The Three Questions with Andy Richter - Mayim Bialik

Episode Date: July 23, 2019

Actress, author, and neuroscientist Mayim Bialik joins Andy Richter to discuss growing up working on the TV series Blossom, raising a child while in grad school, and the anxiety of live theater. Plus, Mayim looks forward to designing her own neuroscience curriculum and more as she shares what’s next for her after The Big Bang Theory.This episode is sponsored by LinkedIn (www.linkedin.com/threequestions), Drop (code: QUESTIONS), and Betterhelp (www.betterhelp.com/threequestions code: THREEQUESTIONS).

Hello, this is Andy Richter and you are listening to Andy Richter and the Three Questions. And I am lucky enough to have the wonderful Mayim Bialik on my show today. Hello. Hi there, how are you? I'm great. Excellent. I'm a little late. I was late. I was at the vein doctor getting a consult for my varicose veins in my leg. If I had a nickel for every time I heard that. Yeah, yeah. That excuse. That old showbiz excuse. So hi, how are you? How's things? Things are good. How's unemployment? Well, you know,

this is my first time back on the lot. I wasn't sure they were going to let me in. Oh, really? Wow. Yeah, we are actually on the Warner Brothers lot recording this. Just footsteps away. That's right. From where I lived for nine years, practically.

How does that feel? It feels kind of weird. I mean, as an actor, you know, we like to be employed. Sure. I just literally came straight from cleaning out my mother's bathroom drains. And, like, this is what unemployment looks like. There are photos of me. That's glamour.

That's glamour. She's like, the sink won't go down. The tub won't go down. And sure enough, that's what I did today. But why is that your thing? That's a great question. You know, why is that your thing? Because it is.

Oh, my God. And I'm unemployed, so. See, that's my kind of, like, that's the shit that I do, too. I like fixing garage doors and things like that. I like being helpful. Yes. I like being helpful to her. I actually don't mind, I'm a get-my-hands-dirty kind of gal.

Yeah, yeah. But the number of jokes about, like, what's your hourly rate, ma'am? That she, you know, said, like, I'll send you an invoice, ma'am. Like, okay, Ma. I get it. I get it. Plenty of time. Yeah, and it's also, it's her dreams.

It's not like you're fixing a leaky sink or something. It's gross. Yeah, it's pretty gross. And she was even more grossed out than me, which I kind of felt was unfair. Yeah, yeah. Like, ew, I don't want to look. I'm like, oh, you're going to look.

Yeah, you're going to look. I want you to see what you've unfair. Yeah, yeah. Like, ew, I don't want to look. I'm like, oh, you're going to look. Yeah, you're going to look. I want you to see what you've done. Yeah, this hair came off your body. She's like, I don't even brush my hair. I'm like, what does that even mean? How did it get in there? I don't know. I don't even brush my hair.

That's what she said. Well, you know. She scrunches it, she said. Human. Yeah, but humans lose their hair. I had to explain it. Oh, God. Anyway, great. Anyway, I'm great.

Anyway, congratulations. On your new job as a drain cleaner. Oh, you can call me a plumber. As a rooter. Oh, I think I do all plumbing. Yeah, yeah. No, it is. And people are always, it is, I mean, I'm here doing it to you.

But this thing about like, you're in show business. You're on TV. Why would you do that but it's like there's so many things around the house that are like why i can do this why waste time well it's not even the money no and you have to wait to have someone come okay so this there there really are i mean there are two kinds of people in a lot of ways and this is one of them yes like Yes. Like, I've known, you know, couples, meaning people who were, you know, dating and living together, who were both unemployed actors who hired someone to clean their house. Yeah.

Now, look, they may have other ways they're making money. Right. To me, it's kind of like, I see it as a luxury, and I know that, like, progressive people are like, no, we're all working together to make our lives better. And you're helping someone have money, cleaning your house. But to me, like, no. Yeah, yeah. And also, I don't, I sometimes will empty the dishwasher at like one in the morning or six in the morning, depending on my day.

Yeah. So like for me to plan to have a person come in, it's like everything's different every day. Yeah, yeah. Sometimes there's no laundry because I've done four loads. And sometimes like I got to do four loads of laundry yeah yeah i just i do prefer to do things myself yes and i like to then you know have the house as messy as i don't want to clean my house before someone comes to clean the house and i really would rather spend that money on other things really i really would so you don't have anybody clean your house like miniature golf

you don't have anybody clean your house i clean my house wow i don't always do it well that's cool no i think that's really great but to me that falls under like things like i was raised you know my mom was a first generation american and i was taught to clean from israel was it no my no my grandparents are eastern european oh eastern european okay so um i was taught to clean like it's what we do as women yeah yeah part of our dna gotta learn to clean with god's you know gifts of our dna that are you know that's right priming us that's right it's uh your ovaries make you clean that's right they drive you to clean that's what estrogen's for yes to make me clean my mother's sink no i i mean i've often said, you know, I'm very domestic, too. And I've often said, I've said on this podcast when talking to, like, fathers, because I didn't have a very present father. Right.

Like, I didn't have a model for fathering. So I think I just mother. Like, I think I just cook and clean and, you know, sort of. Those are, I mean, those don't have to be gendered things. They don't, but in general, they are. For sure. I mean, societally, sort of. Those are, I mean, those don't have to be gendered things. They don't, but in general they are. For sure. I mean, societally they are. Yeah, and I grew up with a dad who was a public school teacher,

which meant he came home every day, you know, after work at, you know, four or so, which is earlier than a lot of people's dads came home. And, you know, he was free on the weekends. He would grade papers and stuff, but he was free all summer. However, my mother, who also worked, was responsible for all the cooking, all the cleaning, and pretty much all the childcare. And, you know, my dad was a very old-fashioned guy. You know, both my parents were born during World War II, and I never saw him in a grocery store in my life. I never saw him in the laundry room in my life. I never saw him do laundry. room in my life. Wow. I never saw him do laundry.

