The Three Questions with Andy Richter - Paget Brewster (Re-Release)

Episode Date: March 19, 2024

(Re-released from May 2022) Paget Brewster joins Andy Richter to discuss working on "Andy Richter Controls the Universe" together, not having a plan in showbiz, being a “pilot killer”, working on "Criminal Minds," and more!

Hey everybody, welcome back to The Three Questions. I'm the host, Andy Richter, and this week we are once again going back into our archives and pulling out some of our favorite episodes, and this one is with one of my favorite people. It's my dear friend, Padgett Brewster. Padgett and I spoke in May of 2022. She co-starred with me on Andy Richter Controls the Universe, She co-starred with me on Andy Richter Controls the Universe, and she is just one of the most best and brightest performers that I know. So here is my conversation with the wonderful Paget Brewster. Hey, everybody. Welcome to another episode of The Three Questions.

I am talking to one of the best people in show business. True. True. True. Also, one of the smallest egos in show business. No, the amazingly talented and wonderful and magical Paget Brewster. It's me, Andy. It's you. We have not seen each other in a long time because the world has conspired against us.

But we have Zoomed. We have. I've seen you. We have. Yeah, we did some pandemic fundraisers. We did a table read for Andy Richter Controls the Universe, which just recently had the 20th anniversary of its premiere, which is cuckoo. Insane. Cuckoo bananas.

But yeah, but I'm so glad you could do this. I'm so happy that you could come on here and chew the fat for an hour. And because I miss you in my life. Boy, you know, I tell people all this the time. I tell people this all the time. I said, having Padgett Brewster around is like having a USO show going on at all times. What does that mean? Because she's always there to entertain the troops.

And that was the way that you were when I worked with you, is that you were always just like a ray of old-timey show business sunshine of like, hey, fellas, what's going on? You know, have a coffee and a donut.

And it was so appreciated. I hope you take that as the supreme compliment that it's meant to be. No, I absolutely do take that as a compliment. And I will say this. I'm very flattered that you asked me to do this podcast because eventually I would have found out that you were doing a podcast and my feelings would have been hurt that you didn't ask. So two words, one stone. Thank God that you're not up on the latest podcast because this thing's been going on for a while.

How long? How long? Three years. Something like that. Oh, geez. I'm sorry. No, that's okay. Jesus Christ.

Something like that. Yeah. Oh, geez. I'm sorry. No, that's okay. Jesus Christ. And, you know, and honestly, you've been on the list from the initial moment that I had this podcast of like, here's who I want. And then I just never reached out because I was and I said this to you. And we talked about a little bit a minute ago.

We talked about a little bit a minute ago. I framed it as, look, say no, because I hate it when people ask me like, you know, like, hey, do you have an hour and a half to spend on on making content for me? And, you know, and it's always kind of like, oh, I don't know. Do I like you? Yeah, I guess I like you enough. It's a hard ask. Yeah, it's a hard ask. And a lot of people have podcasts. And I have been asked to do podcasts by strangers.

Yeah. And basically now what I say is I do my friends' podcasts. Yeah. That's what I do. So unless it's something fascinating. Right. Or if it's like, you know, I don't know, if Dr. Fauci wanted me on his podcast, I suppose I'd say yes. I don't know what I talk about.

You would. You would say yes. Too political for me. Don't care for it. Yeah, but I mean, I could steer him into just comedy, you know. That's true. If anyone can do it, it's you. Yeah, just, you know, disease, comedy, you know, that kind of thing.

What do you have to lose by asking him to do your podcast? You have nothing to lose by asking him. Nothing. That's true. Maybe he'd like to be a little comedic right now. Oh, I could. Actually, I'm going to write that down. You can ask anyone.

Dr. Fauci. Yeah, but it would really probably hurt me with my right wing fans. But wouldn't they want to hear from him, too? Don't they want to hear from him too? Don't people want to hear from him? They could rage listen. Yeah, they could rage listen, I suppose. Well, how are you? What are you doing with yourself? I'm doing

animation voices and narration. And you have like I saw an LGBTQ horror movie coming out. What's that about it's a it's actually a it's actually a very very good movie i'm very proud of it i think it's beautiful and and smart and funny and and horrifying it's a psychological horror thriller about a a young gay man going through a basically a mental breakdown that that results in he's he's he's feeling pain and sort of causing himself pain. And he can't get to the bottom of what it is, what's causing it.

And you sort of find out it's childhood uh trauma and and uh his mother's mentally ill and and and it's a it's about sort of this discovery of mental illness and going through the medical system and seeing how people respond to it and what it does to your relationships and i'm only in it for one scene okay and it was right in the middle of the pandemic and what's it called it's called Hypochondriac. Hypochondriac. Yeah. And it stars Zach Villa.

Okay. It's, now I can't remember everybody else in it. Well, you shouldn't have to. Yes. IMDb it, people. Look it up. IMDb it. I don't know when it's coming out.

It's coming out this summer. I know XYZ bought it at South by southwest or some dance or something well that's cool what about you what about you you're doing the podcast you're doing i'm doing the podcast i am waiting for the phone to ring uh i'm i'm have fingers crossed there's still an andy richter market out there um but it is what do you mean i mean just no, I mean, I, it's just, it's a weird, it's a weird, very entitled, very lucky situation to have been on a show like the Conan show for 11 years and to sort of lose that sort of armor plating that working freelance gives you, you know, that sort of when your parents say, well, after this job, what's next? And you go, I don't know. And then they go, oh, my God, how do you live like that? And you go, I don't know. I just do. And I lost that because I got used to a steady paycheck and stuff. so i and it's you know and as everyone will say it's not

it's not a great time to be a 55 year old white man out trying to get work and that's fine with me i understand what's behind that and i do not want to come off as that i'm grousing about that at all because we white guys have had it real good and we don't have a lot of room for bitching. So, but I'm just, I'm actually, I'm shooting something Chelsea Peretti has written and directed and starring in, which is insane that she's doing that.

A movie that I have a part in that's called First Time Female Director. And it'll be out in six years, probably. that I have a part in that's called First Time Female Director. And it'll be out in six years, probably. And, you know, after everyone in the cast, facial surgery has rendered them irrecognizable, unrecognizable. So I'm doing that, and that's really fun. And I'm trying to develop stuff. But mostly just hanging out with my dog and my kids

and I got a real wonderful girlfriend now and we spend lots of time together and that's it and how's your husband how's your hubby my husband is the best my husband is my engineer so he's a composer and

he's been scoring indie films and documentaries. And he we built a recording studio at we there was like this five month. I don't want the neighbors to hear, but they know there was like a five month loophole in where we live in Los Angeles that allowed you to turn your garage into anything you want without specific permits. Oh, wow. We turned our garage into anything you want without specific permits. Oh, wow. We turned our garage into a recording studio. So it's soundproofed. It's a floating, it's like a room within a room.

How did you know that? Like you just knew like there was some lapsing in laws or something? I heard about it and we had talked about building a studio. And this was about five years ago, six years ago now. And so we did it. Then when the pandemic hit uh i immediately thought oh okay this is going to be spanish flu this is going to be two years yeah of and that and and this you know 1917 1918 that was before people were flying all over the world with a fair a fair amount of

ease so i thought this is going to be two years we're going to be locked in. So we ordered a vocal booth because the room didn't have that before and put in a vocal booth. And the entire time, with the exception of one day on Hypochondriac and one week playing Hilary Duff's mother on How I Met Your Father, I did one episode. met your father i did one episode all of my work has been voiceover um narration animation voices uh crime uh documentary series narration in that studio wow my husband recording and running the you know the computer and the board and everything while i'm in the booth. And so it's been, we were really fortunate that, that we, we had the equipment to,

to, to stay safe and continue working. And so I've just been hustling for, you know, I had done animation before the pandemic, but, but it's been my sole focus. It's really fun work.

