The Three Questions with Andy Richter - Oscar Nuñez: Worst Family Outings (The Andy Richter Call-In Show)

Episode Date: October 3, 2025

Oscar Nuñez from "The Office" and "The Paper" joins "The Andy Richter Call-In Show" this week to hear your WORST FAMILY OUTING STORIES! Plus, Oscar and Andy discuss Andy's second week on "Dancing with the Stars!"Want to call in? Fill out our Google Form at BIT.LY/CALLANDYRICHTER or dial 855-266-2604 with whatever you want to discuss! This episode previously aired on SiriusXM’s Conan O’Brien Radio (ch. 104). If you’d like to hear these episodes in advance, new episodes premiere exclusively for SiriusXM subscribers on Conan O’Brien Radio and the SiriusXM app every Wednesday at 4pm ET/1pm PT Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Conan O'Brien Radio Conan O'Brien Radio Hello, Hello, America that has a subscription to satellite radio on SiriusXM. Hello, all of you. You're the best part of America. you're the real guts of America Look I'm sorry

I just got out of dancing rehearsal I'm frazzled You've tuned into the Andy Richter Call-in show Sorry we started a little late We just late getting going But we're here now And by we I mean me and Oscar Nunez

You know I'm from the office And now you can see him on the peacocks The Paper and it's going great, I hear. Andy, we cannot be happy. And by the way, ladies and gentlemen out there, I can vouch for Andy. He is doing dances with the stars.

I am. And he walked in and he's doing pleiets and stretching. I was. I'm like, Andy, what about your podcast? He's like, never you mind. I know what I'm doing. I know what I'm doing. Wow.

And I still have my two-two on, my point slippers. He is. Yes, Andy, it's going, the paper, thank you for asking. Yeah, yeah. It's going so good. We cannot be happier. Yeah. Is it much different than, does it feel very similar to the office in terms of like how it's being shot and, you know, it's still the same style of show?

The truth? Yeah. Why would I lie? Why, what do I have to? I'm going to say the truth to you and your listener. Listener. Listen, we. Hi, buddy.

Andy, the first day of shooting was a little freaky. I'm like in my outfit the same, you know, a shirt and tie accountant, same character. And I'm like, what's happening? Is this a lot? And then once we started the scene and people started talking, I'm like, oh, oh, oh, okay, this is different. Oh, really? Different people. This is different.

But remember, my old boss, who you know, Greg Daniels, the one and only. Yeah. Beautiful, wonderful Greg Daniels. Michael Coleman, you know Michael? Of course. Okay. And Paul Lieberstein, you know, Paul? I don't know Paul, I don't think.

You know who we may have met, but yeah, I know of him. Okay, so he's a director, writer on the show, right? Okay. So he's there. These are all people from the office. Uh-huh. By the way, small world, Paul's sister is married to Greg Daniels. Oh, really?

Oh, you didn't know that? No, I didn't. I didn't. Wow. So it is who you know. Yes, absolutely. It's who you're married to. Yeah, yeah.

And, I mean, there's more connections, Andy. It's crazy. Yeah. Warren Lieberstein. is a writer. He is Paul's brother. He was married to Angela. No shit. Yeah. So Angela and Paul It's like a, it's like some kind of, you know, cult. Some sort of doomsday Jesus cult over there. And I took the liberty of doing some research and I have paperwork here that

proves that you're the nephew of Greg Daniels. All right. Why am I working so hard then? So Andy Warren. I get back and cruise. Suzanne Warren and Paul are siblings. And Suzanne is married to Greg Daniels. Wow. Anyway. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So what was the point of this?

Yes, there's a lot of people from the office in there. But having said that, it's a whole new cast. Yeah. I know you haven't, you're busy hoffing. I haven't seen the show yet. But you will. And when you'll see Donald Gleeson, do you know who this kid is? I know who he is.

He's so talented. Yeah. And yet another foreigner taking American jobs. Not just him. Sabrina, the lady who played on. White Lotus, the home. She's great, so funny. All putting on American accents, trying to sound like Midwesterners. And some of them blatantly keeping their English accents, like Tim Key. Do you know this kid? Tim Key? Very funny guy. And he has an English accent? Yes. Oh, it's a slap in the

face. Blants it on the show. Slap in the face. We're so lucky to have him. He's very funny. Do you guys have plans for if an ice raid happens at the show? There's a fireman's pole, an old-fashioned poll. That I guess I'm the only one in the, in the shade of raw flooring palette. Yes, yes, yes. I'm the only one who will be going down that pool. Everyone else is fine. Yeah, but you're, I mean, I'm saying that there's the foreigners there, you know, that.

Oh, they're okay. Oh, all right. If you're brown, get out of town. Yeah, yeah. If you're white stick around. Right, exactly. I wish that rhymed. No, well, there is.

It's, if you're black, step back. If you're brown, stick around. Oh no, if you're brown, get out of town Get out of town No, it's an old song It is? Yeah, yeah, yeah If you're white, you're all right

If you're brown Stick around But if you're black Get brother Or get back Get back, Jack Get back brother Yeah, yeah

It's a big Bill Bruinsie song Oh really? Yeah, yeah I didn't know this Yeah, yeah I'll have to download it Yeah It's good

Black brown and white Is the name of the song Yeah Oh look they picked it They brought it up here We can't play it because we can't have, we don't have any money to listen to music. This can't be a current song, is it?

