The Three Questions with Andy Richter - Minnie Driver

Episode Date: June 21, 2022

Minnie Driver joins Andy Richter to talk about growing up in Barbados, going to raves, writing her book “Managing Expectations” and more!

Hi everyone, this is Andy Richter and I am here again with another episode of The Three Questions and I'm going international today. I'm speaking to someone in the UK, eight hours away, I believe, Ada, and it is the very talented and funny actress, writer. You want to throw anything else on there? Are you? Yeah, you know, musician and bottle washer. Musician, bottle washer, mini driver. Hi, how are you?

I'm good, Andy. I'm good andy i'm good yeah and um are you spending all your time in the uk now or are you in la no yeah i'm i'm i i commute from los angeles to london and it i think it must The planet and also my pocketbook. Yeah. But the reality is I've found at this point in my life that the Pacific Ocean is sort of my side piece. It's like my lover. Yeah. I can't really be away from it and happy for a very long time.

But my son is the great love of my life, and he is at school here in England. So I really, I kind of ricochet back and forth. And it's great. What made you decide to put him in school in England as opposed to California? It was COVID. The schools remained shut in 2020 in California. And my son said in the summer, is there any way that I could go to school for a semester with my cousins in England? And because tons of people had moved out of London because of the pandemic, there were spots in local schools.

And he just went to a local school. And he really, I don't know what it is, Andy. Like, this is a Malibu born and raised Californian child who just, you know, the rain and the cold and the inside nature of England appealed to him. It probably seems exotic. Yeah, I think that's exact. I think all the green and all the rain and all of the nobody worrying about, you know, one minute showers. I think he was like, this is great. I want to stay here where, you know, it's so cold. You know, it never actually gets light between November and March.

It's actually dark pretty much all the time. It's very odd. Yeah, that's what I've heard. And it seems like why there's so many happy expats here in California. That's exactly right i don't even care if they work they just are happy and they all seem to end up by the ocean like they there's there's not a lot of silver lake uk people they're all by the ocean yes that's exactly right yeah you if you move to california why would you not live by the sea as we call all bodies of

water yeah we don't have oceans well you you grew up tropically did you not sort of yeah part part of the time in barbados in the caribbean yeah yeah and why why was that i mean let's get to the where were you born part i was well i was born in England. And we spent a lot of time in Barbados. I think primarily my father fell in love with the island after the Second World War in which he flew. He was 18 in the first deadly air battle of the Second World War, which was an air battle called the Battle of Heligoland Bight in 1939. He was 18. And he was wrecked by the war. He was a war hero. He saved the four men in that particular battle's lives. And at the end of the war, somebody took him, someone who cared about him deeply, took him to this beautiful island. And it's where he healed.

And he always said, like, this is where I'm going to come when I've made my fortune and figured out my life. I want to come back here. And he did it. He did do that. It was much, much later in the early 70s. And so that was, it was where he loved to be. And so he built a home there. And we were all together there.

And then when my parents split up, that's where I would go to, me and my sister would go to be with him. And so I had this kind of alternate, very tropical childhood in part. Is there something unique to Barbados as opposed to the rest of the Caribbean? Or do you think it's just because that's where he happened to go? I think it's where he went. But I think there is something that is common to the Caribbean, which is the notion of taking care of each other and family. And if someone is struggling, the community will fold around that person and help them. And I think that's exactly what happened to Dad,

was he was enfolded by this community in Barbados that helped put him back together. And what was, you know, at the end of the Second World War, PTSD had a different acronym. It was actually, PTSD was called LOMF, which stood for lack of moral fiber. Oh, boy. It was, there was no, there was no therapy.

There was, they'd stick you in a wheelchair with a blanket over your lap and have you look at some green fields. There was no, and in Barbados, I think there was, there was kindness and there was feeding you spiritually and literally and friendship. Did he ever get to talk about, you know, sort of go through a therapeutic, you know, a talking therapeutic kind of phase? No, I don't believe so. Yeah. therapeutic kind of phase. No, I don't believe so. I only found, I honestly only found everything out

on this documentary that I did called Who Do You Think You Are, this genealogy show that I did. I did it in England, even though the show is on in the States as well. And really, my father had never spoken about throwing away his medals, never telling anyone about being a war hero, the survivor's guilt, the mental anguish that he'd suffered through his life, which was played out in his war record. You could see where he'd have these breakdowns and the, you know, the Royal Air Force were amazing. They stuck by their men and women and they took care of them. But he suffered hugely. And I didn't know any of that growing up.

Yeah. He suffered hugely, and I didn't know any of that growing up. Yeah. I think it's, I got the chance to work with Robert Altman, and when he died, I found out a little bit of his past. And he, very similar to your father, when he was about 18, he was flying missions in the Pacific where you'd take off from the ground where it was 101 and go up to where it was five below. And the odds of you dying by the end of his run was something like, there was a 30% chance you were going to survive. And there was a 70% chance you were going to die. And it's just so interesting to then see him come back

and not give a shit about what anybody says. Because as a young man, he looked death in the face repeatedly. And so to come back and say, oh, you can't do this and you have to live up to that. He felt, well, fuck you. I don't believe you. I think it's very interesting. Did your dad have that same kind of rebellious streak, I think? I wonder.

I mean, I think, yeah, he was a complete maverick. I think it played out behind the scenes. It played out in what he, you know, he came from very, very, very humble beginnings. And he really lived the life of, he made a fortune at one point in his life. He was extremely successful, but I think he always had this imposter syndrome. And I think he always had massive survivor's guilt. But I think he took risks because he'd taken the greatest risk and survived. I mean, he really was one of five men who came back from this one particular battle where 15 airplanes went out, five men apiece, and four men made it back.

