's just like, look. Do you want to stick it in? I'll get there. Yeah, yeah. Fine, fine. I'll catch up.

Right, right. I've got the TV on pause. Yeah. So go. Just don't make me miss kickoff. That's usually what I say. No, but anyway, that was... I once had sex with my ex in front of the TV

because what are now the commanders. Then we... So you could watch the football. Yeah, so I go, just the kickoff. I'll get into it after, but I got to see kickoff. It was a luck thing. And it was before TiVo probably then. Go post!

You couldn't pause it. No. Oh, we're good. Yeah, but I just think I would rather work for women. And women are the ones that like they see, again, it's, you know, it's like what we said before. Men, fuckability. Women, the whole picture. Let's think about the whole picture.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, yeah. But, no, there was, in fact, a director that I know and a very well-established, like, famous great director. No, no, great TV director. One sat behind. No, once sat behind a. network executive or president and they were doing a casting session. Oh, I know what you're going to say. Go ahead. And this guy was like taking notes on a piece of paper. And he was like, you know, he'd be like red head, blue dress, good or whatever. And one of the women, all he wrote for her was I wouldn't fuck her. That was his note about her.

That's our reality, kids. Yeah. Yeah. Me too. That's the guys making decisions. That's the guys. That's the guy. that are in charge of your entertainment. The stuff that you love and that you, you know, some people live and die by, that's the guy. Okay, so two stories. One is when I was in college at the Catholic University of America. Yes. We had a teacher. I'm not going to say his name, but he was revered.

He would run part of what they called national tour, which was some of the best actors in the country going around and doing Shakespeare and the Greeks. And it started with schools like Juilliard and Catholic and put their people together, right? And he cast it, and I remember he was sitting there. We had an actor who was really hot. I made out with him on a number of occasions. Sure. And it got to. Right.

He was very hot, Italian kid. And also John Slattery, the actor John Slattery. He was in my years at Catholic. And we made out, but only once. The spring break. But John Lynch, John Carroll Lynch, the actor who's a big ball guy. You look him up. I know who he is.

Yeah, yeah. But anyway, he was in our school, but didn't make out with him. He was my best friend's younger brother. So that was weird. But we did dance quite a lot. Nice. Anyway, this director who was revered was sitting there and they were looking at people. And I was like his assistant.

And the actor was on stage with a number of different women. They were deciding on. And he was like, I don't want to see them. I don't want to see that. And then he got on stage with our lovely enjune. Mary Carol, beautiful blonde girl. And he's like, yeah, I want to watch that fucking. That's it. That's the one.

And I was like, literally behind them like 19 or 20, however old I was, just like, huh? Yeah. I have no idea. Yeah, exactly. We smile when we are low. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Everything about it is appealing.

Yeah, no, even stuff you didn't think about. And then I'm in a casting session for my first show, the Fox Show. And they're the executive producer, the network executive, the casting people, people are coming in and being seen, and they are just eviscerating these poor actors. They leave the room and they'd be like, well, I never need to see that again. You know, or I don't know, I feel like we've seen her so much. She's done so many things.

Oh, those fuckers. She reminds you of my ex-wife. And I'm like, and finally after like the fifth person, I went, y'all, you got to be, you got to stop. I'm them. Like you're, I know that I'm supposed to be you, but I'm them. And this is my first intro into how y'all think about us. So take it easy.

Right. Like just don't. And also, what the fuck do you do? These people at least make people happy. They do stuff that makes people. What do you do besides like just wait to find out what the person above you thinks and then agree with them? Yeah. That was that shit about like we've seen before.

Padgett Brewster, one of the most fucking talented people on the planet when she did my first sitcom, they had to bend over backwards to get permission for her to be there. Because she'd been in a lot of pilots that didn't go. Like that's her fucking fault? Here's the opposite side of that people don't know in the business. I came up this great idea for something I'm not going to go into. I'll tell you another time.