Is it? No, no, it's a very old song. It's an old blues song. Yeah, it's like, it's like a blues song that was like, you know, Woody Guthrie kind of the mixing of, of, of, you know. Is it ironic or he really means it? No, he really means it. So it's like the theme of birth of a nation. It's exactly.

It's a, it's like an unemployment thing. Well, we've come a long way and back again. And we sure have. Time is a big, ugly, shitty circle. Here we go. Hello, everyone. Welcome to our fun show. It's wonderful.

So, but the show is being well received. How do you know? Like, there's not, is there ratings-y kind of stuff for a streaming show like that? Or you just sort of take everybody's word for it that it's going well. I'm telling you what they tell me to tell you. Yeah, no, I know. It's in the grapevine. I'm the same way.

I never pay. There's people out there. People, when they come and they'd say, well, the ratings or whatever. and I'd be like, well, do you know how to make the ratings better? And they'd say, I don't know. And then I'd be like, okay, well, I guess we just keep doing what we're doing. I will say this. It's international.

It is an international. I've never done a rollout like this, Andy. This is crazy. Oh, really? Yeah, I've been to Toronto. I've been to London. Wow. Yeah, it's crazy because it's an international market.

Yeah, yeah. So people are enjoying it in South America as we speak. It's crazy. Wow. And are you going to continue to do like world stops on the domination? I think we're done. I'm almost, we're winding down as far as the publicity. The publicity stuff.

Guess where I'll be tomorrow. Stockholm. Jimmy Kimmel. Jimmy Kimmel, nice. How about that? Convenient that he got back on the air. How about that? Or else you'd have a free afternoon.

I made some phone calls. Hello. FCC. It's Nunez. Can you believe it? So that'll be fun. That'll be fun. That's nice.

Yeah. I bet the atmosphere over there. I don't know. It's electric. And I'm not even, I'm not being an asshole. I bet like it's probably crackling over there right now. It is. I spoke to their wonderful segment producer, Hi, Hara, today.

And she's like, yeah, it's, we're excited and it's all over the place and we're all emotional. And here we go. Let's come on on. Yeah, yeah. And we'll do the show. And, you know, what are you going to do? Awesome. Yeah.

Awesome. Well, our theme today here on the call-in show is family outing stories. and by outing we mean everyone going out somewhere, not people revealing secrets about people. Oh, darn it. I'm sorry. If you have an anecdote about that, we'll take it. But it's not really what we meant, that sort of outing.

Okay. Our number is 855-266-2604. So if you guys have a story, give us a call, and we'll probably make fun of you a little bit in a loving way. you know, a warm jab. A warm jab. Yeah. Do you have any family outing memories that stick out?

Well, you know, I heard you say that. And I mean, what comes to mind is childhood. Mm-hmm. And so we did many things. One of the coolest things we did was with my family, along with the Reyes' family, your besties growing up. We would pile into their station wagon and drive on the night. from New Jersey, all the way down to Miami Beach.

This is a long time ago, Andy. Miami Beach looked different. It was... Wait, two families in one station wagon? Yeah. Wow. That's a packed car. Did you have the rear-facing third row?

Yeah. Me, Peppy and my sister would be in the rear-facing thing. And then his brother, Felix, would be the next row up. Yeah. with his mother and my mother and then the two men up in the front. My father and Felix. And all the luggage tied on top. On the top of the roof.

And we'd stop at this place called south of the border. Yes. That was a big deal. Absolutely. You know, for the kids and whatnot. And then we go all the way to Miami and it was wonderful. And we did that a couple of times. We did that a couple of times in the summer and it was wonderful.

And everybody got along well. That's amazing. Yeah, we got along. It was. it was literally the 70s, the 60s and the 70s, late 60s, early 70s. And then, you know, back home in New Jersey, we would go day trips to Lake Welch and the seven lakes in upstate New York from New Jersey. We'd go when I was in high school to Sandy Hook, Wildwood, Asbury Park.

That's where the fellows would go when I was 17, 18. And then when I was 18, early 20s, we would go on a three-day canoe trip to the Delaware water gap where Pennsylvania, New Jersey, and New York, the Delaware River runs through it and it's called the Delaware water gap and people go there camping and we would go on a three-day canoe trip. Wow. Those are the big. No wonder you're so well adjusted. Yeah.

Well, it sounds like a very happy, productive childhood and your parents were involved in, you know, taking it to do fun things. Yeah. Wow. It was pretty fun. Lucky guy. Yeah, I know. What'd you grow up, Andy?

I grew up in Illinois. Oh, okay. Illinois. Okay. And family out. Well, I mean, we would, we actually, we went on some fun vacations. Like one year we took a, the train from Illinois to San Francisco. That's a good one. And visited my aunt and uncle lived there at the time. And then we rented a car and drove down the coast, uh, went through, you know, Carmel and all of that. How old is an Andy Richter? I would have been about nine, I believe. That's a good trip, buddy. Yeah, and I had my younger brother and sister. I have a twin younger brother and sister. No, I would have been older than nine because they were probably about

three or four. So I would have been about 13, 12 or 13. That's fun. But it was nice. Yeah, we had like two like our own little sleeping cabins. So we had like got that sort of sleeping on a train, you know, with like the little fold down bed kind of things. That was very exciting and I love that. and yeah and I would I have I have not traveled like that by train ever since and I I don't know why because I really do like it how many times did you guys do that we just did that once yeah and then we drove down and we and we ended up in L.A. and we went to Universal Studios and in Disneyland and then flew home from there but that was probably like one of our best family trips you know and the a lot of them were like driving to see great aunts stuff like where in what state where were they just there like my Canada like going to my grandma to see with my my grandma and my great aunt we once drove up to Canada to visit all the relatives where in Canada different places in Ottawa okay um and we went through but because my grandmother my grandmother's parents were missionaries and they and my grandmother was actually born in China okay and and when the boxer rebellion came they all had to split yes and

all of her older brothers and sisters kind of went all over Canada. She was born in China. As a child of missionary. As a child of Swedish missionaries. Copy that. And then when she came back, she ended up like living in Lincoln, Nebraska with a spinster aunt who was horribly mean to her.