Maybe he would load the dishwasher. He could make a hard-boiled egg for me. Yeah, yeah. He would sometimes, like, cut up vegetables and make, like, a fruit face. Or, like, a vegetable face. And, of course, you know, I just saw, who was it? I think Nick Kroll do a thing of, like, if a dad does even the smallest thing, it's like, oh, thank you so much. Absolutely. Meanwhile, like, my mother did everything. a thing of like if a dad does even the smallest thing it's like oh thank you so much meanwhile

like my mother did everything and it's like ma why are you bugging me to make my bed you know like we're so mean to moms yeah i mean while my dad like picks up you know cottage cheese after work one day and it's like oh dad went to the you know he picked up cottage cheese yeah but that's i don't see because i also too i was raised in a house full of women. I just can't. I guess I'm just in possession of too much shame to not cook for my children or drive them places. Well, my father's dead, so we can't ask him. Thanks a lot.

Where's your shame? Yes. Well, you know what? My other podcast is a seance, so I'll have you back. Sign me up. Well, now this, we've kind of started already. You know, the concept of this podcast is there are three questions that I ask. Where do you come from? Where are you going? And what have you learned? So you are a native Californian, correct?

I am. I'm an awkward native Californian in that my parents had just moved from New York and raised me like it was New York. Oh, really? Yeah, I kind of grew up in the 1940s on a stoop in the Bronx, except it was in the middle of Hollywood. Oh, wow. Yeah, very old school kind of upbringing. Now, where were they born? My parents were born in the Bronx during the war. Oh, okay.

Their parents were immigrants from Eastern Europe. I see. So, you know, not to get all heavy and deep, but, you know, I come from a very complicated family in that they left Eastern Europe during the series of pogroms that led to the beginning of World War II and the Holocaust. And, you know, my story kind of ends a couple generations up. You know, obviously I can do all those fancy DNA tests, but in particular for Jews of Eastern Europe of poor means, nobody was keeping track of what we did or where we went or when we were born or when we died.

So, you know, in some ways, you know, the Jews are a wandering people for thousands of years, and our history sort of makes it such that we have this collective history in terms of, like, where I'm from, you know. And the story of the Old Testament, I consider where I come from. Those are the stories that raised generations of people in my line of ethnic and religious inclination. That being said, I don't really feel Eastern European because our culture was always Jewish, no matter what country we lived in. Well, I mean, it's notable that you say Eastern European. Correct.

Whereas most, you know, in the Christian world, you'd say, I'm Romanian or, you know, I'm Hungarian. Right. No, when we say it, I am a blend. I'm half Polish. I'm a quarter Hungarian and a quarter Ukrainian. Yeah, yeah. But it's all, but that's sort of immaterial to the Jewishness.

Correct. So as my grandfather, you know, who was Polish, said that, of course, they ate foods that were Polish. But more often than not, they had Jewish versions of Polish food that Hungarians also had and that, you know, Greek Jews also had. You know, so there was a lot of overlap. And we have a universal language. Hebrew is the universal language of Jews. I was raised speaking Yiddish, which is the language of Eastern European Jews. I was raised speaking Yiddish, which is the language of Eastern European Jews.

But, you know, we have this kind of weird global identity, you know, that kind of bonds you together no matter where, you know, where the Cossacks send you. Right, exactly. Whether you're Iraqi or, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, so I tend to look Eastern European. You know, I'm a mutt, as many, you know, Eastern European Ashkenazi Jews are. Eastern European, you know, I'm a mutt, as many Eastern European Ashkenazi Jews are. However, when I was in Rome for the first time, they have all these fancy sculptures, and I saw my nose for the first time on a sculpture. Apparently, I have what's called a Roman nose. You do, you do, absolutely. Eastern European Jews apparently, many, many moons ago, they say came from Italy, that the migration was from Italy up.

So I kind of like to think that there was some Roman Jewish lady. That's awesome. Or Gentile, and some Jewish dude was like, let's make a baby. And here we are. Have you done that DNA testing stuff? I'm like 99.9% Ashkenazi Jew. I literally said, I'm the most Jewish person anyone knows. Like, people are always like, oh, you're super Jew.

And I was like, I literally am super Jew. Yeah, literally are. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, there was maybe, I think maybe like six generations ago, someone from the UK genetically. But it's like, who was that poor lady? Right, right. You know, like, what was her story? Or a man, you know.

It could have been, you know. You know, often it was a yeah yeah yeah conquering yes of course of course no i know so yeah i did that thing i didn't do all the i didn't want to know all the medical stuff i see what you mean by poor lady i understand yeah yeah i get it yeah okay i didn't do all the medical stuff because i as a scientist don't want to know oh yeah really i did the fun stuff, more likely to have restless legs. That's me. I have restless legs.

Or, like, the photo sneeze response. Like, I have that. Yeah? One of my kids has it and the other doesn't. Wow. Well, congratulations. Thank you. Super Jew.

Thank you. Yeah, like, mine is, like, I like to say, like, when, you know, somebody's like, did you take that test? I'm like, I like to say like when, you know, somebody's like, did you take that test? I'm like, yeah. And my answer is, I'm from Europe. That's right. It's like all over. You're white.

