The Three Questions with Andy Richter - Matt Walsh: Road Rage Stories (The Andy Richter Call-In Show)

Episode Date: February 7, 2025

"Veep" star and Upright Citizens Brigade founding member Matt Walsh joins The Andy Richter Call-In Show this week to hear your road rage stories! In this episode of Andy’s weekly SiriusXM radio show, callers share stories about defeated dads, cowardly driving instructors, jerks on the road, and much more. Plus, Matt and Andy reminisce about some Chicago memories.Want to call in? Fill out our Google Form at BIT.LY/CALLANDYRICHTER or dial 855-266-2604.This episode previously aired on SiriusXM’s Conan O’Brien Radio (ch. 104). If you’d like to hear these episodes in advance, new episodes premiere exclusively for SiriusXM subscribers on Conan O’Brien Radio and the SiriusXM app every Wednesday at 4pm ET/1pm PT.

Conan O'Brien Radio! Conan O'Brien Radio! Hello! Sorry we're late. I apologize. Yeah, it's not my fault. But I wasn't going to say that. You can throw me under the bus. Alright, it was Matt Walsh. Matt Walsh's friend. I big-timed you.

I wanted to be late just to show you. I have some juice in this town still. You didn't come out of your trailer until I was out of my trailer. Is he out yet? Yeah. Is Andy in the... Is he on set? Is he in the studio?

Okay, now I'll park my car. Anyhow, this is the Andy Ricker Collin show on the Conan O'Brien radio. Channel 30. What is it? Channel 104. I was gonna say 33, but that's... I don't know. That's... I think that's... No, no. Scotty Pippen's not. It was the age Jesus died. I can't remember. Oh no, I know what it is.

It's because I just interviewed Richard Blade, the DJ, and Channel 33 is I think First Wave, which is like the new wave. I love First Wave music. Yeah, yeah. I'm such a sucker for that. Yeah, so anyhow, I got Matt Walsh here today. Not the conservative blogger.

Not the jerk one, the good one. Do you have to say that constantly now? I mean, depending on the room, I was the first Matt Walsh. It's about the best I can come up with. Absolutely. Yeah. I don't know how to combat that, honestly. Right.

I don't want to engage that person. But yes, I was the first Matt Walsh, and I'm the good one. Right, right. Yeah. Yeah, not the tool. Not the provocateur. Yeah. You don't provoke anything. But good one. Right, right. Yeah. You're not, yeah, not the tool. Not the provocateur. Yeah. You don't provoke anything. But good feelings.

Not even interest. No, come on. Not even fun. I gotta say, you're a founding member of the Upright Citizens Brigade. You were Emmy nominated from VEEP. Two time Emmy nominated. Two time Emmy nominee.

I think that's, well, no, I was gonna say that's more than anybody that I know, but I don't. There's a few more. There's a lot more. The Hangover, role models, Daily Show. Also, you played the traitor, Samuel Mudd. Yes. In Manhunt.

Thank you. He was a scoundrel. Yeah, you were a shit bag in that. I mean, they existed. I was stepping into a historic fiction that was based on a really good novel called Man Hunt. Really good story. It was, and what was so great about that

is that it really was, it really did get across how touch and go it was at that time in history. It was a coup. They tried to take out his cabinet. When they killed Lincoln, they went after the vice president and Seward. And yeah, it was very tenuous, that part of our history.

Very tenuous. But when they looked at the script and they saw Oily Scumbag, it brought you right in. Well, Monica Bletsky knew I was a comedy person and she is a comedy fan, and she thought it would be interesting to have a sort of surprising person play that role. Like innocuous or something, I don't know, some quality.

You wouldn't see that guy being such a scoundrel is what she wanted, and I delivered that. And he was a doctor, yeah. I was a doctor. You're likable, yeah, that's that kind of thing where they hire a likable person to be bad. But that guy was religiously inspired by his superiority to African Americans.

Oh. He was. Oh. Because he wrote a note that I dug up. The great thing about playing historical characters is there's a lot of stuff online you can dig up that's been digitized. And there's one letter where he went after this Christian magazine he used to subscribe to

and kept trying to cancel his subscription. They kept sending it to him. And then the reason he quit on that magazine is because they changed their position on slavery. They said, you know what? Jesus wouldn't be down with slavery, so we are against slavery. And this guy, Mudd said, you know what, Jesus wouldn't be down with slavery, so we are against slavery. And this guy, Mudd said,

I find it ridiculous that you assume Jesus' opinion on slavery, when in fact he was alive during slavery and never said one thing against it. So there was nothing in the Bible where Jesus said, hey, we shouldn't have slaves. So he was, this guy Mudd took that and owned it. Wow. Yeah. Wow. Well, I don't have slaves. So he was, this guy, Mud, took that and owned it. Wow.

Yeah. Wow. Well, I don't know, yeah. We don't have to go down that road. I just thought that was fascinating. No, I know. Yeah, no. That's why religion gets you in trouble.

Listen, I sat in a coffee shop the other day and heard some old man saying that Donald Trump has the energy of a man 30 years old and that he has an answer for every question. You cannot stump the guy. When you believe something, you believe it. You're going to find any reason to believe it. Yes, yes. So, and I always knew that doctor because we used to go down to Key West a lot, and we would go out to the Dry Tortugas,

which is where he was put, it's a fort in the middle of the ocean. Have you ever been there? No. It's crazy. You fly out on a, like on a seaplane or go on a boat, and it literally is just like a sand spit with a big brick donut in the middle of it.