Okay. But all these other ones, they all went up to Canada and sort of spread out all over Canada, mostly farmers, but they're all deeply religious. Sure. Like, you know, like, like multiple houses would have

the cross and the switchblade comic book. Do you know that? No. It's a famous Christian it was like the cross and the switchblade. They maybe made a movie about it. That sounds pretty clear. But it was a comic book.

And they also had, it was my first exposure to chick tracts. You know, those are those little and by little I'm holding up my fingers to about like, I don't know, about three inches to the two and a half the size of your penis two inches high and about like four inches around and they're all like religious they're like you know five or six page little cartoon packets and it's all things like you know like you know rock and roll satan stuff yeah they're like little comic books they're called chick tracts like t r c t r or they were they were just part of something else when you were they were just part of evangelical shit you'd get them tucked under your windshield and it would all be things about like You know, rock and roll has got Satan in it.

Is this from Catholicism? This is Christianity. No, this is Bible. This is Bible thumping Protestantism. This is different. Yes, yes. So what I'm saying is that when you go with your elderly grandmother and great aunt when you're, you know, I don't know, it's probably seven. Not a fun trip.

There was not like a lot of fun. It was stoic. Yes. A lot of like, you know, we're going to change. church again? Oh, man. Andy. So you're a mother's side Swedish?

Yeah. Dad, Richter, German? Yes, German. German, okay. Yeah, yeah. We, my grandfathers are from Spain. Uh-huh. So that's Catholicism.

That's not cross and switchfully. That's Bible and sword. Pick one. That's how they come. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They come to Cuba and Mexico. They're like, here's the sword. Here's the Bible.

Right. Pick one. Right, right. Two choices. Well, you can use. Very simple. Use one to enforce. enforce the other. Yes, you can. Yeah, you can. They sort of go together sometimes. All right, we

should get to the phones. Um, let's, let's, we're, again, we're taking family outing stories. 855-266-2-604 is the number. We've got John from Virginia. Hi, John. Thanks for holding. Hey, Andy, how are you doing? I'm doing good. Oscar's here too. We're ready to hear your tale. Hi, John. Oh my God. You know, hey, Oscar, I'm from Jersey, man. I grew up, I'm a Jersey. I'm a Jersey boy. I'm sorry. What county? Well, Morris County. Right on. I'm Hudson. Right on, John. Okay. My story, it happened in 1974. Wow. And we drove from New Jersey to California to go to Disneyland.

That's a good one. Uh-huh. Wait, say it again, you went from New Jersey to California for Disneyland. Yeah. Why not just go to Disney World? It's 74. Yeah, but Disney World was open in 74, wasn't it? I don't know. John, was it open in 74? I don't know, Andy. We're checking. Yeah, but we went to California, and it was six people, and we drove in a 1970

Econnelline van. It's 1971. Oh, my God. So, anyway, what I'm saying is your folks tortured you for nothing. Oh, my God, it was horrible. Yeah. Six of it. And there were no seats except for the driver and passenger.

So the kids had to sit on the floor. Wow. And I'm the only boy in the family. Did you at least have like sleeping bags and stuff? Or were you just rattling around like cargo? Yeah, pretty much. Wow. Come on, guys.

We were pulling a, yeah, we were pulling a pop-up camper that slept six people. I mean, that was the hotel for the whole almost three weeks that we were on the road. Yeah. Well, that's good old-fashioned character building, you guys. That's not... Dude, you got no idea. That's trauma. I was just, like, traumatized as a kid.

From that trip, it was like, you know, picture of this, a pop-up camper. You have two wings out where two people slept on the top, and a couple of people slept on the bottom where you made a bed out of the kitchen table and stuff like that. On the one side, my parents would sleep, and I was I slept up against that and every morning my dad would get up and I can't tell you what I would see every morning and it was that's what my life was like in this van on this trip

what do you mean what you would see like like your dad's balls kind of thing oh man dude I felt I felt like I was getting teagged every morning oh well that's yes you that's not a good trip that's problematic horrible trip I mean I when I when they made the movie They did their best. That's the worst. That's the worst excuse. They did their best. You know what?

Fuck that. They could have done better. That was their best. Yeah. Aim high. Well, when we got to Disneyland, they were just, it wasn't even like really getting started as far as them making it. It was just so, it was, it was, it was born. It was, there was nothing to it.

I had a horrible line world. At Disneyland? Yeah. it's the happiest place on earth you son of a bitch no sir no sir no no oh john that could have been a good trip they should i i think they uh packed too many sardines in a can yeah yeah well i mean oh and to wait the work even one of the worst parts about it was on the way out my dad felt sorry for some guy he was hitchhiking he picked up a hitchhiking no wow wow wow yeah it was awful and he made my mom go in the back with us,

and the Haste Hatcher sat in the front with my dad. Yep. Honey, you had this. We got to treat this fella right, this drifter. He was trying to do the right thing. Oh, God, man. It was horrible. I mean, and it traumatized.