I love it. It's great. Yeah. And, and also too, it's been my sole focus. It's really fun work too, isn't it? I love it. It's great. I love it. Yeah. And also too, it's not, you didn't have any, there's,

I imagine that there's no decrease in quality, you know, like you're sending up, because I mean, I, for instance, I watched the, whatever the behind the scenes

of Disney rides show, because I'm that kind of nerd. And I was like, wait a minute, that's pageant. Yeah. Doing the voiceover for that. That was that was actually the first job that we got and we didn't have the vocal booth yet. So I bet we built a vocal booth out of furniture pads. You know what they wrap.

Sure, sure. a vocal booth out of furniture pads you know what they wrap sure sure and these things called go bows that are standing padded insulated like a it's like a a folding uh you know it looks like i'm trying to explain for people like egg crate like the foam egg crate kind of no no no it's like a standing hard structure uh on a hinge so it folds like um it folds up uh it's thick it's like uh you know four inches thick each wall with a hinge on it so we had three of those and then draped fabric over it and so you can get all the egg carton stuff on the inside and on the floor and so that's how we recorded behind the attraction then our vocal booth showed up and so uh we just we haven't stopped and i i i love it and i and i it's hard to it's so much fun it listen it doesn't pay what a tv show pays you know right like a network uh uh show but it's um being able to do it from home and feel like, you know, we're running a business.

We should buy a cappuccino machine for our business lunch is really fun. So, yeah. And we're both kind of slightly hermits anyway. So, this has been, we've been extremely fortunate to enjoy each other's company. My hobby is cooking. So that wasn't a big leap when suddenly, you know, you couldn't go to restaurants. So we've weathered this, knock wood, that it's ending soon, fairly well. Yeah, yeah.

Well, now, this podcast, I don't know if you're from the concept of this podcast. Yes, I looked it up. OK, so we should get into the where do you come from part, which I know a little bit. But you're you're you're from Massachusetts. That is correct. And you're you're you're parents were both school administrators at sort of like boarding schools, right? Yeah, it was. I grew up on the campus of a school in Concord, Massachusetts called Middle Sex, which was a private boarding school.

It was all boys until 1976 or 77. And then it went co-ed. So I and my younger brother, Ivan, we grew up in a dormitory and our parents were dorm parents my dad was an english teacher and he coached soccer and crew you know the rowing the sure rowing with it and my mother was uh the ceramics teacher and uh later on my dad became college placement and admissions and, you know, did different jobs within Middlesex. And and so so that I mean, it's an unusual way to grow up. We you know, you it's the boarding school from. Oh, there's some Brendan Fraser movie that shot at that boarding school.

It's beautiful. It's's safe it's protected so you know all of the faculty kids who are living in dorms we just were we were just free to roam we had a pond we had an ice rink there was a library and you know we just had this safe environment to an idyllic i imagine too like a truly because john Irving novel or something. Oh, yeah. No, I mean, less bleak than the happiest John Irving. Not like it really was. It really was. And we thought everyone lived that way. We thought everyone's parents didn't work for three months during the summer. We I mean, I never it didn't occur to me. I think I was 15 when I realized, wait a minute.

Most people work all year, all year. How can I be that old? And it's also just like the fact to live in a dorm is kind of, you know, that's a, I don't, I had never heard of like kids living in a dorm because then in the three months in the summer that your parents didn't work, but you still were on campus. And sometimes. Yeah, but they did when they were my mom and dad. Also, they got married very young. My mom was 19 and my dad was 23 when they got married.

Wow. She she was 21 when I was born. Wow. So my dad was 23 when they got married. Wow. She, she was 21 when I was born. Wow. So my dad was 25. Uh, and my brother came two and a half years later. Um, they bought a little house in rural Maine next to where my dad's mother, my grandmother, Joan lived in maine so we had this uh it's a it's kind of like a barn it more of a barn it was built in 1780 something it was you know this and it's cold in maine but we would only be there in the summer yeah um so we had this, you know, beautiful oh, will we go to Maine for this summer? I mean, it was an extremely

privileged. Yeah, yeah. You went to Maine to get a taste of real life. Yeah. And what it's really like. Yeah, Dad's got to go shoot the porcupines tonight. Kind of chilly at night. Oh, stop it. No, there are ticks andy

well now it was it was it weird because i mean i imagine the students at middle sex are pretty well to do was it weird being around a bunch of rich kids and being known as like a teacher's kid within this world of rich kids? Yeah, I mean, it's interesting because I was born in 1969. So in the 70s, in the middle 70s, when it became a co-ed boarding school, there was a lot of pot smoking. At one point, some rich kid dosed all of the pets with LSD. The pets?

The pets. All of the faculty pets. And some of them died. Oh, my God. One time, a kid lit a, my brother and I were bugging a couple of kids in another dorm who were, you know, teenagers. They were just playing ping pong. And I'm sure my brother and I were irritating. And, you know, no one wants random kids running around.

And a kid lit a ping pong ball on fire and hit it at me. So there were some, it was, you know, it was that. Who knew that could even, you could even do that. I didn't know you could. I can't believe that kid did it. Did he dose it in, douse it in like lighter fluid? I mean, now that I'm saying it, I'm trying to figure out how that even happened. Maybe they do burn.

I think I smoked pot for the first time, probably when I was six or seven, I was up in the dormitory. What? In the girls dormitory. Wow. And the babysitter said, you know, suck on this, suck on this. And it was just a joint. And then I remember she was drying her hair with a blow dryer. And I just watched her drying her hair with a blow dryer. And, you know, it was just so bizarre.

And I took the blow dryer from her and it sucked my hair into the thing in the back. Yeah, so I'm not I don't really like pot. Maybe that was a weird. But, you know, listen, basically, basically harmless. Nothing really. Our pet, our dog, Tork, didn't die from the LSD dosing. Became a huge fish fan. He did. He was really into blue stripper.

Well, as you get, I mean, I imagine you and your brother went to school there then, yeah? Well, part of my parents' pay was that their children, if their test scores were good enough, could go to Middlesex for free. So I got in and it just did not belong there. And it was not a good fit. And I was, you know, at that point, listen, I grew to be a beautiful young lady. You certainly did. Thank you. But when I was a kid, not great. Kind of looked kind of like a little vulture. Braces. I had a I had a like a men's military haircut that i thought worked on my head shape um but i i was not popular i wasn't uh cool i wasn't wealthy i wasn't i was a fat brat you know the faculty kid is a fat rat

so it was um it was diminished it was tough high school was tough. And I was failing my classes and I was asked to leave, which broke my parents' heart. But I think they then realized, oh, this also would not be a good fit for our son. So I went back to, I had been in all, my parents' priority for my brother and I was education. So they put all of their money and were helped by my grandparents to put my brother and I into same-sex schools, the school, the private schools in Concord that were not where my parents taught, were a boys' school and a girls' school. So I had gone to girls' school until I was 14 or 15 and started at this, you know, this wealthy New York City, you know, co-ed school where suddenly I was just a loser.

And so it was not a good experience for me. So when I was asked to leave, I begged my parents to send me to the girls school that my mom went to in Westchester, New York. And so I did. They were kind enough to to to pay for that. And I my senior and junior years, I was at a school in Dobbs Ferry, New York. And it was, it was all girls. Yeah. I mean, there are so few all girls schools and who knows if that would even work now, but it worked for me. It was a safe environment and it felt,

you know, girls weren't competing against each other for the attention of boys. There weren't sort of click hierarchies. It was, I found that everyone had a valuable place in that society. And whether you were, you know, a beautiful rich girl or a nerd or a jock or a mathlete in in a single sex environment, everybody was you still had your place. Right. So it was a weird there's a big difference in in in schooling if you're around, you know, boys. around, you know, boys.

Yeah, I've always, because my ex-wife went to girls' Catholic school, and I've known women that went to, you know, non-co-ed schools. And it does seem, I mean, from just my life experience, like there is a real benefit to that. And that the introduction of boys into girls' scholastic lives is quite often destructive and quite often disruptive. Whereas I do think like boys going to school with boys, I feel like that's fine because then they can just be boys. They can just be, you know, boys to themselves.