And that, it was, it was meant to be a fort, and then it was upon its completion realized, oh no, wars aren't fought that way anymore, and this thing is obsolete already. So they made it a prison, and he was a prison doctor there, and like helped him with malaria and stuff. So they kind of, you know,

because he did medical stuff for people, they took pity on him him and I think they... Well, Andrew Johnson pardoned him because he was a Southern sympathizer. Yeah, he did take care of prisoners during the yellow fever or malaria outbreak down there. But that is like a strange prison. Like it built out of nowhere.

It cost a lot of money and energy to build that sucker. Yeah, it's crazy. And I think he tried to escape once. And I think there's been two movies made about mud. I watched one of them. Oh, wow. They're very cheesy and old, but yeah. What a great person to hang your entire movie on,

a feature film on. They sure did. Yeah, they sure did. Well today, enough of that we're talking about road rage today. We're listening road rage stories from you guys. If you have them call 855-266-2604 and we would love to hear them. Are you are you susceptible to road rage? Yeah unfortunately I am. I think everybody is. Unfortunately I am and it's so petty,

and I'm like, what is wrong with me? I get insulted, yeah, when people take the spot, you know, like when they drive slightly aggressively. I take it personally, and like what I was thinking of, I was in my neighborhood doing the limit, and this guy was right on my butt, which I hate, you know, right on me, and I'm doing every stop sign.

Well, I mean, in a car. Yeah, only in a car. In a car, yeah. And then I was doing the limit, and then he tried to pass me on this little, small suburban street, and I accelerated because I was mad at him. Right, right. And then it turned into a game of chicken, and then there

was another car coming the other way, and I'm like, what's wrong with me? Right. And I it turned into a game of chicken, and then there was another car coming the other way, and I'm like, what's wrong with me? And I stopped, and I let him go, and he passed me. But I was like, I was, I have that guy. I'm so mad at him. Oh, I know. And then I find it agitates me for hours afterwards. Yes.

There's something about the adrenaline rush, or the cortisol, or whatever brain chemical gets squirted through my system that takes me an hour and a half, two hours to get down from it. Well you want to go even worse. I profile people by the type of car they're driving. Oh I do too. Absolutely. Like if it's a wealthy vehicle, oh I hate them more.

My whole thing, Teslas are the new BMWs. BMWs used to be the asshole car. The SUV BMW, especially. Now it's Tesla's. The tricked out Tesla. Fucking prick cars. Yeah. And that's, I'll snap judgment before they even offend me on the road, I'm deciding that I don't like that driver. It's terrible. Yeah. Oh well. At least we're honest about it. Yeah, but I think that being a car brandist

is better than being any of the other kind of bigotries one might. It is. And I'm willing to be surprised by who owns that car. I'm not stuck on it. Your opinion to be changed. I once said online something about that, you know, Tesla's are the new BMWs. And some Tesla owner was like, you're spreading hate.

Yeah. I was like, hate. He said hate about his $90,000 car. Poor baby. I said something like that and a friend of mine's like, you can't, cause I think he owned, I think I went after Mercedes SUV and BMW SUV like 10, 15 years ago. Yeah.

He's like, you really can't say that. I think he owned one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I know people, almost everybody in my life that had a Tesla no longer has a Tesla. Yeah. Yeah, they're getting rid of them.

A lot of people. I still have three cyber trucks. Is that. Yeah. Yeah, they're getting rid of them. A lot of people. I still have three Cybertrucks. Is that messed up? Yeah, yeah. Well, you gotta have backups. I just want... Because those things break down like crazy. You know, my Wednesdays, I like the blue one,

my Fridays, the white one, you know. Yeah. My daughter, who's almost gonna be five next month, that's driving to school. That's so funny. Cybertrucks, Cybertruck, Cybertruck. It does bring us delight in some way. She doesn't understand that it's basically

a rolling swastika. They're the new hummers, aren't they? They sure are. They are unicorns still out here, but I talked to somebody in like Austin where they're made, I think, or where Tesla's at. Yeah. They're ubiquitous.

And more and more so in LA, they're ubiquitous. But for a while, they were like a unicorn. They're so dumb. Yeah. They're so dumb. Yeah, I try to avoid road rage. There was one time, my worst time, I actually got out of the car once,

which you're not supposed to do, and I was driving, I was actually driving to the Emmys in a tuxedo. My ex-wife is dressed up nice. We're going to the Emmys. It was, I think it was during the TBS years and we'd been nominated for writing, I think. And the Emmys, for me, like, it's an honor to be nominated, but I always found them to be a good excuse to feel bad about yourself. Because I knew we weren't gonna win,

because we never won. We got nominated a bunch. You did. So I was already kind of dreading it, and then getting ready and dressed up in fancy clothes and like a Tuxedo that's too tight. So the self-hatred starts. My wife, my ex-wife and I are getting all crabby with each other for getting in the car And I'm waiting to turn left just on one of the, you know, city streets and somebody bumps me from behind, like just kind of nudges me. And I look in the rear view mirror and it's this guy who just, just a normal looking guy is like flipping me off like crazy.

And I'm like, I don't know if he expected me to turn left into oncoming traffic or something. So I turned left, he like zips past me and I I was chasing him, and my ex-wife is saying like, she's going like, don't, don't, don't. And we get to the next light, and he was like flipping me off, and we're yelling at each other in traffic, and we get to a light, and I get out, I put it in park and got out of the car,

and as I'm getting out of the car, she goes, don't. And I'm like, and I'm not, like I'm not a fighter. No, no. But I just walk up to the guy, and he immediately, like he's, and he's in a convertible. He stayed in the, did he stay in his vehicle? Some shit box, like Chrysler convertible. And I was like, what is your problem?

And he's like, why don't we just pull over and we can talk about it. Just pull over and we can talk about it. Pull over. And I was like, no, no, let's over and we can talk about it? Just pull over and we can talk about it. Pull over. And I was like, no, no, let's talk about it right now. We got a minute. And he's like, no, no, no, let's pull over and talk about it. And I, you know, fuck you, whatever, said something.