I mean, no kidding. I never wanted to travel after that. I just couldn't travel. It was just, you know, I forced myself to go on trips with my family now. Yeah. You know, I had kids. It was like, man. I don't.

It's like, I never wanted to go camping again because it was like, no, I don't want it. It was horrible. Well, we're glad you're over it. We're glad you got. You seem to be okay now. There's two questions I have. Number one, did you camp when you got to Anaheim? Yes, we did.

There was a campground right next to Disneyland. Yeah. So we camped there. But we also stopped in in Las Vegas. In the middle of Las Vegas in 1974, there was a campground. and that's where we stopped. And my parents disappeared for, they disappeared for like a day and a half. Right, right.

They didn't even know where they were. Well, they, you know. They went to Vegas. Yeah. They got, yeah. Well, John, it started out like a good trip and then it turned into a nightmare for you kids. It freaking started out as a good trip, man. Were you?

It sounded good on paper. Hey, guys, let's go load up the car. The van, you know. It's too much, right? Andy, it's too far a trip with so many kids. And incredibly dangerous. We didn't even think about that shit. It was a different time.

Just, yeah, like you hit the brakes and you got six kids shooting to the windshield. And when seatbelts came out, John, Andy, I don't know if you guys know this day, they didn't know what to do with them. We wore them. I were on our neck for two years before they're like, that's not how you wear them. It was more dangerous than not having a seatbelt. I think that's a U problem there. I don't think you can blame that automobile manufacturers.

That's a Hudson County. That's what we wore them in Hudson County. John knows. Yeah. We spent 12 hours on the road. day moving we know we hardly were your folks were your folks yellers were they screamers no okay see that's good that's good it could have been worse could have been yes quiet desperation is better than loud confrontation in my book uh because i came from a screamy family that's like i always

tell my kids when they're when they're like you know if i correct something and they're like yeah they react I'm like, you do not know what it's like to be yelled at. My daughter says sometimes... Morning to night, screaming. And she's like, Dad, you're screaming. I'm like, I'm not screaming. No. This is not screaming.

I don't know what you're talking about. You know, Andy and John, they went too far. You know, my trip to Florida was like one or two days. California's just too far a trip to do with the kid, you know? Yeah, yeah. Back then, Disneyland in California was like the Disney world of today. No, I get it. I get it. They tried. They had an idea. It just, it was, it was, it was, they miscalculated.

Yeah. Horrible. They, they made the movie vacation. You got it from, from our trip. It sounds, kind of sounds like at least you're rich from the residuals, the story, right? All right. Not even, all right. Thank you, John. Thanks for the call. Andy, thanks, Oscar. Bye, guys. Bye, John.

Bye, bye-bye. All right. Next up, we got Elliott from Tennessee. What's up, Elliot? Hello. Hi, Elliot. Oscar and I are here waiting to talk to you. Well, my story is really funny. Okay.

It's always good to preface it with that. Yes. That's called low pressure. Are you sure? I am sure. Tell me your story, Elliot. Okay. But although, wait, wait, just one question before you start.

Why aren't you at work? I'm a child. What? How old are you, Elliot? I'm 10 years old. 10 years old. Yay. Yay. And now you're on the radio. Pretty exciting, huh? I know. Yeah, I've been planning this with my dad for like a month. Oh, well, that's fun. Well, tell us your story. I really do want to hear it.

Okay. So one time we were going to Florida. Uh-huh. To like Rosemary Beach. Okay. And are you driving? No, I'm too young. No, no. I don't mean you driving. I mean the family. are you're not taking a you're not in the plane or anything no no yeah we were driving in our minivan okay and um we were about halfway uh-huh when about an hour away and my sister zoe really needed to poop okay that's zoie yeah and well yeah yeah bacon brani stuff like that yeah and uh and and and and

And we were in that part of Florida, it's where if you get out of a car, you're going to get shot and something's going to feed it in other alligators. Okay. Welcome to Florida. Yeah, that's pretty much, you know, tip to tail of Florida. Exactly. Yeah, yeah. What happened, you're telling Zoe to hold it in? Wait until you get there to the beach and then let her rip.

Then my mom offered her some jelly beans, and she was like, no, I don't want. Jelly beans, nonstop complaining, wouldn't stop whining. Right. And my mom was like, again, like, 20 minutes later, are you sure you don't want any jelly beans? In my opinion, I'll take jelly beans any time. But in her opinion, it was like, okay, I guess. And then you'll never guess what her response is.

I'm not even going to guess. I'm just going to wait for you to tell me. She said, do I put it in my mouth or do I shove it up my butt? Oh, Zoe. Well, she's pragmatic. She was thinking, I can stop. Right. She thought she was going to, yeah, she was going to stop the poop from coming out.

She was trying to solve a problem, Elliot. All right. Jelly beans up there? Exactly. Oh, Zoe. Well, did she make it or was there a danger? Or did you all just laugh heartily and then she pooped her pants? She made it.

All right, good. Yay. And it was kind of like a very laughing moment. Uh-huh. Would you imagine if you had a little sister in the car and your mom offered her jelly beans? Right. And he was just like, do I eat it or do I shut it up my butt?