And my dad was one of them. So it was really, yeah, I think he took risks. What did he make his fortune in? Well, finance. It turned out, you know, this kid who, I mean, he barely went to school, but he left school when he was 12. But it turned out he had a knack for numbers. And he started out in finance and then went into insurance. But he was completely, I mean, self-made in the, you know, the real honest toness way that people are self-made,

like just with ambition that didn't have, I think, any form because there was no scaffold to hang that upon. But rather he went along with the experiences of his life. And certainly in post-war England, I think if you were a war hero, also it was people sort of, they took you more seriously, the class system, in the same way that at the end of the First World War, it didn't exist in the same way. That if you were a war hero and you were from humble origins, you could sort of rise above your rank. You could open, yeah, it opened up. Yeah. And there were no young men left.

So aristocratic girls could basically hook up with working class boys like my dad who had got medals and were these heroes because that was somehow, you know, that was allowed. Was your mom one of those aristocratic girls? Not at all. Oh, okay. I thought maybe you were segueing there. No, no, no. But your mom was artistic, yeah?

Yes. My mother was an amazing artist, a literal artist, and a very creative human being. And very funny, very beautiful. And very funny, very beautiful. My dad said he would always, whenever they'd go to dinners together, he'd always find people changing the little name cards on the dining table so that they could sit next to her. Oh, wow. He was always finding, yeah, she was really, they were both,

they were really, they were amazing people. They were both, they were really, they were amazing people. And what time did they, at what age did they split of your age? I was six. Yeah, I was little. And my sister was eight. Yeah. Yeah.

Was that a tough adjustment to then sort of go from, I mean, it seems like a very facile question. I mean, of course. Yeah, I mean, yeah, it was. Especially with the geographic difference. with my mom and her she married she had to marry the guy that she was that she was seeing because um in 1976 you could she was not married to my father and we were made wards of court and it was in this incredibly arcane hideous fashion the judge told her that um in order to maintain custody of her she had to be married, own her own home and have us in school in about eight weeks. Wow.

So she did all those things. She did it. But we then found ourselves very quickly in a totally different landscape that was extremely unfamiliar and weird. And back in the UK. Which part? In Hampshire. In Hampshire, in the countryside, which is in the Southwest of England. Is that where she was from? Did she go back to like her family?

No, it was near the school that she could get us into, which was the school that she went to. And she, you know, as alarm and, and as sort of begging, she was like, please, will you take my kids? And it was also, you know as alarm and and as sort of begging she was like please will you take my kids and it was

also you know a really amazing school and she I think she wanted us to to at least have this same creative experience that she'd had but it was it was definitely really tricky to begin with were you aware of this of what had happened like were you aware of the pressure that she was under to get remarried and and move and yeah she kept that from you guys yeah oh god i mean no we were far too little to yeah to to really be able to grasp but it was certainly an adjustment i imagine too going from a life on barbados to eng, what was that like for little kids? Well, we'd lived in London. We definitely, we traveled a lot as children. We lived in a lot of different places.

So, you know, we, it was really just another different place. But it was radically different to anything we'd ever, you know, my mother had no money. And we were living in a cottage that barely had indoor plumbing. I mean, it was pretty grim. And it was certainly incredibly cold. Yeah. But I don't know. Your kids are very adaptable.

Yeah. You know, for better or worse. Yeah. You get used to stuff, even if it's not comfortable. You get used to it quickly i think at that age too i think there's there does come an age where kids aren't so adaptable like you know i think you know i grew up where a hotel meant a motel when meant you know the holiday inn but like i remember one time I took my daughter somewhere

and we stayed in a not so great place and she really was showing her privilege because she's like, oh my God, this place is a dump. And I was like, this is perfectly fine. You do not have a good frame of reference. Exactly. I think it's good to know what is, I think it's good to know hard things. I think it's how you know when things are really, really good.

Yeah. And not even necessarily hard things, just, you know, LA kids from a private school, just regular things, you know, like to just learn like what regular school is actually like, as opposed to this incredibly state-of-the-art education that a kid will get here. Yeah. Yeah. So what kind of kid were you and your sister?

Did you kind of, did that really pull you together when there was the split and you kind of ended up in the country? Well. Were you then at one place? Did the traveling sort of stop or were you still sort of, yeah? Yeah. Yeah. We were there. And, you know, we were, it was, yeah, we always had each other.

We're very, very, very different people, me and my sister. Very different. But she always looked out for me. And we were quite lone wolfy, though, both of us. And we fit into the school in different ways. I think it took slightly longer for me to, it took a lot longer for me, to kind of be settled. And I wasn't very good at being at school. Yeah. Yeah. What was the school, you know, I mean, I don't really know what the UK education system is like, is it? Well, this is a very different school. It's a very progressive, it was a very,

Well, this is a very different school. It's a very progressive. It is a very progressive school. Very creative. Very nurturing. A lot of animals. A lot of outdoor work. Oh, wow.

Yeah. Yeah. So I loved all of that. But it kind of made it harder to go and actually sit in a classroom and pay attention. But I was pretty wild. i was pretty feral uh person i think i still am actually do you have do you have attention issues well no i can focus i can but I prefer to be outside at all times. Being inside feels weird to me, and it's what I find most difficult about England

is that so much has to take place inside because it is dark and cold and wet most of the time. Yeah. And I do my best thinking outside, walking or swimming. I can organize my thoughts. I can organize my thoughts. I can plan my days. Like, it's really, it's really strange. Like, sitting down at a computer is my worst nightmare.