Congratulations. I'm just white. All the different flavors of white blended together. That's right. All the oppression and colonialism. Absolutely. I am eight different kinds of vanilla. Now, you were born in San Diego?

I was. My grandparents happened to be living there. My parents had nowhere to live, so they were living in my grandparents' living room. What brought—so it was the grandparents that brought them to L.A.? We're not really sure. Oh, really? It sounds—my parents were documentary filmmakers and public school teachers. I see.

And they were part of the civil rights movement. Yeah. They had sit-ins to allow black students into the New York public school system. That's how things were when they were young teachers. I see. And they were part of the civil rights movement. Yeah. They had sit-ins to allow black students into the New York public school system. That's how things were when they were young teachers. And they were also making documentary films, anti-Vietnam films. And they had made some films for American Dream Machine. They had won an award at Lincoln Film Festival in 1972. So they had that life, but financially that was not kind of paying the bills. And they were

public. I think it still doesn't. Exactly. They were public school teachers in the Bronx and in Harlem. But the story is my mother said to my father, I think if I have to put this child in one more effing snowsuit, I'm going to lose my mind. That would be my older brother. And so he was three when they moved. And yeah, I think it sounds like maybe a parent fight, but no one's ever told me. But it sounds like they maybe got into a fight. Because she got on a plane with my brother, really pregnant, and my dad drove cross country. And she went to her parents. Again, it's not sounding like this is a plan.

And they were living in my grandparents' living room when I was born. And then we moved up to L.A. And again, there was not really a plan. They. And they were living in my grandparents' living room when I was born. Wow. And then we moved up to L.A. and, again, there was not really a plan. They were very bohemian. I mean, this was a thing. And we lived in someone else's living room up in Laurel Canyon off Kirkwood, like the street that I drive by almost every day. And then we got our first apartment. I grew up across from Fairfax High. Oh, wow.

For the first years of my life. Wow. Then we lived behind the Hollywood Bowl in kind of like a hippie commune. And then Melrose-Fairfax is kind of where I spent 5 to 15. Right, right. The seminal years of my life were right off Melrose. There used to be a strip club there. Then it was a Johnny Rockets.

I don't know what it is now, but it was the heyday of the punk era. It was an amazing time to live off Melrose. But you didn't go to school there. You didn't go to high school. I was a product of the busing system of the 70s and 80s. Oh, really? So I was actually bused to schools in the Valley. Oh, wow.

Yeah, for elementary school. Were you on TV at that point? No. So I started on Blossom when I was 14, which was almost high school. I started acting when I was just entering middle school. Beaches, I was 12. I started acting when I was just entering middle school. Mm-hmm. Beaches, I was 12. It came out when I was 13.

Mm-hmm. So I was, you know, in the midst of that awkward, terrible time of your life. And being on television sure didn't make it any better. Oh, boy. I'll tell you. Because Eastern European mutt in middle school was more awkward than it is now. And also, too, just having children, like, and, you know, I have a 13-year-old daughter, and just, you know, just, I was at school for end of year chapel. And just that age, like, kids are so, like, just like, you know, like, especially the boys, like, their ears and nose grow. And then, like, the rest of the face takes a year to catch up.

It's just. Puberberty's not kind it sure isn't really not it sure isn't yeah now were you the motivator in terms of being an actor yeah I liked school plays was literally my story my dad happened to be a drama teacher but he he had no love for the industry you know because he had like he had his documentary experience turned him off enough you know like where they would he was being too political he didn't like working with producers so like they weren't that interested in that. Um, but I loved school plays. I really thrived, you know, um, if you want to hide, find a stage, blues traveler says that,

you know, it's a great place to hide and it's a great place to be seen in ways that you can control. And it's a great way to elicit emotion that gives you positive feedback you know like I made you laugh I made you cry sometimes um so I love school plays and I was like I hear that there are kids who are actors like I want to do that and um back then there was no internet you know my parents literally opened up a yellow pages my mother had just stopped the job that she was working at she was the nursery school director at the synagogue that I grew up at and she uh took out a yellow Pages and looked up child agents. Like, that was a thing you did. And they took a picture of me and typed a letter on a typewriter

because people still did that. Sent it to like nine agents and three wanted to meet with me. And I signed with an agent. Had no luck in the world of like commercials and things because back then in 1986, you had to have small features if you wanted to be an all American kid. Yeah. So I actually had kind of felt discouraged. I was like, I don't look like any of these kids.

Nobody looked like me. I was certain of that. Bette Midler looked like me and Barbra Streisand, but that wasn't really helping. Well, it did help eventually. A year later, I was cast to play the young Bette Midler, which like I never really saw it. And that's just like how I talked, you know, like my parents raised me to talk like I was cast to play the young Bette Midler, which I never really saw it. And that's just how I talked. My parents raised me to talk like I was from Jersey.

So yeah, that came out when I was 13. But your dad didn't have any qualms, even though he was sort of anti-biz. Yeah, no, he was very cynical about it. And it's like, you know, when my parents would say goodnight to me, he was like, this could all go away tomorrow. Sleep well. Good night. You know what? I like him. Yeah, he was like, this could all go away tomorrow. Sleep well. Good night. You know what? I like him.

Yeah, he was. I mean, I wish he'd done more work around the house. But I like the perspective he gave you. No, he was very like, you know, he was like. My dad also. My dad grew up. He went to school with Al Pacino. Yeah.

