The Three Questions with Andy Richter - Natasha Leggero

Episode Date: November 15, 2022

Comedian and actress Natasha Leggero joins Andy Richter to discuss small town Illinois, freezing your eggs, getting typecast as a person without pants, and the tough conversations that come with parenthood.

Hi, everybody. Andy Richter here with the three questions yet again. And I am talking to a very funny actress and comedian who I've had the pleasure of working with. Recently. Recently, yeah. You're a great actor. Thank you. Does everybody know that? funny actress and comedian um well i've had the pleasure of working with recently recently yeah you're a great actor thank you does everybody know that i have enough time on a wednesday to podcast so i guess not uh i'm talking to natasha leggero a fellow illinoisian which i didn't know that for a long long long time. In fact, I think I just found it out when we started working together. I had no idea that you were from Rockford, Illinois.

You know, I go back once every two decades. Oh, really? I just got back last week and I took Moshe there, my husband, for the first time. Oh, wow. First time. Yeah. I kept taking him to all my favorite food places and I just couldn't get him impressed. But like also I feel bad because he's a vegetarian and we went to it was my dad's funeral. And oh, I'm sorry. That's OK. But it was just like the buffet was huge and everything had sausage, including the salad. He's like, how does a salad have sausage in it? And I'm like, that's just the thing. And then I took him to my favorite restaurant, this place called Lino's and it's a red sauce. And he just asked the waitress so many questions that finally she's like, oh yeah, it's cooked in bone broth, the sauce. And so it's like, he couldn't enjoy any of the foods. Like that was all I had to offer him. Yeah. So it was kind of a bummer, actually. Yeah, that's that is I I recently got engaged in my fiance. Thank you. Thank you.

My fiance is vegetarian, too. And she has a very don't ask, don't tell policy about things like that. Like you say, is there any meat in something? And they say, no. She's like, all right. And I was like, please don't ask them any more questions. He goes, well, I'm just going to ask him if it's chicken bone broth. I go, I know it's not chicken. It's definitely not chicken. Because I didn't want them to say it was pork.

And then you see me eat it. Because I don't eat pork. So anyway, yeah. And it's just bones. Come on. It's just bones. They on. It's just bones. They're already out of the animal. You know, the real dirt had already been done.

We often, too, like, when we get Mexican food, and because, you know, it's mostly beans with her, and she'll be like, there's lard in these beans, and then just keep eating them. I know. They're too good. Yeah, yeah. There's this place called Allen B's.

Have you ever been there? It's downtown LA. They have the most amazing bean and cheese burritos. It was like Moshe and I's like dates we'd always go on. Yeah. And then one day his friend called him up and he was like, hey, that place you told me about, like, are you crazy? Like, they obviously have pork in those beans.

And Moshe's just like, why did you tell me that? So then we called Alan B's and we were like, hi, we were just calling to see if there's pork in your beans. And they were like, I'm so sorry. We want to make vegetarian, but we just can't like,

and so now we've never been back there and no more dates under the bridge, eating the hot. They do have something on the menu. You could lie to him, say, Hey, they, they changed their

menu i heard i tried i know yeah but yeah it's a bummer i know it is well i mean vegetarianism isn't a bummer i don't mind i mean i don't know how you feel i don't i mean i don't mind i don't mind it's you know there are certain things like there's certain recipes that i just i'm like oh man i wish you could have this chicken you you know, like that kind of thing. But, you know, I'm not gonna, I would never attempt to change somebody's choice in that matter. I just think they should cheat once in a while.

Yeah, come on. And especially the planets burning. Come on, eat some meat. You know, we're all going down the toilet. Suck some bone marrow. Yeah. Well, so he wasn't impressed with Rockford. Are you less impressed with Rockford when you get back there?

Well, you know, what's funny is I've always loved historic homes and old homes. And one of the big problems I have with like New York, L.A., any city I go to is the constant construction and tearing down of old buildings. and tearing down of old buildings. And it really made me appreciate Rockford because nobody wants to move there. And they just have this like, these massive like neighborhoods of houses from the 20s and 30s. And, you know, it is very beautiful in that way.

Modest houses, but still like a lot of integrity. They were just made in this. And no one's like bulldozing them down to build apartments. So I appreciated that aspect i guess yeah no i i have i follow a couple of those sort of cheap houses kind of instagram accounts and there's always these gorgeous old houses but it's like yeah but you're gonna have to live in decatur really you can have this beautiful house for 70 grand five bedrooms all beautiful like handmade woodwork everywhere lots of parking you're gonna you're gonna live in decatur which is you know i mean decatur is a nice town but it's just uh no it's not andy don't

lie to listeners listen i might have one or two listeners in decatur uh i gotta be careful i mean we've already we're already kind of de facto shitting on rockford aren't we a little bit of course moshe goes he goes this town has major get me out of here vibes and i was like you're right that was my. And I don't know what it is. It's like, I wish I could. I wish I could. Maybe it is the lack of progress. Well, it is.

It is. It's like that the world just doesn't work that way anymore, where there's like a railroad town. You know, they just don't. I mean, there are kind of railroad towns, but nothing. You know, there's no like light industry anywhere anymore. Much. You know, it's just kind of those little Illinois towns. Although I do.

Do you ever pine for like, like think like, oh, it would be nice to just come back here and get a nice old house and sit here, wait for the grave to come, you know? Andy, never. Never. Maybe somewhere else. Santa Barbara, maybe. Okay. South of France. Monaco would be nice. I could buy a house there and quit the biz. Yeah somewhere else. Santa Barbara, maybe. Okay, okay. South of France. Monaco would be nice.

I could buy a house there and quit the biz. Yeah, yeah. No, I'm not trying to go back there. The weather. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you still have family there? Much? This is my husband's mother trying to FaceTime me.

Sorry. Put her on. When I get on the phone with my mom, it takes 45 minutes minimum. Oh, I know. I mean, I think that's the Midwest or something because, yeah, it's never enough. Yes. And it's probably because they live in the Midwest and there's nothing else to do. You can't go outside.