Like, I don't think that boys are in any way endangered by women. And I do realize that this is the same rationale that keeps women in other parts of the country or in other parts of the world wearing scarves and being isolated into their own restaurants and their own places of worship i understand that that's the same rationale but it's like i do feel like yeah i bet as a girl it is kind of nice to go to a school where there aren't those stupid fucking boys around you know i mean i i obviously i think everything has an advantage and a disadvantage. Yeah. I don't know if I was sort of really properly socialized. I had a lot to learn when I graduated high school about men and women because I hadn't been I hadn't really, you know, grown up having to navigate how. up having to navigate how teenage competition, sexuality, misogyny, sexism, homophobia.

There were girls at the school, there were teachers at the school that were gay and nobody, it didn't matter you know it it felt like well girls don't care it becomes something else um outside in the real world so i think there were disadvantages to to that as well um but and i also think there is a difference in if if if a country requires men and women to be separate, these are also countries that do not allow for the LGBTQ lifestyle. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, it's a different thing, but I understand what you're saying. Yeah. one of those things that i'm left a little uncomfortable with but it's kind of like well yeah but you know at a certain point there's like real life experience sometimes trumps what may

seem like an ideal you know yeah but even my even my saying to you it was a girl's school because we've learned so much specifically in the last five ten years that now sounds so antiquated to me and and there's a reason why it's from an it's from another generation it's just from another generation because those girls schools were also teaching etiquette and dancing and you know how to marry how to marry a a boy from the boy school i mean you know so it's uh yeah and if you're going to have a career it'll be you know as a spinster teaching your your classmates children or something like that you're not going to be a fucking engineer that's for sure yeah yeah oh no yeah no, yeah. There was no STEM. No, I learned how to fence, and I learned French.

That's just in case, you know, some Quebecois and street gangs come down here and start hassling people. I practice neither these days. Well, what did you want when you got out of school? As you were getting towards the end of your schooling and it was time to go to college, what were you looking for? Because my parents were teachers, I knew I had to go to college and I wanted to go to an art college. I had always excelled in art and English, but I didn't see I didn't see the value of a degree in English or literature or art history. I just didn't understand what you did with your life at that point.

Although, you know, what do you do with a degree from Parsons School of Design? I don't know what I was thinking. I got in, but I really just wanted to get to New York so I could act. Really? Now, were you acting in high school? The whole time. Yeah. A lot of acting. But it was inconceivable that anybody would. I didn't even know. I didn't know Juilliard existed. I would never have gotten into Juilliard, but I didn't know that acting colleges also that

just would not be accepted. That was not acceptable. Yeah. Same. And I mean, I'm from a little town in Illinois, but it's the same thing. It's just like, no, you don't, nobody does that. No one does that. No one does that for a living. So, yeah. So I went to Parsons for not even one year. I went to Parsons School of Design. I was living in the George Washington Welfare Hotel on 23rd and Lex. Wow. In an eight by eight room, but I had my own bathroom. So that was very luxurious. That's nice. Yeah. Eight feet by eight feet, not like an eight-room apartment. I understand. We knew it wasn't eight bedrooms and eight bathrooms. I mean, well, it sounds like she went to boarding school and learned how to fence.

This bitch probably had an eight-bedroom apartment in Manhattan when she fucking felt like it. No. eight bedroom apartment in Manhattan when she fucking felt like it. No. So I went to Parsons just the foundation year and auditioned. I was, you know, doing NYU thesis films and I was acting in Friends Little Things. And I ended up doing auditioning for Hurley Burley, the David Rabe play at Circle in the Square. Wow. Theater group, even though I wasn't I didn't go to NYU. I was auditioning for Hurley Burley, the David Rabe play at Circle in the Square Theater Group. Even though I didn't go to NYU, I wasn't part of it. As a freshman in college.

I wasn't even there. I was at Parsons. That's what I mean. But that's how young you were that you got that audition. Yeah, I was 18. And so I got the part of Darlene and went and apologized to all of my teachers at Parsons and said, this isn't you. It's me. I should never have been here in the first place. You're a great teacher because I knew how heartbroken my parents were year after year when they would have students that that didn't try or didn't care.

Or, you know, they really they they they did. They they taught me a profound respect and and appreciation. And I think understanding of teachers who care really, really care. And it hurts them when they can't excite or teach or inspire kids. So I apologize to all my teachers and dropped out. And and and my parents said, well, that's that's it. You're out. You're out, you're out, you're out of the family and we're not going to pay your rent and we're not going to help you out.

And I was like, no problem. And so I was waitressing and, and I mean, my rent was $495 a month. Cause it was that little room with people, you know, a lot of sort of mentally ill people and people on SSI living on my floor. It wasn't a coveted apartment space. So I could cover the bills, waitressing and then later bartending. And, and, oh, yeah, but then I was too chicken to eat. I didn't even try to go to acting school or anything. I started singing in a band, I put a band together, ended up, you know, dating my living with my drummer and a great guy, you know, cool guy. We were together for a long time and we had a band called Mechanical Bride. And then I did a dance band, like some club. We had a club hit covering

that song Aquarius by the Fifth Dimension. And I wasn I wasn't doing any, I wasn't trying to pursue acting. I thought I would be like a one name. I thought our band would be so big. I'd be Paget, the singer, like Cher or Sting. I would just be offered acting roles in Oscar winning films. Right. Yeah, I had a real good plan. And right. Yeah. Yeah. I had a real good plan. Well, it must have felt good to have your parents say, all right, Rouse. And then you and then you were like, all right, fine. And you you did it. And did they did they come I always knew if something went wrong, if I needed medical help,

if I, you know, if something really went wrong, that they would be there to help me. I didn't, I wasn't abandoned. I wasn't estranged. I wasn't, you know, they, they just said, if this is the choice you're going to make, you're going to have to support it. And I now feel like, well, every parent should say that to every 18 or 19 year old. Yeah. I mean, this the world has changed and I think people just can't afford housing now so that that actually wouldn't work. But for for my age and my generation, I completely respect that. They said, we don't understand what you think you're going to do and we're going to make you prove that you can do it and they did and i did and so it you know worked out great yeah and so you did i mean did you have i mean you say you know that you thought oh you would be a you know a mono name that was the hope but but i mean but that's not like a real plan.

Did you have a plan or did you just kind of, you know, follow one thing after the other and kind of just instinctively go from one opportunity to the other just as they presented themselves? No, I did not have a plan. I didn't have a plan. I had been told by all of my teachers and all of my drama teachers and everyone at school, you know, from second grade on, oh, you should act. You're a great actress. Oh, you're funny, but you can be serious. And I was so scared to really try. And I feel like I spent years of my life walking around with I thought this was like my get out of jail free card, like, oh, but I can act. And as soon as I put my mind to it, I'm going to be a huge success. And I just was too scared to try. Yeah. And so I didn't, I mean, I didn't even end up,

I was acting, I was going to acting school in San Francisco and this is from 93 to 96 and bartending. And I got an agent and he sent me, he hung out at my bar in Potrero Hill in San Francisco and he sent me on auditions. They were auditions for anchor people, correspondents, talk show hosts, because that's what he specialized in. I didn't know there was a different kind of agent. And there's lots of that going going on in san francisco in particular or yeah no just there there are agents for do you want to host do you want to you know uh be a pitch person on qvc or a host for a kids show or uh you know their anchor people and um it's all hosting so i i just through good luck uh ended up with the talk show because in 1994 ricky lake was this huge talk show for fox so then suddenly every production company wanted anyone in their 20s to host a talk show. Yeah. And I was signed by Westinghouse.

No, no, no. Oh, women and men. Oh, okay. No, the guy, Mark Wahlberg, the other Mark Wahlberg. Oh, right, right, right. Who hosts Temptation Island. Yeah. No, there were other guys too.

It was mostly women. It was Tempest Bledsoe, Gabrielle Carteris, me. There were so many people people had talk shows. It was just a huge, huge fad, like a trend. So I did the pageant show in San Francisco. I hosted a talk show for 65 episodes and we aired at 1.30 in the morning and um through that i i got an agent in los angeles and uh moved to los angeles in 1996 wow and told that agent i want to pursue acting not hosting and he started sending me on acting auditions oh that's good you tell them what they only set you up with what no what i mean they

usually set you up with what works yeah like you don't want to act how am i gonna make my 10 right right that's what they're thinking yes exactly and it's kind of like why don't you just do more the thing that somebody already paid you for which i understand now yeah because that's what i want to do now what was i mean was the talk show just kind of your standard sort of, you know, cheating boyfriends kind of? Oh, wow. Yeah. And was it fun or was it sort of? I loved it.