Yes. I, yeah. We're replaying now, but that's good. No, I understand. I grasped. That was a good one from her, especially because it is like, she was addressing the fact that your mother was attempting to make the situation better

but she was not helping. No, she was not helping. She was trying to distract her. No. Right. Yeah. Well, Oscar, were you going to say?

Thank you, Elliot. Yes, thank you so much, Ellie. Thank you for the story. Very nice. I'm glad you called in. And I'm glad that you will always associate jelly beans with poop. That's exactly what I think. Yeah, that's the gift that your sister gave you.

Exactly. All right. Thank you, buddy. Thanks, Elliot. Thanks. I got one thing before I, before. Yeah, go ahead. I'm just going to say this.

Yes. I love my sister, but that point in time, I felt a little disgusted and I did not eat jelly beans for like a month. Okay. It's understandable. But you've worked past it. Kind of. Yes. All right.

Thank you, Elliot. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye, bye, bye, bye. All right, 855-266-2-604 is the number. We're talking family. outing stories. However, we will, we don't have very high standards here, Oscar. We'll take a story

on any topic. You know, sometimes the mindset of the parents is we just have to get there and they're not stopping. No. And kids have to, whatever. They're like, we're going. We're just going. And you're like, I have to pee. I have to poop. And they're like, nope, nope, we're going. My ex-wife's father was so an unpleasant man, let's put it that way, but he refused to stop on their trips and actually brought a coffee can for his children to urinate and defecate in. What's the point? Where are we going? Why? Why? Cruelty. It's just cruelty. Strange Catholic cruelty. Yep. Well, what I was saying was is that our topic is family outings, but we will take it. calls on any topic and we call those those calls wild cards

oh here we go and we have a wild card we've got Nick from Florida what's up man hey Andy how you doing Oscar and I are here ready to hear your wild card story I tried to call last week

when you were doing the terrible jobs episode okay and I didn't get through that day because I might have like a hall of fame terrible job store. Oh, well then let her rip. I mean, I'm doing good now. I've had great careers, but my worst job was my first job when I was about 14 years old. My pop got me a job at one of those big box bookstores. Yeah. And my job as like a 13 or 14 year old kid was to dress up as characters like the cat in the hat, Clifford the big red dog and a clown, and sit next

to a lady that would read to children. Oh, wow. Two pretty crazy things happened. The whole job lasted three days. And the first crazy thing that happened was in the cat and the hat costume, you're only allowed to be in it for like half an hour, but they would stick me in it for like an eight hour shift. Really?

So one day I just stood up. Like you never got to take the head off or anything? Yeah, and it was one of those Disney-style costume heads where like his head was three feet above my head and I was looking out of his bowtie. Right, right. And it was like 150 degrees and that. When you say you're only supposed to wear it for whatever, would you say a half an hour? Yeah, it had a sign inside.

It did. Okay, that's what I was going to say. Like, where did that, like, was that a government, some government agency? It said, it's above the eyehole. It said, don't lay, stay in here. That's awesome. That's awesome. It's like a little space capsule with like a warning, you know, because it gets hot in there.

Yeah. And they just had me live in there. Yeah. Well, one day I stood up and I passed out. Sure. And I took out a display of books and the head went flying across the floor. And I woke up to like 15 screaming children surrounding me. Right, right.

So that was what I thought would be the worst part of this job. But what the really worst part of the job was is that Bert Reynolds had written a book. And Bert Reynolds, I live in Florida. You know, Bert Reynolds was famous for you. That's right. He came to do a reading. He wrote a book. He came to do a read.

He came to do well, a book signing. Right. A book signing. Yeah. And I was dressed, I was dressed as a clown. Yeah. And I was a late bloomer. I had a hula hoop around my belly, you know, like a clown costume. Yeah, sure. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. And, um. Now is this, wasn't a Burke Reynolds themed clown? Because it seemed that you were, no, you were always, you know, like you would, your costume was tied to whatever the, the book was, was, that was being. I was supposed to be in the children's section. Oh, I was like, I'm a bit smoky and the bandit fan. Got it. So they were like, my pop was like, hey, man, I can make sure you meet Bert Reynolds. I was like, awesome. So I get to meet Bert Reynolds.

And he's surrounded by like lawyer guys, tall men in suits, you know. Well, I guess late bloomer 14-year-old Nick in whiteface and a costume where you couldn't see my body appeared to be a young lady to Bert Reynolds who proceeded to put. his hand on the small of my back and just openly hit on me in front of me. So in the middle of it, I mustered my lowest, my lowest voice and said, oh, this social meeting, Mr. Reynolds, and he pulled his hands off me. And he goes, oh, not Miss Clown after all. Sorry, Mr. Clown. And they all laughed. Good old, Bert. So humiliated. I I ran away. Didn't get an autograph. I had an unsigned Bert Reynolds book that I've never read I think he thought like I might get a chance to fuck this clown he's always on never

missed opportunity that's fantastic that's crazy yeah that was my entrance into the job world yeah oh that's great oh yes my my wife my wife actually my wife grew up here in southern california and she and her siblings all ended up like and all her friends they all worked ended up working at Disneyland and like my sister-in-law was Jasmine for a number of years. As did I. Yeah. Oh, did you really? Yeah. She was Jasmine at the dinner theater or at the parade? I think in the parades. I did Aladdin's Oasis. Or all that meeting kids kind of thing. I was in the dinner theater by the safari thing. And were you Aladdin? No, I was Hassan the magnificent. Doesn't come out in the cartoon, but he is at the dinner theater as comic relief.