It's cold out eight months out of the year. You know, you've got lots of time. And sure, why not talk? That was another Illinois thing or, you know, another Midwestern thing that I've seen. And I have Midwestern friends that still kind of this way, like sit down at a table at a restaurant and then just strike up a conversation with folks next to you. And, you know, like for me, that's like, why are you talking to those people? Come on. They're just going to want to talk the entire time. But that's Midwest, you know, like, yeah, sure. Why not have a chat with some folks? It's

like because it's exhausting. Yeah, it can be rough. And then I hadn't been home in so many years. And then we went to this restaurant and the waitress came up to me and she was like, another waiter here said that you're a comedian. And then he showed me what you look like with makeup on. She's like, is that you? So it's always kind of like a backhanded. Of course. Yeah. You know, you give a little, you take a little. Is it nice? No, but. That that is true. There is kind of that, you know, this notion that like, oh, you know, like I remember once my mother listening to that John Cougar Mellencamp song, Small Town, you know, and when they got to the line about people in a small town, let you be just what you want to be. She said, bullshit. She sounds cool.

I talked to her for 45 minutes well if you like symptoms yeah then you know you can oh my mom has a friend who kind of spies on me because my mom doesn't follow me on instagram oh i hate that shit if i do a screenshot of her like at one point she was telling me she was i was on a tv show and she's like do do they have it at the library? You know, and like she only watches TV. She can rent it on a DVD from the library. So I posted that, you know, making fun of her. And then right away she she emails me. Someone sent me this. So it's like someone's like monitoring my stuff to let her know when I really talking likes a snitch. You know what I mean? Like, who likes a snitch? It's just like, somebody did that once

on a very, very early podcast. It was actually, it was on Mark Maron's WTF. And I went on there years ago. Like, I barely knew what podcasts were, and I went on there. And I spoke very freely about kind of complicated relationships with both my parents. Some motherfucker gets on an email, you know, because I'm like, they're not going to be listening.

I mean, I don't know what a podcast is. They don't. Somebody fucking emails my dad. Like, hey, here's here's. And if they listen, they knew that, like, it was kind of complicated. Yeah. If you're listening, don't snitch. Don't snitch.

Just let us bitch about our people. They're bitching about us. They're just not doing it on a podcast, you know? Well, now, you started acting. Now, this is crazy, like, because these two things don't go together. Grew up in Rockford, started acting as a child. Okay. I have to say, and I went to the old theater i was in it

was called new american theater it was a regional theater so from a very young age i just got very lucky like my mom was waiting in line to put me in swim classes at the y and they were out so there was like acting classes at the y so she put me in that and then the teacher had remembered my uniform because i was in Catholic school and they found me and they were like, we need a kid for our play. And then I just became the resident child actor. Oh, wow. And, you know, it really shaped me. And it was probably since age 10 or 12. And so every year, not just every year, what I do the Christmas carol, but then they would like, you know, work me into the Shakespeare play and work me into, you know, uh, what was I was like,

our town or whatever. And like, it actually like really shaped me. And I was like, I think one of my, like our town and then, uh, music man, I bet music man, there weren't a lot of musicals. I see inherit the wind was a good one because I actually, it made me not believe in Catholicism anymore I see. really helped me like develop my mind a little bit too, because like I was just sitting in plays, but anyway, yeah. So I was, I was the child actor and I got to hang out with like basically down on their luck actors from Chicago. Like, you know how, I'm sure an actor and equity is not happy to be in a play in Rockford acting like a third grader from a St.

James elementary. But yeah. So, so I did get to start my acting that way. I mean, and are these actors, they live in Rockford and they just like work at this theater and it's like a repertory company? It's like half professional, half townspeople. Locals, oh, okay, wow. They're probably being put up in a bad hotel

or a bad, more likely bad, like government housing or something. Right, right. Like some shitty condo. Exactly. To be here for the run of Romeo and Juliet. And they're getting their actors equity, you know, minimums met so they can still have health insurance probably. Right. Now, as a kid, does it just seem glamorous and fantastic or you were kind of have some sense that this is sort of like an area of acting that's a little grim? Well, it's funny because I love the acting part. But now when I would look at all the actresses, I was I remember always thinking, why do they dress so bad? It was just because they they were probably, you know, they weren't glamorous.

They were more like theater actors. And they were probably broke. Exactly. Yeah. Because you think of acting, you're like Marilyn Monroe. Right. And then you see these actors. But, you know, I definitely fell in love with it.

And I had a relatively bad home life. We just had like one of my brothers was a problem child who kind of ruined a lot of the childhood experiences. So I think that for me, it was an escape to just kind of be doing my own thing, be in the theater. And I was pretty much set on my path then. I thought Juilliard would accept me. They did not. But I just kept auditioning for like any school and made that my goal in life to get out of Rockford and be acting in either New York or L.A. Wow. Were the adults around you in the theater like were they pretty indulgent?

Like, you know, when when like adults that don't have any responsibility for children treat children like adults. I know what I mean. I think that definitely helped my comedy in a way. Like I was always hanging out with like, you know, catty men, catty gay men and like women who hated their husbands. And I remember like I would learn all these words. I'd come back to school and be like, oh, yeah, Blanche from the Golden Girls. She's a slut.

And like everyone's like, golden girls she's a slut and like everyone's like slut what's a slut and i was just always getting in trouble for bringing back language right right into the classroom yeah like does that make you kind of not give a shit about other stuff once you start kind of being exposed to life in the theater at a child, like math and English and football and, you know, or playing sports or whatever, you know. Let's just say there are large gaps in my education where like someone will mention something and I just have to keep my mouth shut. And I'm like, oh, OK, yeah, like, you know, and now I'm interested in history but then i was like absent most of like the academics like i remember cheating on my sats like i just was like i'm just gonna during the

math portion i'm gonna look at that person during the science portion i'm gonna look at that person the english was always good yeah but um yeah like you know, I didn't know England was an island till I went there when I was 23. Like, you know, I I was in to check off. Yeah. You managed. being in college and them telling me like, you know, you got to take these science classes, even if you're getting a theater criticism degree. And then some teacher tipped me off and he goes, if you take science summer school, a D is passing. So then I had started taking all my science classes in the summer and the teachers would just pass me. So yeah, it was, I'm not proud of that. And little did I know we'd have a global pandemic where I had to basically be a scientist and understand aerosol BPMs. Right, right. Yeah. Or you just stay home and then you don't have to understand anything other