Yeah. I loved it. I loved it. It was, I had a microphone in the audience, know it was a live audience 150 people maybe uh a panel you know chairs up to 14 guests it was we had a drag queen uh fashion show like a like ms paget um we had i love him why do my parents hate him we had you know, this guy, Dave Green and his 15 polygamists, the polygamy family from Utah, his wives. And, you know, we did we did all of that stuff, everything that everybody was doing. And then and then it got really Jerry Springer.

Suddenly things were getting violent. And Westinghouse hired these hired these producers and said, you know, we need fights. We need fights if we're going to take this national. And I just would never let, I would just never let anyone fight. Yeah, yeah. And that was what bartending was really good for. You can see when someone, and they produced it so that these people would end up physically fighting each other and I could see it coming and I would just run up to the stage and put

my leg on the chair arm between the two people about to fight and they're not going to hit me. Yeah, yeah. So it was and I learned that from bartending all the years that I was bartending that that it's easier for me to stop a fight between anyone, two guys, two girls, a guy and a girl. It's easier for the bartender because no one wants to hit the bartender. Like now you get no booze. Right, right, right.

So it's like, and most people don't want to fight. Most people are waiting for an excuse to not have to get into a physical fight. So the Patrick show was only one year, 65 episodes. And then I moved to LA. But you then probably had somewhat of a little nest egg to move down to L.A. and get started. And, you know, and was that weird? Did you have people in L.A.? Or were you kind of, you know, getting off the bus with your cardboard suitcase and your sundress?

I had just gotten my driver's license. Wow. I was 26. Yeah. 96. No, I was 27. Uh-huh wow i was 26 yeah 96 no it's 27 uh-huh i was moved here in 96 so i was 27 years old i just gotten my driver's license i had saved i think i had saved five thousand dollars Wow. And. I. Got an apartment on Poinsett lied to network, set me on auditions and then would say, no, she's not going to do that TV show. She has a development deal with ABC, which was a lie. And then NBC was like, wait, she's not going to do this. She just auditioned for for a show and you won't let her test nope she's got an overall deal at abc so nbc's like well we'll

give her an overall deal then what do you what do you and then he's like okay and then calls fox and says hey there's this new kid in town the feeding frenzy all these development deals you might be interested and he just he just fabricated awesome fantastic brilliant you should have paid him 11 i should have yeah he's in my will i'm working on my a little party money like hey go on a nice vacation with your kids thanks thanks for the leg up yeah now is this a time because i know because i know from when i worked with you on andy richter controls the universe look it up folks way before it's time way before it's time which people tell me that and i'm always like well that doesn't that's not really comforting

like you were that was way before it's time it's kind of like i mean it's nice and i understand it but it's sort of like is it really i don't know i mean you know it just feels like it just felt like wrong you know or it didn't work and i mean and there's all these things that go into it like whether or not it gets supported or whether or not it gets understood or whatever and i mean it wasn't like you know it wasn't a some sort of complicated algorithm it was just a show with cutaways you know but you know whatever when people say to you ahead of its time you feel like you're hearing uh it just was the wrong time yeah yeah yeah like if only you waited five years to do that show i know know. It's like that doesn't happen. And I'm not going to sit around waiting five years like, oh, man, I'm good.

I met this guy that's got this idea for a show and I'm going to help him put it together. But let's just wait five years, you know, wait till the time is right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Wait till the rest of the world catches up with us. Visionaries. Can people see it?

Is it on like a Fox? I think so. I think it's on YouTube or somewhere. I mean, it was on DVD. And people ask me that. And I don't know because I don't. I hate looking at myself. So I, you know, hopefully maybe like I'll become gravely ill and my children will seek it out and then we'll find out.

No, but anyway, back to the back to the topic. I knew you a little bit because you were dating somebody that I knew through the Chicago diaspora, the Chicago comedy diaspora. So we had met. Yes, I had met you before. We knew each other socially. Yes, exactly. comedy diaspora so we had met yes i had met you before we knew each other socially yes exactly but then uh i got connected with victor fresco who created andy richard controls the universe he had worked with you on a previous show that did like six episodes or something like that

yes we had done we had done trouble with normal yeah and you played a shrink with a bunch of goofballs a bunch of yeah yeah a bunch of people with anxiety yeah issues so but he wrote this part for you the part of jessica my boss and friend for for you that's what i've heard but the thing that we heard from the network was, and this is just still among all the dumb shit I've ever heard. She's been involved in a lot of pilots that didn't go. True. That was true. So we're not going to cast her. She's good.

Oh, undeniably. Yeah, she's great. The part was written for her. Oh, well, I can see why. She's really great. And just because she's been on other shows that have a hundred other reasons to fail, you're going to punish her by not letting her do our show? Yep, that's what we're doing. woman in that role who was a lovely talented actress but just not right and is good and then when it came to the end of that and i apologize to her if if she's listening i'm not gonna say but you know but the part was meant for you and they they let us hire you you know in that like it was like that they were like you know like all right we'll you know we'll let you move away from from that open flame so as not to burn yourself like they were doing a big favor it's like no we okay thank you for letting us do this thing that would be good for everyone involved

that was tough that was because i did i think three times yeah and that thing with the pilots tell me about like how the how you can be successful enough to get in a bunch of pilots, but then have that be your fault. Oh, I mean, look, the only the the two people I knew of who were called show killers for a while were myself and john cryer wow and we both overcame uh the stink of failure that surrounded us yeah cloud it was uh we both did a lot of pilots it wasn't just pilots we were called pilot killers but we would we did pilots and then we would do shows that the pilot was picked up, but we were canceled by the third or sixth episode. So executives start to think, oh, what if it's just, you know, bad mojo? What if it's easier to blame? Let's let's let's blame a couple of actors as show killers. Call them show killers.

Then we don't have to worry about anyone thinking we made a poor choice with writers or producers or directors or sets or time slots or advertising. Or, you know, it's... Yeah, or our own stupid fucking ideas that we impose on people. Correct. Yeah.

And listen, there are great executives. There sure are. And there are bad executives there sure are they're bad executives um the one out there's a lot more of one than the other though i won't say which but i don't know what they're i don't know what they are supposed to do oh i mean i will i will give them that if i had to run a network it would tank like if i program things it would all just be, well, first of all, it would just be my friends. But, you know, like I wouldn't pick, name a big hit sitcom right now. If you brought that to me and said, I mean, I don't mean really name them.

Just you out there listening to this, name one. If you brought that to me, I would go, ick. No. Terrible. there listening to this name one i if you brought that to me i would go ick no terrible you know hacky bullshit get out of here whereas those are like love it can't get enough two spoons yum yum yum uh so i would be terrible at it but it's but it still baffles me how there's this whole business of people that hire talented people, good-looking people, people that you enjoy watching, and then they know better than all of those people at them doing what they do, what they were hired to do. But, you know, it's, you know, I mean, you know at them doing what they do what they were hired to do but you know yeah i it's it's you know i mean you know we're on the other side too it's true we are we are we are you know we're enemies yes we're essentially enemies yes and and also to say like to call you a pilot killer is part of a show killer or show killer show killer.

That's what, yeah. To call you and John Cryer show killers is part of a system that says, when you say, when someone, a young executive finds someone like you or a John Cryer and comes in and says, Hey, I found this, this person, this thing, this idea, this script. And to me, it seems really good. Everybody above them says, who else has spent money on them? And because they have to, like, you can't just go,

I mean, it's the same reason everything's superheroes now. Because then you say, oh man, I have this great noir-ish script that's just full of twists and turns and really rock solid oh yeah it was a ever a comic book no no it's just a script well fuck you uh it's the same thing with people it's like have they made a ton of money for somebody else and because you had been in these things that were you you know, I mean, I'm not telling you anything you don't know. In these things that, you know, for some reason or another, the thousand reasons that things go bad. But it's your fault because you were there because you happen to be there.