I see. I see. People are reading. Wow. So you're Yeah, okay. Yeah, yeah. And my wife did the characters. Well, she did, she did like, you know, like she sold turkey legs and stuff too, but she was characters. It was like Winnie the Pooh and Roger Rabbit. Those are tough.

When you put up thing on your head, that's tough. And she was Chip and or Dale. It weighs a ton. Yeah, yeah. She was Chip. But there they're regulated. There you have what they call a Sherpa that's with you all the time. That's right. That's right.

And, and, and. Yeah, Florida is not so regulated. But my wife at one point, she was Roger Rabbit, and she was, and she said, admittedly, she was perhaps a little too buxom for the Roger Rabbit costume. But some kid came up and said, like, some kid came up and was like, you have boobs and, like, grabbed her boob. Oh, no. She pinched him really hard. Good. And he ran away, and he went and complained to his parents.

It was like, Roger Rabbit pinched me. And they were like, no. Roger Rabbit would not have pinched you, but Roger Rabbit did pinch that child. Yeah, yeah. Actually, that makes me think the one perk of the job was the bowtie eye hole was right at mom-boob level. Well, there you go. When mom's little kids were with the little kids, they didn't even know I was looking at their boobs. Yeah, make it even steamyer in there. Crazy. With your teenage desires. Maybe that's actually why I passed out. Yeah. Yeah. The other good costume mascot story that I have is that I once, while the late night with Conan O'Brien was on, I was invited to Judge Star Search, Ed McMahon's talent show.

Yeah, sure, sure, sure. And it shot at Disney World. So I got to go, I got to go down to Disney World. And as part, and I shot a remote for the Conan show. So we added on extra things. And one of them was I was going to be the Grand Marshal. of the parade down Main Street And then I found out there were five parades a day And so I was just one grand marshal And it was approximately 6,000 degrees Humid as shit, middle of Florida summer And I'm sitting in like the back of some old, you know, a fire station or fire truck kind of looking thing

And we're driving down the street I am just pouring sweat And next to me along the whole way is Tigger and Tigger Wow is a bouncer You know Tigger has to keep moving

And Tigger bouses And I was just like I was like wow Tigger has got to be miserable in there And then as the You turn and you go in through like You know like sort of garage doors To go behind the main street area

And I went through on my on my fire truck And as I was getting off my fire truck Tigger came around the corner bouncing doing all Tigger but the second Tigger was off stage. Tigger took off his head and projectile vomited all over the place. Just the, just, and then immediately like paramedics practically running over. What a pro, was it a young person?

It was a young guy. It was like he was maybe 19. Yeah, that's what you have to be. And I mean, it was like, it was indefinitely a medical emergency. Wow. Incredible control to hold it in. If Florida doesn't care about the child labor. Yeah, yeah.

So anyway, well, this has been a cavalcade of memories for me, Nick. Thank you so much. Thank you, Nick. Wonderful wild card story. Testing rich. All right, thanks, Nick. Callie again sometime. Speaking of Disneyland, we got Maria from San Francisco.

She's got a Disneyland story, Oscar. Can you believe it? I can believe it. Shocking, right? We are going there. for my daughter's birthday. Oh, nice. In October.

Maria. Hello. Hi, Andy. How you doing? I'm good. I'm good. Hi, Maria. I am Chef David Marie from South

Francisco, California. And I want to say, good luck on dancing with this past week. Thank you so much. Thank you. Yeah, it was amazing. Because, you know,

my best friend, Chris Katan, was on season 24. He was amazing. and he was one of my idols. Oh, great. Great, great. Thank you. Just the bottom of my heart.

But I wanted to let you know that my Disneyland story. Your Disneyland story? Where's Maria? We lost her. Oh, she dropped. Well, that's too bad. All right. Well, we're moving on.

Satellite radio has no time for casualties. She was on one of those cable cars. We must move on. She was hanging off one of the cable cars. we'll try back if you can Jason from Ohio you're up next Hey how are you guys

I'm good Jason amazing Andy Thank you Andy I use a line of yours all the time Conan says that sometimes it's like the power go out where you guys are shooting

you'd go my pearls Yes It's like a running gag I do that constantly I've heard that It's not an original It's a very old In fact

I think it's like a three stooges kind of thing. Or groucho, right? That lady, that lady. My pearls. Like the lights grow up that somebody's running around stealing necklaces. It's a fantastic. It's an inherently hilarious idea. So tell us about your family outing story there.

Yes. So this is similar to Tigger. I have a projectile vomiting story. Love it. So, yeah. We, I lived in Kent, in Ohio. Elliot started a theme. Yes.

Elliot. He did. Yes, Elliot. Go ahead, Jason. Good job, Elliot. Canton, Ohio. Home of the football, whatever it is. Football Hall of it.

Yeah, right. Oh, yeah. And we were visiting my family, my grandma, down in Nacadocious, Texas. Okay. Which, if you don't know, it's home to a old stone fort that they call the old stone fort. Oh, clever. Pretty original. Yeah.

So on the way down, we actually ran into a tornado. So we literally were in the path of destruction. to the point where we couldn't see anything in front of us. We pulled over next morning. We stayed at like a hotel next morning. Two minutes down the road there was, you could see like, it was the end of the movie twister.