than just stay home. I know. But I had a little kid and I was so scared. I was like a new mom. So it was just how soon before the pandemic? She was like, you know, one and a half. And then it happened. And now she's like four or five. You know, she's going to be five. So it well, I mean, did you notice that? Like, did you like did she get like de socialized? Did she start getting socialized and then became unsocialized? She was a very social child. And then all of a sudden there were no kids. And so she, I just remember her looking out the window one day, just being like other kids, you know? I'm sure she bounced back, but it was just like, you know, I was trying to, I just realized early

on, no one's going to tell you what to do because they're wrong and they're giving you wrong information or different information. So I was trying to at least figure out if she could be outside with other kids, you know, and I regret that I didn't take more risks then because I think it would have been fine. But I think we were all in a position of just being scared. And some people deal with their fear in different ways. So looking back, it's like you didn't know anything. Yeah. Now you went to you stayed in Illinois to go to college. Yeah. Well, that's after Juilliard wouldn't let me in. Rada wouldn't let me in. DePaul wouldn't let me in. I mean, I like I tried to audition for like every big school. I assumed they would let me in just based on my headshot

because I was already, you know, a professional actor in my head because I was working with these people. No, it didn't get in. So then finally I got a small scholarship at University of Illinois, which has a pretty, you know, substantial theater program. They have, I think, Laurie Metcalf graduated from there and Gary Sinise. Like there was like a history of great actors coming from there. Sean Hayes, I think is from there. So I was okay with that. But every day I would just like look at backstage

and be like, how can I get out of here? You know, because it's in Bloomington normal. Oh, Illinois State. Yeah, Illinois State. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So then finally, one day I opened up the backstage and it was like Stella Adler, New York City. So I like went to some guy's hotel room in Chicago.

I mean, who knows? I was so brave then. I just was like, I need to get out. And yeah, I somehow got into this program. So then I was able to like move to New York. And that was right. And all those you have to audition for every single one of those things. Right.

You know, like Juilliard. Did you did you audition? Oh, for sure. I mean, Juilliard picks like 12 people, you know, and when I was auditioning, it was like, you know, the callback list was like 16 men, you know, it was like that. But whatever. I mean, I'm sure I was terrible. And then RADA, I remember I got a call back because I happened to I was doing because what I would do in Illinois State is I kept doing study abroad because I hated being there. I was like, can I go to Canterbury? Like I would just go somewhere else. So then I went to Canterbury and then when I was there, I went to London to audition for RADA. I did get a call back, but I did not get in. But yes, those are very, very hard programs to get into. And Stella Adler, like I was like so thrilled I got in, but then I saw the other people in my class and I was like, oh, they just let everybody. But there were some very talented people, but there were some people where I was like,

oh my God, what is happening? They could sign a check. Exactly. Like there was this girl who was a mother of three who had gotten struck by lightning twice. I remember that. Oh. Like, but not an actor. You know what I mean?

Yeah. And then there was another guy who like every time we would do the vocal exercises, he was like so tone deaf. He would just start screaming. I mean, it was so funny. Like it was just like, but, you know, it was like so tone deaf. He would just start screaming. I mean, it was so funny. Like it was just like, but, you know, it was a great education and there were really great teachers. And I feel like it really kind of sparked my interest in becoming like a better actor. There was the same thing in Chicago with improv. It was, you'd have like amazingly talented people whose names you still hear and who are working today. And then like, you know, like somebody that just like was barely verbal.

And like, why are you here? What are you doing? OK. You know, we would have to put a cork in our mouth and then we'd have to go and then we take it out and go like, oh. And every time this guy would just be like. And it was just so funny. And we would all just laugh and like, you know, it's good to be around, you know, different levels. And, you know, I feel like my standards were really raised there and I would recommend it to anyone. Yeah. Like that dissatisfaction that you have. I mean, I feel like that can be a real engine when you're younger, you know, like I got to get out of here. I got, you know, whether it's Rockford and then it's and did you go right to college, right to Bloomington Normal, like right after high school? Yeah. My mom, like that was very important to her. So, I mean,

I mean, the whole the whole point of college is to like, it open up your mind to things you would have never thought of. I think, you know, like for me, I took, I remember I took a class at Hunter college. Cause once I was in the state school program in Illinois, I transferred to New York and the city university of New York has great schools. And I was at Hunter and Hunter. Um, I remember I took, it was like a women in literature class. And I was made to read The House of Mirth by Edith Wharton. And I liked it so much that I ended up creating another period based on my memories of that first time I was ever forced to read something like that. of that first time I was ever forced to read something like that.

You know, and I think that that's what college, I think people forget it's about opening up your mind to things that you wouldn't know. So that's why I think it's such a positive thing. But to answer your question, wait, what was your question? Well, I was just trying to get it. Oh, brave. Yeah, just how kind of an unhappy home situation can make you, you know, it kind of kicks you out of the nest where you're going to go do stuff that you might not have done if everything was happy. It's almost a blessing in a way, because I have friends who always wanted to leave their hometowns, but were so close with their families, they couldn't.

Yeah. And Moshe really wanted to be a writer in New York, but his his family was all in California and he was so connected to them. He didn't want to leave them for New York, whereas some of us were like, oh, yeah, get me out of here. I'm going to do my own thing. And it gives you that bad home life actually gives you energy. Yeah. Yeah. It's the wind beneath your wing. Like, does your standup come back to that a lot? Do you think, you know, is it sort of born out of not necessarily like, here's a bit about, you know, my fucked up family, but just kind of, you know, it puts you on rocky footing, you know, I mean, ideally, and, you know, as a mother, like ideally you're supposed to just

kind of give them this steady kind of atmosphere, you know, that's mother, like ideally, you're supposed to just kind of give them this steady kind of atmosphere. You know, that's like part of that. One of the main parts of the job, give them this steady atmosphere because they can sense if it's not steady. And if it's not steady, that starts to make them kind of ask more questions, I think. I don't know. Define steady. Like as long as we love our kids, is it OK that sometimes she's in a hotel with me and sometimes she's in a house and some absolutely, absolutely. Yeah. And that's what I mean. Emotionally steady. Like, you know, no matter where we are, you're going to be taken care of.