Uh-huh. But you just, you wrote a book. I know. I did. How did you do that? Well, I started it in COVID. Like a mystery to me. I just don't understand how people

can sit in front of a computer that long it that was horrible however i did it in stints like i realized i realized that the max i could genuinely the max that i could do in a sitting was like three hours and i was like if i do three hours and if I make that my thing, and if I do that every single day, I will write this book. And it doesn't seem like many hours actually, but the reality is if you really, really are focused in that time, you kind of make it count. And some days will be better than others. But I'm very disciplined.

I mean, I think that's just being an actor. You do become, I think if you're lucky, you become really disciplined about doing the stuff that you say you're going to do. But I can't sit down. Three hours was insane, an insanely long amount of time to stay sitting down. Yeah, yeah. Well, getting back to school, were you a demonstrative child? So did that lead to doing theater stuff or were you shy or, you know? No, I wasn't shy.

Yeah. I was, no, I was very, I was very, I mean, extrovert, I suppose, but just very articulate. I think very emotionally articulate from an early age. I could really, I could articulate emotion easily. And that, you know, that, that really, and then loving reading and loving books and loving writing, and then loving reading and loving books and loving writing that that came the kind of became the confluence of of acting I realized there was an actual name for what it was I I could do there was this thing in the school that I went to really supported all these different and it wasn't about you know it wasn't like the best kids did all of this or you had to be particularly arty everyone was kind of encouraged to explore what they like to do. To do something creative.

Yeah. And so I did that. Do you remember the point at which you discovered, like, oh, acting is what I like? Was there one point, or did it just kind of creep up on you? You know, I mean, honestly, from the first minute, I think the first thing that when I got there, when I was like six years old, was they said, right, we're going to devise a play. And you just have to think of a character and a prop.

And then we're going to make a play out of all of those characters and all of those props. Wow. And it was really interesting. I wanted to be the narrator. I didn't even know I knew what a narrator was. I wanted to be, and I wanted to have a rocking chair. So I was a narrator have a rocking chair. So I was a narrator in a rocking chair. I want the most lines and I want to sit down. That's exactly right.

I know what I want to do. No blocking for me. No blocking for me. I want to sit down and I want to say the most. That's exactly right, Andy. You're a singer too. So, I mean, because that's sort of, I mean, that was sort of, wasn't that sort of where you sort of first started?

Yeah, it was all part of that. What you first started to do, yeah. It was, it was all, I mean, again, I think it's really interesting and maybe it certainly has stayed in the whole of my life that there's this own, there's no stay in your lane. Like, weirdly, there weren't this notion of jocks and theater kids and nerds. And it was sort of like everybody did their thing. And there was this level of respect around that. So I played a lot of music because we were all, by the way, whether you were a science kid or a sort of more creatively arts driven, we all had to play music. There was just a big belief. And I think it's been proven,

like your brain is the same part of your brain that governs your relationship to mathematics is musical also. I think I would have benefited from benefited from a little more sort of forced to do it you know it was sort of an option and i just with i have a terrible attention problems and so it just never and i'm bad at math and that i think those two things together i do too i mean i'm hard you know yeah i'm bad i'm bad at math but i'm good at music and but i i know that they're the same thing. Music is just fractions, you know, a fifth and a chord. It's literally, it is a fraction of a chord. It's sets of numbers that just repeat. but I can't sit down on a piece of music and play the piano, but I can play songs. I can play songs that I connect with and can sing. I can play them on my guitar, but I think it's a different,

it's a sort of different skill set. But anyway, at the school, you were encouraged, if you want to do music theory, do music theory. If you wanted to just play and figure that out. And so I did a lot of music and a lot of connecting thoughts to both music and then writing um whether it was stories or poetry or plays um and it all was this you know from the same crucible I don't I just don't believe in the whole stay in your lane thing I think it's so limiting and ridiculous

and um it I I the it's always seemed to be quite threatening when people do more than one thing. In our culture, like both in America and in England, it was certainly really unseemly in England to be seen to be doing more than one thing. It felt, it was, you know, culturally greedy. Yes. Yeah, and also, you know, there is that kind of,

I mean, I think it's a similar thing in England, but here it seems to be very, certainly in the Midwest. I heard it referred to in New Zealand as the tall poppy syndrome, which is if you grow higher than the other flowers, they cut you down because they like uniformity. And was the phrase in the midwest is always don't toot your own horn yeah which is like well what's the point of having a horn if you're not yeah why give me a horn if i can't toot it yeah come on they're like playing with your horn but yeah that's i mean I think there is that, and it's, you know, there's part of it, humility is nice, but, you know, a false humility based on fear is kind of sick. I agree. I also don't think that humility and creative expression are mutually exclusive. Yeah. mutually exclusive. Like, I really, they are, there is, it's, it's not just about being the sort of the loudest and the most attention seeking, but rather, you know, a child who

understands how to express themselves and then expands from that point. And that might, that might mean that they're not going to go on and be like on the stage or in movies or, but that they, but that they've been given the space to have a sense of self. So they, so they understand the difference between arrogance and humility. So they, you know, experience what, what that looks like. As you, as you grew up, you know, when you went from teen into young adult did you looking did you like the path that you chose was the did you choose the path or was it chosen for you yeah no I definitely chose the path I mean I was I was on that I mean I don't remember ever deciding to be

I just like deciding to be an actor or a musician it's sort of it was so hard wired into who I was there was never any question that that's what I was going to at least try and do but I didn't I didn't have any alternative it's not like I went to university I I I went I went through the whole thing going this is what I'm going to do and when I left the drama school that I went through the whole thing going, this is what I'm going to do. And when I left the drama school that I went to, which is, you know, like a conservatory, instead of going to university, I went and studied acting and music and all this stuff. And I was the only kid to graduate without getting a theatrical agent. You know, nobody was buying whatever I was selling.