And it's so fucking crazy. It's so dumb. You know, it's like. I love watching you. I love watching you go crazy. I love it so much. It's just I think I just and then it's like I get metaphor mad. I love watching you go crazy. I love it so much. It's just, I think I just, and then like I get metaphor mad

where I'm like, you know, like, just cause a sandwich shop went bad doesn't mean the ham's terrible. Sell the ham somewhere else. What the fuck? You know, it's like maybe the sandwich shop was poorly run. The guy had a gambling problem.

That makes the hand bad? Anyhow. Well, anyway, it worked out because, I mean, to a sort of a half-assed way in that we got a couple of really wonderful – that was truly one of the top jobs ever, like for me. Oh, our show? Yes. I agree. Just the fun of it.

And just how nice it was and how fun it was. It was. We did get two mid-seasons out of it and that was just because gail berman who was running the network at the time begged and pleaded for them to give us another network but beyond her it was just like a group of these kind of beef-eating men who were like where's the titties you know where's the cars that blow up and i remember there was some sort of there was some sort of show on that like i i want say it was a show created by McG or somebody like that. That was just all car explosions.

Wait, that sounds so familiar. I think there was. No, seriously. At that exact same time. And that was the show that they were like, this is going to be it. They were putting all their money behind, all their advertising. Yeah, I think Peter Scolari was in it. I don't remember what it was called.

Peter Scolari was in it. Yeah, yeah. Somebody could look it up, you know, whatever that was. That was, you know, 2001, 2002. That did happen. Yeah, it was just, it was this dumb show with like lots of cars, lots of girls in bikinis and lots of explosions. And that's, that's that's

from my shorthand for it was exploding titty that like that's what they really were looking for was exploding titty and we had no world there is a place absolutely for exploding titties and there is quality exploding titty you know like there's really good exploding titty done very well yeah but but it's just like not everything has to be that and we certainly did not have that but wasn't victor even it wasn't wasn't victor fresco our ep our boss wasn't he nominated for an emmy after our show was canceled like we yeah we got it nominated for writing or we got a yeah we got we got a nomination for a writing emmy you know but i mean but they've done that.

The Ben Stiller show, they gave them the writing Emmy after they were canceled. Oh, wow. You know, so it's been done before. But anyway, I mean, we both, you know, we both are trapped. We paid our doozies. We both are trapped in our houses speaking into microphones now. So things worked out. So it all evens out. Really?

It worked out for both of us. So things worked out. So it all evens out. Really? It worked out for both of us. I just spoke on a Zoom with John Cryer a few nights ago. Oh, did you? Yeah, yeah. We're doing fun now.

I used to see him in the Warner Brothers gym, and it was always so lovely to see him. He's great. Yeah, he's a wonderful guy. So then after that, though, your career took a turn towards the dark. guy so then after that though your career took a turn towards the dark uh you you you descended into criminality and the psychology surrounding it and i'm i'm so happy i did was that now and i'm talking of course about criminal minds um which which you you it was a rocky road on that show true undeniably you were on the ins then you were on the outs

then you were back on the ins and was that how did you feel going from doing comedy and being so gifted in comedy to then doing these kind of procedural sort of you know super hyper drama kind of show.

I loved it. Oh, you did? I was ecstatic. Yeah. I had, I think I joined Criminal Minds in, I joined Criminal Minds in, I think, the ninth episode of the second season. So that was 2005. I had met everybody when they were shooting the pilot for Criminal Minds in Vancouver because I was shooting a made for TV movie. So I'd hung out with the cast.

And then a year and a half goes by. I thought actors do movies. I should do movies. I'm not going to do any more TV. I'm going to do movies. I should do movies. I'm not going to do any more TV. I'm going to do movies. And so I did three movies back to back and they all needed reshoots and they were all kind of messy. And so I was flying back and forth, Austin, Texas, fly to L.A., drive to Lancaster, go shoot this movie in New Orleans in 2005 and my agent called and said, would you be interested in meeting on this show called Criminal Minds? And it was on the TV. Like, I don't know how it was already in a repeat,

but the pilot episode was playing. It might've been on A& e already or something uh and uh and i said yes of course i would love to meet with them because i realized movies are this is not for me yeah it's just flying around living in a hotel and trying to do your laundry and there still was a lot of misogyny on set so it's you know how do you how do you avoid these people on location like it just wasn't for me and i and there's no continuity it's not even like you can deal with the misogyny and then continual you know like make your workplace better because everybody's going to be gone it's just yeah it's all and people like people are having affairs on location you know i just i don't want to see it i don't want to be around it i don't

want to know i just want to go to a job where i drive to work i go in every day i know everybody hey hal you know hey georgie you know and you and you do your job and you're all working towards I just want to go to a job where I drive to work. I go in every day. I know everybody. Hey, Hal. Hey, Georgie. And you do your job and you're all working towards something. So I realized that I don't need, you know, if a great movie comes along and I can do, you know, pop that out in a couple of, you know, once a year, twice, not even twice a year. I very rarely do them. I prefer TV. them i prefer tv so i met with the i met with the um the the producers and writers and the creator or the not the creator the creator of criminal minds was fired for i think he said something on facebook that he was gonna murder one of his writers so the guy who created it just gets money

forever and never ran the show um no no to you aspiring writers out there get fired after the first episode you're creating something you created it oh money yeah yeah um so so i met with the people at criminal minds and and and um i i was that i was one of those people that that read everything about serial killers i watched every documentary and interview series and true crime. And I loved it. I ate it up. That's your two spoons. Eat it up. I was that gal. Yeah. And so when I met with and also all I did on on location going everywhere was I was watching Law and Order. And I just I appreciated it so much. I was like, this makes me feel like I'm home.

I have this I can count on every night, no matter what city I'm in. I can just I can watch this show. And I know, gung, gung, I've got my friends and I'm going to enjoy myself. And there was something comforting about it and so right when i met with the people at criminal minds they started saying oh you know where this is a typical of a case it would be a case like this and you know this this is what's happening with our killer this is the show we're working on this week and i said oh i i that's based on the toy box killer and they said what i said it's based on it. I remembered his name then. I don't now. And I said, oh, this guy and his common law wife was in Kansas in 1987. And they were a little appalled. But they said, they said, how do you know that about that case? And I was like, oh, I read everything. And I think that was it. I think that's when they thought. thought uh she's on she's on to us we better shut her up she's on to us that we're ripping off real crimes and we need to get her in here to just shut her up shove a paycheck in her mouth

they said they said do you have any questions for us and i said and i really hope i don't get in trouble for this. I said, my only question is, how crazy is Mandy Patinkin? Because he was the lead on that show at the time. And you know, everyone heard stories about him. And they said, Oh, no, no, no, he's, you'll love him. He's not a crazy, it's not that kind of crazy. He just sometimes doesn't want to do what we wrote. And, you know, he can be he can be testy about things that he doesn't agree with. But he's incredible. And he's a great actor. And you'll love him. You'll you guys will sing show tunes together and you'll have a great time. And they were 100 percent right. OK, I loved working with Mandy. I would work with Mandy again. Yeah. Drop of a hat. I think he's fabulous. But he's a dramatic, interesting character.

Yeah. And I can see how it can lead to difficulties. A capital A actor, that's for sure. But he's absolutely worth it. So that was, yeah. And I say good for you for asking that because it, and usually that kind of question where you corner you're not just like yes yes whatever it takes yes yes whatever it takes yeah no they don't like they honestly don't really want that if you want if you say i don't know you think they respected it

i think they do i think that whether they know it or not i have always felt that whenever I've said no or created a boundary or said, hey, fellas, here's a question about something, which is me taking care of myself. Yeah. And making sure that, you know, I'm not getting fucked over here. I think they always kind of are like, oh, okay. okay you know and then because i think if you as margaret atwood puts it present rearward that is a a continual invitation a like you know in perpetuity invitation to get f'd in the a and so i i that's what i think it was probably mean, in addition to knowing about killers and murderers and in a way that was unsettling to them, obviously. No, I think you might be right. I think the idea, maybe the distilled idea is I care enough about me and my quality of life to ask this question, whether it loses me the job or not.