Yeah. You know that you're always safe and that I'm always here and that this is always going to, and that we're always going to be here and not kind of like, you know, where it seems like every day it's all going to explode. I know. I know. And I think we're so much more conscious of that now. And I actually write in my book about this a lot, too. I mean, our parents, like my mom was 23. They people have a baby with the first guy they meet at the beach. And now it's like, OK, this is a family. And then everyone's fighting. And, you know, when you I had my kid at 43 from eggs that I froze at 38. And, you know, my it's a completely different experience. Like, yeah, my life is full. I I have money to have someone help me if I need that, you know, babysitters and nanny like so I can work.

And, you know, I have a lot of wisdom and it's it's just a totally different situation yeah so you're you don't have any regrets about about waiting no no yeah yeah not at all yeah because i think you know like my fiancee had it had a she's a single mom who had a child late you know later in her 40s and um and i do like, just from watching her, I do feel like she got to have a, there's no sort of like, oh, this kid came along and, and stopped me from living, you know? Cause it's like, there was already plenty of living done, you know? Like you kind of got a lot of stuff out of the way, you know, just, I mean, not necessarily out of the way you just, but you didn't because that's, you know, just I mean, not necessarily out of the way you just but you

didn't because that's, you know, a kid comes along and they take up your life. And people that don't realize that or don't understand that at the beginning, they get real there. It pucks them up because they're like, wait a minute, it's all about this kid now. And the answer is, yeah, it's kind of all about this kid now. Yeah. And it's like, you're probably your most fun decades are your twenties and thirties. So it's like, why not do that? And then your peak earning is thirties, forties. And it's like, you don't want to be like having, it's just nice to be able to have resources when you have a kid and also take time to meet the right partner and someone. Cause I always thought my therapist told me this. He's like, you're a situational breeder. You'll breed if the situation's right. I didn't need to have a kid,

but then I met Moshe and I was like, oh, he would be a good dad. Okay, that's someone, I identified him as someone who I could do this with. Now maybe it'll be fun because I grew up around a single mom. I saw how hard it was. that wasn't of interest to me. So then when I met him, I was like, OK, I can do this. So, yeah, taking the time, I think, was good. I mean, I guess I wish I was 20 that I could probably roll around, you know, have have a little more energy. Right. Do you do you think that it's made you a better mom like that, that knowing yourself more and being, you know, I'm sure in some ways, but in some ways I feel like I'm overly fearful. And because I was 43 when I had a kid, like,

I know I'm not having another one. And so I'm like, uh, you know, there's, this is, this is my only shot. I hope I'm doing it right. I can definitely overthink it. And, you know, just, just the managing fear, maybe, especially as a mom is something that I really struggle with because they become so important to you as opposed to like, not that I wasn't important to my mom, but she had three kids. One of them was like jumping off roofs, you know, and then it was like, uh, try, you know, no money. And you're kind of in, in, um, uh, what's the word you're in survival. Whereas like I have the luxury, you know, I have a lot of time. I have time on my hands to get

worried. I only have one kid. Yeah. So you end up in New York, um, and in your at Hunter college, how does that turn into a standup? Okay. Well then I was like gung ho New York. I had my Stella Adler degree, my Hunter college theater criticism, criticism degree. I tried to get an agent in New York and I finally get this guy to call me back. This guy, Al Flanagan, he like had a real, like it was in Times Square. I went, I did my Darlene monologue from Balmain Gilead. He's like, that was amazing. Come back next week, do it for the whole office. I was like, okay. I mean, I couldn't believe like this was happening. I get there, I do it, I cry. It was like this, I was basically just doing an impression of Laurie Metcalf, by the way, because I saw her on a video in New York. They have like,

they used to have a library where you could go watch people's performances. Oh, wow. used to have a library where you could go watch people's performances. So it was like all of the best performances collected. So I saw her at Steppenwolf do this character. So I kind of was doing this very inspired by her performance, but it was still good. Long story short, he goes, okay, call me at three o'clock. It's like, okay. I get to the Hunter Student Center. I'm at a pay phone. I call him. And the guy goes, I talked it over with the rest of the agency. And we've all come to the conclusion that you're too short to ever make it as an actress.

So, you know, I'm young, naive. I don't have anyone in the industry as a mentor. So I just think he's right. Right. And I like fall to my knees at the Hunter Student Center heaving, you know, it was, I'm sure extremely embarrassing. And so I think I just was very crushed. And I think then I was kind of like, okay, well, if New York is this hard, I'm going to move to LA. It's got to be better. kind of like, okay, well, if New York is this hard,

I'm going to move to LA. It's got to be better there. And so I moved to LA. That's incredibly resilient. That's like, there's a lot of like, fuck me, no, fuck you in there. You know? Well, I still kind of thought he was right, but I like didn't have an option.

Yeah, but you didn't quit. You didn't quit, you know? And also that's fucking ridiculous. Oh, he goes, he goes You didn't quit, you know. And also, that's fucking ridiculous. Oh, he goes, he goes, it happens sometimes, you know, like there's Holly Hunter, but she's. Yeah, yeah. She's an anomaly or whatever can happen. But it was like he was just so sure of it. Like it was a fact. That's so stupid. Al Flanagan. So if he's still an agent, fuck you, Al Flanagan. So then I got to L.A. and I started to go to auditions. I got some somehow I got an agent. And then I just started noticing in the in the waiting rooms, like the comedians were like so much cooler.