Oh, wow. They were like, no, this is just not good. And we didn't want any part of it. Did they come to school shows? Oh, yeah. Did they come and pluck people out of the, yeah. I've got lots of these letters. I mean, I've got all of them, actually.

You know, thank you so much for considering us for your representation. You know, we currently have a lot of young people on our books and no room for one more. I mean, it was probably no room at the end. But, yeah, I really was, I came to this kind of dead end. I was like, this can't, how is this happening at 20? I was going to say, how did that feel? What did you, what were you thinking? I will never forget waking up after my last show and there was no interest. And I come home to this tiny apartment I lived in and my mother had dropped me off and she, I was like, what am I going to do? And she was like,

you're going to have to go and get a job so you can pay your rent. And I remember waking up that next morning. And you know that sort of moment where you're like, oh, it's a lovely new. And I suddenly remembered my whole life had ended the night before. Right. And there was this vertiginous feeling of complete free fall of just I have no idea what I'm gonna do I have no idea I've exhausted every idea that my young brain was told this is how you proceed in this profession so I just I carried on you know. I sang in dinner jazz.

Yeah. I was part of this, which was so lucky that I could do that. And nobody paid attention. It's how I really learned to sing, because that's when you really learn to sing, is when no one's listening. Yeah. You can fuck up and figure out songs, because people are so busy talking and eating. I always went.

busy talking and eating. I always went, there was one time here in California having dinner and they had sort of that little jazz trio in the corner playing and there was this moment where, because you know, you do tune

them out. You're there to eat dinner and you didn't say, is there going to be a jazz trio? You just were like, is there going to be a jazz trio? You just were like, is there going to be dinner? But I remember hearing really just like the guitar, whoever was playing guitar just grabbed my ear. And I was like, wait a minute. And had to turn and look like that guy is really, really good. And I think it was just from being in show business,

I thought, oh my God, imagine being that good at something that takes that much work and being ignored by assholes like me. Oh my God. And it's like, well, the guy is making a living and I'm sure he does other things where people don't ignore him. But yeah, I can imagine that that's really a good place to not only develop chops, but calluses, too.

A hundred percent. Defenses, yeah. A hundred percent. And is that the only job you had? Yeah. That was my job. I did that five nights a week. And how did that, I did that like five nights a week. And how did you, how did that happen?

Did you, had you already been doing it or? Yeah. You know what? I, I was like, I was that kid. I mean, I was, I was a terrible waitress. I got fired repeatedly for querying people's wine choice. They'd be like. Are you sure?

We'd like the Burgundy. I was like, really? Oh God, it's very cheap. You don't want it. It's like vinegar. You don't want to drink that with your nice fish. And they'd be like, excuse me. And I'd be like, you are excused. And then I'd get fired. And then I'd go back to, I always hung around with the musicians. I just, I hung around. I hung around where the music was. And I would stick around when everyone else had gone. And then I'd be like, what's happening now? And they'd be like, oh, we're going back to Bob's house

and we're going to play more music. I was like, great. And because I was quite square, I didn't drink and I didn't do drugs. And I was just really keen. And so I think I was probably quite annoying, but I was relentless about hanging around. And the good thing about being relentless and hanging around something that you love is that invariably someone doesn't show up

or get sick or isn't able to do it. And you're right there when they need someone. You literally are always there. So the odds are that you're going to get a shot if you just, there when they need someone. You literally are always there. So the odds are that you're going to get a shot if you just hang around. It's the first qualification for any job is being there. Be there. Just be there.

But I'm a big fan of hanging around. I really am. If you like something, go hang around where people do that thing. Like, it may take a minute, but I really am. It's like, that's actually advice I'd hand out to anybody. they found what they liked and they hung around they found a group and it's you know that's whenever a kid has asked me for advice i say i don't know find it you know and whether it's whatever you're doing if you you know because it's usually comedy go somewhere where people are doing sketch comedy or improv and even if you're not you know even if it doesn't your career in air quotes doesn't fire, you'll be around fun people that you relate to. And that's pretty great. That's like, that's like 60% of life is just finding a group of people to hang around with. Which leads me to, I really have this theory

that aiming for like 100% of anything is, that's the problem. Like 60% should be the new 100%. Yeah. Like you don't, nothing is ever 100% and neither should it be. Like there's no, you leave yourself no room to go anywhere, to do anything. You don't leave room for failure. You don't leave room for further success or evolution like 60 is the new 100 yeah that you heard it here first yeah wow i'm getting t-shirts made up i'll cut you in on them though good thanks so much yeah yeah um so you're singing in in restaurants uh you're getting good. And then what?

Well, so a few things happened. Is this in London, by the way, or is this still in? Yeah. Yeah, this is in London. Yeah. A few things happened simultaneously. So I had been basically, it was the advent of house music, you know, house music kind of bust its way out of Chicago and found its way to England.

And these big raves were happening in barns and fields across the UK in this one particular summer after I graduated. And it was kind of amazing. And again, because I wasn't really the big drinker or the big drug taker, I would be driving the car with all of the people in it. And we'd arrive in this place, you'd get this kind of secret location and you'd follow a bunch of cars and you'd go down the freeway and you'd drive for like an hour and a half, two hours, and you'd wind up in this field and there would be this insane sound system and this amazing DJ and this whole, this new music, like this house music was all new and it was all sampled stuff and beats and everyone was taking ecstasy and everyone was doing, and you'd dance for, you know, six, seven hours. Until the sun came up, yeah. Yeah.