And they went to the same middle school. They had the same drama teacher. And like, I grew up like that. I grew up like with Scorsese and Pacino in my house. Like, yeah, like deep Bronx, like very hardcore. I'm walking here. You didn't say that. No, but it was very like, hey, girl, you got to toughen up, you know?

Yeah, yeah. You know, I remember the first time I was very athletic, and he was very athletic. And, you know, the first time I got hit with a football in the chess department, which is different, he's like, walk it off. Take it like a man. I was like, oh, okay, he's like, walk it off, take it like a man. I was like, oh, okay, this is how we roll. Got it. Easy for him to say. Yeah, got it.

But, yeah, so it was kind of like having, you know, like a Pacino type as your dad. Right, right. He's like, this could all disappear. I was like, okay. Yeah. Nice. Well, I like that because, like, my, you know, having, you know,

my daughter goes to school with kids that are work, you know, that are in the business. goes to school with kids that are work, you know, that are in the business. And she's actually a very good actor. And I say that, you know, I know I'm biased and everything. But she's really, she's a really talented performer. And she at one point was saying to me, like, I wouldn't mind. Yeah.

I said, I won't let you. Yeah, I'm with you. I will not let you. I have a 13-year-old, and he really, really really shines on stage he and his brother both really love shakespeare they take a shakespeare class and they just love it and um but my older one in particular he's very charismatic and he's super outgoing and how old is he he's 13 we should have them meet yeah and i and i said i was like yeah that that's a lifestyle decision that is not going to work for our life. I said, in addition, there are many ways that I want you to explore the wonderful art of theater and

performance. But competing with other children who have been groomed from the age of two to trip you on the way out the door, that's not going to happen. And I just, you know, I said, it's an adult world. It's an adult business there are some people who really want their kids to do that I did it and you know it was not easy it was not it's not an easy road and it is about being rejected I can't handle it as an adult I told her well because she asked me a few times and then she finally kind of like was really like why can't I and i said i said because you will be surrounded by people who want you to think that they love you and that they are your friends

or your family when what they really want to do is make money correct from your work and i said and also i need you to give me that speech now and i said you will be surrounded by people who judge the way you look. Especially as a girl. They judge your body. They judge your voice. You will just be judged by strangers. And I don't want you to go through that. And also what I've said to both of my kids is that children in the industry, their purpose is to be obedient.

Yes. And the natural state of a child is to explore and to test limits and to learn. But when you have people rewarding you for being obedient, you do not have the freedom to be grumpy when you want to be grumpy, to need to go potty when you need to go potty, to take as long as you need to go potty. Like all those things that are just part of normal childhood get taken away when you become part of a capitalist machine. Yes. Absolutely.

When efficiency is the goal and making money is the goal. And that's something my dad would tell me. This business will use you up like a tissue. Absolutely. They will. And they will throw you out when they're done with you. Yeah. And you and I are both.

We've been in so many different aspects of the business. Yeah. You get to see that it's really the same in every aspect. Mm-hmm. Can you make the money? Can you do it quickly and efficiently? Mm-hmm. Nobody has time for you to take a long time go potty.

Absolutely. Yeah, yeah. Well, and also, too, yeah, they genuinely care about you. Yeah, they genuinely, in many cases, love you. However, the money comes first. Correct. The money comes first. Yeah.

And I told her, and she also, because she brought up the money, and I said, if you want to make money, I said, when you turn 16, you can get a job at the grocery store. You can flip burgers. Yeah. You do not need to make money doing this. I see a reality show where we switch 13-year-olds, and I get to deal with your daughter, and you get to deal with my son. All right. That sounds fine. Beat him up a little bit.

Listen, I had a 13-year-old son. He's 18 now. And I would trade just for a little while because the boy is a lot. Oh, yeah. I mean, there was some oppositional stuff when he was 13, but it's nothing like it is with her. That's what I'm told. Oh. And I mean, and I don't even get the half of it.

Sure. The things that she's, the casual cruelty she's shown towards my wife is jaw-dropping. What does Louis C.K. say? You know, boys will break your things, girls will break your soul. Yes, yes, yes. Can't you tell my loves are growing? So then all of a sudden you're number one on the call sheet of a sitcom. Correct.

How was that? I can't tell if that was a put down. No. I mean, no, it's, well, I mean, it is like, no, I mean, it is a very yin and yang kind of thing. Yeah. No, my life changed significantly overnight in ways that I had not anticipated and was not prepared for. Yeah. I was very, very fortunate working with Don Rio, who created Blossom, and I was part of the Whit Thomas machine. Yes.

The Paul Whit Tony Thomas machine. They did Golden Girls and Empty Nest and Nurses and Soap, you know. Yeah. I know, but the people out there might not. The millennials that are listening to this. The chillins should Google soap or Richard Mulligan. You know, it was a wonderful company to work for. And it was a clean set.

And I never saw drugs. And, you know, it was really, really, it was a very positive experience. It was crazy being a teenager on television because I didn't grow up in the industry. And Joey Lawrence and Jenna Von Hoy, he younger brother, and Jenna Von Hoy, who played Six, they had been raised in the industry. They knew how to have all those interactions with people. I wasn't used to that, so I was really learning on the job. It was a wonderful experience, but people don't really remember what it was like then. There was no internet.