And then I would get auditions for comedy stuff. And I was like talking to them like, who are these people? This just seemed like superior than like the actors. Yeah. And I was very just more more fun just more fun and more alive and they were just making me laugh i don't know yes yeah yeah i think i was just starting to get attracted to to the comedy aspect and then wanting wanting to do comedy and i remember in my acting stuff in college people would laugh when i didn't know why i'm like like, why are they laughing? That's, you know, this, I'm a, this is spring awakening and I'm supposed to be a, you know, a girl with dropsy who's about to commit suicide. Why are they laughing at what I'm saying? So I feel like

people were always kind of laughing at my delivery. And then I think I just started doing comedy and it was working. And then someone said, oh, you should try stand up comedy. So I think, you know, for me, my whole approach was I took every single acting comedy thing I could find in L.A. Like I took, you know, sitcom writing class, improv, Groundlings, Second City, like anything that had any comedy I would take. So that was kind of my approach. And I just tried stand-up once, and I really responded to it. And I had a great set, so I just kept doing it. So I don't know.

Do you have that? You've done stand-up before, haven't you? Yeah, a little bit. And I've talked about it before on here that I don't like being on stage by myself that much. Like, and I, from the early days of being an improv, I kind of figured out.

And I mean, and I don't know, I don't know why this is. I don't necessarily think that there's some sort of like value judgment on it, but like an audience is nice, but I don't live for them. You know what I mean? Like I don't like, I don't live for their approval. Cause i mean like i don't like i don't for their approval

because you probably got love from both your parents i yeah i mean you know it's in a of a sort um uh no but i mean but i i guess i that is part of it because usually the people that really needed it i could tell oh honey poor thing you know you're still you're still trying to get it get those turnips to give you some blood um but i i to me it was always about the being funny with funny people like that was always that that was the charge to me and an improv too uh when you you know when you're doing it and you're good at it surprising yourself that like holy shit i just said i said something great and i don't know where it came from like that was that was a charge um yeah but i just i've tried stand-up and i wish i could like it more because

it's it's it's easy you know in terms of like i don't mean easy in terms of like being good at logistically yeah you don't need a lot terms of like being good at logistically yeah you don't need a lot of shit all you gotta do is step up and and say stuff you don't have to split your money you don't have to share your mic exactly you don't have to write anything well i mean you do write things down but you kind of not you know what i mean and so i wish i wish i could but i just i had i just had i had had there was a moment once I was hosting something at the San Francisco Sketch Fest and I was supposed to do I was emceeing and I was supposed to do like 10 minutes. And I got like four or five minutes in and I realized I don't like this. Like I don't like like these people are laughing and stuff. And that's not like I say, it's nice, but it's not like, oh, yum.

Now I can keep going. You know, my you know, my vital fluids have been replenished. You know, it's like it was nice. There's something dark about stand ups a lot of times. And I feel like they, you know, improvising. I was always taught to say yes. And I think stand ups kind of say no. They're like critical. And, you know, the quintessential stand-up like Bill Burr.

You know, it's like, how can I like poke holes at everything and like, get the fuck away from me? You know, it's a different vibe. And I think also there is a certain need for approval that maybe you guys are a little more well-rounded. Oh, they're still huge. I mean, there were some world-class needy people.

I'm sure. For me, it was always funny. Whereas if somebody got on stage and they really needed it and they really needed to soak up... I was always like, go right ahead. Go up there. Get it. Get it, hon. There's

plenty to go around and you go up there and get what you need and because i just was i don't know i just never and always felt it also felt tawdry like there's just something about like needing an audience's approval that just that when you sense that real need from a performer of like, I need your approval, strangers from in off the street, please love me because I have a lack of love. Like, I think that's the dark side, what you're talking about. Okay. I quit. No. Well then, I mean, but there is, there's a huge difference between, because there are some, there's some, I mean, you know, I've known a million comics

and there are some that seem to be misery addicts like they love being miserable. And then there's other ones like you who are fun and friendly and like to play around and like to joke with other people. And that's, oh yeah, that's great. You know, that's, that's, those are my favorite kinds of people, like people that want to have fun. Those are my favorite kinds of people, like people that want to have fun. That's I don't care where you're from or what what your line of work is. If you want to have fun, we'll probably get along. You know, I love that aspect, too. And I also love how comedians can look at what is the funny part of almost anything. Yes. And that to me takes like this mental acuity that I just I don't know. I'm very attracted to that.

You know, yes, I think it's cool. like this mental acuity that i just i don't know i'm very attracted to that you know yes i think it's cool it's also like a secret skill like to find the worst you know like to find something funny and the worst thing that you can't really do with any other group of people you know what i mean like it's like your secret little process of kind of being evil, but you understand like, no, this isn't evil. This is a kind of coping. And we all have these same kind of brains that might be slightly broken in the same way. And so we can say these awful things about things that are just terrifying. So I feel very lucky.

And that's what's so sad about COVID, because I feel like comedians had such a great rapport and it really felt like the second family. And now I feel like two years from performing and two years off and now a lot of the places have shut down and there's a lot of division with comedians and the right and the left. And I don't know. It's kind of sad but hopefully we'll all come back at some point yeah i i yeah i mean it's it's just it's like you know the world's a mess so yeah comedy's kind of a mess too we got to keep at it i know i'm i'm trying here we are we're doing podcasts and shit like that that's something when you started doing stand-up and i haven't done much stand-up but i do remember there's just that first kind of all right i'm

gonna get on stage and i need to make people laugh and then as you do that more you kind of start to have more of the thought of like well who am i up there and what am i trying to do up there and and how did you sort of i mean did that to happen? And how soon did that happen? And how did you answer it? First of all, you have to go up a bunch. You have to go up like multiple times a week, way more than you think you do. And then you also have to, you know, people give you little tips. Like someone told me once, oh, your persona will find you. And so it's like the more you go up, the more you start to see, wait, what are people laughing

at that I didn't even know was the funny part? And, you know, and then someone else tipped me off and they were like, what if you like wore like a like dress more fancy on stage? Then you wouldn't just be like some girl from Silver Lake being really critical. And then I started wearing like fancier clothes and seeing they would laugh harder at mean things. And I don't know, it's like a million things like that. And then someone else like Bobby Lee came up to me and he was like, hey, you should try to be funny before you start talking. And I was like, oh, that's interesting. Okay. And then all of a sudden, your mind shifts and you're like, oh, how can I be funny in a way that's not just what I'm saying?