The sun came up, yeah. Yeah. So I would do that, except without the augmentation. And I would literally basically come face to face with the sort of oblivion that I felt. And I was like, I'm just going to dance. I'm just going to be in this music. And I don't know what's going to happen, but this is where I'm at. And so I'd do that on the weekends. And there was this kid, there was this other kid who also didn't really do drugs and drink and we'd always find ourselves sitting like I don't know

how we weren't friends I didn't know her we would sort of I'd end up bringing like a thermos flask of tea and like two old biddies we'd like be drinking tea while all these people were wandering around naked trying to find their cars like as the sun came up over the barn with it yeah yeah and she was this cool she was this really cool girl and we like over the course of like three months like i would just see her on the weekends at these parties and these things and she was really cool and as september was getting closer and like this reality was looming of real life um i was in a band band and stuff was sort of starting to happen with this band, but also I really wanted to act and I wanted to do all of it. Anyway, at the end of the summer, she was like, what do you do? And I was like, I don't know, I'm

supposed to be an actress and I'm a musician. And she was like, oh, she's like, well, I work for a casting director. And I was like, do you? And she was like, yeah's like well I work for a casting director and I was like do you and she's like yeah you should come in you should come and meet her so I was like okay can I come tomorrow because it wasn't by now Sunday morning and tomorrow was Monday and she was like okay so these you know with these two kids and I went and she worked for like one of the great British casting directors, this amazing woman who was so thought it was so funny that this total ragamuffin girl wanders in out of a field because her assistant has said, you should meet this girl that I've been raving with all summer. And the fact that she had that this casting director was like this is like a weird story okay I'll meet this girl yeah so I went in and she was so bemused and she was like okay you got 10 minutes to tell me your life story so I told a good story and she said I'm gonna call an agent for you so

she called this agent and I could you know on those big old telephones I could hear the agent down the phone and they were like oh, I saw that girl. She sucks. She totally sucks. Oh, yeah, I know her. I know her. Yeah, I know. We saw her. Yeah, she's not for us.

And the casting director, who knows, like in here, she's like, hmm. And she's like, no, no, no, she's funny. You should meet this girl. She's funny. She's got something funny about her. And the agent's like, oh, God, really? And she's like, yeah, yeah, no, go on. I'll send her over for a cup of tea.

Just give her 10 minutes. She'll make you laugh. So she sent me over me over and like i don't know how that happened but like this woman who'd already decided i was absolute pants as we say in england yeah which means rubbish uh she changed her mind and she put me on probation she was like if you can get a job in a month i'll represent you probation they're just all that gatekeeper shit is so fucking frustrating I know you have to get past the dragons it's like some weird initiation and then you know

guess what you you wind up you know realizing that like the grail is actually this terrifying machine that will eat you up something that you should run in the other direction from, not towards. I was being pushed out of the job.

Well, I mean, it is fun. There's a lot of fun to be had. It's super fun. I hate little people making themselves big. And that's what that gatekeeping kind of thing always seemed to me. It's like just people that really take a shine to power and they just, any little, you know,

grasp of power they can have, they just grab onto it. And then, you know, I'm, and I mean, I guess to be an agent is to judge. You have to judge talent because you have to,

you, you want to have a talented stable not an untalented stable but yeah you want to make money yeah yeah yeah exactly you want to make money and you want to you want to you want to it's you know it's weirdly creative being an agent you know it it it it requires you to identify proper creative talent and also, I suppose, commercial talent. Yeah. Yeah. And where those overlap.

I do want to backtrack and just ask, why didn't you take the drugs? I think. I mean, everybody's doing it. Oh, no, I tried. No, no, no, no. I tried all the drugs. They just weren't for me. Oh, I see. I tried them and. Oh, no, I tried. No, no, no, no. I tried all the drugs. They just weren't for me. Oh, I see.

I tried them, and it just wasn't, like, I didn't want the edges dulled. I see. I liked the edges. I like to feel. I like to feel the edge of, like, however, maybe it was, I was comfortable with things being painful and that being okay. Like that wasn't, I didn't need to kind of create more oblivion. I already felt plenty of it. Oh, okay.

Was there any control aspect of it too? Was there the lack? I don't think so because I'm really, I wish I were a bit more controlling. Yeah. Like I'm not particularly'm not particularly yeah yeah no i just i just asked because um you know it's generally accepted that drugs are pretty fun um yeah and i mean you know they can be pretty fun and especially at that time that's such uh you know the rave that the rave it was amazing just mean dancing and and music it means drugs you know and the rave, the rave doesn't just mean dancing and, and music.

It means drugs, you know, and it was such a movement at the time, you know. It was. I mean, I think that was, you know, and that was, I mean, maybe I just figured it out early on. Yeah. I did, you know, I did the drugs and the ecstasy and tried all that stuff. And then was like, this is, this is, it's funny. funny, it didn't, maybe I was also like on a mission. Like I felt so clearly what it was I wanted to be doing.

I didn't want to be in a corridor. I didn't want to be kind of waiting for something to happen. I want to be making it happen. I was incredibly driven for someone who didn't know how to do that. making it happen. I was incredibly driven for someone who didn't know how to do that. Yeah. And I, yeah, yeah. That's the only way I can describe it though, is like, I didn't want to dull the edges. Well, I'm assuming you got the job within the month.

I did, yeah. And what was that job? It was a play. It was a play in this suburb of manchester called oldham which is it's pretty gnarly it's pretty gnarly uh it's like i'm trying to think of of you know what's a gnarly suburb of pennsylvania oh because is it i mean in of pittsburgh of pitt sorry of pittsburgh oh i see what's a gnarly suburb of purb of Pittsburgh? That's the equivalent. I guess that's the American equivalent. It's like a super urban, hard place to go and be in a play. But I thought it was the greatest thing in the whole world.