But it was a great idea. It was with a star who was like, ready to pop. Like was in Vanity Fair that weekend was an incredible executive producing team that had a big deal at Sony. And they didn't have any writers. It was deep enough into

the pilot season. Like, I could have written it. But they didn't want to give it to me because it was hour long and I didn't have any experience an hour long. But it was my idea. I'd put the whole thing together. They call up with this guy who's like the last person on their roster that wasn't working that season. The bitch. And they start telling me,

Oh, no, it's great. He did this show and this show, and it was all stuff that never saw the light of air. And I'm like, listen, you guys, I'm not Mr. Hollywood, but I've created two shows of my life, both of which got produced on television and lasted at least a season. So you got to come up with something better than all the stuff that this guy did that didn't work and failed. And they're like, no, no, he's great. Give him a chance. Then we go into a meet. Three networks wanted to meet with us to do this show that I came up with, with the concept, right?

And before we go in, this guy, we have a meeting altogether. He changes the entire thing. All of a sudden, there's chupacabras in the show. There's, like, I don't know. There's otherworldly supernatural shit going on. And I'm like, when did this? What is wrong with you? It was like the equalizer, but with a woman, it was fabulous.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. With a bona fide star, gorgeous talent. Yeah. And they were like, no, let me see if I can fuck this up somehow. Oh. You guys have no idea. You have no idea. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaking of you in stand-up, you have a debut comedy special. I do. What took so fucking long? Okay. So when I came to L.A. with the kids and the show and the, you know, the demands that running a show and being in the writer's room, not as much as I wanted to, but, you know, breaking story and then going out and promoting, they had me in New York all the time, especially the second show, which was the year Disney bought ABC. and it was big. Like Disney buying ABC, this is before all the companies

just became like three companies. So Disney buying ABC was huge. Like the affiliate convention that took place down in Disney World was every affiliate that was there now for a week golfing and going to the park. Sure. It was just a big deal.

So I had a lot of stuff I had to do for promotion. I did not continue to do stand-up. I should have. But with the kids and the writing, I was just not enough hours. Who can blame you? Well, I mean, I can.

It's one of the reasons why I think the people with kids have a harder time doing it because there are only so many hours. I wanted to see my children sometimes. Yes. Right? And also, they're more important. Thank you. Yeah.

So that happened. And then like when I had time, I would go back and do it. Then there were years like when I was doing a bunch of movies that I went to the laugh factory, the improv or whatever, and I'd get on stage and do material. when my marriage broke up to my first husband. So the story with them is I have two ex-husbands, first one, lovely Jewish man. Turns out we had too much in common.

He also like men. The second one... That'll happen. It was a cheater, which is not technically a religion, but he practiced it like it was. Thank you. That's the opener. So when I got with the second one...

Oh, the first one did not want me to tell that he was... you know, about his sexuality. Yeah. He didn't want me to share about that. Yeah. He didn't want our son to know. We thought that our son was too young to understand.

And he was at an age where it would have been difficult for him to figure it out. Is what my, I didn't think that. No, no. The earlier the better. Right. Little kids can accept anything. Right. And my ex also thought, I think he was still at a point where he was not comfortable.

Sure. Like he was so kind of okay with his parents knowing, but not really. Really? I said your parents have to know. I can't have them think you supported my career. We came to L.A. I became a TV star and dumped you. I'm not, that's not happening. Right. So we told them, but nobody else knew, and he didn't want me to talk about it. My stand-up had always been true based on whatever was going on in the world or my life. Yeah. And I couldn't just ignore that. I get it. So then I got with the second, the twin's dad, and he said, stand-up's not feminine. If one of, I should be doing stand-up.

not you. So, I know, I'm like, tell one joke on stage, motherfucker. Yeah. Tell one joke. Um, and so I didn't do it then, but in between fellas. Um, and so then when we broke up, I started doing it again, but I really started in earnest. Truth is, I should have done my hour when I first got to L.A. Yeah. I had an hour and a half. Yeah. I had an hour and a half where I knew where the, where the standing O breaks were going to be. Right. People were standing up halfway through my set. Yeah, yeah. So I should have done it then. And, and I had a hour and I had an hour and I knew where I knew where the standing O breaks were going to be. I. I was. I was And then as I got back into it, I'm like, it's never going to be as good as that. Yeah.