As I turn away and I'm walking back, he goes, you fat fuck. And I turned around and I was like, you're real brave when my back is to you when I'm in the car. He's like, well, let's just pull over and talk about it. It was so satisfying yet unsatisfying. And then I got to go to the Emmys with just all that garbage floating around in my system. And it really was like a lesson of like,

yeah, don't ever, ever do that again. And also I do have to think about it in that somebody could recognize me. Like they could see like hey there's that guy from the Conan show standing in the middle of Olympic Boulevard, you know, hitting a guy or something or, you know, attempting to not be hit by a guy. And filming it. Yes and filming it.

That's just what you need. Right, exactly. Who knows? You know what? It works for Kim Kardashian. There's no such thing. Not in road rage, but like, it'd be like my sex tape, because nobody wants to see me fucking nobody. No.

I once did it in front of a mirror and I was like, I don't even want to see that. I want to see your road rage fucking video. I want to see you getting so mad at someone. Road rage sex video! It's a whole new genre. Hey! Yeah, yeah. I'm not mad at someone. Road rage sex video! It's a whole new genre. It's a whole new genre. Hey! I'm not mad at you anymore. What's wrong with you? Nothing a blow job wouldn't fix.

I was so angry. Oh, I'm even angrier now. Hey, learn how to do it. Hey! Oh, I'm even angrier now. Hey learn how to do hey All right, we should go to the phones 855 266 2604 Andy Richter call and show we're talking road rage or you know The new sexy. Yeah, or new you know porn sex. We have porny road rage porn Kevin from Arizona. How are you? Hello. What's up?

Hi, Kevin. Thanks for having me on. So I am from Southern California, from Orange County, and I turned 16 around like 1999 or 2000. And so I had to schedule these behind the wheel driving instructor classes with someone in that car where there's like a brake pedal on the passenger seat or passenger side. And it was a huge hassle to get the scheduling and get it, you know, so that I could have

this behind the wheel training. I was like really excited. 16 years old behind the wheel. We're driving like in my first five minutes away from the house and I'm on a, I'm not at like a main road. Like I kind of rode through the suburbs, but I'm going slow because I've been driving for all of five minutes in my life. And there's a big truck right behind me who I could tell is like really pissed.

Now I'm in a car that says student driver all over it, but this guy was like right on me honking the horn. I pull into the right lane. He goes to the left lane and comes up next to me, my hands are 10 and 2, my driving instructor ducks, just goes to the floor, shouting, student driver, student driver, student driver. I look from the road, which I've been told is what I should be doing, to the left to see that the driver of the truck has pulled a handgun and he's pointing it at me and shouting bad stuff. My driving instructor is using me as a human shield and continued to shout student driver.

I continue driving. I just I don't break. I just I'm just trying to stay alive from the driving aspect of things. The truck driver cuts me off, peels out and my driving instructor takes a second, asks me to pull over, tells me that we can't do the driving test behind the wheel anymore because he was too freaked out. But I was adamant that I really needed to do this because it was such a pain in the butt to schedule it.

And I still to this day don't know why I was not more terrified about having a gun pulled on me in my first five minutes of driving. In the subsequent many years I had no guns. You were more mad about the scheduling. This was so hard to schedule. My time is valuable. Shoot me if you want, but this is a pain in the ass to schedule these driving.

Because this is just like a learning. It's not a test. You're just practicing, right? No. Yes. But I've never had any gun pulled on me in any other circumstances, but I guess I'm mostly annoyed

that he was using me as a human shield. Like he was very obviously going to dodge so that they would shoot me and not him. Yeah, yeah. Well, you're battle tested. So like you would be the combat veteran if you were a driving instructor, you could handle anything.

That's the good news. Or you just know. You are the only person who's ever called me battle tested. I mean, road tested? I mean, that's. I guess so. But that is Weasley of the driving instructor. It's terrible.

In our apocalyptic future where everyone's packing, I will be the one on the Vanguard. Although to be honest, you know, well, I mean, I don't know if I was a driving instructor, if I would throw myself, no, I would. I'm a father too. I would throw myself in front of the kid that's driving. I would use my break and take some evasive action and not just like worry, I would worry

about both of us. Or just say, yeah, floor it, get the fuck out of here, kid. Yeah. Pull over or I'm going to break. Or just stop. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. But he just saved his own hide. Yeah.

Yeah, I'm just stunned that, like I think this might be road rage or it might just have been a guy being like, let me dick around with some student driving kid. But like, I just, I'm expecting later on in the show someone to call in and be like, man, in 2000, I was really angry with some kid and I pulled the gun and I'm like, to see the other half of the story.

Cause somewhere he has a great, terrifying. Yeah yeah I know I just know from I was once it was very early morning in Chicago and a kid was walking down the street and a car did a big u-turn and the kid started shooting at people in the car like it was a drive-by. It wasn't a drive-by but the shooter was a pedestrian and the car because the it was a drive-by. You know, like, it wasn't a drive, it was a drive-by, but the shooter was a pedestrian. And the car, cause the car was pulling up on the kid, and the kid in defensive ways started shooting at the car, and it passed right by me. So the frame, you know, like the line of fire

passed right by me, and I was sitting at a red light, and it all went by, and then I looked in the car next to me, and there was an old lady laying down on her front seat smoking a cigarette. Like she had like heard the shots and just reflexively ducked down and I sat there and I was like, oh, and then I laid down and I was like, well wait, they're already gone.