I mean, it was the greatest thing in the whole world. And I had this job, and I love being in this play. And I got signed to, the band I was in got signed to Island Records. And that was all really exciting. But they all really were doing a lot of drugs. And then everything really did kind of fall apart there. So I was like, okay, well, I'm going to stick with the acting and do all of this. And, yeah.

And then, also, too, you don't – there is something to traveling alone. You know, it's easier. There's less baggage. I agree. And I have always really been that way. I've never really been in cliques or groups or – and that has been painful, I think, to not, I'm still very much like that. I'm not part of, I have my friends, I have my wonderful friends, but it's not a big, they're not all friends with each other, if you see what I mean. I'm not in like a gang.

I understand, yeah. Except one. But that came late and that was girls who I surf with who have become my really good friends. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. late and that was girls who I surf with who have become my really good friends yeah okay yeah I know I love how I'm like like going is that okay sure it's fine with me you keep your friends you keep your friends yeah you call them what you want I thought it was gonna say you are part of a gang and they're called the Crips how dare you you are part of a gang and they're called the Crips. How dare you? You are part of a gang after all. You fraud.

You lone wolf fraud. All right. Well, then when does the big time come a-calling? And also, what gets you out of England? Well, I made this movie Circle of Friends that then did really well in the U.S. I mean, it was like this little Irish movie, but it got a lot of attention in the U.S. And I came to America and it was this big success. And it was very unexpected.

I did not mean to move to New York. I didn't mean, I didn't know anything. I kind of thought I was going to be in the theater. That was the whole idea. Like, you're not really, you're not really, when you were in England, you don't really think I'm going to be a movie star. I mean, you certainly didn't back then. You think I'm going to be with the Royal Shakespeare Company. I'm going to go and work at the National Theater.

Yeah. I'm going to do that. But they weren't buying, again, what I was selling. So, America really did. Did America call or did you just take the fame of the movie? No, I went. Okay. I went for a weekend and I got a part in a movie on that long weekend I was there.

I was, again, in another casting director's office. And someone had fallen out of a movie. It all sounds incredibly improbable, but it's all completely true. I believe you. I'm not here to, this is not, you know, an inquisition. I know, I don't know. I don't know why I feel defensive about it, because I think when I take it out of context of the graft,

it all sounds like it happened quite easily, but it was... it didn't feel easy didn't feel easy but it did feel lucky and that moment felt lucky i got the part in this movie because an actress had fallen out and then i just stayed and while i was shooting that movie in new york i got another movie that shot in new york and i just ended up moving to new york yeah um i just never went home for two years were you in a hotel the as at the beginning i was in a hotel in the beginning i lived at the mayflower hotel on central park in this fusty uh this fusty room and then some kids who'd gone to college with my sister they needed a roommate

and so i went and i lived in chelsea in new y York on 22nd Street between 9th and 10th. I lived on 22nd between 6th and 7th. Oh, did you? Yeah. God, it's a nice, oh, it's such a nice block. It's so nice. It's beautiful. I love Chelsea.

Yeah, it's crazy crowded now though. It's so crazy now. It was not fancy then. It was so not what it is right now, but it was amazing. It was really fun. No, I still kind of miss living in New York. I mean, I'm soft now from living in Los Angeles. Yeah, you'd be eaten alive.

I mean, literally. Well, I mean, I do find I can get back into just this sort of cortisol raising, to just this sort of cortisol raising, just kind of crush of it pretty quickly when I've had to go back there for a week or two or whatever. But yeah, it is hard. My son went to school in New York for his freshman year of college after having been there a lot

and thinking I'm going to New york city for college all through high school and being kind of snotty about it and then he got to new york and lived there for a month and was like i don't want to be here i don't like i only like visiting here this is too much it's just too much and it's it's a lot it's a. When my mother first visited me in my first Hell's Kitchen apartment, she cried all the way to the airport when she saw my apartment. Oh, my gosh. How was it for you to go to New York? Had you been to New York prior to that? I'd been to New York, yeah.

To visit, yeah. But just to visit, like, you know, as a tourist. Yeah, it was crazy. It was amazing. It was electric. It was electric. It was absolutely amazing. And there was such a, there was just such creative people that I hung around with.

My sister went to college with Liev Schreiber, and he was like the only person I really knew. And he took me around on his motorcycle that I think he built in Brooklyn, where he lived. And he was really, he was a really good friend. Like he, he was like the person that I knew there. And he was like this older, I mean, he's not much older than me, but he was this older guy who was from New York. But I, I loved it. I loved being free. It's a good place for a lone wolf, New York. Yeah.

Generally, like if you were to generalize, what did you find the main difference between living in the UK and living in, I mean. No, you're allowed to want to be whatever you want to be in New York. Like in England, you just, like I said, it's that, well, you coined that phrase, tall poppy syndrome. It's really unseemly to be ambitious and to want to be free and to not, I think maybe the path to what I wanted to do is so well-worn in England.

I needed to be somewhere new. I wanted to be unknown. Yeah. I wanted to figure out who I was. And New York really provided that canvas, that opportunity. And I was working a lot. I was working all the time and learning, learning about acting. That's where I really learned how to be an actor was, you know, in these movies, watching other people.