You know, and then I would open for Tig and see how she would just play around so much and it really expanded my mind and and so it's it's really about those 30,000 hours I think you know and a dedication to it into finding out like what makes you funny what you know what do you want to write about what's inspiring to you and also letting it change like now that I have kids like most of my stand-up is about having a kid. But now I have a child who's like, mom, why do you always say what I, what I say to people? Don't, cause if she hears me telling a teacher an anecdote, something she said, she's like, don't tell people what I say. So now I'm like, okay, I guess I can't do a special now because

when she's 12, she'll look at it and be pissed at me yeah i'm dealing with that right now like what do i do like should i just keep touring and not like make it in any kind of physical form so she could never see it you know um right right so it's it's always changing and morphing and you know um and well i mean but on, you do you know, you do have kind of a comic persona that on stage. It's kind of like hoity toity fancy lady. And that changed. I mean, when I first started on stage, I imagine myself as this like, you know, larger than life person, even though I had like no money. And I was driving like a convertible from rent a wreck that had like a missing car door. And like, you know, I was, I was trying to be glamorous under like all of this duress. So that kind of was what started that. Um, but you know, once you have a little bit of

success, your persona and things change a little bit, you know? So, and you got to read the globe a little bit too. You mean the paper, the globe or the actual world? Both, but- Take input from the universe. Yeah, you know, like things change and, you know, I'm sure I used, I remember making fun of homeless people, you know, but that was like 25 years ago.

And it's like things, you know, then you all of a sudden become a little more empathetic towards things. And, you know, I think it's like a process. I've been thinking about this a lot lately because I I feel like I know so much more. like I know so much more and I'm so like, I just like things happen in my life that would have knocked me off my feet 20 years, 15, 20 years ago. And now I'm just older and I can, I'm calmer. And I just, there's so much of me that's like, God damn, if I just was this wise 20 years ago, oh my God, I could have torn up the world but then i think like no that's too much power that's you know like in the lord of the rings when that one elf when they suggest like you take the ring and she like starts glowing and says like i would have been too powerful and i

would have ruined the world like i feel like that's sort of what happened. That was that's why when you're young, you kind of have to not know stuff because you just be too powerful. If you were you know, if you had the poise and wisdom of a 50 year old in a 25 year old body, you know, you'd probably turn into Hitler. I mean, that's kind of what A-list actors are, right? Or people who like just get it all early. I guess. Who seem like they have it all. I mean, I definitely get annoyed when I look at myself like because I'm like, wait, I look so good then. How come I didn't have jobs happening then? Yeah, yeah. Now, once your wrinkles start setting in and, you know.

once your wrinkles start setting in and you know my thing is i look at old pictures of myself and i go damn i look good and i thought i looked like shit like i i was walking around thinking like i'm a fucking slob and i'm look at these pictures i'm like yeah that was that in that picture i'm hating myself but damn look at me i look pretty fucking good you know relatively speaking so when did you start to kind of, I mean, did the acting kind of turn around after the standup sort of after you kind of got a name for yourself in standup? Did that help get parts in acting or did it all just, you know, was it all kind of just coinciding together? It definitely helped. And I think that I always had this like very general idea that I was going to be an actress. And then someone said once, like, what kind of actress? And I was like, oh, I never thought of that. what people are responding to.

Obviously, it's important what you want to do, but also how are people responding to it and what is the thing, like finding out you're good at physical comedy or different things like that. So I think you just have to kind of go where the energy is a little bit. And let's just say I played a lot of strippers, a lot of women with no pants.

Right, right. Well, yeah, the woman with no was no that character and that was on well it was on burning love it was on but again this was no but was that were you no pants on reno 911 too yeah oh my god well you know you get good at something and then you know that you you keep doing it. I have no issues with it. I was so happy to be. And I think that was a big thing for me. Like, I think Reno 911 might have been my first comedy thing.

And I was like, whoa, these people are not only hilarious, but they're making me better. Like Tom Lennon is like running after me. I'm like this like woman who can't find her pants hanging out by her Camaro in the middle of the night drunk. And I remember at one point I asked Tom Lennon in character, I'm like, do you want a cigarette? And he's the police officer arresting me. He's like, oh, sure. Yeah. And so he smokes it and then I run away.

So it's like that saying yes, like he made me so much funnier just by that amazing improv. Another bit. Yeah. Yeah. But I love it. So much of what you've done, I mean, like Reno 9-1-1, Burning Love. And even and then when you you and Ricky created Another Period, these are all and that show had so many funny, funny people. I mean, it's just like, it basically was, you know, if, if someone's been on a stage at UCB or Largo there, you know, you see them in any of these shows. So you've been in very collaborative things, you know, like for a standup, you all, you know, you are an ensemble actor in a wonderful way, which I don't think happens with a lot of stand ups. Well, maybe it's because I was already an actor.

Yeah. You think so? And I went to school for it and I studied it and it was very important to me. So, yeah, you know, I think that but I prefer I prefer a more collaborative environment. I think that's very fun and fulfilling. Stand up can be kind of like lonely, especially touring by yourself. Yeah. Were you at any point kind of disappointed that you didn't that you weren't like the fancy theater actor that you kind of set out to be when you were young? You know, never.

to be when you were young? You know, never. And I think that, I think a lot of, you know, maybe I just haven't gotten enough success, but you know how like some of the great comedic actors, like you'll see Steve Carell and they're doing something completely serious. You know, I think that some people, like after a certain amount of time,

you want to like test yourself and do, but I just like, I find comedy just so fulfilling. Yeah. That I don't have that desire to be like or you see these like, you know, great actresses who are so serious and then they want to be like the wacky prostitute or whatever. And it's like it's not really their casting. I don't know. I just I'm always just I find comedy to be very high level for some reason. Yeah. Oh, I find comedy to be very high level for some reason. Yeah.

Oh, I don't blame you. I've done the little bits of drama and I always find it just less fun. Like I said, you know, like I, if something's fun, I, you know, I kind of like, that's something I've learned over time is to kind of follow what's fun. I mean, you know, occasionally you got to work for a check, you know. Of course. You got to do stuff that you'd rather not do. I'll memorize some scientific terms for some money. I'm talking about even worse than that.