It was crazy. So we're like, all right, that's pretty memorable, you know, part of the trip. Yeah. If you're not used to tornado destruction, it's,

where did you guys pull over? Like under an underpass or something? Were you in? Yeah, we were like, we went under and underpass, and then we were like, there's a hotel that was like a quarter mile.

We're like, we'll just go there. We, like, parted in their parking lot. And then we couldn't, it was late at night, so we couldn't even tell where it was at. Sure enough, if we probably would have kept going, we would have, like, ran rave into it. So, you know, again, pretty interesting. And then we go visit Grandma for a few days. Drive down is fine after the tornado incident.

Well, I guess visiting Grandma, I ate a little bit too much candy and cookies and things like that. I was 13, 14 years old. I remember I was in a sky blue Plymouth Voyager minivan. I was in the third row. My younger brother, Joey, was in the second row. I wake up the morning, we're like heading home that day. So the final however hours, and I just did not feel good. And I had like that, oh, like just gurgly.

And laid down, put my Walkman on, listening to Abbey Road. Like I vividly remember that part. And you stop at McDonald's and they get food. Like, I, give me whatever, egg mcuffin. My mom hands the egg mcuffin to my brother. My brother unwraps it. And I, like, sit up and just projectile vomit all over him. Like, before he could even take a bite.

All over my brother, all over the backseat. It was like. All over the egg mcuffin? All over the egg mcuffin. It was like a scene of all fiction. Like, I thought they were going to save the egg meat. I know. Yeah.

I know. My brother still talks about it to this day. He's like, I just wanted one bite of that fucking thing. Yeah, it was like, I'm sure it was a very special egg McMuffin. No one, no two are alike. Man, kids and vomiting in cars, it's just a thing. Yeah. It's a thing.

Yeah, and I'm a very, like, I never missed a day of school from kindergarten to like my senior year. It just happened my freaking one road trip that we took when I was a kid. It was the one time I got some kind of stomach. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it happens. And people sometimes get car sick. It's not even a bug. It's just a movement and the heat and you're a kid.

Now, did you have to then ride in a puke-smelling car for hours and hours and hours? So my mom goes, what happened? She just, like, turned around from the front seat. And all I said was, I think my head exploded. Like, just, I have no idea what happened. So we pull over, we pull over as fast as we can. I get stripped down to my underwear. Sure.

Like, it's just all over. My brother stripped down. We go to a gas station, and I remember telling my mom, I'm like, I'm not allowed in there. They say, like, no shoes, no shirt. I'm, like, panicking thinking I'm going to get in trouble at this random gas station. My mom was like, you'll be fine. This is, you know, a very specific incident. Yeah.

It's Texas thing. It's very loosey-goosey down there. Yeah. So I went in. I had a change in this gas station. My dad and my mom had to clean up, like, all of the stuff. Sure. Um, my brother, you know, we had to throw my shirt like out, just out the window of the van because it was like, well, this thing is not worth saving. And then the rest of the day, like, I couldn't eat anything. I had to like just lay down, sip on like ginger rail and spright. And that was, you know, because that's a cure all. Yeah. Um, and that was just, I felt completely normal after that. It was just one incident. You know, why doesn't, um, I felt fun of this my day? Why doesn't Glay just make an air freshener, a smell of vomit and get it over with?

the car's going to end up like for long trips yeah but I just don't I don't think that would sell to acclimate to acclimate the children to the smell so everyone gets used to it

okay sure but I mean yeah yeah I mean you're you're courting disaster at that point you're basically because then you'll feel or accepting reality

well you get the you get the air freshener that smells like vomit what if nobody gets sick you've punished yourself you're preempting I'm saying you're acclimating the family to that smell after an hour not a big deal yeah but after an hour of smelling artificial vomit

you're going to be like hey we want one of you kids please puke so at least you want the real thing yeah there's well so it'll pay off so our discomfort will pay off you got to compare the smell is the glade up to par with the actual that's what research is that's what our that's what research and d yeah yeah okay Jason thank Jason thank you oh wait are we still going I was a share yeah yeah well go what more could possibly happen Jason, what more can possibly You're fast forward now that I'm a dad and I'm taking my

daughter home one day. She was leaving Grandma's house, right? And she was like, are we almost home? I'm like, yeah, we're almost home. Okay. I'm like, why? Are you okay? And she was like, yeah. And then she drove by Target and she was like young, like maybe one and a half. She was Target. Like, yeah. And then she projectile all over

herself. So I had to then get home. I took her out of the car seat and just walked it all the way up into the shower and she just, I cleaned everything at once. Oh, she's a little. Left her strapped in? Awesome. It's just left her strapped in.

Yeah. This is the easiest way to do it. It's like an astronaut shower. Yeah. 20 years later there was revenge, but now. That's great. Yeah, I had. I appreciate both of you very much.

Oh, thank you so much. Thank you so much. Oh, get yourself a night McMuffin. Yeah. You know, when you. I'll send you guys some too. Yeah, thanks. You know, children are, uh, there's, they're little bags of fluids and they spill.