There were only four TV stations. Yeah, yeah. There was no publicity machine. Nobody cared if I had false lashes, you know, or like if my breasts were in the right place for, you know, for the fashion that's now being thrust upon 14-year-old girls. Yeah. I was a kid, you know. I was really a kid and I was a teenager and it was sweet and good. And, you know, we were a top 20, top 25 show when we could be, we were a primetime show. We were not Punky Brewster with no insult to afternoon shows, but we were a family show that

was on against Monday night football. And we held our own for five years. We jumped the shark many times, you know, towards the end. And that's what happens. And when the show ended, I was 19. I was ready to go to college. Like I was ready to not be judged by the outside and use some of my inside, you know, self. So I went to college and I was away from the industry for 12 years, pretty much. Yeah. Yeah. Now, did you know exactly what you wanted to study when you went to college? Because you have a PhD, correct? I have a PhD in neuroscience. I fell in love with- Yeah, how about that? Suck on that, everybody. I fell in love with biology when I was 15. I was never a science or math person. And I had this amazing tutor. She was an undergrad at

the time at UCLA. And she was my tutor on the set. And I fell in love with biology. And she gave me not only the skill set, but the confidence to believe that I could study science. And that's what I wanted to do. And that's what I did. So I studied neuroscience as my undergraduate degree. I did a minor in Hebrew and Jewish studies, which kept my GPA up and therefore my morale because science was still really hard for me. I was a late bloomer. So I did my undergrad for five years and then I went on to direct to the graduate program, the PhD program at UCLA. I got married. I had my first son in grad school. Yeah, that's crazy. And then my second son right after.

So it was a big 12 years. Having a child while in grad school must have just been. Yeah, I mean, you know, obviously men have, you know, we know that men suffer and they have to also think about when to have children. But for women, it's a very different set of decisions. Of course. Because you physically, you know, you at least need to leave to crank that watermelon out of the garden hose, as it were. And, you know, I basically finished my curriculum, my classwork, and then had a child when I was in data collection and literally wrote my thesis breastfeeding, laying down and typing with one hand. Wow.

So that was what it was like. He's a total nerd. So it worked. Yeah, yeah. that environment worked. And then I knew that I wanted to be home with my kids, which is not a popular choice for women in science. But I knew that I would rather raise them than pay someone else to raise them while I was teaching someone else's children. And that is not the right decision. That was the right decision for me and for my ex, for Mike. We were married at the time. That was the decision we made. So I got pregnant the week I filed my thesis

with my second child. That's our mazel tov baby. And he's the one who's now 10. And he's also a nerd. So we did pretty good. All right. Yeah, Shakespeare nerds. Oh, man. Honestly, I don't like Shakespeare. I don't either. And this is a problem because people see like, oh, celebrity mom. That must be where they get it. And I'm like, no, it's my ex-husband is actually the theater person and the Shakespeare lover. I try and practice with that. It's like breaking my teeth.

And they're like, mom. I'm like, this makes no sense to me. Can we just make it in words that make sense? I had it. I mean, it was probably maybe 20 years ago. I saw Ian McKellen and Richard the something or other. There's always a sir involved. And it was like one of those ones where it's all jazzed up with like kind of, you know, it sort of looks fascist.

Shakespeare works in any time era. It's like, no, it doesn't. And I just had this feeling sitting and watching that, and I thought, like, I don't ever have to go to another Shakespeare play again in my life. Unless you have children who do Shakespeare. Yes, that's true. Then you drink heavily before the show. And I did break that because I did see Shakespeare in the park.

I did see Midsummer Night's Dream. Okay, so that's the thing. I like that story. That was a little more fun. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I've seen, just this summer, I've seen Comedy of Errors, Taming of the Shrew, which I thought was about a rodent. I thought, I swear to God, I thought it was about, I'm like, isn't that a rodent?

My kid's like, no, it's a thing. It's about misogyny. Yeah, it's not. It doesn't have a good ending. Yeah, yeah, it sure doesn't. It's about misogyny. Yeah, it's not. It doesn't have a good ending. Yeah, it sure doesn't. They show her. They learn her right. She knuckles under.

You must submit. They try and give it a positive feminist thing. She's in on it. It's like, it's not good. No, no, no. It's not good. No. Anyway.

And yeah, the stories are great, but I can't understand those words. I get so bored. I get so bored. Oh, I'm a terrible mom. Well, and I'm just a terrible actor, like, in terms of, like, theater and all of that kind of stuff. I just don't care about theater. I first saw you on the stage, though. I respected you greatly as a theater actor.

Was that after Blossom? I can't remember. No, that was during. It was during Blossom. I was part of a show called The Real Life Brady Bunch. I came and saw you 29 times. Something like that. I know you were very much a regular.

I was the biggest fan. Yeah, yeah. You and Ricky Lake was another one. Right. She's dating Tom at the time. That's right. Yeah, she actually ended up dating one of the cast members. Yeah.

But there was a game show that preceded it to fill out the entire show, but then the rest of it was just. It was amazing. It was just. Can I please? Sure. They took Brady Bunch script verbatim and performed them, but each character was as distinctive as they could be, meaning given.

But you would do commercials from the era. It was insane. It was so much fun. And it was, I mean, the Soloway sisters, like, it was so much fun. And I saw Jane Lynch. I mean, I saw a lot of people come through there. Yeah. Who then went on to marry famous people and, you know, all sorts of things.

But it was wonderful theater. And it was just, it was great. It was so great. Thank you. Thank you. No, it was great it was so great thank you thank you no it was it was really fun and it was you know it got me out of Chicago and in the front of people and started you know a career for me so yeah but no it was and you were it was always so much fun to have you around you know I mean because it wasn't like you know different sort of quote-unquote famous people celebrities would

come but like you were like the one that was like, no, you were like. I was a teenager though. You were a teenager. I was young. But you were also just like so sweet and nice. Thank you. And it was like, it was. Well, I was, I was a, I was a quirky teenager. Yeah, yeah.