And also, I don't need you necessarily you know like i if if this doesn't happen i'll be okay i think that's i didn't and i was lucky i don't have kids i don't have ailing parents my in-laws are healthy you know it's i was not in a i was allowed to find out is this something i want to do are these the people i want to be around and number one on the call sheet it sort of dictates what's going on on a set as evidenced by you on the show we did which was a lovely experience because you're generous and grateful and funny and invested and interested and talented. Like you were the best number one on the call sheet to,

to, to, to make sure a set ran well and with respect and love and joy. Oh, thank you. It's important to me. It's important to me. I always feel that regardless of where I am in the hierarchy, I am a a i went to

film school i i like to think of myself as a member of the crew we're all members of the crew however grips don't get their own room in their own toilet so i'm gonna i'm a very lucky privileged member of the crew but also too there's lots of people that can do the grips job there's not as many people that can do the job that i'm doing so it's like i understand you know there's kind of you know it is based on sort of free market ideas in terms of supply and demand but i also have always felt and felt disappointed by people who are in a similar situation who don't realize this. I always feel that morale is my job. Maybe not my first job, but it is certainly a big part of my job.

job and i don't know why i think that other than just like i always liked it when i worked for nice bosses that made me you know nice bosses i'll do anything you want not anything but you know i'll work i'll work i'll and i'll be happy to be here because you're appreciating me shitty bosses fuck them i you know i need some paper towels I'm stealing these paper towels. And I have always felt that if you're in the top echelon and you ignore your – workday experience of everybody involved, you are being derelict in your duties and you're committing malpractice. I agree 100%. And because also, too, it's like I've always found, even if you are the most crass, all people are to me are just machines that i can get productivity out of nothing works better than kindness even if all you give a shit about people that work for you is to just get them to work be nice to them you know like pay them a little better than they think they should be paid or that the rest of the world to pay them and it'll come back to

you i just you know it's always been such a simple thing um well now you know i don't know exactly the ins and outs and we i talked about a little bit the sort of yet back and forth with with criminal minds uh do you want to address that at all Like how that happened and how that I'm more concerned about, like what it made you feel like, like what your feelings were from those not on the show, back on the show, kind of. Yeah, it was. It's been it's been documented. There was a backdoor pilot with Forrest Whitaker and on Criminal Minds that was going to be a new Criminal Minds show. And we all just kind of think, oh, well, it's the first time Les Moonves has seen who no longer is the president of CBS. First time he's seen the show in seven years or something. And now, right. Six years. I don't know that that he just said, oh, I want the new new women, new women agents. Those agents give me new. I want some new women.

new women, new women agents, those agents, give me new, I want some new women. And I wonder why. Well, he claimed they claimed it was a cost cutting measure, but we all, the women all made a third, a half of what we weren't. So it wasn't a cost cutting measure. It was some silly whim, you know, for whatever reason. And the fans got upset and they signed a petition. And my my agent did some fancy footwork. And I was let go after I had think I had done I had made a deal to finish out at 17 episodes of the year. I had made a deal to finish out at 17 episodes of the year. And my co-star, AJ Cook, had been let go. She was with a different agent who she has since left, who didn't do fancy footwork. And, you know, so I I was fired and I was gone.

And I, I, I was really mad. We were both really mad. And it was because, you know, we did everything right. And we were team players. We were early. We knew our lines. We did the work. We were there every day. We didn't, you know, leave earlier, show up late, or we weren't rude. We weren't, you you know we didn't have lawsuits against us for sexual harassment like we did everything right yeah and we're let go and our showrunner ultimately quit uh that year just saying the network's not even gonna let me have my own show i don't want to fucking be here anymore yeah so um but i do i was so angry for so long and I held on to it. You know how how Conan like held on to that. Yeah. Rage of and it just it just you're poisoning like that just a sledgehammer to your life and your sense of self and you did everything you were supposed to do and it just it fucks you up and the only the only person i could think of was conan because i'd seen you know what what happened there and but i still couldn't get past my anger and i i feel like it took a couple years before before i could move away from such resentment yeah did joan conan have conversations

about it no no no i just i witnessed and i felt like i understood his pain. Yeah. And I also started to see, oh, wait, I feel like he was maybe hurting too long. His hurting may be hurting him. You know what I mean? I felt like he was helping me to stop being so angry because I started to feel empathy. Like I always understood his anger, but at a certain point I felt like I was watching this person who I think is a lovely person knowing him through you. Like,

oh, I, I think he might, this might be, he's now in it so long. It's hurting. He's hurting himself. You know what I mean?

I think, I mean, cause believe me, he and I don't, we didn't have lots of conversations about this. But I think you're right. And I think it's something that I observed too. And I think that he has done over time a good job of cleansing himself of it.

He did. I think he did. Yeah. Stepping away from it. Because you're both in a situation too. I mean, I obviously was closer to his but you're both in a situation where it's really hard to complain to anyone else in the universe about this wrong that's been committed against you because you have a lot of money you're talking

about a big tv show you know i mean in terms, you got a lot of money compared to anybody else. You've been on TV. You still have lots of opportunities laid out before you. But you're still a human being who got kicked in the crotch and who got fucked over and who got treated shitty. And who, again, like you said, did all the right things. What do you want me to do? Here you go. I did it.

And then maybe a little bit more for extra credit. Oh, yeah. By the way, we're fucking you over anyway. I mean, that hurts and that stings and that makes you angry. And that makes you, you know, I mean, yeah, it can sort of and then you can kind of you know you get reinforcement for that hurt by you know a lot and from a lot of different areas and a lot of people you know fans writing petitions and campaigns and things so you feel like well i'm right to be this hurt and yeah you are but like at a certain point who are you you hurting? Like you're, you know, who's your grudge hurting?

I started hurting myself. I mean, not physically. I wasn't, you know, doing drugs or cutting or anything. But I was emotionally, it just was a toxicity in my system for too long. And I finally let it go just by letting it move through my body. Almost like it's like an illness. I had an illness and I had some shitty symptoms for a couple of years and then it moved through my system. I didn't go to therapy for it. I wasn't in therapy. I went and got other shows.

I was on other shows. I did a year of community. I did two years of on other shows i did a year of community i did two years of another period i did a year of grandfathered i did you know i did other shows yeah and then had gotten past my anger uh and had had agreed to come back and guest star because they had asked me to come back i just kept saying no that's how pissed i was. And when I finally got through it, four years later, they asked me if I would agree to guest star. They were saying, please come back to the show. And I was like, no, you kicked me in the tit. And so then finally, when I'd gotten past it, they said, well, will you guest star? And I was like, okay, but you got to pay me what you pay me. I'm like mad. And I'm going to cover up my tits.

No more kicking. Don't you kick my tits. And so I agreed to come back and guest star. And I loved everybody there. I was happy with everybody there. That wasn't the problem. It was like some unknown Darth Vader at CBS that I assume is Les Moonves because it's easier to blame it on that guy. Right, right.

In the same way that I was a show killer for some show, it's easier to blame it on Padgett than maybe we picked the wrong director. I don't know. So I was guest starring and Thomas Gibson was let go for something that I wasn't a party to. And he had been the leader of the unit in his character was a leader of of the behavioral analysis unit and in the crime eyes the crime eyes and so i was there that week and they they were like oh god what are we going to do we have to shoot abc let him go and we'll get it and so uh i i basically sort of did his you know uh did his part for the episode to make it cohesive. And then the showrunner said, now please come back. Please come back now.

Because without him, we're going to have to get another series regular to do that job. And right now your character is running, you know, Interpol in London. Yeah. It turns out I wasn't dead after all. After getting that table leg through the spine when I was when I was fired. So so what a way to fire somebody. So so she's she said, please come back, because if it's not you, we are going to have to hire someone else. And everyone here is really very happy.