And how did you end up in California? I mean... Oh, my best friend who was, you know, one of these kids I was living in this house with, in this apartment with, she found out her boyfriend was cheating on her and was like, I'm out of here. I'm moving to California. And I was like, well, I don't really want to stay here if you're not here. You know, I just, I didn't, it was funny. I think I was also ready to kind of go see a bit more of

America yeah like all right California sounds fun yeah let's do that was it was it uh was there also a component of it that was a ambition a work thing I mean I'd been working in I'd made I was living in I guess I was living in New York when I did Gross Point Blank so I was I was going backwards and forwards so I'd been in California and then at the end of that movie I went that's when my friend said oh I'm going to move to California for sure like for good and I was like okay well I could do that that would be fun let's do that but this is all on the never never this was all I was all constantly waiting for someone to tap me on the shoulder and go okay you have to go back to england now right like and i did that for

you know the last 26 years is that still is there still a little bit of the imposter syndrome yeah 100 100 and maybe it's you know maybe it's a good thing maybe it's how you don't get complacent where you keep creating new or going down creative roads. Yeah. I do think there's a, you know, it's also when you start thinking that you deserve all the good things that you have, I think there's like a component of mental illness to that. You know, I think that like the people that really, really believe like, especially when

you, you know, like when you're in a business that, I mean, and I can only speak for myself, but like I have been richly overpaid for the amount of fun that I have had. And for just the things I've gotten to do and the things I've gotten to see and the places I've gotten to go, I would have taken a lot less money than what I was paid for that. So I can't sit here and go, I earned every penny. It's like, no, there were some pennies that were just fell out of the sky. I don't know how you feel about that, but, you know, but yeah. No, I think I deserved every penny.

Oh, well, okay. I'm going to check that off the list. I would have done it. I would have done it for free. Yeah. But I don't know about for free. Yeah, yeah. I never had anyone else.

I never had anyone else pay for me. Like I never had anyone else, not since, you know, my dad paid my college tuition, which was just huge. And that was it. Like the minute I left, there wasn't any other money. And I never got married. And I've never, I don't know. So I think I really feel like every single thing, every single thing, like I earned. Yeah.

I earned it. Yeah. And I think it's harder for women to kind of be, to own that. It's, again, we're not really supposed to. It's, we have all different kinds of adjectives applied to us when we are, like ambition is a dirty word or, you know, pushy or a bitch. When applied to men, those are good things. They're strong and tough and forward moving. And it's, so yeah, I take the money. So, yeah, I take the money.

Okay. All right. I'll let you. Thank you. I'll let you have your gang, and I'll let you keep your money. Thank God. Yes. I'll let you keep your money. How did you turn into a Californian then?

I mean, how, you know, I mean, was it having a child here? Was that a big step in terms of sort of feeling? Yeah. I mean, I just loved it. I don't know. I don't know the, I just loved it from the minute I, from the minute I got there. I love the way it smelled. I love the night blooming jasmine. I love the ocean. I love the dry, crazy desert. I just loved all of it and that it was all right there. I just felt like it was home. And also it was just, it was so exciting. It was so exciting to be in this town. Like then I thought it was so exciting to be in a town that was just did this one thing, just had this one industry. And I was in that industry. Like that was astonishing. I didn't have any cynicism towards it whatsoever. I was like, this is the most exciting place I've ever been.

This place just makes movies everywhere I go. Somebody is in this business and I'm also in that business. And I couldn't, I think it was the most belonging I've ever felt. couldn't, I think it was the most belonging I've ever felt. And then, you know, you take knocks and it gets harder and it's not all plain sailing. And then I think what became my savior really was the Pacific Ocean. You know, it was, it was surfing and swimming and then ultimately living in my little house by the ocean. That was how I managed to stay in Hollywood, like be part of that community. Did cynicism about the industry start to creep in after a while?

Well, I mean, I'm not a very cynical person, but there's definitely a little bit of, wow, this is very hard, as well as being very fun. Yeah. That you realize. But I never blamed it, because I actually think it's quite honest. Hollywood is very clear about what it is. Yeah.

And the parameters of the rules of engagement. And you can kid yourself and pretend that they're not clear, but they are clear. So, figuring out who you are is a very good thing when you're in, I think, a reality that is constantly reinventing itself. It's not stable. And you have to be okay with that instability. Yeah. How old is your son? He's 13. 13. And how did having him change your attitude about your work? Well, I, you know, I quit making...

Or did it? No, it did. It did. I mean, I quit making independent movies. I'm going and making movies all around the world. I wanted to be home. I wanted, I very specifically was like, I want to be on a TV show. I want to live near the studio. I want to go to school near where I live. And I want him to have this rooted life where I get to see him. He's not part of a big caravan of tutors and assistants and on the road. And I want to be here. And that's what I did.

I did that for eight years. I did two tv shows and or three tv shows like it was it was a really conscious choice and it was you know incredible to be able to do that to be able to pivot into something else and then um be a present you know as a single mother so be around and also work and support everything and keep everything going. Like that was, that, that, it was amazing. You know, it was an amazing privilege to be, to be able to be his mom and to also, you know, be the breadwinner and make it all happen.

Yeah. Yeah. Kids are great. Kids really sort of, they do put things in perspective. That's for sure. They sure do. They even everything out. Yeah. My ex-sister-in-law said, after having a child, she said, having a child really lets you know who the real baby is. That's true. I've often thought about that.

That's true. That's good. That's really true. It's because you do like, oh yeah, right. It's not about me anymore. Yeah, exactly. It really isn't. I want to ask you about your book. You have a memoir that's just out just recently, yeah? Yeah. And it's called Managing Expectations. And I bet it's called managing expectations and um i bet it's about managing expectations kind of yeah yeah well tell me about the process like how did what made you think okay i'm gonna write a book was it just covid was it like i gotta do something no no i mean that was

you know that that created the space in order to do it. But, you know, it was very much, you know, I've told other people's stories my whole life. And it was really reached a point where I, you know, I know that I'm a writer. I've always been a writer. It was just never for, it was just something else that I did. And I felt like there was a way of shaping these stories, which have really, all the stories are just connected by the central thesis that your life not working out is invariably some version of life working out, just not how you anticipated initially. So it's a memoir, but it's not a, I was born and 5.35 p.m. on January 31st in London. You know, it's not that kind of a memoir.