Yeah, and she took off from the red light and I was like, well, everything's gone. I might as well wait for the red light to change. So I just know from that experience, my reflexes when the shit goes down will be to catch bullets. That's what I'll get. Yeah. I was in a gun incident in Chicago. It was a parking space. I wasn't driving. I was the passenger. We pulled into a spot, and then this car flipped a U-turn and came back at us, and it was these two young kids. Like, what the hell? I was the passenger. We pulled into a spot and then this car flipped a U-turn and came back at us and it was these two young kids like what the hell, I was waiting for that spot.

And the driver I was with, he's like, no what are you talking about? We didn't see it's our spot. And then the kid pulled out a gun. And who was driving, who wanted the spot? And then we're like, do you want the spot? Like we'll get out of the way. And then he was like lecturing,

oh you're a big man now that I got a gun, huh? You're real brave. And it's like, hey man, what do you wanna do here? No, we're not brave. We're doing the exact, we're actually, yeah, yeah. Basically, you're in charge. You have a gun, so what do you wanna do here? And then he's like, you guys are,

and he pulled away, we stayed in the spot, but it was so fast. But he had to do a U-turn? Well, I guess they passed us, cause they were behind us. Oh, oh, I see, I see. But somehow, I think my friend did the initial U-turn, and then when they passed us, they came back and came right on us.

They might have just been having fun, too. Yeah. You know how they are. Yeah, scary, though. I'm surprised you weren't scared, Kevin. All right, well, Kevin, thank you. Well, you know, it's Orange County. How bad could it have been?

Right, exactly. Yeah. Have fun. Stay safe. Thank you. Thank you for calling. I will. Next fun, stay safe. Thank you. Thank you for calling. I will. Next up, we got Brian calling in.

Hey, nice to chat with you guys. Oh, thanks. You know, my story takes place in Orange County, too, and it actually is a story about my dad and not about me, although I've had a couple of road rage incidents of my own. Dads are good for road rage. Yeah, yeah. That's where they get to vent safely. When I heard that you were doing the show,

I was like, well, the first thing that popped in my mind is that time that my dad was driving, and this actually takes place down in Orange County in the late 70s. I'm a teenager. I'm in the car with my dad. We're driving back home. I don't know where I'd been, but it was just me and him in the car, and he had this big old Cadillac Sedan

DeVille, you know, this giant whale of a car. And so this guy cuts us off and turns right in front of us where we were turning right. so we continued to turn right now he's in front of us, and then he brake checked us and he jumped out of the car and I didn't really know what was happening because I hadn't been paying attention to what my dad was doing. He was kind of like, you know, cursing and stuff, but what he was doing was in the in the guy's rearview mirror he was looking back at my dad and my dad had raised his fist and was using this motion this up-and-down motion and It looked like he was like raising a fist to fight the guy so the guy breaks and jumped out of the car and he ran back he was a swarthy guy and a

Band-launched shirt, you know, like, looked like a mean golfer kind of dude. I remember this to this day, and it was so long ago, it was like 78, 79, something like that. And he started pounding on the door. My dad, actually, before the guy got back to the car saw what was happening, so he hit the electric locks on the car. And the story is really that me, a teenager first seeing my dad for the first

time, almost getting into a fight and backing down and being a real pussy about it. He was like really tough on me, oldest of three boys and you know, he loved to give swats with his belts, you know he was a he loved to give swats with his belts you know and he was just like a tough dude yeah and here's this uh situation where this guy is gonna maybe choose you know challenge my dad to a fight and and my dad is backing down and i heard him yelling through the window use your turn signal that's the motion i was doing use your turn signal. That's the motion I was doing, use your turn signal. But he was like, you know, doing this like fist, you know. Right, it looked like up your ass, basically, yeah. Exactly, exactly.

So that was the thing that I remembered and that took place down in Orange County as well. Wow, did you ever, when you got older, get to tease your dad about how he chickened out? You know, as he got older and then as he got in kind of bad health, I kind of like would occasionally say things like, I'm not so tough now, you know, like sit in your pants and stuff. Wow.

Pretty rough on him because, you know, he had been such a terror in my life for, you know, 50 years. Right, right. And then in the last 10 or so, he wasn't such a terror. In fact, I was helping take care of him. Yeah. In the moments after the guy was outside the car window, like, did you sense embarrassment from your dad

that you had seen him sort of? Oh, like he was exposed? Yeah. I don't know if I remember that in as much as like he was, I think he was kind of surprised that the guy didn't know this universal sign for turn signal, you know, use your turn signal. Like it was something that he thought that everybody

would know like, I'm just raising my fist, don't you know? You know, the turn signals stuck out of the steering wheel. Sure of course. Right, right. But yeah, but that's ridiculous of him to think that that's a universal. Yeah, exactly. And and so that's why the guy thought hey this man's you know raising his fist to me I'm gonna go back and punch him in the punch him in the neck. That is a dividing line in people too that is like hey a guy behind me made a gesture I should go fight him. Like that means I have to go fight him. There's something about being past that person that makes it even more of an effort. Like if you're

stuck behind the person and they're making the gesture, I almost understand that you get out of the car. If they stop your progress. Yes, but if you won and you're ahead and they're behind you, it's like, too bad, sucker. Right. Like, why would you get out of that, Mark? I don't know. There's this reflexive sort of aggression on the road. I used to work for a moving company in Chicago.