My wife one time, my ex-wife, when my, I believe was my son, when he was little, we were getting on a plane. And as we entered the plane, he proceeded to puke down her back. So she just, you know, had to ride with, like, baby milk puke smell down her back the entire way. That's motherhood. That's a very memorable smell, too. Yes, it sure is. I babysat a kid who's a man now. And I babysat him from, oh, I don't know.

three to like 13 or 14. Yeah. One of my favorite jobs. Wonderful family. We're still in touch, whatever. And as babysitting wants, his moms were, whatever they were doing,

receiving Emmys or whatever, because it's like that. Yeah. And I was, this is years ago. This is before the office. And I'm out and I'm watching their big TV and she used to get special movies and stuff

because she's in the industry. Yeah, yeah. And he's sleeping. I put him to bed. done yeah yeah put into bed and I'm in the bed and he walks in little fella two and a half walks into the room I don't know what happened but he's covered from the top of his head to his his whole body full of feces wow yeah he had an explosive thing wow and he's like and I'm like oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god and I picked him he was so little I put him in

the sink yeah yeah washed him off did the whole thing and I'm like I'd never and it's It only happened once, but I was like, what the heck? It's just one of those things. Yeah, yeah. It's just one of those things. Yeah, like, what are the mechanics of this? I'm like, what happened? How does this work?

It looked like someone set them up, like special effects and say, go on in there. Yeah, yeah. Scare Oscar, go, go. Here, pull the pin on this poop grenade. Yes, that's what it seemed like. I'm like, what the heck? Anyway. Oh, children.

All right, well, thanks, Jason. Thank you. You guys, take care. All right, you too. So are we got time for one more? We're going to talk to Jamie from my home state of Illinois. Hello, Jamie. Hello, how are you?

Good, how are you? I'm well, thank you. Tell us about your- I didn't think I was going to get through. Well, you did. You did. You're just under the wire. Oh, yeah, the serious XM thing said 866 is the area code, not 855, so luckily you said it, so I heard it.

night. Oh, good. Yeah, anyways, but I'll be quick, you said, I'm under the wire. My quick story is, so we did a, we do a cousin's trip every once in a while for, like, birthdays and big parties. So we went to one of those, like, Union Pier areas in Michigan for, like, my cousin's 40th birthday. Uh-huh. And they were playing, the boys were playing a game, I don't know if you ever heard of it. I don't think it's local.

My one cousin's crazy about it's called Bottle Drop. Have you ever heard of it? Mm-mm. No. Okay. Pretty much, it's just as you have like a... Well, like a half-filled water bottle and you flip it and try and land it? No, no. No, you have like a teaky torch on each side and it's covered and you put a bottle on top of it.

And then each person's holding a beer. I guess I have the alcohol. Luckily, it's alcohol in this instance because it helps. And you have to throw the frisbee and the goal is to try to knock the bottle off of the teaky torch. And if it gets falls off, you have to catch it or something, you have to catch the Frisbee. You only can only use one hand. I don't know. It's a crazy game.

My cousin wants to play it all the time. It's annoying. But anyways, the boys, the point of it is the boys are playing this game and the girls we were inside chit-chatting and whatever. And all of a sudden, my boyfriend comes in and he's like, Jamie, Eric heard himself and they're telling me because I'm a nurse, you know, and I'm like, I'm going to solve the problem. Right. And so my cousin comes. You know, is there a medical professional? in the room. And then there you are, a medical professional.

Exactly. Exactly. But I was off. You know, it's a vacation. It was off. Yeah, yeah. So my cousin that turned 40, he's the oldest one. There's three boys. So the youngest one comes in, comes walking in, laughing hysterically. And the oldest one is holding his hand out, and his middle one's bringing him in. And his pinky is dislocated and turned. Oh, like a right angle kind of thing? Yeah. Like it was. just like totally dislocated and turned.

So they look at me and I'm like, okay, well, what do you want to do? Do you want to go to the emergency room or do you want me to fix this? So, you know, luckily he had enough alcohol in him and I just put a bunch of ice on it and told him to take a deep breath and then I popped it back into place. And needless to say, any single time we go on a family trip, a cousin's trip anywhere, it's always the running gag of, I always tell them I'm off, I'm not working and we're not playing. We're not fixing pinkies today. Now, was that something you had been trained in, or did you just use common sense?

No. I used common sense. Yeah. I don't work as like an ER nurse or anything. Yeah, yeah. But until this day, my cousin will subtly tell me, like, my pinky is a little crooked. Ah, yeah. You did good.

Yeah. You saved some paperwork. The couch and lift his legs up and put ice pack on him. And then there's like a picture of me, like giving the peace sign by him. with him like almost passed out because he couldn't handle the pain. Well, you did a good deed. You did a good job. Yeah, yeah.

I think, yeah, you should get a merit badge for pinky straightening. Yeah, I think I did a pretty good job having never done it before. Yeah. I'm proud of myself. No, and I wonder if that is something that they would ever really teach you in, in ER school. Yeah, we're. Yeah, I don't know. All right.

Well, thank you, Jamie, for the call. I think it's something you learn on the job. Yeah. Oh, sure. Thank you. And also, Oscar, I think you should teach Andy some dance moves from your role as Ramon on the proposal. I can't believe he's doing this. He's past the first round. I think it's amazing. I can't believe he's doing it. I tip my hat to him. Thank you. All right. We got to run. All right. Thank you. Okay. Take care. Thanks. Bye.

All right. Oscar, we're done. Thank you, sir. Favorite caller. Let's pick one. I'm going to say Elliot Elliot it is Let's just pick Elliot And I'll be back next week Actually my co-star My partner from Dancing with the Stars

is going to co-host next week Emma Slater We'll be here We'll probably talk about dancing A little bit, sorry Check out Oscar on the paper And stick around To hear stand-up on Conan

With Lori Kilmartin Thanks for listening Bye Conan O'Brien Radio Conan O'Brien Radio