Like I was like a, I was kind of like a Daria personality before there was Daria. Yeah, yeah. So like I liked theater and dark things and you know, I. But you also too were very grown up. Thank you. You, even at that age, you were very grown up. That's because of my crappy childhood. You're welcome.

Yeah, yeah. No, I know. I know. Yeah. When they force you to grow up. That's right. We mature pretty age, you were very grown up. That's because of my crappy childhood. You're welcome. Yeah, yeah, no, I know, I know. Yeah, when they force you to grow up. That's right, we mature pretty quickly. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's right. When they drag the childhood out of you and force you into the hot seat. So, yeah, but like theater stuff, I just, you know. I liked school plays, but that was about it.

And then also everybody's like, are you going to major in theater? The theater department at any school would would chew me up and spit me out. Because I have no formal training. I've never had training as an actor. I took one class in college, and I hated it. It was so dumb. Even the thought of it makes me cry. And I know a lot of actors, I dated one for many years, who are part of a theater group, like a tribe.

And they go every week and they get the guru kind of teacher and like the thought of it is like I would love to like do an Ibsen play sure like there's material that I love but the thought of like having to go up in front of these people and they're going to criticize

I would cry I would cry it would be terrible for me I find too quite often in live theater I have this tremendous feeling of embarrassment that, like, somebody is, I'm in the same room with somebody that's just, like, they're crying. They're, like, fake crying. Or they're, like, oh, my God, they're just yelling.

And it just is, like, it's awkward. And also, like, that's kind of, I sometimes, part of it for me is part of my OCD, which is part of my charm. So says you. But kind of the inability to be completely immersed. I always have this sort of perspective like, oh my gosh, I'm standing on a stage. I'm talking to, what if I took off all my clothes right now for no reason? Which is something only people with OCD actually have that very specific fear. Right, exactly.

What if I run off the stage? Said every curse word I know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I will have full-on conversations with myself while performing. Even Big Bang, which was a lot like theater in that we were in front of an audience and it's live for that take. But sometimes I would be having whole conversations in my head like, I hope I don't slip in these shoes. But while delivering lines and having a conversation. So that, you know, that kind of split ability is part of the insanity of being this kind of artist, you know, being an actor like that.

But there are people who can totally be immersed and in the moment. Yeah, no, that's kind of hard for me. Very self-conscious. I've had arguments with actors, too, where I've said, you know, acting is lying. Because it is. It's lying. You know, and they'll be like,

no, it's really about the truth. Like, no, it's not. It's about convincing someone something that's not true, which is that you're not a pirate, you know? Says you. No, but there's been some really interesting studies, brain imaging studies of actors

while we perform. We generate the same emotions. Like, the brain looks fundamentally very, very similar to what it looks like when you actually have those emotions, which I think is fascinating. That is amazing. And when you think of people who can cry on cue and you know, when you actually have those emotions, which I think is fascinating. That is amazing. And when you think of people who can cry on cue and, you know, who can, you know, when

you think of those like methody actors, you know who they are, we don't need to list them. You know, they are producing something though that is so close, right? Physiologically and all those things that that's why it works, you know? It's almost like a guru thing, like being able to slow down your heart. Right. You know, like to manifest that change in your brain. Right. People with dissociative identity disorder, which we used to call multiple personality,

you can see different physiological things in each of the personalities, different blood pressure, different heart rate. So it's very interesting. It's that, as actors, we do. We dissociate that way to create, you know, this character. Yeah. Now, after you got your PhD, you decided to stay home. I mean, did you have, were you going to be home with your kids forever? Were you going to, no, I mean,

what was your game plan at that point? Because you were sort of out of show business. No, I was out of show business. And my then husband, he was finishing his master's in political theory. And yeah, I had a newborn and I had a toddler. I was teaching neuroscience. I taught in the homeschool community. Oh, wow. Yeah, I taught junior high and high school neuroscience and biology and a little bit of chemistry. I was tutoring Hebrew.

I was tutoring piano. I was doing everything I could to make ends meet. I mean, we, you know, people didn't make money like they used to. Money doesn't last like people think it does. And yeah, I was a family running out of health insurance is why I went back to acting. Wow. I needed to get my SAG insurance back because I had an infant and I had a toddler.

And that's the God's honest truth. I'm sure I missed acting, but I enjoyed no one caring what I looked like or how stringy and hippy-dippy my hair was or if my clothes fit or any of that stuff. So I didn't reluctantly reenter the industry. I mean, I love performing. I love making other people happy with my performance. I'm that kind of actor. I didn't miss fame.

I didn't miss money. I didn't miss people telling me I'm awesome because I don't believe it anyway. But I did miss that interaction between a performer and a director and that whole thing. So yeah, I had never heard of The Big Bang Theory when I was called in to audition for it. But I did a couple roles. I did an episode of Bones where I didn't even have a name.

It was like Lady No. 2. Oh, wow. Yeah, I did an episode of Saving Grace. I just did whatever. Yeah. Most casting directors were too young to even know or care who I was. And I have no problem auditioning. Like last time you saw me, I was 19 and I was on a sitcom. Like totally, I'll audition. And then I was called in for the Big Bang Theory. I'd never heard of it.