And one of my favorite drivers, this guy named Donnie, he was a teamster. And we had worked a night move like down in the office buildings often you would start work at like 6 p.m. and work until 6 a.m. you know. This is what Bob Seeger sang about the night moves. It's exactly, exactly I've worked with Bob for ABC Anderson Brothers movers but we were, we had been on an underground loading dock with a moving truck and we were pulling out

and it was like 4.30 a.m., nobody on the streets. And we were pulling onto a big, wide, four-lane, one-direction downtown street. And Donnie pulls out and just pulls out of the, you know, up off the ramp onto Adams or whatever street it was, just throws a big right turn and a car. He just like scrapes from front to end,

this car that had been driving down. Was, and so he stops the truck. He scraped a moving car? Yeah, a moving car. He just's great the moving car a moving car he just pulled out like right as a moving car was going by and just scraped it from front to back and He put his head down on his hands on the steering wheel and went Donnie Donnie open your fucking eyes And then and then climbed down out of the truck and went to the guy and went, Where the fuck were you going? Like instantly.

He totally knew it was his fault, but like was instantly like, And the guy was like, What are you, the guy, and the guy was completely like, You just pulled out in front of me in the middle of a block. Like what do you mean where was I going? And Donnie's like, well alright, let's go to the fucking police station. And we went to the police station and waited for him and he never showed up so nothing ever happened to it you know. That is such insight into what those

incidents are about. People who know it's their fault the minute they get out. Never let you know. Put them on the defensive. What's your problem? Donnie, Donnie, watch where you're fucking going. Alright Brian well thank you for the call. Absolutely. Hey, I wanted to say, I love your posts on Blue Sky. Keep that up. Oh, thanks so much. I appreciate it. Thank you. Are you on Blue Sky?

Not yet. Not yet? Not yet. It's really fun. It's a good place to be. I'm not a super social media person, so adding another one isn't something... You don't have a lot of thoughts to share generally.

I don't like the feedback probably more than anything. I'm a one-way messenger. I understand. I don't want to engage. No, I understand. I couldn't have a talk show. I could come by your talk show, but it's a lot of pressure. It's too much.

But it's just too much? Yeah. Yeah. You provoke the vitriol and it's like, I'm your coward. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, I just still. Not that I have a lot of profound things to say. No, no, I just provoke the vitriol and it's like, I mean, I'm a coward. I don't know, I mean, I just still, no, no, I'm just kidding.

I mean, I still enjoy it. I do like social media. I loved Twitter when Twitter used to be Twitter. It was fun, you know, like a good, like it's like the joke gym. Are you still on that one? No, no, I quit there. I got my thing hacked like two years ago,

right when Elon was taking the place over. Somebody locked me out of my account and they never got it back. So it kind of worked out that way. It's not still there, isn't there? I think it's still there. I don't even check. Yeah, I don't know.

God, dude, you're probably endorsing all kinds of shit over there that you don't even know about. I feel like people tell me when it's active. Like there were some boring ones that went up. So I don't know if it was a bot, but I thought of my brother, a road rage incident with my brother, but we can take a caller. Alright, let's take the next caller and then we'll go on, we'll get Matt's story. Ben from North Carolina, hello.

Hey guys, I can't get this image out of my head of this hate sex idea translated to rage sex by the way, so thank you so much for putting that in my head. It's a new genre. idea translated to rage sex by the way. So thank you so much for putting that in my head. It's a new genre. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, you have a bad breakup, you have that hate sex. Well, what would rage sex be? So now I've got that to think about. It's very similar. I think if you're watching it on a Pornhub clip, it's very similar.

Yeah, road rage sex and hate sex. Yeah, there's a lot of overlap between rage and hate. Yeah, those audiences are similar. Yeah, yeah. So what you're saying is I need my own Pornhub channel where I start marketing this very specific genre. Sure, I guess that's what I was saying. And shorter clips do better

just if you wanna really build a following. Yeah, you sure do. That's right, that's right. Don't mess around with plot. Yeah, yeah. All right, so my road rage is where I'm parked at a two-lane road, stoplight, I'm behind a vehicle, the person is at the front of the light,

I'm the second car, the light turns green and they just sit there and it's a forced left turn, we have to turn left, and they just sit there. So it's green, I just lightly tap my horn, like duh, just to say, hey, let's get going. They had taken off the windshield wiper off the back of their car

So that when they activated their rear windshield wiper, it just sprayed fluid directly onto my windshield Wow, so obviously I was pissed and then they proceeded to then take off through the light With me hot behind them. Yeah, but obviously they're trying to provoke someone. Yes, and so Of course like like your story Andy where your wife or ex-wife where your wife was like, no, this is not a good idea Yeah, I was hearing that but again I and then after I settled down after you know, a couple minutes I just started laughing because It was so surreal. Like obviously you're trying to provoke

whoever's behind you. And I live in this hippy dippy town of Asheville in western North Carolina. And then to have a premeditated road rage insider, it was pretty damn funny. And at the end of the day. Like it's got a James Bond rig just for road rage. Yeah. And also it's like what a tooseless gesture. Oh my God, it's windshield a James Bond rig just for road rage. Yeah.

And also it's like, what a tootsless gesture. Oh my God, it's windshield wiper goo. I know, which is why I was laughing so hard. Wow. It is kind of like a prank, right? I feel like they drive around town pranking drivers behind them and they purposely wait extra long.

And then I'll give you a free windshield wash. Get the wrong good old boy and we know how that ends. Yeah, sure. You could run off the road. Exactly. Alright, well Ben, thanks for the call. Y'all have a good one. Alright, bye-bye now.