Yeah. And the whole cast was saying the same thing. Please don't let them hire Dick. Why can't it be you? And I'd spent four years of people, fans coming up to me in the supermarket and asking for hugs and saying, why are you gone? Why did you leave? Yeah. So that week when they presented it to me, I was like, why am I gone? I I'm good at this part. I love these people.

I love this show. I, you know, it's not Shakespeare, but it makes people happy and it's fulfilling. And it's like, this is a good gig. Yeah. And I do want my job back. And so it was this, you know, it was a lot, but it was all, even the bad parts were good. And it was, was it healing? Like, did you feel like they're saying yes? Extremely. Yeah.

Yes. Yes. And coming back and. Did your representative say it's going to cost you though? Like, was there any of that like vindictive pricing on you coming back and. Did your representative say it's going to cost you, though? Like, was there any of that like vindictive pricing on you? Oh, no, that was all me. Oh, they were they were like, oh, this is a great price settlement. I was like, fuck you.

They need me more than I need them. And we did actually get into a fight. I'm no longer with that agent, but I had to send her several thousand dollars worth of gift shoes because I yelled at her on the phone a lot in front of people. It was bad. But I really was strident that I was not going to come back. I didn't need to come back. And I was only going to come back if I was paid not even as much as all of the men. Just you have to give me a raise. You have to pay me more than you were paying me before right and this is what this is what the the the person who left was making and i know i'm not going to make that but i need to make more than what i did when you can but also why not why not make what he's making like well that was never going to happen we still weren't there i know what i know but it is still it's it's outrageous it's just it it's continuing outrage like that everyone goes well of course

you won't make what thomas gibson makes it's like why the fuck yeah well but i do but i do understand the fact of the matter was he was there the whole time and he he did have an enormous value to that show. Yeah, yeah. And he was great at that character. Yeah. He was great as Hotch. So I understood. I just didn't put in as much time. So no, I'm not. I get that.

Right, right. But it was an extremely satisfying. And also, this is one of the last shows that pays royalty. I'm pointing to my TV like, you know, where my TV that pays residuals. Yeah. This pandemic. We were still, you know,

we were we were able to save money and pay our mortgage and pay our bills because we have royalties coming in. Yeah. Yeah. From criminal minds. That's great.

You know. So, yeah, it was definitely something I was and I hope that it comes back. We've been talking to Paramount Plus about relaunching it as a streaming series doing 10 episodes a year. And it sounds like we're getting close. But part of the problem with this show and the firings and everything was it's CBS and ABC and Mark Gordon. And there are a lot of entities.

So it gets watered. It's really hard. It's not easy. It's not ABC for ABC. Yeah. Well, I've been I've kept you a long time. So we better move on to the what's next in the pageant Brewster saga. Like what is there something you're not doing that you want to do or, you know, is there criminal minds? What do you limited run series? Paramount? Well, I'm not signing that contract today.

run series of Paramount Plus. I'm not signing that contract today. And I wish I were. So I would really like that. I would love for that to happen because we would all love to get back together. We would love to do that show, but not, I can't do 22 episodes of anything anymore. I could do a multicam, but even multicams have changed.

I would be, I would be. I would be happy. OK, in an ideal world, I would do a multicam with a live audience that I loved and thought was really funny and brilliant and exciting. But I don't know if those days will return because I don't know. I mean, with covid protocols and with it just seems like I don't know that the possibility of that has been suspended. And maybe there's so many cooks in the kitchen now that I don't know if great sitcoms. Are coming. Yeah. So that would be my dream. Criminal Minds, 10 episodes a year. That would be my dream. Otherwise, I really love doing animation and narration.

And I want to be like Audible's number one voice for crime narration. Like I want to do docu-series. And I loved that Disney show doing that Disney, the show you saw behind the attraction. Yeah, yeah. Making the rides i love it and and part of it is i'm 53 i don't want to stop drinking wine and eating cheese and lose weight and be in front of the camera i don't want to dye my hair anymore yeah i don't want to put high heels on and try and hit my mark and find my life i'm i've become because i put in a lot of work and because i, you know, I did go, I went back to criminal minds and it was, it's back into 15 hours a day, 16 hours a day. And I would love to do it again for 10 episodes, but I'm tired and I love doing voices and I work with so many people who do voices and they just want to act.

Yeah. So I kind of feel like get out of the way. Yeah. So I kind of feel like, get out of the way. Yeah. I've saved money because I knew I was going to age out of this profession. But this voice thing, as long as no one kicks me in the throat. Yeah. Knock wood. Hopefully I can keep doing this because I find it extremely satisfying.

Yeah. I love table reads. Yeah. For animation. I i love i will substitute for anyone in a table read for animation i love it yeah yeah what about you me yeah oh gosh i don't know you know uh my life uh i mean work-wise right now in terms of like what I want, I want to work. I have, you know, I have struggled forever about like, I should be creating more things and then feeling like, nah, it's not really what I do. You know, I mean, I work better on assignment.

I work better coming into a situation. It's not, I was an improviser, not a stand-up. I work better in assignment. I work better coming into a situation. It's not, I was an improviser, not a standup. I work better in groups. You know, most of my best writing has been, I've never touched the keyboard. There's been people sitting in a room and there's one, you know, there's like an intern typing in what we're all saying because we're bouncing things off each other and being inspired by each other. I don't like loneliness. I don't like, you know, the notion of writing my own things sounds great. But then when I sit down to do it, I'm like, I don't know. I mean, what about the people, the friends, the laughs, you know?

So work-wise, and I got, I'm also lucky enough to have irons in lots of fires. I have hosted game shows. I am now pursuing more. I've directed commercials, and I'm pursuing that again now that I have more time with the Conan show. And I would love to parlay that into directing television because I'm absolutely assured of my ability to do it in a very competent way. You would. Yeah. Absolutely, you would. You would be great.

Thank you. Part of making the Conan show for all those years, and one of the greatest gifts that he gave me was inviting me into the creative process of that show, into being, and I refer to myself sometimes in a grandiose way, as the comedy consigliere I was the guy that he would go does this joke work and I would say yes and then he'd go okay like and and it's it's I would I would want the same thing if I were in his position

because you can look at something and think that's really funny and then you turn to three people you respect and they go no it's not and you go oh right okay sorry you know you know or you can go all right you know there's the inverse that sucks and everyone's like what are you nuts that's hilarious oh okay you know everybody has a capacity to be wrong so it's very helpful to have somebody that you have a kind of rock solid belief in that you can go, I'm lost here. What do you think? Yes. Okay, good. Yes. No. All right. No, then fuck it. We're not going to do it. So he gave me the gift of being able to make television. And I did it for thousands and thousands of hours. You know, I fixed things on the fly, you knowhot you know troubleshooted things um so i i would love to be able to direct television everybody says that though so it's like i'm not like out you know

screaming it in the streets or anything but i also too i also i love acting i think you have the pedigree for it because because a lot of the actors on Criminal Minds directed episodes, direct episodes, and. They all of them did an incredible job, first time directing, they'd never directed it, they directed Criminal Minds, they have a support system and they have an understanding of the show but it's the history it's a it's the observation of how everyone has behaved and succeeded and failed and you have put in all the hours and i i am a victim of the same thing you are that idea of and it's why you're so astonished with chelsea peretti she created it she's directing it she's starting this idea make your own content like everyone's yelling that at us all the time like make your own agents are like can you make your own content? Yeah.

You know, that I can commission. But I can't. I've tried. I have written pilots. I have written three pilots. I have taken them out. I have met with production companies and and managers and studios. And I have worked with a screenwriting couple to create a movie. And it doesn't it just doesn't,

it hasn't worked. And if you're creating also, no one wants new content. No one wants any new content right now. Everything is intellectual property. There is no, here's a new show idea. No one wants it.

No one will take a chance on it. Everything has to be, Oh, Clifford, the big red dog. Oh, happy days. Oh, Marvel universe. Oh, it has to be something that

has made money in the past so i i hear the same make your own content but i've tried and it it doesn't i'm not saying it wouldn't work for you i'm saying it's a waste of your time i think you should be pursuing directing because you would be extraordinary at it and you're able to talk to everyone and every department you can answer questions that quickly. I have no desire to direct. The idea of 50 people coming at me with questions is that I'd rather bartend. No joke, no joke. I'd rather bartend.