I mean, I had heard of it in its first season because I was told I was mentioned on it. And I was like, oh, it must be a game show. Like I had no idea. Wow. So- To get back in, did you go back to your old agent? No, nobody wanted me. So I actually, I had a writing project at a management company. And I literally, I was like eight months pregnant with my second kid. I was working with a friend on a writing project. And I said to her rep, do you think anybody would be interested in talking to me about repping me? And I was thinking, no one's going to be interested. And like a couple days later, I get this email that Tiffany Couson wants to talk to you about repping me, and I was thinking, no one's going to be interested. And like a couple days later, I get this email that Tiffany Cousin wants to talk to you about

repping you. And I'm like, Tiffany Cousin? We were friends in high school. This was a friend I had at the end of Blossom, and nobody keeps in touch because there were no phones then. I mean, there were no cell phones. There was no internet. We met at the gym, and we hung out for years during the end of Blossom. She had just moved from Connecticut. She worked at UTA, and she apparently now was a talent rep and wanted to rep me. So she took me on eight months pregnant. That was almost 11 years ago. And it's like having a manager who you also know and have stayed in her parents' house,

and it's really cool. That's great. It's good. I mean, we obviously do things socially, but not so much that it makes being business partners difficult. But yeah, so she took me back on and then, yeah, she's been my manager since. That's fantastic. Yeah. It's always nice to hire people that you like. I have to have relationships with people that I work with. I just, and... I could never have had, like, a showbiz asshole that's gonna... No, and then you're working

for both of your happiness in life, you know, like, I'm invested in her because we were friends for, you know, like, I want her to succeed. I want us to do things together that make her life good,

you know, and that feels really good. Can't you tell my love's a-growing? It feels really good. Now, because we do have limited time, so I want to get to the next step. Okay. I feel like you get where I came from. Absolutely. It's a mess. Yeah.

Look at Wikipedia if you really want to know. Like, what's next for you now? I mean, are you going to go back to neuroscience or? Well, okay. So I shouldn't say no. You shouldn't say no. I shouldn't say no. So I, I think I'm too much of a distraction to be like, I would like to teach at the local

community college, you know, like that's silly. And I don't think that's where I'm best utilized. Especially from being on that show. Yeah. That big show that people watch. Yeah. But I actually just started teaching a neuroscience seminar

for 10 homeschoolers. Wow. Two of them are my kids. And so, you know, I'm a person who really needs structure. So literally, as Big Bang was winding down,

I was like, I'm going to design a neuroscience curriculum and I'm going to teach my children and eight of their friends. And that's what we're doing. So that's like...

Are your kids homeschooled? My kids are homeschooled. So I'm doing that in terms of neuroscience. I obviously do a lot of public speaking and things about science and putting a female face on science and STEM and all those things. But no, I'm trying to see sort of acting-wise what my next gig is. I wrote a screenplay that I plan to direct, which sounds so vanity and so like, and I hate it. No, listen, it's based on a lot of things that happened to me. So it feels a little bit less gratuitous because it's kind of like,

where am I going to meet some like first time director and be like, all right, so this is what it looked like when I walked over here, you know? First time director and be like, all right, so this is what it looked like when I walked over here. You know, so, and I have, I've directed a short and like I, you know, I've grown up learning and loving the mechanics of our industry. I'm not just a person who like wants to like walk on the stage and like see my lines and go to my dressing room. Like I'm really interested in the practicalities of our industry. So I don't want to be like, I'd like to direct. But I have to say, when I filmed my short, I filmed it in 35mm also, which was kind of a tribute to my parents and their documentary history. I was like, oh, I like this a lot.

I like wearing a baseball hat and not having to care about what I look like. And I want to live and breathe the script that I wrote. And then I want to be so tired at night that I don't even have time to be stressed or depressed. I want to take a bath and go over the shots and go to bed. I was like, this feels good. So that's a plan to try and do that. We're looking for investors now, and that's a whole process. There may be a home for me in sitcom.

I'm told that that's where I make people the most money, so let's do that. But I have no active, you know, I don't. Everything's really up in the air right now, and that's really hard for me, just as a person, not so much as like an actor. I do have to work again. I do not make as much money as people think. Yeah, no, I know how it is. You know, I'm a person who does. I need to pay the mortgage mortgage and I need to pay health insurance and support my kids and um you know all those things so um I I want to work again and also need to work again and that's okay um I would love for like the Coen brothers to be like Maya we've been waiting for you to be done with that show so we can cast you in our next film as the murderous yeah I mean like there are

many directors who I feel like I could be your muse you just gotta look harder that's right you know like um i'm not gonna get those leading lady roles in all those films that you know those those rom-coms you know that's not me it wasn't me when i was 11 it's not gonna be me now um but i'm so quite frankly those are kind of boring yeah but but also like there's you know the world has changed so much that, like, indie is becoming mainstream. And, like, so for those of us who used to have, like, a niche thing, you know, like, when Zooey Deschanel was actually in indies, you know. And, like, that niche thing has kind of become more mainstream, which is a little bit hard for kind of, you know, the quirky girls among us. So I'm really open to kind of seeing what the industry wants from me.

You know, I've written books. There may be other books that I write, but I don't know. I have a YouTube channel with 760,000 subscribers, and that's something I'm very proud of. I speak about everything from divorce to veganism to Big Bang Theory to women's issues, and that's really been an interesting project of mine, and that's still something I do. There is an audience of people

who want to listen to me talk. I don't get it. My kids are like, why do people want to listen? I don't know kids, but they do. So hush up, you know? Right, right, right.