It's stories that are connected. Yeah. And what was the process? I mean, did someone come to you? I'm always just kind of curious about the nuts and bolts of things. Like, do you go to someone and say, I have an idea? Do you have to write an outline? Well, it was well it was right so everyone was just around yeah so i crafted a proposal for a book and then you know the agency that i'm at then everyone was sitting around and they have a book

department and so i became acquainted with an agent there who is amazing. And who was home, who was home. And, you know, I was like, I sent this proposal. I was like, I don't know. Like, I doubt this is going to be something like, I don't know, but I've, I, this is what, if I were going to write a book, this is what it would look like. Yeah. And she was amazingly supportive and she helped me craft it a little bit and shape it and then we went and I did all these Zoom meetings with

she then sent it out to publishers and then they say, some people went nah, and some people went yeah, and then I had meetings with the people that said yeah and that's how it happened so yeah, it was just begin.

Were you always happy with the process and the product? No, it was so difficult. Yeah. You know, it was difficult finding time to write when there was no form to your day in COVID. And then I went back to work and I, you know know was worrying about my kid and then finding the time and the discipline to write and then my mother died in the middle of writing the book and that created this whole other sort of nightmare of not being able to write about anything except her dying and then kind of writing my way out of that and back into life. And then the whole book had a different

shape because she died and she was such a huge influence in my life. So it was, it was a pretty extraordinary journey for me personally, that started out somewhere, something that was kind of gentle and we were all, everyone, the world was experiencing this lockdown and I was just going to go and tell some stories. And it ended up being something that was incredibly, I lent on it hugely when she died and became very healing. And I think it's, I don't know, I think it's helped articulate a lot about grief from what I hear from people's response to the book, you know, a lot about what it is of what loss looks like

and also what incredible enjoyment of life and how, again, they are sublimely linked. Mm-hmm. Now your son is 13, so, you know, you have a child that's sort of grown and a little more self-sustaining. Is there anything sort of on the horizon for you that would be a surprise, or is it kind of just to continue to act? I mean, are you going to get back into films more now? I mean, are you going to get back into films more now that? Well, I've got, I have three, I have three films.

I have two films coming out this year and I have another two coming out next year. So there's definitely more films coming out. I want to write more. I'm going to write more and yeah, explore, explore that, explore that and, and, explore that. Explore that and keep on making things. You know, that's what I am. I have no idea what my purpose is or what any of our purpose is, but I do know that I'm a good storyteller. Like, I've done that all my life, and I'm practiced at it, and I'm interested in exploring, I've done that all my life, and I'm practiced at it, and I'm interested in

exploring, like, what that looks like, and how to continue doing that in lots of different mediums. What do you want people to take away from your story? I think that it is, the thing, you know, it's okay when things don't work out. It can be really, really hard. But it is invariably a deeply creative stuff not working out because there isn't really any end. It's always just something else beginning. It's always just something else beginning.

So kind of hanging on, hanging around, staying open to what might unfold, I think, is part of the thesis of the book. And that we're all messy human beings having a messy human experience. And it doesn't matter whether you're a movie star or whether you're a teacher or you work in a bookshop or in a supermarket. We are all fundamentally the same. So I hope there's some, you know, community and camaraderie in the book as well. I'm just a messy human. And that would have been a good title too.

Well, there's, you know, book two, return of book, Andy. Return of book. I'm a messy human. And that would have been a good title, too. Well, there's, you know, book two, return of book, Andy. Return of book. I'm a messy human. But then it'll really be, you know, the onus will be on you to be messy publicly. Well, you know what? That can look, I've never not been messy, I don't think. I mean, you know. Well, there's messy and then there's messy.

Well, yeah, it always depends on your definition of messy, I guess. Right. Well, thank you so much for taking the time. Thank you. It was a wonderful talk, and I'm so glad that you consented to spend some time here virtually with me. And do you want to tell people about the movies, the movies that are coming out? Yeah, there's a beautiful movie, which will be, I think it'll be on Hulu, called Rosaline. That's coming out, a retelling of Romeo and Juliet. Very funny, very beautiful movie. And then-

Yeah, I have that. It's from the point of view of romeo's ex-girlfriend that sounds exactly right yeah it's really funny it's really funny and um i mean she's not even his ex-girlfriend like she's actually his girlfriend and juliet is the interloper it's really it's really funny it Oh, that's great. And then this incredible movie called Chevalier, which is Stephen Williams directed. It's for Searchlight. And it is an extraordinary story that I think is going to blow people away. And I will leave it at that.

But people. It's a biopic, correct? Yeah, about a man called Chevalier du Saint-Georges, which I strongly suggest that you Google that dude and find out about him because he was an immense talent and has kind of been excised from history, but this film, I think, will change that. So it's great.

Okay. Yeah. All right. Well, any others here? Yeah, I'll just tell you about those ones. I'll tell you about the other ones for next year. Next year, Andy. Next time, yeah. Yeah. All right, well, Minnie, thank you so much. Thank you. I'll tell you about those ones I'll tell you about the other ones for next year next time yeah

alright well Minnie thank you so much and thank all of you you are very welcome and thank all of you out there for listening and I'll be back next week bye bye I've got a big big love for you The Three Questions with Andy Richter is a Team Coco and Yerolf production

It is produced by Lane Gerbig engineered by Marina Pice and talent produced by Galitza Hayek. The associate producer is Jen Samples, supervising producer Aaron Blair, and executive producers Adam Sachs and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Earwolf. Make sure to rate and review the three questions with Andy Richter on Apple Podcasts.