Like, you know, like a few days of your life spent on something that you would be like, ugh. Yeah, I know. Saying lines that are, ugh. But, you know. Can't you tell my love's a girl? Tell me about being married to a comedian. How I mean, did you kind of get a sense once you started being in that milieu that, you know, you you were civilians were dead to you at that point?

I definitely went through a phase where like, if someone wasn't funny, I just have very low, like, very low tolerance, like for like, you know, it can be challenging and it's challenging now meeting moms that I have to be friends with. Yeah.

Through my child. So I'm, you know, constantly looking for that because i get to hang out with some of the funniest people probably in the world yeah you know i mean chelsea we worked on chelsea's movie together she's a really good friend peretti yeah peretti and she's just so funny and so smart and it's like it's hard to hang out with normal people yeah after you hang out people like that um and you know same with normal people after you hang out with people like that. Um, and you know, same with Moshe, like, you know, extremely smart and always, always there as your life partner to be able to see what's the comedy thing in something that maybe isn't so

funny. And so having someone like that around is very useful, I think. Yeah, yeah. Now, you've got a book coming. Is it? Yeah, it's coming out, right? It comes out November 15th. It's called The World Deserves My Children. And it's comedic essays about, you know, I had a baby later in life and I felt like I was really in my prime and the world wasn't. And, you know, also there was just a lot of challenges, which I try to talk about, but I also talk about my own childhood and parenting and in an environmental panic is how I put it. Yeah. And I think a lot of people,

myself included, I'm like, well, you know, the world's burning. Why And I think a lot of people, myself included, I'm like, you know, the world's burning. Why should I have a baby? Isn't that rude to the baby? And, you know, just kind of dealing with all of those emotions. And I did come to the conclusion that it is worth having a child, but you'd have to read the book to find out all of the reasons why. Spoiler alert.

Well, it's in the title. The world deserves my children. We can't just let the idiots have kids, Andy. That's true. That's true. It is true. Going into motherhood, I mean, did you have much hesitation?

Like, because you'd had a good long time to sort of be used to, you know, not having somebody depend on you like that? Was there hesitation in terms of that? You know, just. Yes. And I definitely did not think I would ever have a kid. I certainly didn't have any partner in the past that I was like, oh, they'd be a good father to my child. Like I just wasn't, I was just really enjoying my life and my career. And I was very ambitious and a child didn't really work into that. Um, like I said, until I met Moshe and I was like, Oh, okay, well he could probably pick up the slack and he could

like, he's really smart and he has a good relationship with his family so he could help me, you know, even like I don't want to talk to a teenager by myself, you know, like having some like support there would be nice. It's too scary. Teenagers are fucking terrifying. Jesus. Who knows where they're coming from? And then you kind of get, it's always a whim. You know, you're like, okay, I'm going to do it. Yeah, yeah. And, you know, obviously I didn't understand how big the rewards would be and that I would have this, like, amazing angel that, like, I get to live with, you know, who just spreads joy by breathing. And, you know, it's just this incredibly, I get to live with, um, you know, who just spreads joy by breathing. And, um, you know,

it's just this incredibly, I mean, I want to say it's, it's rarefied, but it's not because so many people have children, but it just feels like just this gift. And, you know, I'm so glad that I took that leap. And like I said, I grew up with a problem child, so I would never have another kid now that I got a good one. Yeah. What what what was the main inspiration behind writing a book about it? Was it were you kind of things that you learned that you want to tell other moms, you know, or potential moms or. It's definitely that. And, you know, I think that in terms of like egg freezing and miscarriages and having to breastfeed and what if you don't want to breastfeed? And I think that there's just so many things that mothers have to come in contact with that there isn't a lot of conversation about. and also egg freezing is very new technology and I I didn't understand it when I did it I froze one round and got eight eggs I thought that meant I could have eight kids and I didn't even want one so I was like I only did one round and we barely were able to have my kid like

you know it was like down to they did the testing then it was down to four then Moshe blasted on them and then it was only two survived. Then they put one up and it died. So it's like, that was our last one. So, you know, just really understanding, and I try to, you know, obviously do it in a funny way, talk about all the different aspects of it, understanding when you really can get pregnant. And is a doctor just like ripping you off by telling you you could still get pregnant so you spend another $17,000 at their facility trying to get pregnant, quote, naturally? So I just felt like there were so many aspects that I wanted to talk about, not to mention things about, like I said, fear and love and how they're connected

somehow. And I didn't know that by giving birth to this child, I was giving birth to this eternal fear. I lived my whole life with this joie de vivre moving from like one city to, you know, going on a whim to Africa or Thailand or wherever. And now all of a sudden having a baby, I'm fearful of everything and having to struggle with those emotions. So, you know, I, I, I think it's relatable and, and I, you know, it's, I tried to talk about all of the different aspects of it that I hadn't really encountered. You know, how do you become a family? I read every self-help book about being a mother, but like no one really mentioned like how to have a family. And, you know, I think Judaism and converting to Judaism and having that tradition actually really helped us

with that. So, you know, just like looking at it from a lot of different aspects. How do you deal with the fear, with that fear? I mean, I imagine it was overwhelming at first. Well, Moshe is just like constantly trying to get me to not be afraid. And so that's helpful to a point, but then we do butt heads a lot. So it's a challenge. And I think it's something I struggle with every day. I think one of the things that's helped me is Moshe has told me you're actually, that's not helping her when she sees that you're afraid

and you're like, oh my God, are you okay? Like if you're always like that, that's actually going to have a negative effect on her. And when he phrased it in a way that's like, it's not good for her, I kind of started to see that he was right. Yeah. So it takes a lot of discipline. Yeah. I always say nobody wants to hear how, how nervous the pilot is. You know, nobody wants to hear like the pilot say like, I know I've flown a hundred times, but I'm scared shitless. You realize we could crash at any second, even if it's for their sake. I found at times because I mean, I got, you know, a 22 year old, a 17 year old and now two and a half year old. old, a 17 year old, and now the two and a half year old. And I have found that there are times when I'm scared shitless, when I don't have any idea what's going to happen, but faking it for them helps me, you know, like it. Yeah. To fake it like it's going to be fine. You know, and my