Thank you. So, wait, you were going to say something about which brother? I remember Mike. Mike. Which you probably have met. He was probably 17, cocky. We were in a car, three of us, him and a friend, Mike and his friend in the front seat, I was in the back seat. And he got into it, I don't know what happened, and there was like a swarthy, golf shirt wearing,

dad looking fella. He was in this like, they were zipping around each other at some point. I wasn't driving, I'm a kid in the back. And all of a sudden they, he's like, what the fuck? And Mike pulls over and this guy pulls down our street in the subdivision and this guy pulls past us and cuts us off and gets out of his car and Mike has his window half-tied. And the guy reached in and was trying to pull Mike out of the car and I remember as a little kid,

like nine or eight, I was really scared. It's terrifying. It's so violent. He's like, what's wrong with you? And I was like Mike come on? What's good? And I just remember like it scarred me in a good way like I don't want to deal with Angry people because he looked Innocuous, but he was so crazy. He was trying to pull Mike out of the car And they're both exchanging words, and I don't know it was that Mike was 17 and fearless

and this guy's like 35 and just wants one opportunity to prove to people that he's got control of his life and he's still young and boom, this kid gave it to him. It was like, I think it scared me about road rage and it really marked me and it just sort of fizzled out and he's the guy's like, you know, young kid, you think you're punk, come on, let's go. And I'm like, Mike, don't get out of the car.

Yeah, yeah. Just go. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, my brother, I was riding with my, my brother's three years older and I was riding in the back of... Which brother? Gus.

Gus. His Buick Century in high school and we're down on some country road and he, it's kids from another high school in another car, they're throwing beer cans at us and my brother's friends are taunting them and they end up like pulling ahead of us and blocking the road, I think it was a pickup truck,

and my brother drove off the road into a ditch, up onto it like, and it's a nursing home, and then through the nursing home lot, and it was kind of springs, it was muddy. So he left, and big chunks of turf coming up under the bumper and stuff, and did a big U-turn and then went the other way. And one of them picked up a piece of asphalt

and threw it, and I was sitting, again, again, my cat-like reflexes, I'm in the back seat looking at the back window and I see him throw the asphalt and it hit the glass and bounced off and like kind of chipped it a little bit, but I was like, I didn't duck, I just was like, oh look, a piece of asphalt. Like it was TV.

But those tire tracks were in the front of that nursing home for like years. That's so funny. Yeah, every time I drive back by there It's like nobody bothered to like roll them out or anything just like big deep tire ruts in front of the nursing home I don't know they care. That's well teenagers take a lot of chances with their cars. That's what we're I did that too. I drove on lawns I don't know out. I did that too. I drove on lawns. I don't know why, but I did. And then of course my first driving practice, my brothers took me to a snowy parking lot

and let me do donuts. That's how I learned to drive. You gotta learn that. Josh from North Carolina. Hey guys. Hi there, Josh. I just want to give the number 855-266-2604 if you got a road rage story, which you have right now. I will not

Road rage story. This is what I do to get back at people If they're driving slow, it's great. It's it's non-violent No, no damages. Oh, it's so satisfying. Is it a windshield wiper? No damage is done, but it's so satisfying. Is it a windshield wiper? It's the windshield wipers. When you see them, when you get in front of them, spray the hell out of them, and then see them have to cut their windshield wipers on

in your rear view mirror, it's just the greatest thing ever. The previous caller is North Carolina, and then you happened to call in too? Well, yeah, he reminded me of what I, yeah, I was like, oh, I should call in. Yeah. All right. I smell a rat here. Yeah.

Look, I mean, you know, there's, this isn't Judge Judy or anything. I don't really, you know, these aren't real cases and real people, but. It's awfully coincidental. It's a big coincidence. I mean, I know this show is far-reaching Josh. What are you accusing me of? Illusion with the last caller? Yes or yes or perhaps just trying to provide me with content which I shouldn't I should thank you for yeah No, I I swear on my kids life. I how many kids you have how many kids? One so you would kill your daughter She's 13 you would kill your child if this turns out to be a falsehood

Is that what you're saying if I have never sprayed someone with my windshield wipers because I was angry that they were driving slow in the left lane. Did you remove your back wiper off your back hatch window? No. It's a different guy. Yeah. Do you just have like those those super powered wipers that squirt all the way over your car? Well, if you're doing 80, I mean, it's gonna fly off of your vehicle and hit the one behind you. This is legit. I see. It's heading towards legit. I just have to interrupt.

Smokey Robinson is walking down the hall. First of all, I am sorry that I insulted you, but Smokey Robinson just walked by. He's going into the restroom. Sirius XM Studios. No, no, no. That would be scary, yeah. We leave Smokey his time. No, it's just exciting.

It's a legend. Goddamn Smokey Robinson just walked by. Icon. Josh, listen, I'm sorry that I had accused you of chicanery. I accept your apology. When you really just have weirdly passive aggressive driving tendencies. I do. Don't drive freaking 70 miles an hour in the left lane on the interstate. You know and it's a proven fact that people who drive slow in the left lane actually cause traffic accidents. So okay I mean I didn't know you're the Secretary of Transportation. I mean how do you what do you mean that's been proven? What's the limit? 65? He means you're going too slow in the left lane.

No, I'm saying like in a 65 mile an hour, 70 is appropriate or 70 is inappropriate. Well, he's saying 70 is too slow. No, if the speed limit is 70, which in our interstates here, it's 70, you really need to be going 80, 85. Okay, in the left. In the left. If you're going a, yeah, in the left. This sounds reasonable. Yeah, I get it.

All right, okay. Listen, I think this call has really been, we've gone through some changes. I've learned a lot. I've learned a lot, yes. But thank you for calling. This is my pleasure. All right.

Next up, we got Tim from Illinois. We got three Illinois boys talking right now. Yeah. Illinois boys. Illinois. What's happening, guys? How you doing, Tim? Where in Illinois?

Well, right now I'm in the Rockford area, but I grew up down in Peoria. Oh, okay. How cold are you right now? What's the temperature in Rockford? Yeah, it's about 30-ish. That's not bad. Yeah, I know. It's so funny. It's pretty bad. Yeah. So tell us about your road rage story. Yeah, I guess before I get to there, I got to tell you my rear wiper is broken. But it doesn't spray backwards. Okay. All right.