Be quiet. So yeah, so I work on my YouTube channel and I have a website, Grok Nation, and we now put it out as a newsletter. And that's a place

where I still get to write because I do love writing and I still do that. Take it easy. Jesus Christ, this is a lot of that's a place where I still get to write because I do love writing and I still do that. Take it easy. Jesus Christ, this is a lot of shit. But honestly, I don't have a place

I go every day. So I came from Taekwondo and I get to do, no, but I get to do fun things like this that it was always like, when am I going to have the time? But it's a lot of just

catching up on doctor's appointments, let's be honest. That's what happens when you get off. It's like, okay, I got to go to the dentist and oh my God, my thyroid needs to be checked out I haven't seen that you know cleaning

your mother's drain correct so where am I going I don't know I actually um I I've taken on two it's gonna make me sound like a big nerd bigger nerd than I am um there's a couple groups that I study with um like tech study Jewish study like Talmud philosophy it's philosophy like think of it like that like don't think of it as like she's a crazy God freak. It's philosophy. It's philosophy and it's psychology. So I have two groups that I study with. And like that's something that like now I have time to do that.

I can carve out, you know, that hour a week to be like we're going to study together. And it's as nerdy as it sounds. It's like we get on the phone and you go through a text and you analyze what it means and how it applies to modern life and what's the history around it. And like it nerdy but that's what i like to do and i'm glad to be doing that and i think also like being able to have more time for like the things that move me jewishly is very important to me like turning off my phone for 25 hours a week on the sabbath is like the greatest gift i was like it's the best thing ever i'm sorry even if you're not a religious person no that listen i'm powering down there's nothing like it i don best thing ever. I'm sorry. Even if you're not a religious person, that true powering down, there's nothing like it.

I don't believe in God, but I would convert just to have that. Many Jews don't believe in God. You're in good company. Just to have that. No, it's a fantastic rest. So we'll see. We'll see. Well, we're very close to you needing to leave.

I mean, you're so scheduled out. You've got Taekwondo podcast, and then what are you going to go like- Go therapy. Deliver a baby? No, no. Therapy? No, I'm going to go-

You can deliver a brain baby, a new feeling. Yeah. So, well, then there's the third question. What have you learned? I mean, what do you think the point of my embry's life is? Well, I mean, that's a separate question, to be quite honest. You know, there are things that I've learned. Okay, so you want that one? What's the point of my life?

Yeah, yeah. What have I learned? Because I've learned a lot of things that have contributed to finding out what the point of my life is. Well, answer whatever you want. What do I care? You can just leave. I'll finish up. I'll lock the door of my life is. Well, answer whatever you want. What do I care? You can just leave. I'll finish up. I'll lock the door on the way out.

You know, I've learned that, you know, I've learned a lot of the things that sound very cliche. You know, I've learned that I just got emotional. It's an emotional question. They're not going to put, you know put on my tombstone how hard I worked and how much money I made Richard White's. That's not what I'm going to be known for. That's what I've learned, that that is the truest thing ever, that having people who love you truly and deeply and loving people truly and deeply and

authentically is far more valuable than anything. It's the only thing. It really is. And sort of like the corollary to that is everything that you have to do to become a person who believes you're deserving and worthy of love, that's the other things you have to learn. Yeah. And that's the journey of my life. Yeah. That means therapy. It means finally learning to meditate because I don't want to have acid reflux and be put on all these medications, right? Yeah, yeah.

Because what ails me is my brain, you know? And learning to slow down my thinking, learning to slow down my body. Like I did cognitive behavioral therapy work for a year to learn what it feels like when I get anxious because I just push through it and then it just keeps building. Right. So like those are all the things I've had to learn, you know, so that I can become a person who can give love. learn, you know, so that I can become a person who can give love, right? And also to love my children the way I want to, to not be a parent who screams at them and to not be a parent who uses force against them or makes them scared of me as a way to discipline them, right? Those are the things I had to learn to earn that love, right? And I've made many mistakes for which I feel like they're going to make me pay my whole life, you know, because that's also part of what

you learn. I mess up all the time. I mess up all the time. And any time you think you've got it figured out is exactly when it's not figured out. Right. That's it. And I always say with my advice to parents when they ask me is learn to apologize to your children when you make a mistake. Oh, my gosh. Absolutely. I start every day apologizing.

I'm going to mess up royally today because I've never been your mom at this stage. Yeah, yeah. Oh, I know. I actually had to confess that to my son just recently. I was like, by the way, everything we did with you, it was the first time. Well, and even the second time. You've never had to do it knowing that you had an older one. And that's what I say to them.

I'm like, everybody's crying in the car and I don't know how to make us all stop. Yeah. I don't know. I don't. Can I feed it? That's probably not a good idea, right? Yeah, right. Like, that's, those are the things, again, that I learn to find out, you know, what comes next.

Yeah. Well, this has been a delight. You're a delight. Oh, thank you. And I'm such a fan of yours for so many years. I mean, we all are in my house. Thank you. Oh, that's great.

Yeah. Well, this has really been fun, and good luck to you. And you're an amazing person. You truly are. Thank you. No, I mean, just wow. As Shakespeare would say, wow. All right.

Well, thank you, all of you, for listening to this edition of The Three Questions with Andy Richter. We will be back and asking somebody more of the same bullshit later. Somebody else the same bullshit later. Okay, bye. Big, big love for you. The Three Questions with Andy Richter is a Team Coco and Earwolf production. It's produced by me, Kevin Bartelt, executive produced by Adam Sachs and Jeff Ross at Team Coco,

and Chris Bannon and Colin Anderson at Earwolf. Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, associate produced by Jen Samples and Galit Sahayek, and engineered by Will Beckton. And if you haven't already, make sure to rate and review the Three Questions with Andy Richter on Apple Podcasts. This has been a Team Coco production in association with Earwolf.