daughter a few years ago had a major fucking freak out about some really terrifying climate article, you know, about the about the direness of that. She's like 11 or 12 when this happens. So there's now I would give her a much more nuanced explanation. But at the time, I was like, this is worst case scenario. This is really doom and gloom because it's supposed to scare us into making some actions that really need to happen. So, yes, we really need to do things, but we'll bounce back. We'll figure it out. We'll pull up out of the nosedive before we crash. I have no idea if any of that's true, but I got to tell her. Yeah calmed her, you know, it made things better. They need to have that hope. Yeah. But I also mentioned in my book that our, this generation,

your two and a half year old, my four and a half year old, this is going to be the first generation of kids to grow up, to like understand that the world might be ending because of climate and because of our actions from probably a pretty young age. I mean, they're talking about it in my kids' preschool. So they know. Yeah. My son tells me sometimes and this is, you know, tells me because like, I don't know, sometimes I feel like what's the point of anything I'm going to do? Like, why would I why would I work real hard to have a career? And and there, you know, with the 21 year old, I'm like, I don't have any good I don't have any good lies for that one other than just I don't know, because we can do curl up. You got to you got to keep going. You know, I mean, that's just sort of the imperative of every living thing is to just kind of keep going.

And sorry, sorry that we fucked it up so bad for you. And then sometimes you're like, well, they'll become the new warriors. But isn't that a lot of pressure to put on them? Like, they're not all going to turn into Greta Thunberg's, you know? Yeah. And so. So, yes, it's it's challenging. But, you know, just just dealing with all this stuff from a comedic essay point of view is what the book is about. Right. Yeah. it's not a downer like this podcast. No! I know, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. All right, well, let me get to all that. You got the book, The World Deserves My Children. It's being released on,

when is that? November? November 15th, but you can pre-order it now on my Instagram. It's very easy to find. And you still do a podcast with Moshe called The Endless Honeymoon.

Oh my God, I would love to have you on and give some advice to some of these 20-year-olds who are calling in. You've got kids! And you still do a podcast with Moshe called The Endless Honeymoon. Oh, my God. I would love to have you on. Give some advice to some of these 20-year-olds who are calling in. You've got kids. You've got successful adult children. Now, this one is, I didn't know, but there's a TBS cooking competition show, Rat in the Kitchen, with Ludo Lefebvre. Do you know Ludo? I've eaten at his restaurant.

He's fancy pants. He has the best restaurant, Le Petit Trois. He's got a bunch of restaurants all over the country. But yes, he is a great French chef. And I wish I could say I learned to cook from him, but I only learned how to make one thing, an omelet. But it's really, it's an amazing omelet. It's an amazing, I know. No, the difference between a good omelet

and a, you know, a truck stop omelet is huge. And you are also in the movie, first time female director, co-starring me, that Chelsea Peretti wrote, directed and stars in, which that process was, when I saw her writing, directing and starring in something, I realized, oh no, don't do that.

Don't do all three of those. How did she do it? Let someone do one of those. You could do two of those, but don't do all three, because that's too much. The directing part is what I'm like. I couldn't. I was amazed that she did

as amazing a job as she did. It was so impressive. She really prepped herself. She had the help that she needed, I think. Because I always wondered, how does someone direct themselves? How do they see what it is? But just having the right partners there to guide you. Somebody that can tell you. Yeah, yeah.

She really figured it out. So I'm very impressed with that and same as you i'm like check not gonna do that i asked her the first day i was like like how do you when do you have time to learn your lines and she said oh i don't i don't you'll see i don't know okay good um and got another one. You're in a movie that was written, directed by Bill Burr called Old Dads. He's a genius. It was so great being able to be in Chelsea's movie and his movie this year. Because those are like two of my most influential comedians.

Like, they're so funny. They're the people I always, you know, like if you're in a comedy club and someone you know is on stage, you're going to stay for them. I mean, those are the two I'll always stay for, even if I have another show or whatever. So, I mean, Bill is just, I mean, you know, he's hilarious. Oh, I got to sit next to him on a million Conan appearances just while he just went off, you know. It's so hard watching someone like that do stand-up, too, because you're like, wait, I was thinking about something like that, but wait,

his is so much more developed and better. And it just makes you like lightweight want to give up. Right, right. So I have to like monitor the time I spend, you know, in people like that's presence. Well, now the final question in this one is what have you learned? And I mean, do you think, do you have like advice to impart to people?

I would say if you're a woman and you're listening to this, you should, if you can afford it, freeze your eggs by 37. And then you have another 15 years if you want to have a baby. Your uterus can stay good to your 60. OK, so just like that's the cutoff time i know it's 38 37 38 yeah yeah all right ladies you heard it get those eggs yanked out and then you gotta find someone who you deem uh good enough to to fertilize one of them yeah or not or do it yourself yeah if you're up for it yeah yeah i Yeah. I mean, yeah. I mean, you know, there's plenty of ways to get sperm. My grandma always said there's sperm everywhere.

I just did family feud with my friend Sabrina and she's she and her wife were like looking for sperm. And she asked Sabrina Jalees and she asked Steve Harvey if she could use some of his sperm and he didn't say no. So you never know. Right. Right. Yeah. If you get a deal or, you know, I don't know. Yeah, sure. Why not? Why not? I could be. Yeah, that could be that could be your own a different kind of Patreon for people. for different comedians, you know? Well, Andy, you're a great actor. You are a great interviewer. Thank you.

You're such a nice guy. And I really am so happy that you had me on your show. Thank you. And you're a very good interviewer too because you just wrapped up my show for me. And I really appreciate that. And I appreciate all of you out there listening. And I'll be back

next week with another guest. It's probably not as good as Natasha, but you know, what are you going to do? They can't all be golden. The Three Questions with Andy Richter is a Team Coco production. It is produced by Sean Doherty and engineered by Rob Schulte. Additional engineering support by Eduardo Perez and Joanna Samuel. Executive produced by Joanna Solitaroff, Adam Sachs, and Jeff Ross. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Maddie Ogden. Research by Alyssa Grahl. Don't forget to rate and review and subscribe to The Three Questions with Andy Richter wherever you get your podcasts.

This has been a Team Coco production in association with Earwolf.