So it's not me. All right. All right. All right. I'm learning to drive right 16, 17. Dad's got a stick shift car. So I'm treating it like a race car and we're out driving one day and we're on the freeway, pretty heavy traffic and there's a yellow Porsche that we always see

that just screams by everybody. He gets behind me and really wants to get around. So, Dad and I just kinda look at each other as this little unspoken thing, like, I knew what to do, he didn't have to tell me. So I'm just like easing up to each semi or each car, thinking this guy's gonna like get around me and he can't. And we could see him like gesturing at us,

giving us all kinds of friendly salutes, trying to get around for about 10, 15 minutes. We come up a hill where we know there's always a state cop waiting with a speed trap. And so finally I just sort of ease off and slide over to the right lane and let this guy zoom around probably at 120, 130 and sure enough, the cop gets him.

So we got a little bit of revenge on this guy for riding our butt and being, you know, thinking he's all that. But the kicker of this story is about a week or two later, I go to a friend's house, my dad takes me or he's riding with me he's gonna drop me off. Same car, the next door neighbor of my friend, yellow Porsche in the driveway, and the guy's out there like washing it. So we're just like

don't say a word, you know, hopefully he doesn't recognize us. But yeah, that was like crazy that we found him again. You found where the guy lived. Wow. Justice. One time when I was driving, I was driving from Chicago to LA and I was in the snow, I think it was like around Flagstaff, Arizona, really heavy snowstorm, like you're going 20 miles an hour and some asshole in, I don't know, like a 280Z or something, zips around like really dangerously going way,

way too fast. And you know, people are honking at him, honking at him. And like he just kept going and then like 10 minutes later drove under an overpass to see that same car like wrapped around One of the state and he was out when there was a trooper there with him, but it was just like yeah We told you yeah, we warned you no surprise. Yeah. Yeah, no surprise, but yeah, but that is there is something I mean, I was glad he wasn't hurt and everything but But yeah, but I didn't mind seeing his car wrapped, because he's just like, Jesus Christ, where is he, you know,

test the Z car some other time, not in the middle of a blizzard. Yeah. All right, Tim, thanks for calling. Be safe out there. Yeah, thanks guys. All right, bye bye. Take care.

It is triggering when people are too close behind you. Yes. That is a very common trigger. It's nerve-racking. It is. It's like, come on. If there's only one lane, especially, it's like, well, I'm doing the limit. I'm going a little over the limit.

Oh, I have no trouble pulling over and just get around me. I don't care. There's no ego in that. Yeah. I got to learn that. I got a lot of ego. I got to detach from my ego. Yeah, people say that about you a lot.

855-266-2604. We got about 10 minutes left. If you got a road rage story, let me and Matt Walsh know about it. Next up we got Kyle from Ohio. Hi Andy, hi Matt. Hi. Hi. My story's a transit story, not a road rage story.

I dealt with some transit rage When I lived in Chicago and ride the CPA every day, that's how oh, yeah The first instance I was got on the train one morning and there was a lady was having a rough morning She was yelling talking to herself and I asked her, you know, ma'am, could you please quiet down? Oh boy, and she started sitting on me she's been on me and said hey suck my dick and I don't know what to do to the woman saying that so I said I probably would now I am a straight married male who's never dabbled in that but my response in the shock of being spit upon was to say

okay I would do that. Now, which I never did, obviously, but that quieted her down. The shock of me saying that quieted her down. I think it must work well as a psychotic medication. Right, well-planned. And it was very flattering. Cause she could have pulled one out of her purse and said, here you go, here you go.

Get after it. Yeah. So then I was spent on a second time on the CTA one night there was some some teenagers up to no good and they were saying bad things about a trans woman who was on the train and I said hey you know me being a nosy old white man was poking my nose saying hey cut that out kids and they started spitting on me oh Oh. The kids said oh shut up and then you know then the kids ran off the train and the trans woman came up to me later even said oh hun you didn't need to stand up for me I just got out of jail and lifted up her ankle monitor

to show that she had certainly been a guest of the Cook County 26 of California. Wow. Well. Well, but that I thought maybe I thought maybe she was going to show you a pistol or something, you know that. Yeah. Yeah.

Meaning she can handle herself. Yeah. But she don't need to be getting into scuffles if she just got out. Right, right. You did her a favor. Yeah. Unless. No, you're sure that your chival, I'm sure that it was still appreciated

though by her, wasn't it? I certainly hope so. I hope so too. Spitting is so gross. It's gross. It's really bad. That is really, really nasty. Yep.

Yeah. Well, Kyle, thank you. Be safe out there. I will, I'll be safe on the red line. All right. All right. Next up. What would you say if I said, suck my dicks?

Suck my dicks? Yeah, if we got into it on a train and I said, you know what, suck my dicks. What would your comeback be? I'd say the middle one. Yeah. I'm just curious. Yeah, yeah.

Suck my dicks. Just to bamboozle someone. Right, right, right. Suck my dicks. OK. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, ever really does think of the actual, like they're not visualizing that actual procedure. You know, it's just a, it's a- It's an insult. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because honestly, it probably wouldn't be good.

It wouldn't be an enjoyable thing for either participant at that point when you're both so angry. Yeah. You know, it's a delicate operation. Yeah, yeah, you should probably be friendly. All right, it's a delicate operation. Yeah, yeah. You should probably be friendly. All right, next up, Melinda. Another North Carolina call.

What the heck's going on? Yeah, hey. Hi. Hey guys. Hi. Yeah, you've got a lot of listeners here in North Carolina. Well, it's a great place.