I can't compete with where I was when I was doing that. And so I just didn't do it. And then Sherry Shepherd grabbed me. Sherry Shepherd grabbed me and she was like, girl, you got to get back out there. And I started doing it because the show I got to do longer time and hours and go out there in the world and do it for, you know, crowds that love me. And Cheryl Lee Ralph came to see it in Philly and said, she called me into her dressing room when we went back into the season and was like, girl, you got to do a special.

Yeah. And I was like, you'd think I should wait for my manager. She's just like, wait for no one. Yeah. Yeah. And so I did. That's great. I just shot it.

That's great. Yeah. And she was right. It was time to just do whatever, wherever I was because that's exactly the voice of what's going on in America as we started this with. Yeah. With women right now. Yeah.

Which is, I don't give a shit. Yeah. I'm just going to tell the truth. What's going to. on. Oh, yeah, yeah. It's scary and horrified. Right, right. So let's talk about it.

But in a funny way. Yeah. Well, the special Lisa Ann Walter, it was an accident. Premiers on May 15th on Hulu. Well, Lisa, and this is fucking awesome. So great to talk to you, Lisa. And always a joy to see you. We got to do a bit together on dancing with the stars.

And that was fun. We got to do a little old-timey Hollywood thing. And you're going back out there? I am. I am. I'm going back. And Elaine's out there. now. I hope she's having a good time. I keep meeting and I, because we texted in the beginning

when she started because she was like, how is it sleeping on a bus? And I was like, you know, you get used to it. It's okay. But I think she was. She was telling me she was not scared of that. Oh, really? That was the first thing I said was, you're going to be all right with that? Yeah, yeah. That would be a nightmare for me. Just a fume. She did tell, she did, I've heard from other people that she said that she didn't need her own dressing room, that she would just be, you know, be in the in the, because the dance, you know, the female dancers. Yes. Which get dressed altogether.

There's something that I love. It's never men and women. It's never female and male. It's boys and girls. Yeah. And these are like grown adult, world class artist athletes. And they're called boys and girls, which I kind of think there's a part of that is like, and I had mentioned to them.

And they're like, yeah, yeah, that's the way it always is. And I just kind of like, maybe the people in charge use that as a way to diminish you, you know? You're not thinking of that. You're going to be with the boys and girls. But anyway, Elaine was going to just, I'll just be with the girls in the dressing. And I saw her, the first time I saw her when she came on tour to sort of go with us for a couple days before she took over, I was like, get your own fucking dress. It was the first thing I said to her. I was like, you get your own fucking dress.

Yeah, just so you could like talk on the phone. Yes. But that was part of your own toilet for Christ's sake. That's part of her really loving the idea of being in a troop again. I know. I mean, listen, when I was doing acting on stage, when I was doing plays, right, or musicals, I just wanted to be in the chorus. That's what I wanted. Yeah.

Because, like, the girls that were cheerleaders in high school were in the chorus. Yeah. Like, you weren't out there. No, I'm Yenta at 16 with socks in my shirt, so it looked like I had pendulous breasts, making people laugh and cry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. killed, but I wanted to be a young cutie doing a high kick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know.

But my point was just like, have your own space. You don't have to use your own space, but just like, you know, we're about, I'm older than her, but we're in the same neighborhood of age. I'm like, get your own fucking room. Yeah, no, you don't need to. You're going to need. There's times when you just need a space. I'm going to remind her of that the next time I talk to her.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because she calls me from that space when they're doing her hair. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. That's great. Well, Lisa, thanks so much for coming. And thank all of you out there for listening.

And check out the special May 15th on Hulu. I'm going to watch it. Oh, thank you. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, and text me after. I will. I will. Okay.

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