It is a little daunting to me because I do enjoy the downtime that one enjoys as an actor. You don't get that as a director. You do not get that as a director. And I just would have to get used to that. But in the spaces when I have been a director, and I just said spaces like a fucking tool, but in the times that I've been a director. You're not a tool.

I know, I know. You've never said anything to make you sound like a tool. But anyway, anyway yeah but if i heard this i'd be like spaces who are you what are you a yoga instructor uh in the times that i've directed i have truly enjoyed it and it's been exciting and there's like this kind of almost this feeling of beat the clock like you know we got 12 hours to do this thing and it's like then we're cutting coming down oh i gotta adjust something oh you know, we got 12 hours to do this thing. And it's like, then we're cutting, coming down. Oh, I got to adjust something.

Oh, you know what? Let's just collapse these two scenes together kind of stuff. And that's thrilling to me. I do love that. So there's that. But also too, mostly for me, you know, in my future, it's mostly my personal life. You know, I recently got divorced and my kids are,

you know, one's off into college. The other is going off to college soon. So there's a lot of blank slates in front of me that I just kind of, what's always worked for me in the past is just to be open and to be reactive. And I've never, very rarely have I ever like forced something good into happening I was there when it presented myself and I said that sounds good yeah let's do that you know that's the same that's the same thing I've done that you that you that you said earlier talking today you were like did you have a plan or did you just and yeah the answer is no I just uh i just uh went with the wind and i had it

good and i was like super i had a hunch and that's because it's the same way i was it's the same way i always was i didn't you know i sat next to kids in improv class that wanted to be on snl and i always i don't have the temerity to think i'm gonna be on snl you know i just want to see what happens this seems fun you know yeah well we Well, then we've been very fortunate because we didn't have a hope chest or, you know, make a vision board or whatever. We just were like, I'd like to do something that is interesting and I'm going to learn something. And if it pays me money, that would be delightful. Right. Let's see what comes.

I still, the number one thing I have, and I think I was inspired, my aunt was, you know, like my, when I was a kid, she was like my superstar. And I, in eulogizing her, I came up with the phrase, she insisted on having fun. And that's like, that's kind of what I feel like, you know, that's, I'm always going to try and fit that in there. I'm always going to try and, you know, Jim Burrows, James Burrows, the director. Yeah. He had, I found this. His fun clause. His fun clause.

I was just thinking that. He had the guy, Jim Burrows, James Bur Burroughs, one of the best TV directors ever. Seinfeld. Probably ever will be. Yeah. Big Bang Theory, Two and a Half Men, Cheers. He had a Fun Clause, which was, and it was iron clad, airtight. He said, and he was the only arbiter of it if i'm not having fun

i can walk out at any time and he said and take my crew and take my crew walk out and take my crew if i am not having fun and that's how his deals were structured to shoot pilots he only and he said he only imposed it once yep and you can probably you out there with uh with some time on your hands you could probably look up which show it was uh the one in which jim burrow has only worked for like half of the pilot um but anyhow yeah have fun that's the thing well you know what what's your what what you know the sort of like what you've learned like what do you what do you feel like is the kind of thing that you can share with people if they were to ask like what's the point of it all oh you know i was thinking about this because i knew what your podcast was um i'm too busy uh cooking

and watching top chef to listen to one forgive me listen i love you i love you honey i listen to howard stern that's my podcast okay great you know. You know what I mean? I don't, I don't. We like what we like. Yeah, the podcast world, I'm an old man. Like, you know, like I'm Milton Berle on YouTube. You know, it's like, it's not my thing. So I enjoy doing it, but you know. So anyway, go ahead. But I was thinking about this.

What have you learned? And I've been thinking about it. And I, all i can think of in in answering that what have you learned is i have i i i i have learned that anything i've learned my imparting it doesn't help anyone like everyone has to learn everything as they learn it there's no way i even for me to say you know gals don't over pluck your eyebrows you're gonna over pluck your eyebrows and they're gonna have to figure it out there's nothing anyone can say the only things i could think of to tell you were were um two tips that i really enjoy and they're like like cleaning hacks like otherwise i can't there's

nothing i can say i can't say love yourself cut yourself some slack the things i've learned that have made my life better are all things that everybody has to learn on their own yeah and you're gonna fuck up you're gonna go to bed angry you're gonna say the wrong thing you're gonna you're everyone is going to do something stupid because it's what we are as an animal. That's the animal that we are. We're smart enough to create these extraordinary things and love and music and and and selflessness. And we're capable of to fuck up and there's nothing I can tell you that you can, except you sharpen scissors by cutting aluminum foil. Wow. Now, you also take the spots off your dishes in the dishwasher by crumpling up a ball of aluminum foil.

So if you have aluminum foil, you can do two great things in one day and i love those kitchen hacks and that's the only thing i can think of hopefully someone will do that and be like wow this is great i've just sharpened my scissors and my dishes look better and i learned that from paget brewster because everything else you have to learn on your own. You are so deep in the pocket of Reynolds Wrap. It's so obvious. Oh, I wish. How do I get them to sponsor me? Reynolds Wrap. Get at Paget Brewster.

You owe her money. Reynolds Wrap, through the roof. They're sales. Who has said the thing that they learned that has stuck with you the most in your interviews? Oh, boy. Is there something someone said that you're like, oh, my God, I think about that every week? that they learned that has that has stuck with you the most in your interviews boy is there something someone said that you're like oh my god you know what that every week just just recently i mean there's been other ones but it's like that there's been so many uh that it's like and also quite frankly like there's people that i think i'd like to have them on the podcast. And then I have to look up and see like, oh, right, they were here two years ago.

That's just the nature of my oily brain. Things slide right out of it. But Steve-O from Jackass was just on. and he said something that about um that the the words enthusiasm or the word and i'm gonna get it wrong go listen to that episode but he said that uh enthusiasm like that that those two words are like the roots are love and god like that somehow that like, that there is enthusiasm is like, is like, if you love, you know, if you, if you put love out into the world, it's like, it's this, it's sort of the source, the God source. I'm saying. Yeah. Yeah.

No, I understand what you're saying. That is, that it is getting the most profoundly close to enlightenment, probably. Yes, yes. What is our universe capable of? Right. If we can, because we are capable of that. We are capable of make a choice with love as the outcome. And sometimes we're frail or angry or fearful or,

but if you choose that, yeah, that would be as close to the evolution of our species as we can get. And that, and that maybe, you know, maybe within that, I mean,

and I'm not a religious person, but sort of maybe in that, like, cause enthusiasm, you just think of it as like, Oh, being a cheerleader or going to a sports game and going rah, rah.

But it's like, no, no it's it is life force it is saying yes to everything it is saying like i will actively participate i will look for the best i will you know try real hard to to to push away the shit and to look towards the light. And, and that's pretty great, you know what I mean? And it's, and I mean, and of course it's complicated by, you know, there being 60 seconds in every minute and, you know, life being long. Yeah, but it's a simple idea. It's a clear idea and not a, not a mantra, but something you can think of. Well, like to enshrine enthusiasm as high as you would art or love or patriotism or bravery.

Like it's, and it's something for who, you know, something for me who can be a bit of a downer. It's very meaningful, you know? Golly, I don't think of you as a downer. Stick around. Stick around. Stick around. Listen, this has been so much fun. It really has.

Thank you. It wasn't even a podcast. It was just a chance to talk to one of my favorite people. And I love you so much. And I miss you. And I'm going to fix that soon. Now that the world's opening up. So, Padgett Brewster, thank you so much.

And thank all of you out there for listening. And I will be back next week. God willing. A big, big love for you. The Three Questions with Andy Richter is a Team Coco and Your Wolf production. It is produced by Lane Gerbig, engineered by Marina Pice, and talent produced by Kalitza Hayek. The associate producer is Jen Samples, supervising producer Aaron Blair,

and executive producers Adam Sachs and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Earwolf. Make sure to rate and review the three questions with Andy Richter on Apple Podcasts. Can't you tell my love's a-growing? This has been a Team Coco production