I love it. All I wanted to tell you was that the rear windshield wiper thing must be a thing here in North Carolina because I've seen a lot missing and I'm like, wow, maybe I shouldn't go through that car wash. But yeah, that's probably a thing. Wow. And they must have to change the aiming of it because it just kind of squirts down.

Would squirt against the glass. Yeah, it's such a weird thing to do, you know? I don't know, that's just a strange thing. Maybe they do. Maybe I need to do that myself. No, I think you could probably spend your energy doing something else, other than altering your car so that it becomes a joke shop boutonniere,

you know, like a squirting flower that you get from a magic store no we knit yourself a scarf in the same amount of time yeah right good for yourself or yeah bake a loaf of sourdough yeah or change my horn to say Iuga yes exactly yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah to say I rebut oh Alright, thanks guys. Oh, is that it? That's it, that's all. Oh, okay. Well, thank you for calling, Melinda. Thank you. Alright, bye-bye. You have a good one.

Thank you. Next, we got Bill from New York. Hey guys, not my story, but this happened to a friend of mine who was living with my brother a while ago. Okay. So, leaving a bar, drunk as all hell, somebody cut him off. And this kid is more or less of a hothead. So instantly gets pissed off and starts, you know, chasing him in his truck for about 20 miles passed by the house, you know, where him and my brother were seen at the time. That's a vendetta. Wow.

That's vigilante justice at that point. Yeah. Yeah, a little bit of a temper problem. So the dude he's chasing sees a state trooper, pulls off, tells the trooper what's happening. The trooper immediately pulls over my friend, gets him for a DWI, throws him in jail and everything like that. So the next morning, my brother and I get a phone call saying, Hey, I'm in prison. Can you go ahead and come bail me out? I got some money in my sock drawer.

So we take the money, obviously, whatever he needed. I forgot how much bail was, but then we go out and have breakfast. We do all this other stuff and you know, before we got him and we got him pretty much like a half hour before the cutoff line was and he was actually more pissed off over the fact that we took our sweet time to have breakfast and do a couple other things before we got him and I said well listen dude stupidity is painful, you just got to deal with it, why would you chase this guy for 20 freaking miles down the road, and pass by the house and everything,

at some point just give up, go home, and call it a frickin' day, right? Yeah. But I guess that's the world we live in, man. Wow. And don't drink and drive. Start there. Well, come on, be reasonable.

Yeah, I mean. Well, you're more prone to road rage, not for safety. Well, you know, we have Uber and everything else nowadays, right? Yeah, yeah. You know, why is pay, I mean, in New York it's expensive, it's, you're more prone to road rage. No, you know we have over and everything else nowadays, right? Yeah No, I pay I mean in New York. It's expensive It's you know between the lawyer and fines and everything like that. You're almost looking at a ten thousand dollar ordeal plus you lose your license It's dead. Yeah, you know thing too. Yeah

It's it's a terrible thing to do. Yeah Yeah, I hope it was worth it. I only only I've only done it like 50 times in my life. I don't do it anymore but boy. The kids these days are really good about not drinking and driving. Yes they sure are. Yeah. But when I was younger I was an idiot. Yeah it was unfortunate. Just an idiot. Yeah it's unfortunate. Alright Bill well thanks for calling. Hey my pleasure guys Andy long time fan man take care Oh, thanks so much. Well, that's about it. Wow. Yeah.

It's fast. How was it? Did we do good? Oh, we did great. Do you feel like public service? I think this is the best show ever. I think that probably, you know, Billy Sirius, he's the boss here at Sirius XM. Mr. Sirius?

Yeah, Billy. He listens? Yeah, his dad owns the place, but Billy runs it. Yeah. But I think, you know, we're probably gonna get our own show now. That's great. Yeah, yeah. I would love to. Daily show.

Wouldn't that be fun though? Just Road Range? Yeah, just Road Range calls. I do think it was a good topic. A well might be a little shallow. Yeah, yeah, no. That's a good topic. And it did make me remember some different things because there is just like, you know, there's so much

stupidity happening out there and it is really weird how it's its own particular spot. Like you don't get angry like you do anywhere else in your life. You know what I mean? It's a very particular kind of thing and I'm sure that there's all kinds of scholarly papers written about why that is. Well, it's a friction point, obviously. And it's one of the few places we all have common experience so we can all relate to it.

And it is like ego driven. Well, we should pick a favorite call. That's what we usually do. Oh really? Yeah. Gosh, I don't know. I thought the first guy was good cause like the Weasley driver.

Yeah, yeah. The instructor. I think an instructor ducking behind a kid and going student driver while somebody picks a gun. That's hard to top. Also maybe like turning him sideways so he's a broader shield. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, exactly. Don't sit perpendicular, turn broadside. That's good. And that was back in the days, too, when, I mean, that guy should have gotten fired, you know? I don't know why he doesn't get the kid to pull over or break the car and let this idiot... No, but I mean, but to say, like, I would have gone home

and said, hey, my teacher used me as a human shield Against a handgun a man wielding a handgun. Yeah. All right. Well you got anything to plug anything There's a tiny movie. I just made that's it's so tiny on video on demand called not an artist And it's got a great cast the RZA from Wu-Tang. Oh Haley Joel Osmond. Oh nice myself Great cast check it out. All's everywhere, not an artist. Well, Matt Walsh, thank you so much for coming in. I love you. I love you too, Andy.

I love having you here. Yeah, I'll come again. Yeah, do, please. I've been trying to come on your show forever. I know. I'm very happy to be here. And thank all of you out there for listening. I'll be back next week.

Thank you, Mr. Sirius. Thank you, Billy. Thank you, there for listening. I'll be back next week. Thank you, Mr. Sirius. Thank you, Billy. Thank you, Billy Sirius. you